Spoiled Sports

No! That Glove Goes On The Other Hand, Son.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 18:09:00 +0000

Here are three more reasons why more and more parents decide to put their 3-12 year-olds through emotional hell.

Self-Proclaimed Gangster

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 21:50:00 +0000

Since Portland Trail'gangsta' Zach Randolph likes to see himself as, not a professional basketball player, but a criminal, we will cater to his wants by posting a rather detailed description of some rape allegations.

Any other law-abiding athlete, and we would file this news until it works itself out in court. But for Zachary M. Randolph, I'm sure he would not have a problem further soiling the NBA with his reputation.

For review - here's some of the gangster's resume:

Sucker-punched Ruben Patterson in the face - this actually was a positive.

Under-age drinking.

Driving under the influence of marijuana.

Present during a shooting, which put his brother in prison. He was threatened with arrest after his first statement to police, then changed to a backup statement and was not charged.

Two vehicles registered to Randolph were involved in a race in a 20 mph zone. The car Randolph was in had two loaded (registered) weapons under the seat.

This sexual assault criminal case was thrown out of court earlier in the year, but now Jane Doe, obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is going civil.

A great piece on this in on the premier NBA Blog True Hoop.

Zap!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 18:41:00 +0000

Fred Weary is another NFLer who ended up on the business end of one of these.

This Week's Whiner - There He Blows

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 15:05:00 +0000

Hard to believe it took Randy Moss (#28 on the Ingrate 38) this long to spout something so completely selfish and insulting toward his team and Raider fans in particular.

And about this 2002 mug shot - Could a blood test have been in order, because it appears a couple drops of Clear Eyes was?

Bird Is The Word

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 21:33:00 +0000

"Hello Commissioner Goodell, my name is Leon. Please drug test me every day."

Signs of the Future? - Hilarious and Prophetic (if this card is real). Thanks to popjocks.com for this one.

Over The Limit

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 18:06:00 +0000

Kalif Barnes is this month's Jacksonville Jaguar who should get a bus ticket.
October we had Bobby McCray.
September was the most uncooperative Brian Williams.

#40

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 18:58:00 +0000

Pat Tillman will be honored on Sunday. Simeon Rice and Bryan Barker don't give a damn.

SI Joins Lewis' Flock

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 18:34:00 +0000

It looks as if Sports Illustrated is going after a readership who worship professional athletes who impede murder investigations. In getting the Cliffs Notes from www.withleather.com, this must be the most righteous cut from the article.
After Baltimore's season-opening win at Tampa Bay this season, three of Lewis's sons were standing outside the Ravens' locker room, their dad's name and number on their backs. A woman walked up to their mother and, speaking just above their heads, hissed, "I can't believe you let your kids wear that murderer's jersey."
Lewis' criminal escapedes are summarized in more detail as a member of the Ingrate 38, chiming in at #12.

Thomas Takes Preemptive Strike...and Misses

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 18:05:00 +0000

Wizards F/C Etan Thomas has been outspoken against the war in Iraq. But he is obviously not against violence. Though he probably should be.

Presenting The Winner Of This Week's T.O. Whiner Award

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 17:44:00 +0000

Why this guy joins T.O. as players who will never win a title without a team that will pound them into submission whenever they open their mouth.

What? Culpability?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 17:47:00 +0000

Reliever Guillermo Mota did something more rare in baseball than an unassisted triple-play. He admitted to cheating and apologized.

Woman Keeps The Loogie In Question

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 17:33:00 +0000

Too bad for Pacman - his spitting victim retained the evidence. The over/under on how many people will try to bait this delinquent each time he enters a club is now at 5.

Pacman Gains A Thug

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 17:35:00 +0000

Since the Titans drafted this decent football player/complete jackass in April 2005, Adam 'Pacman' Jones has been arrested twice and was involved with police on three other occasions.
After Jones was excused from practice with flu-like symptoms on Thursday, he was later found clubbing that night. The result: cited for spitting on a woman.
He is scheduled to appear in court on January 11 for the last time he allegedly hocked one up on a lady.
Jones, known for his desire to have "more thugs" on his team, may have found one last week. Fisher suspended linebacker Robert Reynolds for Sunday's game after he was charged with allegedly getting domestically violent with his estranged wife. Reynolds is known for violent outbursts, cite the incident in 2003 , while playing for Ohio State he jammed his fingers into Wisconsin quarterback Jeff Sorgi's throat and knocked him out of the game.

Big NFL Guy Assaults Little Girlfriend

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 14:33:00 +0000

Sean Locklear was suspended for one game as a result of an incident in January when the Seahawk lineman spent the weeekend in jail. A case of the 6'3" 301 pound tackle assaulting his girlfriend at a nightspot was resolved in July when Locklear agreed to perform two years of community service, obtain evaluation and pay court fees. This assault occured just hours after a playoff win. Maybe a good thing for his girl they won. Why it took Seattle so long to punish their cowardly tackle is a mystery, although Commish Goodell hasn't been in office long and might only now be catching up on past-issues of the NFL arrest reports.

Football: A Part-time Passion

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 13:24:00 +0000

How can you explain the Kansas City Chiefs thorough drubbing at the hands of the Steelers 45-7, only to turn around and defeat a much better Chargers team a week later? It's Passion, man.

Duval County Blues

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 13:32:00 +0000

Jaguars DE Bobby McCray likes to let off a little steam by impersonating an emergency vehicle.

