So they hired an artist do a 3D optical illusion painting on the floor of an elevator at a shopping mall, making it look like the floor had fallen out. Then they set cameras rolling to capture the reactions of startled shoppers.

Obviously, when the elevator doors opened, people would take a few steps forward before practically jumping out of their skin in terror.

As you would expect, all of the people featured in their little YouTube video are good sports. Or at least they seem like they are amused. I can’t actually tell what they are saying.

However, I’m sure there were more than a few people who did not enjoy having near-heart attacks just so Alton Towers could advertise their new “Nemisis Sub-Terr” attraction. And those reactions were certain left out of the advertisement.

Oh, wait, I’m sorry. It wasn’t an advertisement. They were just trying “to test the limits of the British public to see if they could cope with what it has in store.”

You know, because everyone is stupid and incapable of recognizing viral marketing when they see it.

Still, I would love to have seen this stunt for myself. Minus the terror, of course.

[via Newslite]

Does one of your kids think it’s hilarious to make bunny ears behind his siblings in every family photo?

Are you trying to forget that your ex-boyfriend was your date at your sister’s wedding?

Well, here’s some good news: a Swedish imaging firm called Scalado has developed a photo system cleverly called “Remove” that can (you guessed it) remove unwanted people and objects from the background or foreground of your photographs.

Funny thing is, it’s all pretty simple.

For any one photograph, Remove captures multiple images, which it then uses to create a composite image with multiple layers. The software then highlights removable objects that you can delete.

When you delete objects, you’re peeling off a section of one layer, leaving behind all the other layers. And presto: a perfect photograph of you in front of a landmark without having to wait 5 minutes for a break in the flow of pedestrians.

Beautiful, isn’t it? Sure, you could do this with photoshop, but that’s hard. This is way easier and suitable for the instant-update world we live in.

Scalado plans to officially unveil their Remove technology this coming week at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona. At this point, no one knows if this is just going to be an app, or if they’re going to try to sell it to one or more cellphone companies. Either way, I want it. Like, yesterday.

[via Newslite]

Added bonus: bulletproof polos add 10 pounds of muscle

For years, anyone wanting to survive assassination attempts had to either hide behind bulletproof glass or wear bulky, hot, and altogether unsightly bulletproof vests. It was all just so undignified.

Fortunately, those days are over. Whether you’re a Latin American dictator, a Russian oil tycoon, a Middle Eastern prince, or just a crazy washed-up old movie star who can’t tell the difference between cinema and reality, this polo by Miguel Caballero.

It’s from the Colombian designer’s exclusive “Gold Label” line and is made from a proprietary lightweight antiballistic fabric. Though it only comes in four colors—black, blue, red, and white—you do get to choose from three levels of protection.

Level IIA is capable of stopping shots from a 9mm Smith & Weston, so it’s perfect if you think you’re just in danger of being gunned down by a jilted lover or something. Level II, on the other hand, can stop anything up to a 38 Super or a mini Uzi submachine gun, so it’s for people with more serious security concerns. Lastly, there is level IIIA, which can stop a 44 Magnum and is also stab-proof—a real nice touch.

Personally, if it ever was the case that I thought somebody might be shooting me, I wouldn’t settle for anything less than the level IIIA. But hey, that’s just me. Regardless of which level of protection is right for you, each is certified by the U.S. Department of Justice and features soft microfiber on the inside, 100% cotton on the outside.

So who is known to wear these protective polos? How about guys like Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, King Abdullah of Jordan, and everyone’s favorite action-star-turned reality TV cop, Steven Segal.

If polo’s aren’t your style, though, Caballero offers other bulletproof garments as well. Maybe a sharp-looking motorcycle jacket or a bulletproof tuxedo shirt are more your style?

[Miguel Caballero via Affluent Page]

Brittani Niccole: daddy's sexy little girl

File this one under “Perverted $h!t”: a plastic surgeon in Orange Country, California, gave his teenage daughter a boob job. Then he went on 20/20 and bragged about it to Barbara Walters.

And you thought Congress was the only thing wrong with America.

Dr. Michael Niccole runs the CosmetiCare Plastic Surgery Center in Newport, California. When his daughter Brittani turned 18, he decided he’d turn her into a living, breathing business card by giving her the gift that keeps on giving: a pair of giant knockers.

