http://www.speakingtowin.com/ en-us Copyright 2009 Fri, 12 Jun 2009 08:00:00 -0800 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://www.rssboard.org/rss-specification Five Official Keys To The Speaking Kingdom:

• Be clear about your area of ability or expertise which qualifies and also compels you to speak.

• Be passionate about your subject.

• Come up with a compelling story about your subject and tell that first.

• Finally, layer in the facts about your subject area of expertise which back up and enhance your original story.

• Have fun!
  

If you do these five simple things, your speaking will be AMAZING!

WHY THE AMYDALLA IS SO IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND

As far as storytelling goes, here's an interesting fact:  Did you know that studies on the brain by Cornell, Harvard and MIT show no one makes a decision that is not first started in the amydalla of the brain, the more emotional part of the brain?

The amydalla has shown in research to perform a primary role in the processing and memory of emotional reactions,

HOW YOU HOOK EM- YOUR AUDIENCE THAT IS

Once a person's brain is "hooked" by an emotion, which in our case would mean a great story that provokes a positive response in the minds or bodies of our listeners, the brain then can "legitimize" any facts. In a marketing sense. This allows people, your listeners, to also be compelled to buy or do anything.

In other words, hook them first with a great story. Then the "facts" become more compelling and reach deeper into the brain thus compelling your listeners to pay attention and from a marketing sense, buy more of whatever you want them to buy, or do what you want them to do.

Fascinating huh? Once you know this, you truly have the "Keys To The Kingdom" as far as successful professional speaking goes!

YOU ARE NOT SO FAR OFF AS YOU MAY THINK

In other words, with these five keys in mind, you are not as far away from your speaking goals as you may think!!!

Hope that helps. Feel free to send any more questions or concerns my way. What have you observed while you've been speaking that has "hooked" your audience? ]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/06/tip-of-the-day-the-keys-to-the.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/06/tip-of-the-day-the-keys-to-the.html Communication Skills Fear Of Public Speaking Mary Anne Dorward Presentations Speaking To Win Fri, 12 Jun 2009 08:00:00 -0800 http://bit.ly/Z9Tns

I thought all of you might enjoy it.....

What are your most favorite classical pieces of music? I'd love to know....
]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/06/music-treat-brahms-intermezzo.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/06/music-treat-brahms-intermezzo.html Brahms Intermezzo 118 No.2 Mary Anne Dorward Nikolai Lugansky Speaking To Win Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:11:47 -0800 GREAT COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR YOUR WORK AND LIFE

Let me say this, right here, at the get go:

Great communication skills are not only essential to our business lives. They are the foundation and bedrock of a happy fulfilling life too.

So let's get started.

NOW YOU HAVE A REAL LIVE AUDIENCE: YIKES!

So now you have your speech all written out and it's time for you to face an actual AUDIENCE and give a speech or presentation. Whether it is an audience of one or a thousand, you're probably really nervous.

UH OH! THEY'RE WATCHING!

I thought so! Jeez, I can hear you all whining, pouting and screaming from here!

START TALKING...

Well from my experience, here is the typical conversation I will probably have with you at some point in your professional speaking career when you work with me. Let's just get it all out in the open right here, right now:

(YOU) "UH OHHHH!!! I have to give a SPEECH! YIKES! ALL those PEOPLE!"

(MA) "You got a problem with people? They're only people after all."

(YOU:) "Only people? Are you kidding me? That means I have to get up there, ALL BY MYSELF, and face a HUGE sea of PEOPLE! All those EYEBALLS....."

(MA) "Yup. That's right. And your point?"

(YOU) "Oh great, you're a big help. Don't you understand me Mary Anne? I'm gonna DIE out there! In fact, I'm feeling SICK TO MY STOMACH already just thinking about it. They  probably won't like ME or ANYTHING I have to SAY!"

(MA) "Not necessarily."

(YOU) "Clearly you just don't get it Mary Anne! Even a WHITE HOT POKER IN MY EYE or A ROOT CANAL sounds better than giving a speech!"

(MA) "Wow. We sure have hit a nerve here haven't we?"

(YOU) "Actually, I'm HYPERVENTILATING here! DO something before I start looking for the nearest bridge! I swear, jumping off a bridge even sounds better than giving a speech!"

