snarky and sweet

Hating...

2009-06-17T17:54:00.001-07:00

IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY PEOPLE!!!! Why is it not Friday yet?!?!

Kieran 101

2009-06-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

Kieran (pronounced Keer-In, people for some reason pronounce it KYE-rin?!?), is a toy poodle. I found him through a newspaper ad, being "fostered" as she liked to call it. At 6 months old he had a major case of ear mites going, hair matted and dirty so much that when I gave him a bath the water came out black, and I doubt he had stepped foot outside more than a dozen times since he had been born. So we're talking about a breed that is already neurotic and you throw in some neglect and who knows what kind of possible abuse and you get... Kieran.

I went through a really dark time a few years back, which I'll get into in another post. But long story short I left home severing my relationship with my mother, and walked out with nothing but Kieran and a laundry basket of clothes. With nowhere to go I stayed at a cousin's house only to be "urged" to go back home after about 2 weeks and then lived out of my car for a week, sometimes sneaking into the office, overnight, where I worked to utilize the couch for sleep.

I won't lie when I say that during the time bouncing between my cousin's home and my car, I thought of a "solution" to end my agony. Going back home was never an option (again I will get into later). It may sound really childish and incredibly immature that I left home but to put it bluntly my mother is one of those people that was never meant to be a mother. I was 23 or 24 at the time and she was still verbally abusing me on a daily basis. She finally stopped physically abusing me when I was 21. There are very old wounds that have yet to turn into scars and I don't know if they'll ever heal. It also doesn't help that she doesn't acknowledge that what she did or has done to me has damaged me permanently. I'm not even looking for an apology, I'm aware it'll never happen, but I do want her to be human and realize "My GOD, I hurt someone deeply and that person was my daughter."

Kieran was my only lifeline. I'm absolutely aware my attachment to this guy is unhealthy as hell but that one night where I sat in my car sobbing, right after my aunt suggested I go back home, and I realized I had nowhere else to go, he was in my lap just endlessly licking my tears and face. Thoughts that nothing in my life was worth living for, were racing. My friends knew how tumultuous things were between my mom and I, but still told me to put pride aside and go home with no other offers or suggestions. In a way I don't blame them. This was my own burden. My own mother cheered as I walked out of my home, making room for her new boyfriend. I felt abandoned and alone and not understood at all.

Just as I had really thought of actually considering doing it, he stopped licking my face and looked right into my eyes and with a sigh rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel his little heart pounding with mine and that was it. This little 8 lb. poodle's heart just boomed into my chest and gave me the strength I needed to make it through that night. I stopped crying and was calmed down from his heartbeat synchronizing with mine, and we sat there for almost an hour.

The next day my uncle found out what had happened and told me I could stay with him, but Kieran couldn't. With a heavy heart and much reluctance I called my sister and begged her to talk to mom about wanting Kieran home. I "apologized" so I could see Kieran during the weekends.

It takes another year before we're officially reunited and we adopt another mix into our family, Roxas, a Chihuahua-Pekingese mix with a perfectly dome shaped head that I can never stop staring at.

just a thought...

2009-06-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted a big ginormous hammock. The image of swinging in one while sipping lemonade OR a long island iced tea and reading a book or taking a nap really calms me. But then the image of my sister using such wonderous hammock to slingshot my dog across the neighborhood sends chills down my spine.

Damn.

newsflash

2009-06-02T18:40:00.000-07:00

I finally caught up with the rest of the world and retired my 2MP camera and got a 10MP camera.

FYI: I paid about $300 for the 2MP camera and a 256MB memory card, about 5 years ago. Today I paid $130 for a 10MP camera and a 2GB memory card. This totally pisses me off.

I've already filled 2GB of the memory card with pictures and videos of the puppies.

:3

Hating...

2009-06-02T18:33:00.000-07:00

...ugly rumor that red bull is being taken off the market. red bull is the only thing that actually keeps me awake for the past week working 60 hours for both jobs. so what if this wonderful drink actually might contain cocaine in it? unless i'm forcefully dragged into a rehabilitation program i don't presently see a problem with this, so why should you.

Sacrifices for loved ones

2009-05-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

I dreaded the moment I realized that I was officially "old". I've been having back problems that started late last year and I kept hearing the saying "Once you start having back problems, it never really goes away." So, after 4 months of frustrating trips to 3 different chiropractors who all told me the best route is 6 months of therapy to even START to feel a relief in pain, I called my regular practitioner and screamed I NEED DRUGS! I could not function. On my best days I could walk a few feet without wincing in pain and slightly turn without turning my entire body.

