A year ago, I was Scrooge. When the Holidays showed up, I couldn’t have cared less about spreading cheer.. *I* needed cheer, screw anyone else! So I gathered up my pennies and bought myself suttim reeeal nice for Christmas. Good thing, too.. because that’s all there was. It all but seemed as if everyone in the world had forgotten about me. My choice to buy myself a gift ended up seeming like the right choice after all.. I mean, if I didn’t think of myself on Christmas, then I would have ended up with nothing, right?

Several months into 2009, the gift I gave myself broke. The broken gift, a reminder that you reap what you sow. My life was still a mess, but I’d started to realize that I was mostly to blame for it. Putting myself above others never yields long-lasting results.  I may feel better today, but when tomorrow comes I’ll be alone and bitter yet again, surrounded by the relationships I cultivated.. or failed to.

This year, I’ve learned many lessons..

• The worst that can happen, really isn’t that bad and that the chances of it actually happening is pretty damned slim, so why waste the energy worrying about it? Why let opportunities and experiences pass you by just because fears are gripping you? When I actually stopped to think about it, most of the good in my life came from overcoming my fear, but most of my pain came from hiding.
• I did not get here alone. Yes, I’ve endured and overcome many tragic events over the years, but I’ve not been alone for it all. Over the years I’ve manage to distance myself from those that gave me strength. I instead surrounded myself with a new crowd, one I valued more, but one which it seemed did not value me. I am now on the path to rebuilding the bridges I so easily burned.
• Let it go, already! In my head, certain people have had a great role in molding the great mess which I am today. For years I’ve held the anger, blaming them for my suffering.. but that’s an act that yields no positive result. I’m well on the way to adopting a new strategy, one that involves me discussing my perceptions of actions and events that I held anger for. Sure, sometimes the other person will refute their involvement, or my perception of the events.. and nothing can really be done about that, but there is a relief of knowing that the discussions are not pointlessly going on in my head anymore.
• Respect the effort made by someone to engage you.. listen and respond. As a suffering introvert, I’m aware of how hard it is to reach out.. much worse yet when you DO reach out, only to be brushed off like a pesky gnat. You must give respect to get it back, but you must also give respect and NOT expect it back.
• Stop keeping score. One of the hardest things I’ve had to grasp, is that nobody is keeping score. There’s no list of how many times I’ve helped Jimmy or Mike, I am not owed anything by them. It’s hard for me because I feel such a debt of gratitude whenever someone displays kindness, consideration, or generosity towards me. I assume everyone feels the same, and then I’m completely shocked by the triviality of my gestures in return. The only way to avoid my sadness is to accept the truth.. I am owed nothing by anyone, but I indeed owe everything to all.
• I am blessed. I am being watched, I am being judged, and there is a bonus or a penalty for every action I take. Be it God, Karma, little elves, or my own self-worth, I need to propagate the blessings that I’m bestowed. I’m no saint, sometimes I’m more convinced I play for the other side.. but I strive to keep the good in my life outnumbering the bad.
• Life’s not fair. No matter what I do, nothing is promised other than death. I could rescue 100 children and kittens from a burning daycare/kitten factory and I could still end up shot by a mugger ten minutes later. That’s just the nature of the way things work.

2009 has been one heck of a year. I’d say it’s been fun, but then I’d be lying. The truth is I walk around with a heavy heart, constantly wishing I could turn back time. I see the many forks in the road and I can’t help but wonder what things would have been like had I turned the other way. I feel like I’ve been harshly judged for my mistakes, but I can only blame myself for making them. Luckily, I’m a dreamer, I still have hopes for a wonderful life. I endured much, and I didn’t get here by quitting, I got here by fighting.

There is no victory without the battle,  so bring it on 2010!

Happy Holidays to you all.

On multiple occasions, my gifts have not been well-received. It’s not uncommon for people to dig deep and try to come up with some devious intent for the gift. In a previous post, I mentioned how sad I became when I was told that there’s no such thing as altruism. I’ve since, with the support of Jack Deus, learned to accept that truth. Yes, there is indeed a motive behind my gifts.. to bring joy. It’s true, I gain the most happiness from bringing happiness into a person’s life.. call me selfish.

