Singular Insanity

What you need to know about Parenting Plans

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 23:30:00 +0000

It's all about the children

We all wish we didn’t have to go there.

The reality is that some of us will.

Co-parenting can work really well, but it can also be a treacherous minefield.

I first knew about parenting plans from my friends who had gone through separation. I heard how hard it was to get the other parent to the negotiating table and then to abide by the arrangements that were in it.

When it came to my own separation and divorce, things were initially going smoothly. We had a conversation about how we were going to co-parent, the days that the boys would spend with each of us and the rest remained pretty flexible.

But then my husband was jailed, as all kinds of truths came to the surface. My first instinct was to protect my children and I knew that I needed legal advice.

I found out that even though the Family Law Act states that both parents have equal responsibility for their children, this doesn’t mean that the children must spend equal time with both parents.

I found out that when making a parenting plan you should consider:

who they spend birthdays with – theirs, the parents’, extended family;

who they spend other special occasions with – Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, etc;

how will you organise school holidays;

how will you make decisions in relation to parenting, education and living arrangements;

how flexible do you want your arrangements to be – do you want to leave them loose or fixed, as in specific dates for some things – is there any room for negotiation?

Keep in mind that the relationship you have with the children’s co-parent is likely to change. How will you feel when they re-partner? How will your life change when you re-partner? Parenting plans can be renegotiated, but it takes willingness and cooperation from both parents for this to not turn into a messy legal battle.

I also found out that unless you have a court order giving you sole responsibility for your children, if you’re the primary care giver, you are restricted in being able to relocate. You must seek the other parent’s agreement. There are no such restrictions on the other parent.

I found out that even when you have a court order giving you sole responsibility for your children and the other parent has no access rights, you still need their signature to organise passports for your children and to change their names.

The most useful thing I found out was the importance of writing everything down. You don’t need to lodge it with the Court, but, depending on your situation, you might want to. It gives you a baseline for any further negotiations and potential problems.

Special Reader Offer

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As part of this sponsored post, Watts McCray is offering five of my readers one half-price one hour consultation at one of their four offices - Sydney, Paramatta, Canberra and the Central Coast.

To redeem this offer, simply mention that you saw this promotion on Singular Insanity when you call Watts McCray to book your consultation. You can find the contact details for each office on the website.

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Terms and Conditions:

Only Australian Residents are eligible to enter.
The offer is valid at all 4 Watts McCray offices – Sydney, Parramatta, Canberra and Central Coast.
The offer is valid for 1 month from the date of this post.
Consultation length is one hour and limited to only one discounted consultation per reader.
To redeem this offer, simply mention that you saw this promotion on Singular Insanity when you call Watts McCray to book your consultation.
Limit of 5 discounted consultations on offer.
This offer is transferable, changeable or redeemable for cash.
The Promoter is Dorothy Krajewski of SingularInsanity.com. Contact: Dorothy@singularinsanity.com

Sunday Selections - Dusk

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 13:17:00 +0000

I have just come back from my weekend away.

For the first time ever I had time to experiment with my camera. No-one was rushing me, no-one was watching me.

I walked out onto the jetty on the lake and just shot.

Here are just a few of the pics -

I may, or may not, have an obsession with sky. And textures.

Now, hop on over to Kim at Frogpondsrock to check out all the other linker-uppers.

Things I Know - Holidays and Leaps of Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 31 May 2012 12:52:00 +0000

Another week has flown by and a lot has changed. A lot of my unknowns have become known and I finally feel like I am moving forward.

This week, I know:

About Holidays

On the road again....!

By the time you read this, I'll be on the road in my car, with music blaring, heading East for a blissfully quiet two-night child-free weekend. All on my own. I will not be taking a laptop. Any writing that happens will need to be done with pen and paper. I just hope that there is mobile reception so I don't feel completely cut off!

I'll be indulging in sleep, silence, books and food. Maybe even some communing with Nature - weather and sleep permitting, of course.

About Leaps of Faith

I am finally doing what I've talked about for nearly eighteen months. We are moving to the country!

I have rented a beautiful home in regional Victoria for me and the boys. It is very close to a major regional centre, is beautifully fitted out and was the first and only home I looked at and applied for. I am grateful that I already have a couple of bloggy friends in the area, so I won't be completely alone. I am also very excited about some potential business opportunities once I get there.

We move in about four weeks, during the winter school holidays. The boys are excited about the move, but not about changing schools. I am anxious on their behalf and am preparing myself for lots of conversations about this in the coming weeks.

I am not excited about the mammoth (and expensive) task of packing and moving, but I know that once I decide to do something, I just do it. Running on adrenaline all the way!

It is a leap of faith I am taking. I have never lived away from Melbourne and I suspect that I have a very idealised view of country living. But "the signs" are all pointing that way, so who am I to argue with the universe?

But first - a road trip! See you on Monday!

What do you know this week?

To play, leave a comment below, or write your own "Things I Know" post and link it up. Don't forget to grab the button and visit the linked up blogs to leave them some comment love.

The linky is open until midnight on Sunday, so you have plenty of time to join in.

On professional snobbery, entitlement and selling out

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Mon, 28 May 2012 20:30:00 +0000

I get riled up about stuff sometimes. About blogging stuff even. Or especially.

I have seen a few comments floating around the interwebz about bloggers. About how bloggers are "feeling entitled" - to payment, to free products, to being wined and dined by brands and businesses. I've seen comments about "selling out". I've also seen comments about bloggers versus writers versus journalists, which to me, smack of professional snobbery.

All of these comments annoy me.

So what is this entitlement business? Well, apparently, we love blogging and therefore should not require compensation for our effort, even when that effort is to publicise someone else's product. So whenever a blogger asks, "What's in it for me?", they are acting "entitled".

Pfffft!

Would you consider an electrician who comes in to install a power point in your home "entitled" to payment for his services, just because he loves his job? Or do you consider it payment for a service, a job well done? Maybe if he was a friend, you'd buy him a beer, or a slab, instead, or invite him for lunch.

An electrician has spent years learning and practising his trade. He has bought tools and equipment to do his job. He spends money on his car, on fuel, on insurance and a myriad other things to continue working.

It's the same with bloggers, especially personal bloggers.

Yes, many of us do it because we love it. This does not mean that we don't take blogging seriously. We spend money on our blog. This includes website hosting, software, design and professional development. Yes, we are constantly improving our skills - technical, marketing, design and writing skills, to name just a handful.

Also, strangely enough, computers and cameras (our most significant tools) cost money. Fast computers that deal effectively with large photographic and video files, can run several programs simultaneously (and withstand children's assaults) require constant updating.

Internet connections cost money, as does electricity and gas used to light and heat our homes. Because our homes, or at least a portion of our homes, are our workplaces.

