So meanwhile...did I tell you about...

The making of a miracle

2012-11-06T12:38:00.000+10:30

Well here I am, 35 weeks pregnant and counting...counting down to the day we'll be holding our little one in our arms!

Amazing really that we're in the home stretch now - excuse the pun, because stretching is what I'll be doing as this bub chubs up!

Anyway, as I alluded to in this blog, it took us some time to collect all the ingredients we needed to get this little bun in the oven.

Only a few months shy of 3 years in fact.

I thought about blogging about it so many times, as a release and to also let others in the same boat know they're not alone.

But then it was all a bit raw, confusing and so often painful. And I think I didn't want to tell the world to avoid those knowing looks accompanied by "oh you're 'trying'..." thoughts/words!

So going back the few years, our big decision came about like this...

I woke up at a friends house having had a really vivid dream where the punchline was that I was looking at things around the wrong way.

Cue the kerplunk...

Turn to Nathan excitedly and say, oh I get it - we can have kids, then go overseas again!

But boy I never realised that this one decision would then unleash a whole host of changes and challenges.

Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Physically, it wasn't as simple for me as stopping taking the pill after more than 10 years and bingo I'm back in sync. (Which also had to do with the mentally & emotionally bit, but more on that later).

Stopping taking it was definitely a cracker decision in itself because it had positive effects on my body and mind.

But I didn't go back to a 'normal' cycle and then the year later when I came across Ayurveda and lost almost 15kg and shed a bunch of mental weight as well, that had repercussions and it turned into 3 month cycles rather than a bit over a month.

(And being a bit over a month wasn't actually that big a deal but I was still suffering from perfectionist tendencies at the time so I made it into one!)

I kept looking at myself thinking what's 'wrong' with me...and so I tried a few different approaches, a few vitamins and things to see if that would 'fix' it but then that lead to other issues. Mainly because they were intended to fix something that wasn't really there to begin with.

I went to see a Gyno and almost immediately was offered a drug that'd fling a bunch of eggs out to give us a better shot at getting pregnant.

But that didn't compute with me because it wasn't going to make my cycles more regular or bring my body into balance. Yes it might fix a symptom, but the cause would still remain. That and if it lead to me getting pregnant - would the issue still be there again once I'd had the bub?

Deep down I also knew that there wasn't anything wrong with me as such and I didn't need the drugs.

And that if I really believed in the mind-body connection and that everything happens at the right time that I'd been duping myself out of a chance to follow that through.

Fortunately for me, Nathan was on the exact same page so I had his full support.

So I stopped taking my plethora of vitamins, stopped seeking interpretations from different practitioners and decided I needed to do this myself. (And with Nathan by my side of course!)

From there, I did my best to simplify and kept trying to figure out what mental & emotional blocks were there that were manifesting physically.

Then last year I went almost 6 months without a period and that was the catalyst to leave full-time work and get my health back on track.

I'd been asked so many times whether I had stress in my life and while I didn't really think I did, for me a little bit can go a long way.

I realised that I just had too much going on and hadn't actually stopped for 6 months to recharge and renew...and my body was echoing that.

Amazingly the day after I resigned was the day my new cycle started, funny that!

The other aspect to the physical side in the last year or so was what came to be dubbed the uterus of fire!

Sorry if you get a bit icked by bodily things, but my last few periods were accompanied by astonishing cramps and pain, almost passing out and not being able to function until drugs kicked in. (And no, I didn't like having to resort to drugs but got over that too!)

Again, being such a strong believer in the mind-body connection, I think the pain was heavily linked to guilt and not wanting to have my period. Because having it meant I wasn't pregnant, which was bad because we really wanted to be! Hence the strain and pain. Meow, even thinking about it now brings it back and it really was awful!

Mentally. Ah mentally. Like I said, I didn't realise that the one decision would expand out so much.

I also didn't realise how many different beliefs I was carrying about getting pregnant and having kids!

But true to form, I had to peel the many layers back to get to the core, just like I'd done with other big things in my life.

At the start, Nathan & I didn't tell anyone that we'd decided kiddies would be cool, because we'd wanted it to be a 'surprise'. But then also because I think at the time I didn't want the pressure of others knowing and I'd wondered what others would think of me (yep that old chestnut was still around then too!).

Early on I also went through waves of being excited then flipping that on its head and thinking nooooo! If I get pregnant my life will end...aka work will stop, I won't be able to travel or do other things I'd planned, I'll be the one looking after the bub, etc etc.

Funny seeing as I'm looking forward to that all now!

At that time too I was still running a few anxiety habits - mainly that I wanted it to happen quickly so it all be over with and I wouldn't have to go through anything. That's a good one that one.

There was also letting go of the dream of going back overseas before kiddywinks, something I always thought I'd do and in part had let that define me. And so that created the lesson of 'no decision is absolute - you can always make a new one'!

Right throughout it too, we had the fun task of holding on to our belief that the Universe has got it all under control and we just have to keep the faith because everything happens at the right time.

But I tell you what, there was many a teary moment of 'I know it's going to happen at the right time, but I'd just like to know when that's going to be'!!!

And the blame and shame moments, they were fun too. It can be a difficult thing not to blame yourself when you find out that everything's fine & dandy with your partner from a physical perspective, so then clearly, it's all my fault.

But of course that's a crock, because there's sooooo many elements that need to be in place to get pregnant. When you think hard enough about it, it's phenomenal that so many little tackers are born because the timing does have to be perfect!

There was a bunch of other stuff too, but I'm blaming pregnant brain because nothing else is coming to me at the moment! (Oh and yes, pregnancy brain is real, even though I'd hoped it was a myth!!)

Emotionally, wowee what a rollercoaster!

Excitement, frustration, shame, happiness, sadness, wonderment, anguish, guilt, blame, embarrassment, anticipation, you name it, I had it all.

Even right to the end. The weekend before we found out was Easter and we were at a friend's place having a great weekend.

One of the conversations I had with the girls was about babies and where we were at. Finding out that another one of my friends had fallen pregnant in just 2 months seemed to tip the balance for me.

Which was interesting because right throughout the process I never got sad, angry or upset if someone else got pregnant - I was always super excited for them. Mainly because I think I knew that everyone has a different set of circumstances that lead them to getting pregnant so no point comparing.

But that night I ended up sobbing on Nathan's chest saying 'I don't understand what we're doing wrong and what I still need to learn. Why does this have to be so hard?' (Not for the first time!)

At this point in time I was a couple of weeks late, even by my irregular standards. But I'd thought that I'd managed to 'do it to myself again', and despite my best efforts, even though I'd stopped work some stress must be lingering still.

So I did end the sobfest with, yes it would be funny if I'm getting hung up about this and it turns out I am pregnant now.

Well as we found out that next Thursday - YES I AM, YIPPPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!

So there you go - all's well that ends well!!

Looking back on it all, it definitely did play out exactly like it was supposed to.

We've both said numerous times that thank goodness the Universe is much more clever than us because if we had fallen pregnant when we first decided we wanted to then yikes!

It would have been a very different pregnancy, and we definitely weren't in the position we are now physically, mentally, emotionally or even financially.

And I think the timing itself was geared around a few defining beliefs that Nathan & I had, including...

I wanted to be physically fit and as balanced as I could be before getting pregnant. Tick.

While we knew you can never be truly ready for kids from a money or a maturity perspective, we'd like to be in a decent position. Tick.

I called the last few years my research phase where I was finding out more about looking after babies and kiddywinks so we'd have some idea of what to do. Tick.

I used to be of the school of thought of dogs after kids, but then decided to swap sides. Tick.

And one that really stands out for me - I distinctly remember sitting at a naturopath appointment about midway through this journey. Through tears I said 'I don't want to pass on my anxieties to my child'...which meant I'd wanted to deal with all of that and not have it as part of my life when I got pregnant. Big tick!

So there you have it. I hope you made a cuppa before embarking on this thesis! And while for some this might just be a story, I'm sure it'll hit a bit closer to home for others.

If you are someone who's been keen to have kids and it hasn't happened as quickly as you thought, then I feel for you.

What I learnt is that it is a big burden to carry yourself and that while you don't need to scream it from the rooftops, you might be surprised by the overwhelming amount of love and support you get even by telling just one other person.

And that there's actually a lot of people who are just like you.

And that you're not weird or somehow defective.

Lots of love xoxoxox

PS If I'm the person you can tell about it, I'd be more than happy to listen, provide tissues and help any way that I can.

What would Louise do?

2012-09-21T13:37:00.001+09:30

Last week I had a great coaching session with the lovely Kath Newland at New You Coaching.

I walked in there curious to see where it would take me, because I figured I'm pretty happy with my life at the moment!

Anyway, in chatting to Kath, I said that while yes I am happy with how life is progressing, I guess I am missing a piece of the puzzle...

Inspiration.

I'm definitely enjoying the work I'm doing. I love that it's not full-time (ha ha!), its flexible and fits around my life and I can do it from my own home. I really like being able to help others by using my writing powers for good and I love the different people I'm meeting. Some of their products and skills are incredible and I'm stoked I now know about them!

And I'm feeling rather content with my personal life.

With the perfect bloke by my side for 10 years, an awesome bunch of family and friends, great health, a funny little pooch to hang out with each day and a little one to welcome into our family in less than 3 months time.

Aaahhhhhhh!

But what it's time for me to include again is more of what lights me up inside.

And part of that is getting a few different ideas underway and putting the wheels in motion to start a new business that's more geared around what inspires me...ooohhhh...but more on that later!!

When Kath asked what's holding me back, all I could really come up with was just starting!

So in amongst a bunch of great ideas and strategies, one question Kath asked me was who could I model my actions on?

Who could inspire me?

Instant though - Louise Hay!

She's built her empire in the mind-body/new age arena, but not solely for financial gain - because she's passionate about helping others.

So Kath then suggested if I'm thinking about something to do with my new business (or life in general I guess) I could ask myself...

What would Louise do?

I was able to apply it instantly and get results - it lifted me out of my own head and helped me see life from a different perspective.

And I realised that I've also got a bunch of great examples around me that I can use for 'What would...do?'

There's Tania at BizEez.

Tania's grown a part-time project into a thriving business doing what she loves..and it only keeps getting bigger for her!

There's my soul sister Kylie.

She hosts Wellbeing Workshops each Friday to introduce the 5 year olds at her school to meditation, yoga and affirmations - I love how open and confident she is about sharing her passions!

There's my Grandma and Nanna.

Grandma kept it simple and said thank you many, many times a day for everything in her life...and my Nanna was an expert at making lemonade out of life's lemons and always figured that there was someone worse off than herself (keeps life in perspective!).

Not to mention my family.

My fabulous husband and the McEachen 5 all live by do what makes you happy.

And I know if I thought about it - there'd be excellent models scattered all throughout my life!

It's been a great week since meeting Kath, because it's gotten me recharged about following my passions and life purpose.

And most importantly, doing that by just starting to bring it back into my life a little bit at a time.

I'm going to print this photo of Louise & I out and stick it on my wall to remind me to ask myself when I need a bit of help to move forward...

What would Louise do?

So now the question is...to help you move forward with something in your life, or just to put a different slant on things...

Who can be your model?

Testing...testing...is this thing on?

2012-09-14T11:10:00.003+09:30

Well hello there and yes it has been quite some time since you've seen this little blog in action!

7 months and change, and it feels nice to be back on the blogging bus. But boy does my life look a bit different to what it did back in February!

So without further adieu, here's a quick wrap up of my life at the moment...

I'm 27 weeks pregnant!

This is definitely the biggest and most obvious change to my life this year. And one I'm super excited about! Our little beebee is due 12/12/12 and yep, we're hoping its got a sense of occasion and comes out on that day - talk about a cracker birthdate!!

