Should I Divorce Him?

Angry Birds

Sat, 27 Aug 2011 06:00 EST

It seems like just yesterday I was asking myself "Should I Divorce Him?" In reality, it's been almost four years. I guess time flies when you're having fun. Sadly, I now look around at many of my friends -- and years later they're in the same boat. Miserable. Depressed. Trapped. Despondent. It's a bad place to be. Unfortch for my nearest and dearest, divorce is not an option. Some can't stomach the thought of being apart from their children for even a day, a valid concern if I'm ever heard one. Others can't financially cut it. They worry about being unable to support themselves without a second income. Then there are others who worry that they'll never find someone else, that the market is oversaturated with married men. Um, not so much. With one in every two marriages ending in divorce, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Whether they stink or not is a whole 'nother story. When I heard about the trials of a troubled marriage, my stomach aches. I remember those pains as if it were yesterday. The uncertainty. The sadness. The turmoil. The anger. Ah yes, the anger. Of all the emotions that remain freshest in my mind, anger is first and foremost. I remember yelling, ranting, raving, screaming as if it were my job. And as a jilted woman in a failed marriage, I guess it kind of was. A good friend of my is currently going through a split from her man of seven years. One look at her, and you would think she had suffered the most debilitating blow one could suffer. It's as if she's in mourning for the death of her relationship. She's invested time, money, emotion. Over the years, she's poured blood, sweat and tears into making a future with this person. She's left asking herself what the hell happened. It breaks my cold, black heart to see her this way. I've suggested she seek out penile therapy to help resuscitate her broken heart, but she's showed no interest. Screw being sad. I told her she needed to explore the upside of anger. Instead of waxing poetic about how freaking devastated she is about losing her love, she should think about the shitstorm that's become her life, no thanks to that "special someone." She should think of how she financially made herself the sacrificial lamb so his dreams could come true. She should think of all the things she did to help make HIS house a home. She should think about all of the times she went above and beyond to create perfect holidays, vacations, birthdays. She should think about the fact that all of this went unappreciated. AFTER SEVEN YEARS. If anyone should have a seven-year itch, it's her… a seven year itch to kick his ass to the curb. Now, THAT is the upside of being angry,

Is Your Man Cheating Quiz

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 11:53 EST

Do you know the signs of a cheating husband? Take out quick quiz and find out if his bizarre behavior means you’re headed for a stay at heartbreak hotel. So find out the signs your husband is cheating.

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Is Your Man Having An Emotional Affair Quiz

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 11:40 EST

What is an emotional affair? Many people believe that there's no such thing as an emotional affair. Signs point to something wrong, but they don't realize what it is until an emotional affair begins tearing apart their relationships. Take our quiz to learn exactly what is an emotional affair and signs your partner may be having one.

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Is Your Man Addicted To Porn Quiz

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 11:34 EST

It would be hard to get a confession from a porn addict, but this quiz might be the next best thing. Do you think he's addicted to porn? You may not want to admit your man could be a porn addict, but the signs are all there. You need to be able to find the signs of a porn addict to see if he's addicted to porn. After seeing if he's addicted to porn, you might just get a confession out of your porn addict.

