Snow White's Legacy of Lies

What is Michael Kors trying to tell us?

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:21:00 +0000

Hat from Michael Kors' Fall 2009 collection...

photo courtesy of Stan Honda/AFP/Getty Images

Fuzzy Orange Monster from the Weight Watchers commercial.

To quote C&C Music Factory, "Things that make you go hmmmm."

I want to update you on the status of my Hayden Harnett purchase...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 01:11:00 +0000

But I'm currently watching Lagerfeld Confidential on TV.

Kaiser Karl demands my full attention.

More soon.

The Promo Photo For The New Season of The Tudors???

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:07:00 +0000

Nope. Just Ben, Eliza and I planning our takeover of the Orange Julius dynasty at the Mall of America.

Deja Vu All Over Again...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 01:19:00 +0000

In case you didn't know, I have a love-hate relationship with Hayden Harnett.

Last night I received a text from Katie, letting me know that Hayden Harnett was having a 75% off sale online and my beloved Magna Folio tote had been marked down to $144.10

As soon as I got home I logged on to Hayden Harnett.com and tried to buy my beloved tote, along with a yam-colored Stacy Crossbody bag. Naturally, the site was having problems and it took forever for the web pages to load. I got to the checkout portion and got stuck there. A few hours later, in the wee wee hours, I ended up getting my payment through.

However, I have received order confirmation, but not shipping confirmation...

Part of me thinks that I'm going to get sale-screwed like I did two years ago, when I purchased an HH bag on sale online and never received it...only to get a hasty non-apology from a customer service rep a few weeks later.

All the good bags disappeared overnight. So if I don't get my bag via the online sale, odds are it was not meant to be mine.

Thought I may pop by the Greenpoint store over the weekend to check and see what, if any, treasures lie there.

Still, I want to throttle their webmaster...

MofA Post Mortem

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 02:19:00 +0000

The question many people have asked me today is "What did you buy at the Mall of America?"

My honest answer? Nothing, actually. And it's not as if I didn't look...

I did try on the Abaete for Payless stiletto gladiators that were in last month's Lucky Magazine. But they weren't as exciting as I thought. Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood. Either way, I put them back on the shelf.

Eliza, who was my retail partner in crime at the MofA, tried on a bunch of retro-emo hair accessories at Hot Topic. (Seriously, I was THISCLOSE to buying Twilight band-aids for Jenny and Katie...but couldn't bring myself to actually purchase something from Hot Topic.)

Eliza and I also tried on a smattering of polyester prom confections at Jessica McClintock, all the while telling the unsuspecting salesgirl that we were looking for rockin' outfits to wear to a friend's 25th birthday ball.

Can you believe that all of these dresses cost at least $200?!!!!

The only thing I did purchase at the MofA was a Dipped Dairy Queen Cone for myself and an Orange Julius for Eliza...

But we were pretty happy with that.

All in all, the Mall of America is just another boring old mall with the same generic stores all malls have...except it also has an Aquarium and an Amusement park.

Today is February 1st...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 02:49:00 +0000

Which means that retail chastity is officially over!!!!

I did it. No purchases.

Now I am free to shop the remnants of the winter sales.

But will I? That's really the question.

It all depends on what's out there...

I wonder if those Whitley Kros blue satin pants are still on sale at ShopBop.com?

By the way...guess where this picture was taken:

A theme park? Nope.

THE MALL OF AMERICA

More later.

Brandon Flowers wears my childhood...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 21:25:00 +0000

Red Rover, Red Rover, let Brandon come over?

No?

Too shy?

Ok...how about just sending me the gold sequin tuxedo you wore to Glastonbury in 2007?

I know it'll never fit me...thanks hon, we should all have your hips. But I want it anyway.

Why? Because it'll make me happy.

Don't be like that, Brandon. Come on!

Look, I know how to play fair. In exchange, I'll send you the red fair-isle sweater vest my brother is wearing in the picture above. Deal?

Cool! I'll send a messenger over this afternoon.

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Drag Queen

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:05:00 +0000

I'm in the home stretch...Retail Chastity is ALMOST over. (And just in time for a possible visit to the Mall of America with Eliza this weekend...though we may just ride the rollercoaster and go home.)

During Retail Chastity, my mood often swings from excited ("I can totally do this!") to remorseful ("But I really NEEEEEED that!") to apathetic ("I don't need clothes. I'm just going to wear Be Presents and American apparel hoodies for the rest of my life.) and then lands somewhere between gleeful and loopy.

