Somaly Man and Sheryl Sandberg by Fortune Live Media

I was inspired to write after a meditation session and asking the question of why suffering even the mundane trails many of us feel on the day to day or extreme suffering. I was led to read an awesome article by Mariane Pearl in Glamor Magazine circa 2006.

Somaly Mam is a former child sex slave and an a front line fighter and global advocate with her foundation to fight Monday Slavery and Sex Trafficking. In 2006, retaliation for her fight to protect women and children came in a most deplorable way. Mam’ s 14 year old her daughter was kidnapped and raped. She was found but it did not deter Somaly even though scary and frightening it made her more determined. Somaly after they found her daughter and she comforted her she spoke these words “You’ve suffered what you’ve suffered,” she told her. “Now you take that pain and you help others.”

Suffering a universal phenomenon and yes we all have suffered and the past be changed, but pain unused eats you alive. It is your job to use your pain to help others and in turn you will be healed.

When I read those words and knowing their is a semi luxury to chose to feel pain over a long period of time I realized how selfish I was. Chemical imbalances aside you do have control over your thoughts with practice. I say this when context is one is no longer in the trenches of the horrible or inconvenient. This is so true for mindfulness transformation if you are not seeing every blessing ever bestowed on you then you suffer and triumph is when you are directed to make a difference and not wallowing in my own shit.

Nowadays my “shit” hasn’t bubbled up much, except when I feel vile contempt for other drivers or maybe my lack of smile with strangers or general feeling of avoidance. But really what we all do from time to time is we sit and cuddle with our shit for far too long. Like being bosom buddies and bffs with the bad girl in school, this friendship with our own woe is me stuff is what keeps us from doing good. Even the business of daily life is a part of the woe is me martyrdom syndrome or can’t take time for me or you but we have to be everywhere like yesterday so sorry can’t talk, hug, engage or even look you in the eye right now.

My understanding of suffering now to change it to gratitude and love expressed or not and how can I use what ever nugget of pain big or small, perceived or real for the good of all. Service, help, and being awake to what is happening in the Now and not so distant past. To be present when someone wants to engage with you, to connect to another in a small way so both of you feel less alone. Almost always reason why you are here is to shine your light in your own UNIQUE way to help the world with your smile, laughter, financial assistance, skills, love or other treasures.

How do you use your pain?

If you are depressed help  anyone else, be of service in any area you feel a difference almost instantly. If you felt victimized in some way become an advocate, a voice for those who have been what you have been through, be it sexual abuse, homelessness, poverty, addiction, in physical pain- be an healer in word or deed. If you dislike people, animals or the Earth could use your services instead. 

I believe in miracles but world wide suffering is a different ballgame. I find the idea that we need a savior that will change the way things are is comical and removes the responsibility of each of us. We are called by Source be a participant to save others by easing suffering; being there for those who have been through a storm or giving a stranger your attention for a few minutes. That is the nature of love that will transform the world.  We are invited by our own wounds and if we were blessed not to have any wounds, then we are called to what touches us makes us cry or shake in empathy for another.

My call to action is so simple it seems childish. Children are the ones who have the brightest light shinning with radiant joy and laughter and a knowing what true love is.  I hope you will feel through experimentation that your suffering can be eased by being of service to another. It doesn’t mean you have to save the world just start by being a little more open to smiling at people on the street or in cars, donating money or time to those who need you.

Much love and gratitude,

Jen

If you want to make a donation to one of my favorite causes please visit the Somaly Mam Foundation.

Flat Stanley Can Bring Us Together!

I was at Starbucks today to write, read and get my usual drug and while there I was socializing with another customer and her little girl who was getting a treat from Starbucks and just came back from the salon cause she had a great report card. I also socialized with a Barista cause he look like he was gonna cry when he saw the line that was not yet on his drink making side. I realized this socializing or general mass need for coffee was like various species at a watering hole in the Serengeti. Not necessarily all would get along or would normally meet in the real world we all get to be together in NATURE so to speak our modern day nature like malls, grocery stores and coffee shops. Its a way we get our needs filled of being around others but in a non threatening way. Also a way to bond with others I am not sure the lion and the elephant are bonding but at Starbucks there is some common goal or commiserating. Like when many will wait online on Black Friday there is a sense of camaraderie that you can not find in the same way online. We as humans even if slight interaction occurs need a community or group we feel connected to even if its on the peripheral. Hence, the mass love of Apple products or Starbucks or Dunkin‘ Donuts. These are ways we feel like we are together. In a sense maybe there is some of this in the Occupy Movement and like all of us that go home after something we feel apart of we feel we want something to bring us together again. Not like we want catastrophe or natural disasters but we almost crave that community after then when its all over we feel a bit empty or less than and need a meet-up, book club, mommy and me groups to make us feel we belong to something bigger than ourselves.
Here’s to making a concerted effort to come together in fun, love, and coffee if it serves our well-being.

Much love, hugs, and many thanks the Pre-Thanksgiving Day!
Jen

by h.koppdelaney

Ok I mock but I am also serious. Healing on an emotional level is never easy and rarely overnight but just like loosing weight it takes, time and effort and a desire to let go of baggage. An old story or a story you reminded yourself consistently like being poor. Or one you are just starting to remember abuse takes more than ninja moves to concur. But I found in my self the major turning point in healing is realizing that just being here and alive *poke poke* I am here that survival of anything challenging that we go through took strength, maybe determination, an ability to laugh, cry, and get up the next day.
Not to be simplistic but after a certain point a person can not be helped to poo for themselves. Well minus heavy medical machinery. The point is, at a certain point of an circumstance even if you have family or friends they can’t give you the will or the desire for getting through it. You have to do it yourself. Mind you wanting to be there for them or  your love and hope can help get you to survive a plane crash, kidnapping ,or abuse but you are the one that pulls your through out the other side. Your inner strength (God?) or your highest self has a purpose to live and live brightly after any experience where pain was the default setting.

No cliches just pure questioning after you have survived -What is next for you tough one? Who can you become now that you survived bullies, losing your job, or a parent with an overbearing nature? Well with your spirit becoming whole and complete again you can accomplish anything you are willing to work hard for and deem worthy of your devotion of time and love.

Really what else is there to life?
Love and Hugs,
Jen

by recompose

This idea about love coming in strange wrapping paper came from my morning’s writing reflection.

Love isn’t always about getting what you want but getting what you need.

I believe this to be true from experience and the soul contracts I see when I work with people. We get into various dramas when living this so-called-life by not taking the lessons and by not taking the bull by the horns and co-creating with God, The Universe or Bob if you want to call IT. I personally love the word God and what God stands for in my heart and soul but plug in any well meaning noun or verb that makes you feel connected and whole. Here are some: Energy, Source, Spirit, Gaia, Mother Earth, Godhead, Buddha, nature, art, music to name a few for your word smith piggy bank…ok on with the show.

I notice in Western Culture we have no problem as a whole being of service or helping others in catastrophe like hurricane, earthquake, or tsunami but on the day-to-day (minus the countless social workers, mental, physical and spiritual health practitioners) many of us forget about the homeless or the old lady in the neighborhood who can’t walk so good. Sometimes we get really caught up in our own stuff that unless something major happens we forget about each other.

I confess my life has been a bevy learning experiences.  At my ripe age of 34 I can say I am TRUELY thankful and awed by my life and what it has shared and taught me. I have been poor, molested, sexually harassed, homeless in childhood and adulthood, various financial woes, romantic misfortunes and have felt abandoned and unloved. All of this sadly is what I needed to WAKE UP to the illusions of my “sick” life and become one with LOVE and Compassion. Some would say that I am nuts to think that my past circumstances were needed to get me to that place and to a degree I would agree it was not necessary at all.

Unfortunately, like a lot of people I made my circumstances and the world my god for a long time. I forgot to put my faith in Love. As if all the yucky and pain the world shows us  is truth. It took many experiences in this lifetime specifically to wake me to that I am ALWAYS loved and guided no matter what. In spiritual terms I got what I attracted if you looked at my core beliefs about who and what I felt about myself. On a soul level I believed illusion that I was alone in the world and that I was destined to be without bread or love.
I am glad this perspective has changed. I am blessed by each and every negative and positive experience I have lived. I can say I learned more from the negative and only because I was not wise to take the lesson in the good instead of the bad.

We can all say that all the murders, and genocide, or political and economic upheaval don’t need to happen but in fact it right now the do only because people at our current state of evolution are not AS motivated by love than they are motivated by pain or fear. I can see a place in the future that we can be motivated by love but it may take some time to evolve past this aggressive or pushiness to motivate change. I can’t say that I want murder, rape ,or food shortages but I can say it would bring neighbors and communities together.

We came together on 9/11 and when the tsunami hit Indonesia, then this past year in Japan and during Hurricane Katrina. WHY in the HELL aren’t we coming together now? We don’t regularly say hello to each other as much anymore, we worry about what clothes to wear instead of his our neighbor is hungry or loved. Do we need 20 pairs of jeans or  tee-shirts? We make it a big political deal to help each other when we are in this together this thing called life. Wouldn’t it behoove ourselves to help each other now instead of when its too late and scream we should have done something. If you have a roof, food in your belly and clothes on your back you all more fortunate than millions in the U.S. and abroad. So getting out of the consumer or bootstrap mentality is to a small degree important its not to say never by nice things or give everyone a new car like on Oprah but if we went to a decent high school we were fed, clothed, and laundered by our families or family friends and we didn’t do it alone. Even if money isn’t what you want to throw at the issue than time, volunteering, education, love and compassion are some of the tools on which to feed each other. Bringing food to a pantry or shelter shouldn’t be too hard either but I don’t want to ask too much. Humph! There is a lesson here I know it.

The Love I received by getting what I needed instead of what I wanted was full of blessings and I can take it that way because my studies in metaphysics opened the idea that this co-creation of what I needed to experience was to a purpose. It was so I could become who I am today and continue to evolve into. I now know that when I receive anything be it a smile from a stranger, a hug from a friend, a book deal or wonderful clients, or even a guy that cuts me off on the highway that it is for my and all of our highest good. It helps all of us my giving us exercises to evolve into a more loving and compassionate state of being. Did I say I like exercise well I like it when its over

Where do you find love and your compassionate heart? Please let us know under the comments below. If  you like this post please share with your friends.

Love and Hugs,

Jennifer

Flat Stanley's Spirituality is Travel. What's yours?

I think the word Spirituality has a bad rap. Many confuse it with Religion or people being cooky or flighty. I want to give a refresher on what it means to me and how by looking at spirituality in a new way can help you feel less alone and more alive on this spinning rock.

Spirituality as defined by me isn’t about a big man in the sky or even a belief system.  It is the primary way you connect to yourself and/or  to others. For many people who don’t believe in a religion per say has a religion of sorts via their passions and appreciations and that is their have spirituality in the world. Many people are engrossed in art,  music, dance, being in service, collecting books, building things, knitting, and so on.
Passion that emanates out of nowhere or that is found by accident is spirituality in a nut shell. When you can not not do or love a particular thing. A friend might love all of nature. That is her spirituality. For another its passion for physical sport or challenge. My passions are writing and reading about metaphysics. As a kid I would talk with my Mom on how the universe worked and even at my cheeky age of 6 or 7 vehemently denied her closed view of what happened after we leave our bodies.  I enjoyed playing with friends, having a talk show, playing with my recorder but I loved to connect with people on a deep level beyond what someone’s favorite color much more. Those are some of my passions and that is how I continue to live my Spirituality.
By denying your gifts or appreciation for boating, hiking, painting or sharing dinner with friends you are in essentially cutting of your connection to Source Energy. In offering to share your passion with others, people see this light and are attracted to that spark and that what brings more rich and positives experiences in your life. Hobbies or your life  as a whole are the living worship to this spiritual life. As you speak or live from your soul you are sharing your appreciation and creating more beauty with the world.

Maybe your passion is Jesus, Buddha, art, children, family, Star Wars, or laughing. The label task is not important. It is no more or less life giving than being a monk in a monastery. Your “thing” or “things” are a very real way to connect your unique energy with Universe. Being present within your passions is an amazing way to share yourself with others while show casing the eternal flame inside of you that never dies.

I hope you bring more joy and happiness by focusing on a passion a tiny bit each an every day!
Please let me know what your passions are and how you feel you live your Spirituality!
Love and Hugs,

Jen

Pulling my hair out…Thanks dearbarbie

A million and one blessings and such!