Also, we love our content. We have lots of it, because we blog about our lives. If you want us to include your branded content, even if it's content we love, it is content we have to spend time and resources on creating and so, yes, we feel "entitled" to payment for a job well done. Or another form of compensation.

A link back to our blog is not compensation. Allowing us to write for free for your website is not compensation. Not even if you're a major media outlet.

Unless, of course, we feel a strong sense of affiliation with that website, want to help a friend or can see further opportunities coming from that collaboration.

It seems that PR agencies and big brands expect us to be honoured by their interest in our blogs and by them sending us "free" content. Sorry, I don't need your free content. Give me something fantastic to write about, something that adds to my quality of life, or pay me.

A $300 camera is not too much to ask. If I don't like it, I'll send it back. I do not write bad reviews, because I don't accept payment for crap products.

Over the last twelve months, I've learnt that I can write about brands and products and still weave it into my story (or perhaps it's the other way around?). I also really enjoy it.

Does that make me a sell out? Are YOU a sell out because you sell your skills to a government department or a PR agency or a shop? Is anyone who exchanges their skills for money a sell out? I felt more of a sell out when working in a job I hated, than I do now.

For me, working with brands is a win/win. I get paid and they get exposure on my blog to readers who trust me and my opinions. Readers who may remember the brand or business I've written about when they find themselves in a situation to need it. They may not purchase a magazine subscription right now, but they may remember it for the next occasion they need a gift or want to buy one for themselves.

I see these opportunities as product placement, or incidental marketing. Many big brands pay big bucks to place their products in film and TV, so why not pay to place them on my blog? (That really sounds "entitled", doesn't it?)

The difference between me and a film or TV show is that I'm discriminating in what I "place". I will not write about a shoddy product or one that has very little relevance to me. I will not write about soft drinks or cereal (unless it's porridge).

I will not write about a missile factory, or baby food. Not ethical for the former and not relevant for the latter. Unless I decided to start writing espionage fiction. Or a baby advice blog. Both highly unlikely.

I do wonder sometimes, though, whether there IS an amount of money that would change my attitude on that. Post and run?

Finally, all this professional snobbery business.

Writers, bloggers, journalists. As far I'm concerned these are just words - labels for the different forms that writing can take. None of them is better than the others, they are just different.

Not all bloggers have a qualification in blogging, writing, or publishing. Some do.

However, what a lot of qualified and experienced journalists, writers and PR reps forget is that we all have life and work experience, we probably have a qualification (or many) and experience in another field, and we ARE constantly updating our skills.

I loathe the preconception that we are "just bored mums".

No, I have not been trained as a journalist, but then I don't aspire to be one. I know that many professional journalists don't have qualifications either and have learnt on the job.

Just as bloggers are doing now.

I do not have a qualification in professional writing. Yet again, not all writers do. Does that mean that I cannot call myself a writer? Does not all the experience I have had matter? What about all the things that I have taught myself?

How I choose to use my writing skills is up to me, but I know I have them and I am really sick of blogger bashing by traditional media.

What about you? Have you encountered professional snobbery in your field?

Is all blogging advice right for you?

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Sun, 27 May 2012 20:00:00 +0000

Whether you're new to blogging or an old hand, you're probably bombarded by blogging advice on a daily basis.

Even when you don't seek them out, your social media feed is most likely full of links to well-meaning tips and advice. Most bloggers have, at some stage, written a post about blogging and added their two cents' worth.

Yeah, just like me.

I've been blogging for nearly three and a half years now. My most intensive learning has taken place over the last eighteen months. Until I got to the point where I felt that I had heard/read it all before.

And yet, not ALL of it felt right. Mostly, it just added to the noise.

Why? Because not ALL of it is ever going to feel right.

Seeking out information when you are learning is awesome. Being able to filter through that information and pick out the gems that work for you is even more awesome.

I vlogged about this here and here.

Recently, I realised something that may, or may not, be already obvious to many.

A lot of the blogging advice out there is geared towards niche and authority blogs. Blogs aimed at a very specific audience, on a very specific topic. I would include here business, parenting, travel, food, fashion and craft blogs, just to name a few.

Applying that advice to your posts, such as using lists, bullets, headings, "How to"s, SEO, makes perfect sense when blogging about knitting, blogging or marketing. Or when promoting your business.

Mine, and many other blogs that I read, just do not fit into that category. Ours are personal blogs. Blogs that document our lives, our thoughts, our opinions; for many of us it's about getting the insides of our heads out into the open, before they drive us crazy. Our niche is ourselves. And others who are like us. Others who can see themselves reflected in our views and experiences.

Have you seen any lists or sub-headings on Edenland?

Eden Riley, the author of Edenland, recently won the Sydney Writer's Centre Award for Best Australian Blog 2012. As both the overall winner and in the Personal category.

There may be the occasional "How to" or "Top 5" on blogs like Eden's, but these are often tongue-in-cheek and do not proffer to offer any expert advice on anything other than their own selves. See this post by Mrs Woog as a case in point.

So what advice does a personal blogger really need?

Just write.

You don't need to publish all of it, but get in the habit of writing. In your journal, in your head, on your blog, on scraps of paper, as thoughts occur to you. Use writing as therapy. If you feel crap, if you feel happy - write it. If you feel like writing a poem, or just one line - write it. A blogger is a writer, too.

Find your voice.

"What is my voice?", you may ask. Your voice is the way you speak, the stories you tell, the things you are passionate about.

I struggle with this one. I feel as if my voice has multiple personalities. There are so many different ways of writing and telling a story. My voice changes depending on my mood. Sometimes it disappears.

One way to find your voice, is to follow the first bit of advice. Just write. Lots.

Another, is to record yourself talking. Tell your favourite story, a joke, express an opinion about something that matters to you. Then listen. Do this often enough and you will eventually find yourself writing the way you speak.

Be passionate.

If you're not passionate about the things you blog about, your readers will notice. I know mine do. If you cannot connect personally to the subject you want to write about, don't bother. Wait for another time when it makes more sense.

Personal blogging is about connecting with your reader on an emotional level. If you do not feel any emotion when you are writing a post, your reader is unlikely to feel any when they're reading it.

Get more advice.

When you've found your voice and can write passionately, you might decide you want to know more about blogging.

You might want to increase your readership, start earning money from your blog or improve your blog design.

Get all the advice you want. Check out Problogger, Copyblogger and Successful Blogging, just to name a few blogging blogs. Visit your favourite blogs and see how they do it. Examine them from the point of view of a blogger, rather than a reader. Search their blogs for any posts on blogging. I loved this post, from Shambolic Living, based on an interview with Eden.

You might even want to get some ebooks, such as:

Successful Blogging in 12 Simple Steps, by Annabel Candy
31 Days To Build A Better Blog, by Darren Rowse
ProBlogger's Guide To Your First Week Of Blogging, by Darren Rowse

Just remember it is not all going to fit. There is no one way that will work for you. No one magic formula.

