Sushil J. Cherian

The Strangest Call I Overheard at Office

2009-10-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

The strangest call I overheard at Office…

Location: Desk of a colleague

Time: Around 3 PM

Call Type: Really Pesky Telemarketer Call.

The call was from some Big Name Bank wanting to convince my colleague to put in his hard earned money into infestments (thats how the caller pronouced “investments”). My colleague was pretty bugged(pun intended) by now that he was getting so many unsolicited calls on his work number so he wanted to have some fun and put the call on speakerphone.

From here on I will refer to the Telemarketer as TM and my Colleague as C and I overheard from this part onwards:

TM: Please saar infest some of your money in our XYZ funt (fund) or Midi-Kapi (mid cap) infestments.

C: Am not interested in this please. Please do not call at this number again.

TM: But saar this is a very eggciting offer we have to give you ….

C: Am not interested in this … please do not disturb me at work.

C: How did you get this number

TM: Sorry sir to disrupt you at work, you work a large company ? no ?

C: Actually I dont work for a large company…

TM(confused): You work for what then saar ?

C: I have my own business.

TM: What kind of business ?

C: Charayam distillation and distribution (Charayam - Liquor)

TM(Really Confused): Sir are you being serious ?

C: Yes of course …you asked me what business and this is what I do. Is there a problem ?

TM: Actually yes there may be a problem as we require Tax filing proofs.

C: Yes that may be a problem as I dont have tax proofs.

TM (Stunned silence): …..

C: Actually I have never filed taxes in my life ….

C: Come to think of it ..I could get into trouble if I filed taxes ..yes ?

TM (Still shocked): …..um… hmmm… err …

TM( Trying to recover): Saaar do you have a bank account ?

C: I dont have a bank account …that is only for white money !

TM: Saar what do you mean ?

C: I mean I also have my own printing press for Rs 500 & Rs 1000 notes …so I dont have to ever worry about money or taxes ….and so I dont need a bank … I print when I need money !

TM (Still stunned silence …I can hear background noise but no voice still): …..

C: Would you like to come join my operations …I am looking to expand into Banking line since anyways I can print money ..need to make some white money… need some marketing support …

TM: Sssir … please be serious…

C: I am serious … I have a job offer for you monthly pay : as many bundles of Rs500 you can print in 2 hours. How is that …when can you join me at work here ?

TM: S.s.s sir I have to talk to my supervisor …

C: Please go talk to your supervisor and not call this number again. “Click”

TM: “Click”

Note: This seems to be an increasing problem office facilities where we receive calls from outside numbers where the banks/card/loan companies seem to have found one number and then use that number to then dial all other extensions in sequence till they find someone who answers.

From our side we see an unknown number but cant ignore the call just in case it is either a team member/onsite member/family member trying to reach you in an emergency.

I dont have a solution to the problem other than such creative answers to give when bugged at work or on the mobile phone by telemarketers … let us be polite …but can we be creative ? Yes Of Course !

Category: category

Exit Loneliness @WWW

2006-01-17T21:55:00.000-08:00

An interesting and sad article from the Economic Times. It talks about how older people have become adept at using the WWW to keep loneliness at bay.

As much as the older folk pretend that they are fine with their living conditions there is no denying the fact that they miss their children who are "well settled" abroad in high paying jobs. These parents make do with the support of their local relatives, friends and neighbors and of course now the WWW.

To the dude who bought his father a laptop computer and his equally cool sister who bought their dad computer course material ... its a decent gift and must have cost a pretty packet and all that but it doesn’t replace being there with the folks and making sure they are doing okay specially in their old age when health issues begin to take over. Sending email and calling a couple of times a week do not suffice! I know I have no details of the reasons for the kids to be away from their parents but I still think it is not right to leave ones parents alone especially in their old age and that too several continents away.

Other countries may do things differently but I have seen how pathetic life is for people living in old-age/retirement homes (both in India and abroad). I agree old people can be cranky and difficult but the answer is not as simple as putting them in a home as soon as they cross 70 yrs in age. They need their privacy and freedom as everyone else but also need a lot of support of the emotional kind and not just the monetary kind at their age.

Category: brain drain rant

More Poos Padams

2006-01-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

Coming up with titles is increasingly difficult so am re-hashing my old post title. These were shot at home in Chennai:

(Clicking on the photos opens up larger copies)

Category: Photo Flower Macro

Landscape Photos

2006-01-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

Thought I would start my first post for 2006 on a positive note. The following are two of several pictures I took when I went to California in 2003 (I went only because my close friend Rajesh & his wife Padmaja insisted).I have to thank them once again for taking me to such awesome places and for their amazing hospitality when I was there.

There was an end of year photo contest for our division at work and ... I got first place for these two photos (luckily the theme was natural beauty and since the only restriction was that the photos should have been taken by the person submitting them it was good for me). The prize was a gift receipt for a local restaurant. I did get a kick out of the fact that finally I won something for my photos.

(Clicking on the photos open up larger versions)

Category: Photo

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2005-12-19T21:36:00.000-08:00

If you have worked in IT Consulting you will realise the following answer to a simple question could have only been answered by an over priced consultant from one of the Big Five Consulting companies (PWC,Anderson,KPMG,CGEY,D&T). I use the following also as a cheat sheet when responding to RFPs where I need to use big fancy words.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening it's dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Big Five Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking it's physical distribution strategy and implementation process. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Big Five helped the chicken use it's skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chickens people, processes and technology in support of it's overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Big Five Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Big Five consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Category: Software Industry Humour

Project Management Proverbs

2005-12-19T03:12:00.000-08:00

This has been out on the net for years but came across it again today. The IT Project Management Proverbs I & II. Of these I liked the following the most:

Any project can be estimated accurately (once it's completed).
The most valuable and least used WORD in a project manager's vocabulary is "NO".
The most valuable and least used PHRASE in a project manager's vocabulary is "I don't know".
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
You can con a sucker into committing to an impossible deadline, but you cannot con him into meeting it.
At the heart of every large project is a small project trying to get out.
Too few people on a project can't solve the problems - too many create more problems than they solve.
A change freeze is like the abominable snowman: it is a myth and would anyway melt when heat is applied.
A user is somebody who tells you what they want the day you give them what they asked for.
What you don't know hurts you.
A badly planned project will take three times longer than expected - a well planned project only twice as long as expected.
It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It cannot be done in one month by nine women.
Fast - cheap - good: you can have any two.
Good project management is not so much knowing what to do and when, as knowing what excuses to give and when.
If everything is going exactly to plan, something somewhere is going massively wrong.
For a project manager overruns are as certain as death and taxes.
Some projects finish on time in spite of project management best practices.
Good project managers admit mistakes: that's why you so rarely meet a good project manager.
There is such a thing as an unrealistic timescale. The more ridiculous the deadline the more money will be wasted trying to meet it.
The first 90% of a project takes 10% of the time the last 10% takes the other 90%.
The project would not have been started if the truth had been told about the cost and timescale.
To estimate a project, work out how long it would take one person to do it then multiply that by the number of people on the project.
When the weight of the project paperwork equals the weight of the project itself, the project can be considered complete.
There is no such thing as scope creep, only scope gallop - Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
If project content is allowed to change freely the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress.
If you can interpret project status data in several different ways, only the most painful interpretation will be correct.
A project gets a year late one day at a time.
If you're 6 months late on a milestone due next week but nevertheless really believe you can make it, you're a project manager.
No project has ever finished on time, within budget, to requirement - yours won't be the first to.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
If an IT project works the first time, it is wrong.
The person who says it will take the longest and cost the most is the only one with a clue how to do the job.
Difficult projects are easy, impossible projects are difficult, miracles are a little trickier.

