Hi Robby G. Ive asked for your advice before (Some serious relationships
are best left alone). I need some more advice from you, continuing from the
last post. So i decided to take this girls offer. Im genuinely in love with
her, so tonight we were hanging out and what not and anytime i wanted to
make a move on her i would start to double guess myself… I wanted to but
something inside me is just holding me back. I dont know what it is. For
instance, we’re both sitting in my car and the perfect opportunity comes
along for a kiss. Shes waiting for it and i do nothing! I normally dont
have any problems, im usually the one to make the first move with previous
relationships… I dont know what it is but i just freeze and look away…
I want this girl so bad, but im hesitating! She even told me this is the
chance for me to kiss her… and what do i do… NOTHING! Im so mad at
myself right now… Plus i just gave her the impression that i dont like her
or something… Im very confused… Any advice on what is wrong with me
right now?

You’re unsure if this is exactly what you want. Even though your heart and sex drive is telling you to make a move, your mind is taking over and making you hesitate on the whole thing. The simplest way to overcome this is to have a few drinks before the next opportunity to kiss her comes along. Also, since you’ve liked her for 3 years already, it is possible that you have grown fond of the fact that you couldn’t have her that entire time and now that she wants you, it feels unrealistic to the point that you’re not sure that you will still like her the same way after you make that move. So you should really figure out for yourself if this girls is the one you really want, and if so, then when you’re with her the next time, think to yourself ‘Fuck, it. It’s just another girl’ and go for it. The problem here is that you’re over-thinking everything. There are a lot of things that can go wrong in the way the relationship may steer, but your emotions towards her are telling you everything will be fine and to just man up and make a move. So you should really think about whether you’re certain if you want her and all the responsibilities that come with having her and then if you’re still keen on making the move, think of her as nothing special but just another girl. Once you’ve made the move, your mind will fall back into admiring her as something more than another girl, but by then you’ll have made the first move.

It is critical to calm down and take the pressure off the fact that you’re finally getting the green light to make a move on the girl you have liked for such a long time. Forget about the fact that you might have given her the impression that you don’t like her, because the next time you’ll be with her, you will reassure her that you do like her and want to take things further by doing all the right moves. Wish you all the best, and I know you’ll get it done next time. Remember, just think ‘Fuck it!’ to yourself and make that move.

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So, i’ve just recently started a physical relationship with this guy. We’ve
known each other for about a year now and have in the last 3-4 months gotten
to know each other alot and on different levels.

We talk about everything and anything very honestly and openly. He’s a guy
who reads people very well, very smart and confident and has a reputation
for being a playa. We hang out with his mates and i get along with them
brilliantly. I’m chilled and relaxed about everything, never push or nag or
demand, the way i’m going at it is a friendship with a sexual attraction.

In the beginning, i thought i had strong feelings for him but the more we
progress i’m just realising i’m having lots of fun and not feeling any need
for more. What confuses me is since we text every day at least once, even
before we we’re having sex we would hang out 3 times a week and have so much
fun. It’s taken us a really really long time to get to this point because we
both just went with the flow…

He’s told me before we started having sex that being a sexually active and
generally casual person, he understands the damage sex and physical intimacy
can cause and he’s not entirely certain he’s good for me. The other night he
asked wouldn’t i prefer someone i can introduce and spend time with my
mates…not a fickle young man that is interested in himself and doing nasty
things to me? And to give him the restraining order when the other fish
swims by.

I’ve basically told him that i’m a person who needs space and wouldn’t
dream of taking a boyfriend to a work function because that’s my time with
my friends. I prefer to be picked up when i’m done, taken on an adventure
and having fun times.

I think i’m just a bit unsure as he keeps bringing the topic up of worried
that i’ll fall for him and i just kinda assumed that a fuck buddy/benefit
friend you would leave that stuff out of it and wouldn’t care….

The thing when dealing with players is that they are used to girls falling for them and getting too emotionally attached at which point the player feels that things are getting too close and bails. This makes the girl like him even more because she once had him and lost him, but he’s already moved onto the next one. Then when a girl who shows the same interest towards him as he shows to other girls, it creates a haze of uncertainty for him. Sure, there’s the sex and the smooth connection, but he’s not used to having a girl who treats him how he usually treats other girls and this turns you into being the mysterious one who he tries to understand more. You’re basically giving him the taste of his own medicine and it’s making him curious. Though you’re playing it cool and know for yourself that there’s nothing serious between the two of you and you’re happy with going with the flow, he may be second-guessing this, feeling confused about whether you’re sincerely not interested in anything more or if you’re just “acting” cool with it.

You don’t really have a problem here as long as you make sure he understands that you genuinely don’t mind that you’re only fuck buddies and nothing more. If he’s a true player then he will be happy with it, but there’s always that chance of him being the one to fall for you rather than you falling for him. One way you can test him on the subject if whether he likes you more than a fuck buddy or not is by mentioning other guys. Fuck buddies shouldn’t care whether or not you are seeing other guys so that would be your best move in my opinion. This however, won’t make him stop liking you less, it will only make you understand better if he has gotten too emotionally attached or not. It will all be in his reaction. If you see that he feels hurt or disgusted then he is in fact gotten too close to you. If you see that he jokes around about it and disregards it as nothing more than another casual conversation topic, then he just views you as a fuck buddy and you won’t need to worry about creating more distance in order for him not to want a formal relationship with you. Once you know if he likes you more than a fuck buddy then you’ll have a different problem on your hands and then it will be upto you how you want to continue with it.

If you are satisfied with my advice, you can help keep the blog alive with a kind donation. Thank you!