You are unique. So is your voice, style and approach. Don't be afraid to use them and don't be afraid to disregard good advice. Because for you, it may not be.

Finding my way through the noise

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Fri, 25 May 2012 21:00:00 +0000

Today I am over at my new blog "A blog of her own".

Pop on over and find out what's been going on in my head for the last few months.

Things I know about being in an ebook

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:41:00 +0000

This week I know that "Things I Know" nearly didn't happen. I've felt pretty disgusting all week with a low level cold and I just want to go to bed.

However, I couldn't go to bed without telling you that the most important thing I know this week is that this book was launched today.

The book features posts and articles from 32 bloggers and I am very happy to be named among them.

It was quite a shock when I was approached to contribute, as I consider myself small fry in the blogging world, but it was also thrilling. Finally, I get to say that I'm a published author!

(Of course, I'm already published here, but you know what I mean.)

The best bit about this book, however, and the thing that convinced me to participate, is that all proceeds are going straight to Foundation 18, run by the indomitable Cate Bolt, with whom I frequently exchange banter on Facebook and Twitter.

Foundation 18 operates in Indonesia and "is working towards establishing local industries so that it may become self sufficient in the near future". It also runs an orphanage for girls, providing them with a safe place to live, food, clothing and access to education. There are currently twelve girls in residence aged from three to fourteen.

The project was conceived by Allison Tait from Life in a Pink Fibro and birthed by a whole bunch of people who volunteered their time and covered the costs needed to make this happen. Allison writes more about the process here.

I urge you to wander over to this website and purchase your copy. Not only will you get a great read from some awesome bloggers, you will be doing "good".

What do you know this week?

Personal branding and the school run

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Wed, 23 May 2012 20:30:00 +0000

After a particularly unpleasant experience with one of my son's teachers, I realised that image DOES matter.

As much as I don't care about how others see me, the truth is that they DO see me AND they judge me. They judge me purely on my appearance and treat me accordingly. I am classified straight away.

When I turn up to school drop off, or pick up, in my most daggy, yet comfortable, trackie daks and a puffy parka, and (god forbid!) unwashed, sticky-uppy hair, that is all that anyone sees. And immediately makes judgements.

I am then dismissed by one group of parents and accepted by others as one of their own.

When, the next day, I turn up at school "all dressed up" because I have a meeting to go to, or have come back from one, the situation is reversed. In the end, nobody talks to me because they are confused.

Please, don't get me wrong. I actually don't care about that bit. Random people's judgements are their own and I do not seek to change them or even rile against them. If I cared, I would make an effort. Not with clothes or hair, but with a personal connection.

OK, maybe with clothes and hair, if it was a new environment and I wanted to attract people similar to me. I mean we all need friends and colleagues. We all need a support network. Right? It's only later that we bring out the trackie daks.

Much is said about looking the part for job interviews. We also try to look the part in our place of employment and in any business dealings. We do this to be taken seriously. To establish a specific image, or, dare I say it, a personal brand.

As I became involved in blogger events over the last eighteen months, I found myself more and more conscious of how I looked - of the clothes I wore and of how I behaved. I found myself shopping for clothes that I could wear to events, in case, deities forgive, I should be photographed in the same thing twice! I now think about how I want to come across to others and I dress accordingly.

Superficial much? Not really. I haven't cared about how I dressed for a long time. Clothes had been practical and durable, never fanciful or pretty.

Now, I buy clothes that are fun, pretty and, still, practical. I try things on that I would never have even looked at before. I do this for me, but I also care about the image I want to send, an image that is a reflection of my personality.

It seems that now I also need to do consider my "personal brand" for the school run.

Even though the baggy-kneed trackies are also part of my personality, the message that is received when I wear them is not one that I want received.

(I suspect that this judgement is based on the prevalence of trackie daks in my neighbourhood, as well as thongs in winter and beanies in summer.)

I actually don't want to send any message other than I am my kids' mum - here to drop them off and pick them up. A mum that is HERE. A mum that opens her arms and smiles when the boys run to her to say hello. A mum that cares about their day and about their education in general.

Apparently my trackie daks say otherwise.

I wish that image didn't matter. I wish that people would not make judgements based simply on someone's clothes. But it does and they do.

And a lot of the time, I do too.

What about you? Are you treated differently depending on what clothes you wear?

Extreme sleeping at Big 4 Bellarine Holiday Park

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Tue, 22 May 2012 21:00:00 +0000

Isn't it funny how you don't realise just how tired or sleep deprived you are, until you get some decent rest?

I engaged in some extreme sleeping this weekend.

On Saturday, my darling children were so occupied with their Wii that they let me sleep 'till 10.45. This would be fine under normal circumstances, but given that I was due at the Big 4 Bellarine Holiday Park at 2 pm for The Great Race, it didn't make for a great start to the weekend.

My first rule for weekends is "Let mummy sleep". The second rule is "No rushing". So I didn't. There was breakfast to eat, bags to pack and children to drop off.

I eventually made it by 3 pm, only the second last to arrive. The Great Race was over, to my ~~glee~~ disappointment, so I joined in the debriefing, greeting old friends and meeting new ones. There were bloggers in the pool (heated to 33 degrees), outside the pool and others returning to their cabins. Most were wearing Team colours (sorry, Team Purple!)

Escaping the cold, I made myself at home in the cabin and didn't unpack the laptop. I tweeted, I read, I did yoga. Yes! It's amazing what a clean, uncluttered and quiet space can do for the mind. And body.

The heating was on. The couch was comfy. I relaxed.

And then, after a glorious dinner with bloggy friends, a bottle of champagne or two and some shimmying on the dance floor, I went to bed. (Yes, I can shimmy. All those belly-dancing lessons did not go to waste.)

I was spoiled!

And..... I couldn't sleep. I was severely wound up and over tired.

2 am came and went, my book was finished and sleep was still far away. It was nearly 3 before it claimed me.

So, it really was not surprising that I didn't wake up again until 11.55 am. I blame this:

Yes, it's King sized.

And the super quiet. Everybody had gone. The Holiday Park was closed to other visitors. There was silence.

Now I have bragging rights to being the last one to check out.

I also missed breakfast.

Now THAT's extreme sleeping. What is the latest you've ever slept in? (Not counting your teenage or partying years)

PS: Stay tuned for more about my escape to Big4Bellarine. In the meantime, you can follow them on Twitter.

Self-censoring and sticking my neck out

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Tue, 22 May 2012 02:57:00 +0000

Every now and again I fall into a space, on this blog and on the interwebz in general, where I'm paralysed with indecision.

Do I say this, or don't I? How do I say this? Can I be bothered?

Sometimes I wonder about the point of me voicing an opinion, particularly when it is not one that many others share. What does it add to my life? My opinions in themselves help me shape my life, but does sharing them have any real purpose?

