Skinny Dip

A Single Girl’s Dating Survival Guide: 6 Commandments

Skinny Dip — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 19:00:25 +0000

This week has been a blur of writing for clients and working on my first video for you guys. Yes, I said VIDEO! I am happy to report that I taught myself how to use iMovie and I am no longer horrified by the sight of myself on camera. Make sure to check back on Monday to catch me in motion! Putting together a short video is fun but time consuming. Luckily my friend Vanessa from Dare My Truth kindly stepped up & wrote a guest post for me. I’ve already waxed poetic about my bizarre experiences as a 20-something dating in Toronto. I thought it would be cool to share someone else’s take on it – someone who is a few years younger & is still fighting it out in the trenches. Take it away Vanessa!

Source: weheartit.com via Simone on Pinterest

Being 20something and single in Toronto for the past 2.5 years has been akin to thwarting wild animals in the Amazon (with heels on, though I’d prefer flats).

To be honest, I was gunning for a real relationship, in part so I could feel comfortable getting down and dirty again. Once I let go of all needs and expectations, I acted differently and dating potentials fell from the sky. Here are some common mistakes and how I fixed them:

Don’t define a “successful/fun” night out as one where you get asked for your phone number

Let’s face it, clubs are a superficial world where talking is discouraged. Even though I told myself I was going for the music, dancing and my friends, I’d still feel disappointed (read: unattractive) if I didn’t get approached by someone.

Instead of relying on external validation from nobodies, take it as a compliment since guys at clubs are after an “open bar” policy where beauty and wit are not required.

PS. If you make out with Mr. Club he won’t really take you seriously in the day light. However, if it’s a quick make-out you’re after, confine it to the club and go nuts!

When you meet a dude that seems like Mr. Right, don’t feel like you have something to prove

In the past I’d meet someone who was either doing fantastic things with his life (an entrepreneur for example) or Hollywood level good looking (Chris Pine, anyone?) and become unnerved. I secretly believed I might not be good enough for them and would take on the mentality of an insecure interviewee.

Ladies, this is crazy. You have just as much to offer, if not more, and you are only seeing a very superficial, rudimentary version of him. Remember that like a job interview, it’s just as much about you assessing their “fit” as it is for the other side of the table. In this economy, NOT CARING what he thinks is a skill in limited supply and will likely to get you hired for a second date.

Lessons in Phone Etiquette.

First off all, pay attention to whether Mr. New Guy chooses to send you a text message or pick up the phone old school styles. The latter is a sign of real interest and sets the stage.

Secondly, I think one meaty conversation before a first date is enough to gage personality chemistry. If it exists, try to wait until your first date to continue the stimulating word exchange so you can assess visual communication cues as well.

PS If you’ve been dating 3+ weeks and the phone calls are still few and far between he is generally not “playing it cool” or “super busy”. He’s just not that into you. Trust your gut.

Don’t spend excessive effort getting ready for your date

The day I went out and bought the best push up bra I could find was the day I was stood up for the first (and only) time. Besides, that bra is going to come off sooner or later…

Excess primping can build anticipation, expectation and anxiety, which you don’t need. A good first date is all about being comfortable in your skin and feeling like yourself. Besides, didn’t Drake teach you that guys like more of a natural look? You have more to offer than your looks so keep it simple and stress free.

Don’t get too creative with your first date itinerary

Let’s face it: coffee dates are not romantic, inspiring or memorable. But they have the same effect as limited primping: lower expectations. Plus you can bail quickly if it is a disaster. Save the razzle dazzle for date #2.

CAUTION: If he takes you on an overly fancy first or second date, he may be a douche trying to woo you in exchange for sex. If he busts out family photos via cell phone or PHOTO ALBUM he is trying to lower your defences for sex (been there twice with two insincere guys and ewww).

If it is meant to be you can’t screw it up even if you tried

Yes, I just finished rhyming off some rules and tricks of the trade learned through trial and error and now I’m going to say this: If something MINOR turns a guy off and make him run for the hills then he wasn’t meant for you.

Someone will come along and be delighted by your quirks, even if your “quirks” involve falling flat on your face or divulging too much personal information on date #1. When it is right, things will just unfold naturally.

Vanessa blogs at www.daremytruth.com about her screenwriting journey, self discovery and relationships. She abuses brackets, gives too much information and uses cultural references like they’re going out of style.

What do you guys think of Vanessa’s dating commandments?

Skinny Dip Condoms are Here!

Skinny Dip — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 11:00:17 +0000

I’m SO SO excited about this (insert a million exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!) The project that started off as a dream (a creative vision really..) has finally come to fruition. Skinny Dip condoms are here!

Wait. WHAT?! Let’s back things up:

It all started sometime before I went to Bloggers in Sin City last year. The first conversation I had with Almie of Apocalypstick before we met in Vegas was about the faux condom ad on my sidebar (see below).

She sent me a message that went something like this:

“OMG WHERE DID YOU GET SKINNY DIP CONDOMS MADE?!”

I had to tell her that alas, the Skinny Dip condoms weren’t a real thing, they were just a drawing that my then boyfriend had made for me while we were fooling around on the computer one night. However, after I got over the initial excitement of ”Omg, one of my favorite bloggers just emailed me!!!” I started thinking: I’m all about playing safe. Wouldn’t it be cool to have my own branded condoms? Isn’t that like the ultimate sex and relationship blogger’s dream?! I could hand them out as business cards! I’m sure some people already think I’m totally depraved just because I write about sex, why not fuel the fire?! They would be perfect to bring to Bloggers in Sin City . Plus, I love good DIY project. Just like that time I made the Katy Perry cupcake bra, I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest until I figured out how to make this happen.