(MA) "There's always the "Leap Of Faith" option....

 SO WHAT ABOUT THAT LEAP OF FAITH?

It does take great courage and a "Leap Of Faith" to get help on your public speaking. But why waste another moment putting it off when you can feel so much better by fixing whatever is bothering you right now?

So what's up for you?

What's bothering you about your current public speaking skills? Or, if you feel that you've got your own public speaking down cold, what advice or new skill has helped you along the way?
]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/06/public-speaking-a-leap-of-fait.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/06/public-speaking-a-leap-of-fait.html Commuincation Skills Fear Of Public Speaking Mon, 01 Jun 2009 08:57:51 -0800 TERRIFIED speakers out there (which is just about everyone so don't feel bad about it.)

Let me say this, right here, at the get go: Great communication skills are not only essential to our business lives. They are the foundation and bedrock of a happy fulfilling life too.

So how can you possibly, ever, ever, ever in your wildest dreams, ever, learn to be at ease in front of any audience?

TRY THIS: ONE PAIR OF EYEBALLS AT A TIME

Next time you have to get up in front of an audience to give a speech or presentation, try this technique:

STEP ONE: DIVIDE YOUR AUDIENCE INTO THREE SECTIONS

• Divide your audience into three sections: Right, Center and Left

STEP TWO: PICK OR PLANT A PAIR OF EYEBALLS

• Start in the Center Section and pick one face to talk to. Yes that's right. One face, with one pair of eyeballs in the center section of the audience.
  
• If you can, try to pick a face that looks receptive and who is smiling at you, not someone who is scowling, falling asleep, text messaging or tweeting.
  
• If you have to, plant a friend or colleague in each R, C and L sections* as a sure bet. Tell them to give you a big smile and do the "two thumbs up" sign every time you look at them.
  
• Trust me. It works. With your friends out there smiling up at you and making you feel like a superstar, how bad can that big, scary speech be?
  
• Unless, of course your planted friends start text messaging, tweeting, sleeping or scowling too....
  
• *Note on the "Planted Friends Option:" Before your speech, be sure to impress upon your planted friends who are going to be out there cheering you on of your specific need for them to FOCUS!-FOCUS!-FOCUS! YEAH, ON YOU!
  

STEP THREE: TALK TO THAT PAIR OF EYEBALLS

• So now, just talk to that Center Section pair of eyeballs and deliver just ONE of your key points.

• Next, turn to the Right Section of your audience, find just ONE other face. Yes,that's right, another one pair of eyeballs, now in the right section. Then deliver your SECOND POINT to those two eyeballs. 

• Finally, turn to the Left Section, find a third face, uh huh, that's a third pair of eyeballs (you're really getting the hang of it now aren't you?) and deliver your THIRD POINT to them.

STEP FOUR: KEEP ROTATING SECTIONS

• Keep rotating, delivering each one point of your speech, to one pair of eyeballs, per section, at a time.
  
• You will find that this technique really reduces your speech down to a much more manageable audience during your entire speech.
  
• Instead of wanting to flee those five hundred eyeballs on you all at once, you have now reduced the number of eyeballs out there (Yeah, in that "HUGE SEA of people") down to ONLY ONE PAIR AT A TIME.
  

EVERY SPEECH, NO MATTER HOW LARGE THE AUDIENCE, WILL BE EASIER!
 
This approach to public speaking should feel much more comfortable for you because it is, in fact, HOW YOU TALK to people every day in your life! (Unless you are a chronic interrupter and then we have a new issue.)

This technique will also improve the quality of your gaze and make it more natural.
If you use this technique, you will look more at ease and your speech will also feel much more personal to your audience.

EVERYBODY LIKES MORE POWER AND CONTROL

When you really stop and think about it, approaching your speech this way, you have much  more power and control up there.

YOU get to PICK which pair of eyeballs, and on which person to whom you are going to talk.  Thus, "The Chosen Few" gets EACH ONE of your precious jewel points.

Yeah. Blow off all those "scowlers" out there. It's your show!

DOESN'T THIS APPROACH LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE IN MY AUDIENCE FEELING LEFT OUT?
You may think that this approach will leave everybody else in the audience feeling left out. Actually, it's just the opposite.