It was a good few years in the making (we definitely didn't fall into the category of Nathan only having to look at me and I'd be up the duff!) but that's a-whole-nother story I'll get to in the coming weeks.

Being pregnant has taught me plenty of things...but best of all, it's been a fabulous journey for me which I've absolutely loved, and I've felt fantastic the whole way along.

We have a pooch!

Not long after I wrote the last blog, we fell for a little Kelpie X with funny little ears at our local petshop...and decided to make Lola part of the McCliffy family.

Well that definitely had its lowpoints at the start, but it rocks now and we love our little pupster!

I now run my own successful business from the comfort of my own home

And how. Giving up full-time work and becoming my own boss was definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.

I get to use my writing powers for good for a variety of people, do it when I want to and add to our bank account - noice!

Ah, but I know what you're thinking...that's all great Jess, but what have you learnt this year? Plenty!

Simplify

This has been one of the key parts of my year this year - simplifying my life. As you know, I used to have lots of ideas and plans flying about, and liked to fill my time with a myriad of stuff.

Well this year, I've been doing the opposite! Deciding to leave full-time work was the first part, and it was all about getting my life and health in better balance.

And just quietly - once I became pregnant, I didn't have a great deal of choice but to do less! I found out that there would be days that I'd just need to lie on the couch for 3 or 4 hours because I was pooped...because you know, my body was doing an absolute world of stuff!

That and my brain just didn't have the room. Getting my few bits of work done each week, looking after the pup, making time to rest and watching the changes to my body was well and truly enough.

What I also found interesting, was that once I found out about becoming a mum, a lot of the other things I'd be rushing to do or cram into my life just kind of dropped away.

I became really quite content knowing that this year was about our little family growing and that the other things that I'd like to do (be it study, travel, start new enterprises) - well they'll all happen at some point, but I don't need to think about it for now.

Not that it happened instantly - I do distinctly remember a conversation with Kylie where I was saying about feeling like maybe I need to be doing more (be it study, starting up ideas I'd had, etc) and she said the best thing...

Jess, growing a baby is enough for this year!!!

But I think this has now given me a reference point...knowing our little one comes into the world late this year then sort of plots out the timing for a few other things. And it'll all unfold when its supposed to.

Trust...everything happens at the right time

Boy oh boy, was this one that got tested the past few years. Exhibit a) was wondering when on earth it was finally going to be the right time for us to become parents!

This year, I've become a lot more relaxed about timing in general, holding onto my belief that everything happens exactly when its supposed to, and that the Universe always, always brings us what's best for us.

It's affected the little things, eg not stressing if I'm going to be a little late for an appointment - I'll get there at the perfect time. And who knows why I need to be there then?!

Also knowing that we'll keep getting the clues we need to move forward with what we're doing.

Oh and another big thing was trusting I'd made the right decision to leave work...and then, that work will keep flowing in.

And it was, and it has!

The other big part of trust this year has been trusting myself and my intuition. Bodywise, this has meant going with what I feel like eating and doing, knowing that body and beebee know what they need. Took some getting used to, but hey - why fight it if you want to eat chocolate!!!!

Also I've become soooo much better at trusting the little intuitive nudges and ideas I get - and I've been doing pretty well to act on them, even if I don't know where it's all leading to!

Live in the now

This is definitely the best thing that Lola has taught me this year - yep I've now got a pup as a teacher too!

Anyone with a dog (or any animal really) will know that they only live in the now, they don't know any other way.

So Lola coming onto the scene was perfect for me, because she reminded me so many times to just focus on whats happening in this instant.

That and we've had lots of fun this year, playing in the now!!

It's all about balance

Again, the whole reason I made the decision to leave my job last year was to find more balance in my life and as it turns out, I've managed to achieve that!

I went to an Ayurveda appointment a month or so ago to check in and find out about the Ayurvedic approach to being pregos is...and the dude was most impressed that my doshas were all so in balance. Look at me go!

It's definitely what I credit for my current situation...for me, I think being able to bring my body and mind into a pretty good state before I became pregnant has lead to having an awesome time of it.

No morning sickness (which has made many friends want to kick me!) and none of the other side effects a lot of other people get...just feeling balanced and if anyone asks me how I'm feeling/going, I can honestly say 'I'm excellent'!!.

So getting back to balance, I'm doing pretty well with the work part and rest...although as I've found this last month, I do need to remember that while I'm in the glory stage of being preggas (aka 2nd trimester and start of 3rd) where you have the most energy - there's still a lot going on inside and I do need to make time to rest each day!

My focus at the moment is just weaving a bit more play back in, which I include as doing things that make me smile and light me up inside.

Just like this blog!

So yes, you will be seeing more of me on here which I'm quite excited about. I really haven't done much writing at all this year for myself personally - it's turned out to be a year of dealing with things as they occur by thinking or speaking about them.

But I still heart words in a big way, so I'm back baby!!!

PS I love this pic of Lola - I was playing around with my new fandangled Digital SLR and she walked right up to the lens...huh, what's all this about?!

What did you say?

2012-02-10T14:54:00.000+10:30

The eagle eyes amongst you might have noticed that I started my last blog by saying that I'm finding insights, rather than the traditional Elmerism of hunting.

That's because I've been watching what I say and write of late so that it matches what I really mean, or more importantly what I'd like to project into my future.

Because as the legendary Louise Hay puts it...

Every thought you think and every word you say is an affirmation.

Some call it creating self-fulfilling prophecies...others say 'be careful what you wish for'...but all in all, I believe that the words you use shape your future experience.

Anyway, getting back to choosing your words wisely, here's two examples to get you thinking...

I can't wait!

I noticed a few weeks back how much I used to say 'I can't wait' a lot.

It was generally because I was excited about what was going to happen - but not that I literally couldn't wait for it happen.

When I thought about it, I realised that it implies wanting to jump ahead and not experience the moments that lead up to it.

It makes sense too, because I am working on releasing the need to be impatient!

As Louise puts it, impatience is just resistance. In many cases, it's resisting what you need to learn or experience along the way...or in my case, it was often not relaxing and having faith and just letting it all unfold as it needs to.

It used to manifest in a negative way back when I was having many an anxious moment - I would just want something to be over now so I didn't have to go through it.

But I think now, it had just become a habit.

Well not any more!

Since I noticed, I've worked on picking myself up anytime I go to say it and changing it.

Instead of I can't wait for...

I now use I'm so looking forward to...

Semantics I know, but it does make a difference.

Saying 'I can't wait' brings in a sense of frustration and impatience...trying to pull it into your experience quicker.

Versus 'I'm looking forward to' which is about hope, excitement and being happy for it to happen when it does.

It almost makes me feel like I'm going to be unwrapping a present...ha ha ha I just realised that I would be - the present moment!

Should

This one little word is an absolute cracker. The first time I was introduced to what should means was when I did an anxiety workshop many moons ago.

In essence, the moment you mention should it creates right or wrong.

It can also establish a rule or a standard that you think you're supposed to live by...and if you don't, watch guilt come in!

Or if the should is pointed at another person, enter anger or annoyance for them not living up to your standards.

My solution: ditch it!

Getting back to Louise Hay, she puts it briliantly in her book You can Heal Your Life, where she says that any time you feel a should coming on, replace it with I could or I could choose to...

I should do that today.

I could choose to do that today.

See how much lighter it feels!

What other body changes do you notice? Shoulders lift? Head lift? Anything else?

In a great article that my lovely friend Ellen sent me, when you use 'should' in relation to another person - whose rule are you using?

And are you trying to put responsibility onto that person when in fact it's not their rule or standard and the way the other person acts is out of your control.

He should have let me know about that.

I would have liked it if he let me know about that.

There's a bunch of other words that I could talk about here...

In my opinion, never and always get bandied about way too much without actually being true...'knowing my luck' is just a great way to keep bringing more of the same into your life...'things always happen in 3's' even though plenty happen in 1's, 7's, 300's...and I could go on!

But anyway, your homework for this week is to notice what you say and what you write.

Don't become obsessive about it, but just notice if you say something often and how it makes you feel.

Does it make you feel good? Do you actually want that to come true? If not, is there another way to say it?

Are there any sayings or common words that you use as a habit, but don't actually mean?

Kick them to the kerb and replace with something better!

Have fun!

Ssshhhh...

2012-02-02T11:20:00.000+10:30

Be very, very quiet...I'm finding insight!

When I left you last, I had just taken the huge leap and resigned from my job to focus on my studies and myself in 2012.

Well I'm pleased to say that I have done it and I'm loving it...without doubt it's the best decision I've ever made!

Not because I didn't like my job, but because now I have the luxury of TIME!!

My whole mindset has changed, because I'm no longer trying to cram my whole life and what I really want to do into the few hours after coming home at night or on a weekend.

I just feel so much more relaxed! It's amazing what's already come to fruition, now that I've got the space for it to happen. And now that I'm just following the bread crumb trail one step at a time.

Anyway, getting back to my original sentence (which I hope you read using your best Elmer Fudd voice) and why I'm finding insight.

I'm currently giving life time to unfold and show me exactly what I'll be doing this year.

Because despite my original decision being based on a firm desire to go back to study and finish the course I started, that may not work out as first planned.

Exhibit a - a week after I wrote the last blog, I found out that due to a technical issue they're no longer offering the course I had resigned to study in the form I started it in!!!

Cue the massive EEEEKKKKK moment...oh my goodness what have I done?!

Full scale panic set in and instead of just seeing this as a potential fork in the road that could lead to something even better, I went into crisis mode.

But I resigned to study THIS course...so what will I do now? People will think I'm completely stupid that I resigned without first enrolling. But then why would I have, because I didn't see this coming!!

I needed to have a reason as to why I was leaving my full-time job...and one that didn't sound as self indulgent as 'well I'm just going to see what comes up'!!

And look I'm really just starting to let go of 'having to study' because that's what I said I'd do.

At the moment I'm realising that while yes initially that was the plan...and I've held fast to it over the past few months despite being less sure about it...it's ok to change plans!

It's ok to be taking on different work opportunities this year and doing a whole bunch of other stuff. Boy do I have a gazillion projects that I'm looking forward to getting off the ground this year.

I'm still going to be studying - just not in the formal setting where that's my only focus. There's so many courses I'd love to do this year, books I'd love to read, speakers I'd love to listen to...

And fortunately for me, I have an uber supportive husband who can see through my palaver, give it to me straight and support me in whatever will put a smile on my face. A recent conversation went a little bit like this...

Jess: I'm not sure about study now, I just don't know what I want to do.

Nathan: Stop worrying what others think. You don't need the piece of paper. Why don't you just take it one subject at a time - if you decide you like the sound of something, do it.

Ah yes, he is great at cutting to the chase!

And he was dead right. I do like the thought of having the piece of paper.

Because then that says that I know what I'm talking about if I want to help someone else.

Why would someone want to listen to me if I don't have any credentials?

So there inlies the first part that I need to let go of.

Because first of all, I'm not actually planning to go into private practice as a counsellor, and secondly - who says people won't want to listen to me...I might just have something interesting to say!

I think I get caught up in having to be an expert, or at least having someone else's teachings to back up what I'm saying.

Ha ha - perhaps this is the end belief of studying at Uni where you couldn't have your own opinion in an assignment...unless that is someone else had had that opinion first and you could reference it!

Anyway essentially I've worked out that I was identifying with the course, rather than the end result.

Which is that I want to help people heal...but by that I mean that I want to empower others to heal themselves.

And what I really want to do - is help others connect to the ways that will help them do just that.

I don't want to profess to know everything - I actually really like just being a student of life and telling people about that.

The part of my own journey that I love is the brainstorming...why is this happening, what can I do to change it, what will help me do that??