Everything came together when the fabulous folks over at Sticker You emailed me and asked if I’d be interested in receiving some free stickers of my blog logo. Suddenly I knew how I was going to make the Skinny Dip condoms! Thanks to Sticker You I’m now the proud owner of my very own blog branded condoms & now I’m ready to share how I did it.

Here’s a step by step DIY tutorial:

1. I started with the sheet of glossy stickers Sticker You sent me. The color was vivid and they were super glossy . Perfect!

2. The next thing I needed to do was go out and buy some condoms. I chose the Lifestyle “Natural Feeling” brand because they were on sale and have used them before and was happy with the results. While I was out shopping with my Mom I told her that I needed to make a pit stop at the drugstore to pick up the items required to finish my “art project.” Her reply: ”You’re going to have to go in alone. If you’re buying those I don’t want to be seen with you” (As much my Mom and I are alike, it’s times like this where I wonder how we are related)

(When I opened up the package I realized the condom wrappers were also Skinny Dip pink. Total coincidence.)

3. Next, I peeled off the first sticker.

4. I flipped the sticker over so the sticky side was facing me & attached the condom.

5. I grabbed another sticker and placed it on top. I gently pressed around the edges, ensuring the two stickers were attached, sealing the “condom package”

6. TA-DA! Skinny Dip condoms for all!!!

I made 12 condom packs from four sticker sheets. I need to make at least another 50 to have enough to hand out in Vegas. So, here’s the question I never thought I’d have to ask:

Does anyone know where I can buy condoms in bulk?!

Vive La Revolution

Skinny Dip — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 18:57:44 +0000

Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had have occurred between my Mom and I while we sit at our kitchen table. We have a nice living room but we really only use it for watching TV. The kitchen table is where everything goes down in our house. It’s where we show our love through food, have our morning coffee, talk about life, laugh, cry. It’s the same story whenever I go to my grandma’s house. The kitchen table is where it’s at. I haven’t figured out if this is a Eastern European thing or just a “my family thing.” Last week one of my kitchen table conversations with my Mom turned to my recent (albeit reluctant) foray into self-help books. I was trying to explain to my Mom the concept behind the book He’s Just Not That Into that I wrote about recently. I explained that the book teaches you how to value you yourself, not waste time on guys who aren’t really into you and to let the good ones come to you.

I absolutely adore this photo.

{found via Pinterest}

“I don’t know Simone. It doesn’t sound very modern. It sounds like the men still have all the power. Like, they are allowed to just go ahead and do whatever they want and all the responsibility for dating falls on the women to let them know that they are jerks” my Mom responded.

“I know it probably sounds that way Mom but think about it: If more women made a commitment to stop accepting sub-par treatment from the people they date and men realized that they could no longer get laid as easily, the game would change. Basically it comes down to basic economics. If the market changes and you don’t adapt you get left in the dust.”

(As you can tell I’ve been watching too many episodes of House of Lies – which I love BTW)

“Oh and Mom, this doesn’t just apply to men. There’s women out who treat men like crap too.”

“Ok, I see your point”

“Besides, as much as we like to think we can control other people’s actions, we can’t. We can only control how we react to them.”

“That’s true”

“I’m learning stuff Mom”

“I know. I raised a smart cookie”

(and yes, I learned that last bit in therapy. THERAPY RULES!)

My final thoughts on He’s Just Not that Into You:

I initially thought this book was going to be silly but it got me thinking. We are all entitled to awesome relationships that make us happy. Imagine what would happen if we all made a commitment to stop wasting the pretty, to respect and demand respect from the people around us and only accept the best treatment: I think we’d start a love revolution. My suggestion:

Let’s start a love revolution this weekend. Who’s onboard?!

Happy Weekend! xox

Music Guaranteed to Kill the Mood on Valentine’s Day

Skinny Dip — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:00:51 +0000

I realize that not all of you love Valentines Day like I do, so I’ve come up with an “Anti-Valentine’s Day Soundtrack” – a small collection of songs that are so comically disturbing & un-romantic that they are guaranteed to kill the mood or, at the very least make you laugh.

1. Some Cut by Trillville (otherwise known as the “Juggle My Balls” song)

The first time my friend Jean played me this song, I laughed so hard that I dumped a full glass of Merlot on her light colored sofa. I’m still sorry about her couch but oh so grateful she introduced me to this doozy of a hip hop track. Whenever I feel those unwanted romantic feelings of longing coming on, I play this song to snap me back to reality. I’m sure every girl dreams of being serenaded by poetry like this: “Well, give me you number and I’ll call. And I’ll follow that ass in the mall. Take you home, let you juggle my balls“ Ah, the sound of modern romance! A song that begins with the sound of a squeaking bed and endorses both stalking & tea-bagging. It doesn’t get any better than this people. Try and count how many times the word “balls” is mentioned in this song. I dare you.

2. Pregnant by R-Kelly.

Ironically, I think this song is meant to set the mood but I think I speak for most women here when I say there is nothing more nightmare inducing than hearing R-Kelly repeatedly say that he wants to knock you up. This dude really, really, wants to get you pregnant. He wants to: “Lay your body down and get you pregnant. Knock you up, pregnant, Knock you up” Geez, R-Kelly – that sounds more like a threat! If the bearing the offspring of R-Kelly doesn’t send creepy shudders throughout your body, these lyrics should:

“She’s more than a mistress. Enough to handle my buisness. Now put that girl in my kitchen” (Oh yeah, as if bearing his spawn wasn’t bad enough, R-Kelly also wants you to cook for him. Neat!)