What? Yes I said it even though I am in amidst of a crisis there is blessings to be found.

My particular crisis details are not so important as the lesson of the crisis. I have been feeling anxious, unsettled, crazed for concrete confirmation and proof that my life will be OK. As an intuitive and know-er of things as such, I know it doesn’t matter what happens in the physical world as it is all for the good for the whole even if it doesn’t look like it..However, my ego, the thing that is supposed to protect the body is scared!

During this crisis I have learned a few things about myself.

1. I am a caretaker to a fault where I do not take care of myself before others…I am starting to work on this nugget of truth at Co-Dependence Anonymous meetings. My goodness there really is so much to learn about how to have healthy relationships with everyone.
2. As much as I may espouse in the goodness, affirmative prayer, and awesomeness of the Universe and God I don’t always live in faith. I whine and act fearful and complain on occasion. Sometimes I feel unworthy and unacceptable of gifts in strange or normal wrapping paper.

Today I was feeling static and yucky all in my head with worry and problems. I took a bit of meditation time to tap into the awesome God energies and listening to what they had to say as well as listening to Hay House Radio and also Marie Forleo. Gratitude is everything. Being grateful for the yucky stuff as well as recognizing even what may seem insignificant blessings. After I focused on being grateful for the lessons being shown though my crisis my energy shifted immediately. Not only did the static, anxious, worry go away I have a new appreciation for the gifts that I am being given. I know really hard t do when you are panicking when you have no permanent place to stay, no job so forth. I am there right now with my Brothas’ and Sistas’. For example this time in my life I am called to have understanding and compassion for those feeling troubled and have a block of moving forward due to fear.. A recognition that this particular lesson won’t be lost as I am finally doing things to take care of myself as not to put myself in this situation again. This time also shows me to have faith even if by some act of God (natural disaster or karma down the pike) I know I am (We all Are!) Divinely guided, protected, and loved even in the worst times. This is a blessed time. Maybe in your own personal issues you too can claim with confience a new realtionship with God as you see IT! Whether you commune with nature, Love Jesus, Allah, or you want to call IT Bob.. the name doesn’t matter, it matters that you open the floodgates of your heart to know you are an infinite vessil for love to come and express ITSELF into the world. How you choose take the yucky stuff and transform it is how the Good stuff arrives and thrives.

So today I say Thanks You GOD for the lesson. Thank You for my crisis ever painful it is and Thank You for always being my constant companion.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

My socks on the floor ready to be purged!

Over the past few months I have been staying with a friend with her two children. Since I am still looking for full time employment she lets me stay in exchange of dropping off and picking up her kids at school and occasional babysitting with additional house chores I feel compelled to do. Living in a space no bigger than 10×14 I had to leave most of my belonging at my ex’s familie’s house. They all are amazing for being so patient with me as I gain order over my life again. I am due to move in with another girlfriend July 1st. During this time since October I have lived with very few personal items: clothes, computer, books, and a few random items like journals, too many pens to really need and holy water. (A recovering Catholic loves her holy water.)
This sock drawer enhanced my realization that there is a need to replace things that don’t fit or are damaged but I have obviously have more than enough in the world and thinking about reducing what I have to really the bare essentials. I do my laundry every week and like the 80/20 ware much of my clothing on a continuous loop. In part because I don’t have much and or who needs all these socks. Even if I work out everyday and get my feet wet due to snow or rain…some of this I don’t need. So my first duty is to get rid of the ones with holes or ones that have been stretched to mars and back.

I will be doing this for undergarments and then clothes. Then products and medicines. I only want things around that are useful and make me happy. If that means I wear the same pants three days this week so be it.

Wish me luck and please let me know if you have given up any of the extra stuff in your life and how it made you feel.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Thanks d.billy!

Yesterday picking up my friend’s kids up from school we went to that Mc place for some food. I know, terrible aren’t I, I don’t eat it anymore but they requested it. We get to the board and the girls give me their order. L wants chocolate milk then wants regular milk. She finally says regular milk and our order is finished at the speaker box. 10 seconds later as I am driving to the pick up window I hear crying. I asked “Whats wrong?” L says she now wants chocolate milk. I told her that I already ordered regular milk and said she has to be clear of what she wants before the end our order not after. I told her I would ask if they would give us chocolate milk but she can’t get upset if they can’t make the change for her so late in the game. Thankfully the cashier gave us her chocolate milk and all was right in the world again.

This experience reminded me on how I ask for things from the Universe and now completely understand why they don’t come to me or if they do but I get weird confused version. Being very clear about what I truly want has always be a challenge. I experience the world rather quickly and I can get side tracked or attracted to shinny without any steadfast discipline or value system behind my intentions or thoughts when it comes to my personal long term goals. I have general values but none I rely on to gauge whether I truly want something or not. This is true for many people who ask God or the Universe to answer their prayers or dreams. Clarity and intention are a key component on attracting what you desire. This is true for relationships, money, work, health, spirituality and so on.

Are you clear on what you really want your life to feel, be, and look like?

If you are not satisfied in a particular area check out how it feels so you can examine it to determine if you are sending out thoughts and vibrations that may be getting lost in translation or confusion. For example, I have been saying for years I want to lose weight. During some of that time I even have gained even more weight. Not really what I was asking for Universe. *hum* Am I really kidding myself on this desire? In part yes…Why? Well I am conflicted by so many food options Raw, Vegan, Low Carb ect. I chose to exercise on a whim not with planned action and on top of that I am a tad lazy. I’m tired, I don’t wanna prepare food and all that jazz. Whine! Whine! My desire to be healthy and thinner were not always congruent with my actions and what I really wanted. I could go into the psychological about why I haven’t lost weight,  but in terms of our purpose about attracting our desires some where deep down I have blocks to losing weight. Hence with every DVD and food plan available to me I still have not FULLY Chosen to lose weight. This example can be used to see the truth behind not getting what you want for romance and career and more as well.

Once choice is fully engaged the universe give us infinite assistance in every way imaginable to achieve our goals. Bumps in the road happen due to soul lessons and/or varying stages of intention but You Can Have, Be, and Feel anyway you want to but that choice has to come from you.  Isn’t Free Will the best!  :)

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Thanks to Foxtongue for showing his muscle!

Anyone who knows me knows that exercise where I know I am exercising is my least favorite activity in the world. I much prefer dancing, hiking, kyacking, or walking with friends than to be lifting my kettle bell or weights. This to the dismay of my body is the reason my muscles are partially defined under a nice hibernation suit. I joke but a muscle that use on a constant basis is my FAITH Muscle. As and intuitive its imperative that what I know to be spiritual and helpful information is not lost in the stactic of my mind like chores, worry, blank stares and who will the Mother on How I Met Your Mother.

Many people really don’t have a solid perspective on faith or they are of the mindset if they see it than maybe they can believe it for certain for now.

One of my jobs, besides being a dancing queen, is to really show people that their internal guidance system can show them how to build faith in positive outcomes and if so inclined that an intelligent universal source is always with you and can be accessed at anytime.

A quick practice of building faith is to think of a time when you knew in your gut that something felt very right or very wrong. Write that down…then check to see what route you took that time if you took directions from fear or worry or took a new route. For example, recently my guides were nudging me to take my car to the mechanic. I knew I had to bring it to the shop but I keep putting it off. Well on Valentines Day it broke down completely random event of a timing belt..I didn’t see that coming I thought my axle rod thingy was the need. I didn’t follow the pull to take it in sooner because of earth woes, money worry and what if I fix it and it needs more. Blah Blah Blah we all do this. I did have it fixed to minimum road survivability and took the lesson again to trust my gut, guides and have faith that the information being received isn’t random but helpful if taken seriously.

Their is also this bigger idea, Faith in Source, God, or whatever you want to call this energy. I may have been born with the God Gene so maybe I have a built in system for acknowledging the invisible but I think when a person focuses on taking the positive from experiences, having gratitude and keeping an open mind a Divine Intelligence doesn’t seem very far fetched. Especially when testing manifesting goals and seeing positive outcomes. I am not here to say yes there is or is not a big bearded guy in the sky but I do feel that the study of the universe in quantum physics can show that something is very intelligent or something designed the universe in a creative way. Or maybe I just have build enough of my faith muscle to just know it is so anyway.

How are ways you build or have faith? Please post we would love to hear from you.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Photo by aussiegall

I found a great blog that resonated with me on working on myself it is called Secrets of Her Success and in it the  author Darcy Volden Hoag wrote about a personal experiment about making a 30-Day Commitment to herself. Her journey of commitment was to quell procrastination and push through fear. This is currently really inspiring for numerous reasons.

I generally lack a commitment to myself. Other’s probably notice how many times I have started an exerise program or school. Marathon and degree seeking I have yet to complete. In spite of the voices in my head or my guides telling me others are unhealthy for me. My old pattern is to commit to others. This is due to various reasons (ie co-dependence/wanting to be liked/afraid to make a commitment to myself). Darcy’s blog plus my own personal transformation that is on going has inspired to commit to at least one thing to do for 30 days. I tend to over commit and use busy work or distractions like internet or taking care of others to procrastinate on the stuff I really need to do.

I really need to become healthier, monetize my blog or make clear decisions, period, about what I want in my life. God forbid if I make a decision that I isn’t good so I don’t commit so I don’t flake out later on myself. HUH so I forgot that its ok to course correct if something isn’t working in my plan/goal/decision.

For the longest time I would never commit to working out because I would give other people my time and made people a priority over myself. Sad but many of us do this for reasons listed above or not really feeling worthy of committing to ourselves. As if its selfish to go to Zumba! …which I absolutely fell in love with recently.

Starting today:

• I commit to tracking all the food n drink I take in to help me see where I need to change my diet for weight loss. I aim to take in about 1200 to 1400 calories per day and commit to exercise twice a week for and hour.
• I commit  to meditate 5 min twice a day morning and night.
• I commit to increase readership of my blog my connecting with one new person or increase my Spiritual Endeavor Facebook group page.

If you would like to join me on a 30-day commitment journey please comment and we can support each other along our quest to regain our personal integrity to ourselves.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

I am heading to Panama in December 2010. My first trip out of the country. I am very excited and hope you join me on my adventures. There will be a bit of tweeking the blog’s visuals and content..Stay tuned!

Many thanks for use of this photo By HelloMokona

On to my current lessons on how I am being schooled by life. Yeah there is a feeling of Good, Bad and Blah but its all positive since it is sending me on my journey with new ideas, tools, and experiences in my pocket for long road of life ahead.

A year has passed, and one LTR has ended-amicably. Now for the first time in over a year and a half or more if you count before I met my last love I am focusing on the future of my life I find myself awakening to my lessons that abound from that relationship and from my previous 33 years on Earth.

Here is the data so far:
RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF- This is how I enjoy my self, how interested in my own wishes, dreams, goals, self love (te-he) and so on are directly reflected in the outer world experiences of relationships of all kinds. Friendships not excluded.

Friends/Romantic partners see me in a certain way. Some of those relationships evolved in contrast to how I take care or feel about myself. Some love me more than others some demand that I take care of my self more and others are oblivious to how I take care of myself. The point being here the level of intimacy my personal relationship have are in direct correlation to how intimate and close I am with myself.

HAPPINESS-I have learned a great deal about the abstract that is happiness. One thing I learned is that it has to come from within or I/Anyone will be perpetually unhappy no matter what gifts are offered to him or her. Happiness is a choice but it also can not come from outside circumstances. This means your personal happiness is not determined by outside influences. For example someone says you are super awesome or a piece of garbage you can chose to not be burdened by someone else’s opinion of you if it does not reflect your true inner feeling about yourself.

LOVE-Being in love with someone is never enough to hold a relationship together. It does take two people to continue to choose each other daily. Holding on too tight will almost always crush what love is present. With open arms and hands and that freedom is what keeps love fresh and alive. I am not talking about threesomes or open relationships but freedom to be yourself as well as have separate space and time. Some people enjoy every breath of each other, while others need more distance in time and proximity from each other to see the contrast and value of the other. Neither is right or wrong just a understanding of each persons needs to help the flower of love grow.

NEEDS- I learned that it is very important to ask another what they need in order for the other person to feel loved and I should get the same respect in return. Some people enjoy words of flattery, others actions or interest or curiosity bestowed on a beloved. Learn what your counterpart needs,  don’t just give them what you need. Understanding the mirror of relationships helps you figure out you but in healthy relationships this mirror is a two way street.