And I just love learning!

Also, as I've said before - I'm happy to stand up on stage and say this is what I've done and it's worked for me...maybe it will work for you to? To help people realise that there's other people just like them who have had the same issues, they're not big fat weirdos and things can always get better!

The other part is - I really love introducing people to other people.

The thought of putting on events that bring together a range of speakers, or having my own radio show where I can interview others is super exciting!

I love talking to others who are just as passionate as me about changing parts of yourself to let go of something, or make something better in your life.

And you know what I've worked out, perhaps this course isn't the best way for me to do what I really want to do, for now. (Ha ha, notice I said 'perhaps' and 'for now' - part of me still wants to cling to it as a life raft!)

Yes I've loved the subject matter, and perhaps I'll just keep chipping away at it. If it feels like the right thing to do.

But it's not a diploma I actually need to get started on my next job opportunities.

I've got everything I need already to start those off. (And you'll just have to stay tuned to see what they are!)

Part of me also wants to finish it, because aren't you always supposed to finish what you start?

Turns out I'm actually not great at that - and it's probably something you've picked up just from reading this blog or having any conversation with me.

I'm a tangent girl...and while I may hop from one thing to another, it all seems to come together in the end!

You want to know the funniest part about all of this - I actually started tapping this very blog out on my iPhone a week after I wrote the last one.

But I didn't want to share it until now because I think I was embarrassed.

Which shows I've forgotten the golden rule...there's always someone else who has gone through the same thing who can help. I don't have to do it all by myself!

And that I really do need to let go of needing others approval to make my own decisions right!

Anyway, as this photo clearly shows, I am absolutely free as a bird and I'm really looking forward to seeing where this year takes me...yippee!

What are your big rocks?

2011-11-22T21:02:00.001+10:30

Have you heard the story about how to fit the big rocks & small rocks into a jar?

Essentially where unless you put the big rocks in first they won't fit?

Of late I've done a bit of thinking about what my big rocks are, and whether or not they're getting a look in.

And I've established that I'm letting a lot of the small rocks and sand take up my time (aka fill up my jar), so the big rocks are sitting on the side just waiting patiently.

I've gotten soooooo much better with this at work, where I plan my whole week out so I make sure I keep moving with tasks big and small.

Which means the big rocks aren't mounting up in the corner threatening to cause an avalanche!

But I haven't yet seemed to have mastered doing this in my life.

I'm not sure why really.

As I know I've blogged about before, I love being organised. I love having things to plan for and look forward to. I love having a list and ticking things off my list. I love having a variety of activities in my week. I love writing. I love studying. I love creating. And in general all work and no play makes Jess a dull girl!

But the more I think about it, in the past 6 months or so, I've become really reactive to life rather than creating it.

Which brings me back to the point of this story - figuring out what are my big rocks and whether they're in or out currently.

What I've realised is that work has become somewhat of a boulder...or maybe a slab of concrete!

I've allowed it to dominate my time and brain space, and so my study has gone on the back burner for a while...as in my course, my own soul-searching and reading in general.

So have all creative endeavours and hobbies in general. Not to mention writing my beloved blogs!

This is in keeping with what I was writing about above where if I don't plan my week in my life outside work, my big rocks just sit there with no movement.

As I'm sitting here typing this I feel a bit disappointed in myself...like I've wasted time.

But I guess there's no point on dwelling on what's happened this year. I've certainly learnt a lot from it and the whole way along I was doing the best I could with the knowledge & experience I had.

And it's not like I've been sitting idly twiddling my thumbs!

That in itself has been one of the reasons that I haven't progressed with study or had a variety of activities in my week...a big lack of thumb twiddling or down time in general.

It's been a full on year this year, and it's only recently that I sat back to say wow, I've had a lot on this year! (And a lot to be grateful for!)

Anyway as Louise Hay's thought for November 4th said:

All obstacles are stepping stones.

And ain't that the truth.

The realisation about work being an obstacle forced me to reassess my life and say what is it that I actually want? What are my big rocks that are sitting outside of my jar?

And it didn't take me long to work out.

I miss the world of holistic health. It's my passion. It forms a big part of my life purpose.

And I want to immerse myself in it. I want to live it. I want to study and learn more and get excited about it all.

I want to have conversations with others who are just as passionate about it. I want to meet teachers who can impart their own experience and wisdom onto me.

And did I mention that I want to learn more?!

I want to move towards my dreams of helping people heal and live happier lives...through writing books and blogs, holding seminars and workshops, collaborating with them on how to improve their own health and wellbeing, interviewing others about their ideas...and oh the list goes on.

The moment I think about all of this, I feel lighter and a smile starts to form - hence why I know it's the right step.

Of course, along with this kerplunk moment came the stark realisation that it means wholesale change.

But I had to do it.

So a couple of weeks ago I handed in my resignation, saying that I'm going back to study next year.

Was that scary? Yep and it still is!

Tonight I've been wrestling with a weight in my chest and a bunch of eeekkk...will this all work out? Where will I end up?

I think because people have been asking me what I'm doing and where it will take me and I tend to feel like I give a bit of an inadequate explanation of it all.

But then if I take a breath and stop trying to justify it, I feel completely calm and just know that despite not entirely knowing what all the steps are, it's all going to work out just fine.

So I think I'll focus more on that part, and less on the worry part!

Because just like I wrote in one of my last blogs, it's just a signal that I'm busting through my comfort zone, so that's a good thing!

I'm also super fortunate to be surrounded by such a huge amount of love and support, as well as people who will challenge me if I look like I'll attempt to slip back onto easy street...ie not change!

All in all I'm really looking forward to being a student next year and working part-time.

Which by the way is one of the unknowns...I've handed in notice to my current job on a leap of faith that the perfect job will present itself at the right time.

Looking back, I've always found it easy to get work and I don't expect it to be any different this time around.

And who knows what other doors will open once I've got the space in my life for them to do so!

Of course, if you've got any suggestions or contacts for part-time jobs in the Gawler area or what I can do from home from February onwards - let me know!

Anyway, back to the point of this...

What are your big rocks?

Are they in your jar or on the outer?

Are there any changes you want to make so that they can fit in?

There's no right or wrong answer to this, but it might be interesting for you to ponder...and you might be surprised by what comes out.

I was going to put a picture of a jar of rocks, but then I thought I'd use a photo of a South Australian big rock...aka one of the ones at Remarkable Rocks on Kangaroo Island that Nathan and I visited in July 09.

Which I've realised is fairly poignant, because another big rock I want to make sure I slot in is travel!

But that's another story!

Look out comfort zone, I'm coming through!

2011-10-11T16:03:00.003+10:30

As most of you know, in the past few months I've had the opportunity to unleash my inner Princess!

And I thought that was the perfect segway into talking about getting out of my comfort zone.

Because despite the fact that I'm a fairly confident person - I still have plenty of moments where I go eeekkk...do I really want to get myself into this? Maybe it's safer just to stay here!

Generally my hesitation revolves around lovely little doubts like...

Will I be able to fit this in?
It'll take too long!
Will I be able to commit to this fully?
Do I really want/need to do this?
I'm happy staying here!
Can I be bothered?!

Sometime I notice and think - aha! The perfect reason to do this is to get out of my comfort zone and prove that I can do it.

After all, how can I grow if I stay the same and not try new things?

But then there's plenty of other times I haven't noticed that I'm putting things off because of little fears and doubts...sneaky, very sneaky!

Anyway, back to letting my inner Princess out because it's such a great example of how I've had to go charging through my comfort zone several times these past few months and have definitely grown as a person because of it.

Not the least of which was just putting my hand up to do it!

But first of all, for those reading this that aren't Adelaideans, I really should explain what I'm talking about!

I work for Police Credit Union who are a proud sponsor of the Credit Union Christmas Pageant...a huge, iconic event on the Adelaide calendar that heralds the start of Christmas here in SA, and is such an amazing event to be part of!

Anyway, one of the traditions is to have Princesses from the different sponsoring credit unions (and now Princes!) and you go through an interview process to potentially become Queen.

In the past, I'd always been on the interview panel at work to pick our royalty, but with my change in roles this year I was free to put my hand up...although it took some serious thought on my part as to whether I wanted to do that!

Do I really want to? Will I have enough time? Am I someone who wears a puffy pink frock?! What will people think of me?

In the end I thought you know what, if I'm picked as Princess it'll definitely put me out of my comfort zone.

Yes I'm good with the public speaking and have plenty of community spirit...but acting like a Princess and hanging out with a whole bunch of kids will be new things for me!

At any rate, I'm so glad I nominated because it's been great fun - even if I have had to take a few big leaps since.

The comfort zone was flashing red (or should that be pink!) the day I had to do media training - the crux of which is being put on the spot and having to answer mock questions from a journalist.

Yes I know I can talk and talk and talk, and I'm even one of those weirdos who enjoys public speaking. But I much prefer knowing the questions in advance and rehearsing!!

Anyway, deep breaths, smiling, adrenaline, quick thinking and marketing speak pulled me through there and it wasn't so hard after all.

The next encounter with the old c-zone happened when the PR company called to say did I want to be on TV for a short news story?!

Of course I was a bit nervous, but I jumped at it thinking it'd be something completely different to anything I'd done before. And I'm really glad I did!

I even got told I was a media natural by several people so I was chuffed! See what you think - can you tell I'd had to crash through the zone...

A big part of our royal duties is going out to schools and hospitals to visit kids and sprinkle a little bit of Pageant magic into their lives. Yet again it's been an opportunity to jump over a comfort zone hurdle (particularly learning the lines for our little play!).

But again it's been so much fun!

I think the fortunate thing for me is that I am able to push through fear and use my nervous energy to my advantage.

And it's also fortunate that I only tend to blush slightly now so apparently it's not so obvious that my heart is beating at a rapid rate of knots!!

Another thing that spurs me on is a very clear memory I have from when I was 4.

I was asked if I wanted to do a little spin on the catwalk for a local fashion parade and my first reaction was one of terror! No I don't think I can do that...how will I look? What will people think of me? (Oh yes, I had anxiety issues way back then!)

I quickly said no thanks, but then as I watched the little girls moseying up the catwalk later, I realised I could have done it easily.

It's provides such a good reminder to me that I don't want to regret not trying something because of a few butterflies (whether they're small or large!).

And I'm sure you'll agree with me that it's never as hard as what you thought it would be anyway!

Lastly, another reason I like getting out of my comfort zone - either by doing new things, or going first at something - is that I like to inspire others to do the same.

After all, if I can do it - you can too!

I think it's part of the reason I was put here, even if it sounds trivial.

Despite what my head sometimes tells me, I really don't mind being up on display (exhibit a is this blog!), particularly if it'll help someone else realise what they are capable of.

Oh and the other check I now do when I'm kicking off 'Operation: Bust through CZ' is to check am I actually nervous or excited??

My fabulous friend Kylie introduced me to this little trick and apologies if I've written about this before.

On the surface, fear and excitement can present as really similar physical sensations...ooohhh, that's right you say!

So if you go into your physical feeling a bit, or stand back from it for a second, you might just find that you're not actually experiencing anxiety - you're just excited with the anticipation of it all!

Anyway, the next time you're faced with an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone, just think of me in my pink Princess frock and...

GO FOR IT!!!

Speaking of comfort zones...the day I had to get frocked up, pick from a bunch of props and ham it up for our glam royal shoot definitely propelled me out of mine. It was like free choice writing at school...aaahhh, don't tell me I can do anything, give me a structure to be creative within! Anyway, after a deep breath and thinking 'I can do this!', voila the butterfly Princess was born!!

A big thanks to the very talented Liam West who took this pic, the man's got skills with a camera.

The only way to change your life is to do it yourself!

