My best friend and mentor in High School explained his theory on approaching women in a concept he called, The Arm Distance Rule. In short, my friend informed me that he never approached a woman that was further than an arm’s distance away. This ancient courting principle had apparently been passed down in his family from generation to generation. In a time when young horny overly eager men abounded, perfectly willing to chase girls from sea to shining sea pride-be-damned, my friend distinguished himself not by aggressively pursuing every single women that passed but instead, he passively pursued select women that came within an arm’s distance. He would calmly extend his arm, say, “Excuse me,” then engage in polite conversation. Compared to my overly aggressive friends, his rate of successful number acquisition was undeniable. It was quite a sight for my young juvenile eyes to observe. Soon I adopted this ancient family secret for myself and the rest is, as they say, history.

As I got older, I modified the now infamous Arm Distance Rule into the more applicable, mobile, and modern day, Three Foot Rule. Today, I’m happy to outline how this rule works in the instructional video below.

Enjoy.

If you haven’t already, check out last week’s SBM Video Series edition, Sh*t Suburban Black Guys Say. Join our Facebook page or YouTube channel to find out when new videos are available. Please share your thoughts on today’s videos or your own personal wisdoms on courting and approaching women (or men) in the comment section.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from wisdomismisery.

After one of the more exciting NFL seasons we’ve seen in a long while, this Sunday is the day – one of the most important Sundays of the year: Super Bowl Sunday. As you might imagine the SBM staff is looking forward to this momentous occasion (albeit, some of us are more excited than others) and we couldn’t let the moment pass without sharing with you all our Super Bowl predictions. Let’s jump right in.

Streetz – Giants Fan

I ripped Coughlin when they faded in 09 and 10. Ripped Eli too. They shocked me in 07 and they’re shocking me now. Not because I didn’t think they could do it, but because all their weak points got stronger as the playoffs progressed. They’ve been playing with a playoff mindset since week 16. They’ve faced stronger comp as the NFC >> the AFC. Still, I respect Brady and Bellicheck too much to call this a blowout. People are sleeping a little on both teams actually.

My money is on the Giants to make the play that counts to win this game. Whether it’s a last second score or a last second stop. The defense shows out in this game. Brady goes 0-2 vs the NY Giants, and Coughlin and Eli knock on the door of the Hall of Fame. Manning or JPP for MVP.

Giants 27 – Pats 20

The Mighty Most – Die Hard Giants Fan

As a native New Yorker and die-hard Giants fan since birth, you all know I gotta go with my guys. One things I’d like to point out is that everyone seems to be saying that Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick have a deeper motivation to win as they’re looking to avenge the loss from four years ago. I disagree. I think Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin have more to play for as both coach and player are currently on the cusp of having Hall of Fame quality credentials. Another Super Bowl win for the two of them and it becomes hard to keep them out of Canton. If that ain’t motivation, I don’t know what is.

In terms of the actual game – any analyst you listen to is going to tell you that the key to the game is the Giants front four getting pressure on Tom Brady. While this is true, I’d take it a step further and say that the Giants need to get pressure up the middle on Brady. Brady used to be a stand in one spot kind of guy. This year he’s shown vast improvement in being able to meanuver latterly in the pocket while maintaining balance and that allows him to still make accurate throws. Pressure from the outside that doesn’t lead to a sack will be ineffective for the Giants. We need to get pressure up the middle, that will force Brady to actually move off his spot – after that he’s inaccurate.

Predicted Score: Giants 30 – Patriots 27

Wisdom Is Misery – Cowboys Fan

I hope both teams lose, badly. In default, they award the Lombardi trophy to a Pimp Named Slickback. I also hope Madonna doesn’t have a wardrobe malfunction because no one wants to see that tragedy unfold. Go Cowboys!

Dr. Jay – Die Hard Niners Fan

Dr. J is a Niners fan. He declined invitation to participate in this interview.

Slim Jackson - Giants All Day

Back when the Giants won the last chip, I was lucky enough to be in Boston at a house party full of Patriot fans. Nothing was better than to drink the tears of everybody in that room when Big Blue hoisted the trophy. Great win and even better electrolyte consumption for yours truly.

