Later she came to know that yesterday they were cleaning the sun and there was dirt and dust in the sunlight.

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But is there really any evidence on genetics and intelligence or even genetics on physical aspects where a person's effort matters? Musical intelligence – sons and daughters of musicians.

Health – if son doesn't exercise, what use is his father's wwf background? While a 56 kg can be called healthier or even better than someone who got it 'big and thick' from his genetics. Bruce lee. Afterall to break an egg you don't need a bulldozer.

At the same time, though one may have to accept the impact early childhood and facing problems different from their peers. This has been told as a common factor for creative individuals.

If i didn't have a caring family, if i felt i was not enough, naturally i would find my heart desiring for approval which could come in the form of fame. This maybe enough drive to improve the skill required for the fame. Even if someone were to say spiritually follow the heart (well the deeper spiritual changes happen unconscious anyway) when you are alive on earth, naturally the heart will show towards the lacking which needs to be filled. Finally it all looks as if lacking leads to skill and fame (or skillless somehow fame)!

Early childhood stretches your brain to solve or just to place yourself in the whole confusing mess called the world where one is put into as a baby. Some get it really stretched and from then on they may have a real advantage over anyone else who wants to be 'like them'.

The inner world is a very intimate thing which cannot be taught. But one can know it because it is always one's property. Just need to quieten and listen though. Thapas .

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He is fourteen years old at the time of writing. No one knows if he ever spoke more than 4 words at a time, two times a day, or what his inside is like.

People showed him respect. Not the 'hmm, he should be dead soon, may he be' sort of eyebrows up respect which many people who got things done got. It was more like 'oh my child, thank you, you took it for me'. And people who respected him were not really the ones you would agree to have lunch with. It is probably Dogen : tenderness can touch the toughest hearts. He and his help for the the no- things people.

He had to know pupil control, subconscious deceptions and stuff since pretty young. It could make one depressed and not to go anywhere near to. But, now, i feel, if you asked him he would say – similar to many wise ones before : I watch myself getting things done. The faint glow. Child, thank you, you took it for many a boy and i know i am one.

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The place from where mind sprung doesn't seem to know the 'negatives' from the 'positives'. It just sent the mind wherever it was asked to. And behind my back, old patterns were asking them to be driven to the most unpleasant mental terrains, as if that made me feel me, the burning and tension filling my body, as if something bad will happen if i did not go there.

When this is seen and intention is to go to somewhere good – Murugan Idli for example – it just did that too without any resistance.

"I was depressed before enlightenment and i am depressed after enlightenment" said a zen master. what is the advantage then? To see where the mind is going, is easier when you have been keen about your innards for some time.

Sometimes it looks like our state can be seen similar to when one is ltrying to stand on roller skates. Look for support and I may not be able to stand. But when i remember this is ok, i just have to keep my balance, me as a unit and nothing else for support is just fine, then one is inside, the line is inside, and one just stands.

It is all fine and there seems to be truth in the situation. Supports are a delusion and well i may not need them anyway. No shit happens!

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He was a maddy, my friend. Then he started realizing that many others are not getting mad about the things he does, though they seem so real to him. Then he started faking not – mad though his mind said 'wolves, dogs, sharks, school principal'. Of course he failed, he woke up without breath, suffocated, out of his body, away in some dot without knowing who he was. Still…

"Isn't that me?" He started asking the fears, the judge, the executions placed before and not needed now, the wishes, the escapades, the tendency to believe one does not exist and running off to far away dots…

Notice the discomfort – that is how anxiety shows up and confuses till it gets hold as a strong fear. Also, the discomfort is there right in our body – solar plexus? hara? shoulders? Breathe, he said he noticed he was not breathing when the mad dogs were racing.

 A mistaken notion of flow – which is mostly just an excuse for fear to know one exists, of what can come, to search and analyze the dead instead of create with choice and decision – seems to be found in more minds than we think.

Mara, friend and learning tool of Buddha, who went and asked meditators to let go of the place where the meditator used to do that, had something to teach us by his existence in the scripts. There maybe no other driver for this car. And when one leaves the steering thinking of allowing the flow, which is nothing more than saying 'go where the horse goes' or 'go down the cliff the car falls', Mara has won.

Fear anxiety, frustration, naturally follows because there is no other driver, and it seems to be the only car one has got and one sure wants to drive it, because deep down one knows – it is not a liability, but a chance. No one else is watching – "isn't the other me?"

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Didn't he say "Meaning reveals itself after a hundred times of reading"? Pretty true, huh. I don't need a theory about how my brain changed to a superior one. What changed then? Change from restless 0.5 doing to readiness to do the 100 even when nothing seems to fit yet. Yet…

A change from a heavily anxious person taken by the urges of mind to jump, run, quit, whine … to sit, allowing the different parts to float, without an urge for easy closure, till parts come in and fit. "so i don't know the jargon""probably this is this""ah chances are (oh well solving is intuition very similar to well that bass note does not sound right there)"

Reminds on of allowing the conflicting parts to exist on two nodes of the triangle while one sees from the third (Robert Johnson – Owning your own Shadow).

Life is good – letting things… they stay as they want, where they want, while one can still move around and see. No grasp? Freedom to move around…

Finally, it's all about fear… Knowing to keep fear in the right place, walk along with it to the place where systems are manufactured – not at the mercy of available systems – made available by oneself.

What did i just say… i am scared

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Then we had a chameleon inside the bathroom, through the window. We got it into a bucket, closed the lid, took it to the roof and left it near the tree from which it should have come in.

Next what? The size of the animals are showing an increasing trend. Probably it could be a kangaroo next.

But if I spot a kangaroo, we won’t have to get anything big enough to catch the kangaroo. My sister just has to get Ching King Hu to get me to the Zazen room.

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