Not so long ago, I received an email from a fellow Mind/Body coach, Jessica, congratulating me because my blog had been chosen by the Institute for the Psychology of Eating as one of the Top 50 Emotional Eating Blogs of 2012. 

Pardon me?  I was more than a little surprised by this, since I haven’t been doing much writing lately.  I was also a little suspicious… what is this “Institute” and why hadn’t I heard of them before?

Shortly after my email from Jessica, I received another email from Ellen Teig of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating.  In it, she wrote:

We wanted to provide our audience with a curated list of what we believe are the top Emotional Eating blogs that align with our philosophy and provide added value to the Internet.  After spending a few weeks combing through the web, we found your site and believe it is a resource our readers can trust. ~ Ellen Teig

So, I decided to do a bit of my own research.  I spent some time on their website, finding out what this institute is all about.  I checked out their Facebook page and got a feel for the kind of message they are putting out there.

The two big thing they seem to do are: 1)  Train people to become Eating Psychology Coaches  (I can’t speak about the quality of their training.  It looks interesting to me, but I don’t have any more information than that) and 2) Spread this message:

Stated in the most simple and practical way – what we eat is only half the story of good nutrition. The other half of the story is who we are as eaters. That is, what we think, feel believe, our levels of stress, relaxation, pleasure, awareness, and the inner stories that we live out all have a real, powerful, and scientific effect on metabolism. ~ “The Missing Ingredient in Nutrition” by Marc David, founder of IEP

Well, I have to say that I agree with this message – wholeheartedly.  And pretty much everything else I’ve read from them so far has resonated with me and is aligned with the philosophy on which I base my coaching practice.  So, I am excited to share this resource with you, and I am honoured that I have been recognized by them as one of the top 50 blogs about emotional eating.  Click this link and check out some of the other great blogs included in the Top 50.  I am a fan of a lot of these, including The Fat Nutritionist and Medicinal Marzipan to name a couple.

Happy reading!

The following excerpt is from an email I received from a fabulous woman I know that touched me deeply (shared with her permission.)

This fabulous woman – I’ll call her Sonja – originally wrote this passage in response to a dear friend of hers whose child was gaining ‘too much’ weight.  Sonja’s friend is sincerely concerned for her child and believes she is doing what’s best for her by focusing on helping her to lose weight.   Sonja felt all the emotions of her young self well-up in her as she remembered being a young child whose well-meaning family tried to help her lose weight.  She wrote a heartfelt email to her friend and shared with her what kind of help her 12-year old self truly longed for:

My 12-year-old self would have wanted you to look at me and tell me not to give a shit what society tells me I should look like… because becoming the best person I can be…whatever that may look like… is the most important thing.

I would want you to look at me and tell me that you have the same amount of love for me whether I’m my size now… or whether I’m 60 pounds lighter or 60 pounds heavier.

I’d want you to tell me to follow my heart, and to start doing things that really make me feel good… and to trust that I know myself enough to figure out what that may be.

I’d want you to say to me that even though it may be scary, in a world where all people care about is what others think about themselves… that the most important thing is to love and accept yourself, unconditionally… exactly as you are.

And that it will be hard to feel this way, because sometimes you’ll feel totally alone, and it takes work to remind yourself how awesome you are, when everyone else is either bullying themselves or bullying others. But if you stick with it, eventually the people around you will start to learn to love themselves too…

I have no idea what kind of an impact this email had on Sonja’s friend – whether or not she was able to really get this plea to reach out to her daughter in a very different way.  The reason I chose to share this email here was because of the impact it had on me.  I read these words and it felt as though my 12 year old self was being given a voice.  This was exactly what that younger version of me longed for – but didn’t know how to put into words.  I desperately wanted to know I was okay just as I was – no matter how big I believed I was, no matter how awkward I felt, no matter how fearful I was, no matter if I screwed up or got it wrong…

I read Sonja’s words and realized that even though I left 12 behind a long time ago, I still – at times – feel that same longing to be told that I am enough – just exactly as I am.  And today, what I know for sure, is that the person I long to hear this message from the most is me.

Thank you Sonja for giving my 12 year old self a voice!

I love a good question.  The right question, posed at a key moment in a conversation, can have the effect of stopping us in our tracks.  It can somehow catapult us out of the story we’ve been spinning in our heads, and force us to look at this same story from a very different perspective.

