May 16th, 2012 – Journal Entry #1

I’m growing concerned about the state of the black blogosphere. I’m growing concerned about the reluctance of readers to internalize honesty. I’m growing concerned by the reticence of writers. I’m irritated by the emphasis on article titles that emphasize insecurity. I’m annoyed by our increasing hypersensitivity that awakens anytime any group is put on the spot. When I first started writing back in 2008, there was a thing called candor. There was a thing called freedom of expression. You could talk about whatever you liked in whatever light and it didn’t draw the outrage and resistance of those that give life to this ever evolving organism. One post didn’t cost you your audience. If anything, your honesty was respected. A man could genuinely say what he pleased and it would spark well-intentioned dialogue. It wasn’t assumed to be a misogynistic, egotistical, and selfish attempt to prey on the opposite sex. Egg shells only existed in cartons.

A woman could voice her opinion on whatever topic and it wasn’t bogged down by shhh’s and “You can’t say that. It’s not lady like,” negatively prefaced retweets, and unintentionally supported Facebook likes. Your thoughts were your thoughts. Nothing was contrived. You just spoke what was on your mind.

Though the internet remains an open space, the ability of writers to keep it real is deteriorating. Honesty is being forsaken for pageviews. Perspective is being traded for cash. Manufactured flagrance is accepted as pleasant fragrance. The juxtaposition of it all is nauseating. I.Can’t.Breathe.

Somewhere along the way, blogging went from amendment to business. The media saw an attempt to pad their pockets and it’s been downhill ever since even, even though Adsense and freelance checks tell us we’re doing the write thing. My voice continues to be heard, but only when it’s palatable. I’m asked for my opinion, but when spoken from the heart, I’m told that it’s wrong. I’m informed that I’m no different than any other man and I need to go a different way. I’m told that I should speak to my brethren who, quite frankly, aren’t interested in hearing what I have to say. Not on the common topic. Not on relationships. They’re living their lives and becoming better men. They’re not concerned with how to find love, how to convince #him that he’s where he should be, or how to know if she’s that into him. They’re just living life.

And when I talk about the things that people have asked for, they fall on deaf ears. Few people care. Few people read. Few people have an opinion until it doesn’t match their own.

I want this to be my career, but sometimes I feel like my honesty keeps it a dream. Unless, of course, I adhere to what I’m told to do. Sometimes it’s verbally communicated to me by an editor. Other times it’s made evident in the response of readers or lack thereof. I’m a brother of blogging trapped in a woman’s world. And what makes them happy doesn’t always make me happy. But, because the path has been laid out for me, I know what I should do. I don’t have to sell my soul, but sometimes I’ll have to lease my pen.

I have so much more to say, but it’s tough to talk when nobody’s listening. I’ll catch you next time. Pray for this treasure because we’re turning it into trash.

Honestly yours,

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

As we head into the second round of the NBA Playoffs, I can’t help but to reflect on all of the injuries that occurred in the first round.  An injury to Derrick Rise is the only reason I did not receive a 100% on my first round Eastern Conference predictions…smh!  Anyway, it’s time for Joe Sargent and me to update our predictions:

(3) Indiana Pacers vs. (2) Miami Heat

Indiana Pacers: The third-seeded Pacers came into this series with the Eastern Conference’s best record over the final 20 games of the regular season. The Pacers are regarded as one of the most physical teams in the league and rank among the NBA’s leaders in fouls.  They have three NBA All-Stars (West/Granger/Hibbert) in their front court, which has been viewed as a weakness.  The Pacers have a balanced attack with Danny Granger, George Hill, Paul George, Leandro Barbosa and Darren Collison on the perimeter.  While David West, Roy Hibbert and Tyler Hansbrough dominate inside the paint.

 (8) Philadelphia 76ers vs. (5) Boston Celtics

Philadelphia 76ers: The surprise team in the Eastern Conference semifinals.  Who would have ever thought this team would have made it this far this season?  After Game 1 of the Bulls/76ers series when it was announced Derrick Rose would be out for the reminder of the season, I still had the 76ers as a long shot to win that series.  However, the 76ers are in the second round for the first time since the Iverson era.  The 76ers have plenty of depth in the back court with Andre Iguodala, Evan Turner, Jrue Holiday, Lou Williams and Jodie Meeks. Spencer Hawes was the difference in the Bulls series.  Hawes provided the 76ers with an inside presence that they tend to sorely lack.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Jay Cooke.

