Simple Mom

What to do when you can’t find a mentor

Kat — Wed, 23 May 2012 05:01:40 +0000

Last time I sat on the front porch and sipped tea with you here at Simple Mom, we talked about the importance of having a mentor. You nodded your head, eyes wide, eager to find that mythical creature for your own life.

But many of you came back with the same problem, “There’s no one around here to mentor me.”

That’s a tough one, but I’ve come up with a few ideas for you, so take another sip and keep reading.

Find An A La Carte Mentor

Photo by Jim Legans, Jr

The biggest reason so many of us have a hard time finding a mentor is because we think we have to find someone exactly like us, only better. They should have the same goals, the same focus and the same interests.

We want an older, wiser, more successful clone of us.

Unfortunately, that’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

Instead, we only need to find a la carte mentors. People who can help us specifically in the the areas on which we are currently focusing.

For example, if you’re focusing on Motherhood right now, it doesn’t matter if your mentor is a fitness expert or a social media ninja. All that matters is that she’s a good mama and she’s willing to help you become one too.

I currently have two mentors, one for blogging and one for motherhood. It was so helpful for me to realize I didn’t need to find my perfect “mentor match.”

Once we stop looking for an “all-in-one” solution, we’ll discover a wealth of people around us with wisdom to share.

Create A Mentor Environment

Photo by Kelly

Imagine there are two groups of kids at your child’s high school:

Group A: Drug addicts, dropouts, aimless vandals.

Group B: Kind, intelligent, successful students.

Which group would you want to surround your child for all four years of high school?

I’m going to take a wild guess that you picked Group B.

Why?

Because people are the sum of their surroundings. We tend to be like those with whom we spend the most time. While there are exceptions to the rule, the more we see something, the more appealing it becomes. You want your child to behave like Group B, and you know they have the best chance of that when surrounded by Group B.

This chameleon tendency of ours is applicable to so much more than friendships. It is a human characteristic we can hack, as moms, for our own benefit by surrounding ourselves with people, words and images that inspire us.

If we want to be fit, we read fitness blogs, subscribe to fitness magazines, or hang out more at the YMCA.

If we want to be good at business we attend business workshops, read business websites and listen to business news.

If we want to be good moms we attend moms groups, read books about motherhood and ask questions of great moms.

Notice that I didn’t say we have to DO anything. We don’t need to actually work out, start a business, or be the perfect mother.

The beauty of a “mentor environment” is that we can impact our FUTURE actions by being intentional about our CURRENT surroundings.

If I want to become more fit, but I already feel overwhelmed with life, I don’t need to commit to working out an hour each day. I can start by putting up an inspiring quote or poster. I can then read just one fitness blog post each day. That’s it. Anyone can read one blog post a day.

But if I faithfully read that post, I will learn more about fitness. The more I learn about fitness, the more interested in it I will become. The more interested I become, the more I’ll want to try it, until I actually DO try it. The more I try it, the more I’ll want to learn about it. And the cycle repeats and grows.

All from putting up a poster and reading one blog post each day.

Media, art, music, and our own thought patterns influence who we become. Therefore it is IMPERATIVE that we surround ourselves with things that reflect who we want to be.

Who and what you surround yourself with matters.

Be Your Own Mentor

Photo by fuzzcat

Whether you are able to find a mentor to invest in you or not, becoming your own mentor is a crucial component to your success. Our pursuit of a “Yoda” can’t be in hopes that someone else will push us and motivate us. Yes, a mentor can help, but it is vital that we not rely on others for our motivation.

We must learn to develop our inner Drill Sergeant who will constantly push us outside our comfort zones. Unless we are ALREADY pushing ourselves, a mentor isn’t going to make a long term impact in our lives.

No one else cares about your personal growth like you do. The more you can exercise, how ever slowly, the muscle of self discipline and self motivation, the better off you will be. Don’t give yourself the excuse of relying on a mentor.

