If you haven't met Craig and Sandy Jaggard you're really missing out.  They're both performers - they both love to sing and are quite gifted at being silly.  They do this thing (and have done it for years) where they dress up like Sonny and Cher and sing "I Got You Babe."  They are both incredible educators.  They light up a classroom like roman candles on The 4th of July.  Also, Sandy was born on The 4th of July.

Every year for my birthday Craig and Sandy make these ridiculous videos and put them on youtube.  What I love about these is how I imagine them every year having fun making them.  They're at their best when they're being creative together. 

Craig and Sandy worked their tails off when I was growing up.  They paid for piano lessons, trumpet lessons, guitar lessons, art lessons, soccer, baseball and one unfortunate season of basketball.  They worked so I could go to camp in the summer and be around amazing people.  They picked the faith community we were a part of in large part because of the quality experience they knew I would have there.

I have never had bigger fans, deeper support, or loyal commitment than I've experienced from my parents.

When I decided I wanted to move to Los Angeles to volunteer for non-profit, my parents supported me.  7 years later when I decided to start my own company in the middle of one of the worst economies of the last 100 years my parents supported me.  When I walked through the hard times of my failed marriage my parents supported me. 

When I get crazy ideas about friendship my parents say, "sign me up."

Some children would kill to have their parents say what mine say to me nearly every time we talk on the phone: "We're proud of you."

And on the day this campaign ends I say what they already know, "I could not have done it without you."

I am truly grateful for you, my original people of destiny.

Mom and Dad.

I remember the first time I met him, at a Starbucks with his amazing wife Cheri.  I remember people had told me about him and I felt like I was about to meet a celebrity.  He patiently let me assault him with questions about leadership, wisdom and relationships. 

And, strangely, he asked me questions, too.

In fact, Steve asks the best questions.  Life-changing questions.  Life-saving questions.  Steve wields questions the same way a surgeon wields a scalpel. He doesn't preach. He doesn't judge.  He simply listens with compassion and then plants a question the way a gardener might plant a seed: at first they almost disappear into your soul...but then...a week later...you're still thinking about it and that seed grows into profound insights about yourself, your relationships with others. About God.

 In that sense, in the best possible way, Steve is a pastor.  Steve mentors others the way Picasso paints.  He can't help but create environments that develop the potential in others, that create safe spaces for others to be known, to explore what an identity of love looks like, and how to grow a life of love into a life of creativity. 

There are countless hours of Steve's life that he'll never get back spending time with me in coffee shops or restaurants helping me listen to myself, guiding me, prompting me.  Any time I sit across from someone and it's my turn to blend compassion with challenge, I'm really channeling Steve Saccone. 

My years being under Steve's leadership were some of the best of my life.  His humility in treating me like a friend, like a peer, even though he had more wisdom and life experience, has always impacted me.

I'm a better man because of Steve Saccone.  That's why he's one of my people of destiny.

I thought, "I like this guy."

Then he said, "But I've been watching you and I gotta say: I'm not that impressed."

I thought, "I hate this guy."

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Over the years that first interaction gave way to us being RA's together, living together, rooting for each other, suffering with and for each other, and learning to admire and respect each other.

One of the things I love about Chris is that he is quantifiable more talented than me in just about every conceivable way.  He's an incredible leader.  A gifted and courageous businessman.  An artist (photographer and guitarist). I love talking with him and watching his mind work.

In a way that I'll probably never fully understand, Chris and I both feel honored and fortunate to be in each others lives.  We only get to talk a dozen times a year or so but every time we do I'm reminded of why we were friends in the first place.

Even though we're basically the same age, I ask him for advice all the time.  Now that we're "adults" our challenges, successes and failures have grown in scope.  After all, there's only so much trouble you can get into in college.

Chris is one of those people that I should be jealous of (and sometimes am).  But I love having people like that in my life - people who inspire me to grow and to show me that more is possible in my own life. I have loved watching Chris go on his own journey, ever aware and never quitting.  In doing so he inspires me to do the same.

That's why he's one of my people of destiny.

Jeremy and I got to be present for each other's first steps.  Not our first steps as babies, but our first steps as leaders. We were teenagers.

We are two of those rare souls for whom spiritual community growing up was actually an empowering experience.  It was in our youth group growing up that we got to practice serving and leading others for the first time. And we got to do it together.  In high school I spent literally hours on the phone with Jeremy processing ideas and relationships. Arguing, questioning, learning. We have crazy memories of summers TP'ing people's houses, hiking mountains in Colorado with hundreds of other high schoolers and otherwise having a ton of fun and almost constantly having meaningful conversations. In college one summer we moved to Southern California to volunteer together at a non-profit there. 

But my favorite story to tell about Jeremy is from years ago before he proposed to his wife, Tracy.

We hadn't spoken in over a year.  He had called, and to my shame I hadn't reciprocated.  Our friendship was fading.  Any normal person would just let the relationship die.  That's not Jeremy.

So finally we connect on the phone and Jeremy says, "Jason, I'm thinking about proposing to Tracy soon."

"That's great," I say.

Jeremy responds, "Yeah but here's the thing.  I really want you to be a groomsman in my wedding...but I don't really feel like we're friends anymore.  Am I off on that?"

It was a Friend DTR ("Define The Relationship"). 

I'll never forget that.  Up until that point I had experienced someone challenging me to a friendship.  Jeremy had the courage and vulnerability to say that he wanted me in his life, if I was willing.

Thankfully I had the good sense to reengage the friendship.  Today, we don't talk more than a few times a year. But nearly every time I'm travel back home I easily make time to connect the Jeremy, Tracy and their son Mason.

Sometimes friendships are worth fighting for.  Jeremy taught me that.

That's why he's one of my people of destiny.

For me, that person is Goodie Goodloe.

When Goodie Goodloe believes in someone, it's like watching a hot-air balloon take flight.  Goodie has done in the several years of knowing him everything he could possibly do to help me be successful.  For me, to spend time with Goodie is to drink spiritual Redbull.  Goodie is walking spinach to a world full of unsuspecting Popeye's. 

I cannot tell you how many times in the past season of my life, when I was tired or wanted to give up or was afraid, how Goodie was able to speak strength, endurance and courage into my life.  In his faith I found my own. Like a midwife for my character in a season when I didn't want to have it, his confidence in God's plan for my life gave birth to better choices that have changed my life for the better.

On one particularly dark night, Goodie emailed me these words:

You are an amazing human being, flawed but not unfinished, in pain but not without the promises of God to care for you; you are vitally important to me, your family, community, and legions of people whose lives you've touched.

We need people like Goodie to remind us of our potential in God.  More than that, though, we need to become the kind of people who speak strength to people in their times of weakness.  Who believe for others in their times of doubt.  Who remind us that our stories aren't finished yet.

We need Goodies.  We need to become more like Goodie.

That's why he's one of my people of destiny.

I've never seen a guy be more generous with connecting his friends together and creating opportunity for others.  Earlier when I wrote about meeting Tyler Merrick on a panel in Chicago?  I was on that panel because of Mike Abramson.  That one time I got to work with a great non-profit doing consulting?  Mike Abramson introduced me.  In fact, just about everyone I got to work with in the first two years of my company were in some way connected to Mike connecting me with others.

In fact, the only thing I've ever seen truly frustrate Mike is when people won't let him connect them to others.

One of his professors from law school wrote a book and had a chapter on creating networks that benefit each other and the chapter was essentially how to be Mike Abramson.

Mike is also one of the most creative people I've ever met, which is a word I don't think he'd ever use to describe himself.  From working with some of today's most talented songwriters to the world's best athletes to creating spaces for people to explore the intersection of spirituality and community, to be married to the amazing Bebe, to power-lifting (that's right: power-lifting) I'm assuming sometimes he sleeps but I've never seen it.  Most people love sleep.  Mike loves people.

Mike has never, ever asked me for anything.  Not that there'd be anything wrong if he did (I'm secretly looking forward to the day when I can help him with something).  But it just shows how he gives with no strings attached.  He gives because it's better to give than receive.

