First, some definitions:

• A is for Antecedent: this is what happensbefore a behaviour occurs, e.g. a dad tickling his son’s feet.
• B is for Behaviour. This is everything we do! Actions, words, sounds, thoughts, e.g. laughing.
• C is for Consequence. This refers to what happens after a behaviour occurs, e.g. the dad tickles his son’s feet again. In any situation, there are a number of possible consequences that may occur. Which one actually happens will determine how likely it is that the behaviour will occur again.

Here are some more examples:

• Difficulty with communicating verbally tends to result in frustration, so kids with language delays or young children who are still learning language often exhibit difficult behaviour at times. This blog is going to focus on challenging, or undesirable behaviours, since these are the kind that parents want to change! However, the same principles apply to all behaviour. If you understand what a child is getting out of a particular interaction, you will know how to increase or decrease the likelihood of that behaviour happening again in the future (e.g. children crave their parents’ approval so praising them when they do something good makes it more likely they’ll do it again in the future).

There are 4 main functions of behaviour:

• Get something – to gain access to an object (e.g. lollies), event (e.g. party), or activity (e.g. tickles) or to gain access to a different environment (e.g. go to the park).
• Avoid something – to escape from a situation, person, or activity. A child may want to avoid a situation or activity that they perceive as being unpleasant (e.g. having a bath), too difficult (e.g. doing their homework), or too lengthy.
• Gain attention – it is a natural desire for a child to want the attention of their parents or peers. The only problem is when they use inappropriate behaviour to seek that attention.
• Sensory – when a child is seeking or avoiding specific input from any of the senses. Sensory seeking behaviours include anything that provides an immediate sensory experience (i.e. through sight, sound, movement, touch, smell, or taste) such as jumping up and down on the trampoline, eating play dough, smelling flowers, watching fans or the washing machine spinning around etc. These behaviors would occur even in the absence of an adult or attention from others as they are pleasurable and rewarding to the child. Sensory avoiding behaviours serve to escape from or avoid an unpleasant sensory experience. Examples include a child putting their hands over their ears when the vacuum cleaner is turned on, leaving unwanted food on their plate, pinching their nose to avoid smelling a particular fragrance etc. Again, these behaviors would occur even in the absence of adults or attention from others as the child is attempting to avoid an unpleasant or even painful stimulus.

The same behaviour may occur but for different reasons.

For example:

• To get something
• To avoid something
• To get attention
• Sensory

In order to decrease the likelihood of an undesirable behaviour occurring again in the future, we must respond appropriately according to the function of the behaviour.

This is a crucial point! We would respond in different ways to the same behaviour, depending on what the function of the behaviour is. In each of the above examples an inappropriate response (consequence) was given to the head banging behaviour, and this would result in an increase of the undesirable behaviour, i.e. more head banging in the future.

To address challenging behaviours we need to shift the pay-off (i.e. the reinforcement that a child is getting for the behaviour). We must decrease the pay-off for the undesirable behaviour and increase the pay-off for the positive behaviour. Sometimes a child may know what the appropriate behaviour is. For example, a child may call out in class even though they know they must raise their hand, because when they call out it always gets a response from the teacher. In this case, the teacher should increase the pay-off for positive behavior by only calling on students and giving praise when they raise their hands, and reduce the pay-off for the negative behaviour by ignoring the calling out. Other times, a child will need to be taught a new skill, or ‘replacement behaviour’ – in order to manage challenging behaviour.

Below I will suggest replacement behaviours or strategies to reduce the head banging in the examples given above.

To get something

In this example, requesting a biscuit was a new skill for Alex. A parent could help their child communicate their needs/wants by modelling the word/s the child could use, e.g. Alex’s parents might notice other cues that he may be hungry (such as going to the fridge, looking in the cupboards, tummy grumbling, it being the time of day he usually has a snack) which suggests to them that this head banging behaviour is Alex’s way of communicating his hunger. They could then model “I’m hungry” or “Biscuit please”, and wait to see if Alex can copy before giving him a biscuit.

If Alex is not yet talking, his parents might use pictures to help him communicate, e.g. by having a photo of chocolate biscuits stuck to the fridge so Alex can go to the picture and point, or lead his parents by the hand to the picture, or take the picture off the fridge and give it to his parents. They should then reinforce Alex requesting for food appropriately by acknowledging his request and modelling the relevant words (“I want a biscuit!”) and then giving him what he’s asked for.

In the event that a child asks for something they can’t / you don’t want them to have, it’s still good to acknowledge their request and that they’ve asked for it appropriately. Then you can explain that they can’t have it at this time and express empathy for their disappointment (e.g. “Thank you for asking nicely! I know you love chocolate biscuits but you can’t have one just now because dinner is soon”).

To avoid something

The 1st/then is a way of helping kids understand what’s expected if they have difficulty understanding it when you just explain verbally. It can be used with any fun activity, not just TV, e.g. “First brush teeth, then story time”. See below for an example of a 1st/then board:

Over time, this reward can be gradually faded out so that Alex is allowed to watch TV for less and less time, until eventually he is brushing his teeth without a reward afterwards. A timer can also be used to help Alex see how long he needs to brush his teeth for. Sometimes, children find it easier to do an unpleasant task if they know when the task will end. If Alex was very resistant to brushing his teeth, we might need to reduce our expectations initially, so that he only has to brush for a very short time and/or with adult help, and over time we could gradually increase how long he needs to brush for. As always, praise should be given for completing the task appropriately.

