Bust out your copy of Gone With the Wind and be careful with that teddy bear! This time around, the guys take a look at the final film from legendary classical Hollywood filmmaker George Cukor, Rich and Famous. Also, Derek asks his co-host a conceptual question about homoeroticism, and Juan goes toe to toe with a nearly 40-year-old take by Pauline Kael.

This episode’s recommendations:

Day for Night

The Women

Drink down that steroid smoothie and bust out that copy of C+C Music Factory’s Gonna Make You Sweat! This time around, the guys take a look at Michael Bay’s true crime film Pain and Gain. Also, Juan picks nits about movies set in Miami, and Derek has a long hard think about the telegeny of performers.

This episode’s recommendations:

Southland Tales

The Rock

Bust out your best leather and make sure your hanky is in the right pocket! This time around, the guys (including a hoarser-than-usual Derek) take a look at William Friedkin’s much-maligned S&M police thriller Cruising. Also, Juan describes his ideal gay bar theme night, and Derek shouts out the non-film career of Karen Allen.

This episode’s recommendations:

Heat

Angels in America

Grab your nightstick and don’t let the perp get away! This time around, the guys take a look at the 2009 pitch-black Jody Hill comedy Observe and Report. Also, Derek talks about social capital and Juan is back on his TV bullshit.

This episode’s recommendations:

The Guilt Trip

Something Wild

We’re a week late but we’re back in full force, so cut the tag off your fancy new underwear and mind flash windstorm! This week, the guys take a look at Adrian Lyne’s 2002 domestic drama Unfaithful. Also, Derek has opinions on flared jeans and Juan tries his hand at plugging stuff.

This episode’s recommendations:

American Gigolo

Paris Can Wait

Get out your shotguns and pump some lead into the undead! This time around, the guys take a look at William Lustig’s 1988 B-movie classic Maniac Cop. Also, Juan talks about parking tickets and Derek misplaces his notes. Yeah, this is a pretty chill one.

This episode’s recommendations:

Dead Ringers

Night of the Creeps

Dust off that stack of crappy plays and be sure to have that blankie at the ready! This time, the guys take a look at the 2005 adaptation of the Broadway hit TheProducers (which itself is an adaptation of Mel Brooks’s 1967 film of the same name). Also, Derek talks about his height and Juan lays the smackdown on James Joyce.

This episode’s recommendations:

The Lion King

The Birdcage

To borrow a phrase from the great Irish poet Phil Lynott, the boys are back in town, and they come bearing searing takes on the movies lost in the forgotten valley of middling critical reception. So put on your best safari duds and shield your loins from that black mamba! For their triumphant return, the guys take a look at the 1981 creature feature Venom. Also, Derek thinks about the userbases of new social media, and Juan reckons with a maudlin animated short film.

This episode’s recommendations:

An American Werewolf in London

Dr. Strangelove

Brush up on your aikido skills and threaten to cap a government agent in the ass! This time, the guys at a look at the 1988 Steven Seagal actioner Above the Law. Also, Derek makes a comparison this film doesn’t deserve, and Juan reveals his tortured history with a certain critically-acclaimed film from 2007.

This episode’s recommendations:

Basic Instinct

Jackie Brown

Hey there, Derek here. Well, life got in the way of Juan and I recording our Above the Law episode, but we did want to send something in the feed. So here’s a weird, completely non-canon episode from the vault! And it’s about… music?!

Back in March 2015, I got a wild hair up my ass and made a single-elimination bracket of the top 32 pop singles of 1982 according to RPM Magazine (RIP) and I asked Juan if he wanted to crown a champ, March Madness-style. He agreed, and we recorded… whatever this is. It was super fun to do, and even though the sound quality is a little rough and tumble, we hope you’ll like it too. And as ever, these are just our opinions, don’t @ us. Or do, whatever, I’m just a voice in your head.

We’ll be back to our regularly-scheduled movie-related hijinks next week. In the meantime, spread the word, leave us a review, and check out our film-crit website Dim the House Lights.

[SPOILERS] The full bracket can be found here.

Get the hammer from the shed and get down to the strains of Turkish classic rock! This time, the guys take a look at the French crime farce Tip Top, starring the one and only Isabelle Huppert. Also, Juan talks about a potentially biohazardous turn-on, and Derek finally introduces the raspberry (also known as the “fart noise”) to cinematic critical discourse.

This episode’s recommendations:

Snowpiercer

The Piano Teacher

Better late than never! Grab your cans of spray paint and assemble your cadre of muscle hunks! This time, the guys take a look at the Robert Zemeckis comic-gothic jam Death Becomes Her. Also, Derek welcomes a special guest, and Juan tells the story about how he saw Eyes Wide Shut for the first time. Actually, there’s kind of a whole digression about Eyes Wide Shut in this one.

