Another observation of mine, is that a good majority of the people I have spoken to are “damaged” in one way or another, or just plain deceitful as illustrated below:

1. Healing after a long relationship, bad breakup…looking for an in-between-er.
2. No real desire for an LTR (Long-Term Relationship for you newbies).
3. Looking for someone to take care of them.
4. Still living with their ex-girlfriend or ex-wife or current girlfriend or wife.
5. Still hitting #4 up for the occasional booty call.
6. Posting photos of themselves that were taken 10 years ago.
7. Posting photos of someone else that were taken 10 years ago.
8. Assuming that I want access to their “Private Gallery” which is most of the time pretty disgusting.
9. Lying about their height, weight and the amount of hair left on their head.
10. Income on profile: >$1,000,000 (hahahahahaha).
11. Profile Question: “Do you want kids?” Answer: “Yes, someday.” Real answer “I have 5 kids and pay a shit-load of child support, oh and my youngest is 4 months old.”
12. Stating “I don’t play games…” when that is EXACTLY what they do.
13. Sending a message to me that starts with… “Hey babe, you’re hot!” [DELETE]+[ENTER].
14. Sexting…not gonna happen.
15. Freaking out when they find out that I have a public persona.
16. Freaking out when they realize I am a better baseball player than they are – LOL.
17. Freaking out that my son could probably kick their ass.
18. Freaking out that I could probably kick their ass.
19. Breaking 3 dates in a row then sending me a text saying “I miss you.” WTF?
20. Lastly, thinking after #19 that I would actually consider going out with them.

And believe me, there are a lot more where these came from.

So – I am thinking that my Online Dating Experiment is about to run it’s course and I will just hope that it will happen when and where it’s supposed to. In the meantime, I am happy and enjoying being single and doing what I want, when I want. I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I would like in a relationship and have realized that in every relationship I have had, the wants change as the relationship develops. My circle of friends has grown so much in the past 15 months and I am doing more in my life than I could ever imagine. I may be alone, but I am not lonely.

Still on the market – Shellie

A lot of you may want to know what the protocol is for first date follow-up. Does that mean a text message or a phone call, and which one of you should be the initiator? Some of my thoughts on the situation are that the individual that was asked out should follow-up with a thank you message of some kind. Nowadays relationships can be built or broken via text messages or emails, so that kind of follow-up is not uncommon. Phone calls are becoming less and less common, although a late night phone call just to say goodnight is always very romantic.

Oftentimes, especially if it has been awhile since you have been on a date and you are feeling kinda desperate, you may let the excitement of the date overwhelm your judgment of the other person. During a first date, we tend to be on our best behavior and mask some of our least desirable qualities. However, if someone is a jerk, they will still come off that way in some aspect during the date. After the adrenaline has ceased its’ coursing through your bloodstream, and you reassess your date afterwards, you will be able to really decide is you would like to see this person again.

Here are a few things to consider:

Was your date texting or checking email on a phone or PDA when their attention should have been focused on you? If so, you can only expect this behavior to magnify exponentially.

Was the conversation that took place during the date all one sided? You know, the “it’s all about me” syndrome, or did your date genuinely show interest in you and what you have to say? Very important to have the other individual show interest in you!

Did your date bring up their ex on one or more occasion during your conversation, unless you specifically asked them? If so, then they may not be over their ex, or ready for a new relationship. Nobody wants to be the rebound person, unless you are okay with knowing from the beginning that this relationship will most likely fail.

Did your date complain a lot about other people or situations that are happening in their life? If so, then this person may be really unhappy in their personal or professional life, and getting into a relationship with someone who is miserable, will just end up making you that way. Don’t even think about going into a relationship to try to “fix” someone.