For those of you unacquainted with the tiny drag queen that lives inside of me, the land between gleeful and loopy is where she resides. And currently she is obsessed with the wardrobe of The Killers' frontman, Brandon Flowers...because there's gotta be a tiny drag queen living inside of him too.

Now let's forget the outward conundrum that is Mr. Flowers (he is a practicing Mormon who wears eyeliner and glitter while warbling the catchiest tunes this side of David Bowie) and concentrate on his wardrobe: Feathers, sequins, rubber, velcro, gold lame, braided epaulets, bolo ties...

My tiny drag queen is stabby with jealousy. Though she often scoots around town in a tutu in roller skates, she would give her Ardell Fashion Lashes collection for just two hours in Mr. Flowers' closet.

Take a look at the music video for Spaceman, off The Killers' current album (which I love):

He looks like the Road Warrior as interpreted by Phyllis Diller on a Gay Cruise to Kenya.

GENIUS!

I..um...I mean...the tiny drag queen living inside of me, really wants to spend an afternoon playing dress up with this dude, after which we...I mean...they...can drink Shirley Temples and ride ATVs in the Nevada desert.

I'm Blushing...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:23:00 +0000

We all have those days. (Yes, even you boys have them.)

The days when you wake up in the morning and no amount of shampoo, bright clothing or coffee can make you look any better or feel better about your appearance. No, I'm not talking about a hangover. I'm thinking about those days when, for some reason, you look like one of the "Gentlemen" from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, Hush.

"Two Venti quad non-fat lattes, please."

What to do? What to do? Go back to bed? Nope. There are things you've got to do and places you have to go. Slather on foundation and/or concealer? Negative...you'll just make it worse.

So how do you, artificially, drag your countenance out of the dumpster?

With blush of course. (Sorry boys...pretend you were up all night finishing your SNL packet or something.) And not just any blush...NARS Super Orgasm.

Now, please don't let the flecks of glitter scare you, as they are actually tiny pieces of genius. They act as little reflectors, perking up your puss in no time flat. And the color is pretty darn flattering on everyone.

So save up your Starbucks money all week (or two weeks, if you're a tall or grande gal) and then head over to Sephora. It'll be the best $25 you'll spend all season. Who needs new clothes when you've got such bright eyes!

What's that smell...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 03:27:00 +0000

What do I do when retail chastity is in effect and I can't surf the retail waters?

I help OTHER people shop.

For instance, a few days ago I was charged with a new mission:

To find a cool leather Diaper Bag.

Piece of cake...at least, that's what I thought.

Have you seen the Diaper Bags out there? Holy crap are they UUUUUGGGGGLLLLY. They look like the bookbags I carried in elementary school and, trust me, I was NOT cool back then. At all.

First of all, WAY too many of them are hot pink. Very few are leather. A good number of them have ducks or teddy bears or other cuddly animals printed on them. Last I checked, the woman holding the Diaper Bag is (hopefully) an adult...so enough with the kiddie theme!!!

And if you're a New York City mom, odds are you are going to schlep your life (along with the bottles and diapers) in the bag IN PUBLIC so you don't want anything embarassing (like the hot pink baby giraffes).

Luckily, I found one (ONE!) brand of Diaper Bag that has form, fuction, and style (and is favored by my favorite Schnitzel eater) Heidi Klum: Nest.

Nest Satchel Diaper Bag

Nest North South Diaper Bag

Nest Mercer Diaper Bag

And the winner...

Nest Whipstich Bag

Who says Mommy can't be a badass? Not me!

Hayden Harnett.com thinks they are sneaky...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:20:00 +0000

I received an email in my inbox today advertising an inauguration sale...everything online is 50% off...INCLUDING sale stuff. An additional 50% off sale Hayden Harnett? Fuck, I'd break retail chastity for that any day.

(Question: if I broke retail chastity by using gift cards I received over the holidays, does it really count? It's not like I'm spending my own money...)

Anyway, I click on to the HH site immediately...I imagine walking to Mala Yoga with my Magna Folio Tote over my shoulder...

But, sadly, it was a bait and switch.

Yes, everything, including the sale items, is 50% off...but they only have 6 sale items listed. Bags that were 50%-70% off a few days ago are now 4%-6% off! BOO! BOO! BOO! The Magna Folio tote was 60% off, but now, if you were to buy it as part of the inauguration sale, you'd only get it for 50% off.

