Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Mila Kunis. She has a movie out. I feel like this is enough.

*****

• North Carolina DC Everett Withers is now the interim coach of the Tar Heels. As Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr Saturday notes, the good news is that Withers oversaw the “worst statistical defense in Big Ten history. Woo.

• North Carolina‘s AD peacedthefugout.

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall profiles the demise of Butch Davis. Management speak is abound.

• Mr. Hall also has everything you need to know about yesterday’s B1G media day. It’s the funniest thing you’ll read today.

• Nebraska coach Bo Pelini spoke at relative length about the 2011 season and Nebraska’s B1G introduction.

• ESPN has B1G media day notes. They’re not nearly as funny as the above link.

• Jerry Kill. That’s all.

• Fox Sports Ohio looks at Ohio State coach Luke Fickell’s day yesterday. And the HATERZ.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer looks at Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott and how the Pac-12 Networks came about. My hypothesis? He isn’t Tom Hanson.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel looks ahead at the Pac-12′s business model (straight cash homey).

• USC QB Matt Barkley goes Irish, and it’s fantastic.

• ESPN anonymously ranks Big 12 RBs. Fozzy checks in at #10.

• ESPN blogger screengrabs are just the best.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelsen profiles Syracuse LB Adam Harris. It includes the quote, “I didn’t dislike Cornell by any means…” Liar.

• The Big East has some major DBs. And defensive backs.

• The Sporting News’s Matt Hayes profiles ASU LB Vontaze Burfict. Everyone read it before it’s too late…

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr Saturday previews Penn State and their QBs who will stop at nothing to make sure every pass is caught by somebody on the field.

• Former Nebraska QB Cody Green has landed at Tulsa. He noted, “Wait, where’d everyone go?”

*****

Today’s Video of the Day features the finest physical injuries of the past 29 days. Huzzah!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrYQpMeHmMY

Enjoy your Friday/summer fashions!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Brooklyn Decker, anonymous North Carolina fan and actress(ish) in a new movie called Battleship. Based on Battleship the board game. I blame everyone but her for how horrible it’ll be.

*****

• Butch Davis is out at North Carolina. Not totally unexpected, but the timing is such that UNC must REALLY not want anything to do with him. Interesting.

SI.com’s Andy Staples has questions. Such a sleuth.

Was it the whole cheating thing? Maybe?

ESPN’s Heather Dinich reviews possible UNC interim candidates.

• Gunner Kiel, the nation’s unanimous #1 HS QB prospect chose … Indiana. How many times do you think IU coach Kevin Wilson used the word “Bradford” during conversations? 71,000? 73,000?

• The Pac-12 Network was expected. We got Pac-12 NetworkS. In a year, you won’t be able to avoid Jeff Tedford‘s face. So, yeah.

• Oklahoma State has new uniforms. The gray lids have a fan in me.

• When Oregon WR coach Scott Frost leaves Eugene for Nebraska (or whoever gives him an OC job), they’ll be worse off.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller has Pac-12 media day notes. I learned that Washington‘s large people are dented.

• ESPN’s David Ubben does the same with the Big 12. Iowa State appears to be tapping the breaks on the whole “tough non-conference schedule” thing.

• ESPN’s Edward Aschoff profiles Vanderbilt QB Larry Smith, currently Nashville’s most sacked college QB!

• The new voice of FIU football is … former CNN anchor Rick Sanchez? Okeedoke.

• Clay Travis says air conditioning is responsible for Florida sports dominance. Not to be outdone, it’s also responsible for some of my most dominant naps.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Missouri. Don’t tell anyone, but they’re defense has gotten, at times, scary good.

• Thought you knew the rules? Good, now forget everything — SI.com’s Andy Staples has you covered.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel mailbags it and suggests that Washington could be better sans Jake Locker, something I’ve been saying for at least 10-15 minutes.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday goes green and previews Michigan State. Because they wear green. Brilliant.

• They’re also seeing red as they preview Nebraska. God, I’m so on today.

• Georgia LB (and USC transfer) Jarvis Jones will miss the 2011 season with a shoulder injury.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the next sports to take the world by storm — I call it kicky jumpy mini-volleyball, or KJMV. Sign up now!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljb6Mne8Mfc

Enjoy your Thursday. Thread up.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by USC attendee Ron Howard, who had a similar run-in with TMZ to Marc Tyler’s, only his was way more graphic.

*****

• Oregon coach Chip Kelly gave his first extensive comments since Yahoo!‘s most recent Will Lyles story. Not much was said.

• Alabama *officially* has nothing to do with T-Town Menswear, the outfitter that definitely didn’t do anything wrong with current and former Tide players.

• The Mountain West has arbitrarily decided that Boise State can’t wear their all-blues at home. Because really, what you want to do when you lose your biggest team and gain a new signature team, you’d like alienate the new guys as soon as possible.

• Former Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor has a clearer path to the NFL’s Supplemental Draft — the Buckeyes want nothing to do with him.