Action Steps

Photo by jakeandlindsey

1. What are your goals? Just jot down a few character traits, goals, or dreams that you aspire to. It doesn’t need to be a complex or thorough process, just a framework of the person you hope to be in 5 – 10 years.

2. What goal are you going to work on first? List a few people that might be able to help you in that area. Contact them and ask if they’d be willing to meet or email once a month.

3. Evaluate your environment. What is influencing your life right now? Do you have any negative influence? How can you eliminate or reduce their impact?

4. List resources – books, blogs, magazine, art, movies, quotes and any other resources that will push you toward the goals you listed above. Surround yourself with those resources.

Conclusion

Great women aren’t made inside comfort zones. The more we are able to claim that truth and let it push us past who we are, the more we’ll move toward who we want to become. After all, that’s what having a mentor is all about.

What is one thing that inspires you to grow? Is self discipline a struggle?

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What to do when you can’t find a mentor is a post from Simple Mom

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Do what you love

Tsh — Mon, 21 May 2012 05:01:38 +0000

If you could do anything, what would it be? Is there something in you that stirs and taps your insides, asking if it can come out and play? In that deep, dark part of the day, when the lights are out and the family sleeps scattered under your roof, what do you hear that voice telling you?

You know, it’s that voice from God who whispers, if you’re really listening, what He’s made you for. Have you heard that voice lately?

Susan said something simple a few weekends ago, almost in passing. I’m not sure she even remembered she said it; it was between two larger thoughts, I’m pretty sure. She said this: “Why do we women feel the need to apologize for enjoying work? Men don’t do that; they don’t say, ‘Sorry I’m spending time making us money.’ If you’re good at something, and your family would be blessed by your doing it, then go do it.”

It percolated in the deep part of my mind the rest of my day.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I apologize for working, but I do sometimes feel guilty for loving it so much. It’s almost as though I feel saying I love writing means I’m saying I don’t love my children as much as I could. I’m dividing my love—not only do my husband and my children get love from me, but words do, too.

But here’s what I’ve come to find in the few years since I’ve rediscovered my love of writing: Practicing this craft, and letting my love for it pour out on the paper and the screen, multiplies my love for my kids and my spouse. Much like having another baby enlarges your heart, exercising the gift and the passion I’ve been given makes me a better lover, not worse.

I asked Susan how she balances homeschooling and writing, and also how she keeps her writing creativity bubbling when she’s dividing her brain between finishing her book, business running, teaching, and farm managing. Her overall answer was simple:

“I make the time for it.”

See, she can’t not write. It’s part of her makeup; it’s like asking a bird how it makes the time to fly south. It’s just what it does.

I knew what she meant, and I was also convicted to make the time for it. I don’t mean quantity, because I already do my best to find the hours in the week to write and run this business. I mean making the time; acting as though were as essential to my day as eating and brushing my teeth.

Before that weekend, I’d been squeezing my writing in the empty corners and puckers of my schedule—filling it first with answering email, managing the business details, and other less important stuff. And as such, I’d felt less and less like a writer.

Susan reminded me that if I’m a writer, I should act like one. Just like I act like a mother and a wife. Because I am those things.

All the photos in this post are by Heidi Scovel

A few months ago at Blissdom, Jon Acuff says he steals the hours in the day that no one else in the family wants. For him, that’s 5 in the morning. Except for a few sick days, I’ve been rising at 5 a.m. to write. It feels really good to have gotten several hours of writing in before the first child rises.

I don’t apologize for being a writer, because that’s how God made me, and there’s no reason to justify His creativity. I’ll bet He made you for something, too, and you don’t need to feel sheepish about it.

Perhaps you’re good at sewing, and you light up inside at the hum and whir of your sewing machine. Maybe you’re a runner, and you feel God’s pleasure when you do it. You might be the absolute perfect parent for the children you’ve been given, and there’s something they need that only you can provide in your unique way.

Whatever it is, don’t wish it away. Be happy with how you’re made. And then exercise that gift. Share it with the rest of us.

