Todd's Blog

Nasty Wine

Todd — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:03:02 +0000

Have you ever opened up a bottle of wine that turned just absolutely nasty? You know what I’m talking about, you pop the cork and take a sniff and know something is wrong, but you take a sip to make sure. This happened to me recently after buying a pretty nice bottle from a local high-end grocery store. I had poured the entire bottle into a decanter and then poured a couple of glasses to taste…and confirmed the wine was bad. I took the empty bottle back to the store and politely explained to the wine guy that I don’t normally bring a bottle back but this one was really bad. Basically, the wine guy was not very cool and was very hesitant to give me a replacement bottle. He even questioned why the bottle was empty after I explained to him I had decanted the wine. He was like “dude you brought me an empty bottle” as if I was trying to scam a free bottle of wine. I had to tell him I live nearby and buy lots of wine there (true story). I also had to explain that I can’t remember the last time, if ever, I felt it necessary to return a bottle of wine purely due to nastiness. Normally if a bottle is just a bit nasty I will deal with it, or toss it, but this bottle was downright rancid right off the shelf. I guess my reason for posting this was that I was reminded how NOT to treat a customer, especially a local and loyal customer who frequents your store. Heck, I know the approximate profit margins on wine, and it does not take a rocket scientist to know that giving up 1 bottle of $20 vino keep a local and loyal wine customer is a no-brainer. (or at least to me it is). I will try to remember this little experience when dealing with customers of my own…

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949-861-4000 Merchant Services – Scam Alert

Todd — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:20:46 +0000

I have received at least 2 calls from this number with regard to my merchant credit card account. This company calling themselves “Merchant Services” seems to be one shady operation. I think they may be doing business as “Universal Merchant Services”. Do a Google search for their phone number and see for yourself. You’ll find info that suggests they are a rip-off, scammers, and harass others. The information the person from “Merchant Services” was telling me on the phone was probably illegal. They were claiming to be the wholesale credit card provider for whatever retail provider I was using (they could of course not name my merchant account provider, because they did not know) and wanted me to meet with them, fax them private financial info, etc.. At the end of the day, this highly suspect company just wanted to steal a credit card account, and probably rip me off, but instead they get this irate blog post. I’m not the only one who thinks Merchant Services is a scam. If you get a call from 949-861-4000, just do yourself a favor and hang up the phone, and notify your merchant account provider that some scammers are trying to steal their business.

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Madoff Cartoon

Todd — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:49:10 +0000

This would be so much more funny if it were not so true…

Funny But So True

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Beach Cruisers in Australia

Todd — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 01:25:28 +0000

I’m sorry, but I cannot control search engines. I really, really, wish that I could though. Below is some feedback I received today via the cruiser bike shop…

i have been doing a search for beach cruisers in australia and your site came up 2 different times, yet you dont ship outside the us. are you able to have this not happen, as it is a little frustrating. I do like your bikes, however, and theyre reasonably priced.

Seriously though, what would this person do? I suppose you could filter your search results to exlude .com domain extensions, and view only .com.au extensions? Anyone have some advice I could give this person?

