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Looking for a quick & simple solution for your
child’s sleep problems? Click here now for a
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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Is your baby waking up after only a thirty minute nap? This is a common problem, and one that can be quite easy to solve!

Christina wrote in about her three-month-old son:

“We have trouble getting our three month old to take good naps. Once we get him down, he only sleeps for 30 minutes. It doesn’t matter if he sleeps on our arms, or the crib, or the car. I think he’s waking up when he hits the light sleep stage of a cycle… Any advice?”

Christina is exactly right about why her baby is waking up. When we sleep we need to be somewhat aware of our environment. From an evolutionary perspective, that was required to protect our families from predators, from danger. Sleep is not like a solid steel door slamming shut and blocking everything out; we’re still marginally aware of our surroundings.

If you rock a baby to sleep in your arms, getting him to the deep sleep stage then transferring him into the crib, chances are he’s either going to wake up as soon as you move him, wondering “Hey, what’s going on here? How come I’m not in your arms anymore?” Or he’ll wake up 30 to 45 minutes after falling asleep.

A baby’s sleep cycle is roughly 45 minutes long and at the end of that cycle is a very light stage of sleep. There’s often a momentary wake up at that point, hopefully just a brief fluttering of the eyes, then they’re back into another cycle. But if he was in your arms at the beginning of the sleep cycle and now he’s not, he’ll wake up fully wondering “Where am I? How come I’m not in mom’s arms anymore?”

Most babies who wake up in a new location wake up somewhat alarmed, and if you think about it, we would as well. Imagine if you fell asleep in your bed and then woke up in the bathtub. That would be an alarming feeling and you’d probably wake up quite startled.

Have you watched your baby wake up and immediately sit or stand up? They almost fly into that position and start crying. They’re thinking that either the nap is done or wondering why their environment changed while they were asleep.

The only way to encourage a longer nap is to let your baby fall asleep in the same place he’s going to wake up. It’s a simple matter of helping him learn the skills he needs to fall asleep, and stay asleep, on his own.

For instance, if you hold the soother in their mouth until they fall asleep, chances are when he comes to the light part of the sleep cycle he’s going to wake up because the soother is no longer in his mouth. Then you’ll have to go to them and put the soother back in, and maybe he’ll go back to sleep and maybe he won’t.

Again, the key to a successful nap is for the baby to have the skills to fall asleep, work themselves through that little wake up at the 45 minute mark, and then fall back asleep on their own. That mid-nap wake up should be so brief that the baby goes right into his next sleep cycle, turning the 45 minute nap into a good hour and a half nap.

Christina really has two goals for her baby; first, getting him to sleep in the same place that he’ll wake up, and second, for him to learn how to fall asleep on his own so he’ll stay asleep on his own.

We’ll do that either by putting him down in his crib and checking in on him or by staying in the room with him, perhaps doing some careful touching like rubbing his back while we whisper “shhhsh, it’s sleepy time” or by humming softly. In this way, you’ll help to sort of ease the journey to sleep for them. We have to be careful though not to incorporate too much external stuff into this routine.

An example of that would be to pat his back until he falls asleep. We don’t want to have to go in there and pat him on the back every time he wakes up. We really want him to put the pieces together and figure out how to do this on his own. Your job is to be supportive while he’s figuring out what those new skills are. Again, be careful that you don’t just create a new sleep prop, trading one prop for another.

The good news is that Christina’s baby will become a great little napper and he’ll definitely sleep a lot longer that he is now. Achieving that goal does take some work, but it’s well worth it. It’ll be a great day when he takes that long nap, when he is sleeping well.

To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!

To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!

Click on the ‘Play’ button above to start video!

Looking for a quick & simple solution for your
child’s sleep problems? Click here now for a
complete solution that you can start using tonight!

Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Are you giving your baby some mixed signals that could cause nighttime wake ups? This week’s question comes from Elena, and she writes:

“I’ve been using the Sleep Sense Program with my nine-month old son for the last three weeks and it’s working really well. But, I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right. He goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00 p.m. He’s waking at least one or two times in the night but falling back to sleep on his own, then he wakes up at 5:30 a.m. and I go in and I nurse him and put him back in his crib. He’ll sleep for another hour so, wake up again and I bring him to bed with us so that we can get some more sleep. He falls asleep until 9:00 or 9:30 but only if he’s sucking on the breast, is this a problem?”

The bad news for Elena is that yes, it basically is a problem; you really want to be more consistent than that. The good news is that her baby is learning to fall asleep on his own at bedtime and making it through most of the night without too much intervention. My concern is that by feeding him at 5:30, you’re running the risk of teaching him that there’s still a night feed.

True, it is almost morning at 5:30, but the baby doesn’t know that. What can happen is that he’ll start to backslide. 5:30 becomes 5:00, then it becomes 4:30, then 4:00 and before you know it you’re back to middle of the night feeds.

He might also begin to think that if he wakes up once and gets a feed, then why not wake up and have a feed every time he opens his eyes? Instead of decreasing his night wakings, it might actually increase them.

It’s important to ask yourself, “Is there anything I’m doing in the night that might be confusing?” I think the answer here is yes, it could be confusing the baby. A feed at 5:30, bringing him to bed and then basically letting him nurse himself to sleep until 9:00 is confusing, and tiring. I’m not a morning person but my children have forced me to become one. I’ve learned to live with it, but starting the day out the way Elena is would be tough on anyone.

Elena’s son goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00, so their day probably is going to start around 7:00 or 7:30 in the morning. I’d suggest that she stop the 5:30 feed. If he wakes up at 5:30, go in and tell him “its nighty night,” pat him on the back, tuck him in and leave the room.

You might have to go back in every five or ten minutes or so to check on him, but this would be a great time to send your supportive husband in. The baby knows he’s not going to get any sort of feed from dad so he’ll most likely go back to sleep faster because of that.

With you or your husband going in every five or ten minutes, hang in there until at least 6:00am. If the baby goes back to sleep, that’s great. If he’s not asleep by 6:00, you should probably get up and start your day. Take him somewhere new for the first breastfeed and be sure to keep him awake during the feed.

The good news is that a 6:00am wake up won’t stay there as he gets better and better at the routine. When he realizes that there really are no more night feeds and that he isn’t coming to bed with mom anymore, he’ll probably start sleeping until 7:00 or even later. Mom has got to hang in there though and be very consistent with no more night feeds and no more bringing the baby to bed with her.

All three of my kids come into our room every morning for a few minutes of cuddle time in bed before we start our day. Cuddle time is fine, but not for the purpose of falling back to sleep. My advice for this mom would be to move away from it altogether for at least a month and not have the baby come to mom’s bed. Once he’s sleeping consistently through the night, she can experiment with some morning cuddle time, but not for the purpose of going back to sleep. Completely erase that thought from your mind.

Elena is on the right track with her son. I’d just hate to see them backslide at this point though. She is on a slippery slope with what she’s doing. Eliminate those inconsistencies with him and get him sleeping through the night. Soon, you’ll both be sleeping well.

To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!

To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!

Click on the ‘Play’ button above to start video!

Looking for a quick & simple solution for your
child’s sleep problems? Click here now for a
complete solution that you can start using tonight!

Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question comes from Britney, and she writes:

“Our one-year-old started sleeping through the night at 11 months in her own crib. But during the day, she refuses to nap in her crib. Normally, she sleeps in my arms in the rocking chair for about an hour. How come she can go down great at night but fights her crib so hard during the day?”

Typically, naps can be more challenging that nights. There’s always much more protest at naptime than nighttime and it can take a few weeks for good habits to become established. The good news is that if she can do it at night those skills will eventually transfer to the daytime, but it can be a long process.