Throughout my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood, I was not allowed to have an opinion that was different to my parents', or that of other "adults". I was certainly not allowed to express it.

This, of course, did not stop the "adults" in my life from expressing theirs and forcing them on others. Verbal abuse was rife.

Not surprisingly, this affected my work life, particularly the first five years.

I found it very hard to have an opinion on anything.

Combined with my hyperactive curiosity, which required a thorough exploration of all angles of an issue, I quickly became a fence sitter.

Other people's strong opinions about anything were quite perplexing, not only because of their one-sidedness, but also of their vehemence. Maybe I just didn't care enough? About politics, about government policies, about unions, about public transport?

Being a different-type thinker, made me "other" than most people I worked with in government. I had an Engineering degree, while just about everyone else had majored in Politics, Social Policy, Economics or Finance. Not only did I have all that personal baggage, but my brain is just wired differently.

Surprisingly, or perhaps not, this oddity made me an excellent policy officer and project manager. I could see the big picture and understand all arguments, for and against, any given issue. I could talk to all the people involved, see all their points of view as valid and write a damn good briefing.

In terms of my own opinions, I can see now that I simply didn't care about any of the stuff my peers did. My values always revolved around family, self-preservation and recognition. With time, I developed opinions about mental health, general healthcare, education and empowerment for all people.

I also have opinions about the work I do now, although those too stem from my values.

Seeing others personally attacked and abused on their blogs, Facebook and Twitter, I am often loath to express my opinions, or engage in any debates. Yet, I do.

Discussing things that are important to us should, theoretically, help us to see the whole picture and to connect with others who share our opinions.

Agreeing AND disagreeing are both important, but for me, the (often) personal attacks and down right abuse are not OK. These make me reluctant to stick my neck out for anything. Does that make me a coward? Maybe. (See the point about self-preservation above.)

So I choose my conversations. I choose when to shut up and when to speak up.

Often the argument is just not that important.

What about you? Are you a speaker-outer, an observer, or a fence-sitter?

Things I know - more about motherhood

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:58:00 +0000

Ah, what a week it's been.

It is late on a Thursday night and I don't really know what I'm going to write, but I'm sure that I know some stuff and that you do too.

This week I know that I'm really tired of the media continuing to beat up "The Mummy Wars".

This issue only ever seems to become an issue when it is reported in the media in a deliberately inflammatory way.

I can't help but think that this is the patriarchal establishment's way of once again belittling and gaslighting women in general and mothers in particular. I can only hope that the powers that be, the traditional structures of our society, are feeling threatened and that the quiet revolution is beginning to be felt.

Women are continuing to use their voices, speaking about all kinds of stuff and it sure is beginning to make people feel uncomfortable. Yes, we do talk about breastfeeding. Yes, we do talk about our children's bowel movements. We even talk about making the perfect scone.

We also talk about society, government, taxes, poverty, wealth, mental health and international affairs.

Yes, surprised, aren't you? Well, not if you're a woman you aren't.

Do we, mothers, really care about the finer details of how others mother?

Yes, we do. When we are struggling, or are trying to find a better way, or a way that works, yes we do.

Then we find what we were looking for and we move on to the next thing. We get on with our lives. There is so much that needs to be done.

I don't spend any of my time wondering about, or judging, how other mothers mother. Do you?

This week I've been struggling with my own mothering. Being a sole parent has been hard this week, as both boys are pushing at their boundaries. Hard.

Pushing back, equally hard, is really tough emotionally. A friend (another sole parent) suggested that when it all gets too much I "lock myself in my bedroom, lying on the floor with my feet keeping the door closed against their attempts to have me witness their tantrums".

So I will. If they need me to be tough, I will be tough. And then, in the evening, I will cuddle up with them on the couch and watch Masterchef.

What do you know this week?

To play, leave a comment below, or write your own "Things I Know" post and link it up. Don't forget to grab the button and visit the other blogs to leave them some comment love.

The linky is open until midnight on Sunday, so you have plenty of time to join in.

Noodles and lions and snakes... Oh, my!

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 17 May 2012 02:18:00 +0000

I used to think of myself as a crafty person.

And then I had children.

For the uninitiated among you, it is a truth widely known among parents that the amount of time and effort required to set up and clean up kids' craft activities is inversely proportional to the time actually spent on the activity, which, in turn, is directly proportional to the children's age.

Huh?

When my boys were younger, thirty minutes of setting up and cleaning would result in maybe five minutes of actual craft time. It's amazing how quickly little kids can paint! Or maybe it's just mine?

If I was lucky, the boys would help me with the preparation and tidying, resulting in some more actual engagement.

These days, we don't do craft unless they help set up and, thankfully, they can stay occupied for ~~much~~ slightly longer periods of time

I also feel like a complete novice in the world of children's crafts, especially those requiring the construction of things. I can handle simple pasting and painting activities, but anything more complicated has me tied up in anxious knots.

Pipe cleaners, paddle pop sticks, boxes and plasticine - I'm looking at you!

It's not really surprising that over the years I developed a severe case of craft phobia

I even abandoned my own craft projects, which now sulk in various corners of my study/lounge.

Having a "MasterCraft" challenge sprung on me at the Colorific headquarters last year, was just a little bit traumatising, because it required the construction of things with NO INSTRUCTIONS!

You see, I'm an instructions kind of girl. I ALWAYS read the instructions for everything. Even when the THING seems basic. Because you never know what one crucial ingredient or step that you might miss.

I always use recipes for cooking and stick to them rigorously. It may take me up to five years before I'm game enough to vary them slightly.

This tendency makes me rather good at constructing flat-pack furniture and cooking, but not so good at imaginative play or kids' craft.

I was quite excited that this box of Brain Noodles from Colorific came with instructions.

What are brain noodles, you ask?

Basically, they're pipe cleaners on steroids. They are super cool to play around with, because they're very, very soft and bendy. If it's sensory play you're after, these are really, really awesome.

My biggest problem at the event last year, was what to do with them? Thankfully this kit from Colorific comes with instructions and everything you need to make four critters.

We managed to make three:

Roar..!!

This is supposed to be a parrot... :-/

I think it takes a special kind of nimble fingers, or perhaps well practice fingers, to make critters out of pipe cleaners. Even WITH instructions, which, I have to say, I found a bit hard to follow at times. And there would have been no way that my boys would have been able or willing to make the critters without help from me. I suspect though, that this is more due to our shared perfectionism, than the actual instructions.

In the end, we reverted to free play with the box contents and instead of making the panda we made the abominable snow man and a snake... Of sorts...

We may not have attained perfection with our critters, but we had loads of fun. It was good to have the instructions to start with, but it was also fun to just bend and fold the noodles into whatever form we liked.

Colorific are giving away a Brain Noodle craft pack to one creative reader. Just complete the form below to enter.