• Stanford QB Andrew Luck will only play one more year for Stanford, surprising no one.

• UCLA QB Brett Hundley will be out for about a month after tearing meniscus in his right knee. The Bruins is exactly on schedule.

• Florida RB (and noted sprinter) Jeff Demps will play football this fall. Quickly.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd talks to Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops at Big 12 media day about losing. Exciting stuff.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has decided robots are the way to go for college football. It’s all fun and games until the video replay machine kills somebody.

• ESPN has choice quotes and storylines from Big 12 media day (Day 2). Lapel pins wowed the masses.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller is all up in Stanford QB Andrew Luck’s beard. And I don’t blame him.

• Georgia coach Mark Richt talks to ESPN’s Chris Fowler al fresco.

• Clemson QB Tajh Boyd got in an early dig on South Carolina. I like.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly loves him some pig sooie.

• I see what you did there, Georgia Tech. Clever.

• Yahoo!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday has a Minnesota preview. It includes a painful MarQueis Gray pun (but is otherwise very good).

(Michigan and Iowa are also ready for knowledge-gaining)

• Rivals has a West Virginia preview. I’m choosing to pronounced probable star WR Ivan McCartney “Ee-vahn,” mostly because I can.

• Tate Forcier is going to San Jose State (this week).

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Baylor QB Robert Griffin not giving a crap. Go to 2:12 mark. (via Dr Sat)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAmEJ6qLN6Y

Enjoy your Wednesday. Drape yourself in fine cloth. 

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Missouri State (then SW Missouri St) attendee, just-announced Community actor, and all-around good thespian John Goodman.

*****

• Big 12 Media Day was full of Longhorn Network fun.

• Former Alabama WR Julio Jones was a man of many suits, just like we all were in college. No big deal.

• South Carolina QB coach G.A. Mangus really had to go. Like REALLY.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy looks ahead to September 17, the ACC‘s day of reckoning. Dun dun DUN.

• The SJ Mercury News’s Jon Wilner updates the Pac-12′s search for a network partner. Let’s assume for now that The Solid Verbal is out of the running.

• The NCAA will hold a summit to talk about proprietary TV networks. Probably a good idea.

• CBS Sports has a new feature called Rapid Reports with quick breaking news for the bigger CFB programs. And Maryland. (press cmnd-D shortly)

• To those that said ESPN being involved in the Longhorn Network would affect their own Texas coverage… you have a point (via EDSBS).

• Missouri coach Gary Pinkel isn’t a fan of the Longhorn Network.

• Take a look at Texas DC Manny Diaz’s defense. He’s crafty.

• Texas coach Mack Brown talks about protecting QBs. He ends up saying very little.

• ESPN has choice Big 12 Media Day quotes and storylines. Also, OSU coach Mike Gundy‘s hair looks darker.

• ESPN’s Heather Dinich has a Day 2 ACC media day notebook. Punting is somehow involved.

• Boston College coach Frank Spaziani talks the ‘stache. He’s the best.

• Unofficial preseason B1G polls are out. Gobble ‘em up!

• ESPNU’s Tom Luginbill has recruit summaries from something called “Gridiron Kings.”

• Is Clemson coach Dabo Swinney already running out of time? Perhaps, says Fox Sports South’s Andrew Jones.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly doesn’t have a preview today. But if he did, it’d be South Carolina. I’m such a prankster.

• Paralyzed Rutgers DT Eric LeGrand is awesome.

• It’s B1G Week for Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday. Go get yourself some learnin’.

• Michigan’s too good for non-Notre Dame non-conference road trips. Not everyone can be men.

• Former top Miami S recruit Latwan Anderson will be making his way to Cincinnati.

• Rivals previews BYU. Fact: If you read all of the previews Rivals and Dr. Saturday do, you’re somewhere between 10-15x more informed than almost everyone on TV. Do it!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is my favorite scene from The Big Lebowski (N-S-F-W). Sometimes, I just need it. Happy Birthday, Keeerrrttt1!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPo9OBrIOi4

Enjoy your Tuesday. Get flossy.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by former Virginia Hoo (attendee), Talladega Nights actress, and all-around good looking person Leslie Bibb.

*****

• Ohio State apparently did NOT fail to monitor their student-athletes. CBS’s Bryan Fischer is STEAMED.

• Tennessee has recommended two years of probation for its crimes against NCAA humanity under former basketball coach Bruce Pearl and former football coach Lane Kiffin. A lot of probing.

• The Big 12 has media days today and tomorrow. Texas will be holding its own party and it’s going to be way cooler than the party you guys are throwing.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy speaks with the most fashionably casual conference commissioner of them all, the ACC’s John Swofford. Even his last name sounds like an exceedingly comfortable polo shirt.

• Florida DB Matt Elam has been cited for underage alcohol possession, thus dragging Florida‘s sterling name through the mud. For shame.

