Sixty Percent Chance of Rain

(xcv.)

2007-11-18T20:56:00.000-05:00

Pierpont stabbed at the salad with his fork.

He was trying to ignore the fact that the middle prongs were bent backward.

The salad itself was relatively unappealing, with wilted, rusty lettice, and an altogether unidentifiable dressing that smelled like potato chips.

He pushed the salad away.

"Hey. It's you," Lorelei insisted, walking up the aisle toward him.
"You're okay! You're still alive!"
"Well, yeah, I mean--"
"He didn't find you again and try to shoot you again?"
"Nah," she said, waving the notion off with her usable hand.

She sat down in the booth opposite him.

"You got a salad?"
"Yeah, but, it, um--"
"--yeah."
"Yeah."

There was an awkward pause.

"So, what do you need me to do?" Pierpont asked.
"Well, short of killing Chet--"
"--I could do that."
"...no. No you couldn't."
"Yeah I could."
"Well, regardless, I need him, uh, distracted."
"Distracted?"
"It'd be nice."

He thought for a moment.

"When you say 'distracted'," he said, while making scare-quotes, "do you mean you want him dead, or do you just want him to arrest someone else?"

"You really want to kill him, don't you?"
"I think it'd be fun, yeah."

(xciv.)

2007-08-23T13:12:00.001-04:00

"You! You, there! Look, I've told you everything I know. Can I go home now?"

The District Coordinator chuckled.

"Well... no. You can't."
"Why not?"

He thought it over for a moment.

"Because," he insisted, thoughtfully.

"That's it?" Muffy yelped, "'Because'?! You can't just hold me here--"
"Watch me."

He stormed back out of the interrogation room, and slumped downn in a nearby bench.

"Well?"
"Why are we keeping her here, anyway?"

Chet sighed.

"So... no Brandenbury, then?"

The District Coordinator shook his head, sorrowfully.

"Fair enough," he shrugged, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket. "We'll keep her here until her fiance shows up."

He put the cigarette in his mouth and lit it.

"But that could take forever!" The District Coordinator whined.

Chet sighed. "Hey, if you hadn't fucked up and kidna-- excuse me, apprehended, the wrong person, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

(xciii.)

2007-08-19T20:36:00.000-04:00

The little girl dutifully followed Mister Aisquith down the street.

"Hey Mister!"
"What do you want, little girl?"
"When you kill that guy, can I watch?"

He turned, and stared at her, incredulously.

"What?"
"Can I watch?"
"I, uh, you... you want to watch?"
"Well, yeah."
"Wh-why?"
"Are you gonna shoot him, like on TV?"
"Uh..."

The little girl giggled.

"Can I watch? Please please please?"
"And then I suppose you'll want to go out for ice cream afterward, right?"

The little girl's eyes lit up.

"Ooooh! We can get ice cream? I like chocolate! But vanilla's pretty cool too. Have you ever had pistachio? It's got things in it. Like, little nuts or something--"
"Yes. Pistachio nuts."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"And it's green!" She announced, cheerfully.

Mister Aisquith shook his head woefully.

"Little girl, where is your mother?"
"Oh, I dunno. Pro'lly at work."
"Shouldn't you be at home... doing, I don't know, something?"

The little girl just shrugged.

"So, can I come?"

Mister Aisquith sighed. "Fine. You can watch me kill him if you want. Just... don't get in the way. Okay?"

The little girl nodded, giddily.

(xcii.)

2007-08-16T20:19:00.000-04:00

"Little girl, why are you following me?"

The little girl smiled. "I don't have any where I have to go today, but you do. And my mommy always takes me with her when she has somewhere to go--"

"Listen to me, little girl, I am about to kill someone. Do you understand? I am going to cause a man's death."

"Okay," she calmly replied.

"What do you mean, 'okay'? Have you ever seen a man die? Have you ever even been to a funeral?"
"No, but my mommy squashes bugs all the time. That's the same thing, right?"

Mister Aisquith sighed.

"No. Not at all."
"Well, why not?"
"Okay, look, go run along home to your mommy. I have to go to work--"
"Killing?"
"Yes. Killing."
"Who're you gonna kill?"
"A man who's trying to cheat the government out of taxes."
"Would you still kill him if he gave you the taxes?"
"I... uh, I don't know, actually."
"Why not?"
"Well, no one's ever tried to do it that way."
"Why not?"
"I- I don't know. I guess most people don't keep money on hand just incase they have to pay the guy that the IRS sent to kill them."
"Why not?"
"It's not really the kind of expense you plan for, really."
"Why not?"