What has been your most hilarious crafty adventure?

The (really) find print, also known as Terms and Conditions

Only Australian Residents are eligible to enter.
You must follow Singular Insanity by RSS, email, Facebook page, Twitter or Google Friend Connect.
For entries to be eligible, you must complete the entry form. Incomplete entries, or answers exceeding 25 words, will be deemed invalid and will be deleted.
The most creative complete entry will win one a complete Brain Noodle craft box from Colorific.
Judge's decisions are final and no correspondence will be entered into.
Entries close midnight, 8 June 2012, and will be drawn on 9 June 2012. The winners will be notified by email, and posted to www.singularinsanity.com.
Prizes are not transferable, changeable or redeemable for cash.
Entrants' personal information is collected in order to conduct the promotion. Personal information will be kept confidential and not passed onto third parties.
The Promoter is Dorothy Krajewski of SingularInsanity.com. Contact: Dorothy@singularinsanity.com

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Loading...&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

Will I write about Mother's Day?

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Sat, 12 May 2012 12:03:00 +0000

Well, obviously! You're here, aren't you?

I wrote earlier about Mother's Day not being a big deal in my family of origin.

For me, it's always been about the crappy craft made at school that my mum kept for decades and the carnations bought with my pocket money (she hates carnations!).

Mother's Day was always a lot more about the giving (from me), than the receiving. Not that my mum didn't appreciate it, it's just that it wasn't a big event, a big celebration. In fact, it was only after I left home that I began making a bigger deal of it, by often inviting my parents over for dinner on the day and buying expensive presents.

Today, I wonder how much of that was the result of the commercialisation and media saturation about how Mother's Day should be celebrated. Have our expectations been unfairly raised by the Others?

I realised today that Mother's Day is exactly the same for me. I seriously don't expect, or want, a big deal. My boys were very excited to buy their gifts from the Mother's Day stall at school and made much fuss about hiding them in their rooms. Again, this is much more about them and their opportunity to give, than about me.

For me, celebrating and valuing motherhood is an every day thing. Especially as, often, it is such a hard, hard thing for me. I don't love it, sometimes I hate it; although, I've come to realise that I hate the circumstances in which I am experiencing motherhood, rather than the role itself.

The best celebration and present I have is to see my children safe and happy and knowing that they're loved. I feel valued by them, most days. I know they take me for granted, but I also see how much they want and try to help with the running of the house. How tightly they cling to our family life. How much pleasure they get from helping (or is it more about earning game time? Hmmmm...)

I know that I provide them with the stability and emotional well-being that they need. I know that I do the very best for them that I can. And I know that they know it, too. How? I just know.

Earlier this week I wrote this post for Simply Multicultural. I researched Mother's Day - its origins, its celebration around the world, its different dates. You know, in case you're interested. In fact, there is a whole other post I need to write about motherhood. And society. And women. Soon.

Today, I wanted to share with you this poster, created by Alyce from Blossom Heart:

You can download it here. And print it and frame it, like I have. Maybe it could be that last minute gift for your mum? Or for you.

Love you much...

Things I Know - About Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 10 May 2012 20:00:00 +0000

Welcome to Things I Know, where I, and you, get to tell the world all the things we know this week.

No matter how mundane, how trivial, or deep and meaningful, I reckon we all know something, even when we think we don't.

As I contemplated this week's post, I thought, "Bloody hell! I actually have nothing to say this week!" Except that it took about a minute of the gears turning in my head for the first Thing to appear.

So, get ready!

This week I know:

About Things I Know

that I love the concept of "Things I Know" so much that I tried to buy the domain name. Alas, it is already taken;

why? Because I realised that I know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff. My insatiable curiosity means that I like to find out stuff. I like to know the "How" and "Why" of everything. From people, to machines, to organisations, to society.

Unfortunately, I am not an expert in any one thing, other than myself. So, please, do not take anything I say here, about anything other than myself, as gospel.

About Other Stuff

that when a doctor tells you that sedation may be a side effect of a new medication you're trying, this may mean that you are going to sleep all night and all day! Thankfully, my body clock has the school run hard wired into it and the daily routine was not compromised;

who knew that a post about cat food would draw so much interest? In case you're wondering, the kittens are adjusting to their "raw food" diet quite well, with less and less canned food having to be mixed in every day;

that homework is a pain! My 9yo spends more time whingeing about having to do it, than actually doing it! Drives me batty!!!

that I really need to clean up my desk (again!), because every time a cat jumps on it, something falls off!

that a lot of this post may be grammatically incorrect, but I really am too tired to try and figure it out.

Hmmm, quite a few product placements there... Unpaid for, I might say...

Now it's your turn. What do you know this week?

To play, leave a comment below, or write your own "Things I Know" post and link it up in the linky thing below. Don't forget to grab the button and visit the other blogs to leave them some comment love.

The linky is open until midnight on Sunday, so you have plenty of time to join in.

Did you leave it too late? I probably will..

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Sun, 06 May 2012 20:00:00 +0000

I tend to be a last minute kind of person.

I may appear organised, but believe me, the organisation always happens at the very last minute.

When you work from home, in particular, time becomes fluid. Days merge into one another and months can pass without me noticing.

I’m always the one asking for today’s date at the chemist.

So, major celebrations and special days always catch me by surprise.

Like Mother’s Day. I may think about it for ages, but, as I never remember when it is, I am the one scrambling for present ideas at the very last minute.

Is this where you rush for Mother's Day? I do... Image from Brian Snelson - Flower Stall in Krakow.

Many of you probably do too.

So, I love that magazine subscriptions, theatre tickets or gift vouchers can be an instant gift, especially when you buy them on the net.

I also love that buying a Mother’s Day present could win me this:

When I first became a mother, I would have loved a subscription to Mother and Baby Magazine Australia, as I was a virtual sponge for baby related information. I figured that somewhere, somehow, I would find the answers to my unsettled, non-eating baby.

I was constantly reaching for parenting magazines at the supermarket checkouts and newsagents, buying books and talking to anyone I could, wondering when things would get better.

Over time I learnt that each baby has its own set of solutions, each own set of answers. I also learnt that most of the time, no matter how much you read, or who you talk to, you need to trust yourself.

But knowing lots does help to guide your intuition.

So if you know a new mum or mum-to-be and want to help her adjust to motherhood, consider buying her a parenting or pregnancy magazine subscription. I know that I couldn’t get enough of those, either, when I was pregnant. Despite all the air-brushing, reading them made me feel more normal.

This post is sponsored by Magshop Mother’s Day competition, which could win you:

1. Return Business Class Airfares for two people from Sydney-Tahiti-Los Angeles flying Air Tahiti Nui.

• 7 night luxury accommodation in Tahiti:

• 6 night stay in an overwater bungalow at the InterContinental Bora Bora Le Moana Resort.

