Yo! What it be like, homie?

Ah, my bestest friend in the westest end!

That’s me, G. What’s all this about stress?

Oh yea, Well.. let’s see. You know about CoVis, right?

Duh. It’s the awesome new coworking place in Omaha started by mine’s truly.

Yessir! Well, Obviously, dropping all this coin and signing all these contacts in hopes of breaking even or [gasp!] turning a profit.. well, that’s some stressful shtuff!

Understandably so. Good luck to you, buddy boy. ..but I’m sure you knew that’d be stressful?

I did. It’s planned stress, I’m cool with that. The thing is, I’ve had this reeeeallly annoying headache for several months now. I got an MRI, which came up fine, so odds are I’m just stressed to the top. Of course, it could be some odd side-effect from taking ProVigil, but I doubt it.

Anyhoo, as if I’m not already top-heavy, people have decided to start throwing stones at me. I mean, I know I’m not perfect, and I know that sometimes I can come off as a conceited arsehole and whatnot, but I really do try to do good. Ya know?

I do. Don’t forget tho, no good deed goes unpunished.

I know. Last year was nuts, I literally went nuts. I said and did things that I’m not proud of, nothing horrible, but definitely stupid and not well-planned. i wish I could go back in time and undo it all.. all of it. Every goddamn second of it. It was a low spot for me, a Charlie Sheen moment. I didn’t think things through, I let my feelings control me, and we all know feelings are damn unreliable.

Yup, that’s why I don’t have any.

Lucky you. Me, I have them, but I usually let my logic overpower them. Last year, emotions won the battle. Logic took a back seat and just watched as I made a spectacle of myself and burned a path of self-destruction and humiliation.

Well, it’s over now, right?

It is. This year, it’s like I’ve been reborn. I have passion and drive back in my life. I have a desire to be a gooder person, to help people, to be person I know I can be. I’ve been doing good, I’ve been going out of my way to be nicer and to see things from the perspective of others. I’m trying to live my life from the outside-in. I want to erase all the bad from the past. I want to live every day like it’s day 1.

That sounds like a good idea, the past is unreliable anyway.

I know. I’ve read enough to know that our memories are distorted, the human mind is crap.

Except mine.

Right. I know haters gonna hate, and I know it’s hard to convince people of what’s inside you when the outside doesn’t match. I know I have a lot of baggage to overcome. I know I’m not a superhero, I have no business meddling in the affairs of others. I know I need to forgive, forget, and forge ahead. It’s not easy.

So what’s the plan?

I dunno. I guess I just keep trying to be a better person. I want the people I’ve hurt to know that I’m genuinely sorry, that I regret being a source of pain, and that I’m willing to meet with them to start rebuilding relationships and making amends.

I’m not perfect. I can’t promise that I won’t ever do anything stupid again, fact is I have a pretty damn high stupid to smart ratio. I will screw up again, but who doesn’t?

me?

Yea, but besides you? We all make mistakes, that’s no reason to go around hurting people.

Word. Want my advice?

Yea!

Hold your head up, keep moving forward, and work doubly hard to show people what’s deep inside you. You’re a good person, but you let your fears take over and run the show. Kick that shit to the curb, yo. Be fierce, be progressive, actually be gooder.

It wasn’t a bad plan, use my time off to write a simple, yet meaningful book. The problem, however, was that I knew I’d have a hard time sticking to plan if I did the writing at home. There are just too many distractions.. TV shows, videogames, laundry, dishes, bla bla bla. If I was going to focus, I needed to get out of the house. It didn’t take me long to decide that the perfect place would be CAMP Coworking in Downtown Omaha. I’m an early riser, and I’m well-aware of the fact that the owner of CAMP, Megan, is a night-owl herself. That’s why at 5am, on my first day of vacation, I drove the 20 miles to put digital pen to digital paper.

Unfortunately, my lack of planning, and reliance on the universe to grease my wheels, did not work in my favor. CAMP was CLOSED. I waited around for a half hour or so, but nobody showed. I tucked my tail between my legs and started back home, telling myself that I’d try again later.. after a nap.

