Suffice it to say, I was not the epitome of social-ness. To me, life was so deep and important. Everyone else was having fun…and I didn’t know how.

Sure I had friends (thankfully, I wasn’t that kid), but I always felt outside of whatever they were talking about. I wished that someone would just take me under their wing and let me in on the secret to being on the inside. Still, somehow I doubt it would have worked. I was me, high school is the most intense social situation possible, and no amount of “how-to’s” would have made a difference.

Not everyone can be on the inside

I’m figuring out that you can’t teach social networking to everyone. I’ve actually been trying to invent a social-networking-teachableness detector. Ideally, it would measure brain function, work ethic, and above all…adaptability.

I would pay richly for a machine like that. A green halo would appear around their head if they passed. Red horns would show up if not. Because spending four weeks teaching someone everything that has made you successful only for them to fail because they can’t get it…that sucks. Feeling bad for taking their money, even though you have poured gold into their laps…that sucks, too.

These social networking pariahs may or may not know that they’re outcasts. They wear the “I’m corporate and professional!” t-shirt or the “Traditional marketing is the same as online marketing!” t-shirt, or the “Oooh…this is shiny, and people say it will make me money!” t-shirt. But it’s all the same. They either: a.) commit huge faux pas and bring about distrust or disinterest, or b.) can’t get their initiatives off the ground, so they decide that online networking is a huge waste of time.

A practical example of ongoing paradigm shift

I’ve been on Twitter since November of last year, I think. I’m a huge fan, for a million reasons — not least of all, that it has facilitated incredible opportunities for me.

A couple of months ago, I took a job that I under-estimated. I ended up having to work 12 hour days. I was getting paid for what I thought would be 40 hours of work…it ended up taking about 250. I had to cut back on everything that was non-essential to get the job done.

Twitter was still essential for me, but I had to start being more efficient in how I dealt with following people back. It was taking forever to go through the list every day, and I just didn’t have time. I noticed that several people were using a service called TweetLater to auto-follow people. Then they’d use TweetDeck to put their favorites in a manageable group. Sounded like a good idea to me, so I did it. I tweeted a couple of times a day, I kept up with my favorite people, but overall, I put it on the back burner.

I finished that mammoth job two weeks ago, so I’ve had more time to pay attention again. Being out of the loop for a couple of months showed me that nothing stays the same for long. Here’s what I noticed right off the bat:

• The problem with spam has heightened dramatically.
• People are now more paranoid of accounts that follow large numbers of people.
• We’ve long known that people are wary of accounts that follow significantly more people than are following them. But now, they’re also wary of accounts that have high numbers of followers, and are following around same number (aka: if you have 8,000 followers and you follow 8,000 people). A lot of people will follow anyone who will follow them back — it’s a cheap follow, therefore it does not help (and might be hurting) your credibility.

What started the shift

Recently, someone local started following me after I started following them. But they said “I almost didn’t follow you — you follow so many people, I thought you were a spammer.” Shock. Someone thought I was a spammer. I am the farthest from spam that anyone can possibly get without being invisible.

So I re-evaluated. I started noticing that things had changed — slightly, but significantly enough for me to make a change. I immediately blocked about 500 spammers. My follower count dropped, along with some of my pride. I started unfollowing people who irritated me (blatant self-promoters, cheesy quote spewers, people who sound like they r 12 — u no what i meen?).

I obviously turned off auto-follow. I now only use TweetLater for their “Vet Followers” feature — which is pretty darn cool. It gives you a list of new followers along with their latest tweet, their stats, and the percentage of people who have ignored/blocked them — then you select “Approve”, “Ignore”, “Block”, or “Spam” for each one and submit it — takes a minute or two.

I still follow a bunch of people. I still use TweetDeck to keep track of my favorites. But my regular Twitter stream is so rich now, and just as important, I don’t look like a spammer.

The point: You can’t be successful in social networking if you’re not teachable.

If you’re not succeeding, something isn’t sinking in. Figure out what that something is and make the change. Don’t be oblivious to your social stinkage.

Cultivate the willingness to put aside long-held beliefs for newer, truer ones. Cast off out-dated theories. Change as the online world changes by allowing yourself to simply notice what’s going on.