I’ve doubted the Giants at times this year, and Eli still makes me nervous on long throws. But I’m putting my money on NYG. Not just because they’re my team, but because they’re on a roll and keep getting better. Final score? I don’t care. I just want them to win! And because Streetz harassed me on a list serve prior to this post going up, my arbitrary predicted score:

Giants 28.2 –  Patriots 23.6

So there you have it folks, our SBM predictions. What plans do you guys have for Super Bowl Sunday and more importantly, who do you all think will win?

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from SBM STAFF.

What happens when men attends baby showers

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Streetz.

Hey Folks,

One of the goals for SBM in 2012 is to be more actively involved in the community. We’re excited to announce our first partnership of the year. And since we’re all about learning, it’s fitting that our first collaboration is in education. Well, sorta.

SBM will be assisting in raising money for The Children’s Storefront, an independent, tuition-free school in Harlem serving children in pre-school through eighth grade. The district that the school’s located in has a median income of $16,600, and the highest concentration of shelters and facilities for drug and alcohol treatment in the borough of Manhattan. As a Harlem resident and observer of obviousness, it’s safe to say that the school is a very good thing.

On February 8th from 6-10pm in NYC, we’ll be helping to host A Match Made in Heaven, a Pre-Valentine’s Day Mixer and Date Auction. The goal is to help raise $5,000 for the school through donations and bids. Part of the task for SBM is to find one male and one female to participate in the auction. If you’re in NYC and interested in helping to raise money and potentially meeting someone new, please email sbm@singleblackmale.org. There’s an incentive too. Each auctionee gets $50 toward their date. At the very least, you’ll be able to go somewhere well-lit that serves water in glasses rather than plastic cups.

You’ll find the full details and flyer below. We really hope to see some of you there. It’s gonna be a great night for a great cause!

Bring your special someone or discover someone new at our silent dating auction, as we raise money for the Children’s Storefront.

… The evening will begin at 6 p.m. and throughout the night there will be a silent dating auction, in which the bidder will be able to bid to be paired with a young professional.

Come with your friend, significant other or spouse, we will have a LOVED filled time.

Hosted by:

Chris Kazi Rolle

Relationship expert, media personality and the star of Bruce Willis and Queen Latifah’s feature-length documentary film, “The Hip Hop Project” which has been featured on VH1, CNN and The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Host Committee: The Up & Coming Group, Slim Jackson – “Single Black Male”, Tunde Kehinde, Mike Mancini McConnell, Ronethea Williams, Albert Nkulu Kakudji

Music by: DJ COMMISH

The Children’s Storefront is an independent, tuition-free school in Harlem providing students with a solid education, while combining the open admission policy of the public school system with the rigorous academic curriculum and socialization of an independent school.(http:// www.thechildrensstorefront.org/)

Rules Of The Auction:

Approximately 6 women and 6 men will be put up for a silent auction. Each auctionee will receive $50 towards their date. Profiles of the individuals on the auction block will be available for those who have donated and registered before the auction online and at the auction.

Opening bid is a minimum of $25.00. You will be given a number to bid on more than one person on the auction block! Winning bidders must pay on the night of. If no payment is received, the winning bidder will forfeit to the next highest bidder.

The winning bidder and auctioned person make their own arrangements for their date. Logistics for the date will be agreed upon by both parties.

RSVP & Donate: https:// npo1.networkforgood.org/ Donate/ Donate.aspx?npoSubscription Id=4759

ADVANCED ONLINE TICKET PRICE: $15
SUGGESTED DONATION AT THE DOOR: $25

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

If you’re a man like me, you’ve known this woman.  You’ve bought her drinks at the bar, she’s sat across the table from you on dates, and she’s laid next to you in bed. She’s been a lover, a significant other, a friend with benefits.  She’s perfect, possessed with everything you might ever desire in a long term partner and potential wife.  If you’re a man like me, at some point in your life you’ve been with a woman who you could have married but did not. As men, sometimes we need to sit back and reflect on the women we’ve known and why these relationships with seemingly perfect people didn’t work out.

We fell apart, the bond was broken, should’ve kept our thoughts between ourselves. And though they say they cared, they didn’t help. Makes me wonder, should we blame ourselves?