She gave me muscle relaxers to help me sleep more than 4 hours during the night, and then anti-inflammatory during the day. Both of which knocked me out within 10 minutes of ingestion. But I was back to my old self in 3 days. That's right... 6 months?!? HA! You want me to fork over $30 a session, 3 days a WEEK, for 6 GODDAMN MONTHS?! I feel better in 3 DAYS with only $12. You. Cannot. Even. Come. Close. To. Beating. That.

Now to the actual point of this post: I must've slept wrong early last week, because I woke up with my neck so stiff I couldn't move it more than half a degree without screaming in absolute agony. By mid-day my poor neck was screaming out as if it were supporting the head of an elephant. Then of course it effected my back and even the leftover drugs took some time to get me back on track.

My mother making me feel extra old suggested I get the pillow grandma uses. Those memory foam contoured pillows to help with neck support while you sleep. After groaning and griping about it I bought a set that was 2 for $25. As soon as I got it I was high from the chemical smell it emanated, but once that subsided it wasn't all too bad. In fact after the first hour I really did feel a difference. I gave the extra one to lil sis since she was talking about having lower back problem, to which I immediately shoved the pills down her throat, telling her you do not want it to get to the point where you become immobile.

The pillows presented a new problem in the house, however. During the first night I eased into my new pillows and immediately fell asleep. Mid night however my 10 lb. toy poodle managed to maneuver my head off the pillow and sprawled himself on it. He was literally on this thing as if it depended on his life. I reached over to pick him up and move him back to his corner of the bed, but then the bastard started growling with the murderous intent that if I so much as even attempted to do what I was going to do, I was going to lose my hand, and possibly a large portion of my forearm.

I woke up in the morning with the same story from my sister. Her dog, who weighs all of like 7 lbs. won't even let her get near it. If she gets close to the pillow he'll dart out of absolutely nowhere to pounce on it and won't budge until he's convinced we've forgotten about it. We both looked each other and just shook our heads. This was a battle that was not going to be won.

I've already gone ahead and ordered another set.

Mother Nature knows best... and so do I

2009-05-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

At Job2 right now and a baby bird fell out of it's nest and my brilliant associates took it upon themselves to scoop it into a bucket and place it in one of the manager's offices. Not to mention one of associates from a department is a part time EMS and declared that this qualified him to pronounce that this baby bird would not make it much longer, and said he would take it home.

Being addicted to Google, I immediately did a quick search on baby bird out of nest as well as contacting my veterinarian (which I have conveniently on speed dial, being the frantic mother of two knuckleheaded dogs who constantly bash into things and leap off of high places that require a parachute). There was no other answer than to put it back into it's nest, regardless of it's condition. I relay this to my fellow co-workers and the response is... "But it's so high up!" NO SHIT. They're not going to make their nests at ground level for the convenience of predators. And, what's this? We work in a store that has a whole aisle dedicated to ladders? Oh, and as an added bonus we also have a special lift that goes those extra high distances without injuring anyone? WOW, so it really wouldn't be all that much trouble to take 5-10 minutes to save this little baby bird's life, huh?

Will keep an update on whether I can convince job2 to do what is being strongly recommended and leave the baby back with it's parents, which is what we do with human babies when something horribly goes wrong.

UPDATE: Just as I suspected these heartless monsters are not helping this baby back to it's parents. In fact the store manager and another associate suggested we put it out of it's misery and throw it in the trash compactor. I was tempted to call the headquarters and report major assholeness going on right here but didn't think that being uncompassionate would be underlined anywhere in the handbook.

So the temporary solution is I'm taking it home. As my sister so adorably insanely put "Better it died in the hands of a loving one then that of a demonic one". We're going to take it home and tend to it best we can, and then call the wildlife rescue first thing on Monday.

Catching Up

2009-05-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened in the past couple of months. I got laid off from the newspaper and was given 2 months notice to find another job in this economy. Something which is considered absolutely impossible, I've managed to pull off.... The downside is like the rest of population it came with a major paycut. The offers just weren't as generous as they were, say 3 years ago. Even my friend who works in the city in legal had to take a $10k paycut in salary. I didn't feel as bad but the looming debt that is to be accrued definitely scared me.

So the new job is great. Been there about 3 weeks. I'm definitely learning something that's more in line of my field and not being bored in an industry that's dying off in 10 years. It's refreshing to be challenging and at the same time I am terrified. I'm in a whole new terrified and panic sets in on a daily basis. When I panic I get nervous and then my precision is compromised. I'm screwing things up left and right, taking a lot longer to get things done and it's nerve wrecking that they might see I'm not as qualified as I may have showcased myself to be.

