If it were only that easy. Norton Antivirus > this though!

Have you ever suffered a breakup, and bounced back like round ball? You know that feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night you can’t lose. You probably sulked or mourned for a few days/weeks, but soon after you were back on your feet. You got that new job or a raise, started hitting the gym and you’re beachbody ready, or more importantly, you started dating again. You met people who make your fillet Mignon ex-relationship look like Ramen Noodles. You’re walking on cloud 9, and nothing will bring you down. Then it happens…

GCHAT CONVO

Anastasia – Hey JoJo! How’s things been since that breakup?

Josephine – Gurrrrrl listen! I think I almost 100% back!

Anastasia – Oh word? Does it have anything to do with your new boo Gilroy? *smile*

Josephine – **BBM Dancing Smiley** I can’t believe this new guy I’m seeing can blow my spine out of its socket treat me so well. What was I thinking before? I feel great!

Anastasia – You slut! lollll I aint mad at you though. Glad you got over that last dude..

Josephine – You and me both boo! Nothing can take my high away!

**JoJo’s phone rings**

Josephine – Hello?

Thelonious – Hey JoJo, its me.

Josephine – Theo?!! What do you want?

Thelonious – I just wanted to reach out and say hey.. see what’s up. Was thinking of you….

Josephine **typing to Anastasia** – Theo just called me… damn I hate Pop-ups!!

So what is a pop-up you ask? Let me dip into the Streetzapedia:

Popup (n) – An ex boyfriend/girlfriend who only communicates/interacts with their former lovers when the former lover is experiencing times of prosperity (new job, new relationship, etc)

Just like poor Josephine in the example above, I think we all have experienced this unfortunate phenomena before. I abhor pop-ups with every fiber of my being. It’s as if they have a GPS or Spider-Sense that tingles when their former boos are doing well. I always wondered why they seemed to come around when all is right in your world. Allow me to expound…

They heard it through the grapevine

One thing you can’t avoid when you break-up with someone is the common friends that you have. Especially those with whom you’ve discussed your ex many times prior. They may innocently bring up an accomplishment of yours, or how you’re smashing everything that moves and is a 9 or better dating and loving it.  Then you have those friends who VOLUNTEER information about your ex. I don’t know if they think you’re interested, or want to gauge your reaction like some science project, but they do that also. So your ex may hear of your good times and want to partake in them with you. **BBM Talk To Hand Smiley**

The grass on the other side is artificial

So that new relationship that they started to get over you, that they probably started while dating you, or the new “one”, turned out to be just another reggin. They went all-in and bet the house that this person would supersede you in every way, and they were wrong! So now that they see the “error of their ways”, they want to slide right in and attempt to ‘be friends” while secretly hoping for reconciliation.

They don’t know what they want

Men are Notorious for this transgression. Sorry fellas but I must call a spade a spade. This transgression occurs because ever since the breakup, your ex isn’t sure if they want to be with you or not, so they try to hang around, engage in ex-sex, “build a friendship”, and hope that they can finally break through your barrier and get back to their #1 spot.

I have been vicious in the past to Pop-ups. I personally cannot be bothered by an ex’s ulterior motives and blatant disrespect and disregard for the new life I’ve made for myself. You should feel the same. Unite with me in the fight to block pop-ups from spamming out life and infecting us with their indecision, lurkyness, and mediocre advances!

What other reasons do Pop-ups occur? Have you been a pop-up? Please help me understand and let’s discuss

Are you one?

Some people say that honesty is the best policy. I completely disagree…usually. Sometimes you really just need to lie your a$$ off. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about this one. We often make the mistake of asking questions that we really don’t wanna know the answer to. I’ve done it before and ended up pushing the car into the lake learned the hard way to not ask about certain things ever again. But see, answering questions when asked is one thing. Volunteering information that could have been left unsaid without being asked is something else. Volunteering information that allows someone to make an informed decision about if they want to stick around with you is just the right thing to do.