I hate that. The customer isn't stupid. Especially nowadays when many people are putting MAJOR thought into each and every purchase.

In February Hayden Harnett gets rid of all their seasonal stock...for up to 80%off, that's the time to go. 50% is not enough of a deal to make me part with my hard earned cashola.

If retail chastity didn't exist...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 02:43:00 +0000

I'd be thinking about purchasing the following outfit...

Keep in mind that, in the hypothetical no-retail-chastity world, it's spring...

Gap Belted Trench Coat

I've never owned a true trench, though I've loved them since I first saw Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Pencey man's style button-down shirt

I am once again obsessed with finding the perfect white shirt. Shall we blame Breakfast at Tiffany's again?

Blank PVC skinny jeans

YES, I am going there. If only Lara would stock these at Dear Fieldbinder!

Maloles gold ballet flats

These are sweet, comfy and will no doubt put a spring in my step...after all, a girl can't really wear heels with PVC pants without looking like a Limelight girl circa 1993. (Sorry shopbop.com model...it's true!)

Carolee 72' faux pearl necklace.

I'd actually wear four or five strands of these.

Hayden Harnett Wyeth Tote

None of my looks these days are complete without a HH tote!

Surrender, Katie!

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 02:21:00 +0000

Katie has been sick for the past week...in an effort to keep the congestion at bay, she's been spending her nights with a bottle of NyQuil.

However...sometimes the NyQuil doesn't put a girl to sleep like it's supposed to...instead it keeps her quasi-awake in a dreamlike haze.

So what did miss Katie do? She started perusing blogs of course...and after reading last week's post about the Hayden Harnett last call sale, she clicked on the link...

And ended up purchasing a Hayden Harnett clutch and a cute change purse!

She said: "The NyQuil made me do it!"

I love living vicariously...retail chastity can be hard sometimes...especially when Hayden Harnett is involved!

TEMPTATION!

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 03:40:00 +0000

Psssttt...

Go to Hayden Harnett's website and sign up for their mailing list...they've started their clearance sale. SUCH good deals to be had. (It's probably worth checking out the mothership in Greenpoint as well!) The Magna Folio tote is still hanging out at 60% off, but I'm hoping for more...and that's it's still there February 1st.

AND

Agent Provocateur is having a sale at their Soho outpost...at least 50% off.

I really, really want to go shopping right now.

But I can't.

And I won't.

Because I am strong.

Right?

Right?

Speaking of Agent Provocateur...here's a distraction. (NSFW-ish)

January means one thing only...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 02:18:00 +0000

Retail Chastity!!!!!!

Yes, it's the time of year when I force myself to walk on by. I cleaned up in December. (That wonderful Birthday/Christmas combination) I don't really need anything...in fact, I still have dry cleaning I haven't picked up in a month...so adding those clothes to my rotation should keep me in new outfits for quite some time.

Although every day I visit the Hayden Harnett sale and my beloved Magna Folio tote, which was 60% off at last glance. (If you want to buy me a present for NEXT December, there's no time like NOW.) But I can't justify it because I have a new Hayden Harnett bag...a gift from my mother.

I also have to go to the Apple store and get my iPhone...

See, an embarassment of riches. I have NO reason to shop. Therefore, I won't.

But that doesn't mean I've run out of things to talk about...

(Did I also mention that there are some AMAZING online deals to be had right now at ChickDowntown, ShopBop and Tobi? Just because I'm not shopping doesn't mean you can't...especially when you're getting great stuff for el cheapola.)

Hello, Recession?

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:36:00 +0000

I have a deep-seeded love of Jimmy Choo.

However, these boots...I just can't condone them.

$395 clams my friends!

Can we talk about the bad timing? Geez!

Is Anyone Else Full?

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 00:32:00 +0000

Chillaxing post-holidays with french fries, soda and a mullet.

Wow. I am awash in stuff. Great stuff. Awesome stuff. Stuff I wanted. Even stuff I needed. But the retail fatigue that began post-thanksgiving has reached FULL FORCE FASHION APATHY with New Year's Eve approaching.

Every day I read about stores that have great sales and, for a moment, I consider hopping on the subway and checking it out. Any other time of year I wouldn't even take a moment to consider...I'd get there first, look through the racks second and then make my judgements. Now I don't even bother leaving the couch.

Am I the only one that feels this way?