I’ve was involved with a man for about 9 months and as naïve as this may sound, things were great throughout the duration of the relationship. We were in committed monogamous relationship in which he initiated and pursued.  Through the entire relationship, he pushed to ‘make it official,’ but based on his lifestyle and age (he’s 27) I sincerely felt he was not ready for the commitment level I’m accustomed to and constantly voice my concern based on his advances.  Then  finally, after an internal battle with my emotions and fears, I decided ‘okay- I wanted you to be my boyfriend, let’s do this damn thing.’  And he was thrilled- so I thought.

Within 10 days of being an official couple- he breaks it off with me, out of the blue…. Via text.  His reasoning ‘he’s not yet ready to be in a relationship  and wants to be single.’  His request- ‘I want to stay friends, and take a step back and omit the title.’ Because it ‘scares him.’  My heart BROKE… and still remains broken as I type this email. So my questions is- why would a man push and work so hard to want to be my man, only to get scared and break my heart? I understand men are competitive creatures and it’s evident that chase of making me his girl meant more to him then actually being my man. I wish I can tell you that I’m completely over the punkass, but im not. I’m distraught and in my woman way of thinking- secretly hope he’d see the light and work towards the relationship we both wanted (so I thought). What insight can you give towards men who’ve never had the chance to be in a ‘real’ relationship? And how should a woman approach the situation when her heart is already in it?

Wow. This question is very intricate and has a lot of moving parts! I understand that, at its core, you want to know why he broke it off and what you should do. However, you made a few statements that lead me to wonder whether this union was doomed from its inception.

I feel like a lot of your perspective on the relationship that you have is contradictory. You say that you were involved in a “committed monogamous relationship” with this gentleman for 9 months.  In the same breath, you say “I sincerely felt he was not ready for the commitment level I’m accustomed to and constantly voice my concern based on his advances.”

The irony is hitting me in the face like a ton of bricks! You mention his age, which leads me to believe that you are older than him, and question his maturity. For a 27 year old dude to know what he wants, stay committed to you without a title, and constantly express to you that he wants you as his girlfriend, is the antithesis of immature in my opinion. You said that in your opinion, this dude wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, yet you were dealing with him monogamously for 9 months! This sounds like a classic case of role reversal to me. You play the part of the man who deals with a woman for an extended period of time, yet doesn’t want to give her a label. This fellow plays the role of the faithful, smitten lady who gradually becomes infatuated with a man, does the right things, plays the position, and wants more than an “off the books” relationship.

Whether you like it or not, you two had a common law relationship. I call it common law, because you were monogamous and together for 9 months. You did everything that couples do, without a title. By your own word, the only thing that you questioned was his commitment level. After 9 months of imploring you to be his woman, what more commitment proof did you need? You’re standards are more stringent than student loan applications! Now, his actions that you didn’t detail may have contributed to your hesitation to make it official, but I can only advise based on what you wrote. I don’t know any woman who would let a dude go past 4-5  months without making it official, especially if the man advocates constantly! Something else MUST’VE occurred, otherwise, your actions look and feel weird to me.

Why would a man push and work so hard to want to be my man, only to get scared and break my heart?

Easy – He lied to you. Well, maybe not 100% lied, but he didn’t keep it 100% real. You said that “I understand men are competitive creatures and it’s evident that chase of making me his girl meant more to him then actually being my man.” This statement is 50% factual. Men are competitive individuals (I HATE the term creature). However, I don’t think that making you his girlfriend meant more than actually being your boyfriend. I think that he retaliated against you whether knowingly or not. You made this man wait 9 months for a commitment, while doing everything committed people do. If this was one of your girlfriends telling you this story, you would’ve screamed “dump this ^$&*%&” from the high heavens EARLY! This situation equates to a guy who plays a video game with a compelling story. He puts in 25+ hours of effort to get to the ending, and it’s sub par. He reflects on the hours of gameplay, and proclaims “All that work and THAT’s how it ends?! I wasted my time!” That’s how this dude probably feels about you. You dissolved his pride and his spirit over that 9 month period, and when you finally “caved”, he started to question his decision. He thought about the time wasted and  the missed opportunities with other females. He pondered that if you flaked like this over a title, then how would you react in more serious situations? I don’t know if he truly wants to be single, or he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. I do know that he sounds fed up, and angry that he wasted his time. Now, he wants to test the waters, and honestly I can’t be mad at him.

