For many non-Catholics (and many NEW Catholics) Ash Wednesday can seem a little strange. Why would anyone want to walk around with ashes on their head all day? And many cradle Catholics have been going to mass and getting ashes every year without understanding why.

What is the significance of Ash Wednesday?

Ash Wednesday is a day of prayer and repentance. We fast, we abstain from meat and we get ashes as a reminder of our human frailty. It is a day to remember the spiritual reality that surrounds us; we remember that our earthly life is only part of the journey. We will die and our bodies will “return to dust.”

Ash Wednesday is a gift. Yes, a gift. This day of repentance is a gift because it gives us the opportunity to take stock of our lives. It is almost like a “spiritual New Year” where we can assess our relationship with the Lord.

• Have we grown in our relationship with the Lord over this past year?
• Have I grown lax or lukewarm?
• In what areas of my life do I need to change in order to become the person God wants me to be?

From this reflection, we can make “resolutions” or a plan of action for how we will spend our Lent this year. Instead of focusing on giving up coffee or sweets or whatever (which are good things in themselves), we can give up those habits or sins which are holding us back. Or we can make a plan to learn more about our faith or pray the scriptures more often.

Why Ashes?

There is a long history of the use of ashes as a sign of repentance. I encourage you to read the History of Ash Wednesday over at American Catholic.

As regards to the rite of ashes, it is very simple. We go up to the priest or whomever is distributing the ashes. He makes the sign of the cross (well, it should be a cross!) on our forehead while saying “Man you are dust and to dust your shall return” or a similar phrases. This phrase comes from Genesis 3:19

“By the sweat of your face shall you get bread to eat,

Until you return to the ground,

from which you were taken;

For you are dirt, and to dirt you shall return.”

Our Obligation

Ash Wednesday is not a holiday of obligation. We are not required to go to mass, but it is strongly recommended. And why wouldn’t we want to go if we are able?

We are obligated to abstain from meat and to fast today. The fasting requirement consists of one full meal and two smaller meals that equal one meal. No snacking or eating between meals. Of course, beverages are allowed.  Everyone over the age of 14 is required to abstain from meat and everyone between the ages of 18-60 are required to fast. (See Canon law 1250-1252) I think pregnant women are exempt, but not sure.

Related Links

Here are a couple of links for further reading.

New Advent

About.com

Fallible Blogma

I pray that today and your whole Lenten journey be a blessed and grace-filled time for you and your family!

In the first installment of this series on marriage we learned what the Catholic Church teaches about marriage. Last week, we talked about what makes a good marriage. Today I want to share some ideas on how to show your husband (or wife) you love him (or her). St. Valentine’s day is certainly not the only day to show your love. Just like ourselves, our spouses want to feel appreciated and loved all year round.

Here are some simple, free and yet wonderful ways you can let your spouse know you still care:

1. Blog about him. When we had our 8th wedding anniversary last year, I wrote a blog post about the things I loved about my husband. He loved it!

2. Love notes. Over the last few weeks I have been writing a little note in dollar store “thinking of you” cards. Michael doesn’t say much about them, but he has been calling me more often while driving for work just to tell me he loves me.

3. Write a poem or song. Corny or not, this is a sweet way to say I love you. If you don’t have the talent you can buy or print some lovely poems.

4. Create a musical playlist. Or buy a copy of your spouses favorite music or CDs. My husband is a truck driver and he listens to music, talk shows and CDs while on the road. For Christmas, I gave him the CD set of recordings from the priest who gave our Advent parish mission. It was a hit. He was able to nourish his soul and pass the driving time in an enjoyable way and be reminded that I was thinking of him.

5. Go digital. Send your spouse an encouraging text or message on Twitter or Facebook or other favorite social networking site – even Pinterest.

6. Find out his preferred love language. My husband and I read and discussed The 5 Love Languages a long time ago. It made a huge difference for both of us. It was so helpful to understand what each other needs in order to feel loved and appreciated.

7. Anticipate his needs. We are all busy. Many of the moms reading this blog home school and/or work from home. Other moms work outside the home. We all have too much on our plates. But our husbands have a lot on their plates, too, even if it’s in a different way. Lately I’ve been trying to anticipate his needs and wants and do those tasks before he has to ask. Sometimes he notices, sometimes he doesn’t. Still, it’s a nice way to show we care.

