Whether you are on the left or on the right, it is good to see such an important voice being brought back into our national debate.  Welcome back Keith.

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Florida cracks down on everybody (except Decent People)

By Howard Troxler, Times Columnist
In Print: Thursday, June 2, 2011

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

— Matthew 7:3
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Public employees, as we all know, are parasites who should be punished. This is why we have not given them a general salary increase in several years.

This year, besides effectively cutting their pay further by requiring a pension contribution, Gov. Rick Scott also has ordered state employees to undergo drug testing — no matter whether there is any reason to suspect drug use, nor whether they are in a job where it actually makes sense.

Not only do I heartily endorse this practice, but I would go further:

I would beat them, too.

That’s right. All public employees should line up in front of their workplace once a month to be beaten by the Decent People.

During these ministrations the Decent People should remind the public employees of why they are being beaten; namely, that they are lazy bureaucrats by definition.

In some cases we will have to rotate the beatings. It seems impractical to pull out all the prison guards, or take all the Highway Patrol troopers off the road, all at once.

On the other hand, I think we can beat schoolteachers twice a month, wholesale, just on general principle. This can easily be worked into the schedule of the public school system, as they are not doing anything most of the time.

You might worry whether we can find enough Decent People for the job. I do not think that will be a problem. Decent People are plentiful on the Internet; I know this because they constantly are explaining to me what is wrong with everybody else.

Public employees are not the only suspicious group. The governor just signed a new law requiring Floridians on public assistance to undergo drug testing as well. (Perhaps they will be flattered to be treated just like public employees.)

Decent People also support this law, at least, the ones in the ever-present reader comments on our website, such as this real-life example:

Love this now they will have to sell the 20k in tires and rims on there cars or some of the bling bling.

Because, you know, there is nobody getting help who deserves it, or because of the economy, or because he or she was foreclosed upon. Neither has anyone taken this assistance as a last resort.

I would be remiss by not including the largest group of Suspicious People of all, namely, Floridians who …

Move.

Decent People do not move.

Renters, college students and the poor tend to move more often, and therefore can rightly be regarded as suspect.

So the new law of our state repeals the practice of the past 40 years, which allowed people to update their address on Election Day if they had forgotten to do it.

No more. Now if they have changed their county of residence, they must go through a separate process of casting a “provisional” ballot, instead of being allowed to vote with the Decent, Stationary People.

(I am almost out of space and can only mention yet another suspicious activity, namely, signing up people to vote, which is now subject to great penalties in Florida.)

Well! Who am I to argue? Let us demean the hired help, browbeat the needy, suppress the vote and shut down the League of Women Voters.

Then we’ll decide who’s next.

The sexes mix freely at San Antonio prison

Have you been convicted of a crime?  If so, ask to serve your sentence at the San Antonio prison.  At the San Antonio prison, smoking marijuana or snorting cocaine is not illegal,  you can have guns, multiple sex partners within or from outside the prison with no problem. There is a cockfighting arena for animal abusers to place bets (The public is also invited).

If you just simply want to have fun, you can just relax in one of the swimming pools, with your shot of whiskey in your hand, while  enjoying your barbecue.  Did I mention that you can get satellite television and air conditioning. However, before asking a judge to send you to the San Antonio prison in Texas,  you will need to look at a map and get a passport, because, as reported by the NY Times, the San Antonio prison is in Venezuela

Are our laws need revising for the sake of justice?

Many people are taking him seriously.  As a result, many are now hiring long term pet sitters, among the damned,  to take care of their pets.   In addition, one person in Florida providing pet-sitting services for the departed is an atheist who doesn’t believe in the supernatural, but is willing to respect other’s beliefs, especially when those beliefs come with a payment attached.

“Sarah,” he said, “Do you remember how Moses guided his people out of Egypt?”

Sarah Palin:  “Yes, God. My pastor just told me about it. I would like to do the same for my party”

God: “Good.  I am going to help you do that.”

Palin:”How?”

God: “First, I will help you make a lot of money. Then you will be free to promote my word to people all over the United States”

Palin:”Great. I can finally quit my job.  I hate it.  I had to come to work everyday from 9 to 5 for a miserly $125,000 per year”

God: “You mean measly?”

Sarah Palin:”Whatever the word is, it is still too small for a former VP candidate.  Someone told me that Joe Biden makes almost twice that.”

God: “I know.  This is why I want you to work for me.”

“Will I have to give interviews?” A worried Sarah asked.

“Yes.  But don’t worry.  I will give you  the questions and the answers in advance,” God replied.

“Good,” Palin replied with relief, “I hate trick questions, especially the ones that people like Katie Couric ask.”

God: “I know.”

Palin:”I still don’t know what reading newspapers has to do with being President, and why she asked me those questions”

God:”I promise that you will get a chance to review the questions and answers and delete the ones about reading newspapers.”

Sarah Palin: “Thank you, God. I am honored that you have chosen me.  I promise that I will promote your word all over the world.”

As Sarah Palin was enjoying her conversation with God and thinking about the wealth that God was going to help her make, Todd Palin entered the living room unexpectedly.

“Sarah,”  Todd asked, “Who is this man sitting on our sofa? Why are you calling him God?”

Sarah Palin: “This is Roger Ailes, the Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Fox News Channel”