Related posts:

1. I’m a Twitter moron…I’ll admit it right now This artic
2. Twitter badges: Where to get ‘em. How to post ‘em. Image by
3. Why the heck should you use Twitter? (or: Poor Twitter. You show ‘em.) Poor Twitt

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“Man, my article categories suck. How can I even hold my head up around here?”

“Holy moly, I still haven’t made the ’stuff i’m doing’ section auto-update? I was working on that stuff back in February!”

“When the heck am I going to add a section so that people can easily find the series posts? And what is the plural of series anyway? Serieses?”

“Why on earth did I admit to the entire universe that building community is tough for me? I’ve dedicated most of my life to figuring out the web. I should be a paragon of community!

Or maybe I’m just down today, and everything I’ve put off because I’m working on paid stuff is finally slapping me in the face with a little too much force.

Even worse, you know what I started thinking today? I started thinking, “Man, I’m just adding to everybody’s list every time I post something.” I got all self-pity-ish. I started pitying you for all of the web ‘must-dos’ that I pile on your plate. And then I got to feeling bad for the entire world who doesn’t have time for all of the stuff that they need to be doing. (Yes, it’s been a bad day. I actually pleaded with my 4 year old to cheer me up today, and then I ate an entire bag of cherry bombers.)

Salvation from overwhelm

Thankfully, I’m not one to wallow in this kind of stuff. I just spew it all out here and move on. But what do we do when we know that there are about a million things to do to our websites that will bring us more income…but we can’t quite get around to doing any of them?

Focus on what’s important.
For me, that’s continuing to make my content better. The web is such a friggin competitive place. The barrier of entry is so low that anybody with a library card can blog or tweet or write an e-book or (God forbid) build a website. And there is a lot of really great content out there. I have to be different, and I have to be better. That is the Big Thing that sometimes gets pushed to the background when “urgent” tasks are crowding me like a sackful of mice. (Eww. I do not know why I’ve been blessed with a penchant for strange analogies.)

Get that list out of your head.
On paper, it’s check-off-able. In your head, it’s a nagging guilt trip that you don’t need to be on. Be specific when you’re writing your list. Don’t just put “Update categories.” That is not something you can actually do without doing a bunch of other things first. Write “Log in to WordPress.” “Open categories section.” “Decide what the categories should be.” And so on.

Realize that things don’t take as long as you think.
Updating my categories? Okay, maybe it’s a big task, but it would still only take an hour or two. Adding a section for my series posts? I could throw up something simple that would do the job in about 30 minutes. Creating an editorial calendar for the next month? An hour, tops. We think these things take such a long time, but they really don’t. And once we do them, we feel lighter.

Set a timer every day.
Devote 15 minutes to working on your website. Then just do the next small thing that will get you closer to the end of your list. Login to WordPress. Open that page that needs sprucing. Spruce. Then move onto the next thing.

Do it. Please.

I don’t want us to work on our websites because I said it was important. It really is important. It is the place where your customers and clients come to see how you do things. If you’re worth it. We don’t need to convince them otherwise just because we’re overwhelmed with all the stuff that we should be doing, but aren’t. Steady, progressive improvements can be just as monumental over time as a complete site overhaul.

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I know the idea of referring people for money probably makes you feel all icky as it does me, but I need a system for giving thanks to the people who connect me with other good people. And as I’m all up for having boundaries and respecting other people’s boundaries, here are mine:

• If you can, shoot me an email before you refer the person, so that I know they’re coming from you.
• If you tell someone about me and think of it later, email me as soon as you do think of it.
• Once I’ve signed an agreement with a client, the time for telling me that you referred them has passed.
• I’ll send my gift to you as soon as the client has made their first payment.
• Keep in mind: I turn down more work than I accept these days, so no guarantees if you do refer someone.

My gift is 5% in cash or 10% in future web work. For the average job I’ve been taking on lately, that’s between $150-$375 in cash or $300-$750 in web work.

Thanks for always saying such ravishing things about me and my work. I honestly do appreciate and am humbled by your generosity, and I’m glad I finally have a systematic way of showing it.