8. Build him up in front of others. It can be easy to criticize or “bash” our husbands when we are with our girlfriends, family or others. All couples have issues at times and it can seem cathartic to be able to let all our problems out. It’s better for your marriage though, to talk out your issues with your spouse and/or find someone you trust (like a priest or confidant) that you can talk to. Then make it a point to only say good things about your spouse when you are out with others. And make sure your spouse “accidentally” hear these good things once in a while!

9. Compliment him. Remind him often of the things you admire about him. Be sincere, though, otherwise your compliment will sound contrived and unauthentic. Along the same lines, don’t forget to say “thank you” for all the things he does for you.

10. Give him a massage. Who doesn’t like to get a massage? And if your spouse spends a lot of time on his or her feet, there is nothing better than a foot massage after a long day. Or a back massage. Or any other kind of massage!

What are your favorite ways to show your spouse you love him (or her)? I’d love to hear your suggestions in the comments.

Next week, in our final (for now) installment of this series on marriage, I am going to hit on a hot topic: submission in marriage.

(Linked to Top Ten Tuesday and Works for me Wednesday.)

Spiritual Goals

1. Continue with daily prayers: Mass, rosary, quiet prayer and bible reading/study. (Ongoing. Didn’t make mass much this week but will make a greater effort this week – especially with Lent starting.)

2. Memorize John 6:33. (“I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.”)

Spousal Goals

3. Write love note (In St. Valentine’s Day card) for Michael and hide it in his work bag. (We even got an unexpected date  night!)

4. Try to anticipate Michael’s need and surprise him by doing them.

Mothering goals

5. Continue reading The Mysterious Benedict Society to Andrew (it’s a LONG book) + have Andrew read one short story to me.

6. Continue working with Andrew on character building: Obedience. (Doing this with stories, role-play and lots of practice! More on this to follow in another post.)

Personal Development

7. Start knitting the Kindle touch cover. (I’m adapting this iPad cover that I found, using only one color and adjusting the measurements)

8. Continue to exercise on treadmill or Elliptical for 15 minutes.

9. Read Attack on Planet Falrus (for book review) and the readings for my classes. (Had good intentions, but never got to it again…)

10. Keep up with my course work assignments.

Blogging goals

11. Compose and post second installment on the blog series on marriage.

12. Write first draft for e-book.

Here are my goals for this week:

Spiritual Goals

1. Daily prayers: Mass, rosary, quiet prayer and bible reading/study.

2. Finish memorizing John 6:33. (I almost got it down pat. )

Spousal Goals

3. Write love note for Michael and hide it in his work bag.

4. Try to anticipate Michael’s need and surprise him by doing them.

Mothering goals

5. Continue reading The Mysterious Benedict Society to Andrew. It is taking us a while to get through this.  Have Andrew read one short story to me.

6. Continue working with Andrew on character building: Obedience. (Doing this with stories, role-play and lots of practice! More on this to follow in another post.)

Personal Development

7. Start knitting the Kindle touch cover. (I’m adapting this iPad cover that I found, using only one color and adjusting the measurements)

8. Continue to exercise on treadmill or Elliptical for 15 minutes.

9. Read Attack on Planet Falrus (for book review) and the readings for my classes.

10. Work on and finish essay for Introduction to Literature class.

Blogging goals

11. Compose and post third installment on the blog series on marriage.

12. Write first draft for e-book.

What are your goals for this week? Feel free to share them here or head over to Money Saving Mom for more goal setting ideas.

[Contains affiliate link(s). If you click on a link and buy the product, I get a tiny kickback from the sale. And my husband will love you for it! See my disclosure policy for more information.]

Here’s this week’s contributions to RAnn’s weekly Sunday Snippet meme (As always, come check out other Sunday Snippet posts, or join in with your own):

Weekly Goals

St. Valentine, Priest and Martyr

Guard Your Mouth

What Makes a Good Marriage?

(P.S. If you are following along with the 7 Sundays Novena to St. Joseph, I’ll be posting the link for week 3 tomorrow [Sunday])

(Photo Credit)

Last week I started this series by laying out what the Church teaches about marriage. This week I’d like to reflect on what makes a good marriage. Michael and I will be married nine years come August, so I’m no means an expert, but I am going to share some of the things that work for us.