I was sitting unproductively at work doing a group gchat. One acquaintance was talking about how she was dating multiple people. Each man had his purpose. Whether she took the pumpington from more than one of them, I don’t know and didn’t dare to ask. Perhaps one dude was there to utilize his face, while another was there to provide the Magnum jackhammer, while another was there to provide discounts and VIP access to select upscale NYC locales. Who knows?

Regardless, the polarization of the sexes in this group chat quickly occurred when she asked if she should tell each of the dudes that she was seeing other people. Now let me be clear. I’m all for being on the same page with a coital pal. I also believe in not being a Simp at all costs. The only way to avoid being the Simp who agrees to date a woman who tells him she’s seeing multiple people is to beat/hit/pummel/pipe and then repeat this process with multiple other women. If he is not beating, he’s a sucka. If he is beating, at least he’s getting something out of the situation. Quality time with a beautiful woman does not apply here. But I digress…sorta.

To answer her question, I suggested she tell the men upfront in an effort to allow those who were in danger of becoming the Simp to save themselves. Of course one of the women in the discussion quickly said that she shouldn’t tell any of them anything and should just keep “doing her.” She went on to explain that men don’t like knowing they aren’t the only one (partly accurate). Therefore, she needed to preserve their ignorance. I was shocked and appalled in a very manly way. Another woman tried to say that men do this all the time and that it’s no different than a guy having a starting line up of women. More shock and appall.

But it is different.

I know too many men that have a line up of women that know about each other to some degree, but don’t care. The man can literally tell them that they ain’t the only ones, and a lot of times they will stay there because of “the understanding.” And no, these aren’t always low self-esteem and desperate chicks. I’ve had female friends (quite respectable folks) be completely comfy in their role. Do I know any dudes that are content being one of a few dudes? Eh, only if they’re beating. And at that, they prolly don’t respect her that much. So about this situation…

Should the chick tell each of the dudes that they aren’t the only ones and risk dissolving her “starting line up”? Does this issue really go equally both ways? Do you think that having a starting line up is doing too much? Anything else? Speak it.

Ask and I’ll Tell Ya,

Enjoy your day off … because we all are!

Happy Labor Day … the foolishness empowering wisdom will return tomorrow!

-SBM aka I ain’t doing sh*t

"Eff This. I ain't paying!"

Life is not fair.

I mean, bad things happen to good people.  George W got elected to office twice.  Katrina went ahead and f*’d up all kinds of folks for now good reason.  Tsunami’s, war’s in Africa, and children without hands for blood diamonds.  If you think about it … the world is kind of a f*cked up place.

But even with all that going on, you still gotta worry about you.  Because with all this going on, you are gonna get affected negatively by all that BS out there in the world.

Every woman I have ever talked to about it has had the following happen to her.  No matter if she is Michelle Obama, at some point in the past she went through the same bewildering experience:

1. Girl Meets Guy
2. Girl and guy converse.  Guy likes Girl. Girl likes Guy.
3. Guy Holla’s at girl (“Lemme get you’re number shorty”)
4. Girl responds favorably. Digits are transferred.
5. Guy calls girl, several times.  Good times are had by all.
6. Girl gets excited. Tells friends “I’m really excited about this one. I really like him, and things are going great. THANK GOD!”
7. Guy never calls again without any explanation.
8. Girl resumes to randomly smashing the dude round the corner cause “she got needs”.

Yes, every woman knows the bite of having a seemingly good thing end abruptly with no explanation.

Now, there is a very good chance there is a really good reason.  Maybe he found himself simply not interested and didn’t know how to tell you.  Maybe he felt you didn’t deserve an explanation after 3 calls.  Maybe you just legitimately are undateable.

But, there is a good chance the universe was against you.  Maybe it was Kharma, or maybe you were just unlucky.  I am here to give you a taste of the million of “unfair” reasons that he just stopped calling you.

You’re name reminded him of an ex

How did your mama know that naming you Shannon would have you associated with the b*tch that slept with his best friend, emptied his bank account, and told all her girls that he had a small d*ck?

