blog

365 talks in 2012 - It is ALL about connection

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:34:37 +0100

Date: 19 January, 2012

Talk number: 23

Pax: 12

Location: Cavendish

Title: It is ALL about connection.

I was just on my way home and on “high alert” for doing a talk when I heard noise coming from next door – an IT company - through the thin walls. I had thought about them before, but just got stuck in perfection and fear (“I will wait for the right time…”)

Paul the MD said it was fine and in I went. A few minutes later I was ushered along a narrow corridor to a room of about 12 waiting, expectant men!

Of I went. They seemed please it was only going to be for two minutes!

At the end there wasn’t much response from most of the guys (I think most of them are programmers and IT consultants) except from the more senior guys.

And then Paul piped up, “what did you notice about what Si did?” He spoke to each one of you; he connected. That is what we need to do with the people we serve.

He got it. Connection is the start of everything and it was music to my ears; it is my purpose, my raison d’etre, to forge connections, with myself, with my fellow human beings, with my heart.

It was a great end to the day. Finally, Paul offered to buy me lunch next week and talk about what I do and how I might be able to make a contribution. How great was that?!

When is Enough Enough?

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:31:56 +0100

We are such a “more” society. More money, more success, more recognition, more possessions… more, more, more. When do we ever get to “enough”?

I truly believe that the motivation behind everything that we do in life boils down to one of the two fundamental human emotions: love or fear.

Taking action to achieve our goals is great, but there is a fine line between focused action and obsessive zeal. When we pursue our goals relentlessly, to the detriment of our emotional, physical and social wellbeing, then we’ve definitely crossed the line.

This overzealous pursuit of our goals is driven by fear – fear of poverty/not being loved/not being good enough, and eventually it will catch up with us in the form of burnout, stress, illness and broken relationships.

By all means pursue your goals, and when you’ve achieved them pat yourself on the back for a job well done. And when the time comes to set new goals, ask yourself what’s driving you – love or fear. And importantly, consider when you’ll declare it “enough” on a particular goal.

As always,

Si

When goals are just goals

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 19:41:21 +0100

What happens when you achieve your goals? Do you stop and celebrate the achievement, savouring the feeling of having done what you set out to do? Or do you quickly move on to the next pursuit?

The chase is very addictive, and when we’re on a roll we become energized by it. But it’s important to stop and celebrate our achievements. For one thing, it gives us a chance to take stock, to see how far we’ve come and to enjoy the fruits of our labour. It also allows us to take a break from chasing and to recharge our batteries.

There will always be some goal to work towards. Let’s remember to celebrate our achievements and to not let the pursuit of our goals become the goal itself.

Until next time,

The power of trusting.

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:02:23 +0100

What is your relationship to trust? Do you check, double check, and then check again? Are you prone to micro-managing and trying to control every outcome?

Trust is tough for most of us. We’ve been taught that if we control, manipulate and engineer enough, we can determine everything that happens in our lives. And if all else fails, we can always beat it into submission!

Trust is integral to any breakthrough happening. Sure, you’ve got to put the work in. But when you’ve taken the necessary actions to achieve your goals, all that’s left is to trust. Trust that you’ve done enough, trust that all the effort will yield results, and trust that whatever happens the sun will still rise tomorrow.

The thing about trust is that it’s quite liberating. It frees us from worry and anxiety, and stops us becoming over-analytical and obsessive. Sometimes just taking a step back from a perceived challenge can create just the kind of space that’s necessary for a breakthrough to occur.

Si.

The power of focus and how to keep it.

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 09:13:30 +0100

Do you remember that science experiment at school where you stand outside in the sunshine, hold a magnifying glass in front of a piece of paper and set the paper alight? When you first get started nothing happens, and a part of you wonders whether anything ever will. But then slowly a dark patch appears, and it quickly grows bigger until, as if by magic, you suddenly have fire!

That’s a lot like how breakthroughs happen. For a long time it may seem like you’re not getting anywhere with your goals, and you may be tempted to give up. But with focused attention and patience, soon you will notice small changes starting to occur, until those changes gather momentum and produce a breakthrough.

As in the science experiment, two things are critical to achieving those breakthroughs:

• Focused attention. If you put a piece of paper out in the sun without a magnifying glass, you’ll grow old waiting for anything to happen. It’s only when you focus the sun’s energy onto a single spot that change can start to happen. So too with your goals. Unfocused, erratic actions are unlikely to produce any results. Harness your energy and focus it on your goals, and magic will happen.

• Patience. We’re the fast food and instant messaging generation, and we’ve come to expect everything to happen at an accelerated speed. But there’s a lot to be said for good old fashioned patience. Give your goals time, and with enough focus and attention, they will blossom into the results that you want.

Until next time,

How to keep going when you feel like giving up

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 06:25:31 +0100

Take Heart

Often when we are in breakdown, we look at successful people and wonder how they did it.

