:: {she shrinks} ::

2008-09-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

3 Years Today - and That's a Wrap, Folks!

Well, today is the 3 year anniversary of my weight loss surgery. I hover around 163 give or take 2 pounds, and I'm happy. I wear a Size 8 when I'm lucky, and a Size 10 the rest of the time. I feel great, I eat to hunger and so long as I avoid sugar and do my exercise (Bikram Yoga is my exercise of choice) I maintain my weight easily.

My band is just right - I run into problems maybe once or twice a month, which let's me know it's still working :) The rest of the time I eat smaller portions than 'normal' folks but by no means is it ridiculously small. Breakfast may be 1 egg with 1 piece of toast; lunch is 1 oz of cheese, 5 crackers and some nuts; dinner is 3-4 oz. of fish and some veggies and maybe a baby potato. I snack here and there.

Life is good, and I love my band and am happy I had weight loss surgery!!! Now, on with life. I teach Bikram Yoga which I love and am so happy I found it - the first exercise I could love. It keeps me honest and I love that about it. I'm wrapping up this blog here with this post. However, I have others on here where you can keep up with me. I am also on facebook (jenn steff) if you ever have lapband questions!

Thanks all for your love, support and for reading :)
Jenn

Now I look at this and think, "Who is she???"....

2008-03-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

Eating When Sick

After being sick since Monday, I finally thought a trip to the doctor was in order. Based on my symptoms, he called it out as Walking Pneumonia. It sounds more dramatic than it is - 3 days of antibiotics, an inhaler to help with the hacking cough, supplemented with dayquil/nightquil and advil....and rest, rest, rest.

I'm fortunate to have no intestinal distress, stomach issues or nausea. So that means I can effectively eat normally; however, when I am sick, I tend to want carbs. Not copious amounts, or inappropriate ones, but more than I'd usually want. So last night I made chicken noodle soup from scratch; today, I got some Tom Yum Gui while I waited for my RX but actually accepted the white rice...and so on. But my weight seems about the same (for this time of the month), and I'm not pigging out - it's just different. But it's ok, I'm not eating McDonald's or cupcakes; just finding I need (or want? or both...) a little more "white carbs" than normal.

Anyway, here's to wellness! And soon!

2008-03-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

Jenn Goes to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training!

Hello! Well about two weeks ago, I made a big decision. I wanted to share it with my closest friends and family first, as well as a few clients who will be impacted by this...I am going to go to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training!

Now, for those of you who don't know much about this, it's basically Yoga Boot Camp. You are removed from normal life for 9 weeks, and while there, you are in session from 9:30 a.m. - 10:30 p.m. (minimum) Monday - Friday, including two 90-minute hot yoga classes a day, lectures on everything from yoga history to anatomy to voice projection to how to run a studio; and then of course, memorizing the 90-minute Bikram dialogue verbatim, and being testing on it and your own understanding/performance of each posture. Saturday, you have one class at 8 a.m. and then you are "free" (to study, practice and study, and study...) the rest of Saturday, and all of Sunday.

Because this blog is really dedicated (though at times I'm sure it hasn't been clear...) to my weight loss, weight loss surgery, food struggles, diet, etc. I decided to create a separate Bikram teacher training blog. You can access it here:

http://yogabootcamp.blogspot.com/

On the She Shrinks blog, I will continue to post and talk about my experience but from the weight loss angle - struggles with eating, exercising this much and the impact on my body, successes and challenges that are relevant to the WLS community. That said, I hope some of you, my WLS peeps, will follow me as I go to training!

It takes place in Acapulco, Mexico, and I leave on April 5, returning on June 8. The blog has a handful of posts up about preparation, so if you're interested, check it out!

2008-03-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, She Bravely Posts....

Now, I could pick out everything wrong with my body....but instead, I'm gonna say "WOW!" and be happy with how far I've come!

A little bit of yoga on the beach, not perfect - now this posture I would love to pick apart, and you yogi people can see all of the corrections I need...in my defense, I was not in 105 degrees, and I was balancing on a bed frame! :)

2008-03-07T07:06:00.000-08:00

In Striking Contrast to That Last Post...

Oh dear. Cabo was not good to me. Well, I lie. It was fantastic! But oh, the calories, the laying around, the gluttony...boy, it was fun! Still, the scale read out was abysmal and will not be posted here until I go to task on some serious clean-up. Shouldn't take too long, but as usual, I am stunned at my body's ability to pack on so much weight so fast! Crazy, but a good reminder. (And not to worry, it was no where near the 17 pounds I packed on last summer when I went to Europe lap-bandless).