You say he wasn’t in a real relationship before. I don’t know his history, but I can tell you at least one real relationship that he had: with YOU! The problem is that you didn’t realize it until it was too late. Although you harbour mixed feelings for him at the moment, I think that it’s best that you give him space and move on with your life. He may be too proud and bitter to accept you in a relationship for the foreseeable future. There’s no need to torture yourself, you live and you learn. Take this as a valuable lesson, like all men have at least once in their lives, and be better next time.

SBM Fam: Let our friend above know your thoughts on the situation. 

StreetZ

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Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Streetz.

Look familiar?

I’m a man who is exclusively sexually attracted to women. By definition this makes me heterosexual. Although I’m heterosexual I’m 100% in favor of equal rights for homosexuals. I don’t understand blatant homophobia and worse I don’t get legislation that limits the rights of gays. In a broader sense I don’t support any legislation that shames a group of people for simple being who they are.

Recently Missouri legislature proposed a bill that would ban the discussion of sexual orientation in classrooms. They are calling it the “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Nothing the GOP proposes any more shocks or upsets me. I’ve come to expect extreme rightist legislation and the Don’t Say Gay bill doesn’t disappoint. Missouri isn’t alone in this type of bill. In Tennessee a similar bill that has been proposed in the state Senate (it was approved by the House committee) will not be voted on. The bill which states that “No public elementary or middle school shall provide any instruction or material that discusses sexual orientation other than heterosexuality…”

The problem with legislation such as this is that is ostracizes and condemns students who are homosexual or are trying to find out exactly who they are. When I was in middle school there were students who were openly gay (mostly girls) and some boys who had trouble identifying who they were (mostly boys who didn’t come out until high school). Legislation that bans anything that would include homosexuality sets a dangerous precedent.

I’ve stated before that I don’t believe that the fight for equal rights for LBGT community is not tantamount to the Civil Rights struggle but its still very important and a cause in which I support. Why? If our government can restrict how sexual orientation is discussed in school (if at all) then the next step could be restricting others from being who they are. It’s a slippery slope. Don’t say gay can eventually turn into don’t say slavery or don’t say Muslim. Although I don’t feel the level of oppression is equal across board when it concerns oppressed people in this country (nor am I interested in having an oppression Olympics to see whose been wronged the most), the struggle of one particular group of people is no more important to the next group.

Legislative shaming.

Proposition 1, which would amend the state constitution of North Carolina to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, appeared on the May 8^th ballot. It was overwhelmingly passed.  Same sex marriage is already illegal in the state of North Carolina so adding to the state constitution is akin to rubbing salt in the wound. A man marrying a man or a woman marrying a woman does not impede me from marrying whatever woman I chose to. Being born heterosexual afforded me the right to marry a woman and enjoy the privileges (and drawbacks) that comes with marriage. In this country marriage is a right and homosexuals are discriminated against because of the way they were born (you can argue nature vs. nurture here).

Our president has stated his belief that all men and women, regardless of sexual orientation, should have the right to be married. Many have said that Obama is politicizing social issue in order to draw attention away from other key issues. If this is true then the GOP has also politicized social issues as well (abortion, contraception and gasp gay marriage). Regardless on where you stand morally on the issue of gay marriage if you believe in equal rights then you must believe in equal rights for all people.

What are your views of “Don’t Say Gay”, Proposition 1 and President Obama’s stance on the issue? Do you believe that homosexuality is right? Should homosexuals have the same rights as heterosexuals as far as marriage is concerned?

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Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Tunde.

I recently got an email from the producer, Jay Ali, about a new web series called Black and Single. No, it’s not Steve Harvey pushing a new book or the New York Times riling us up for pageviews. It’s the humorous stories of a single black male and single black woman and their adventures in dating, playing the game, whatever you wanna call it. The two are meant for each other, but they don’t directly meet.