The girl down the hall gave him some super duper one night stand p***y that he just can’t think straight

She got 4 kids, 3 baby’s daddy, and 2 of them are incarcerated.  She is a welfare queen that wouldn’t fit in at his Law firm’s office parties.  She is no good to anyone as a wife, girlfriend, or monogamous lover … but damn does she know how to ride a d*ck! He knows he’s being stupid, but that little “I’m bored” sex that she gave him has him thinking about proposing and left no time for you.

He couldn’t afford the cell phone bill

Hey, it’s a recession.  It’s not that his money is really messed up, but his trip to Italy last month ended up with ridiculous roaming charges and until he can get them off his account, no calls going in and none coming out.  And there is a good chance he’ll just forget about you afterward … yeah … tough break.

His boy thought he smashed you/saw you working at the strip club/working the block

“Son … Nicole. As in Nikki. As in Freaky Nikki!  Aw man, I never thought any girl back in school would really have let the whole team run through at one party. I bet that thang whistled when the wind blew after we got done!”  Too bad Nikki is a common ass name …

You got the three calls … too bad your signal sucks in your new apartment

I had a friend with a strict 3 call rule.  He would call you three times without response in the “courting” phase before he refused to call again.  If she missed the calls because her phone didn’t get signal … that wasn’t his problem. And he wasn’t leaving a message!

He … eh … didn’t feel like it

I can speak on this since I did it all the time.  I liked her, I wanted to talk to her, but … eh … I’m lazy.  Unfair to you … but eh … there kids in Africa starving so I’m not gonna lose sleep over it.

Add to the list.  What are some of the unfair reasons that a man can suddenly disappear?  You say some of these are justified … how so?

SBM aka “She got one more call” aka “I would call … but I just got Madden last night”

I'll be honest with you, i'd believe anything she said.

For as much as women will claim that men are liars and you can’t trust a man as far as you can see him.  You could say the same for women.  Women lie about everything, everyday, as many chances they can get.  They probably lie more than men.  Women lie as if their lies don’t matter.  A man will lie about where he is, but a woman will lie about who she was with.  In her opinion, his lie was worse.  The thing that really baffles me is that women genuinely feel they will get away with their lies.  They will hold onto their lie until they die, or it’s forced out of them.  And even when they have to repent, expect some tears and emotional distress to try and procure sympathy from you.

Here’s the problem I have, people call me misogynist because I just don’t think you should let women get away with things because they have a vag.  Men will take sex over the truth any day of the week.  A man will roll over in the morning and want some, and immediately forget all about the fact that she just got into bed at 6AM (HAHA).  If a man’s best trick was, “If you loved me you would…” then a woman’s is, “If you don’t […], I don’t know what I will do.”  I’ve been on the recipient of those, I need $150 or I’m going to get my phone turned off conversations.  You know what happens if you don’t give her $150?!  She calls the next chump.

Before I give too many examples of what women lie about, here’s a list of commonly lied about topics:

Men – I don’t need to rehash my opinions on how women lie about their numbers, what they count and don’t count in terms of sexual acts.  Most men know that asking how many partners a woman has had is just pointless because you’ll never get a straight answer.  Not only does she lie about her sex life, she lies about her male friends.  “Her male friends” are those guys who tried to holler and she didn’t want to see them like that so she said, “We can still be friends.”  Let’s be real, are those really friends?

Friends – Women will lie to you about their friends, so you better watch them.  If you tell a girl you have a table come through and she says, “Is it cool if I bring someone with me?”  Don’t get mad when eight women show up at your table.  Let me be serious.  Real talk, your lady will tell you stories about things her friends do, or she won’t tell you stories about things her friends do.  She won’t tell you how trifling her friends are because we all know that birds of the same feather flock together.  She told you they was playing Taboo all night, she didn’t tell you they were discussing their side boos over spades and tequila.

Money – Let a woman tell you, they are all broke.  I touched on this in a previous post that men need to be their own financial stewards because you will be living paycheck to paycheck and your girlfriend will have a five-digit savings account.  Don’t buy that, “Hair, nails, waxing, clothes, shoes…” swindle, men have all that stuff too.  We have car notes, insurance, credit card bills, and fashion too.  Women know that you like their company so they will say, “I’m broke, I don’t have any money.”  And your nitwit behind says, “It’s okay, I got you.”  No, she got you!