The nap turned into a half-night’s rest. When I awoke, there was no way I was going to drive another 40 miles. “Tomorrow.”, I told myself. The next morning, after silencing my alarm, I stared at the ceiling while listening to the debate in my head. It took a few minutes, but finally all the voices agreed on one thing.. take control. It was then that I made the decision to open a coworking spot out west, closer to home.

Not being one to step on toes, I contacted Megan and asked for her blessing. She not only gave it, but she also pointed me towards my first clients. Thank you, Universe! ..and Megan, of course.

Since then, I’ve been wheelin’ and dealin’, trying to line up all the ducks and waiting for the chickens to hatch before taking inventory. Things are progressing smoothly.

The place is called CoVis CoWorking, and it’ll be right off Interstate 680 and Pacific Street in Omaha. This is not only an awesome location due to all the great places nearby, or it’s easy access, but it seems to be where the universe and I collide. You see, There used to be a little club called The Naughty Lounge there, and I used to be a DJ there. It’s where I met Special K, the gal I fell head over heels for. There’s also a Ruby Tuesday across the way, and that’s where I met one of my best friends, ShySpark. And ifso-facto, one of the smartest gals I’ve ever known, GeeketteSpeaks, lives just a block away. Like I said, the universe wants me there.

For the last two months, this has all just been talk. Tomorrow, however, I sign the lease and this all gets real. I’m terrified. I’m bankrolling this all myself, and this is going to be one hell of a costly experiment. You see, I’m an introvert. I spend most of my time trapped in my very own mind. It’s a fun place, there’s hopes and dreams and big explosions and all that, but it’s also a very lonely place.

Coworking is about sharing a space with others, being productive and collaborating. I need this more than anything. When I joined the Air Force back in 1994, I was a caveman. My whole world prior to that was defined by my family, and the isolated community I lived in. The military, and the way it pulls people out of your life and forces new faces upon you, is what made me evolve. By frequently being exposed to such diversity, my mind was forced to learn and dive into new experiences. It’s a great feeling. It’s something that has been severely lacking in my life recently.

I’m excited for CoVis. I will be introduced to new faces, new ideas, new possibilities. That’s all food for my mind, it energizes me. Unfortunately, as an introvert, my social circle is fairly small, and my social phobia sits on my shoulder and tells me that if I build it, no one will come. That’s scary shit.

On the bright side, I’ve failed so much in this life, that I’d probably be more shocked if I succeeded! So I’m going into this ready for the worst. Bring it, World. I’ve been taking punches since before I could walk, and I’m still kickin’.

Anyway, there it is. I’m doing this. CoVis Coworking is set for a soft launch on April 1st, how fitting. I’ll get around to a hard launch when I can find some porn stars. Heh.

For more details, check out the CoVis CoWorking website, and follow the @covisco twitter account.

I ask for your support, and your help spreading the word.
Thanks in advance.

Skid Vis

Staring me smack-dab in the face was the logo that adorns the vast majority of my shirts. I sat and admired that bag and that wonderfully simple logo. That logo has a story behind it, I suggest you do some digging into it, if that sort of thing interests you.

The bag got me thinking about my own brand and identity. I mean, sure, I have a mascot in my Skid Vis character:

The mascot, which of course I adore, is way too complicated in comparison to the simple rhino. So, I started working on something new..

I had a lot of thoughts running around, trying to think outside the box, and whatnot. Eventually, I settled on what I call “The Devil’s V“. I don’t know why I call it that, but it’s what came to mind when I imagined it on my Jeep a few years ago, and it’s been my go-to V ever since.

I got to work on testing out that version, but the more I looked at it, the more it looked like someone just scored a touchdown.