This episode’s recommendations:

Everyone Says I Love You

Die Hard

Fire up Instagram and dig out that list of very rude words you read on the Internet that one time! In this episode, the guys take a look at Tara Subkoff’s cyber-bullying horror film called, uh… #Horror. Also, Juan talks at length about his love for Sofia Coppola, and Derek gets the angriest he’s ever been in the history of the podcast.

This episode’s recommendations:

The Visit

Antibirth

Finally, it’s time for season two! The boys are indeed back in town, and the town in question is New Orleans, so bottle up that bathtub gin and dust off that old copy of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Bayou Country! Our intrepid hosts take a look at John Woo’s Hollywood debut Hard Target, starring the Muscles from Brussels himself, Jean-Claude Van Damme. Also, Derek tries to figure out JCVD’s character alignment, and Juan exposes his predilection for injured men.

This episode’s recommendations:

Face/Off

Hard Boiled

We’re a week late, but this episode is great! Get buck naked and bust out the DDR mat! This time around, the guys take a trip down to the hirsute homosexual haven that is BearCity. Also, Juan laments gay culture while roasting the movie something fierce, while Derek manages to sneak in a reference to Blues Traveler frontman John Popper.

This episode’s recommendations:

Rubber

Heartbeats

Bust out your Elvis costume and your dumbbells, it’s time for the healing gem ritual! This time around, the guys take a look at the unique, music-videos-for-opera omnibus film Aria. Also, Derek exposes himself as a high-culture dunce, while Juan debates the relative merits of buff dudes.

This episode’s recommendations:

The Man Who Fell to Earth

The Long Goodbye

We’re back from hibernation just in time to talk to our unborn children over Skype! This time around, the guys take a look at the featherweight parenting dramedy Small, Beautifully Moving Parts. Also, Juan makes an unexpected David Byrne reference, while Derek laments his crappy producing skills.

This episode’s recommendations:

White Reindeer

Sugar

Get out your hand drums and spray-paint some Maoist slogans on some poor schmuck’s car! This time, the guys tackle Jean-Luc Godard’s polemical Rolling Stones doc Sympathy for the Devil. Also, Derek steps on his co-host’s lines and gets sassed for it, while Juan busts out the dreaded “p” word a record number of times.

This episode’s recommendations:

2001: A Space Odyssey

My Best Fiend

Grab your lucky purple marble and breathe in a super-sized helping of the summertime blues! This time around, the guys take a look at Lee Sung-gang’s fantastical animated coming-of-age tale My Beautiful Girl, Mari. Also, Derek botches the name of Japanese film composer Joe Hisaishi, while Juan bungles the term “manic pixie dream girl.” Plus a bunch of esoteric references that may or may not have something to do with the film.

This episode’s recommendations:

Lilo and Stitch

I Saw the Devil

Get behind the wheel of your sweet 1981 Focus Esprit and watch out for the eight-foot-tall orange babies in Forbidden Planet gear! This time around, the guys take a look at Panos Cosmatos’ 2010 sci-fi mind-melter Beyond the Black Rainbow. Also, Derek talks about Twitter etiquette when talking to filmmakers, while Juan keeps adding to his impressive arsenal of bad puns and lame jokes.

This episode’s recommendations:

Never Let Me Go

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Get down from that drainage pipe and make sure your wig’s on straight! This time around, the guys take a look at Pedro Almodóvar’s 1991 melodrama High Heels. Also, Juan goes Full Misandry, while Derek has a very unfortunate experience with this movie’s subtitles.

This episode’s recommendations:

The Devil’s Backbone

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Shine up those fancy war talons and dust off your copy of Owl City’s Ocean Eyes! This time around, the guys take a look at Zack Snyder’s epic fantasy adventure film Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole. Also, Derek muses loudly about other owl-centric tie-in this movie could have used, while Juan goes into full Watchmen-apologist mode.

This episode’s recommendations:

Excalibur

Across the Universe

Get comfy in your coffin and dust off your copy of Gene Page’s Hot City! This time around, the guys take a look at the 1972 blaxplo-horror classic Blacula. Also, Juan forgets the name of a movie with some jerk-off photographer, and Derek pitches an idea for a new podcast.

This episode’s recommendations:

Play it Again, Sam

Bad Company

NOTE: We talk a bit about the homophobia in this film, and as such, an unflattering term for gay people is used herein exactly one time, so beware.

Put your toddler’s boots on the wrong feet and for the love of God, stay out of the tool shed! This time around, the guys take a look at Lars von Trier’s psychological shocker Antichrist. Also, Juan busts out the most pretentious phrase in the podcast’s history, while Derek drops such bon mots as “ontological” and “nuts.”

This episode’s recommendations:

To Live and Die in L.A.

The Science of Sleep

NOTE: Some pretty nasty stuff happens to the human body in this movie, and we talk about it a bit, so beware if body horror isn’t your thing.