“Now I ain’t got nothing to do tonight. I gotta wait for my crew. I just wanna put some in you” (Ewwww)

“You make me wanna a baby. Put them pills on chill” (Yes, stop with that birth control! R-Kelly orders you!)

R Kelly also wants to remind you, if you do get knocked up it’s all your fault because you look so good & he’s “thirsting for that booty” which “makes it feel like wood” (Oh man, the romance is killing me!)

“Don’t get it twisted for 30 some weeks. I’m still going to hit it.” (Don’t worry Ladies, when he finally gets you pregnant he will still try and get you pregnant even after you’re pregnant.)

Let the collective screaming begin. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

3. Snatch my Cat Back by Khia.

Khia proves that it’s not just guys who can get disgusting. I played this for a friend a few years ago and their response was “My ears feel violated. Hold me” This song has raunchy lyrics, one of the worst videos known to man yet, still manages to be strangely catchy & relateable. What girl hasn’t slept with some dude who rocked her world then turned out to be such a douche-nozzle, that she wanted to “snatch her cat back”?! If this song had it’s own drinking game it would go something like this:

Take one shot if you think the real title of this video should be “Snatch the Bra Back”
Take another shot every time you hear Khia say the word “pussy” or “drill”
Take two shots every time this song makes you feel uncomfortable. Oh wait, that’s the whole video! My bad*

*This is a great game to play if you want to spend Valentine’s Day at the emergency ward getting your stomach pumped.

4. “I Used to Love Her (But I had to Kill Her)” Guns N’ Roses.

If all else fails and you’re still feeling the romance, how about listening to a song that endorses violence against women?! I’m really, really hoping that the lyrics are meant to be a metaphor….for something. Because even Axl Rose’s long swaying locks can’t stop this song from being totally disturbing.

Now that we’re all pleasantly disturbed, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Other reader suggestions for killing the romance include:

I Hate Everything About You – Ugly Kid Joe
Caught Out There (I Hate You So Much Right Now) – Kelis
Who Let the Dogs Out? – Baha Men
Short Dick Man – Gillette
Hakuna Matata – Lion King
Smack that Bitch Up – Prodigy
Anything by Too Short, Lil’ Kim or Easy E.

What’s your favorite un-romantic song?

Things I Would Tell my 20-year Old Self #6

Skinny Dip — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:19:54 +0000

Welcome to another installment of Things I Would Tell My 20-Year Old Self. Today we have my friend Sam from Met Another Frog here to do the honors. I have big love for the blogging team over at Met Another Frog. They manage to put out awesome, original, thought provoking content about sex & relationships almost daily – which, if you blog yourself you know is no easy feat. I’m convinced that they are in fact blogging superheroes.

Since we heard from his blogging partner in crime Skye Blue this fall, I was looking forward to getting Sam’s male perspective on what he would tell his younger self. Even though Sam’s a guy, I can still relate to a lot of the advice he gives his younger self. When I was 20 I partied like a rockstar, got naked with “crazies” (ahem, sometimes I was the “crazy” in that equation) and swigged my share of bottom shelf booze. I hope you enjoy his witty writing as much as I do!

As is typically the case with blogging Superheroes, Sam’s identity is shrouded in mystery. For a visual, this was the best I could come up with. I’m sure the ladies won’t mind the view!

My birthday is coming up and I can’t help but reflect a little, to think about what I have and haven’t done, to contemplate areas in my life that could use a little improvement and pat myself on the back for things I’ve done well. But with the years flying by and my age advancing at an alarming rate, I, like many people who have yet to get married or “settle down”, have begun really evaluating my choices in one area in particular: The sex/dating/mating arena.

I’m well into my 30s now and though I don’t think that’s old I recognize that the 20 year old version of me would beg to differ. But then again, the 20 year old version of me thought guzzling Long Island Ice Teas, downing shots of Southern Comfort plus smoking cheap cigars while swigging Grand Marnier and bumping and grinding with scantily clad young co-eds was a good time (okay, part of that is still a good time); a time when Peach Schnapps was still the height of sophistication.

And like most of us, there are things I really wish I knew then, things I wish someone had pulled me aside and shared before I decided that doing the Worm at the Homecoming Blow-Out would be the way to capture the hearts and minds, if not the bodies of the watching female population. So, if give the chance, here are the three biggest lessons I wish I could impart to the younger, brasher version of myself:

1.Less Is More: In almost every sphere of experience, and certainly when pursuing the opposite sex, less is more. Less cologne. Less drinking. Less (false) bravado. Less conformity. At 20 my primary concerns were girls, fun, drinking and girls. And really fun and drinking were just euphemisms for getting girls and being drunk enough to not fear rejection from girls. So, if 20 year old me called looking for advice before a night on the town, in order I would say, take it easy on the Cool Water, getting sh** faced doesn’t make you more clever it just makes you sh** faced, flashing a money clip or wads of cash at the bar while barking “dude, you wanna do Jager Bombs” only makes you a douche, and just because you play on the basketball team doesn’t mean you all have to be dressed similarly at the club

