You know a man is a good man when he can deal with hearing your drama and financial worries in the midst of a storm. I started talking with Jon from POF about 3 weeks ago. I mean, he heard my drama of dealing with having to file a petition with the court to move to another county with my son, from serving my ex, to hiring a lawyer and complaining about other scary things that are involved with this move and the house mortgage. We started off exchanging messages on POF a few times a day to moving over to texting 100 times a day to having our first phone conversation a few days ago.

Right now is not the time to be looking for love for me. I wouldn’t expect any man to be a part of what’s going on right now. So much drama, so much stress. If the tables were turned, I would be completely turned off and ran for the hills. And yet, this man is so positive, embracing he’s just the type of supportive person I need in my life right now.

He’s a Christian man and he is a few years younger than me, he’s 29. Yes, he still lives at home but I do not have room to talk because this is what I am fighting the courts for the right to do as we speak. He doesn’t have the best job in the world. He doesn’t even have a career but he is ambitious and he has hopes and dreams he is working towards. I’m right there with him. My business is laughable to some. They can’t even believe I am doing what I am doing for a living because everyone seems to think there re no legit online business opportunities. We are so different yet so similar.

he’s not bothered by the fact that I am a single mom or that I have a son. in fact, he asks engaging questions about my son and things he likes to do. He’s nearly everything on my must have list except the career thing but I am not gonna hold that over him because he seems as though he is making changes in his life.

I know for me, physical chemistry is extremely important and if his online photos are accurate; he is very good looking. I do get afraid that he will become attached me me, and I to him only to be totally disappointed when we meet face to face. meeting right now is out of the question and I don’t actually see us meeting for at least another 2 months. Its just impossible with all the drama going on right now. I wouldn’t feel right meeting him right now, not when my mind is focused on 100 different things.

My best friend fell in love with a man online that lived across the country. They only had webcams, voice chat and phone conversations to connect them. When they met 1 year later, the attraction was still there. It was as though they had known each other all long. I pray the same to happen for me and Jon. I am growing attached to him and I am just ready to let things develop however they choose to be.

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Dating hasn’t worked out too well for me in the Bay Area. I’ve hate it with this place and i am ready for a fresh start. Luckily with my own online business, I can move anywhere I really want to.

About a week ago I got the letter I was regretting from my mortgage company stating my payments were going to be increased by $400 starting June 1st. I spoke with my ex about helping me out for the month and at first he said he would. Then yesterday I received an email in which he went back on his word and said he cannot. He also demands that I get his name removed from the loan immediately or that he was going to get it court ordered that I would either have to sell the house or get his name off the loan. I do not qualify for the loan on my own so I cannot get his name off the loan.

My parents suggested I move back in with them and rent the house out so that I can keep the house. My parents live in Fresno. Its not the best city to live in and its not my ideal place to call home but its my best option right now. So I will be moving to Fresno in a few weeks. Its a pain in the butt right now because I have to do so many steps in preparation. Packing up the house is a pain and also following through with all the necessary paperwork to get everything cleared to move is another thing.

Tonight as I was packing up, I came across all the wedding photos and I cannot believe I still held onto them. I didn’t hesitate to throw them out and I have decided to take nothing to my parents home but my bed mattress, my computer, clothing and a few of my son’s favorite toys. later on, I can replace all of my cooking ware, furniture and home decor. I am looking forward to a fresh start.

Perhaps the man of my dreams is in Fresno or perhaps he is in the little town of Riverside. lol

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Holy crap! How does this crap happen to me? I am totally gonna vent here. Why the hell would a guy go through the trouble of calling me up for a second date only to ignore my call when I am calling him up to tell him I am leaving to meet up with him?! Seriously…what kind of man does this crap? I am beyond pissed. As a single mother that went out of my way to set up babysitting for my son the least he could have done was to just cancel it. I don’t even care if he would have sent me a text message saying “Sorry have to cancel” or even say “I can’t make it”; whatever. But say something!

I feel embarrassed and stupid that I somehow jinxed it. Its like the minute I tell anyone about this great guy I met and now we’re going on another date or the 5th date or whatever, that’s when everything goes downhill.

New rule! I am not telling another person about any man until he officially asks me to be his girlfriend. I am sick of this! So fricken sick of the douchebags out there!

My sister started telling me excuses “well maybe he had to work late” or maybe he’s in traffic.