2011-10-09T21:52:00.000+10:30

I think I’ve forgotten this!

There’s a few things that I’ve been wanting to change about my life, but have realised I’ve been waiting for it to magically land in my lap…or if I whinge enough then someone else will do it for me. Ha ha!

And whinging really isn’t my style. In fact it feels awful!

It's made me feel so unbalanced, and it just feels unnatural…not the happy, laid back being that I like to be!

I much prefer being positive, looking at what I want, putting it out there and following the bread crumb trail the Universe lays down for me…

Backed of course by writing often to celebrate my wins, delve further into my life and let go of any old patterns – staying in my head with my thoughts is a crowded place, the instant I put it on paper it’s amazing what comes to light!

And did I mention keeping my thoughts focused on the positive - it's amazing how much lighter I feel when I stick to this simple little trick!

But I’ve allowed myself to get dragged into the quagmire of stagnant thinking by my ego who’s role is to keep me from changing, improving and in general getting out of my comfort zone!

I don’t like this, I don’t like this…I wish this would change…why are they doing that…it’s not my fault (ha ha, my own personal favourite!)…

All in all I’ve been doing way too much in my head and not getting it out. The sneaky thing is I hadn’t realized how much was hiding until the last week or so when I started saying it out loud.

So what now?

#1 - Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change

This little saying has had such a profound effect on my life any time I’ve thought to apply it!

You know when you feel stuck about something and suddenly you see that little glimmer of light that there is another option…

How much better do you then feel when you realise you can change something about the situation!

The simplest flip is to look for the positive in something rather than the negative.

Quickest way to do that – in the midst of whatever’s happening, say ‘I’m grateful for…’

You can always find something to say thank you for even if not everything’s going ‘right’ for you.

It could be ‘I’m grateful that this is showing me exactly what I don't want'!! Or 'I'm grateful to be learning something new about myself...'

Another other good trick - taking a step back to say all in all my life is great, and there's definitely stacks of people who are worse off.

Not to mention lifting up from the problem to see how in the grand scheme of things, this is a very small part of my life!

Don't believe your ego when it tells you it's a life threatening issue...chances are it isn't!!

#2 - Be the change you want to see in the world

I’ve done a cracking job of acting like a victim of late. Blame’s a powerful tool of the ego, trying to convince you that it’s not your fault!

But who’s the person making each choice in your life…no-one else can think for you!

Yes they can give you plenty of input, giving you ammunition to say ‘well it’s not my fault…they convinced me…’

But at the end of the day – you are the only person who can think for you. You are the only person who can make each choice, take each step etc etc.

So time for this Princess to suck it up and start taking full responsibility again!

And that in itself is a great feeling.

Saying to myself ‘I take full responsibility for my life’ makes me lift straight away.

Taking responsibility for my own life has such an empowering effect. It brings me back into the realm of solutions, rather than focusing on the problem.

#3- Choose to choose your thoughts!

I’m a big fan of the law of attraction, it just makes sense to me. In it’s simplest form, I see it as creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

Hence why I’m often heard to say ‘well if you think that’s going to happen, then it will’!

How I feel and what I say creates my life…and I haven’t been guarding my thoughts and statements enough lately.

I’ve been letting a bunch of sludge hang out in my head and come out of my mouth!

As the lovely Louise Hay says – every thought is an affirmation.

So by complaining, you’re affirming that you’d like more of that in your life.

Conversely, by choosing your thoughts and making them positive, the results are instant…more things to be positive about!

And so now I’m sure you can connect the dots… by focusing purely on what I don’t like – I’m creating more off that!

#4 - Stop trying to stop the flow, just sit back and enjoy the ride!

In the past month or so, I’ve just felt like I’m either swimming up stream, or just been trying to jam the oar in to stem the flow.

I’ve had the lovely combination of either trying to force things and being impatient…or sitting back and whinging about what isn’t changing.

So now I've decided to get out of my own way!

Stop taking life so seriously...relax...and whenever I feel like I'm forcing things, I'm going to put up the white flag and say universe, your move!!

Because after all, I know that everything is happening in the perfect order and it will all be revealed just at the right time!

So I thought I'd leave you with a photo of me sitting on the beach at Byron last week...a great example of where I had a few moments of aaaahhhhhh.....and boy was I grateful for it...

And PS - Kristin & Lisa, this one's for you! Thank you for reminding me of my now 5 week old promise to write more blogs again!!

I'm back baby...bigger and better than ever!

2011-08-29T21:05:00.000+09:30

I hadn't realised it had been so long since I posted my last blog, but it's nice to be tapping away at the keyboard again...and you'll definitely be hearing from me more often.

Boy have I had some great kerplunk moments these last couple of months.

There's been plenty of great lessons, plenty of unravelling and 'oooohhhh that makes so much sense now'!!!

I've also had so much to smile about!

In general I feel like I'm at a much more contented place which is nice.

It was funny because I hadn't realised quite how much had been simmering away under the surface until it all came spilling out in a few conversations.

Anyway, I'll stop speaking in riddles and get onto one of my kerplunks.

Lesson # 364 - Just because I have the time doesn't mean I have to fill it up!

In my last blog, I said about how I was going to work on identifying where I was overcommitting....say it out loud...and make a change.

And I'm proud to say I've achieved all of that. Not to say I'm perfect now, but my life is a lot different to the couple of months ago!

Anyway, getting back to lesson #364 and something I noticed fairly early in the unravelling...

Just when I started to create a bit of space for myself I seem to fill it back up again, and not with something for me.

So why did I need to do this? Well I came up with a few ideas...

Because I can
I've got the time, so why not help someone else
So others don't think I'm lazy!
I enjoy helping

All of which are quite valid reasons, but this knee-jerk reaction to fill up my time for someone else's benefit was keeping me away from doing things that I wanted to do for myself, or as Sonia Choquette puts it - doing what feeds my soul.

It was only a week or so before my last blog that I heard the Dalai Lama say...you need to look after yourself first.

And that he makes sure he takes care of himself first so that he has the energy to help others.

So if it's good enough for the Lama - it's good enough for me!!

Another part of lesson #364 has been learning when to say 'I'd love to, but maybe later'.

This was given a huge helping hand when my fabulous soul sister Kylie set me a challenge:

To not take on any more new things this year.

Sounds simple doesn't it. And as soon as she said it I said 'you're on'!!

I love it - it makes so much sense, yet it took Kylie saying it to realise that it's exactly what I needed.

The best part is - I've stuck by it.

What I've set about doing these past couple of months is just ticking off what's already on my plate rather than adding more.

It's all about clearing the decks!

And so far it's been working a treat - exhibit a) having time to sit down again to write my blog.

Another huge shift in my life has been changing my expectations.

What I realised was that I'd been putting sooooo much pressure on myself and spinning myself into a frenzy...an internal one of course!

I'm a bit clever really because I hadn't even noticed myself, then it all came tumbling out at a great rate of knots!

In my mind, everything had to be done now.

And of course, good luck with that!

What it turned into was having a huge to do list every single day...not knowing what to start next...or just beating myself up for having not done things I said I would.

Bleurgh!

Now I'm making it my mission to be realistic about the time it takes for me to do things...and more importantly being open about that and telling the people involved.

Because for a long time it's been the source of stress and why I end up overcommitting and underdelivering.

What I figured out was that it's a bit hard to know what I can do in a day/week/month/year if I don't know how long it all takes me.

Oooohhhh - why didn't I think of that before!

This little insight has literally revolutionised my whole working life and home life!!

The final thing I've cottoned on to of late - I only need to take the next step.

Not the next 7, just the next 1.

It was another thing I hadn't realised I was doing, but when I took a step back I could see why I was getting a bit frazzled over things - I wasn't breaking it down enough and was trying to do it all at once.

Aren't I a good little Gen Y - I want it and I want it now!!

Anyway, the good thing is, I've worked out how it feels when I'm jumping ahead to the next step...or 50 in front!

And the good news is I've been listening to those intuitive nudges and taking a deep breath!

Speaking of the next step - I've started running.

Yep me - a runner!

I was asked if I wanted to do the City to Bay a couple of months ago and I said sure, why not! I've never ran in my life (darting about on a netball court doesn't count), so I wasn't really sure how I'd go.

But I've loved it!

In itself, it's a great lesson in just putting one foot in front of the other rather than thinking too far ahead.

And more importantly - that you never know what you can do until you try!

So I thought I'd leave you with the photo of me before my first run - which by the way was a whole 2km without stopping, look at me go!!

I have overcommit-itis!

2011-06-23T22:39:00.001+09:30

Overcommit-itis is also known as overpromising and underdelivering...trying to be superwoman and not achieving it...doing things by halves...spreading myself too thin...

And unfortunately, I've realised that I've been doing this in every aspect of my life.

So how did I realise this?

Well funnily enough, it was while I was at my yoga class tonight that I suddenly came to me.

In actual fact, it was one of the biggest kerplunks I've had for a while!

I love that about yoga - for me it's a case of the stillness speaks. (Aka my mind stops, so there's room for answers and guidance to come in!!)

That and I'm becoming more attuned to my body, so when I have some sort of pain or tension, I tap into it and unravel the sensation, emotion and then thoughts (and thank you Dr Susan Bernstein for teaching me this great trick!)

But more on that later.

As I was saying - I realised that I do currently suffer from overcommitting, in every sense of the word.

In no particular order, I overcommit my:

Time
Resources
Money
Time
Body
Mind
And did I mention time!

So how have I realised this?

Well in the last week and today in particular, I've had a few really healthy reality checks about how I am overcommitting.

I've realised with a shock that my budget hasn't been complete or accurate enough to achieve everything we want to do - hello overcommitting and spreading ourselves too thin!
I've realised that another symptom has been getting to work late...which has all stemmed from overcommitting my time in the morning to try and fit in yoga, making lunch, getting ready...and all when I'm struggling to get out of bed by 6.10 to leave at 7...yep, you do the maths!
I've realised that at work I'm not setting realistic enough expectations for how much I can do in a day or week, so deadlines go by.
I've realised that while my heart's in the right place, I've overcommitted the amount of time and resources I can allot to helping out in my community service roles.
And you know what, I think more the I think about this, the more I'm going to go...oooohhh, there's another way I overcommit!

I don't do any of this with an intention to mislead, or with any kind of malice, in fact whenever I commit to something, I really think I can achieve it.

What I'm learning though is - I'm great at coming up with ideas, great at making plans (and making them look pretty!), but my problem is that in general I either don't make the deadlines realistic enough, or I just put too much on my plate at once because I...yep you guessed it, overestimate my abilities to achieve it all!

And while I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't do things by halves, I've been giving myself no other option than to do just that.

Perhaps it is just what I was writing the last blog about - needing to learn how to say no to things?

Meanwhile, apologies if this sounds like cryptic, but it makes sense to me!

The best part of this realisation is how neatly it flows on from my last blog about releasing the need to be superwoman, because I think this kind of answers part of the how to do it.

So now what?

Well I think I'm going to spend the next week or so identifying everywhere that I am overcommitting, and putting my hand up to say 'sorry, I know I said I could do this, but it turns out I was wrong. I'll just need to change/stop...'

Because that's another symptom of my overcommit-itis, I tend to keep it all to myself until I have gotten very close to or over the deadline...and then say eek or try and be superwoman!

And you know what, I think people will be pretty receptive to this kind of honesty.

Then from there, I need to work out strategies on how I can change the way I approach my life.

But at least I've got the hardest bit done now - identifying what the problem is!

Phew - told you this was a big kerplunk!!!

PS I was going to make my own version the above image with it saying kerplunk...but realised this would be overcommitting my time tonight as it's after 10 and I need to go to bed so I can get up on time tomorrow morning...he he, look at me go!!!