It’s probably not ideal for either of them that she’s napping in mom’s arms for that hour or so, and chances are that happens at least twice a day every day. That can be frustrating and time consuming for everyone involved. Ultimately if mom goes back to work or wants to spend a few days at grandma’s house, the baby will need to be comfortable enough to go down for naps on her own. We’d like grandma, a sitter or anyone to be able to put her down for a nap without a traumatic scene every time.

Since what she’s doing at night is working well, let’s recreate that routine as close as we can. Consider starting out by getting the baby in her jammies for the nap. Jammies are sort of a signal to a child that it’s time for sleep and are usually much more comfortable than what they’re wearing during the day. They can help settle them down and get them nice and comfy.

We’re recreating the nighttime bedtime routine and her jammies are signaling that “it’s sleepy time,” so let’s put her down in the crib. Make sure the room is nice and dark. A dark room can help stimulate sleep to occur and then keep them napping long enough.

Not knowing exactly what this mom did at night to get the baby sleeping in her own crib, I’d suggest the “stay-in-the-room” method at nap time as well. For the first couple of days you’re going to stay right next to the crib patting her on the back, gently touching her, laying her back down if you need to and repeating “its sleepy time.”

We want to give it a good solid try at this stage and by “solid try” I mean a good hour and ten minutes of waiting her out until she falls asleep. We don’t want the baby to think that by crying she can get out of the nap. You really want her to know that this is non-negotiable, that it is nap time and that this is really something that is going to happen.

As the days go on, you’ll slowly start to back your way out of the room. Move the chair back about five feet or so every three days until you’re eventually out of the room. The baby will become comfortable enough to go to sleep on her own and she’ll realize that although she may not prefer to take a nap in her crib, that it is something that is going to happen in her day.

What if you have a really bad “nap” day? You’ve tried for the hour and ten minutes and nothing is working; she just won’t fall asleep for a nap. Take a little break. Give the baby a snack to take her mind off of it for a bit then try again. If after thirty minutes she’s still not napping, you could offer either a ride in the car or in the stroller. When all else fails, those are two good alternatives to the crib at naptime that might make her sleepy.

What you don’t want to do is rock her in your arms until she falls asleep. A one year old will figure out within a day or two that if she continues crying, she’ll be taken out of the crib. We don’t want to teach her that you’ll eventually rock her in your arms if she cries long enough. And of course you certainly don’t want to yell or holler at the crib. That just upsets both of you even more.

Commit to two weeks of really giving this strategy your best efforts. At the end of the two weeks, you should see that progress is being made and that naps have started to come around; that your baby will indeed sleep well.

To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!

To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!

Click on the ‘Play’ button above to start video!

Looking for a quick & simple solution for your
child’s sleep problems? Click here now for a
complete solution that you can start using tonight!

Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Does your baby wake for a bottle during the night? If so, pay close attention to this week’s video. (You’ll get more sleep and your baby’s dentist will thank you…)

Daniela writes:

“My baby is 12 months old and he has never slept through the night. I put him to bed at 8:00 P.M. with no problems but four hours later, he needs a bottle of milk. I feed him in bed with me and then he wakes again around five or six and needs another bottle. He won’t go to sleep without it. I tried to replace it with water and tea but he won’t take it. He screams until he gets his milk.”

First, I’m going to assume that the “tea” Daniela mentioned doesn’t mean what I think it means. We definitely don’t want to give a baby any kind of caffeinated beverage during the night if we want them or us to get any sleep. Okay?

There are some things when it comes to our children that just have to “non-negotiable.”

As an example, sunscreen is a “no-nnegotiable” in my house. There have been times in their lives when my children hated putting on sunscreen. They’d cry, they’d put up a fight, they’d yell “No! No! I don’t want it!” But sunscreen is not up for discussion; it’s a “non-negotiable.” They have to wear sunscreen. There’s no way around it. It is going to happen and we can do it the easy way or we can do it the hard way.

