Thoughts of the Thought-Less

Encore une fois

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:43:00 +0000

I am in tears again.

He’s been making me cry too often

And every time I think he can’t do it again … he does

I am too old for this …

I am supposed to be smarter than this.

I thought I loved him then I said I don’t. Then he left and I broke in tears for days, weeks and when it turned into a month of tears I asked him to get back. He did.

When he did I said I don’t love him. But I do. And I am in tears.

I don’t want him to leave. But he will do.

I am too old for this.

I would beg him to stop.

But if I did he will leave. I don’t want him to leave.

I break in tears when he goes away …

I don’t want him to leave.

I am too old for this.

In this life and more

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 22:59:00 +0000

In a parallel universe she is a strip dancer. Bold inside and out.

In a parallel universe they will meet in a bar. He drinks his favorite Scotch as she dances.

In a parallel universe he asks for a lap dance …

In a parallel universe the story doesn't end here. The story starts here and never ends.

In this universe they will meet. Their roads will cross. She isn't a strip dancer. She isn't bold but she is courageous enough not to fear how different they are.

In this universe he doesn't get the lap dance. He doesn't enjoy her with his favorite scotch.

In this universe the story ends without even having a chance to start.

In both universes, she would love him anyway.

In a parallel universe he loves her too.

In this universe … he will just leave.

On Leaps of Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 11:31:00 +0000

There is always a point in your life when your experiences tell you that you shouldn't be taking certain risks.

There is always a point in your life when you are on top of a mountain with no clear way back down and you know that you need to take a leap of faith.

There is always a point in your life when you step into darkness because you felt like trying the unnecessary risk instead of being trapped where ever you are.

There is always that point when you jump ....

Then you wake up on your crushed bones. Sometimes you heal and sometimes you just live with the pain.

Leaps of faith never really kill you, they only make you wish you were dead.

We never die ...

We live to tell the story ...

But one day hope will be overwhelming, your judgement will be clouded and you would see that jumping of the safety of the trap of your mountain is the wise thing to do.

One day you will trust the unknown enough to silence your experiences and the pain of the old crushed bones.

One day you will jump and you will wish you were dead.

But you will never die ... you will live.

You will always live ...

Unfortunately, your jump is never lethal. It is only deforming.

On a Side Note - 1

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:07:00 +0000

This might not have a future but it sure has a wonderful present.

One day at a time ... don't jump to conclusions.

Enjoy your present because there might not be a future anyway.

Unboxed

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:14:00 +0000

No, I am not ok.

I miss you. And I am not ok when I miss you.

And I can't tell you this because if I did you will get scared.

If you get scared you will break my heart.

And I will hate you ...

I don't want to hate you ...

I don't want you to be like those who broke my heart.

I want you to be different.

you are different ...

But I miss you.

I miss you and you think that I want things that will make you uncomfortable.

I don't

I won't

I just want you ...

I miss you.

Just do it ...

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 13:12:00 +0000

He feels too old doing what they do ...

She feels too vulnerable having to do it that way they do it ...

They both need a leap of faith, another one. A bigger one.

Just a leap of faith ... into the darkness, into the light.

On The Things We See

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:58:00 +0000

In the movie “Life of Pi”, the little boy thought the tiger was his friend. He told his father that he saw a soul in the tiger’s eyes. His father warned him that animals have no souls and whatever he sees in the tiger’s eyes are the reflections of his own feelings.

What if you are with someone and you feel too happy and you look him in the eye and you see that he is happy too. What if that was one of the happiest times you had in your life.

What if you lived under the impression that both of you were equally happy, because you have seen happiness in their eyes.

What if it wasn't there?

What if you only saw happiness because you were happy? What if what that person had was just a blank stare that your subconscious translated as a happy look because you needed it to be a happy look?

How would you know?

How can you possibly tell that whatever you are seeing is real and not just a reflection of your feelings?

Messages from Cloud Nine -1

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 16:24:00 +0000

Then came the moment when I realized that I haven't been happier in my whole life.

It was a rare moment of pure joy.

I was flying and no power on this earth was enough to bring me down.

The only thought that could possibly bring me back six feet under the ground is questioning the reality of the moment.

