I’ve been considering buying Havi’s Dance of Shiva Starter Kit for over a year now.

Yeah. Really.

Every time I consider it, all these voices pop up.

They say:

• But, you’re already working on your patterns.

• You already have tons of tools to help you through things, to help you gain awareness and insight.

• This is what your work is already all about. Why would you need this kit?

• You are already constantly processing stuff. You know what your patterns are, you know how to (and are) already working with them, interacting with them, learning and growing with them.

• How is this kit going to be any different from anything else you do? Or, even from the wacky animal-form line drills you do in you strange, unknown internal martial arts practice (xin yi) all the time?

  That gets you unstuck, gets you in your body, inspires you, helps you see patterns more clearly and re-wires your brain. Maybe that’s not how it’s marketed but that’s definitely what it does.

Here, a few voices, quieter than the first chime in:

• But, why wouldn’t you want something new and exciting in your toolbox?

• Especially something whose very purpose is to stimulate insight?

• Sure, you get that from your xin yi practice but that’s not ‘why’ you do xin yi. You do that because it is hard, it teaches you ‘relaxed suffering,’ it lets you do chicken and eagle and snake.

  It’s more about a mindful workout than about generating epiphanies and interacting consciously with patterns.

Of course, the louder voices quickly muffle these quiet few:

• You’re already doing your thing. You’re already working through all the stuff, all the fear and stuck that keeps you small and quiet.

• Patterns are what you work with every day with your clients.

  You help them become aware of how the patterns of tension in their bodies reflect patterns in their lives. You help them interact with themselves and their pain gently and kindly. How will this kit add anything to what you already know and practice?

• You’re already quite coordinated! (except for when I’m not, of course).

• You probably already know everything Havi has to say in the ebook. In fact, it’s all probably stuff you already tell your clients and that you want to write about yourself.

  Only, Havi will have already said it (and said it much better than you ever could). So, as long as you don’t buy it, you are safe. Safe from Havi and everyone else out there thinking you are copying her work. It can’t be plagiarism if you haven’t read it!

• Do you really need to be like everyone else who reads Havi’s blog? Wouldn’t it be better to be unique? To do things differently from all the rest?<

  p>

• You don’t really have the money for this thing, you know.

The voices go on and on and on. It’s exhausting, really. They are all so loud and vehement.

For the past year, these voices have been eating at me.

Never fully heard, always congesting my thoughts. So, tonight, I am letting them out. I am letting them reign free.

Because, tonight, I have decided to actually decide.

Am I going to do this thing? If yes, a purchase will be made. If no, well… it’s obvious, I guess.

There is a middle ground. A middle ground of, not now but I will reconsider in… (a certain amount of time yet to be determined-most likely 6 months to a year).

I happen to know this approach works for me. I’ve used it before.

For instance, growing up and into my early 20s, I didn’t want to 1) get married or 2) have kids. However, I decided that when I turned 30, I would reconsider both.

I turned 30, I reconsidered and decided that maybe, someday, I do want to get married. Regarding kids, I decided to reconsider that again when I turn 34. :)

So, tonight’s the night.

Maybe.

Over the past week or so, as this decision has loomed over me, it’s become increasingly obvious to me that I am terrified to fail.

Which leads to unrealistic expectations of myself, which leads to very little ever being accomplished. Because, dammit, it’s not good enough. Ever.

Now, this is a very old pattern and one that I’m quite familiar with and, in many ways, is no longer so totally controlling my life.

Except that it is.

Here I am, confronted with a decision to make a purchase them may lead to a practice that is all about (wait for it)…. failing. And, yeah, I’m terrified. Again.

Now, for all you shivanauts out there, I’m sure this is old news.

For me, it was a shivanata (less) inspired moment of bing to see (yes, see) all the voices fade away. And standing there, all alone, was my old friend, Fear of Failure.

So, hello friend.

It’s (oddly) a relief to see you again.

Will you take my hand?

Will you flail with me?

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• Watermelon static
• The Flailing.
• Attention Idaho Shivanauts!

And if you’re anywhere near Berlin, not to be missed.

The when.

Thursday, July 22, 2010.

8:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.

The who and the what and the where.

If you haven’t had a chance to do a Dance of Shiva class with Jackie yet, highly recommended.

She’s a great teacher, warm, friendly, a good explainer and totally non-judgmental.

Open to all levels.

Costs 15 euro (twelve reduced).

In German. Explanations in Spanish/English available if necessary.