Eventually, they make the wise decision of taking the “easy way” and let me put sunscreen on them.

Brushing their teeth is another “non-negotiable.” At some point in their life, they’ve all resisted the idea of having their teeth brushed. They don’t always like doing it, but guess what; you have to get your teeth brushed. It has to happen; it’s going to happen. Again, should we do it the easy way or the hard way? Eventually, they choose the “easy way.”

Daniela needs to think about her baby’s bottle in the same way; it really has to be “non-negotiable.” It’s not good for his teeth, not good for his sleep and it sounds like it’s not good for her sleep either. And by 12 months of age, there are no good reasons for him to need a bottle anytime during the night.

Daniela says that putting him to bed with a bottle is no problem. But I’d guess that he is bottle feeding himself to sleep or pretty close to it at bed time. That is a problem and that needs to stop. Her first step has to be getting rid of the bottle at bedtime.

I’m a firm believer in a baby not needing a bottle after the age of one. Her baby is one, so it’s time to move away from the bottle and introduce a sippy cup of milk into his bedtime room.

Since the bottle has been a big part of his sleep strategy, don’t be too surprised if he goes on a “milk strike” when he’s offered the sippy cup. He will put up some protest when it shows up instead of the bottle but remember that it’s nonnegotiable. It’s the sippy cup or nothing. Period. Eventually, if he is really hungry for some milk, he’ll have the sippy cup. He will come around to the idea.

After the sippy cup, we will have to brush his teeth. We don’t want him going to bed without clean teeth. After teeth brushing, he should go into his crib awake, without a bottle. No more bottles before going into the crib and no more bottles in the crib.

He will probably have a tough time learning how to fall asleep without relying on the bottle. But he did learn how to fall asleep with the bottle; he can definitely learn to fall asleep without it. It just has to be one of those things that you’ve decided is best for him and now you’re going to stand by that decision. It’s non-negotiable.

When the baby wakes in the night looking for a bottle, you could offer him a sippy cup with water…but that’s it. Chances are, if he wants that bottle, he’s not going to be very happy with a sippy of water but you have to keep offering it. That is the only option; sippy of water or nothing at all.

It may be a bit easier if mom stays in the room with him during the transition. At times like this the baby can be calmer and less demanding for his bottle of milk if mom stays awhile, so that’s okay.

Bring a chair and sit beside the crib. Keep telling him “it’s sleepy time” while you lay him back down, and keep at this until he goes back to sleep without the bottle.

Sometimes a mom’s presence in the room makes things worse on them. If that’s the case, leave the room and check back in every ten minutes. Remind him each time that “it’s still nighty night” and that there are no more bottles until the morning. He will be demanding but he will go to sleep eventually without a bottle. Every baby is definitely capable of doing this.

After you’ve made the commitment to do this, it’s just really a matter of time. The good news is once they learn to fall asleep independently without the bottle, they become great sleepers. They sleep through the night and wake up refreshed. And mom wakes up rested and refreshed as well. It really is a win-win situation for both mom and baby.

Daniela does have this hill to climb with her son though. It isn’t always easy to get there, but it’s definitely worth the effort. Her son falling asleep with a bottle and then demanding a bottle in the middle of the night will not stop on its own. Daniela needs to stop it. It’s non-negotiable.

Most children who have these sort of sleep struggles continue to have them for years because the parents tell themselves “that’s what he needs,” whether it’s a bottle in the middle of the night, crawling in bed with you or some other type of sleep problem. Until they learn that they don’t “need it,” and learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own, most kids won’t outgrow that sort of thing. That’s where their parents come in. Remember, some things are non-negotiable!

To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!

To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!

Click on the ‘Play’ button above to start video!

Looking for a quick & simple solution for your
child’s sleep problems? Click here now for a
complete solution that you can start using tonight!

Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Does your baby want to breastfeed all night long? If so, then you know how tiring this can be for both of you.

