Human includes the other person’s agenda in any discussion

Human comes to discussion to engage not to force and take away

On the other hand the peace the stability to do this comes from clearly knowing who is your tribe and who is not. Not being boundary less, being unnecessarily nice with the intention of being accepted, trying to fulfil everybody’s wishes… is counterproductive to being effective human, who respects others, gets things done. Being spiritual doesn’t mean being a doormat afterall.

Remember Adam grant and his otherish giver.

Therefore, when I know someone is not working to my interest, that they don’t consider me as one of them, and are not going to be careful of my needs or emotions, the mind tells: “Not my tribe”. The minimum socially required politeness is enough, communication is matter of fact, I am on my way.

Now, there are people who are within my tribe, who are important to me, even when we don’t match in many aspects.
What to do with them, in cases of mismatch that can lead to word games?
Just patience felt forced. Isn’t there a better way?
Something based on skill, based on better outcomes for everyone?

Chimp paradox tells me, bring out the best human in the other.

This solves the problem. Gives me clear best practice.
Not just unreasoned patience, but… my words and action should evoke no fear or fight or similar animal responses in the other.
Exude my humanness, so that it will bring out the human in the other.
Anyone on the human path, mastering these skills, takes care of others’ practice, bringing out their human.

I tell them it is wonderful that they are succeeding. Closer to my niche, the better. Their success is expanding and promoting the category.

When everyone wants to play guitar, I give them the tools.

Beyond competition I wish success for everyone. It is a blue Ocean. Indeed a blue lagoon.

The magpie model of connecting two different skills, places me in a unique position to enjoy and appreciate the success of everyone around me, while my uniqueness in frameworks and teaching, makes me the best person from whom they want to get the tools, lead them to their outcomes.

Players widen and promote the category. Teaching and related behavioral change is a different expertise. Instead of trying to be like everyone else, see the meta. It is good for everyone.

Her eyes widened for a moment. Her shoulders settled. We turned to other topics.

I had thought that my observation about comparison was obvious to others. Apparently not. Status quo bias? Need to look around and find fault, so that they feel secure inside?

I am sure, I am doing the same too. To myself, to others. How can I be aware of this?

The parasite she carries, has become one with her, she cares for it and calls it by her own name. (parasite as in the toltec wisdom books)

Here now, the symptoms. The chimp mind, goblins and gremlins. Disease cured now. Not accepted. Acknowledging the sickness, so we can heal. Clear progress by difference in our behaviour, growth. Towards what?

The question: What do we want? – asked as a core step of the practice.

We usually don’t want to answer it completely, afraid to take the ensuing responsibility to change. Don’t worry, we won’t be perfect. Know what we want our feelings, actions to be like. How it is different from how we are in reality. The difference is in the parasite. The gap is good. We can learn by clearly closing the gap. What do we want differently, within our each thread of thought?

Patience and gratitude, I found, is easier for me, when I compose specific images that are part of a future that satisfies me. Personally it is a particular kind of space, resources and relations. Since the opportunity cost of not being in that space because of any temporary decision is high, I can let go all current disappointments, for no reason.

The parasite image teaches me. To be deliberate. Intentional. If I need both a creative and efficient side – they have different requirements – I can build up tools that divide my energy spend to converging and diverging results.

Studies have also confirmed that adjusting to learning styles may not give you the desired results. It may give a temporary feeling of comfort to the student and in some cases it is better for the business. What in reality we need to manage the discomfort of change and think from the side of the result.

It is common sense actually.

If we want a book finished or want to play a song the way it is meant to be or pass an exam that has its own criteria, the results will not adjust themselves to any learning style.

We will have to think with the end in mind. – – What are the requirements

-what are the parts of preparation that we can really control

-how much time do we have

-what is the scope we can prepare for in the first round

-if we need to make a variation of the result that is realistically achievable within this time.

Results require that we change. Change can mean discomfort. Spoon feeding and trying to ignore the reality of change to our comfort may not give us the needed results. Instead we will have to think from the side of the results and what it needs to become ours. The discomfort of change can be managed by understanding competencies finding the positive gap chunking the process down to be challenging but not overwhelming.

Psychological changes to live better lives, often result from small changes over time. However, individuals who discount positives or engage in all-or-nothing thinking will most probably overlook and dismiss these small changes as insignificant, therefore not attempt them, thereby keeping them tightly bound to a vicious circle. 

They wonder why they can’t figure out where to find a grip to make a positive change. They wonder why these advice givers make such silly and small suggestions which are obviously ineffective. It’s a perfect bubble.

I couldn’t find the grip, the handle to open the door. I told myself:

• others can see what i cannot see
• ask anyone for help – tell them they don’t have to do it, just tell me what they see
• at some point, started praying to my own inner intelligence, that the nature that built the whole of nature, myself and inner minds, need to take care and solve it… letting all be

Not professional help.Just experience. self and friends suffered, suffer from discounting the positive, all or nothing thinking. An ongoing remembrance of the cognitive distortions and tendencies help widen my ability to create, love, be happy – self and relations.

