I’m trying to be careful about this blog becoming all about cancer, when it’s supposed to be about life.  I guess that for many of us however, cancer is a way of life, but I’m one of the lucky ones.  Diagnosed early and treated quickly, that’s me sorted – out the other end of the medical mill with 5 years of Tamoxifen and checkups to make sure it’s not come back (gulp), and ‘Bye, see you next time’.  And that’s good, don’t misunderstand me, because there are other scenarios which I’m glad I don’t have to deal with.

However, the system is now chucking me back and expecting me to do something.  Hey – I’M expecting me to do something.  And I do – loads of it.  Trouble is that it’s not very focused and it’s not particularly productive in the cash department.  I had a very interesting meeting this week with one of the Directors of Kleeneze, Michael Khatkar, and he unwittingly solved my problem.  He was talking about goal setting and how you need the motivation of a tangible and tummy curdling goal to kick start you into big action and keep you going.  Michael suggested sitting down with a blank piece of paper and writing out goals; how much monthly income was needed to get them; and to set a plan to achieve them in a realistic time scale.  I know that’s bog standard stuff to many, but I think he may have solved my problem.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, all my dreams and aspirations melted and were remoulded as staying alive, supporting my family and getting through the operation and treatment, etc.  After all, what use is a trip around the world, or a Jaccuzzi in the back parlour, when you’re too ill to enjoy it, or you’re dead?  The trouble is that’s where I still am and my goals continue to be about survival, not a bed wetting zoom towards a rip roaring life with the adrenalin tingling in the scalp.

Yes, every day is precious.  Yes, I’m very lucky. Yes, there’s more to life than money.  Trouble is that no one is served by me being poor and living out a humdrum day to day survival of appreciation that ‘it could all have been a lot worse‘ and ‘arn’t I lucky‘, ‘stop being greedy‘.  And, here’s the biggy – what’s the point of thrumping away to achieve a goal in 5-years time if I’m not going to be here?

Hell, I could step in front of a bus tomorrow, and it’s not going to veer off course just because I had a lump in my boob – so why should I veer off course just because I had a lump in my boob?  Unless my biggest achievement from this point on is going to be surviving breast cancer, and I’m not sure that can sustain me for the next 40 years, then it’s time to get back to where I was with my goals, aspirations and accomplishments.  Oh, and to have a bit of fun for goodness sake.

Now, where’s that paper……

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I don’t want a work -life balance.  I  just want a life.

Who ever decided that you needed to spend 8 hours (or more for some) being seriously miserable doing something to earn the cash which you then take and pay for your basic housing needs and to fund your afterwork fun, enjoyment and peace -(if you’re lucky enough to have XXXincome).

I just wish I had understood it really was possible to do what you love all day and everyday and earn your money doing it.

I’ve spent this weekend  at internet marketing seminar and I’ve been priveliged to meet two remarkable young men who have made decisions not to follow the prescribed path through exams and university and instead start their own business.  I was also able to save our son from the same fate, but it was a close thing.  Elliot was heading off to Uni to study Pychology.  We were just having one of those ad-hoc chats which you don’t really expect to lead anywhere when I asked him why he had picked that subject.  It turned out he wasn’t in love with the idea of studying the subject; wasn’t looking forward to the student lifestyle.  He thought he needed to go to uni to grow a better income.  A degree was just the next step forward.  I started to wonder what my life could have been like if I’d thought to look left or right at other options.

When I started to suggest he rethink his decision, I don’t think anyone was more suprised than me.  After all, I’d spent 10 years at uni and I’d done well using my qualifications.  But the key here is that I’d done well within the confines of the narrow world I was living in.  In the micro world of local government, I was a high earner.  I just wasn’t a high earner as far as the business world was concerned.  I was worth more than I was being paid.  I was worth more than my qualifications suggested.  Instead of helping me to succeed, they had held me back.  The pursuit of success became the achievement of adding more qualifications to my name.  What for?  Recognition of some sorts.  Who knows.

What I understand now is that you will never get rich working for someone else, being paid only when your bum is on the seat.  You need to leverage your time.  Don’t get me wrong here – you can be paid very well but you will never be rich.  But what of those people who invest their money – well that’s the point isn’t it.  They are taking the money they have been paid as PAYE and leveraging it by investing to accrue interest or growth.  Why not just cut out the middle step and generate your income by leveraging your time in the first place.

I wish I had known about MLM -multi level marketing 20 years ago.  What a fantastic system.  And today the internet is opening up new opportunities for people who can gather and reprocess information for others to use.  THIS could be where my years of study come into play.  One thing I can sure do is take volumes of words and reorganise them into a more palatable read.  (Notwithstanding that this is my freeflow waffly blog).

A golden age is upon us for becoming truly wealthy.  I  intend to take part.

And Elliot – the child destined for uni – well he didn’t go.  He started his own business as a personal trainer (yippee – no fees, plus he earns more per hour as a new starter in business than me after 25 years in local government) .   But more than that.  Starting your own business, getting clients, dealing with negative feedback toughens you up a bit and I think these challenges prepared him for success when he faced the Admiratly Interview Board this year.