I am going to put up a better picture of me in the 2-piece soon (by better, I mean without Jill's thumb in the corner). It's a right of passage, I think, to bravely post the 2-piecer photo. No, I'm not a Baywatch chick, but for my age and history, I have to say, I paraded around happily as a clam in my suit(s) and had only the typical girl worries (like...is my boob falling out?) :)

2008-02-28T15:38:00.000-08:00

100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wanted to report the good news. After 2 and a half years, a few setbacks and a stubborn body at times...having started at 262 pounds, today I broke the 100-pound mark weighing in at 161.2! Yay, me! Not too far to go now....

2008-02-26T20:55:00.000-08:00

Nice Weigh-In Today!

That's 99.8 pounds lost. I thought about grabbing scissors and chopping off my hair to get there...and yes, of course I tried to pee (again) and even made an attempt at a #2....but no luck.

So, maybe in the next few days. I'm weighing every other day now; I couldn't stay focused just yet with 1x/week, so Jill suggested every other day and see how that goes for me - and that has been more reasonable. I'm also practicing not freaking out when the number is unappealing. Anyhow, Tuesday is my 'official' day, so I'm posting the results!

Only .2 pounds to go to the big 100 pound mark; and .5 more BMI to no longer be "overweight"!!!. By the way, I've NEVER seen a number this low on the scale in any memory I have. I remember 135 in 5th grade (!!!!) and then 180's in junior high/high school. So, today was very exciting! :)

2008-02-23T19:00:00.000-08:00

Have I Arrived?

I have been asking myself this question a lot lately, with my new focus on a non-numbers-ruled life. When does it make sense to say, "Yep, I'm here!" and move on in life, vs. when does it make sense to be vigilant and keep pushing. This is where climbing an actual mountain does have appeal: You hit the top, there is no place else to go, so you turn around, go down - having indeed, "arrived."

So, for example, today I went to yoga - twice. I went to Hot Power Vinyasa with Saiko this morning with Jill for an ass-kicking 10 a.m. class that more than got me my money's worth. I can pretty much hold my own in Power now; I can do all the Planks and side planks and even Wheel (basically a backbend you pop up into from the floor), which I did 3 times, holding to a count of 10 the third time. I watch skinny girls all around me who aren't strong enough or lack the stamina; I'm not dissing them - as some days, I am one of "them" - but my point being, I am, generally speaking, strong, capable, focused and disciplined at this practice.

Then, later in the day, at 4 p.m. after Jill got called into work unexpectedly, I decided to hit a Bikram class at my usual studio - again with Saiko, so it was a sure thing in terms of quality. I did the yogic thing and had no expectations, just promised myself to take it one posture at a time. And guess what? I had a great practice, just nice, good flow and I even held Camel for a full minute in the second set (a little treat she pops in when the class is full of regulars who, as she says, "can handle it") - which I love! Again though, maybe 4 of us did it to the end, the other 20 or so coming out early. No dissing, no comparing really - it's just to say I am again capable, disciplined and seemingly strong and determined enough to get it done.

So let's look at the big picture of Jenn (no pun intended).

Size 8 or 10, certainly not fat in a way that stands out in a crowd any longer; yeah, still kinda a "big girl" but honestly, even in boutique fare I'm usually a Medium. So maybe I'm a "medium girl..."
I can exercise in 105 degrees for 3 hours in a day, and do it well with discipline and success (mostly :)
No health issues to speak of, knock on wood
Loads of energy, stamina and general happiness with myself and my life, and, in some moments, my body

Isn't this enough??

But here again is my glitch: The scale doesn't say I've arrived. And so I will carry on, but I'm working super hard to hold the above truths in the forefront of my thinking, rather than dismissing them with "yeah, but I still weigh...xxx."

So that the scale is one factor of many; rather than the only factor. Let's be yogic about it - Bikram yoga has 26 postures, if you can't do one well, does that mean your whole practice is shit? No way! It means you have one area to work on (er, or a few, in most of our cases). So I can't always kick out in Standing Head to Knee; but that has no impact on my ability to do say, Cobra. My notion, having come to me as I type this, is to consider the scale a posture, and keep it in perspective that there are 25 others that I ought to consider in the mix of my weight loss success. And rarely, RARELY, is anyone perfect at all 26. Again, Bikram says, "you get the full benefit of a posture by trying to do it 100% correctly" - so I'm going to keep trying to get my weight "100% correct" and know that many other things are already there!

We'll see where it goes! Overall, I don't want to give an impression that I'm miserable with myself; I think me and the shrink are just working hard on these last few things before I end seeing her, and with that, I'm thinking and focusing on our topics a lot so as to be as productive as possible.