Location: Theaterhaus Mitte, Raum 108, Wallstraße 32 (Haus C)

How to sign up

You can reach Jackie by phone at +49 (0)176 25584034
Or by email: jackietauil /AT/ googlemail /DOT/ com

Registration through the 19th.

Hope some of you can make it. Can’t wait to hear about it!

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• And more Shiva Nata classes in Berlin!
• Hey, Shivanauts in Berlin!
• Shivanautical updates!

“As a new Shivanaut I would love to know: did you have an intention when you started practicing? I’m struggling with finding mine.”

A couple things to think about:

Let me tell you what happened the other day.

The day before yesterday I was having a seriously hard time with a challenge in my business.

No matter how many different scenarios I ran in my head, I couldn’t seem to come up with something that solved the thing that wasn’t working.

I thought it over from what seemed like every possible angle. Nothing.

Then I read Eric’s post about how he was doing some Level 4 while waiting for the water to boil for his tea.

And it occurred to me that I haven’t done full Level 4 in ages. So I put on some sea chanteys and rocked out to Level 4. Really sloppily. Just having fun.

Then I did it while counting the numbers. And then I took a nap.

Yesterday morning I woke up and there it was.

A perfect, simple solution. I knew exactly what needed to be done. The business challenge was not only resolved, this particular solution also solved problems I hadn’t even thought of yet.

It was such a completely typical Shiva Nata moment that I laughed for about ten minutes straight.

Classic Shivanautical epiphany.

What’s my point?

When I gave up ten minutes of my day to doing some Dance of Shiva, I didn’t stop to set an intention.

But since I’d spent the past several hours messing around with this problem, I’d subconsciously set an intention.

I didn’t specifically say hey, I need a solution for this thing. But that was the gist of it.

It still worked.

That happens kind of a lot

When I first started doing Dance of Shiva, I had absolutely no idea the kind of crazy stuff it could bring about.

I was just doing it because I had to learn it for Andrey’s teacher training.

So when I figured out what needed to happen to stop smoking, and how German grammar worked, and why I get hungry when I feel pain …

Well, these were all answers to things I’d been spending a lot of time thinking about.

I hadn’t consciously set an intention. But essentially I had.

So you can set an intention pretty much anywhere on the continuum.

For example …

• You can be thinking about a thing and then do some Shiva Nata.
• You can be thinking about a thing and then actively think to yourself, hey I’m going to do some Shiva Nata on it.
• You can be thinking about a thing and then take a few minutes to decide what you would like to receive from your Shiva Nata practice.
• You can be thinking about a thing and then stop to write down a wish for your practice.

Like this:

“I really need some clarity on this thing that is unresolved. I am ready to take apart any patterns that are keeping me from figuring this out, and I’m ready for whatever needs to be created for this to move and change.”

Of course, it’s useful to have a practice of setting an intention.

That’s because it helps you track what you’re working on.

And it puts you in more of a state of conscious awareness in relation to the patterns you’re working on.

But if you don’t have one, or can’t think of one, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Some intentions that can be good to play with:

• “I’m ready to learn what I need to learn for this pattern to be taken apart and for the new pattern to be born.”
• “May whatever I need to know be revealed to me.”
• “I’m ready for a perfect, simple solution for this thing I’m working on.”
• “Even though I don’t know what I need right now, I can trust that I’m on my way to finding out.”
• “Whatever I’m done with can now leave to make room for the new thing that’s on its way in.”

Or you can just practice. And see what happens.

The only thing to remember is that you still have to challenge yourself.

That means make it hard. That means make it even harder. That means not just doing what you know or what you expect.

Because it isn’t (always) just the intention that brings clarity. It’s the combination of asking a question and then challenging your brain to rewrite what it already knows.

So that what you don’t know yet can emerge from the chaos.

That’s the starting point.

Where you go from here is up to you.

If any of you guys have stories about things that have happened in your practice, with or without actively setting an intention, that would be awesome.

And if you have more questions about this, leave them here.

The Twitter version:

Intentions are awesome. Having one will set all sorts of amazing things in motion. But don’t sweat it. Not having one still works.

xox
havi

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• Truth elixir, nude dreams, realizations, just being.
• An amazing Shiva Nata story.
• Needles in haystacks. More patterns.

The baseball diamond.

I was maybe eight years old.

My parents had invited a visiting professor to dinner and he was explaining something about his work (which I assume was in the field of psychology or sociology).