Mister Aisquith shook his head. "Okay, y'know what? Enough. No more questions."

(xci.)

2007-08-14T17:49:00.000-04:00

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

"So... Muffy? Is that your name?" he asked, casually opening the pack and putting a cigarette into his mouth.

"It is Muffy, right?"

She nodded, meekly.

He leaned against the steel table, and tossed the cigarettes on the table in front of her.

"So, Muff -- you don't mind if I call you Muff, right? -- you're Pierpont's fiancée, I hear."

Again, she nodded.

"Okay. Good to know," he mumbled, as he rummaged through his pocket. "Listen, you wouldn't happen to know where he is, would you?"

"Is he in trouble?"
"C'mon, Muff, just tell me where he is, and you can go home."
"I- I don't know."

Chet nodded. He pulled out a book of matches, and lit one.

"You think he might be with Lorelei?"

She shook her head. "I, uh, what? What do you mean?"

Chet chuckled. He lit his cigarette, and shook out the match.

"Well, y'know, since she's in trouble. And needs saving and shit."
"I, well, um, I wouldn't know."
"Did he say anything about it before he left?"
"He just- he sort of mumbled something--"
"That's all I needed to know."

Muffy shifted her weight.

"Can I go home now?"
"What? No, of course not."

(xc.)

2007-08-13T10:57:00.000-04:00

"C'mon, c'mon, don't freak out on me, car," Pierpont mumbled, easing the car out of the bushes and onto the service road.

"Okay, just a couple more miles, car, just to--"

Deedilodo didilodo dadilodo ding.

He sighed, and reached for his cellphone.

Deedilodo didilodo dadilodo ding.

Deedilodo didilodo--

"Hullo?"
"Pierpont?"
"Yeah?"
"It- It's Lor."
"Yeah. Is everything okay?"
"Y-Yeah. I, um, I just, uh... I was gonna ask you the same question."

Pierpont thought for a moment.

"Well, yeah, everything's fine. I just careened off a hill, was all."
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah, no, it's cool. Car's in good shape. I'm almost in D.C."
"But- but, you--"
"Yeah, no, I'm fine."
"But--"
"It's cool. I'm almost there. So, I'll meet you there?"

Lorelei stammered.

"You-- you're okay, though? I mean, aside from the hill part? You're totally okay?"
"Well, yeah. Why?"
"Well, I just kinda got worried."

Pierpont chuckled.

"Yeah, no, it's cool. I'm fine. Just, uh, y'know what? Meet me at down at the place -- you know the one I mean."
"Oh- okay. Yeah. That place. Cool."

There was a click on the other end of the line.

Pierpont tossed the cellphone into the passenger side seat, and shook his head. "What the fuck was that about?"

(lxxxix.)

2007-08-12T15:07:00.000-04:00

"So... what happened to your shoulder?"

Lorelei ran her other arm along the sling.

"Um... honestly?"
"Yeah."
"You remember Chet?"
"Um--"
"Okay, when you got arrested, the one that was in charge. And he was probably a total asshole."
"Oh, yeah, him. He hit me."
"Yeah. He shot me."
"Oh."

An uncomfortable silence filled the car.

"So, what happens now?" Midge asked.
"Well, where are we?"
"Um... right now?"
"Yeah."
"I don't actually know--"
"'Cause, if you want, we can circle back around to D.C. and meet up with Pierpont."
"Ooh! We'll get to meet the infamous Pierpont?"
"Yeah--"
"I thought you said he was in New York."

Lorelei sighed.

"Well, yeah, usually, but when I told him that Chet shot me, he said he was gonna come down and that he'd be here soon."

Midge nodded. "Okay, so--"
"But that was this morning. Like, early this morning. And he seemed pretty freaked out, like he was going to drive down immediately. But it doesn't take this long to drive from New York to D.C, so now I'm starting to get worried that maybe Chet was like--"

"Maybe Chet shot you to get to Pierpont," Frank suggested.
"Fuckin'--"
"Or maybe he, uh, y'know, got stuck in traffic," Midge added.