Not exactly the worst thing ever, a guy signaling “It’s good!”, considering my slogan is “Making Things Gooder.” But it just didn’t feel right. I was just about to give up, when I looked back at my sketches and was drawn to the very first one I put down. This time around, I saw things hidden in it that just made it the obvious choice. So here it is, the brand new brand:

As you can see, it’s pretty damn simple. It works in full color, and even in solid colors. It’s the letter V, for Vis; it also turns out to be someone flexing their muscles, which is perfect because the word Vis is Latin for Strength! But wait, there’s more!

In my universe, much like in Star Wars, Spawn, and heck, even traffic lights; Red is the color of Bad, and Green is the color of Good. They are both a part of us, so the “head” being green and the “body” being red represents the eternal struggle we all deal with.

Anyway, I just wanted to jot down how I arrived at this new brand, mainly for me, but hopefully you enjoyed tinkering with the inner workings of my lunatic mind. Who knows, maybe some day I’ll have a fancy bag of my own?!

The new year approaches, and the time has come for change. It is my wish that this new year brings you many blessings, that you never feel sorrow, and that all your dreams come to be. I must let you go.

I cannot continue to write for, or about you. I must stop trying to understand why you do what you do. I must take the pain I feel and bury it deep enough that even I cannot find it again. Enough is enough.

My name is Skid Vis. That is who I am. I am strength. I set fire to the worlds of those I touch. I inspire action. I am more than my feelings, my memories, and my pain. This is my purpose.

Today, I will feel. I will focus on the joy you’ve given me. I will focus on the loss. I will remember you for the amazing angel you are. I will smile. I will try to imagine the world you wanted, and suppress all the fears that live in that world. I will feel the flames consume my flesh, as the pain wraps itself around my very being. Tomorrow, I will rise.

I will leave the ashes behind me, and set for the skies. I will shine like I’ve never shone before. I will set the world ablaze, or I will die trying.

You are my heart. You are my hope. You are freedom.

Your life will be wonderful, and everything will be just fine. You’ll smile often, cry rarely, and think of me even less. Our memories will come, now and again, and they’ll pass through you like a ghost. For a second, you’ll feel me, and even sooner, you’ll let me go. I will fade into the abyss of the past, and your joys will fill your life with meaning. This is my dream.

I will miss us. I will think of you. I will adapt.

My days are numbered, like it or not. Change is inevitable. I must stop this game and give this life a go. The pieces aren’t falling how I imagined, so I must snatch them from the air and put them in their place. I will no longer be an observer. The time has come to make things gooder.

I will win. I will exist. I will matter.

I’m Skid Vis, and I do what I want.

Tumultuous?

Yea! Totally. Wow. I fell in love, but that all went horribly awry. I pushed all the wrong buttons and was left to the reality that I’m just not meant to have that sort of life.

Aww c’mon, it couldn’t have been all bad?

No, that’s true. There are tons of great memories. But goodness, remember mid-summer??

I could hardly forget, the time your were a po-et.

lol, yea. But wow, those were dark times. In all my life, I’ve never had to endure such pain and dispair. I didn’t think I’d get back out of that. To lose someone that seemed to be an extension of your soul, that’s just such heartbreak. Eventually, with the help of some friends, I was able to accept that, as Mickey Rourke said in Barfly, “That’s just the nature of the way things work.”

I made my mistakes, I ruined many a good thing, but I cannot sit around in sorrow. I still have to live because, true to my moniker, life undeniably goes on.

Indeed. So now what?

Well, I’m glad you asked. This summer was hard, as they usually are. You see, since the age of twenty-two, I’ve been living birthday-to-birthday. I never looked beyond my next birthday. However, I once heard said that those who achieve greatness, usually do it in their thirties. In eighteen months, I’ll be hitting the big 4-0. That doesn’t leave me much time, as evident in that counter on the right.

Oooh, that’s what that is!

Yessir, a countdown to my most important birthday yet. It’s sure to be a blast. It’s my finish line. I’ve decided to go all-in and all-out for the next eighteen months. I’m going to pull out all the stops and follow every dream I can. I have less than 600 days to find my grail.

Hey! This year wasn’t all bad, you got to see Spamalot again!