What’s something you love?

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Weekend links & poetry

Tsh — Sun, 20 May 2012 05:01:08 +0000

Where is the mommy war for the motherless child? :: Rage Against the Minivan
French school lunch menus :: Karen LeBillon
On comparing yourself :: (in)courage
Simple summer style :: Simple Design
For those of you who don’t comment on blogs :: Chatting at the Sky

The winners of yesterday’s giveaway from UPrinting are Jen and Emily. Congrats! Look for an email in your inbox soon.

get it right now

What It Is Is Beautiful

And now, Sarah’s thoughts on being a Tiger Mother…

Tiger Mother

My baby staggered
on flat feet and stocky legs
into her first classroom,
where we sang and clapped
and flapped our wings—

until the following year,
when I grew too pregnant
to bounce her on my lap,
and we had to quit
toddler music class.

When the new babies
could walk and talk
(and in fact, didn’t ever stop),
I tried again:
this time, I’d drop them off
and speed away
for milk and eggs,
or I would sit, mute,
in a waiting room,
gulping down the quiet.

I read Battle Hymn
of the Tiger Mother,
and imagined myself
as zealous as Amy Chua:
we’d devote our time
to proficiency in scales
after lessons in tying shoelaces—
but the next day
my only goals were to fry eggs
and to finish a batch
of laundry.

That spring, it rained
and rained some more—
I heaped our schedule
with enriching indoor activities
while the ground outside
filled to capacity
and rejected the endless water,
sent it running off
in streams.

I herded the kids
under a sagging umbrella
to rush from car to class,
forgoing sidewalk worms
and an apple-green larva
spied under a leaf.

One evening
as we pulled in our driveway,
late for dinner again
and most of us in tears,
my hair prickled at the scalp,
my tigress claws clenched the wheel,
and I roared—

until they rolled out of the car
like cubs, tumbled into puddles,
made for the cover of the trees,
where they could
poke a stick in the dirt
and gather worms in peace—
just like I wanted them to.

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Weekend giveaway: UPrinting

Tsh — Sat, 19 May 2012 05:01:39 +0000

Today’s giveaway is from UPrinting, a company offering online printing services for all of your printing needs.

UPrinting is a great company because they are “committed to social responsibility and eco-friendly printing initiatives that support non-profit organizations and environmental sustainability.” They use vegetable and soy-based inks, up to 55% recycled paper content, and paper sources that practice sustainable forestry.

They offer business cards, canvas prints, stickers, posters, banners, and more.

Giveaway

This giveaway is now closed. ~~UPrinting is offering two Simple Mom readers a set of 250 die-cut business cards.~~ Here is the nitty-gritty:

Choose from: 2×3.5″ rounded corners, 2×2″ rounded corners, 1.75×3.5″ rounded corners, 2×3.5″ leaf, 2×3.5 rounded one corner, 2×3.5″ half circle side, 2×3.5″ oval, or 2.5″ circle.
Paper type: 14pt Cardstock Gloss / Matte / High Gloss (UV), or 13pt cardstock uncoated

6 Business Days Turnaround time, free US shipping only.

To enter, simply leave any comment on this post.

This giveaway ends tonight, May 19, and I’ll announce the winner soon after. I hope you win!

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Afterschooling: our plan for next year

Tsh — Fri, 18 May 2012 05:01:27 +0000

Today I’m sharing my post from this week at Simple Homeschool, where I pull back the curtain on our school plan for next year: afterschooling. What the heck is it, anyway? From the post:

“It’s almost silly that this even needs a name, in many ways, but afterschooling is simply homeschool, after school. It can look a lot of ways, just like homeschooling. I’ve jokingly come to call it Homeschool Lite.

Increasing in popularity, many families choose to do afterschooling in order to go deeper in an area a student’s school isn’t able, to cover a topic that’s completely ignored at school, or to foster more interest-led learning. I learned a great deal about afterschooling at Teaching My Baby to Read, and the Well Trained Mind forums also has a forum just for afterschooling.

