And my response was, “Yes, but did you use it in that moment when you were spinning?
Did you shift the self-talk? Did you actually apply it?”

Because here’s the thing: knowing isn’t the same as doing.

There are often thresholds we have to cross in order to expand. And right now, it feels like all humans are being asked to expand in one way or another. Like any doorway, portal, or bridge, there are often demons standing in the way. Not literal demons, perhaps, but fears, distractions, doubts, and old stories that suddenly seem very convincing when we’re about to take a meaningful step forward.

The funny thing is that these demons take themselves very seriously. Yet most of the time, they don’t pan out the way we imagine they will.

At the same time, our ideal vision doesn’t always unfold exactly as we’d hoped, either.

I saw this in my own life recently. As I took a risk, I secretly hoped there might be some grand confirmation waiting on the other side. Maybe a choir of angels singing “Ahhh!” as I stepped bravely into the unknown. A personal hosanna.

Instead?

No angel choir appeared.

What showed up was simply the last of my fears and self-doubts doing one final dance before fading into the background.

After four decades of taking risks, making changes, falling asleep to myself, waking up again, and doing it all over, here are a few observations.

1. You Need a Clear Impulse, Then You Have to Walk Blind

A clear impulse matters. You need some inner knowing, some genuine nudge that says, “This direction.” But once you take the leap, something interesting often happens: you lose sight of the outcome.

With deep change and meaningful risk, there’s frequently a period where you’re simply plodding along in the dark. You’re doing the work, taking the steps, and trusting the process without much evidence that it’s working.

Sometimes it takes months before you can clearly see that you made the right move. That’s normal.

2. The Middle Is the Faith Spot

This is the part where amnesia can set in.

You’ve left the old ground behind, but the new ground hasn’t appeared yet. You’re standing in what I call the benefit-of-the-doubt zone.

The faith spot.

Not faith as blind belief, but faith as a willingness to keep moving when certainty isn’t available.

This is where growth asks the most of us. The temptation is to turn around and run back to what’s familiar. The invitation is to keep walking.

3. Remember Why You Left the Old Way

When doubt appears, it helps to remember something important:

The old way wasn’t working.

We tend to romanticize what we’re leaving behind once we’re uncomfortable in the transition. You forget the frustration, the stagnation, the exhaustion, or the limitations that pushed us toward change in the first place. We forget the heart sick feeling.

The new path may not yet be clear. You may not have all the answers. But that doesn’t automatically mean the old path was the right one.

Sometimes progress looks like uncertainty for a while.

4. Growth Requires Strength on Three Levels

Over the years, I’ve come to think of growth and healing as requiring strength on three different levels.

Level One: Lifestyle

Your foundation matters.

Sleep, movement, nutrition, rest, healthy routines, and basic self-care are not glamorous, but they create stability. You need tools that support your daily life. You need to put your sneakers or bathing suit on, and do the laps. This is where, I have to finally admit, Nike got it right. Some things you just have to do… and later, you are glad you did.

Level Two: Mind and Emotions

You also need the ability to notice what’s happening internally.

When anxiety rises or old stories get activated, can you slow down and pay attention? Can you take twenty minutes to inquire into what’s happening instead of immediately reacting? This is active coping vs. passive coping. This will calm your fight-or-flight response – usually a small drop in stress makes a big difference. With time, you start to recognize the deeper expansion that longs to outpace the old song?

These are essential skills. Here is a blog about the tools in my book, Stress to Strength, and healthy coping options.

Level Three: Deep Blocks

And then there are the places where the roots run deeper.

Sometimes the obstacle isn’t something you can solve alone. Sometimes the fear, trauma, pattern, or resistance is significant enough that you need support.

A guide. A therapist. A coach. A trusted friend.

Whatever form it takes, there are moments when we need help clearing the deeper blocks that stand between us and our next level of growth.

Building strength across all three levels is lifelong work. We fall off. And come back. You forget. Then remember.

That’s part of the process.

Walking Your Talk

One of the clearest signs that you’re actually walking your talk isn’t perfection.

It’s noticing when you’ve gone off track, and limiting that derail time.

You have options on how to intervene with yourself.

It’s shortening the amount of time you spend lost in the weeds before finding your way back.

That, to me, is real growth.

Not never struggling, or never having doubts arise. Not never doubting or always having perfect emotional regulation.

Just becoming more skilled at returning to yourself. And being kind to yourself through the ups and downs.

In Closing

Knowing tools isn’t enough.

Knowing hacks isn’t enough.

Reading Facebook posts about the twenty things to do when you’re dysregulated isn’t enough.

At some point, we have to actually use the tools.

And the good news is that they don’t have to be the newest, trendiest, most sophisticated, or coolest techniques. The tools that work are often surprisingly simple.

My Stress to Strength system is built largely on the classics. Four steps. Five tools. A practical map for responding to many different forms of stress.

Simple.

Repeatable.

Effective.

Because transformation doesn’t come from collecting tools.

It comes from using them.

Blessings,

Denise

The post Why Knowing Isn’t Enough: Walking the Talk Past Our Inner BS appeared first on Soul Savvy.

Let’s start with something most HSP descriptions don’t mention enough:

Sensitivity is a gift. And courage is still required.

If you’ve recently discovered you’re a Highly Sensitive Person — or an empath, or what I simply call a sensitive — you may have felt the enormous relief of finally having a framework that explains so much. The overwhelm. The need for recovery time. The way a critical comment or a worry can live rent-free in your nervous system for days. The exhaustion after a crowded event that others seem to bounce back from in minutes.

That relief is real, and it matters. Understanding your wiring is the foundation of finding your unique workarounds.

When the Framework Becomes a Cage

But here’s what I’ve watched happen — in my clients, in the spiritual community, and honestly, in myself at certain chapters of my life: the language of sensitivity can quietly become a shelter. A very understandable, very seductive shelter. Eventually though, the shelter can become a cage.

If you’ve ever said “I can’t do that — I’m too sensitive,” this post is for you.

What Is a Highly Sensitive Person? (The Original Definition)

The term Highly Sensitive Person was coined by research psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron in the mid-1990s. It describes a trait she called Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). This person has a deeper, more thorough processing of sensory, emotional, and social information by the central nervous system.

Aron’s research identified four core characteristics, often summarized as D.O.E.S.:

• Depth of processing — you think deeply about everything, often connecting dots others miss
• Overstimulation — because you process so thoroughly, you hit a wall faster
• Emotional reactivity and Empathy — you feel more intensely, both the beautiful and the hard
• Sensitivity to subtleties — you notice what others walk right past: tone, texture, tension in a room

About 15–20% of the population carries this trait. It shows up across more than 100 animal species, suggesting it has genuine evolutionary value — sensitives have historically been the ones who notice danger early, read the room accurately, and keep the community safe. The fact that this trait is found in animals was compelling evidence to me.

This is not a disorder, nor a diagnosis. Rather, it is a trait. Kind of like being left-handed or having perfect pitch.
And, an important point I was reminded of – HSP is scientifically validated — Aron’s Sensory Processing Sensitivity scale has been replicated across numerous peer-reviewed studies, making HSP one of the most researched personality traits in psychology. That is not the case with the Empath situation, though it also makes sense.

HSP vs. Empath: What’s the Difference?

You may have encountered both terms and wondered which one fits — or whether they’re the same thing.

Psychiatrist and author Dr. Judith Orloff, whose book The Empath’s Survival Guide has become a touchstone for millions, draws a useful distinction. HSPs and empaths share a great deal: the low threshold for stimulation, the need for solitude to recover, the rich inner life, the deep attunement to others. But empaths, in Orloff’s framework, go further.

Where an HSP processes deeply, an empath can actually absorb the emotional and energetic states of others into their own body — often without a clear boundary between what belongs to them and what belongs to someone else. Some empaths also carry strong intuitive, spiritual, or even physical empathic abilities.

Orloff’s shorthand is elegant: “You increase the volume from HSP into empath.” A simple way to understand the relationship: All empaths are HSPs. Not all HSPs are empaths.

It’s a nested relationship, not a competition. One is not better, more evolved, or more spiritually advanced than the other. They are different expressions of sensitivity – and both are whole, complete, and genuinely needed in the world right now.

I hold both under the same umbrella: sensitives. People whose nervous systems are finely tuned instruments, capable of extraordinary perception, depth, and care.