1. Praying together. Father Patrick Peyton used to say that “the family that prays together, stays together.” He was referring specifically about the rosary – and we should pray the rosary with our families – but we certainly can and should pray in other ways too. Like going to mass together each week, praying the scriptures, or other vocal prayers. The quickest and easiest way to have a happy and lasting marriage is to put God at the center.

2. Praying for each other. During our personal prayer we should remember to pray for our husbands. We also shouldn’t be afraid to ask them to pray for us!

3. Communication. We all know that good communication is essential in any relationship, especially marriage. It is important to make time to talk to each other about the “big” stuff: finances, our children, our dreams, etc. It is also important to communicate the “little” things as well, such as a change in schedule or plans. Finding a system that allows you and your husband to stay on the same page will go along way in avoiding misunderstandings and bickering.

Let me just say here that Michael and I are both introverts and I have a definite tendency to hold things in. We have to make the extra effort to communicate and it’s not always easy. However, that effort is so worth it and it makes a huge difference in our relationship!

4. Forgiveness. Stuff happens. Our husbands can (and probably will) hurt us, either intentionally or not and either in a big way or not. And we can (and probably will) hurt them at times. And sometimes a lot of little hurts (whether real or imagined) can fester and add up to a huge thing. The best thing is to clear the air right away and not let the little things get big. We have to pray and we have to let go. We have to make the choice to forgive.

5. Time. The greatest thing we can give someone we love is the gift of time. I know finding time can be so hard. Believe me. Michael took me out on at date last Saturday and it was the first date we’ve had in about a year! While out, we decided that we are going to make a point of going on a date at least once a month, even if it just means taking a ride for 30 minutes. We find time for what is important to us, so make the time to be together alone as a couple – if only for 5 minutes!

As an aside, if you are having trouble with time management, I highly recommend Tell Your Time by Amy Lynn Andrews. (That’s an affiliate link posted on my review.)

6. Acceptance. Many people, either consciously or unconsciously, go into a marriage hoping to change something (or somethings) about their other half. The truth is you can’t and if you try, it can cause bitterness in your marriage, either within yourself or your spouse. It’s not our job to change our husbands, it’s God’s. We need to accept our spouse and love him unconditionally, with God’s grace.

With me, it was money. I am a minimalist. I don’t spend money lightly and like my life and surroundings as simple as can be. Michael, well, he likes to spend. He was a bit of a big spender before we got married and it caused some problems for us when we did get married. I was handling the bills at the time and I remember I would get so angry when he spend money, especially when he would forget to tell me about it. I started getting resentful and bitter toward him. Thankfully, during prayer, God convicted me in prayer and realized that I am the one who needed to change. Michael agreed to take over the bills and we discovered Financial Peace University. It made a big difference in my attitude and I let go of trying to form Michael into my ideal. (And, ironically, he has cut his spending tremendously and able to appreciate my frugality!)

7. Enjoy your marriage! Don’t take yourself or your marriage too seriously. In the midst of all your responsibilities do try to have fun! You married your spouse for a reason, so keep those wonderful qualities your spouse possesses forefront in your mind and heart.

Your turn. I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments. What qualities do you think makes a good marriage?

(Linked to 7QT.)

As a craft, they made a lion with the words “Guard Your Mouth” around the lion’s lips. Andrew didn’t get to finish it at the co-op and we finally got around to getting getting it finished. This is how it turned out:

My little lion!

Everyone is getting and giving candy and flowers and planning delicious meals because to day is SAINT Valentine’s day. That’s right. Most people have taken off the “saint” part, but today is the feast of a priest who was martyred for his faith. Actually, it is believed that St. Valentine’s day commemorates several martyrs on this day.

We don’t know much about the St. Valentine that we celebrate today. We know that he was a priest in Rome who often gave comfort and support to those suffering persecution from Claudius II. He was arrested and sent to the emperor of Rome. He refused to renounce his faith and therefore was beaten with clubs and beheaded on February 14, 270 (or thereabouts).