Bengals Have Nothing On The Chargers

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 16:37:00 +0000

One rule to take away from today's professional athletes:
Always question a good thing.
It's a shame to have to put each and every tremendous body of work under such scrutiny. But 2005 NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year Shawne Merriman further emboldened such a interrogative philosophy with his latest four-game vacation. It was also reported that a source with knowledge of Merriman's two failed tests stated that the suspension was not for some minor over-the-counter infraction but was "definately for steroids".
Another 'feel good' story can now move over and join the Chargers infamous list with legendary ingrate Steve Foley, Terrence Kiel, Markus Curry and Shaun Phillips.

Out Damn Spot!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 16:02:00 +0000

Exhibit A
Before this year, Kenny Rogers' had given up 21 earned runs and 32 hits in 20.1 innings of post-season play.
Exhibit B
During this post-season, Rogers, at 41 years old, has not given up an earned run in 15.1 innings and has only allowed 4 hits.
Exhibit C
During this post-season, Rogers has been taking the mound with 'crap' on his pitching hand in the exact same place.
Exhibit D
Kenny Rogers has issues.

You be the judge....

The Plot Thickens

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 20:54:00 +0000

Is it getting hot in here or is this just the case for Sebastian Telfair?

Clubs, Guns and the NBA

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 12:59:00 +0000

Another shooting, this time outside "Diddy" Combs' club in New York. Our main protagonist in this story was rapper Fabolous, who was shot and later arrested with his posse on weapons charges, two loaded guns being unregistered. But to our surprise, an NBAer was at the scene as well, no way!
Sebastian Telfair was outside the club when someone ripped off his $50,000 chain.
Next thing you know, Telfair was at the police station looking at four seperate lineups, each including Fabolous or some members of his crew. In the wisest move made in his short NBA career, Telfair did not finger any potential suspects, negating the future possibility of an unregistered weapon in the hands of a certain rapper's associate pointing in his direction.
By the way, this was Telfair's dumbest move in his short NBA career.

Career Highs

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 19:18:00 +0000

The Atlanta Falcons were touting the best running game in the NFL. Now we can attribute the success in some part to the sixth man, better known as the 'banned substance'. Starting guard Matt Lehr was suspended four games by the NFL for using either steroids of some type of ephedrine. Given that the offensive line of the Falcons is known more for speed than size, the money is on SPEED.

As well, Lions defensive tackle Shaun Rogers was getting a banned boost into two Pro Bowls. Apparantly, Rogers suffered from sleep apnea, which led him to oversleep the day of a game last season. It was also reported that this condition somehow led him to eating late at night, a definate no-no when you are fat, or a 340 pound defensive lineman. So Rogers went Romanowski and found his cure in an appetite suppressant, which normally contains the active ingredient ephedra. Now he's on a four-game vacation from the NFL.

Rogers had known that sleep apnea led to the death of Reggie White, so he went with a substance that likely assisted in the death of Corey Stringer...makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Bulletproof?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 12:40:00 +0000

In an effort to hinder the wheels of justice long enough to play out the 2006-2007 season, Green Bay wideout Koren Robinson plead not guilty to charges of driving drunk and topping 100 mph during a police chase this summer in Minnesota. To the NFL and commissioner Roger Goodell's credit, they suspended him anyway, feeling that while playing 'Speed Racer' he had been boozing it up, which was a violation of his probation for previous incidents with alcohol.
Maybe Goodell's antennae went up after reading this statement from Robinson in a Chicago Tribune profile. It was caught by City Pages writer Mike Mosedale after Robinson's suggested relapse into alcoholism earlier this year:
"I just want to make sure I'm good for the season before I put myself back in that lifestyle. In the NFL, when you lose, you feel real down and when you win, there's a lot of celebrating. I'm just making sure I'm bulletproof and being proactive."
Mosedale goes on to cite the 'Ten Stages of Drunkeness', written by sportswriter Dan Jenkins, wherein 'feeling bullettproof'' constitutes the final stage of inebriation. The entire list:

1. Witty and Charming
2. Rich and Powerful
3. Benevolent
4. Clairvoyant
5. Fuck Dinner
6. Patriotic
7. Crank up the Enola Gay
8. Witty and Charming, Part II
9. Invisible
10. Bulletproof
Get this guy a bus pass for life.

Has Anyone Seen Juan

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 20:07:00 +0000

Chicago's incredibly overpaid shortstop does not like anyone getting too close to his wheels. Two men apparently did, now Juan Uribe, his brother Elpidio and an unnamed bodyguard are under investigation for their alleged involvement in the shooting of a Dominican farmer and an Italian Naval captain. According to authorities, the victims walked too close to Uribe's Jeep, prompting Juan and his bodyguard to open fire on them with a handgun and a shotgun. The navy captain, Dondolin Alessandro, was treated for wounds to his stomach and hands. The farmer, Antonio Gonzalez Perez, had an elbow injury.
Whether Juan is found guilty or not, there is still one brutal crime he has committed. That of a .262 lifetime ballplayer cashing checks to the tune of $4.15 million from the 2005 World Series Champs. All while residing in the manager's doghouse for dogging it on the field.

Unspeakable

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 04:31:00 +0000

Thirty-four year old Cory Lidle leaves behind a wife and a seven year old son.

Lawrence of Insania

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 22:46:00 +0000

It looks as if Maurice Clarett's (possible) #1 role model is going away for quite some time. In revisiting Phillips' history of inane misadventures, society can breathe a collective sigh of relief that LP, this biggest waste of talent since Darryl Strawberry, did not permanently maim or kill anyone during his G-force accelleration downward on what seemed to be a bacon-greased spiral. At least he has honed his sandlot football prowess, in preparation to play in the Stoney Lonesome's real-life version of The Longest Yard.
From an All-American sure thing at Nebraska, to a whole new style of penal recruitment. Hello Muslim Extremists, my name is Lawrence Phillips. Here is my rap sheet, I mean, resume.