On a totally separate note - Jill and I are going to Mexico on Sunday (next)! It was a semi-impromptu decision based on (a) her stress level lately and (b) her biz partner is about to have a baby, whereby she will be tethered to her coffee shop for a good few months.

Maybe you'll even be treated to a pic of me in a bathing suit! We'll see how brave I am. Hmmm...if I can post a pic of me in a 2-piece here, perhaps that will indicate I have arrived :)

2008-02-21T08:13:00.001-08:00

Still Fat...

Well, not fat, really, but still 'overweight' and still fighting my last little bit (8 pounds) of apparently tar-like fat that is affixed to my bones like thick paste. Really now, would'ja just let me have this, oh body of mine??

Apparently not. But I digress.

So, the "no weighing" has been a mix of terrifying, annoying, baffling and uncomfortable. Nothing good in it - yet. I've mostly stayed off the scale, and frankly do better when Jill hides it from me. Sometimes when it's there, I'm like an alcoholic - I can resist, resist, resist...and then in a weak moment, I can't stand it anymore and hop up on it and ... damn. Bad Jenn. Honestly, that first week, I didn't weigh at all; when I did, I was 164.2 (up .4) which is essentially inconsequential in my mind. No problem. The following week, I had access to the scale and thought I'd willpower myself NOT to weigh! Well, I failed, and weighed - complete with PMS bloat - and found my old habits dying hard: 165.2? WHAT?! I suck. I am a failure. I need to be punished. Don't eat. Extra exercise for you today. Shame on you.

This is how it is .... sometimes. Other times, like the day I weighed a whopping 166, I was able to say "um, hello, you've not 'eliminated' in a while, you drank a shitload of water after yoga tonight and just finished dinner....oh, and you're still bloated." So no big deal.

The goal here is to aim for Reaction #2, vs. Reaction #1 most (if not all) of the time. But it's like teaching a very old (re: almost 37) dog new tricks. How do I change this thought pattern? I guess I do get how, since sometimes I do so successfully. Sometimes I can weigh in and not have it ruin my whole day, or dictate it at a minimum, when the number isn't what I wanted to see. Other times, well, not so much.

So my current (semi-) final frontier on this particular topic is to get over this! To end the notion that my day/how I feel about myself is dictated by the number - but rather, I decide how my day is going to look, trust myself to do it right (most of the time), and know that in the end, I'm in good order even if I'm still technically "overweight." Eek. That is a HARD sentence to even write (my stomach just turned over), much less internalize. So I guess I'll get going on that now...

2008-02-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

Numbers Suck.

So, I'm breaking up with my therapist. Not that she did anything wrong, it's just time. I started with her just before I got my lapband about 2.5 years ago. She specializes in eating disorders and is a credit to her profession. But I'm doing well, I'm comfortable in my life (mostly) so I suggested we break up. She was good with it, but asked for a transition period of 3 months....I said, "How about one month?" We agreed on two. Yeah, seems long, but it's not like I went for 6 free insurance-covered sessions to tackle a little hiccup in my life - this has been long-term, deep work, and I'm good for transitioning carefully.

That said, since she is the eating disorder expert, I've been using these last sessions to talk about food issues and weight issues. Seems like a good spend of my therapy-dollar, no? This week we talked a lot about numbers.

Numbers suck. Let me show you some:

- When I was somewhere between 9-13, I remember counting up my calories for the day with my mom (1200, of course). I was at 1197...she said "Well, you can go try and inhale 3 calories if you like."
- Age of my first diet: 5
- Pounds lost on said first diet: 23 (I gave up Kool-Aid and desserts)
- Highest weight: 262 (a
- Lowest weight: In 5th grade, I remember I was already tipping the scales at 135. The next thing I remember is high school....at 180ish most of the time.
- Clothes size seems to speak to everyone...."what are you? at 2? 4?" In L.A., a 4 is seriously obese. That is insane.
- Last, the numbers place that sucks most: THE SCALE.

Why do we use this crude and brutal tool to evaluate our self-worth daily? Oh wait, that's just me that does that. And my therapist informed me, "That's sick. Let's just get that out on the table." Really? Honestly, I've used my weight as the day's gauge of my value for oh, looks like about 32 years...if the number is good (that is, lower than the day before), then I'm a good girl. If the number goes up - no matter if I'm bloated, having pooped or just happened to eat a big dinner - then I am the requisite piece-of-shit (POS) of the house. No, of society. Really, I do think like this. She said, "What would you feel if after a week you gained weight?" My response, "That I failed for an entire week, rather than just the usual one day." Oy vey, Jennifer.