2.Crazy In The Head does not equal Crazy In The Bed: Look, we’ve all dealt with a bit of crazy. Sometimes we’ve been the crazy. Seriously, who among us hasn’t said something along the lines of “s/he’s bat sh** crazy but man the sex is so good”. Well, I’m here to tell the world that being certifiably insane is not a prerequisite for good sex. When I stopped to reflect on partners I classified as crazy in the head but crazy in the bed I realized two things: First, it wasn’t the crazy that made the sex good it was that these particular individuals were open and willing to try new things; crazy has little or nothing to do with that. Second, what constitutes good sex at 20 is going to be waaaay different at 30. In fact, I think sex gets better as you mature and become more comfortable with yourself and better understand your likes and dislikes. Sex at 20 was an Olympic event; harder, longer, faster etc…Now, for me at least, I’m not competing I’m participating. So, if 20 year old me is listening through the mists of time, step away from the crazy girl, step away from the crazy girl. Seriously. You’ll save yourself time, energy, scratch marks and death threats.

3.Valentine’s Schmalentine’s: I’m not going to give you guys one of those “Valentine’s is such a commercial rip-off, plus you should be treating your partner well all the time” speeches. Though I do believe all of that is true. But I do wish I could tell 20 year old me to take a breath and not put so pressure on himself. Maybe a little background is needed. The young lady I spent Valentine’s Day with when I was 20 had a laundry list of do’s and don’ts for this day. Her expectations were high and she seemed locked into some form of Cold War-esque brinksmanship with her friends to see who could up the ante and receive the best Valentine’s Day gift ever. This was stressful and dispiriting. And do you know where that girl is now? Well I don’t either and I couldn’t care less. Point being, anyone making such a big deal out of Valentine’s is probably missing the intended point of the day to begin with. Listen, young Sam Sharpe, find yourself a girl who doesn’t put that much stock into Valentine’s Day, a young lady who cares and appreciates you for who are. And you know what? Without that pressure to meet some weird or arbitrary standard you’ll likely feel more inclined and able to do something nice or special for that special someone.

Now, those three lessons would do 20 year old me a world of good. But the truth is it works both ways. As setbacks, heartbreaks and breakups have hardened my heart and jaded my soul, there are a few things I could learn from 20 year old me. Here is one:

Kick Back Relax and Have Some Fun: As much as I mock some of the things I found entertaining in my youth there is still much to learn from it. Somewhere along the line, as I entered the work force with bill payments and student loans bogging me down I forgot the sheer thrill of just going out with my crew. I forgot how good, energizing and just plain fun it was or is to hang out with my friends. The past couple weekends have afforded me the chance to do just that. I’m sure 20 year old me would be miffed to know that the crew I rolled with every weekend in my 20s might get together two or three times a year if we’re lucky. Blame a combination of work (all of us), kids (them) and neglect (again, all of us) for that. On a couple of occasions I’ve heard it said that a variation on “I should have spent more time with or made more time for my friends” is one of the more prominent regrets of the aged and infirm. Not to be a downer or anything but I don’t want to be on my death bed wishing I’d seen my friends more often.

They say youth is wasted on the young. They also say experience teaches wisdom. Which really could just be interpreted as a more polite way of saying wisdom is wasted on the mature. Or you really have to screw things up a bunch of times before you figure anything out. Regardless, with my birthday on the horizon I prefer not to worry too much about all of that. I prefer to laugh off the folly of my youth and prepare to enjoy the experiences to come. I hope you do too.

Follow Sam on Twitter @TheManSamSharpe or at Met Another Frog

What would you tell your 20-year old (or younger) self?

More “Things I Would Tell my 20-Year Old Self”:

Happiness, Yoga and a Good Ass Kicking: All via your Laptop.

Skinny Dip — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:00:46 +0000

I don’t know about you guys but I find it so much more challenging to work-out in the wintertime, especially when you spend most of your winters in frozen Eastern Canada. When I was living in my old neighborhood in Toronto, I adored my local gym which was a 10 minute walk from my house. During the winter I’d brave the snow and walk there several times a week. I thought being in BC where the weather is warmer would mean more frequent gym visits however, I’ve actually been going to the gym less since I’ve been here. To get to my gym here I either have to walk for 30 minutes each way (a work-out on it’s own) or jump in a car. I’d really like to try some of the yoga classes my gym offers but when faced with having to travel there I often choose to just do exercises at home. It’s a conundrum that I’m sure a lot of us experience in the winter.

So, when Gaiam TV contacted me about trying out their new streaming video service I was excited because THIS IS A PRODUCT I COULD ACTUALLY USE RIGHT NOW.

Gaiam TV is the first streaming video subscription service designed to reach people interested in health, wellness, yoga, fitness and personal development. With over 2,000 titles to choose from it’s basically like Netflix for your mind & body. With Gaiam TV you can access hours of online yoga, pilates and cardio classes plus all kinds of other world class health & wellness programming taught by well known instructors. In other words, it’s pretty rad.

I was worried that the selection might be limited (sort of like how Netflix is for Canadians) however, you can customize the programming to suit your fitness and wellness goals. Gaiam TV offers a “fitness studio” and “yoga studio” which each offer tons of different user friendly options to choose from. Viewers can customize workouts for weight loss, total body sculpting or increased energy and narrow down their options based on level, style, instructor and amount of available time. You can even make playlists based on what you enjoy. The best part? Unlike Netflix, you can watch hours of Gaiam TV without feeling guilty. You might even get a killer six pack out of it.

The best part about the service?

YOU CAN.

WORK-OUT.

ANYWHERE.