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The Doctor Is In

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 07:46 EST

I went to go see my therapist yesterday. Her name is Wendy and she has a Ph.D. from Yale. She is pretty upper-middle class, and says to-maato instead of to-maeto, but she really enables me to get in touch with my true feelings. Yesterday, I was doing pretty well. There was nothing I was really upset about. We covered: my feelings about my employment status, my relationships with others, and how things are proceeding with my girlfriend. I don't know how helpful it was to me, but it might give you, the reader, some insight into my psyche. I haven't worked for a while. At first, it really stressed me out. Actually, at first, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do any job for a while because I my poor mental health. Thanks in part to Wendy, and in part to medication and my family and friends, I have recovered to a pretty good place. I still don't know if I could return to my old position at 40 plus hours a week, but I probably would be able to get a little part-time job. This blogging keeps me occupied and my mind on something. I guess I could still get a job as a laborer or customer service agent somewhere. The job I had longest was as a concierge, or greeter, I'd like to do that again. In fact, I'd like to get my old job at the hospital back. Ah well, I must move on, I suppose. Wendy and I also talked about my relationships with others. We talked about my relationship with my parents. I live in their house in Nashville, TN, and they live in their other house in Florida. I call them every day and tell them I love them. My relationship with my sister is for the most part good. It's just that she is so busy with work and her two kids (and she just moved) that we don't have a lot of time to talk. I imagine in our next phases in life, we will grow even closer. I relish that. We talked about my friends. I've got the best, most supportive friends in the world, so there is nothing I would change about that. Finally, my son, Little Miles, does really well and is a happy and well-adjusted kid. He's having headaches lately, close to migraines, and the doctor gave him some medication for that. He says May is project month at school. He has two or three really big projects that I look forward to helping him out on. We talked about my girlfriend, Leigh Anne, in most detail. Leigh Anne and I have been dating about two years, and my feelings for her have evolved over time, but I'm happy with the way they are now. Wendy asked me if I would like my feelings to go back to the way they were at the begining of our relationship and I said "no" because they have become deeper and richer (if more boring). My problem with her is, and my problem in therapy always is, that I take a good thing, like a job or relationship, and drive it into the ground. I take it and enjoy it so much that it soon becomes boring to me. I don't like new things either, and I have a hard time with transitions, so I keep the thing until it becomes the bane of my existence. I guess that's where the dilemma lies. How do you take something old, and make it like new again? Can something be both fresh and comfortable?

Divorce For Dummies

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 09:29 EST

My ex-wife and I have a pretty good relationship. We both think it is important for us to get along for our son's sake. Even he thinks he is lucky that his divorced parents get along. Yesterday, I spent the day with my ex and my son. He said to me, "At least you get along." I know he talks to the other 10 year olds about his parents divorce. At least I hope he does. I know many of his friends' parents are divorced. I know several people who are divorced that don't get along at all. My girlfriend's sister's and her ex don't get along at all. Little Miles (my son) plays with them all the time. My girlfriend's sister and her ex are always calling social services on each other and when they see each other they scream at each other. They must not be over each other. However, me and my ex get along. I hit on her every once in a while just to keep it lively. Mostly we relate as true good friends do on an intellectual level. This intellecual connection is why I married her and stayed married to her for 7 years. She is a good person and I'm happy to have her as my baby's mama. Yesterday. we worked on a project for school for Little Miles. It was about the debate over evolution. We looked up primary and secondary sources and he made a big poster about it. It was a good project. I worry that my ex puts too much parental help into his projects, but the teachers don't seem to mind and Little Miles gets good grades, so I'm happy she can help, considering the alternative. Another worry I have is that, my ex puts too much pressure on him. After going to the library (where I checked out "Leadership for Dummies") and brainstorming and writings for about five hours, Little Miles got a headache. He had been getting these headaches for a while. His pediatrician prescribed for him an anti-depressant that works on these juvenile headaches. I am a little wary about Miles taking antidepressants at such a young age, but if it helps the headaches then why not? I went home at about 6:30. It was a fun and successful day with my family.

The Perfect Job

Tue, 31 May 2011 06:59 EST

I went to see my nurse practioner the other day. Her name is Kirsten. She's 33. I'm 36. I'm not really excited about the prospect of getting the medication that regulates and rules my life from someone I see myself buying a drink for on a Friday night, but that's ok. She's actually a really cool person. She has two kids, and I think that she must've smoked weed some time in the past because she is worried about getting me the meds that make me "feel good" and not what will make me the most productive member of society. Even while I had docs that were worried about making me a productive member of society, I really wasn't that productive. I was a greeter for six years. In retrospect, I loved that job, but at the time, all I could think about was the abject humiliation of a college graduate and all-around smart guy degrading himself to the position of greeter. Now that I've moved on from that job, I'd take it in a heartbeat if they offered it. It was honest and easy. That's the kind of guy I want to be. Someone who does honest work without taxing himself too much so that he spends all his time (like I did) thinking about his job and not concerning himself with his family. There's the divorce tie-in right there. But the funny thing is, I think my ex-wife liked me being preoccupied with work, because she was herself. She makes a bunch of money now, and gets all sorts of promotions and bonuses on a regular basis, so my child support is low, but I'd rather she put that energy into my son, who she has primary custody of. Even better, I'd like her to work like a maniac and pay me child support to raise our son. The person I am now and see myself becoming would do a good job.