Was it real?

This is the only question that matters.

Nothing else matters if that moment was real.

Something that needed to be said

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 00:36:00 +0000

It is 2.15 am and I have been crying for an hour. My plan was to read myself to sleep but instead I ended up crying myself to sleep. I am still choking on tears. And I don't know whether or not I can sleep tonight.

Why I am crying? Probably I ran out of friends. Well, I have plenty of friends. But I don't feel any of them has been understanding me recently. They are annoying. They are annoying with all their advices and tips. With all their sympathy and empathy. They are annoying because they are cold.

I know it is anger talk, but I am lonely. And I feel trapped. And I can't see a point in living ... really.

I don't want to work. I don't want to get married. I don't want to have kids. I am not even doing the things I used to do. I barely read. I stopped blogging. It takes a miracle to get me out to do anything. I am always short tempered. I am picking on fights with everyone. And i am crying myself to sleep.

I am drained. I am drained. I have no energy to explain how or why. I don't want to explain. I am just drained. And I can't wish to die because I don't want to die. I want to live. Really, all what I want is to live. But there is no point in living.

And I am lonely.

I am drained.

And people are dense.

I ran out of means of "self recharging".

There is no point in living

yet I am breathing!

People are really too dense I prefer being alone.
People are too dense I stopped telling them things.
People are really dense, they can't keep their advices to their own.

I am lonely, I am drained and I am crying myself to sleep.

Egypt: 12-12-12

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:17:00 +0000

Four years ago I wrote that chances that we get an “Islamic republic of Egypt” are next to null. It was so clear that the fight to get an “Islamic Egypt” is peaking and I took the side of believing in Egyptians. I chose to believe a myth about “Egyptian Religion Tolerance” which is something we say but any of us know it wasn’t true all the time.

Four years ago anyone would tell you Egypt is heading into the unknown at full speed. In late 2009 everyone would sense 2010 will be the year of “change”. And it wasn’t till late 2010 when the Tunisians decided to take down Ben Ali when my "La Révolution en Rouge" worries became real.

Egypt was about to explode and I had nothing to do. I told everyone I know that what’s going to happen is wrong. I went into denial believing that we have responsible government who would listen and act to serve the people. I am calling it denial because I have been talking about the signs of lack of governance. I was in denial because I knew the state was failing yet I “hoped” they will step up to the situation.

And then it happened. The “revolution” happened. The change everyone knew will come and no one dared to stop or control. In my humble opinion what happened in Jan25 2011 wasn’t a revolution. It was more of a televised coup, a coup that many sold as a move in favor of the rule of law, equality, justice and supposedly other good things. It was nothing more a televised coup but people called it “public revolution” and theorized for the role of “innocent youth” and “un-politicized” masses.

Two years of theorizing for how “inspiring” the “peaceful revolution” was. Two years of circulating false readings to positions and political scene in the media and among “political elites”. Two years that got us to where we are now.

Where are we now?

At this very moment we are half step away from hell. Let me explain. Right now we have an “Islamist” president. A president who belongs to an “organization” that’s illegitimate, secret and armed! A president who took an oath to serve and protect a constitution then woke up one day deciding he won’t. A president who doesn’t respect law, and who said I am law and I am immune. A president who is now the executive, legislative and judiciary branches of state. A president who called his opposition traitors and sent the “militia” of his “secret” organization to kill them in front of his palace. a president who is fighting everything and everyone to get a constitution draft to referendum. A referendum that judges refused to supervise and the government has no idea how to organize.

A president who is doing his best so the people of Egypt submit to him and his organization. And whoever “thinks” this isn’t how things should be done has no place in this country.

This is where we are.

The televised coup succeed in being a “revolution” as it got rid of a said to be “autocratic” state and replaced it with an “autocratic” and “theocratic” one.

Right now, Egypt is being taken over by the “secret” organization. And I am not very optimistic about it.

The president with his “decree” attacked the “judiciary” and claimed it his. The judges are fighting for their independence. They are escalating into a full civil disobedience.

The referendum is still taking place, thought right now all signs show it will be rigged. Yet the “President” and his “organization” are still pushing to have it on time and one more time he issued more “God Powers” decrees to make the “referendum” happens.