Yessir, and wasn’t that just a barrel of monkeys! XD
Anyways, buckle up and wish me luck. I plan on it being a very bumpy ride.

Well, I can hardly wait.

The impact has caused an uprising of debris that’s blocked out the sun. Your nightmares have ripped through your soul and now stand before you, smiling, taunting you. What do you do?

What can I?

Nothing. You sit there, you watch the timer as it counts down the end of your miserable existence.

Yes.

They were all right. Remember them? The ones who said you’d never amount to much? The ones who predicted you’d die by a gutter?

Yes.

Way to go, champ. You’ve made psychics out of those bitches.

Yes.. I suppose.

You’re a fool. Look at me. Listen to what I have to say.

Fine.

Do not fear the wolves when they’re pups.

Yes, I know. I said that just the other day.

You did, but did you fully understand it?

Yes, we shouldn’t fear things when there’s still time to make changes.

Exactly. You can still make the pack yours. You can still rule the world, your world.

Yes, I can, but so much has gone wrong. I’ve lost control.

You’ve never had control, That’s an illusion. You’re a reactionary beast, you’re born to adapt.

You’re right. I did not get here by following.

Yes.

I still have options.

Yes.

I still have my strength.

Yes.

I am a force, light and nimble.

Yes.

Stop dwelling on all that has gone wrong, find yourself, find..

..the right in what’s left.

“Feels better to be lost, but haven’t felt the choice” — Chevelle, Revenge

The last 18 months have been quite turbulent, they’ve been a testament to the range of human emotion. I’ve felt happy, hopeful, angry, sad, loved, abandoned, useful, and useless. This is the cost of being the spirit that I am, ducking and weaving in and out of the lives of many.

The last 18 months have been hard to face. I found many moments where life finally made sense, where I had hope. Like bubbles floating in the air, they were gone as quickly as they appeared. The memories of the laughter we’ve shared almost makes it all seem worthwhile. I like to think that I’ve left a positive mark in your life. I like to imagine that your world is a better place because I’ve been there.

I’m in the middle of my life.

The last 18 months will be hard to face alone. It is my last chance to become a monument to goodness. I have a lot left to do and not a long time to do it. I’ll have to knuckle down, I’ll have to dig in and stand firm in my beliefs. I’ll have to open up and explore new ideas.

The last 18 months are my last chance to prove to the world, to you, that I can follow my own rules. That I can put the needs of the many above my own needs. It will be my self-serving attempt at happiness, to determine if I truly can feel happiness by providing it to others.

I’m in the nexus of my existence.

The last 18 months have led me down a path unlike any I’ve ever encountered. I’ve had to face many demons, I’ve had to deal with how I’ve let my fears hurt people. I feel disgraced by the very thought. I had slid into a mode of self-protection that made me lose sight of how much I affect others. I apologize deeply to those I’ve hurt, and I promise to be more vigilant to avoid further pain on either side.

The last 18 months are an experiment, I’m walking into a void where I can’t help but be afraid. Yet, I have no options. Time will not wait for me. I have to push forward and deliver on my goals and objectives. I have to spread my wings and let my hopes and dreams carry me toward the height of my abilities.

I long to be happy, I long to make you happy.
Thanks for your love in the last 18 months.
Love me in the last 18 months.

“You either fail or you rise and reach to other worlds” — Chevelle, Arise

How do you let them know that they still exist? How can you tell them that they are constantly in your thoughts, that they are a huge part of you? How can you show them that, even though they aren’t around, they heavily influence your life?

How can they see that you miss them so much and want to give them what they want, but you can’t because it would compromise your integrity and dissolve your identity? How do you make them understand that you’re not against their happiness, just saddened that you can’t be a part of it?

How do you explain that the intense pain in your soul pushes you to move forward, because there is no going back? How do you thank them for being a catalyst for your self-discovery, for your growth, for your drive?

How do you prove that their laughter, their hopes, their dreams, their successes, their failures, their life is just as important, if not more, than your own?

How do you apologize for disappointing them, for scaring them, for driving them away? How do you make amends and fix the past while still sticking to your core? How do you prove your goodness and love without surrendering your soul?