A personal note here: thirty years of clinical practice required me to develop strong professional boundaries — and I believe that training quietly cleaned up whatever empathic bleeding I might otherwise have been prone to. Good boundaries are good medicine for sensitives. Psychic school training also frequently asks, is this energy mine or? And there’s a larger evolutionary current worth naming: as we collectively move away from people-pleasing and into more honest, boundaried communication, empathic permeability naturally becomes less of a liability. We become more porous by choice, less by default. That’s a significant shift.

Other points may transcend HSP/Empath land. In my view, sensitive or not, there are tasks that all of us humans are learning now. Maybe it is Earth’s evolution that is asking us: learn to work with conflict. Shift from too much people pleasing and hiding your truth or candor. Establish boundaries that are based in self-love before giving to others. Notice when you are avoiding what is meaningful, or what is stressful. Notice unhealthy escaping (some is OK). It’s time to wake up. It’s time to fully show up. HSP or Empath, warts and all.

Sensitivity and the Soul Picture

Just as earth evolution demands may override or add additional perspectives to sensitivity, there are other frameworks that are important to co-consider when you are looking at sensitivity. HSP never meant introversion or extroversion alone. Enter the adventure-seeking or high sensation seeking HSP. Also, soul missions may not give you a pass on needing to show up as a badass at times.

Let’s look at some other important features of soul savvy-ness in regard to sensitivity.

The Overlooked HSP: The Adventure Seeker

Dr. Aron also identified a subset of HSPs who carry a second trait alongside their sensitivity: High Sensation Seeking (HSS). This is the HSP who craves novelty, gets bored with routine, and feels a genuine pull toward new experiences, creative risk, and unexplored territory.

The HSP/HSS combination can feel like an internal tug-of-war. One part of you wants the new experience. Another part wants to process what it will mean, what could go wrong, and whether you’ll need three days to recover afterward. Until you understand both traits, this can feel like something is wrong with you.

Nothing is wrong with you. You are wired for both depth and adventure — and that is a potent combination when you learn to work with it.

The Pause Is the Superpower.

The key insight from Aron’s research: the HSP’s characteristic response to novelty is to pause and check, not to avoid. That pause is not weakness. It’s wisdom. Discernment. The sensitive person who researches the solo trip for six months before booking it and then has the most profound experience of her life? That’s the adventure seeking HSP/HSS in action.

Pause to check. Then go.

Why Sensitivity Can Become a Hiding Place

This is the part I care most about — because I’ve seen it too many times, and I’ve lived some version of it myself.

The discovery of the HSP trait often comes during a period of exhaustion, burnout, or deep frustration with a world that seems designed for people wired differently than you. The framework arrives like a life raft. And it is. But life rafts are for getting to shore — not for living on indefinitely.

When sensitivity becomes identity rather than context, something shifts. “I’m an HSP” can quietly become:

• I can’t handle that kind of visibility.
• Networking is too much for me.
• Speaking up in that room would be overstimulating.
• Putting myself out there – performing, launching, leading – isn’t for people like me.

I want to say this clearly and with full compassion: the HSP framework never said that. Dr. Aron’s research consistently points to sensitives as natural leaders, wise advisors, creative visionaries, and exactly the kind of people communities need at the front of the room.

The nervous system activation you feel when you stretch beyond your comfort zone? That is real. Moreover, it is workable. The tools exist, and the capacity is already in you.

My Own Story: When the Performer Showed Up Anyway

I am a therapist and coach by vocation — an Advisor, in the language of the Sparketype framework (a powerful assessment I use in my Radiant Work Coaching to help clients identify or update their soul-level work). Advising, guiding, holding space — that’s the primary current running through everything I do.

But I also have a Performer as my secondary Sparketype. And for a long time, that part of me stayed quiet. Or, I’d bounce back and forth, like one can do when you have different sides and different longings.

Performing — whether on a stage, in front of a camera, or in any moment of genuine visibility — activates my nervous system. I feel it. Stress climbs as I prepare even though I have performed forever. Every sensitive person in a performance context knows exactly what I’m talking about: the higher stress of preparing, the internal amplification, the courage to keep stepping toward the show, the feel-good exhaustion after.

When Soul Overrides Sensitivity

I could have called that sensitivity and stayed small. I do recall reading somewhere that HSPs shouldn’t even consider public speaking. Wonder what the experts would say about doing comedy?!

Instead, I kept showing up to it. I kept building my music life, my performance presence, my willingness to be seen. Not because the fear disappeared — it hasn’t entirely — but because I understood that the stretching was the path. That my soul’s work required the full palette, not just the parts that felt safe. So that’s a point to add in here – the soul has a say too.

The Stress to Strength tools I teach my clients are the same tools I use in my own green room moments: nervous system regulation, grounding, the curiosity about what old pattern wants to be freed. The tools don’t eliminate the sensitivity. They make it workable. They help me support myself in following what’s important, what’s real to do.

That’s what I want for you.

The Times Are Asking More of Us

We are living in a moment that genuinely calls for sensitive people to step forward — not retreat.

The world needs people who can feel what’s happening beneath the surface. Who can hold complexity without collapsing. Leaders with both rigor and compassion. Clear ones who notice the things that others walk past.

That is you. That has always been you. That difference others have noticed is what makes this time yours.

The evolutionary research on the HSP trait is worth sitting with here: sensitives have historically been the ones who protected the group, who read the environment accurately, who sounded the alarm before the danger arrived. This is not a trait designed for hiding in a quiet room forever or avoiding speaking your truth. It is a trait designed for attunement in service of something larger.

Playing small is not self-care. It might feel like it in the short term – and sometimes genuine rest and recovery truly are what’s needed. But there is a difference between restoration and avoidance dressed up as restoration.

Only you know which one you’re in.

What Radiant Livelihood Looks Like for a Sensitive

In my work with HSPs and soulful professionals in midlife, the path from depletion to what I call Radiant Livelihood — work that energizes, serves, and pays well — almost always involves some version of this:

1. Understanding your wiring — naming the trait, relieving the shame, building genuine self-compassion
2. Learning your nervous system — tools that regulate, restore, and build capacity over time
3. Facing the stretch — identifying where sensitivity, past trauma or ancestral wounds have blocked expansion, and taking the next courageous step anyway
4. Doing the deeper work — clearing the ancestral and trauma patterns that create invisible ceilings on expansion

The sensitive people who thrive are not the ones who stop being sensitive. They are the ones who stop apologizing for it — and stop hiding behind it.

If you’d like to explore your own version of this, I invite you to take the Sparketype Assessment (it’s free and quick) as a starting place for understanding the work that is most alive in you. And if you’re ready to go deeper, I’d love to talk.

You Are Built for This Moment

You feel things deeply. You process thoroughly. You notice what others miss.

Those are not liabilities to manage. They are assets to employ.

The world does not need you smaller. It needs you grounded, regulated, courageous — and fully, unapologetically present.

Sensitivity is the gift.

Courage is still required.

And you have both. A killer combo in dangerous times. Funny that – the revolution will look very different with sensitives holding the flags…

RESOURCES FOR RADIANT LIVELIHOOD and COURAGEOUS SENSITIVITY:

The Sparketype Assessment, developed by Jonathan Field of the Good Life Project

Book by Judith Orloff, The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships, and the World 

Book by Tom Rath, What’s the Point: Turning Purpose into your Daily Superpower. I’ve written a Soul Savvy Courage story about Tom Rath.

Denise’s book on healthy coping for therapists and sensitives alike, Stress to Strength: A Therapist’s Guide to Empower Clients

FREE WEBINAR ON Thursday 5/28 AT 3PM MTN TIME
Soul Savvy AI: Harnessing AI with Heart Power

Blog: Healthy AI use for HSPs: A Heart Centered Perspective

Denise Barnes is a Life & Career Coach, Intuitive Guide, and Licensed Psychotherapist with 30+ years of experience, including oncology counseling. Her Soul Savvy coaching model guides Highly Sensitive Persons and soulful professionals from burnout and stuckness to Radiant Livelihood — careers and lives that energize, serve, and pay well. Learn more at soulsavvy.net or book a complimentary conversation at calendly.com/denisebarnes/30min.

Blog Photo by visualsofdana on Unsplash

The post Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? Why Sensitivity Is a Gift – and Courage Is Still Required appeared first on Soul Savvy.

And still… something isn’t shifting.

Often, we think we’re stuck for one reason —
in one area, with one problem to solve.

But deep change is rarely one-dimensional.

There are usually multiple layers interacting at once, such as the emotional side of the brain, and the more analytic side.

The Layers Beneath “Stuck”

I often think about this in a few core domains.

The mind.
Our thoughts can loop. We can get caught in rumination.
And often, the conclusions we come to aren’t fully accurate — even if they feel true.
That can leave us second-guessing ourselves or unsure of direction.

