I don’t want to hear it.

You may be the best parent in the world. You may have excellent advice that would make me — a stretched-thin single dad — a much, much better parent.

Still, I don’t want your advice — unless I ask for it.

A reasonable request, right?

Yet I’ve known many people — particularly women I’ve dated — who seem to think it’s their duty to tell me how to raise my 13-year-old son.

Do I look like an incompetent parent? I’m not. I’ve been Connor’s primary caregiver since he was 2.

Listen, raising a child — particularly as a single parent — is a very personal, and sometimes trying, experience. I’ve made many mistakes, but I’ve learned a thing or two.

Huh?

Why do people who don’t understand the relationship between Connor and me think it’s OK to weigh in on parenting issues? Like his bedtime, his chores, the amount of time he spends with his mom.

Beats me.

I did a Google search, hoping to find articles on how single dads should handle unsolicited parenting advice. I didn’t find any.

All the stories I saw were directed at single moms.

Hello. Divorced dads can also have primary custody.

My view

I have a theory. I think some people presume that single dads are less equipped to be fulltime parents than single moms. So these people think they’re helping a poor clueless single dad — like myself – by offering some parenting pearls.

Wrong. They’re being presumptious.

If I grow close to a woman I’m dating, I’ll certainly consider asking her advice on a parenting issue. But please, ladies, let me ask.

In my book, it’s a dating deal breaker to elbow your way into the world that Connor and I share. Instead, stand outside and observe. I might invite you inside.

When I’m ready.

In Nina Atwood’s column, Ask Nina Atwood – the Singlescoach®, she answers reader questions about love, life and relationships. To submit a question, click here.

I have been dating my boyfriend for eight months now.  He has a 4-year-old daughter who is extremely attached to him.  He insists on her sleeping in the bed with us and says he will never have her sleeping on her own till she wants to. She will sometimes tell him that she only wants to sleep with him in the bed and not me.  She has periods where she likes me, but they are very far and few between.  She will even hit me sometimes, and he does not believe in reprimanding her because she is 4 years old.  She will also cry just to get her way or so that he will feel bad and will not reprimand her for the things she says or does.  When I try to approach him about these issues – and there are more — he tells me I am jealous. And to make it worse, he tells me he is not going to “love” me until my relationship with his daughter is where it needs to be. He says that I am not just dating him, I am dating her too.  Please help! – Amy L., age 34

Dear Amy:

This is a very complicated and alarming issue on multiple levels. The first thing I want to suggest is a shift in your perspective of this man’s little girl. She is four years old. She is not making the bad choices in this father daughter relationship. Her father is making those choices, and they are driving her behavior, not the other way around.

The philosophy of having children sleep with parents is highly controversial. The “family bed” concept is based on attachment theory, which is the idea that securely attached children turn into healthier adults. Attachment theory is pretty solid. The controversy is in the “how.” How do you help children be more securely attached? Family bed proponents believe having your children sleep with you makes them more emotionally secure, but there is no research to back that claim.

There is, however, a lot of evidence that when a single parent has a child sleep with him or her, that child will have boundary issues with the parent as well as later in life. The message this guy is giving his daughter is that she is in charge of his love life. If she is happy with you, then he is happy with you. She’s four years old! And she’s a child of divorce, so she is working through issues of loss that she can’t even understand cognitively at this point.

Boyfriend making wrong parenting decisions

He’s giving her way too much emotional responsibility, which is probably contributing to her anxiety and thus her conflicted feelings about you. Her behavior sounds like that of a very emotionally insecure child, the opposite of what you should be striving for as a parent.

The big problem you have is this: what is your philosophy of child rearing? Do you believe in the family bed concept, or would you manage bedtime for children differently? If you envision having your own children with this guy, and you’re not a family bed proponent, there are huge red flags flying here. You are not going to change this guy’s mind about how he parents, and the conflict over his relationship with his daughter is only going to worsen.

There’s another issue here: his assertion that he will only love you when his daughter accepts you. I must call bull**** on that. That is conditional love, and it’s the poorest kind of love a man can offer you. It’s right up there with “if you lose 20 pounds I’ll love you,” or any other condition you can imagine. This guy doesn’t love you. You are accepting crumbs when you could hold out for a banquet – a man who truly adores you, who shares your values, and who wants what you want in life and in relationships.