Well this one did ramble on a bit didn’t it.

To you and yours.

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Taking pills every day is a new experience for me.  I’m not moaning you understand, it’s just that I’ve never had that sort of medical routine imposed before.

In case you don’t know, Tamoxifen is the drug they give you (they call it chemotherapy) after you’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer which is linked to oestrogen.  You take this to block the oestrogen and the fun side effect is plunging into the menopause the week after you start taking it, instead of the usual slide down the hormonal slope into the menopause.

Putting that aside, Tamoxifen must be taken every day.  I’m one of those people who’s never sure they’ve turned the iron off unless they’ve checked a few times and so I could never be certain I’d done the damn thing.  Then I found this daily pill popper gadget from Kleeneze.  Now I can pop my whole months supply into my pill wallet, each pill in it’s little compartment for each day.  This way I can count down the month until I need to put in my repeat prescription to get the next lot – and off we go again.

I’ve managed to avoid watches and calenders (except for real emergencies like going to Florida) for several years now, so it’s rather disturbing to  now have this horological pill popper.

But there’s another side to this as well, which is far more upsetting.   I should be grateful in many respects because it’s given me an insight into how I have been feeling underneath it all.  This is rather a biggie to admit to…

I’ve started looking forward to when my prescription has to be dropped off at the doctors and then collected from the pharmacy.  Why?  Because someone asks me how I’m feeling and takes a bit of care over me.  It’s not that my family don’t care, they do, but I don’t let them in to look after me and so this role sadly falls to the doctors receptionist and the lady who ladles  out my pills.

Crikey.  I’m not indestructible and so why should I carry on as though I am?  How tough must that be for Mark (husband).  It may to time to speak up when I’m tired, instead of working even harder.  Who I am trying to kid.  Both of us I think.

To you and yours

Sian

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There’s a new regime in the Murphy-Jennings household. We’ve implemented a day off! It’s going to be every Saturday and I’ve decided that I want to spend at least 1 of those precious hours writing on my blog.

We’ve got other blogs, but they’re professional (such as Leaving the armed forces) which is one I’m particularly engrossed in at the moment and this one tends to get left behind because it’s just a few musings from me.  You’re going to find bad spellings and appalling grammar.  So be gentle.

Back to the day off and why we’ve had to impose it as a regime into our week.  We love what we do and so we get to the end of the day and we’ve spent 18 hours glued to the phone, computer and other wizzy gadgets.  To us it doesn’t seem like work, but still it can lead to cluttering of the brain.

So, whilst we’re dropping the number of hours we think we’re spending in our business, I prepared to bet that our productivity for the remainder of the hours is going to shoot up.

And if it doesn’t?  So what.  I’m off to ‘do’ a bit of my rug.

Why don’t you give it a try.

To you and yours

Sian

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Are You Wasting Energy Trying To Be Liked?

Deep down I believe  most of us want to be popular.   In with the  crowd.  Part of the gang.

It must attract a few of us or there wouldn’t be the market for those clubs and groups which create an aire of exclusivity, until you’re practically panting to belong.   So why does it matter?

Have you ever heard someone say “I don’t care what people think about me?”

As an NLP practioner, whenever I hear someone making this bold statement then straight off I wonder if really they are desparately concerned about what people think about them.  Now before you accuse me of being colossaly arrogant, I feel qualified to come right out and suggest this because it was my mantra for 25 years.  I was well known for it.  My mates and work colleagues would speak fondly of my devil-may-care attitude.  What’s scary is how many years my brain managed to delude me into believing  I  didn’t give a toss. You wouldn’t have guessed mind you.  I’ve got more front than Blackpool – as long as I’m in my comfort zone.

And you can always be in your comfort zone when you only do what you’re good at, and only mix with people who like you.

I came accross the concept of 33% of people you meet just hating you when I was at an internet marketing seminar a couple of weeks ago.  It was being discussed in the context of how to manage your’ list’ (that’s your list of subscribers who sign up to get reports,  recommendations and products from you). What it means is that about a third of subscribers will hate what you write, do and sell. What’s more some of them will go out of their way to tell you the precise details of their disapproval and loathing. They can’t just unsubscribe and wander away unheard, no, you have to know what’s wrong with you and it’s their job to tell you!  Some of them may have joined up just so they could not like what you do.  They need whinge fodder and you send it directly to  their inbox.  What a service!

But why is it so important that we understand the concept of the 33%? It’s because you’ve not done anything wrong, they just don’t like you. Some of the great practitioners of our time believe that  when we meet someone who gets on our nerves, it’s because they’re exhibiting the very behaviour which we do ourselves – and don’t admire much.  In other words, they are seeing in us a truly grotty little bit of themselves.  And that’s rather annoying if you’re trying to hide your horrid bits from yourself.  But what can you do as the hatee?  Even if you manage to work out what their repugnant  little  nugget is, chances are they’re still going to hate you and unless you constantly shift  personality (and risk appearing untrue, two-faced and possibly rather disturbed) , then you are never going to be able to tweek everyones’ chummy button.