The emotional layer.
Past experiences don’t just disappear.
They can still be active beneath the surface, or get stirred up in certain moments.
And many people were never really shown how to work with emotions in a way that allows them to move and integrate.

The nervous system.
At times, the system itself is simply overwhelmed or depleted.
Energy is low. Regulation is harder to access.
And in a world that asks a lot of us, that baseline can be difficult to maintain.

When these layers interact, it can feel like movement is happening —
but without real traction forward.

You might notice:
second-guessing, perfectionism, doubt…
a sense of going back and forth rather than truly moving ahead.

Why Insight Alone Isn’t Enough

Most approaches try to work with just one of these layers.

Change your thoughts.
Process your emotions.
Improve your habits.

And each of those can help — to a point.

But real, lasting change tends to happen when these layers are worked with together.

Gently.
At a pace your system can actually sustain.
With support that helps you see clearly what’s really happening.

An Integrative, Sustainable Approach

This is why I don’t approach my work as just coaching or just therapy.

Both are valuable — and I draw from each.

Coaching can support forward movement, clarity, and meaningful action.
Therapy supports regulation, emotional processing, and learning how to stay present rather than avoid.

And there’s also an intuitive layer —
something I’ve refined over many years —
that helps bring precision to what’s happening beneath the surface.

Together, this creates an approach that is:
both intuitive and practical
both emotional and structured
paced, and sustainable over time.

A Curious Reflection

If you’re finding yourself in this space, you might pause and ask:

Which layer feels most active for me right now?

Is it my thoughts?
My emotional world?
My nervous system?

Often, naming that alone can begin to shift something.
Here is the story, Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, from years back. More like a poem…

A Thoughtful Next Step

If you’re navigating this kind of complexity, you don’t have to do it alone.

I’m opening a few consult spaces through the end of April.
We can start with a simple conversation to explore what kind of support would be most helpful.

Book a free consult

Client experience

“I was reminded again how much you’ve meant to me over the years. You’ve been such a steady North Star in my entrepreneurial path, with your blog posts, energetic manifestation techniques, and MasterMind training that I’ve used as a guide all these years.  Thank you for the ways you’ve believed in me and helped me shape this work into what it is now.“

Circe Moss MacDonald, Eco-Chaplain & Ceremonialist, Founder of Rituallab.org
Spiritual Director of the Portland New Church, Center for Sacred Arts

Learn more about Ongoing Support Denise offers.

The post Why Deep Change Feels So Hard (Even When You’re Doing the Work) appeared first on Soul Savvy.

Original writing from two blogs in 2021
We are living through a moment that feels like a birth canal.

Tight. Intense. Uncertain. Necessary.

Across the country and the world, systems are straining. The political and cultural divide feels raw and personal. It’s easy to get swept into outrage, despair, or helplessness.

And yet — from a wider evolutionary lens — this dismantling may not be “wrong.” It may be part of a painful restructuring.

So the real question becomes:

How do we stay grounded and compassionate during divided times?

How do we hold the light without burning out?

How to Stay Grounded When the World Feels Out of Control

One of the foundations of my Stress to Strength framework is simple:

When you feel powerless, focus on what is within your control.

You cannot single-handedly repair political polarization.
You cannot force awakening in others.
You cannot stabilize every system that appears to be unraveling.

But you can regulate your nervous system.
You can direct your attention.
You can choose your energetic response.

And that is not small.

Nervous system regulation is not avoidance. It is the foundation of embodied action. When we are dysregulated — anxious, reactive, collapsed — our behavior is driven by fear. When we are grounded, our responses become intentional.

This is where lovingkindness meditation — Metta — becomes profoundly practical. It’s both an action, to send that good juju, and a personal regulation aid. Because there are ways the outside is a mirror of what’s lurking inside.

The Macro and the Micro Are Happening at the Same Time

While the world moves through its collective birth canal, something else is happening too — at the micro level.

Recently, I saw more clearly how, at eight years old, I unconsciously took on the role of emotional rescuer in my family. In a child’s logic, I believed that if I worked hard enough, achieved enough, stayed vigilant enough, I could stabilize the adults around me.

That strategy translated into competence and drivenness. It also translated into fear-based urgency.

Now, when the world feels unstable, that old survival program can activate: work harder, push more, don’t rest, hold everything together. But what kept a child feeling safer does not create embodied presence in an adult.

The global upheaval and our personal healing are not separate processes.

When the outer world feels out of control, we are invited to inquire about our inner work. Hmm, how am I resisting an uplevel? How am I avoiding what’s true and needs attention?

This is advanced practice.

Metta Meditation as Energetic Action

Lovingkindness meditation (Metta) is often misunderstood as passive or sentimental. It is neither. It is disciplined energetic training.

Step one: Send lovingkindness to yourself.
Without self-compassion, activism turns into burnout.

Step two: Extend those blessings to those you love.
This transforms worry into conscious goodwill.

Step three: Extend lovingkindness to those you struggle with.
This is the advanced practice — and a form of peace work.

This does not mean agreement. It does not mean bypassing harm.
It means refusing to let hatred, anxiety or depression take over your nervous system.

Prayer practices like Metta are powerful precisely because they allow us to take meaningful action where we lack direct control. We cannot always change external events — but we can shift the quality of energy we bring to them.

Compassion practice strengthens emotional resilience. It stabilizes the body. It widens perspective. It allows you to hold the divide without becoming the divide.

That is action.

Nervous System Regulation Before Reaction

Many thoughtful, sensitive people feel exhausted right now. They want to act. They want to contribute. They want to be responsible.

But action without regulation is often fear in disguise.

I’ve had to notice this in myself — the tightening, the urgency, the subtle belief that if I just do more, I will feel safer or will one day complete the list .

That is an old survival imprint.

The adult practice is different:

Pause.
Breathe.
Feel your body. Feel what’s stressful or worrisome.
Offer Metta.
Then see if an action is needed, or beckons.

Grounded action carries power. Fear-driven action carries depletion.

Amusement Is Also Medicine

In intense evolutionary periods, you can forget the role of humor. I know I’ve been taken myself soooo seriously.

The image that came to me lately is a chimpanzee — playful, expressive, unafraid to make a ridiculous face and crack people up. Leaping from tree to tree – and somehow that leaping, taking that risk, was part of it.

Amusement regulates the nervous system.
Play disrupts fear cycles.
Laughter restores perspective.

Holding the light does not require you need to be super serious at all times.

Sometimes it requires a monkey face.
Photo Alex Day, Unsplash

Three Grounded Practices for Polarized Times

If you’re wondering what to do when the world feels overwhelming:

1. Regulate daily.
Level 1 – eat move sleep meditate. Ground yourself. Notice your emotional state. Connect to your values. Embodiment is foundational. (See the 3 Levels of Healing diagram and how these work in Life Enhancing Therapy.)

2. Practice Metta meditation and other favorite tools.
Send lovingkindness to yourself, your loved ones, and — when ready — those who challenge you. This builds compassion and nervous system resilience. (More on lovingkindness meditation practice – 2021 blogs)

3. Take aligned civic action. Get support when needed.
If you feel called, use structured tools to contact representatives or stay informed (check out the Americans of Conscience checklist that comes out several times a month, including inspiration and good news). Act from steadiness, not panic.

We are living through a collective growth edge.

The divide is real. The tension is real.

But so is the opportunity to deepen embodiment.

Metta is training for meeting reality with an open heart.

May you be at peace.
May your heart remain open.
May you awaken to the light of your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for all beings.

And when needed —
may you remember to make a monkey face at the darkness.

Yours truly,

Denise Barnes, LPC, Rev

RESOURCES:
The year of the Fire Horse starts 2/17/26 at 5:01 am Mtn Time.
Here is Richard Rudd of the Gene Keys with a compelling read of this year’s Chinese New Year symbol, Contemplation on the Year of the Fire Horse.

Article by Jose Stevens of The Power Path, Can We Fix This World?

Another view on the Fire Horse Year, by Gaela Morrison of Forces of Nature Design, featured on The Power Path website.

The post Holding the Divide with Heart appeared first on Soul Savvy.

This isn’t a comprehensive list. It’s a trust list.

What follows is a curated list of resources that challenged me, grounded me, and supported real growth. Some are evidence-based. Some are unapologetically woo. All of them helped me build more capacity, clarity, and trust in myself.

This is not a comprehensive list. It’s a trust list. It includes that good stretch – in ideas, in your sense of identity, and the tools you rely upon for work. This expands what you offer – and with time, growth gets fun.