Also, whether you want to hear this or not, it’s often the truth. If you had a “hookup” on your first date, the likelihood of this progressing into anything more that that is very unlikely. If that’s all you were looking for, then congratulations, you got what you wanted. If you really wanted to get to know someone, then jumping into bed with them on the first date is not the way to get that to happen. If you are a girl, let him chase you a while, that will make him want you even more. If you are a guy, show some respect and restraint and don’t go there yet, even if she is the instigator.

New relationships should be about exploring and appreciating each other and embracing both the similarities and differences that you both bring. If you felt that this date was forced or uncomfortable or brought red flags to your attention, then listen to your instincts. A second date is NOT mandatory. However, if you do both decide that a second date is in order then by all means enjoy!

If you decide to see where this relationship goes, what do you do about your online profile or profiles, depending on if you belong to more than one dating site? And do you continue to browse the site(s) and correspond with others? These are some of the questions that I will address next time.

Shellie

Okay, so I am totally breaking my rule of managing my expectations because I am so hoping that Casey will turn out to be Prince Charming. We have talked about so many things via texts that I feel like I know him already. We have exchanged many photos and he is so very attractive and I know that the photos are truly of him. Casey has a good sense of humor, a good career, he is athletic and yes…truly single. I tried to be cautiously optimistic, but it is kind of difficult not to hope for amazing things after all that.

On our 4th day of “talking” which was a Wednesday, Casey asked me to meet him at one of his favorite places in the city to have a couple of drinks to meet on the following Friday night at 7:30 pm.

On Thursday Casey was getting sick, coming down with a cold and was not feeling well at all. Of course me, being overly insecure at times, immediately assumed that Casey was trying to get out of our date.

On Friday, Casey called in sick to work, and I thought to myself, “wow that is a lot to go through just to get out of a date…” however, I did keep those thoughts to myself. Casey sent me the most adorable photo ever of himself cuddled up in bed, and yup, he looked like he wasn’t feeling very well. I asked Casey if there was any possibility of meeting up later, or if he just wanted to cancel altogether. He immediately responded with a resounding “No, let’s meet!! I’m not feeling great but I don’t want to wait a week to meet you!” I was leaving the next day for a combo pleasure and business trip and would not be back until the following Thursday. I responded “Really? Yay!” and he said “No kisses tho! I don’t want to get you sick! LOL.” Obviously I was wrong about Casey wanting to get out of our date…he really was sick.

As the time got closer to our date, we were both pretty excited about it and were exchanging texting message right up until the second I left my house. He told me that he would wait outside for me and we could walk in together. As soon as I pulled up and parked, I texted him “here”, and he got out of his car and walked over to me and gave me a big hug. He is even better looking in person – wow, didn’t think that was possible.

We got a table and immediately dove into conversation – it was so natural and seamless. I could help but smile, a lot, every time he looked at me. He told me that I was even “more beautiful” in person and that I should smile all the time. Neither one of us was disappointed in the least.

Something about me is that I like to “smell” the neck of the person I am dating. I know that sounds silly, but I can tell if there is physical chemistry by doing so. Casey asked me to come sit next to him, and he put his hand on my knee and I proceeded to move in for the neck nuzzle and smell. Yup – chemistry! LOL

We ordered some food and continue to talk and enjoy each others’ company until around 11:30 pm. I could tell that Casey was wiped and he needed to get back home into his bed. Casey asked me if we could go and warm up my car. I laughed and I asked him “what about no kisses?” and he said, “I am going to have to go back on my word.” I told him that I wouldn’t complain a bit if I got sick – we both laughed.

So, we went out to my car, sat inside for it to warm up – let’s just say I hope I don’t come down with Casey’s cold.

Shellie

Meeting in person must be approached with caution, because you are actually meeting a total stranger, who you have most likely shared personal information about yourself with. Here are some of my suggestions to get the most out of your first “date”.

Meeting Place: Your meeting place should be in a very public place and someone, anyone (friend, relatives, hairdresser) should know where you are going…just in case. Let’s face it, there are a LOT of crazies out there and not everyone is truthful about themselves when it comes to online dating. Pick a place such as a coffeehouse, bar or restaurant. I prefer places that have a well-lit entrance, plenty of visible parking and it should be a place I have been before and am familiar with.