• CBS’s Mr. CFB briefly profiles Florida St QB E.J. Manuel. FINALLY, Florida State gets some preseason ink.

• Yahoo!!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday rips open the ACC with conference notes, defining games, and previews during ACC Week.

• ESPN humbly submits an anonymous Mountain West prediction.

• I don’t know what ESPN’s Heather Dinich and Pat Forde talk about here, I just know Forde does not look impressed by your camera equipment. An ACC notebook is also present.

• Fox Sports also seems to think that Florida State kinda, sorta needs to win one for the Atlantic Coast.

• An All-SEC preseason team exists.

• LSU WR Russell Shepard isn’t suspended, but may have some sort of compliance issue to address. Or something.

• FoxSports has a Big 12 preview. And it’s fully stocked with (Texas A&M RB) Christine Michael references. Well, one.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Iowa. He anticipates the sound of a record suddenly being stopped on a turntable. Ree-rr!

• SI.com’s Jordan Conn profiles star South Carolina WR Alshon Jeffrey. It’s good, but not nearly as promising as SI.com’s Alshon Jeffrey profiling South Carolina WR Jordan Conn (as I originally envisioned).

• Colorado’s poster schedule is brought to you by Verizon, so if you don’t like it, Verizon customer service will tell you to go straight to hell.

• Rivals profiles woefully under-appreciated BC RB Montel Harris.

• Smart Football’s Chris Brown talks first half two point conversions. He’s anti.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the best pre-NASCAR race prayer ever.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J74y88YuSJ8

Enjoy your Monday. Stay clothed.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Penn attendee Elizabeth Banks. I feel no need to defend this choice.

*****

• ESPN has the choice quotes and stories from Day 2 of SEC Media Days. Choice, I say!

• SB Nation’s Spencer Hall sails and fishes with Mike Leach. It’s outstanding.

• Auburn coach Gene Chizik says his public conversation with an NCAA enforcement official at an SEC meeting was “not confrontational.” No big.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy summarizes Georgia coach Mark Richt‘s turn at the SEC podium.

• Minnesota WR Da’Jon McKnight no longer eats breakfast burritos.

• Big East QBs are ranked. UConn has the distinct honor of last place with a Tecmo Super Bowl entry of “QB UConn.” Harsh.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller talks to Utah QB Jordan Wynn, who apparently has almost no power over any major Las Vegas resort hotels.

• Yahoo!!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday previews North Carolina. Click if you want to see an uncomfortable Butch Davis face.

• USF TE Jeff Hawkins is out for the year. His ACL is a total jerk.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is GirlFails. Pretty simple.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uB8NOICP4kY

Enjoy your Friday. Buy buy buy!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by mustachio’d NYU attendee Sarah Silverman. Lady mustaches have yet to bore me.

*****

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy talks SEC commissioner Mike Slive’s hopes and dreams for change in the SEC. If you read between the lines, dropping football as a conference sports seems like a real possibility.

• …And SEC coaches aren’t fans of hopes and dreams.

• SI.com’s Andy Staples thinks the NCAA will listen to Mike Slive and then not listen.

• The EYE also has choice SEC Media Day quotes and summaries from Steve Spurrier, Will Muschamp, Bobby Petrino, and Dan Mullen.

• ESPN has their own choice SEC quotes and moments.

• The NCAA‘s investigation into Auburn and the recruitment of Cam Newton continually has new life. Good thing coach Gene Chizik admonished an NCAA enforcement official at a rules meeting a few weeks ago. Whew!

• Texas A&M to the SEC! Texas A&M to the SEC! Texas A&M to the SEC! Or not.

• I hope you’re sitting down … LSU received outdated recruiting video from Will Lyles.

• Former (briefly) Florida RB and current Auburn RB Mike Blakely had his appeal to immediately play for the Tigers denied.

• Florida RB Jeff Demps is still considering a pro track career, which is good because he’s generally the fastest sprinting human in college.

• Texas talks Longhorn Network, which is going to be totally fair, you guys.

• The SJ Mercury News’s Jon Wilner examines the forthcoming Pac-12 Network. He thinks things will finally be coming up Milhouse (Time Warner)!

• How will the B1G respond to Mike Slive. Slowly?

• Big 12 position rankings are FINALLY here, and they’re brought to you by Texas, because legally, every sentence that contains “Big 12” must also contain “Texas.”

• Big East tight ends are ranked. If you knew all of these players, you’re either gifted, nerdy, or run the Big East Coast Bias blog.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Wisconsin, who now have an adjusted loss to UNLV. Cheer up Rebel fans, you now have a math win!

• SI.com’s Tim Layden reminisces about the best team he ever covered, the 1995 Nebraska squad, a team that still gives Steve Spurrier occasional night terrors.

• Auburn has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars … defending allegations tied to the recruitment of Cam Newton.

• North Texas is riding Green Lantern Fever, which, of course, doesn’t exist. And UTEP is doing everything they can to remind you just which sport they play.