Put the pedal to the metal and watch out for those German heat-seeking missiles! This time around, the guys take a look at the DTV demolition derby Death Race 3: Inferno. Also, Derek tries (and fails) to channel Pitbull, Juan begs the Universe to make better trash, and both hosts take a break from talking about this week’s movie to muse about Mel Brooks.

This episode’s recommendations:

Resident Evil: Retribution

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

Sorry we’re late again, but we’re back at it! Get ready to explore the vast, infinite white void of friendship, because this time around, the guys take a look at Vincenzo Natali’s bizarro comedy whatsit Nothing. Also, Derek and Juan swap stories about the bad old days of MySpace (Derek’s story is kind of lame, but Juan’s is pretty good).

This episode’s recommendations:

Interstella 5555

Cube

Be careful with that banana cream pie, young’uns! This week, the guys take a look at the Uma Thurman/Meryl Streep age-difference rom-com Prime. Also, Juan talks about an awkward experience with a hotel concierge, while Derek sheds a little light on his theories on the emotional hierarchy of handshakes vs. fist bumps.

This episode’s recommendations:

Wet Hot American Summer

The Producers

NOTE: Due to persisting technical difficulties, the sound is a little rougher than usual in this episode. Things should be smoothed out for next time. Don’t worry, though, the pod is still awesome.

Watch out for those killbots! Beware their… grappling hook tasers? This time, the guys take a look at the gleefully schlocky 80s B-slasher Chopping Mall. Also, Derek introduces his co-host to a TV show he might like, while Juan muses about the uniformity of pretend weaponry.

This episode’s recommendations:

Night of the Comet

Re-Animator

Better late than never! Call in the Air Force and don’t forget your Air Jordans, because this time around, the guys watched Roland Emmerich’s 2013 destruct-o-rama White House Down. Also, Derek questions his co-host’s level of sobriety, while Juan busts out his best Muppets impressions.

This episode’s recommendations:

Stargate

Jupiter Ascending

Corral your livestock and tell your giant pet rat to pipe down! This time, the guys take a look at Louis Malle’s 1975 surrealist post-apocalyptic coming-of-age allegory Black Moon. Also, Juan gets slightly distracted by a clothing sale, and Derek discovers the most ill-advised yet bluntly-accurate way to describe the male gaze.

This episode’s recommendations:

Elevator to the Gallows

Flesh for Frankenstein

Prepare to be capital-s Sad! This time, the guys take a look at Dan Ireland’s adaptation of the Dolly Parton-inspired, E.L. Doctorow-penned Jolene. Also, they also almost certainly mess up Chazz Palminteri’s name (sorry, Chazz). Not a whole lot of tangents in this one, just a lot of discussion about the intersection of tone, style, and appropriateness.

This episode’s recommendations:

Take Shelter

The Tree of Life

(Note: This movie has a fair about of sexual abuse and violence in it, so be forewarned that those will be a recurring topic over the course of the pod’s running time.)

Be careful not to get any orange paint on that fancy ascot of yours! This time, the guys take a look the feather-light Disney sci-fi comedy The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, which stars an 18-year-old Kurt Russell. Also, Derek and Juan trade both punch-up ideas for this movie and really lame computer-based James Bond puns.

This episode’s recommendations:

Death Proof

Breakdown

It’s time to go into your custom-built double-door walk-in closet and grab that 400$ pair of shoes, ‘cause it’s showtime! This time around, the guys take a look at the serio-comic glitter-bomb that is the first Sex and the City movie. Also, Juan embraces his inner Samantha, while Derek suggests an alternate soundtrack to the film that might enhance the viewing experience.

This episode’s recommendations:

Big Trouble in Little China

Dreamgirls

Bust out the gas masks and dust off your old copy of The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste! For episode three, the guys take a look a Richard Stanley’s cult splatter-punk transmission Hardware. Also, Juan and Derek debate which song would better suit a post-apocalyptic motorcycle rampage (only one of them actually sings a portion of their chosen song).

This episode’s recommendations:

Total Recall

Dust Devil

We hope you’re gonna like this pod! For their second episode, the guys take a look at John Huston’s adaptation of the hit musical Annie. Also, Juan continuously references a certain other version of Annie he liked better (here’s a hint: it’s not the made-for-TV Rob Marshall one) and Derek sings the lamest libretto in the history of mankind. Also he gets fired up and political.

This episode’s recommendations:

Saturday Night and Sunday Morning

Pennies from Heaven

In our inaugural episode, the guys take a look at Ridley Scott’s endearingly goofy fantasy/adventure jam Legend. Also, Juan grills his co-host about his inability to produce a list of his favourite on-screen Beelzebubs, while Derek explains why he thinks Tom Cruise is the least believable actor around.

You can check out Derek and Juan’s film-crit work over at Dim the House Lights, and you can follow them on their respective Twitter accounts (@woahitsjuanito and @derek_g).

This episode’s recommendations:

Clue

Collateral