His relational generosity inspires me.  He social creativity has changed my life.  Plus, if you're ever in downtown Chicago or Nashville (his two current cities of choice) he's the guy you want to have drinks with.  Just be prepared: he won't come alone and whoever he introduces you to will be extraordinary.

To literally thousands, he's one of their people of destiny.

Not Mike Foster.

I remember the first time Mike and I spoke on the phone.  We were talking about potentially doing some work together.  It was a really difficult season of my life and I was just beginning to recover from the anguish of a failed marriage.  It was a season where I was learning a lot about myself - about my emotional brokenness and how that had impacted just about every area of my life and the lives of those I loved.

If Mike wanted to work with me, I thought, he needed to know my story.  I wouldn't blame him if my past disqualified me from getting to work with him.

So I finished my story and it was quiet on the other end of the phone.

"Jason," Mike said. "Your story only draws me closer to you."

You see, Mike's a guy of second chances.  He's a grace guy.  He's one of those crazy people who believes that grace can do more in a person's life than anything else.  He's a passionate advocate for people who feel like they're not good enough or who live trapped by shame or guilt of their past.

It shouldn't surprise you that he runs the most fantastic non-profit called People of The Second Chance that helps organizations and individuals unleash the power of grace in their leadership and culture. 

He models grace with his life.  Take a guy like me: a guy who a lot of faith-based organizations wouldn't take a second look at, let alone give a second chance.  I was marred with the Scarlet Letter of Divorce.  That's the guy Mike hired to help him with writing content, films and material to help leaders invest in others with excellence.

Mike gave me a second chance.  Not just by letting me be part of his organization, but through his friendship as well. I don't think it was a coincidence that I met Mike at a time where I was struggling with offering grace to myself or others.  It's not a coincidence that I spent days writing content with Mike around the ideas of "acceptance" and "forgiveness" when I was in the throws of trying to accept myself and my story and to forgive myself and others for what we had done to each other.

We all need people in our lives that remind us of the possibility that God loves us not simply in spite of our faults, but including them.  We need to be reminded that there are no scarlet letters.  Only second chances.

Thanks, Mike, for reminding me of that.  Thanks for being one of my people of destiny.

I met Tyler Merrick (CEO of Project 7) years ago in the Chicago Hotel at an event where we were both on a panel about for-profit businesses who's mission is social good.

For whatever reason Tyler and I hit it off and over the course of the next 6 months we coincidentally found ourselves hanging out in Atlanta and New York since we were both there for work or conferences.  It was the first time I became friends with someone without ever spending time with them in the city either of us lived in. We've been friends ever since.

What I love most about Tyler is how much he loves his wife and daughters.  If Tyler is reading this, I'm sure he's cringing because he probably feels he could always improve (he also tweets the phrase "don't buy your own hype" often enough for it to make a lasting impression on me), but I'll stand by it. I love him with his family.

I also love Tyler's entrepreneurial spirit and desire to create meaningful work for himself and others.  He could have stayed working in the family business making (literally) tens of millions of dollars selling really expensive pet food to rich people.  But he chose instead to move to Southern California and start a beautiful business called Project 7 that donates its profits to 7 areas of global need.  The good Project 7 does is intelligent, creative and compassionate - three words I would use to describe Tyler.

He's one of those guys I would describe as a kind of big brother to me.  He is very generous with his business wisdom. He's had me over for dinner a number of times not only to experience Merrick Family Cooking but also to let me ask him questions and to hear him tell "behind the scenes" stories in business and leadership. It's not a stretch to say that when I grow up I want to be like Tyler.

That's what makes him one of my people of destiny.

On April 17, 2010 I had the distinct pleasure of officiating the wedding of two of my favorite people in the world.  Instead of doing the usual description of them, I thought I'd instead post the actual words I spoke to Krysta and Vince on their wedding day.  Read below and you'll see why they're some of my people of destiny.

"You can’t usually remember meeting most people for the first time. It’s not that they’re not interesting—almost everybody is—it’s just that most people don’t usually go out their way to make sure they’re never forgotten.

Krysta is not “most people.”

The first time I met Krysta I spent the whole night begging a colleague to let her into a masters program she was applying for. She was smart, feisty, confident, beautiful, ambitious and had a chip on her shoulder the size of Mexico’s drug problem. It was obvious she was extraordinary. And I found myself thinking, “I really like this girl!”

Then we had our first unfiltered conversation.

Okay, so it was an argument.

Now, I’d like to think that I’m a quick witted guy. But I was no match for Kyrsta and the conversation ended with me feeling like how many of you feel when you dare to challenge Krysta—like a neutered idiot.

After that conversation I knew three things for certain:

1. Krysta is one of the most powerful women I have ever met.

2. If Krysta wants something she is going to find a way to get it.

3. And we were destined to be friends.

Those are the three things I knew for certain. What I didn’t know for certain was if there was a man on the planet capable of putting up with her shi…I mean…was there a man compatible with Krysta who could match her—power for power—without the two of them destroying each other.

And I think most of us knew the answer to that question: No.
[A friend of mine] met Vince before I did and she immediately began hatching a plan to get Krysta and Vince in the same space (a plan I thought was doomed to failure).

But then I met Vince. Vince was obviously intelligent and successful. But the thing that I remember most was his authentic kindness and disarming laugh and shameless geekyness and passion when it came to storytelling.

Who doesn’t absolutely love Vince?

So I thought: This guy is dead meat.

But then I saw the unthinkable. I saw Vince put Krysta in her place.

And then I saw Krysta not seem to mind.

It was like watching two lions playfully batting each other around. Like two gods who could destroy planets choosing to serve each other instead.

They were, they are, perfect for each other.

When my friend, Krysta, is a goddess you can only pray that someday she’ll meet a god.

And Vince, you put Zeus to shame with your strength, sincerity, talent and kindness.

And Krysta, I dare Aphrodite to try and match your charm, passion and surprisingly good and wonderfully fragile heart.

So today you choose each other—not because you have to but because love compels you—to serve each other and serve the world."

For the duration of the campaign Jason Jaggard will be sharing about his people of destiny. Each person featured has impacted Jason’s life in unique and positive ways. As you read, ask yourself: who are your people of destiny?

Adrian Koehler is about to be a dad any minute now. So there's that.

Ade and I lived together years ago with Mark Wittig and later (after Mark got married) with CJ Martin. We lived in a one bedroom apartment in the Salvadorian Gang Hub of Los Angeles. Helicopters shining searchlights in our bedroom window. Police visits. Construction. Impossible parking. Loud music.

They were some of the happiest years of my life.

That's the thing with friends. They don't always lessen the suffering, they bring meaning to it. I learned that from Adrian.  I've learned a lot from Adrian.

You see Adrian is, like me, a leadership coach. A big part of coaching is helping people discover the relationship they have with pain.  Most people avoid it at all costs.  This leads to small and unfulfilled living. The larger the life, the more they look at pain as something to leverage, not avoid. Adrian taught me that. He models it, too.  From his marriage to his habits to his career.  The bigger the challenge, the greater the adventure, the more he lights up like a Christmas Tree. He's at his best in the middle of chaos. He isn't afraid of the pain. He's afraid of boredom. 

He taught me one of my favorite quotes by the philosopher Søren Kierkegaard: it's not that the journey is hard, it's that hardship is the journey. 

I think of that (and quote it) when I'm working with clients.  I think about it when I get up every morning to exercise. I think about it when I want to avoid a hard conversation with others. I think about it when I avoid hard conversations with myself.

I cannot tell you how awesome it is being friends with leadership coaches (and a few of our friends are). Imagine getting to share life with people who usually charge $200+ per hour to talk to them.

Adrian's wisdom as a coach is one thing, but what I love most about Adrian is his confidence.  I often times joke that Ade could walk into a room and have no idea what he's doing but people would follow him.  I would. In my opinion, Adrian doesn't have to  know what he's doing in order to lead others well.  He'll figure it out as he goes and the adventure will always be better than what you would have chosen without him.  What you wouldn't want is to be in a tough spot without him.  If I were in a trench in a war with someone, I'd want that guy to be Adrian.

I've tried to hire him. Twice. Once to run my company. He's that kind of guy.

He's one of my best friends and he's going to be an absolutely amazing dad.

He's one of my people of destiny.