The results of this sudden jolt can be enlightening.  Powerful.  Paradigm-busting.  But it’s not always comfortable.

A recent blog post by my business mentor Laurie Foley asked one of these questions that caused me to sit up and take notice.

What would you do if you knew there were no shortcuts?

She was asking this in regards to running an online business, but I read it from the perspective of someone who is passionate about helping people end their battle with food and their body.

Want to make peace with food and your body?

What would you do if you knew there were no shortcuts?

No magic pill, no perfect plan, no revolutionary book that would take away your pain.  No just-the-right-amount of willpower or self-discipline to take you from here to there in the shortest amount of time possible.

What would you start doing if you knew that to truly heal your damaged relationship with your body (and ultimately yourself) means that you’re in for a long ride, with lots of twists and turns?

What would you stop doing?

For some of you, this question might make you feel like you just got punched in the gut.  You’re having a hard time breathing, and you kinda want to tell me off.  Or maybe, you just want to give up and find some solace in a bag of chips.

I get that.  The quick fix dream is so, so seductive and it can be painful to let it go.

For some of you, this question might cause you to tilt your head, and think “Hmmmm….” in a kind of hopeful way.

Maybe, just maybe, you have an inkling that this long way around will lead you to something much more delicious than your current fantasies of a smaller pant size by next week.

For some of you, this question might make you feel like whoever was driving like a maniac just pulled over, and you can finally get out of this cramped car, stretch and look around at the surprisingly gorgeous scenery.

You kind of knew this wasn’t the trip you wanted to be on, but you just didn’t know how to make it stop.

Whatever your reaction was to this question, I’d love to hear from you.  Share with us in the comments below what you would do if you knew there were no shortcuts.

I recently became endorsed by Abigail Steidley as a Mind-Body coach.  Abigail is a master at helping people heal themselves and their lives by enhancing the connection between their mind, body and soul.  She is also a master teacher and I am incredibly fortunate to have her as my mentor.  This training has transformed how I coach, not to mention how I live my life.

Abigail’s coaching practice has evolved over the years, and she has created a new website called anamsong to reflect this.  I am beyond excited about this for two reasons:

1.  You can get a free copy of her e-book “Hear Your Soul ~ Heal Yourself.”  If you’re familiar with Abigail’s work, you know that she is gifted at creating tools & strategies to help you enhance your own mind-body-soul connection.  These are many of the same strategies I use with my clients, so I am thrilled that I can recommend this book to them.  Did I mention it’s 58 pages?

2.  As an endorsed coach, I got to share a bit of my own story on her new site.  I wrote about my personal quest for peace, and how this changed how I coach, so I thought I would share it here with you:

I found my way to Abigail and her Mind-Body magic at the perfect time in my life. I had been trained to coach by Martha Beck, and I believed her when she said that if I just listened to my body, it would help me create a delicious life. I knew she was on to something with this whole “body compass” thing, but I just couldn’t figure out, for the life of me, how to interpret what mine was saying!

I wasn’t having much success helping my clients read their body compasses either. I work with women who have a difficult relationship with food and their bodies, so the concept of connecting to their bodies was foreign for them too. I started to get an inkling of how to reconnect when I did Weight Coach training with Brooke Castillo. She taught me how to tune in to my hunger signals. My clients and I did some great work together thanks to Brooke’s tools. But, I sensed there was something more I wasn’t understanding about this body-connection thing, and without this piece in place, I was feeling stuck.

So, I continued my quest – both personal and professional – to find some answers. I did some training with the authors of the book “Intuitive Eating” and became a certified Intuitive Eating counselor. More pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place for me. I learned that before I could really listen to my body, we (meaning my body & I) needed to learn to trust each other again. I finally understood that one reason I felt so compulsive around food was because I was depriving myself of the enjoyment of eating. I learned to let go of all of my rules, and give myself unconditional permission to eat what I wanted, without guilt. My body relaxed and I relaxed about my body.

This body-whispering thing was starting to click! The more I trusted my body to guide me, the more peace I felt with food, my appearance, and my life in general. This was miraculous to me, after years and years of being at war with my body and with myself. I wanted to learn more so that I could teach others how to find peace too. This is what led me to Abigail. I started to read her blog and listen to her jam-packed telecourses. I dove into her Healthy Mind Toolbox and learned about how we disconnect from our bodies because we are not able to tolerate the discomfort we feel – whether it’s emotional, physical or mental discomfort.