{All images found here}

Gaiam TV’s entire library of videos is available anytime, anywhere, all from the comfort of your computer, iPad or smart-phone. This means you can always work-out at home or take your work-out to go. Maybe it’s the West Coast hippie lifestyle seeping into me, but I like the idea of being able to watch a short relaxation or yoga video on my iPhone whenever I want.

I’ve been trying Gaiam TV for the past few days & I have to say it’s pretty cool. Although the idea of doing Yoga really appealed to me in theory, the videos I actually enjoyed more were the ones that made me sweat. I currently have Jillian Michaels on call, 24hrs a day to kick my ass into shape in time for bathing suit season and I’m loving it. If you don’t want to be yelled at by Jillian until you have buns of steel, there are lots of other famous instructors to choose from (Rodney Yee, Seane Corn, Jillian Michaels, Mari Winsor and Kathryn Budig etc.) There’s even a Reggaeton dance class which I totally plan to shake my white girl “Culo” to tomorrow morning.

If you would also like to give it a try, Gaiam TV wants to offer you guys a Free 10-day Trial, No Strings Attached so you can see what it’s all about. In case you’re wondering, the regular subscription is $9.95/month for unlimited streaming, commitment free & you can cancel at any time. If I become addicted to Jillian’s yelling (as I’ve heard some people do) and she doesn’t actually manage to kill me with squats & lunges, I might turn into a full time subscriber.

What do you guys think? How do combat the winter work-out blues?

This post was sponsored by Gaiam TV and Single Edition Media. As always on this blog, all opinions are my own.

Online Dating for Beginners

Skinny Dip — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:31:11 +0000

You know that saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Well, I have a new one for you guys: “Sometimes it takes 8 women and a couple of bottles of wine to write a really great online dating profile” & that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Let me explain:

A friend of mine recently decided that she wanted to start actively dating again. However, as I have explained before, male – female relations in my hometown are slightly perplexing. Flirting seems non-existent and I’ve been told by several friends that it’s incredibly hard to meet people. Therefore, online dating is actually one of the more viable ways to get a date. Since my friend has been out of the online dating scene for a while & wasn’t quite sure where to start, she invited a handful of her girlfriends over for a fun night of moral support. The goal? Help her craft the perfect online dating profile that reflects her awesomeness.

I have almost zero experience with online dating. My one and only online dating experience more closely resembled an episode of Criminal Minds than modern romance. I wasn’t quite sure what I’d be able to bring to the table (except maybe comic relief?) however, I’m glad I participated – it was a lot of fun! I even learned a few things about online dating from some of the more seasoned daters.

After lots of good wine, food and some serious flip chart & marker action, we came up with some helpful guidelines for online dating:

{Me, proudly standing in front of one of our many flip chart creations}

1. DO list interests like running, swimming, travel & foreign films if that’s what you’re into. They may sound general but by including some common search terms like this it will help people find you. DON’T list hobbies that make you sound like you’re a senior citizen (Victoria is already overflowing with them!) or anything that suggests what you are really looking for is a new Gay BFF.

You may secretly love Twilight, 1990′s boy band dance parties and making snarky comments about reality TV while drinking candy colored martinis….but the person you’re dating doesn’t necessarily have to. That’s what your friends are for! Your gay friends.

2. When it comes to describing the first date: DO keep things simple & playful. DON’T mention a super specific scenario that involves consuming your favorite vegetable or showing off your impressive collection of __________ (Shoes/Rock-climbing Photos/US Presidential Action Figures). Remember, you’re trying to keep things open ended!

When it comes to the actual first date, always refrain from talking about your ex’s. You also might want to use your discretion when discussing your love for rodents or a bizarre/unusual pet. Unless of course, your master plan involves spending the rest of your life living alone with Iggy, your pet Iguana.

3. Final words of advice: Be open-minded but always keep your values, standards and integrity intact. Have faith – the right people will find you….and if the wrong people find you, at least you’ll have some great blog fodder.

To see if we were on the right track with all this online dating stuff, I turned to Kimberly Moffit, Match.com’s “Canadian Relationship Insider” for an expert opinion. As a psychotherapist and counselor, based in Toronto, Kimberly has studied the ins and outs of romance and relationships and has the answers to love’s toughest questions. She offers cheeky dating tips in her signature voice on her blog, The Smart Girl’s Guide to Life, Love and Relationships, and is a regular contributor to Match.com’s blog, Up to Date.

If you’re curious to see how we did you can read Kimberly’s answers after the jump!

What are your suggestions for choosing the perfect profile photo?

The perfect profile photo is a good headshot. It’s important to look like your best self at the present moment. And make sure you smile! Don’t choose a photo with your dog, children, or ex-partner as your main image and avoid pictures which might obstruct your best features or distract the viewer (for example, no pictures skiing where you’re wearing heavy gear!) Many sites like Match.com will allow you to upload several photos, so you have ample opportunity to showcase different facets of yourself and your life.

Those initial ice-breaker emails are tricky. You don’t want to say too much but you also don’t want to come off as unoriginal. What are your tips for writing an attention grabbing ice breaker message?

Initial emails can be intimidating at first - and it can take a bit of practice to pull them off! Spilling your life story in the first few emails is bad news, as is asking really personal questions about your match. My best advice is to find something interesting in their profile that you can spring from. If your match has mentioned that he or she likes snowboarding and you used to do it professionally, challenge them to a race! Connecting on hobbies or interests will help you establish a rapport before setting up that first date. That also means you should give people a reason to e-mail in you back. Try asking a question – where to get the best poutine in town, for instance. Or keep it current – mention your opinion of a movie or concert you went to last weekend, and see what they have to say about it.