There's actually an kind of "optical illusion" that happens inside the minds and hearts of your audience when you speak this way:  While they are sitting there watching you, everyone FEELS like you are talking straight to to THEM.

SO WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?

So what's up with you on this topic of Fear Of Public Speaking and what have you done to solve it in your own life? Talk with me....



]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/tip-of-the-day-your-audienceon.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/tip-of-the-day-your-audienceon.html Fear Of Public Speaking The Audience Fri, 29 May 2009 07:48:05 -0800
But honestly, most shrug their shoulders and say, "I just don't get it. Why should I care? It all just looks like such a waste of time. Isn't all of this Social Media stuff just another passing trend?"

Today I read a GREAT blog on Social Media from Chris Brogan.

Here's one of his thoughts, "You don't have to do any of this. You can just keep doing what you're doing. But if you're wondering why social media stuff isn't working well for you, look at the list above and decide whether you're giving this work the effort and intent that it requires."

Check out his list of seven ways on "How to Be Naked (and then, how not)." It's GREAT!

Here's the link:

http://www.chrisbrogan.com/be-naked/

And please let me know if this resource was helpful to you by making a comment. I hope it sheds some light on the subject for you.

By the way, the "Two Suits, No Tats and All Business" guys I took the class "What Every Executive Needs To Know about Social Media" from, Blaine Millet and Clay Loges have agreed to be on my Blog Talk Radio Show, "Business Off The Beaten Path" next Tuesday at 9:00 AM. Please join us as we dig deeper in to this subject of Social Media and how it applies to you and your business.

Stay tuned for more on this subject....our conversation will continue...


]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/more-on-social-media-chris-bro.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/more-on-social-media-chris-bro.html Be Naked Blaine Millet Blog Talk Radio Business Off The Beaten Path CEIinc Chris Brogan Clay Loges Mary Anne Dorward SOMEexecs Speaking To Win Yodio Thu, 28 May 2009 11:12:05 -0800 Net Lingo Dictionary, it said, "Social Media is not defined yet." No kidding!

These have been my questions for some time now:

WHAT IS SOCIAL MEDIA?

• What is Social Media, how does it work and where should I focus my time and attention? 
• What do I really need to know about it?
  
• How do all the different choices out there such as Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, MySpace etc all work together or do they?
• How can I leverage the different Social Media to bring more attention to my business?
• What kind of time should I really be spending each week blogging and learning new skills that will really help me keep up with the pace of change in the world of Social Media?

The list of my questions goes on and on it seems. Well today, many of my most important questions were finally answered!

MY QUESTIONS GET SOME ANSWERS FINALLY!

This morning I took the most fascinating class on social media with Blaine Millet, Co Founder and President of CEI, Customer Experiences Inc and Clay Loges, Founder and CEO  of Yodio. They explained that "Social Media is an umbrella term for a variety of tools and activities that enhance communication."

I loved the class and learned so much about how to understand, leverage and link social media such as Twitter, Linked In, Facebook and others. Each of these distinct and different social media are then built around a central communication strategy that links back to one's blog.

It's definitely a new way to communicate and reach your audience which is as Blaine and Clay put it: "faster, cheaper and deeper" than traditional marketing methods.

THE GOAL OF SOCIAL MEDIA

The old days of traditional marketing are over it seems. The goal of social media is to "get more attention and build both stronger and more relationship equity." It is also about "making those relationships faster and deeper."

The center of the Social Media Universe is The Blog where you control the content and "build  a persona that people want to follow." The way they explained this was that "People connect to you because it is YOU they want to connect to. So either BE YOU or Be GONE!"

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT EITHER!

One of the most important things communicated this morning was the fact that you don't have to be perfect on all of these various tools. This is a hard concept for those of us perfectionists out there. We have a hard time letting go of something until it is polished and perfect.

Blaine and Clay believe that the trend in TV and out on the internet in your blog is to reveal "the story behind the story." It is this "story behind the story" that is most interesting to your audience and has the potential to totally endear  you and your company to that "opted in" audience.

GET TO THIS CLASS AND LEARN MORE ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA AND HOW IT ALL WORKS!