When he talks about being a dad he doesn't realize it, but I'm taking notes. 

That's just one of the many things that makes him one of my people of destiny.

In some ways it's a shame to put these two together on one post.  There's a lot I could say about both.  Yet in many ways their impact on me is inseparable, since they're married and they're both family.

When I think of the word "Champion" I think of Anthony Inchaustegui.  He roots for people better than any man I know.  Whether he's rooting for his wife or his kids or the people he manages at work, he's at his best when he's cheering others on.  A few months back I ran a 5k with him and another friend around Dodger Stadium and I didn't do such a good job of pacing myself.  Okay, so I didn't pace myself.  In the last mile of the race, when I was the most tired, Anthony transformed.  His attitude lifted, his enthusiasm skyrocketed and he started clapping and cheering for me as my lungs began to pop.

I loved it.

He's done that for me in my business.  He's done that for me in my character.  He's done that for me in success and in failure.  When it comes to championing others, there's no one better.

Then there's my sister, Mandy.  She's always championed me as well - not necessarily in words but in action.  When I was a gangly awkward scrawny kid and when I thought she was the coolest thing since sliced bread, she did the thing a more social and outgoing sister normally wouldn't do to her dorky younger brother: she took me everywhere.  She introduced me to her friends.  She made it easy to be at parties and social hangouts.  She made it easy when we went to the same college to make friends.  She paved the way for me, often times at the expense of herself.  The thing a lot of people don't know about me is that I'm a massive introvert.  Well, the reason I was able to have friends when I was young and still be an introvert was because of my sister.  I got to ride on her social coattails. 

And finally, there's Mandy and Anthony together.  I've never seen two people work more intentionally at their marriage or at parenting than these two.  They have a value for growth.  They have a value for never giving up.  They have a value for learning how to create life in the context of a family.  They're getting pretty darn good at it, too.  In one of my counseling classes in college I remember a professor describing why parents should decide to have kids.  He said, "When the life you've created is so beautiful that it would be wrong not to invite others into it."  I think Mandy and Anthony have done that pretty well and continue to get better.  Their two sons benefit from it.  So do I.

And that's why they're my people of destiny.

I gotta be honest: I think the people I get to hang out with are pretty awesome.  They are actors and businesswomen and models and counselors and artists and nurses.  Sometimes some of us are unemployed and others are getting promotions.  Sometimes some of us are ending relationships while others are beginning them.  Most of us are single. Some are married.  All of us have dreams and hopes and fears and pains and stories that make us human.

And it may sound strange, but we're not a group. We're a team.

The goal of our team isn't to make more money or to win an award or anything like that. The goal of our team is to support each other in our journey to become extraordinary human beings. The goal of our team is to root for each other as we make choices that connect us to Life and as we grow in our character and spirituality. Our team wins when we suffer with each other and when we celebrate with each other as we grow in our lives, families and careers and faith. We win when we're radically inclusive to those searching for community themselves.

Our goal is to create as healthy a community as possible and to invite people into that healthy space so they can experience it, too.

When we do this, we "win."

And as we win, we are people of destiny for each other.

Michael Muniz left a lucrative opportunity in the banking world after college to instead move to LA and pursue a hippie masters degree (where we became friends) and work for a company that builds wells in developing countries.

Kind of like the opposite of the Wolf of Wall Street. 

Today Michael lives in Tampa, Florida and is married to the beautiful and brilliant Noelle. One thing you need to know about him: he is a man’s man.  The definition of his jawline is only matched by his love for his wife. (I don’t even know what that means).

He’s one of my people of destiny. 

The bottom line is that if it weren’t for Ryan Daugherty, Spark Good wouldn’t exist.

He was the business manager in the early days of the company (a job he did for free) and gave countless hours to Spark Good getting off the ground. During a season in my life when my world was falling apart, Ryan would fly to other states to represent the company…paying for the flights himself.

What I’ve learned from Ryan is the powerful synergy that comes when you combine generosity with a flair for life. As I often say about Ryan, “He likes nice things.” Ryan lives in one of the most amazing lofts in Downtown LA, loves good conversation and great whiskey. He bought his M3 in Germany and – after driving it through the streets of Berlin – had it shipped home to LA. He combines this stylish lifestyle with passionate generosity – from giving loads of time and money to his faith community to constantly letting people use his loft for films, group meetings, parties and fundraisers. I’ve never seen anyone use a place so posh so frequently for things that make the world a better place. Recently his faith community of thousands honored him publicly for the way he serves our City of Angeles.

Style and generosity. Two things that usually don’t go together. Things that I choose more frequently because Ryan Daugherty is in my life.

Also, he’s single. Ladies?

He’s one of my people of destiny.

What is it about social media that you love?

I love the way that social media shrinks the world.  I have the opportunity to interact with people across the country, around the globe or just down the street from me.  People from all around the world can come together as one community.  I think that’s absolutely magnificent.

How did you get involved with Spark Good?

From the first time I saw the Spark promo video, I was captivated.  The idea of taking small risks to create big changes deeply resonated with me.  Jason led a Spark Group Leader training at my church and I went to find out more.  After leading my first Spark Group and witnessing how it transformed my life and the relationships within our group, I wanted everyone else to know about it as well!  A few months later, Jason returned for another speaking engagement.  I took a risk and asked him if I could start volunteering for Spark Good.  The rest is history!

How do you hope to help people get connected to Spark Good through social media?

My hope is to create a community where people can share their Spark experiences as well as find encouragement, ideas and resources.  When I led my Spark Group, I created a Facebook group which gave us the opportunity to easily stay in contact with each other.  At any time we could share successes, failures and give (or receive) encouragement throughout the week.  I would love to create this type of community on a large scale.

What's your favorite movie and why?

I love movies.  So, it’s really hard to narrow it down to just one.  But, if forced to choose, I’ll go with "Back to The Future".  Why?  Last night, Darth Vader came down from Planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't say it was my favorite movie, that he'd melt my brain.

Sandie is a rebellious Chicagoan who enjoys her hotdogs with a ketchup/mustard combo.  She loves singing, photography and Netflix marathons.  She has a passion for encouraging people to reach their potential and for making every-day routines fun.  Sandie is the Connections Team Leader & Central Operations Assistant at The Chapel, a multi-site faith community in the suburbs of Chicago.  Reach her through any of Spark Good's social media outlets: Instagram: @sparkgood Twitter: @sparkgood Facebook: facebook.com/sparkgood

This week's playlist was based on the theme of sparking peace through interpersonal relationships.
Click the pic for the spotify playlist. Or, to listen to it on Jon's website, click here.

In this talk, he begins to present the solution.  This isn't just a talk about education.  It's a talk about leadership, about human development, about families, companies, behavioral economics and organizational psychology.

So enjoy:

This week's playlist was based on the theme of sparking peace through social justice.

The music selection includes some of the most iconic activist music from the past 50 years.  From John Lennon to The Black Eyed Peas.  It's my favorite playlist so far.  But then again, I say that every week.

Click the pic for the spotify playlist.  Or, to listen to it on Jon's website, click here.

Here are a couple of highlights from episode four of Spark Good LIVE: You, INC. with special guest Chuck Chessher from Newport Beach.

1. Most people in this economy need to have more than one job, especially if they want to flex their creative muscles, or increase revenue (or as Jason put it: give yourself a raise).

2.  Starting a business is easier than you think.  You can use services like LegalZoom.com to setup LLC's or S-Corps in one day.  Just know which kind of business you want to start and how much the taxes are going to be.  This leads to idea number 3...

3.  Talk to accountants/tax people who will sit down with you at least once for free. Talk to a couple (like you would a doctor) to get a variety of opinions.

4.  Earn the right to transition out of your "day job" into the job that you love. In a perfect world you should not transition until your "passion job" makes at least 75% as much as your day job.  Quitting your day job is stressful for all of your relationships.  Wait as long as you can to do it.

5.  Hire only when hiring is going to make you more revenue in the long run.  Hire when you can pay someone minimum+ wage to take stuff off your plate that can free you up to be more productive.  Hire when you can pay someone to do sales or marketing for you or otherwise increase revenue. Wait as long as you can to hire until you're going crazy you're so busy.  The longer you wait the happier you'll be with your hire.