I do believe that a parent should make his child first, and that he should carefully evaluate whether or not the person he dates will make a good step parent. But little children cue off of their parents feelings for someone. She sees him holding back his love for you and that becomes her cue, setting up internal conflict. No wonder she’s acting out – liking you at times and lashing out at others.

Reevaluate the relationship — and considering moving on

My advice is that you take a giant step back and talk to friends and family, and perhaps a therapist, about this relationship, so you can get some perspective. Reevaluate the basic compatibility components so that you can assess whether or not it makes any sense to go forward with him. Do not continue to sleep with him minus love and commitment; that puts you in a powerless, one down position.

Lastly, tell him that you are very uncomfortable with the sleeping situation, stop participating in it, and tell him you are re-evaluating your compatibility. If he really loves you, this will be a wake-up call and he will re-evaluate his own behavior. IF he does that, suggest that you see a therapist together. But I think you must prepare yourself for moving on because that scenario is highly unlikely.

Copyright 2013 by Nina Atwood, All Rights Reserved

Permission granted to www.singledadhouse.com to print this article

April 29, 2013

I spent 27 years — more than half my life — at one company.

My worst memories:  the annual performance evaluations. They created dread among staffers and were one of the reasons I chose to resign in 2011.

Rigid job reviews devastate employee morale and wreck any sense of shared mission between workers and management. Oppressive performance reviews create an us-vs.-them mentality that stifles enthusiasm and problem solving.

When a company is struggling, its adherence to performance reviews further infuriates the rank-and-file. The bosses, instead of trying to right the ship and navigate a sound course, are spending valuable time beating up on low-ranking employees who don’t set policy.

Idiotic.

Few actually like performance evaluations

Small-minded HR executives may be the only people who like job reviews. Evaluations produce an arbitrary, unyielding grade that HR folks can stamp on an employee. That grade, like a tattoo that can’t be removed, accompanies the worker until he or she gets fired or quits.

How sad — and unnecessary

I delight whenever I see workplace experts — I’m certainly no expert — bash the corporate obession with annual performance reviews.

“Why do we continue to let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage with the antiquated annual performance appraisal process that demonstrably doesn’t work?” writes Ron Baker, who runs an employment think tank, on Linked In. “Are we not capable of doing better?

He says the fundamental purpose of a company is to create great ideas — not develop administrative processes.

Why they’re a bad idea

In another article, Baker lists the flaws of rigid job reviews:

• They “focus on the weakness of the worker rather than his or her strengths.”
• “Effective feedback should occur as needed, not on an arbitrary date on a calendar.”
• Reviews “are a symbol of a paternalistic boss-subordinate relationship based on command and control …”
• Evaluations “impose a one-size-fits-all approach that impedes relevant, authentic feedback to different individuals.”

Some corporate types would say rigid performance reviews are necessary for legal reasons, to build a case against an employee who needs to be fired.

False, Baker contends.

“Most workers in the United States are employees at will,” he says. “They can be fired for any reason, or no reason at all, with or without warning.”

In some settings, such as school, firm evaluation standards need to be in place. I’d never advocate doing away with grades at my son’s middle school.

But a workplace is not the same as a school campus. On the job, every employee — from top to bottom — should be valued and encouraged to contribute to the company’s success.

Stop the madness

Workers who feel like they’re being inspected — instead of respected – are far less inclined to develop original ideas to advance the company. Instead, employees worry about meeting some phony metrics developed by an out-of-touch manager who never did their job.

As a result, individual performance suffers. The company as a whole suffers. Everyone loses — thanks to an archaic management tool that has been proven counterproductive.

Ditch annual performance reviews.

It’s OK with me.

Of course, if you’re a fiftysomething (like me) and date a 20-year-old, you’re likely to get plenty of scowls.

Especially from other women.

So be prepared for the fallout if you’re an old guy and plan to date young women.

Should you care what others think of your dating tastes?

I’m thinking of this question because of a flurry of recent reader feedback to an article I wrote here almost a year ago. It was entitled Sure, you want to date a younger woman – but how young is OK?

That article has generated more reader comments than any other I’ve written in the almost two-year history of Single Dad House.

I expected guys to defend dating younger women. But I didn’t expect women to speak up about their decision to date much older men.