For those of you who really want an opportunity to unpack all these confusing terms and issues, I urge you to consider taking Blaine and Clay's class. It's only a few hours of your time, it's reasonable in price and well worth the effort to drag yourself out of the office to learn something that might make all this Social Media world a little less overwhelming.

CHANGE IS COMING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

Change is coming. A new way of communicating and reaching your audience through all the various choices of Social Media is here now. We all need to learn to begin to "bridge the gap" between the way things used to be done and work and how they are evolving and working now. This knowledge will help us all in how we promote and leverage our individual brands using all these Social Media tools!

In fact, I would say Blaine and Clay's class a really terrific opportunity to get out in front of this Social Media trend that is coming whether you like it, understand it, want it to happen or not!


CONTACT BLAINE AND CLAY TO FIND OUT MORE!

So contact Blaine or Clay and find out more about their class! You won't regret it! 

 

]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/social-media-a-new-way-of-comm.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/social-media-a-new-way-of-comm.html Baline Millet CEI Clay Loges Customer Experiences Inc Fear Of Public Speaking Perfectionists Social Media Speaking To Win Yodio Wed, 27 May 2009 16:45:08 -0800 click here.

I learned so much about how CIO's can become better business leaders within their companies.

One of the most important points John raised in the interview was his statement regarding hope:

"I want the CEO to know that they can have hope that they can get value out of IT and reap the benefots three times over. And I want the CIO's to know that they don't have to live their entire career in fear. There is a way for them to be and feel successful."

It's a great interview! Don't miss it! Click here to listen to John Hughes, Founder, GrowthWave.


BACKGROUND ON JOHN HUGHES

John has been an IT leader for more than twenty years and has passionately focused on helping technology organizations make a greater impact on business results. Through GrowthWave, John advises CEOs how to get the greatest results from their IT organizations, provides Interim CIO talent, and coaches CIOs to become business leaders within IT. John says, "IT organizations that know how to put the business first become significant contributors to business success."

GrowthWave was born out of John's desire to provide CEOs the help they need to build effective IT organizations and CIO's the coaching they need to become significant contributors to business growth and profitability. John's career has spanned industries such as travel, hospitality, banking, insurance, manufacturing and retail.  Prior to starting his own business in 2005, John was CIO of Trendwest Resorts, and VP of IT Strategy and Business Alignment for a $1.5B hospitality company.

You can reach John Hughes by clicking on this link: www.growthwave.com or you can call him at 425-894-1842.

THE INTERVIEW

Here are the questions I posed in the interview this morning:

1. Why do CEO's so often complain that they don't get value out of IT?
2. When you are advising your CEO clients, what do they tell you?  What do they ask you?  What do you tell them?
3. How can companies get more out of their technology investments?
4. What should CEOs be expecting from their IT organizations during the current economic downturn?
5. Why do most companies have the CIO and IT reporting to the CFO?  Is this the right organizational approach?
6. Why do CIOs fail?
7. When you get confidential moments with CIOs, what do they tell you?  What do you tell them?
8. Why is there so much turnover in the CIO role?
9.How can a CIO get a seat at the executive/strategic table?
10. What is the truth about business-IT alignment?

It's a great interview. Don't miss it! Click here to listen to John Hughes, Founder, GrowthWave.







]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/botbp-john-hughes-founder-grow.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/botbp-john-hughes-founder-grow.html Blog Talk Radio Business Off The Beaten Path Coud Computing Fear of Public Speaking GrowthWave John Hughes Mary Anne Dorward My Real Voice Speaking To Win Tue, 26 May 2009 14:00:11 -0800
All Susan Boyle had to do was be herself, tell her truth, show up and do what she does best: Sing.

So go into your next presentation with Susan Boyle's triumph in mind:

• be your true self,
  
• tell your own genuine story,
  
• speak about what you feel most passionate about and
• don't give up no matter what
  

and you too will be an inspiration to others. 

Here is the link to Susan Boyle's most recent appearance on Britain's Got Talent 2009. She sings "Memories" from the Broadway Musical, "Cats:"  Susan Boyles Semi Finals Performance on Britain's Got Talented 2009.