6.  Don't try and start a company unless people are willing to pay for what you're trying to sell.  This may sound obvious, but it's not to many of us.  If people aren't paying, you don't have a business yet.

Below are the playlists for the first two weeks.

WEEK ONE: A CHANGE IS GONNA COME.

You can listen to it on spotify here.
Or if you don't have spotify (??) you can stream it here.

WEEK TWO: AN IDEAL OF HOPE

You can listen to it on spotify here.
Or if you don't have spotify (??) you can stream it here.

I like learning new things. This is opposed to my intense dislike for having to re-learn things. Or worse yet, having to un-learn things.

Yep. If I had it my way, learning things would just be kept to the shiny, new, fun, interesting, stimulating things that I enjoy. Like how to work on my car (ironically neither shiny nor new) or how to make the world’s best Pad Thai.

But living a life free of reflection and self-examination dooms us to repeat the mistakes of our past. It’d be like trying to improve the Pad Thai recipe without ever tasting it. And actually, I think the stakes are higher than that. Even if we don’t make the same mistake again, but we haven’t actually learned anything from our past experiences, we’re losing an opportunity to grow. To learn. Even if it is the non-fun re-learning kind of learning. A life free from reflection is a guarantee of stagnation.

Sometimes it can be really non-fun. I mean really non-fun. About two years ago a close friend of mine embarked on a year long journey of unprovoked pain and sorrow. It was heartbreaking to watch. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to do the best I could to support him. I wanted to be there for him. But after months of watching my friend suffer, I became afraid. I was afraid of his pain. I was afraid I was letting him down because I couldn’t fix it for him. And so ever so subtly I began to push away.

And so my spark for this week was to call him. To call him and ask him how I could have been a better friend to him during that time. To ask him what he needed from me that I didn’t give. And to apologize for being afraid.

Why? Because I have another friend who is going through a hard time. And I don’t want my dislike for re-learning or un-learning to keep me from being what he needs me to be, a friend. The right kind of friend. The kind of friend who is willing to have hard conversations to learn how they can be an even better friend.

Join me this week. Let’s be learners from our past, not avoiders of our previous mistakes. And send me your Pad Thai recipes if you have them.

David Haley is a writer for the Spark Good blog and the Director of Communications for The Highway Community, a community of faith in the Silicon Valley. He has too much fun hanging out with middle schoolers to consider that part of his job. He takes Downton Abbey way too seriously. You can connect with him on Twitter @davidchaley or on Facebook.

 1. Treat getting a job like a job. Tory created a schedule, spent the morning dropping his resume off and then spent the afternoon following up via phone and email places he had dropped his resume off previously. Face-to-face sets you apart from all the people who fax/email their resumes into a company. Courage pays off.

2. The friends who have different networks than you will probably be most valuable to you. All your close friends probably know all the same people, so asking them for contacts might not be as valuable as asking that guy you haven't talked to in a year or two.

3. Pick the companies you want to work for and get to know them rather than looking on job boards. Hiring is a very relational experience. People hire people they like. Also, companies often times find a place for people they believe to be valuable even though they weren't hiring for that position originally.

4. Set goals for yourself. Thomas reached out to 10 people a day for references and such for several weeks.

5. Ask yourself: what would I volunteer to do for free? That's a good indicator of a thing you'd love to get paid to do.

Tory's best practices for cold calling

Person I contacted over Facebook, it led to a job:

Hello Erin,

My name is Tory Nelson and I am a Production Assistant. I saw “That Girl” is shooting in January and that it might be a good idea to try and get it touch with the show and get involved. I would love to help out in any way. I am experienced as a PA (both office and on set). My last job was with CBS’s “90210” as an office production assistant!

Let me know and I can e-mail you my resume! Also let me know if there is a better person to get in touch with!

Thank you,
Tory Nelson

Formal cold intro:
Hello Gustaff,

My skill is greatly suited to the work production assistant positions. Past experience as a production assistant, camera assistant, and camera operator has equipped me with a multitude of skills that would be an asset anywhere.

What my resume cannot illustrate is what sets me apart from other candidates. Namely, my passion and dedication to the job, my positive nature, ability to learn quickly, and capacity to perform – even on a fast paced set.

I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to meet with you and further discuss my qualifications. I have enclosed my resume for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration. If you have questions, please call me at Phone Number You can also send an e-mail to E-mail I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Tory Nelson

My quick sell:
Hello Robert,

My name is Tory Nelson, I recently walked in and submitted my resume for any production assistant work that might be available (on the phone an upcoming film was mentioned). I just wanted to reiterate that I would love to help out in any way possible! I’ve attached an updated version of my resume. It would be great if you could forward it on to the line producer or assistant director of your upcoming production.

I am a hard worker, I’m dedicated, I have a positive attitude and I learn quickly. I’d love to be involved.
Thank you,

Tory Nelson

Missed this episode? Be sure to tune in next time, on May 19th at 5 PDT! Jason will be joined by business manager Chuck Chessher. Add us to your circle of friends on Google+ so you don't miss a single episode.

We can choose to relate to risk in two primary ways.

One: courage.

Two: fear.

One opens up possibility, the other closes it down.

We choose.

What kind of life do you want to live?

Sometimes, when I avoid risk, I want it to be all complex so I can think my way out of it with good reason.

Most times, risk is simple. Either you are committed to possibility or you are committed to limitation.

What will you choose today?

David A. Gerber works for Spark Good as a speaker, executive coach, and writer committed to this question: "What is your revolution?" He empowers people to choose their revolution, own their future, and live without regret - one moment at a time. You can find out more at www.davidagerber.com or email him at david@sparkgood.com.

David is the Communications Director for the Highway Community, a community of faith in the Silicon Valley. He has too much fun with middle schoolers to consider that a part of his job. David loves his wife Brittany, music of all kinds, and daily asks, “Why, Georgia, why?” Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter (@davidchaley).

Call to mind the last time you were in a conversation that evolved into an awkward silence.

Why was the silence awkward? Shouldn't words be the anomaly? After all, most of the universe is empty space. In fact, if all the empty space was taken out of all the atoms in the world, the universe would be the size of a sugar cube. (I learned that from this book).

There is so much emptiness around us and in us, manifesting itself in the extraordinary and the mundane.

Given the sheer magnitude of this vast emptiness, it is little wonder that we try to fill the space. There's just so darn much of it and it can be positively overwhelming.

Some people have the option of engaging emptiness in a rather direct way: Virgin Galatic just launched a test rocket that could send paying passengers careening into outer space within the coming year. Folks will fork over $200,000 to spend 6 minutes in zero gravity, before descending to Earth with dented bank accounts (and inflated egos).

And then there are the ways most of us respond to emptiness.

Oftentimes we deal through consumption. Food, entertainment, sleep-filled days and sleepless nights are used an attempt to fill the perceived void.

Other times we strive to prove that we are substantial and capable of leaving an impact. Frenzied networking and a chock-full calendar serve as balm on the gaping wound of our emptiness. 

However, given the reality of the enormous emptiness in and around us, all of our efforts to fill it will come up short. I'd like to suggest a paradigm shift:

What if we began to approach the emptiness in our lives with awe rather than fear, seeing emptiness as chock-full of potential rather than an indicator of lack? Not as a pool to be filled up but an ocean to swim in. Like an empty garden plot waiting for seeds to sprout. Like a moment of quiet between dear friends who needn't say a thing in each others' presence.

Could we learn to love the emptiness?

Lauren Grubaugh writes for and edits the Spark Good blog. She works in Development at Homeboy Industries, a non-profit that provides job-training to formerly gang-involved and recently incarcerated men and women. She is a proud UCLA Bruin, a Zumba aficionado and a public transportation wizard. Reach her at lauren@sparkgood.com.

Every time you risk, you learn something new about yourself.

Every time you cower, you stay the same (or atrophy).

Now why the heck is this?

Most of us (if not all) would say we long for newness in our life - a life that is invigorating. Yet statistically, most of us aren't willing to embrace the sacrifice necessary to actually embody the transformation we say we want.