COMMUNICATION and TRUST- The two most important items for healthy relations ever invented. Cave man grunts showing that he wants to watch tv after work to unwind…Cave woman has a need to chat about the foraging or that she is upset that cave man is cranky all the time but doesn’t know why…Communicating needs, issues, and being fully commited to the process of being a healthy participant in the relationship is a necessity. Trusting your partner will open up and be honest when speaking of needs or criticism is crucial to keep resentment, anger, or a life time of unhappiness or the death of a relationship will occur.

I hope you Love Big, Love Often, but most importantly learn about what you your personal needs are in order to feel loved and give that to yourself as well as asking your partner to do their part in adding to your happiness. After you have loved yourself again and again the bonus of the cuddling with your sweetie will become even more sweet knowing that you always had everything you ever needed to feel loved, inside of you. You just needed to give that to her(him).

Post Script-Self respect and calling out those who disrespect and devalue you can be liberating if not done just to validate your hurt feelings but actually awaken parts of you that need to reemurge. Talking  back personal power, claiming dignity for one’s self is one of the most important things in the world for self love. Living with integrity and keeping the personal ego in check can and will bring in healthier and healthier relationships the more you get to know and treat yourself to a cup of tea and some care.

Love and Hugs

Jen

Rubber Ducky Your the One!

Hey Ya’ll I have been busy with a wonderful life  changes and my  self care and my blog take a back seat for a hot minute.

Some life changes: Have been unemployed for way too long. Soon to be a school girl again.  Another change was meeting and then moving in with my wonderful man Joe that came into my life. The growth and changes have been fast, furious and life giving. Focus has been primarily on my relationship and myself care has been on the back burner. Bless my man, he encourages me to take a bath or to take care of myself.  Sometimes I am so filled with anxiety to stop and just Be sometimes but know it’s very important for myself as well as my relationship. I am finally taking heed and getting back to the whole me!

I am slowly learning self care. I have always known the value of self care even if not always practiced. Old habits I tend to fall back on like helping others before myself. Habits of ok I’ll drop everything for “you” and forget what I had planned. Or not planning enough “me” time activities or just fun which sometimes I forget to have cause I take life too seriously at times.

Here is what I am finally doing to honor and value myself:

Working Out and Eating Better- I really I feel awesome AFTER I get of the treadmill for a half hour. Getting there even though it is steps from work can be a challenge after a busy day but find it calms and distresses me. The food of which I am making a conscious effort to put more organic or living food in my body as well as taking my vitamins really has an effect on how my brain and stress levels are. Not that I don’t have goodies like chocolate cake or a nice raspberry beer but am now really understand the words -treat and moderation.

Quiet Time- Away from the addictive  Internets, TV, radio, or even books. Distractions are good but not when the inner self wants time to give you ideas, to solve problems or just relax and chill from the busyness of the world.

Writing- Journal writing and poetry are some of my mental outlets that help me listen to my inner self.

Reading with Action-Not just reading but putting into practice the ideas that speak truth to me as well as getting me off the know-it-all-horse and humbly move forward in action to change my life.

Bath Time-taking a hot bath just for myself nothing but the bubbles to keep me company, ok ducky you can come too but no splashing.

Taking Up New Hobbies-Knitting: I always admired others art with the duel needle and now slowly and surely am getting the hang of it.

Learning  Clarity-Taking time to be quiet and really getting clear about what I really really really want out of life. Taking away the scattered things on my list in my head and owning one thing at a time.

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New blog mission: This blog will be a place where people can get fresh content, ideas, suggestions and reviews for self improvement and self acceptance in all areas of life. Becoming, Being and Beyond! I hope with the new changes and my new commitment to the blog I hope my regular readers will get more out of it’s content, as well as, attract new readers to  join the journey with ideas, suggestions, and community.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Pretty In Pink!

Finding myself again is an interesting process. Self/Personality/Intimate nature has been either locked away or hidden by fear of past pain or what it I lose something if I speak my truth. I am taking the rewarding approach by not condemning myself for my self imposed prison or self inflection of “I should have done this a long time ago.” Part of finding myself again is reclaiming my fem-fatal nature. I back in the day, I took pride in myself and enjoyed my girl-ness. I can’t say I was a make-up wearer everyday but enjoyed the comical outfits I put together or ones that showed my legs. Those physical characteristics that said to the outer world I care about myself. I am returning to said creature and even attempting the *gasp* what I have never done before, which is wear make-up everyday. My Feme transformation back to self also include self care of beauty, mind, heart and soul. All for later posts.
Fear of rejection, fear of being uninteresting has always kept me from that route of dating in a normal sense. Bizarre, since I can have great conversations with total strangers and I know their whole life story and they sometimes barely catch my name. I am learning that not everyone is interested in other people as I am. That is ok. I also learned from an old friend that maybe I need to be more interested in myself and express that a bit more without the shadow worried that it maybe exposed.
Strangest are my various loves of people or hobbies have come in and out and in again into my life. I am seeking a purpose driven life in a NON-Rick Warren way. Cautious because when I am engaged in someone else or something else I tend to lose myself to the detriment of myself and others. I am very open to those who have been in my inner circle for ages and trust that they are interested the words that come out of my mouth but for newer people I am coy and mysterious. I am falling in love with myself now to change that. Without all this being about me, me, and me in conversation I would like to contribute my true self to others without a wall. Slowly I hope I am getting there. 1st my make-up….

Photo by _marmota

I’ve been reading one of my favorite blogs of a crafter that I follow. Be Present Be Here brought me to tears just now. I have held back all month when I could but couldn’t contain it anymore. The blogger wrote about how an encounter with an old lady at the supermarket almost brought her to tears and that made me cry. She has lost her grandma . . . not like she wandered off but passed away. A few years ago my mom passed away as well. It’s an odd time of year and I totally understand the loneliness and reasons behind the high suicide rate of the holiday season. Various reasons: missing those who have passed on. Missing those who are far away. Missing those who are near but feel far away in emotional connection and proximity. Feeling like there is nobody to love or to be loved by!

The time of year when, if one has a small family and few close friends, it feels at times bitter more than sweet. Those who complain about how awful their families are may feel the grass is greener without the drama of big family, but I wish for a big family. One made by loins and by hearts tied together in friendship. I am lucky, even if I sometimes feel like I’m outside looking in on someone else’s party, that tonight two of my single girlfriends are hanging out at my house. One I live with and the other is an old friend whose family is dispersed in various directions.

I sometimes forget that in order to have family I have to create it. This means getting out in the dating world for real, meeting new positive, loving friends who will be a solid support system and want to partake in a life with me punctuated with daily, weekly, and/or festive or monthly communions.

I miss my mom, that is very true! I miss having more of family/friends and more traditions that are built in my life. After hearing a show I listen to on Hay House Radio by Dr. Mona Lisa, I’ve decided I need to impart more joyous activity and community into my life. By watching a funny movie, creating a group, or adding hobbies to my monthly schedule will add much more happiness to my life.

I am grateful to have all I do, my small family and a small group of people who think of me—even when it’s not a holiday. I am blessed!

Much Love and Hugs,

Jen

Misfit Dolly

Updates from the past 3 or so months would bore you all to tears, so I am going to say one word. CHANGE!

The word makes me inherently antsy and sometimes for no good reason. I pride myself on having a cool exterior with bouts of hyperactive joy, but underneath I can be super-tense and worked up with no one the wiser! My basket of change has been of change I wanted and change I fear will come. The last bit is really silly since The Present is the only thing we truly have until, oh wait, it’s gone. I am glad I didn’t fret about that last second. Now if I could just let go and let it flow each and every second!

Obviously the world is changing, toward the good, I hope. (I am optimistic even if it can be scary.) The current situations/systems are in upheaval and we cannot see the full outcome. The not-so-ethical and nefarious are being dethroned and the sheep are learning to think or take responsibility for themselves. Not always fun but dang gun it’s exciting! Oh, what a time to be blessed to be alive. We obviously are here at this time for our own and global conscious purpose even if we don’t understand the unfolding and our own part in the puzzle yet.

A friend at work gave me a Misfit Dolly. She still loved her, but she thought it would be fun to bring us 3 misfits in our batcave, a present. A reminder that we have our own island where we take care of each other at least with fun, food, and emotional support. If you want a reference to Misfit Dolly, tune into Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer this holiday season and see the misfit toys sing and dance to be saved by Rudolf and Santa!

Randomness ensues~ the only message I have currently is to myself and all those that need to hear it.

I am Divinely guided and protected. Where I am today is all perfect, whole, and complete. Where I am is where I need to be. Where I am going is where I will be when I am ready to serve with my full value and love. All is well in my world!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Invisiblity Cloak by robpatrick

Only one person has ever told me he loved me, and then a week or so later he broke up with me. Does that count? LOL It was long ago and it could be troubling if I didn’t think that I was the cat’s pajamas. I don’t always think of myself so highly but I am working on it. I have loved or been infatuated a few times but cupid didn’t strike us at the same time, usually. It’s funny, a friend of mine asked while we were talking in July if a particular person that I was speaking of noticed me. I said yes! Maybe for ego’s sake, or in that moment I thought I was noticed. But really, was I? I mean I guess in the physical sense, he would flirt, swap porn with me, and hug me but not really notice me, not on a core level. Or else dang, he would have seen just how awesome I am! LOL I think most if not all of us crave and long for someone to know the real us even if we go out in the world with disguises. It’s comforting to know someone wants to know you, all of you.
I know most of the time in the past, in jest with friends or hopeful romantic contenders, I would pull out all the stops for people to notice me. Hey, I even have a blog for Pete’s sake! Anybody notice? Thanks to the select few who read me. I get occasional new people, but beyond the Google and Yahoo Bots, the attempts at getting people to notice are not working. I need to market better.
Sometimes in my real life I feel missing even though I am in a room with people that I know love and care for me. My invisibility cloak turns on even when I don’t want it to. Depends on the moment-I have less of those experiences when people aren’t in competition for the group’s attention. I love group gatherings; it feels great to have tradition, family, and a sense of belonging. I love one-on-one conversations that get to the meat of other people. It’s hard to find the core of someone when distractions abound. I know for a fact my true friendships are kept sacred when we share one-on-one time.
This epiphany, I guess, is the forever seeking what I felt was missing. Wondering why I couldn’t give this to myself. Was it in the mechanism? I have to say that reconnecting to my poetry, my journals, and a feeling that maybe a few of you on- and off-line are listening has filled me immensely. Maybe that is why I wanted to be an actress for so many years, so people would notice. Maybe that is why I wanted to be a singer/songwriter. I want people to know ME even though most will only know the surface.
I could list the possible causes of my affliction, maybe due to lack of attention from Mom or a father figure. Maybe because there hasn’t been romantic love in my life as of yet that shows me who I am in their eyes. Maybe it’s that even though I am outgoing, I am private with who I REALLY am. I have to be able to be patient and show myself with trust that someone wants to know me. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let go of the whys and continue to listen to myself more and express myself in artistic or other noble ways. Not seeking, not craving, just being.
I am friendly. I care about others. I am not more deformed than most. LOL I don’t think I have to be more obnoxious to be noticed! The performer in me disagrees loudly. I have tried that in the past; it doesn’t work and really, if anything, it annoys people. Not my intention except when I am actually looking to be silly or funny. I have to remember to be me. Sometimes I am quiet, reflective, funny, emotional, silly, loud, affectionate, and outrageous among other things. I guess this post is about loving myself enough not to push who I am onto others but also to build people into my life who want to know who I am, even when I have trouble talking about myself. Having a strong faith that when the time is right, as romance is concerned, the special someone for me will notice me and those words that I heard long ago will be made real. Oh Yeah!
Love and Hugs,
Jen

Black and White to Color by Thiophene_Guy

It’s amazing how time flies. I remember when I was in high school wanting to marry my then love and have like 6 kids, I saw the world as very black and white. Then I grew older, and slightly more grey etched into my view when more and more people (including me, much to my dismay) made choices that weren’t so moral or ethical in contrast to my past viewpoint. My spiritual philosophies have changed and grown ever more expansive in hopes to be less judgmental of others and myself. Deleting dogma and trying to stay in the present moment were apart of those changes. As I get even older and more experiences fill my life, I realize that I am, at once, not one thing all the time. I am a hypocrite. I am righteous. I am judgmental. I am obnoxious. I am loving. I am affectionate. I am a jokester. I am serious. I am sensitive. I over think and don’t think at all. I can get upset quickly and get over things quickly. I am friend and foe. I mumble. I sometimes talk with eloquence and sometimes sound like an idiot. I humiliate myself constantly when it comes to giving too much info about how I am feeling or thinking. My friends say, Here is the line and here is Jen Heart. Knowing that I have crossed the line yet again, I am comic relief for my perversions or outlandish speech. I am glad I am an idealist even if life circumstances or situations aren’t ideal. I am a good person with some bad tossed in for flavor. Some days I do way better than others. I try (Yoda says there is no try) to make choices in my life that won’t hurt others or myself. I sometimes do hurt people without intention. I am grayer still; it’s better than being 100% black in my thinking.