For those of you who want to see Susan Boyle's very first audition on Britain's Got Talent 2009 of the song "I Dreamed A Dream" from "Les Miserables," click on Susan Boyle's first performance.

I must agree with Amanda on the show and say that "it is a complete privilege" listening to Susan Boyle sing.  It is her shining, unique, one-of-a-kind Truth that inspires me above all else.

And we all have equal potential to shine in our own presentations if we follow these three simple ideas:

• be your true self,
  
• tell your own genuine story, 
  
• speak about what you feel most passionate about and
  
• don't give up until you reach your dream, even if it seems impossible, out of reach or just plain silly.

You can do it!

]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/susan-boyle-stuns-the-world.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/susan-boyle-stuns-the-world.html Blog Talk Radio Business Off The Beaten Path Cats fear of public speaking I Dreamed A Dream Inspiration Mary Anne Dorward Memories My Real Voice Susan Boyle Mon, 25 May 2009 16:16:54 -0800 So are your presentations lacking in passion?

Here's a strategy tip on how to bring any speech or presentation to life:

ASK YOURSELF ONE QUESTION

Next time you have a speech or presentation,  (before you freak out) try asking yourself this one question:

• "When am I most invigorated and excited in my life? Or in other words, "What am I doing, saying, thinking when I I feel totally moved or pumped up?" (this means pumped up or moved in your life now or at some point in the past.)
  

• Next, see if your answer to that question prompts a personal, authentic story of passion, excitement or triumph over adversity you have had at some point in your life. The idea here is to find a story that is your own.

• See if, in any way, that story relates to your speaking topic. If so, use it.

• If not, ask the question above again until you can find another story from your life that relates either directly, tangentially or metaphorically to your speech.

•  If you start to pay attention, you'll begin to notice that every great speaker uses this technique in one way or another. ( FYI, more on this strategy later. Stay tuned.) 

EVERYONE HAS A UNIQUE STORY TO TELL

Everyone has a unique story to tell.

These life stories of your great personal experiences are the "stuff" of great presentations.

YOUR SPEECH BECOMES MORE AUTHENTIC TOO

When you use your own stories of great adventure or triumph over adversity, the presentation not only becomes more genuine, it also comes to life. It's usually more inspiring and fun for your audiences too.

THEY'LL COME BACK FOR MORE

This usually inspires your audiences to want to hear more from you! Now couldn't we all use a little of that? Shared Community is what any speaking is all about. ]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/tip-of-the-day-how-to-bring-yo.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/tip-of-the-day-how-to-bring-yo.html Blog Talk Radio Business Off The Beaten Path Fear Of Public Speaking Mary Anne Dorward My Real Voice Speaking To Win Mon, 25 May 2009 15:22:27 -0800
The average person speaks at 100-120 words per minute.

This means if you have a 10 minute speech, figure on 1000-1200 words in your finished written script.

If your speech is 20 minutes, figure 2000-2400 words.

30 minutes=3000-3600 words

60 minutes=6000-7200 words

HOW TO CHECK WORD COUNT

You can check word count by going to Tools on your menu bar. Look for "Word Count" and click on that. Then you will see how many words you have written. That number will tell you whether you are under or over your time. It's really nice to know going in that you will be right on time.

HOW I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TOOL

I learned this when I was writing debate answers and rebuttals for politicians around the world. When the camera rolled and my candidate had a 60 second position statement or a 30 second rebuttal, if they went over time, they were simply cut off, even if they were in mid sentence! Once I designed this formula, none of my candidates ever got cut off mid sentence again. And yes it works for everyone, not just politicians.

So use this tip and you will ALWAYS come in on time in every speech you give!

]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/tip-of-the-day-perfect-timing.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/tip-of-the-day-perfect-timing.html Blog Talk Radio Business Off THe Beaten Path Fear Of Public Speaking Mary Anne Dorward Public Speaking Speaking To Win Fri, 22 May 2009 07:03:27 -0800 Rick Coffey on my award winning radio show on Blog Talk Radio, Business Off The Beaten Path. We talked about the fascinating emerging world of Learning Science and Adaptive Expertise.

THE INTERVIEW

It was a very inspiring interview all about how we need to learn to adapt to change and experience failure to grow. Rick spoke a lot about how especially important it is for all of us to develop the ability to assess and adapt our individual Knowledge, Skills and Abilities is in order to flourish in these tough economic times. Don't miss it!