• ESPN’s commentator assignments for the 2011 season have been released. Things just got a little bit more Hawkins in here.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Steve Nash being awesome at parking.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXFF5_GIsV0

Enjoy your Thursday. New shirts soon.

***Follow me on the Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Miami attendee and Curb You Enthusiasm mainstay Jeff Garlin. Here’s to hoping that, at one point, Garlin yelled out, “IT’S ALL ABOUT DA U!”

*****

• Former Georgia coach Jim Donnan is accused of profiting off of a Ponzi scheme. I, I, I just have nothing.

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy thinks that if USF is FOR REALZ about succeeding in college football they need to leave Raymond James Stadium. For. Ev. Er.

• Everybody, this is Russell Wilson … Russell, this is everybody. Hurray!

• Is Cal coach Jeff Tedford going and making things so complicated? Maybe?

• Today’s July 18th, which means two things — 1. It’s Vin Diesel‘s birthday, and 2. B1G specialist rankings ARE OUT.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller reviews Pac-12 linebackers. We’re all grateful he led off with ASU MLB Vontaze Burfict, not only because it’s deserved, but also because the safety of Ted’s family was probably at stake.

• Former Georgia Tech C Sean Bedford wrote an open letter to the NCAA that ended with him saying they could pry his 1999 ACC championship ring from his “cold, dead finger.” Well okay then!

• Years after Larry Coker allegedly only used Rivals to recruit, he’s bringing college football to San Antonio.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Oklahoma State. There’s a pretty good chance new OC Todd Monken is taking notes.

• Former Michigan WR Desmond Howard led a new class into the College Football Hall of Fame. Humbly.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel profiles Michigan coach Brady Hoke.

• As per my understanding of photography and art, Wyoming will be wearing giant, oversized helmets this fall.

• Yahoo!!!!!!!’s Dr. Saturday has a very specific set of WAC predictions.

• Georgia‘s loading up on touted recruits. Probably wise.

• Rivals profiles first-year starting QBs who could maybe (potentially) win some games.

• UCLA is getting Vanderbilt CB Jamie Graham, which is pretty much the final puzzle piece for the Bruins.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is what happens when water jet packs don’t, um, jet.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=he2a4xK8ctk

Enjoy your Monday. Today’s Solid Verbal Apparel Day!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Connie Britton, Dartmouth graduate, Friday Night Lights alumnus, and Jimmy Traina podcast guest. I think we all know what her legacy will be.

*****

• Bruce Feldman has an army of supporters. Here’s proof. And here’s the original story.

• Georgia Tech‘s 2009 season didn’t happen and they’ll be probed closely for the next four years. For $100,000.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd examines the new Mike Leach book, Swing Your Sword.

• Fox Sports Florida claims Florida State’s secondary is the “best in the nation” (according to the headline). Also, it’s an irrefutable fact that the Seminoles were 103rd in 2010 in total passing yards allowed and were thoroughly average even within the ACC in Y/A allowed, QB rating against, and completion percentage against. Other than that, though, LOCK DOWN.

• Touted RB recruit Kenyan Drake picked his school of choice via head shaving. Yeah.

• Rivals previews Michigan. Apparently, the impact newcomer is a kicker. If that doesn’t get you fired up … you’re probably justified in your apprehension.

• Jim Tressel was officially “unacceptable.”

• Georgia LB Richard Samuel is now Georgia RB Richard Samuel.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is an elaborate toy war. I’m more than a little jealous.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=38pj4mWDrsA

Enjoy your Friday. Merchandise!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Southern Miss graduate Jimmy Buffett, who’s responsible for all of this excellent Mike Leach-Key West stuff. Good enough.

****

• Paralyzed Rutgers DT Eric LeGrand stood up. AWESOME.

• Ohio State AD Gene Smith figures everything’s cool now in Columbus. Ok then.

• It appears that Georgia Tech may have violated some NCAA rules. You have three options — stay tuned for more, stop paying attention, or keep the ball yourself.

• The NCAA isn’t done with Auburn. Allegedly.

• West Virginia OG Josh Jenkins will miss the 2011 season after undergoing knee surgery.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer profiles compliance. Pretty much the sexiest thing of the entire offseason.

• Football Study Hall has adjusted strengths of schedule. I don’t know if Bill Connelly has kids, but if he does, I have a feeling he’s constantly disappointed with their F/+ rating.

• ESPN debates what motivates the SEC and B1G. The piece is accompanied by one of the most attractive pictures ever to be featured on ESPN.

• Now that you know how secondaries in the Big 12 are ranked (in July), you may move on with your day.

• John Legend likes Ohio State. The universe just balanced out a little. “Take that, talented guy who dates supermodels!”

• Fox Sports West profiles USC WR Brice Butler.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly contends that Oregon State has misplaced aggression, which is one of the worst types of aggressions there is.

• Syracuse coach Doug Marrone is an outstanding human.