Hooray for these women! Contact me if you’re hot and available …

Young women say it’s OK to date old farts

“I met a really charming, sweet older man that I have a lot of respect for,” a reader named Jackie wrote Saturday. “I recently reached out to him as friends. Well, one thing led to another, and we started flirting with each other and had an instant connection.”

Then she dropped a bombshell. The guy is really old (65), and she’s really young (27).  A 38-year age difference!

“I never went for much old men,” Jackie said. “But he struck a chord with me. I’m very interested in him, and the age doesn’t bother me. So I guess my question is, Is this OK?”

Yes, it’s OK, Jackie. Certainly unusual – some would say weird. But if you’re happy and he’s happy – go for it!

Jackie wasn’t the only young woman to talk about her attraction to an old guy.

“I am 25-year-old Asian girl and have been going out with 55-year-old man for a year and half ago,” wrote Eva. “He is witty and adventurous.”

Unlike Jackie, Eva doesn’t ask my advice on the relationship. But I’ll give it anyway:  Yes, it’s OK to date a man who’s old enough to be your daddy! To hell with what some people may think!

Yet another woman, Charlotte, said she too is dating a man 30 years her senior. (Do I spot a trend here?)

“Our relationship developed when we were unaware of one another’s age,” Charlotte wrote. “I’m only 19. I understand this is a very young age. However, I believe age is person-specific. I am beyond my years and have struggled in relationships with men my age.”

Woman worries about what others think of her boyfriend

But there’s a problem. Charlotte feels judged by people who notice the huge age difference between her and her man.

“I am overly conscious of the public,” she said. “I couldn’t bear to be mistaken for his daughter; I worry about this a lot. I care for this man an awful lot, but these worries are making things very difficult on my part. What am I to do?”

I’m tempted to say, as I did above, To hell with what others think! But I don’t want to minimize Charlotte’s concern.

No one likes to be judged by others, particularly in sensitive areas, such as love. If someone thinks we’re in a creepy relationship, that hurts.

But keep this in mind:  No one can decide for us if we’re in healthy relationship. And we shouldn’t let anyone try. I’d say listen to close friends or family members if they raise concerns about someone you’re dating.

If you’re seeing someone much younger or much older, ask yourself why there’s an attraction. Are you interested in the person’s character and personality – not just his or her appearance or financial statement?

Consult your head but trust your heart

For both men and women, it is possible to fall deeply in love with someone 30 years your junior or senior.

Don’t let disapproving looks from clueless strangers steer you away from a relationship that could enrich the rest of your life.

My boy has become a young man.

The transformation began so gradually that I didn’t notice it until a few weeks ago. But when he recently entered his teens, I could no longer deny that he was exiting childhood.

Connor now has a faint moustache! A husky voice. A sturdy frame. Increasingly, he moves with the confidence of a man, not the insecurity of a boy.

His journey to young adulthood has been quite a ride – for both of us.

You see, Connor and I have had a special relationship since he was 2. That’s when his mom walked out on us.

I was uneasy about being a dad again when he was born. (I was 41 and had a daughter in college.) Two years after his arrival, I certainly wasn’t ready to be a single dad. With primary custody.

“Oh, God,” I thought when the reality of the road ahead became clear.

I had a demanding job as a newspaper reporter. How would I have the time, energy and know-how to be the main parent? And how would Connor turn out?

Thankfully, just fine. No, much better than that.

We’ve learned together

Connor and I have both made plenty of mistakes. We’ve hurled harsh, hurtful words at each other. We’ve cried. We’ve sought counseling individually and together.

But, most importantly, we’ve stayed together. We’ve persevered.

One of our favorite activities is taking trips. Two years ago, I bought a travel trailer — and a pickup to pull it — and we’ve gone to the Grand Canyon, Colorado and New Mexico. There, we stopped at the International UFO Museum and Research Center in Roswell. Connor’s idea. Very cool. This summer, we’re headed to Yellowstone.

We can’t wait.

Connor’s latest interest is acting. Acting! When I was his age, I would have died of stage fright in front of an audience. Not Connor. He’s excelled at school plays and now takes lessons at a private academy.

We go to a lot of movies. Thankfully, Connor’s cinematic tastes have matured from Transformers to more serious fare — most recently, Argo.

“Awesome movie,” Connor said afterward.

“Absolutely,” I replied.