Agatha writes:

“I have a 15-month-old baby boy who still sleeps with us. He wakes three to four times a night and I’m still breastfeeding him and he sucks on me all night long. And as soon as I take him off, he starts to cry. He has been using me as a pacifier. Can you help me? I have to work in the morning and I feel absolutely tired. Please help!”

It sounds like Agatha has two requests: that her baby gets out of her bed and into his crib and that he stops nursing at night. Both are completely reasonable wishes and probably things her son is ready to do as well.

If he’s fifteen months old and nursing all night long, he’s really not getting a good, consolidated nighttime sleep. When he has to eat while he’s asleep, he’s going to be stuck in a really light state of sleep. Like mom, he’s probably not getting a full sleep cycle with lots of deep stage three sleep. The good news is that there is something we can do that will be beneficial for both of them.

The first step is establishing a solid bedtime routine for him, a routine that helps him get his mind around the idea that it’s bedtime. Everyone has a bedtime routine. Whether its five minutes or 20 minutes, we all do things before we go to bed that really helps stimulate our brain and body to let us know that we’re making that transition from day to night. The same needs to be established for Agatha’s baby as well.

A good example of a bedtime routine would be that you give him a bath, get his pajamas on, then perhaps he has a feed before bed. If you’re completely ready to wean him, then I’d suggest you not nurse him before bed. Transition him right to a sippy cup, maybe with warm milk, formula or even breast milk in the cup. That’s a good transition from the breast to a cup. And of course you want him to brush his teeth before he goes into the crib.

If you do decide to nurse as part of the bedtime routine, you cannot let him fall asleep while he’s nursing. What’s happening now is that he has a very, very strong nurse-sleep association. In his mind, that’s how you get to sleep. He may not even know that there are other ways to fall asleep. We really need to break that association and the faster you break it, the faster the baby will learn a new way. As soon as you notice heavy blinking or that sleepy, faraway look in his eyes, talk to him, give him a few pokes or tickle him. Do whatever you need to do to keep him awake during the feed.

You also could break up the routine after the feed with the extra step of a story or a song before bedtime. That would help to break up the association of nursing and sleeping.

The baby then goes into the crib awake and you’ll stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. I’d suggest the “stay-in-the-room” method that’s outlined in my book. From the toddler section of the book, and at 15 months old he really is a toddler, you’d stay by the crib in a chair for three nights. Give him some gentle, careful touches while repeating your key phrase, and coaxing him to lie down by rubbing the mattress.

You’re going to wait him out until he falls asleep in his crib. There’s no time limit during these nights, so take turns or switch nights with your partner as needed. Do whatever it takes to make it easier on you, except for getting him out of the crib.

For bedtimes four, five and six, move your chair to the middle of the room. You can walk over a few times, give him some touches and say your key phrase, but then go back to your chair. By the seventh night, you should be all the way to the door or out of the room.

Basically, we’re retraining his sleep skills. Up until now, he’s relied on nursing as his only sleep skill. Now he’ll develop skills that he can do independently and that are not related to nursing. Offer him a little teddy or small blanket if that makes you and him feel more comfortable, but remember that he might incorporate those into his new skills and you’ll need to do that same thing for every single night waking.

You really can’t bring him into your bed at any point during the night. Doing that will teach him that he gets to come to your bed at some point during the night and he could wake up every hour wondering if it’s time to come to your bed or not. Do not bring him to your bed.

You really have to hang in there until morning and handle every night waking in the same way. Stay in your chair in the room until he’s asleep, while he stays in his crib.

Stay with this plan until it works, and it will work. Remember that this is a skill and people don’t master new skills in one or two days. Give your baby some time. He is going to be saying “goodbye” to one thing and “hello” to some new things and that’s going to take some time and maybe a lot of your patience. Soon, in a few days even, you’ll both be sleeping well.

To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!

To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!