• They’re dropping like flies in Tempe. Slutty, slutty flies.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel mailbags it and then talks with Maryland coach Randy Edsall. The multiple hustles continue!

• The sweatervest is alive and well in Ohio.

• Utah OC Norm Chow will make $500,000 to not coach at UCLA. Good gig if you can get it.

• Rivals looks back at all of the 5-stars of the “Rivals” era. You’ll learn who wins “Best Five Star” at the upcoming Rivies.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Seth Meyers monologging (sp?) at the ESPYs last night. I didn’t watch the whole thing. Mostly because I wanted to do something else.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGrq5RJ-wYw

Enjoy your Thursday. Shirts!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Bryan Cranston, LA Valley College attendee and star of Breaking Bad, which I’m about to start (and probably be insufferable about).

*****

• ESPN’s Pat Forde asks: “Why can’t I write a column about pay-for-play?”

• CBS’s Brett McMurphy goes to Provo and profiles BYU and their independence. His hair appears to be short enough to be welcomed by the locals.

• Yahoo!!!!!!’s Dr Saturday projects CUSA, which is a lot easier to write than “Conference USA.” Consider that your introduction to “CUSA.”

• Miami coach Al Golden is getting a lot of “yes” on the recruiting trail.

• West Virginia apparently frowns on the whole armed robbery thing. Prudes.

• ESPN continues to look ahead to impact games, including ones in early December. I imagine these previews will hold up perfectly.

• “Michigan AD Dave Brandon Talks Branding.” OF COURSE HE DOES IT’S IN HIS NAME.

• ESPN previews Pac-12 DEs. It all comes down to the good, the bad, and the Arizona.

• Silas Redd is a running back for Penn State. That’s what I learned.

• The Big East has special teams. That have special teams.

• Who’re the best corners in the B1G? I don’t know, but if you take away that apostrophe in the first word of the question, it becomes funnier and less sensical.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews a Shaky-less Utah. Just isn’t the same anymore.

• Ohio State fans definitely aren’t crazy.

• Rivals previews Iowa. Y’heard it hear first: this is QB James Van Der Beek‘s time.

• South Carolina WR Bryce Sherman takes to the Twitter to announce that he’s GONE. Well, he’s staying, but gone from the team. Something like that.

• Oklahoma State will unveil new uniforms in a couple weeks that will include any number of combinations. Where have I heard this story before?

• South Carolina has new uniforms. I think.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Deadspin editor AJ Daulerio trying to replicate Dock Ellis’s acid-fueled no hitter. It’s a bit NSFW.

Enjoy your Wednesday. The store!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Lindsay Sloane, college career unknown. I do know that she went to the same high school as Matt Cassell, she’s briefly in Horrible Bosses and will be in something called “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy.” I enjoy Lindsay Sloane.

*****

• ESPN‘s suing Ohio State for the most valuable commodity of all — INFORMATION.

• Eleven Warriors has the requests from various CFB media for Ohio State documents. My brain is imploding.

• Excerpts from Mike Leach‘s new book, Swing your Sword can be found on Yahoo’s The PostGame (red period).

• Georgia OL Brent Benedict is transferring to Virginia Tech. Once those cows greet you as you drive into Blacksburg, IT’S OVER.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly tries to understand Cincinnati.

• The day has finally come — ESPN RANKS B1G SECONDARIES!!!!!!

• ESPN is previewing impact games well ahead of kickoff and about three weeks ahead of fall camp. And I’m reading them.

• The toxicology reports from the death of Oklahoma LB Austin Box have been released.

• Fox Sports Detroit previews B1G QBs. If you get distracted, there are photographs of random attractive Detroit citizens to take your mind off of football.

• Things were even fishier than we probably even thought with the way ESPN’s Craig James handled the whole “I’m gonna get a coach fired” situation.

• Arizona State doesn’t stop working at 5:00. They try to sell season ticket packages to see a team in an outdated, half-empty stadium at all hours of the night. (via Dr Sat)

• I didn’t even know this existed, but SI.com has recruiting rundowns by 24/7′s Barton Simmons. Start reading ‘em, especially when they’re about Oregon not hurting in the short term on the recruiting trail.

• The Wiz has Army’s 2011 poster schedule. Not pictured: Patti LaBelle.

• Oregon CB Cliff Harris, after being absent from some summer workouts (presumably to work on not driving 118 mph) is back working out with the team voluntarily.

• Kansas City Royals OF Bubba Starling is in Lincoln, NE.

• Washington will play San Diego State and LSU next year. Husky games just got way more attractive (physically).

• Oh don’t pretend like you didn’t see a Randy Edsall-inspired ice cream flavor coming.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is part one of a documentary about the recent Tuscaloosa tornado. A giant basketball player is prominently involved.

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Carnegie Mellon attendee and LSU fan Katy Mixon. Sorry, what was I saying?

*****

• Mike Vrabel retired from the NFL and has accepted a job to coach LBs at Ohio State.