When you understand about the miffed third then  you can relax. You can get out there with your business, your life, your mates and be yourself.  Let it all hang out and dangle freely for all to see. Why worry about pleasing everyone you meet?  How do you react when you find out that someone doesn’t like you. Do you shrug it off, or spend time running through your mind what it could possibly be about you that’s turned them off. When was the last time you did a similar excercise but examining  why your mates or partner like and love you?

How much time do we spend fretting over someone’s dislike, or trying to please a disapproving colleague, compared to the time we spend nurturing the fantastic relationships we already have or will develop in the future.

If you run a business, do you spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to please the unpleasable customer. How good will you feel when you set them free and start dancing with the clients who just get you.  How many times do we hold back with really getting out there just because we are worried about what others will think?  Well now you don’t have too because you know what they’ll think.  33% of them will just hate you.  Fine.  Now you can get out there for the rest of them, those whose lives you are going to change.

What actually matters is that when they do find you, then some of them will just adhore you. Doesn’t that rock?

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Nuff Said.

Iain M. Banks, The Crow Road (1992)

More in the Opening Lines series of, well, opening lines, which catch my eye.

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I’ve been listening on and off (whilst hoovering, cooking and running around) to an audio of Dale Carnegie’s book,  How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

I can’t say I’ve been tuning into every single word, and that’s not a poor reflection on the book which is an easy tiptoe between anecdotes and ideas.  It was during one such dip-in that I heard  ‘Jam Today.’  I’m explaining my poor attention just in case Dale explained how  ‘Jam Today’ is a world famous concept first postulated by someone ludicrously famous, and about whom I still know SFA.

One of the antidotes to worrying, which is suggested by Mr Carnegie, is living in the present. Now I know I’ve heard that before, but I’m not sure I truly understood what it meant for me and ‘Jam Today’ explained it very well.  So here it is…

We remember the good times in our yesterdays when we might have had jam

We look forward to the good times to come, when we will have jam

But we don’t have Jam Today.

Instead of enjoying every single minute of today, are we looking forward to our next day, or our next era, when we’ll finally get to have a real great time? And then I started thinking the concept through further.  A bit of extrapolation (and on a Monday Evening!).

It’s not just about ‘tomorrowing’ with the fun things in life. Are you trying to lose weight?  Even if you’re not personally, then maybe you know someone, or can imagine someone, eating the chocolate cake today and bargaining with themselves to eat less or go for a run tomorrow? And then tomorrow they eat the donut a mate buys them because tomorrow they’ll eat less and go for a run……..and so the bum never shrinks.  I should know.

What about paying for luxuries on a credit card because you deserve the treat  right now – you just don’t have the cash – right now.  And when did it a bit of pleasure get so costly?

I’m not going to pretend that my entire ethos has spun 180 degrees in few days, but I can feel a few changes.  Today for instance I didn’t have the cream scone with lashings of good intentions about calorie burning tomorrow.

I also sat down for over an hour with a Harry Potter.  No personal development involved.  No meaningful out-put.  Just to enjoy myself.   For free.

Best wishes to you

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Future information about spelt and the recipes we use will now be posted on

Review Natural Products

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Information on spelt has now moved to

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When I first came accross Spelt as a possible ‘alternative’ to wheat, I was just a little confused.  On the one hand, I was coming accross information suggesting that people who where intolerant to wheat could eat spelt instead; sometimes spelt bread would be advertised as ‘wheat free’ and yet spelt is also referred to as a wheat.  So what is spelt? And is it a wheat?

Spelt is a relative of wheat with origins in Southeast Asia and was brought to the Middle East over 9,000 years ago, and then spread to Europe.  Spelt as a beneficial type of wheat is not a new concept and was referred to by the 12th Century healer St Hildegard of Bergen, who praised spelt as the best grain tolerated by the body.

It has previously been used in America to feed horses and livestock as a nutritious alternative to oats but is now seeing a rise in popularity accross the West as an alternative to ‘traditional’ wheat.  Whilst this could be the result of the pleasant nutty flavour, it is more likely because people with allergies and intolerance to wheat do not seem to react to spelt.

Spelt does contain gluten, however, those with gluten intolerances may be able to better tolerate spelt gluten.  The grain berry grows an exceptionally thick husk that protects it from pollutants and insects and the grain can be stored with its husk intact which means it stays fresher.  This is all good news because it reduces the need for pesticides and other chemicals.

Even better, spelt is rich in nutrients and in general is higher in protein, fat and fibre than most other varieties of wheat.  It is a highly water soluble fibre which means it dissolves easily and is readily absorbed by the human body.    This feature also affects how you cook with spelt and most importantly, bread.

Spelt can now be bought as pasta, bread, flour, cereal and the whole grain berry (looks and cooks like pearl barley).

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