I’ve taken a look at both videos. They’re pretty funny and I’m sure many of the folks that visit SBM on the daily will be able to relate on some level. As we push the site forward, we want to make sure we’re bringing you content that puts the status quo in a headlock and gives it noogies. You remember noogies? I don’t. Body bags for the potential assailants.Ughn.

I see potential for this series to take off, despite the fact they don’t currently have a budget. So you’ll notice where some work can be done, but I think you’ll enjoy overall. Most great things start with an idea and a vision.

Please take a look and share your thoughts in the comments. Looking forward to the feedback! -Slim

Black and Single Episode 1: Oni Goes on a First Date with A Man That Seems to Good to Be true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHq6N0vln64

Black and Single Episode 2: Jessie Meets the New Office Bombshell and Runs into a Surprise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uboMv9XdQG8

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Slim Jackson.

Ok, so I might have hated a lil bit this one time.

I don’t know why, but people like forwarding me links to “interesting” content around the web. Last week was no exception. Someone suggested I check out a YouTube video about a book that came out a few years ago that I’d never heard of, A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men. The author, Niki McElroy (@DatingWhiteMen), runs the appropriately titled website: TheCreamInMyCoffee.com. I’m not going to read the book but I’d be happy to hear from anyone who has; instead, I took the easy way out and watched a couple YouTube videos featuring a panel of women discussing the book along with the author.

Apparently, the discussion of why black women/men date white women/men is a popular topic on YouTube, since there appears to be an unlimited (and growing) number of videos on the subject. Some are more insightful than others. Some are outright ignorant – with the member of the group dating outside of their race often making racist statements about the race they were born into but choose to date outside of. Of course, this idea of dating white men isn’t new. Just last year, Ralph Richard Banks, a Stanford law professor, suggested in a book and an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal that the key to achieving the dream of marriage for black women actually lies in the arms of white, Asian or Latino men.

However, one YouTube video in particular that caught my eye, clocking over 100,000 views, was Why Black Women Date White Guys by, “BLKBArBieGOnECraZyAh.” I normally don’t heed insights from people wHo TyPe LiKe Dis but I think her justifications are familiar. They include:

• “A lot of black women are starting to date outside of their race because we’re tired of the drama; tired of the headaches; tired of the anger that black men show towards black women. A lot of black women get beat; get mistreated; just don’t get loved by the black man.
• I have yet to meet that particular black guy that’s swooped me off my feet and when I say swoop me off my feet I mean everything: being smart, funny, being intelligent, being logical, being understanding and knowing what they want from their life…versus when you get a white guy or a Caucasian or someone from a different race. I’m not gonna say every black guy. I’m just saying I haven’t met that black guy. When I date outside my race, they tend to be the most sweet hearted guys, ever.
• But a lot of black guys do not like that [more black women are dating white men]. You guys are really bad haters. I cannot believe black guys, yall are haters. When you had a sister, you didn’t wanna do anything and now you’re mad?”

If you think I’m here today to bash black women who date outside of their race, you will be disappointed. Frankly, I recommend it.  I’ve never shied away from admitting that I date outside of black women from time to time, so this pot will not be calling the kettle black.

What I do find amusing is people’s excuses for dating outside of their race, especially the fact that they feel they need an excuse at all. If you see me with a woman, not that I care why you think I’m with her, the reason I’m with her is because I feel like it. It’s really that simple. I approach women I find attractive and it just so happens that I find women of varying skin tone attractive. If you see me with a Black woman, it’s because I like her. If you see me with a Spanish woman, it’s because I like her. If you see me with a White woman, it’s because I like her. You might notice a pattern here.

I’m not going to date a black woman I don’t like any quicker than I’ll date a white woman I don’t like – and I’m not going to date a woman I’m not attracted to of any race. There is no vast conspiracy behind my actions, but you are welcome to attribute your own self-conscious justifications upon me if it makes you feel better and sleep easier at night. I wouldn’t want anyone having a restless night’s sleep over me. I’m not worth it.

