sk0t.com

Thanks to Mat

2009-07-11T15:22:00-07:00

I have my dual monitor setup completed (once again). This time, no power supply issues from my old computer.

Questionable Person, Phenomenal Artist

2009-07-08T09:42:00-07:00

Watch this video... and remember why he is the King of Pop.

I remember.

2009-06-23T20:23:00-07:00

If I can get over a few things, maybe I fix a small portion of the imperfection that my life has become. I've realized that my time, however spent, needs to be filled with things that can take me away from my own thoughts. I know that no one gets what I get, and realistically, how could you? I walk a broken man, and, although I have everything I want, I am still left incomplete. I lost something a long time ago that I haven't been able to find.

I think about the perfect life, and how I used to think that my future would lead me there. It's unfortunate that I can't ever get there. Contaminated by my own actions, and burned by my own fire, it is just too late. If I could just take back a few things, I could fix some of the broken parts, and get to a life that is as close to perfect that I think I will ever be.

I know I can't get back what I did. I know that I've lost a part of my life, my dignity, and myself, that I can never get back. I have done a lot of things I am not proud of, a lot of things that I can never forget. Is that payback enough? Is losing almost everything enough to quench the thirst of vengeance? I hope so. I feel completely lost... I have 2 people in my life that mean the world to me, and I can't be who they want me to be because I can't forget. Everyday, I remember... I remember the long days and sleepless nights, I remember wishing every second of everyday that I was someone else. Someone who isn't anything like me.

To all of you who tell me to get over it: I wish I could. Do you think people want to relive nightmares over and over? I used to think that it would be easy to forget... that I would come home, and start from where I left off... but that didn't happen. I despise myself for not being able to let this go... I hate myself everyday for what happened then, and what happens now... and now my thoughts are tainted by my experiences in hell. It is more than just prison too. From the FBI rolling up on me at 6AM, to the meetings with the lawyer, to the trial days, to sentencing, to surrender day.... and everything in between then and now... a nightmare I can't seem to wake up from.

When I think I have it beat... it creeps back up. Maybe someday... I can add just a little taste of perfection to my ever so imperfect world... I don't expect to be who I was... but I hope someday to stop it from consuming me.

I don't ever want to forget, I just hate it when I remember.

F*CKING RIDICULOUS!!!

2009-06-17T08:25:00-07:00

It is this kind of blatant double-standard that makes me the man I am today.

Donte Stallworth gets 30-days in prison - SI.com

WOW... you kill a man and the worst part of your sentence is 30 days. I put StarWars on the internet and the worst part of mine is 5 months in a federal prison.

Do that math.

Sorry for the long delay...

2009-05-27T18:57:00-07:00

But I have been really busy. I have been working at Penn State Behrend doing Oracle stuff, also, I have been stepping up my BJJ training, and taking summer classes.

So, as usual, I find myself in a puzzling mood. My 'friend' that I worked with at WQLN for the past 6 or so months has seemingly forgotten to invite me to his wedding. Eh, not a big deal. His stag is this Saturday, and I have agreed to use my speakers for the event.

--I know, you guys are wondering why I am not complaining about this, and you are thinking that something is wrong with me for not holding a grudge and being salty about all this... well, you are right, I should be, however, I am not. I have decided that it is all not worth it. And I offered to let him use the speakers while we were working together, and I follow through with my obligations.

Not a big deal.

I find it funny lately that I am going through a mental stagnation. I am getting back to the best shape I have ever been in, I am working hard, almost done with school, and yet I still feel like everything about life hasn't changed at all. I still feel the same about almost everything, and it is fine with me.

CHECK OUT: http://undergroundbjj.com

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Update

2009-04-29T21:08:00-07:00

My training has been going great. I have been trying to train atleast twice a week, and sometimes 3 (if I have the time, because of school and such).

I competed in the NYS Grappling Championship a few weeks ago, and I won 2 of my No-Gi matches... here is the chronology of the day

1 Gi Match: LOST by points at the end of 2 rounds.
1st No-Gi Match: LOST (via something weird as shit)
2nd No-Gi Match: WIN via Guillotine (VIDEO LINK)
3rd No-Gi Match: WIN via Straight Ankle Lock
4th No-Gi Match: LOST (to same dude as 1st No-Gi match via Americana)

End of the night: 2 for 5
Not that great, but I am OK with that. That is why I am training hard, so I can do better at the next tournament.

More videos to come later. Check out my youtube channel @ www.youtube.com/sk0tcom

Lately...