Then my mom (who happened to be over this evening too) says “maybe he’s caught up in the storm”. Mom, we live in California, not Vermont!

I went out with my friend Marcus tonight and Marcus told me right away “No more dates for this guy. If he calls you, forget it. He blew it!” Which really what Marcus means is this guy is keeping me as the backup girl.

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I ended up breaking Patti’s rules about communication after a date. Patti Stanger says that you need to match your dates communications only with his lead. So if he calls then I can call him, or if he emails me, then I email him etc. Well, as usual I was already getting ansy a day later as to why he hadn’t called me if our date was so perfect. And when 2 days passed with no communication I was starting to convince myself that perhaps I had misread all of his signals of interest. Now yesterday would have been 3 days of no communication with him. I was talking with one of my male friends and he said “Now you’re positive he knows you are really interested in him?”. “Of course I am positive. I mean I told him ‘I’m not gonna call you, so if you’re interested, you will need to call me’. He knew!” Then my friend started to put ideas in my head that perhaps he misinterpreted that line and thought that maybe I was just being polite.

“Fine.Ok. I will text him then.”

So I sent him a text that read: I know you’re not big on texting but I just wanted to say hi .

I know that if I didn’t hear back from him within a few hours or even a day that he definitely is not interested. 3 hours later he calls me and we chat for about 20 minutes and then he asked me out on Monday night. I am driving up to his new house he just bought and we’re going to dinner. This should be interesting. I am excited but nervous because I know I need to kiss him on this date. A first kiss is nerve racking but it is essential because it lets him know I am not interested in just a friendship, that I want to be romantically involved with him as well.

I haven’t had a 2nd date in almost a year and a half now, so this is really exciting news for me.

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“I need about 15 more minutes until I can leave”, I said as I frantically looked at my alarm clock and then another quick glimpse down at my bare feet.  Yup, going to definitely need to wear running shoes tonight.

“Ok, no problem. See you soon”, said the voice on the other line.

I managed to get done getting ready for my coffee date with Jason in no less than 18 minutes instead of the originally quoted 15. I sent him a final text that said I was leaving and would be there in a few. After I found parking and began to walk across the street my phone rang. I answered it and it was Jason again asking if I was there. I told him I was just crossing the street to the coffee shop and he said ok and that he would meet me out front. I saw a shaved headed, good looking man smile at me and started to walk towards me. I waved at him and he waved back. He greeted me with a big hug. He was handsome…really handsome.

I was kind of  taking a huge chance with him. For one, he did not post a very clear photo of his face so it was difficult to make out what his eyes looked like or if he had a smile; or even teeth for that matter since he was not smiling in his photos. He also wore a hat in every photo on his profile and listed his hair as brown so I was completely shocked to find that he had a shaved head. He was still cute.

He opened the door to the coffee shop for me and we looked over the menu for a few. He paid for my coffee and we started chatting right away. We sat at a little table for two and we had so much to talk about. There was never an odd moment of silence. We talked for a little over an hour and then it seemed as though the coffee shop was starting to close up on us. We walked out of the coffee shop and started walking a few feet away. At some point during the conversation of where to walk to, he pulled me into him quickly as though he was giving me a quick hug.

“Are you hungry?”, he asked.

“Yea, I was so nervous, I didn’t eat”, I replied with a chuckle.

“Nervous? You’re not nervous now are you?”

“No, not anymore”, I said with a smile.

“Do you like Sushi?”, he asked.

“I love Sushi”, I responded.

We walked into a little sushi restaurant and sat at a booth. We ordered and proceeded to have the most engaging conversations. He paid for dinner and when I offered to pay for mine he winked at me and said “You can get it next time”.

Once dinner concluded, he walked me to my car that was in a parking garage about 1/2 a block away. I looked up at him and told him “I had a great time meeting you and I’m not just saying that”. he pulled me in close to him again for a quick squeeze and said “Aww, you’re so sweet”.

Once we arrived at my car, he went to hug me goodbye and he kissed me on the cheek. I told him; “You know I am traditional so I won’t be calling you. So, if you’re interested, you will have to call me”.

With his body still turned towards me he took a few steps back and looked right at me in the eyes and said “I am definitely going to call you”.

It was the perfect first date! I admit, I was totally wrong with my expectations of my date from my first post about Jason here. Now, the waiting game of finding out if this will go anywhere. I’m not calling him Patti. I promise!