I've got one word for you...

2011-06-19T22:07:00.001+09:30

No.

Nope.

Nosiree.

Nein.

Non.

So there you go - I am good at saying no, I can say it normally, in slang, elongate it and I can even say it in different languages!

But apparently I'm not great at saying it in life.

Well at least that's how it appears looking from the outside in.

In the last 4 weeks I've literally had 4 people in separate conversations say to me 'soooo, you just need to learn how to say no then'...in response to me explaining how my life looks currently.

No prompting, they've all come out with it of their own accord, much to my surprise and bemusement!

I've quickly replied 'But...I can! In fact I'm heaps better now then I used to be!!'

But upon closer inspection, perhaps that's not the whole truth and nothing but.

Yes I've definitely got a lot better with saying no to different outings, even with my closest friends I can say 'you know what, I might pass on that'.

But then when it comes to new opportunities...particularly with something I've wanted to do for a while or will give me a new experience, I tend to say sure, add it to the mix.

I'm such an Aussie - the 'she'll be right' attitude is alive and well in me!

Oh and did I mention helping others? Because I'm a sucker for that. If it's something that will help another person, add it on!

Clearly it's not a bad thing to help others - I really enjoy it - but when it's at the expense of your own self, probably not so great.

So as my lovely and wise friend Ali said to me the other night...

Perhaps it's not about saying no as much as saying 'I'd love to but I can't right now, my schedule won't allow it', or words to that effect.

This is a concept I've struggled with lately - it's not so much that I'm a sadist and want to cram my schedule.

I just think I've been showing my Gen Y'ness by wanting it all now...rather than taking a step back to say ok I'll do that now, then I can do that later this year, next year etc etc.

Actually, more to the point is that I haven't had any sort of long range plan and flying by the seat of my pants isn't the best way for me to do things.

The other thing I need to do is let go of the need to be superwoman for everyone else and remember to make time to feed my soul!

As I heard the Dalai Lama himself say just last week - you need to make sure you take care of yourself first so then you're able to help others.

And yes, I know there's been quite a few of you saying this to me lately - it's definitely a lesson for me at the moment!

The question I find myself asking is why do I have to be superwoman anyway?

And since when did I become the person who can't stop or take time for myself?

I'm not quite sure really, but I'd like to let both go because neither is doing much for me.

So now my mission...and yes I choose to accept...is to take the cape off and put my undies back on the inside!

Food, glorious food...

2011-05-27T12:56:00.000+09:30

Over the past year, I've had a real change in relationship to food, kicked off by my introduction to Ayurveda, where their belief is that food is medicine.

Before that, I'd sort of stumbled along, going with what I'd always eaten, or what seemed to work for me or other people, or just following general principles of moderation.

Essentially my theory was, go with what you want to eat, but at the same time use your brain! Feel free to eat cake if it's someone's birthday at work (and don't feel guilty about it), but it's probably not great to eat it breakfast, lunch and tea. Maybe have a salad for lunch!

But I never considered specifically what was good for me or not, the effect it was having on my mind-state and overall health, the source and preparation of food, the impact on the globe etc etc.

Ayurveda really opened my eyes to how the preparation and types of food you eat can have a big impact on your life.

And it also made me actually pay attention to how my body felt after specific foods, creating many a revelation of 'ooohhh, it's that food that makes me feel bloated / gassy / tired / lethargic / on edge' and so on.

As my best friend Lucy has said to me before - most people don't realise that they're not supposed to feel like that after food. (Lucy is one of those people born being in tune with her body and nutrition in general, and has always set her own rules on what food is good for her!)

I was definitely one of those. I just assumed everyone felt like going to sleep after eating a bowl of pasta...or that your tummy mightn't be all that great after ice-cream.

You mean that indicates that perhaps it's not best for keeping my body running at optimum performance levels...what?!

At the moment I'm studying Life Nutrition, which looks at nutrition and food using a holistic framework...it certainly goes beyond the food pyramid - much beyond that!

And I'm loving learning more and more about it, because nutrition isn't something that has come naturally to me - not an innate knowing or interest.

So back to the original topic - is it a case of food, glorious food for you? Or is it just fuel to keep your body running?

Is it just something you stuff into your mouth to silence the hunger pains and give you enough energy until the next snack?

Do you eat on the run or do you like to sit down and enjoy your food? Do you eat alone or with others?

Can you actually remember what your last meal tasted like?!

Does food have real cultural significance for you? (I was at lunch with 2 Italians yesterday who were so saddened that some people just see food as fuel!)

Do you link food with your overall health, both in the short-term or long-term? Do you think it can cause illness or other issues?

Have you ever taken a step back after you've eaten to assess how it affects your mind and body?

Do you consider the source of your food when you buy it...as in do you like buying locally or organic? Maybe you have your own vege patch in the backyard?

Is freshness important, or do you like cooking up a big meal and freezing it for later?

Do you have any ethical ideas about food...are you vego or vegan...or do you only buy fair trade?

No criticism for whatever you think, I'm just finding the whole topic more and more fascinating because I personally had never considered that what I eat and why I eat it can have so many dimensions!

And I'd never really considered any of the questions above.

Unfortunately I think I've been a great example of how a lot of people think about food now - in short they don't!

I think the vast majority of people are disconnected from their own nutrition.

And it's not really hard to see why.

Food confusion is rife, because there's so many mixed messages that come at you every single day from magazines, TV, food packaging, recipe books and people you speak to.

Not to mention the incredible array of diets, all claiming to be the best, or the right one for you. (Don't get me started on shakes!)

All of it disempowers you, leaving you to believe that only someone else - be it a celebrity, doctor or a friend - can tell you what's right for you.

Really? Are they living in your body with you?!

I think I've definitely always been one of these people, and it's only in recent times I've realised the true benefit of looking within to see what works for me. And I'm still learning!

In general, we live in such a fast-paced society, that convenience and quick fixes are the norm.

Then there's the ever-increasing stress and pressure that plagues our country - so the fact that many people choose foods that make them 'feel good' in the short-term, but cause health problems in the long-term isn't surprising either.

I find it really funny at work when I'm heating up my lunch and someone walks into the kitchen and asks me what I'm having.

Invariably it's a curry, dahl or soup I've made that morning and they say...

'Ooooh that looks healthy' or 'Oh that's right, you eat really healthy now don't you'

And I suppose the answer is yes to both questions, but what makes me laugh is that eating something involving vegetables or 'being healthy' is so weird!!

Then if I go on to explain that I don't eat wheat, dairy or red meat - some people's heads almost explode with the shock of that statement!!!

Oh and don't get me started on trying to rid the world of the statement 'it's expensive to eat healthy'...that could go on for hours!

At any rate, if you haven't given food any thought before, I hope this has got your brain ticking over a little bit.

And lastly - I hope you enjoy whatever meal is on your plate next!

I know I will - here's my home-made hommous with carrot...and I've got homemade hot chips coming in the oven...using organic veges of course as that's now the norm for me...yum!!!

Stop thinking so much about your life...

2011-05-24T21:21:00.000+09:30

...and start living it!

This was a great quote my husband Nathan relayed to me from a TV show last night and boy oh boy does it sum up my last couple of weeks!!

I've been a victim of my monkey mind of late...getting too caught up in every which way my thoughts bounce around!

I love getting to the bottom of things, loving knowing why, love the fact that everything happens for a reason...but lately I think I've just got too wrapped up in trying to figure it all out and have ended up with a bit of overload happening.

All in all, it really is a bit tricky to keep up this charade when the world keeps turning, and there's a zillion things happening every second...so all I've wanted to do is yell STOP...LET ME CATCH UP!!!

But life doesn't stop does it - and without realising it, I've gotten a bit, well overwhelmed really.

Although not openly!

Nope, I didn't actually realise how much was flinging around in my head until the last few days when I've remembered how to talk/vent and cry of course!

It's just been simmering away under the surface, and even the tennis matches have been quite subtle. I just really hadn't stopped for long enough to say hang on, what's all this about!

Then there's been the good old fear vs faith aspect...you know the one. I know everything's working out for my highest good, but seriously can't I just know how, when and why?!

And my personal favourite - not wanting to think or say anything negative or be focused on what I don't want, because I don't want to bring that into my life. Just quietly, not an easy task!

Yikes! All in all I've had many a moment of wanting it all to just go away. But then, that wouldn't be learning now would it!

Reading back over this, I get this funny feeling of deja vu...oh that's right, I've been here before!

Yep, this does seem to be a bit of a cycle of mine. I swing between being upbeat, living in the now and just letting life happen...to wanting to know why it's all happening and in general deciding that everything I'm doing isn't enough.

Oh well, I guess the upside is that I can see all of it from an objective perspective. And it reminds me that I'm still very much a student of life.

So, here are some of my lessons from this that I still need to learn!

Don't forget to let it out!! Writing is a great way for me to get perspective, and I feel so much better once I do it!
Lighten up & stop taking life so seriously
It doesn't matter if I miss one turnoff, there's always another one
I don't need to figure it all out, just be glad it's all working...and that I don't have to run the Universe!
Look at the forest...not just the trees
Don't forget to talk to others...and ask for help!
Every decision I make is perfect
I'm always exactly where I need to be
Be grateful for all of the great things I have in my life
Simplify, simplify, simplify
Give myself a break!!

And another great one - I love writing blogs, so I don't want to have another 2 week hiatus!! I've had many an idea floating in my head...but supposedly not the time to do it.

Ugh, time management...yep that's another blog entirely!

Anyway, when I take the time to step back, I realise that my life is still great, and these are all just blips.

I thought I'd leave you with a pic of me a couple of weeks ago when we cleaned up our area at work and found a bunch of wrapping paper and other goodies and couldn't resist mucking around with it.

I thought it was apt seeing as it's what I need to do...

Live in the present!!!!!!

10 things I love about...

2011-05-10T23:20:00.000+09:30

Firstly - Happy Mother's Day for Sunday to all of the wonderful women I know who are loving, caring and amazing mums!! I hope you were all been spoiled by your biggest fans.

Back to the topic...this year I suggested to my two brothers that we put together a list of 10 things we love about our Mum to put in her card.

Boy did it quickly blow out past 10!!

And while we could have kept going, we ended up capping it at 25. Here's a selection of why we think our Mum is the best Mum around, and why all 3 of us admire and adore her...

#1 Fanatacism for all Aussie Sport...Collingwood, Australia cricket, netball et al (and hearing about it from 10 miles away)
#3 Your sense of adventure and that you're always up for a bit of fun
#10 Selfless devotion to immediate family
#13 Letting us make our own decisions...and mistakes!
#15 Bringing out the best in others and making whoever is in your presence feel special and important
#17 3 words. Machine. Gun. Kisses.

And many more.

#25 kind of sums them all up - Being such an amazing example to all 3 of us in how we should approach our lives and treat others.

It's no wonder I love my Mum so very much!

The "10 things I love about you" theme has been on the agenda for a while now.

Nathan & I have been playing the game quite a few mornings, listing off one or two things we love about each other.

It has been as simple as 'I love that you do the dishes'(!!) to 'I love how when you say you're going to do something, you do it'.

It's been a fun and really nice thing to do!

So I laughed the other day when as part of an email from Kylie, she gave us girls some homework...that we had to write a list of 10 things we love about ourselves.

Clearly, I'd had a head start on this topic!

She went on to say about a sentiment she'd heard on Hayhouse Radio was that with women in particular, we can often find a squillion things we want to change about ourselves or our bodies, but don't often step back and say 'you know what, I love...about me'.

So your mission, should you choose to accept, is to write down 10 things you love about yourself...and then your mum, partner, friends and whoever else you like!