2009-04-01T22:30:00-07:00

It has been a hard couple weeks lately... I have been trying to drown myself in school and work in order to stop remembering.. but it doesn't work. I watch a TV show, and I am taken back to hell... flashing back to my 'time'... I hear songs on the radio, songs that kept me sane in a time of pure insanity... and I remember... I hear a phrase... and instantly, I am back, drowning in my fear of what tomorrow could have brought me... Its been almost 2 full years since I have been out... and still I remember.. I remember the long days, and even longer nights. I remember being alone in a place full of emptiness where they were exponentially higher on the level than me... and I remember hoping for contact that never came... I often think about the time I spent away... 148 days of unbridled horror... only to be heightened by the fact that on the outside, I was forgotten.

How to gather data from database in C# (backend)

2009-03-13T21:44:00-07:00

Using a stored procedure with MS SQL Server.

[CODE]

string strConnection = String.Empty;
DataSet uniqueDS = new DataSet();
SqlDataAdapter uniqueDA;

strConnection = "'connection string'";
uniqueDA = newSqlAdapter(sp, strConnection);
uniqueDA.SelectCommand.CommandType = 
     CommandType.StoredProcedure;

uniqueDS = New DataSet;
uniqueDA.Fill(uniqueDS, "TABLE");

For direct access to the actual tables and rows and cells inside the dataset:

[CODE]

string = 
     uniqueDS.Tables("TABLE").Rows(RowIndex).Items(ColumnIndex).ToString;

Of course there are more ways... but this way is direct access to DataSet values.

UPDATE

2009-02-22T19:23:00-08:00

Sorry for the delay between posts... Let me start with the update:

I have been working at WQLN. I am taking 21 credits at school. And I am still actively training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu... that limits my time tremendously...

Other than that... things are going good.

More to come later.

Dream

2009-01-10T21:30:00-08:00

I had a dream the other night... As I lay asleep (in my dream) I am haunted by the presence of a figure standing over me. The figure isn't threatening, but leaves me with the feeling of extreme sadness and loneliness. The heart-breaking emotion that we all fear in our darkest of hearts. I lay there, unable to shake the desire to find another soul to comfort me. Each thought that passes enhances the emotion, until I am into a solitary state of depression. The depression that forces you to contemplate the end... As I lie there, in sheer emotional strain, the figure presents both hands... in one hand is a gun...whether it is loaded or not... I can't tell. In the other hand, I am present what looks like a picture frame... and frame in which the image is unrecognizable. The figure looks at me in a way that seems to illicit a reaction. Images flush through my head of the past and I am given the option to choose an item from the figures hands. Without hesitating, I rise up from the bed, and choose the gun... a symbol of utter control... inside my loneliness and my sorrow I grasp onto the handle...

I then wake up.

WOW!

2008: In Review

2008-12-31T22:15:00-08:00

Ahh... has it been a long year for all of you? Because it has been for me. It seems that this year has been good and bad for all.

BAD: We have a democrat at president. Although my die-hard conservative values prevent me from voting for a man who is Pro-Choice, I can say that I hope for some type of change; with the current state of affairs, and with the seemingly never-ending war on terror. SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, LET THEM WIN.

GOOD: School has been going well and I am about 2 semesters away from graduating. WOOT!

Other than that, this year has left me with lots to be desired. Nothing of any personal value happened to me (aside from the presidency and current economic state). I look to 2009 to bring some change. I will be off of probation in July. I will be done with school... and I will be ready to get on with my life. So lets hope 2009 is all I hope it to be.

I can't seem to forget...

2008-12-18T07:41:00-08:00

With classes ending, and finals week coming to an ever-so-needed end, I am starting to get a little more appeased with life. After Friday, the official end of my finals, I will have a little time before I return to the grind of studying and work.
I wanted to take that time to rekindle friendships lost... to return to the days before I survived a walk through the pits of hell, and returned with a new cynical outlook on life... but I can't. Regrets, grudges, memories, and nightmares still haunt my thoughts and dreams all the time... I guess I find it hard to forget the days when I sat around, completely alone, surrounded by individuals whose moral compasses were skewed by greed and self-gratification, and wondered what the rest of the world was thinking, since they obviously weren't thinking about me. I used to think that it was everyone but me, but its me when I see the face of guilt. Guilty for the crimes I've committed, and guilty for losing a life that I never knew was so good. Lost in a place of solitude, surrounded only by the ramblings on a blog page... me and my diatribes on life, love, and friendship. Yesterday, today, tomorrow? I don't foresee change... change implies some type of resolution... some situation where my problems can be resolved.

Happy Anniversary

2008-11-12T05:16:00-08:00

Today marks the 8th year that sk0t.com has been around...

A New Era

2008-11-05T22:28:00-08:00

Well, Obama is our new president elect... seeing as that I am a Republican, I do not find this time in our nations history to be all that exciting... I feel that we let ourselves down as Americans in voting Obama in to office.