Evidence-Based Resources That Impacted my Personal Growth

Some of the most powerful transformations happen when language finally matches lived experience. These tools gave me frameworks that helped me understand myself more accurately and support others more effectively.

The Sparketype Body of Knowledge (Jonathan Fields)

The Sparketype system, introduced in Jonathan Fields’ book Sparked: Discover Your Unique Imprint for Work That Makes You Come Alive, gave me language for something I had sensed for decades but could never quite name.

Taking the training to become a Certified Sparketype Advisor did more than give me tools for helping others navigate career change and upgrades. It helped me understand how to maximize my own work happiness.

I learned how my primary Sparketype, the Advisor, is best supported by my secondary Sparketype, the Performer. Instead of these inner aspects competing, they now function more like a team. That internal alignment alone has reduced friction, burnout, and second-guessing.

Did You Know…
Research on strengths-based work consistently shows higher engagement and lower burnout when people understand and design around their natural drivers. Naming what energizes you is not indulgent. It’s strategic.

The takeaway here is simple. When you understand how you are wired, you stop forcing yourself into roles that quietly drain you. Here is the free Sparketype assessment to find out about your unique Sparketype profile. (10 minutes).

The Transactional Model of Stress and Coping

This framework has been around for decades, but it remains one of the most clinically sound models for understanding stress, meaning-making, and regulation.

In clinical trials with cancer patients, interventions based on this model reduced anxiety and depression by up to 50 percent. That level of impact is rare.

Beyond the data, this model has supported my own ability to stay regulated day to day. It has also strengthened my intuition and compassion, and sharpened my discernment around when stress is manageable and when deeper work is needed.

For clients, this framework becomes a practical roadmap. It helps normalize stress responses while also offering choice, agency, and self-trust.

The lesson here is that regulation is not just about coping. It’s about reclaiming internal stability so insight and intuition can emerge.

Here’s a link to my book, Stress to Strength: A Therapist’s Guide to Empower Clients. It’s written for therapists to teach to clients, for therapists to stay regulated themselves, and it’s accessible for anyone who wants to lower stress and upgrade their tool kit.

Frank Lipman’s Work on Health and Longevity

I stumbled across one of Frank Lipman’s books at a friend’s house and immediately appreciated the clarity of his writing. Concise. Practical. No unnecessary drama.

Much of what he shares about diet, exercise, fasting, sleep, and stress management aligned with things I had already studied for years. What made the difference was how accessible it felt.

After 27 years working as a medical and psychosocial counselor in cancer, cardiac, and pulmonary rehabilitation, I talk about health with many of my clients. Regulation begins with the body. That’s tier one in my framework, the Three Levels of Healing.

Having a single, trustworthy source to recommend has been invaluable. It reduces confusion and supports better next steps. The book I started with: The New Rules of Aging Well.

Woo Resources That Expanded My Perspective

Not all transformation fits neatly into randomized controlled trials. Some growth happens when we’re willing to question identity and soften certainty.

David R. Hawkins: Letting Go technique

Along that theme of upending staid approaches, David Hawkins Letting Go technique, and his body of work including the books, Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, and Letting Go; The Pathway of Surrender, introduced me to a new emotion focused tool. This is not total woo, as it’s partly based on extensive research. David, now passed, was a spiritual leader (nondual, though he consulted for many different religious groups), psychiatrist, researcher and also had a Ph.D. in philosophy. He has a very interesting biography including a spiritual awakening as a child.

The tool itself upends common approaches such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which works with distortions in thinking). In Hawkins technique, you ignore the thoughts – rather than rework or reframe them. Avoiding emotions causes most human problems in this framework, though the tools doesn’t glorify them – it allows them to move/shift.

I do think CBT is an amazing tool, and wouldn’t abandon it completely. But I love his approach, and his synthesis of psychology and spirituality. I’ll attach a book excerpt that explains the basics of the Letting Go tool – you can also find it on You tube. And we really can’t say this is total Woo – with his double degreed credentials, but there’s a lot of brilliant Woo included.

Jeshua Channelings: Christ Consciousness in a New Era

This book challenged my identification as a “lightworker” in ways I did not expect. And honestly, that was uncomfortable at first.

The disruption was worth it.

By questioning the subtle ways identity can limit growth, the book opened new pathways for healing and expansion. It brought in more humility versus hubris about my lightworker story. It also offers grounded practices for sensitive, growth-oriented people who want to stay embodied while evolving.

Sometimes the mind needs to be blown, gently, for progress and truth to integrate.

The Power Path Forecasts and Offerings

The Power Path is a family-based shamanic practice offering training, services and – monthly and lunar forecasts. What I appreciate most is how practical their forecast insights are.

Their forecasts (here is the January forecast) help orient me to larger energetic cycles without bypassing personal responsibility. The guidance often mirrors themes already present in my work and client conversations.

They describe their monthly forecast as a blend of shamanism, indigenous traditions, the PersonEssence System, and traditional astrology. In my experience, it’s accurate, grounded, and supportive rather than escapist.

The takeaway is this. Spiritual tools work best when they help you meet life more skillfully, not avoid it. And, sometimes it helps to have a few clues about the spiritual weather, in stormy times!

Business Training That Felt Aligned

Rebranding is vulnerable work. The right guidance matters.

Last year, I studied with Tad Hargrave of Marketing for Hippies and George Kao, an Authentic Business Coach. Both approaches emphasized integrity, resonance, and service over pressure tactics.

That alignment made a real difference as I navigated messaging shifts and clarified how I want to show up professionally. I refocused upon career coaching and “radiant work” for midlife, spiritual sensitives as a keystone of my work.

When business training supports nervous system safety and authenticity, it becomes sustainable. And timely.

Meditation App

As a subscriber to the Tim Ferriss blog posts, I learned about The Way, a meditation app by Henry Shukman, a certified Zen teacher. The app is aesthetically pleasant to me, even beautiful. And it gives a lot of options for your practice of meditation – guided for ten or twenty minutes, or just sit for a specified time. The teachings are delivered on different Trails, and this has really helped me upgrade my meditation practice, which was a goal last year. The first time I used it for twenty minutes, I felt a big impact. Usually I’m doing ten minutes now, but I’ll sometimes repeat the lessons – they’ve been very relevant lately.

Here is Tim Ferriss’ endorsement, which lets you try the app for 30 sessions and tells you more about Henry Shukman. He’s got an incredible teaching style, and tells personal stories, and reads poems, along The Way.

Classic books I return to:

Pocketful of Miracles, Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. – A renaissance soul, Joan is a pioneer in the integration of mind, body, and spirit. She is a licensed psychologist with a doctorate in cell biology from Harvard Medical School. The book, a daily calendar guide to psychological and spiritual growth, was introduced to me by a mentor and supervisor twenty years ago. I still find it a great support and teaching source.

The OrinDaben library by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer including Creating Money, and Living with Joy. You can find quotes from the books on the website. These books go back but feel timeless to me, holding both practical and mystical truths. Very uplifting and encouraging content.

Channeling

I advocate for all to practice channeling – a type of intuitive practice where you let your inner wisdom express itself, through writing, or recording your voice in various ways. I do this for myself and for the Soul Savvy tribe, usually on the New and Full Moons. Sanaya Roman does have a book on this, Opening to Channel, and Lee Harris also has a course.

Here’s an article that has more of my thoughts on channeling, and here is this month’s channel.

Final Thoughts

These transformational tools for personal growth didn’t just change how I work. They changed how I relate to myself and my world.

If you’re someone who values both evidence and intuition, structure and soul, you’re not alone. The right resources don’t change who you are. They help you come home to it.

Feel free to share any transforming tools, books, podcasts you came to appreciate in 2025 in the comments.

Namaste, Denise

The post My Favorite Transformational Tools for Personal Growth in 2025 appeared first on Soul Savvy.

With the rapid growth of AI tools like ChatGPT and other GPTs, many of us are feeling a mix of curiosity, relief, and unease. I have watched clients lose jobs to AI. I have felt my own practice slow down, which may be partly influenced by technology, though a shaky economy plays a role too. As Bob Dylan sang, the times they are a‑changin’.

Highly Sensitive People often feel cultural shifts earlier and more deeply than others. When technology accelerates this quickly, it can be both exciting and destabilizing. AI can support productivity, organization, and clarity. At the same time, it can quietly pull us further into the head and away from the heart if we are not paying attention.