Category: Software Industry Project Management

IT Widows & Widowers & Orphans

2005-12-09T18:53:00.000-08:00

Another article that talks about the impact of the IT industry work style and its impact on the family of the person working in IT. This is from "The Hindu"'s "Speak Out" column that appears in the Saturday paper.

[QUOTE] I'm a mother of two. Most of the time, I find myself playing substitute father, since my husband not only works late, but is often away on tours as well. If anyone can offer tips on how the family can manage both work and home, they would be appreciated.[/QUOTE]

I believe this article speaks out about the general lifestyle of people working in IT and more specifically the men who end up choosing work over families. Am not sayint that there arnt women who end up choosing work over families but just the sheer ratios of men to women working in IT results in more men spending more time at work. End result the family suffers with the spouse being an "IT Widow" akin to a "Golf Widow" where the husband spends all his time playing golf. Here instead the husband spends all his time at work or working from home or being away from home for work. Am sure the phenomenon of an "IT Widower" exists where the husband works in a non-IT field and doesnt get to see much of the IT wife.

Compared to being an IT Widow or Widower I believe there is one thing worse. IT would be an IT Orphan. This can be best explained with the following true example. A couple works in the same software company. Both are at a pretty senior level and have a small son. The poor kid spends most of his time with either his grandparents or uncles/aunts as his parents are usually travelling or working late. At any given time I have not heard of the parents being in the same city at the same time for more than a couple of days and during those days they are invariably working late. This poor kid is the "IT Orphan" who has parents who can spend a lot of money on him whenever needed but cannot afford to spend time with him. Time which is much more precious than money !

Solutions are needed and quickly for the sake of the Widows/Widowers and Orphans.

Category: Software-Industry

IT Life - Words & Phrases

2005-12-08T22:44:00.000-08:00

These words/phrases have been overused by people I worked with/for and are related to software projects I have worked on and had the responsibility to work on it myself or had to get someone else to resolve the issues. In all cases the problems were so many and so severe that if it was possible I would like to have the associated words totally banned or use alternatives or invent some kind of filter (on my ears) as I would prefer to not hear these words or phrases ever again. Each time I hear these words I remember the not so distant past where I heard these words over and over and over and over and over again. The list is chronologically ordered but not in any particular magnitude of hatred. The list also shows the progression and changes in what I used to do and what I do now.

1. JScript
2. JavaScript
3. ASP
4. Website Link Checker
5. Word Wrap
6. AutoCAD Viewer
7. File Formats
8. DWF, DXF, DWG
9. Out Of Memory
10. Applet
11. Application
12. AWT
13. Swing
14. Category
15. Transformation - Staging Transformation, Structural Transformation, Behavioral Transformation.
16. Object-To-Relational Mapping
17. Database Error
18. Gemstone
19. Process Costing
20. Performance Tuning
21. Dispatcher
22. Stuck Purchase Order (PO)
23. Stuck Pricing Request (PR)
24. Supplier
25. Buysite
26. Marketsite
27. Page Cannot Be Displayed
28. Workflow
29. Pager
30. On Call
31. 24x7 Support
32. Production Critical Application
33. Serial
34. Parallel
35. Severity
36. Priority
37. Outage Report
38. Issue
39. Escalation
40. Level One Help Desk
41. Ticket
42. Bug
43. Enhancement
44. Release Notes
45. Smart-Form
46. Meet-Me-Line
47. How is it going?
48. Conference Call
49. Root Cause Analysis
50. Preventive Action
51. Weekly Status Meeting
52. Daily Noon Status Meeting
53. Seebeyond EWay
54. Broker
55. Adapter
56. Re-process Error File
57. MJQ
58. JMA
59. Catalog Load Problem
60. Long Running Report
61. Tornado
62. Virtual
63. Advisor
64. Voice
65. Recognition
66. Prompt
67. Text-to-Speech(TTS)
68. Business Requirements
69. System Requirements
70. Requirements Traceability Matrix
71. Test Cases
72. Disaster Recovery Planning
73. Go-No-Go Meetings
74. Tollgates
75. Block-Point-Release
76. Project Plan
77. Testing Plan
78. Testing Strategy
79. QA Review
80. Automated Testing
81. Use Cases
82. Swim Lane
83. Design Document
84. Change Request
85. Auto - Diagnostic Trouble Code (DTC)
86. Oil Life
87. Odometer
88. Trigger
89. File Format
90. Data Sharing Agreement
91. Schema (XSD)
92. Integration/System Testing
93. Bag-Phone
94. GPS
95. Fixed Bid
96. Request-For-Proposal
97. Proposal Response
98. Estimation Methodology
99. Effort
100. Middleware
101. Schedule
102. Transition Plan
103. Quality Plan
104. Automotive Warranty
105. White-paper
106. BPEL
107. Data Model
108. Design Review
109. SQLJ
110. Firewall
111. Secure-ID
112. Quality Assurance
113. Monthly Audit
114. Process Audit
115. Just like that Audit
116. Audit Finding
117. Audit Observation
118. Non-Compliance
119. Monthly Metrics
120. Resource
121. Revenue
122. Forecast
123. Target
124. Defect
125. Tracking
126. Appraisal
127. Feedback
128. Goal Setting
129. Billing
130. Invoices
131. High Priority Issue
132. Status Report
133. Change Request
134. SMART Goals
135. Working Weekend
136. Comp Off

I feel much better now that I have listed out these words. I cannot expect people to not use words on the list but don’t think I can ever get used to them getting repeated over and over and over.

Category:Software Industry Rant

Padams of Poos

2005-12-07T09:55:00.000-08:00

I think these are lillies - let me know if they are something else. Taken this morning in a sudden burst of enthu. The watchman gave me a weird look as he couldnt figure out what I was upto so early in the morning.

Category:
Photo
Macro
Flower

How long does it take to count 38000 characters one character at a time ?

2005-12-05T04:53:00.000-08:00

One of the guys working on my team (called V) came across an error while putting together a query for generating a report. Trying to figure out the error message he sends out a note to internal experts of the reporting tool (Business Objects - hilariously referred to as BO in short. In the past I have heard of people comment about someone elses BO but that was in a more personal sense :-) )asking for help. Someone well versed in BO :-) writes back that the tool supports auto-generated queries of a maximum length of 65536 characters. Luckily I was talking to V on the phone and also had netmeeting running where I could see his desktop and other sample reports he had developed. I was shown the email from the BO expert :-) in response to his plea for help. I suggested V check the number of characters of the query. I hear V give a big sigh. I didnt understand why he was sighing. I heard him say "I need to count the characters of this query" in a quizzical way. I go whats the big deal, copy it from the reporting tool, paste it into word and then you can get the counts. I saw him copy paste from the tool to word. Then I was shocked speechless when I hear him mumble 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8...... all the while moving the cursor in word a character at a time ! I was so shocked by this that by the time I could croak out a "V what are you doing ?" , V had already reached ....31,32,33 and was begining to go strong . Phew ! I told him to stop what he was doing and showed him the magic of Tools-> Word Count in Word and voila ...we see 38560 characters and change. V was very relieved and sounded very sheepish :-). I was more relieved as I had just saved atleast an hour of Vs time today if not more...he could have counted all the way to 15000 and then lost count and then started again or worse still taken all night to work on counting the characters ! I wish people would think a little before doing stuff like this.

