IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE .....

TTTEC: AN UPDATE

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:40:00 PST

I have been promising to give updates on past TTTEC issues but have failed to do so. Well, today, I have an update for you all. Remember, "A Father's Infidelity"? Well I contacted 'Joke' and here's what she has to say...

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Thanks so much for checking up on me. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond but my life has been crazy since the last time we chatted.

I spoke to my oldest sister and shared my suspicions. This lead to a big argument with her asking me what good it would do telling mommy so close to the party. I told her I couldn't keep quiet and well, she got upset and hung up on me.

I prayed very hard about things and the spirit told me to tell my mother about my suspicions. I told her 2 nights before, over the phone. She reigned insults on my head and told me that I need to mind my business. By the day of the party, it seemed my siblings all knew and they all gave me the cold shoulder. My mother seemed on top of the world, as if nothing had happened and she looked to be having the time of her life.

Once the party ended, I didn't hear from my mommy. My oldest sister, however, called me three days later to give me a piece of her mind. According to her, I destroyed the anniversary party and am the reason why our parents are fighting. Apparently, the night of the party, my mother and father got into a shouting match. It seems she had always known and had previously told him not to take any of the children with him when he went to meet his mistress. My pronouncement to her confirmed that my father had not followed the rules or something.

I'm just so overwhelmed by the whole situation. My father and mother are not speaking to me. My siblings are very cold with me. Christmas was horrible. I felt like a stranger in my house. My friend says I should just apologize to my parents, but I don't know. My mother has always been a very vengeful person, quick to anger and arguments. Right now, I am stressed trying to find a new job and
I don't know if I can take all of that on. What's done is done.

I miss having my family the way it was, but I could not live a lie. I know you were very clear in your instructions on how to handle things, and yes, I didn't follow all of them, but, again, what's done is done.

Thank you for your help. Thanks to your readers as well. I recently read over their comments again and in retrospect, I probably should have listened to their advice and warnings.
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I actually have a few more updates, including one of a nasty email I got, but I will save that for next week. My question is, considering the results, do you think she should have simply kept quiet about this situation?

JOS, CIRCA MARCH 2010

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:56:00 PST

I know I try to leave the politics at Nigerian Curiosity but right now, I am enraged, and have to write my personal feelings. I have been trying to avoid it but alas...

I just saw pictures of the babies, and yes, I mean babies, killed in the most recent rash of fighting in Jos and I just can't handle my anger. There is never any reason for anyone to kill defenseless children. There is never any reason to kill period, save in an effort to protect life. There is no way anyone can convince me that cutting the life short of defenseless women, children and the elderly is a basis for cold murder.

As I type, I can hear my kids laughing, oblivious to the dangers and evils this world holds. I wish I could keep them innocent forever. I wish that the children who have lost their lives in this latest fighting and the various other incidents in Jos could have another day to laugh and play. I think of the many Nigerians all over the country who are struggling, who are dying simply because they are unfortunate to be born into a country of so much beauty and promise but with leaders who are yet to work tirelessly on their behalf.

Right now, I can confess that I am in tears and I am not ashamed to say so. Although I am crying, I don't feel powerless. I don't feel hopeless. I can't feel that way because I am fortunate to breathe another day and strongly believe that these deaths must not be in vain and must not happen again.

What's the next step? I couldn't tell you. Some will pray. Some will walk in protest. Some will write to provide additional awareness. Some will work with organizations to try and make things better. I just hope that we will not allow ourselves to become numb to such incidents, or allow these acts of violence to distract us from all the other related questions about accountability, electricity problems, democracy, or the big one - where is Yar'Adua?

And with that, I need to go keep the boys from doing anymore damage to the house. Please stay well, keep the people of Jos and Nigeria in your mind and yes, I will update on Friday. Thanks.

...FOR A GOOD MARRIAGE

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 21:16:00 PST

My husband has some interesting thoughts on what will ensure that a man has a good marriage.

Let me back up and give you guys the gist.

So, TK, my 4 year old son, has a habit of tuning people out. He gets into his own world and just ignores you when he likes. These times are usually when his father or I are trying to get him to do something he absolutely has no interest in doing. Like if we say, "TK, go make your bed." The guy will just ignore us, walk right by us and pick up a book or something.

At first, I thought it was only me he did it to. I would have to repeat myself several times and not until I raised my voice and used my Naija momsy accent and stance would he focus and say "Huh?" with his head thrown to the side and a puzzled look on his face. Husband thought he had a hearing problem, until we did some unscientific tests at home. We soon realized that when told to do his chores (yes, my 4 year old has chores already, lol!), the guy would all of a sudden play deaf. But, when informed of the presence of chicken, fried yam, indomie noodles (which he calls "indomie noodooz"), mangoes or ice cream, the guys hearing, all of a sudden, would work 100% of the time.

Once we got that out of the way, we began to simply discourage him from tuning us out. It took him a little longer to stop tuning out my voice however...go figure, shebi? Anyway, one day, right after another 'tune your momma out' incident, my husband looked at his son and smiled.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.
"Um...oh, nothing." He said, clearly trying to decide whether or not to share his thoughts.
"My friend! Common tell me what you are thinking." I said jockingly, walking up to him and sticking a finger in his ribs to make him laugh.
"Well, I can't help but think that this boy is well equipped for marriage."
"Huh???"
"Think about it, the boy clearly knows how to tune out voices. That is going to be an ideal attribute for him when he is a married man."

At this point, I am astounded and roll my eyes. But from the look on Husband's face, it becomes clear he is not joking.

"I wish I could do that." He said in a low voice and moved before I threw my hat at him.

So, there you have it people. My Husband thinks that the ability to tune out people (please read wives) is an attribute necessary for a good marriage. Hahaha. God have mercy.

Please what do you think about this? I feel otherwise, but would like to know where you stand.

*Good Lord, I hope I don't lose out on this debate*

Soldier of Love

GBAMU, GBAMU

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 04:36:00 PST

Hey folks, I made a mistake in scheduling today's TTTEC post, so, it had to be rescheduled. I apologize. Abeg make una no vex.

For today, I'm sharing 9ice's newest video for Gbamu, Gbamu. I've been running to this song for a couple days now and it's pretty good. Hope you enjoy it. We are listening to it now and Bomboy keeps laughing each time 9ice says "Gbamu Gbamu". He finds the Yoruba language to be funny. Ah, see, they are now all asking each other "kilon se ye?" in their Yankee accents, its too funny!

I'm off to a naming ceremony tonight with the entire family. Should be fun as my hubby has never attended one. Yes, I didn't do those for my babies. Haven't been to one of those in a long time, but do people take gifts to those? I want to get the mommy a little gift though, not flowers because they must have tons of those. I can't wait to see the little baby, heehee.