We live in a world that doesn’t play fair. People we love die, People we love don’t love us back, our pets die, we lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose homes.. we lose feeling. While some of us see these events as challenges or tests that will make us stronger or assure us a better place in the end, others among us will start to see living life as a futile endeavor. We’ll feel like the chips are stacked against us, we’ll feel alone, we’ll feel forgotten. Yes, I’ll be selfish. I will give of myself, be it time or money, in order to know that I may have contributed to not letting someone suffer alone. I know there are many days where I feel that everything is pointless, but I know how easily that feeling goes away by receiving something as simple as a text message.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been giving. If I am your friend, and you have a need, I believe it is my duty to help you however I can. That’s what I learned in the Bible, so fault me as you wish but I’m going to keep giving to those I care about.. cuz I’m a selfish bastard.

After I saw that, I picked my jaw off the floor and bought the guys album:

I’m glad I did.. he rocks. You should support this guy and get it too!

Windows 7 is great! I’ve been playing around with the beta at work for a while and I’m pretty impressed. So impressed that I actually BOUGHT the FAMILY PACK! That’s right, I bought 3 copies of Windows 7! That’s gotta tell you something! It installed flawlessly on my MacBook Pro, my Mac Mini, and my trust custom PC. I didn’t have to hunt for a single driver.

Uh.. there’s a problem here..

Since I actually own several copies of Windows XP, I bought the Upgrade version of Windows 7. The box says:

“If you are upgrading from Windows XP, you will need to back up your files and settings, perform a clean install and then reinstall your existing files, settings, and programs.”

Not a problem, it’s never a good idea to upgrade over your existing stuff anyway, It’s like building a new house on a rotten foundation, so I ALWAYS do a fresh install. And that’s just what I did, I erased my hard drive (after backing everything up!) and installed a fresh coat of Windows 7. However, when it came time for me to activate, I got a nasty message saying that I didn’t have the right license to do a fresh install.. and I COULD NOT ACTIVATE!

Lucky for me, I have a good friend named Google that told me how to bypass this little GLITCH! Here are the steps you need to take if you run into the same issue.

• Once you have reached the desktop, click Start, type: CMD
• Right-click CMD, click ‘Run as administrator’
• At the command prompt, type, regedit
• Go to HKLM/Software/Microsoft/Windows/CurrentVersion/Setup/OOBE/mediabootinstall
• Changed its value from 1 to 0
• Go back to the Command Prompt, type the following: slmgr /rearm
• Restart the PC and use the activate windows to re-enter your product key

And that should do it! It’s a silly thing, but Microsoft can’t get everything right.

I’d like to thank Andre Da Costa for posting that tip on a forum somewhere.

The Dragonfly Life..

Dragonflies are born in water, and they spend the majority of their lives in that water. They remain in their larval stage, a nymph, for up to five years. They swim, and eat, and enjoy themselves in the relative comfort and serenity of their aquatic homes. Occasionally glancing at the surface of the water, at the big, scary world outside.

The world on the other side is quite terrifying indeed. Once nymphs decide they’re ready to sprout wings, it’s a constant battle for survival. To power their wings and maintain their amazing aerial dexterity, the dragonfly requires not just heat, but must also feed often to recover the calories expended. As if having an insatiable appetite isn’t bad enough, the dragonfly is not anywhere near the top of the food chain. Plenty of birds are keeping a vigilant eye out for our feisty, four-winged friend. But wait, there’s more! Male Dragonflies all believe themselves king, and as such will have a fight to the death with any other male dragonfly in his territory. They must eat, they must not be eaten, they must not get killed by some young punk, fresh out the pond, AND they must find a mate. It’s no wonder some nymphs decide to chill in the pond for five years, they know they won’t last more than six months as an adult!

The good life..

When we’re young, we’re allowed the good fortune to be idiots. We’ll forget many of our mistakes, and we’ll not give a second thought to those we’ve scarred. We’ll play the same games, we’ll keep telling ourselves that there’s plenty of time ahead. Then one day, out of the blue, we’ll look around us and realize we should have made that left turn at Albuquerque. If we’re lucky, we’ll still have time to fix things. If we’re blessed, we’ll be forgiven by those we’ve wronged. If we’re strong, we’ll be able to push through the wall of despair. If, however,  the chips are stacked against us, we’ll be hated, resisted, impaired, or forgotten. We will find ourselves weak, alone, and dying at a rate paced quicker than we’d like.

It’s all relative..