Now, don't think me a giant headcase. I'm not...not so much anymore, anyhow. But it's still a daily struggle not to use these numbers as my own personal little report card on The State of Jenn. Good Jenn eats *perfectly*, exercises with vigor *every single day* and is energetic and motivated *at all times.* Bad Jenn skips a day of hot yoga. She eats a potato, even a small one is a sin, even if it fits in the day's calories. Bad Jenn is a lazy-sac-of-shit on a Sunday when it's rainy and cold.

Ok, not always. And that is the good news! Now I can do all the "Bad Jenn" things and balance them out with the Good Jenn achievements. That said, I am setting a goal to wake up and instead of my first thought being "How will I lose weight today?" it will be "How am I going to spend my day?"

Step 1: Get off the bloody scale. My therapist said to go a week without weighing myself. Somehow, this seemed equivalent of asking for me to give up my Mac for a week, or my iPhone. Or something of critical value. So I called on my way home and asked Jill to just hide it. Get it out of here for a week. What is the worst that could happen? I gain a few pounds (she suggests, cringing and having her stomach turn over)? See, that's my visceral response. And it blows. Because even if I did, would the world really end???

What she did remind me is this: I'm eating well and not struggling with it much at all. I'm going to hot yoga almost daily - and with a joy and excitement I've never been able to integrate with exercise before. I'm doing it all right! And what the scale says really doesn't change that fact. So here we go - a week without weighing. I wonder how I'll fill that time....

2008-01-31T13:32:00.000-08:00

I Think I Have a Tapeworm

Really. Look:

That's 164.4, folks!

2008-01-27T18:03:00.001-08:00

Pressure Me, Baby!

So we got this pressure cooker for Christmas which has proven to be a fabulous thing for the lap-bander. Tender meat, soupy/stewy foods. Tonight I adapted a recipe from a local foods class Jill and I took a few months ago. The original was watery, and too salty. Here's what I made - if you don't have a pressure cooker, you can just cook it for 3 hours. If you do, it's 15 minutes to cook.

Aromatic Braised Beef Stew

8 oz. grass-fed stew beef
1 tbsp. high heat canola oil
1/2 tsp. salt
---
1 cup red wine
1/4 cup tamari (or soy sauce)
3 cups chicken or beef stock/broth or water
----
1 star anise pod
1 cinnamon stick
1 tsp. fennel seeds
3 nickel-size rounds of fresh ginger
----
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp. shallots, minced
1 large carrot, sliced
1 half onion, sliced
3/4 c. long grain brown rice OR hulled barley (bulk at natural food stores)
----
2 cups mushrooms, sliced
2 cups chard, kale or greens of your choice
----

In a cast iron skillet (ideally), brown bite-sized pieces of beef in canola oil. When all sides are nicely browned and carmelized, set aside. Deglaze pan with a spash of red wine, add garlic and shallot and cook for a few minutes.

In a pressure cooker, put wine, water and stock. Add aromatics, rice, and vegetables (except mushrooms and chard). Stir in beef. Bring to a boil; place lid on cooker and bring up to pressure. Cook 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, about 5 minutes before cooker is complete, saute mushrooms and greens in the skillet used for beef until both are soft.

When pressure cooker is done, run under cold water and let pressure release. Remove aromatics (cinnamon, star anise and ginger rounds). Stir in mushrooms and greens. Eat!

Try it out if you one...I wanted to blog it so I could remember what I did! It was yummy!

2008-01-24T21:44:00.000-08:00

Lose Weight, Lose Points...

So, I entered my new weight into my Weight Watchers point tracker and it prompted me to re-evaluate my points. I was allowed 24 points (at 50 calories or so each, so 1200 calories) - well, since I've dropped down to 167.4 - and this isn't a complaint - I'm now allowed 22 points (1100 calories). There's always the 35 extra points/week, and all the exercise extra points I get, but I try to never use those. I think I can keep to it - but man, 24 seems hard some days - 22?? Oy. But, look at that ticker - it's worth it! So close!

2008-01-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

Survived the East Coast!

We just got back from 10 days back east, and somehow, I managed to lose weight. Could've had something to do with the intestinal flu I got in Pittsburgh; or maybe my body just getting a break from it's usual routine made it let go of some stuff. Who knows, but I'm glad for it.

Food whilst traveling is hard. It's tough to eat out all the time, or visit people who very graciously make sure there is a ton of stuff to eat - and often it's not the usual things you would have at home. Lots of chips and dips and stuff like that...and hours of visiting where you just keep picking at it all. That said, I did pay attention and other than a couple desserts, really didn't overeat at all (though I did eat some things I normally wouldn't, because they were there). I only had one PB the whole time, which is great with climate change and flying and all that!