To answer the question in the post title: I didnt get to find out but I know it took V almost 1 second per character. It took Microsoft word less than 1 second to count 38000 characters.

Category: Humour Rant

Battle Scarred Survivor of IT - II

2005-12-02T04:43:00.000-08:00

The following are comments on the article I identified with so much I felt the need to save them out separately. The first one in particular echoes my feelings so much I was shocked I was reading something written by a total stranger as me and a colleague have had the same conversation several times. We didn’t win several proposals this year because we tried to factor in the fact that aggressive schedules end up burning out the team. Other companies won the projects just because they offered lower rates and shorter schedule durations. The technical solutions were not even considered.

“I work for one of the big Indian I.T. companies. When I used to toil for 14 hours a day 6.5 days a week in India, I used to think that when I run things, things will be very different. That the estimates will be realistic and every body will work normal hours. When I got a chance to bid for projects and prepare proposals for clients in the U.S., I could see the root of the problem. It starts right from the moment when the customer asks for a proposal. There is intense competition amongst vendors (most of who are based in India) With little difference among them; the lowest cost becomes the clincher. My efforts to push back on ridiculous estimates resulted in only one thing – loss of opportunity for my company. The competing rival was more than happy take the opportunity since he did not mind making his people toil to produce results. With a number of Indian vendors cutting each other throat alongside the emergence of software factories in China, Eastern Europe, South America I do not see a realistic solution to this problem at this juncture. There will always be some one on the globe willing to work hard for a “lot of money” (from relative perspective). Things like pushing back and learning to say a “plain no” are not likely to produce long lasting results. “

“Here's a tip for any company in the west planning to outsource to India. If you feel that a project can be completed in 6 weeks by 4 people, always demand that it be completed in 2 weeks by 3 people.”

“Companies need to stop hiding behind the excuse that the time difference between India and the west is the reason why people need to stay in office for 14 hours a day. Staying late should be a negative thing that should work against an employee in his appraisals. Never complement someone for staying till midnight or working 7 days a week .”

“If time estimates go wrong, the company should be willing to take a hit and not force the employee to work crazy hours to bail projects out of trouble. This will ensure that the estimates made for the next project are more real and not just what the customer has asked for.”

“The solution is changing the dimensions of the competition. Innovation is the key. When employees come up with ideas to improvise on the work, we need to listen to them and see if there is any merit. We need to commit time and energy to this cause. That's what Kaizen and CMM's level 5 are all about, but do we really implement them seriously? “

“I have seen many young employees staying back at work not necessarily because they have extra work thrust upon them, but just because they have nothing better to do. I think this culture of staying late has been the handiwork of (at least some if not most of) the employees as much as it has been a creation of business requirement for some organisations. “

“I would also put some blame on the employees also. To my experience many of the employees working on the project are technically incompetent, as a result they can not apply or use the technology to the fullest and in the most effective way. The saddest part though is many of them don't consciously take any effort to improve it also.”

“The problem is that the industry neither grooms its developers to become PMs nor facilitates successful PMs from non-Technical background to fit into their new role. The non technical type of PM fails mostly because of the Technical leads who see him as a challenger to their career and ensure that he fails. The organizations also do not recognize this as a cultural issue and try to resolve it.”

“If we try to say something about this to our seniors we are immediately labeled as the ones having an attitude problem! That affects appraisals and salary. Those who play TT in afternoon but sit till 1 in the night are given promotion because seniors see them sit till 1 in night. The hours one sits in the office has suddenly become a scale for how much hard working one is rather than seeing his productivity. “

“I used to go home by 6 am early morning, and be back by 12 noon. This has continued around for more than 6 months. Its like zero invention time. Most of the work that was done during night was scrapped and there was lot of rework.”

“So, the US is great work place? Think again. The IT dept in US are full of politics and cover-your ### attitude. All the glory is taken by the boss and the #### are passed to the guy at the bottom of the food chain... “

“I don't know about Google/ Yahoo, etc. but almost all Indian software firms seem to follow the sweat shop model. The general steps are: 1. Get a project by promising everything the client wants. 2. Assign an impossible schedule to the developer (forget Analysis, Design and start coding ASAP, SDLC be damned). 3. Frown upon any employee that leaves the office on time and wants 5 days a week. 4. Forget innovation, copy paste any code you need to meet the insane schedule. 5. Failure to meet the schedule or bugs reported by the client results in more reprimands. “

“Most of the times the deadlines can be satisfied, if we do quality work for 10 hrs (instead of 8 hr.) and maybe on sat. also, in some extreme cases.”

“As for the new generation earning more money - it is just an illusion. When I started working at the age of 23, my dad and I had the same paycheck. However he lived in a huge house given by his employer, all utilities were payed by the employer, and his pension was the last paycheck that he drew, which needless to say is substantial. If I factor all that in, I made considerably less than he did.”

”Software, being intangible, it is not possible to fix a schedule at the beginning of the project and then try and stick to it. The schedule should always be in a process of modification as the project progresses. *This* is what managers' just don't understand. How can you predict when this project shall end, when so many undefined variables are there? “

To wrap up, here is some humor: “How To Interpret Employment Ads”

“Join Our Fast Paced Company” - We have no time to train you.
“Casual Work Atmosphere” - We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
“Must be Deadline Oriented” - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
“Some Overtime Required” - Some time each night, some time each weekend.
“Duties will Vary” - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
“Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience” - You will need to replace three people who just left.
“Problem Solving Skills a Must” - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven’t heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.
“Requires Team Leadership Skills” - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.
“Good Communication Skills” - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.

Battle Scarred Survivor of IT - I

2005-12-02T04:36:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Echo for a link and post to a very interesting article which is very close to my heart. I have spent several years as a developer and a couple of years as a team leader and now most recently as project manager. Having seen all hours of the day and night at work over several different projects at several different clients this article wasn’t too much of a surprise to me as I have seen all of this happen in different ways in different forms. I feel I have survived many battles in the field but keep wondering how many more I can take before it gets to be too much.

This post is split into two sections. This is part one and contains my thoughts and rants, while part two contains some comments from the post that made me write this up. Most of my thoughts attempt to give the project managers side of the problem.

********Also before people take offense these are my views and experiences and there will always be exceptions to the rule. So un-ruffle those ruffled fluffy feathers my fine feathered friends. ******************

I have spent sleepless nights/days/weeks/weekends in Indian and multinational companies with 50, 5000, 25000, 150000 and 300000 employees with bosses who are Indian, American, European and Chinese. This problem I feel has nothing to do with whether you are working for a small/large or Indian/Multinational company and regardless of the nationality of your boss.