To get attention

The example of head banging is probably a bit more extreme than some other attention-seeking behaviours. Others I’ve seen include pulling people’s hair, slamming the door or switching the light on and off repeatedly, and pretending to eat dirt. As a reactive strategy (what you do when the behaviour happens) it’s usually best to ignore inappropriate attention-seeking behaviour, however safety must always come first. For example, if a child was banging their head or hurting themselves or another, it is important to try to stop or minimise the behaviour straight away. This might mean putting a cushion under their head so they can continue the behaviour safely, or by removing yourself or another child from their reach (e.g. if they’re pulling other people’s hair). Such actions can still be done without giving attention to the behaviour by not giving eye contact or responding verbally. Therefore, the attention-seeking behaviour won’t have gotten the response they were after.

At least as important as a reactive strategy is a proactive strategy (what you do to try to prevent the behaviour from re-occurring). If you don’t give attention to the inappropriate attention-seeking behaviour, the behaviour may stop. However the need for attention still won’t have been met, so the behaviour is likely to come back bigger, badder and uglier. The child will think, “Hmmm, that used to work but it doesn’t anymore. I’ll have to ramp it up more if I’m going to get a reaction”. To prevent this, we need to teach an appropriate way of requesting attention. For young children this might be simply saying the person’s name (“Mum” or “Dad”), tapping them on the arm, or reaching out for a hug. What you teach them to do will depend on how you would prefer them to request attention. Older children with good language skills may be taught to initiate attention by making a comment, since doing so generally provokes a response (e.g. “Hey Mum, look at what I made at school today!” -“Wow Alex, you’ve put a lot of work into that!”).

In order for the pay-off for appropriate behaviour to be bigger than for negative behaviour, it’s important to give the child your attention straight away when they request it appropriately and to praise them for doing so (“Thank you for remembering to ask nicely”). However it’s unreasonable to expect parents to drop everything and give their full attention to a child 100% of the time. So you might try to reinforce appropriate attention-seeking every time as the child is learning the new skill, but once they are consistently requesting attention appropriately you can start to prompt them to wait before you give them your attention (e.g. “I can listen to you just as soon as I get off the phone”). Make sure you stick to your word and praise them for good waiting. It’s usually best to start with small waiting times and gradually increase the amount of time they have to wait for you.

Sensory

In this example the replacement behaviour is similar to the example for getting something. Instead of wanting a tangible item Alex is wanting to avoid what for him is an unpleasant sensory experience (as he is sensitive to lights being turned on suddenly). Requesting the light to be turned off is a new skill that must be taught to him as before, i.e. either by modelling appropriate words or phrases, or if he is non verbal then using pictures, signs or gestures (such as pointing to the light or leading his Dad’s hand to towards the light switch), and praising Alex for using these appropriately. It can often be difficult to identify the function of behaviours with a sensory basis, and may require several observations of the behaviour taking place and noting the antecedent and consequence (e.g. the behaviour starts when the light is turned on suddenly and stops when it is turned off or Alex goes into a darker room).

Hopefully this post has provided some useful ideas on how to manage challenging behaviours. I’ve focused more on behaviours resulting from reduced communication skills, which are usually harder to understand the function for compared with ordinary toddler tantrums. However I’d like get around to writing a post about tips for dealing with those as well one day……if my cat will stop sleeping on my laptop for long enough……

If you’d like more advice about behaviour management, see the Raising Children Networkhere.

The post The ABCs of challenging behaviour appeared first on Small Talk.

Poor concentration can be caused by, or can contribute to, language difficulties. Kids who have reduced language skills often have difficulty concentrating, especially during language based tasks, because they are not always able to follow what is being said. Conversely, children who are unable to focus for longer periods of time have reduced opportunities for learning, which can impact on the development of their language skills.

As adults, there are things we make ourselves pay attention to. We stick with tasks because we know we need to or because other people ask us to, such as reading the same story over and over to our child or finishing a boring report for work. Only gradually do children learn this self-discipline.

What does this mean about children’s attention spans? It means parents need to be realistic about attention span and plan activities accordingly. It also means that we need to help children develop their attention spans: by playing with them, by attracting their attention to things we see or hear, by introducing them to new projects and sports, by helping them with challenging activities – and most of all, by turning off televisions, computers and electronic games.

How long should my child be able to concentrate for?

Attention span in children is variable depending on age. A child’s normal attention span is 3-5 minutes for every year of age. In other words, a 2 year old should be able to concentrate for at least 6 minutes and a 5 year old should be able to focus for at least 15 minutes.

Adapted from resources by Helen F. Neville

Consult your paediatrician if: 

• You feel your child’s attention skills are noticeably reduced    compared with those described above OR
• Your child is particularly active, flitting from one activity to another very quickly. This may be especially noticeable in new environments if your child tends to look at, move to, touch everything around them but not really stop and interact with any one thing for very long.