Be Cautiously Optimistic: By this I mean don’t get your heart set on this first in-person date from an online site to be “the one.” As the old story goes, you may have to kiss a lot of toads to find your prince. As I had mentioned, online profiles can be deceiving. The person may be heavier, shorter, balder, or older and may not look anything like their online profile pic, so hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. This way if you get something in between, you are doing great. It is good to be excited, but don’t set yourself up for disappointment.

Be Yourself: We tend to try to overly impress others by wearing our hair, makeup or clothing to match a page out of Glamour magazine. If you actually dress like that every day, then go for it. However, once you set that bar, expectations will be high for future dates. Put your best side forward, don’t try to be something you are not, it will come back to bite you in the ass every time. Now, don’t take this the wrong way, you are still on a date and you shouldn’t show up in your everyday Yoga pants and t-shirt even though that is what you wear every day. Business Casual is generally a good rule to follow. Also, don’t pick this time to try a new perfume or to wear a new pair of shoes for the first time. Both of those items could cause you to have an unpleasant evening. J

Drinking: Do not overindulge in alcohol and never let your drink leave your site. A couple of drinks is fine, but you do not want to impair your judgment or end up being drugged by something that has been slipped into your drink.

And last but not least… if this meeting does generate some chemistry between the two of you, use your head. A kiss is okay but do not offer to make him waffles the next morning. Online dating for some is just about hooking-up. Don’t be an online cliché. If you are serious about that that certain someone, that is not the way to go about doing it.

Next up, I will share with you the details of my first in-person date from CougarLife.com

Shellie

I have always had an interest in younger men and I was not really satisfied with any of the interaction, or lack thereof from Match.com and POF.com. I went searching for a site that would give me some different choices but more importantly a site where older woman, younger man is the norm, and I found it at CougarLife.com.

According to the marketing, CougarLife.com describes itself as a site for “Women who are tired of being on traditional online dating services where they have to pretend to be younger just to attract interest of men their own age. At CougarLife.com you don’t have to lie about your age because the men on here are looking for women just like you.

Whether you’re recently divorced, never married or just one yummy mummy; I promise you will find what you’re looking for at CougarLife.com.”

From the moment I created my profile and uploaded my main profile pic, I started receiving messages and “flirts”. “Flirts” are canned messages that non-paying members can send your way to let you know that they are interested. On Match.com they are referred to as “winks”. Memberships are free for women on CougarLife.com and are approximately $12 a month for guys – so if a guy isn’t willing to spend $12 to converse with me, it is most likely NOT worth my time. You can tell if a guy is a paying member because his profile pic will have a “Cub” paw icon. Men are labeled as “Cubs” and women are “Cougars”, of course.

Besides flirts and messages, a member can also grant you access to his or her “Private Galleries”. I have been granted unrequested access to many galleries, and let me tell you…they are NOT for the faint of heart. If you are interested in seeing a LOT more than you initially bargained for, the private galleries are the place to see it. Wow – I turned bright red on more than one occasion – LOL, and these guys are not shy.

I weeded through all the messages and flirts and have corresponded with a few guys on the site. During my correspondence, I have found out that there are a LOT of fake profiles on this site that are basically scam artists looking for cash and credit card numbers. So, I have been asked to prove that I am real on several occasions, by sending a pic of me taken “right this second” holding a piece of paper with either their name or today’s date or something similar. If I am truly interested in the individual I am “talking” to, I would happily oblige.

Another feature is the ability to search for “Cubs” based on certain criteria, which includes: age range, body type, hair color, ethnicity, interests, etc.