• 1 night stay in a twin-share room at the InterContinental Tahiti Resort.

2. 7 night stay in a twin-share room at the InterContinental Los Angeles Century City.

3. $5,000 spending money.

Are you a last minute kind of person?

Things I Know - A Riveting Post About Cat Food

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 03 May 2012 20:00:00 +0000

The weather in Melbourne has been cold and rainy for most of this week. And very grey. This never bodes well for my mood, but I keep going to bed each night hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

Despite the general miserableness (it is SO a word!), I did manage to learn one thing this week.

About Cat Food.

I noticed our kittens growing slightly on the chubby side over the last few weeks and becoming obsessed with food. No amount was ever enough.

Even though I know that kittens need a lot of food because they're constantly growing and chose to feed them food that was recommended to me by a vet years ago, I was a bit concerned about their round bellies. I mean, they were waddling!

So I did some research.

It turns out, that dry food is probably the worst kind of food you can feed your cat. It's is like allowing your child to eat burger rings all day long. And cats often become addicted to it.

Cats are carnivores, not omnivores like dogs. Their diet needs to be mostly protein and dry food is not.

Also, dry food is much higher in calories per gram, because it does not contain water. Canned or raw food contains a large percentage of water and therefore has less calories. So, even while eating the same amounts, they end up eating way too many calories than they need.

So what is the best food for kittens? I was amused to read that it's "raw food". Meat.

My amusement came from the term "raw food", because I've only ever come across it in relation to raw fruit and vegetable diets for humans.

Anyway. Armed with this information, I set off to the supermarket to hunt me some meat.

Again, I was amused. This time it was the fact that pre-packaged meat for cats is basically kangaroo mince, a meat not normally seen in our kitchens. It seems that I am easily mused.

It also seems that cats don't mind eating our national emblem. I'm not quite sure why so many Australians do?

The raw food diet was a major flop. The "premium kangaroo steak mince" was tasted, but left untouched until the night, when it was dragged around the cat part of the kitchen, in search of anything "edible" inside, and left there for me to clean up. Twice.

In the morning, I was glad that I bought some canned food as a backup. This was greeted with much enthusiasm. Unfortunately, addicted to their dry food, the kittens kept trying to get into the pantry and attacking the dry food bag. Which they have been doing for weeks now. Addiction.

They also kept being hungry. Hungry kittens are very annoying kittens.

I buckled and gave them a serve of the dry food, but even that wasn't enough. So finally, in an attempt to have my way, I mixed the "raw food" with the canned food. That compromise was deemed satisfactory, so I win!

Control freak much?

It's quite concerning that vets and pet shops are recommending this food as "the best". It clearly is a matter of commissions, not the animals' best interests.

So they're you go. You've been educated!

Actually, I learnt a few more things this week, but after reading this riveting account of cat diets, I'm sure you want to get on and read the other linked up posts.

To play, leave a comment below, or link up a post you've written about Things you Know, below. Don't forget the button!

What do you know this week?

Would you, could you, know it, if you saw it?

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 03 May 2012 02:34:00 +0000

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

Several people told me. I didn't believe them. All the definitions and behaviours I read about just did not fit in.

"Violent" would have been the last word to describe my ex.

Except, as I wrote before, violence is not always physical.

I saw a version of this diagram in a support group:

When we were asked to fill in the behaviours each of us witnessed, taking away the assumption that the violence had to be physical, I came up with this:

That's when it really hit me. I cried.

I wished I could have seen the cycle I was in, years ago. I was so blinded by the need to be with someone, to be loved, that I just lived with it and accepted it as a "normal" part of my life. I became numb to the abuse.

You should never become numb to the abuse.

You are important and valuable.

No-one has the right to ridicule you, blame you, or diminish you in any way just for being who you are. We can talk about our behaviours, we can talk about responsibilities, expectations and money, when we are in a relationship of any kind.

If you cannot talk about it and you feel bad when you're around the person who "loves" you, then, it is my humble opinion that, you are caught in the cycle.

Are you?

Blogging as Healing Video from #DPCON12

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Tue, 01 May 2012 20:00:00 +0000

Here 'tis!

The video of my speech for the "My Blog, My Story" session at the Digital Parents Conference, held on 30 March, 2012, is now ready for your enjoyment and my torture.

Enjoy!

If you just want the words, you can find them here.

Housework and the Single Mum

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Tue, 01 May 2012 01:05:00 +0000

Whether you're sharing a house, or are in a relationship, housekeeping is NOT "woman's work".

When I was married, I resented every tiny bit of housework I did. Because, as far as I was, and still am, concerned, looking after a household is a shared responsibility.

This was a common area of dispute in our marriage, as I know it is in other marriages/partnerships. We tried many strategies, but the one that worked best, was to devote one morning during a weekend to housework, get it all done and then treat ourselves to a nice lunch.

Then I had children.

All mums, and a lot of dads, know that looking after a child is a full time job, it's a 24/7 job. I know that not everyone sees is a "job", I know some of you truly love it, but it can be exhausting - physically and emotionally. Yet, somehow, it is also expected - by society, by our partners, by ourselves - that because we are home, we also have the energy and the time to do all the other stuff.

Part of this expectation is the result of being brought up by mums who not only taught us how to do all the housekeeping, but also did it all in our families. I know my mum did and, when I got older, enlisted me in this servitude. Because that's how I've always seen it. Servitude.

In my own marriage, every pair of jocks I hung out, every load of dishes I unpacked and every bit of floor I mopped felt like an enormous imposition, because I was expected to do it. Somehow, by default, these became my tasks.

It annoyed the hell out of me that even though there were two adults living in our house, only one of them saw that things needed to be done - that the cat littler box stank, that the kitchen benches were full of dirty dishes and that the carpets were filthy.

There was the ongoing argument that, because I was at home, it was more convenient for me to do these things. Because I was there and "I had the time".

The tables were turned when my ex began working from home. Yet, somehow, even though he was home and had time to do small tasks in between work tasks, he rarely did. Instead he played internet games and chatted to people online, in his "spare" time.d And we all know how that ended.

He felt like, and was seen as, a hero for taking my son to school almost every day. That's after I got him up, dressed him, fed him, made his lunch and packed his bag (the son, not the husband). Oh, and did all the usual things one has to do for the baby. But I wasn't a super hero. He was.

Still, I persevered. I refused to give in to the assumption that just because I was a stay-at-home-mum, I was also the resident housekeeper. My job was to take care of the children and I did.

I listened with incredulity as other wives and mothers talked of ironing all their husbands' shirts, making their lunches and cleaning house all day so their "hard-working partners" came home to a spotless house. No wonder they were depressed. Mind you, I was, too, but that's a whole different story.

My ex redeemed himself by taking on the bath time and bed time antics just about every night, however his idea of cooking dinner, was to order take away.