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Defining “community”

Erck…community. Call it a tribe, call it whatever you want, but it quickly becomes a tired social media cliche. I get bored instantly when I see the word. But what it represents…ahh…it’s pretty much the holy grail of everything online and in business. True community is a euphoric state of being that barely anyone attains, and once they do attain it, it often becomes so much to MAINtain that they trade it for crowd-surfing.

Defining what a community looks like is a bit trickier. For me, it would be interaction at every level. Giving and receiving, learning and teaching, joining forces to create positive change. It’s actively listening and responding and sharing and growing.

Not getting it yet? Okay then…it’s comments, baby.

Yeah. Comments. I said it. It feels good to be heard. But beyond that bit of narcissism, it provides a level of credibility that beats every other form — proof that your work is changing people’s lives. Plain and simple, it’s good for business. And it’s something that just can’t be bought.

When what we’ve been told isn’t cutting it

Writing your BEST content, selling your soul on facebook, tweeting your pants off. Asking questions, being different, showing that you’re successful. We’ve heard it all, right? And we’re doing it. Our numbers are great. We’re barraged with emails asking for favors. People look up to us and seek our advice and hire us because yeah…we do awesome work. But our communities are still struggling. And that’s downright embarrassing.

But it takes time! Consistency! Tireless self-promotion!

Errmm…no. It actually doesn’t. Havi Brooks is one of my favorite examples. She’s been writing her amazing blog for what…a year? And she’s so not a social media whore. And you know what? I have no idea how she does it.

Honestly, I have a feeling it just…sort of happened while she was being her awesome self. Sure, she’s strategic about a lot of things. Just like we all are. And maybe she does have a secret ninja formula. I have no idea, and I won’t try to niggle her or the already-struggling Stu into sharing it with me when I should really just niggle my way to her kitchen table if it ever becomes open again.

A not-really-a-case-study case study

Since tried-and-true “techniques” for building community often end up being a huge failure, I’m going to do what I do best: analyze. I’m going to look over Havi’s blog for the past year and try to see patterns. I have no idea how it’s going to turn out. Maybe I’ll be just as bewildered as I am now. And dear Lord, I hope Havi doesn’t shoot me for going back so far in her archives and…umm…studying it (I shudder to think of what I wrote a year ago). But here we go.

• May 9th, 2007: Havi writes an intelligent, useful post about the number one thing that keeps people from changing. She introduces a technique of the month. She mentions Philip Marlowe, and she’s so smart. I don’t quite understand what she’s saying, but she’s so, so smart. No comments yet. (So clearly, she started from scratch.) But wait…this was two years ago! Must have been an old post from an old (not successful?) blog. I’m pretty sure her current blog has only been active for a year.
• July 17, 2007: First comment! Of course, it was written like a year and a half later, so it doesn’t really count. Up until now, Havi’s been writing long, amazingly intelligent posts, still which I don’t understand all too well (but hey…I just heard about mindfulness for the first time last week so be patient with me). It looks like Havi has a lot of really practical, “do this now” type stuff. Hey…that’s what I do, too! But still…the comments are written in December 2008 — nearly a year and a half later. If she did have comments on these posts, and if it was on an old blog, she obviously didn’t carry them over. The posts are written sort of sporadically…sometimes several in a week. Sometimes skipping weeks. (Hey, that sounds familiar, too.)
• November 1, 2007: I’m starting to get the feeling that these articles weren’t on an old blog — they were in a newsletter. So of course there are no comments. Maybe I should just skip forward to the end of 2008…that seems to be when all the comments started coming. But I don’t even want to skip — Havi wrote some amazing stuff in these early posts. A different style than she has now, but extremely, incredibly useful and enlightening. (Maybe “useful” isn’t the magic potion that we thought it was?)
• June 16, 2008: Havi has a blog! And comments! Fully 8 comments from people who apparently got her newsletter before and adored her. The rest were written a little later. And you know what? She actually made it a point in the post to reveal that she had no comments. And then she invited the comments. And then they came. Weird.
• June 17, 2008: Wow…Naomi and Havi go way back. And Havi dropped the bullet points and wrote a really long post (which “experts” say not to do), and she has several comments from real people. I totally recognize her voice now. It’s like as soon as she dropped the newsletter and became “blog”, there she was. All real and wonderful.
• June 19, 2008: Havi already has a Twitter stalker burglar! Man, maybe this wasn’t a normal blog launch. That must have been some newsletter.
• July 2, 2008 – Nathan Bowers welcomes Havi to being internet famous. Okay, really now. She’s not normal. She’s had the blog for what…two weeks? And here’s me thinking that nobody can be successful without a blog. And then she starts one after she was already pretty darn successful. Getting a decent 4 to 8 comments a post at this point. But they’re not just random comments. They are real, I-want-to-be-on-any-team-you’re-on comments. They are well-thought out. They expand the conversation.
• July 16, 2008 – Men With Pens gave Havi some really good website advice. Like making it easier for people to comment by making the “Leave a Comment” link clearer. Interesting. Wonder if it will make a difference. Also, Havi mentions that she hates it when people ask for comments. So she doesn’t ask for them. I like that.
• July 23, 2008 – Havi is still working on her blog. The folks at Men With Pens advised her to change some of her wording. So she asks for help. And guess what? 32 comments. (Don’t you hate it when you ask for something and you get cricket chirps?) Thing I’ve noticed: asking for help is different from asking for comments. Could it be a clue?
• August 8, 2008: The Friday Check-In is born. Except it’s called the Friday Round-up. Man, I would love to do this, but I’m afraid it would suck. And one thing I promised myself was to never fill up inboxes or feed readers with things that suck. Not even because I don’t want to suck. But because wouldn’t it be a much more awesome place if all of the blogs we subscribed to only posted stuff that was worth reading?
• November 4, 2008: Remembering how much I loved the blogging therapy series. Oh wait…this one’s about perfectionism. And I just wrote how I wanted everything I write to be awesome and not suck. I didn’t plan this, really. Another clue? Also, in the last couple of months, Havi’s consistently had 10-20 comments or more on nearly every post.
• February 9, 2009: At this point when every post has 20-30 comments, I’m thinking…
  