Only in one company in Chennai did I not have to work beyond 7 PM and even the 7 PM deadline was caused because I was a new driver and didn’t want to drive in evening rush hour traffic. The other difference of that company with all the others was that it was a product development company and I was working on developing a software product. All the other companies I worked for have been in software consulting roles.

In my experience the problem starts with the sales teams who over hype everything and promise way more than is practical to the clients. The proposal writing process(there is enough for a separate post on this topic) is made interesting by a game of role playing that is done. In the game the software development gurus/studs/studdettes & project management gurus/studs/ studdettes of the organization are looked up on the internal skills database and their resumes obtained so as to make the proposal more believable that we have skilled people available to work on the project as soon as we win it. Incredible amounts of time are spent on deciding what role to fit the studs/gurus when the project is won. Finally by some complex decision trees this is also decided. In all reality the gurus/studs will be already allocated to projects from which they are not likely to be released.

The problem of people having to live at work is also caused by clients who are not clear about their requirements. They expect you to accurately estimate the effort required to put together a system which you have never built before. Estimation models can be used for this but there are limits to the accuracy of UCP, FP, COCOMO or whatever other methodology/tool that could be used. The limitation is typically the human factor. Regardless of what your estimates using the estimation model say, the actual parameters used for implementing the project such as the skillset and experience of the people working on the project are never usually factored in. Their commitment to diligently working on project work cannot accurately be measured either. So this makes the estimate plain worthless. Estimates also go based on skeletal information available and not concrete details. Projects won on Fixed Bid cost are a sure fire way for disaster as the client can afford to be lax with conducting their requirements clarification sessions and also with their acceptance of the final application. In my view estimates should be done only for coding effort only when the design is completed. Hopefully by then all requirements would be clarified.

The sales people who want to quickly make the deal usually agree to the “aggressive but do-able” schedule. They win the deal, spend company money celebrating and then inform the offshore team what the schedule is. Even teams working on the proposal from the offshore centers are typically kept in the dark about what is finally submitted as part of the proposal. Offshore teams at this point have two choices: take it or leave it. The team usually ends up taking it as there is no other work around or there is pressure from above to do so. So even before starting the fate of the project is sealed. Major offerings of Nights and weekends of the team members are sacrificed at the altars of “profitability” and “utilization” and “strategic clients” with “critical projects”. Additional offerings of the personal lives of software employees are offered at the other minor deities shrines of “CMMI Quality Initiatives”, “ISO Initiatives”, “BS7799”

The people who end up working on the projects are usually the ones who are available at the time the project is won. Some (usually a lot) may be new recruits who have no clue about the company processes like the quality initiatives etc. That is okay provided they have the skills required. Ha ha! They may not even have the skills required. Skills can be obtained through training right? Wrong. There is only so many things you can teach a person in the available timeframe so it usually ends up being a “here is the overview you should be able to pick the rest up as you go along” approach. If the available experienced staff are considered to be much better, think again. The only reason they are available is because their prior management didn’t want them. The really good experienced resources are usually kept busy and never learn the meaning of words like “Bench” or “Beach” (the Americanism of the bench) as applied to the software industry. If you have been a good manager in your past birth you may get a couple of team members who have the skills and the experience(either/or conditions need to be applied here) in some portions of each). The manager hopes to run the project banking on the strengths of these “key” people. Little does the manager know that the people he was counting on are just good actors who act like they are competent but in reality are as bad as the rest.

When the project starts off things seem nice, and the project manager vows (dreams) to run at-least this project differently from the last one where he had to work late and burn himself and the team trying to deliver on an “aggressive” schedule. Things have started to go downhill from the beginning. How ? With the whole onsite-offshore way of development, there is a short period where one or more “key/lead” members are sent onsite to figure out what the hell the client really meant when they floated the project request for proposal. This is the time where the people onsite clarify the minor gaps in the understanding of the project. J After a couple of days the originally expected minor gaps are now revised to be huge honking gaps in understanding that rival the size of the death valley. The estimates are at this point not worth the paper they may be printed on and the project is soon officially behind schedule just within a week of starting. Their covers of being smart and capable being blown wide open in front of the client, the people sent onsite tend to flake out and either have one or more nervous breakdowns. They are now capable of only simple tasks such as forwarding email, browsing the net and fetching coffee.

The project manager offshore starts working on developing an ulcer and has facial features that now resemble a mix between a condemned man and a lunatic. The condemned man is the realist/pessimist who knows that there is no way the project can be delivered in time with the understanding of the actual scope and scale of the project. The lunatic part is the eternal optimist who believes there is some loophole in the space time continuum that could result in the project completing on time. The lunatic believes that working longer could help in the search for an elusive wormhole the finding and entering of which allows the completion of the project on time. If the project manager is lucky his prayers for a heart attack are answered and he can rest for a bit. Otherwise it is the same grind trying to motivate the team, trying to find ways to get out of the rut and keep the project “back on track” behind schedule.

The team gamely struggles on trying to wrap their sleep deprived (from their last project) brains around the new business scenarios and terms that are totally unfamiliar to them. Some actually need dictionaries to understand the meaning of some terms. The ones that seem to understand the process flow shake their heads like they understand completely and then end up coding something that doesn’t behave anywhere similar to the original requirements. They then try to justify their mistake by coming up with reasons like “its okay if this doesn’t work that way, we can always teach the users to change their process”. Answers like that make me want to $!$!#@$# the person (don’t ask me what that meant). But of course you have to reason it out with them nice and politely why they need to change their code to make it work the way it should have.

Sometimes people do things to ensure they work late. One example is to come in late and then take a breakfast break and then a horu long lunch. Of course you could also do things like wipe out source code you worked on for over a day without checking it in, delete all requried data for testing, keep running code with infinite loops on shared servers to make sure everyones work is affected. Other options include changing the data types on shared code without reason causing compilation errors for the entire team, changing the signatures of key interfaces :-).

Having to talk to the onsite counterpart when you come in first thing in the morning and also as the last thing you do in the evening is another reason for the long hours. My suggestion for this is to cut down on these calls to make them once a day and also split the days so that the onsite person stays up late for a couple of days while the offshore person works late a couple of days. The avoided call can be replaced with well detailed and clear instructions in email/voicemail.

Change demands (also called “requests” in politically correct terms). These are requirements that the client business very conveniently forgot to mention up front when the project estimates were done. This has now resulted in an almost fully developed application that either cannot work in a real world business scenario or would mess things up so badly in the real world scenario that it would result in the dismissal of the person providing the requirements the first time around. These changes are unavoidable and usually expected to be handled within the existing “aggressive” timeline.

A myth has been going around about a project manager who was able to negotiate with the client for an increased cost for the project and for an extension of the schedule. In the myth there was no onsite counterpart. Most of the people who work onsite seemed to have contracted a particularly rare disease called “Spinelessnessitis” where the actual backbone disappears over time and they are unable to use the words of “not possible”, “we require an extension of schedule”, “we have to charge extra” with the clients. These individuals are thus unable to stand up straight and speak up to the clients demands and state the obvious fact of “this is just not possible in this timeframe”.