Strategies to help improve your child’s attention

• Reduce distractions in your child’s environment, e.g. by turning off the TV.
• Encourage your child to focus on one activity at a time. Let them choose their activity but then limit the opportunity to switch to something else quickly by not having lots of other things out at the same time. Make sure your child packs away the game they have finished with before moving on to the next activity.
• Provide the opportunity for your child to experiment with lots of fun, hands-on, creative activities such as drawing with pencils/crayons/in shaving foam, painting, papier mache, and other craft activities.
• Get your child’s attention in interesting ways, e.g. call their name with a more sing-song intonation.
• When giving your child an instruction, it helps to get down to their level, make sure they’re giving you eye contact, then give the instruction slowly and purposefully. If there are several parts to the instruction, pause before saying the next part. You may sometimes ask your child to say back to you what they have to do to ensure that they have understood. Alternatively, you could ask them questions such as “So what do you need to do first? And then?”
• Give your child praise for appropriate behaviour – children will stay on task longer if feel comfortable and successful in what they are doing.
• Ensure your child eats a balanced diet, especially at breakfast.
• Make sure your child gets plenty of exercise – research suggests that physical activity may increase a child’s cognitive control – or ability to pay attention – and also results in better performance on academic achievement tests.
• Limit the amount of TV and video games your child accesses (this includes using iPads etc). It is suggested that frequent changes of camera and focus may actually program a short attention span. TV advertisers capture a viewer’s attention by capitalising on the brain’s instinctive responses to danger through the use of sudden noises, close-ups, pans, zooms and bright colours, and this may be reducing your child’s natural ability to remain actively focused on events in the real world. TV and video games also take children away from activities that are more active, multi-sensory, and intellectually, socially and emotionally nourishing.
• For adult-led activities or those that are less motivating for your child, using visuals such as a sand timer to show how long they need to concentrate for can be helpful.
• Model self-help strategies during everyday play situations by using phrases such as “Now where do I begin?” or “Try it again” as a prompt for self control and perseverance.
• Although it’s usually best to limit background noise and distractions, some children can actually focus better or for longer with some quiet music on in the background. Experiment with different genres of music e.g. classical, fast paced rock music, The Wiggles etc.
• Audiobooks can be a fun way to motivate your child to listen for longer periods of time.

The post Attention skills appeared first on Small Talk.

This blog may seem to be more about parenting than children’s language development, but the ideas I’m suggesting all boil down to one thing – communication. Almost every aspect of a child’s development is a direct result of communication, and the interaction between parents and their child: how they learn about the world around them, learn to use words, and their behaviour. So the following are suggestions about how we can capitalise on those communication skills in order to reduce the likelihood of your child throwing a wobbly at the shops.

1. Prepare your child for going out.

Prepare them verbally by telling them in advance that you’re going out. Some children will benefit from a 30 minute warning, then a 15 minute and a 5 minute reminder. Others are fine with just a 5 minute heads up. Get down at their level, look them in the eye, and briefly explain what will happen and what you expect from them. This might be something like “We’re going to the shops soon to buy food for dinner. I need you to walk with me and the trolley. We can’t get any chocolate/chips/toys today”. Give them another quick reminder of this when you arrive at the shops.

Prepare your child physically by making sure they’ve been to the toilet and had something to eat. A child who has just eaten will be less likely to demand food once they’re at the shops, however it can be helpful to have a snack with you in your bag in case they suddenly develop an appetite despite having just eaten lunch.

This preparation time also allows your child to tie up any loose ends with what they had been doing, whether that’s tucking their teddy into bed, adding the finishing touch to the roof of their Lego house, or changing Barbie’s clothes from her Princess outfit to her riding attire. Children often don’t have much say in what happens during their day, so be mindful that they may not like being suddenly whisked off to the shops when they’re in the middle of something. Treating them with dignity and respect by communicating your intentions and needs and giving them time to get ready will help get your trip off to the right start.

2. Bring snacks and toys from home with you.

Remember that being at the shops is often very boring for kids. It can be helpful to rotate your child’s toys so the same ones aren’t out all the time. This keeps them fresh and interesting when your child sees them again. Bringing toys that have been been put away recently may keep your child more interested for longer, making it less likely that they’ll beg you for other treats. Just be wary of bringing lots of different toys with you – if they get lost while at the shops you might have a whole different battle on your hands.

3. Treat them.

We all treat ourselves sometimes. I’ve certainly been known to get the odd Caramello Koala (giant variety of course) every once in a while, even if I do hide the wrapper from my husband. So we can’t really be surprised that children (who have much less self control, even than me) often beg for treats while we’re out. And if it’s good enough for us, it should be good enough for them. Do you always say “no” when your kids ask for something special when you’re out? If so, do you ever give in and end up buying it for them anyway? Think about what message that will send to your child. They will learn that “Mummy will buy me what I want as long as pester her for it. And if she says ‘no’ next time, I’ll just keep pestering her for even longer until she gives in”. If you say one thing but do another, you end up making it much harder for yourself next time, and your child will learn that they have to start throwing themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying in order to get their way.

Instead, be consistent in your communication. If you really don’t want to buy them anything then just say no. You might say “No, not this time”. If your child is old enough you can give them a brief reason such as “Not this time; you had lots of lollies at the party yesterday” but avoid getting into the ‘why-because’ cycle. Be prepared for whinging and tantrums but STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! The best thing to do once you’ve given this response is to try to redirect their thoughts by using some of the strategies suggested below. However, other times the answer might be yes. “Yes, you can have an ice cream today”. Or “You ate all your vegetables last night at dinner so you can have some chocolate today”. Or even just “Yeah, let’s have a special treat this time”. Framing it like this will help them to understand that these things WILL happen, but only sometimes. Following through with what you say will help them learn that when you say no, you really mean it, and that there will be other times when they can get what they want.