Same goes for the “about me” section on an online dating profile. I think a lot of people (myself included) have a hard time writing about themselves. What are your tips for composing a online dating profile that will set you apart from the pack?

The best profiles I have seen are the ones that may not be catchy or flamboyant but are honest and detailed. Start by stating clearly what you’re looking for and be sincere. Some people think that your interests need to sound like a movie script (“I love long walks on the beach and a good sunset”) but this type of cliché can end up sounding insincere. Tell the reader what you’re actually interested in: comic books, that you grew up on a farm, or that you make a mean margarita. You want to talk about yourself but also be sure to describe the kind of person you’re looking for and spell out the traits you seek in a romantic partner. Grab attention and where possible, keep it short and sweet. On search pages only a small portion of your profile will show, so pack good information into that space.

Finally, the best advice I can give is to consult your friends. Nobody’s more honest—or knows you better—than your best buddies. Plus they can spell check! At the end of the day, you are trying to attract someone who shares your interests and values, so being as honest as possible will bring you one step closer to finding that special someone.

(See!! We were on the right track!! Power in numbers!)

In your opinion what are some “red flags” that first time online daters should be aware of?

Be careful of getting too attached to someone before meeting them – it can turn into a time-suck that can be a waste of time when you haven’t developed a physical rapport. Instead, focus on taking things from online to offline at a comfortable pace. Generally after about 5 emails you’re ready for a coffee date. Match.com always recommends talking to someone on the phone before investing your time in a real-life date and I couldn’t agree more. Voice and sound are great way to judge chemistry. When you’re getting ready to meet someone in person, above all, trust your instincts. Be open to sharing information about yourself, but – as with anyone new you meet – it’s smart to be cautious about disclosing personal information.

Do you have any other advice for singles who will be online dating in the New Year?

Absolutely. According to a recent Match.com survey, 42 per cent of single Canadians will resolve to fall in love in 2012. The ones that succeed will have focused not just on the goal itself, but on the process, effort, and time involved. Instead of saying “My goal is to fall in love this year,” say “My goal is to go on four dates per month this year.” Instead of expecting to find the love of your life in two weeks, give yourself six months of continuous dating and work at it. Setting reasonable goals for yourself and taking action will improve your chances to be in the successful group of Canadians who do find love in 2012.

What do you think? I think we did pretty good! Maybe online dating parties are going to be the next big thing! Have any of you ever been to a similar event?

Attracting Your Extraordinary Love Giveaway

Skinny Dip — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:00:06 +0000

It’s Monday which means it’s time for another book giveaway!

This week I’m giving away a copy of Attracting Your Extraordinary Love by Ricky Cohen. If you’re looking to find love or just get to know yourself better, this book might be for you. The author brings together insights from the greatest thinkers and scholars to help empower readers so that they can live well and attract true love. Hey, sounds good to me!

More about the book:

“Attracting Your Extraordinary Love, an intimate, uplifting work about knowing who you are and finding a love that will fulfill you. Ricky Cohen teaches us that love – true love – is the fiber of life. This wonderful book empowers you with the understanding that your ability to find your love mate exists within you.”

For someone who claims to have a hate-on for self help and inspirational books, I seem to be reading and writing about a heck of a lot of them lately. I actually read the book a few weeks ago and found it pretty interesting. My Mom has this saying: “Build a happy life on your own. Eventually you will attract someone who also has a happy life & you can be happy together” This is basically the premise of the book. Be happy with yourself first because after all, relationships are merely the chocolate sprinkles on top of the Pumpkin Latte of life. Or something like that.

I recently had the chance to interview the author and ask him about his views on love, soulmates & sex (but of course!). To read my interview AND for information on how to win a copy of the book, please see below:

1. What inspired you to write “Attracting your Extraordinary Love”? Finding and keeping your forever or extraordinary love are two of the greatest challenges – and opportunities in life. There is no deeper joy than the joy felt with someone who has completely committed himself to you–and , and the pain of separation or loss of relationship is unparalleled as well. Having searched in my own life for the insights that would help me find my forever love, I had a personal sense of the challenges involved. Ancient scholars provided some remarkable and profound direction.

2. When it comes to finding love, how much does it have to do with your own actions vs. forces out of your control? (the universe, fate, destiny or what have you.) There is no guaranteed fate or destiny but there is a possibility, a potential. There is at least one person who is extremely well suited for each of us. Our positive actions will effectively access what has been earmarked for us – negative or no actions will shut down that possibility.

3. You write about both “Soulmates” and “Lovemates” in your book. How do you define a “Soulmate” and how does this differ from a “Lovemate”? A soulmate is someone who will know you thoroughly, guiding you and enriching your life. He or she could be a dear friend, family member, teacher or a stranger. He or she will come into your life for an extended period of time or just a few minutes. There will be a love felt for that person but it is a love of dear friends – the love felt for a mentor. A lovemate is your extraordinary love. He is the person to whom you will give yourself, in order to express the most deep felt possible passion and connectedness. A lovemate will pose the possibility, and provide the opportunity, to come most completely into your own true self and to build your legacy –whether that be through children or other ways to engage the world around you.