Onsite counterparts at times tend to be worse than the client when it comes to making unreasonable demands that result in people having to stay late. They usually commit to delivering work overnight when in reality it would take more than a day to do. All they need to do is use the reply of “I will check with the offshore team and get back to you” to the client instead of saying things like “sure we can build a whole new stock exchange system by tomorrow morning”. For those of you that don’t understand the meaning of the word “sarcasm” this past sentence I hope would be a good example. I havnt been asked to do such things but the general idea of “urgent requests” still stays the same. When the offshore manager tries to protect his team by not giving in to their outrageous demands, they all vomit the words of “I commited to deliver this to the client and will have to face them”. J . The offshore manager at this time has to use the sentence of “you committed to it not us – you deliver it” and walk away.

More than racial discrimination I felt there has been a lot of discrimination against the single people. I have seen many bosses pile work up on the bachelors as they don’t have a family, they can take on more work and stay late/ work on weekends. The married ones of course have to tend to demands of family. What happened to equal opportunity employment? Married ones may feel the problem of people staying late is due to the bachelors staying late. But from where I have been I was forced to stay late as everyone else had a life to get to.

Working on Mondays is a total farce especially when you work for clients in the USA/UK. They work on Friday and expect you to get stuff done by working on Saturday India time. That is okay provided the people who need to do that can take Monday off. The management of the Indian companies expects people to do a Monday-Friday + Saturday + Sunday week. So people end up coming to work on Mondays don’t have anything specific to do and end up doing nothing much all day.

The other irritant is the great distance to travel outside the city where IT companies in Chennai have built their larger facilities. This kills a good hour in the morning and at-least another hour in the evening. The bus facilities provided are also of the brain dead variety. The bus services are scheduled to reach the office at 9-9.30 in the morning and leave between 6.30 and 7 in the evening. Cut service buses run between 8.30 and 9 pm. People who typically end up having to work late have to use the cab drop service that starts only at 9.30 and will reach home only at 11-12 at night depending on the routes followed. Regardless of the time one reaches home one has to start back at the same time the next day. People are usually so sleep deprived that by the time they wake up its time to go home.

I feel that User Acceptance testing should be conducted on a time and materials basis so that the clients do their testing and acceptance quickly rather than come up with changes at the late stage of the project.

Clients usually demand an aggressive (meant unrealistic) estimate. Nine out of ten times the date by which they want the application is just a date that has no business impact as is evident when the actual date comes around and the clients don’t seem to be in any rush to use the spanking new application. Clarify the dates they ask for right at the begining is also key to making sure your team is not burned out without reason. Actually no reason is good enough to burn people out working days and nights.

Category: Rants
Software-Industry

Broader Banded By Bharti

2005-11-16T09:50:00.000-08:00

After months of procrastinating(11 to be precise - I had inquired with Airtel last December) I finally moved myself to fill out a form for BSNL DataOne. But of course it got rejected as the phone at my residence is currently under an official name rather than a personal one. BSNL requires a mountain of paperwork to believe that I wanted a connection at a residence due to the name the phone was registered to. I thought it should be easier to get a new phone line. HA ! The forms one had to fill in for this were as long as the ones to apply for a visa to the USA. So I gave up on BSNL. Then there was a period where both machines I have at home crashed at the same time and so spent time getting them fixed. To-date only one has been fixed. Of course the older, slower machine works now while the newer faster fancier PC sits unused suffering from an as yet undiagnosed affliction.

I saw some ads in the paper about Airtel offering a 5 GB connection for Rs. 500 a month and was curious. Looked up the net and of course their plans haven't been updated. But I saw something I liked "Unlimited 256 Kbps for 999 a month". I called Airtel last Wednesday and asked for a new unlimited connection("Home 900" plan in Airtel speak). I would need a new phone line from Airtel. I was resigned to getting yet another phone connection. I was given a reference number and that within 48 hours someone would call me. 48 hours go by and on Thursday I call Airtel as Mr Someone still has not called me. Ms Airtel tells me that Mr Someone would call later in the day. Mr Someone calls on my home number and of course I am at work. Where else would I be during the daytime on a weekday ? They are told to call me on my mobile but they don't call.

I call back the next day and then was told to wait for someone to call. I finally get the call and think they will stop by home and drop off any forms I need to fill. But no ...They want to meet me in person to fill the forms due to some 'formality'. I haven't understood what that means till now. To add to the mess I didn't have an address proof of my current residence as it is a temporary residence. Luckily I have address proof that is in the same city. Airtel seems to be okay with that and will send the bills there but provide a connection to my temp residence. Also the rep seemed to be okay to show up

at my place as late as 10 PM if needed. Was given an estimate of between 3 days to 10 days.

Since I don't have a life and got home late at night on Friday(not out partying ..just working late), I asked the Airtel rep to come home at 8:30 am on Saturday morning with the forms. He did show up just a couple of minutes later than 8:30 am. I was amazed. Got the forms filled in and Rs. 500 paid for registration charges.

I got the new phone line on Monday evening (the house already had Airtel cabling so it didn't take much time to get the new phone line installed) and was told another person would install the modem within a day. I got a call on Tuesday evening asking if they can come over to install the modem. No one was available at home on Tuesday so I asked them to come on Wednesday after 8:30. The rep squawks for a bit before he realizes I meant 8:30 in the morning. Predictably they call at 9:30 on Wednesday (today) and then come over and fix up the modem in 10 minutes. I am now on the net at high speed :-) and with no limits :-) all a little over a week after ince I applied.

So so far the whole Airtel experience has been good. Shall keep updating the whole new connection saga as it progresses.

Mangoes

2005-11-13T10:13:00.000-08:00

Reading Megnut's posts on mangoes over the past couple of days had me reminiscing about my childhood/youth in Chennai and its connection with Mangoes. Our home in Chennai used to have three mango trees. The largest tree was about as old as the house itself and was close to around thirty years old. It was taller than the first floor of the house and its branches were as wide as the width of the house. In its non flowering months it provided a glorious shade to the house from the harsh Sun that would cover the Eastern face of the house. Afternoons and evenings could be spent in its shade even in the middle of summer! A tall glass of cold juice by my side, a good book to read, sprawled-relaxed in a cane chair was the way I spent many a summer afternoon when there was not much else to do. Shade wise the other two trees were of not much help as they were on the north-western side of the house.

April, May and June were the months I loved the most due to the summer vacations and more so because our star performer the 30 year old tree bore fruit during these months. The fruit was in a word glorious! An exotic mix of the Bhaganapalli and some other mango type they were large(always larger than two fists held together), colored perfectly yellowish orange when ripe, spot free, had a minimum of fiber and the maximum possible amount of flesh I have seen on a mango. I have not had mangoes as tasty as them ever.

Every summer the bountiful tree bore fruit that matured in three batches so we had them plucked in three batches. Each batch easily contained around 400 mangoes. At home we had my parents, grandmother, my sister and me. Though we would have loved to try there was no way we were eating 1200 mangoes in under two months. So we would give them away to whoever came home, to friends, relatives, neighbors and employees. We used to be really popular among the people of my colony in summer.

The two months our fridge would be full of mangoes in various forms: raw & ripe fruit, raw mango chutney, mango pickles (different types including a sweet mango pickle) mango juice concentrate, mango juice, mango jam, mango ice-cream. Mangoes would make their way into every dish. I was on a two to three mango a day diet. Needless to say mangoes in such large quantities would fight with my adolescent hormones for priority in erupting as acne on my face.