We’ll make it just fine

Connor doesn’t mind giving me advice on almost any subject. For instance, he’s told me several times he doesn’t want me to remarry while he’s at home. I should listen to him.

I tried marrying again when Connor was 6. It was a disaster – lasted less than three years. I married, in part, to get parenting help. Bad idea.

Connor’s mother, by contrast, has never remarried. I’m pleased to say she’s has remained a steady – if limited — presence in his life. She and I get along better than ever, and Connor sees her every week.

Still, divorce sucks. I regret that Connor hasn’t grown up in a home with a mom and dad.

But I can’t imagine having more fond memories of him than I do now. Even the bad times – and we’ve had plenty – now don’t seem so bad.

So Connor’s a teenager? It’s hard to believe.

And I’m a single dad? That used to be hard to believe — but no longer.

Thanks to my special boy — I mean, young man – single fatherhood has been a joy, not a burden.

My son will be a rich and famous actor someday.

I know it. I just know it.

OK, I’m kidding. But Connor, who is almost 13, is taking private acting lessons. So that’s a start, right?

Actually, I’m stunned – but very supportive – that Connor wants to study acting. When I was his age, I would have died of stage fright if I’d stood in front of an audience.

But Connor acts like he doesn’t have an ounce of self-consciousness. Good for him! He’s been in a few school plays and done well, earning the praise of a demanding teacher.

So, at Connor’s urging, I recently enrolled him in a renowned acting school here in Dallas that boasts of producing numerous kid and adult stars.

“What are you waiting for?” the school’s website says. “Take the first steps towards following your dreams of a successful career in the entertainment industry by getting started now in the program that’s right for you.”

Many kids want to be famous — or do their parents want that?

Connor is far from alone in dreaming of life on stage. On the first day of classes, we could hardly get in the front door for all the parents and kids waiting to register.

Many of the kids were much younger than Connor. I saw some who seemed to be no more than 5 or 6. Really, parents? Have your kids really expressed an interest in acting at such a young age – or are you leading the parade?

I’m disgusted at parents who push their kids into activities – whether it be acting or athletics – to fulfill their own needs. I have many shortcomings as a parent, but being pushy isn’t one of them. Actually, I asked Connor several times if he really wanted to take acting lessons. They aren’t cheap, by the way.

“Yes, Dad, I do,” Connor replied.

“The lessons are every Saturday for eight weeks,” I reminded him. “You’re sure you’ll go each week?”

“Yes,” Connor answered. “Yes.”

Getting an agent?

He even talked about getting an agent after last week’s lessons.

“If you get an agent,” Connor said, “you can find out about auditions. If you get picked for a role, you can make money!”

“Whoa!” I said. “Hold on. Let’s finish the class first – then we’ll see about getting an agent.”

One of the joys of being a parent:  Seeing what interests your child develops. It’s cool to encourage your child, build up his or her confidence – then let the kid discover an interest. Maybe the interest will develop into a passion. Or maybe not.

Trying new pursuits without hesitation is a wonderful part of childhood.

Do I really think Connor will be the next Brad Pitt? No. But he could be.

More importantly, Connor could fall in love with acting. And that’s more than enough reward.

If you’re my age (54), most of the women you’ll date are divorced.

That’s a fact of life.

But occasionally, I’ll go out with a woman who’s never been married. Frankly, I’m immediately wary.

Why has she never married? Is she afraid of commitment? Does she have deep psychological problems? Is she screwed up sexually?

It’s funny, when I was younger I tried to stay away from divorced women. I figured they had too much baggage from their failed marriage. Now, I worry that a never-married woman has an entirely different kind of baggage – and it may be worse.

So, here’s the question:  Would you rather date a divorced woman or one who’s never been married?

Divorced people debate the question

The popular Huffington Post website recently asked me and three other writers – two women and one man – to discuss this issue in a video chat.

Here’s a link to the 25-minute session, moderated by a Huff Post staffer. I think the debate is interesting.

See what you think. Hint:  All the panelists, including myself, think dating a divorced person has more pros than cons.

I’ve been married over Christmas, and I’ve been single over Christmas.

I’d say the latter is better.

What?!

I know we’re all conditioned to want someone over the holidays. I get it. It’s nice to share affection and make memories with someone we love during Christmas – supposedly the pinnacle of family life.

But let’s be honest. Look past the sentimentality of Christmas, and you’ll realize that the holidays often involve conflict and hassle when you’re married.