Okay folks, sorry for the post mixup, and have a blessed and wonderful weekend! Off to take TE to school, ooh, ooh, my baby was selected Student of the Month in January for being a good student, the formal announcement was delayed by all the snow storms we had recently. Yay!!!! I'm giving her and her brothers a treat this afternoon. Oya, bye! Gotta get that lady to school!

DADDYS & DAUGHTERS

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 21:42:00 PST

When I was pregnant with TE, my mother-in-law gave me some sound advice. She advised me that if someday I notice that my daughter loves her daddy more than me, I shouldn't be offended because she loves me, but I just don't compare to her father.

Well, as TE grew up, it became clear that daddy was her favorite. Being that I had been forewarned, I wasn't particularly offended. In fact, it worked for me in many ways. When she would come to our bedroom in the middle of the night, she would seek her father who would have to wake up and spend time with her. Yes, I got to sleep through it all. Before her brothers came along, they even took daddy-daughter trips - one to Trinidad to watch a cricket match and one to Dominica to visit family members. Once again, I got some good sleep on those occasions.

The only issue I had was when she was about 13 months old and I realized that Husband was having a hard time disciplining her. If I told him his daughter did something naughty, the man would chastise me for accusing his daughter falsely! It got to a point I started recording evidence of her naughtiness. For instance, once when she pulled out all the tissue paper from the toilet roll and coated the bathroom with it, I simply snapped some pics and recorded her in the act with a video camera. That was the last day the man ever told me I was accusing his daughter falsely! She had the man wrapped around her fingers, I'm telling you. I had to talk to him about it and since then, he has been a lot tougher on her when she gets into trouble.

But now, there is another issue that has presented itself. I think TE thinks she owns my husband. Yes, she orders him around and quite frankly, nags him mercilessly. You should see the patience he somehow has when it comes to his daughter. It is amazing. If I tried to get away with half of what she gets away with... well, it would never happen!

"Daddy, I need some crackers."

Off he goes to get his daughter crackers.

Me? I have to beg, cajole and use my sweetest voice for some crackers.

And when it comes time for her to talk, oh my goodness! Already the girl can talk, so when she decides she wants to 'lecture' her father about her day, she goes on and on. And he somehow can listen to it all. I tried that yesterday and the guy passed out on me, no lie!!!! Or, when she gives her father an order like "It is time for you to clean the car, daddy." She says it with such sweetness, the man just can't help himself. Next thing you know, he's like, "Well, she reminded me to wash the car."

The girl has her daddy-manipulation skills down pat.

Well, I can't complain. I am glad TE and Husband get along. I didn't have that experience and I am grateful that she does. She is her father's princess, as well she should be. When she comes asking me for money for one thing or the other, I just point her in the direction of her dad. Works everytime. Can you believe she once told me she wants to spend all her daddy's money? She's only 5 but she said it with so much conviction, I believed her. I have told her that she will become a big girl who will work hard to earn her own money. But, she is convinced she will still spend all her father's money anyway. *sigh*

Husband sometimes jokes that he feels sorry for her husband because she can be bossy and demanding. I remind him that all the attention and love he gives her will ensure she becomes a self assured and confident woman, knowledgeable of her worth and not willing to compromise her ideals.

I think I'm right.

What about you guys, what daddy- or mommy-manipulation skills did you have when you were growing up? Do you still use them?

TTTEC: A C-SECTION

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:45:00 PST

It seems that I am getting more and more issues about Mother-in-Laws and their wahala. Here is another one and it seems that this lady, lets call her Chichi, is determined to deal with this problem once and for all. Please give her some serious strategy on how to handle her situation.

Thank you.

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My husband and I are expecting our first child and my mother in law is coming from Nigeria to stay with us pending the arrival of her grandchild. My husband is her first son and she is quite excited, but even though she is yet to get here she is already causing me sleepless nights.

I have elected to have a cesarean and it seems my MIL is not happy about that. She believes that the procedure is simply a way for doctors to make more money and even argues that it will be harmful to the child. Now mind you, she is no doctor, and she is not a nurse. I have spoken at length about the decision with my doctor and I am comfortable with the decision. My husband was comfortable with it as well but now that his mother is complaining, he is beginning to stress me out, asking me to reconsider.

I have chosen for now to not engage either of them. My husband is easy, I simply need to put my foot down and he will let this go. We tend to not argue and know how to solve our issues. But my mother in law, that is another issue. She has been known to cause trouble in the homes of her daughters. Her oldest daughter, Mary, is now separated from her husband over some stunts my MIL pulled over there, but I rather not go into that. All I know is that I cannot allow her to sow seeds of destruction in my young marriage.

She has accused me of wanting to take "the easy way out", of wanting to waste her son's money (mind you, my insurance is covering the delivery) and even has made comments to my husband's aunts over here prompting them to call me and say rude things about how real mothers do this, or that. Anyway, I am seeking to aggressively deal with this problem because it is my right to discuss with my husband what decisions we will make regarding our children and our home. I don't want someone else, MIL or not, interfering to our detriment.
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Okay people, let me just say that I had all 3 of my children via C-Section and it is no big deal. A recent conversation with a friend revealed that some of our mothers believe that a woman is not a real mother until she has "pushed out" her children. *eye roll*. C-Sections are life savers for some children, particularly those suffering from fetal distress during labor (as was the case for my diva TE) and many mothers simply do not want to entertain the possibility of vagina tears which sometimes require surgery to fix. I just don't understand why some people won't simply allow other people to live their lives jeje. Anyway, forgive my rant. May I simply add that Chichi's hubby, (let's call him Michael), is not the sort of man to 'challenge' his mother, so there is little expectation that he will discourage her from making rude comments.

Alright, over to you guys...

"REBUKE IT!"

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 21:04:00 PST

So, my fellow Nigerians, and those familiar with Nigerians, know that Naija folk are extremely religious. I once had a classmate named 'Christian' - cute kid, but like any mortal, he likely participated in un-Christian-like events. I also once knew a primary school classmate named 'Innocent'. Personally, I think his parents set the poor boy up for failure as he could never live up to his name, at least in primary school. He always managed to get into trouble and those where the days when teachers whipped students with kobokos at random. Once, during Physical Education (PE) class, as we ran around in the school yard, pieces of newspaper started dropping from Innocent's PE shorts. He had padded his backside in anticipation of that day's spanking - he knew it would undoubtedly come. And he was right. A fellow student sold Innocent out to a teacher who promptly got rid of the padding and punished him for it. Poor Innocent, I am sure he is probably doing great now though.