Yep, that’s right. He had his daughter—who is adopted, if you think that makes any difference—strip naked in front of him, then he stared long and hard at her boobs before giving them a squeeze, drawing those little dotted lines on them, and, finally, stuffing them with silicone.

Brittani, now 23, doesn’t see anything weird about daddy fondling her naked boobies because, you know, it’s like science, or whatever.

Dr. Michael Niccole: world's best dad

She explains, “I didn’t have large breasts when I was younger, and all my friends did…I felt very self conscious about it.”

So I guess the shallow ends justify the vaguely incestuous means.

For the record, though, a boob job is not the only plastic surgery Dr. Niccole has performed on his daughter. He also gave her a nose job, and her regularly give the 23-year-old Botox injections—you know, because “they don’t want to get old.”

Oh, and when his other adopted daughter was 10, he performed surgery on her that turned her outtie bellybutton into an innie.

Isn’t this man just the BEST. DAD. EVER?!?!

[via ABC New]

But while that case is protecting your phone, who or what is protecting you? After all, you are also delicate and expensive to fix.

Swiss self-defense gadget company Elite Guard thought of that, and came up with the solution: an iPhone case that contains a canister of pepper spray.

Perfect, right? I mean, with nomophobia on the rise, you pretty much always have your phone with you. Now you can make sure it’s safe from drops while also make sure you are safe from muggers, serial killers, and rapists.

And the whole thing only costs $55. So it’s totally affordable.

Are there possible drawbacks? Like people getting too trigger happy with the pepper spray, using it when it’s not really necessary? Or the canister malfunctioning while you’re using the phone, spraying you at point blank range?

Sure, absolutely. But aren’t these risks you have to take if you’re going to make sure that bitch in front of you in line at Walmart on Black Friday doesn’t get the last $10 Black & Decker toaster oven?

[via Gizmodo]

Crocodiles: the #1 reason people lose testicles while crossing rivers without pants in Africa

Last month in Zimbabwe, a 70-year-old man tried to cross a swollen river so he could sell a box of tomatoes on the other side.

Unfortunately, when he finally made it to the other side, he no longer had his tomatoes.

Or his testicles.

The guy’s name is Jonah Maturure. The pensioner and father of four was just trying to earn a few extra bucks by selling some of his tomatoes. To do so, he had to cross Chivake River, which he had done numerous times without ever being mauled by a crocodile. But on this fateful day, his luck had apparently run out.

Maturure took off his pants so they wouldn’t get wet, folded them, and put them on top of his box of tomatoes. Then he put the box on his head, and started wading across the river.

When he was about halfway, that’s when it happened: a crocodile swam up and latched on to the dude’s crotch.

I could describe the struggle that ensued myself, but hearing it in the man’s own words is much better:

"I was not suspecting anything ... But when I was almost in the middle of the river I was attacked. It mauled a chunk of my buttocks before attacking my manhood, tearing my testicles into shreds. The skin covering my manhood was partly torn but I quickly put my thumb in its mouth ... It then grabbed my hand and I could hear my bones cracking."

Maturure said that he held on to those tomatoes for as long as he could. However, when the 70-year-old realized he was going to lose either his tomatoes or the rest of his penis, he wisely chose to drop the former to he could use both hands to protect the latter.

This proved to be a brilliant strategy. The croc was distracted by all the tomatoes in the water and let go of Maturure’s crotch. Once released, the severely injured mad managed to swim to shore.

Today, Mr. Maturure may be without his tomatoes and testicles, but at least he still has his only slightly deformed penis. Oh yeah, and he’s alive, too, which is also nice.

[via Huffington Post]

Sweet, innocent kitties

Remember how Bob Barker used to end The Price Is Rightwith the line, “Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered”?

Well, there’s a guy in Oilsdale, California who got the first part right, but apparently misheard the second part.

He is helping to control the cat population in his neighborhood, but he aint spaying and neutering cats. He’s filleting and grilling them.

This past Friday, in a Bakersfield, CA, courtroom, Jason Louis Wilmert, 36, pleaded no contest to charges of eating an animal commonly kept as a pet/companion. In exchange for the plea, the DA dropped the more serious charge of animal cruelty.