However, according to Wikipedia, the origins of St. Valentine are not confirmed and that there may have been many saints Martyred on February 14:

“Saint Valentine (in Latin, Valentinus) is the name of several (14 in all [2]) martyred saints of ancient Rome. The name “Valentine“, derived from valens (worthy, strong, powerful), was popular in Late Antiquity.[3] Of the Saint Valentine whose feast is on February 14, nothing is known except his name and that he was buried on the Via Flaminia north of Rome on February 14, he was born on April 16. It is even uncertain whether the feast of that day celebrates only one saint or more saints of the same name. For this reason this liturgical commemoration was not kept in the Catholic calendar of saints for universal liturgical veneration as revised in 1969.[4] But “Martyr Valentinus the Presbyter and those with him at Rome” remains in the list of saints proposed for veneration by all Catholics.[5]“

Catholic Online gives us the origins of the celebration of “Valentine’s Day”

“Historian Jack Oruch has made the case that the traditions associated with “Valentine’s Day”, documented in Geoffrey Chaucer’s Parliament of Foules and set in the fictional context of an old tradition, had no such tradition before Chaucer.[18] He argues that the speculative explanation of sentimental customs, posing as historical fact, had their origins among 18th-century antiquaries, notably Alban Butler, the author of Butler’s Lives of Saints, and have been perpetuated even by respectable modern scholars. In the French 14th-century manuscript illumination from a Vies des Saints (illustration above), Saint Valentine, bishop of Terni, oversees the construction of his basilica at Terni; there is no suggestion here yet that the bishop was a patron of lovers.[19]“

Interesting isn’t it?  I encourage you to read more about St. Valentine and St. Valentine’s day over at Catholic Online. You’ll notice that none of it has to do with the secular celebration of today with romance and candy and flowers. etc. (Not that I’m opposed to candy or flowers, or romance, of course!)

Spiritual Goals

1. Continue with daily prayers: Mass, rosary, quiet prayer and bible reading/study. (Ongoing…)

2. Continue memorizing John 14:27.

Spousal goals

3. Write love note for Michael and hide it in his work bag.

4. Ask Michael if there is anything in particular that I can do for him.

Mothering goals

5. Read The Mysterious Benedict Society to Andrew + have Andrew read one short story to me.

6. Work with Andrew on character building: Obedience. (Doing this with stories, role-play and lots of practice! More on this to follow in another post.)

Personal Development

7. Research a SIMPLE pattern for a Kindle Touch cover and buy the needed yarn. (If you know of any easy pattern, please let me know!)

8. Exercise on treadmill or Elliptical for 15 minutes. (Because of my CP, it has taken me a long time to get up to 15 minutes. I literally started out by exercising 3 minutes, so I’m a little proud of myself. )

9. Read Attack on Planet Falrus (for book review) and Good News for Bad Days: Living a Soulful Life; besides the readings for my classes.

Blogging goals

10. Compose and pre-post first installment of my series on marriage.

11. Write outline for e-book.

I am going to think about about my reading goals. My classes are stepping up their reading requirements, so I may have to put my personal reading on hold temporarily. I am going to at least start (and finish) the one book that I am supposed to do a review on, and then just see what happens.

In any case, here are my goals for this week:

Spiritual Goals

1. Continue with daily prayers: Mass, rosary, quiet prayer and bible reading/study.

2. Memorize John 6:33. (“I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.”)

 Spousal Goals

3. Write love note (In St. Valentine’s Day card) for Michael and hide it in his work bag.

4. Try to anticipate Michael’s need and surprise him by doing them.

 Mothering goals

5. Continue reading The Mysterious Benedict Society to Andrew (it’s a LONG book) + have Andrew read one short story to me.

6. Continue working with Andrew on character building: Obedience. (Doing this with stories, role-play and lots of practice! More on this to follow in another post.)

 Personal Development

7. Start knitting the Kindle touch cover. (I’m adapting this iPad cover that I found, using only one color and adjusting the measurements)

8. Continue to exercise on treadmill or Elliptical for 15 minutes.

9. Read Attack on Planet Falrus (for book review) and the readings for my classes.

10. Keep up with my course work assignments.

Blogging goals

11. Compose and post second installment on the blog series on marriage.

12. Write first draft for e-book.

What are your goals for this week? Feel free to share them here or head over to Money Saving Mom for more goal setting ideas.

[Contains affiliate link(s). If you click on a link and buy the product, I get a tiny kickback from the sale. And my husband will love you for it! See my disclosure policy for more information.]