Regarding my thoughts on the broader population, it seems strange that in order to justify dating outside of your race you have to put down members of your own race. What does that say about you? Sure, you can date outside of your race but you can’t escape your race. If you want to date white men/women, more power to you, but if you have to put black men/women down to justify your actions, I find your motives questionable. As the author of the book points out in her video, dating outside of your race doesn’t mean you’re dating an alien.

A quick editor’s note: if you see (or think, since you have no way of knowing for sure in most cases and could very well be projecting your own insecurities on others) a group of black/white men/women hating on your interracial relationship it is likely because one or both of you is attractive. In my experience, no one, of any race, cares what the ugly people of their race is or is not doing. While you might not like the attention, it is a backhanded compliment that anyone, anywhere cares enough to pay attention to you. Their “hate” likely means you have something they desire in their own lives; whether it be an attractive significant other, love, or even something as simple as happiness.

If you're happy, who cares what others think?

Having dated women of varied racial backgrounds, I can safely say there is far more that unites them than divides them. Although, it is pretty interesting to hear the misguided impressions white/black women have of black/white women. (For the record, y’all both assume the other is freakier / naughtier in bed. In actuality, y’all are both disgusting, and I love you for it.) I imagine this extends to black/white men, too. This is why I recommend people – if you’re curious – date outside of your race. This should allow you to gain some personal perspective rather than relying on something you heard from a friend of a friend of a friend who happened to go on one interracial date once to watch that Something New movie in 2006.

In my opinion, all you’ll usually find is the grass you believed was so much greener on the other side of the racially ambiguous fence is really just more grass. You’ll find good women/men and bad men/women from all racial backgrounds. Assigning an attribute such as good or bad to a whole race of people simply because you had a bad experience with a few of them is, frankly, dumb. I say a few, because if you’ve had a bad experience with everyone you’ve dated, then what does that say about your choices? You are, after all, the common factor. Therefore, I doubt dating another race will suddenly remedy your poor decision making. For example, I assume if you like black assholes, you’ll only turn around and date white assholes. However, I guess your conclusion will be that all men are assholes.

Perhaps I’m being too altruistic in my views, but I think finding someone that makes you happy is all that matters. Nevertheless, if you finally find happiness with someone of a different race, it doesn’t mean you have to turn around and bash all the members of the race who mirror you but happen to be of the opposite sex. Chill. Just update your Facebook status and enjoy your temporary relationship bliss like everyone else.

1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys? 2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race? 3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to? 4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different? If yes, what are the differences and why do you feel those same qualities were difficult to find in men/women who resembled you?

 

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Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from WisdomIsMisery.

The Second Round of the NBA Playoffs is underway, and this is when series get competitive (sorry, Knick fans). My first round Western Conference predictions went pretty well (…despite the Grizzlies, who can’t score 75 points at home). Anyway, it’s time for Jay C00ke and I to update our predictions for the playoffs:

(1)    San Antonio Spurs vs. (5) Los Angeles Clippers

San Antonio Spurs – The Spurs ran through the Utah Jazz as predicted. In this round, they have the easier of their two potential matchups in the Clippers. The Spurs have a few key advantages in this series. They are one of the most balanced teams in the league and, if the first round is an indication, are playing great right now. Tony Parker has had one of the best years of his career. If he can match Chris Paul’s production, the Spurs should outplay the Clippers in most other areas.

Los Angeles Clippers – Lob City had a wild series with the Grizzlies. The seven games against them showed us every detail of this team. When the Clippers are at their best, Griffin is scoring in the post, the other big men are playing defense and rebounding, and CP3 is setting the table for everyone. Unfortunately, Paul and Griffin were both injured, and the offense suffers from inconsistency. The Clippers need to keep games close for Paul to manage in the fourth. The don’t have the scoring to keep up if the Spurs’ three-point shooters get hot.

Prediction: The Spurs are rolling right now and catching the Clippers at a good time. LA relies too heavily on an injured Caron Butler (broken hand), Randy Foye (just not that good), and Nick Young (crazy) for offense. CP3 is amazing, but the Spurs will win in six after wearing down a depleted Clippers team.