  “Well, Havi writes about life and things that everybody deals with. It’s easy to comment on that. I write about websites. Which is good, but only invites the ‘Thanks for the tip’ kind of comment. Not that I don’t like those comments…I do. But it’s not conversation. I guess I’m just screwed.”

  But I don’t really like making excuses, and I know there’s something that I’m missing here.

• May 4, 2009: Okay, I am just so jealous of Havi Brooks. She has a pirate crew. And even though she was scared to do it, she did it. And that frees her up to be creative and do better work and grow, grow, grow. When I’ve been screaming to myself, “Shrink! Shrink! Shrink! This growing stuff is not worth all the money in the world!” And all because I’m scared of bringing more people onto my ship.
• June 11, 2008: There she goes answering my question. About hiring people. But what about being scared to death of being responsible for someone else’s livelihood? I already take care of two small people and one big one. I already pay nearly all of the bills all while tackling a mountain of debt and refusing to get into more debt and trying to get my house ready to sell (because yes, we may be moving soon).

  Umm…okay. See what she did there? Havi’s so good at building community that I am having a conversation about something totally irrelevant to the point of this analytical experience.

• July 1, 2009: That’s today. And I just love that her Wednesday thing is back.

What we’ve learned

Well, I don’t know what you got out of all of that, but here’s what I got:

• Being an expert isn’t enough. And writing well isn’t enough. Somehow, you’ve got to live your life out loud…and bring it all back to the point of what you do. Yes, you’ve got to be useful. And you’ve got to write your best stuff. But your real life has to come through that somehow.
• Rituals are good. I don’t know why, but they are.
• Consistency is necessary. I still haven’t figured out if it’s critical to write more than once a week. But I think it probably is. Dang it. It all comes back to the pirate crew, seriously. (So jealous!)

My list isn’t finished yet. I’m still processing all of this…this intangible stuff. Trying to make it tangible. Because we don’t need a zillion ghost towns all over the internet. Community is beautiful.

Related posts:

1. The art of the voice: Part 6 – Rock your credibility The web is
2. The art of the voice: Part 5 – Read, read, read The best w

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Whether they know it or not, the first thing your visitor is wondering when they get to your site is “Is this guy legit?” “Does she know what the bones she’s talking about?” “Should I stick around or go somewhere else?”