In the blink of a moment life can change. I meet someone and sparks fly and fire licks up and down my whole body. I meet really great people who end up in the friend zone within 30 seconds. Best friends for years leave when challenged to take sides, such as when we are reminders of old times after a divorce. I left relationships that were my everything, even when there was so much history, love, and friendship. Leaving due to feeling invalidated, and feeling like I never had a voice. The older I get, the more I know that major life events change dynamics, and sometimes just time changes things. New friends can come into my life and eventually either become totally enmeshed in my world or fade out.

A friend who knew me when I was greener about life (when I was about 16 to 23) by fate and opportunity contacted me again. It’s amazing how different and similar we both are to the people we were oh so long ago. My friend-who-knew-me-when started to inch back after my mom’s passing. She loved my mom and Mom always loved her. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since my mom’s stroke. I know sometimes I express more of a dark view of my mom. I saw the sides she never showed to the outside and being a caregiver to her there is still some charge of not being cared for in the way I needed or wanted. Even for all the yucky stuff, I know my mom was an awesome, spectacularly strong, inventive, intelligent, sweet and loving woman. She was so generous in giving appreciation or wanting people to smile that she would give gifts to even the cashier at the grocery store. My mom made a lasting impression on people even if she met them for just 5 minutes. After her passing, I had the duty of contacting her business contacts or people she would chat with on the Internet. My mom was a mix of a social hermit. I get that from her, I assume. Where is my hole to hide but first I must dance with my comrades. Ha-Ha! Mom’s social network were the people she would sell to, help out, or give away things to on the Internet. So many of her Net friends showed so much love and told me how much she touched them. Those e-mails reminded me that she wasn’t the completely horrible person or parent I made her out to be. Less grey even still, I grow. Soon life will be all white by the time I am dead and gone.

Mom taught me so many things about people, how to see people in their brightest light even when they weren’t showing it at the moment. She taught me how to change my thinking and see the situation change when all I did was think about it from a different often positive or learning perspective. The black and white of her was that she was not always mentally available or financially stable for me. I was a great love in her life, as was my brother, but many times when I was expressing an emotion or myself in a way she didn’t want me to be she’d tune me out, literally. The grey in all my negative circumstances is that I got so much from her by her not being the perfect parent. I gained strength, knowledge, and the ability to love the imperfect, among so much more. The hardest part is throwing that unconditional love my own way or even at those whom I judge harshly for things that I may do under the right “lighting” or “motive.”

I never talk about it but I feel it’s important for others to know that it’s OK to ask how I am doing when it comes to Mom’s death. I know people don’t know what to say. Don’t want to bring it up for fear of making me upset. I know everyone is different and deals with death in a very personal way. I still don’t know what to say to other people when they lose someone dear. The times of thinking about Mom grow in longer stretches but I still am sad that she won’t be here when I am in a relationship with the love of my life, see me get married, or even have babies. I am so happy she got to dance with my brother at his wedding. I am happy that she got to live with me (even though it was brutal and nearly killed me) and she got to live with Billy and Lisa. We all had the chance to see the best and the worst of her to the bitter end. I know I am blessed to have had her be my teacher, my mother, and friend.

After all these years I can see I am different but similar. I still want to marry but have reduced the number of kids in my mind down to two. Realism of cost and actual time to devote to my kids; I want to give everything I never had. Those things like quality time, validation, listening to who they are and what their needs/feelings entail, resources, and security to name but a few. I know I already love them more than the moon and the stars. I can’t see them but I know they are waiting for me to get my act together. Ha-ha! Whenever that may be. I want to give them everything so they can be the best people they are meant to be. I want to devote my life to those I love, my friends, my lovers, and my passions in poetry, song, and pure creation. I want to be better than I am now but be OK and love myself even if I am not perfect. I want to show that life is better in the grey. It might not be easier but better, that I can attest to.

We are ever changing; who we are, our lives, and obviously our world is changing so quickly we sometimes can hardly breathe. I want to breathe more but I also want my breath taken away more. Here’s to the grey and all the colors that make life so not boring and far more complicated and exciting than I ever could have imagined.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Goo by Steve A

Most of us have the instinct of fight or flight. We come with a built-in system. If things aren’t feeling too good, we want to run away in case some tiger will eat us. When it comes to human relationships, this instinct comes out when we are in a super state of joy, insecurity, anger, wounding, or knowing that it’s time to get out of a situation for true happiness isn’t there. Within this delicate place where emotions can run amuck and without protective gear, we may be hit by flying emotional goo. There is a place where true intimacy and vulnerability can thrive. This place of opening up to others at risk of being hurt is a necessary evil in order to cross over to the land of true emotional intimacy.

Intimacy takes time because trust, communication, and understanding, as well as chemistry, need to build points of safety but sometimes after years if you don’t have it you may never have it. I know this from old relationships where I would give years over to someone, mind, body, and soul, and it was never reciprocal. I could say I wasted time but we had fun, some laughs, and I had many tears but most importantly I learned through those experiences what I need in a loving relationship.

What happens if the other party isn’t ready, willing, or able to cross the bridge with you into the rewarding but scary place of connection? Choices are endless—leave, stay, be in limbo forever—but in truth, even though it’s scary, our need to fill our emotional coffer is a package deal with romantic love. Even with true friendship, the exchange of truthful emotional expression is needed for a real relationship to flourish.

We all know someone (maybe ourselves) who may or may not admit they are looking, waiting, and keeping busy until true love comes in. We all disguise this want because in the 21st century it is noble to be independent and not want others in our lives to enhance breathing on Earth. There are some that may be perfectly content to be emotionally alone. There is nothing wrong with people who don’t want that aspect of living; however, I am not one of them. Like a newborn, I am in constant need of emotional availability from others and myself. Connection is what feeds me and without even a smidgen of it I would surely die. I am not trying to be dramatic but at 31 years old, I know what I need and want.

Self preservation has its purpose in order to keep ourselves fed and sheltered, but the wall that protects our hearts must come down in order to grow and really feel connection to the people we want in our little worlds. We honor those we love by letting them into how we think, feel, dream, and who we are, warts and all. It is a gift to give them our experience in the way we as individuals see the world. Views can be the same or very different, but it can only be true intimacy if we are authentic and truthful even in spite of our fears.

I am hopeful that I will have what I desire in intimate relations. I have but a tiny group of people where my wall crashes completely down and they see all the scars, imperfections, and love I have to give. I am hopeful that I will have that in my romantic life someday as well.

Here is to keeping my heart open for true intimacy with all my relations and not to be fearful of not being loved, being authentic, and most of all being myself.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

I love how interesting people or people whom I find interesting (which is everyone) get together in magical ways to create or add pizzazz to my day. I am a fan of Neil Gaiman. I was haphazardly introduced to The Sandman when visiting my (ex-boy then friend at RPI) where very cool architecture students would be into so much cool shit. Art, design, music, and sci-fi all forms of awesomeness in creative endeavors. The kind of sci-fi that peaked my interest and wasn’t of the Robert Aspirin or Asimov of my mom’s tastes. One girl, an anomaly at RPI (girls, that is) who my friend’s roommate was dating, talked about The Sandman. I was intrigued and jealous of this college girl even though I am sure I was nearly the same age. I wanted into that artistic coven. Although that portal to my future was not meant to be, I learned much from those artistic fellows through the brief encounters I had with them. Neil was one of them. I follow his blog now to keep up with the old scamp and gain a little creative juice. Check out his journal or website, you’ll be happy that you did. He’s written many things beyond The Sandman, including Batman in various film adaptations and in states of woe.

My friend Jay, who works at my brother and sister-in-law’s toy store, turned me onto Amanda Palmer. Jay is great at finding music and has good taste. He likes Tool and Tori Amos and, well, he’s tattooed. We could go on about the fine qualities of Jay but we will turn to Amanda, the woman he introduced my brother to from The Dresden Dolls. In turn, because I have idolized my brother to a fault since birth, the music that he imparts my way usually grabs me by the soul and doesn’t let go. The Dolls have a fab drummer, Brian, raw and amazing and, then there is Amanda. Ahahahaahahaha! Amanda. She is coming out solo for the moment on September 16. Helped by the producing stylings of Ben Folds. Awesome!

What is even more awesome is that Amanda enjoys a little band named They Might Be Giants. In addition to her admiration of TMBG’s Flood album, Depeche Mode, The Smiths, and others are among many fine bands that cover her MySpace page.

Then two great artists meet. Neil and Amanda working on the Who Killed Amanda Palmer book together. Dark, haunting, sexy, and intelligent—adjectives to describe the child of the two, and I will love to look into that book.

Bringing all of this to the present: one of my good friends, Aaron, blogged today and he referenced another blogger/poet/musician I had never heard of Saul Williams.

I investigate my friend’s reference. I am sure he has mentioned him in conversation before but lost the name and today it is readily available for me to download. My friend’s taste in music is vast and has many layers of overlap with my sensibilities. So I trust his taste immensely. Sure enough, Saul Williams is a brilliant writer and crazy brilliant for collaborating with one of the hottest men and greatest musicians to walk the earth today, Trent Reznor. But that isn’t the coolest part. Today, looking at Amanda Palmer’s MySpace page, I found the Neil Gaiman pic of them on a roof. I looked down at one of her commenting fans, “Eric,” referencing another blog she did about Saul Williams and how she thinks he FUCKING ROCKS! WTF?!!! Really . . . REALLY! Damn this solar eclipse and the universe—it is super trippy with all the emotions, creativity, and change that is going on for me and I am sure many of you.

All this is very odd, as in July I was bored and looking up stuff to do to meet new people and guys with similar interests who are cool and cute. So anyway, I joined Meet-Up looking for poetry or singing–song writing groups. I have written poetry for forever and had fantasies of being a singer/performer like everybody else and figured meeting like-minded friends would be a good place to open my horizons. I have yet to go to a meeting, mind you. July has been busy.

Maybe it’s only trippy in my world how things go to together and maybe you can’t see or feel the thread I do. It makes me feel that yeah, the Universe is so freaking BRILLIANT and astonishing, how everyone every second of every day isn’t in awe how we get to where we are going by our own choices and by the Universe throwing bombs or mines around us to get us to move in a direction that obviously makes our hearts sing or motivates us to grow and serve others. Art, music, communication are all ways we serve each other.

I wish I were as intelligent and artistic as all those featured in my post. As of yet I am not, but I am willing to strive for my artistic, intellectual, and spiritual pinnacle so others may be inspired by me or helped or comforted in some way, however it is I am expressing myself at the time. I enjoy writing, poetry, song, dance, talking, feeling, living, and laughing. I would love to paint myself on canvas literally but need a tarp and safe body paint to do it properly in my bedroom. But until I get naked and paint . . .

Today is just a day when I am in awe of my friends in the world who spark things inside of me, and in sharing my cherubs with you, I hope sparks fly out of you, too!

See your own amazing thread and see where it takes you! Please share!

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Firey Solar Eclipse by amodiovalerioverde

This weekend the stars and life have got me really creative, in various moods & emotions and thinking about what destiny has in store for me. I have a dualistic belief that some things in your life are predestined and some things are of choice. Maybe depending on the day, it may all seem very self-serving to think that I have control over my life. In some sense I have a fraction of control but feel at times life and my emotions take me on the journey. I know all good things have their time and purpose even if I have no idea what I am supposed to do in life beyond flickers of interest or desired intent or when my life feels like home.