Since becoming single and a sole parent, I noticed that I resent housework far less. I only have myself to be mad at when I see the unkempt house. I can choose to be mad, to ignore it, or to do something about it. The choice depends on my workload and on my mood, but it is MY choice.

I hired a cleaner soon after my ex was imprisoned - I knew I couldn't do it all by myself. I kept her for a long time after my income dried up.

These days, I am slowly enlisting the boys and teaching them about our joint responsibility of looking after the house. I show them just how much I do for them and ask that they help. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

I don't pay them for doing chores, because, for me, chores are part of being a family and families help each other. They get pocket money for free. The get game time for demonstrating helpful behaviours.

You know what? There is no "women's work" or "men's work". We can all do different things. We all have a choice. Women can drive massive trucks in open cut mines and men can be awesome dads and helpful partners.

My gripe is about partnership. I just want us all to work together.

Thanks to Marita from Stuff with Thing for inspiring this post :-)

How is the housework done in your house? All-in, or "women's work"?

Grief and Shame

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 05:58:00 +0000

I read this post, by Kim from Frogpondsrock earlier today. I wanted to respond immediately, but it hit me right in the gut and I started crying.

No, we don't do grief well in this country. We expect it to have a definite end. We don't want to keep hearing about each other's losses. We don't understand why those affected by a loss, keep going on and on about it.

I suffered a loss. No, nobody died. Except, I died a little. Or a lot. My whole life died. My whole future died.

I still feel the loss. But it seems that I'm not allowed to. I'm supposed to move on. And it wasn't a real loss anyway. "You're better off without him."

I know that. I feel glad that I'm out of there. But I still hurt. A lot.

I was deeply hurt by the words said to me earlier this week, because they trivialised my loss. I was accused of sensationalising my story. And you know what? My story IS fucking tabloid gold!

Did I plan it this way? Did I want it this way? Did I bask in the sensationalism of it all? Do I still?

No. I lingered in dark corners hiding from the world. I was unable to look people in the eye, sure that they knew what had happened. SHAME.

Not many people get, really GET my experiences. They don't get the trauma of your whole world being turned upside down. They don't get the shame you feel when you suddenly realise that black is white and white is purple, that your life is a fucking tabloid story.

Nobody knows what it feels like to walk into the massive structure of a city prison to bring your husband clothes and money. Until you do. I felt shame and anger and guilt and grief.

Nobody knows what it feels like to read the emails that caused your husband to be imprisoned. Until you do. I felt disgust, shame, anger and betrayal.

Nobody knows what it feels like to run into your husband's girlfriend when visiting him in prison. Until you do. I felt rage, shame, betrayal and grief. RAGE.

Nobody expects these things in their clean, predictable, comfortable lives. This doesn't happen to you. Or even to your neighbours. This happens to people in tabloids, or soap operas.

We don't like feelings much in Australia either. Especially "negative" feelings - grief, shame, rage, guilt. It is wrong to express them, to talk about them.

I keep being told "to fake it until you make it". Well, I've tried. I've faked it until I broke down, or exploded. Yes, I can fake it. I cannot, however, pretend that I don't feel how I feel.

Some days, I can totally disconnect from the past, from the SHAME. Other days, I can't.

I started blogging to express how I felt. I wrote a lot in that time. Mostly in my journal and letters to my husband in jail. Later, I felt brave enough to publish some of it. But not here. I did it where I could do it anonymously. Because I felt ashamed.

The reason I write here is not to grab your attention with grubby details. I write to process the feelings I'm not allowed to talk about elsewhere. This blog DOES keep me sane.

My tired refrain is

"I miss my life.
I miss my house.
I miss my kitchen.
I miss my garden."

Trivial? Maybe to some, but not to me.

Things I Know - Trust, Parties and Printers

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 20:00:00 +0000

About Trust

I'm too trusting. I trust in people's good nature, empathy and compassion. I also trust people to see me as I am, rather than as a reflection of their values and perspectives. I also know that I'm not alone in this and am finally realising why most people are so guarded when getting to know one another. Trust seems to require building up, it cannot just be assumed. I kind of already knew that, but didn't really, as my various life adventures have shown me.

About Kids' Parties

It is such a relief to finally have organised everything for number two son's birthday party. I was getting stressed by my slackness and now that everything is in place, I am hugely relieved.

You know how it is, they talk and nag you about it for eleven months, to the point that it becomes some vague thing in the vague future, and then suddenly it's two weeks to go and you've done nothing! Yes, I'm an expert at short notice birthday parties.

I am also becoming Bossy Mum, having just printed off "A Mum's Guide to the Party" - answering all possible questions parents may have about it. Including a map. As well as some requests. I call it being prepared.

About Real Estate Agents

They don't really care that much about potential tenants. I have contacted a couple in a town two hours away from where we live, wanting to inspect some houses, only to find out that they only do inspections during the week. In the afternoons. I will obviously need help with that.

About Printers

For some stupid reason, my Canon printer has decided it will no longer print from one of its black ink cartridges. Unless I set it to print on anything other than plain paper. Canon, I am getting a bit frustrated with you! Especially with the lack of online answers.

Of course, I could see it as an opportunity to upgrade, if any printer supplier/manufacturer would like to help? I am open to all offers...

About Writing and Value

Did I mention that I enjoy being paid to write? It's such a buzz to be able to deliver good content. If you'd like me to write for you, click here.

I also decided to update my Media Kit and review the value I place on my blog, my time and my writing. By value, I mean price. If that means that I get fewer PR opportunities, that's OK. If I am going to sell space on this blog, it has to be worth something more than a bottle of shampoo.

By the way, if you'd like to know how to write a Media Kit, or how to start approaching potential blog sponsors, check out these two e-books by Tina.

Now it's your turn. What do you know this week?

You can play by commenting below, or by adding your own post to the links below. Oh, and don't forget the button!

A Migrant's Perspective on ANZAC Day

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 02:34:00 +0000

I need to be honest here and tell you that I've never really connected with ANZAC Day here in Australia.

Even though I've lived here for thirty years, my formative years were filled with constant story telling about the horrors and ravages visited on Poland during World War II.

My emotional connection is with the Polish soldiers, the residents of the Polish ghettos, the unspeakable crimes committed in concentration camps and the incredible feats of the Polish Resistance. It's those formative years that left their mark on me.

Growing up in the seventies I was constantly exposed to films, TV series and commemorations of the Second World War. I've always been reminded that it started with German armed forces invading Poland. For me and for most Poles, that war was/is very personal.

I don't believe in the glorification of war or of the armed forces, yet the commemorative days we observed in Poland focused not only on remembering those who ~~gave~~ lost their lives, but also on celebrating the Soldier.

There is a monument in Warsaw, the capital of Poland, called the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. It was built in 1925 to commemorate those who were lost, who were never identified, those who disappeared in the First World War.