Answer their question, for Pete’s sake

Obviously, you’re credible. I know that and you know that. But they are still in the dark. Your site’s design and logo obviously have a big part in your perceived credibility, but so does your voice. The things you say (and how you say them) DO matter.

Look at the front page of your website. It should be at least 75% credibility. 75 percent, Jack! If yours isn’t, that should be a big priority.

Things that increase your credibility

• Your picture. “He’s a real person. Slightly funny-looking, but he looks trustworthy. I want to buy from him.”
• Testimonials. “These testimonials look real…not made up or contrived. I want to work with this gal.”
• Concrete numbers that show success. “Wow…they’re now selling their 1 billionth t-shirt. Must be good.”
• Waiting lists. “It sucks that I have to wait. But man, it’s going to be worth it.”
• Name-dropping. “Her grandmother was Marilyn Monroe! No stinking way!”
• Good connections. “He runs in the same circles as those WWDC yuppies. He must know a lot about design and technology.”

Things that decrease your credibility

• Low numbers. “That guy only has 10 subscribers? Cheesy.”
• Weak connections. “Why do I care that she’s in the ‘Mommies Who Clean, Cook, and Do Business At The Same Time’ community?” (Ooooh…that hurts.)
• Trying too hard. “Ick.”
• Too many attempts to get people to do stuff. “‘Share this! Tweet this! Comment here! Vote now! Buy three!’ What do they think I am, their pet monkey?”
• Blandness. “This organization is generic. Nothing new here.”
• Not having cohesive content. “This guy writes about steak knives, ballet, and mariachi bands. What the heck?”
• Self-serving copy. “I can’t find any of the information I need on this site. It’s all about how awesome this person is and how I should buy from them.”

Credibility is one of those things that you can tweak in the teeniest tiniest way and get gigantic results. It’s like taking the veil off of how cool you are. There are enough veiled, muffled voices online — it’s fun to rip it off and let your coolness show. (Also? It pays the bills.)

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If you’ve got no idea what the “true you” sounds like, consider the type of writing you enjoy. Consider why you connect with that writing. Is it because it’s funny? Intelligent? Down-to-earth? Spiritual?

Of course, I like all kinds of writing for different reasons, and I’m sure you do, too. So if you’re completely lost, read one type of writing style for a week. If after that period, it feels like it could be “you”, start writing drafts of your copy in that style. Trash it if it doesn’t work. Keep it if it feels real.

Now, read

Lumping these sites according to writing style is possibly blasphemous (what do you mean that Naomi of IttyBiz is snarky? She’s the farthest from snarky!), but I’m going to do it anyway. I didn’t cover every writing style, of course. Just the ones I actually read.

Guzzle their writing, friends. Dissect what works and what doesn’t (because there’s always room for improvement, even in the guru-iest among us.) And then emerge with your own unique spin.

Intelligent/Poignant

• Ana Marie Cox – I don’t understand half of what she says, but I feel it makes me smarter somehow. Another big plus — laughing without knowing exactly what I’m laughing at.
• Gwen Bell – Gwen’s long been one of my super heroes. She intelligently tackles social media in a single bound.
• Seth Godin – Everyone loves Seth. My reason: he twists my brain around and gets me over the hump of what everyone else thinks about marketing versus what actually works.
• Mental multivitamin – I hate that she calls herself M-MV, because I have to say it in my head and my brain stutters. Otherwise, it’s a dose I rarely deny myself.

Snarky/Self-deprecating

• Comfort Queen – She bares her soul with all manner of self-directed humor, and we get to watch. Watch and say “Oh yes, that’s me, too.”
• IttyBiz – Naomi, Naomi. I will never leave you, no matter how much you assault my senses with your yelling and debauchery.

Story-telling

• Communicatrix – I sometimes feel like I’m eavesdropping, she’s so promiscuous with the interesting details of her life. Promiscuous in a good, I’m-with-you sort of way. Not a bad, I’m-making-money-telling-secrets-about-everyone-in-my-life sort of way.
• Emma Alvarez Gibson – She’s going in a new direction (I like it!) so I’m not sure if that includes more stories, but I hope it does. She has a knack for it.
• Walk Slowly, Live Wildly – She does good things for the world while she tells her stories. I like that.