It was about how people find things.

About tracking what we do when we look for things, and what the most efficient or rational methods are.

I may be missing all sorts of important aspects or implications here. But then again, I was eight.

Imagine you’ve lost a button on a baseball diamond.

That was the exercise.

The professor asked people to map out how they’d go about looking for the button.

Some people start at home plate and pace counter-clockwise around the edges.

Some people go up and down in lines.

You know, people vary .

But not that much.

My mother took the pen and the drawing of the baseball diamond…

And covered it with chaotic incoherent scribbles.

The professor looked at her, confused.

“I’ve never seen anyone do that before,” he said. “Probably because that’s not the most efficient way to do it .”

“Yeah, but she’d find the button before they would,” my father pointed out.

And anyone who knew my mother knew that this was true.

Patterns.

There are patterns in the shapes things take.

Patterns in the way we relate to the shapes things take.

Patterns in what we think is relevant to our relationships with the shapes things take and with our own patterns.

There is a genius in being able to operate in chaos.

To operate only in chaos? Not so good.

But to be able to operate in chaos is one of the things that Dance of Shiva gives you.

Order from chaos.

And new chaos from the order you just created.

That is Shiva Nata.

You can’t bring things into being without having a little bit of comfort with chaos.

Fortunately, doing Shiva Nata will untangle whatever internal patterns you have that make it uncomfortable for you to be in chaos.

Or uncomfortable to be in structure.

There is always another pattern within the pattern. And there is power in intentionally going to the places where you can’t see the pattern.

Because you are the pattern.

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• The Levy Flight. Patterns. Again.
• Why would you possibly want to do this?
• Shiva Nata: odd and unexpected side effects

Very intriguing. Lots of possible useful applications.

And stuff that is especially interesting to Shivanauts.

The concept.

It’s about the patterns that emerge when you chart something that seems to be totally random.

The Levy flight is a variation on what’s called a “random walk”.

From Wikipedia:

“A random walk is a mathematical formalization of a trajectory that consists of taking successive random steps.

For example, the path traced by a molecule as it travels in a liquid or a gas, the search path of a foraging animal, the price of a fluctuating stock and the financial status of a gambler can all be modeled as random walks.”

So it’s about mapping the way we do things. Especially when we think we aren’t following any particular pattern.

Why I love this.

Well, mostly because working with Dance of Shiva has resulted in a slightly obsessive fascination with patterns, especially with ones that are unlikely or unexpected, but turn out to have their own intelligence.

So.

Here is what we’re actually doing when we do Shiva Nata:

We are internalizing patterns. And systems of patterns.

As in:

Here are all the possible ways through which point A can interact with all other points.

We are taking apart the patterns we know, both consciously and unconsciously.

We’re learning more about them.

We’re unconsciously and consciously figuring out how the elements of what we already know can turn into new possibilities and new creation.

We’re rewiring the parts of us that think that the only options available are the ones we can see immediately in front of us.

And that’s just the beginning.

Something to think about.

Even the most random, free-form explorations have structure and form. Structure and form that can be mapped and played with.

And even the most solid, stable structures have elements of chaos and play.

When we allow things that seemed to be rigidly patterned to have more than one possible meaning, we are filled with possibility.

And when we let things that seem to be chaotic and confusing contain elements of familiarity and constancy, the patterns we can’t see yet begin to appear.

An exercise.

Some of you may have done this with me in Berlin in 2006.

Put on some music. Dance around the room, making stuff up and letting your body do what it feels like doing.

Stop.

Do a round of Dance of Shiva, sticking to something you already know how to do (ex. slow Level 1 vertical arms).

Stop. Remain standing with eyes closed for two to three minutes, observing body sensations, grounding, absorbing patterns.

Free-form dance again, this time noticing which patterns your body is drawn to, which patterns you subconsciously repeat.

Stop. Absorb.

Now do three to five minutes of Dance of Shiva — something you cannot do (ex. Level 3 fast with legs). Get completely lost and confused.

Stop. Ground. Center. Feel the spirals still moving around you while you’re standing still.

One more time. Free-form dance to music. Notice the new patterns your body and brain are coming up with. Notice tendencies to do what is familiar, and what happens and your brain and body together begin to overwrite these tendencies.

Invent. Make up a yoga pose. Try a dance move that you can feel but can’t describe. Use walls and space without rules. Total creative freedom.

There are still patterns here in this new territory. Complex ones.