What should we buy for each other? How much time should we spend with my family versus your family? Is it OK to sit around and watch football or do we have to accomplish something over the holiday break?

See what I mean?

I’m accustomed to being alone

This Christmas marked my fifth consecutive one as a single man – or, more precisely, a divorced one. I had a great time.

I didn’t spend Christmas alone and sad – far from it. On Christmas morning, my two kids – a daughter 29 and son 12 – were with me. Then at noon we went to my brother’s house for more gifts and a big meal with extended family.

Fabulous time.

Two days earlier, I went to my ex-in-laws’ country place and had good food and laughter with about 50 people I still love despite my divorce a decade ago.

I didn’t feel odd or out of place at either event because I was single. Sure, most of the adults around me were married. So what? I don’t buy this notion that a divorced person should feel like a third wheel at gatherings of married folks.

If you’re single and feel self-conscious, it’s your own fault. No one is making you feel that way.

There’s another holiday coming — don’t panic

Next up:  New Year’s Eve. For single people, it’s another opportunity to feel sorry for yourself – or celebrate the freedom you have.

I may try to get a date for New Year’s Eve – I haven’t decided yet. (Although time is running out.) If I’m with someone when the new year kicks in, I’ll enjoy the moment. If I’m alone at home, I’ll enjoy the moment – whether I’m watching TV, reading or even lying in bed.

Some people have to learn to be single again after a divorce. The transition over the holidays can be emotionally difficult. I don’t want to downplay the depression that can result when you’re suddenly alone during the “happiest time of the year.”

But here’s my advice:  Hang on. Don’t despair. You’ll make it through the holidays this year. And the year after (if you’re still single). And the year after.

I’ll even offer a prediction:  You may find one day that you actually prefer being single over Christmas and New Year’s.

Just like me.

In Nina Atwood’s column, Ask Nina Atwood – the Singlescoach®, she answers reader questions about love, life and relationships. To submit a question, click here.

I’ve been dating a woman for six months and am very happy. We seem compatible in many ways. But I’m not ready to marry her and am not sure I ever will be. My girlfriend, who also is divorced, isn’t pushing me but has made it clear she hopes we’ll marry someday. Do I keep dating her and see if I become interested in marriage? Or do I say to myself that I’ll probably never want to marry her if I don’t right now – and break up with her? Thanks. – Joe S., age 39

Dear Joe:

Let’s zero in on the key things for you to reflect on and consider. Ask yourself these questions and dig deep for the answers. Notice if you feel defensive as you read them—that’s a sign that you are feeling fearful, and that’s a signal that it may be time to stretch yourself emotionally. It’s only in your emotional “stretch zone” that you grow. And if you’re not growing in a relationship, you’re moving backwards.

The first question is this: are you unable to envision marriage because she’s all wrong for you? Or is it because of the fact that you got burned in the past? It’s vital that you understand the distinction and here’s why.

If she’s Ms. Right Now, but not Ms. Right, you are wasting your time and hers. I’ll go a step further and state this: anytime you tie up someone’s heart and time when you know they are not right for you, you are harming them. No one deserves to be strung along. So your moral obligation when you realize you are doing that is to end it. Now.

How do you know she’s not right for you? There are many potential roadblocks but the key ones are these. One, your values are vastly different. That’s probably the most important issue because when your values don’t connect you struggle and the relationship will likely escalate over the years in repeated dramatic scenes that damage everyone in the family.

Two, you don’t really love her. Maybe you love her, or deeply like her, but you don’t feel that sense of “she’s THE ONE; I can’t imagine my life without her.” Could you settle? Could you find some measure of happiness? Maybe, but she will not be uplifted unless you are really and truly devoted to her. As a man, your obligation with a woman is to make sure that you can enhance her life by giving her the emotional security of devotion. By the way, it makes no difference how devoted you are if you are dating someone who is severely troubled – alcohol, drugs, infidelity, emotional problems. But that’s a subject for another article!

Okay, let’s say that you’ve thought through the first question and you’ve decided that she’s all RIGHT for you, and you really love her deeply, and she’s a good person, someone you can count on to be there for you as well. Now the question is why are you hesitating to consider marriage?

Why are you hesitating?