Lorelei slumped down in her seat, gingerly rubbing her bandaged shoulder. "Fuckin' A, man," she mumbled.

(lxxxviii.)

2007-08-11T12:16:00.000-04:00

Pierpont hugged the steering wheel as the Killmaster careened across the highway sideways.

"OhGodohGodohGodIdon'twannadiepleasepleasepleaseIdon't--" he gasped, sobbing, "--Idon'twannadiedon'twannadie I don't want to die!"

The giant turquoise car crashed straight into the guardrail. It took a piece of the rail with it as it tumbled down the hill into the forest.

Pierpont sobbed uncontrollably, still holding on to the steering wheel.

The car uprooted a tree, and came to a stop on top of it.

He let go of the steering wheel. He sat back, and gasped for breath. "Holy crap," he blurted out. "Did I just-- did that--"

He leaned over, and looked up the side of the slope he just fell down.

He sighed, and rested his head against the steering wheel.

"Note to self," he whispered, "That little black lever isn't the turn signal."

(lxxxvii.)

2007-08-10T16:21:00.000-04:00

The little girl looked up, inquisitively.

"Hey Mister! Are you going to a costume party?" She asked the strange man in the black robe.

Mister Aisquith stared at her. "No," he responded, sharply.

"Well, why are you wearing a big black robe and a hood if you're not going to a party?" She demanded.

Mister Aisquith chuckled.

"Little girl, do you know what 'taxes' are?"
"N-no. Not really."
"It's money that your mommy and daddy have to pay to the government."
"Why?"
"Because if they don't, people like me will come to your house and kill them in their sleep," he insisted.

The little girl turned away, briefly. Mister Aisquith began to walk away.

"There's a word for that!" The little girl cried. "My mommy says there's a word for that!"
"That's nice."
"She says it's called 'blackmail'."

Mister Aisquith nodded. "Perhaps. But if they don't pay their taxes, I'll still get to kill them."

The little girl stared at him, horrified.

"Are you on your way to kill someone now?"

He nodded, solemnly.

(lxxxvi.)

2007-08-02T21:35:00.000-04:00

"What'd you do that for?" The District Coordinator demanded. He rubbed his shin. "It's not polite to kick people y'know."

"Mmrrrrrrfff!" Muffy screamed, trying to chew her way through the gag.

"What's that? You want to tell us where your fiance is?"
"Mrff! Mrrrrrrrfffrrrff," she mumbled, shaking her head.

The District Coordinator pulled the gag down out of her mouth. "Let's try that agai--"
"I don't know where he is!" she cried out.
"You don't."
"No."
"No idea whatsoever?"

She shook her head, and sniffled, meekly.

"He said he had something to take care of, and that he'd be back as soon as he could."
"But he didn't say where he was taking care of what it was he was taking care of?"

She sobbed.

"No."

There was an awkward silence.

From the front seat of the van, Louis called out, "So now what happens?"
"Just keep driving," the District Coordinator insisted, "I'll, uh, think of something."

The silence continued.

Suddenly, the District Coordinator blurted out, "He didn't say anything about someone named 'Lorelei', did he?"

"I thought we killed her!" Louis cried.
"No. She, um, didn't die that time."
"'Cause I know she got out of the truck. But didn't you say that Chet shot her?"
"Yeah."
"Well?"
"Well... she kinda wandered away. She might still be alive. I mean, he shot her pretty good, but we couldn't find her. So she might still be hiding somewhere."

He turned back toward Muffy. "So... Anything to do with Lorelei?"

She nodded, meekly.

(lxxxv.)

2007-07-30T23:41:00.000-04:00

"M-Mister Aisquith?"

From behind the massive overstuffed executive chair, a voice bellowed, "What?"

"W-well, sir, there's a problem, sir," he stuttered.
"A problem?"
"Yes, sir."
"What hind of problem?"
"Well, sir, it, um, one of the corporations we were supposed to, er, audit, it seems, uh, they've d-declared bankrupty, sir."

The chair whirled around. In the dimly lit office, he could only barely make out the edges of Mister Aisquith's robe.

"Bankruptcy?"
"Y-yes, sir."
"Which corporation?"
"Th-the Omnivion Corporation."

Mister Aisquith shook his head.

"This won't do," he said, slowly. "This won't do at all."

(lxxxiv.)