My youth wasn’t fun, not by any means. I had to fight the current, defy authority, and prove that my way was the better way. I escaped the fate that was sure to kill me. Many took credit for it, and I was quick to correct them. No one helped me.. I stood alone, I fought alone, I succeeded alone. That’s what I would believe for well over a decade. My life now, it’s so far removed from the world from which I came that I find it difficult to even remember the feelings I once swore I’d never forget. Back then, I was not alone. I had my cousins.. Iris and Betsy, we were always close. We relied on each other to be the gauge of sanity as our parents tried to tell us that the sky was black, when we knew it was surely blue. I also had my two best friends.. Vexx and Xentinel. My sword and shield. Vexx was younger than me, perhaps that’s why I felt the need to protect him and educate him. I wanted him to succeed, to win, even with the hand he was dealt. He had talent.. a great artist and a hungry mind.. he kept me grounded. Xentinel, he was older than me, and strong. He was a tree.. With him beside me, I felt invincible. Those two guys kept me real, they kept me moving forward. It was easy to take chances, knowing that they would be there without hesitation. Four individuals that drove me to be a fighter.. but wait, there’s more.

I come from a long line of uneducated individuals. College was never a path presented to me by my parents, even High School wasn’t. Education was a waste of time.. a man is only worth the sweat of his brow, not the thoughts in his head. I was encourage to drop out of school and get a job. School was a waste of time. Peggy Laurencelle, my English teacher.. she went to bat for me, she tried to point out to me that my thought process was greater than I was lead to believe. Mr. Naugle, or “nugget”, as I would call him. He was my Biology teacher. Always amazed by my ability to miss tons of class, hang with the bad kids, spend time in class.. drawing, yet STILL ace my exams. I regret almost giving him a heart attack when I pretend-mugged him outside a movie theater one night. Mr. Vasalo, my art teacher. I had his wife, Mrs. Vasalo, for History the year prior. I was so mean to that woman, I never listened, I mocked her, insulted her, and all-around made her life hell.. but still aced the class. Art, however, was a class I was eager to excel in. Mr. Vasalo was so impressed by my enthusiasm that one night he couldn’t help but brag to his wife about the great student he had. Once she realized it was me, she proceeded to remind him that all the bad evenings he had to deal with the year before, when she arrived home after dealing with her worst student’s shenanigans, were due to ME! Needless to say, I received many slaps from him after that. Those instructors, they put up with my disrespect, my ignorance, my culture.. they saw through the street kid, forced to bare his teeth. The reached for the kid inside that wanted to learn, under his own terms. I owe them the world.

All growed up..

I’m finally an adult, My days in the water are long behind me. Now I have to flap my wings for dear life. The world is against me, and I no longer have the safety of the water. I’m left alone, to fend for myself. I must fight to survive, I must fend off the young guys, always eager to dethrone me, I must stay alert, so this life doesn’t eat me alive, AND I must find a mate. Let’s hope I last more than six months.

..and knowing is half the battle.

I apologize for the massiveness of this post, but it HAS been a while since I’ve written. But hey, now you know more about me, and maybe you’ll be a little nicer to those cute, little dragonflies.

——————————————

New Omaha Helpdesk System

In an effort to provide better support, we would like to introduce the Omaha Helpdesk Support Homepage (OHSH).
OHSH will provide a more reliable process for documenting IT support issues.
The OLD process goes something like this:
You notice an issue.
You walk over to OR call the IT cave.
You tell us your issue.
We head out to fix your issue.
We’re intercepted by someone with a seemingly greater issue.
We tend to that issue and forget all about your issue.
You don’t say ‘Hi!’ to us in the hall anymore.
Rinse and repeat.

The NEW process:
You notice an issue.
You send an email to Omaha.Helpdesk@companyx.com (Just type in ‘help’ and hit enter in the To: field.. how easy is that?!)
You include a description of your issue and a screenshot, if applicable
A ticket is generated and sent to the IT staff.
We solve your issue and close the support ticket.
You bring us chocolates.

I know what you’re thinking.. “what if the problem is Lotus Notes and I CANT SEND EMAILS?!??!??”
Relax, we’ve got you covered. Just open up your web-browser and type in:

http://helpdesk

That will take you to OHSH, where you can log in with your Windows login information and manually create the support ticket.
Obviously some situations are still going to require a phone call, but unless it’s urgent (PC on fire?), we would appreciate usage of OHSH for your IT issues.

——————————————

Funny, eh?