Among the questions I asked Rick were:

Questions

1.    What life experiences have led you to your interest in the learning sciences
       and specifically adaptive learning?
2.    Could you share how you have applied these learning principles in your work and life?
3.    What would you recommend that people do to be more proactive in adapting to
       the constant changes around us?
4.    Please elaborate on how the role of strategy aligns with and supports an
       individual's personal learning plan.
5.    Any thoughts as to how the current economic conditions will shape the way people
       view personal adaptive learning?

BACKGROUND ON RICK COFFEY

Rick is a senior leader in the learning and development field.  He is currently employed the aerospace industry, and has prior experience in the IT field. 

Rick has always had a passion for continuous and "practical" lifelong learning.  He has an undergraduate degree in business administration and masters degrees in adult education, human resource development, project management, and technology management.  He also holds a doctoral (Ed.D) degree in vocational, technical, and occupational education.

In addition to his full-time career, he has served as an adjunct faculty member with several institutions, including the UW where he has supported the school's project management certificate programs.

So don't miss Rick Coffey speaking about the fascinating emerging field of Learning Science and Adaptive Expertise on Business Off The Beaten Path, Blog Talk Radio!
 
]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/botbp-rick-coffey-adaptive-exp.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/botbp-rick-coffey-adaptive-exp.html Adaptive Expertise Blog Talk Radio fear of public speaking Learning Science Learning Science UW Mary Anne Dorward professional speaking coaching public speaking Rick Coffey Speaking To Win Thu, 21 May 2009 14:08:34 -0800 WHAT IS ETERNAL SEPTEMBER?

I thought this blog today about Eternal September by Seth Godin was really fantastic! I had never heard of the concept of Eternal September before. The term was first used by Dave Fischer in a January 26, 1994,

"

It's moot now. September 1993 will go down in net.history as the September that never ended.

"

Seth Godin says in his blog, "Fifteen years ago, someone coined the term, Eternal September. Because each September sees an entire crop of freshman showing up at college, you need to assume that you have to start teaching protocols all over again. Once a year, it's a whole new audience, and they need to learn the ropes.

The Internet has been stuck in September ever since. Every day, new people show up at your blog, on Facebook, everywhere. Every day it's a whole new crop that need to figure out what RSS is and how to subscribe."

SO HOW DOES ETERNAL SEPTEMBER APPLY TO PUBLIC SPEAKING?

How does this concept of Eternal September apply to your professional speaking?

While I do believe there is a lot of truth to "you never get another chance to make a first impression," the concept of Eternal September would suggest you should take heart and be full of optimism every time you get up to speak.

NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD SAW YOUR LAST SPEECH

Even if the last time you got up to speak, you felt you totally fell flat on your face, you should always remember that not EVERYONE in the audience right in front of you now, today, this minute, SAW or HEARD that speech.

In fact, for the most part, many of your audiences will be a completely new group of people.

Only YOU remember the last time when you were embarrassed or felt your speech didn't go as perfectly as you had wished.

DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE

Why waste another precious moment of your life in the past, mourning a past failure or loss on a past speech, or anything else for that matter?

EVERY AUDIENCE IS A NEW OPPORTUNITY

Be here now.

The audience in front of you is eager to hear what you have to say. It's a fresh group of new people who want to learn from you and hear the stories of your life that will inspire them. They want to like you! Every audience is a fresh new opportunity!

Don't screw yourself up in your head by focusing on the past "failure." Remember from one of my previous blogs about perfectionism, "9 Helpful Hints For Perfectionists," there is no such thing as failure, only an experience we fail to learn from!

So with the concept of Eternal September always in mind, every speech you give, no matter how small, is a new moment of possibility and every new speech you give is a blank slate where the history of "How I Did" is yet to be written.
]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/managing-your-professional-spe.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/managing-your-professional-spe.html Eternal September Mary Anne Dorward Perfectionism public speaking Speaking To Win Thu, 21 May 2009 13:33:58 -0800 Joe Piscatella, the best selling author of the book, "Don't Eat Your Heart Out."