I do feel that certain people and events happen in my life to influence or change my inner world, my beacon of direction and inspiration. I think these things are on purpose even if the event or person doesn’t know that they are in a synchronistic evolving journey with the collective and me. I only pray that the experience of these events and all these wonderful people that smash into my life will make me a better person, more full of life, happier, and thankful for the energy exchanged. I want to be transformed to be more of who I am supposed to be.

I pray you see the wonderful duality in life. The people and events that hit you upside the head and get you to think, move, grow, and love more than you ever dreamed. Hopeful that my destiny and choice meet me to take me under their wings and transport me to a place filled with creative magic, love, and the possibilities of making my own little heaven on earth.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

How do the stars affect our present life? Well, in simplified terms there are certain sparks, interests, life goals, as well inclinations on talents, things to grow and learn from to be gleaned from reading your natal chart. By studying a chart similar to mine, you can see where someone’s focus lies based on positions of planets within certain houses and such. Some people think astrology is some BS that just prevents people from taking charge of their own lives. I think if you know yourself better, then you can make better choices in your own life. One way to get to know yourself better is your astrological chart.

I am not talking about the horoscopes in a newspaper or magazine, as they just correlate a person’s sun sign and at best a few key items that affect the majority in that sign. A natal chart shows the true complexities of a person. The chart can show possible wishes, desires, past karma, and aptitudes. I know many people who do not fit their sun sign’s descriptive qualities, hence the daily horoscope in your paper may not be the best basis for decisions in your life.

A great place to check your own chart for free is Astro.com. You can also, if you know someone else’s birth information, find out about close compatriots in your life. To learn even more about the details of astrology houses, planets, and all you can check out CafeAstrology.com.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Randy, your physical presence on Earth will forever be missed. Thank you for being born when we needed someone with your caliber of honor, grace, wisdom, and dream quality to inspire your kin as well as all of us.

Godspeed!

Love and Hugs,

Jen

pain/tears/silence by darkroom11

I think I repeat patterns for many reasons.

1. Habit of not working hard, like easy roads with clear outcomes.
2. Nearly masochistic enjoyment when my heart does the same things over and over again to hurt myself.
3. Archetypes that are innumerable and help me be the clown, wounded child, and lonely hearts club member, to name but a few repeating themes.

Other fun stuff on my mind this week is that I have way too many interests, shiny things that catch my attention or desire. Choosing a path or a select few that hold my passion and love and will give me stability in all areas of life is a super challenge for me. Good to be creative and interested, bad if I am stuck in a corner worrying what to paint, to love, to write, and to act in a directive manner.

This weekend I was spending time with two good friends. I was inspired Saturday night and wrote numerous poems at their house and wrote many more Sunday and Monday. So I was productive and had fun. Go Figure?

I realize all-or-nothing thinking is always dangerous and, I know I need focus in desired dreams in order to reach them. Be it love, work, connection to the whole of life and health of mind, body, and spirit.

As a little girl I didn’t worry so much about choice of career or purpose. I had a talk show. I would dance, do gymnastics on my bed, I would interview imaginary people with my tape player, I would sing, I ran around wanting to be everything, loved being goofy and imaginative. My mom suggested I be a hairdresser or teacher. Yuck, I always scoffed. I just wanted people to laugh or enjoy what show I was doing. I was giving many a performance to an imaginary audience or my mom, nana, or brother. Man, I wish I could recapture what that little girl had.

I’m realizing now at 31 years old that I have a whole lot of life left to make my dreams happen even when I feel so hopeless and feel I haven’t fully given any of my true dreams a shot. Feeling as if I couldn’t do whatever it is my heart wants me to sing. I desire many things before I die in this lifetime, many just having to do with loving the people I ensconce myself with and those I would love to touch in the future with my own unique spirit.

I am very close to my silly happy-go-lucky side as well as my self-loathing pain-filled side. I know it’s OK to love both but my love of my pain or consistent internal suffering isn’t productive for a loving, generous, compassionate, and meaningful life. Does make for great art of any substance though!

I look to my friends, family, and spirit to guide me so I can share my love with others as well as with myself.

Suggestions?

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Learning to readjust to a new way of doing things. Especially if I am carrying extra loads now. Pre-planing and possibly a cab or smaller trips will have to be my main stay for a while. I see all of this as a positive learning experience as I am learning to plan my time, execution, and the planet. Not to shabby due to financial hardship of job loss. My butt shaping up more as well.

I have to say even with buses I walk more because I am still learning routes, have little cash from unemployment and me trying to not become a hermit as depression can sync in if I never leave the house. Libraries are great and general tying up loose ends, Newark, DMV, Ez-pass and the post office have become events where I can commune with people. I need to be around people even if I don’t know them a little interaction a smile and hello goes a long way.

Hugs,

Jen

Different point of view by tonythemisfit

As always when I am looking or am open to signs from the Universe, many tiny threads of synchronicity show up. They usually pop up to either teach me something, inspire me to take action, or give me guidance that I am following the right path. This week I feel the signs and here are a few things that are getting me inspired.

I am reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, I know a little behind the times or maybe just right when I needed to read it. Another wonderful inspiration who injected caliente flavor back into my life, my favorite nerdy cutie, Tim Ferriss. He inspires me to travel, and love life and myself again, Here is this week’s post of Why Bigger Goals = Less Competition via his blog. Last but not least, from my DVD collection, the movie My Date With Drew.

The themes within each of these inspirations are connected or highlighted by various signposts. Sometimes these signs need translation. As an intuitive and empath, I can see threads in my own life when I am not blocking life. For others it tends to be easier as I am not “emotionally invested” in a particular outcome. I know that everyone has seen or felt these signs and we get either excited by them or scared and brush them off. My hope is to inspire others to open up to life in order to listen to these markers. In the past I had really clear markers on my own intuition and mistook them for things that they weren’t. That’s the trouble with translating the intangible sometimes. Through experience I learned that I needed not to push what I wanted onto the signposts and let life move me to my next destination.

These connections help me dream big impossible dreams like the Man from La Mancha. Tim says one should go for the bigger impossible dreams due to less competition. Drew Barrymore speaks of taking risks and loves that she may be a marker of fate that inspires Brian to go after his dreams (one of which was to have a date with Drew). The Tipping Point helps show the interconnectivity of our emotions and energy and their ability to change the flow of things, like Hush Puppies’ popularity, Paul Revere spreading news of the British invasion, or help being provided after a tsunami.

Sometimes I get an idea or person stuck in my head like Tim Ferriss. My intuition is turned on “repeat” on a topic until I ask, So what is the message? As interesting as Tim seems, there isn’t a logical reason for me to continue to be pulled by his aura, especially since I have never met him. Other times when I get a stomachache or can’t sleep, I know something is up and wait for news. Before I moved out of my apartment in Montclair, NJ, I wasn’t sleeping well and had dreams of a fire. A few days later my ceiling caved in on my boo-boo kitty. Luckily he was OK. He is sleeping right beside me now like a good boy. After I moved out, there was a fire in the building directly next to my old apartment. Signs are good as long as you know what to do with them. I was lucky that the ceiling inspired a move so that Shadow and I would not be engulfed in flames.

My best friend Meghan told me recently that one of the things she likes about me is my ability to dream. She has known me since the 10th grade and has seen many dreams come out of my head. I bet she is laughing right now. I think Tim on repeat has a lot to do with reminding me to take life by the cojones. It could mean I am on the right path as long as I continue to listen and see signs of feeling good about where I am headed.

I have many dreams and aspirations. Here are my main priorities this year.

• To find a great sustaining love with an intelligent, funny, caring, and cute guy that will eventually lead to marriage, kids, the whole shebang.
• To find work that helps others and incorporates flexibility, possible travel, communicating with many different cultures, and reigniting my Spanish and French. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job as described. Eek, so excited!
• I intend to learn more about how I can personally contribute to my favorite charities. One especially dear to my heart is the medical fund at Start II, an animal rescue group that saves abused and abandoned animals.
• I also intend to publish my poetry, write more poetry, post blogs, seek freelance writing assignments, and start outlines for two or three book ideas.

Intuitive signs and inspiration even came when I named this blog way back in March 2007. My brother and I were sitting in my office looking for open domain names. I knew I wanted the direction of the blog to be spiritual but not necessarily religious, and my brother noted I had this quote by Henry David Thoreau on my wall.

If people advance confidently in the direction of their dreams,
and endeavor to live the life which they have imagined,
they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

God love Thoreau, that man really knew how to live! I love how these connected threads show me how to live an inspired life and to follow my dreams. Godspeed to live the way you always dreamed.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Coming back to life after a power struggle within myself. Looks like things are on the upswing as my mood is back to enthusiastic levels again. I find life with its ebbs and flows reminds me about my personal philosophies in addition to A: a horoscope and B: a stranger’s judgment.

Truth is always stranger than fiction and this week I was told I will be tested on my spiritual or life philosophy and realizing that I have my own magic to make and it’s OK if no one believes in my magic as long as God and I are on the same page.

A recap for all those not keeping score: I once was a Catholic girl, not too many short plaid skirts in my closet now although I have a nice Rosary collection. I believe God exists but not the way that is most traditional. I believe that Jesus lived on Earth and was a Highly Evolved Spirit that came to teach us. However, I do not think God started and stopped talking when Jesus came. I think we needed Jesus but if the message wasn’t clear from Him, there are many teachers out there spreading a similar if not the same message dressed up all fancy.

I think all, even people who are “evil,” have God-stuff in them or are of God-stuff but for various reasons unknowable to all of us they do negative works. (Beyond the surface ego stuff like they need money, are greedy, angry, blah blah blah.) I believe that the Universe is governed by many laws; some of them are Attraction, Paradoxical Intent, Karma, and many more. I also believe that with faith, hard work, and positive thinking, you can be and do whatever you want. I think what you may want depends on your purpose on Earth and not everybody needs to be a rock star in order to be somebody. I think everybody is Somebody for the uniqueness they bring into the world or else they wouldn’t be in this tapestry we call life.

I had a phone interview this week, which brought a very unusual situation to speak my mind when asked about my philosophies. It’s strange that if I don’t follow the same code of life or how God works, the way I see it I lose out on an opportunity because they decided they didn’t want me thinking differently. I have no hard feelings, as it was God’s test for me. I know a brighter future is out there for me. The silly part about the situation is that I am like the spiritual U.N. I try not to judge and enjoy people for who they are, especially if they are different from me. I hang out with atheists who are wonderful, intelligent, good, ethical people. I also hang out with very cool, down-to-earth Born Again-ers, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Agnostics, Christians, Episcopalians, Catholics, or general non-affiliates. Now working with super-negative people takes its toll on me, but wherever I am meant to serve I will go. If I need a spiritual cleanse I know what to do now.

To me everyone is on Earth for his or her purpose and usually even unconsciously we are all connected to someone else’s purpose. We are never separate from each other. Authors need readers, musicians need listeners, products need buyers, lovers need lovers, friends need friends, we need trees and trees need us. Happy Tree Hugger, aren’t I!

If bad things happen, I can guarantee that the pendulum will swing and good will come back stronger. Now the good that comes back may not be seen by all at the time, but eventually down the road, like 20/20 vision, most will see the good that comes out of a negative situation. Choices, decisions, or circumstances affect all things. We must make an effort to trust the process like a mama bird trusts that her baby will fly as she pushes her baby out of the nest. Trusting that the Universe/God will have your back is good for your mental health. To think one is condemned, for example: what would give anyone the recourse to change their life if all there was was a dead end and pitchforks?

Judgment for all the bad in the world is not my job. That is for the Prime Mover to know. To me God knows all the details and the reasons, whys, and hows, and has UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for all of it. I believe there is a purpose for the “negative” in the world as well. It’s our job to listen to our intuition and use the spark within us to do good works, and ask for guidance to help the world and its issues. My job is to do the very best to not be a part of the problem without becoming closed off from the world. My job as well is to add joy and love to the planet. Jesus hung out with the people most people don’t want to hang out with because He loved them just the same! I like that and strive to love everyone the same, especially when they seek to harm others or me.

I am sure, since I was hung up on, that I made a fiend instead of a friend and only hope that said stranger reduces judging others, lest ye be judged. I am like Charlotte, I think everyone is a friend in my heart even if they do not feel the same for me.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Lightning on the Columbia River by phatman

This week has been very interesting and humbling. I am still looking for work, income, or a way to make money from my poetry or creative endeavors. Sold my car to a very wonderful family in Jersey City. I even hope to continue a friendship with these very interesting people. Got great tips about traveling to India and Japan from my Hyundai’s new adopted family.