The answer to that is this: past history makes you fearful of marriage. You are letting the devastation of a past bad marriage (or bad relationship, or your parents’ divorce) impact your decision-making today. That’s like witnessing a car accident—or having one—and deciding never to drive again. That’s living life backwards instead of forward.

The natural progression of romantic relationships is toward lifetime commitment; however you define that, marriage being the most common way. Dating is all about choosing the person you want to share your life with. If you’re not progressing toward that goal you are setting yourself and others up for a lot of pain.

If you’re not moving toward marriage, she will eventually get tired of waiting for you to do so and she will move on. Or she will stay but be unhappy. Either way, it will become the dominant issue in your relationship if you don’t deal with it now.

Six months is a short timeframe to be sure about marriage; that’s why you date. Couples who date for at least a year before becoming engaged tend to make a better decision. I recommend these steps:

1. Sort out whether or not she’s right for you and if she is, let her know that marriage is on the table, as long as your relationship continues to grow and deepen.
2. Let her know that your emotional timetable may be longer than hers, and request her patience while you let the relationship deepen over time.
3. Share with her any fears you are trying to overcome and be open emotionally in the discussion. Be willing to respond to her concerns and fears as well.
4. Make a solid commitment to her—and request hers to you—that if at any point either of you realizes that this is not the right relationship for you, you will communicate. Promise each other that “stringing along” will not be tolerated.

These steps will build emotional safety and trust, both of which are keys to a growing relationship. Resolving the question of whether or not you’re dating toward marriage is a big step, but it’s not the only one. Once you do that, you must follow up regularly with conversations about what you want out of life, financially, spiritually, children, family, career, and so on. The ongoing pattern of regular, open, honest communication deepens and solidifies trust. That makes it easy and natural to move to the next steps, down the road, of engagement and marriage.

Copyright 2012 by Nina Atwood, All Rights Reserved

Permission granted to www.singledadhouse.com to print this article

November 16, 2012

In Nina Atwood’s column, Ask Nina Atwood – the Singlescoach®, she answers reader questions about love, life and relationships. To submit a question, click here.

Be honest.

It’s easy to condemn the general.

“I can’t believe he’d do that!” some people have cried.

Come on.

If you’re a married guy and haven’t been tempted to sleep with another woman, you’re lying.

Sure, you may have resisted the temptation. Good for you. But you’ve had the thought – many times.

So let’s ease up on General David Petraeus. He’s not that much different from you or me.

I’d say that any man is capable of cheating on his wife if the circumstances are right. There’s only so much temptation that any of us can resist.

Imagine that you’re Petraeus

Put yourself in the general’s shoes. If you’ve seen pictures of his wife, Holly, she’s no prize.

She may be a wonderful woman who has stood by his side for decades. She may have been beautiful at one time.

But today, in her late 50s, she’s dumpy and frumpy. Sorry, but it’s true.

Enter Paula Broadwell, the other woman.

She’s a workout fanatic, like the general. She’s almost 20 years younger, lean and toned – and busty to boot.

Add in her intellect (she’s a West Point grad and author), and she’s the whole package.  Broadwell and Petraeus spent hours together as she prepared a biography of him. They went jogging together. They shared meals.

Is it so hard to imagine that chemistry developed, then grew and grew – until they wound up in the sack?

Sure, they both felt guilty afterward. They each had families and reputations to protect.

But the rush of the sexual liaison was overwhelming. So they did it over and over.

Imagine again that you’re Petraeus. You go home to your very plain wife after being with your very hot lover.

Can you suddenly summon the moral courage to do the right thing – end the affair and say goodbye to great sex, embracing a possibly non-existent sex life with your wife of almost 40 years?

I can’t judge Petraeus too harshly.

How do couples avoid adultery?

Marriage is tough. I know. I’ve failed at it twice. I don’t know how a couple keeps the sexual flame alive for decade upon decade.

Husbands and wives lose their attractiveness to one another. Sexual apathy ensues.

Then, unexpectedly, your libido is resurrected by another person who enters your life. It could be the husband or wife who yields to temptation.

Adultery is wrong. It has tragic consequences, possibly destroying the lives of the participants and their families.

I didn’t cheat on my wife in either of my marriages. Other problems doomed our relationships. But I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t have failed – as General Petraeus did – if the marriages had continued.

Can you be 100 percent sure you’ll never commit adultery?

I didn’t think so.