(2)    Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (3) Los Angeles Lakers

Oklahoma City Thunder – The Thunder embarrassed the defending champion Dallas Mavericks in a quick (though tightly contested) sweep. As great as Kevin Durant is, Russell Westbrook is the key to this team. You can count on KD to play well; Westbrook’s aggressiveness can spark his team or be its biggest detriment. Westbrook was often the best player on the floor against Dallas. Can he keep it together against the Lakers? He will have a decided advantage against Ramon Sessions. If he can force Kobe Bryant to guard him, that will open things up for his teammates.

Los Angeles Lakers – The Lake Show took longer to close out the Denver Nuggets in the first round than many (ok, just me) expected. Most troubling, Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol, the second and third best players on the team, looked lifeless at times and let JaVale McGee (…JAVALE MCGEE!!!!!!!!!!) dominate them during games. You can bet Kobe will play his hardest. But if the team’s best big men lose focus against the Thunder, this series is getting will get ugly quick for the Left Coast Lakers.

Prediction:  Lakers are going to get washed. Not swept, but washed nonetheless. The Thunder have three great perimeter players, and the Lakers only have two defenders to match up with them (Kobe and Ron Artest Metta WorldPeace). The Thunder will overwhelm the Lakers and win in five. Who cares though? I just want to see James Harden and WorldPeace square off again. Why don’t we start calling Artest “Metta WorldWar?”

So, SBM Sports Fans, who do you have winning these matchups? Think the Lakers will pull it together against Oklahoma City? Will the Spurs keep rolling? Let me know!

 

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Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Joe Sargent.

Insert "Psycho" Music

As most of you know, I allow myself one guilty pleasure reality series per television cycle. This season I’m watching VH1′s Basketball Wives. If you’ve been watching the show, you’ve seen all of the drama that Real World star Tami Roman seems to attract. At this point, she’s officially evolved into a full fledged bully. She has the entire cast afraid to say anything that could in any way be construed as negative toward her.

This week, new cast member, Kesha Nichols drew Tami’s ire leading to one of the most cringe worthy moments in the history of “Reality Television.” If you’re like me, you couldn’t help but be disappointed, disgusted, and ashamed of how Tami comported herself. Apparently, she too was disappointed in her actions, taking to Twitter to apologize, check out what she had to say below and let us know what you think.

Tami's Sorry Y'all

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Mr. Spradley.

I Got Sneakers Older Than Some Folks Fanhood

I judge people who root for sports teams from cities not their own. There’s just something about not rooting for your hometown team that strikes me as disloyal. There’s something about being from a place and wishing failure on the team that represents that place that makes me question not just your fanhood or your appreciation of where you’re from, but also your character. I know I’m taking it a little far, but it’s truth. When I meet a person from City A, and then find out they root for a team from City B, I assume this person is not to be trusted. It’s just how I roll.

Today I want to spend some time talking about this issue of supporting sports teams outside of your home; I’m going to share a few of my observations and opinions, and close out with a few thoughts on sport in general. Let’s jump right in.

Folks Who Root for Teams Outside of Their Hometown are Always Insecure About Their Fanhood.

"Cheer Up Tony ... There's Always Never"

Ever meet a Cowboy fan from New York or a Laker fan from New Jersey? What did they say to you after they told you they were a fan of said team? Chances are they made it a point to share with you how long they’ve been a fan of that team, the circumstances around how they came to be a fan of that team, their family lineage, and any remote, long distance connection they may have to the city that team represents. It’s hilarious to me. The conversations usually go something like this:

Me: “So, what football team do you root for?”

Them: “I’m a Cowboys fan.”

Me: “Interesting.”

Them: Yeah, I was really poor growing up. So poor that we didn’t have TV. One day, my dad took me to Radio Shack to buy some batteries for my portable 8 track player that we got from Goodwill and when I got to Radio Shack, there was a football game on the TVs in there. It was the Cowboys. I’ve been a fan ever since.

Me: “Who were the Cowboys playing?”

Them: “The Cleveland Browns”

Me: “Why aren’t you a Browns fan?”

This brings me to my next point:

Non-Hometown Team Fanhood Almost Always Has Its Foundation In Front-Running.