2007-07-21T14:06:00.000-04:00

The tiny silver convertible ambled along the road.

"So... does anyone else know where we are?" Midge asked, waving her hands and forearms toward the dark road before them.

Frank half-heartedly mumbled a "no"; Lorelei just shook her head.

"Any guesses, at least?"
"Well, which direction did we go?"
"Um... I dunno."
"It doesn't matter, because wherever we were, we aren't there anymore," Lorelei insisted, assuredly.

Midge ran her fingers along the steering wheel. "You know that doesn't help me any, right?"

Lorelei nodded.

"Okay. Good. Just so we're on the same page."

(lxxxiii.)

2007-01-27T21:00:00.000-05:00

Pierpont stared at the dashboard.

"...This car sucks," he whined.

His gaze suddenly settled on the clutch.

He chuckled. "Who wants to watch me break down on the side of the road?" he cried, sarcastically. He grabbbed the stick shift, and pulled it diagnolly to the left.

The car shot forward. He started veering around the other cars as he sped down the highway, trying as hard as he could not to hit anyone.

"Fuuuck!" he screamed, as he reached for the stick shift. He grabbed it, and pulled it backward as hard as he could.

The car stopped, lurched backward suddenly, and then lurched forward again.

"This is gonna take a while," he mumbled, shifting back into drive.

(lxxxii.)

2007-01-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

"Buh-- uh, hi."

Muffy stared blankly at the two men outside her door.

"Can I help you?" she repeated.
"Hey... we're looking for J. P. Brandenbury. Is he here?"

She rolled her eyes.

"No. He's not. Sorry," she said, as she started to shut the door.

The District Coordinator put his foot into the doorway, and asked, "uh, I don't suppose you could tell us where he is?"

She shook her head.

"Ugh. Just go away. Seriously. I told you he's not here. That should be good enough."
"But--"
"If you don't leave, I'm going to call the cops."

The District Coordinator pulled his foot out of the doorway, and she slammed the door as hard as she could.

"That was slick," Louis said sarcastically.
"Oh, yeah, 'cause you're stuttering was so much slicker."
"...so, now what?"

The District Coordinator sighed.

"Now, we do it the hard way," he said, pulling out his pistol. "Just watch."

Louis raised his brow.

The District Coordinator smiled.

"This never gets old," he admitted, before kicking the door in.

[chapter lxxxiii.]

(lxxxi.)

2007-01-12T01:37:00.000-05:00

"Okay, no. That's not how this works. We're going to go inside, and we're going to arrest the bastard."
"Wait, wait. Why didn't we do this before?"

The District Coordinator just sighed.

"Honestly?"
"Yeah, I mean, if we arrested this Brandenbury guy at the beginning, we wouldn't have this problem now, right?"
"Okay. I'm going to tell you a secret. Can you keep secrets?"

Louis nodded.

"Good. Chet is scared of Lorelei."
"Why?"
"It... it's a long story. A really, really long, unpleasant story, but--"
"Is that why he's was gonna have us look for her in D.C, but then turned around and was like, 'no, go get that other guy'?"
"Pretty much."

There was a silence.

"So, how do you want to do this?"
"What d'ya mean?"
"You wanna kick it down? Shoulder into it? Shoot the lock? I mean--"
"I dunno. He's prolly got a chain. Or one of those bar things that you prop up against the door--"
"Oh yeah. But you can get around it, right?"
"Sometimes."

There was a click, and the door creaked open.

"Can I help you?"

[chapter lxxxii.]

(lxxx.)

2007-01-05T13:53:00.000-05:00

"Dude! You're alive! You got out of the truck okay!" Lorelei blurted out.
"Well, yeah. I just, uh, jumped out the other door. And I didn't see you guys--"
"--well, yeah, we kinda got thrown by the blast--"
"--oh, makes sense. But there were all these government officials, and they were all like, 'how do you know Lorelei?', it was kinda wierd."

Lorelei nodded.

"Yeah. That tends to happen. So how'd you get out of Chet's evil clutches?"
"Oh, the ninjas got me out."

They both stared at him, dumbfoundedly.

"The... ninjas?" Midge asked.
"Yeah. The Toyota ninjas."
"Do I want to ask? Or should I just let it go?"
"No, no, see, it makes perfect sense. They protect the innocent drivers of the world from evildoers and car accidents. The car company is actually named after them."
"...so, you went crazy, then?"