If it’s a toy rather than food that they’re hankering for, the above strategies still apply. The main thing is that your actions are consistent with your words.

4. Distract!

Whether it’s with “I Spy” or an iPad, playing games will help your child cope with the boredom they’re likely to be experiencing. Older children may enjoy playing the alphabet game (think of as many things as you can that start with a certain letter), or the number plate game for in the car (think of a sentence using the letters on the number plate such as ZLS – zebras like sausages). Younger children can be encouraged to count how many things at the bank are red, or how many people are wearing a particular item of clothing or have a certain colour hair. Simply talking about the different and interesting things you can see can make a  dull trip to the shops that bit more exciting. Together you might be able to make up some funny and silly stories about the things you come across.

5. Enlist their help.

A great way to occupy your child and help them feel a sense of control and worth is to get them to help you with the shopping. I’m sure we all know that sometimes when children “help” us it might end up taking even longer than if we just did it ourselves. But think about what message it gives a child when we ask them for help: that we value their opinion, have belief in their worth and see them as capable human beings. It’s also a nice opportunity for language stimulation, and if it helps avoid them having a tanty then it actually might end up saving you time after all!

Try to think of age appropriate ways that your child can help out, such as:

• see if they can direct you around the shopping centre: “Now do we go upstairs or downstairs to get to Coles?”
• help you find things on the shopping list when you do the grocery shopping. Older children may be able to race over to pick up a green capsicum on their own but younger kids can help by finding the right product once you’ve located the appropriate spot on the shelves.
• play a guessing game about which product you want to pick up off the shelf e.g. “It’s in a red packet, it’s down on the bottom shelf, it has a picture of a black and white dog on it…”.
• If you’re happy to, let your child choose which brand/flavour of a particular product to buy. Being given a choice can really empower kids and help avoid power struggles later (click here to see my previous blog about giving choices).

6. Acknowledge your child’s feelings.

Sometimes this is enough to avoid a meltdown. It validates their feelings and you might be able to explain why you can’t always buy them everything they want (if appropriate for their age). This might go something like: “I understand you want chips, but today we’re just getting food for dinner”. Or “I know, gummy bears are yummy aren’t they? Perhaps we can get some another time”. Or “That remote control helicopter looks really cool. I wish I had enough money to buy it for you”. This might spark off the “What-would-you-buy-if-you-had-all-the-money-in-the-world?” game, and this can be a nice way to distract your child from what they’re asking for. It also helps them realise that you’re not saying no just to be a big old meanie, but that, as the Rolling Stones say, you can’t always get what you want.

7. Have a plan.

What will you do if they start begging for treats? It’s unrealistic to think that your child will always be an angel when confronted with so much temptation. If they really have a full-blown tantrum it’s probably best just to leave immediately if possible. Leaving the shops will remove the possibility that your child will get what they want, so will hopefully take the wind out of their sails. If they’re just having a whinge and a whine, being firm and re-directing them using the above suggestions should help to calm them down.

Remember that if your child has a massive meltdown complete with fists beating on the floor, kicking and screaming, they’re not trying to humiliate you. Young children don’t understand that their tantrum may cause you embarrassment, so try to ignore other people and focus on what you need to do for your child.

8. Practise.

Playing ‘shops’ at home can help prepare your child to cope with the real thing, AND is a great way to develop their language and play skills. First, help your child to set up a mini supermarket. I hate to plug products here but K Mart has some fantastic toys that don’t cost the earth – plastic food, little shopping trolley, toy cash register that even beeps when you press the scanner button and comes with pretend money and credit cards. Next, practise making a shopping list, then pretend driving to the shops. Walk around the “aisles” with your child and get them to help you find the items on the list, then go to the register to pay for them. Next time you’re at the shops, encourage your child to pay attention to and talk about different aspects of the shopping experience that you’ve practised at home.

The post Staying sane when you’re out and about appeared first on Small Talk.

• teach your baby about words and communication
• improve their listening, attention and memory
  skills
• introduce specific vocabulary and concepts
• stimulate your little one’s imagination
• teach your child about social and emotional concepts
• help your child value and enjoy reading

It’s never too early to start reading with your baby – research shows that a baby can recognise its mother’s voice while still in the womb! So reading out loud while you’re pregnant will prime your child to the rhythm and flow of reading. Once your baby is born, having regular reading time creates the perfect opportunity for snuggling and bonding.

What should I read?

Young babies respond more to the rhythm of your voice than the actual words, so choosing books with lots of rhyme will help keep their interest up, as will books with brightly coloured, simple pictures. Books with plenty of repetition will help your child learn and understand the specific words and concepts being introduced. There are some great books from the “Baby’s First” range with nice, clear, simple pictures of everyday items such as milk, blanket, apple etc. These can be great to help your baby learn the names of the things they see all the time. Books of nursery rhymes and simple stories will contain lots of pictures of people and animals doing things, which helps children to learn the words for actions.

How to read with your baby or young child

Reading with a young child, particularly a very active one, might seem like Mission Impossible. Don’t feel like you need to finish the whole book, or even read the words. It’s better to start and look at just a few pages than not look at the book at all. Just talking about the pictures rather than reading the actual words may help to hold your child’s attention. Also, you might have some books with very lovely pictures in them but your child isn’t yet ready for the length and complexity of the writing, so paraphrasing can be useful for these books.