• Ex-Mizzou QB Tyler Gabbert is the new Tate Forcier. Adjust your brains.

• Georgia RB Caleb King will be academically ineligible to compete this fall. And yes, he’s hoping to be drafted supplementally.

• ESPN previews Pac-12 interior defensive linemen. I’ll save you some time — pretty much everyone that was good last year is gone.

• Notre Dame plays three ACC games. ESPN’s Heather Dinich takes an early July crack at the outcomes.

• ESPN ranks the SEC’s best home run threats. ESS EE SEE afmnvmjqdgnaqdfjk.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett isn’t impressed by Ohio State’s response to the NCAA‘s notice of allegations.

• Oklahoma CB Jamell Fleming has rejoined the Sooners. It appears to be a reverse Caleb King situation.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly delights in previewing Stanford. Basically, the Cardinal are going to do what you expect them to do, they’ll just do it well enough to be successful. Pretty simple, really.

• Litigious former UNC DE Michael McAdoo cheated like crazy on a paper. Allegedly. (LIKE CRAZY)

• Michigan received a verbal commitment from a former Ohio State verbal commitment. Hilarious.

• Ole Miss RB Brandon Bolden is shvitzing.

• Rivals ranks their top 25 teams of the past ten years (in recruiting).

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer wraps coverage of The Opening, last week’s major recruiting combine/tournament on the Nike campus in Portland, OR.

• IGN has posted their review of NCAA ’12, which appears to be slowly becoming an off-the-field experience that also features actual gameplay.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the return of Kenny Powers, K-Swiss CEO. BOOM.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIQ0EhEMiSs

Enjoy your Monday. Get ya’ clothing!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kevin James, SUNY Cortland attendee. I swear to you, he used to be a funny stand-up. I promise.

*****

• For the first time, Ohio St AD Gene Smith admits that he asked Jim Tressel to resign. I’m guessing “asked” is probably a kind word for “told.” Just guessing though.

• There might not be an NFL season again. Or something.

• B1G commissioner Jim Delaney wouldn’t mind the conference going rogue. Or off the grid. Either one sounds cool.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer has a recruiting notebook. I’ll bet it has rad, hand-drawn band logos all over it. Total badass.

• Oregon CB Cliff Harris has slowly started paying back the $8500 he owes in traffic fines. As always, money be green.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett speaks with Indiana’s Kevin Wilson. Intensely.

• Big East safeties are ranked. By and large, they outperformed all Big East doorknobs. Nailed it.

• Former Nebraska QB Cody Green might visit USC. A private word to Cody — eating at Chano’s at 1 AM will seem like a fine idea until the next morning.

• Fox Sports Ohio lists “giant killers.” If they did crazy, petite killers, Casey Anthony would’ve been a shoe-in.

• Trust me, LSU QB Jordan Jefferson is a sure-thing to have a great year. I haven’t a single question about him.

• Rivals profiles Hawaii QB Bryant Moniz.

• Washington RB Deontae Cooper tore his ACL. Again.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is Jake Gyllenhaal vs Wild. Ty apparently loves this stuff.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Snaibcz1-mo

Enjoy your Friday. Purchase!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Louis CK, non-college attendee. His show is probably the funniest thing on this summer and feature a top 5 pregnancy fart of 2011. What more do you need?

• Alabama RB Dee Hart is confirmed to have torn his ACL during 7-on-7 activity.

• Tennessee S Janzen Jackson has re-enrolled after a brief estrangement.

• Alabama and Virginia Tech have agreed to play to open the 2013 season in Atlanta. (RERUN)

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel has a new mailbag and a new podcast. Always gotta have multiple hustles. ALWAYS.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd wonders if teams can win without cheating, even though the word “cheating” doesn’t mean what he thinks it does.

• West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen gave his time to talk to “Three Guys in a Garage,” which is both a radio show and a very specific fetish.

• The Big East has LB corps. ESPN orders ‘em up. You’ll be happy with what you get, ok?

• Fox Sports Southwest breaks down Big 12 position battles in easy slideshow form.

• Is Nebraska good? “MaybesortofIdontknow,” says SB Nation’s Bill Connelly.

• Do you get excited about preseason award watch lists? That’s weird, but I’ll indulge you anyway.

• Rivals profiles Texas DE Alex Okafor.

• A recruiting update from Nike’s “The Opening” combine/tournament.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the 2010 Eurovision song contest entry from Moldova. I’m perhaps the last person to see this. Enjoy the gentleman on sax.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkmncrAPILw

Enjoy your Thursday. 

http://www.twitter.com/dan_rubenstein

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Regis Philbin, who apparently attended and graduated from Notre Dame. Who knew?

*****

• If you’re the last person who hasn’t read it, here’s Yahoo!’s Will Lyles/Oregon story.

• CBS’s Bryan Fischer ponders independence and major football programs.