This matters because many people on a personal growth or spiritual path are actively working to rebalance a culture that already overvalues logic, speed, and problem solving. Over‑reliance on AI risks reinforcing that imbalance instead of healing it.

The goal here is not to reject AI. It is to use it consciously, in a way that protects emotional intelligence, intuition, and nervous system health. (Read my blog about the balanced brain approach to life and goals.)

AI Has No Heart and That Is Important to Remember

AI is a machine. It does not have a body, a nervous system, or lived experience. That may sound obvious, but it is surprisingly easy to forget.

A very grounded friend of mine who works in tech helped reset my own relationship with AI. I had started to feel friendly toward ChatGPT. I noticed I was processing with it more and journaling less. He simply said, remember, it is a machine. That landed deeply.

Reflection and mirroring are powerful therapeutic tools. AI can offer a form of reflection, but it is not the same as inner listening or relational attunement. When journaling, you are tracking sensations, emotions, and subtle inner cues. When processing with AI, you are still largely operating in language and logic.

Did You Know…
Research on human‑computer interaction shows that people can form emotional attachments to responsive technology, even when they know it is not conscious. This is why awareness is essential when using AI as a support tool.

The takeaway is simple but important. Use AI as a tool, not a companion. Let it assist your thinking, not replace your inner voice.

Why HSPs May Anthropomorphize AI More Easily

Highly Sensitive People are empathetic, relational, and attuned to subtle emotional cues. This is a gift, but it also means HSPs may be more likely to unconsciously humanize AI.

These tools are designed to feel supportive. They flatter. They validate. They reflect back warmth and encouragement. This is not kindness. It is programming, often shaped by corporate goals around engagement and retention.

Just like social media platforms and dating apps, AI tools are designed to keep you interacting. They ask follow‑up questions. They offer praise. They create small dopamine hits that feel good in the moment.

For people with a history of trauma or emotional neglect, this can be especially seductive. The experience of unconditional positive regard, even when artificial, can meet a very real longing.

Awareness here is protective. When you notice yourself feeling emotionally soothed by a machine, pause. Gently reconnect with the truth that this support is simulated, not relational.

AI Makes Mistakes and Context Still Matters

AI can be incredibly helpful and deeply inaccurate at the same time.

I use an AI scribe for therapy notes, which saves time and energy. I also have to review every note carefully. The system often misattributes who said what or includes statements that were never discussed. The same thing recently happened with a doctor’s AI‑generated note. I had to request corrections.

AI pulls from generalized data. It does not know your full context, history, or nuance. This becomes especially concerning when people use it for self‑diagnosis, psychological interpretation, or major life decisions.

Did You Know…
Studies on clinical AI tools show that while they improve efficiency, they still require human oversight to prevent errors and misinterpretations.

AI can support professionals. It cannot replace discernment, relationship, or embodied knowing.

Emotional Intelligence Cannot Be Outsourced

One of my biggest concerns is watching clients lose access to their emotional intelligence through overuse of GPTs.

Emotional intelligence, self‑regulation, and stress management are not cognitive skills alone. They are embodied capacities. They develop through feeling, sensing, and being with experience, not bypassing it.

When people turn to AI for emotionally charged situations, such as parenting challenges or relationship struggles, the guidance stays primarily in logic mode. Even when AI references emotions, it does not model emotional presence or somatic awareness.

Heart‑based wisdom and intuition require stillness. They require tolerating uncertainty and listening inward. These skills weaken when every discomfort is immediately externalized to a machine.

The lesson here is not never use AI. It is to notice what kind of problem you are bringing to it. Emotional and healing edges deserve human and inner resources first.

A Case Study in Balanced AI Use

I use AI regularly for editing, project management, communication support, and productivity challenges. It helps me organize thoughts and distill what matters most. I insist on writing my blogs first – it takes 2-3 hours to organize thoughts and do the first drafts. When it’s coherent, I’ll let AI edit and I have to say, it’s much clearer after that edit.

There was a point, however, when AI’s feedback, especially the flattery, stopped being helpful. The encouragement felt indulgent rather than clarifying. I had to explicitly ask for more direct, grounded feedback. I called it the “tough love” reflection.

This became a useful boundary. I learned this in early business training when soliciting feedback on web pages. We were encouraged to ask for what we specifically needed in the feedback. I now consciously choose how I want the tool to respond and when I want to engage with it at all.

More importantly, I limit AI use around emotional processing. I journal first to get my own sense of things, and stress relief – the exhale of truth it provides – without AI input. I brainstorm on my own before asking for help. This keeps my inner muscles strong.

1/19/26 addendum: I wanted to add that I’ve been intensively training my AI of various GPTs in the last year. Not only regarding the kind of project management and general feedback areas (“tough love” vs too indulgent, or flattery). But especially with regard to my business, marketing, the signature frameworks that describe my work, and my unique voice in my teaching. AI is not going to have your framework, and voice or approach down, before there is some of this intensive and time consuming training of it, through many iterations, and corrections of what it gets wrong.

A Healthier Sequence for Using AI

For HSPs and spiritually oriented growth seekers, sequence matters.

When you encounter a challenge, especially one with emotional charge:

1. Pause and notice your body and emotions.
2. Use emotion‑focused coping tools such as RAIN, EFT, or gentle mindfulness to lean towards the rub of it.
3. Journal or reflect to access your own insight.
4. Then, if needed, use AI for organization, clarity, or practical support.

This order preserves your connection to inner wisdom while still allowing you to benefit from modern tools. If you skip your inner wisdom in this, you can miss a lot of good intelligence from your own wisdom treasure caves.

The Deeper Risk of Over‑Reliance

When intuitive strength and emotion‑focused coping are neglected, resilience erodes. Balance is lost.

AI can make life easier. It cannot help you develop a nervous system that feels safe, regulated, and connected. That work happens slowly, relationally, and internally.

As sensitive and spiritually aware people, we are being asked to model a different relationship with technology. One that honors efficiency without sacrificing soul.

The invitation is simple. Go to your inner wisdom more often. Let AI support your life, not replace your humanity or your intuitive knowing. Intuition takes time to develop and strengthen. But don’t leave home without it.

Resources for Emotion-focused Coping (emotional intelligence tools):

EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique – I interview Phi Cedorian, a EFT expert – also includes a worksheet for this tool.
Key points on stress management overall, and emotion focused coping – my TEDish talk (11 minutes)
Tools for overthinking – These are also emotion-focused coping, though they work with thoughts.
The Letting Go tool by David Hawkins for working with emotions – a brief excerpt from his book that describes it
My Stress to Strength book – These tools were tested in clinical studies with cancer patients. Anxiety/Depression dropped 50%.

PODCASTS:

Cal Newport – Expert on Digital Minimalism, episode on “why you should quit social media in 2026“
Tim Ferriss – Interviews Cal Newport
– and here is an article Cal Newport wrote for the New Yorker, What Kind of Mind Does ChatGPT Have?
Tim’s recent interview with happiness expert Arthur Brooks on The Meaning of Your Life – key question AB asks toward the end – How much of your life is a simulation? (on phone social media games etc.) Better that it’s real time.

FAQs

provided by your friendly neighborhood AI

What is healthy AI use for HSPs?
Healthy AI use for HSPs means using technology as a supportive tool while protecting emotional intelligence, intuition, and nervous system balance.

Can AI replace emotional support or intuition?
No. AI lacks a body, emotions, and lived experience, so it cannot replace inner wisdom, relational attunement, or embodied knowing.

Why are HSPs more vulnerable to AI over-reliance?
HSPs are empathetic and relational, which can make it easier to anthropomorphize AI and feel emotionally soothed by it.

Is it okay to use ChatGPT for personal growth?
Yes, when it supports reflection and organization rather than replacing emotional processing or inner listening.

How can I balance AI use with emotional intelligence?
Start with emotion-focused coping and inner reflection first, then use AI for clarity or practical next steps.

Does AI make mistakes in mental health contexts?
Yes. AI often lacks nuance and context, which is why human oversight and discernment are essential.

The post Healthy AI Use for HSPs: A Heart‑Centered Perspective appeared first on Soul Savvy.

Living in the world today, many of us feel challenged by politics, global warming, affordability, and the many cross-currents of these times. It can be easy to feel pulled down by the weight of it all — by the constant stream of happenings, opinions, and predictions.

For sensitive people especially, this raises a real question:
How do we stay informed and participate in the world, without losing our energy, joy, or capacity to contribute? How do you, as a sensitive, hold the light in dark times?