Whatever your child’s age, but particularly for babies, be sure to use lots of facial expression (such as eye widening, smiles, sad face, frown, open mouth for surprise) and intonation (louder voice for loud sounds in the story, whispering for scary parts, slowing down and pausing to build up anticipation, speeding up at exciting bits). Go crazy, be silly, make funny noises and sound effects for the mooing cow, boat chugging along, bus beeping its horn, and dog eating a bone. Re-reading the same books over and over again makes it more likely that your child will join in with your reading. If a book has been read lots of times, you might pause at certain repetitive parts and see if your child can fill in the rest of the sentence.

For older children, keep their interest up and get them thinking by asking questions about the book. Start with “What do you think this book is about?” while looking at the front cover, and encourage them to look at the picture for clues. Ask them about why characters feel a certain way or did a certain thing. BUT, make sure you balance out the questions with comments, otherwise it can start to feel like an interrogation. You can comment by saying things such as “I see a cat hiding in the tree”, “Three ducks!”, or “He’s flying!” If you feel like you’re asking too many questions, try turning your questions into comments. For example, “What’s going to happen next?” becomes “I wonder what will happen next…”; “How does he feel?” could be “I see tears on his face”.

A couple of tips:

• For very young children, the board books with heavy duty pages are best as they’re more likely to withstand the test of time – and teeth!
• Soft books made of felt or cloth are great for infants, especially when they have flaps or fold-over sections and crinkly bits to crunch.
• Waterproof books for bath time are fantastic. Since your child can’t move very far while they’re having a bath, looking at books is an ideal activity.
• Try to share at least one book together each day.
• Be sure to turn off the TV / radio and reduce any other background noise.
• Sit or lie close to your child so they can see your face.
• KEEP UP THE HABIT OF READING TOGETHER AS YOUR CHILD GROWS OLDER!

The post Reading with your baby appeared first on Small Talk.

• Bubbles can be difficult for young children to blow so they present the perfect opportunity for language modelling and learning. Blow bubbles with your child for a little while then stop and WAIT. You could wait while holding the bubble wand before blowing the next bubble. You might reach for a high up bubble but wait before popping it, looking at your child to see how they urge you to go ahead and squash that bubble. Wait several seconds, look at your child expectantly, eyebrows raised, ready for them to chime in. If they don’t, that’s ok, just keep going with the bubbles and talking about what’s happening but continue to wait and provide these opportunities for talking. If your child does say something, reinforce this with lots of smiles and repeating back what they said with a little bit more information (e.g. they say “More”, you say “More? More bubbles? OK, let’s blow more bubbles!”).
• For children who can blow the bubbles themselves or are learning to, bubbles can be a nice way to practise turn taking –  both the actual skill of waiting for your turn AND the language associated with it (“my turn, your turn, who’s turn?, wait”).
• “p”, “b” and “m” sounds are some of the earliest developing and easiest sounds for young children to make. Blowing bubbles gives your child plenty of opportunity to practise talking using these easier sounds, e.g. “bubbles”, “blow”, “pop”, “more?”, “upup up”, “bye bye” (as the bubbles pop or float away).
• Use my favourite words “Ready, set, GO!” to build up the anticipation and excitement (see “Ready, Set, TALK!“).
• Bubble blowing is a perfect opportunity for modelling different types of words to your little one. Some bubble-related action words include “blow, pop, dip, jump, try again”. You can also demonstrate concepts such as “big, little, up, down, wet (when they pop –  or spill!), dry (when you have to get some paper towel to clean it up)”.

The great thing about blowing bubbles is that children of just about any age will get something out of it. Add an extra element of fun for slightly older children by suggesting they pop the bubbles with their ear, nose, forehead, elbow, foot…. (fun way to practise body part naming and understanding too).

Having trouble finding a bubble mix that doesn’t just pop in your face or melt off the wand straight away? Why not make your own? It’s super easy and getting your child to help with the process creates a whole new set of language learning opportunities and fun!

Here’s a recipe for perfect bubbles:

• 1 cup of water (240ml)
• 2 tablespoons of dishwashing liquid (30ml) – the “Fairy” brand seems to work well but any will do the trick
• 1 tablespoon of glycerine (15ml) – glycerine is the secret additive that gives a bubble its extra strength, so they don’t pop as soon as you blow them. Glycerine can be purchased at any pharmacy; alternatively you can use light corn syrup.

You might be surprised by what you probably have lying around the house that make ideal bubble wands. Funnels, fly swatters, pipe cleaners (to make different shaped and coloured bubble wands), the rings of a 6 pack, coat hanger, cookie cutters….. be creative!

The post Using bubbles for language development appeared first on Small Talk.

Over time a child may come to associate their dummy with feelings of relaxation and security. They may not want to give it up despite their parents’ wishes. Ideally, a child should voluntarily give up their dummy when they feel ready. However, if that doesn’t seem likely then your child may need a little help.

Decide on your strategy: there are basically two ways to break the dummy habit – quickly or slowly. Unfortunately, there’s no magic formula or “right” way to do this. You have to make a decision based on what you think will be easiest for your child from your own knowledge of them. Some experts suggest that with a toddler aged less than two years it is better to go cold turkey as they are still too young to reason with, whereas with a child over two years taking the dummy away suddenly could cause much more emotional upset than it would with a younger child. However, with some children it may be the exact opposite, with older children being more easily able to give up the dummy suddenly and younger toddlers benefiting from a gradual transition.