Appearance – Streetz has touched on this several times about women lying about their looks.  Whether it is fake nails, hair, or extra padding, women lie about it.  Women will tell you that she’s a 36DD, she won’t tell you that they sleep under her arms.  She’ll throw those bad boys in a sports bra and keep it pushing.  A woman will tell you she’s a 34DD because Victoria Secret gassed her into buying the larger cup size, when she knows she’s actually a 36C.  And for the leading appearance swindles of all time… THOSE ARE NOT HER REAL EYES AND SHE DOES NOT HAVE INDIAN IN HER.

Whereabouts – It says in the bible, “Thou shalt not show up unannounced.”  As a brother, if you don’t know this, it’s probably why your girl is scared of you or you’re single.  However, women are notorious liars about their whereabouts.  They will tell you they are going to sleep, when they are going out.  They will tell you they are at Amnesia when they are at Greenhouse.  They will tell you they are at work, when they are with their other man.  You ever notice you don’t meet a woman, she meets you, or y’all meet up somewhere else?  Women start sweating at the sight of 4square, Geo-tagging, or a house phone.  They just hate for you to know where they are at.  And then if they feel that they can’t dodge you, what do they do?  They turn their phone off.  As a member of NO MA’AM we learn in Week One of the program, “A woman’s phone does not die, unless she wants it to die.”

Funny thing about all this is that a woman’s lies are 75% of time harmless or just allow you to do what you wanted to do anyway.  A lot of dudes missed that last part so let me slow it down for you noodles, 75% of the time their lies are harmless, or allow you… to do what it is that you wanted to do anyway.  But that 25% is what will have you looking dumb.  Do you remember D’Andre from, He Got Game?  Just a friend of Lala my ass.  She lied to Jesus, now you know she’s going to hell.  Moral of the story, do with it as you want, next time a woman tells you something, get you a counterfeit marker and swipe it one good time.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGR8S-aHgV8

Augmenting our appearance has been a part of human culture, ever since Adam and Eve bit into the forbidden fruit and tried to cover their unmentionables with green leaves.From the clothes we wear to cologne’s, hairstyles, and jewelry, we use different items to enhance less than satisfactory features and accentuate our good ones. I must say that I think women are the worst with the physical feature swindle. Women are like shape-shifters, who can create all new appearances using household items, only to revert back to normal once they come off, like when poor Cinderella lost her glass slipper. Don’t believe me? OK, well allow me to reintroduce myself my name is HOV!!! present the top 5 women physical deceptions:

#5 Heels (U aint that tall)

This is a low level deception, only because heels do have a great sex appeal and aesthetic about them. It becomes a deception when a 5ft 1 women describers her height requirements with the phrase “he needs to be taller than me in heels”. How about the dudes who don’t prefer short women, who think you’re 5ft 7 because you’re wearing 6 in heels? Isn’t that just as bad? We’d get clowned if we wore lifts in our shoes!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI-62DqaeXo

#4 Breast/Butt Implants (Those aint yo tatas or @ss!)

This is a permanent physical deception. Now, they definitely are enhancements, the only problem is some men don’t like fake breasts and arses. Dr J. spoke on the real vs. fake phenomenon, and the consensus was “whatever floats your boat”. Unlike some of the other augments, these aren’t easily removed if you want a change or your love interest doesn’t approve and there is a margin for error. Men are more “lenient” and less upset by this deception, but it’s a swindle nonetheless.