We hit NYC, Pittsburgh and then my hometown in PA for my dad's retirement. All three of my sisters came too, along with two husbands and Jill. My dad had a great time, as did all of us - but from a weight loss perspective, it is so nice to be home! Jill and I have been basking in simple fish/veggie dinners, snacks of nuts, cheese, crackers...I missed my smoothie shop, coffee, etc. Oh, and how we both missed our yoga practices! We went to Power Vinyasa Tuesday, and Bikram last night (yes, I've converted Jill and she is now doing Bikram too!! We went in NYC and it was brutal, but we loved it). It just feels good to be back to exercising and eating healthy. Who'd a thought I'd say that a couple years back??

Here's a little shot of the sisters with my dad, bidding farewell to his funeral home!

2008-01-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

200th Post!

Wow, it's been a long 2 1/2 years since started blogging my lap-band adventure - and like all WLS folks, I've had my ups and downs...but overall, boy, am I happy! Today a girl at the coffeeshop was like "Jenn, wow, you keep getting smaller and smaller - I didn't even realize that was you in line!" While really it was just the outfit, I think, I can think back to those 260+ days, when I was in a sense, double size. I sure did look like a different girl standing in line (about to order a double tall soy mocha and a biscotti...every day) vs. today's girl, who gets a double tall latte and nothing to eat. Back then, lunch was a carb-festival of some nature - pile of Thai noodles, a big fat 1000-calorie "healthy" burrito...today I sit and munch on my 1/4 cup of tuna salad with 5 water crackers, and I'm good to go. Dinner was half a large Pagliacci pizza (oh, how I do miss thee!), or a mountain of white rice 'garnished' with tofu and veggies, or two big enchiladas stuffed full of beans and cheese...with rice on the side. The other night, I had 2.5 oz. of chicken and 3/4 c. of green beans with a few sips of red wine.

Now then, I don't claim to eat perfectly every day, but it is true that since I now exercise nearly daily, I find it hard to "blow it" by eating crappy when I've worked my bootie off in a brutally hot yoga class, or running, or at the gym. And while sugar was a daily mainstay, it's now an occasional treat! When I think back, it is pretty amazing where I've come from...sadly, I'm still technically overweight (BMI must be 25.0 or less to be "normal"), and still not quite to my 155 goal. So, we'll carry on! :)

Before I go, a little picture view of the situation: Now and then... it sure could be worse! But I'm driving it home - hoping for 155 by my birthday in June. Based on my typical weight loss of about 3/4/pound per week, I should make it!

Oh, and why yes, that is a Size 8 dress! Thanks for asking :)

2007-12-31T14:36:00.000-08:00

Too Tight!

Don't we all want to keep ourselves filled to the max? Somehow, it gives an illusion of easier, faster weight loss...and while it helps to have good restriction, I found my 2.0 fill to be excessive. I was PB'ing a bit...but then after my period, couldn't drink liquid without having a little something solid to - I'm guessing - "break the seal" - then I could drink, albeit slowly and carefully. So, on the night of the 30th I woke at 3 a.m. choking on my own spit.

Good times for Jenn. Fortunately, Jill had Ambien'd that night and barely remembered my hacking, choking, etc. I got up, and it took a while to calm down and settle. After, my throat was sore and my lungs hurt.

This is where all the lap-band haters say, "Yeah, see - that's why I don't want a foreign object in my body." But, it's where I say, "I'm too tight. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit."

So, I was a good, responsible bandster and went in on the afternoon of the 31st and got a slight unfill, back to 1.8 where I was in early December. According to the doc, I went from 178.6 on Dec. 5 to 171.4 on Dec. 31st. Man, giving up that progress felt crappy - but then I thought - I'm not giving up anything! I lost that weight by counting my points (WW), doing yoga, bootcamp, and being careful through the holidays. I also noted that when I was at 1.8, I had gone from 183.8 down to 178.6 - that's 5 pounds, and at 2.0, it was 7 - still - this is all good weight loss, all in line with my goals, all good. I was tempted to go to 1.9, but honestly, I felt that feeling of water swishing about in my esophagus rather than going through my pouch, and just didn't want to risk it. I've felt dehydrated and crappy since I got too tight. In the end, the 1.8 won out and seems to be my ideal fill, even if sometimes it doesn't feel as aggressive as I would like.

Still hanging out at 171.4 officially, but I'm back to WW to weigh in on Thursday this week at my regular time - morning weights have shown me in the 169's now, and that is exciting! I was trying for 165 before heading back east on January 12th, but I doubt I can kick 4 pounds in 10 days, unless I ask to be put into a medically-induced coma with a feeding tube. And no, I don't plan on that! :)

On a separate note, I had told my fill nurse about my Bikram Yoga practice, and to my delight, she tried it out and LOVES it - she's an RNY'er a couple years out. It was fun to know I'd introduced someone to it who is sticking with it. Yay Bikram!