I did go to the Dear Fieldbinder sale (which is still on...lots of great stuff left) to procure the Whitley Kros Miami Vice-esque suit I have been coveting since it landed on the racks a few months ago. I waited patiently...firm in my belief that the outfit didn't look good on anyone but me...and I was rewarded. To the tune of 60% off. But that's all I've bought. I even "let" TLC-ISEEYOUWAKINGAROUNDINRUNNINGSNEAKERS buy the Iosselliani stacked ring I've been trying on in the jewelry case for the past 5 months. ("Let" as in, in my usual mode I would have grabbed it the minute I walked in, but I wasn't feeling "grabby" and therefore was perfectly placid when she picked it up, tried it on and paid for it.) I'm happy with my Scientologist Crockett and Tubbs. (Google Whitley Kros' designers...)

Of course I've been to DF three other times in the past three days. First to help Katie shop. Then to pull outfits for Jess. Then to help Twinkie2. After all, I am (literally) around the corner.

So I guess shopping for other people isn't a problem. Weird.

Now if I can just figure out how to spend my $50 Amazon.com gift certificate...

Merry Christmas from 1988

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 05:48:00 +0000

I like to give the gift of gold lame on Christmas.

Paired with velvet and black patent leather, it's this gaudy, wholly unatural flash of greatness.

May your day be merry, bright and full of natural fibers.

Love and Apples,

Snow White

Christmas Eve: Out of My Element...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 17:52:00 +0000

This morning, after a vigorous 9:15am yoga class, I decided to accompany Jess for some last minute Christmas shopping. (Hers. I've been done for at least a week.)

Did I mention that it's fucking pouring in NYC and the streets resemble a slushy frog pond? Oh, well, now I did.

Anyway, I steel myself as we walk into the one store that is WAY WAY WAY out of my comfort zone:

THE TOY STORE

Grabby PR girls are easy and entitled Ladies-Who-Used-To-Lunch a fun challenge...but Thomas the Tank Engine and face paints? GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW!

I have no idea what to do in a toy store. What makes Playmobile suitable but Legos not? Why is Play Dough a bad gift? (Jess' answer: in gets ground into the carpet) What's with all the squishy blocks? Why is a 3-year old toy different from a 6 year old toy? What if the child in question is extremely advanced for their age?

The aisles are tiny, cramped and crowded. Prices aren't well marked. Little kids are running around with foam swords swatting everyone in their path. (Actually, I might steal that move for the post-Christmas sales!) It's the tenth level of retail hell. Jess laughs at me as I, hilariously under equipped for this quest, pick out inappropriate gift after inappropriate gift.

To all my pregnant friends: I will make sure your child is the best dressed on the block. I'll leave all the toy shit up to everyone else.

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

Below is a video of my favorite Christmas song:
Swiss Colony Beef Log from Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics.

The Hard Nut: Mise En Scene

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 04:58:00 +0000

Ok, so it's not exactly the giant Christmas tree from The Nutcracker, but it's perfectly Brooklyn-sized.

Underneath the tree sit presents for friends, family, etc.

The yoga mat is not a present, I was simply too lazy to move it.

The Carrie Fisher book was a birthday gift from friends.

I am done, done, done with my Christmas shopping. This year I managed to stop myself from buying everyone 10 knicknacks apiece to go with their actual presents. And, luckily, I didn't have to wait in any crazy lines to procure said prezzies...which, after hearing Jess' tale of Bay Ridge Century 21 on Sunday, I'm incredibly thankful for.

Attention BoCoCas:

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:37:00 +0000

EXT: Court Street, 8:45PM

Wet snow is falling, but not sticking.

Snow White, Twinkie 2 and Rose Red are walking down the street.

Twinkie 2: See those trailers? They've been shooting that show Gossip Girl all day.

Snow White and Rose Red (in unison): WE LOVE CHUCK BASS!

Random PA walks by and snickers.

Snow White: Ooh, is that the wardrobe trailer?! Let's break in and steal shit!

That's a completely normal reaction, right? I mean, I don't really love Serena's outfits (save her great boots and bags) but my idea of heaven would be mixing and matching Blair, Lily and Vanessa's wardrobes. (Yes, I said Vanessa. That girl is DRIPPING in Alexis Bittar every episode!)

xoxo,

Snow White

Choo-icide

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:41:00 +0000

Uh oh.

Jimmy Choo sample sale on Wednesday. Noon-7pm.
236 West 27th street (btwn 7th-8th ave.)