#3 Lacefronts/Wigs/Weaves (That aint yo hair)

SBM carried the cross and took a defiant stand against this physical deception once upon a time. Now,this isn’t race specific, because women of all races rock wigs or get weaves. The issue lies when these articles of “hair” are not worn properly. When it looks like a birds nest,  has all the colours of the rainbow, or is a hazard to any open flames, we have a serious issue. men may like a woman with long flowing hair. You could appease that fantasy with an excellent weave job. What happens when that weave eventually has to go and under that contraption you’re hair is more Eve than Eva? Some women will assume that a man knows it’s a weave and won’t tell. Others will catch a fit when a man performs the weave test on their scalp (he runs fingers through the hair to see if he’ll get stopped abruptly or feel the third rail on your head). I’ve definitely felt like this before:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdY38YLf6Sc

#2 WonderBra/Pushup Bra (Your Breasts Aint that Big!!)

I’ve heard horror stories that go like this:

Boy meets girl.

Boy and girl converseate.

Boy loves girls breasts.

Boy takes girl home.

Girl takes off bra.

Boy sees C cups turn into A- cups, and sees padding in the bra.

Boy fakes emergency and leaves Girl with her bee stings bare.

These bras are a travesty and a dirty swindle to pull on men. You prop your breasts up for the world to admire, only to have them hanging low, wobbling to an fro. Padding in a bra is so High School its not even funny, and I severely question and side-eye women who wear these instruments of deceit. Now when women’s breasts look amazing, the only thing I wonder is whether the packaging is better than the actual gift.

#1 The Girdle (Your stomach aint flat!!!)

Understand that I say this with no jovial tone, with no smile on my face, or light-hearted feelings within the bowels of my soul: If there is ANYTHING that cannot be tolerated, it is a girdle. This optical illusion is a heinous act of trickery that would make Loki, the god of Lies, blush. I’ve seen items like this for sale and it angers me to no end. So ladies, this is where we are in 2010? You say eff a workout, eff eating right, I’m finna throw on a girdle and kill the game? This is a symbol of self defeat, lack of confidence, and a deviousness to fool a poor dude who doesn’t see your gut until it’s too late. There’s no need for this cheap attempt at a flat stomach. I know a few resources that can help men and women get into excellent shape.  They’ve helped me and they can help YOU!

Women, I just wanted to show that “I see what you do there”, and while some are funny and trivial, others are too audacious to ignore. What other deceptions have you seen women use. Women, I know you want to reflect this on us men point out our deceptions, so let’s hear those too.

United I stand, against these swindles,

I feel like this sometimes...

I don’t have a big intro today. Honestly, I’m just feeling like lately there are a lot of things that I’ve outgrown and I’m just getting too old to deal with. Here are a few things that come to mind since transitioning to the city that never sleeps:

The Club Scene

I learned this after an incident last year. I remember going out once and there was a group of about 4-6 people (more sausage than kitty cat) in line in front of us to get into the club. I thought these eager club goers were dressed for the festivities. One fellow however, who I estimated to be between 28 and 32, was wearing 3-400 dollar sneakers and a non-collared shirt. When the doorman told him he couldn’t get in with the sneakers and shirt, the man threw a fit.  He was enraged that his sneakers didn’t qualify as shoes. And when you piss the doorman off, that ruins it for everybody. It then went from each man must have a chick with him to get in, to only women can get in, to the doors were closed. And during all of this, the upscale sneaker dude kept right on b*tching and pleading to get in. I was turned off already by the strict dress code standards and being in line. While watching him act out and post up in protest on the corner, I couldn’t help but think to myself:

“Man, I’m way too f*ckin’ old for this.”

I’m all for good times with the people, but I’m at a point in my life where I’ll go somewhere else or go home before I stand in line pleading with the doorman/bouncer about why he needs to admit me into the club/bar/etc. It just isn’t that serious. I really don’t see what the big deal is about getting into the club. I’d rather drink in the crib with friends and partake in other “activities” than be out trying to stunt in line at a club. Just because an event has the grown and sexy label doesn’t mean it’s gonna be full of mature people.