Regardless of your child’s age and the strategy you decide to use there is one thing you absolutely must do for this to be successful….. BE CONSISTENT!!! The very worst thing you can do is to choose one way of ditching the dummy then cave in because you find the consequences too difficult to manage. Giving in to your child will only make the process 10 times harder the next time you try to get rid of the dummy. Not only that, but if your child cries and screams and you then give them what they want, you are teaching your child that all they need to do is throw a tantrum and they’ll get their way. This will make them more likely to have tantrums again in the future.

General guidelines

• Do not allow relatives or friends to make fun of your child for still using a dummy. Comments such as ‘Only babies have dummies’ or ‘You look silly with that thing in your mouth’ can make a sensitive children feel very inferior, causing them much stress and increasing their need for the dummy.
• Never attempt to get rid of the dummy just prior to or straight after the arrival of a new baby.
• Your child should be in good health and fully recovered from any illness before you attempt to wean them off the dummy.
• Eliminating the dummy should be avoided during times when major changes are about to take place, such as moving house, starting day-care or preschool, mother returning to work.
• Remember there might be times when your toddler needs their dummy more in order to feel safe and secure, such as when they aren’t with you.
• It is important to remain firm once you have given the dummy away. Distraction tactics are always best at times like this and you may wish to find an alternative comforter for them like a soft blanket or toy that you can offer them as a replacement for it.
• Be prepared to be patient and supportive during the initial transition. Be sure to reassure your child by patting and speaking quietly to them, but remain clear that the dummy is no longer available.

Ideas for going cold turkey 

On holidays: Forget to pack the dummy when you go on holiday. The facts that children are normally so excited about going on holiday and bedtimes are usually much later can help get over the first couple of days of the dummy being eliminated. Trips to the beach and extra treats of an ice cream for being such a good boy or girl for managing without their dummy will also help. When you get back home your child may have already forgotten all about their dummy. If not, discuss that they did fine without it on holiday and so they won’t need it anymore. Gather up all the dummies you have and throw them out together.

Make it a special ceremony: If possible, set a ‘giving up’ date together and choose a suitable benefactor such as the “Dummy Fairy” or Santa. Get your child to help you wrap up the dummies to give away and have a little ceremony involving the child. Be firm and gently remind them of their resolve not to use their dummy anymore. Try to distract them with other activities and help them find other ways to soothe and relax themselves. Like the concept of the Tooth Fairy, you might choose to replace the dummies they are giving away with some other toy or treat. This should be as a reward for being grown up rather than a bribe!

Give it away now: One mother persuaded her 3 year old girl to give all her dummies to the tiny babies in the hospital who don’t have a dummy. As a reward for being so thoughtful to these little babies she was allowed to choose a special new toy. Another idea is to get a friend to come around and explain that all the shops have sold out of dummies and her little baby really needs one. Making a nice gesture of wrapping all the dummies up in pretty paper to give to the baby as a present often makes an older child feel important about the kind gesture they are making.

Over the weekend: The weekend may be a good opportunity to ditch the dummy if you have more time and/or a partner that’s around to help keep your toddler very busy with lots of activities. Your child will probably be miserable for the first day that they’re denied the dummy, but getting them out of the house doing things that require lots of physical energy will help to minimise the whingeing, e.g. swimming, park, finger painting, gardening, water play.

It’s probably best not to attempt putting your child in their cot for their daytime nap. It’s unlikely they’ll settle without the dummy and you do not want to get them worked up into a state in the middle of the day. If you are out and about, they will hopefully have a nap in the buggy or car. That evening when you settle them to sleep you can try introducing a special new toy that they will hopefully use as a replacement comforter. Your child will probably be very difficult to settle and you will probably have to do ‘controlled crying’, checking them every five to ten minutes until they eventually get to sleep. The same approach should be used in the night if they wake up crying for the dummy. The worst is usually over within 2-3 nights.

Talk to them: For older children who are more able to communicate verbally with you, explain to them what a big boy or girl they are now and why they don’t need the dummy anymore. With their agreement, throw ALL their dummies out in the bin together. Pick a time when your child is relaxed and happy, and don’t nag, criticise or ridicule your child about them still using a dummy. Try to discuss with your child why they want it – are they bored, tired, distracted or hungry? Offer another favoured comfort item (such as a teddy or special blanket) to take to bed instead of the dummy.

Ideas for using a gradual transition

Limit the use: It is useful to limit where and when your child can use the dummy. Ideally it should only be at bedtimes. Reassure your child that you will not take their dummy away from them, but they must use it only in their bedroom. Gradually decreasing your child’s dependency on it will make it easier for you to persuade them to give it up completely.

If your child uses dummies very often, you might need to limit dummy use even more gradually. For example, don’t take a dummy when you go out to the shops. Next, start weaning them off having a dummy in their mouth during the day around the house, but still let them use a dummy for their day sleep and at night time.  Then start putting them to sleep without a dummy during the day.  Eventually the night time dummy will become less and less needed too.