We want to win the girl without ever asking her out. How exciting is that?!?

And then we wonder why we are stuck.

This is why I love Spark Good. We break it down.

What is just one risk this week... ?

Stop worrying about next week and next year and becoming Steve Jobs or Warren Buffett.

Be faithful this week.

David A. Gerber works for Spark Good as a speaker, executive coach, and writer committed to this question: "What is your revolution?" He empowers people to choose their revolution, own their future, and live without regret - one moment at a time. You can find out more at www.davidagerber.com or email him at david@sparkgood.com.

By Hana Hawley

Barbara Arnold-Herzer is the Executive Director of a non-profit organization called Make it a Reality. This California-based initiative strives to teach low-income individuals how to become self-sufficient and successful members of their communities.

In other words, Make it a Reality teaches people how to take risks to better themselves and where they live. It’s not hard to see why Barbara thought leading a Spark Group would be a natural fit for her.

Barbara met Jason at a benefit last fall and after reading his book, began leading her own Spark groups.
She says most weeks, all of her sparkers are in attendance. And because of the accountability they feel toward each other, members of Barbara’s various Spark Groups have:

• Launched companies
• Started “giving groups”
• Held an art show
• Changed careers
• Improved relationships
• Met the loves of their lives
• Gotten pregnant

Barbara says her sparkers’ lives are changing because not only are they committed to helping each other achieve their goals but they seem to have a firm grasp of how to get beyond their fear of taking risks.

“People are hungry for results. They just have to be clear on the ‘why,” Barbara says. “What’s on the other side of (the risk)? People have to keep their eye on the end result, fall in love with the end result and then call for support when they need it.”

She adds: “When the why is bigger than the fear, anything is possible: Live by faith and take inspired action steps!”

Hana Hawley is a freelance writer who has tried a few careers on her journey to writing full time, including TV reporting and high school substitute teaching. Hana loves movies, books, food and travel, and would eat her way through most countries trying new foods if she had the time. She has a B.A.in Radio/TV News Broadcasting from Southern Illinois University and a Masters in Business Administration from the University of Phoenix. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband who is a full-time musician and model.

There's no such thing as the perfect job, but it's crazy how a great job can become frustrating when one or a few parts of your job really drain you. So when that happens, what do you do? Here are some key take aways from Jason's conversation with Gallup Strengths Coach Scot Burbank.

• First thing is to realize that it's draining you, which is harder to identify than it sounds. Ask your friends if there's any part of your job you complain about or how happy seem to them in this season of your life.

• Take the Gallup Strengths Assessment ($10) online to help you get started knowing if your unhappiness is possibly a Strengths issue.

• Get a strengths coach. You can contact Scot to help with that at scot@sparkgood.com.

• Look for pattens of discontent from your past. Are there any patterns to when you get drained in other jobs?

• Look at your top 5 and invert them: look at what drains people with your top 5 talents and then see if those elements exist in your job or life.

• Ask the question: is there a way to get the same job done in a different way using your top 5?

If you had any lingering questions from this episode of Spark Good Live! it's not too late to ask them. Email Scot at scot@sparkgood.com or tweet us: @sparkgood.

Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning and a psychiatrist who spent over 2 years in concentration camps during WWII writes, "I consider it a dangerous misconception of mental hygiene to assume that what man needs in the first place is equilibrium or, as it is called in biology, ‘homeostasis,’ i.e., a tensionless state. What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task."

When we take risks, we step into the uncertainty of bringing something new to the world; with no way of knowing just how the world will react to our stepping out and sharing ourselves with her.

This uncertainty can bring a healthy tension to our lives.

I was often taught in church and school that tension was a bad thing - that it was evidence that I was off track, or perhaps I was not connected to God in the right way.

Frankl continues, "When architects want to strengthen a decrepit arch, they increase the load which is laid upon it, for thereby the parts are joined more firmly together."

I don't think as I used to anymore. I think Frankl was on to something. And I am a lot happier embracing the tension of each moment that I risk.

David A. Gerber works for Spark Good as a speaker, executive coach, and writer committed to this question: "What is your revolution?" He empowers people to choose their revolution, own their future, and live without regret - one moment at a time. You can find out more at www.davidagerber.com or email him at david@sparkgood.com.

Just because something is simple does not mean that it is easy.

Choice, whether to love, to forgive, to heal, or to dream can be simple, but the extroversion and integration of that choice into our lives can be immensely complex.

Dr. David Benner (psychologist and professor at Richmont Graduate University) has this to say:

"An authentic life is a simple life. This does not mean that it is easy or that the people who are authentic are simplistic, uninteresting, or unintelligent. Rather, it means that such people are integral. The various strands of their being all work together. What you see is what you get – no pretense, no games, just the simple truth of their being. This is the elegance of the authentic life and is a hallmark of soulful living."

The choice to live the life we long for is simple. It is authentic. It represents the honest desire of our hearts to become the people we long to be. To become whole. And we should celebrate that.

It is in actually living that life where things get difficult, right?

This is where the confusion between “simple” and “easy” gets dangerous. If “simple” means “easy,” then why is the process of becoming so hard? Forgiving should be easy. Healing should be easy. Growing should be easy. Loving should be easy.

But they aren’t. For anyone. And before I move on any further let me say that I hope this thought brings you immense comfort. For those of us held captive by the illusion that the simple choices made in our best moments should be quick to set root in our lives, we are not failures. Simple and easy are not the same thing.

When the excitement of choice fades and your risk has moved you only to a greater understanding of the difficulties ahead, don’t lose heart. The simplest choices that move us toward our most authentic selves are never easy. But they are our necessary challenge.

What’s my risk this week? Re-engage the risks I’ve given up on because they became difficult, and remind myself that the simple choice to become the best, most true version of myself won’t happen overnight. And it will be hard. But that’s ok, because “simple” and “easy” are not the same thing.

David Haley is a writer for the Spark Good blog and the Director of Communications for The Highway Community, a community of faith in the Silicon Valley. He has too much fun hanging out with middle schoolers to consider that part of his job. He takes Downton Abbey way too seriously. You can connect with him on Twitter @davidchaley or on Facebook.

One of my weekly rituals is listening to Radiolab. It's this ever-so-clever, art-inspired science show from National Public Radio. Really it's a kind of a playground for your brain; not the modern playgrounds that can only be used one way thanks to helicopter parents and threats of litigation, but the awesome playgrounds that used to be constructed where kids would find every possible unintended use for an apparatus. (My brothers and I would dig tunnels underneath our favorite playground structures and then wiggle our way commando style into our top-secret headquarters from which we would plot our next spy mission or castle siege).

Anyway. Suffice it to say that Radiolab is awesome.

The show recently rebroadcast this episode called "Emergence." Give it a listen.

***

Did your brain just do cartwheels like mine did? I felt exhilarated. And also incredibly disoriented. Because of this idea:

A thing is a thing because of its relationship with other things.

If that didn't make your brain dizzy, then move right along, Einstein.

The show gives a plethora of examples of this concept. Did you know that the crowd is smarter than the smartest individual in the room? Or that termites haven't a clue what they're doing as individuals, but together they manage to construct monolithic mounds? And then there's this idea of a thought: Where does a thought originate? It's not in a neuron. It's somehow in the interaction of multiple neurons that you have a thought. But you can't locate a thought. It's only in the relationship of multiple things that a thought is a thing.

Now, trip on this for a while:

Could it be that a human being is only truly a human being with other human beings?

In other words, could it be that we are mysteriously wired to need each other?

At Spark Good, we believe it is in the context of community that we are able to best explore what it means to be truly human. Only with others are we able to become our most loving, generous and compassionate selves. 

As a kid I always thought myself a kind person. Then I worked my first job.  In food service. And I quickly discovered that kindness doesn't live in a vacuum. Quite the opposite, really. My capacity for kindness grew the most in the moments when I had to choose between kindness and sarcasm; patience and snark. Put another way, kindness is only kindness when there are people to whom one must be kind.

Spark Groups are a space to learn what it means to be human, with other humans. It's a simple idea that takes a lifetime of practice.

I invite you: begin here.