One of the most unpredictable aspects of love is chemistry. We love to think that when two perfect people get together, the perfect relationship is inevitable. Unfortunately, love often has other ideas. No amount of individual perfection can overshadow bad chemistry; sometimes two souls can’t help but repel each other. On paper it made sense, to all of your friends it made sense, but when faced with the prospect of spending forever with this seemingly perfect woman, you knew it wouldn’t work. No matter how hard you tried you were never going to be able to develop an emotional attachment strong enough to pass the test of time.

What makes these situations difficult is that as men, we often attach a greater value to chemistry than do women. For us, chemistry is near the top of the list of things we expect out of long term mates. No matter how ambitious and intelligent she is, no matter how loving she is, no matter how beautiful she is, if we don’t click, we won’t consider spending forever with her. We may loiter in her life for a while, but when it comes down to it, we know we’ll never commit long term. Women, it seems, are different. For a great many women, bad chemistry doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. It’s something that can be worked around if everything else is securely in place.

Lyric: Jason, I am trying to love you, but I don’t want my heart broken. But that’s exactly what you’re gonna do if you keep trying to save a brother that don’t want to be saved! 

In order for any situation to work there must be an alignment of two people at the right time and the right place.  The right place does not necessarily mean physically, but more often than not, it means mentally.  Women are likely to drop everything they are doing and make the relationship work.  They may have dreams of greatness but they set aside their goals for their men when they are under the impression that they’ve found a lifetime companion.

For men, life’s responsibilities almost always supersede relationships.  We sometimes prioritize things differently than women, and are rarely thrown off.  As men, we have plans and we plan on seeing them through.  And isn’t that what’s attractive about the choice picks of our gender, the ability to both conceptualize and execute?  It’s never crossed my mind that perhaps I’m letting my present situation affect my future happiness. I’m always convinced that when I’m ready, I’ll be able to find the right woman. I do not know if most women think this way. From my perspective, it seems like the ladies are way more willing to set aside personal goals and personal ambition if they’ve found a man they deem worthy of such sacrifice.

“Know when to leave when the heat is coming, I learned that.  This is where DeNiro would be if he ain’t turn back.”

In Michael Mann’s classic caper flick Heat, Robert DeNiro’s character is a pursued bank robber with but two more steps to take to reach freedom. Instead of waking away, he decides to turn back to go after his love. It doesn’t end well, hence the above referenced Jay-Z lyric. As strange as it might sound, the willingness to walkaway from a bad situation, no matter the consequences, is not only applicable to career criminals, but also to two individuals in love.  I have friends who’ve had on again off again relationships with women they’ve known since college. In their minds, when they finally decide to settle down, she’ll be the one they settle down with. The problem is while we may have ideas around the how of when we’ll settle down with these women, we rarely consider their plans. We just expect our women to understand and to go along with us as if there’s some tacit agreement. We figure we’ll be ready to settle sometime between 30 and 35. Never mind the fact that she’d always dreamed of being married by 25.

This is where the willingness to walk away becomes paramount. If we’ve both communicated our plans, and neither of us are willing to compromise or budge, we both need to be willing to walk away – no matter how perfect for each other we might be and no matter how much love might exist between the two of us. You never know, sometimes one individual showing they have the will to step back from a situation that isn’t to their long term benefit can inspire the other to meet halfway and make the relationship work.

Most, if not, all of my relationships are birthed out of the thought that something substantial could come of them.  It may not have been marriage, because not every relationship must end in marriage. But no matter how perfect the relationship could have been and no matter how difficult the break up, there’s always something to be learned. As men, we reserve the right to not marry a woman, or give her the relationship she desires, if we know it’s not sustainable. That’s the hardest part about being a decent man and it’s also the hardest thing to accept for women who have everything to offer.  They did everything right and ended up with nothing. Sometimes, that’s the way love goes.

Have you ever had the perfect relationship fail because of chemistry, bad timing or your unwillingness to walk away? What happened when perfection failed?

- Dr. J

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Dr. J.

Let's Get Ready To Rumble

In an abrupt departure from the fight the whole world has been waiting for, Floyd Mayweather and Miguel Cotto have an agreement in place to fight on May 5, 2012. Mayweather needed to secure a fight on this date as fighting on May 5th is a part of his conditionally delayed jail time on charges stemming from an altercation with his ex-girlfriend.