The “president” and his “organization” are playing on time. They believe that people will give in to submission if held on to their places for long.

The “president” and his “organization” are playing the “sectarian” card. They are calling their opposition “Christians”. Not only they are threatening “minority rights” by their proposed constitution ( if we assumed Christians are a minority just for the sake of argument) but also they are calling in the majority to “act” on sectarian basis.

The “president” and his “organization” are also playing the “classes” card. They are calling their opposition “rich”. In a country with a troubled economy like Egypt and with no sign of improvement soon, they are calling for the poor to take things on their own hands. They are calling or maybe threatening a “hunger revolution” had the Egyptian didn’t submit to their will.

The judges are 1^st, then will come the turn for the army and every other thing in what used to be called Egypt. The Islamists will take down the state one institution after the other, and will “Islamize” the society one law after the other. And whoever thinks differently, will have the “militias” to deal with him.

The point is, in order for them to take down Egypt they will have to take down lots of Egyptians in the way. They will happily do it. And as they do it, in theory they will lose which will make their fall inevitable.

But in theory too, we will all be dead by the time they fall.

On that kiss of life ...

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 10:53:00 +0000

Him: I want one kiss

Her: *Silence*

Him: Seriously, all what I want is one kiss. I love you. I won’t ask for more. Just kiss me. One last time.

Her: No. I can’t. I won’t.

Him: Why?

Her: Because I want more. I want more than a kiss. I want kisses. I want hugs. I want sex … I want love!

Him: *Silence*

Her: I want more … I need more! I want to live. And you can’t offer me life.

Episodes of loneliness - On fading out

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 00:17:00 +0000

I can't remember how you smelled.

I can't remember what type of cigarettes you smoke.

I can't remember how your eyes looked gazing into mine.

I can't remember what you wore.

I can't remember how warm/ cold your hands were.

I can't remember how my hand felt in yours.

Your voice keeps fading in my mind I fear one day I won't be able to recognize it.

You are turning into a ghost of a memory.

I am scared ... Don't let me go.

Flashes from another life -1

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 13:56:00 +0000

S: (in tears) I don't want to die ...

H: (hugging her tightly) hushhh ...

A Serious Question

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 12:19:00 +0000

Why would a man get interested in "sleeping" with a "certain" woman?

Why?

Huston ... We have a Problem!

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 18:06:00 +0000

There are certain questions that signals that something is going wrong in your relationship.

Examples:

* But we are friends, aren't we?

If you got to the point of playing the "friendship" card this means you are not friends and one of you is trying to either set boundaries or claim rights.

* you love me, don't you?
If you feel like asking someone whether or not they love you, this might mean they don't.

* but you couldn't be possibly betraying me, no?

Chances are you have been betrayed and in denial.

What other questions do you think signals relationship troubles?

Dear You - Do it for me

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 17:31:00 +0000

The thing is I don't want a fling. I want to ask you to stay forever. But I am not sure we can do forever. I don't want you to runaway either.

I want you. I like you. I like us. I want us. I don't want it to be a fling and I can't ask you for forever.

Do it for me. Will you?

My Disney Princess

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 22:57:00 +0000

So last night, I asked my friends on twitter a question. Who is your favorite Disney princess and why?

I got some interesting answers. And instead of spamming the timelines of my friends with my answer I thought of sharing it here.

Belle is my favorite Disney princess.

Let’s look at Belle, the young yet mature beyond her years. She is a book worm. She didn’t conform to her society’s expectations and she wished for an adventurous life. She is intelligent and brave. And when the time came she stepped up to save her father from the beast everyone feared.

Belle was a girl of character. She did what she believed should be done. And she loved that that no one else could possibly love. She had an eye that saw the good in the beast.

The love of her man didn’t make a princess out of her. It was through “their” mutual love to one another that both became prince and princess.

So, who is your favorite Disney princess and why?

Reality Check

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 15:43:00 +0000

Him: I don't like the new guy. He plays wrong tunes.

Her: He says he loves me. He says that the feelings he has for me is sure a form of love. But you know people say things they don't mean all the time. Again, why would he love me?