There’s a palpable sense of darkness in the collective field right now — not necessarily because things are worse than ever, but because we are more exposed to everything, all the time. Add in very real concerns about survival, sustainability, and the possible degradation of the lifestyles we’ve known, and it’s no wonder many sensitives feel overwhelmed or dysregulated.

Two Ends of the Spectrum

Some of my most spiritual colleagues and friends hold the view that the challenges we’re facing now are not new. Humanity has always navigated political upheaval, environmental threats, and the basic realities of survival on this earthwalk. From this perspective, one response is to not get too riled up — to stay less informed, less emotionally invested, and to trust that “it’s always been this way.”

That’s one end of the spectrum.

At the other end are people who feel called to stay aware, engaged, and to actively “hold the light.” There’s truth here too — especially when we consider teachings like the Law of Attraction, which suggest that what we focus on, energize, and emotionally inhabit is what we help bring into form.

So the real question I want to explore in this blog is:
How do we hold the light in dark times — without bypassing reality or burning ourselves out?

How do we find the balance between being unconcerned or detached on one hand, and being so immersed in the world’s suffering that we lose our center? And if we feel drawn toward activism or engagement, how do we do that with open hearts, with love, and with our connection to Spirit still intact?

Being In the World, But Not Of It: Wisdom Traditions We Can Lean On

This tension is not new. Many spiritual traditions have grappled with the same core question: How do we live fully in the human world without being defined, consumed, or distorted by it?

Some of the work I find supportive right now is an offshoot of Christianity, well if you can call channelings from Jeshua Ben Joseph (i.e., Jesus) an offshoot. The writing from the Way of Mastery books discusses how to be in the world, but not of it. Like the other traditions below, often there is an anchoring to love, to connection with spirit, as the most important “reality” to anchor to.

Here are a few additional lenses that may be especially helpful right now:

1. Christianity (Mystical and Scriptural)

In the Gospel of John, Jesus prays that his followers be “in the world, but not of it.” The teaching isn’t about withdrawal, but about allegiance. You live among people, engage with society, and serve — while locating your identity and guidance in the Kingdom of God rather than in fear, power, or domination.

In this view, holding the light means embodying love, truth, and compassion in the midst of a broken world — without letting the world define who you are.

2. The Bhagavad Gita (Hinduism)

The Gita offers the path of karma yoga — action without attachment to outcomes. You do your duty, show up fully, and act ethically, while releasing your grip on results.

This is a powerful model for sensitive people:
Be engaged, but don’t be consumed.
Let your actions arise from alignment with the Divine, not from anxiety about how things will turn out.

3. Buddhism

Buddhist teachings emphasize non-attachment, not disengagement. The problem isn’t the world — it’s clinging to outcomes, identities, and emotional reactivity.

From this lens, holding the light means cultivating awareness and compassion while staying out of fear-based reactivity. You respond skillfully, rather than reactively — which feels especially relevant in today’s polarized climate.

4. Sufism (Islamic Mysticism)

Sufism speaks of fana (the dissolution of the ego) and baqa (living in God). Life continues — relationships, work, service — but the sense of a separate, controlling self loosens.

Action flows from love rather than ego. You remain in the world, but the world no longer owns you.

5. Shamanism

In many shamanic traditions, the practitioner walks between worlds — the ordinary, physical world and the non-ordinary, spiritual realms. The task is not escape, but mediation.

Shamans stay deeply connected to Spirit precisely so they can serve the community. Nature, ritual, and relationship with unseen allies help them remain grounded, resourced, and clear — even in times of crisis.

This is a beautiful reminder that being “not of the world” doesn’t mean disengagement; it means rooting yourself in a deeper source of guidance while tending the collective field.

Regulation as a Spiritual Practice

My own approach — both in my personal walk and in my professional work — comes back again and again to regulation.

I will always vote for daily practices that help you stay grounded in the midst of current tumult. And I will always vote for tools that help you deconstruct spiraling thoughts and over-dramatic emotional loops that derail your nervous system.

Even dropping your stress level a few points matters.
You respond more appropriately.
Then, you stay connected to your values.
This way, you can actually be of service.

When we’re in fight-or-flight, we may think we’re helping — but we’re often just amplifying the very energy we’re trying to heal. So perhaps “being in the world, but not of it” simply means staying out of fight-or-flight, doh!! Lol! Joking – that just hit my funny bone as an additional spiritual practice for the current time…

Here you’ll find an illustration of the three levels of healing here, where you can more deeply explore that healing model I use in therapy work. You might also view work and any challenges you are going through in life, as spiritual practice.

Final Reflection

Holding the light doesn’t mean ignoring reality.
And it doesn’t mean carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

It means staying anchored in Spirit, resourced in your body, and guided by love — while you live, vote, speak, serve, and choose how you engage. While you decide what you need to do to be prepared for disruption both personal and collective.

That balance is not static. It’s a living practice. And in times like these, it may be one of the most important spiritual disciplines we can cultivate.

Side note from today (12/19/25)

As I write this, my town of Boulder is on alert due to higher than normal winds that led to a very destructive fire about this time last year. Instructions are to have that “go bag” with the important papers and irreplaceable items. (!) We’ve lost three trees, and one of them was up against a neighboring building. I’ve not lost power thus far; others have.

“Preppers” are those who feel we need to be prepared for grid and power disruption, empty food shelves, etc. It may be prudent to find a level of this kind of prep that supports you. This would be active coping. Passive coping would be to listen to these concerns as I did this week, but two months later, not have taken any action.

You can google “Preppers lists” for more info. The quick guidelines might mean 2 weeks (months) of food, 50 gal water for drinking, cash, fill up the car with gas, charge phones/cars/etc., go bag, alternate energy sources – be they lamps, batteries for radios, etc.

I’m pretty new to the prepper world, though I did go through Y2K. As I went on a hike today before the wind was supposed to hit hard, I grabbed my passport. Irreplaceable? I thought of my guitar, but I haven’t had to evacuate before, as some neighbors have closer to the foothills here. Wild times! At times it feels like an adventure, at times it’s pretty frightening. Take care, friends.

Resources for Spiritual Exploration

If you’d like to go deeper with some of the spiritual traditions noted above, here are some starting points:

• Christian Mysticism
  • The Gospel of John, Chapter 17
  • Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation
• Hinduism
  • The Bhagavad Gita, especially Chapters 2–4 (karma yoga)
• Buddhism
  • The Dhammapada
  • Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching
• Sufism
  • Rumi, The Forty Rules of Love, by Elif Shafak,
    Gold, by Rumi (Author), Haleh Liza Gafori (Editor, Translator)
  • Idries Shah, The Sufis
• Shamanism
  • Michael Harner, The Way of the Shaman
  • Sandra Ingerman, Soul Retrieval
• Jeshua channeled
  • The Way of Mastery
  • The Course in Miracles

Resources for End of year/New Year reset

These were included in the solstice newsletter – you can sign up to receive these at the right.
Or text me to get those, 303 501 7402, with NL in the subject line; included your email address.

Coaching Update: Prices increasing

My coaching rates will be increasing in 2026.

If you’d like to work together next year, you can lock in 2025 pricing by enrolling and paying by 12/30. This applies whether you’re starting in January or later in the year.

If you’ve been feeling the nudge, this is a good moment to listen.

Visit this page to find out about my coaching services.
You can text me with any questions, 303 501 7402
Or email mdenisebarnes at gmail. Note: I’m on duty through 12/24,VK starts 12/25 through 1/5.

The post Being in the World, But Not of It: Holding the Light in Dark Times appeared first on Soul Savvy.

Why Affirmations Don’t Always Work for Highly Sensitive People

If you’re a highly sensitive person, an intuitive, or simply someone with a very active mind, you already know this: thinking is both your superpower and your stress trigger.

Your mind can see patterns instantly, anticipate outcomes, and reflect deeply. But that same brilliance can tip into:

• overthinking
• catastrophizing
• spiraling
• trying to “think your way out” of emotional distress

This becomes especially tricky when you rely on affirmations or mindset work alone—because when you’re dysregulated, the emotional brain takes over.

Let’s set the stage with the two kinds of coping covered in my book, Stress to Strength.

Problem-Focused vs. Emotion-Focused Coping (And Why It Matters)

1. Problem-Focused Coping

This is your logical, executive-function skillset.
It includes:
solving the issue
making a plan
preparing talking points
doing the task
communicating clearly

2. Emotion-Focused Coping

This is where your thinking habits show up—automatic, fast, outdated, or patterned thoughts that arise when your emotional brain is activated.

This is often where HSPs get tangled. Not because your thinking is wrong, but because you’re using thinking in the wrong moments.