I wouldn’t listen to it. Instead I can repeatedly listen to Eric Clapton’s wonderful tonight. It’s one of the slowest guitar leads. It’s music that moves, reaches the listener, gives meaning.

Is it more important to be able to squeeze in as many notes as physically possible? Or is it about making music?

Similarly, is the real goal of business to get as many views as possible – without concern of the quality of the lead or the final quality of the customer?

Not views, not conversion percentages, not even revenue are useful numbers in business. Profit tells us if anyone wants our work. But a very specific kind of profit iand associated customers is what matters the most.

The kind of leads that brings you customers that will they stay with you long term for recurring income, for a relevant lifetime value calculation . Will they buy from you when you have tiers of products? When you pivot and offer associated services and products, will they buy from you? Will they talk about you to their contacts? Is your lead generation method good to bring in higher volumes when you want to scale?

Vanity numbers – views. When they don’t talk about the actual profit from those campaigns, be suspicious. When they don’t know the real goals of the business, just talk about revenue or profit, it is a smoke screen – local optimization, not the best for you in the long term.

I would prefer real quality customers and real traffic than these vanity numbers anyday, just like I would choose wonderful tonight over a show off. It means something, even in the long term.

Interestingly, this is a great level of trust in the overall me. Unlike the usual blind ‘trust yourself’ which has low chance of success because of biases and limited identities, we are deliberately raising our chances by limiting decisions based on what can really stay the test of time. Rigorous editing beyond what we feel now.

5 years back, most of the things I did, i have no idea why I did them. Yes, those skills are useful, but couldn’t I just do what I know now as THE projects and tasks?

Well, that doesn’t work that way does it? Distrusting myself a little at the right places, by trusting my understanding of limitations of me at this time is the best solution I can see now.

Distrust my distrust
Including my intuitions in thoughts about the future, while solving.
luckily, as a musician, one learns that composing needs logic and heart. Theory and practical. The self and the audience, listening to oneself with a producers mind while adjusting for emotions, the audience, the genre, market… It is exceptionally complex.
The same with our lives, product development.
Theoretical products don’t work – too detached from reality, what exists, from conversations going on in the clients mind.
Mathematicians intuitively knew the answer and then worked to it – see Archimedes.
Distrust your distrust of intuitions too. But don’t fall for biases at the same time.
Sounds too much constraining? When driving on the road, do we make sure we don’t go off the road at the same time not hit the rest of the traffic?

It’s not the same when some music school claims that Ed Sheeran took a course with them, therefore you should also join a franchise and you will become as famous a composer as Ed Sheeran.  

IIT didn’t make them good at solving, but had its advantages. Music school didn’t make Ed Sheeran a hit and a franchise will not help towards anything in that direction at all. 

Once the percentage of reality and influence is guaged and we stop running towards claims that confuse the source and the results, we can look for ways to get to our next one percent that matters. 

(Taleb – Swimmer’s body. Swimming didn’t make them fit. Their health and physique made them good swimmers) 

Random sentences and vocabulary in language learning. Proclaiming themselves as the best language learning method.

Pronunciation, learning a few sentences understanding the underlying structure with a clear intention of learning to repurpose and reuse – what helped me and those who seek my help make sure and fast language learning progress.
Why do language learning platforms take a database approach? Easier gamified for the audience? No real result but instant gratification, regardless of correct or not?

Statistics and misinterpretations. Choosing the tough path with long lasting results…

Finding the knobs and faders instead of appearances and final products. Beneath the hood… Looking for it already builds a Moat. Wait… or is it that some people already have that barrier of entry characteristic and they look beneath the hood?

The best of email marketing players for example, do it with heart and logic. It’s not a mechanical “you have so many youtube videos, we will send one a week, sales will come pouring in”. They have sat with the tools, the content. They look at the needed end result, reverse engineer from the email reader’s perspective while connecting it to the real goal of the business. 

Another problem with Mechanical business moves – they also come out as transactional instead of relational. Relevant long term revenue happens from our history of generosity and connection, not from the carefully scrutinized and edited for max conversion sales page or email sequence. Ah, the joy of conversion and interaction with a customer when both of us know how I have already given (through free content for example), what the customer pays now for a formal product or service.

In any field, notice the details in the process, not just the parts. Ignoring this results in lack of skill growth and continued poor results. Not us. 

Reduce the number of projects, tasks, actions needed. Go deeper into each of them, with details and optimizations. Do this over time, iterating. Start with the simplest, add embellishments, reduce bottle necks, delays, inefficiencies in cycles.

It’s the same in guitar playing or any learning and execution endeavour.

The effort is spent on streamlining the projects, focus, actions, practice – deliberately removing errors by iteration while keeping the real end goals clearly in vision. Our skill improves – better writing, clarity of goals, connection with the readers, better business skills overall – and we can increase the width and depth of our project scope over time, at the new improved skill level. 

Growth, instead of just somehow ease. Made possible by reducing the scope to the correct manageable size, attempting only just enough difficulty steps.

Need help? shyam@musicianself.com