They’re just the ones you didn’t know about yet.

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• Needles in haystacks. More patterns.
• Shiva Nata: odd and unexpected side effects
• Why would you possibly want to do this?

Lars and Andreas (two of my most favorite students who are both wonderful teachers) are starting a brand-new ongoing Dance of Shiva course in Berlin.

Yay!

If you don’t speak German, I’m sure they can give translations and make it work. Highly recommended. Beginners welcome.

Starting this Friday, May 7, 2010 (and then every Friday after that).

The class.

Shiva Nata – Dance of Shiva
mit Dipl. Psych. Lars Bödeker und Georg Andreas Suhr

Ab 7. Mai 2010 immer Freitags, 18.00 bis 19.30 Uhr

The Location.

Shakti Yogaloft
Urbanstr.67
10967 Berlin
www.shakti-yogaloft.de

Costs.

• A month of classes: 48 EUR
• 8 classes: 85 EUR
• Ten classes: 105 EUR
• –> Try one class: 12 EUR

Get in touch with Lars …

To register in advance or if you have questions, speak with Lars:
030-324 69 82 or lars -AT – shiva-nata.de

Awesome.

This is very exciting.

I miss teaching in Berlin! Will find a way back again soon.

xox
Havi

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• Hey, Shivanauts in Berlin!
• The colors of Dance of Shiva. With blobs and splotches.
• An amazing Shiva Nata story.

One day. All day.

A very small group. Lots of personal attention. And — but of course — hot buttered epiphanies all over the place.

What you need to know.

It’s Monday, June 14th.

It’s the first official thing Selma and I will be teaching at The Playground. Yes, we’re opening a studio! In Portland!

The fun. It is big.

Also the fun-brewing.

Details?

You can read all about the training for reassurances that yes, you are ready for this, even if you’re just starting out … and then you leave your questions, worries, rejoicings here in the comments.

Though there are (and yes, this is crazy) actually only two spots left since I hinted about it the other day.

Anyway, expect lots of shivanautical epiphanies, warmth, laughter, tingly inspiration and to leave feeling like you’re ready. And the dance is inside of you.

That’s it. More to come!
havi

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• Punk Rock Shivanauttery: answering a bunch of questions!
• Dance of Shiva on the brain
• A Dance of Shiva mini-epiphany.

Saturday May 29th, 2010.

4:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m.

post edited to reflect new date.

The class.

The lovely Jackie teaching Dance of Shiva.

She is an absolutely terrific teacher, as well as being a friend and student of mine and a gifted dancer.

Open to all levels. Jackie is warm, friendly, a good explainer and totally non-judgmental. :)

Costs 25 euro (twenty reduced).

In German. Explanations in Spanish/English available if necessary.

Not to be missed.

Location: Studio Art Oriental, Schönhauser Allee 177 in Prenzlauer Berg*

* Train connection: U2 – Senefelder Platz

Contact infos.

You can reach Jackie by phone at +49 (0)176 25584034
Or by email: jackietauil /AT/ googlemail /DOT/ com

Hope some of you can make it. Can’t wait to hear all about it!

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• Shiva Nata workshops in Berlin: questions?
• The Levy Flight. Patterns. Again.
• And more Shiva Nata classes in Berlin!

From someone who knows that it helps to say kazoo to get my attention. Though I almost missed this one!

Random question time! What is the most unexpected side-effect of the Shiva Nata dance you’ve experienced so far? (Also, kazoo :D )

So. Let’s have at it.

Odd and unexpected side effects.

Oh, there are so many.

Though if I had to choose one?

I would probably have to go with the miraculous series of understandings that allowed me to stop smoking.

Because that was really the very first big Shivanautical thing that happened to me, and it was completely unexpected and it just blew me away.

At this point, I tend to just expect all sorts of weird things, so I don’t get surprised as often. :)

What else?

The speed at which I was able to learn German was another one.

But there are others:

• I can’t lie.
• My weird ability to talk to monsters.
• The way I can read the energy of a website the way acupuncturists read the qi in your body.
• The way a pen cannot be dropped anywhere near Andrey without him catching it before it falls to the floor.
• And pretty much every idea I have for a blog post for The Fluent Self.

What about you?

Odd and unexpected side effects?

I’m going to open this one up to the Shivanauts at large! What have you got?

It doesn’t have to be bizarre, as long as it was unexpected for you …

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• The Levy Flight. Patterns. Again.
• Needles in haystacks. More patterns.
• Punk Rock Shivanauttery: answering a bunch of questions!