Me? I’d prolly blog about it.

Blog, huh? Hmm, I’ll have to consider that.

I was on the couch, catching up on my DVRed episodes of The Biggest Loser, trying not to laugh at the irony of me sitting there practically inhaling Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream. “I’ll just spend an extra hour on the treadmill tomorrow, it’s worth it!”, I told myself.

It was getting pretty late, it was past eleven and if I was to get that extra hour in on the treadmill, I needed to hit the hay. I grabbed the remote and turned off the television. Oddly, as soon as I powered it down, it came right back on. It was on channel 60, then it went down to channel 59, then 58. I figured that a button must have gotten jammed on the remote, so I tapped it on my wrist and powered the TV off again. That seemed to do the trick, so I went upstairs to clean up and get ready for bed.

As I started to change, I couldn’t help but have mixed feelings about my current relationship status. I mean, on the one hand I was glad to be single with no one to impress; I could wear sweatpants and a t-shirt to sleep and nobody would care. On the other hand, it was a little chilly and I wouldn’t have minded having a nice warm man to snuggle up against. Oh well, them’s the breaks, right? “I’m a successful, independent woman and that’s just the cost of doing business.”, I muttered.

I killed the lights and slid under the sheets, fluffing up the pillows behind me so I could get in a little light reading. I have trouble falling asleep sometimes, and reading usually helps me zonk out. The History Of Love is what’s on my Kindle. It’s quite a complicated story, I’m not sure what’s going on half the time, which makes me wonder why I’m reading it before bed when I have even less focus.

I dove right in and started leafing through page after digital page, unable to retain a word of it and being more on autopilot than anything. It wasn’t long before I noticed the Kindle laying flat on the bridge of my nose and I decided that the time had come to call it a night. I glanced over at my alarm clock, curious of how much time had elapsed. I expected to see the time, but instead the clock said 00:47, then 00:46, then 00:45. I blinked rapidly and shook my head, another glance revealed it was 11:45. It must have just been the sleep in my eyes, or that weird state between awake and asleep. I smiled, let out a sigh of relief, and off to slumberland I went.

“33, 32, 31″

I lept out of bed in a mad panic, my forehead instantly glistening with sweat. Was that a dream? “Hello? Is anyone there?”, I asked, hoping to dear god that no one would answer back. I slowly made my way to the top of the steps, listening ever so diligently for the slightest sound. I had made my way down the steps when I saw that my front door was wide open! Fearing an intruder, I hauled my pretty ass outside, making sure to grab the cordless phone from the living room on my way out.

I waited outside until the police arrived, which thankfully didn’t take long. They did a thorough search of my home and did their best to not make me feel like a fool. “There’s a strong breeze tonight, more than likely you just didn’t fully close the door.”, said one of the boys in blue. Sounded reasonable enough. They said their farewells as I half-jokingly asked if one could spend the night. No such luck.

Back in my officer-approved home, I conducted my own last inspection. Everything looked fine, of course. Still, I felt a bit uneasy. I called up my friend Jeremy, he’s sure to be up, the man never sleeps. I told him about my scare and he ensured me that the cops were right, I just didn’t fully close the door. “I could swear I did! Anyway, it’s closed now! Closed, locked, and there’s even a chair in front of it, just in case!!”, I joked.

As if it hadn’t been cold before, now that I was thoroughly scurred and that door had been open forever, it was damn chilly. I asked Jeremy if he’d come spend the night, but he started rambling off excuse after excuse. “Ok, Ok, I get it!”, I said. He generously volunteered to stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep, that would have to do.

We spoke for a while as I asked him to tell me about his day, and then about his weekend plans, and then about whatever he was looking at. He just talked on and on about everything and nothing until his voice made the fear disappear and I slowly drifted off into blissful sleep.