Why Overthinking Fails When You’re Dysregulated

You’ve probably heard this:
When the emotional brain lights up, the executive brain goes partially offline.

Translation:
You can’t “logic yourself” out of anxiety, fear, reactivity, or old wounds.

This is why affirmations like:

• I’m safe.
• I’m supported.
• I have all the abundance I need.

…don’t land when your nervous system is running old programming like:

• “I’m not safe.”
• “I have to work hard for everything.”
• “It could all fall apart.”

Affirmations can feel good for a few minutes, but then you drop right back into fear or scarcity.
Nothing is wrong with you. This is simply physiology.

So instead of layering positivity over old beliefs, let’s work directly with the thoughts underneath.

A Simple, CBT-Based Tool for Working With Your Thoughts

This tool—rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and adapted for the Stress & Strength system—is deceptively simple and extremely effective. It includes three steps. (It’s recommended you write these out. Consistent practice of this tool for a month will shift your coping patterns and change your world.)

Step 1: Name the Thought

Write down the negative or spiraling thought exactly as it appears.
Not the softened version—the raw one.

Examples:

• “This will never work.”
• “I’m failing.”
• “Everything is going to fall apart.”
• “I’m so fat.”

Write it down.
This alone slows the spiral.
Rate the stress level (1–10, 10 is high) this thought is causing.

Step 2: Ask Two Questions

Just yes/no to start:

1. Is it true?

Absolutely true? 100% true? With no exceptions?

(Usually… no.)

2. Is it helpful?

If it’s creating stress, the answer is probably no.

Then jot a few notes:

• Why it’s not fully true
• Why it’s not helpful

This interrupts the automatic pattern and creates emotional space. It’s the set up for step 3, the reframe as it’s called.

Step 3: Reframe the Thought

This is your regulated, big-picture thought.

Not positive thinking. Not avoidance.
An updated, more accurate, kinder, more empowering truth.

Then re-rate your stress.

You’ll usually feel a shift—sometimes small, sometimes profound.

Why This Works (The Part Most People Miss)

Many people try to use affirmations or the law of attraction by being only positive.

But a whole, integrated perspective includes:

• the challenge
• the truth
• the progress
• the bigger picture

Highly sensitive people tend to overemphasize the challenge—especially when dysregulated. But the fuller truth usually includes evidence of:

• growth
• resilience
• effort
• change
• support
• possibility

Healing happens in the nuance—where compassion meets clarity. This is when you hold of the bigger picture.

Additional Tools for Working With Thoughts

Book Recommendation: You Can Create an Exceptional Life

By Louise Hay & Cheryl Richardson
A beautiful conversation-style book blending mindset and real-world wisdom. Perfect for year-end reflection. They go deep into challenges and teach how to create wonderful and realistic affirmations.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

I’ll link my podcast episode with EFT expert Phil Cerdorian, plus a worksheet I created for this practice.

EFT combines:

• Western self-talk + affirmation
• Eastern meridian tapping

A powerful emotional regulation tool and negative thought changer – especially for HSPs.

Thought-Changing Worksheets (One from My Book)

A fillable PDF of the CBT tool above which is Step Four of the Stress to Strength book. Very grounding for anxious, fast-moving minds.

Trap It • Map It • Zap It

A simple and fun CBT tool I encountered years ago. Slightly different angle that also helps for quick reframing.

As We Enter the New Year…

This season is a natural moment for mental, emotional, and spiritual updates.

Just like software, your inner system is meant to evolve. What’s outdated can be released. What’s emerging can be nurtured.

As you reset for the year ahead, may these tools help you:

• clear old thought patterns
• regulate your nervous system
• expand your sense of possibility
• relate to your mind with more tenderness

Big blessings—and much hope, expansion, and ease for your year ahead.

Denise Barnes, MA, LPC, Rev
Therapist & Career Coach blending practical and intuitive support
Author of Stress to Strength empowerment guide

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/denisebarnesboulder
Sessions + offerings: www.soulsavvy.net
Free consult: No cost, no obligation

The post Working With Your Thoughts (When Affirmations Aren’t Enough) appeared first on Soul Savvy.

Your Brain, in Simple Terms

You’ve probably heard me talk about the “logical brain” and the “emotional brain.” These are two very different systems with different functions, perspectives, and ways of learning. And what neuroscience has revealed over the last 15 years gives us powerful insight into why change can be so hard—and how we can make it easier.

The logical brain (our prefrontal cortex) is verbal, rational, and linear. It loves checklists, goals, and problem-solving.

The emotional brain (the mammalian brain, more closely linked with the reptilian brain) is nonverbal and experiential. It learns through:

• repetition
• association
• sensations
• felt experience

This is why you can “know better” and still repeat old patterns—because many habits, trauma imprints, and attachment patterns are stored in the emotional brain. Talking alone doesn’t always reach them.

This matters deeply in therapy, in coaching, and also in everyday life. When your logical brain wants one thing but your emotional brain doesn’t buy in, change feels hard, inconsistent, or draining. When both are aligned, change becomes smoother and more sustainable.

I first saw this years ago when I worked as a money coach. I used to say there are two sides to building abundance:

• the practical steps (balancing the checkbook, planning), and
• the magical side—the mindset, energy, and attraction work.

Both matter. Both must be included.
Healing, goals, and daily life work exactly the same way.

A Personal Example

I used the Balanced Brain approach often myself – while planning this newsletter, while touching base on what I want to complete in December—our last (very short!) month of the year.

I invite you to try this with me.

Step 1: Logical Brain Check-In

I first asked my logical brain what felt most important to complete this year. It named three goals:

1. Finish several projects I’ve already identified.
2. Declutter and organize, both home and business systems.
3. Continue my “affairs in order” work, creating more clarity and simplicity.

These are solid, practical, and rational—exactly what the logical brain is designed to give. And I notice my logical brain loves loves loves to focus on work and business goals. Hmmm.

Step 2: Emotional Brain Check-In

Then I checked in with my emotional brain—using intuition, image-based awareness, and felt sense. It named three very different goals:

1. Tune up my schedule to make it saner and more supportive, and strengthen my meditation practice.
2. Return to dating, which my logical brain tends to deprioritize in favor of work.
3. Plan my next mobile-work trip, to include rest and connection with loved ones.

Here, the emotional brain highlighted desire, nourishment, and the areas I might be avoiding. It also showed me what brings vitality and meaning—not just productivity. Yes, there is structure in there, re: the schedule, but with attention to making the day-to-day foundation connect with meaningful activities.

Now I had six meaningful goals and limited time. Ha! Great!

This is where tools like muscle testing, prioritizing/eliminating by energy checks, or doing “a little bit of each” can help. But more importantly, it showed me how differently each part of the brain registers priorities. We tend to just listen to logic.

When we listen to both, we build a life that’s not just productive—but balanced, joyful, and aligned. Even to just run logical brain goals by the heart, can tweak the plan slightly toward a more beneficial, balanced approach.

Why This Matters for You

Understanding your logical and emotional brain helps you in at least three major ways:

1. It reduces self-blame.

If you’ve struggled to change something, it’s not because you’re lazy, resistant, or broken. Often, your emotional brain simply hasn’t caught up—or hasn’t been spoken to in the way it understands.

2. It explains why healing is layered.

Deep patterns live in the emotional brain. That’s why healing old trauma or attachment wounds takes time and often requires experiential or body-based approaches.

3. It helps you set goals you can actually complete.

When both brains say “yes,” you feel:

• clear
• motivated
• grounded
• less conflicted
• more energized

This is alignment. And aligned goals are the ones that actually get done. Progress on what matters means you’ve got the emotional brain “buy in” for what you’ve set out to accomplish.

Tools for the Road: The Body–Mind–Heart Meditation

One of the most effective ways to communicate with the emotional brain is through the Body–Mind–Heart Meditation, which I’ll also include as an audio. Here’s the simple written structure (and PDF) so you can begin now.

1. Body Check-In

Close your eyes and scan from head to toe. Notice:

• strength
• tension
• sensations
• overall physical state

This grounds you and softens the logical brain.

2. Mind Check-In

Sense the clarity of your mind:

• Is it clear or cloudy?
• Fast or slow?

This gives you your mental “weather report.”
You can also use Step One from my book Stress to Strength book.

3. Heart/Emotion Check-In

Place a hand over your heart. Ask:

• What is my main emotion right now?
• How is my heart?

Name a true emotion, not a story about the emotion. Dig deeper if you get “tired” – to possibly “a bit sad” or “anxious” or “frustrated”.