Lauren Grubaugh writes for and edits the Spark Good blog, in addition to being the Spark Group Guru. She lives in Los Angeles, where she dances Zumba and navigates public transportation like a boss. You can often find her hanging out with her friends at Homeboy Industries. She has a B.A. in Spanish from UCLA.

She points out that there are 5 stages we all go through before embracing a value.

1. Awareness. (where people become aware of the new value)

2. Pondering. (where people become open and curious about the new value)

3. Agreeing. (where people come to agreement about the new value)

4. Prioritizing. (where people begin to practice the application of the new value)

5. Owning. (where people live out the value without intentionality)

Most efforts to help people live out new values take place between stages 1-3.  Most conferences, seminars, workshops, keynotes, sermons all focus on making people aware, ponder and agree.  Yet the last two stages - prioritizing and owning - are the most important (and most difficult) when it comes to creating lasting change in people's lives, organizations, and communities.

But there are very few spaces for individuals, communities, or organizations to lean into Stages 4 and 5.

There are two missing links to help people move through Stages 4 and 5.  (The second I'll discuss next week).  The first are what we call "Applied Learning Environments." (ALEs)

Everyone needs applied learning environments in their lives.  These environments are defined by three things:

1. Intentionality

2. Regularity

3. Community

Some examples of applied learning environments: 12-Step Programs, Sports Practices, Concert Rehearsals, Spark Groups.

In fact, that's why we created Spark Groups over 4 years ago. Spark Groups are applied learning environments. Put another way: Spark Groups are "Stage 4" environments. They give people a place to practice any new idea that they don't yet practice.

If we don't have spaces where we regularly and intentionally practice new behaviors with others those new behaviors will almost never become a natural part of who we are.

So: where are your applied learning environments?

To be continued...

Our second week on Spark Good Live! will be featuring a conversation between Jason Jaggard and Strengths Coach Scot Burbank. Scot is a certified Gallup Strengths Coach and has been working with people developmentally for over a decade for non-profits, universities and businesses.  This week's topic: most people know what they're good at, but few know what they're great at.  That's because it's so natural to them that they don't realize that they're doing it.  More than that, few of us know how to orient their lives around their strengths to increase work satisfaction and productivity at the same time.  This hangout will show you how.

Spark Good Live! is an experiment to see just how big a difference 20 minutes can make. We'll be talking about the topics that matter, providing tools to use throughout the week, and having conversations with people who practice what they preach. Spark Good Live! will seek to equip you with the resources you need to make the most of your most precious commodity: time.

RSVP to our Google+ page where the event will stream live. You can also find this and every past webisode on our YouTube channel.

One question has been haunting me lately; weighing heavy on my soul:

"Am I playing to win or am I playing not to lose?"

Read that again, slowly, and think about the areas of your life you are frustrated with.

Are you playing to win? Or are you playing not to lose?

When we play not to lose, we focus on what we stand to lose if we leap. This is greed to the core.

When we risk, we focus on all that we will give in sacrifice for others. This is generosity at its best.

When we risk, we intentionally choose to play to win. We focus on the difference we are committed to make rather than what it will cost us.

What are you willing to let go of so you might lay hold of the abundance beyond your horizon, knowing it may get more challenging before you see it?

David A. Gerber works for Spark Good as a speaker, executive coach, and writer committed to this question: "What is your revolution?" He empowers people to choose their revolution, own their future, and live without regret - one moment at a time. His primary focus is working with students and creative professionals who are courageous enough to make a difference. You can find out more at www.davidagerber.com or email him at david@sparkgood.com.

For 33-year-old Mike Clinton, a Chicago suburbanite, his third week of leading a Spark Group hasn’t been the Kumbaya around a roaring campfire he’d anticipated. What they do have, is a spark.

And he realizes this is, actually, kind of the point.

After hearing Jason Jaggard speak about taking small risks at his local church, Mike invited his friends to join him in taking healthy risks to live an extraordinary life. Out of the seven couples he invited, three of them “didn’t see the point…didn’t see the benefit of it.”

But Mike and his sparkers have already celebrated some big successes.

One woman in his group is slowly rebuilding a relationship with her brother. They’d had a big argument some time back. As a result, he had refused to speak to her. The brother was convinced he’d be in for a lecture if he picked up the phone.

“Her goal was to leave a voicemail and say, ‘hi,’” Mike says. “No agenda… just to check-in and see how he was doing. I actually told her to call him a couple times without leaving a voicemail; see if he would call her back to see what she wanted.”

Then one day during a Spark Group, he called back.

They haven’t fully reconciled, but she accomplished her goal. She reconnected with a brother who was hurt and angry and they’re talking again.

For Mike, the biggest triumph is simply, the doing.

That’s the power of a Spark.

Hana Hawley is a freelance writer who has tried a few careers on her journey to writing full time, including TV reporting and high school substitute teaching. Hana loves movies, books, food and travel, and would eat her way through most countries trying new foods if she had the time and the money. She has a B.A.in Radio/TV News Broadcasting from Southern Illinois University and a Masters in Business Administration from the University of Phoenix.She lives in Los Angeles with her husband who is a full-time musician and model. 

What if we had the power to speak our dreams into existence?

This question has been rattling around in my brain, as I’m dealing with the aftershocks of having voiced exactly what it was I wanted. The choice to boldly speak about my dreams has had a seismic impact on my future.

It has been both awesome and scary to realize the potential of my words. The whole scenario feels rather surreal and I've asked myself, "is this real life?"

But as it turns out, this is not such a crazy idea. Words really are dripping with potential. The precedents I’m discovering are seemingly limitless.

Take, for example, the fact that in many religious traditions, words are metaphorical representations of spiritual realities that have physical consequences. (Phew! Try saying that 10 times fast!) Let me sum up what I mean by that with an example:

In the Hebrew story of creation, God sings the universe into existence. A word is spoken and – BOOM – life erupts into being! God says “light” and the darkness is swept away by sunlight. God says “creeping things” and all kinds of creepy crawly critters start walking around.

Or, if pop culture is more your fare, digest this:

Ellen Degeneres recently announced that after 12 years of effective pestering on national television, she is finally going to have a chance to re-embody her aquatic persona (er… “fishsona?”) from Finding Nemo, as the title character in Finding Dory. (Watch the montage of her Nemo name-dropping by skipping ahead to 1:00). Her dream is becoming a reality. And no one can deny that Ellen's big mouth must have played a decisive role.

The dreams within us are insubstantial until we begin to give them substance. Words give us something more tangible to deal with. They are a representation of something far more robust and beautiful. Think of them as the foundation to build your dream house upon.

We all need spaces to practice speaking about our dreams; communities where we will be encouraged and cared for and our dreams will have room to grow.

This is the role that Spark Groups serve. In Spark Groups we are able to pour the foundations of our dreams. We share our hopes, our fears, our stories. We create a sure base of support and affirmation. And then, one small risk at a time, we begin to build.

Lauren Grubaugh is the Spark Good Sales Director and Spark Group Guru. She lives in Los Angeles, where she dances Zumba and navigates public transportation like a boss. You can often find her hanging out with her friends at Homeboy Industries. She has a B.A. in Spanish from UCLA.

I recently read an article describing how the CEO of MOGL nurtures creativity on his team. (By the way, what he does is NOT a simple way to increase creativity, but read on for context).

"Once a month the company holds a 'Growth Hacker' meeting that is open to any employee that wants to participate. At the meeting anyone who has an idea for an initiative to drive one of the key goals gets to present his or her idea. They must present in PowerPoint: hypothesis, execution plan, and dollars needed. Everyone in the meeting votes via smartphone and the winner gets the dollars they need. They report back results at the next monthly meeting."

I read that and I thought it was brilliant. But most of us don't operate in environments where we can pull off an idea like that. So, to make it simpler, here's how you increase your creativity. I'll warn you, it's going to sound dumb. It's going to sound obvious. But few people actually do it.

Here it is: bounce your ideas off of people.

Years ago I was talking with a friend of mine who is among one of the most innovative people I know and I casually asked him how his week was going. His eyes lit up along with a big grin and he literally rolled up his sleeves and said, "Oh good! I've been wanting to test drive a few new ideas." He then proceeded to process out loud an idea and we kicked it around for a while. It was rough. The idea was still embryonic. But it was so...much...fun.