But start with yourself first, because it's likely to be more of a challenge if you've never given it any thought.

It can be as simple as your ability to make a mean cheese toasted sandwich...or your generousity towards others...or that you've got really long, luscious eyelashes!

And boys, you're welcome to join in the fun too.

Feel free to share your list here...what's that? Oh, you want me to go first...chickens!

10 things I love about me...

I have the guts to keep spilling my inner world via an international blog!
I'm always happy to help others
I'm willing to change anything about myself that doesn't work for me anymore
The colour of my beautiful olive skin
My blue eyes that sparkle when I smile
My laugh - it's loud and infectious!
The way I dress - it's definitely unique to me and eclectic
My sense of adventure
I'm open and honest
I'm always quick to support and encourage others
I can cook yummy, healthy food

Oops, that's 11. See it's really not that hard!

Here's my Mum & I on my wedding day a few years back before we jumped in the car to go (I love that we haven't got shoes on!)

I've got such great memories of hanging out with Mum the whole day before I said I do, so I thought it was a great photo to use.

What a beeeeautiful day!

2011-04-28T12:44:00.001+09:30

It is such a gorgeous day here in Adelaide - sun's shining, barely a cloud in the sky and it's 27 degrees. Perfect Autumn weather!

I woke up this morning just feeling really good. Excited, hopeful, healthy, loving life in general.

Makes for a much better start than the last week where I'd wake up a bit flat or had a bit of anxiety bubbling under the surface about what the day would bring! (Or as I alluded to in my last blog/vlog...I was too focused on the "have to's" and whether I would do "enough" for the day!!)

This great feeling has continued on throughout today and I'm feeling quite chipper!

Just had a delicious lunch and am about to go soak up some rays, but I thought I'd pass on this prayer that I got given to me recently by my fabulous Naturopath/Spiritual Guide Di Goulding.

As always, feel free to substitute God for the Universe, Divine, Goddess or just delete it entirely depending on your own beliefs!

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be confident knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow yout soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

And because St Theresa is the little rose - I thought this pic I took at the train station matched perfectly!!

Hope you're having a stellar day...and if you are, feel free to share it with me!

Ahhh...that's better!!

2011-04-27T15:19:00.007+09:30

Well, here I am on the last day of my week away from work...and finally am feeling on holiday!!!

I've been in a bit of a fog this last week - with a few old habits taking over.

But today I'm feeling light and free and have a smile on my face.

But rather than write about it, I thought I'd talk about it...so here it is, my first video blog...hope you enjoy it!!

I'm a bit of a novice at this, and when I first tried to upload it to YouTube, the sound was right, but the movement was at chipmunk speed!!!

Yes it looked funny, but I thought it was best to have it all in sync!!!

I've learnt something new today!!!

I am sensitive...and that's ok.

2011-04-16T08:11:00.000+09:30

As I was writing the last post about the power of the exhale, I had a bit of a kerplunk moment.

Perhaps my lack of honouring the exhale is a good way to describe what’s been showing up physically for me of late.

Backing up a step, I got hives last week for the first time...and then the second...and I've still got a few lurking. Big flat red blotchy things, on different areas of my stomach, back and now even arms and legs.

And seriously, how much do I want to be itchy of late!

When I got the first bout of hives, I wasn't sure what on earth they were! So off I went to the Doctor and she quickly diagnosed me. Phew, I don't have meningococcal!

Then when I went on to list off my other skin conditions...itchy scalp...yeast rash on my back...she said to me...wait for it...

I think you might just have sensitive skin.

Wow, why didn't I think of that!

I know that doesn't sound earth shattering, but I'd actually never considered that. Hadn't put all of it together I guess.

So how that ties back into the exhale post from yesterday....

Of late, I’ve been so caught up in what I don’t have or still need, how I’m not good enough, not doing enough, should be further along, bigger, better, different...I’ve been forgetting to honour my exhale.

As in what I’ve released, how far I’ve come – honouring and appreciating everything I have done. That who I am, right here, right now is perfect, and I'm exactly where I need to be.

In short, that’s lead to me being uncomfortable in my own skin.

And gratitude, what gratitude?! Yes I’ve been doing it in fits and starts, but it's usually based on something external to me, not about myself.

Kind of funny really – as I mentioned, one of my skin ailments that I’ve had for yonks is a yeast rash on my back. I can't see it, so I've kind of let it just stay there!

I look it up in Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life and it says:

Denying your own needs. Not supporting the self.

And when does this flare up? When I'm trying to do everything for everyone else, and putting myself last. I'm trying to run with the crowd and do what everyone else does, even if that doesn't work for me.

More to the point - why is it not going away? I’m persisting with not supporting myself!!

It gets funnier when I read about what shoulders and back mean...not to mention hives...but if I write all of that, this will turn into another epic post!

So now back to the sensitivity (they don’t call me the Queen of Tangents for nothing!)...

After the sensitive skin statement, I took a step back and went actually, I'm sensitive in general!

Now that I've removed so many physical and mental layers thanks to Ayurveda and releasing a whole bunch of other beliefs and habits, I really am quite sensitive.

My lungs definitely are - being around smokers is a no-go for me now, and any kind of chemical or cleaner quickly gets me rasping. As does dog and cat fur I've found - dogs are what kicked off the hives!

I remember a homeopath saying that your lungs and skin conditions are often linked - as in that's the external way it shows. And in saying that to my fabulous friend Kylie, she also informed me that apparently liver and skin can be linked too...makes sense, seeing as liver is the seat of emotion, and quite often has anger issues linked to it too! In this case...angry inside...angry outside...tada!

My digestive system is a lot more sensitive now...or it could be that I just pay more attention to it. But at any rate, if I eat something that's not best for my body, I know about it quickly!

And I'm sensitive emotionally. I find more and more now that I can pick up on other people's vibes, and if I'm not careful, I take them on as my own! And you know what, I don't like watching icky things on TV, in fact I avoid it like the plague.

I'm also sensitive to stress (yes I can tend to create it for myself!). But I find now, that I can reach overload quicker if I don't get enough sleep, put myself under pressure at work, don't exercise at all etc etc.

Doesn't mean I still don't give it a go, just to keep up with everyone else. But gone are the days of burning the candle at both ends without repercussions!!

Actually speaking of which - the Doctor said to me, it sounds like you just need to be somewhere you can do yoga each day and have no stress.

Ha! I laughed and said 'well I do practice yoga each day and it is one of my dreams to have my own yoga and wellbeing centre where I can relax and be stress free every day'!!!!!!!

Back to the sensitivity again, there's no doubt that my body is sensitive to my thoughts. I'm a huge believer in the mind-body connection, and I'm getting more and more great examples of it in my life where I can practice and learn...great case studies I guess!

Bottom line - I think I really need to work at appreciating how sensitive I am.

After all – how good is it that my body reacts to crap quickly and tells me it's out of kilter…be it what I’m eating, thinking, wearing, breathing in…not having a high tolerance for what can pollute my body is actually a good thing!

Or better yet, not having layers on layers on layers that hide how sensitive my body actually is, is a really good thing.

So instead of going ‘Good lord, what now? What am I doing/thinking wrong now?’, I’m going to remind myself to think ‘thanks body, you’re out of balance for a reason, and I’m going to try and remove that factor from my life’.

That feels better than the criticising and getting annoyed at my body, essentially telling myself to suck it up!

This sentiment is echoed in Inna Segal's new version of The Secret Language of your Body (which has also made me laugh with how spot on the mental descriptions of my current ailments are!)

"Your body is a feedback system...You need to look at the problem your body is experiencing as a metaphorical representation of the challenges you are dealing with in your life."

Right you are Inna.

Because apparently ignoring it and hoping it will go away doesn't actually work....ahhh that old chestnut.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before - I actually love the discovering of what's the cause...so why do I resist doing that?!

I think I need to stick this up in my house somewhere...it doesn’t go away if I ignore it! And I love getting to the cause!

Because in fact, as my body is now, once it’s risen to the surface and is at a conscious level…as in one where I can notice it…it’s not going away until I fix the cause.

It's quite patient you know. Happy to hang out until I finally get around to dealing with it.

Like I had to do with the chest infection that month or so ago, I now can't ignore the skin conditions any longer. I'm sure this is going to be a doozie too, and be about much more than I'm currently thinking...

So let's dance sensitive new age girl!

The power of the exhale...

2011-04-14T19:41:00.000+09:30

I had a really interesting chat with my fabulous yoga teacher Denise from Wellbeing@Work before class yesterday...she always has a pearl of wisdom to offer, and last night was no different.

Make the exhale active.

This was the succinct message that came out of a meditation course that she attended on the weekend with a Swami...yep a real Swami!

So what does that mean?

Well as Denise said, we put so much emphasis on the inhale - particularly in yoga.

And usually, the exhale is all about relaxing and letting go so you can sink further into the posture. We just let that happen.

If you use the same analogy for life, usually we put the emphasis on the bringing in...getting more and more and more.

And we don't tend to put as much focus on the exhale, which is letting go and releasing...be it of possessions, commitments, beliefs, memories, addictions, habits etc.

I think it's also about appreciating what you've exhaled into your life. What have you finished and achieved, what stuff have you actually gotten? What have you put out there, and then seen the result of it come into your life?

And the exhale is also about what can you give back to life. Whether it's on a personal level - who can you help? What can you impart on the world around you? Or on an environmental level...having your own compost and vege patch, recycling, less waste. Or on a community level, be it as simple as getting involved in your sporting club or donating to a charity.

So what if you turned it around? What if you put more focus on the exhale?

Right now, take a deep breath in, then really focus on the exhale, emptying out your lungs completely.

And just let the inhale happen.

You don't have to make that happen - your lungs will do it automatically, you don't even have to try.

See how much power you feel when you make that exhale active? I certainly did.

It was like I was making way for the next breath, clearing out my body completely - and then the inhale could sort of float in, bringing in the new.

So bringing that back to life now, if you take the focus off of the inhale for a while, then it's not all about what's next, what more do I need, what don't I have enough of. Not about what you can take from life.

Because really - how much stuff do we all have...and better yet, how much of it do we actually need?!

When you focus on the exhale in your life, you can focus on what you can release from your life, what you no longer need.

That could be getting rid of any possessions that you no longer need in your life.

Whether that's cleaning out the pantry, your wardrobe, the crap drawer...I've done the first two of those, and boy does it feel good! Crap drawer - you're next!

It could be simplifying your busy schedule...something else I've done in the last month. I've let go of all commitments throughout my week - so now I've got a bare week, ready to be filled with new activities...which does feel a bit odd really!

But I think I'm just going to enjoy having it to fill!

Or it could be letting go of some old beliefs or habits that no longer serve you - and just watch the difference it makes to your mental and physical self.

Geez have I had a whole bunch of that in the past few months!

Now that I've thought about this a bit more, I've realised that I've been doing a bunch of exhaling/releasing this past year, on all levels of my life...but I haven't really sat back to appreciate just how much.

Which is a great segway to my next point...

How often do you stand back, just to appreciate how great your life just as it is?

Believe me, I've got some practicing to do in this arena. As I've written about in a past blog, I love the good old Attitude to Gratitude, but it's something that I've been forgetting about lately.

And like anything, practice makes perfect. If I don't use my Gratitude muscle for a while, it gets weak and flabby!!!

I've gotten to caught up in what I don't have (and in turn how that makes me not good enough, or worthy of criticism from myself!), instead of appreciating all the fabulous things in my life.

That can be as simple as having a great night's sleep in a comfy bed, to having enough milk in the fridge for your cereal, or even just having air to inhale!

The third part of the exhale - what can you give back?

I personally love getting involved in the community. Something that I've forgotten these past few years, but am trying to bring back into my life more and more.