A Healthy Routine?

Tue, 24 May 2011 07:23 EST

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is check the coffee pot. If it's empty, I make a new pot. If there is some left over from yesterday, I put it in the microwave. I have a morning routine that includes annoying my girlfriend while she tries to sleep and then calling my mom on the telephone. I also check facebook about five times. All the while, I am chain smoking cigarrettes on the half and hour mark.

Today, there was a break in this routine. I took a walk. I walked for .9 miles and it took me twenty minutes. I felt great. I made plans for the far-ranging future and the day while I walked. .9 miles is once around my block. I was sure, above all else, that I would go around twice and therefore be twice as healthy.

I didn't make it around twice. I told myself I will go around twice tomorrow. However, deep inside, I know I will probably not even walk tomorrow. Ah well, you can always dream. The possiblities are open.

That's what a divorce is like. It's a huge break in your routine. You often know it is good for you, but you hate it while it's going on. When you're done, you feel different and only have a vague idea of why. All you know is that the possiblities are opening up. And that's a good thing?

Lecture Time

Thu, 12 May 2011 08:39 EST

I had my son yesterday. For a long time I only considered it a good day if I had my son. His mother has full custody and I see him every Monday, every other Thursday, and every Friday and Saturday.

I'm not going to admit that this is enough, because you can never spend enough time with your child, but I hope this arrangement will be adequete to keep him happy, well-rounded and out of therepy.

All we did all day long was play free online computer games and watch TV, but sometimes the most simple things can be the most satisfying. I like to take the opportunity to give him some of the advice I've accumulated over my 36 years of being alive.

I gave him a lecture about always taking the long view of things. It was a pretty hokey lecture, but I don't think I did too much damage. It also made me feel good, like I was this big repository of knowledge waiting to be tapped by him (which I think is the definition of a parent).

After I gave my speech, I excused myself to go outside to smoke a cigarette. When I came back into the computer room, my son told me what an awful speech it was. He was right. I'm glad my son can call "Bullshit" on me. It means he thinks critically about things. It means he's a smart guy. Mission accomplished.

Bells Will Be Ringing...

Sun, 08 May 2011 08:00 EST

I spent Easter Sunday with my girlfriend, and something indeed miraculous did happen. I started out the morning very excited. I guess there is still the remnants of a kid in me because I felt like I was getting up to see what the Easter Bunny had left me in my basket.
With all this excess energy, I planned on going to church and seeing if I could see Jesus in the crowd. I had had a minivision as I was having my coffee and cigarettes on the front porch. The lines in the trees looked to me like Jesus's face. Now, staring at trees will do strange things to you. I had looked at the tree for a real long time and seen a spaceman before, but never the king of kings. With all this personal revelation, I no longer deemed it necessary to go to church, so I made other plans.

I planned on taking some homemade pizza and a milk jug full of smoothie I had whipped up down to the lake by my house and bringing a bible and hopefully running into Jesus there. I talked to my girlfriend of two years, Leigh Anne, who had spent the night, and she was hyped up about that plan too.

The thing about plans is they often go awry or are not implemented at all. So, what we actually did do was make an Easter calzone (a tradition in my family) and watch the Braves play baseball and the Blackhawks play hockey.
A feeling came over me while I watched these games. I felt like I was actually in the stands and that I actually had a miniscule amount of sway over who won. It was an empowering feeling.

I took this feeling and started talking to Leigh Anne about my feelings. I said, "I've been looking my whole life for somebody to complete me."

To which, she reponded, "You've found her, baby."

At that point something clicked in my mind. I realized that my search was over and I could finally relax. I realized that Leigh Anne wasn't just some trick that I'd brought home by coincidence, she that fate, and God, had brought us together. I realized that she is now on the same shelf as my mother, sister, and exwife. Leigh Anne is great. Now I think all that's left is to plan the wedding.