Tuesday evening my roommate Jeanette and I had a major storm and lost power for about 3 days. We had some food spoilage but overall we fared well. Candlelight and peace from the computer was nice. Heat was something to contend with but really nothing tragic in the grand scheme of things. Friends offered help and/or words of encouragement. Finished 2 books and almost done my 3rd one.

My humility comes from asking for help from many sources including God. Not that I was asking God to save my hot dogs but for me to find my own peace about my current life challenges. Many things happen to many people, including financial worry and lack of electricity. I still can’t say enough about the book that I raved about in my last post, Left To Tell. It reminds me of prayer and gratitude, the genocide that is happening now in Darfur, and awakening to my own American entitlement and spoiled nature. I used to think because of my past that I was humble. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was and still am blessed beyond measure to live in the U.S. even with its faults. I am blessed that my cross(es) that I bear have been to say the least minimal or blown out of sorts by my own negative thinking or lack of self-confidence. Positive thinking and faith are keys to success, my friends. I am also in awe this week of those who really do have strong faith and an ability to forgive and love freely at all costs or all rewards depending on your perspective.

I pray this feeling of humility and personal/spiritual power continues.

I would love it if you would speak about your own blessings in your life. Please share! I love to hear good news!

Hugs,
Jen

Unemployment by Marvins_Dad

I have to say the on-again-off-again lifestyle wouldn’t be so bad if I were financially safe and secure, and I would think nothing of being out of work. Being creative about making even a small bit of cash is at best “interesting.” I have lived in various wealth categories: poor, homeless, taking care of business, saving and spending, and “at least I have my health!”

Now I like to think every experience, either breathing or going through a great or not-so-great time, deserves to be viewed in a Spiritual spotlight.

• Can I be more humble?
• Can I be more grateful?
• What can I learn?
• How did I get here?
• What thoughts, conditioning, self-issues are at play here?
• How can I change my thoughts, actions, and feelings to improve the situation?
• Is my personal discipline a factor?
• Am I taking stock of where my purpose lies?

You would also think, with a lot of time and freedom, my physical form would be at the very least tighter. I don’t have the excuse that I don’t have time for exercise. Alas, not so much. A schedule would work I suppose, at least a rhythm of life so I am not surfing the net, wallowing in self pity, or watching TV for hours and hours.

It’s funny, until the release of the fear that the Universe will take care of you, things can be blocked. Maybe it’s for humbling purposes; maybe it’s supposed to channel me to another path, maybe I am learning about faith.

Job, the famous biblical figure, had to go through a whole heck of a lot more than I (I hope!) to have faith that no matter what God/Life threw at him he would survive. We all can do more than survive with a healthy positive attitude. Maybe we have to think about someone like Immaculee Ilibagiza, and the reality of losing my car or having to pay bills much later than desired isn’t so bad. The knack to surviving your own economic downturn maybe is putting on an inner smile when the clouds are overhead. No one can take away your smile, and it doesn’t cost a thing!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

What everyone should do! Priceless! by shuttercat7

Sl spirituality and charity. Live richly with being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide for more info.

Sorry I haven’t posted for a bit. I have been feeling a bit off-kilter due to finances. Please forgive me!

I am making a prediction, which maybe isn’t one but I am hopeful it will come to pass. America will become a simplistic society in time, waste, living, and values in the next 20 years. I say this because of the America we see today. The crazy housing market, debt ratios, and pain of more and more people realizing that stuff only puts a temporary Band-Aid on pain, sadness, and self-esteem issues.

Simplicity is the art of reducing life to key components that you value. Like everything, life is a balance. Some people enjoy living frugally and splurging on key things like health, love, travel, books, self growth, learning, personal spirituality, and charity. Live richly while being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide

The direction America could swing is coming to the realization that the Big Mac that they are eating isn’t what they value, although by the purchase it seems like it is for the moment. We have lost sight of what does matter in our culture. It’s not to say you shouldn’t have needs met with dental, medical care, or a warm bed. If what you value is 400-thread Egyptian cotton but you can’t afford your car payment, your priorities may be out of whack. However, if all things are in order and fine sheets are what you want then be my guest. The lesson here is not to be stingy with oneself for the sake of it but to really prioritize what you or your family personally value. The Joneses have been dead since the 50s, but we are still looking at them for what shiny car they bought and for their approval. Honestly they can’t even afford those things now so don’t try to be like them.

My personal simple journey is, in part, knowing what I value and what my childhood lacked. I am still trying to outrun my ego needs of running away and feeling valuable. I remember when I was maybe 20 I had excellent credit, steady work, and then my childhood needs took me shopping. I remember in one day I went to Ikea and spent $1200. This was a splurge and not preplanned. My need to feel OK about myself, to feel deserving or worthy, made me buy my bedroom furniture and entertainment center on credit. After floundering, being unhappy at work, leaving jobs, and being depressed, it took me nearly 7 years and then some to pay off that and other debt. In the meantime, I am learning now about doing what one has to do to stay afloat even if you don’t want to. (Minus stress of work that becomes a mental health concern.) It doesn’t mean you have to do “it” forever. To this day I am still learning lessons and realizing that personal happiness may not come from money, but lack of security and stability will give you an awful feeling that isn’t fun. Motivation to action or depression, it is your choice!

I myself have been good and bad at simplicity. The good, I don’t own much of what I don’t value. I know people and places interest me more than too many things to clutter my life with. I have enough paper for that!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

So real, it's unreal! by tracy-the-astonishing

Many of us people pleasers, or people who seek the love of others, use unconscious manipulation to try to get what we seek. This manipulation for the average person is under the radar and usually goes unnoticed. It is oh so sexy. Not!

Now I am not talking about extreme cases like that of a serial killer, as many will not be reading my blog. Would be nice but they might not like the light! Some of those types need to manipulate to get what they want or else they cause harm to others; they rarely become conscious enough to want to change.

Some people use manipulation for power. Some use manipulation in experiments with people. They justify their use by having excuses like I was testing you or I wanted to see your “false” reaction to my “false” action. That in and of itself is a power trip or insecurity about being authentic or just plain mean.

Manipulation can take hold of us personally, as if an untrained monkey has the reins of your life. Once awoken we still may be hard-pressed to see the underlying issue of why we feel the need to change ourselves or others so we can feel safe in the world. We sometimes think that getting what we want has to be at the expense of another’s personal free will.

Many of us manipulate. Another form of manipulation is guilt. Until we let go of the need for people to like us, we will probably have the instinct to change ourselves or push people to be a certain way so we feel safe or loved. We also manipulate ourselves when it comes to food, shopping, debt, and other addictions of the ego. How many times can you talk yourself into buying something you know you can’t afford, justifying it by saying that you deserve it or you’ve been good for like 40 seconds? How many times do we say we want to lose weight but talk ourselves out of getting up early?

All these experiences we have chosen for ourselves to be reflected back at us to learn about them and to change and grow or to live a life that is unsatisfactory or unhealthy. We have a choice. Thank goodness!

Spirit feels when we manipulate, it gets the needs of our ego for the approval or comfort we seek. Spirit asks us repeatedly not to see that desire as truth. The truth is you already have everything you need. Pushing yourself, your need for attention or love or trying to get someone to do something that they don’t really want to do, are forms of manipulation. Once you let go of the need for control or approval, you already have all the peace, love, truth, as well as the ability to act consciously in the situation. Ah, but letting go is the challenge we all face . . .

I send out a challenge for this week to see how ya’ll have tried to tame the beast of manipulation even in a small way. Examples: Telling people in your life you like something when it’s unpopular. By putting down the martyr cross you can let people in and know that you don’t have to be anything other than you.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Beauty of age and wisdom by ftbester

This post is inspired by Steve and Erin Pavlina of Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog. Both of these bloggers love to share their insights to help others who seek to enhance their personal and spiritual development. I would suggest browsing their pages and I am sure you will glean more than a tiny bit of insight from their prose.

This is my road map to being a woman. I know by the time I am ready to rest my body and move on to the next world, I will have become a woman fully. Can someone say Oprah! Oprah is a woman I aspire to be very much like. I know there are many women who are behind the scenes who showcase what being a woman is all about, and I hope to meet them and learn from them as well.

Being a woman is a process one undertakes unconsciously at first. Even if womanhood, in a medical sense, arrives early, it isn’t cultivated until life challenges this Pretty Young Thing beyond superficiality, where the meat of owning her own self is accomplished.

A woman is not afraid of being challenged by her friends, her mate, or even her family. Argh! God love them, some are our best teachers even when they make living a challenge.

A woman knows how to laugh at herself. She can enjoy a good joke and life is jovial. Seriousness can be put aside to enjoy a moment of pure tears-out-the-eyes laughter, about herself and her world.

A woman takes full responsibility for her choices, positive and negative. No blaming others or her childhood, no buts about it. As she becomes wiser she understands how ALL of her choices, conscious or unconscious, affect others. A woman looks at herself and her cohorts honestly. She doesn’t BS herself on how she really feels, doesn’t hide, and owns up to being hurt. A woman doesn’t try to manipulate herself or others in order to save face. She is willing to own up to her transgressions. She is willing to give praise and love in an honest way. She knows that honesty isn’t popular, especially in this day and age. Even though it may sting sometimes, I would rather be told the truth with love than fake sweetness with a hidden spoonful of hate, jealousy, or disdain.

Being a woman means keeping her word. A woman knows that when she says yes, it is a yes, not a maybe. She knows the value of not talking about her girlfriends. Gossip is a trait of young girls. Sadly many of us are still in girlhood. I have gossiped my share but a real woman told me to stop. Thanks, Syl! When we ogle at poor Britney Spears we perpetuate the sewing circle gossip that brings all the sisters down. Talking about your so-called BFFs with negativity or judgment is not what a real woman would do. Even if not done with malicious intent you are still not uplifting their or your own energy field. We have more important things to talk about, don’t we? We can talk about how our own lives and how we are contributing to the world or how we can solve problems.

A woman is someone who is powerful and strong, vulnerable and loving, honest and full of humor. If she has a problem with one of her girls, she discusses it with that girl. Not the whole neighborhood, the dog, and the mailman. She loves the people that surround her. As age and wisdom grow, her level of discernment of friends and associates becomes more refined. Like wine, good friendships and lovers will be at a taste level and maturity where she knows who is good for her and whom she loves but must send away. What is healthy for them may not be healthy for you. Real women empower other women and men to be the best they can be with love and honesty.

Being a woman is also knowing how to love herself unconditionally. Not, I love myself but my nose, my thighs, and tummy are too big. Or I don’t have a boyfriend, how can I love myself? A woman doesn’t wait for outside validation. A woman loves even her cellulite or at least is comfortable having conversations with it. She knows that the two of you (nose, thighs, etc.) will be together until the end so you might as well enjoy each other. You can change your physical, mental, and spiritual self but a woman knows that even if all is not perfect, she loves herself all the same. A woman who loves herself makes herself a priority. She helps others but realizes her tank needs to be full in order to share herself with the world. A woman breathes for herself and takes her personal time, which includes self-care without guilt or shame. She takes care of her mind, body, and spirit. She is independent but allows others to help her when she needs it. She does not need a man (or a woman for all my rainbow friends), but she may want one to add to the sparkle of her life.

Being a woman means giving birth to ideas, seeds of creativity, and spirituality. This can include giving birth to children, but that is not a requirement of being a woman. A woman can rear her concepts and ideals with love, understanding, and trust. Her abilities will showcase her spark and gifts of Spirit when bringing her ideas to the world.

Being a woman means owning her sexuality. She knows the power she holds within her bosom, really her being, and uses it with grace. Her sexuality isn’t used as a weapon of manipulation for neediness of love. She deserves to be treated well and a woman knows how to chose suitors who honor her and share her sexuality in a passionate and romantic way, not like a 7-11 that is always open. A woman knows her own body; she commands respect and shows affection to those who are worthy. A woman doesn’t mistreat her body by not protecting it from STDs and guys who just want a piece. She is like a fine sherry. Taken down less frequently by random strangers, she is well worth the wait and when she finds the right man to partake in her yumminess, all is well in the world.

Being a woman means being confident in doing things without others. She goes to the movies, vacations, and eats dinner alone if she chooses. She may enjoy the company of others but she is not shamed by going it alone and enjoys her own company nearly as much.