In general, Christian names are not a problem, even though my father refused to give me one. Nor is Christianity an issue, I am a Christian who has managed to give all my children at least one Biblical name. However, the way some Nigerians use Christianity is a real turn off for me. Like the term "Rebuke it", for instance. "Rebuke It" is a heavily used, and probably overabused, term in churches and Christian circles. Feel like the devil is trying to steal your shine? "Rebuke it". Think that mami wata lady at the office is trying to grab your promotion from your clutches? "Rebuke it". It so sweetly and succinctly surmises the evoker's refusal to claim anything negative in their life. Yoruba speakers would simply say "lai, lai" [never] or "Olorun maje" {God forbid}. But, "Rebuke It" is likely the shiny, new way to say the same thing.

Why am I writing about this term, "Rebuke It"? Because recently, I discovered that I never want to hear that term used out of a proper context again. During a conversation with a close family member in Nigeria, I made the mistake of telling the person that I and my children were sick with coughs and colds. No sooner had the statement been made than did I receive a shrill reprimand.

"Ehn? Don't say that! Rebuke It!!!!!!!"

Lost in a head fog and coughing away, I quickly realized that I missed something and repeated that my family was unwell to another swift scolding, this time much louder and longer-

"I said REBUKE IT!!!!!!! Haba, that is not your portion...."

And from there, the speaker descended into a 5 minute speech on how I should not "claim" sickness and other matters, punctuated with several "Amens".

Now, let me make it clear, I understand where the speaker was coming from. Yup, I get it. Before new-age gurus started making money by teaching self-help junkies that speaking something into the universe makes it be, Nigerians have been aware of this. It has to do with the way we use religion, our own traditional religions and even pseudo-science to understand the world around us. So, I understood that saying I was sick would somehow make it okay for me to be sick (get it?) which is what the speaker did not want me to do.

However, it was too late to worry about all that. I had spent 4 days sick, not eating (though a discussion with Folake Huntoon about grilling eventually spiked my appetite), coughing, blowing my nose and praying to everything holy to get my strength back. When that finally began to happen, I had my hubby drive me to a store to buy a phone card to call this family member, only for that person to not empathize with me and mine, but instead, give me a religious lecture. It just sounded uncaring - not very Christian-like.

So, it was no surprise that the rest of the conversation was nothing more than grunts and "hmms" from me and that I considered various techniques to bring the call to a swift end. But, it turned out that I didn't need to worry. Simply putting the thought that I needed the call to end into the universe was enough. I had a miracle. The phone card shut off prematurely bringing the one sided discussion to a blessed end. And, imagine that, I didn't even have to say "Rebuke It" to make it happen.

DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended to condemn any individual, any religion or any group of people. It is also not intended to be a reaction to the recent "prayer" discussion that took place during TTTEC: A Missing Ring as this post was written before that TTTEC installment was published. Also, please do not blame that heathen Azazel whose blog I read frequently. This is simply a reflection of the writer's feelings in reaction to a personal incident. Take it, or leave it. Thanks. And if you get offended, just "rebuke it".

TTTEC: A MISSING RING

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 21:54:00 PST

Hello Easier Crew, I hope your week has been a good one. Today's TTTEC installment involves a lady who, in my opinion, likely knows what is going on around her, but needs the push and encouragement necessary to take certain steps.

But, what do I know. Let's hear what you think and what suggestions you have for Ayo.

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Dear SolomonSydelle:

I have been married for almost 9 years and so far I have had a good marriage. My husband is a hard working man and we have twin girls Taiye and Kehinde. Like many others, my mother-in-law did not like me,claiming that because I am from Ekiti, I am stingy and would not make a good wife. Despite this and other issues, my husband, Niyi, and I got through the criticism and married.

I do everything I can to make my husband happy and he used to do the same. He would sometimes give me gifts for no reason, take the girls and I out for lunch and in general, be a loving father and husband. But, about 3 months ago, I noticed that things were changing. He didn't give his children the elaborate gifts he usually does for Christmas, and for me, well, I got nothing. When I asked him if something was wrong, he told me he was too busy to figure out what to get for the kids and I. I said no problem but cotinued to notice that he was getting distant with each passing week, coming home late from work and taking more and more business trips.

At the beginning of February, I noticed that he came home one day without his wedding ring. It was a Sunday evening and for the first time in 9 years of marriage, my husband made me cry. I couldn't confront him, and didn't. However, since that day, I have noticed that he continues to not wear his wedding ring. And when he did not give me even a kiss on Valentine's Day, I had had enough. As has become usual, he came in late on Friday evening (Valentine's day). I was waiting for him as I had made a spread of his favorite foods, and the twins were with my parents in Ikeja. But, I was so upset and asked him if he was cheating. He looked at me, laughed and told me not to worry about that. I then asked him where he left his wedding ring. He continued laughing and as he walked off to the bedroom he told me he lost it.

I don't want to believe that Niyi is cheating on me. We are both committed Christians and we pledged to both be faithful to each other and our marriage. What am I supposed to do? I worry that he is cheating but, my friends keep saying that it is not a big deal if he is cheating, it only becomes a problem if he has a child outside the home. I feel I have nobody else to talk to.
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HOOKING MY MOM UP...

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 21:55:00 PST

Okay, my Computer friends and fam, this is going to be interesting.

As you can see from the title, I want to hook my mother up with someone. Now, my mom has been single for a while but she's the kind of babe that is always out having a good time. I have been threatening to find her a boytoy for a while. At first, she used to blush and dismiss it, but I think she is now considering the idea, lol!

I love my mom. She drives me nuts sometimes, but I love her and I know she needs companionship. My mother is one of those ladies you see on the wedding circuit in Naija. Gele/headtie reaching the ceiling, wearing aso ebi for all her friend's daughters/son's weddings. Bag...check. Shoes...check. Party here, party there. Serious peperempe. And, I don't mind. You see, I believe that when you have raised your children and others children as well (as is the case in most Nigerian families where everybody raises everybody's child), you deserve to enjoy retirement. So, I say, party it up mommy, but stay safe.

Anyway, I met someone I think would be good for my mommy. My family and I call him Farmer J and he owns a large farm right next door to my community. I have been stalking his farm for sometime now, trying to get an aloe vera plant. When I finally met him, I was with the boys and he took them and taught them how to feed his cows. He has quite a bit of them. The boys had so much fun, that Bomboy took to picking up huge balls of cow poop and chasing me with the stuff. *shuddering, remembering the experience*

So, yeah, the kids like him. I like him. Even my hubby likes him. And did I say Farmer J is very nice? I have seen him a few times and spoken to him on the phone quite often. He wants the kids to come by and name a baby calf that was just delivered on his farm. I think he would be good for my mom. A man who enjoys putting his hand in the dirt and being in touch with nature. Hahaha. I'm laughing so hard right now, because my mother's nickname is "Shine, Shine" if that gives you some clues, lol! My mom can't get over the fact we go camping, lol!!!!!