Him: That's why I tell you he plays the wrong tunes.

Her: Isn't that sort of sad? That I am not loveable? That when a guy says he loves me, then he must be lying. You know it is sort of heart breaking.

Him: It isn't that way ...

Her: It is ok. I am fine.

Sigh

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 14:36:00 +0000

I have you on best-est friends list.

I spend all my day thinking about you.

I occasionally get a ghost of you talking to me.

I crazily miss you.

I feel I am completely worthless because I can't find one good reason for you to have interest in me.

I just miss you a lot and too frequent ... it is annoying.

Why did you come into my life?

Why will you leave?

Eventually you will ...

There isn't anything to stay for ...

There isn't anything that could be of interest ...

Why me? And why not me?

I am not smart, I am not pretty, I am not successful ... I am a no one.

And I miss you.

The point is how would you ever realize that "no one" is missing you.

Why did you come into my life? ..... Why did you leave?

One Last Time ... Again

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:08:00 +0000

She Said:

You know I have always wanted a serious relationship. I didn't want to know that much men. I wanted to marry my 1st guy. But he left me. Then came another one who left me too. Every time I thought it will be the last time. And every time they left because I wanted it to be serious and they were never "serious" enough.

I didn't want to know as much men. I didn't want to have a first or a last. I just wanted to have one man. But no man wanted me to be "the" one woman.

Maybe I should change perspective.

Maybe I should take the fling as long as I am always offered "flingship"

Or maybe I should redefine seriousness because my seriousness led me to no where.

But I don't want a fling. I get nothing but "flings". I don't want a fling. I want something stable. I want no worries. I want to take something for granted. I don't want to worry about how stupid I am. Or how anything I am doing might turn him off. I don't want to worry whether or not he thinks I am entertaining. I don't want to fear being complicated. I don't need to pretend being shallow or deep.

I want to be myself, I want to be safe and I want it to last long enough for it to be a fact of life not something I am not sure whether or not is real.

I don't want a fling.

But maybe I should give him a try. One last time.

The day I quit him is the day I will quit love ... forever.

One last time ... then I quit.

On The Wolf and The Little Girl

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 10:29:00 +0000

In the story there was a wolf, a little girl, a crowded village, and a forest. In the story the little girl lived in the village the wolf lived in the forest. Their roads shouldn’t have crossed if it weren’t for a basket of fruits.

Their roads somehow crossed. On the borders of the village lived the girl’s grandma. Her grandma’s backyard was nothing but the mighty forest. Everyday she held a fruit basket and went to her grandma's.

Everyday on the thin border line she stood to play.

The forest was the wolf's. The village was the people's. The deal was that none of them cross into the others world.

The little girl knew about the wolf.

The wolf wouldn’t care to know about the little girl. The village was full of girls like her, boys, men and women. The village was full of life while the forest was only full of him.

They met.

There at the very thin line between the village and the forest. They stood starring at one another.

For a moment it was like a dream. For the girl it was hard to believe that she is standing face to face with the wolf that the whole village talks about. For the wolf it was really strange that a little girl gets that close to him without being scared. After all he is the legendary wolf. Girls like her scream at the mere mention of him.

It wasn’t a dream and each had to decide what to do. Nobody was watching. The only thing the little girl feared was someone to see her with the wolf. Standing there she didn’t feel scared. She didn’t get why the people say all the horrible things about that wolf.

She felt safe. She only feared what people would say if they saw her with the wolf.

The wolf on the other hand had to take a more crucial decision. He was a wolf, the question was whether to act as a wolf or simply give in to the girl.

No one was watching. He decided not to be a wolf just for one night.

They played. The girl even gave him an apple out of her fruit basket. It was fun, again just like a dream. But then all of sudden he decided to leave.

Their secret meetings kept going on. He called her reckless because only a reckless little girl will show up every day to play with a wolf.

She gave him a fruit every time she saw him. The innocent little girl wasn’t reckless she was just safe in a way that she couldn’t explain.

With every fruit she gave the wolf he warned her that he is nothing but a wolf. And wolves eat little innocent girls.