A woman knows when to fight for a cause and when to rest on an issue. Not everything has to be war. In addition, not everything has to be other people’s design or wishes. A woman has a voice, an opinion, and isn’t afraid to share even at risk of being burned at the stake for making a mark in the world.

A woman knows her babies (ideas, children, friends) need to fly on their own. She will always be there when they need her, especially if they break a wing. However painful it is to let go, she knows how to build up her babies so they can once again leave the nest.

This among many things makes a complete woman. There may be things that I have missed. I ask that you send them my way, so I can add them to my list so by the time I do end this life, I will have fully lived as a woman.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

______

The word of the day: Expectations. Let’s scream as if we are on Pee Wee’s Playhouse! Expectations can make a good woman go bad. I will put myself to shame if it helps others or makes people laugh then I feel I have done my job. The highs and the lows of my life have all been subject to my personal expectations. At 13, I expected to marry Joey MacIntyre from NKOTB. It’s obvious that my high expectations were illusionary but it was still a blow to my heart. High expectations of friends, family or relationships have gotten me into trouble as well. Through my fault as well as other parties involved. Moral, Ethical or just plain wishing someone would treat me the way I treat them has given me much disappointment directly proportionate to the height of my expectations. This is prefaced by me not always expressing my needs/vice versa or the other party not able to honor my needs. I think many of us feel so close with people that we expect them to read our minds or be like us in thought and deed. Even if we all wish we didn’t have to ask for what we need or desire we still do in order to “communicate.” God awful isn’t it! LOL When communication works, much teamwork can be had and success comes more smoothly. Working on the same page or aiming for the same stars or future, your connection feels complete and love grows stronger as a result. Alas, we must cross the threshold of asking and being vulnerable.

My expectations for myself have been set too high and too low at times. It can be hard to find roll models for keeping a healthy balance of going after dreams or everyday tasks without wanting to kill yourself if you make a mistake or don’t accomplish in the area of desire. After my Mom died I was trying to do, do, do and task my grief away so I could get through the day. I figured because she had a stroke I would do a marathon in her honor. Mind you I had not exercised for a millennium back then. I went on ward hoe as it is in my Aires nature to act first, ask questions later. I started run/walking and did long runs on weekends. I was doing really good and got as high as 13 miles on Saturdays. My own personal financial issues with getting to the marathon as well as my own follow through slowed me, I lost momentum and bailed. Reaching for stars was great but my own inner cheerleader and those who were around was not enough for me to continue on my merry way. My expectations during a rough time were not really healthy at that point. My goal although meaningful kept me from processing one of the most painful times in my life, losing my Mommy!

I think we all confuse the idea of expectation in our heads. Somewhere in the brain we really are trying to make demands on ourself and others. I think its important to have standards even high ones but there is a certain level of communication one has to have with themselves or others. This chat is to really see if the expectation is what is best for us at that time, truly desired, or is based on “other peoples” wants for lives. Letting go of the idea IT MUST or I HAVE TO is key, as it lessens disappointment. If timely, there is an opportunity for discussion and a channel to intimacy with your Higher Self and the people in your world.

Thanks for being here for this wonderful and strange ride. I would really love to hear your thoughts on any of my blog subjects or any interesting stories in your world. Come on don’t be shy, we are all friends here!

Love and Hugs,

Jen

*Fabulous Queen Isis Kali known in the scene and lingerie Store goddess of RedCherryCheesecake.com fame!

We all know everyone suffers setbacks, walls that seem to hold you back and even just feathers that seem like walls. When reaching that feather wall you can be so frustrated you don’t realize how easy it is to move the feather to reach your potential. My pattern was to run away from disappointment. Man I was like the roadrunner when it comes to running away but eventually the feeling of lack of worthiness would creep in and boy did it tackle me. Whining to my Mom or anyone who would listen and even that grew tiring. Sometimes disappointment would cripple me so bad that I really couldn’t see the way to change the situation. Life tends to move forward and I would ask, where is the next hurdle?

I know that the lessons weren’t really about not getting the guy, the job, or the fact I wished life was different; it was me wanting me to be different. I thank disappointment, as it taught me not to give up on myself. That took oh many many years people! I am sure I will be attacked by the Disappointment Bear now and again. Although I will hug him now as he isn’t as scary as he once was. LOL Avoiding disappointment is like avoiding your face. Eventually you have to look at it to be ok with it. I also think disappointment is a great marker for what you care about. How would you know if you always got everything you ever wanted easily? To me that would be like a place without growth. I know the experience also teaches me whether or not I want something bad enough. In the past I didn’t have my inner cheerleader standing by to say You can do it! Or Why not try you’ll be no worse for ware. Self assurance is a quality everyone needs to learn. I still like a friend/family cheerleader now an again but now know I will go for my goals, aspirations, and the guy even if I fall on my face a few times. Thank goodness for plastic surgery. (Kidding!)

Personal expectations tend to high when you have a disappointing feeling in your midst. Expectations will be another future post.

I hope there is a sense of ease now when you are hit with setbacks and roadblocks. As always life loves to see how we fare under conditions of variety. I would love to hear your stories and how you have overcome or been shaken but not stirred. Any perspective on riding the waves of life would excellent, as I think we can all learn from one another.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Well, well, little miss I hate doing anything that expends energy. Speaking to myself of course. I used to be so efficient (umm lazy), so much so that when I went to take in the laundry from the laundromat I would nearly kill myself my carrying two 30 lbs bags up the stairs just so I wouldn’t have to go up and down again. Awake again from a life coma, I know that hard work is in order to claim what I want in life. If I want to manifest things in my life like being 112 lbs, writing an e-book for ending depression, making more than enough money than I will ever need and finding a fabulous guy to date and eventually marry, I have to do the leg work. Manifesting takes many angles. One, is the affirmative thought one has the goal attained with belief. Another the feeling(s) you have as if the goal is achieved and doing the leg work by changing thinking and behavior to meet the universe more than halfway to reach said goal. Finally the trickiest part, the ability to let go of control, give up the result (No feeling like you will die if you don’t accomplish or attain) and be patient.

All those things I have been able to do rather unconsciously and others times really push through and sometimes give up when the going got to “hard”. Now my mind set is clearer and stopping on my journey is not an option. Knowing what I want helps a great deal, still fuzzy on some stuff but over all have a better idea now more than ever. My mind and body fight me at times but my Spirit says I am Already There. The great thing about Spirit is that it knows no obstacle or resistance. Us humans have that luxury. After working out to a brutal Killian Michaels workout today and reading T. Have Eker is that, being fully committed to a goal be it fitness, love, money, adding contribution to the world, ________ fill in the blank, takes effort. That doesn’t mean you won’t have somethings fall on your lap but for the most part the doing creates the accomplishment. The belief or the knowing that it already IS, is just the visual your mind and body need to believe Spirit when it says It is already So!

As I kick myself and love myself, I ask do I have what it takes to do the hard work? Do I want these goals bad enough to challenge the status quo, without the easy, fries with that shake? How about you, you may work at a job that you hate because its easy. Do you avoid dating because someone may actually challenge your thinking or mirror yourself? Or hey maybe they will love the way you laugh and you have to deal with that?

Do you really think your gonna win the lotto if you don’t get off the couch and drive so far away to the 7-11 and purchase one. Neither is sitting on the couch and wishing for the inches to disappear while watching the Biggest Loser. I know, I tried and it didn’t work. *Tear* I guess I am working out to be steamy hot. At least I am stronger, faster and I have the technology to manifest again and again.

I hope I have stirred within that makes you say to yourself, Go Big or Go Home!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

I hope you gain freedom without challenges of life. If challenged, I encourage you to be grateful for the lessons or skills learned and to know you are strong and can conquer your inner world.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Thanks Hera for the “times, similar to the boat times”
Love and Hugs,

Jen

Death is inspiring but will be pitiful if I don’t do all, be all and love all as if everyday was my last breathing moment. Randy Pausch whom I adore and is living and dying of Pancreatic Cancer. Really opitimizes the bittersweetness of life. Unfair or not, purpose from God or cruel joke this man lives and breathes like he means it. This professor of life even before his diagnosis, I believe lived with the grace of life’s truth of living to the fullest. Having great parents and people who molded him into someone that never stopped believing in his life or dreams. For one second to think we have the luxury for self pity or self absorption we are sorely missing the point on why we are here on Earth at all. I feel so much for his wife and children as they even with the beauty of his life will feel that tang of pain that comes with such a loss. I pray that they don’t have to endure the pain but alas even with his survival there there will come a time when they and all of us will be touched by the sharpness of the moment when a loved one passes on. If we are lucky we will have inspired such anguish as a testament and reward of having given all of our love out by the time we leave.

Love always,
Jen

As an adult I own very few things possibly because I fear that at any moment I may move or some natural disaster will take it all away. Or really the fact is I know that I own things but they do not own me. I used to be OBSESSED with magazines so much so from about 1991 to 2007 I would take my articles (even those of which I never read) with me from every move. They were like my security blanket of control. I know metaphysically I have control of my life but for much of life I gave my environment and external stuff power to give me a sense of control and stability. Hence we all love rituals and the familiar corner Shop Rite or Dunkin Donuts to make us feel like we are home. Thank God for an Ice coffee with mocha swirl syrup and moo! A reason why I liked Catholicism so much is for its architecture and design for ritual.

Currently I don’t need things to make me feel stable but enjoy them to enhance my life. That is probably why I only own what I can fit into a small bedroom. I will probably be a bohemian vagabond for life even if I have a central home life and responsibilities for the rest of my years. Wanderlust will always be inside me and possessions will just be toys to play with. Shoes! Lets get um!

My life is provided stability by the relationships of love and friendship that I have. No matter what, I know there are a select few that if the ship went down they would go down with me gleefully. Well at least we would be supporting and laughing each other during the trails of the day. I loved my mom and although it was inordinately tough to deal with her, she still gave all the love she had to me and my brother. Our family journey helped me see that stuff really doesn’t matter as much as the people in your life. Mind you I still love paper products known as books and my poetry and journals. I love my Mac and sometimes a fierce pair of shoes but I know I love my loved ones so much more and would give up all my “stuff” if I had too for them.

I hope your own journey of stability brings you back to what truly matters. People, Books, and furry things of course!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

To label God limits the Truth of ALL THAT IS. As Kierkegaard stated “If you label me you negate me.” The label emits an idea that gets fixed in the mind as if God HAS TO BE a certain way. In that sense when we label God, Man or Mother/Father we miss all the parts of God we aren’t seeing. This concept is so much more than a man named Jesus if you are so inclined, or a man in the sky that looks at us with love, IT is so much more than a humanistic view. God can not be contained nor should IT. Every person on Earth even those whom people call evil have a piece of God or Spirit in them. Most times those who harm others are just living their ego needs and not seeing the bigger picture where everything one does, thinks, feels effects every person and thing vibrationally. If they really had true knowledge on how Awesome their power to effect is, they might think twice about doing harm.

Perfection is not the goal here or else life would get pretty boring. However, learning and growing not to be in ego and to think from a HIGHER Loving perspective is. By trying to see how we create in the broad and small in our world we can move more into a God-Like existence.

Taking this another step further to self love. I can speak for the many times I do not honor my own self and how I have treated myself poorly. I have treated myself like someone I didn’t like. This is in fact crazy, but many of us do it all the time. Sometimes without a thought and sometimes with intent to harm ourselves. My own journey has taken me from care taker of others, binge eater, self loather and not owning my emotions and likes for fear of rejection. This life is a process and although I am more well adjusted and “healthy” than I have been, life still tests my self love everyday.

As my transformation continutes I hope to inspire or let others know they are never alone!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

*Caveat, if you do have voices in your head beside your own I would suggest two things: 1) Seek mental help. I can’t speak for other intuitives but other voices that are not your own shouldn’t be in your head. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel, hear or see guides but it is obviously different than a negative protagonist that speaks to you in a negative way. 2) You may be tuning into lower astral riffraff. This lower energy isn’t really able to harm you however “they” try to confuse which is a part of that energies goal. I For the most part am the causal affect of negative mental noise or self hate. I will do a post later on with more information on psychic attack. You can tell these “voices” are lower energies or your own negative self talk by checking in with your Higher Self and noticing whether the thoughts are of the Agape/Loving thoughts or consistent habitual thought processes that most people have. A good way to change your self talk is to check in and refer to what God/Loving Vibration would say to you about such issues. I am sorry for the tangent and I digress. *

The point of this post is to get you to think about why we are perfectionist and how to change the thinking that makes it so tempting to put all this pressure upon oneself. Mind you this is not a license to not to do your best and give your projects, relationships and life your all. However, letting go of perfectionism will give you a level of peace and help release insecurities of holding the need to be perfect which we all no is impossible.