Farmer J's very down to earth and extremely kind and well, yeah, I think they would be a good match. Even though he runs a farm, he's an artist (has a very cool little studio that TE loves), teaches sculpture and photography at the neighborhood university and is involved in the community. Did I mention that my mother was an actress way back in the day? So, she has her artsy/creative side as well.

Now, how to hook them up? My mom is in Nigeria. She lost her passport and now needs to get a new one, plus a US visa. And, we all know that in the post-Abdulmutallab world, visas have become even harder to get. I'm hoping that given her age and extensive travel history, it won't be a problem for her. Geez, this will be the first time I have tried to hook my mommy up with anybody. There was a guy who liked her a while ago and she refused his advances because he was younger. I scoffed at her and told her to reconsider, but you know Naija babes, "How can a small boy be chasing me like this..." lol!

Ah, this post is getting far too long. I am going to get my mom in the US as soon as I can and when I do, I will introduce her to Farmer J. This is bound to be interesting....

I'll let you guys know, okay?

PS: Um, if you read this blog, happen to know who I am and happen to know who my mama is, YOU BETTER NOT TELL HER OF MY HOOKUP PLANS OH! It has to be a surprise hehehehe... And, if anybody has a responsible and charming older gentleman that they think would make a good date for my mother, I am accepting applications. Yes, oh, she too should play the field, go out on dates with other guys until she figures out which could be her boytoy, hahahaha

TTTEC: ALKALI

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:11:00 PST

Hmmm...todays installment was told to me by 'Peju' and it turns out I know the people involved. Nigeria is a large country but I swear, when it comes to Nigerians, its only a matter of 3-4 degrees of separation, not 6.

All I can say is that it is important for people to be honest. It is also important for us to take what our partners tell us seriously. Ladies, if a man does not want you, please, let him go. And, yes, you will know. But if you don't please contact me for the Senior Girl's Handbook. I believe that what happened below was a direct result of a woman thinking she could change a man and make him love her more than he actually does. Mind you, I cannot heap all the blame on this lady. The guy in this situation should have had more balls and extricated himself from this relationship because he clearly had no interest in being monogamous to a woman who wanted monogamy. Men, be honest with your partners. Anyway, please read and see what I am talking about. I had to cut some stuff out because the story was long, but I hope you get the drift of it all.

Have a blessed weekend.

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My cousin Albert is a royal bastard. Like his father before him, he is a womanizer and will chase anything that moves. He met one of my bestfriends Morenike at a party some years ago. Morenike and I went to Corona together and we even went to the same secondary school. I came to the US first, but when she came, she transferred to my college and we are like sisters.

Anyway, I was there when she met Albert and I warned her to stay away from him, but she did not listen. Anyway, one thing led to another and after 2 tumultous years of a relationship filled with cheating, she was impregnated by him. Unlike Albert, she was ecstatic and believed that by having his first child, he would marry her and change his cheating ways, blah, blah, blah. Albert refused to marry her and her mother and sisters came from Naija to force her things into his house. Yes, I definitely mean force. WIth all that, he refused to marry her, but he allowed her to live in the house.

One baby turned into 2 babies and during this time, Albert was not faithful to Morenike. I would get phonecalls in the middle of the night from her, crying and asking me where my "brother" was. I would console her as best I could and let things be.

3 months ago, I received a phonecall from her around 4am in the morning. She called to tell me that I needed to meet her at a motel almost 30 minutes from my house. When I told her I could not leave my house when I had work in a few hours, she told me that if I did not come, she would kill Albert. I had never heard her talk like that before so my boyfriend drove me to meet her. The minute his car pulled up, Morenike jumped from her car and ran upstairs. I have never seen her display the strength she did that day because she used her leg to break open that door. I ran in behind her only to see her holding a knife, screaming and about to stab the people in the bed. I still had no idea what was going on so I grabbed her. I got cut in the process but, with all the commotion the people in the bed jumped up. It was Albert and this girl, Chima. Now, Chima, is kind of known for being loose. Anyway, my boyfriend and I wrestled Morenike out of that room, but she warned Chima to stay away from Albert and threatened that if their paths crossed, the next time blood would shed.

Unfortunately, Nike has kept her promise somewhat. Last week Friday, she asked me to babysit for her. I said yes. She told me she and Albert were going to go away for the night. Like a mumu, I believed her. Unbeknownst to me, she told Albert she was spending the night at my place with the girls (which she has done many times before). Instead, she waited for him to bring Chima to the house, ran inside in the middle of the night, poured alkali on the girls face and was arrested by the police.

Albert refuses to pay her bail. Nike's mother has come from Nigeria to take care of the kids but everything is a mess. Her mother is blaming me for hooking them up and keeps saying that I "allowed" Nike to get into trouble. Back home, Nike's older brother attacked my younger cousin at a party over the weekend and her family is badmouthing my family, saying that because they trusted us, they allowed their daughter to "marry" Albert. Mind you, Albert never married her. Her family kept telling everyone in Naija that they were married but that was never the case.

I just don't know how I have become the sacrificial lamb in all this. For years, I warned Nike to leave Albert alone. Even his own mother begged her to take the children and leave. After all, Albert would have taken care of his children, no question. He is a very well-paid lawyer and can afford to put Nike and the kids in a nice place. But, she refused. Please what can I do? My boyfriend says I must not bail her out and that I need to mind my business and let everything cool down. But, how can I? Albert refuses to do anything and her family is insisting that my family "do something". I can't believe the mess. Nike might go to jail for a very long time. I just don't know what, if anything, I can do.
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If I may be honest, I advised this lady to listen to her boyfriend. There is nothing she can do. Nike refuses to take Peju's calls and the amount needed for bail is very high. To get that money, Peju would have to literally rob a bank or put up collateral she does not have. Well, I hope you guys have something more to give her than I did, because I just didn't know what else to say.
*smh*

FUNNY NAIJA SPOOF VIDEOS

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:29:00 PST

I just couldn't resist putting these up -

And this skit is super funny!!!!

We are still snowed in over here and car's keep getting stuck around here. We have plantain, yam, rice, fruits, snacks and today, I think we will bake some brownies. I love eating warm brownies with Twix ice cream (which I can't find anywhere), and chocolate syrup. Ooh, i can't wait. Anyway, enjoy the clips and I hope you laugh a lot!

THE WINTER STORM TO END ALL...

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:50:00 PST

As I type, I am wearing two pairs of pants, a sweatshirt and a large bubble jacket just to keep me warm. No, power holders have not struck, thank goodness, but the freezing temperatures are just no fun. Add to that the approximately 3 feet of snow that surrounds the entire region - can you feel me now?