What do you think?
1.    Sony VAIO VGN-Z790 $1899 – 3.4lbs- Core2Duo P8800(2.66Ghz), 4GB RAM(2×2-DDR3-1066), 320GB 7200RPM HDD, DVD Burn
2.    Lenovo ThinkPad x301– 3.3 lbs – $1650 – Core2Duo SU9600(1.6Ghz), 2GB RAM(1×2-DDR3-1066), 250GB 5400RPM HDD, DVD Burn, 13.3TFT
*For $2099, same price as Toshiba, this laptop can be outfitted with a 128GB solid state drive
3.    Lenovo IdeaPad U110 $1200 – 2.9 lbs – Core2Duo L7500(1.6 Ghz), 3GB RAM(DDR2), 120GB HDD, DVD Burn
4.    Toshiba Portege R600-ST520W  $2099 – 2.4lbs – Core2Duo SU9400 (1.4Ghz), 3GB RAM(DDR2 800mhz, 2+1), 160GB 5400RPM HDD, DVD Burn
5.    Samsung X360-34G – 2.8 lbs – $1800 – Core2Duo SU9300 (1.2Ghz), 3GB RAM(DDR3), 120GB 5400RPM HDD, DVD Burn

To which I replied:

Computers suffer speed bottlenecks at certain locations.. The CPU, the RAM, and the Hard Drive.

CPUs:
The CPU has it’s base speed, the on-board cache, and the SPEED of the cache… the FSB.
The base speed is a moot point.. but the other two, the on-board cache and FSB are the most important parts.
Every open application, file, etc., is going to reside in the cache 1st, then overflow into RAM, then finally overflow into the Page file.. in the HD.

1: The Sony has the P8800, running 2.66G, fastest.. but also has 3MB of cache and 1066Mhz FSB.
2: The x301 has the SU9600, running 1.6G, 3MB cache @ 800MHz.
3: The u110 has the L7500, running 1.6G, 4MB cache @ 800MHz.
4: The Toshiba has the SU9400, running 1.4G, 3MB cache @ 800MHz.
5: The Samsung has the SU9300, running 1.2G, 3MB cache @ 800MHz.

The Sony wins this round, easy.. fastest processor with the fastest FSB.

RAM:

After the CPU, RAM is the next place to improve a machine’s performance. Once again, the AMOUNT of RAM is moot.
The biggest  factors are the FSB (the speed) and, oddly enough, how many sticks there are.
More sticks = more bottlenecks, so less sticks with higher capacities is best, but 2 sticks is better than 1.

1: Sony: 2 sticks with 2GB each, running at 1066MHz for 4GB RAM
2: x301: 1 stick with 2GB running at 1066MHz
3: u110: 2 sticks, a 2GB and a 1GB, running at 667MHz
4: Toshiba: 2 sticks, a 2GB and a 1GB, running at 800MHz
5: Samsung: 2 sticks, a 2GB and a 1GB, running at 1066MHz

The Sony again wins this round.. with the Samsung taking #2.
The downside is that 32-bit operating systems have a 3GB max, so Sony’s advantage is only noticeable with a 64-bit OS.
The u110 is horrible here.

Hard Drive:

The last piece of the puzzle, the Hard Drive. Here, size IS important, but HD’s also have their own cache and speed.
Most vendors don’t include the HD’s cache size, but some do include the speed.. the RPMs.
Obviously, the faster the better! What makes Solid State Drives so desirable is their speed.. a high-end laptop drive will
typically spin at 7200RPMS, an SSD has been estimated to be the equivalent of spinning at 40,000RPMs!
This decision is simple.. if you can live with the reduced capacity of an SSD, go for it!

1: Sony: 320GB @7200
2: x301: 250GB @ 5400 (or 128GB SSD)
3: u110: 120GB @5400
4: Toshiba: 160GB @ 5400
5: Samsung: 120GB @ 5400

It’s hard to determine the winner here. If space is king.. then Sony. If speed and prolonged battery life, then the x301 with an SSD.
Personally, I’d pick the Sony here as well.. and if that could be equipped with an SSD, then there’s no question.

In general, I’d pick the Sony out of the 5 presented.
Good luck.

There are so many thoughts that pop into my head, so many things that I want to write.. but every time I come here to write, I lose all motivation. I only want to tell you good things.. I hate sharing misery. Fading to black will hopefully help me write. If you’re clever, you’ll be able to read what I write.. or, if you just wait long enough, I’m sure the sun will shine again and I’ll be able to reveal the homepage for all to see.

Until then, if you’re the clever ones.. bear with me as I try to stand up on my two feet while this weight works to drag me down.. all things pass, and so shall this.

Thanks for playing.. toodles!

Luckily, Like Jesus, I save ..often! so now starts the arduous task of rebuilding my wonderful sites.

Wish me luck!