2007-12-15T12:44:00.000-08:00

1-Year Plastics Anniversary!

So, this past week was 1-year since my plastic surgery. I kinda forgot about it on the exact day, and then had my 1-year appointment with my surgeon on Thursday. It went well - and basically, here was the gist:

- There are two small bits of skin on the inside of each breast he would like to "fix" - so, February 29th I'm going to have that done. It's going to be two small incisions, in the office, one hour. I kinda didn't care, but he said he'd like to make it right. So, I said, ok.

- My scars are still raised in some areas and redder than he'd like. He said, "Well, unfortunately, for some people it takes more like 2 years to fade and smooth out...and you are one of those people." Honestly though, I've never cared much about my scars - they are much preferred to rolls of extra skin and fat :) Plus, they are symmetrical which makes me happy.

He said, "You look like you've lost more weight!" and after we took photos, I compared now to a year ago (well, 1 month post-op) and I look fairly similar except for clearly being stronger and more toned! Yay Yoga!

My thoughts on the whole thing I'd sum up like this:

- I have no regrets at all!
- It took my backside almost 8 months to be "right" so that I could run or do any high-impact exercise with out a big "ca-chunk" feeling with every impactful step.
- My boobs are great, but still feel a little small to me; that said, most who've offered an opinion have said "they fit your body" which is good...I guess :) Still, glad I didn't get implants.
- I love my flat stomach and my curvy shape!
- My left side hip area and right side are not exactly symmetrical; though, who is? The left side is fuller, and it's kinda weird - both sides are nice shapes, but just not, uh, the same shape :)
- I hardly recall the pain or ordeal of surgery at this point...it was a short time of discomfort for a huge payoff.

I'll have Jill snap some photos soon and post them!

2007-12-13T21:53:00.000-08:00

Big Week!

Big, in a good way. Seems the fill and bootcamp had a good impact - I lost 2.4 pounds at WW this week. That's the most ever! So, in 12 weeks, I've now lost 9 pounds. So I guess I should quit my complaining.

2007-12-09T20:12:00.000-08:00

Fill Seems Good!

Tonight I ate for dinner:

2-3 oz. fish
1/2 c. veggies

And I was full! Yay! Seems the fill was a good idea. No PB, no stuckages, and overall it seems good. We'll see!

2007-12-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

60 Days! And....scene.

Ok! So, I did it! I finished my 60 yoga practices in 60 days! And, we're done. With that, anyhow...it was a very cool challenge and gave me a lot of good things:

- Structure! Without a formal job, I was definitely seeking some boundaries and structure.
- Strength, Firmness and Tone - Whoa, is my body looking and feeling different. It's amazing to me!
- Mental Focus, Emotional Awareness - It's a lot to be in 90 minutes of wicked heat, doing thoughtful, focused, physical work. Every day.

So that's 5,400 minutes of yoga over the past two months. I'd say 50 or so were Bikram, and the rest Power Vinyasa.

What now? Well, I'm taking tomorrow off! Then...

Boot Camp - M - Th
Power Vinyasa - 1 - 2x/week
Bikram Yoga - Friday, Sat, Sun + others as I feel like it :)
Walking the Lake - Here and there :)

After Boot Camp, I'll need to figure out a new cardio gig. More on that later.

For now, I'm just basking in my happiness that I actually set a hardcore goal and finished it! I had to do 2 classes today to make it - so I did 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. Saiko, the yoga instructor I tend to have the most, was super sweet in my 4 p.m. practice and before the final breathing, told the class that I had accomplished a big thing in doing 60 in 60, and people clapped for me :) it was so nice of her, and though I felt kind of silly and embarrassed, I also thought "man, all these people know what that means - they are sitting here doing Bikram, they know how hard it is and they are really happy for me and they really get what a big deal this has been...the time alone is huge...2 hours everytime, the heat is sometimes brutal, and focus and improvement is just hard..." so, I graciously took in all of the positive energy from the group and was glad/grateful for the recognition. Yay me! :)

2007-12-06T06:46:00.000-08:00

Fill Me Up

Spose' I'm feeling desperate? Maybe. But it occurred to me as I ate dinner on Monday night...

2 Veggie Spring Rolls
Countless Edamame
4 oz. of Sea Bass
1/3 c. brown rice
1/2 c. veggies

...that I was able to eat way too much. When my lapband is in grand form, I'd say the above meal would reduce to:

1 Veggie Spring Roll
A couple Edamame
3 oz of Sea Bass
No rice
1/4 c. veggies...if I was lucky

So, I went in and got a small fill. I am now at 2.0cc's in my band, up from 1.8 - so really it was tiny. Hopefully it'll help me not be so hungry, and weight will start leaving.