I was a happy person the day I was taught how to cut a mango by my grandmother - The four cuts that separate the flesh from the seed. I needed to be shown the way to do it just once.
. Mallus will recognize the words Metha-pool(fleshy side) and Chagiri-pool(fibrous side) and the way to eat it. Of course this method of four cuts is for the non-formal way to eat a mango …basically with your hands. Yes, yes clean hands and fingernails are essential for this as well. Not for me the niceties of eating mangoes with forks. What am I …American ? I am 100% Mallu even though I didn’t grow up in Mallu-land.

Sadly the joy of having fresh mangoes was not to last forever. Even though we were liberal in giving away the fruit to people, there were many greedy people staying in that area who felt they could jump over the walls of our home and steal anything and everything they could under the pretext that they were plucking mangoes. After several rounds of broken window panes, stolen household items and yelling matches at the ruffians we gave up and gave in. The local ruffians had no fear of our dog or our servants either. Finally one day the trees were cut down. No more mangoes, no more shade.

Filed Under: Memories

Sushil != Sashil

2005-11-11T22:29:00.000-08:00

I had submitted the link I had posted earlier on how cars are made to Autoblog as a tip. They did put it up on their site yesterday(TGIF: Visit to a virtual automotive plant - Autoblog - www.autoblog.com ). They murdered my first name though.

This lead me to think of what I have been called so far. I am not naming any of the unprintable names I have been called but just the basic butchering of my name.
For the non software types "!=" in this post title means "Not Equal to" in the Java language.

I have been called the following so far :

Sushil - This is my name and what I prefer to be called though it is to be pronounced as "Susheel"
Susheel - am okay with this as well ...just dont add too many e's
Shushil - am reluctantly okay with this as well

The following I cannot handle as they are not my name:

Susil
Ceciel
Cecil
Sesil
Soosil
Sooshil/Soosheel
Sushli
Suse
Sushi - the most common
Sushli
Sashil - the newest.

According to Northwest Airlines I am Sushi L. Cherian. They got rid of my real middle initial of J and made seafood out of my first name !

And of course I get called feminine versions of my name when people dont realise I am male or want to have fun with my name:

Sushila
Susheeela

As for my last name (really Cherian - pronounced Che-ri-an with Ch pronounced like the "Ch" in chocolate" )I have been called/emailed the following:

Cerian
Cherryan
Serian
Sorian
Sherian
Sheridan
Sheridian

The most fun we had at work was when a co-worked named Doug received an email to him with a typo in his name from a very serious colleague who referred to him as "Dog" .

I know I know it isnt a big deal but it is a touchy subject when you have to bring it up to people. One has to do it though. Instead of making up a name that is convenient for people like Sam/Jake when your real name is Santhosharajan or Janakiraman ! I have made it so far without having to use a pseudonym. Just that I have to keep reminding people what my name is and how to pronounce and spell it.

Update: Silverines comment reminded me of another screw up that happenned. One of my coworkers got a visa to go to the US. But after getting the visa the person cannot go to the US ! How come ? Because on the visa the embassy decided "she" was a "he" ! So it is now worse than pulling teeth to get that mixup fixed ! People suggested she change from F to M in real life as well or just forget the US trip.

How cars are built.

2005-11-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

I got this link at work and felt is was one of the best and most detailed presentations of vehicle assembly for all those who didn't know and were too shy to ask :-).

Click on the "Virtual Visit of a Plant" link on the
PSA Peugeot Citroen page.

When the Citroens are finally built this is what they do.(Best viewed with audio on). Link from my friend SV.

I want a curry and rice girl ;-) !

2005-11-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

I got this awesome link to a music video in email today (Yes it is safe for work) . Has pretty good dancing ;-) and nice music and it has something for the Lungi aficionados as well. I have heard the song somewhere but cant tell what the original song was. So if you know what it is please let me know.

Rain !

2005-10-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

Reading Aruns post on his drive back yesterday made me remember my drive back from work last night and the coming in to work this morning.

Yesterday was a Holiday for our company. Most sensible people took Monday off and made the most of a five day weekend since Tuesday was a holiday as well. Since I dont belong tp the sensible crowd and due to the way our project is going we had to come in and play the game of catch-up. This game is very difficult to play especially when the weather was what it was yesterday -cold, gloomy and raining non stop. I came in to work around 10.20 in the morning and worked till around 6.30 PM. Heard the rain hit my office window and heard lightling as well and decided to wait for a bit and catch up on some blog reading. Finally headed out at 7.30 PM. The first 5 km was okay with not much water on the roads. But as I headed towards the city I started noticing a lot of standing water on OMR & ECR which had to be navigated slowly like a boat going over rocks. Only thing was I was in a car and didnt have to worry about getting wet but of course had to worry about stalling in the middle of the road in water. No issues till the road connecting the Thiruvanmiyur signal to the Canal bank road. This road had disappeared under water and there were stalled cars and buses there. The road has a central divider which makes sure one cannot turn right and head back. The left half of the road was dug up so one couldnt turn left and head back either. So had to grit my teeth, get the car into first gear and gingerly drive through water that seemed atleast knee deep. Luckily it wasnt that deep, just the dirt and vehicle oil had turned it black. Plus it was dark with no street lights. Made it out in one piece with just problems with the brakes as they were now fully waterlogged. Pumped them till some semblance of brake functionality returned. Another really bad patch was on the Koturpuram road near the planetarium. The last and final and the worst stretch was on the main road just outside of my home.

This morning heading out was crazy. I wanted to turn around and head back to bed but forced myself to stay on the road. Drove (seemed more like boating) through muck starting from just outside the house through to Gemini. I was dreading the two spots where there was a lot of water yesterday but surprisingly they were not waterlogged. Patches of Canal Bank road were submerged and a good distance along ECR as well. The connector between ECR and OMR with water filled, vacant land on both sides of the road . Another foot of water and the road would be covered. The distant skyline was a dark brooding menacing mass of rain filled thunderclouds and the whole horizon as far as I could see was just grey and miserable. I wished I had my camera with me. The view was both beautiful and worrying at the same time.

The worst was yet to come. OMR with all the construction was a pitiful mess with only water and no road. It took close to 40 minutes to cover the distance usually done in 10 minutes. The rain had by now become really heavy and the wipers of not much help. Put on the headlights and just followed a caravan of vehicles slowly making their way down OMR. Office buses decided to be adventurous and drive through the water on the left side of the road totally covering the slow moving vehicles in the center of the road with water. More soggy brakes.
It seemed to take forever driving at around 10 kmph (the car speedo starts at 20kmph - but it felt really slow) till I finally made it in to the office. I reach the covered car park and then realize I dont have an umbrella to go to the next building where I work. So managed to get soaking wet walking to the building in the rain !

Though the rain has not been all that much but still made me stop and think that I am grateful it was not as severe as the ones in the US due to the hurricanes and tornados this year. Really love the cool weather in Chennai due to the rains. Also realize the city needs the rains but wish the heavvy rain part would fall over the catchment areas :-) ...and not mess up ECR and OMR and screw up the commutes of the poor IT sad sacks like me who have to drive/ride/swim to get to work each day.