The truth is, many successful people took a long time to get there, and not without their fair share of failure along the way. Consider the following examples:

• Henry Ford’s early businesses failed and left him broke five times before he founded the Ford Motor Company.

• When Jerry Seinfeld first walked on stage at a comedy club he was jeered and booed off.

• Before JK Rowling became the phenomenal success that she is with her Harry Potter books she was severely depressed, divorced and virtually penniless.

Malcolm Gladwell, in his bestselling book Outliers – The Story of Success, talks about the 10,000-hour rule. In a nutshell, research has shown that it takes ten thousand hours of practice to become masterful at something, irrespective of the particular field.

So consider that every breakdown that you encounter is an opportunity for you to keep learning and acquiring mastery. Success will come.

Until next week - keep practicing!

How to deal with breakdowns.

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 08:31:58 +0100

This month we’re going to talk about Breakdowns and Breakthroughs, so let’s get started.

Don’t you just hate it when you’re merrily going about the business of achieving your goals and some inconvenient obstacle gets in your way?

Sometimes these obstacles can be relatively minor, just small setbacks that are easily overcome. But what happens when an obstacle appears to be insurmountable, when it looks like you’re just not going to be able to get past it? When this happens, you’re in breakdown.

Most people have a standard response to breakdowns - they give up. But perhaps there’s another way at looking at them.

I prefer to take a more philosophical approach to breakdowns, and it works. It’s certainly more empowering than throwing in the towel on something that I’ve worked so hard to achieve. The question that I ask myself is: “What is the opportunity here?” By asking that simple question I force myself to look at the situation differently, to approach it from another angle, to take a step back and re-evaluate. And more often than not, I find an alternative solution.

What is the opportunity here? – Simple but effective.

Until next week,

How do you maintain your goals?

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 09:08:14 +0100

On 1st May 2011 I started a 90 day challenge to speak to complete strangers about taking courageous action. I had thought of doing this for a long time, and I finally plucked up the courage in May.

At first going out there was a challenge. My heart would race, my palms would sweat, and it took every ounce of courage in my body to approach complete strangers and start talking. I’d never done anything even remotely more terrifying in my life.

By day 30 I was a pro. Don’t get me wrong, I still felt nervous before each talk. But it was more like gentle butterflies in my stomach than the near paralyzing terror that I’d felt before. In fact I started to look forward to my people scouting outings; they had become a part of my life.

They say it takes around 21 days to form a habit (and three days to break an old one.) That’s 21 days of focused attention and action. So now, even though the 90 day challenge is over, I still go out there and speak to strangers – it would feel weird for me not to.

What can you devote 21 days of committed attention to that will help you to achieve your goals? What winning habits do you want to create?

Until next time,

How do you maintain your goals?

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:02:32 +0100

If you think it, ink it.

Many of us put far too much faith in our memories. We like to “make a mental note” of things, as if our brains are a static notepad that we can just refer to as and when we need to.

The bottom line is, with the kind of lives that we lead today and the thousands of demands that are placed on our attention, it’s just wishful to expect that we’ll remember every mental note.

If you want to keep your goals alive, write them down.

And I don’t mean write them in a notebook and then file that away on your bookshelf. Write them down and put them up some place where you’ll see them; your bathroom mirror, the fridge door, your screensaver, your wallet – anywhere that will help you to presence them daily.

I have no doubt that you have a very sharp mind and you’re brilliant at remembering things. But hey, do yourself a favour and write your goals down!

Until next time,

Goal maintenance: why keep your goals alive?

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:32:41 +0100

This may seem like an odd question, but the answer is an interesting one.

Have you ever noticed how, as soon as you buy a new car, you tend to see the exact same car everywhere you look? It’s not that loads of people have suddenly gone out and bought a similar car. Your brain has just “tuned into” that particular car, and you notice it more than you would have previously.

Let me explain. Our brains are bombarded by all types of inputs all the time. Everything that we see, hear, touch, taste, smell, perceive… plus all the stuff that we aren’t even aware of. For the sake of sanity our brains apply particular filters so that not everything gets to the conscious level. So, with the car example, the brain applies a “car filter” that results in you noticing that particular car more. The filters that our brains use are determined by the things that we put our attention on.

Now back to goal maintenance. When we focus attention on our goals, we not only keep alive the aspirations that we attach to those goals, but we also activate the brain filters related to achieving them. So when you keep attention on your goals, you start to notice coincidences that you would otherwise have dismissed, you meet people who are interested in pursuing the same results, your conversations revolve around your goals, you notice valuable opportunities, and sooner or later you find that you are achieving what you set out to.

It’s almost as if, by keeping our goals alive, we activate the mechanisms and resources that are going to help us to achieve those goals.

Until next week!