Bootcamp is fun and going well - I'm kinda shocked how much I'm diggin' it...who would have thought?? It's more or less outdoor circuit training - run a little loop, do push-ups, do jumping jacks with hand weights, run again, and do that 3x through. There are about 6-8 groupings of circuits. It's been fun, but a lot with yoga on top of it. Next week, I'll have finished my 60-day challenge with the yoga, so I'll be 'allowed' to miss. Thank gawd too, as 2.5 hours of exercise a day is enough. Well, truthfully, if I do bootcamp in the morning, and yoga in the afternoon, I'm pretty happy doing both! Let's just say Jenn is sleeping quite well these days...

I weighed in today at WW, btw:

Enjoy my new seasonal ticker :)

2007-12-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

Here we Are

Not too much to report that is well, good. I got a lil' UTI for which they gave me one antibiotic, which failed, and then a second one, Cipro, which also didn't work. BUT, did you know, Cipro is the antibiotic scattered into feed lots for cattle because it causes "rapid, unexplained, significant weight gain". Apparently, I'm not so far off from a cow. I took it for 3 days, and gained 4 - count'em - 4 pounds...which did not just 'disappear' once the medicine ended. And believe me, I'm so tied in right now to my eating and exercise, nothing I could have done could've had that kind of impact. I'll admit to a bite of this and that, but nothing egregious!

On the upside, today counted as Day 55 of Yoga - a handful have been Power Vinyasa, but the rest have been Bikram. Saturday marks the end of my own little 60-day challenge - and Sunday, I am not exercising one bit!

In other exercise news, I started the Seattle Weight Loss Bootcamp this morning (yes, in addition to 90-minutes of hard, hot yoga). It's 1-hour a day at Greenlake in the great outdoors. Let me take this opportunity to also mention that here in Seattle, today, we are on track for an all-time record rainfall in a 24-hour period! Doing push-ups, sit-ups, running and overall exercise in the morning darkness whilst in a downpour was...well, very bootcamp-like. The other women were very nice, and half had done it before and seemed quite capable and in good shape (giving a soaking wet Jenn hope!).

So, despite exercising like crazy, counting my WW points and staying *well within* my calorie range which should produce weight loss - it seems I've lost about 6 weeks of slow, arduous progress. I will end my pity party here. ;)

2007-11-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

When Jenn Goes Away.....

You can generally assume I'm either (a) gaining weight or (b) feeling fat or (c) over-reacting. Or, all of the above! Seriously, I'm fine - but decided to just take a breather from being so strict and stopped counting points. And you know what happened? Well - I know this will come as a complete unexpected shock - but I started eating more! My weight has been about the same, but I've been WW avoidant. So, I'm going tomorrow for a glorious post-Thanksgiving-I-just-got-my-period Weigh-in! Won't that be fun?

But here's the good news:

- I'm on Day 47 of Bikram! I decided to go for the full 60, which is the recommended starting point for a lifelong practice. I have one to make up, so I will do a double one day here when I'm just feeling like it.

- The scale actually has been oh-so-slowly creeping down.

- I went to my pre-lap-band nutritionist to get some advice that wasn't necessarily mapping to surgeon success rates :) She gave me a slew of tasks, things to do/change/adjust, along with a pep/accountability talk.

- I'm off to WW tomorrow for a weigh-in; I see the nutritionist again in 3 weeks.

What did the nutritionist say? Well, nothing new per se...

- No, I can't stop. I have to get under 155 or I am still overweight, which leads to serious health conditions sooner as I age. No getting off the hook on this one, she was clear as a bell. (Nice try, Jenn :)
- I need to eat 1200ish calories a day, or less, but around that ideally - aiming for 60 grams of protein. She said continuing with the WW point system is perfect.
- I got the 'what'for' because I was not taking a multi-vitamin, only Vitamin D; so I was off to Seattle Super Supplements for a specific Multi, along with Calcium Citrate because I don't eat enough calories to get enough calcium.
- She encouraged 2 vegetarian dinners/main meals per week. I sort of abandoned most veggie cooking when I got my band, figuring protein was too hard to get in. However, she gave me some ideas and options - and reminded me that, simply put, most veggie protein has fewer calories than meat, allowing me to get full faster on fewer calories OR eat more volume when I am feeling more hungry than usual.
- Exercise. Good gawd, my work here is never done. No, 90 minutes of wicked hard yoga in 105 degree room isn't actually enough. She also talked about how your body will acclimate and stop having to work as hard (i.e., burning as many calories) if you keep doing the same thing over and over. And though Bikram is a lifelong process, it's not like a treadmill where you can jack it up from a 12-minute mile to a 10-minute mile. So, once I complete my 60 days (Dec. 8), I am going to look at integrating other aerobic, calorie-burning activities at least a few days a week. "Keep your body guessing a little," she said. Anyone (it's for women) in Seattle interested in checking this out for 3 weeks, beginning Dec. 3rd?... --->