Filed Under:
memories
driving
chennai
omr
ecr

Busy Me

2005-10-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

Things have been pretty hectic at work with long hours, stress and more stress and juggling innumerable things in the past couple of weeks (work, training,conducting training). The outlook till the end of the year looks pretty bleak with more of the same workload. If I survive that then I think I will have been through yet another PFH (Project From Hell). So far I have already spent 2 yrs on PFH # 1, 3 yrs on PFH#2 , 6 months on PFH #3 and now the latest and current PFH #4. Looking back the first two years of my working career were the best. We were so relaxed at work that we played multiplayer games in the afternoon on the office LAN. Life was just great back then.

Now I spend all day on work and hardly even get to read the news let alone the various blogs I have grown to love. Lets not even mention the non existent personal life. Am glad my folks remember what I look like considering they see me for at most half hour in total each day. Off and on I keep thinking of a line from the new Tata Safari Dicor ad with pictures of people doing what they love ... but of all the images displayed I like the audio background where a guy is standing in a railway station "I always wanted to quit on a Monday morning". Was so tempted to try that. But alas I dont own a Tata Safari so cant do the rest of things displayed in the ad. I also think the Safari's used in the ads would need very expensive servicing/repairs to recover from the brutal treatment given to them.

Anyways I wanted to go in to work this past weekend but was too exhausted to drive the 1 hour to get to work so ended up helping my sister on a photo assignment. We spent all of Saturday morning on it. Since she didnt have a camera we used my digital camera and I managed to get around 50 shots while she took specific ones requried for her assignment. I loved every minute I spent doing that and managed to totally unwind from the stress of work from the prior week. For the first time I had digital pictures printed on photo paper at a friendly neighbourhood Konica and they came out really amazing. Want to get more pictures printed out soon. Hope to do so this wekend.

On Saturday evening I went to see a play, "The Good Person of Mondova" directed by Magic Lantern and performed by WCC students. Was a pretty decent performance and I found it really funny that during one serious court scene, the actors (actresses really) got into a fit of giggles which was becoming contagious. Somehow they managed to restrain themselves and continue with the scene.

Sunday went by with Church in the morning and a nice long nap before lunch. I managed to go to Church wearing a Mundu/a.ka.Veshti/a.ka. Dhoti for the first time ever. I had been gifted a golden creamy coloured Mally style Dhoti with gold thread in it and for some strange reason felt like wearing it. Though I am comfortable wearing the "Color Mundu"(Lungi) at home this was the first ever time I went out wearing a formal Dhoti. My father almost fell out of his chair while having breakfast as he couldnt believe it was me.

Watched Parineeta on VCD in the afternoon. Killed the evening by going to Spencers and wandering through Landmark. Had to of course pig out at Arun Ice creams on the way out.

The "Better" Life in the USA

2005-09-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

I just read an excellent post by Arun. We seem to have very similar throughts and so its no wonder I like reading his blog. I am very glad to find people like Danesh , Arun and Ravi who dont feel that their only goal in life is to go and live in the USA . There arnt too many such people.
I know a lot of other people who feel that they have to go there. They sometimes act like they dont really care about going there but once in a while they make some comment or other that reminds you that they still have delusions of going to the "land of milk and honey". One such person "Y" wasted a couple of hours of my life trying to convince me that life is better in the USA. He has been to a couple of other coutnries but never to the USA. He was going on and on about a common "friend" who was quitting his job in one of India's leading IT firms(actually a globally known brand in IT Consulting) to go join a no-name body shopping company in the USA. Y seemed in awe about the pay packet promised by Mr No-Name Bodyshop consulting to our friend "P". Working through the numbers I was able to inform Y that P would be saving only a few hundred $ a month. It may seem like a large amount when multiplied by 43. Otherwise it is a pittance when you speak only in $s. In terms of % saved I think I am doing way better with my Indian paycheck. Y's best example of the "better life in the USA" was that a middle class person could buy a Toyota Camry in the USA while he couldnt buy a Camry in India. I agree 100% to that, but the difference is that the Camry is treated as a luxury car in India(less available space on the roads so this is a luxury car and is costlier) while it is slightly higher than an economy class car in the USA.
I did go to the USA and spend time there(seemed more like "doing time") but am very happy to be back home with family in my own country. Comfort wise I am not sure about what the USA offers that India doesnt. Only thing I can think of is there is much more of physical space per person. Everything one gets in the USA one gets in India. May not be the same exact brand but very similar. One should get away from being brand crazy as pretty much all branded items now come from India or China anyways. For e.g. Tommy Hilfiger clothes from Ranganathan street in Chennai cost Rs 50 while they cost in excess of $50 in the USA. You think it is a knock off - actually the clothes really are made in India ! All clothes sold by Van-Heusen / Arrow / Louis Phillipe/ Levis / Dockers are all made in India / China/ Pakistan/ Bangladesh. Most of all I missed the feeling of belonging which I have only when I am in India where I can truly say that I belong here and was born here. Staying away from my parents as they grow older was also somthing I cannot stomach and I know that sending money from the USA cannot bridge. But of course that is just me.
The purchasing power of the middle class in India may be different from that in the USA but from experience I know most of the middle class Indians in the USA live more frugally than their Indian counterparts. They still struggle to save money in the USA (which they spend only when they visit India) and live mainly on $1 movie rentals and curd rice for lunch and dinner. Breakfast for them is usuually the complimentary bagels at work ;-). Add to that they have no maids, no cooks,no drivers and most of all no support system from parents/ siblings/relatives. Most spend their weekends salivating at sales in the dollar stores where everythign sells for a dollar. I wonder if the great American Dream many Indians are dreaming about is really worth it. People who are at levels below me in my current company have all of that and more living in India.
I forgot to add the part of people going all the way to0 the USA to then have to work hard to preserve their Indian "culture" and "traditions" by eating only Indian food, going to only Indian events, having only Indian friends and watching Indian movies. These people should just stay in India. They also have to make the obligatory once in two-three year trip to India to complain about how India is hot,dirty, crowded, polluted, third world etc etc. Most come with sun-block to prevent their delicate BROWN/BLACK skin from becoming sun-burnt ;-). When I hear the dialogue of the litany of probvlems of India I think I would prefer to have a one time deportation of all the people who want to go to the USA so that the ones who want to stay in India can be left in peace. Ones that come back on visits just to complain should be banned from entering the country/ making calls to India/emailing people in India. They can come back in if they have anything constructive to do to remedy the problems they speak of non-stop. But of course it is just so much easier to complain and then go away.
I have to work on this some more as there are other points I think I am missing.

Updates:
7-9-05 2:45 PM : I also want to state that I hate the way people "come down" as in "he came down from New York" to visit India. India isnt that low down. Antartica maybe one can go down to.

I also hate being asked when I will be going back to the USA. Just because I was there for a bit it doesnt mean I have to/or will go back there again.

India Donates Money to USA

2005-09-07T01:52:00.000-07:00

A writeup from India News Agency detailing why India shouldnot have donated money. WOW !!! I stopped reading after the part where India donated 5 million dollars towards relief for Katrina victims.

Mallu Naming Convention

2005-09-01T01:27:00.000-07:00

The secret to how Mallus name their children has been leaked out . A Very funny post I came across.