When I was a kid, I loved making muffins to sell at church to raise money for someone. And I loved getting involved in fundraising events - something I still love doing now. I was always more than a player at netball too, and didn't really think twice about.

I'm lucky, because my parents were/are both really active in the community through different things, so it's something that was encouraged from a young age.

And come to think of it, now that I've got spare time coming back into my schedule, I think giving back is going to rise up the list so it's part of each week.

The other thing with letting things go - then you've got room to bring in the new.

It's really not healthy to focus on more, more, more all the time. Or me, me, me.

Because if all you're trying to do is layer things, stack things, cram other things into the corner and still bring in more things...pretty soon, you're on overload.

Whether it's not having room to move in your house or head - hoarding isn't healthy!

If you're life's already full - where can the new come in?

The last great point that Denise made last night...once you've exhaled in life, what if you just step back and allow in what you need.

Like the next inhale, know that it's going to be there. Not forcing it, not going looking for it. Just trusting that what you need will be there.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this, but it definitely struck a chord with me. And I'm amazed how long this post ended up being!

Here I was at the start thinking I was going to say a few words on "instead of focusing on what you can get, focus on what you can release."

But now I've realised that the exhale is a little bit more complex than that...turns out the breath is a lot more holistic than I first thought! I love delving into stuff like this!

So now my challenge for this week is to take my focus off of the inhale/bringing in (because I've got plenty of toys I don't use already!), and to focus on the exhale/releasing/gratitude/giving.

In fact, I think I'll take it one step further...

This week, I take the time to honour the exhale.

And to finish off, I'm going to invite you to do the same thing as Denise suggested last night...

Just take a moment to ponder this, you might be interested to find what comes up.

Our incredible disappearing act!

2011-04-04T21:07:00.000+09:30

Geez, what happened to the other half of you?

Have you lost weight?

Have you lost more weight?

Wow you're looking great - what have you been doing?

These are some of the comments both Nathan and I have been getting over the last 6 or so months.

So what's our secret? It's just one simple word...

Ayurveda.

And the big thing is - it's not just about the weight.

Yes that's the obvious external change...me losing 13kgs and Nathan losing 17kgs is definitely noticeable...but this has been a much bigger transformation than that!

Going back almost 10 months now to July 9 - a day after my 28th birthday - I had my first appointment with a local Ayurvedia practitioner at Aspects of Healing.

People have asked why Ayurveda, and all I can say is that it jumped out so many times I finally had to do something about it!

So anyway, after a bunch of questions, my pulse being taken and sticking out my tongue, I was given the simple verdict...

I'm a Pitta-Kapha, with a Kapha imbalance.

And the explanations that followed from there absolutely hit the nail on the head!

When out of balance, a Kapha is essentially slow and lethargic, in every sense of the word.

It's the heaviest of the 3 constitutions, which translates into a heavy digestion in both mind and body.

From holding onto ideas and procrastinating, to being lazy and a couch potato in general when out of whack.

And boy did I have all of the symptoms in spades!

So just what is Ayurveda?

Well I can tell you what it's not.

It's not a fad diet, it's not about pigeon holing every person into the same category, it's not about shakes or meal replacements, and it's not about fanatical exercise.

Of course, if any or all of the above work for you, then good for you, but they've always meant nothing to me, and if anything, I think they all encourage eating disorders and self-esteem issues!

Anyway, off of the soapbox and back to Ayurveda.

It's an Indian approach to food and lifestyle and means the 'science of life'. It's all about living life to keep yourself in balance - body, mind and soul.

It's probably best to Google it for the precise explanation - but to put it in simple terms, when you're born, you're one or a mix of the 3 main types - Kapha, Pitta and Vata.

Then, depending on how you live your life, you'll either balance or imbalance your natural constitution.

Obviously the aim is to balance!

And as I said, it's more than just food - it's a true lifestyle.

I find that I'm really drawn to ancient and indigenous approaches, and so it's no surprise this really resonates with me, having been around for over 5,000 years.

It's amazing how much they knew without the wonders of modern science!

So back to what's changed...

I think the simplest way to sum it up is that I'm digesting life so much better!

From a body perspective - cutting out wheat made a massive difference. And yes, this ex-pasta addict is now clean and loving it!

No wheat, dairy or red meat, and avoiding any sweet, sour or salty foods, means my body is no longer doing a whole bunch of work just to digest what I've eaten.

So I've got so much more energy right throughout the day - gone is the 3 o'clock chocolate/sugar craving!

This also makes a huge difference from a mind perspective. I'm so much more alert and often brimming with new ideas.

And I've noticed how more and more, I'm happy to move through ideas and change my beliefs so much more readily if they're not working for me.

Not to say that works perfectly all the time! There's still a few I hold onto...but I'm working on them!

And from a spirit perspective, I've also adopted new practices that really complement my life.

I'm still working on integrating meditation into my life, but pretty much each morning now I get up between 5 and 530 and do yoga to kick off my day. (And yes I know, I was the person who said that I didn't even know the hour of 5 existed!)

All in all, I feel sooooooo much better.

As does Nathan. We're both trying our best to keep living by this because it just makes sense for us.

Has it all been smooth sailing?

No of course not! Week 3-6 was an absolute killer - I went through so much of a battle with my ego who was trying to convince me that everything I had been doing was perfectly fine, and why should I change.

Fortunately I won the battle, and kept moving through that!

There have been other challenges along the way, and of late, I've decided to test a few things out, seemingly to just remind myself of why I don't eat certain things now.

Ie - chocolate!

Surely one little bit can't be that bad.

But then, like today I ate a Caramello Koala and remember why I don't eat chocolate now - it makes me feel gross, bloated and in general my body doesn't like it! (Sorry Mum, I don't mean to blaspheme, but chocolate and I are no longer friends!!!)

Actually, that's probably been the biggest thing to come out of all of this.

I've realised just how sensitive my body is, and the concrete link from it to my mind and spirit.

I haven't got the layers of crap covering it up anymore!

A great example is how I can now instantly see how sugar makes me go on edge - now I understand how much food would have contributed to my being at my peak with anxiety.

And while this has meant cutting out a lot of foods that used to bring me plenty of comfort, it's all been worth it (something I need to remind myself of at the moment!).

Phew that was an essay. And it's not even the half of it really!

Of course, no "before & after" is complete without photo evidence!

So here we go....I didn't have the 'glazed pork' photos handy of us about 5 years ago (when we were red, shiny and puffy!), but here's us looking well rounded in the Grampians in December 09 (you can't see it, but Nathan's tummy is just as rounded as mine!)...

And one from my best friend's wedding in October 10, only 3 months into our transformation...we've come even further since, but this is a favourite photo of mine!

Actually one last one - this is me at the wedding loving that fact that for the first time in my life, I had a flatter stomach than Lucy!!! Believe me, she's famous for it! And fair enough she had a pretty good excuse, but I'm still counting it - I wasn't even sucking in!

Anyway, if you've been searching for a food and lifestyle approach to apply to your life then I can highly, highly, highly recommend Ayurveda.

Particularly if you want one that helps you lose the layers on all levels of your being.

Nathan and I are fabulous examples of just how well it can work.

You can see the difference in our eyes alone - they sparkle with energy and life now, rather than the dull gleam of old.

In short - we love Ayurveda!

Go on...treat yourself...

2011-04-03T17:37:00.001+09:30

This was the message I got from an Angels oracle card I pulled this morning (I'm sure I've mentioned how much I love them!)...

'When you take care of yourself, everybody benefits. Give yourself a relaxing treat today, such as a massage, sea salt bath, or pedicure."

And I thought - you know what, I will!

I've never had a pedicure before, so that jumped right out at me. And I'd also been thinking of getting one the last couple of days because I'd realised that for the first time in a long time, my feet were actually in a fit state to get one!

So this seemed like a bit of validation really.

I booked in and off I went...but not after feeling awfully guilty...should I be spending $30 on someone painting my toenails...and yes I rang Nathan to essentially get permission!!!

Well I'm really glad that I did go, because now my feet look and feel beeeeeeee-autiful!

And it ended up being only $25 - bargain!

I've just realised that I got to tick all 3 of the relaxing boxes mentioned on the card, because I got to sit in a massage chair, with my feet in a foot spa while being pedicured...aaaahhhhhh.

This is definitely a lesson for me - I'm so happy to spend money on Nathan, it doesn't matter what it's for. But for me - it can't be a 'waste' of money.

And for some reason, spending money on treating myself to a pedicure had fallen into that category. Ha!

I think this falls nicely under one of my umbrella lessons at the moment (ok, so maybe that makes it a current subject!), that I need to learn how to put myself first.

If I don't - who else will?!

And that doesn't mean being selfish, as in doing anything at the expense of others.

It just simply means that I'm the only person who knows how I feel, and whether something feels good or bad to me.

Of late, I've been running with the crowd a bit, getting swept up in how others approach their life. And you know what - just it doesn't work so well!

So this week - I give myself permission to be me...

To put myself first
To do what feels right to me
To eat and drink what's best for my body
To rest when I need to
To go to bed at 9.30 and get up at 5 (I know, I didn't used to know 5 existed!)
To do yoga daily
To be creative at home and at work

And I release the need to please others and put pressure on myself to be more...and do more...but that's another blog entirely!

Until next time - think of one treat you can give yourself this week...even if it's as simple as not doing anything one night.

And in case you need someone else to tell you it's ok - I hereby give you permission!

Check out my pretty pink tootsies...not quite foot model material, but good enough for me!!

Left foot...right foot...

2011-03-23T14:41:00.000+10:30

No I'm not joining the army...well unless it's the army of people doing their best to follow their life purpose!

Ahem, that was a bad joke...at any rate, I watched a great YouTube clip this morning by Doreen Virtue which hit the nail on the head for me in so many ways!

So if you'd like to watch it first, then here it is...or just scroll down...

Doreen kicks off with this cracking quote from Sheldon Kopp...

I've never begun any important venture, for which I felt adequately prepared.

Booya.

This is a great segway into what in part has been hiding underneath the crab shell.

In short, I realised a couple of weeks ago that I've been a big, fat fraud! Well that's what I felt like anyway.

People would say to me 'how's study going?'...to which I'd reply 'well I'm getting there.' Which is French for 'I haven't actually opened my book or listened to a lecture since last year.'

Or they'd say 'it's so great that you're following your passion - good on you.'

And I was thinking - yep it's great. I like my job and I know where I want to go, and get super excited at the thought of it...but...

I have no idea what I'm doing!

Should I be studying? Am I doing the right course? Should I be doing more? How can I...? What if...? How do I get to...?

So instead of taking it one step at a time, I decided to stand still and wait for someone to come along with a lovely set of instructions which tell me what all of the steps are that will take me from where I am today, to fulfilling my life purpose.

I've been looking left and right for a while - but no cigar, the bus with the person on it who's giving me all of the answers in one neat little package isn't anywhere to be seen!!!

At any rate, all is definitely not lost.

While I haven't been doing any of my Cert IV this year (or Advanced Diploma, depending on how far I end up going with it!), I've been doing a world of learning in my own life!! All of which will be great for my future work.

And boy have I learnt a lot in the last couple of weeks since taking the shell off and saying 'HELP ME - I'M STUCK!!!'

In addition to some great, honest conversations with family and friends, one of the best things to happen has been my Skype session with Dr Susan Bernstein - aka a Career Reinvention Expert

(I won an hour session with her - just when I needed it! Worth over $300 just quietly!)

I asked Susan how I could move forward, and one of the first things she recommended I do was take some beautiful pens, and beautiful paper - and write down what I want to do. So that I've got it all in one place, and I can start ticking things off one at a time - starting with the easiest first!

Oh - why didn't I think of that?