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Tonight I am meeting Jason for coffee. Its just coffee and yet I am more nervous about meeting him then I was Jeff. I am nervous but yet I feel like its no big deal. Its as if I already know that there will be no sparks or intellectual chemistry. Like he is just some random stranger that will be sitting 2 feet away from me. Heck, he may as well be the guy standing behind me in line to get my coffee. Hearing me talk about this date like this makes it seem obvious to ask “why are you even going on the date”. I guess a little part of me hopes that even though we have only exchanged a total of 500 words in the course of a week; primarily through a quick 2 text message maximum a day, I somehow think we’ll magically connect. The attraction will be there, the conversation will be interesting and swoon me, followed by him walking me to my car and telling me that he would really love to see me again and how about Saturday night! All big hopes, I know but I cannot deny that deep down I am a romanticist waiting for my white knight.

Seriously God. Why are you taking so long to bring me exactly what it is I am asking for? Its frustrating to me that for 4 years I have been single and its more frustrating to me that people that were divorced less than me are already in committed love filled relationships. Oh yea and let me remind you God that my ex has been engaged for over a year now. You remember him right God? You know, the douchebag that cheated on me and walked away from our family?!?! I’m a good woman God, so why are you killing me more with each year that passes. Don’t you think I deserve love as much as I know I do?

I’m sure you will hear back from me with an update about how there was no chemistry or how he wasn’t into me because I was too fat. I apologize for this post. I am just not in the mood to think positively right now.

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For the most part, I am having more success with plenty of fish as far as chatting with the type of men I am looking for.  I feel as though I a making some progress.

The other night I was approached by a pilot who would be staying over in town for the night and wanted to know if I would meet him for drinks. Although he was super hot, I’m pretty sure he had something more on his mind than just drinks. I’m not that kinda woman.

I started chatting with Jason a few days ago and although it took him 2 days to respond to me from my last message, I think he got the picture that I was losing interest when I actually deleted his messages last night. The thing is that on Plenty Of Fish when you send messages, you can see when they have been read and when they have been deleted. If a guy sends me a message of “You are sexy” or “I wish I could have you” or any other similar crap like that, I immediately delete it. if they check their sent box, it shows them the message was deleted and then they know without a doubt I am not interested. However; if someone reds it and doesn’t delete it, it will show the message as “read”, which then leaves you wondering “ok, its not deleted. Maybe they will write me back”. I hate that! So if a guy reads my response but doesn’t respond back to me within 24 hours, I start to lose interest. Since Jason took 2 days to respond, last night I deleted his messages. lol So this morning he probably saw that and then he decided he needed to make some real effort here or he was losing me fast. lol

So he asked if he could meet me on Monday or Tuesday of next week. I told him that Tuesday sounds good. Damn, maybe I should have said Monday! Do you think he’s going to read into why I chose Tuesday. As if I had plans for Monday or that I am not all that interested in meeting him. Good grief! We’ll find out what he wants to do. he did say meet at 8:00pm so that means dinner is out. Now the next test, will he ask me to coffee or drinks? The man I am interested in meeting for would have asked me to dinner but it seems today that most of the online sites encourage coffee or drinks as a first date. Patti still says that coffee is cheap, drinks are still cheap but dinner is for romance.

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I met Jeff last night at a pub in San Ramon, CA. It was a bit of a drive for me but I was ready to meet him. I don’t like getting too close to someone via chatting on Yahoo IM and he had even called me a few days ago and we spoke on the phone.

He did do something rather icky yesterday in which he shared with me a poem he wrote and I found it rather perverted and creepy. I still fail at seeing red flags early on and yet ignore them or justify why I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

I was to meet him at a pub and I accidentally drove to the wrong one. I ended up arriving at the one in Pleasanton, which by the way I had a really good looking guy checking me out there. I wanted to stick around to see if he would come up and talk to me since we had made some very obvious long eye contact. But I was off to meet jeff at the right location.

When we met, I had discovered he was not “athletic” (big shocker there) and that he was about 40 pounds heavier than he led me to believe. I’m find with dating men that have a bit extra weight (like myself) but I am not a fan of being misled.

There was no physical attraction for me. He was nice, a gentlemen and will probably make a really good husband and father for someone but just not for me.

I am a Gemini and apparently Gemini’s are the most superficial which is ironic because I do not think I am miss hotstuff but I just am looking for attraction to someone right away and it wasn’t there for me. maybe a big chunk of that was the dishonesty of the weight.