Shoe heaven? Or seven hours in hell?!

The email claims the Choos will go as low as $150. A bargain to be sure (pour cette chausseres particulares), but I'm curious as to whether the other commando shoppers out there are as tired as I am...

A whole day spent waiting in line and fighting PR girls and slumming ladies-who-lunch for all the size 39s? I think I'll pass...THIS TIME.

But if any of you are brave enough...please send pictures. (Or, if you're feeling especially generous, Size 39s!)

Yes, Virginia. There is such a thing as shopper's fatigue.

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:23:00 +0000

See, shopping is in my blood. (Lady Moody, circa 1979)

This time of year, I'm usually the Energizer Bunny. I'm running from party-to-party, buying gifts like crazy, wrapping (badly) while listening to the South Park Christmas album on repeat, swigging Prosecco before yoga class and popping into every sale imaginable.

But not this year...

I'm tired. Tired of shopping. Tired of clicking on to Racked.com, TopButton.com, etc. every single day and seeing 400 new sample sales. Tired of seeing a 50%-70% Sale sign in the window of every store I pass (be it H&M or Marc Jacobs).

Am I curious what bargains lurk behind every storefront? You betcha. But honestly, I'm just too damn tired. I've already hit my musts (DVF, Butter By Nadia, Alexis Bittar, Lafayette 148) and thusly the thatmightbeinterestings are falling by the wayside.

I don't need a pair of Alexander Wang baggy shorts for $240. I don't need a leather Mike & Chris hoodie for $300. I don't carry Le Sportsac bags. I can't fit in to Proenza Schouler samples. Saks Fifth Avenue currently looks like Target Atlantic Center on Labor Day weekend. I'm afraid to go to Barney's because, even though they are cheap-er, I still don't need THOSE YSL platform sandals. I love Dear Fieldbinder, but I'm waiting for their after-Christmas sale. (Those Whitley Kros pants are MINE, bitches!)

The majority of my holiday shopping is done. There are no holiday parties that merit new outfits. (Seriously, I have MORE than enough fab stuff in my closet.)

And then...let's add some apathy on top of the fatigue, shall we? I can't even figure out what I want for the Holidays. My mother asked me for my wish list the other day and nothing came to mind...seriously. Nada. (The birthday fairies helped contribute to this, uh, dilemma.)

I was in Starbucks yesterday morning with a friend, and he mentioned that it didn't even FEEL like Christmas in New York this year. (The fact that it was 60 degrees and raining didn't help, either.) Maybe the weird weather, the sad state of our economy and consumption guilt has whittled away the Holiday spirit.

I'm just looking forward to doing nothing...

Sample Sale Roundup: DVF

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 14:38:00 +0000

On a tip from the ever resourceful Jen Mac, I popped over to the DVF sale yesterday. (It was "friends and family" day, but they let let me in without even a second glance.) She mentioned that the prices were cheaper than ever before...wrap tops were $60, sweaters were $70, dresses were $100, pants and skirts were $40-$50.

BUT...when I say "dresses" I don't mean DVF wrap dresses...those were few and far between. In the 10-12-14 section there were maybe 2 that I saw (which I already had). There were some in the smaller sizes, but nothing overwhelming... (Perhaps because they all disappeared in Saks/Neiman/Barney's fire sales???) There were TONS of great separates, however...wrap tops, skirts, pants and sweaters.

In fact, when I pulled an electric blue cashmere sweater out of the sweater box, it turned out to be a cashmere sweater WRAP DRESS. (It came home with me, of course.) I also picked up a black and white spatter wrap top. (As I've mentioned in the past, DVF is always a good buy for me, since I wear the stuff almost every day.)

I ran into T. at DVF...we had both worked the Butter by Nadia sale over the weekend and were BOTH wearing Butter dresses...she was sporting a purple Nina while I was wearing a black and white buffalo check wrap dress (which the DVF girls were oohing and aahing over in the dressing room).

All in all, a good haul.

But let me tell you, with all the sales these days, it's hard to figure out what's a good buy and what's just a "it's on sale, I should buy it" waste of money. So tread carefully.

Uncensored...

noreply@blogger.com (Snow White) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 03:40:00 +0000

I never smile in photos, but Mr. F took this picture of me on my 3oth birthday, while I was listening to Kathryn, the Improper Bostonian (via Milwaukee) read me a sonnet she composed especially for me...