• The body of Purdue RB Sean Matti was found in a Lake in Indiana. Unspeakably tragic.

• Former UNC DE Mike McAdoo is suing UNC and the NCAA for reinstatement. Nancy Grace is outraged.

• Illinois DL Chris Jones was charged with battery. At least he didn’t have cocaine on him like the last time he was arrested, right?

• Alabama QB A.J. McCarron has a sizable sternum tat. Reason for concern?

• SI.com’s Andy Staples brings the noise with his Cheating for Dummies column.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly includes Yo La Tengo in his USF preview. Also, Bill Connelly never stops.

• Neither does Rivals’s's’s's’s UCF preview, apparently.

• South Carolina DE Jadeveon Clowney is officially a South Carolina DE. Must’ve been waiting for all of the AP results to come back.

• Want Rich Rodriguez’s Michigan house? Sure you do! (via Dr Sat)

• Auburn needs a QB. Soon.

• The Big East has defensive lines, so ESPN feels compelled to rank them.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett echoes what we talked about last week — new Wisconsin QB Russell Wilson is good, but the greatness talk needs to be scaled back.

• The B1G has LBs. But you knew that already.

• A giant combine/tournament is going on on the Nike campus in Portland. ESPN has first-day stories.

• Cincinnati QB Chazz Anderson (DOUBLE Z!) has transferred to Buffalo. RIP multiple Chaz(z)es in the Big East.

• Georgia assistant recruiting coordinator Charles Canton got the hell out of Athens. Peculiar?

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel looks at the B1G challenges ahead for Nebraska.

• Vanderbilt decided to pull a Stanford and recruit smart kids that can also play football.

• Maryland OL Justin Lewis is now persona non grata in College Park, MD.

• Top incoming Texas DT Quincy Russell failed to qualify for the Longhorns.

• Incoming Alabama RB Dee Hart may have torn an ACL. Or maybe not.

• Rivals profiles new Texas Tech DC Chad Glasgow, who promises to be better than the last guy, Chad Edinburgh.

• The Longhorn Network is getting two 2011 Texas games. Hurray!

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is mustachio’d monkeys being fascinated by an iPod touch. Of course.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nP73LFhcKY

Enjoy your Wednesday. Buy clothing!

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Chicago State attendee Kanye West. “College Graduate” or “Ph.D Candidate” just doesn’t have the same ring for a huge hip-hop album, does it?

*****

• Notre Dame WR Michael Floyd got probation in his DUI case. I wonder how he’s going to celebrate.

• New Wisconsin QB Russell Wilson talks about his commitment to the Badgers. It’s about 30% as exciting as you think it’ll be.

• Wisconsin getting QB Russell Wilson somehow affects Oregon State, because the Beavers you see, at one point, had a shot in Madison this year.

• Two Alabama players have been suspended and each of them has an awesome name.

• ESPN ranks Big East WRs. Rutgers apparently has the best corps, which of course makes no sense.

• UNC DE Quinton Coples should be good to go. Sorry, ACC.

• ESPN then ranks B1G OL, which, if memory serves, is all of them.

• Rivals is counting down all 120 teams. Get yourself knowledge’d up.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly is selling on Arizona. The troublesome detail of them replacing nearly all of their big people worries him/everyone.

• CBS’s Adam Jacobi appears on the CBS College Football Podcast. We will bury you, CBS. (or link to your podcast with writers we like)

• Oklahoma CB Tony Jefferson really knows how to put things into perspective.

• LSU has received less attention for its dealings with Willie Lyles than Oregon has. LSUFreek explains why. Kind of.

(I hope I inspired this.)

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the Mission Impossible 17 trailer. I just can’t quit you, Brad Bird.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0LQnQSrC-g

Enjoy your Wednesday. Dress yourself.

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Purdue graduate Jim Gaffigan, who probably, despite the bacon and hot pockets, still has healthier knees than Ralph Bolden.

*****

• Former NC State QB Russell Wilson is officially a Wisconsin Badger. I don’t even know why we’re wasting time actually playing out the B1G season. Sam Keller approves of this message.

• When it comes to the rule that allows Wilson to transfer, SI.com’s Andy Staples is a shameless fanboy.

• The autopsy results pertaining to the death of Alabama OL Aaron Douglas came back positive for multiple drugs.

• The Pac-12 is bringing Apple and Google aboard. Lycos and AltaVista are still totally down to party, Big 12.

• Former Florida Gator and current Miami Dolphin LB Channing Crowder “hypothetically” sold his jerseys while still in school. Hypothetically, I don’t care.

• CBS’s Dennis Dodd profiles Miami coach Al Golden. The word “swagger” appears no less than three times.

• Former ASU WR Kerry Taylor has gone public with his lack of confidence in ASU coach Dennis Erickson. It’s almost like Taylor has closely followed Erickson’s career.

• ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg talks to Kansas OC Chuck Long mostly about non-Kansas things. Probably smart.