It snowed for approximately 24 hours non-stop. All one could do was snack on Doritos, drink aloe tea, snack some more, eat coconut rice and curry chicken (you know how my people love chicken). Now that I think about it, I should have cracked open my bottle of Hennessey 44, a special edition bottle manufactured to celebrate Obama's inauguration. Hmmm, I think I'll see how much I can get for it on Ebay instead.

Anyway, so back to the gist - it is freezing cold. Brrr. All I want to do is drink some more tea, curl up in front of the fireplace with my human teddy bear and pass out while he watches his team, the West Indian cricket team, try to beat Australia. It was hard sleeping by him yesterday as he was watching his team lose. Lots of angry grunts, yells and dissatisfied sighs.

Gosh, I can't stay focused. All this cold. And snow. Anyway, here are pictures of my neighborhood post blizzard.

That is what it looked like outside a bottom floor window. Excuse the grimy paw prints on the glass. =)

That is my neighbor's car covered in snow. You can barely make out one of the tail lights in the back.

The snow at my front door.

And my backyard looked like this -

Argh! The question is how long will all this snow take to disappear seeing as we are expecting another 5 inches on Tuesday this week?

My guess? Forever!

Have a great week, people! See you on Friday for a new TTTEC installment.

TTTEC: OF HOUSEHELPS & ABUSE 2

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 21:05:00 PST

Happy Friday to everyone. I want to take the time to say thank you to everyone who participated in last week's installment. It appears that the tenor of that discussion was very good because I have received 2 emails from readers with advice and one with a personal story to share.

So, today, 'Priscilla' shares her story in the hopes that it will encourage someone to do the right thing for another person if and when the opportunity presents itself.

I hope all is well with you all. Have a blessed weekend!
******************
I am glad that I stumbled upon your blog. I was reading another blog and saw the title of your blogpost and after reading the comments, I knew I had to share my story.

I am the 4th of 9 children that my mother and father had. Daddy died when I was 14 and at first, we depended on relatives. But, soon, the burden was too much for my mother and I was sent at the age of 16 to live with a relative in Lagos.

Upon arrival, I immediately became the househelp for this family of 5. The 'madam' was a distant relative of my late father's and well, I was glad to be in Lagos and see flashy cars and wonderful things. However, things got ugly when my 'oga' started coming to my room at night. Like the story you shared of the girl who discovered her father with the housegirl, I was also warned to not make any noise or else I would be beaten. And yes, you can imagine, I became pregnant, at the age of 17. He insisted I have an abortion, and one day gave me some sort of concoction. It made me very sick. I thought I was dying. When 'madam' asked what was wrong with me, because I was vomiting everywhere, her husband offered to take me to a neighbor's house, as that neighbor was a doctor. It was late at night and luckily, the neighbor was there. They soon drove me to his clinic and well, I lost a lot of blood and the baby as well.

Believe it or not, I was abandoned at that clinic with nowhere to go. My 'oga' and 'madam' never came back for me. I was given transport money by one of the nurses and when I got back to their house, 'madam' told me to never come back. Just like that. No money. Nothing. I had no way to get back to Calabar.

For some days, I slept outside. A househelp in the area had pity on me, fed me and encouraged me to speak to the doctor that saved my life that night after that man tried to kill me in the name of abortion. I walked to their house and luckily, the doctor and his wife where there. I think they suspected what had happened even though their friend told them I was sleeping with maiguards in the area. Thank God for that family, because from that day, I stayed in their house with them and their children. They sent me to school and I managed to get my first certificate. I then went on to get a job as a secretary and soon met my husband at Church. Today, I am a mother and wife, and I still cannot believe what I went through to get to where I am today.

I chose to share my story (and I hope you will not reveal my name) because far too often, what happens to househelps is ignored. But, it is the kindness of absolute strangers that can make or break a human being. In my case, I was fortunate to be 'adopted' by a kind family and a man who literally saved my life so many years ago. Even though I ended up on my feet, my life is not a Nollywood film, I am just a simple woman who has seen extreme wickedness and extreme kindness. And just so you know, that same 'oga' that raped me, his son impregnated a neighbors housegirl. After living for months in shame in that neighborhood, the son's actions redeemed me in a way because from then on, many people treated me differently. They realized that something was wrong in that house and not with me. We in this country can be very, very wicked to those who are of a different level and I pray that anyone reading this will not turn a blind eye if they know of a girl being raped by a friend all because that girl is a housegirl. Please, I am begging.
*****************

So, there you have it. I promised 'Priscilla' that I would share her story, and I have. DO you have any thoughts on the matter of househelps and sexual abuse? From last week's comments, it seems Lagos State has some facilities for victims, but I wonder if there are similar options in other states, or would a victim have to find an NGO? Anyway, I will read your comments and learn form you all. There are so many causes to support and champion in Nigeria - this issue should definitely be one of them. Thanks!

By the way, 'oga' refers to a boss, 'maiguard' is the word for a gateman, 'housegirl/househelp' refers to a live in maid.

EGGSPLOSION

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:23:00 PST

What happens when you have a boiled egg that has gone cold and you want it reheated?

Well, if you opt to put it in a microwave for longer than 5 seconds, this is what you get -

A disgusting mess!

I mean, I know eating eggs can cause some gaseous explosions of the stinky kind (i.e. farts) but and eggsplosion? My, people, I had absolutely no idea.

Ahhh, my life!

#SSDSWAG #2: THE WINNERS ARE...

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 12:27:00 PST

The winners of Swagevent #2 are NigerianQueen and Cali.

Congratulations to you both!!!!

Both of you will be receiving an item from the fabulous WeWe Clothing collection.

Please send an email to me with your address using my contact form so you can receive your prize.

Thank you to all those who took the time to participate in this swagevent.

Once again, congratulations to the winners. And, a special thank you to Folake Huntoon of WeWe Clothing for making this giveaway possible!

OF HOUSEHELPS & SEXUAL ABUSE

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:38:00 PST

Today's installment is not only the first of the new year, but it is also the first that left me in a blind rage. The issue of sexual abuse is one that blogville has confidently discussed over the years and it has been done in a way that I think has been positive. However, not enough has been said in our community about the rape of househelps by their employers. It is a serious issue that likely requires constant discourse so as to eventually help many understand that IT IS WRONG.

Please read today's TTTEC installment. I have included my response to the writer but you will have to click on the 'Read More' link to see it. I apologize for the long post but would appreciate knowing your thoughts and what advice you have for this young lady who wants to do the right thing but is caught between a rock and a hard place.

************************
I'm a 19 year old student at Covenant University. I'm the first of four children, I have two sisters and a brother, the last born. My siblings and I are well brought up and prior to last weekend, I would say my parents were decent, hardworking people who had a happy and stable marriage.