“Broken” dummies: Make the dummy less appealing to them by cutting a hole in the top of it. This reduces their ability to suck on it, making it less enjoyable for them. For many toddlers once the dummy is “broken” they will lose the urge for it. Here’s one mum’s experience with this: “One day, I cut a tiny hole in her dummy. She could tell it was different but didn’t mind as long as she still had her dummy! Every time she used it (about twice a day) I cut the hole a little bit bigger and just kept giving it to her like there was nothing wrong with it. About 4 days after we started there was nothing left for her to suck on. I still gave her the handle bit though. She looked at it and looked at me, very confused! I said ‘You can put that in the bin if you want”, and she did. That was the end of the dummy, no crying, nothing!”

Lose it: Whenever a dummy gets lost, don’t replace it. Say to your child “You’ve only got one/a few dummies left, we’d better not lose it/them!” Gradually there’ll be no more dummies left for your child to have. You might need to “help” the dummies to become lost but try not to place blame on anyone (yourself or your child) for losing them; say that it’s just one of those things that happen!

Dummy spot: Always place your child’s dummy in a particular place when they are not using it; don’t have them lying around all over the house so that your child can pick one up as soon as they want it. Make sure your child can still access their dummy if they want to. They will probably start seeking the dummy less and less simply because it isn’t around all the time. Eventually you can just throw the dummy away.

Use a reward system: Toddlers respond well to praise and encouragement. Think about using a reward system while your child is giving up their dummy. For children two years and older, you could set up a little chart with stars or stickers for a week or more. Compliment them often on their new behaviour and tell them how proud you are.

Making dummies safe

The following safety precautions should be observed:

• Serious and rapid tooth decay can result if dummies are dipped in sugary substances such as honey, jam, condensed milk, malt or vitamin C syrups.
• Sucking your child’s dummy can increase the risk of tooth decay by transferring bacteria from your mouth to the child’s.
• Dummies may be a source of infection if they are shared by other children or picked up from the floor. Follow good hygiene procedures when using dummies and check that dummies are in good condition and meet safety approval ratings.
• Check the dummy regularly to see if it’s worn or degraded. Babies can choke on any loose bits.
• Look for a firm plastic shield with air holes. Check the shield is more than 3 cm across so your baby can’t put the whole thing in their mouth.
• Tying the dummy around your baby’s hand, neck or cot is dangerous. Your child could choke on the string or chain if it’s long enough to catch around your child’s neck.
• Check the labelling to make sure you have the right size for your baby’s age. Most dummies are labelled for babies either under or over six months.
• Look for a one-piece model with a soft nipple. Dummies made in two pieces can break apart and become a choking hazard.

The post How to Ditch the Dummies appeared first on Small Talk.

This fun and exciting thing might be blowing a huge stream of bubbles for your youngster to pop, tossing them up in the air, pushing them on a swing, having a race with toy cars, rolling a ball, sending them down a slide, pushing over a tower of blocks, chasing them around the room – anything where you build up their anticipation.

How to use the magic words

Find something your child loves that involves you both – ideally something that requires a degree of adult support, such as the games mentioned above. Before the fun begins, build up the excitement by saying “Ready…. Set……. GO!!!”, then blow those bubbles or throw them up in the air straight away. Don’t forget to use facial expressions, eye contact, and suspenseful intonation to build the drama.

Like anything, consistency is key. You might need to repeat these words lots of times during lots of different activities before your child is ready to say them for themselves. Don’t expect them to start talking straight away. Just keep it fun and positive, then every so often, pause a little bit before saying “Go”. Build up the anticipation as before by saying “Ready….. Set……” then try looking at them expectantly with a big smile on your face for just a little longer than before, perhaps forming the “g” sound for “Go” with your mouth but not actually saying it yet. Your little one might just fill the word in for you. If not, that’s fine! Just say “go” and carry on with the activity. If they do say it, reinforce this with smiles and by saying “Go!” back to them enthusiastically. Then carry on with the activity straight away so you show that their word made something happen.

These 3 simple words work so well because by this age, children have become very good at anticipating things, such as knowing that when they see their bottle going in the microwave it means they’re about to get a drink. If you use these words over and over during games, your toddler will learn that it means something fun is about to happen. By gradually encouraging your child to say the word “Go!”, you show them that they can have control over their world by using language. That is, they learn that by saying this word they can make something fun happen! They’ll then be that much more ready to start learning other words as well!

The other benefit of course is that it helps teach your little one about waiting for things. And that can’t be a bad thing can it?! So what are you waiting for? Ready….. Set……????

The post Ready, set, TALK!!! appeared first on Small Talk.

For toddlers, presenting them with a choice helps to develop their language skills in two ways. Firstly, by providing them with the names of objects or actions. When you hold out two pieces of fruit and ask your child “Do you want apple or banana?”, you are also teaching or reinforcing these food names in your little one’s vocabulary. By asking “Throw or kick the ball?” you’re pairing words with actions for them to learn from and copy.

To maximise these learning opportunities, be sure to clearly match the words with the objects or actions. “Throw (gesture throwing the ball)….. or kick (pretend to kick the ball)?” “Do you want an apple (hold out the apple) or banana (hold out the banana)?” Continue holding out both pieces of fruit while your child is deciding. Depending on their age, your child might respond to this question by looking more at the object they want, pointing to it, or repeating the word back. You can then reinforce their response by saying “You want apple? There you are”.

Secondly, asking them to choose provides an opportunity for your toddler to learn about questions and answers. That is, when you start a sentences with “Do you want….?”, they learn that they are expected to answer and that how they respond affects your actions. By pointing to or saying “apple” after you ask this question, it means they will be presented with a delicious, juicy, crunchy piece of fruit.