You Wasn't With These Dudes When They Were Losing in the 80's

As I stated above, when a person roots for teams outside their hometown, they always have some elaborate story around how they became a fan of said team and how their story makes them “true fans,” unlike all the other fans of that team not from that team’s city.

The thing that irks me about these sorts of arguments is that they usually have no foundation in anything that should inspire life long loyalty. Generally speaking, they amount to nothing more than excuses to root for a successful team. So the first team you ever saw on TV was the Larry Bird lead Boston Celtics? Great. That doesn’t mean you need to be a Celtics fan forever, especially if you’re from New York. When I hear these sorts of stories, I always wonder if had that first game they ever watched been the Minnesota Vikings vs. the Detroit Lions, would that person still be a Vikings or Lions fan to this day? Probably not. Let’s be real. The truth is, you’re rooting for your team because your team wins and if you’re rooting for a team because that team wins, then that makes you a front-runner, no matter how long you’ve been a fan.

The Detroit Pistons had a great team in the 80′s and early 90′s. They literally changed the game of basketball. There are rules in place now that were put in place because of the style of basketball the Detroit Pistons of the 1980′s played. The 1980′s were the last great decade for American manufacturing and the Detroit Pistons, with their blue collar players and ruff and tumble style of play were wildly popular. They had epic postseason battles with Bird’s Celtics, Jordan’s Bulls and Magic’s Lakers. Along the way they won not one, but two NBA Championships and came dangerously close to the rare 3-peat. With that sort of success, you’d think there would still be all sorts of Pistons fans all over the country, but it’s not the case. What happened to all the front-running Pistons fans? The 1990′s happened. After a decade of futility, the Pistons ended up becoming what they’d been prior to the 80′s Bad Boy renaissance- a small market team with a rabid fan base at home, but no real following outside of that.

The point here is, had the Pistons continued winning, or at least been highly competitive throughout the 90′s, we’d have a lot more Pistons fans running around trying to tell us how they’ve been Pistons fans for years, and how their favorite player growing up was Joe Dumars.

Folks Who Root For Teams Outside of Their Hometown Are Always Lonely and Attention-Starved.

Another annoying thing about these folks is that they’re always starving for attention. They always assume other folks care about the goings on of their team. I can’t count how many times New York born, Jordan bred Bulls fans have jumped into my conversations with other Knicks fans about what we need to do to get better next season. And it’s always something along the lines of “The Knicks suck,” “They’re a terrible franchise,” “The Bulls do things the right way, building through the draft…” Cool bro. Good to know. Things is, I really don’t care about the Bulls. Nobody wants to hear your thoughts on what you all have going on and what you all are doing to be great. I’m a Knicks fan. You only care about the Bulls because you took the easy way out. Instead of going to school and suffering through the jeers of your peers as the Knicks dropped series after series, you jumped on the bandwagon. The fact that you’re still rooting for them all these years later does not make you a true fan, it just makes you a loyal band-wagoner. If you got rich by stealing a couple million dollars and never did anything wrong for the rest of your life, you’re still a thief.

Please Don't Confuse My Indifference for Anger

There is no single nation of fans who root for a team outside of their hometown that think other sports fans care more about that team than we really do than the non-hometown fans of the Los Angeles Lakers. Lakers fans think the entire basketball world revolves around the Staples Center (despite the fact that most of them couldn’t tell you what street it’s on or how to get to it.) Lakers fans think every basketball fan in the world should have some sort of passionate opinion about them. We should either love the Lakers as the textbook model for the successful professional sports franchise or we should hate them and everything they stand because our team isn’t as successful as their adopted team. They also believe that, because their team wins more than ours, their opinion is therefore more relevant than hours. Not really holmes. Your spinelessness has no bearing on your knowledge of the game of basketball, and my blind loyalty has no bearing on mine. News flash Laker fans: I am 100% indifferent toward your team. I don’t think about the Lakers anymore than I think about the Milwaukee Bucks or the Washington Wizards. I dislike Laker fans with a greater passion than I feel toward the actual team. Mostly because y’all are so annoying.