Now Wilmert will be on probation for three years, perform community service, and seek mental health treatment. One would assume that the community service will be of the “picking up garbage on the side of the highway” variety and not the “mentoring at-risk youth” variety.

Either way, my guess is that Mr. Wilmert is going to be undergoing psychological treatment for some time.

Wilmert's Oilsdale home

The cat-eater’s legal troubles started when his neighbors called the police and reported that they could hear cats wailing on the man’s property. When police arrived, they reportedly found “evidence” suggesting Wilmert was intending to eat cats, though they wouldn’t say what that evidence was.

One neighbor, however, told reporters that Wilmert had a make-shift grill set up in his backyard which he used everyday, and that he once witnessed the man skin a cat alive.

Of course, this begs the question: and you only called the cops now?

[via Herald Sun]

Judge Joy Malek Oldfiend of the Akron (Ohio) Municipal Court

An attractive and very married female judge found naked in the back of a parked car with a female public defender? Sounds like a latenight softcore Cinemax parody of Law & Order, doesn't it?

Of course, this isn’t cable porn make-believe. It really happened—at least if you believe the officer who reported the incident.

Some, like the alleged naked lesbian judge’s husband, say the report is false and politically motivated. But only time will tell.

It all started the night of February 5.

Judge Joy Malek Oldfield, 36, was socializing with her husband Charlie, Assistant Public Defender Catherine Loya, 30, and other friends at a bar in Akron, Ohio. The judge’s hubby left early to go home to the couple’s children, arranging a ride home for his wife with Loya.

At 1:45AM, a police officer found Loya and Judge Oldfield in the back of a car parked at a strip mall.

According to his report, the officer “observed a female’s head raise up from the back seat and look out the back window...[then] two female subjects placing their clothing items on and then exit the back seat and move to the front seats.’’ And when the officer walked up to the car to talk to the occupants, he says he smelled booze.

Oldfield immediately identified herself as a judge and said it was she and not Loya (the driver) who had been drinking. But Loya apparently refused to take a breathalyzer test, and was instead arrested and charged with the minor offense of having control of a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol.

So, is this exactly what it sound like, or is there a “perfectly good” explanation for what was going on?

The judge, her husband, and her lawyer all insist nothing happened, and that the judge and public defender had no inappropriate relationship.

But though it’s possible that the police officer embellished his account of the incident, there can be no denying that the Oldfiend and Loya were found in a parked car at 1:45AM. And you have to admit, that sounds pretty fishy.

So I say it’s official: bi-curious judge has naked hookup with lesbian attorney in back of a Toyota.

(I’m not a journalist, so I don’t have to have “integrity,” right?)

[via DailyMail]

Here is an example of how sexy the German's sense of humor are when they combine a funny skit with a tease scene. I mean, the end surprised me, probably because I have no idea what they were talking about but loved the position the man was in - wishing that was me!

Here is the sexiest German humor video you will ever see.

The named is derived from the phrase “no-mobile-phobia” and, obviously, it is what people are starting to call the fear of being without one’s mobile phone.

It sounds pretty stupid, I know, but this is actually turning into a real thing.

A new online survey conducted by a company called SecurEnvoy found that 66% of people say they fear losing or being without their cell phones. That’s up from 53% of people only four years ago.

In other words, people are starting to experience genuine anxiety over just the idea of being unable to call, text, or email friends, loved ones, or police.

Interestingly, while the survey from four years ago found nomophobia to be more prevalent in men than women, today the reverse is true. The recent poll found that 70% of female respondents were afraid of being without their cell, but only 61% of male respondents reported such a fear.

And as you would expect, the rate of nomophobia among the general population decreases with age: 77% respondents ages 18-24 said they feared being cellular-less, while the rate was only 68% among those 25-34 years of age. Not surprisingly, the number of people with nomophobia over the age of 55 was negligible.

So what’s the significance of these findings?

Well, I’m no social scientist, but I would say this is a problematic trend. If the idea of walking down the street without being able to poke your friends on Facebook (wait, do people still do that?) causes you actual stress, you probably need to get a grip.

Personally, I've got more important things to worry about—like taxes, and whether or not I set the DVR to record the new episode of The Voice.

But what do you think? Big problem, or no big deal?

[via LA Times]