4. One of the things I really enjoyed about your book is that you place a strong emphasis on the need to find and love yourself before you can find and love someone else. Two of my favorite quotes from your book are “your love mate can only be your everything if he is not your everything” and “the key to finding your love mate is to find yourself first”. What do you suggest to people who are looking to find themselves and greater sense of self-love?

Go to a place that you cherish and where you’re inspired and happy, and ask yourself the question: If I could do anything at all, if I didn’t have to worry about money, the approval of others… What would I chose to do? Once you’ve answered that question, the next question is: When I think about spending my days doing this, how does it make me feel? If you feel energized and scared you know you’re on to it.

5. In your book you stress that it’s important to listen to your gut. How does this relate to relationships and finding your extraordinary love? People have the ability to think rationally and logically, and they have the ability to think beyond reason or rational with what ancient philosophers call: “The Higher Will.” The Higher Will is not bound by reason or logic and can approach issues without the limitations and the cynicism that logic brings. Without The Higher Will man couldn’t fall in love, nor could he undertake an ambitious goal or dream. For people to grow and engage life as fully as possible, they have to, from time to time, suspend logic and reason and go with the greatest capacity man has which is their gut or their intuitive sense.

6. I noticed that you often refer to finding “him” when discussing finding your lovemate which makes me assume your book is primarily targeted to women. Do you think your advice would just as easily apply to men also looking to find their lovemate? What about same sex couples? We’ve been fortunate in that thousands of people have read the book, a significant percentage have been men. It was simpler to write it with one reference, i.e “him,” rather than continually going back and forth. There’s no reason these insights wouldn’t apply to any and all relationships.

7. We discuss the topic of sex quite often on Skinny Dip. In “Attracting your Extraordinary Love” you refer to sex as “the greatest stumbling block” that needs to be overcome. Could you please elaborate on what you mean here and how it applies to finding true love? Sex is the most intense, deep felt and everlasting expression of the love one feels for another. Something as simple as a hug, as I mentioned in my weekly article, can penetrate to the core of a person – reshaping everything he/she thinks and feels. There is nothing more beautiful, with greater expressive potential, than physical relations. As a result of the power that sex has, there is no greater stumbling block. When insincere sex is shared with little emotion driving it, the message it sends is empty and dishonest. There are few things more hurtful than sex not inspired by love and caring. Often times “people fall in love with the loving” meaning what fuels their relationship is physical relations that masquerade as a real expression of love. A relationship can mistakenly continue long after the real love is gone – or where there was never real love, because people have mistaken loving (sex) for actual love. At a time in our country where such a large percentage of relationships fail, we have to make sure that the physical expressions of love that we offer – and that we accept – are sincere.

8. Is there any other advice, comments or words of wisdom that you would like to share with readers who are hoping to find their own extraordinary love in 2012? There is no greater challenge than finding and living true to what you want most out of life -what truly makes you happy. Finding you, will enable you to find him. This effort requires a lot of courage and some risk taking. Never be afraid. The more you challenge life, the more life will offer in return. In fact, most often life responds with much more than was demand of it. Be courageous, take risks, find what makes you happy… and your extraordinary love will be yours. It’s worked since the beginning of time and it will work for all time.

What do you guys think of Ricky’s advice?

If you’re interested in hearing more and want to win a copy of Ricky’s book, simply comment on this post before February 10th.

Hey @by_simone I’d love to win a copy of Attracting your Extraordinary Love by @rickyandmelive: http://su.pr/Af3VIz

PS. Make sure you check out the Ricky & Me Facebook page where you can also enter to win a resort getaway for 2!

Good Luck! xox

Don’t Waste the Pretty

Skinny Dip — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:55:39 +0000

Once upon a time I had “game”.

When I was in my twenties I dated a whole string of unsuitable dudes. I had my feelings hurt, my heart crushed, learned a lot about myself and grew stronger as a result. Eventually I got to the point where I stopped accepting negative treatment from the people I dated. I became more confident, I started asking for what I wanted and I upped my standards. I came to the realization that it was much better to be alone on a Saturday night than be dating a guy who would forget to call because he was too busy skateboarding with his friends/”jamming” in his buddy’s garage/getting wasted/in the middle of a Battlestar Gallactica marathon with his gay neighbor/ You get the picture. Like that New Radicals song from the 90′s, I do believe “you get what you give” when it comes to the universe & love. I’m convinced that by valuing myself, the universe eventually brought me a man who valued me too – my ex that I spent 6 years with. He was a good boyfriend and had a big heart. I never had to question whether he cared about me, he always called when he said he would & most weekends he made sure we had coffee in bed. It’s been so long since I’ve been single that I kind of forgot that not everyone is as decent as this.

With my first romantic interaction following the break-up, it’s like my game went out the window. I got so wrapped up in my feeeeeelings that I let certain things like unreturned messages & a lack of communication just slide. It’s like I temporarily regressed to being a teenager again. Which is like, totally embarrassing because aren’t I supposed to be this bad-ass relationship blogger who knows better?! Getting hurt a tiny bit was actually a humbling experience because it made me realize that I’m not as invincible as I like to think I am. I guess everyone needs a romantic “tune up” every now and then. Maybe it’s time for mine.