Frank shook his head.

"No! It was the ninjas!"
"Whatever man. Whatever you say."

[chapter lxxxi.]

(lxxix.)

2006-12-29T19:33:00.000-05:00

The silver convertable rushed down the empty street.

"Hey, slow down a bit."
"Fuck that, I'm getting out of here."
"Can you even see anything?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, some. A little."
"Okay, look, I don't think anything's going to happen, a'right? There's way too much fog around for them to do anything stupid. You can't see five feet in front of you."

Midge turned the steering wheel hard, and the car followed.

"Look, I don't care," Midge declared, "All I know is I don't want to stick around when your friend Chet decides he wants to try to kill you again."
"But--"
"Shhh! No. No arguements."

An awkward silence filled the tiny car.

"Can you actually see anything in front of you?"
"Nope."
"So, the headlights aren't doing anything?"
"They make the fog brighter."
"That... doesn't sound helpful."

An almost ethereal figure suddenly appeared in the headlight-illuminated fog. Midge hit the breaks, but not until it had already hit the hood of the car.

Lorelei opened the door, and leaned out.

"Are... are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good. I just, uh... ow. Gimme a minute," the figure mumbled.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine," he said, as he rolled off the hood of the car.

Midge leapt out of the car and hurried to the newly-formed dent in the hood.

"Dude, seriously, I didn't see you. You like came out of nowhere and I didn't mean to..." she began, before trailing off.

The stared at him blankly for a minute.

She tilted her head, and squinted, before blurting out, "Frank?"

[chapter lxxx.]

(lxxviii.)

2006-12-22T13:42:00.000-05:00

A still fog settled over everything.

"Damn," he mumbled quietly, "you could cut through this shit with a katana."

He idly meandered toward the Metro station.

"So, you'll be okay on your own?"
"Yeah, I should be good."
"I mean, you just got out of jail. I don't think anyone's going to be too happy about that."

Frank nodded.

"I should be okay. I mean, they're more interested in Lor anyway."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."

The Sensei sighed.

"Fair enough. Just... just try to keep out of trouble."
"I can do that."
"You sure?"
"Don't you trust me?"
"Of course not."

He stopped walking, and stared incredulously at the Sensei.
"Why not?"
"Well, you obviously can't handle yourself. I mean, you're not a ninja."

[chapter lxxix.]

(lxxvii.)

2006-12-15T13:56:00.000-05:00

"...I, uh... I--"
"Impressive, huh?"

Pierpont just stared at it in utter disbelief.

"It, um..."
"So, what'd'ya think?"
"It's very... uh... turquoise."
"Well, yeah, it is--"
"And pointy. It's very pointy. And shiny."
"Yeah."

He ran his hand along one of its fins.

There was an awkward silence.

"So... why exactly do they call it 'the Killmaster'?"
"It's got guns. Lots and lots of guns. And they're all built in."
"Really?"
"Yup. And it shoots rockets."
"Cool."
"It spits oil out of a spigot in the back bumper, and there's even a cupholder."
"We've had this all along and no one told me?"
"Well, no one really knows what all the little knobs on the dashboard do. Um, there's just, uh, so many of them. We marked the ones that we know with little red dots. But the other ones are anyone's guess."

"...So, why is it that nasty turquoise color?"
"It was a popular color for cars that year."
"It's icky."
"It's the greatest spy car ever invented, and you're complaining about the color?"
"Well, it... it's turquoise."

[chapter lxxviii.]

(lxxvi.)

2006-12-08T13:02:00.000-05:00

"...I didn't think garages were supposed to have basements..."
"Well, yeah. I mean, where'd you think all that awesome hydraulic equipment was?"

Pierpont shrugged.

"So, this is where you guys keep all the awesome spy things?"
"Nah. This is just where we build 'em."
"Wow."
"Yup."

Joe lifted a pair of shoes out of a cubby. "Problem is, most of it's outdated."
"Why's that?"
"These shoes? The left one's a phone. First cell phone of its kind. The right one's a gun. Just click the heel, and it fires."
"That's awesome! Why don't we actually use these?"
"...'cause they went out of style in the sixties."
"Oh."

He put the shoes back, and motioned toward the shelves. "All this stuff is outdated or broken. I mean, that flood last month didn't help any."

Pierpont nodded.