During one of these searches I came across a member profile (that’s right…he paid to have access) of a 27 year old guy with an amazing smile that looked so friendly and inviting. I sent him a simple email that said simply, “I just wanted to let you know that you have an amazing smile.” And yes, of course he responded! We sent several more messages back and forth and I really liked the tone of the conversation and then he asked for my phone number, which I sent to him in a text message. 6 days and 537 text message later, we are meeting for a date.

More to come…LOL

Shellie

This is my profile:

My principles: One of the things that I feel very strongly about is the fact that people “settle” for situations, rather than getting what they want. I am not talking about compromise, because you often have to make compromises or concessions to make things happen. I am talking about staying in a relationship without passion, spontaneity, openness – or intimacy. People just accept being content and not really happy, which is kinda sad.

I want to see my partner light up when I walk in the room and I want to feel the same about him. I don’t want to just accept that people get content, gain the weight, lose the fire and settle. There is more to romance and love and life. If you are interested in keeping things alive, staying in shape and are looking for more out of life – then we might be a match. I prefer to date younger, 20-30’s, because the lifestyle is quite similar to mine and preferred. 

I am fun and energetic, I snowboard in the Winter and play baseball in the Summer, in addition to playing in an APA Billiard League. I am always up for a Cubs game and really love Chicago. I travel a lot – which always keeps the romance alive when I get back in town after a trip. I am looking for someone who is looking for me.. I am looking for someone with is physically fit, energetic, spontaneous, employed (gotta have that), and pretty darn attractive.

So you can see that I know what I want. That being said…I received so many emails, etc., from guys that were overweight, over 40, couch potatoes, entering retirement, so far outside the “what are you looking for” items that I selected during my profile creation process…shall I go on? So you really have to weed through a bunch of “eewwww’s” to get to the “aahhhhhh’s”.

Another part of the profile creation process is to add profile pics. I like to post photos of myself that can really give “viewers” an idea of my personality. I post photos of me in epic moments, vacations, shooting pool, playing baseball, attending a Cubs game, all the things that make me who I am. I post a awesome main photo that is kind of artistic, slight smile, bright eyes…not appearing desperate, crazy, overly excited to be here…you get the drift. I like to portray myself as professional, confident, athletic and sexy. Your profile pics are what get you clicks…LOL.

There is only one part of my online persona that is shall we say…inaccurate. That is the age that I have listed with my profile(s). Okay – there is a preconceived notion that comes into play when you think of certain ages. I do not look a day over 34, okay maybe 35…LOL, seriously though, if I put my actually age, I don’t think I would EVER meet the type of guy I want to just because of a stupid number. Look at me…not the number. However, if I actually meet someone and there is chemistry on both sides, I will be honest…1 step at a time. I have a 15 year old son, and that is upfront immediately, because that is quite feasible for a “40” year old. However, I also have a 27 year old son and a 24 year old daughter, which is not very feasible as a “40” year old. My oldest 2 will get discussed after my age is revealed and definitely NOT on the same date, unless I am asked point blank if I have other kids…I will not lie. When I am asked initially if I have kids, my response is “Yes, my 15 year old lives at home with me…”. I am not being deceitful, I am just not finishing the story quite yet.

In summary, be consistent with your profile if you decide to try one or more online dating sites and be creative and truthful. Try to get some really great photos of yourself doing things you love, and make sure that your main profile pic is fabulous!

Shellie

I had NEVER been “left” before, I always did the leaving, so this was completely new to me. I grieved for the loss of this 4 1/2 month relationship 5 times longer that I did for the 10 year relationship that I had recently walked away from. I dove in blindly, gave it everything I had, but I wasn’t acting like myself. I am a grown-up with a good head on my shoulders, and I pretty much always try to be a good person and do the right thing. This relationship turned me into a 16 year old spoiled brat – not good.

Over last Summer (2011) I went out on a few dates, and actually dated someone older than me – yikes! That did not last long, as he was constantly talking about his elderly parents in a nursing home, experiencing empty nest syndrome now that his grown kids have moved out, planning for retirement, needing to take a nap before going out to dinner – just being OLD! I really did not want to deal with any of his issues and decided to move on.