Notches on the belt just to get notches on the belt

Most decent-looking men with any redeeming qualities go through a period where they shatter headboards and spines across the country in a quest to tally up the booty points. I know men well into their 30′s who are taking down body after body after body with no end in sight. I know at least 3 men who’ve had sex with more than 100 women.  Some think that’s disgusting. I think that it’s admirable as long as the person is my friend reckless but that’s their own prerogative. My only question is at what point does it stop? Even at the tender age of 2*, I couldn’t imagine spending all my time chasing after bodies in a quest to be the all-time leading scorer. I’m too old for this.  Next…

Fighting

Last time I got in a fight was in college. After recognizing that I have uncanny strength when enraged, I decided to avoid fighting unless I truly had no choice. I’ve had friends get attacked and just last weekend I saw someone get shot. It’s not worth it. The older I get, the more substantial the consequences to my actions. When I see things getting heated at a social function, my spidey sense goes off and I leave the scene asap. What I look like going to work as a Black HR professional with scratches and bruises from brawling in the streets? Sh*t, what I look like spending a few nights in jail? I can’t blog from there.

So folks, what do you think about these three examples? Agree or disagree? What other stuff do you think you’re too old to deal with or not deal with at this point in your life? I know everyone has something. Let’s get into it!

Never Too Old to Spoon,



"I know I'll figure out what's wrong with him if I just keep digging!!!"

Noreinne: Hey, I think Marcus from last night is feeling you.
Joshilindisha: Who?
Nor: You know, the tall dark skin brother from last night?
Jo: Girl please? He probably got a kid!
Nor: Nope. He has no kids.
Jo: Please, so he knows how to use a condom. He probably has commitment issues!
Nor: Naw.  Allen gave me the info, and he is very much a settle down and care for my woman type of guy.
Jo: Uh huh. Most garbage men are like that.
Nor: He is a non-profit attorney and children rights advocate. He talks about the rewarding work, healthy salary, and great life/work balance.
Jo: Yeah yeah … but he probably usually dates white women.
Nor: He wrote an open letter that was printed in Essence about his love for black women and how it strengthens the race.
Jo: Hates his mama?
Nor: Just bought her a house.
Jo: Whatever. Probably all flashy with an expensive car.
Nor: He drives a civic.
Jo: See girl, I knew you was trying to set me up! What do I look like riding around in a civic?!?!?
Nor: *sighs* So the civic is a dealbreaker?
Jo: Hell yeah.  And that’s why I’m single.  Ain’t no good men out here.

Much props to Noreinne for not slapping the black off of Joshilindisha, whose name is a living testament to why we need more books in black schools.

Before I say anything else … don’t let the example fool you.  Men do this same dumb sh*t and just as often:

“Dawg, you said she chews her gum with her mouth open”
“So you said her booty isn’t as firm as Beyonce’s?”
“Man, how you gonna try and set me up with a girl with no french manicure!!!”
“Sheeeeeet, when I woke up and saw her toes I rolled out of the bed with the quickness!”
“Negro, she plans to get married before she dies!?! Naw son, I ain’t going after your thirsty friend”

Yes, there is a tendency among too many people to keep digging and digging until they can find some small annoyance that they can use as justification to stop talking to someone.  Something that is far from a dealbreaker, doesn’t make them a worst person, and really is on some petty sh*. Then, they claim that the problem is with the opposite sex.  Either there are no good men or all the women out here want too much.  Naw … you’re just stupid.

Anytime you start dating someone, talking to them “romantically”, or decide to smash them off properly (as in not half assedly) decide to give them any significant chunk of you’re time … you need to look out for a few things.  You need to start your due diligence.  You need to find out enough about this person to establish a level of “intimacy” (casual f*, FwB, Potential BF/GF, or Potential Marriage Partner) that you are comfortable with.  But … if you don’t find sh*t … stop searching.  If the background check came back clear, the blood work was all negative, the interviews with his/her exes was good, and none of you’re boys skeeted on her face none of your friends have been intimate with them … let it go.  Enjoy the fact that you might just have found something good … and stop digging.

I’m not saying don’t stay on your toes.  I mean … stuff comes up later.  But let it bubble up … all sh*t rises to the surface.