Maybe it's just paranoia. I don't know. But being the new person definitely doesn't help. All the attention is focused on me and I just saw another job posting on Craigslist for the area and the immediate thought that popped in is "OMIGOD ARE THEY REPLACING ME ALREADY?!"

We'll see what happens in the next few weeks. I am picking things up to do things on my own more and more, but at the same time I don't know if it's the owner's wife that isn't helping my situation settling in. As my co-worker put so accurately, "She's like a bull in a china shop." She goes around thrashing and asking questions on projects she has no concept on what's going on, and making things worse when they really aren't that bad. So her abrasive attitude makes me more nervous because I'm trying to go as unnoticed as possible while trying to pick things up as quickly as possible. But I feel if I pace myself then they might thing I'm too slow.

Happy(?) New Year's

2009-01-02T17:22:00.001-08:00

I spent the better part of my New Year's Eve and Day curled up on the bathroom floor and the other half with my face in the toilet.

I'm hoping this is the worst it'll get for the new year... otherwise this is not a good sign to begin the new year.

A Wedding Affair

2008-12-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

My two friends, J* and E* were married this past weekend. I don't know two people more in love then these two. The fact that they're gay only helps prove my theory that straight people just don't know how to love each other properly. You never see one without the other. Whenever plans are made, it's instinctual to make sure the other is available, otherwise one won't go without the other. Even at the wedding I was seated with another gay couple who have been together for 20 years! And they still look at each other like they only just started dating. Another great example is my closest friend N*. For as long as I've known him he's been in fantastic relationships. Fantastic LONG-TERM relationships. Or maybe men just really do know how to love, and women are the problem... Naaaah! :P

Anyway, back to the wedding. If it were my wedding I would've flipped out (in a bad way).

Witness was late 20 minutes!!!! Not the parents, or any immediate family member. Freaking witness. At 5 minutes in, I would've pulled someone else to witness.
The ceremony was conducted in a really small camera museum. The mayor was the one who conducted the civil union and underestimated how many people would attend. So there were no chairs set up or anything. We were supposed to stand. Last minute she let us use the next room where chairs were set up for a ceremony to happen right after theirs.

The Reception: Jesus... where to begin?

I was with the couple when they went to a meeting with the chef. She was the one who put together the list of foods for their buffet. I want to go on record for saying that I was against the buffet. For $2.00 more, per person, they could've had a full course meal for each person. This bites them in the butt later. Anyway, it is customary that when you are meeting with the caterer... they give you samples of what is to be on the menu. She did not provide.
She pulled out tablecloth samples for them to order. We picked out two colors. I figured if she's ordering them they would fit the tables. Circle ones for the round tables. Long table clothes for the long tables. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. So we had to deal with barely covered round tables with square tablecloths. The long tables were covered with overlapping tablecloths. On TOP OF THAT... they didn't even have the decency to iron the damn things.
The food wasn't all that great. I think my lasagna is better than what they served, if I say so myself. Oh, and they didn't even make enough. I can't really say it's their fault, because people are known to take more than their fair share. Hence, the urging of the full course meal.
Oh and the WORST part... they were seating people near the reception. That's right. At the very end of the restaurant, is a small section of booths. And they seated people there. So for them to service those people, they had to walk through the party. Classy.

All in all, my friends were really happy. I think they were happy to just get the day over with.
So congrats to the happy couple who are more deserving of such a special occasion/commitment.

*Wipes a tear.

A Very Un-PC Conversation

2008-12-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

I am totally enraged over this:

My friend who happens to be gay is getting married next weekend, and he asked me about what's involved in change his last name to his husband-to-be's. I wasn't sure, so I asked a co-worker about changing your last name once your married. Conversation then goes as follows:

Me: So D, how do you change your last name, for example, after getting married?
D: Why? Oh, is this for your friends who are getting married? The gay ones?
Me: Yeah....
D: Why would they bother getting their name changed? Does our state even recognize it?
Me: They recognize it as a civil union, but they give the same benefits as if it were a marriage.
D: Well I still don't see the point in them doing it.
Me: Why not? I think it's really cute. They're even doing the whole thing of not seeing each other for 24 hours by staying at their parent's house... (BIG mistake. This opens a can of worms.)
D: Scowls. Are they going to throw the bouquet and do the garter thing too?
Me: Well that wasn't inappropriate at all. How very discriminatory of you.
D: How so?