And as she doesn’t seem to take the wolf’s warnings seriously, the wolf started showing her his paws and claws. He started showing her his sharp teeth. Every time he did that she ran home crying. She couldn't get why he insists to show off the beast in the time they both know he isn’t really a beast.

One day as they played the wolf decided to bite the girl’s arm, a bite that shook off the dream. He bit her and ran into the forest. His voice echoed, remember reckless I am a wolf, we eat little innocent girls we don’t play with them. You have been warned, repeatedly.

The girl never stopped going to the forest and he never stopped showing up for her. But they just don’t play.

She does nothing but waiting. He does nothing but watching.

And there they both stare at the thin border line between their two world.

FAQs - 1

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 15:34:00 +0000

Q: Why are you wasting your life?

A: I am not wasting my life. My Life is wasting me.

Re-Posting: Completely Personal and Utterly Nonsense

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 13:22:00 +0000

Again, because names change but everything stays the same.

A couple of months ago, I had a very nice conversation with my favorite ex of all time “HH”. About the things I’d rather be doing at that given point of time.

Well, before telling you about the details of that conversation I should first tell you about my year. This year I turned 31. And for the 1^st time in those 31 years I can proudly say that I have completely wasted a year. And it is not related to how I was designed to only see imperfections. I really wasted this year. I can’t remember I learned a new thing, I can’t remember that I have done something that I wanted. If there is one achievement in this whole year it will be that I kept breathing. I held on to life. I didn’t listen to the voices telling me that it isn’t really worth it. I survived nights of heavy breathing and I had faith to wake up in the time all what I really wanted is eternal sleeping.

The thing with being in that place when holding on to life is the biggest of all achievements is that people can’t understand you. No one would see how breathing, as simple as it sounds, could be a real challenge. They will start getting their magical solutions out of the clichés closet. Go out, get a new job, have a new hobby, shopping and the rest of the long list of what people believe are mood fixers.

But the thing is, it is not a mood. It is somewhere deep. Let me try to explain. I had a bad year; well I am having a bad year. And that was preceded by many bad years. A bad year was never a problem; a bad life is what every human should expect. No one said life is a piece of cake. Life is a tough journey up a very steep hill. But we keep going up for a reason. Every now and then we get things that motivate us to keep on the journey we discovered was lame when it was too late to go back.

But sometimes, for some people, and in this very case me. You get trapped in a place where there are no ways either up or down the hill. You can always try paving a new road, but you will eventually get to understand that regardless how hard you try and how successful you will get, the road you will pave won’t get you longer than two steps ahead. Then you will get back to the trap of nowhere to go. And in many cases after paving the road and walking the two steps you earned you find that they actually led you to where you started and the effort was actually a complete waste of time and energy. And that you will have to try again, and re-trust your now so un-trustable instincts and resources to pave a new road and risk ending up at the very same place again.

For some, this is the joy of life. Actually, even if there is no joy in it, it is how life goes. We don’t get to choose. But it is just exhausting and shopping, eating, new jobs and whatever the people tell you to do to get out of that corner won’t work. At a point all these fix tricks will be a burden too. People themselves will be a burden because you will have to wear a content face while they are around because without that face you will get the lectures, and sometimes the sympathy which both aren’t what you need. What you really need is your two steps up the hill. The two steps you deserve after working your best. Regardless that some people will keep telling you that you should try harder and whatever you are doing isn’t good enough because others are doing more. And because others are doing more and your best is never enough you end up in that place, trapped midway with no sign of direction. And there holding on to life is the best you can do. The greatest of all achievements after realizing that even holding onto life is a waste of energy and time.

So, I was talking with my favorite ex about my bad year. I didn’t tell him exactly that I am barely holding onto life and taking it one day at a time. But I told him that I want a little miracle to move me my two steps up the hill with no strings attached. And I told him about the things I’d rather be doing now. I’d rather be able to drive my car instead of my irrational fear of driving. I’d rather be dating a handsome man, someone who isn’t fat, bald and is sure intellectually interesting. I’d rather be in a relationship with a man who genuinely loves me instead of those who marginally loved me along other things.

I’d rather be entertained than being entertaining. I’d rather get back to finish my master’s degree and even I’d rather please my dad and get back to work.