Last weekend I came home unexpectedly from school. My younger ones were away in boarding school and my mum had travelled to our hometown so it was just my dad and the housemaid at home. I didn't think much of it, until later that night. I woke up cos of the heat and I wanted to go and get some water from the fridge. As I walked to the living room, I passed by the maid's room and heard strange noises. The door was ajar so I decided to peep inside.

I saw my dad on top of the housemaid, with his trousers down. He was telling her to be quiet otherwise he would beat her in the morning. I ran away in shock. This housemaid cannot be more than 13 years old and I cannot believe my dad was raping her right there in our house. I ran back to my room and could not sleep. All kinds of thoughts were running in my mind. What should I do? Should I tell my mum? Or another elder in the family? Should I confront my dad? I am even disgusted to face him right now. If my father can abuse such a young girl in our house, what else is he capable of? Please help me.

Thank you,
Edun
*****************************
MY RESPONSE:
First off, thank you for considering the Easier Crew to share this unfortunate situation with. No matter what happens, you must not take any action without thorough consideration of the factors involved and the potential outcomes.

The key is to help that young girl, as she is only 13. I would recommend that she be approached discreetly to find out how many times she has been raped. You might also have to consult with one more person, because that girl might need some psychological/emotional counseling (someone to talk to) and assistance to go to school. At 13, she should be in school and getting assaulted by your father, so after counseling, the next step is to get her into school for a thorough education or at least a trade. If you do not want your mother or others to know, ensure that your father provides the necessary funding (yes, pure bribery) and access to guarantee adequate education for the girl at the risk of embarrassment and scandal.

This is but one possible action. As difficult as this situation is, you have options. Ultimately, YOU need to know what you want to happen. Do you want to get the househelp out of this sexual bondage and degradation? Do you want to confront your father? Do you want your mother to know? Or, a combination of all 3? At this point, the choice is yours to make as you know best about your family dynamics and the players involved. I desperately hope you will not select to do absolutely nothing because this little girl needs you to get her out of this abusive setup.

Again, thank you for sharing this with me and I am sure that the Easier Crew will offer much more comprehensive advice and opinions. I just hope that it will come in time to be of help to that young girl and to give you an opportunity to put your mind at ease that you have done the right thing.

Be strong.
***************************

Please leave your comments and do not forget to participate in Swagevent #2

"I'M A TIGER"

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:55:00 PST

"I'm a tiger." The little boy yelled with glee as he ran circles around his fatigued mother.

"I'm a tiger, mama!" He screamed again.

She looked up from studying the various boxes of pasta on the supermarket shelf and glanced at her excited son through the corner of her eyes. Images of a disgraced Tiger Woods and his uncountable mistresses flashed in her head.

"Was it 10 or 12? Gosh, how many mistresses were there?" She struggled to remember through a fog of mental cobwebs that severely limited her recollection.

"Mama, I said I'm a tiger!" Her little boy shouted, this time holding onto her legs and imploring her to focus on his pressing issue.

"Oh, yes, darling. You are a tiger!" She responded in a tone that did not match how tired she truly was.

Not wanting to miss an educational opportunity, she started to teach her son how to spell 'Tiger'.

"Let's spell Tiger, Papa," she said as she moved her shopping cart down the aisle after tossing in a box of multigrain penne pasta.

"Okay!" Her son responded, clapping his hands together in excitement.

"T"

"Teeeeee"

"I"

"Eyeeeeee"

"G"

"Geeeeee"

"E"

"Eeeeeee"

"And, R."

This time, her son opted to roar like a tiger, instead.

"Arrrrr...roarrrrr" he said with far too much gusto and mysteriously, from behind her.

She thought to herself, "Now that's odd, why is this little munchkin standing behind me. I wonder what he is..."

But, she could not complete the thought, for at that very moment, a sharp, hot flame pulsed through her entire body, starting at her right butt cheek and radiating upward to her brain.

The world stopped completely and the loud music of the supermarket dimmed considerably. Colors from all the vibrant boxes and items seeking her attention faded immediately. All common sense, decorum and good home training evaporated.

"OWWWWWW!!!" She yelped repeatedly, jumping up and down in pain, with both hands clutched on the abused right, butt cheek.

"Bomboy, why did you just do that? Haba, ki lo de? Abi ikan shey e ni?" and she descended into her father's tongue Yoruba, which she typically reserves for when disciplining her kids.

Rather than be afraid, the little boy laughed giddily, and was soon joined in the hysterical chorus by his older brother who had watched the entire incident with amazement but opted to not warn his distracted and shopping mother of what was to come.

"But, Mama! I'm a tiger!!!!" he reminded her. "Roar! I bite your bumbum!"

She grabbed the little boy and deftly strapped him into the little car attached to the front of the shopping cart and ordered her other son in as well. Both boys complained mercilessly, but once she asked them if they wanted a spanking, they hushed.

As she returned to her position behind the cart, limping ever so slightly from the throbbing pain, she took a few moments to rub her sore backside. She desperately wished she was at home or somewhere private where she could shove her hands into her pants and rub the victimized butt cheek appropriately.

"Tiger ko. Tiger ni."

Once again, those images of Tiger Woods and all his mistresses ran through her minds eye like a slideshow. All thought of pain evaporated immediately as she said a silent, yet fervent prayer, "God, please, not like Tiger Woods. Olorun Maje."

***********
Please do not forget to check out the latest swagevent - A clothing giveaway from WeWe Clothing for kids and adults! Have a blessed week!

#SSDSWAG ALERT: FASHION GIVEAWAY

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:45:00 PST

It is still swagseason here at solomonsydelle.com and Swagevent #2 comes courtesy of none other - WEWE CLOTHING!

"Wewe, pronounced (weh-weh) means “little ones” in West African Yoruba culture. Inspired by the Nigerian home of her youth, WeWe designer Folake Huntoon has attempted to create a range of ethnic clothing for her own children that will fill a void she has found in the marketplace. Much of the materials that go into WeWe collections are imported from Nigeria, which complements Huntoon’s own West Africa-informed design sensibilities."

- from the This Next blog

Designs from WeWe Clothing has been seen on many of Hollywood's chic, A listers and their children. From Kate Hudson, Hale Berry and her daughter, Nahla, Nicole Richie and her children, Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow and many more! The clothing line and its owner, Folake Huntoon, are internationally recognized. Folake was even followed around by MNET's Studio 54 cameras not too long ago.

Folake is a genuine friend of the Easier site and she is kindly offering the Easier Crew 2 prizes - one winner gets an item for a special child in their life and another, a fabulous item from the adult line (female or male).