Well, now that it's done... let us hope he does something worth doing...

Dog Picture

2008-11-04T12:27:00-08:00

Jeni snapped a picture of Rosebud (our dog) playing in the leaves, and it came out great. -----> LINK

Best Song Ever

2008-10-31T13:25:00-07:00

Best of MTV Videos

Up-Coming Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Tournaments

2008-10-31T08:42:00-07:00

There is an up-coming BJJ/Sub Wrestling Tournament that I am going to list:

Jeff Joslin's - 2008 Canadian Open Grappling Championships
---> Location in: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
---> At Sherwood High School (25 High St)
---> LINK

---> Flyer: COVER
---> Flyer: RULES/Weight Classes
---> Flyer: Registration Form
---> Flyer: Directions

If anyone is interested in going, let me know.

New Implementations

2008-10-29T22:25:00-07:00

So I have implemented some new stuff here on sk0t.com. A few of the links, and almost all of the pictures that I will link (aside from my photo albums) will be using ShadowBox.

For an example, please click on this LINK.
*It is a funny picture about the new Google Chrome browser*

Time for a Little Break

2008-10-25T22:13:00-07:00

sk0t.com is going to be taking a small break... I am going to evaluate the direction we are going, and possibly do a complete redesign if we stay up and running.

Thanks for reading, and I will be notifying you all quite soon of the decisions made.

EliteXC ----> Farewell

2008-10-21T10:50:00-07:00

According to sources at MMAWeekly.com, the parent company of EliteXC, ProElite, is closing down.

Taken from MMAWeekly.com:
Several sources MMAWeekly.com spoke to said notifications had been sent out on Monday informing managers that the company was ceasing its fight promotion operations by the end of this week and it had begun the process of letting its employees go. One source even said that ProElite had already begun clearing out its corporate offices.

Link to Original Article.

There goes Kevin Ferguson and Gina Carano FREE ON CBS... Damn.

Blog Action Day 08

2008-10-15T15:00:00-07:00

According to their website:

"Blog Action Day is an annual nonprofit event that aims to unite the world's bloggers, podcasters and videocasters, to post about the same issue on the same day. Our aim is to raise awareness and trigger a global discussion."

You know, sk0t.com isn't known for its amazing posts... or even all that interesting of posts... I don't really care about people, and I don't care whether other people care about me... however, having lived the life I have lived, I have ran into many people who have had far less than I. I met some people in prison, who would wear the same stuff day-in and day-out, because their family didn't have the money to send them anything. On the inside, it wasnt a big deal, because they could survive in the little of means, however on the outside it is a different story. There are families taking their kids to hospitals because they can't afford to provide for them anymore... it is ridiculous... lets hope that whoever our new president is, he can lead us in a direction where poverty isn't so rampant.

MCCAIN on POVERTY
OBAMA on POVERTY

Bush signs controversial anti-piracy law

2008-10-14T08:54:00-07:00

Here is a link to the Reuters article on this topic...

Let me know what you think.

Issues with VB.Net

2008-10-12T17:47:00-07:00

So I was programming an assignment today in VB.NET (through VS 2005), and I ran into an issue. Here is what the code looks like:

strVariable = InputBox(Prompt, Title)
If strVariable = String.Empty Then
MessageBox.Show(Message, Title)
Else
.....

Now here is where I have an issue.
Since the point of my If...Then... is to validate strVariable for input, I want to make sure that some type of value is entered... For example, if I want to test strVariable for "" or String.Empty and have a MessageBox show and notify that I require a value that is valid... I can do that completely. However, when the input box is up, the CANCEL button returns a zero-length string which equals (""). So when you hit cancel, it forces you to enter a value. So the CANCEL button is rendered useless if I test for validation and require a value...? That seems wrong.

According to MSDN: 'If the user clicks Cancel, the function returns a zero-length string ("")'

Please answer why Cancel returns String.Empty or "", and not Null?

October...

2008-10-03T22:00:00-07:00

It seems like time has been flying by lately... there is a lot of things that have been happening as of late... school is coming along, this might prove to be my hardest semester yet...(which is a good thing)... I plan on being done within the next year... (unless something unforeseeable comes along)...

I have been getting back into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu lately... there is a place in Erie that I have been training at, and with exception to this past week, I have been pretty diligent in my attendance. I am looking forward to continuing.

I am still in a personal state of wonder though... wondering what tomorrow will bring... as if I really want to see it...

FAITH LOST.

2008-09-23T11:34:00-07:00

All my faith in the United States judicial system and legislation is lost because of this: Child Porn Case

This world never ceases to amaze me... it is almost enough to bring a tear to my eye. How someone this horrible, will do less time that I did.