I wanted to punch her.

It's not just her either. My mom has been guilty of it, by asking "So who's the girl and who's the guy?"
"Mom they're both guys."
"But someone has to be the girl."

But with her I think it's because it's a completely different generation, and I don't think she means any harm by it. She just doesn't grasp the concept of it well. She loves my gay friends.

It's hard to tell sometimes when people ask questions about my gay friends whether it's harmful and being mean, or they really just don't understand.

A Brighter Day

2008-12-03T13:27:00.000-08:00

I have a toy poodle who is black. Do you know how insanely impossible it is to get a good photo of black animals/pets? Not to mention he has complete ADD, so he can't sit still for a split second. But I finally caught him at a weak moment and took a series of photos... and of course he's still impossible to make out. I hate using flash because it's so harsh and I just don't like the outcome of photos with flash.

Through some filters through Photoshop, I was able to get this rare but beautiful creature to be visible to the human eye. Of course he's the new background to my computer. Everytime I close my windows and I see him on my desktop, I get a HUGE smile and can't wait to get home to see him stomping his little feet, and wagging his tail wanting me to get up the stairs faster. For that split second I forget I'm at work, and I'm happy being home with him curled up lap.

$60 Mistake

2008-11-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

...all because I used the wrong card.

I have two bank accounts with two different banks:
One is for my primary job and to be used for major expenses (mortgage, car payments, insurance, etc.). The other is for my second job, used specifically for personal expenses (gas, cigarettes, splurges, etc.).

I went food shopping and I was running low on funds from personal expenses account since they cut hours at my second job, so I meant to use the primary account. Well.... a total brain fart of using the wrong card has cost me $30 in overdraft AND THEN a previous charge just happened to come through for a mere $3.50 which will then give me ANOTHER overdraft fee of another $30.

I'm hoping I can go to the bank and plead my case while throwing in a few streams of tears, while talking of Thanksgiving and the pressure of supporting my sister.

:D

Office Politics

2008-11-24T08:49:00.000-08:00

From what I hear there's always a battle between the art department and the sales department, in publishing. Technically no one is higher up then the other, and we're supposed to be working together. The sales team bring in the ads, and we build them. If there was no sales team there are no ads. But if there is no art team, there is no ad to put in the paper.

Trouble is, no matter what industry you're in, a salesperson is a salesperson. You like them in their presence but once you walk away you can't help but feel you were sold something. Most of the time it's their personality. It's a very egotistical sort of position, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible. You can't stick someone with low self-esteem to go in and sell something. It'll never happen. They'll be eaten alive.

But in my office D* is a completely different story. I love her as a person but as a co-worker she's a nightmare to work with. She's always late on deadlines, which is a major no-no in publishing... a WEEKLY publishing company. We are forever doing things last minute because of her. She's on personal calls ALL DAY. Her "meetings" are really shopping sprees at the local TJ Max. It's a running joke that whenever we can't find her we should call the TJ Max and have her paged. The boss is lucky if he gets a solid 3 hours of work out of her.

She missed a meeting with a client one time, to go to the local Greek festival. What happened? Nothing. Boss just shrugged and said it happens sometimes. My department didn't respond to an email right away and we get checked up on every 5 minutes to make sure all emails are responded to in a timely manner.

All ads have to be handed in by Tuesday at 12pm. D* has been known to go out on Tuesday mornings to a) get her hair done, b) get her car in the shop, c) shopping, or d) pick up an ad she should've picked up on Monday. Her ads get handed in by 1:30 pm if we're lucky.

I feel bad for the other sales rep, M*. The way their commission works is they have to bring in a total of let's say 5000 inches per issue. So M* and D* have to work together to keep those inches that minimum amount. If not they receive their basic salary pay. M* usually brings in over 3500 inches. D* can barely fill the gap. But when it does happen it's usually because M* so, either way D* gets paid the same as M* by doing less than half the work.

The entire company system was built to fail for everyone else... but her.

She's gotta be doing the boss.

XP

A Fork in the Road

2008-11-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

Sis has recently decided to drop out of school. Despite what people may say I actually encouraged it. Before you scream and write me off listen.

I know her well enough to guide her as to what she should be doing. I am after all her older and much wiser sister. I knew she was struggling with classes. She was bored and totally unmotivated. She was simply going through the motion of what every high school graduate is supposed to do. But what if, like her, you don't know what you want to do? Are you still supposed to go to yet another educational institute and waste 10's of thousands of dollars of your parents money while you choose from the hundreds of degrees? Which then you are supposed to learn a trade by pictures and texts, which cost another couple hundred?