• Purdue RB Ralph Bolden has intact ACLs. For now.

• ESPN’s Andrea Adelson profiles Navy OL Travis Bridges. Spoiler: Root for Travis Bridges.

• ESPN’s David Ubben catches up with former Oklahoma QB Jason White. He now sells clothes on fewer intact ACLs than Ralph Bolden.

• Given its recent circumstances, could Ohio State recruiting take a hit? Probably, says Fox Sports.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly gets all up in the Cougars. I wrote that sentence like that on purpose. BYU.

• It should be known that Marshall has a RB named “Tron.” And that he is not at all above the law.

• Rivals has bounce back players.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is a local TV reporter casually taking a last puff from a cigarette … while covering a blazing oil fire.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6UCbNPZEW8

Enjoy your Tuesday. Go buy things.

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Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Kentucky alum and superfan, Ashley Judd, who is probably paying part of John Calipari’s eventually-vacated contract extension.

*****

• Two Georgia players are now on the (in)eligibility radar. I pasted that from an earlier item.

• In dealing with NCAA inquiries, Oregon has retained the services of a law firm and attorney that writers themselves call “The Cleaner.”

• UNC released the names of the players who accrued the hundreds of parking tickets. Former WR Greg Little “had 93 tickets on multiple vehicles with nine different license plates.” Prolific.

• USF OL Danous Estenor heroically picks up cars. No big deal.

• Former NC St QB Russell Wilson will announce his 2011 destination today. He will then appear on College Football Live. Adjust your schedule accordingly. Or don’t, whatever.

• ESPN’s Craig James appears to have become awfully political for an analyst not supposed to be publicly political.

• ESPN has Big East OL rankings, ACC OL rankings, and B1G OL rankings. Don’t blame me when conference OL rankings come up at a cocktail party and you have nothing to say.

• Something called “T-Woolf” will take the field for Michigan in a couple months. I warned you.

• SB Nation’s Bill Connelly previews Michigan State while also conceding that the Spartans didn’t deserve to beat Alabama in the Capital One Bowl. Whew.

• Vanderbilt has sneakily begun the recruiting season in strong fashion. Do yo’ thang, Coach Hand. Do yo’ thang.

• Former Alabama RB Corey Grant will transfer to Auburn to be in Gus Malzahn’s spread system. Apparently, he thinks Gus Malzahn will be in Auburn next fall. Cute.

• Florida DE Chris Martin will once again transfer. Frequent flyer miles up the wazoo.

• Pitt will take on its 48th B1G transfer, this time it’s Wisconsin RB Zach Brown.

• How Oklahoma State got $165 million from T. Boone Pickens. I imagine one of the ways was a promise of absolutely no swift boats.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is the worst cat DJ ever. Pretty much a no-talent.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HA5WVjMBX8

Enjoy your Monday. Buy tees!

***Follow me on Twitter.***

Today’s Chorus is brought to you by Mizzou’s Jon Hamm, who got richer this week. Don’t let the money cramp your saxy style, Jon. Don’t do it.

*****

• Former UNC coach John Blake has a reputation, and part of that reputation includes biology charisma.

• Former USC WR Lonnie White (early-mid 80′s) received payments while playing for the Trojans. It all sounds about right until you hear who paid him … NCAA PRESIDENT MARK EMMERT!!!! <— I made that up.

• Florida needs warm bodies. If they don’t get them, EDSBS’s Spencer Hall may be forced to shoot video trying out for the team. He might die. Let’s save Spencer.

• New Michigan coach Brady Hoke is poking the bear. Ahem, bear cub.

• ESPN’s Heater Dinich (new name!) ranks ACC WR corps.

• If you’re more bored than you’ve ever been, please accept this offering of ESPN’s best SEC kickers and punters, plus special teams. Please.

• ESPN’s Brian Bennett has a brief profile of new starting Iowa RB Marcus Coker.

• Bennett’s ESPN B1G Ten partner Adam Rittenberg handles the receivers and tight ends. That sounded wrong.

• ESPN’s Ted Miller speculates on the Pac-12′s impact freshmen. Oregon State apparently has an incoming DE named Rusty Fernando. That is all.

• Football Study Hall previews Tennessee with no mention of Tyler Bray’s tattoo. And they were on such a roll, too.

• Terrelle Pryor got his own Jon Gruden segment. You can hear him apologize for nothing in particular all over again.

• Notre Dame players have new gloves that test the limits of multi-headed mascots.

• SI.com’s Stewart Mandel had the gall to take a honeymoon when so much was going on in college football. He catches up here.

• Auburn‘s getting early points from Vegas in pretty much all of their 2011 games.

• Iowa St RB DeVondrick Nealy was cited for shootin’ stuff on campus with a BB gun. Way to go.

*****

Today’s Video of the Day is your 90s childhood quickly flashed before your eyes. It’s more traumatic than you think.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0DDQ02vAeY

Enjoy your Thursday. Buy Verbal!

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