"What can you do for me?"
"Well... you see that over there?"

Joe pointed into a dark corner.

"C'mere. You'll like this."
"I will?"
"Yup. This is awesome. Seriously, you need this. This is incredible."

Joe walked toward it, and switched on a lightswitch.

There, before them, sat 'this'. The white sheet draped gently over the few curves that it had; for the most part, though, it was just large and pointy.

Pierpont stared at it, incredulously.

"Wh-what... what is that?"
"Let me ask you a question, J.P. Have you ever heard of the Omni-Vion Killmaster?"
"The... what?"

Joe grabbed the sheet, and tore it away. "The Omni-Vion Killmaster."

[chapter lxxvii.]

(lxxv.)

2006-12-01T19:18:00.000-05:00

The distinct smell of burnt cookies filled the tiny garage.

Joe stumbled in the door.

"Guh. It, uh. Too early," he mumbled, as he turned on the lights.

He meandered across the garage, turning on smaller lights and switching on hydraulic pumps.

He paused, in front of his office door. He turned back toward the misshapen thing hidden under the sheet. He lifted the sheet, and stared at the charred and slightly melty drawing of a child crossing guard.

He shuddered and dropped the sheet.

"Damn you, Lorelei. You had to go and die, didn't you? You had to go and get yourself blown up in a fucking ice cream truck," he started walking back toward his office, and continued rambling. "I haven't had a good night's sleep since, and it's all your fault! You, and and that stupid fucking kid, on the back of that truck!"

He turned on the lights in his office, and slumped into his chair.

"You stupid fucking whore! Just leave me alone! Stop haunting me!" He screamed.

With that, a shadowy figure appeared at the door.

"Hello?"

The door opened with a little jingle. Pierpont stepped inside.

"J.P.? 'Sup?"
"Joe, listen. I need a favor."
"What kind of favor?"

Pierpont sighed heavily.

"Anything you've got. I need to bail out Lory."

Joe furrowed his brow.

"Dude. We've been over this. Lor's dead."
"No, she's not. I just talked to her. She's--"
"You saw the truck same as me--"
"No, listen to me, I just talked to her. She's in D.C. Her arm's in a sling 'cause Chet shot her, but she is still alive."

Joe stared at Pierpont in utter disbelief.

"You... you're kidding, right?"
"No."

Joe stood up, and headed toward the garage.

"C'mon."
"Where are you--"
"We keep all the toys in here."

[chapter lxxvi.]

(lxxiv.)

2006-11-26T22:30:00.000-05:00

The television cast a dim glow over the rest of the room.

Pierpont and Muffy were curled up in a corner of the sofa.

Muffy looked up at Pierpont."Why do you still watch the news?" she asked, leaning her head against his chest.

"What do you mean?"
"I mean, it's just so depressing."
"Yeah, that's 'cause the world sucks."
"...So, why do you still watch the News, then?"
"I dunno. I guess it's 'cause I can't find any of the people I used to work with, so now I have to depend on the TV for, y'know, stuff."
"But--"

Ring.

"Hang on, I got it."

Ring.

Ri--

"Hello?"
"Uh, I don't think I have the right number. I'm looking for J. Pierpont Brandenbury. Is he around?"
"Yeah. He's here, hang on."

Muffy handed the phone to Pierpont. "It's for you."

He took the handset from her, and mumbled a half-hearted "hullo" into the mouthpiece.

"Pierpont? It's Lor."
"Lor? What's up?"
"You don't actually want me to answer that."
"I don't?"
"No."
"...Oh."
"Listen, can I get a favor from you?"
"...a favor? What kind of favor?"
"Any kind. Anything you've got in your magical bag of tricks."

There was an awkward pause.

"Lor, Is everything okay?"
"Let's put it this way. My arm is in a sling, and until two hours ago, I was bleeding profusely out of a hole in my shoulder."

There was another silence.

"Pierpont?"
"You're in D.C.?"
"Yeah--"
"I'll be there in... I don't know. In a little bit. Don't make yourself too conspicuous."

[chapter lxxv.]

(lxxiii.)

2006-11-17T17:04:00.000-05:00

"Wait, wait. Hang on just a second. Where are we going?"
"We're going to go arrest Lorelei."

The District Coordinator stared at Chet in utter disbelief.