I took Abigail’s Mind-Body Coach training, because I couldn’t help but see the parallels between her clients with chronic pain and my clients who struggle with eating and their weight. Pain, compulsive eating, extra weight – whatever feels intolerable– is just the signal telling us that we are not connected to our soul. If we learn to allow this signal to be there, and get really curious about it, our greatest struggle becomes our greatest gift, helping us to create our most delicious life.

If you are intrigued at the idea of making peace with whatever you are struggling with by becoming your own body-whisperer, you can learn more by checking out all the resources on Abigail’s site anamsong.  You can also join Abigail and her endorsed coaches (including me!) at the anamsong launch party on Facebook on February 29th at 3:00pm MST for some fun & frivolity (and some prizes too!)

Lately, I’ve been immersed in researcher/author Brene Brown’s work on connection, love & belonging and what gets in the way of experiencing these.

I got a nudge that I’m on the right track the other day, when I pulled the COURAGE card from my Soul Coaching deck. 

Throw your shoulders back, step forward and take a risk! Be willing to listen to the beat of your own drum…. You’re a light bearer for others.  Through your example, people find and act on their truth.

A poem for the chubby kid in all of us ~ by Kalli Dakos
(re-printed with the author’s permission)

One day I asked my teacher
A very important question
While she was marking
Our arithmetic books.
I had waited a long time
Because I was scared
Of the answer.
I loved Ms. Danforth,
And I knew that if she had been
A child like me,
I might grow up to be
An adult like her.

My heart was racing
And my hands stuck to the papers
As I placed my arithmetic
In front of her.
I swallowed hard
And hoped nobody would
Come to the desk.

“Ms. Danforth,” I said,
In a voice that was as soft
As a butterfly’s wing.
“When you were a child
Were you ever…ever…fat like me?”

Ms. Danforth stopped marking
Red checks on my papers
And looked up.
She adjusted her glasses.
Then she leaned back in her chair,
And I knew she was thinking
With pictures in her mind.
I love Ms. Danforth because
Her pictures and my pictures
Are often the same.

“Sandra,” she said very slowly,
“I was very thin when I was your age.
I was as thin as a toothpick.”

“Oh, Ms. Danforth, you were thin!” I cried.
“I always hoped
You had been fat
Like me.”
My heart dropped to my feet;
I could feel it fall.

Then she said,
“Sandra,
When I was in fifth grade
I caught a virus
And an ugly brown rash
Grew all over
My arms and legs.

“That’s how I was given
The nickname ‘Scabs,’
And that hurt like nothing else.”

” ‘Scabs,’ I said,
Imagining her soft skin
Covered in an awful rash.
“That must have felt terrible.”

“It was itchy, too.”
She sighed.
“And very uncomfortable.
Sometimes I felt as if
A thousand ants
Were crawling all over me.
In the evenings
I spent hours in the bathtub
So I could have a rest
From all the itching.”

“But the scabs are all gone now,”
I said.
“You’re lucky!”

“Yes,” she said,
“By the end of the year
The rash was all gone,
But for the rest of my time
In that school,
I was still ‘Scabs.’

“Even today,
There is a part of me
That will always be
‘Scabs.’
When my classmates
Called me that name,
I felt as if they were throwing
Darts into my heart.”

“I know the feeling,” I agreed.
“Sometimes by the time I get home,
I feel like a pincushion
That has so many holes
The stuffing is falling out.”

Ms. Danforth sighed again.
“It’s painful,” she said,
“To be called Fatso
Or Scabs
Or Retard
Or Goody-two Shoes
Or Shorty.

“It’s all painful.”

I picked up my arithmetic book
And went back to my seat.

“It’s painful,”
I whispered to myself,
“Very painful.”

I don’t know why,
But I suddenly felt as light
As an autumn leaf.

From the book
“If You’re Not Here,
Please Raise Your Hand”
by Kalli Dakos

I’ve known the amazing Joy Tanksley since June 2009.

We’ve never actually met – she lives in South Carolina and I’m a world away in Yellowknife – but I knew early on that our paths crossed for a reason, and I believe this even more strongly today.