As we considered the possibility of afterschooling, one of our highest criteria was finding a school with a low homework policy. After all, kids need tons of play (where some of the best learning happens!), and I have no intention of bogging down our kids with more than is necessary.

We’re going to try it out this next year, and if it ends up being too much, we’ll slow down. We might even shelve the idea for awhile and pick it back up later. Or we may stop doing the private school and return to only homeschooling.”

Head here to read our plan and to share your thoughts.

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Walking as a retreat for the busy mom

KatieC — Wed, 16 May 2012 05:01:31 +0000

Written by DIY contributor Katie Clemons of Making This Home.

There is a well-known walkers’ route in my hometown. As the weather gets warmer, dozens and dozens of women flock to these sidewalks. They have sweatshirts tied around their waists, and they exaggerate the movement of each arm swinging into the air. Left arm—whoosh. Right arm—whoosh. As a kid, you spot all your teachers, your dental hygienists, and your friends’ moms walking as the sun slips away.

As a kid, I knew: walking equaled boring, slow exercise. I didn’t know the power it held.

Walking isn’t just an exercise for the body; it’s a retreat for the soul.

Henry David Thoreau wrote, “It requires a direct dispensation from Heaven to become a walker.”

I became a walker in 2008. I wish I had some beautiful story about the epiphany of walking, but I don’t.

I was living in Berlin, Germany. It cost 2,60€ to ride the S-Bahn to my German lessons and back. My husband’s bike lock had just been cut (we had flimsy locks, which were adequate for the German village were we’d lived previously), and I was too afraid to leave my bike unattended at school. So I stubbornly announced, “I’m walking home tomorrow.”

I downloaded an audiobook on my iPod, and I started walking home after class. I’d pick up some groceries on the way home to justify the extended journey. Even the quietest streets of a city are loud. Cars are racing down the cobblestone. Bikers are ringing their little bells. Kids are laughing and shouting. My story was impossible to hear, so I yanked off my earbuds. I started listening to everything else.

Suddenly I found myself stepping through a whole new story. My senses came alive. I started seeing and hearing the story of German people and their culture. They were using the words I’d just learned. They were going in and out of churches and shops that I had never seen when I biked by dozens of times. I could smell fresh basil and croissants. My mind slipped into this euphoria of general happiness free of any frets. And that’s when I began walking to school and back every day. I even had rain pants!

Photo by Katie Clemons

Walking can transfix you.

You can feel comfort like you’ve never known. Step-by-step, your mind can let go of expectations and the millions of ideas running through it. I credit these long daily walks to the growth of my journal and scrapbook shop that I now run in the US (where I take long walks on gravel roads and dirt trails instead).

No one even knows that you are walking down the street in this state of bliss. I feel like walking long distances is a great secret that few people experience as we rush to multitask and cross off items on our lists. Try walking without doing anything else. No cell phone. No iPod. No chatting partner. Just you. In town. On a winding path. Let go of expectations and see where it takes you.

Where will that be?

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It’s time I take my own advice

Tsh — Tue, 15 May 2012 19:14:43 +0000

Today on Babble I’m sharing a sneak peek in to our family’s plans next week—but really, I’m talking about why our plans are what they are. From the post:

“Though we’ve traveled a lot as a family since the span of our existence (my oldest is seven), it’s been a long time since we’ve gone on vacation. As in, a trip just for fun. We’re really good at tacking on fun things to do en route to some other sort of trip: a drive through Yellowstone on our way to Aunt Carly’s house; a day at the beach in Greece as we renew our passports to return to our home base.

But we don’t often take trips just…because. Because we need to decompress. And to have some good quality family time. And guess what? We’re feeling it.

Our last “pure” family vacation was November 2009, when we went to Paris, France. Our oldest was 4, our youngest was almost 2, and I was 9 weeks pregnant with our third. It sounds more exotic that it was…. It was the cheapest flight from where we were living.