If you can, I'm an advocate of taking some time off after high school. Figure out what you want to do. Go travel and study abroad if you have to. I guarantee you, if you if you stick anyone who's been going to school since they could walk, into a 4+ year institution right after they are done with public education... they WILL be burned out. The outcome is going to be much worse. They might end up kaboshing the whole secondary education altogether. Then you're stuck with a burnt out college drop out who doesn't care what he's going to end up doing.

The only thing I can do for her at this point is support her, and I honestly do. I went through it. I dropped out of college for awhile and worked for about 2 years, before going back to school, fresh and eager to learn. I'm hoping she figures out what it is she needs to do. She doesn't have a realistic grasp on the opportunities out there, and she needs to figure out what a dollar means (which is diddly squat these days). I hope that she goes off to the corporate world and either figures out that this isn't for her, or finds her niche.

And I'm confident she will. I'm convinced that she's a genius that isn't stimulated enough or isn't given enough information about what is best for her. So... this is what I say to the world: She's all yours!

Life101

2008-11-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

I'm at job #2 right now... Been here since 7am and I closed last night, then just had to squeeze in the last 4 episodes of Greek: Chapter 1 before going to bed which means I managed to make it here with 4 hours of sleep. *head desk

As I sit here killing off my 5 hour shift I make of list of things I need to accomplish this weekend, that don't get done during my 60 hour work week. My room for example is atrocious. There's laundry everywhere. Leftover Netflix envelopes carpet my floor, along with the Nintendo Wii games that I manage to squeeze in from time to time.

During the weekdays I'm usually home for sleeping and to wind down a bit with maybe an hour or two of tv/games before collapsing into bed to start my day again. I find myself eating at home on Saturday afternoons and Sundays. Which means my sister is left surviving on PB&J sandwiches or cup noodles. We both agreed she couldn't be trusted with the stove or microwave, after trying to make frozen fries which made the condo smell like smoke for a month.

The sacrifice of any social life was made from my previous social life and your typical run-of-the-mill life mistakes. Biggest one is the car. Effing car. Awhile back when my mom let her boyfriend move in without telling us, and allowed him to pretty much run the damn place, I left. To be vindictive she tells me to don't even think about taking the car that was under her name (but I was making the payments). So I had my cousin pick me up and couch crashed between her place and my uncle's for about 6 months. My employer at the time knew a car dealer and they helped me get a car despite my horrible credit rating.

Fast forward 3 years later I decide to look up when my car payments end. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that I had another 4 years to go! I won't share the price that I'm paying per month, but let's just say I should be driving a BMW instead of a Toyota Corolla.

Obvious solution is get rid of the lease. I plan to sell it privately and cross my fingers that I can get a deal to pay off the loan so I can get something else not just more affordable... but more humanly affordable. Not reaching for the stars here.

There's always a hurdle. Here's the hurdle: I hit a deer last year, and the sucker dented my passenger door to the point where I can't open the door. So my sister has had to either crawl through the window or ride in the backseat and I pretend like I'm a taxi driver, only she won't pay me.

Come January I get an extra paycheck for the month, so hopefully I can use that to pay the deductible and go through my insurance to fix the thing to get rid of it. So yet again, there goes the plan to get a new HDTV or the XBox 360. *pouts

FYI: I am aware how much of a mess my life is. But that's just scratching the surface.

Minority

2008-11-05T10:55:00.000-08:00

I figure this is a great way to build a foundation on what conversations with my sister are like:

We happen to live in a very upper white class town. You didn't think it'd be possible in this day and age but it is. I'm forever getting leered at when I go to the local wine store.

Months ago we went to the local movie theater and as we were waiting for the movie to start I made an observation and decide to share in on this new useless fact.

Me: Leans over and whispers I just realized we're the only minorities in here.

Sis: That's because everyone else is older.

Me: WHAT?!?

Sis: *blank stare* What? You said minority and we are catching a matinee... That's not what it means does it?

Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! No, honey it does not.

Could not stop laughing for twenty minutes. I had to walk out for a little bit to compose myself as to not disturb the theater.

But it gets better! I was watching tv in my room couple weeks ago, when she comes storms in:

Sis: I was just talking to *Jason online and you won't believe this. He doesn't know what curry is!

Me: So? You didn't know what a minority was.

Sis: How is that worse?

Me: Um.. because YOU ARE ONE!

Sis: Yeah, I suppose that is worse. Walks away.

Oh man I love this girl.