“16, 15, 14″

I let out a scream and reactively threw my phone fiercely against the wall, shattering it into a billion little plastic pieces. At first I thought that Jeremy was just being a dick, but then I noticed that my bedroom light was on. “I turned it off, I fuckin’ turned it off!”, I nervously mumbled. I grabbed my cellphone and tried to call Jeremy, no answer. He probably fell asleep while on the phone himself.

I stepped out into the hall and saw that all my lights were on. Did I leave them on?? No, I was pretty sure, but maybe? I stood there, frozen, debating myself over and over. I tried to recall my every step, desperately seeking out that vital memory that would make it clear that I did leave the lights on and everything was ok. “But what about the counting on the phone??”, said a persistent little thought in my head that was determined to keep me scared.

Standing in the upstairs hall, entertaining a mental debate between fear and logic, time seemed to stall. Suddenly, the silence was broken and there was a clear winner in the debate. The toilet downstairs flushed, and there’s no way I was the one flushing it!! I’m pretty sure I turned six shades of white. I heard the bathroom door open, so I did what any logical person would do in this situation, I set my cellphone to vibrate and jumped into the hallway closet!!

I stood in the closet, it was dark except for the light sliding in through the bottom of the door. My heart was pounding so furious, I was sure it could be heard a mile away. I held onto my cellphone, trying fiercely to reach out to my police friends once again, but my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I could hear footsteps making their way up the stairs, I became frantic, I wanted to cry, but I had to keep it together! The footsteps stopped, and I could see a shadow stopped before the closet door. I placed my hand over my mouth, as if my body was telling me to shut the hell up. I just wanted to scream!! “Deep breaths, deep breaths..”, I reminded myself, trying to calm myself.

A buzzing in my hand almost threw me over the edge. My cellphone had just gotten a text message. I nervously looked at it, it was a message from myself, how could that be??

“3, 2, 1″

Your mom.

No, try again..

Your mom?

Ugh.. no! Tomorrow’s the day!

You mean?! Tomorrow you lose your virginity??

What?! No! Tomorrow I’m going SKYDIVING!!!

Yay!! ..wait, what?! I didn’t approve this!

haha!

Um, can we talk about this?

Sure! What do you wanna talk about?

Ok.. can we not do this?

Why the hell not?

Cuz, I dunno, I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!

Oh relax, you big ninny! Skydiving is one of the safest sports in the world.

Yea, falling out of a plane at 120 miles per hour sounds pretty damn safe!

It is, Serious! First off, you have not one but two parachutes, so you’re almost guaranteed to survive the fall. Once the ‘chute is deployed, you’ll slow down to a measly 20 miles per hour, that’s nothing! At worst, you’ll twist your ankle. Well..

Well what??

Well, I heard of a guy who broke his leg, but he was an idiot who decided to land in a pick-up truck! We won’t be doing that, we’ll just be landing in a corn field somewhere in BFE.

Well.. I dunno..
Wait, weren’t you against stupid stunts like this??

Yes. Things like skydiving and bungee-jumping never made much sense to me. I never quite understood why anyone would voluntarily put themselves in so much danger. Back then, however, my life was pretty dangerous, so adding to that didn’t make sense. I still feel that way about bungee-jumping, but I’ve been reading up on skydiving and it’s gotten a lot safer over the years. I mean, riding my motorcycle is a lot more dangerous! I fell off of that at 45 miles per hours and survived, 20mph should be a cakewalk.

mmm, cake

Yea so, wish me luck. If I do well, I’d like to get certified.

Well, you are certifiable!
Why get certified?

What do you mean?? Think of how awesome our vacations would be! Take Colorado, for instance. We’ve been there, what, a hundred times? Been there, done that, right? But imagine seeing the mountains from a totally different perspective.. FREEFALL!! How about Puerto Rico? A beautiful island, but what about falling from a plane and getting a bird’s-eye view?? Doesn’t that sound awesome??!

One man’s awesome is another man’s crazy.
Well, try not to die; I’ve got more insults I haven’t tried on you yet!

Roger that.

“Show me where forever dies, take the fall and run to heaven.”
– I Will Not Bow, Breaking Benjamin