Mayweather has spent the last few weeks trying to secure a fight with fellow superstar Manny Pacquaio, but Pacquiao’s camp has seemed more interested in making fights with other boxers promoted by Pacquiao promoter Bob Arum. The reasoning given by Pacquiao’s camp for why they’re avoiding the Mayweather fight has been dubious to say the least. Initially the reports were that they didn’t believe Mayweather would be free to do all the leg work necessary to promote the fight because of his 90 day jail sentence. When that was cleared up we learned of a mysterious unhealed cut Pacquiao suffered in his fight with Juan Manuel Marquez. Of late, there seemed be a dispute over how to divide the money for such a huge fight. Pacquiao’s camp believes both fighters should pay Bob Arum, while Mayweather, who promotes his own fights, believed Bob Arum’s money should come out of Pacquiao’s share.

None of this matters anymore however as it looks like the fight with Cotto will happen. Short of moving up to middleweight to fight Sergio Martinez, Mayweather/Cotto is widely believed to be the biggest fight Mayweather can make outside of fighting Manny Pacquiao. Cotto is coming off of a decisive victory over Antonio Margarito, avenging his controversial loss to the fighter years ago. Though it doesn’t have the same buzz as Mayweather/Pacquiao this should shape up to be a great fight.

For boxing fans, one interesting thing to note here is that Mayweather and Cotto will fight at 154 lbs. It will be Mayweather’s second time venturing to this weight class. The last time this happened was the last time Mayweather won a fight by anything other than a knock-0ut or unanimous decision – his split decision victory against the legendary Oscar De La Hoya.

My question to you all is: Who’s to blame for Mayweather/Pacquiao not happening and will you be watching Mayweather/Cotto?

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from SBM STAFF.

September 27, 1936 – February 1, 2012

Sad news folks. The Los Angeles Times is reporting that the legendary “Soul Train” creator and longtime host Don Cornelius has died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound. According to the Times, there are no indications of foul play. He was 75 years old.

One time for the big homey … we want you back.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Mr. Spradley.

I saw the homie Anslem's pics (check out www.theloversrocque.com) and it made me think.

I’ll be honest with you. I haven’t given too much thought to the overall wedding process. It’s always been one of those things that I knew I’d experience when the time was right, but I haven’t fantasized about what it’ll be like to take a knee and ask her to trust me with the rest of her life, or how I’ll be as a husband when it’s all said and done. I’m kinda scared. Not in a sh*t my pants sort of way. But more so, the “will I be a better man than I am today,” and “will I meet all the expectations she’s had in her head but never confessed” sorta way. The easy and reassuring answer for you to offer me is “You’ll mature. You’ll be ready.” I know what I’m supposed to do, but I also know who I am. Sometimes those things don’t jive.

My sense of humor will always be raunchy. My love for all things scientifically fictional like Fringe will remain. My desire to eat fried when I should be eating fiber will triumph. My ability to shut down and go emotionless will always be my mutant ability. I don’t know what obstacles will pop up along the way and prove to be the true test of the man that’s evolved to the point of lifelong commitment. I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back my Pisces nature. For real though, I’m less concerned about my ability to raise my kids than my ability to keep it G on the altar. Some sh*t is just too beautiful for dry eyes.

One thing I’ve thought about more, but continues to give me heartburn, is the thought of my wedding day. Yeah, I think about it. I don’t think about her throwing flowers over her head or me tossing something in the air that dictates the next chosen one. But I do think about what that day will be like. I think about who’ll be there, and if I’ll secretly vomit or have a seat on the porcelain before walking out head held high and eyes real dry. And though I haven’t thought too much about marriage in the past (lying), there are a few things I’m still mulling over in my head today.

How Willl the Japanese Handle It if I End Up Marrying Bridezilla?

In the midst of a cookie-baking, confidential, “I’m listening to every word you say” session at work, a coworker shared with me all the frustrations of preparing for her upcoming wedding. She wasn’t Bridezilla, but her mother was. And even though the conversation wasn’t about me, I couldn’t help but have a moment of selfishness.