Bouncing ideas off of people does three things:

1. It gets new ideas out of your head. They always seem better until you say them out loud...and you need to say them out loud, over and over, until they become refined.

2. It solicits other people's help. Several times I've bounced ideas off of people and then later recruited them to help execute the idea later. We all like having ownership in ideas, and when we kick stuff around with our friends or family or coworkers it helps them contribute in a way that makes ideas a team sport.

3. It increases the probability of that idea happening. I have lots of ideas burn through my brain every day. I'd like as many of those as possible to find their way into the real world where they can do some good. But it's easy to keep them to myself. Forcing myself to talk about them helps them find a life of their own.

Challenge: this week, bounce an idea off of someone else. Not for them to agree with you, but to just get it out there. Maybe it's a dream or goal you have. Maybe it's some random idea you had while driving or taking a shower. Maybe it's a song lyric or a book idea or a new way to parent or whatever.

It's simple. And I guarantee it'll increase your creativity.

Follow us on Google+ so that you don't miss a single episode.

 A few highlights from the episode:

• One of the biggest indicators of whether or not we'll make the most of our lives is if we are aware of the multiple conversations going on within us. These conversations either move us forward towards our goals and who we want to be or hold us back. Especially in how we see ourselves and others.
• When approaching difficult conversations with others assume you're wrong about something. Try saying to yourself, "What I'm making up about this situation is _________."

Question: What relationships have you given up on that you perhaps need to reevaluate?

Suggestion: Approach one of these relationships this week and begin a conversation.

Conclusion: When we start having these transformative conversations we not only become more productive but we become healthier human beings.

Email Adrian with any questions: adrian@sparkgood.com.  

"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness," wrote Viktor Frankl in his book Man’s Search for Meaning. A survivor of the Holocaust, Frankl observed that "it is a characteristic of the American Culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to 'be happy. But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to 'be happy.'"

Have you ever found this to be so paradoxically true?

Have you ever woken up and just wanted to be excited about life and attain happiness, only to go to bed yet again grasping for hope?

Perhaps it's because you are pursuing happiness for yourself, rather than committing to bring it to others.

The beauty of risk is, in its most authentic manifestations, it communicates to others that you are willing to fight to bring joy and happiness to their lives. Risk forsakes what it will cost me to bring life to you.

When you risk truly, you get over yourself, knowing that until you do, happiness will seem like heat waves rising from the highway in the blistering desert sun.

At Spark Good, we are committed to igniting risk all over the place, not so that we might just be happy ourselves, but so that we might spark a revolution of joy and fulfillment worldwide.

***


For more on this topic, check out this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/01/theres-more-to-life-than-being-happy/266805/.


David A. Gerber works for Spark Good as a speaker, executive coach, and writer committed to this question: "What is your revolution?" He empowers people to choose their revolution, own their future, and live without regret - one moment at a time. His primary focus is working with students and creative professionals who are courageous enough to make a difference. You can find out more at www.davidagerber.com or email him at david@sparkgood.com.

I embrace tension.

Actually that’s not true at all. I want to embrace tension. And that’s a small victory in itself, because I used to be the guy who wanted to want to embrace tension, so at least I’ve moved forward some.

I’m not talking about the cringe-inducing, television kind of tension. You know, the kind where those two characters have romantic feelings for each other, but keep messing things up? Like they both judge each other and say hurtful things, get engaged to other people, then realize they love each other only in time for one to be shipped off to war where he suffers a terrible injury but makes a miraculous recovery to then profess their undying (wait for it...) love for each other and get married, ALL TO HAVE MATTHEW DIE (there it is)?!?!?!

I’m still mad at PBS.

No, I’m talking about the life-complicating kind of tension. The “should I move and start over for that promotion or are the community and the relationships I’ve built here more important” kind of tension. The “I don’t want to push this person away because they’re really hurting, but they’re making terrible choices and I have to do something” kind of tension. The kind you can’t stop thinking about. The kind you lose sleep over.

It’s human nature to try to reduce our lives to a binary experience of “yes” and “no”. It would sure be a lot easier. The problem is life doesn’t work that way.

And we should be glad it doesn’t.

As difficult and uncomfortable as tension can make our lives, the simple fact remains that there is no greater context for our growth than adversity. Studies (like this and this) -- done by people with a lot more degrees than me -- consistently show that adults primarily learn in crisis.

We learn from tension.

A strange thing happens, though. We talk a lot about how important it is to keep learning and keep growing, but we expend so much energy trying to avoid the very context for that growth.

A life free from tension would be an easy life. But it’s amazing how quickly easy can become boring.

What’s my risk for this week? To quit being an “avoider” and dive headfirst into the tensions I face. Why? Because I’ve made a commitment to become the best version of myself, the truest version of myself that I can be. The world needs the best me. The world needs the best us. Join me. Let’s do this together.

David Haley is a writer for the Spark Good blog and the Director of Communications for The Highway Community, a community of faith in the Silicon Valley. He has too much fun hanging out with middle schoolers to consider that part of his job. He takes Downton Abbey way too seriously. You can connect with him on Twitter @davidchaley or on Facebook.

Parents of young children understand better than most anyone the need for stillness. Ironically they get less of it than most of us.

I was chatting a short time ago with a friend who has two young children she is homeschooling. She is with her kids every day doing schoolwork, going on errands and outings, making meals and getting the kids to bed. And then she wakes up and does it all over again the next day.

Her moments of stillness are taken wherever she can get them, which usually means rising around 5 a.m. So when she recently had an entire weekend to herself, it was a rare and precious experience. She intentionally left her schedule free in order to have time to simply be.

My mom homeschooled me and my two younger brothers through elementary school (yes, the woman is a saint!) and I remember being flabbergasted that she would get up an hour before us kids to journal and pray and just have time in her own head before we started whining for breakfast. She would also frequently set a timer for a half hour, during which time we had to find something quiet to do while Mom napped or read a book of her choosing.

My friend has realized, as my mom did when I was young, that to be available to her family she needs time in stillness to be re-energized and re-centered.

Stillness is imperative to the growth of compassion and caring.

Another mother put it this way:

“The problem with the world today is that we’ve all forgotten that we belong to each other.”

If this is the case, then stillness is ultimately about reversing our amnesia. It centers and grounds us in who we are and what truly matters, while helping us stop paying mind to the voices around us that tell us to isolate and to be afraid of the world.

In stillness we begin to see those around us the way that a parent, when the frenzy has paused, sees his or her child: as a beloved part of them.

The audacious choice to be still is so very risky, because it has the potential to result in our seeing everyone around us as part of the human family. When that happens, we, and the world, will never be the same.

Take it from me.

Or better yet, take it from the speaker of that quote.

That was Mother Teresa.

Lauren Grubaugh is the Spark Good Sales Director and Spark Group Guru. She lives in Los Angeles, where she dances Zumba and navigates public transportation like a boss. You can find her on Fridays hanging out with her friends at Homeboy Industries. She has a B.A. in Spanish from UCLA.

If we were all honest with ourselves, I think we all would love to wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled. But it would seem that this is the reality for a very small percentage of people.

So what keeps us from hitting the pillow each night knowing we lived that day to the fullest?

About 5 months ago, I was scheduled to speak to some freshman at an inner city high school for 45 minutes. About 10 minutes before I was to go into the school, I was sitting in my car somewhat overcome with fear and nervousness; even to the point that for a moment I considered calling the school to cancel my presentation.

As I sat there, two things were hanging in the balance: 1) My love for the students and their futures, and 2) My fear of failing in some way.

So I asked myself: Today, will my love win out or will fear?

I decided to risk it and let my love win.

Fulfillment is a natural result of letting our love run faster than our fear.

Want to wake up excited and go to bed fulfilled? Trump your fears and take one small risk today that is completely for someone else.

Then do it again tomorrow.

David A. Gerber works for Spark Good as a speaker, executive coach, and writer who asks: "What is your revolution?" He empowers people to choose their revolution, own their future, and live without regret - one moment at a time. His primary focus is working with students and creative professionals who are courageous enough to make a difference. You can find out more at www.davidagerber.com or email him at david@sparkgood.com.