Another benefit of offering your child choices, regardless of their age, is that it gives them an element of control over their world. Children don’t always get a lot of say in what they do on any given day. They might have to get out of bed when you ask them to, go to child care or school, accompany their parents to the post office, doctors, supermarket, pharmacy, shoe shopping….. you get the idea. So it’s hardly surprising that it sometimes becomes all too much and you find your child throwing a wobbly in the bread aisle. By giving your child a choice, it can help them feel just that bit more empowered about what goes on around them.

Which brings me to my next point – what kind of choices can you give your child? The answer is: anything that you’re happy to negotiate on. Need them to get dressed right now because you need to be out the door in 10 minutes? Then asking them whether they’d like to get dressed now isn’t going to work. What you can do, however, is ask them what they’d like to wear. “Do you want the red shirt today or the blue one?” “Pink dress with fairies or pink dress with flowers?” This kind of questioning helps reduce all the options down to a manageable size while still keeping an element of choice.

Other situations you may not want to negotiate on are snack time (“Do you want grapes or carrot?”), bath time (“Strawberry or bubblegum flavoured bubbles?”), and leaving the playground (“Do you want me to carry you or walk?” “Walk or hop back to the car?”). The other bonus is that by offering them a choice about HOW they want to do something, you might be able to take their mind off WHAT they have to do.

The post Choices, choices! appeared first on Small Talk.

But let’s talk about the different types of talk. Two techniques that are always recommended by speech pathologists are ‘self talk’ and ‘parallel talk’.

Self talk simply means talking about what you’re doing while your little one is watching you.

Examples:  “I want blue play-doh”. “I’m rolling the play-doh”. “Now I’m cutting”. “It’s a star!” “Squash the star!” “Rolling it…. rolling it….”. “I’m making a snowman”.

Parallel talk is talking about what your child is seeing or doing.

Examples: “You’ve got green play-doh”. “You’re rolling it”. “Cutting the play-doh”. “It’s a teddy!” “Squash the teddy!” “Rolling the play-doh again”. “You’re making a dog”.

Of course, you can switch between self and parallel talk constantly as you play, talking about whatever your child is most interested in at the time. If your toddler isn’t really talking yet, using these techniques might feel a little strange to some people – like you’re talking to yourself. That’s ok! Keep using these techniques and it won’t be very long before your child starts talking back to you (in a good way, that is).

Make sure you leave lots of gaps in what you say to allow opportunities for your child to chime in, even if it’s just with a smile, giggle, some babble, or part of a word. Reward these communication attempts by smiling or repeating back what they said, because what they’re doing is having a conversation with you! They just may not be using real words to do it yet. You don’t want to be keeping a running commentary as if you’re at a horse race because your child will never get a chance to take part in the conversation. Do the same if your child is saying some words. Leave gaps for them to comment, reward any communication with smiles and then expand on what they said. For example:

You: “Building a tower”.

Child: “Tower”.

You: “That’s right, a tower! Up, up, up!”

Lots of parents use self and parallel talk often without even thinking about it, but it can be helpful to stop and think about HOW and WHAT you’re saying.

Tips:

• Follow your child’s lead in the activity. Talk about what they are looking at and interested in, whether that is what they’re doing, what you’re doing, or something outside the window. In real  life the above example might go like this: “You’ve got green play-doh. I want….blue! We’re rolling the play-doh; roll, roll, roll. You’re cutting. It’s a teddy! I made a star. Squash the teddy and the star! Rolling play-doh… – Look, a plane! You see a plane. Up, up, up in the sky. Hello, plane!”

• Get down at your child’s level so you can make eye contact easily. Take part in the activity they’re interested in rather than sitting back and watching them play.

• Match + 1: Try to use roughly the same amount of words in your sentences as your child uses then add one more. So if your child uses mainly single words, try to use mainly two word phrases (e.g. I’m cutting. A star! Roll it). If they are putting two words together most of the time, use three words in your sentence. This keeps things at a level they feel comfortable with but also continues to push their language skills forward. Your child is more likely to copy your words if you use similar length phrases to what they can already do than if you use very long sentences. Don’t get hung up on counting words! Just keep things roughly as short and simple as what your child says.

• Try to use simple nouns (names of things) and verbs (action words) when you’re using self and parallel talk. As children learn language they typically learn the names of objects first (e.g. milk, apple), followed by the words for actions (e.g. pour, drink, cut, eat). Then they start to learn words for basic locations (in, out, up, down), size (big, small), and quantities or qualities (one, more, all gone, yummy, yucky, hot).

Notice that in the above examples there are no questions, such as “What are you doing?” or “What’s that?” Self and parallel talk are all about providing your child with the language they could be using as they play to help build their vocabulary. It’s not about testing their knowledge. If you ask “What’s that?” your child will either tell you what the thing is, in which case they haven’t gained any extra knowledge about it, or they won’t know the name of it and so won’t be able to respond. In the second instance you could then just tell them what the thing is, but I often find by that stage the child has lost interest in the interaction.

Try to turn that question into a comment, so instead of “What’s that?”, say “It’s a star!”. Instead of “What are you doing?”, say “You’re cutting”. This keeps the interaction positive and more free flowing. Remember, those moments of shared interaction not only are a foundation for language development over time but help to build a beautiful relationship with your little one.

The post Self and Parallel Talk appeared first on Small Talk.