Our relationship has grown via Skype, where we have spent many hours talking about our shared passions: life coaching, Martha Beck, and working with people who struggle with food and their bodies.

These conversations have helped me to explore my own experience with this struggle, to challenge beliefs that were so ingrained that I never even thought to question them, and to slowly but surely develop a new relationship with food, my body and my emotions.

Our talks have also led to an evolution in what I believe in as a coach, and how I want to support the people I work with.

There have been many times that I wished we had recorded our discussions because I wanted to share some of the experiences we talked about, and the realizations we came to.

I know how valuable it has been for me to hear  how another person was experiencing the same  journey I am on, so I asked Joy if she would do an interview with me.  She agreed and we spent an hour talking about what it actually means to be an intuitive eater.

Click her to listen to my interview with Joy Tanksley.

In this interview, Joy shares with us how she rebuilt a relationship of trust with her body after many years of being in what she called  “the fight of her life”.

She describes how during her dieting/binging days she continually heard the whisper of her intuition telling her that there must be a better way, and how she finally listened.

She talks about how this work has not only impacted her relationship with food and her body, but how it has had a positive effect on her whole life.

After listening to this woman talk, I know you’re going to want more Joy, so be sure to check out her website: www.joytanksley.com

I highly recommend this video – a definite favourite of mine!

Thank you Joy!  You are an inspiration.

credit: curlygirldesign.com

From Stressed Out to Blissed Out: Mind-Body Tools to Make it Happen

Maureen Tonge (Hatha/Kundalini Yoga Instructor) and I are hosting a 2-evening workshop in Yellowknife:  January 27th and February 24th, 2011, from 7-9 pm.

Cost is $40 if you pre-register (recommended!) or $50 at the door.

Click here for more details! Or better yet, sign-up for the Delicious Life Newsletter and you’ll get all the latest info – hot off the presses!

Make Peace with Food and Your Body!

Are you fed up with dieting or chronic overeating but you don’t know what else to do?

Are you ready to make peace with food and your body so you can get on with your life???

Check out the YK Events Page to learn more about my upcoming 6-week group: “Understanding Intuitive Eating”.

Starts February 3, 2011!

We’ve been at it for 30 days!  Congratulations to all of you who are still with me.

You ARE still with me, aren’t you?

No?

What happened?

Let me guess.  You started off strong, full of excitement, determination, expectations of the great things that would come out of this new intention you set for yourself.

You rocked the first few days…  And then things got a bit shaky.  Maybe, this was harder than you thought, and so you missed a day, then two, then…you just kinda gave up and haven’t really thought of it since.  Or, if you have thought about it, you’re left feeling kind of disappointed, frustrated, or even guilty.  Yuck.

So… what happened???

I’m guessing that some of you out there might have had thoughts similar to this:  “I missed a day (or 2, or 3) so I screwed up.  What’s the point? I give up.”

Sound familiar?  It does to me.  I can’t tell you how many things I’ve given up on because I didn’t do them perfectly… (not to mention the countless things I’ve never tried for fear of not being perfect.)

Oh.

There’s that word again…

“PERFECT”

Confession Time: I didn’t do my daily intention of connecting with my inner guide for THREE WHOLE DAYS in the past 30 days.

Why not?  Many, many reasons that maybe I’ll get into in another post.

Ultimately, the main reason that I skipped a few days is because I’m human.  And to be human is to be imperfect. Period.

So, I had to take a deep breath and remind myself of WHY I wanted to set this intention in the first place.  To do it perfectly: 40 out of 40 days?  Nope. My purpose is to gain peace.  Clarity. To give myself a gift.

Beating myself up for not achieving an impossible standard of perfection and giving up on doing a daily practice that feels so good on so many levels just because I missed a few days does not feel like a gift.

It feels like that sneaky “all-or-nothing” perfectionist thinking that rears it’s head whenever we try to make change in our lives.  And that just feels bad.

I’m getting better and better at noticing these kind of self-defeating thoughts and not giving in to them.  So this time, I chose imperfection and just started up again the next day.

Big exhale.  Now THAT feels like peace.

So, if you, like me, are imperfectly human, why not just decide to start again with whatever it was you intended to do?

You’ll be so happy you did.

p.s.  Stay tuned for lots more talk about setting intentions instead of resolutions for 2011.  In fact, I’m dedicating the whole month of December to the topic.