"Uh, I'm sorry sir, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we already kill her?"
"Nope."
"You mean we blew up an ice cream truck with a rocket launcher and she's still alive?"

Chet nodded solemnly.

"We didn't kill her hard enough."
"We... what? That-- that doesn't make any sense at all!"

The District Coordinator sighed heavily. "I mean, it's not like she's a cat, and she's still got eight lives left, and we just have to kill her eight more times. Either she's alive, or dead. You can't kill someone harder. It just doesn't work."

There was an awkward silence.

"Well, um, either way, we have to kill her again--"
"But, she's not dead, so we'll just be killing her for the first time--"
"Just shut up--"
"--I mean, unless she's a zombie."

Chet stared at the District Coordinator incredulously.

"She's not a zombie."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Good."
"Look, I shot her, and now she's probably at the hospital."
"But... we killed her, and then... but if she's a zombi--"
"Listen to me! She's not a zombie!"
"But--"
"You're really hung up on this, aren't you?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, zombies are scary."

[chapter lxxiv.]

(lxxii.)

2006-11-10T19:09:00.000-05:00

The emergency room's waiting room seemed strangely quiet. Perhaps it was the fact that the Television had a large Out of Order sign taped to it. Perhaps it was the fact that they were among only four people in the room. Or perhaps it was the fact that it was 5:23 in the morning.

Either way, it seemed unnaturally quiet for a hospital waiting room.

"Y'know, I gotta admit..." Lorelei started, and then kinda trailed off.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, no, it... nevermind..."
"What?"
"...nah, it... it's not important."
"...okay."

There was a pause.

"I think I was gonna ask why you cared so hard."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I... it's just... anyone else would've bailed on me by now."
"...it... it's 'cause we're friends."

Lorelei stared at Midge, incredulously.

"What?"

One of the other people in that waiting room started coughing.

"Friends," Midge said, "y'know, those people you hang out with afterschool, and get drunk with in the middle of the woods, and share your deepest, darkest, most embarassing secrets with... y'know what I mean, right?"

Lorelei stammered for a moment. "I, uh, I- I-- um..." she paused, "right. Sure I do," she said, half-heartedly, as she stared at the floor.

There was an uncomfortably long silence.

"Do you really mean to say that anyone else would've bailed out on you?"
"Well, I dunno. I mean, Pierpont would'nt've. But, y'know, we've done some crazy shit. I mean, if he were in a jam, he'd know I'd be there for him, and, and I'm here, and he'd be here for me."

Midge nodded.

"Anyone else? At all?"
"Well, maybe Svetlana. But, even then, we're not really that close, I don't think. I mean, there's always been this speculation that she secretly worked for the Joint Commission--"
"--would it have mattered if she did?"
"...Well, think about it. If she was willing to lie about who's side she was on, what else was she willing to lie about? It goes back to that you can't be my friend you're 'cause you're really her friend thing from elementary school. I mean, I can't really explain it any better than that--"
"Yeah. I guess that makes sense."
"Yup."

There was a pause.

"You've never actually talked about, um, whats-her-face, before."
"Yeah. Like I said, we're not really that close. Besides, I think she may have been arrested. Which may or may not have been a cover. I dunno."
"Sooo, your only friends are your boss, and some other chick who might be your enemy but you're not sure?"
"Right. And you."

Midge stared at Lorelei. "I... you... I don't... should I be scared, or honored?"

Lorelei smiled.

"Yes."

[chapter lxxiii.]

(lxxi.)

2006-11-03T12:26:00.000-05:00

"Lor, we need to get you to a hospital, and--"
"...yeah, no, I... I'm good. I think. Maybe."

Lorelei pulled her hand away from her shoulder. She looked at the blood, looked at her shoulder, and then put her hand back. "Yeah, no, I, uh, I think I'm fine."

"What happened to you?"
"Well, I went to go talk to whats-his-face, and then Chet was all like, 'noooooo, I won't let you do that', and he shot me."

There was a pause.

"C'mon. We're going to go find a hospital--"
"But I'm fine--"
"Look! If you weren't standing in front of me bleeding I'd say you were crazy. Now lets get you to an emergency room."
"...but--"
"Now."

There was an awkward silence.

"...Yeah, I really don't have any kind of response for that. No witty retort, no comments, no, uh, anything."
"Yeah. That was the idea. Now come on."

[chapter lxxii.]