It was about how we interpret events and how that determines the level of our stress response.It's a great story about stress reduction and stress management.

As the story goes, a very wealthy socialite, we'll call her "Mrs Smith," lived in the penthouse of a very famous hotel in Manhattan. All the staff of this hotel catered to "Mrs Smith's" every need as she was a very good customer.

Late one night, at one in the morning, "Mrs Smith" came storming down to the front desk of the hotel in a fit of rage. She screamed, "Someone is playing the PIANO in the suite next door to me! I can't sleep with all that NOISE going on!"

The Concierge of the hotel apologized and said, "I am so sorry "Mrs Smith!" But it is the famous pianist, Arthur Rubinstein who is staying the night in the suite next to you. He must be practicing. I am so sorry. Shall I go upstairs and ask him to stop?"

Well at this news, "Mrs Smith" apparently suddenly changed completely. She said, "Thank you. That won't be necessary." and went back upstairs to her suite.  

The story went on to say that Mr Rubinstien had made a small mistake that evening in his concert at Carnegie Hall that no one but him would notice. But he felt he needed to come back to his suite play the entire concert again from start to finish, this time perfectly. (Obviously Arthur Rubinstein was also a perfectionist.)

When "Mrs Smith" entered her apartment, she pulled up a chair next to the wall, sat back and joyfully listened to Arthur Rubinstein play. With her stress level completely down and her heart delighted now that she knew who it was playing next door, "Mrs Smith" didn't miss another note of the entire piano concert and was as happy as she could be for the next three hours!

So think of "Mrs Smith" the next time something seems like a "disaster" to you. Depending on your perspective, it could feel like a horrible disaster or become a most extraordinary opportunity!
]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/arthur-rubenstein-and-mrs-smit.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/arthur-rubenstein-and-mrs-smit.html arthur rubinstein fear of public speaking joe piscatella mary anne dorward my real voice professional speaking coach public speaking speaking to win stress management stress reduction Thu, 21 May 2009 11:50:18 -0800 Best-selling author Joe Piscatella.

When I took his short test before the breakfast began to determine who was a "Type A" personality and got an A+, I knew I better listen to what he had to say!

I wanted to share with you some of Joe Piscatella's tips on Stress Management.

1. Stress Management vs Stress Reduction
   

Joe made a great distinction between the idea of "Stress Management" vs "Stress Reduction." He suggested that we could all manage our stress better than eliminating it. In fact he thought that any of us deluding ourselves that we will ever totally and completely able to eliminate stress.

But he pointed out that there was no such thing actually as a stressful event, only our own personal and unique response to it is what makes one event or another "stressful."

2. Where Is Your Stress Coming From?

Joe suggested that we take a look at our habits and see where our stress is coming from. I thought about all of us poor Perfectionists out there. He spoke of us "high achievers" all with a sense of "time urgency" who are "guilty doing nothing" and who "love competition" who "will even finish your sentences for you" and spend our time "predominantly driving in the far left lane trying to set land speed records!"

I was thinking, "Does this guy know me or what?"

At least I didn't do one thing he said, "Playing to win even with small children." that was a relief.

And don't get me started on emails, the deadly time sapper that it is.

3.Take Action: Developing a Relaxation Response Through Deep Breathing

Joe next led us through a breathing exercise that was great and not unlike what I tell my own clients.

•  Take A Deep Breath- No not a chest constricted breath like the majority of us are doing all day. Take a Deep Breath. One down deep in your belly.
• Take the air through your nose and push your stomach out
• Next slowly release the breath like a whistle through your lips as you press your belly button slowly back toward the base of your spine.
• Make sure you whistle the entire breath out and get your belly button as close to your spine as you can before you begin again to take another breath.

Joe suggested that if you breathed that way for just five minutes a day it would be impossible for you to feel stressed out for those five minutes and that is would actually induce a relaxation response.

Yup. Perfectionists tend to hold their breath too! So that's a really helpful hint!

4. Keep A Sense Of Proportion

Joe suggested we all consider keeping a better perspective on things. He mentioned that really everything is inherently neutral and that there are no stressful events, only stressful responses.

Yes as a confirmed perfectionist, I know that stress response quite well!