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Zappos Live Chat

Todd — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 08:31:56 +0000

Update: the reason I was testing out Zappos live chat was because I am “Cruiser in Chief” of a beach cruiser store, and I was curious how Zappos would handle my chat. I think there is a LOT to learn from Zappos with regard to customer service. I think anyone involved in customer service or e-commerce can learn from Zappos.
—–
Zappos is known for service…and for letting their service agents “be themselves”. I put this to the test tonight and threw a curveball or two at the guy helping me in a Live Chat. I used the name “Timmy” as my alias and asked a totally random question about a random product. See actual chat log below. Zappos rocks! I could not even make this stuff up, I swear.
–
You are now chatting with Jonathan
Jonathan: Hello Timmy. How can I help you?
Timmy: do you know how wide the G-Shock Atomic Solar – AWG101 SKU #7403774 is?
Timmy: i mean, how big a wrist it would fit?
Timmy: Timmy has a big fat wrist
Timmy: Timmy need watch grande
Jonathan: I’ll see what I can find out for Timmy.
Timmy: awesome. and can we please continue to talk about Timmy in the 3rd person? Timmy likes to boost Timmy’s ego by talking about Timmy that way
Jonathan: Jonathan would be happy to neglect the use of pronouns for the duration of this conversation.
Timmy: Jonathan and Timmy shall get along just fine
Jonathan: Will Timmy be able to measure Timmy’s wrist?
Timmy: Timmy’s wrist is big, but not Biggie-Smalls big. Timmy doesn’t have the required measurement instruments.
Timmy: Timmy is 6′4″ 220lbs if that helps Jonathan
Jonathan: Luckily, that is roughly the size of Jonathan’s brother, so that does help.
Jonathan: Jonathan thinks that this watch will work out well for Timmy. The watch’s circumference is 9 inches, so it will probably fit around Timmy’s wrist.
Timmy: Ok cool
Timmy: Do your watches and stuff have free return shipping like your Zapatos?
Timmy: in case Timmy wants another one or something
Jonathan: And if it doesn’t work out, as long as the watch is in its original condition and in the original packaging, Timmy has 365 days to return Timmy’s order. We will even pay for the return shipping! As always, our shipping to Timmy will be free.
Timmy: Timmy thanks Jonathan for good help
Jonathan: Jonathan welcomes Timmy.
Jonathan: It’s Jonathan’s pleasure!
Jonathan: Can Jonathan do anything more for Timmy?
Timmy: no that is all timmy needs
Timmy: timmy happy
Jonathan: Good. Does Timmy have an account se up with Zappos yet?
Jonathan: Jonathan will upgrade Timmy’s account.
Timmy: yes timmy is repeat shopper
Timmy: but “Timmy” is my alter ego and not my actual name
Jonathan: Well, what is “Timmy’s” email address? I’ll hook you up.
Timmy: Timmy has placed orders using txxxxxx@gmail.com in the past
Jonathan: Alright TODD!
Jonathan:
Jonathan: I’m going to upgrade your account to VIP status! This will ensure that all future orders go out with 1-business day shipping free of charge!
Just place your future orders at http://vip.zappos.com.
Timmy: Timmy Likey!
Jonathan: Good. Good…
Jonathan: Let Jonathan know if there is anything else that Jonathan can do for Timmy.
Timmy: Ok, Timmy ok now. Timmy time to go shopping!
Jonathan: Have fun!

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Hanns G HG281DPB 28″ Widescreen LCD Monitor

Todd — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 02:39:11 +0000

This Hanns G monitor pretty much rocks! I’m looking at it right now and wish I had upgraded my monitor a long time ago. Actually I was just sorta waiting for this size monitor to dip down to a reasonable enough price, which I think it has. Right now you pick one up for $359.99 including shipping. Not bad at all for a 28″ monitor with the resolution/specs it has.

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VMware Fusion 2 + Microsoft Windows XP Home Edition

Todd — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 04:34:11 +0000

I’m not particularly excited about it, but I just ordered VMware Fusion 2 + Microsoft Windows XP Home Edition SP 2 to install on my MacBook. There’s a few Windows only programs I would like to run from time-to-time, plus I would really like the ability to use the IE and Google Chrome browsers. So anyway, the point of the this post is just to remind all you Mac people out there that if you need Windows for some reason, you can have it on your Mac! (but you can’t have Mac on Windows) Plus, the new version of VMware Fusion allows you to some pretty fancy stuff and run Windows programs simultaneously etc.. I don’t know if I will need all that fancyness but I’ll soon find out… Oh yeah I also upgraded to an excessive 28″ LCD monitor which I am really excited about. It will be like having two monitors without having to deal with two monitors (I’m hoping). Seriously though I think the productivity gains of the insane screen size will pay for the screen pretty quickly. I really need some more screen real estate lately… so if you are in need of an excessive Monitor there are some good deals to be had right now at Amazon and TigerDirect.

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Affiliate Summit 2009 West Keynote

Todd — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 20:22:30 +0000

The keynote speaker at Affiliate Summit west was Gary Vaynerchuk from Wine Library TV. He calls himself a “z-list” celebrity and is always entertaining. (His bio is pasted just below the video.) He is passionate about the Internet, so it is no wonder he has become quite the popular keynote speaker!

Gary Vaynerchuk, star of Wine Library TV, is Director of Operations at Wine Library in Springfield, NJ. Gary’s love affair with wine began at a young age when he started reading Robert Parker and Wine Advocate and blossomed over the years as he traveled around the world to various wine-producing regions (his wife remains blissfully unaware of this affair). But it troubled Gary to observe the stuffiness of the industry-conceited sommeliers, snobby shopkeepers unwilling (or unable) to educate their consumers, and seemingly mystical conventions all combine to make wine seem intimidating to the uninitiated. Wine Library TV seeks to change all that. Aimed at anyone interested in truly learning about wine, from beginners to experts, young (above 21 of course) to old, Gary and the WLTV community embrace the notion that wine can be enjoyed by all. In each episode, Gary tastes wines on the fly-it is unrehearsed, unscripted, and off-the-cuff. As Gary likes to say, he shoots from the hip, but always from the heart.