Take a breath and let body, mind, and heart synchronize.

4. Connect with Wisdom Larger Than You

Invite in your intuition, nature, God, or whatever feels like a deeper source of guidance. Let it stand with you now.

5. Ask Your Question

Place a question in front of your heart. For example:

“What’s most important for me to finish next month?”

Let the emotional brain respond in its native language:

• images
• felt senses
• metaphors
• a subtle knowing

Keep asking until you feel complete:

• “What tasks matter most?”
• “What else do I need to know about December?”
• “What will help me finish the year well?”
• “Is there a next step?”

This mindful inquiry blends intuition, emotion, and logic—allowing you to live in a more balanced, integrated, and soul-aligned way. A key here is LET YOURSELF BE SURPRISED. You can ask to see a picture or to get sensations about your inquiry. These start out a bit vague, but as you sit with them, or share them by writing them out or talking with a friend, they make more sense.

By the way, this is exactly how you strengthen your intuition and inner wisdom. Trusting yourself, including your emotional brain, is an ongoing practice. After some time, it starts to get fun when the emotional brain surprises you, and reveals useful, even witty wisdom that improves your life and balance.

Credit to Mark Silver, Heartofbusiness.com. It’s been a couple of decades, but I studied with him in his spiritual business courses and consider him part of my lineage. This practice is adapted from the Sufi practice of Remembrance he uses in his teaching.

Resource: The Book, The Therapeutic “Aha!”, by my Hypnotherapy teacher and clinician Courtney Armstrong, LPC. Very awesome!

Resource: One soul savvy reader noted EFT (tapping) has proved to be a valuable tool. Check out my EFT podcast where I interview EFT expert and colleague Phil Cerdorian on this tool. There is also an EFT worksheet I composed.

Resource: Recent channels.
See the New Moon channel for 11/21 – plus a funny note on how to tell you’re not making this up!

For Deeper Support

As you move into December, I hope this Balanced Brain approach gives you a gentler, wiser way to navigate the month. When you pause long enough to let your body, mind, and heart find each other again, the next steps usually become clear—and kinder.

If you’d like support applying this process to something specific in your life, or if you’re ready to shift a long-held belief or emotional block, I’d love to help.

For shifting these emotional patterns before the new year, I’m offering a limited 3-session, Year End Clearing package for $300. This is only for my newsletter readers, with deep coaching and hypnotherapy work to shift an old belief or block that is holding you back.

Just reply to learn more – the offer is good through 12/7, and needs to be used by the end of Jan 2026.

Email mdenisebarnes at gmail, with the subject line CLEAR.

Happy Gratitude and Stillness Season to you and yours!
Denise

The post The Balanced Brain Approach to Life and Goals appeared first on Soul Savvy.

Just recovering from a family holiday visit, I noticed some ancestral patterns getting stirred up that I hadn’t anticipated. As we enter the holiday season, I thought I’d share four observations and a few tools that helped me recover and re-center — a few bits of preventative wisdom in case you’re heading “home” soon too.

And if this isn’t your path — if your family is functional and thriving — may you simply enjoy that blessing and have a spacious, peaceful holiday season.

Observation One: We’re Not in Kansas Anymore

My day-to-day life is surrounded by soulful friends and chosen family — people who do inner work and communicate with care. Returning to the earlier homeland reminded me how different those worlds can be.

Sometimes we’re the only therapist, intuitive, or self-aware person in the room, and that can be disorienting. It can also be a reminder of how much we’ve grown, and why the wider world can feel the way it does at times. Life is messy, a friend reminded me – often far from perfect.

Observation Two: Sensitivity Has a Cost

When you’re highly sensitive or empathic, the energy of old family dynamics can take a real toll. You might find yourself around someone whose normal communication style — constant commentary, teasing, jokes at others’ expense — leaves you feeling drained.

Even if the visit goes well, the emotional residue can show up a few days later. Awareness itself is powerful medicine. During the trip, it helped to keep up my morning exercise, journaling and meditation practice. When something came up, say a dip in mood, I had tools I could use to shift. That helped me stay present and enjoy the good moments, too.

Observation Three: Give Yourself Recovery Space

Even after a positive trip, reentry takes energy. Be realistic about what you can accomplish afterward — it may not be a high-productivity week. Lighten your load, postpone non-essentials, and let yourself move gently.

It took a few days for the full impact of my trip to land. Efforts to clear my energy field took more time, and repetition. A two hour hike helped a lot, but I had more to do to recover fully. Give yourself grace, and remember those wise reminders to not overload the schedule at this time of year – it’s probably already getting busy!

Observation Four: A Brave Next Step

Sometimes a family visit doesn’t just surface the past — it also reveals where we’ve been holding back in the present. If there’s a meaningful step you’ve been avoiding (for me, it’s re-entering the dating world), this might be the moment to gently move toward it.

Not from pressure — but from truth.
From readiness.
From the desire to live more fully.

Healing the old often clears space for the new. That’s what we want from healing work, right? More clarity, more ability to focus on creating a positive future.

My Go-To Tools for Recovery & Realignment

I needed several sessions with myself, a good hike, time with friends, and down time, to gently get back to full recovery. Don’t hold back when you see that need for yourself. As you are going to sleep or waking, you may sense these healing needs. In that liminal time, emotions and leftovers are more clear. I used some of the tools below to really cement the shift, and also burned a few sprigs of sage and written notes of what to release, in this returning to my spiritual ground/center.

1. Post-Event Summary

A simple debrief helps you name what went well, what was challenging, and what you learned — so you see the full picture, not just the highs or lows. End with:

“How will I acknowledge or reward myself?”

For me, that meant fresh flowers for my home and office — a small gesture of beauty and gratitude. Slack and grace were also constant qualities to return to.

Here’s the handy dandy fillable PDF for the Post Event Summary – I’ve shared it before. Sensitives especially tend to focus on what went wrong – but this can help you keep the bigger perspective – the whole messy truth . That’s often a big relief, and can put an end to any spiraling or overthinking.

2. Emotional Integration

Lingering emotions are messages. Let them move through. As you reflect on family stories, you may see how old relationships shaped both pain and growth in your lineage. Awareness alone can be healing.

Recognize that lingering emotions have a purpose, and can allow deeper realizations to come forth. Ancestral work is like peeling an onion – there’s usually another layer to discover. I saw how some of my mother’s pain was a hardship she endured that influenced her approach to life. Tough to see, but also insight that added compassion.

What then do you do with that? Here, you might use ceremony to bless the family. You may do some gratitude work around the evolution that has happened since that time. You might make time to honor those relationships that matter.

The idea is to make room for your emotions – to name them, and use your tools and practices to recenter and come back to your true home ground. Here I also used the first step of my stress to strength tools, to take stock of what is.

Use whatever practice supports you — journaling, ceremony, gratitude, intuitive work, practical recalibration. Here is a link to the Letting Go book excerpt that names how to hang with emotions in a healthy way – that is a great book btw.

Letting Go tool for working with emotions – excerpt from the David Hawkins book. He also wrote Power vs Force.

3. Reorient to What’s Important Now

Once you’ve grounded and processed, come back to you.
What feels meaningful now? How might this challenge highlight what’s missing or any unmet needs right now?
What’s next in your life? Where is your energy being called?

Here is step one of the Stress to Strength tools – a type of mind and heart dump of what’s on your plate now. This is the one Cal Newport recommends doing weekly. So helpful with returning and recentering.

Reconnect with the people who nourish you. Make time for the things that lift your spirit. Often, simply resting may be a huge help with recovery and integration.

When I left home, it took years to heal back to wholeness. Even through that “little T trauma”, I came to realize that family – the blood kind – is important. We choose them for a reason, for soul learning, for spirit lessons.

I wish you well on your path of standing strong in your truth alongside your ancestors. And many blessings if you also need time and space, when recovering from a family holiday visit.

Wishing you all the best this holiday season – both for the external maneuvers and the inner healing that may arise.

What helps you with ancestral trauma work? Comment below to help the tribe…

If You Need Support Returning to Yourself…

Healing the past and stepping into your next expression often go hand in hand.

If you’re feeling tender from family time, or sensing a deeper calling around your work, purpose, or life direction, I offer intuitive coaching sessions that weave soul healing with purpose alignment — so you can move forward grounded, clear, and radiant.

If you’d like support, you can book a complimentary 20-minute consult here.

End of year can also be a good time to refresh with a short therapy course – I do have a few openings. Find out more about my therapy and coaching services here.

The post The Family Visit: Tools for Sensitive Souls appeared first on Soul Savvy.