I’ve gotten so tired of rejecting the conversational incursions of lonely Laker fans looking for someone to talk to that at this point, I don’t even respond. I just ignore them and hope they go away. There really needs to be an online social networking support group where Laker fans who’ve never even been to LA or seen the inside of the Staples Center can get together and talk about how awesome it is to be a Laker fan. They can swap stories of how their Laker fanhood was founded, send Kobe fan-mail, tout Ramon Sessions as the savior and discuss whatever else it is Laker fans are always trying to discuss with everyone else. Till then, go that way.

Fans of Teams Outside of Their Hometown Can Never Truly Understand the Nobility of Defeat

I Love New York ... And Our Teams

I’m a fan of New York sports. As such, I’ve had the luxury of watching the Yankees go into every season with high postseason expectations. I’ve watched us win multiple MLB Championships and find it difficult to remember the last time we didn’t make the playoffs. On the flipside, I’m also a Knicks fan and no big market team in the NBA has experienced the decades long kind of futility the Knicks have experienced. I’m also a Giants Fan. In my lifetime, I’ve had the pleasure of watching my Giants win the Superbowl four times and I’ve also watched us miss the playoffs more times than I care to recall. All of this has made me intimately aware of what it really means to lose. I am a New Yorker and being a New Yorker defines a pretty significant portion of my self-image. When a New York sports team loses, I feel it- not just for my team, but for my city, my state, my little part of the world. That to me, is what sports are about. It’s about going through those years and years of bittersweet failure so that one can really and truly appreciate those fleeting moments of success.

There’s something special about losing with your hometown team. There’s something special about the memories those losses create. When your hometown team loses, that loss is sewn into the fabric of your fanhood and in that way, they are as valuable as your greatest victories. Patrick Ewing missed a layup that might have won us an NBA Championship. It’s a sore spot for any real fan of the blue and orange. But let Big Pat walk into Madison Square Garden and see what kind of response he gets from the crowd. It’s not because we’re fans of Patrick Ewing. It’s not because we believe in moral victories, it’s not even because of how valiantly he fought for us. Those things are important, sure. But The Garden stands when Pat walks in because he was, is, and always will be … one of us … a New York Knick … win, lose or draw.

Some folks will tell you that doesn’t make sense. They’ll tell you that sports are about winning and that winning, above all else, is the ultimate goal. Those folks are both right and wrong. When you are a professional athlete, it’s about winning. When you own a team, it’s about winning. When you coach a team, it’s about winning. Being a fan however, it’s about more than your teams wins and losses. It’s about more than the banners that hang in your stadium’s rafters. Being a fan is about loyalty and loyalty is neither destroyed nor built on wins and losses, but is instead tested through how one responds to each.

So that’s my little diatribe on rooting for your hometown team. How do you all feel about it? How do you all pick the teams you root for? Do you judge folks who root for other teams as I do? Have you experienced any of the things I’ve experienced? Or maybe you’re a front runner. Maybe you’re someone who feels they have a legit reason to root for a team other than their hometeam. Do share. Let us know what’s up in the comments.

So until next season my fellow Knicks fans … stay low and keep firing.

Email: Mr.Spradley@SingleBlackMale.Org | Twitter: @MrSpradley

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Mr. Spradley.

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont

A young Tunde with my mother.

Today we celebrate the women who brought us into this world. The women who loved us before they ever laid eyes on us. Who love us unconditionally even when we don’t deserve it. Who helped shaped us into the people who we are today. Happy Mother’s Day to my mother and to all mothers across the world. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers who are no longer with us and even those single fathers who play the role of mother and father.

I have a few questions to ask you. Have you thanked your mother for the sacrifice she has made for years?  Just for you to be the best person you could be? Have you told your mother, “I love you”? I know its three simple words but sometimes we forget the weight behind those words. More often than not, it’s difficult for some to say, “I love you” or “Thank you” for whatever the reasons. Today is the perfect day to express how thankful and happy you are to have a wonderful and lovable mother.

Today even though I couldn’t be with my mother one of the first things I did this morning was call my mother and I told her how much I appreciate her for everything that she has done and still does for me. I’m nowhere near a momma’s boy but I do talk to my mother at least once a week and she still wants the best for me. If you are fortunate enough to see your mother today give her a kiss and a long hug.

Once again, Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.

Original content from Single Black Male. Click here to check out more from Tunde.