What can you do in 4 days ?

2005-08-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

Apologies in advance for a long post.

This is a deep and serious subject. I had to put together a presentation on what I would do if I knew I had four days to live as part of a workshop I attended recently. I struggled initially but finally when it was done there was a feeling of great calm as I know what to do if I have only 4 days left to live.

This is what I came up with:

Day 4:
I will initially spend some time to decide how to handle the next 4 days.

I don’t want pity or sadness around me. I cannot afford to let anyone know that I have 4 days. People will get all teary eyed around me. I have decided I will not be getting in touch with any of my exes. I don’t think I could handle that.

I wont do drugs alcohol as I want to experience and savour every minute I have and not blur it in a haze of booze or drugs. I may take up smoking though. Maybe I wont.

I will eat only ice-cream, sweets and chocolates, biryani, kababs and drink only soft drinks, milkshakes. I will refuse to eat fruits and vegetables ;-).

I will spend some time on making a budget to spend over the next four days (Something like a max of 5-10K a day for the next four days). I do not plan to spend too much as I want to make sure I keep as much as I can to help my family. No fancy trips, no five star hotel stays and no big purchases. Whatever I can keep behind to provide for my family I will do so. A smaller amount will of course go to my favorite charities.

I plan out a good story to use so that I can meet my friends but not have them act weird. I think they will, as soon as they know I have four days left to live. The story I plan to use is that I have accepted an offer to join a MNC abroad and so have to leave in the next four days. Havn’t decided on the name of the company. Sun maybe ?

Since I am very happy where I am, I decided that I don’t need to visit the 7 wonders of the world. I may take one trip though, to Kerala to meet close family. A very justifiable trip under the circumstances and since I am to leave the country soon. Plus I can never tire of visiting Kerala.

I will definitely quit work. Try to handover whatever I can to others within an hours time. I will have to come up with some weird story to say I am leaving on loss of pay or something. I have a total of 96 hours left and don’t want to think of work ever again. This step is optional as depending on my mood I may just disappear one day and not come back. To hell with two months notice and to hell with the project and deadlines. I have a more pressing deadline.

Set up an “out of office” notice to the effect that I will not be back that kicks off on the final day.

Update my website and blog to indicate no further posts will occur as I am going to be traveling on a long trip in the near future and to not expect any updates any time soon ;-). Something to the effect that I will post/email as soon as I reach my destination and as soon as I get access to email.

If time permits I want to compose and send out a farewell email to everyone I know. Configure software to send out an email after the fourth day with actual trip details so that people don’t wonder why I don’t/cant email after I go away. I hope to test this code/software out somehow before I leave J. Dammit been working on projects too long.

Call my friends with the story and fix up appointments over the next four days to meet for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Make all payments remaining on my credit card. Don’t want anyone (my remaining family) to be affected due to my going away suddenly and have to pay off my bills/debts. I don’t have any major loans going on so hopefully shouldn’t have any issues paying off my debt.

Pay any pending taxes. Same reasoning as above.

Close all credit cards/debit cards.

Cut my personal mobile phone connection.

Withdraw just the amount I have budgeted for. Plan to use only cash. Will blow all the money I have budgeted on my family and friends. I will not buy anything for myself other than food and entertainment.

Determine and prepare a list of all my financials and accounts detailing what is where. Insurance details etc.

Meet with my accountant and lawyer and draw up a will leave and instructions on who gets what.

Day 3:
Meet my friends who think I am going off on a trip to some foreign country. I am going to play up to their expectations and state that my final destination is to be the US of A. I want to have some fun with them.

I will of course be buying the food and if possible paying for the entertainment.

By entertainment I meant things like movie tickets/rides etc. Not what you were thinking!

When the friends have gone away I will spend some time with old photographs from school, college, work and beyond and reminisce about the great times I had with my closest friends.

I plan to spend some time on cleaning up my room and getting rid of all disposable items that will be of no use to anyone else. Things I cherish I plan to distribute to friends and family on the pretext that I won’t need them when I go away to USA. Mainly things like my watches, books, photographs,MP3s, cassettes and CDs.

Clothes and shoes I will not wear will be donated. I will be dressed in my best for my last couple of days. I will not buy any new clothes.

If I am up-to it I may partake in activities I had so far not tried such as bungee jumping/ parasailing/ jet skiing as so far I was being careful and wanting to live long. Nothing that could cause harm to others though like rash driving.

Day 2:
Spend entirely with my family in Chennai and if possible visit the remaining in Kerala.
Do nothing crazy but maybe spend time recalling joyous past occasions like weddings, trips and other events.

A flip back through the numerous family albums is inevitable as well.

I want to take my folks to their favorite restaurants and have meals with them. Maybe go to church with them if there is a Sunday in my 4 days.

Day 1:

D-Day. I want to spend packing up/ giving away stuff and generally preparing to go on my long trip. I have by now decided on whom to give what. People at home shouldn’t have to spend any tearful times going through my stuff trying to figure out what to do with it.

I would get a haircut and a shave J to be all set for the trip. Cut nails and shine shoes as well. Clothes hopefully will be pressed and ready as well.

Just for kicks I would go back to the gym and work out for a bit. May as well since those buggers will not give me back my membership fee. This is the last chance I have to use the membership.

If time permits I would also want to drive around my favorite hangout spots like Marina/Elliots beach, drive down ECR at a fairly decent clip, spend some time on OMR, visit my school, college(s) I studied, maybe even visit Spencers Plaza and have both an icecream @ Arun Icecream and a milkshake at the Fruit Shop. Switching off the engine would be a bit traumatic I am sure. I love the growl it make when I floor it starting off from a light going all the way to 4500 RPM wonder how it would be when I know this is the last time. Hey hope the place I visit lets me drive big block V8s / v10s or V12s or if I get to visit the automotive enthusiasts heaven I would get to drive the Bugatti Veyrons W16. :-). A sacrifice of an arm and a leg would be justified to get a drive in such a car !

I have picked out a plot and even settled the payment for the plot and for the builder. With the plot picked out and paid for, I want my future home built using fairly decent wood though not too costly or gaudy. I’m not going to care about termites J. With the carpenter paid for, I have no further expenses other than minor ones such as the travel expenses. I plan on pre-paying for that as well. A dark sober vehicle from Vincent Parker with place for a long box in the back should do quite well.

I would spend any remaining time with family and just generally wait for the flight to leave by listening to my favorite music and watching my favorite movies.

So long folks …my ride has just shown up and its nearing time for my flight. Shall mail/call you once I get there.

Head Mice/Mouse

2005-08-29T03:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever come up with an idea ever so crazy that you yourself say that this cannot be done or are just so lazy that you spend just a bit of time thinking about it and then forget about it ? I have and my idea was to come up with a way to track head movements using an everyday camera and have that used to control the mouse. I didnt have a camera at the time and didnt have the drive to go get one and spedn the time to write code that would accomplish what I planned. I just forgot about it and every so often I see details of it being implemented by someone or the other. This time it is IBM with the "Head Tracking Pointer". I sincerely wish I had followed up on it, I could have patented that idea. Dammit I thought of it atleast 4 years ago !

SVR & Son

2005-08-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

A picture of my friend SVR's hand holding his son's foot :-)