Folake is a fab mother and entrepreneur, so there's no way I couldn't love her!!! And, um, I'm not ashamed to say, I wouldn't mind having one of her future designs named after yours truly *wink*

So here's how to get some #SSDSWAG (some of the long time Easier Crew members are already a few steps ahead of the game, frankly):

Subscribe to the RSS feed for the blog, It Was So Much Easier When I Only Had One... (button is in the right sidebar of the page)
Join the I <3 The Easier Crew Group on Facebook. Simply click on the link.
Send out a tweet on Twitter indicating you want to win WeWe Clothing by tweeting #SSDSWAG, mentioning 'WeWe Clothing' and indicating if you want the children's item or the adult item. (Not having a twitter account will not disqualify you but now would be a great time to get one =P)
Finally, include a linkback (http://solomonsydelle.com) to this blog at your blog that also mentions Folake Huntoon and WeWe Clothing.

And that's it!!!! I encourage as many tweets as possible as that will increase chances of winning. Two of you will be randomly selected to win some lovely Hollywood fashion! This swagevent ends on January 31st (midnight US Eastern time) and a winner will be announced on Monday February 1st.

Thanks Folake for participating in Swagseason!

Can't wait to see who wins!

MY DAUGHTER HAS AN ADMIRER?

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 06:15:00 PST

For those of you who know, The Enforcer or TE as my daughter is affectionately known at this humble blog is only 5 years old. She will be 6 in March and just started going to school last August. She's doing well at school, thankfully and to say I am excited about her progress would be an understatement.

But, the other day, my baby came home and proceeded to confide in me about something that happened at school. You see, one of her classmates gave her his number. Apparently, he told her that if she ever wants to come over, she should simply give him a call. Now, I thought nothing of this while she told me about this phone number she got, but one thing was for sure, my little girl was super excited! Every few minutes she would mention the boy's name and make reference to his number. As I am constantly busy, I would simply tell her, "Not now, dear" and remind her to get abck to whatever she was doing be it eating, doing homework or reading. I figured the boy had a harmless crush on TE and that was that. Better to teach her now not to get too excited over boys liking her so she learns to become discriminating when it comes to those of the other sex, shebi?

My husband, on the other hand, was not so cool about the whole 'little boy gave my daughter his number' thing. Unlike me, who just thought it was an invitation for a play date, my husband had other thoughts on the matter. His protective daddy gene kicked in, my people. He was grilling me about how some boy gave our daughter his number, and when I laughed at his overreaction, I was soundly chastised and warned not to encourage such things, lol!!! Haba, these kids are not even 6, they sit at the same table in their kindergarten class, they likely play together at school and wanted to extend their play time past school hours. Now, my husband is acting like some boy is trying to take his little girl away from him or something!! LWKMD! It's just too funny, because my husband is pretty laid back about a lot of things - remember the where to hide money in the house incident? Exactly! I would never in a million years have thought this would worry him because its the sort of thing I would be worried about, not him. But this, has rattled him somehow, lol! I feel sorry for any boys that try to ever make a move on my huband's daughter. Kai! It would be funny if the same boy, or another gave my daughter a gift this Valentine's day....hahahaha... there will be serious trouble in this house! =0

Hoping all is well with you all and I want to wish my congrats to FFF who is now a mommy!!!! Congrats are equally in order for all the other newly minted blogger mommies around us!!!! I must also use this opportunity to apologize to faithful readers and friends for my inconsistency at blogging and other things the last few weeks. There has just been a lot going on, but, that being said, I am back on track, the swagevent will be announced this Friday and blogging is totally back to normal. Now off to catch up on all the things I had to put aside to deal with other issues over the last 3 weeks. Lots of emails, lots of commitments I had to put off and much, much more. *sigh* I'm getting a little anxious thinking of everything I need to do. More importantly, please say a prayer and/or give a little something towards the Haitian relief efforts if you can. There are Nigerian groups making it easier for Nigerians at home and abroad to contribute in some way or another. We've all been blessed in one way or another, the least we can do is lend a helping hand, small or otherwise, when it is needed. Stay well, and see you on Friday!!

HELLO? (PICS HEAVY)

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 07:22:00 PST

Um... Is anyone out there?

*Dusts cobwebs off blog*

It's only been about a week. So, where is everybody?

Well, una happy new year oh! I'm hoping that this year has started well for you all. Save for the news about Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who I just want to flog mercilessly by the way, 2010 is shaping up okay for us over here.

I spent about 2 weeks in Dominica in December. It was a nice time. Surrounded with family, eating fresh foods - and I do mean fresh - drinking freshly made juices, frolicking at the beach (and not getting my hair wet, thank you Lord!) and seeing serene sights. It was a blessing and I am thankful for God's travel mercies because, getting out to Dominica this time was more eventful than it needed to be, but again, I'm thankful.

Here are a few pics from the trip -

Sunset at Mero beach

Bomboy running along the beach

Face carved into the rock in Carib Territory (where the original inhabitants of the island live)

I got to watch a lady make Cassava bread. It was interesting to see. The cassava was salted and then roasted in a huge pan. Apparently, it is usually sweetened, baked and served with coconut. Husband and TK loved it. Me? Well, all I wanted at that time was to soak some Ijebu garri with sugar and ice cubes. Alas, there was no Ijebu garri in Dominica, so I had to wait until I got back to the good old US of A. Anyway, here are picks from the Cassava bakery -

I got to spend some time at my favorite restaurant on the island - Guiyave.

I love this restaurant! The last time I was in Dominica, I had the main chef give me her recipes! I pestered her until she did. My version didn't come out as well and she told me its because I need to have absolutely fresh herbs. So, once again, I am going to start an herb garden - I currently have lavender and basil growing, but need oregano, thyme, and some other things like lemon grass and I think I'll be good. I'm a food person, so my reference points tend to revolve around good food and the places I can get it and it seems my inlaws thought that was funny. Well, what they found funny was the fact that I am not a big rum drinker, which is technically sacrilege in Dominica. Anyway, they made me some local drink called a 'Step Up' - local Soca Rum and Ginger Wine. They thought it would knock me out. I kept trying to explain that I used to spend a lot of time in Ajegunle at the Navy Barracks and my Aunty's neighbor used to make ogogoro (local gin) in her kitchen and yes, all of us silly little kids used to shack, lol!!!! Burnt up some brain cells for sure because ogogoro is like almost 90% alcohol (can anyone help me here? Tobenna?). Basically, I have some tolerance, not much, but just enough, lol!

Anyway, let me stop here. I have some serious gist for you guys about TE and some boy that seems to have a crush on her. Then there are the boys and you know it is always one thing or another with them. But, that's for next week. This Friday, we return to TTTEC and the installment is quite frankly, disturbing. I gave my opinion to the reader and now, its your turn so tune in on Friday. Next Monday, I will be announcing the latest swagevent for the Easier Crew. If you have a niece, nephew or child that likes fashionable clothes, this one is for you. And, if you are a fashionable gal/guy, you want to check in because, its not just the kids that get something super trendy! Alright people, its a new year, so God bless you all and thank you so much for your kindness!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 21:00:00 PST

It's 2010 and I'm excited, are you?