Funny, funny, funny

• The Pioneer Woman Cooks – I mainly drool over all the pictures, wish I had time to cook like that, and pine for horses while reading Ree’s stuff. Oh yes, and I spit milk out of my nose laughing.
• Put Things Off – Funny…motivational. Funny…motivational. Dang it, I knew I was going to suck at categorizing these things.
• Smitten Kitchen – I’ve noticed most food people are tremendously funny by nature. Being around food all the time must put them in a perpetually good mood.
• Sparky Firepants – He’s so funny. An added bonus: he also happens to actually know what he’s talking about.
• The Fluent Self – Havi is just so funny and so likable. (How can you not be funny and likable with a duck perched on your shoulder? Also, I don’t like how likable doesn’t have an ‘e’ after the ‘k’. Doesn’t it look like lickable?)

Spiritual/Inspiring

• Desiring God – I like the un-watered down-ness of this guy.
• Heart of Business – Mark’s posts have stopped me in my tracks more than once. He brings me back to the why of working for myself.
• Soul Pancake – Asking the tough questions and then never answering them. (I read it because Dwight from The Office writes it.)
• White Hot Truth – Danielle LaPorte is one of the coolest people on the planet. That is all.
• Zen Is Stupid – I don’t know much about Western Buddhism (except that apparently something is wrong with it), but I like listening to Patrick and Gwen argue. Very spiritual.

Motivational

• Magpie Girl – Rachelle motivates me to do less, which is exactly the kind of motivation I need.
• Mindful Time Management – More about doing less. I love that she blogs sporadically. It makes me feel like it’s the right thing to do.
• Productive Flourishing – After I read Charlie’s blog, I feel gently nudged to a brighter future. (It’s true!)
• Rise of the Innerpreneur – He helps me to experience my work as art. And also to do less (sense a recurring theme here?)
• The Art of Nonconformity – Besides having a killer website, this guy’s writing just keeps getting better. Read 279 Days to Overnight Success. Totally worth it.

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Before I went on vacation, I alerted everyone on Twitter, I alerted all of my clients, I alerted my mom, my distant relatives, and even my hairdresser. And then I get back to this cacophony of “Where are you? When are you writing again? Hello????” Flattering, yet slightly alarming that I missed telling YOU of all people where I was going.

I’ve now returned with a vengeance. (See…there’s me as a hardened criminal in Alcatraz. Thankfully, I escaped unscathed.)

I am completely re-habilitated (though slightly jet-lagged and euphoric from the wear). Oh yes…and I did get my hair chopped off right before I left, in case you’re comparing me with my picture on the right. It’s good to be home.

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Why selling sucks…for everyone

I had this guy try to sell me siding a couple of months ago. I had no idea he was going to try to sell me siding. Maybe I should have, but I didn’t. I thought I was getting a free quote for having the trim wrapped. (I don’t know what that says about me, but whatever.)

Anyway, this man was an awesome salesperson. He was an older guy with a friendly face. He had been in construction for years, had owned his own construction company at one point, and was personally hired by the CEO to work for this company when he retired. I liked him immediately.

He sat down and went on and on about the company. He went on and on about getting the trim wrapped. He went on and on and on about siding. By the time we got to the quote process, he had been in my house for 4 hours. No joke.

By the end of our conversation, he had used every sales trick in the book. Give someone something for “free” so they feel obligated to return the favor. Make sure they know you have a lot of time invested in this so that they feel bad for making you leave without a sale. Make their financial decisions seem horrendously out of line (”But don’t you think it’s ridiculous not to use other people’s money and buy things on credit?! You’re wasting your money!”). Talk about how they have obviously put this off for too long and their house looks like a decrepit shack.

Anyway, because I’m a weakling, I signed. I actually bought something against my better judgment because of a salesman. Bingo, he scored.

Except, not really.

I ended up canceling the contract. Once I got my wits together I realized, “Wait a second. I need to wait on this. It is NOT urgent. I am NOT an irresponsible nimrod who doesn’t fix their house when it needs it.” I will never hire that company as long as I live. And if someone asks me for a recommendation, I will NOT recommend them.