And if you do find something, please let it be a real dealbreaker (remember, you shouldn’t have more than 3).  Don’t let this person go because they disagree with Obama’s foreign policy.  Don’t drop them because they thought Jerry Curl’s were hot 15 years ago.  Don’t cut them because they pick their nose.

As someone who has dug hard for much of his life … I speak to you as a convert.

Have you found yourself looking for a perfect man/woman’s fatal flaw?  Are your friends unwilling to hear about potential new mates because they are too busy looking for something wrong?  Or maybe I just got it all f*’d up … any diggers out there willing to defend they sh*?

SBM aka “I threw away my shovel” aka “I’m gonna just enjoy this daily bomb head until they f* up and stop troubling myself”

There’s never an easy way to let someone down, which is why people classically tip toe around the truth to “let them down easy”.  In the workplace, it’s never easy to criticize a co-worker/superior/employee, but in the interest of running a lucrative operation, you have to deliver the news. In between the sheets however, it’s that much harder to deliver mind blowing orgasms constructive criticisms to someone who has shed all their inhibitions and shared themselves with you.  But at what point do their feelings outweigh your desire to have your “daddy” smack your ass and pull your hair be satisfied sexually?  Can you really just tell someone they suck in bed?

Honesty is the best policy

This phrase gets tossed around often and sounds like an urban legend rather than anything based in reality.  People usually don’t enjoy hearing uncomfortable truths, especially when that truth might be that your self proclaimed “bomb ass head” is more like firecracker fellatio.  Not fireworks, just firecracker.  You can always elect to tell this person the truth, but at some point there has to be a cost analysis that occurs in your brain.  What value is there in telling this person their efforts are futile?  Maybe you have just been spoiled in the past and there is no need to shatter this person’s ego. It’s quite possible that either they aren’t that experienced, or they’ve actually practiced alot, and this is ’bout good as it’s gonna get.   You can cut them loose and move on because after all, they’re not your problem anymore, right?

In casual sexual relationships, you can usually bypass this conversation by avoiding the person completely and start giving those little hints.  No matter how much you like a person, it’s only so long you can fake it or pant “right there, right there” in vain.   It becomes almost second nature to part ways with someone after one or two bad sexual experiences.   No matter how many times you try to zone out and pretend he was someone else or think about sports, when you open your eyes you’ll be still be getting lame lip service.  “Quality” sex is usually a deal breaker, but in trying times and special circumstances, mediocre sex is tolerated.

Special circumstances can range anywhere from “she’s stable” to something like “his daddy is filthy stinkin’ rich”.  It becomes one of the things people usually “settle for”.   Droughts usually persuade people to put up with lackluster performances until something better magically appears, or reappears.   If you’re a good sport, you can try to teach them the arts, but there’s no guarantee that they’ll actually learn anything.   People  have a hard enough time discussing their feeling with one another because they think they might hurt the person, so the thought of slightly damaging their confidence and hurting their feelings.  Some people just want the situation to become awkward when the person responds to your request with a polite “I don’t do that”, or the even more awkward revelation that you might actually be the problem.  Ouch.

If you read my posts often, you’ll know that I usually just make observations as opposed to offer advice.  I’ve personally used the avoidance technique in the past, knowing that I do not have the patience to coach anyone nor the tact to express myself and spare this person’s feelings simultaneously.    I can’t supply you with the words to let someone down easy, but I can tell you that if you express yourself maliciously or with no real intention of helping this poor sap person improve their performance, it’s  a complete waste of time.    On the other hand, if you have a “Liar Liar” moment and impulsively tell your lover “No” when they say “Does that feel good?”, that might actually be kind of funny.  Do you really need to have this conversation with this person?  Should you just keep your opinion to yourself, or should you impart you knowledge?  Are there different circumstances where the truth about their performances be told or with held?  Have you ever had to break the news to someone? Is there an easy way to tell an emo-cat that he just wasted 2 minutes of your life?  Can you possibly tell this crazy chick that her head game need practice?  Is that 21 questions yet?

I can handle the truth,

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I’m going to be at Park in DC tonight, as a part of this event.  Please stop by if you can attend.  Tweet me for more information.  Peace.