Well we perfectionists may not feel we can change the cards we're dealt, but as Joe Piscatella's wife said to him after he was diagnosed with heart disease at the young age of 32:
"We can change the way we play our cards."

There are many options to bring our stress responses down. Just listen to Joe Piscatella

Even if you don't consider yourself a perfectionist, try Joe Piscatella's breathing exercise at the very least. You'll like it!

]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/managing-stress-joe-piscatella.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/managing-stress-joe-piscatella.html communication skills Fear Of Public Speaking Joe Piscatella Mary Anne Dorward My Real Voice Perfectionism Perfectionist Perfectionists Professional Speaking Coaching Public Speaking public speaking Speaking Coaching Speaking To Win Stress Management Stress Reduction Thu, 21 May 2009 10:31:11 -0800 perfectionist.

Here are the three basic tenets of "The Perfectionist Creed:"
 

• Thou Shalt Not Make a Mistake. Ever. 
  
• Maintain Control. At All Times. In All Situations. With All People.
  
• Do Not Fail. Ever. Ever. Ever.

This perfectionist creed serves me well when, as a professional speaking coach, I am working with:

• A CEO client, anticipating every possible question they might receive in the Q and A and then preparing them so they never get caught flat footed, speechless or end up going to jail.

• A Rising Star within a company and need to help them work through every possible issue that is has been and will be in their way so that they can rise to the fullest possible level of their potential. (And so they can find out, once and for all, what the rest of us know already: that it's tough at the top and if they weren't happy and at peace while rising in their profession, they won't be any more at peaceful or happy when they reach that magical pinnacle at the top.)
  

• A Team in a corporate setting where I have to asses every possible speaking asset and liability of each team member. And then, have to decide who is going to be the "designated hitter" to come in and cover their teammates back when that teammate gets a question they cannot or should not answer so they don't get fired.
  

• A Terrified or Resistant Speaker where I need to analyze every possible issue that they could have faced to get them into this sticking point in their personal, professional or philanthropic lives. And then, of course, find a helpful way to get them out of their speaking terror or resistance for good, so they can be released from speaking purgatory.

•  A Political Candidate in their campaign and where I have to anticipate any potential attack on my candidate from the press, the opponent or the public . This perfectionism also serves me well when I am writing and strategizing a political campaign to hit a specific target demographic and which, thanks to my nit picking perfectionism, ultimately wins them their race, thus allowing them to gain power and influence and hopefully, retain their sense of dignity, morals and self respect.

But what's it like being a perfectionist in my real life outside of work? It's a nightmare.

This past week, I was talking  about perfectionism over coffee with one of my former clients, a partner in one of the big law firms downtown. We were laughing over the fact that, we, the ultimate perfectionists, hate being criticized, feeling judged or failing in any way.

I asked him how he had handled the curse of perfectionism. His first response was, "Well, honestly, not very well. " But then he went on to tell me about two very interesting questions his father had taught him to ask himself, when he felt particularly judged or criticized, especially from people who have no business butting in and giving their opinion in the first place. 

Two Helpful Questions When Facing Criticism or Judgment

The two questions his father taught him to ask himself were:

• Does this person sign my checks? (Usually not)
  
• Will I remember this in five years? ("NO!" or "Not likely!" is the appropriate response here and has saved him many a headache and sleepless night.)
  

I got to thinking that this fear of judgment, criticism and failure thing is a highly unrealistic way to live. So I came up with my own list to put a tourniquet on all the valuable energy, feelings of self worth and peace that were hemorrhaging out of my day to day life.

You can view that list on my blog post: 9 Helpful Hints for Confirmed Perfectionsists

So again, you too can alleviate the pain and suffering of perfectionism. Follow my nine helpful hints, and I guarantee you will be feeling a whole lot better or at least get some relief for a few moments. Well, that is, until you start torturing yourself all over again about being less than perfect. ]]> http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/the-pros-and-cons-of-perfectio.html http://www.speakingtowin.com/blog/2009/05/the-pros-and-cons-of-perfectio.html communication skills Fear Of Public Speaking Mary Anne Dorward My Real Voice Perfectionism Perfectionist Public Speaking Speaking Coaching Speaking To Win Mon, 18 May 2009 08:48:55 -0800