…As I write this, I’m acutely aware of how blessed we are as a family. We have chosen to route our spending towards travel—we deliberately have only one car and are in the process of remodeling a very modest fixer-upper. We simply prefer to spend our money on experiences.“

Head here to read the rest of the post, and to share your own summer travel plans.

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My weekend in the middle of nowhere

Tsh — Mon, 14 May 2012 05:01:33 +0000

I don’t quite know where to begin this post…. How do I adequately write about a weekend shared with someone I’ve long admired; a woman who, unbeknownst to her, has acted as a mentor-on-paper? And to top it off, to have shared the whole experience with friends normally scattered across the country, and to have stayed with dear friends who’ve become like family to mine?

There really is no perfect, profound way to begin, so I’ll just jump right in. Right now, I’m on a plane headed back home after spending three days with Susan Wise Bauer, historian, author, and head of Peace Hill Press. Joining me were Mandi Ehman, Jessica Fisher, Stephanie Langford, and Heidi Scovel, fellow bloggers who’ve become dear friends over the years. And I stayed with Charlie and Sarah Park, the money contributor and resident poet of this blog, unexpected friends met over four years ago via the Internet.

I leave from this weekend full and happy. And to this day, I shake my head and smile in disbelief at how much the Internet has changed my life for the better, because of the people I find there each day in my laptop.

But I’m sure a few of you are wondering and want me to just jump to the chase…. What’s Susan like?

The answer? A very normal person. A mom. A wife. A farmer. A friend and neighbor. A worship leader at their church. A brilliant, brilliant woman who doesn’t have all the answers in the most delightful of ways.

If you’re not quite sure who I’m talking about, here’s the ten peso version: Susan Wise Bauer is a historian and professor at William and Mary who has written some of the best history curricula in the world (in my small opinion). It’s called Story of the World, and it’s brilliant—four parts, divided in to four periods of history, from ancient to modern time. Most kids who know SOTW can’t get enough of it.

She’s also writing about, well, the history of the world, and plans to wrap up The History of the Renaissance World during May so she can celebrate its completion in France with her husband. This series is geared towards adults, and makes for perfect high school curricula.

She’s also written books about writing, and her mother, Jessie Wise, writes books about grammar and teaching children to read. Collectively, along with a few other works, these make up the books found at Peace Hill Press.

Susan has also succinctly-yet-specifically collected her thoughts on how to classically educate at home in The Well-Trained Mind, now in its third printing. This book is more or less my education Bible, the spine used to guide me as I guide our kids (no matter how we educate, be it at home or through the use of a school).

So you can understand why I might have been a little intimidated at the idea of meeting her and getting to ask her any questions we wanted. And you can probably understand why I wanted to meet her in the first place.

It was my delight to find her a mother who wrangles shoes by the front door, who tears up when she talks about her kids, and whose pride and joy are her baby goats and her mother’s strawberries. Her family has crafted themselves a little slice of heaven in rural Virginia, and it was an honor to be there with her.

I’ll share more over the coming days about our time with her. But my biggest takeaways were these:

Most people—even those you admire and esteem—are pretty normal.

I know not to put people on a pedestal, I do. But I really was reminded of it when I dropped off Susan at her house from my rental car, calling “See you tomorrow!” when she retrieved her bag from my trunk. I backed out of her ambling gravel driveway thinking, “I just dropped off THE Susan Wise Bauer at her house.”

Remember this as you read blog posts or books written by people that seem to be light years ahead of you. Don’t get me wrong; Susan has her act together. But in a wonderfully human way.

Homeschooling means that you’re ultimately in charge of your children’s education. But you can still outsource everything.

Parents are given the responsibility to educate their children, but that doesn’t mean they have to teach it all. So long as they’ve made a deliberate, thoughtful decision, they can outsource all of it to someone else (read: a school).

And in this way, aren’t we all ultimately homeschoolers? Education begins at home, no matter where our kids learn how to add or write in cursive.