Happy New Year to you!!! May 2010 be a blessed year full of success and unbelievably positive surprises for you and yours.

Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2009!

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 21:00:00 PST

Hey ...Easier... crew,

Another year is quickly drawing to a close. So, here's wishing you and yours a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year. Don't forget to show appreciation to the ones you love and be thankful for the blessing of seeing another year come to an end.

TE, TK, Bomboy, Husband and I pray that your life will be abundant with joy and the mercies of the Creator. So, enjoy the season and come back here next week for 4 days of updates from the TTTEC series.

Sincerely,

SolomonSydelle

By the way, here are 10 of the incredibly funny highlights of 2009 at the ...Easier... blog to tide you over -

And one last one as jara... - I'm Going Into Hiding

What is your favorite thing about Christmas? For me, its lazing about with my loved ones and talking to friends and family. What about you?

Enjoy this wonderful holiday season!

"SAY SOMETHING NICE" - A MEME

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 21:08:00 PST

Its the holiday season, and I am definitely in the spirit. So, I am starting my own little Meme. As the title above says, all one has to do is say something nice about a couple other bloggers. I am not sure how many bloggers to limit the meme to though, so let's say 5. That should do it.

So here are the rules.

Name 5 bloggers
Say something nice about each of them
Tag them by linking to them in your meme, and visiting their blog to announce that they have been tagged
Those tagged, cannot repeat any of the bloggers mentioned by the person who tagged them (sorry, that way more bloggers can get mentioned and not just the same popular ones)

I am also going to say that we limit this to Nigerian, and adopted Nigerian bloggers as a way of encouraging us all to go read their blogs and wish them a kind season's greetings message.=)

Okay, let me start,

*ahem, ahem*

WAFFARIAN: This craze pikin na my babe! As in I will stop what I am doing (including breastfeeding a child or two, lol!) to at least chat with her for a few minutes (or hours) because she is an excellent babe with a great heart. She craze sha, but she can make me laugh on any given day!!!! Thanks babe!
ADAEZE: She managed to share so much about herself in such a courageous way, there is no way i could not have the utmost respect for her. She comes across as a very intelligent and kind person, and i can only imagine that she is the same in real life.
SOKARI EKINE: Another incredible blogger that is an asset to the Nigerian blogging community. I'm not sure how she does it, but she has been blogging about crucial LGBT, human and civil rights issues for a long time now and never seems to lose momentum, unlike some of us (myself included).
GOOD NAIJA GIRL: I find her blog to be a very good one. Can you believe that the first time I read her blog, I got into semi-combative mode trying to offer a different take on an issue she presented for discussion? And, that is why i like her blog, it forces me to think and work harder. I especially liked her post about her entrepreneurial grandma. It was sucha beautiful post that reminded me of all the hardworking men and women from my family and how much I need to be like them. Anyway, babe you too try.
STANDTALL: The Madam the madam! Well, I personally find Ms. Standtall to be an inspiration and believe that one day, all the hard work she has done on behalf of young women will have a larger impact than she could have ever imagined. Unlike her, I am not a cat person, but she actually makes cats seem okay. lol!

Okay, I have started, so you ladies have to continue the meme. Please make sure you title it "Say Something Nice" so we can keep track of who might opt to participate. See you around!

TTTEC: SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:28:00 PST

The following is a sensitive issue, as you can tell from the title of today's installment. The reader is simply seeking advice and I hope that we can collectively give her constructive suggestions that can be of help. If for any reason, you would prefer to remain anonymous when you give your suggestion, please feel free to contact me at solomonsydelle(at)gmail(dot)com and I will pass your advice on.

*******************

My husband and i have been married for a while, and have a very great relationship. However, when it comes to sex, he comes way too quickly.

Before we met, i had fairly active sex life. But not so much for him, only maybe to relieve tension after a long period of inactivity.

He did tell me of his inadequacies before our wedding, and i promised to help him get over it since it was clear that it wasn't a medical problem but a psychological one.

To a great extent, we did overcome his premature ejaculation & sex was very enjoyable. We tried different positions, at different locations, as many times as he could manage it (am the energetic one of the two of us).

Then i got pregnant & consequently lost interest in sex which has brought us back to square one! Lovemaking, as u can imagine, became a chore for me. I couldn't stand to be kissed, caressed & especially having my breast touched. When we did it, it was cos i felt sorry that i was denying him, so i hardly took any pleasures in d exercise. Which meant zero foreplay. Consequently, he'd just about be done d minute he starts. That suited me in a way, cos the few times he tried to last a little longer, i nearly suffocated & he had to hasten up.

Still, it makes me very sad how bad sex has gotten between us, cos am imagining that after delivery we'd have to start working on our sex all over again!!!!!! There were moments of deep disappointments i really don't want to relive. Besides, i fear that what this means is that with every long abstinence, we'd be back to where we started. Lord, i'd so hate that. You have to understand that what am trying to avoid to getting to the mental state where view my sex-life with my husband with sadness. Not that i'm in danger of straying - not @ all - but i want to be uber-satisfied in bed, which i don't see it being d case if we have to constantly go through d circle of good sex/bad sex.

Is there anyway i can get him to consistently last longer? Nothing requiring drugs or shrinks, i hope. And another thing, am kind of tired of being the teacher in the bedroom. How do i speedup him catching up with me, & even overtaking me in sexual skills.

Thanks.
**************************

SHAVING

noreply@blogger.com (SOLOMONSYDELLE) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:22:00 PST

Yes, shaving is the issue for today.

No, not my shaving needs, but those of my 3 year old son, TK.

The other day, TE ran to tell me that her brother had been playing with red stuff. I calmly walked upstairs and saw my son at the top of the stairs. His mouth was red and it frankly looked like lipstick. I simply asked him what he had been doing and he said,

"Well, I just wanted to...I'm sorry mommy."

And then he disarmed me by shifting his head to the side and widening his pretty brown eyes. What could I do? I simply asked him to show me what he had been playing with.

We went into my bathroom and as I started to wash his face, the boy began flinching and I soon realized that the 'red stuff' was blood. I began to panic. I asked him what he had been playing with and all of a sudden the boy knew he was in trouble. I soon found the culprit - his father's razor! My son had tried to shave!

Turns out that every time Husband shaves, the boys watch him and sometimes, rub a bar of soap (the only thing they should be able to get their hands on) on their face to replicate the act of shaving.

I wish someone had warned me! These boys, I swear, they will not kill me =)

BTW, starting next Monday, I have a little meme that I hope many of you will participate in. Its just a little way for us Nigerian bloggers to share some cheer this holiday season with one another. Keep an eye out for it, okay? Thanks so much everyone for the constant support and good wishes. Blessings to you all!