The bottom line

(Don’t you just love that I used a sales cliche as the title there? I am so full of irony today.) When you sell a product to someone who doesn’t need it (even if they’re convinced at the time that they do), you alienate them as a customer. When they return your product, they create more work for you. And even (and especially) if they DON’T return the product, they will bad-mouth your company to their neighbors, friends, and mother-in-law.

There is a better way.

(I just can’t get over the sales cliches today!) Instead of trying to convince people to buy your product or service, give them as much information as you possibly can. Tell them what it does, and even what it does not do. Tell them who you created your product for. Tell them what problems it solves. Anticipate what questions they might have, and then answer them. If your product is so dad-gummed awesome (which it should be), then you have nothing to hide.

With everything that I do online, I’m not only trying to attract the clients that are right for me, but also trying to repel the ones that aren’t. I really don’t like telling people that I’m not the right person for them, so I make it as easy for the wrong people to say “no” as it is for the right people to say “yes.”

Be careful, though

A few people might read this and think, “Yes! I knew it! Now I don’t have to sell my product/service! Yippeeeeee!!” Because you hate selling. You’d never dream of convincing someone to buy your product or service. You’re the type of person who tells a potential customer, “This might not be for you” before they even see what “this” is.

But wait a second. You created “this” because there is a need for it. You saw how it would help people and solve their most pressing problems. Make sure they know all about it. Because if you’re not connecting people to a right solution for their problems, then you might as well go work for somebody who is.

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1. The art of the voice: Part one – Banish corporate lingo There
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(I realize I might be on a 2am rant with this one, but hear me. I really do have a point.)

If you’re selling me a pot, it has to be the cheapest OR it has to be the best. (Or at least I have to think that it is). But there is one more option.

If you can’t be the cheapest and you can’t be the best, you’ve got to stop selling pots

You’re not Wal-Mart (I’m assuming…although I do not discriminate against readers who ARE Wal-Mart). So we can assume you’re not the cheapest. And you’re not Apple, so we can assume that you’re not the best. (Sorry PC users. That really was just a joke. Don’t send hate mail.) Basically, if you’re not the cheapest and you’re not the best, then you’ve got to be completely different. You can’t compete, so you have to get rid of your competition by selling something else.

But what to sell?
Let’s say you are a life coach. You get up one day, you yawn and stretch, and then you decide to put up a services page on your website. It goes something like this:

• One hour of coaching – $200
• Two hours of coaching – $300
• Four hours of coaching – $500
• Eight hours of coaching (BEST VALUE!) – $700

We’ve all seen this, right? Your services may be a pretty good deal, but you’re definitely not the cheapest. And you may have been in the industry for five years, but you’re probably not the absolute best life coach there is. On top of that, what if I were to tell you that people don’t buy coaching? (Really, they don’t.) If you’re not the cheapest, you’re not the best, and people don’t even buy coaching, then this services page is utterly doomed for failure.

Marketing gurus call this a unique selling proposition — blah, blah, blah. All it means is that you can’t sell the same thing as other people. You don’t sell life coaching. You sell a completely customized Rock-your-life plan. (Just writing that makes me want to buy one.)

What this has to do with your voice

You can’t develop a voice for your brand if you think you’re selling a product that you’re not selling. If you think you’re selling life coaching (which, as we mentioned, people don’t even buy), but in reality you’re selling custom-tailored, easy-to-follow rock-your-life plans for creative people, you’re going to have a time of it.

So first, figure out what it is that you’re selling. The voice will develop naturally if you can grab on to that and run with it. Hard.

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1. The art of the voice: Part 4 – Get out of the “sell” mindset Webster
2. The art of the voice: Part 6 – Rock your credibility The web is

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Remember the post in which I (sort of) called myself a big, fat liar? Currently, when you search for “Sarah Bray” (one of my top searched-for keywords), here’s what comes up:

Google, you are a cruel, cruel mistress.

Why you should talk about yourself in the third person sometimes

Because it’s very likely that people are going to eventually know who you are and Google your name (a fantastic thing). And if you talk about yourself in the third person, that’s likely what they’re going to see on their search result. It’s kind of a nifty way of crafting your own search engine entry.

“Sarah Bray is the awesomest.”

“Sarah Bray is the coolest person ever.”

“Sarah Bray knows her stuff, and is more honest than Abe himself.”

Take that, Google.

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