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Gmail Labs: Send & Archive

Todd — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 21:31:38 +0000

If you use Gmail check out this feature available in Gmail Labs called “Send & Archive”. It sends your reply to an email and archives it with one click…finally! It’s a simple feature but a big time-saver for me. Some other Gmail Labs features I use and like that you may like too: “Pictures in Chat”, “Signature Tweaks”, “Text Messaging (SMS) in Chat”. I’m really looking forward to “Offline Gmail” but that is not offered in my account yet…if you want to try it check your account because they are rolling it out sorta slowly, you might be able to enable it. Gmail just keeps getting better…

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Closing Up Shop

Todd — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 03:10:30 +0000

If you decide to close up shop, this is a pretty crazy way to go. Text of goodbye statement also posted below… (not sure if this is a stunt or not)

I’m done. I’m finished. I can’t take the stupidity anymore, so I’m leaving and I’m taking my website with me. As of Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009, T-Shirt Hell will be no more.

No, I’m not selling out to some douchebag corporate entity. No, we’re not being sued by any of the over 40 companies that have sent us cease and desists over the years. No, I’m not going to jail (yet) and no, it’s not because of the economy. Although, the recent dip in sales certainly does make the idea easier to accept, even though we still sell over 3000 shirts a week.

I started this company in June of 2001, nearly 8 years ago, with the intention of producing the best satirical, the most controversial, the funniest t-shirts on the internet. Generally speaking, I feel I’ve accomplished that and am satisfied with what we’ve put out. I made a shitload of dough along the way. I’ve done cocaine off the better body parts of supermodels. I’ve even raped and killed a mountain panda in the hills of Shaanxi. But these perks are besides the point.

I just don’t feel like dealing with idiots anymore. I’ll give you an example of the kind of misguided morons we deal with on a regular basis at T-Shirt Hell. We released a new shirt a couple weeks ago that says “It’s not gay if you beat them up afterwards”. I will not explain the irony or the social commentary of the slogan because anyone with half a brain should be able to handle that on their own. Problem is, we’ve been besieged with emails from angry people complaining about the “fact” that the shirt is hate speech or that we’re promoting gay bashing and should take it down immediately.

Comments like:
“I can’t even believe people buy this shit. Do you realize your supporting a hate crime? That makes you feel better about yourself? Wow you need a life. We’re all human beings and you can’t except it.”
and
“It’s Not Gay:If You Beat Them Up After”?? That is highly inappropriate and very very morally wrong. I will be advising everyone I know to avoid buying anything from your site until shirts like this are removed. In this world people are fighting for equality and a chance to be themselves without fear of being beat up because of who they are, yet here is an established website promoting hate and violence. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.”

Now, I can’t say I’m surprised we’re getting hate mail from people who have nothing better to do than to start half-assed campaigns because of their lazy, just enough passion for an email, ideals towards a misguided cause. It happened when we did our first really controversial shirt, “The School Shootings Tour”, it happened when we did our “What About All The Good Things Hitler Did” shirt, it happened when we did our “Arrest Black Babies Before They Become Criminals” shirt (boy did it happen then). It used to happen all the time when we did more social commentary and didn’t give a fuck about what anyone thought and did shirts that did not leave anyone out. Unfortunately, as a concern for the safety of my employees, we don’t push the envelope as much anymore…and I can’t say I feel good about having caved in.

Anyway, rather than cater to the masses, I’m just going to stop making shirts. It’s not enjoyable anymore and I have enough money to move on to something more rewarding. Maybe I’ll start my own hooker farm or maybe I’ll practice sleeping. Whatever I decide to do, it will be better than this.

Attention any venture capitalists or independent investors/business assholes who are about to inquire about purchasing T-Shirt Hell. Don’t. You won’t do the company justice and I won’t take that chance. I’m putting it to sleep. It’s over.

That’s right, I’m crazy. I’m pulling the plug on a company I could have sold for millions. Why in the fucking world would I do something so stupid? Because I can. I don’t care about money. This is the way I’ve always done things…my way.

So, to all the kickass motherfuckers who supported us and REALLY got what we were trying to do, thank you (no, not you, you racist idiots who thought we actually had racist intentions and no, not you, you dumb as a stump fucks who just think any shirt with the word “fuck” on it is as right as rain). Thanks to all the people who contributed to my vice fund and at the same time helped make a funny statement about the world today.

As a final farewell, I’m going to bring back some of the top selling Worse Than Hell shirts as a fuck you to those who forced me to remove them. To those who are offended by them and to those who think I’m racist, promoting rape, a nazi, homophobic or just the world’s biggest asshole…well, at least you think I’m something, which means I’ve achieved what I wanted.

Thanks to Gary, Mika, Jacob, Greg, Bob, the black lady who writes our newsletter, and to everyone else who was part of T-Shirt Hell. Time to move on to even greater things. I’ll miss you (by miss, I mean, it’s going to suck not being able to give you my excellent reach arounds when you least expect them).

Fuck you,

-Sunshine Megatron

via TechCrunch

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