I said to Susan that I've got it all written down, just in various places.

So I started by trawling through my journals and brainstorming last week...because there's more than one thing so it's not a quick excercise!

Once again, I'd definitely recommend Susan's Reinvent your Role course - it's fabulous for getting more out of your job now, and figuring out moreseo what you want.

Something that has jumped out to me from the YouTube clip as I'm typing...

Every dream can be broken down into small steps.

And I'd add that I only need to take those steps one at a time.

Something I've been forgetting about a bit of lately...yes I've definitely been showing my Generation Y'ness - I want it, and I want it all now!!!

Another bit that's jumped out...

Often people are looking for someone else to give them permission or validation to follow their purpose.

Yep, I think I've fallen into that category of late. Because I'm doing something that's "different" - so I've been on the seesaw of wanting to just fly under the radar, to being ready to explode with excitement!

So here goes...

I give myself permission to be me...and I'm perfect just as I am!
I give myself permission to do what feels right to me.
I give myself permission to follow my dreams.
I give myself permission to feel the fear...AND DO IT ANYWAY!!!
I give myself permission to do this one step at a time...just one...then the next one.
I give myself permission to fail.
I give myself permission to move forward.
I give myself permission to ask for help.
I give myself permission to make mistakes.
I give myself permission to be confused!
I give myself permission to not have it all mapped out.
I give myself permission to have faith.
I give myself permission to succeed.
I give myself permission to have fun with it!

Doreen's signoff, which I love...

If you're dreaming it - you can do it.

Yes I'm still a little scared, but that's not going to stop me. Woohoo - it's time to rock and roll!

It's child's play...

2011-03-22T22:46:00.000+10:30

Tonight I jumped on the trampoline...in the dark...and it was great fun!

This came off the back of a chat with my wonderful Naturopath (not to mention a card I pulled yesterday, and one from Kylie a while back!) who suggested I do one simple thing...

Play more!!!

As I've mentioned before (and I'm pretty sure you can pick this up), I can often get caught up in the 'seriousness' of my life...and forget to go and play at recess and lunch!

So as I walked home past my primary school to my childhood home, I was thinking of all of the stuff I loved doing as a kid...

and I knew that the trambopoline was on the cards for me tonight!

If you haven't done so before, it's great fun reflecting on what you loved as a kid. It's amazing what you can remember when you get started...and how much you miss some things!

In her book 'You Are Inspired', BelindaGrace has a great activity called 'Letting your childhood dreams inspire you", which essentially goes like this...

Write down things you can remember loving as a child - no matter how silly they might seem.
Take action! Choose one thing you loved doing and find a way this week to bring the feeling back into your adult life.
Keep in mind - it can be in a small way! If you always wanted to climb a mountain,
It's a great way to bring more meaning into your working life - as BelindaGrace says "if you can't turn your newly revived passion into a career or a business, then your existing work becomes a means to fulfilling that end."

So here's my list...as a kid, I loved...

Melting chocolate in the microwave and eating it - thanks Jess for putting me onto that one!
Sleep overs
Playing UNO with 40 cards each (at least 40!)
Christmas morning
Netball
Singing
Magic
Collecting things...soaps...stamps...
Laughing until I cried, hiccuped or snorted Milo out of my nose!
Climbing
Exploring
Coloured pens
Using shading cloths and sandpaper to decorate
Fags (the lollies that is)
Jumping on the trampoline for hours
Camping
The Chocolate Game
Pass the parcel
Going to parties!
Reading
Dress ups
Puzzles - particularly logic ones
Gymnastics

I think this week, my action will be buying some pretty pens!!

Have fun writing your list! And if you're feeling brave...I invite you to share right here...

Ignore the crazy eyes - but this is me tonight in front of my trampoline!

I'm not the only one...

2011-03-16T11:31:00.001+10:30

By the way - a quick add-on to "The plot thickens" where it suddenly dawned on me that I'd completely forgotten the most important part about affirmations...

I was listening to Hayhouse radio on the way home yesterday when the guest at the time said...

"You can't stop at an affirmation - you have to take action to change the behaviour.

That's the step that everyone forgets.

It took me 20 years to figure that out - I was the affirmation queen!"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just laughed as I scribbled it down at the stop light - and thought yay for me, I'm so glad it didn't take me 20 years!!

Now the trick is to keep remembering!!! Well as they say - repetition always helps, so here goes...

I'm excited and inspired!

2011-03-16T11:14:00.001+10:30

And I just wanted to share that!

It seems like my blogs for a while have been all about fixing something that's wrong or me feeling like a sad sack.

Well at the moment - I am literally buzzing with energy!

I've had a great morning so far - yummy, healthy breakfast, yoga outside in the breeze (or winds of change I was thinking!!) and beautiful sunshine, caught the last part of a Sonia Choquette live call (I love her!), brainstormed about how I can create a better work/life balance...and it's only 11.11!

So what's inspiring me...

Change is in the air!

My kerplunk-a-thon has brought up a bunch of stuff that I can work and change - for the better!
And the best part is - I'm really ready to change and take action!

New beginnings are here...

Like I said - I've been brainstorming about how best to balance work and life, and I'm looking forward to putting that into place shortly.
I've also been brainstorming about what it is that I want to do...with my career, Live.Love.Grow., life in general - and that's so much fun! No quicker way to amp yourself up than to spend 10-15 minutes focused purely on what you love doing and things that make you happy!

I'm surrounded by fantastic support!

Be it my ever loving and supportive husband Nathan who is always there for me and helps me no end!
My fantastic circle of friends who are always ready and willing to listen to me ramble without judgment and offer great advice!
The McEachen famblee who let me be me and are only a phone call / email / car trip or plane flight away!
Hayhouse Radio - boy has it given me some great and timely advice of late!
Not to mention Divine guidance, there's been a stack of that of late too!

I'm on the path to living my life purpose

I'm literally busting with ideas at the moment, and one of my goals at the moment is bringing it all together into one spot - one of the fun tasks I've got today.
Then it's all about picking the things I want to do and taking it one exciting or challenging step at a time.
Yes I'm a little bit afraid - but I'm also filled with excitement about putting my hand up and saying 'yep, I'm ready to do this...I'm ready to be different...make that I'm ready to be ME'!

We're making our house, our home...

In the last week, we've pulled down the pergola and cut down a couple of trees, so it's aloha backyard and brand spanking new verandah that is coming soon (good thing we know someone who can put it up!)
Not to mention putting the primer on the walls so it's bye bye big bird (I know you loved the yellow walls Mum, but it's time for a change - he he!!)

So it's all happiness, flowers, sunshine, butterflies, lady bugs and rainbows here!!!

I Googled rainbows and got this - pretty close I think to summing this sentiment up perfectly don't you think!

Love to you all!

The plot thickens...

2011-03-14T20:13:00.000+10:30

Wow...what a day...what a weekend...what a fortnight!!

The lessons and kerplunk moments are coming thick and fast for me at the moment (you know the ones when the penny doesn't just drop, they hit the ground with a thud!).

I started writing this last week, but didn't get the chance to actually hit post...could've partially been me wanting my ducks in a row before I posted it, ie wanting to be 'cured' of my chest infection entirely.

But as it turns out this lovely chesty business had a bit more to teach me than I'd first thought!

I got to a point last week when I thought - wow would you just go away.

But as I'm learning more and more, my body is a sensitive apparatus nowadays.

When I'm out of balance, be it mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually - it quickly shows itself...and doesn't go away until the imbalance is fixed, consciously or subconsciously.

Not that I jump right to it and fix things at the slightest inkling, but in cases such as this, I didn't really have the choice. It was a little too obvious for me to ignore and hoping it'd just go away wasn't working!

So finally last week I went 'right body, clearly I still haven't learnt the lesson, otherwise you would be feeling better by now - so let's have it!'

Without further ado, here's some of the things I've learn this last few weeks...I say some, because this is really only a snippet!

Despite having a lot of colour in my life...I can be a bit black and white

Which is kind of funny seeing as I'm a Collingwood supporter!

I can be very logical, cause and effect - which serves me well in a lot of instances.

But where it doesn't serve me is when I get into judgment mode - making something right or wrong and only looking at the surface to make a fairly snap judgment rather than looking deeper, or taking a step back to see the trees and the forest.

Kind of funny seeing as I'm all about getting to the cause of things, not just treating the symptom!

Take this illness for instance...I instantly jumped to the conclusion that I'd been thinking the 'wrong' thoughts that I just need to fix and then voila, it'd be all good (a habit I'd been running with for a while, I think it's perfectionism in disguise!).

So off I went to my Mind-Body bibles - aka Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, and Inna Segal's The Secret Language of Your Body.

I read the symptoms, went yep - I tick all those boxes (not for the first time I might add, I've had chesty goodness before!). So now I'll stick my affirmations up, fix my thoughts and it'll all be ok.

What I've only just realised though that I forgot the crucial element - affirmations don't make things happen, they make things welcome.

So me saying the 'right' words alone wasn't going to fix it - but it did bring about the elements I needed to look at. And in turn the healing.

Oh - KERPLUNK!!!!

That's freakin' hilarious - I literally only just realised that! Ha - I almost know Louise's book back the front and I am a massive mind-body head...but I'd forgotten that key element!!!!

Affirmations and thoughts in general are the beginning - not the be all and end all!

Aaah - this is what I love about life - the unfurling and discovering new gems!

Wow. Anyway, here's a few things that have contributed to me breathing clearer and having a much lighter chest...

I need to rest - and that's ok!

Nathan had said to me a week or so prior to me getting sick that I need to just take a week off for myself, but I said I couldn't. Well apparently I could when forced to!
While I love to be on the go and doing things, it can be detrimental to my health when there's too much go and no stop.

Time to simplify my life.

Part of the mind-body symptom for an Upper Respiratory Cold is 'Too much going on at once' and boy have I had that in spades! An ongoing lesson for me is simplifying my life rather than attempting to do seventeen things at once, and not achieving any of them.
Essentially I need to give up the need to be superwoman - while I do look great in a cape, I'm not so down with the knickers over tights!

I had too much Kapha going on...

I'll explain this further this week when I finally do a blog on Ayurveda and it's amazing effect on my life! But essentially, I had been eating foods and doing things that caused a build up of Kapha in my body, aka mucus. Bleurgh.

I needed to get [more than] a few things off of my chest...

Something that has happened progressively these last few weeks. Feeling better for it too!

And now for my personal favourite...

It's time to let my guard down.

I was lying in bed two Tuesdays ago after listening to week 1 of Dr Susan Bernstein's Reinvent your Role online course (all about getting more out of your work or figuring out where to next - highly recommend it!).

At any rate, as part of that session, she'd spoken about describing the Sensations in your body...then getting to the Emotion...then the Thought (or getting SET for short).

As I mentioned before, I'd been going straight to the thought and then how I can fix it - ha! So anyway, I thought I'd give this a crack, because I had a very noticeable sensation to try it out on...

I felt like I had a brick on my chest so I thought ok, what does this actually feel like.

It's tight...restrictive...heavy. It's also feels like my heart's in a cage or armour or shell of some sort. Yeah that's it, a shell. But it's soft underneath.

And a second later I almost burst out laughing (but didn't because Nathan was sleeping!)...because I'm a Cancer...so yep it's time to shed my little crabby shell!

I'll split this particular topic into a few posts over the coming weeks - otherwise this is going to be a bit of an epic.

(Ha ha - I just walked out to the kitchen as this song lyric was played 'I've got nothing to hide'! True that!)

So to finish up - here's my favourite quote I've heard of late that I think sums up this post and my last few weeks perfectly...

"Your body never lies, but your mind seldom tells the truth."

And I'd add - don't try and tell your body that it's wrong, it's just a waste of time!