Friends are great online. But they’re even better in real life.

I’m so thankful for the Internet, for the way it’s connected me to the best of people. But by golly, it’s really great to see these people in the flesh. No Facebook conversation can beat holding Stephanie’s newest baby in a Colonial Williamsburg tavern as we dine on Welsh rarebit.

Heavy bangs work a lot better in lower humidity.

I’m just saying.

Parents of all kinds—homeschoolers, those who outsource their kids’ education to a school, and everything in between—could benefit from Peace Hill Press curricula. This Friday on Simple Homeschool, I’ll be sharing what we’re using in our family next year as we try out something new to us… afterschooling.

When have you been pleasantly surprised that a superhero is actually a normal person, in the best of ways?

(Peace Hill Press provided our weekend stay at their Bed & Breakfast and gave us complimentary curricula for review.)

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Weekend links

Tsh — Sun, 13 May 2012 04:01:12 +0000

Photo by the incredibly gifted Keely Scott

Decorating truths from a 15-year-old Tanzanian boy :: Nesting Place
And so I told her she is strong (and I am, too) :: Sorta Crunchy
10 remarkable women in U.S. business history :: Investor Place
Fresh Air remembers author Maurice Sendak :: NPR
How too much choice affects our kids :: Simple Kids

My emotions from my Compassion bloggers trip to the Philippines last year were rekindled this week as I read my friends’ experiences with Compassion in Tanzania. Sponsoring a child is life-changing—for the child, and for your entire family. If you haven’t yet, would you pray about sponsoring one? It’s only $38, and I can vouch with my own eyes that Compassion is one of the most financially-responsible non-profits I’ve ever seen. And I’ve been around a lot of non-profits.

The winners of the giveaway from Clean Mama Printables are Sarah and Angie! Congratulations to both of you. Look for an email in your inbox soon.

Happy Mother’s day, everyone! May you receive a handmade card.

“Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.” -Marion C. Garretty

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Weekend giveaway: Clean Mama Printables

Tsh — Sat, 12 May 2012 04:01:16 +0000

Today’s weekend giveaway comes from sponsor Clean Mama Printables, a great source for homekeeping printables that really work for you and make your life easier. From Clean Mama Printables:

“Clean Mama Printables specializes in original organizational documents designed to take the work out of organizing your life. Becky is a clean freak and lover of list making – she has developed an innovative cleaning routine that follows a little bit of cleaning every day, so you have time to concentrate on things that really matter in your life.

Her most popular kits are her Budget + Bill Paying Kit and her Cleaning Kit, and her newest kit, The Fresh Start Kit, includes an implementation guide to help create a cleaning routine and meal plan that works for your family. She shares simple cleaning and organizing tips on her blog, Clean Mama, and shares daily cleaning reminders on her Facebook page.”

Clean Mama Printables has a wide variety of organizational printables, ranging from an Organized Kitchen Label Kit, a Garden Planning Kit, a Cute Calendar Kit, to a Teacher’s Planning Kit and a Chore Chart Kit. With over 200 different documents, you are sure to find something to make your life a little easier (and cuter).

Giveaway:

Clean Mama Printables would like to offer Simple Mom readers an exclusive discount shopping code. Use the code 20SIMPLEMOM to receive 20% off of your entire order.

This giveaway is now closed. ~~Additionally, Clean Mama Printables is giving away two (2) $50 gift certificates to Simple Mom readers.~~ To enter, simply leave any comment on this post.

This giveaway ends tonight, May 12, and I’ll announce the winners soon after. I hope you win!

CURRENT SPONSORS:

Plan to Eat - Meal planning made simple.
MightyNest - Helping create healthy homes.
Natural Health at Home - Whole food meal plans.
Clean Mama - Printables that really work for you and make your life easier.
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UPrinting - Spread your message.
Oak Meadow - Creative homeschooling since 1975.

Weekend giveaway: Clean Mama Printables is a post from Simple Mom

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