The one thing I did realize though, is that I totally and completely wanted to date younger guys, just the “right” younger guys. Ones that would appreciate me for me and not put any pressure or analysis such as “where do you see us in 5 years.” So – it is now 9 months later and I am in the market for something new, and here is what I have been experimenting with so far…

1. Match.com – I tried this site a number of years ago during an off-again phase in my last long-term relationship. Because I still had feelings for that person, I never really gave it my all. That was in 2007. Fast forward to 2011… I rejoined the site (not disclosing my actual age) and immediately started getting “winks” and emails – “Hey Beautiful…blah blah blah…” I ended up actually going out on a few dates with a guy… let’s call him “Jim” who was 26 years old. Jim and I went out 4 or 5 times, then he went out of town with some friends camping and blew me off for 2 dates in a row with lame excuses, so I ended it. I was not going to waste my time getting dressed up to go out just to hear, sorry…I fell asleep. Everything else has just been email exchanges, nothing has materialized. I moved on to…
2. POF.com – POF or Plenty of Fish, was referred to me by a good friend as a reputable site where he actual met his now wife. So, I signed up, gave it a shot and conversed with a few guys from that site too. I was once again, only looking for younger guys and stated that blatantly in my profile… If anyone over the age limit that I had put in place wanted to talk with me, I immediately refused. I was totally on a mission. I knew what I wanted and was NOT going to compromise. So – I actually met someone… he also was 26 and we met a bar called Hopleaf in Andersonville (one of my favorite places). We were very attracted to each other and definitely had the chemistry thing going, however the maturity level was so not the same as mine (so obviously) that I had to bite my tongue more than once. Out of respect to him… I will not go into any further details. The relationship is over.
3. CougarLife.com – I think I have found the place where I belong! LOL I just joined this site last week and it is truly incredible for what I am looking for. Younger guys that know EXACTLY what they are getting into and are totally and completely into older women – and respect that. I have found that the conversation is real and upfront. There are however, I have been told, a lot of fake female profile on the site of scam artists looking for money. As soon as I start talking or texting offsite, I immediately get requested to send of picture of myself that I take “right now”! I happily oblige so we get the idea that my profile is fake out of the way immediately. The thing I do not like about this site are the lewd photos that some guys have online and invite you to their private gallery to view. I am not into private porn and it really does not appeal to me in any way, shape or form. The site is free for women and I do not how much guys are charged, but it is a paid membership. So – I have been talking a lot with a guy that I found to be totally cute, a great smile…tall 6’3″ great shape, good career, great sense of humor…plus he totally tso hinks I am hot! What more can I ask for…oh, he is 27. So – I have a date with him for tomorrow night, and I am quite anxious to meet him, just as he is to meet me. To be discreet, I will not reveal any personal details about him, but I will give you overall details of the date.

I look forward to seeing where this journey into dating younger men will take me, and I will be smarter and much more prepared for any relationship that may develop. I will keep you posted…

Take Care – Shellie

One of the featured topics was our Top 5 Technology Innovations…things we just can’t live without. The list of must-haves for each of the women were completed different and relevant to each of our lifestyles. I have attached a PDF of the presentation with can be downloaded HERE, or by clicking on the photo of the TechGirlz on this page.

You can keep up with all the TechGirlz right here:

Dani Deahl: www.DaniDeahl.com, Twitter: @DaniDeahl

Cali Lewis: www.GeekBeat.tv, Twitter: @CaliLewis

Stephanie Rewis: www.W3Conversions.com, Twitter: @StefSull

Shellie Hall: www.ShellieHall.com, www.GetCreativeNews.tv, Twitter: @ShellieHall

I have received several requests for the link to download my presentation since a lot of you could not see it in person. You can follow this link to download the PDF. I hope you find this helpful.

Take Care -

Shellie