This devil of perfectionism can be placed in out heads by parental, societal and moral pressures. This can manifest by trying to being Super Woman or Man and taking on more than we can chew as well as not wanting to disappoint people. This can cause self hate when we don’t do or say all of what WE expect others are expecting from us. Most people are in their own world, generally thinking about their own insecurities and only expect things that are from their reference point. Most of the time unless you are intimately relating you will not know their expectations and really you shouldn’t worry about it any way.

That said, quelling perfectionism is an on going process like correcting false ideas about what the “shoulds” are in your life. Please take it down a notch, have fun and live by your own honor code not by someone else’s.

Love and Hugs

Jen

How do I not go crazy? Sometimes I let the crazy out. I will drive around in my car and scream. Sometimes I dance out my issues or just give myself ME time to cry, think, or just BE! That can be challenging with life and people in it drawing attention away from myself. It is so hard for someone like myself who thrive when people need me. I know it is never selfish to take ME time. Without it one can continue to be lost within themselves and then happiness is always elusive.

Happy Birthday to ME!

On the eve of my 31st birthday I am happy with how far I have come as a human, mistakes and all. I know I have many things I want to do and become and why not start some of them this year. I know for sure my 2008 will include more ME time for myself, even if it’s 10 minutes more a day. Nothing so drastic as everyone in my phone will be deleted. (Sorry friends I will see you when I am done with ME time.) LOL By making my needs important and tuning into my higher self and my ego self so I can give more of who I really am to my loved ones and to life as a whole.

Much love and hugs,

Jen

In what world does anger justify fire arms? If I was a mother and harm came to my child would that justify it? If I was beaten and abused? If I was protecting myself from an assailant? It’s a strange world we live in where it’s almost common place when gun shots are outside your house and you can go on about your day as if nothing happened. It’s sad. It is difficult when you don’t have control of other people’s harmful behavior. I think it is my job to try my darnedest to be as “God like” as possible. I only have control over my own actions, thoughts and emotions after all. What I put out in the world I get back. It sure isn’t easy when some driver is pissing me off to stay cool and not say the automatic, curse the idiot. I guess the experiment in life is to try to give love and good energy out and when something not so “good” happens try to turn that around in ones mind to find the humor or hope. Not repeating the negative behavior in small and large ways would be good as well. Hope is important to have especially in times that are challenging like these. There is proof there is good in the world and even if there are people who aren’t conscious or thoughtful of others there are many more who are. I am Pollyanna and naive at times, but it’ my hope that we as humans will evolve where violence isn’t as causal as it seems today.

Sending loving kindness to all who have felt negative violent acts in large and small ways today.

Namaste, Love, and Hugs,

Jen

Needless to say I had a lot to choose from. At times these opportunities of choice were a blessing and curse. Some years all I wanted was a institution or a set of rules to follow to make me feel more connected, to have a sense of belonging or even a feeling of righteousness. At times I was comforted knowing that the meat of God was always accessible within my soul and not by teachings that didn’t resonate truth for me. I now appreciate and feel connected more by being challenged by all my experiences and my personal quest into the feeling universe. For me, the dogma aspect of religions mask the truth behind the original teachings. I do think religion and institutions have their place but I do not think that God says one doorway or access point to me or I will delete you from my “Heart”. That doesn’t compute for me! My beliefs are based in trial and error, faith as well as, study. I am a believer that every piece of energy (the space in between the energy, as well) in the universe is a subsection of God, Consciousness or Source. Whatever label you want to put on it, it is All There Is. I am happy to know that I am a speckle in this wondrous outcrop of physical reality. This doesn’t take away the fact that I can manifest this energy into a personal God that I can talk to, cry to or even scream at. I also know that God in human experience can barely be fathomed in its Wholeness by the logical mind and I am ok not knowing everything at this moment. Well, at least some of the time

I could go on and on but I will let this simmer.

Love and Hugs
Jen

Odd unexpected thing happened last night. I channeled Jeanette’s Mom as I was talking to Jeanette. It was good but her mother was crying and a bit upset and sending love Jeanette’s way. A grounding crystal and a glass of water was needed so I could calm down after. Freakish but cool that the Universe thinks I am ready for this sort of thing. This doesn’t happen often I think it has happened once before with my Mom but with grief I could be making my Mom up in my head. I don’t think so but who can prove such things. This time I felt a black woman’s presence and my mom was clearly not black.

I, jokingly, worry I will channel Genghis Khan at the grocery store and he will want to get his tomatoes faster than everyone else and cause a scene. LOL Kind of reminds me of Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure when they were at the mall. Joan of Arc and aerobics. It could happen LOL and monkeys may fly out of my butt.

Love and Hugs

Jen

This week was great- Status of greatness: I got awesome chocolates from a cute, intelligent and passionate guy, who I have a school girl crush on. It’s a bit romantic to get a Valentine from a person you have never met. Even though it was a contest of sorts -my wit, humor and sex appeal aided, I gather, to gaining the sweet gesture. Nice!!! I will have to get my Go Go Yubari outfit from the back of my closet to show off my school girl uniform.

I worked in the city this past week. Easy graphic job that paid nicely for 2 and a half days work. Not too shabby.

I went out with my roommate and good friend Jeanette, Friday night. We went to a local dance place to gt our dance on and celebrating our woman hood. Saw an old male acquaintance. He is very good-looking but he is a player to the 10th power. He tried kissing me, an ego boost maybe but he was not signaled for take off. I wasn’t flirting just being friendly – there is a difference! From me you can tell by the way I smile, my coyness, shyness or balls out straight forwardness whether or not I am interested. No signal from my part but c’est la vie. It’s a nice reminder that I am attractive even when I am not back into my hot pants yet. Soon, Soon!

Finally, even though with fuzzy head, I am looking toward my future. What I want and how I will attain it. A little help from the universe and some gusto. I can get bogged down by all the shiny in the world. This oyster of a world can have so much to do and be and love that I have to remember to prioritize as there are other days, weeks, months where the shiny can be claimed. Not all at once or all the time. Somethings are nice all at once. Hugging, kissing, and walking hand in hand with someone special while visiting a exotic place or going to Trader Joe’s. Reading a book while your honey just sitting reading his book an occasional sexy glance or oh my check this out moment. Other shiny things like getting a passport or working out can be solo and probably done not simultaneously. I am not walking to the nearest processing center which is about 250 miles away. LOL

So all in all, a great week of moving forward, catching some romance and gaining focus.

Love and Hugs

Jen

PS • The Unity church has sparked my interest of late. They believe in the inclusion of all people and the power of your thinking. I think it is a another way to show people how to change their lives through positive affirmation of faith in God/Universal Source Energy, a name by any other name would smell as sweet, and how their thinking can help bring about profound changes in a person life.

I am moving toward the person I was born to be and I am loving it LOL

Other goals: to write more, to live more and to love more.

Love and Hugs

Jen

Love and Hugs

Jen

Love and Hugs

Jennifer

I have made excuses and with not dealing with myself and my emotions from the past I still continue to struggle with getting to a healthy state of being in mind and body. I am doing better in the mental health department but the body, old patterns and making the final decision to be healthy is still an on going process. I am a work in progress that is for sure! I found a blog today that was inspiring to me. It is called Secrets of a Former Fat Girl.

It is about a real woman who lost 70lbs and kept it off for more than 20 years. She realized it wasn’t just about what she ate or how much she exercised, even though that was a huge part. It was about breaking through fear of change, getting out of her comfort zone, changing emotional habits and recognizing the healing she needed to do within herself.

To me this is true spiritual growth, being able to move out of ones comfort zone into healing of personal fears, judgments and behaviors. I urge anyone who feels unhealthy in body to check out her blog and to check in with yourself to see how you deal with your emotions. It could be any way you self medicate-cigarettes, food, drugs, alcohol, starvation and many others. We all can learn to love ourselves more by being more thoughtful on why we do what we do and learning to take baby steps towards any goal we chose.

I wish you all love, success and support in all the areas of your life.

Love and Hugs,

Jennifer

Love and Hugs,
Jennifer

I am starting off by stating at one time I was a full fledged, go to church every Sunday Catholic for a good time in my late teens into my early twenties. I still have a love of Rosary Beads, Jesus, pomp and circumstance and frankincense. I however, for many sociological, moral, and personal reasons don’t believe in the dogma of the Church. So when I read this article about how the Pope wants the teaching of limbo to include the hope that God will give special dispensation for unbaptized babies going to hell. I wanted to laugh and Praise the Lord for real.

Additionally in the article the Rev. Richard McBrien, professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame, states “….we’re left with only one option, namely, that everyone is born in the state of grace.”

Finally someone who speaks my language! My personal belief is that we are all apart of God, the Spirit or soul is in direct connection to God, Source, All That Is, The Universe ect, all of the time… To think God would throw anyone away especially, babies is another way to make people believe in an Unloving God and the connection to said is gone. To feel that for a simple thing like lack of baptism could keep one from God’s love is absurd. The ego and ideas of self disapproval, unworthiness and just plain false information separates us from God and feelings of Unconditional Love that is in constant flow to everyone all the time. Many just haven’t tuned in or the haven’t let go of old conditioning.

The world would be a calmer and more peaceful and cooperative place if everyone KNEW and BELIEVED in Unconditional Love.

Think of the love you would show yourself and others if that channel was clear. Wouldn’t you treat your body better? Wouldn’t you say things more sweetly? Wouldn’t you we more grateful and want to express Godness and Goodness everyday? Wouldn’t you have faith in the process and journey of living?
I hope everyone gives themselves a Big Hug and have learned that God Truly Loves You. The energy of the Highest Vibration is Love and by being loving and compassionate to everyone and everything you are loving God and raising the vibration in the world.

Love and Hugs

Jennifer

Trust Your Vibes – Sonia Choquette

The Edgar Cayce Handbook for Creating Your Future-Thurston, PH. D. and Fazel
Jesus and The Essenes- Dolores Cannon

You Are Psychic-Debra Lynne Katz

And a wonderful book I am reading again God is a Verb, Kabbalah and the practice of mystical Judaism-Rabbi David A. Cooper

I have to say that I jump often when reading as if I need to rest a bit on one topic or author but I read rather quickly when it comes to these topics because I enjoy and soak up and then pray and think about what I have read. I love, love, love learning in this arena.

Love and Hugs

Jennifer

www.myspace.com/spiritualendeavor

Myspace is a great place to touch many people and lives. I may share my hard core blog posts there as well.

Love and Hugs

Jennifer

One of the great laws of the universe is You get what you focus on. When you think about something (especially with strong feeling) like attracts like. I am always up for a funny or thoughtful anecdote on a cars rear but this sign got me thinking about a well known story about Mother Teresa–now stay with me. Mother Teresa was asked to attend an anti-war rally. She said no but said if there is a Peace rally she would be on board. She knew the universal law. She didn’t want more war, she wanted more Peace. She was a fine example of teaching the path to the evolution of the soul and us here on this wonderful blue planet. I would say if you want more good stuff (love, peace) you need to focus on what is loving and peaceful in your life first and that will have a domino effect. That doesn’t mean lie to yourself but change your thinking to the more positive higher thought. For example: say you fell and broke your leg, don’t pretend and say well all is right I don’t feel pain and I am healthy. Get yourself to a doctor stat. What it means is to honor the feelings you are having whatever they are (sadness, frustration, worry, pain) then let go of them don’t focus on them for hours, days, weeks or years. Focus on the good stuff- I am healing and healthy. I am breathing and now that that is over let me have a laugh with my friends or with myself. Focus on the good stuff for days and weeks and let the not so good stuff roll off your back. If the bad stuff keeps coming up in your head, say to your self ok I accept that feeling or thought now and reach for a happy, positive thought. Say to the negative junk I gave you your time now its Feeling Good’s turn.

I hope you all feel the Endless Love I am sending you and Hope you have a joyful and fun day.

Love and Hugs,
Jennifer

Love and Hugs,

Jennifer

Love and Hugs,

Jennifer

Love and Hugs,

Jennifer