Source

It is an eery, moving place. It is a place a lot of us visit when in Warsaw. It is the centre of all commemorative remembrances relating to the Wars. The Eternal Flame burns in its guarded urn, a flame present in all such places around the world.

To me, that place, has a lot more meaning than similar monuments in Australia. It is part of my cultural heritage, the small part of the national psyche that I still identify with. Although it bothers me somewhat that it is always guarded, by both soldiers and metal bars.

Yet, every time I've visited the Shrine of Remembrance in Melbourne, I find myself in a similar contemplative mood. There is an aura around these monuments. A feeling of awe, of humility, of sadness.

I've never attended a dawn service or marched in a parade. I did however, stumble on the ANZAC Day parade in Melbourne once.

I was staying in hospital near St Kilda Rd, near the Shrine. As I did every morning, I bundled my baby into his pram and ventured outside into the cold drizzly day for our walk.

It was so quiet. As I walked along St Kilda Rd, I noticed the absence of cars. I saw several groups of people walking along, obviously making their way somewhere.

Soon enough, I found their destination. It was the human corridor that led to the shrine. I was struck by the silence. There was no chatting, no laughter, only the odd crying baby. The only noise was the solemn clapping as each group of veterans and/their families made their way to the shrine.

I pushed my pram towards the line of spectators and stood there for a while, observing the parade. It was incredibly moving. I had tears in my eyes. There were no smiles. Only a determined pride in those marching and incredible compassion in those watching.

After a while I had to move on. My own emotional state at the time was fragile, so we walked for a while on the footpath parallel to the parade, just watching. Feeling like a tourist taking in a new experience. Which I was, really. This was new.

I still have a hard time connecting to ANZAC Day. I respect those to whom it has so much meaning, but my mind is always on the pictures of the ghettos, the concentrations camps, the rubble left in the wake of retreating armies.

I guess our cultural memories never fade.

I'd love to hear your stories. What is your experience of ANZAC Day? What is it about it that moves you, that compels you to attend the services? Please share your thoughts below.

I do not appreciate bullying

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 02:41:00 +0000

So after a bout of sleeplessness last night and the night before, I woke up to the sound of heavy rain this morning.

Source: Rain - mxgirl85

Not the alarm, rain.

I turned over to check my clock. 9.15.

Oh, well, I thought. Looks like we're wagging school.

When I checked on the boys, I discovered the cause of the general quiet in the house. They were both absorbed in a new Wii game.

Oh, well, I thought. I informed them of school wagging proposal and was pronounced "best mum in the world".

Then I went back to bed.

In the olden days, I would have grabbed my book, but instead, I grabbed my phone looking for some entertainment.

Having checked the usual forms of social engagement, I proceeded to have a pity party on Twitter, bemoaning my "invisibility" and lack of interaction and responses to tweets. Of course, this delurked several people and various conversations got started about Twitter disillusionment, Guiliana and Bill, as well as wet weather and cosmic change.

I also read a few blog posts.

Eden's in particular struck a raw nerve.

You see, someone came in and smashed all MY china on my FB page earlier in the week.

A personal attack from someone I thought a friend, someone whose photographic and blogging endeavours I have been promoting, someone I have had play dates with, is kind of a tough blow to the gut.

Being accused of "wallowing in my misery", "sensationalising" my life, my "boys deserving better than this" and therefore forcing her to not be part of "the circus" any more are pretty harsh words. Oh, and the very high school "defriending" on FB.

Firstly, I don't appreciate public attacks.

Secondly, I don't appreciate tough love.

Thirdly, a friend did this???

Fourthly, as those of you who are regular readers know, I have been doing a fair bit of re-evaluating and rewriting of my story and my blog.

You see, a few weeks ago I came to the realisation that I was clinging to my story. I began feeling that without my story I had nothing. This came after Mamamia pulled this post from their site due to "legal implications". I stormed and raged about them not even letting me know about this, but also about feeling silenced. About not being able to tell my story due to "legal implications".

And it was this, combined with speaking at the Digital Parents Conference, that led to my decision to start rewriting my story. Because I can still tell my story, but I can tell it differently. I don't need to focus on all the wrongs that have been done to me. I can focus on where I'm going and what I've learnt from my experiences. And I can hone my writing.

Fifthly, her attack was prompted by this post. A post that has resonated with a lot of women, given its popularity and high hit rate from search engines on "I hate being a mum/mom". A post I wrote several months ago, when I was really struggling with life. A post that I do not regret, because I blog my truth. A post that reflected my truth several months ago.

A friend that does not make the effort to a) check if I was OK, b) offer to help and c) read current posts that describe my current truth, my current story, is not a friend.

I will not tolerate bullying.

Just because I choose to blog pretty openly about my life, does not give you the right to stomp all over it. It does not give you the right to berate and abuse me. I've had enough of that already.

So, as I said the other day:

I'm so sorry....

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 14:40:00 +0000

Do you or don't you? The big Mother's Day conundrum

noreply@blogger.com (Dorothy Krajewski) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 03:00:00 +0000

My mum and I talk about this just about every year.

Mother’s Day.

We talk about mothers and motherhood being appreciated every day, not just on the one arbitrarily chosen day a year.

And yet, every year, I’ve given her a present. When I was still in primary school, there was the obligatory hand-made gift, accompanied by some flowers. Later on, I kept insisting on buying her something, even though gift ideas were hard to come by. I would always make sure I was there on Mother’s Day for dinner, or I would make a special dinner myself.

Then, one day, I spent Mother’s Day in hospital. I wasn’t in a particularly good emotional state and the last thing I wanted was a visit from my family. I did not get her a present and I wasn’t able to visit. I spoke to mum on the phone and she assured me that it was OK. A phone call was fine and she reminded me that this was just another day.

These days, I still fret about Mother’s Day. I feel the need to do SOMETHING. Given our words about being appreciated every day, I’ve often thought about doing something that keeps on giving. Like a magazine subscription.

I’ve considered getting her a Woman’s Day Subscription, but realise that this would be mostly for me, given my secret fondness for gossipy magazines.

My mum doesn’t often spend money on herself, especially on such “frivolities” as magazines.

Yet, I know that she loves all kinds of food and gardening magazines. She would most likely cut out the recipes from Woman’s Day, like we’ve all been known to do and not really look at the rest. She doesn’t care about celebrity scandals, beauty tips, or fashion, not even for their entertainment value.

She would be much more appreciative of “Australian House & Garden”, “ABC Gardening Australia”, or maybe “Good Food” – my own personal favourite.

So will it be an Australian Magazine Subscription for my mum this year? Would she really appreciate it? Would she be as thrilled as I am when I open that fresh new issue every month?

Luckily I have a little bit more time to decide.

What's the most special thing YOU have done for your mum on Mother’s Day?

This post is sponsored by Magshop Mother’s Day competition