http://SeattleWeightLossBootcamp.com/

Does this whole thing of mine feel never-ending to you? Yeah, me too. But you know, it is what it is - a lifelong struggle, and this is where those who say "oh, you copped out and got surgery" are full'o'crap, because it's still a load of work. I'll say it over and over though - the difference is that when I do the work, it actually works! So, watch for more updates as I am re-focused.

Special to Ethel: I didn't have a way to write you back on your comment, but I hope your banding went well! One thought - when you do go back to Bikram, I'd recommend talking to your instructor about perhaps doing the pregnancy adapations during the spine-strenghtening series (on your belly) - port pain is no picnic, and happens. This way you could keep going!!

2007-11-13T08:19:00.000-08:00

Checkin' In

Well, I'm weighing in every 2 weeks right now - it's just moving so slow, and if I so much as drink a glass of water I gain 1/2 pound. My at-home morning weights are in the very low 173's - no complaints, other than "hurry up!"...I remember when I was losing 2-3 pounds a week! My body is just slow and stubborn, always has been, and that's ok. I guess ultimately I'll get it done, even if it takes 6 months.

I haven't taken a day off from yoga yet! I just like it now and it seems to be doing good things for me. Last night, I tried a Power Vinyasa Yoga class - it's done in a warm environment (85-90 degrees, vs. Bikram at 105 or 110) and is a constant flow. It was so fun! Jill went with me and we really liked it - it was taught by one of my favorite Bikram instructors, Saiko. Anyhow, it was clear to me the places Bikram "misses" - hip openings, core strength work (it does some, but this was way more), and shoulders. It's a great compliment and the place where I tried it has a killer new student deal of $35 for one month unlimited! They teach Bikram there too, so I may just shake it up a little. Later!

2007-11-08T16:46:00.000-08:00

Day 30: Mission Accomplished!

I know, I know "bikram bikram bikram..." ... "I thought this was a WLS blog, Jenn...geez." Ok, maybe I'll shut up about it now, but it's unlikely. Because here's the thing - I'm stunned, shocked and amazed at the impact doing Bikram/Hot Yoga for the past 30 days. Yes, indeed, today was Day 30 - I didn't miss a single day - not even a single posture even! This morning when I went, instructor was new (to me) and I was a little sad, actually, that she wouldn't know what I'd done. But after the last of the 26 postures, she turned to me and said, "Jenn, today was your last day, right? Congratulations!" (Another teacher in the class told her I think). Anyhow, I was doing my final shavasana (rest) at the end and actually teared up a little. It felt a little like running a marathon might, this huge, intense hard goal that somehow you accomplish and are better for it! And, you're super proud of yourself to boot!

In the past, I've *easily* done 30 days of exercise, cardio/weights, and never, ever seen my body respond or change so fast and favorably! And, bigger than that, those stints were miserable, I hated every second and was angry/pissed/self-pitying - you name it - which made it even harder both emotionally and physically to stay with it, ultimately causing me to give up/quit. With Bikram, once I got past that first week or so, I truly rounded the corner so many people have rattled on to me about and I would discount them in disbelief: The heat becomes secondary to the yoga experience. But it was true, and suddenly I found I was excited to go! I'd look forward to it in my day as a little oasis from everything else. And, no matter how crappy a day may be, I'd always know I did something productive and good for me.

The biggest changes are in my focus, stamina, strength and attitude. You know, just those lil' things. And more specifically, today as I went through each posture, I thought for a moment back to a month ago and how I felt in each one, my ability, my attitude. It was an awesome way for me to track my own progress. I can kick out on 2nd set of 'standing head to knee' - I don't dread 'triangle' and actually was complimented on it yesterday in class - 'camel' doesn't scare me and I actually look forward to it; and 'awkward pose' actually is beginning to look like it ought to (i.e., me not shaking and tumbling over...at least not every time). Huh!

I'm grateful to my yoga pals (er, ck in particular), Jill (for putting up with my excitement, i.e., external processing), and my teachers (I miss Nina!) who all encouraged me and kept me motivated and going everyday. I don't plan to stop or anything, but I do figure on missing a class now and then without the pressure of the "30-day-challenge" goal. Thanks for reading! Now, back to our regularly scheduled weight loss blather.