But the question is will any of these make me happy. The real question should be, am I unhappy?

The answer is simple, regardless how unhappy my words are. I am a happy person. I am flexible enough to get satisfaction from little things. Let it be a smile from a stranger or a complement from an old friend. Little things make me happy. And because of the abundance of those little things I am a really happy person. And doing the things that I’d rather be doing won’t make me any happier. On the contrary many of them come with either guilt built-in or unbearable level of stress and complications. I am better off and happier without all the things I said I’d rather be doing.

Actually the reason behind thinking of these things I’d rather be doing was that I met someone new. He is completely different, maybe representing every opposite thing I stand for. Yet, we got along. One of the main reasons we got along easily is that our differences will never actually meet. The beauty of virtual relations is that everything is in hypothesis and for people who think arguments is a hobby hypothesis is really all what you need.

So my new virtual friend, and because he is completely not me, got me thinking about lots of things. One of these things was am I impressive? Actually it wasn’t completely him; it was a sequence of events that made me wonder whether or not I am impressive.

Let me confess something, I am not really a typical girl. I know that I look like millions of girls and I am sure millions might be smarter than me. But I am not typical. Things go in different paths in my mind and I know it. I just don’t confess it because people will think that I am either arrogant or stupid. But I believe that I am sort of untypical.

And being untypical should make me interesting. And interesting could easily lead to impressive. But I don’t seem to impress anyone. I don’t seem to be showing how untypical I am, and even the worse is that you might get the chance to deal 1^st hand with how untypical my mind can get and still that won’t interest you or in the least impress you.

I am sure that psychology has a term to describe a person who is self-centered and with huge ego issues. And that term will fit me best. But this is the way I am.

So back to being impressive, the things I told my ex that I’d rather be doing were the things I believe will make people see me more interesting. The fact that I don’t drive though having a car makes people see me as a coward, lazy and incapable person. Maybe if I was driving like everyone else I would have been more interesting.

Dating the intellectually interesting, un-fat, un-bald guy will make me more interesting too. And will make me impressive for many people. Actually getting a chance to date that guy means I am already interesting and impressive.

Work seems to be a huge issue for everyone. It is not important how I think, or what I believe. For people it is more important if I work for a multinational, international with whatever catchy name organization. Nothing else matters.

So according to the list of things I said I’d rather be doing to be interesting means I should be driving a nice car, I should have a job with a catchy name and I should be coupled up with someone who people will think is interesting and impressive too.

And then will come the question, does this make me impressive?

And the more important question why the Shimaa who is writing this isn’t interesting and impressive?

Why I should be doing things that I don’t really want to do, to get to people who won’t see whatever I am already doing?!

And then here we are back on the favorite square zero, all things said and all things done. My best is never enough, and I would have tried harder yet my hardest is never hard enough. I put myself out there knowing that there is no guarantee to have my two steps up the hill. But I try. And I proudly fail. And there is no shame in failure. And that’s why I try again and again but never with the same enthusiasm because a part of me is always lost in each trial.

There should be more to life than failing. There should be more to life than trying and falling back where you started. There should be magic. There should be rewards more than a stranger’s smile and a hidden complement. There should be more. Because if there isn’t more, I don’t know how long I can keep holding onto life. If there isn’t magic, it isn’t really worth living.

Pages from a Torn Diary - The Stab

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 17:03:00 +0000

October 12, 2009

So, this is one thing that I don’t think I will even be able to say.
The other women he knows and calls friends makes me feel like I am naked in a line up.
I am exposed, humilated and dumped.

I made it clear in many occasions that I don’t like him knowing as much women. He keeps calling them friends and he keeps choosing them over me.

I am exposed, humilated and dumped!

Letters to Him – 3

noreply@blogger.com (Shimaa Gamal) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 10:18:00 +0000

Dear Him

I just want to fall in love with you.

I know that this is wrong. I know chances are that you will break my heart to pieces.

I know you don’t love me … yet!

But I want to fall in love with you. I want to make memories with you. I want to beat the world while you are by my side.

I want to be silly and soft. I want to do lots of things that all includes you.

I just want to fall in love with you ...

So will you love me?