So.

Four incredible days of hot buttered epiphanies, genius insights, big changes, a ridiculous amount of fun, and somewhat inappropriate music.

In Portland, Oregon.

From Monday, May 3rd at 5:00 pm to Friday, May 7th at noon.

You can read all about this fabulous event here. But in the meantime, I thought it might be a good idea if Selma and I answered questions.

And oh boy so many great questions.

And the questions …

Will I have to share the epiphanies I have with other people?

Oh goodness, absolutely not. That sounds like it would be awkward and weird.

I mean, you can if you like. Hanging out with other Shivanautically-inclined people for four days might naturally result in all sorts of interesting conversations.

But you definitely won’t have to. And I won’t be asking you to share your epiphanies in public.

Will everybody else be a crazy Shiva Nata obsessed yoga master who I can’t even talk to?

Ha! Awesome.

I actually kind of wish I knew some crazy Shiva Nata obsessed yoga masters (other than Andrey, of course) to hang out with. But I don’t. Because there aren’t any.

But even if there were, if they seemed like the kind of people you couldn’t talk to, I wouldn’t invite them.

So really, my point is this:

We’re all Shivanautically-curious, or generally pro-having-breakthroughs. But we’re also people.

By which I mean: complex people with vibrant, full lives who are interested in all sorts of things, this being one of them.

And every retreat I’ve taught has been full of the most lovely, fun, easy-to-get-along-with people ever. Can some of you guys back me up on this one?

What if I don’t get any epiphanies?

*delighted laughter*

Ask me that again at the end of the week so we can have a good laugh about it together.

Seriously. If you don’t have at least twenty useful insights including a couple that rock your world, I will give you your money back.

While dancing a jig and eating a hat and pointing at the lovely flying pigs.

A week of Shiva Nata? Can I possibly do that without my arms falling off?

Excellent question.

Let me let you in on some sneakiness. We won’t actually be doing Shiva Nata all the time.

We will do it a few times a day, each time for no more than about twenty to thirty minutes, with breaks. Followed by yummy stretching.

So it’s not like waving your arms around all day, because that would be exhausting and crazy.

Your arms are much more likely to fall off from scribbling down all the ideas you’re having. But really. They won’t fall off. We’ll take care of you.

I need lots of time alone — will it all be group stuff?

Oh good! I need lots of alone time too.

If you look at the schedule, you’ll see that plenty of just-you time is built into the day, including a long lunch and designated Introvert Recovery Time.

Similarly, during our group time together, there will also be lots of time for things that aren’t group-like at all: like journaling, shavasana, guided exercises and quiet meditation or just spacing out.

And, of course, you can always take time out if you need it. No questions asked.

Can you reassure me yet again that it will be okay that I’m out of shape and overweight and older (but with lots of enthusiasm and good intentions!)?

Of course, honey.

Epiphanies are for everyone! And it really is much, much more of a mental challenge than a physical one.

That’s why roller derby girls and dancers and choreographers and martial artists have so much trouble with it too.

One of the things I love about doing Dance of Shiva is that it doesn’t require great physical strength or flexibility or toughness.

It requires a curious mind, some determination, and the willingness to be terrible at it (which is by far the hardest part).

If you’re younger than my oldest student (who’s 82), you’re not too old.

And if you can handle fifteen minutes of light aerobic activity with breaks, you’ll be fine.

Enthusiasm and good intentions sound great. (Though, really, you can get by without those too!).

Reassurances! You’re good.

What if I love Shiva Nata but am not such a silly person? Will I be out of place?

Silliness: not a requirement. There will be some, because I have a duck.

So some giggling may happen. But I certainly wouldn’t expect you to have to be silly.

In all the Shiva Nata classes I’ve taught over the past five years, we’ve always had a delightful variety of people, and that’s part of what makes it great.

Since thoughtful, studious people are often drawn to a practice that has so much to do with the brain, I can promise you that you will not be the only non-silly person there. :)

Okay. That’s not even slightly close to all the questions …

But it’s a start. More to come. Probably tomorrow.

In the meantime …

If you have questions about spending four amazing days getting seriously destuckified with me and my duck — or about Shivanauttery in general — leave them here in the comments.

Hope some of this was helpful.

Big love,
Havi

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

• Dance of Shiva on the brain
• Whoo! Workshop in San Francisco!
• Needles in haystacks. More patterns.