Imagine if 20 minutes could make the difference between a productive week and a wasted one. Imagine if 20 minutes could mean the difference between bringing your best self to your relationships and walking through the week in a relational fog.

The Spark Good Webinars are an experiment to see just how big a difference 20 minutes can make. We'll be talking about the topics that matter, providing tools to use throughout the week, and having conversations with people who practice what they preach. The Spark Good Webinars will seek to equip you with the resources you need to make the most of your most precious commodity: time.

Our first week will be featuring a conversation between Jason Jaggard and Adrian Koehler.  Adrian is a transformational coach and expert in helping people align their intentions with their impact.  Adrian has been a personal coach to Jason and works with Spark Good to bring transformational coaching to college students, businesses and faith-based organizations.  He also has his own coaching practice based in Los Angeles.

RSVP on Google+

William Fellars is not acquainted with the term senioritis. In his final year at Lamar University in Beaumont, Texas, he’s double majoring in Business and Entrepreneurship, holding down a full-time job, running a small business start-up and igniting a Spark movement that he hopes will sweep his campus.

 I asked him how he does it all.

“Time management,” he said, laughing over the phone. “At least, I try!”

William started a Spark Group after hearing Jason Jaggard give the keynote address at a leadership conference, at the University of Houston this year.

“Spark just made sense to me because it’s something I was already doing (his start-up trains people in the sales industry how to be better people and better leaders). What I didn’t have is the vehicle that (Jason) had developed to reach out to college students in an organizational way.”

William started a Spark group on the spot. He asked fellow students attending the conference to get involved.

“We started with a group of about 15 students this semester.”

But the numbers began to dwindle.

“I got discouraged. I was expecting a solid core of 20 people to come each week and bring their friends. I expected a different result.”

Nevertheless, William learned from sparking a group of students to take healthy risks together.

“Even if it’s just two people, you’re still doing what you need to make a difference. The action is the result. Just focusing on doing what I can do to make me a better person and make the world a better place.”

One of William’s favorite risks this semester accomplished both of these goals. A girl in his group decided she wanted to visit people living in nursing homes.

"She intends to keep going," William said, "Even though it’s hard for her to see people who are neglected or forgotten by their families- simply because they have gotten old.”

The lesson he’s taking with him into his next Spark?

“What may seem like an insignificant risk at the time usually has the most profound impact on you in the future.”

Hana Hawley is a freelance writer who has tried a few careers on her journey to writing full time, including TV reporting and high school substitute teaching. Hana loves movies, books, food and travel, and would eat her way through most countries trying new foods if she had the time and the money. She has a B.A.in Radio/TV News Broadcasting from Southern Illinois University and a Masters in Business Administration from the University of Phoenix.She lives in Los Angeles with her husband who is a full-time musician and model.

This is the second part of a weekly series Lauren is writing on stillness. Read last week’s post here.

***

“Unfortunately, in seeing ourselves as we are, not all that we see is beautiful and attractive. This is undoubtedly part of the reason we flee silence. We do not want to be confronted with our hypocrisy, our phoniness. We see how false and fragile is the false self we project. We have to go through this painful experience to come to our true self. It is a harrowing journey, a death to self—the false self— and no one wants to die. But it is the only path to life, to freedom, to peace, to true love. And it begins with silence. We cannot give ourselves in love if we do not know and possess ourselves. This is the great value of silence. It is the pathway to all we truly want.”

– M. Basil Pennington

Last week I talked about how stillness is a choice you can make, regardless of circumstance, to be present, grateful and at peace.

And it is true: while on a crowded freeway, one can come to a place of stillness. But that doesn’t mean it is easy to do (as my fellow Los Angeles drivers would certainly attest to!) I find it particularly difficult to be at peace during rush hour if I have not created prior quiet moments for myself before driving into the chaos.

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that you can't talk about stillness without

silence.

A friend of mine who is going through a transition with her job has taken to leaving her radio off while driving. She also stopped listening to Pandora while at work. In the midst of change, the music was just adding to the cacophony of sounds in her brain; a distraction that she didn’t need. She was neither fully enjoying the music nor concentrating completely on her driving or her work.

The silence is uncomfortable at times, she explained to me. She hasn't liked everything she has found in the intimate vulnerability of the quiet. But silence has also been a respite that has made it easier to think and pray.

What if we were willing to be silent a bit longer than is comfortable?

Long enough for all the voices of shame and judgment to be sloughed off like so much dead skin. Long enough for our souls to grow roots in the fertile soil of stillness from which gentleness and compassion grow.

Try it. I’ll even give you space to do it.

And then, what if you remained silent for one moment longer?

***

Lauren Grubaugh is the Spark Good Sales Director and Spark Group Guru. She lives in Los Angeles, where she dances Zumba and navigates public transportation like a boss. You can find her on Fridays hanging out with her friends at Homeboy Industries. She has a B.A. in Spanish from UCLA.

Is there such a thing as a selfish risk?

It would seem that there are risks that we can take with selfish motives. But I would assert that risks taken in this light often leave us incredibly lonely in the end.

On the other hand, risks taken that are focused on serving others and setting others free bring us face-to-face with authentic community, in which the focus is on others, not us.

Could it be that all the choices we make to live from our most authentic, generous selves might converge in creating the riskiest experiment of all?

Community is what occurs when a group of people asserts their capacity to set each other free and takes the necessary risks to move in that direction.

What risk could you take today to move toward community?

David A. Gerber works for Spark Good as a speaker, executive coach, and writer who asks: "What is your revolution?" He empowers people to choose their revolution, own their future, and live without regret - one moment at a time. His primary focus is working with students and creative professionals who are courageous enough to make a difference. You can find out more at www.davidagerber.com or email him at david@sparkgood.com.

I love the plate metaphor. We use it all the time. We use it to describe how busy we are. We use it to describe the volume of emotions we’re experiencing.

We use it to describe our capacity.

And sometimes, albeit rarely, we use it to actually describe the amount of food on our plate.

For example:

“I’d love to go to the conference next week, it’s just with all these deadlines, my plate is already full.”

“I’d love to (insert generic first date activity) with you, it’s just with my (insert distant relative that hasn’t been spoken to in 15 years) being sick and (insert made-up pet’s name) needing to go to the vet, my plate’s a little overloaded.”

*Sidenote: If you’ve heard this before and thought it was an invitation to re-extend the offer at a later date, it’s not. It means “no.”

Do you know I can’t remember the last time I talked to someone about their plate when it wasn’t full? Think about it. Have you ever heard someone say, “Oh yeah sure, I can go to that. My plate’s only 7/16ths full,” or “Oh, please give me more to do, my plate’s almost empty?”

Our plates have an uncanny ability to remain at 100 percent occupancy.

I'd like to pose one theory as to why we might feel so overextended:

We’re using someone else’s plate.

When we are constantly surrounded by people who say they are overextended, it’s easy to take their bloodshot eyes as a cautionary tale about the importance of saying “no.” We don’t want to end up like them, and so for the sake of “drawing boundaries” we limit our commitments and our relationships to what feels “comfortable,” because after all, if we’re comfortable, we’re happy.

Right?

It’s so easy for us to forget that we were each uniquely created. We each have unique gifts, unique passions, and unique opportunities for those to intersect the needs of the world.

My fear is this: that we’re missing those intersections because we’ve allowed the experience of others to dictate our capacity to engage the world around us. That the full plates around us mean ours are automatically full as well.

That we’ve allowed someone else’s capacity to limit our own.

Here’s the good news. Your plate is not limited in size by those around you. Your capacity to engage the people and the world around you is not inherited genetically. It is not a product of your education, your resume, or your socio-economic class. It is not bought. It is not taught.

It is created.

Want a reminder? Get a plate (preferably your own). Go outside. Smash it into the ground. Then go buy a new plate. A huge plate. And put it on your table. Or hang it on the wall. Look at it and remember that the people in your life and the world around you need you fully present, unencumbered, and living out of your full capacity.

Want help? Connect with us. Spark Good was created to help you take the first steps through the uncomfortable and into a life of meaningful character and inspiring action. We’d love to help.