I was telling my best friend all about this the other day when she picked up her copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You”, handed it to me and said:

“You need to read this”

I’ll admit, I was skeptical of this book because I tend to associate “self help” with “cheesy” and “not for me”. Also, I caught myself getting all defensive: “If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t like you. Got it. Isn’t this book all common sense?! I mean, I probably don’t need to read this. I already know everything it’s going to tell me bah blah blah blah”

However, last week I sat down with “He’s Just Not That Into You” and read it cover to cover. I’m glad I read the book. Like my best friend predicted, it was exactly what I needed to read right at this moment. Sure some of the scenarios in the book are kind of silly and common sense however, in general the book left me feeling empowered and reminded of some important lessons that we should all keep in mind whether we are out in the dating battlefield or in a steady relationship:

There’s never a good excuse for someone to hurt your feelings. EVER. So, stop making excuses for people.
If someone really wants to be with you, they’ll do what it takes to make sure that’s possible.
Not everyone is going to be that into you and that’s totally OK. Don’t waste your time on these people. Removing the relationship “clutter” leaves room for better things to come along.
Freaks should stay in the circus, not your apartment.
My favorite one of all: When it comes to the freaks, the time wasters & the people who just can’t bring themselves to turn off that Battlestar Gallactica episode to be with you: Don’t waste the pretty.

I think that’s going to be my new mantra.

Have any of you read the book? What’s your favorite book about dating/relationships/sex? (I’m on a roll here and might actually read more books like this if you have suggestions. If they’re humorous, even better!)

PS. Speaking of books, make sure you head over to the GIVEAWAY to win a copy of Eleni Zoe’s Hope Dies Last: Lessons in Love. Contest closes at the end of today!

Ruffles, Bows and Naughty Ballerinas

Skinny Dip — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:06:49 +0000

The other day my best friend and I were browsing through Purdy’s chocolates, when she gives me this teasing look & says:

“So, Simone, in honor of Valentine’s Day are you going to buy yourself one of these giant heart shaped boxes of chocolates?”

“Yeah, if I was planning on spending the evening sitting in a dark room, watching Julia Roberts movies and gently sobbing”

FYI. In case you didn’t catch my sarcasm, this totally isn’t how I’ll be spending February 14th. Actually I don’t even have any plans and this doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’m one of those people that doesn’t really get bummed out about Valentines Day. The only thing that bums me out is that there are people out there who do get bummed out & feel sad around this time year. I actually secretly love Valentines Day. I love seeing all my favorite colors (pink! red! brighter pink! hearts everywhere!). It’s also a good excuse to buy new sassy underwear (even if no one else is going to see it)

This year I’m sticking to my financial resolutions and won’t be making any new additions to my already bursting lingerie drawer. However, it’s still fun to fantasize about what I would buy myself for Valentine’s Day if money was no object. So, I’ve put together an imaginary wish-list (Yay! shopping with fake money!). Gents, this can also serve as a shopping guide if you need ideas for that fabulous lady in your life.

1. Jopen Vanity Vr3 vibrator:

Once my best friend and I left the chocolate store and were out of earshot of children, I said “On second thought, I think I’m just going to upgrade my vibrator collection” If I was going to buy a new luxury sex toy, this bad boy would definitely be a contender. This toy is known for having very strong vibrations. If you don’t believe me, watch this video where they show the toy flapping around on a desk like it has a life of it’s own. Did you watch the video?! I’m now dying of curiosity to try this thing.

2. Cake Beauty products:

I really like Cake products because they use 90-95% natural ingredients, are paraben free and smell delicious. It’s funny, I always end up buying Cake products for other people but I’ve never actually purchased any for myself. Maybe it’s time to change that! I think the Winter Wonder Lip Gloss Trio and the Sweet Escape Dessert Island Duo would be perfect for whisking away the winter blues.

3. “Naughty Ballerina” Panties:

These cute undies by Booty Parlor had me at their name. I mean who doesn’t want to be a “naughty ballerina”?! It’s all very Black Swan. You know, like that scene where Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis do drugs and then go to town on each other & it’s like the hottest thing ever? Yeah, that. Plus, I think the see through back + the ruffle is cute. I was ready to buy these for myself until I read the fine print and saw that they are crotchless. I’ve never understood crotchless underwear. Wouldn’t it just be easier to wear no underwear at all? Am I missing something?

*Men, only buy crotchless underwear for women you’re actually dating & know very well. It does not make a good secret admirer gift…unless of course you want her to think you’re a sex criminal.

4. Lycra corset with ruffled trim:

This outfit just screams out “Be my Valentine”. I’m totally feeling the vintage burlesque feel of the corset, the peekaboo ruffles and the bow accent on the garters. With the red lacing up the back, I’d feel like my very own Valentine’s gift just waiting to be unwrapped.

4. Kama Sutra Body Souffle and Honey Dust:

Kama Sutra products are made with the bedroom in mind however, as I discovered a few years ago they’re actually just really nice body products. I’m in love with their Vanilla body souffle – a delicious smelling body creme that goes on uber smooth. Use it for massage or as a rich body moisturizer. I’m also a huge fan of their honey dust – a light body powder that will leave your skin soft, smelling & tasting like honeysuckle (it works great as a very light fragrance). Yes, both products are edible. This means that not only will they make you smell like a dessert, you’ll taste like one too. You’ll smell so good you might be tempted to lick your arm in public. Don’t do this. It’s just creepy & weird.
5. Polka Dot mesh corset:

FORGET SEX. This outfit screams out “musical theatre”. My whole purpose for owning this would be so I would have something to wear as I danced around my house re-enacting dance sequences from Moulin Rouge. Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya Da Da!

What would you give yourself for Valentines Day if money was no object?

This post was sponsored by Eden Fantasys. I was given a gift certificate to fund my on-going obsession with lingerie and sex toys in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own because that’s just how I roll.