I don’t mean this the wrong way, but some chicks are like gremlins. Never give them a ring after dark, otherwise you’ll see them turn into something unfathomable.

As supportive as I can be, I can’t help but think about being engaged and having to weather the storm that’s my soon to be wife…who’s currently living in reptilian flesh. How will I handle her fits, demands, complaints, stories about dresses without showing me any of the dresses, and tense phone calls while I’m watching the Knicks strive to get to the NBA finals? I’ve seen every inch of her from head to toe, front, back, and side to side…while she was 5’4 to 5’9. But what happens when she’s 280’2?  How supportive and tolerant will/can I be? Ahhhh, the agony!

Who Will Be the Best Man and Who Will Be the Groomsmen?

I don’t have any childhood friends. Of course this is making the assumption that I’m considering people that I did hoodrat things with when I was under twelve. I have a couple cousins that I keep in contact with to this day. But other than that, all I have from my childhood is Facebook. And when I’m scrolling through pictures, timelines, and status updates from people that have found me despite my best attempts to hide (eff you, privacy settings), I can say that none of them will be in my wedding.

The greatest friendships and hetero relationships I’ve established have been in college + 1. I’ve got one friend from high school that had me in his wedding and continues to reach out to me to this day. I sucked at keeping in touch, but I can see having him there. Everyone else, for the most part, is up in the air. Wait. How many groomsmen can I have? There’s no limit? Oh okay. Then I guess I’ll have 11 dudes up there because I don’t wanna offend anybody. Trying to collect all those suit measurements from tardy negroes though…eh. I guess I’ll have to be Manzilla.

Will My Mother Be There to See It?

My mom never pressures me about marriage or having grandkids. My youngest nephew has kept her occupied and kept me jealous. But her not pressuring or reminding me to make good use of my DNA doesn’t mean I don’t think about having her at my wedding. I’d love for my dad to be there too, but there’s nothing I can do about that. All I can do is look up to the sky and thank him for living the lessons that he didn’t know he taught.

But momma…it’s a different story. I see her giving me and my wife a hug. I see her recalling stories of embarrasing years past. I see her being happy having had the opportunity to see all of her children get married.

She didn’t work hard for me to flounder on the beach of deferred dreams. She worked hard to turn me into a man that’s confident in his ability to take care of one woman for the rest of her life. She needs to see that her hard work paid off. I’m doing my best to not have it any other way sans rash decisions. In the mean time, I’ll keep thinking, dreaming, and anticipating. I’m sure it’ll end up better than I ever could’ve imagined.

I could talk about my questions on being a good father, but that’s a different post in itself. What are your thoughts? Do you know who you’ll have there if/when the day arrives? Do you think about how you’ll handle it? If you been through it already, what were your thoughts? All other comments are welcome!

Nah Chill. The Kiss Won’t Begin with Kay,

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

You see me chillin with my feet up ... what in the hell would make you think I'm coming back?

So I was clicking around the internet today and came across this awesome blog that publishes interesting old letters in hopes of getting them more recognition. Yesterday they posted a letter from a former Tennessee slave named Jourdan who’d escaped to Ohio and started a new life. Apparently, his master, aware of his new home, wrote to Jourdan to try to convince him to come back to the plantation.

The former master who was a Colonel in the south’s army of traitors, promised to treat Jourdan and his family much better should he return to Tennessee.  Jourdan’s response is spot on.

So many things worth discussing here – check it out and let us know what you think.

Originally published in The Freedman’s Book

Dayton, Ohio,

August 7, 1865

To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee

Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin’s to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance.

I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get twenty-five dollars a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy,—the folks call her Mrs. Anderson,—and the children—Milly, Jane, and Grundy—go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, “Them colored people were slaves” down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again.

As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor’s visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams’s Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.

In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve—and die, if it come to that—than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me.

From your old servant,

Jourdon Anderson.

This right here is exactly what I mean when I say stay low and keep firing.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from SBM STAFF.

Key and Peele are comics that have a new comedy sketch series airing on Comedy Central  Tonight! In this sketch, Obama shows that he does get angry from time to time, as he employs Luther to translate what he #reallymeans! This is pretty funny and I’m looking forward to this show!

StreetZ

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from SBM STAFF.