He walked me to my car and I gave him a hug. he asked me to text message him when I got home to let him know I was safe. I did and he requested that we chat on yahoo. I did and he wanted to know how I felt about the date. I was honest and told him the chemistry wasn’t there for me. I told him I felt really comfortable with him but it was a friends thing and nothing more. He said he was disappointed because he liked me but he understands you cannot force something that is not there.

On my drive home I called my sister to tell her about it and she told me “you are too picky!”.

I then called DE to tell him about the date. I started off telling DE that Jeff reminded me of my friend’s husband (which I am not attracted to at all) and he told me “Damn, you are too superficial”.

I was open to dating someone that didn’t state he was a Christian in his profile, a man that is older than I tend to go for and someone that works for an adult online website. All things that I should have turned away from. I wanted to give Patti’s advice a chance by not judging a person on paper but it just wasn’t there for me. Patti says “The penis does the picking”, well if I had a penis it would not have been excited by this date.

Well, this chick is still searching for her frog prince.

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I don’t want to jump the gun and its hard to not start planning out how things will go upon a first date. I do the things that most women do when they first start talking with someone new online. You know, you imagine coming home to him, you can imagine his face when he proposes to you and lays that big fat rock on your hand to announce to the world that you are off the market permanently. You imagine being pregnant with his child and shopping for your first home together.

I have been talking with Jeff, whom I met off of POF, for about a week now. I like him. There’s no denying it. We have yet to meet but from what I have learned from him, he has a lot of qualities I find very attractive. I think he will make a great father some day too. I think we could get along great and just be very happy. I’ve been thinking about what a future could be like with him but the thing I cannot break away from is the religious differences. I have purposely tried to bring up God in a casual manner like “I’ve just been asking God to help with this or that” and he just seems to listen with no remark on it. I do not know for certain if he even believes in God. I know that is something I cannot compromise on. I can deal with someone that maybe doesn’t feel like he is all that connected to God but still believes in Him. But I am pretty certain I could not be with someone that is an atheist. Even though DE is an atheist and an alcoholic, I have found myself attracted to his many other qualities and sometimes felt that if we ever got together that maybe I could overlook the atheist thing but deep down I would be fooling myself.

Patti has said numerous times that religion is not something you can compromise on and when matching she does her best to make sure the two are compatible on that plane. I am breaking her rules about even giving your phone number to a man that does not have your must-haves. Seeing how my #1 on my list was he must be a Christian, I am deliberately not following Patti’s advice. It’s hard. He seems like a good match. of course all of this is just happy-go-lucky images in my head. It may be another story at a face to face meeting. Maybe he wouldn’t be attracted to me or I wouldn’t be attracted to him and then all this confusion and imagining would be for nothing.

As I sit here, freezing to death at my desk while it pours like cats and dogs outside my gut feeling is telling me “Don’t do it. Break away before you get attached.” I don’t want to listen to the voice but I guess I will never know where he stands with God until I just ask him. Of course Patti suggests not to talk about religion right away so I need to find a subtle way to find out the answer to this.

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This is an update on Cole. Coles profile was ideal. Said he was a Christian man and had strong family values. He listed things he liked to do and what he desired in a mate. Looked like your typical profile. I did find it a bit alarming that he had only one photo up. So his first contact email to me was interesting. I had noticed he had a few mispelled words but I wasn’t going to judge a man by his spelling or grammar. but then we started this email tag back and forth and I noticed I only received messages form him when it was 4am my time. He never answered my questions about what he did for Easter or what he liked to do for fun, instead he was insistent on trying to connect via yahoo. Then I received an email the other day and I notice there are all sorts of grammar mistakes and he said things like “I am pleased to be knowing you” which is way to friggin formal for a supposed native Californian. Then he seals my suspicion when he says “I am currently working out of the country in Nigeria”. RED FLAG!

I reported him to Yahoo but they have not bothered to contact me and probably don’t care.

Then today I receive another similar message on a profile that had red flags all over it. First of all he had one photo of a Caucasian man and yet his profile says he is 5’3″ and black. Then his message is urging me to contact him through yahoo email. I blocked him immediately and then I canceled my subscription and deleted my account. I am sick of this BS and I will never use Yahoo again. There is no screening and they don’t take any reporting seriously.

Word of advice, do not use paid dating sites that are not going to bother following up with their customers when you report fraudulent behavior.

I’m going back to Okcupid and POF only.

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