Black Heart Gold Pants: Front Page Posts

Dustin Sherer will Likely Start

Hawkeye State — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 18:25:37 -0000

Dustin Sherer will Likely Start

In other news, Wisco offensive coodinator Paul Chryst admits he's demented.

T/F/J: Chris G.

Better Know a Nemesis: Wisconsin

Hawkeye State — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 14:42:49 -0000

Guess who's back?

There aren't that many Wisconsin bloggers; many of them start blogs, only to succumb to dairy-induced heart attacks or alcoholism weeks later. The exception, of course, is sports radio personality, Fanhouse contributor, and all-around Blogfrica juggernaut Bruce Ciskie. When not talking hockey or the impending termination of Brad Childress, Bruce covers Badger sports at The Ciskie Blog. The reason for his longevity? He moved to Minnesota!

Bruce, welcome to BHGP. Say something sophomoric.

You're an Iowa fan. Suck it.

Now, the quarterbacks. Evridge is clearly not the answer, and Sherer looked capable in the second half last week. Who starts this week? Who finishes? What does Sherer do that Evridge couldn't accomplish, other than having the same last name as the guy who plays Smithers on The Simpsons and occasionally completing a pass?

Evridge looks just like he did at Kansas State: Hopeless.

There's a reason he lost his job without even being allowed to put up a fight, and it wasn't because Prince was afraid he would win it. Instead, Prince knew a QB competition was a complete waste of time.

As far as Sherer goes, standards for QBs at Wisconsin aren't very high. Hold on to the damn ball. Evridge is apparently incapable of completing this simple task. Sherer can't be worse. If he can tell the difference between black/gold and white/red, he should be able to beat that crappy team they're playing this weekend.

Who starts? I have no idea. I have no reason to believe either of them is good enough to lead this team to a win without 200 yards rushing and great defense.

P.J. Hill simply refuses to graduate, and John Clay looks to be another prototypical monster Wisconsin tailback. Now that the Big Ten championship run envisioned this summer is dead, will Bielema save his young halfback's legs and run Hill into the ground, or are we still going to see a two-headed hydra in the Badger backfield? Will Wisconsin have any luck running the ball against an Iowa defense that hasn't allowed a 100-yard rusher so far this year despite facing LeSean McCoy, Javon Ringer, and Tyrell Sutton?

Wisconsin will run the ball decently. It will help if they start a quarterback who can keep from fumbling or throwing idiotic interceptions. Of course, that means I'm expecting them to have that type of player on the roster, and I'm not sure they do.

The run game is pretty solid. Hill and Clay are both good. Clay runs hard and would remind me of Adrian Peterson if he had a bit more straight-line speed. Very similar, physical style, but Clay doesn't appear to be a real game-breaker. Maybe he'll prove me wrong before he is done. I've always liked Hill, but his propensity for injury is absolutely aggravating.

Over/under on weeks until Travis Beckum succumbs to his frustration, morphs into Travis Bickle, and shoots up Camp Randall: 3.5. Who ya got?

Give me the over. Either he's going to start putting up numbers, or Wisconsin is going to change quarterbacks, giving him a chance to put up numbers.

No matter what, he's a millionaire next summer. The scouts aren't dumb enough to blame this season on anything he did wrong.

Hypothetical question: After leading Iowa to another 6-6 campaign, Kirk Ferentz is canned like tuna. The rampant speculation indicates Bielema is the first name in play for the job, and the faithful at BHGP start tracking flights out of Madison. When the IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW post goes up on a Tuesday night in early December, what is the typical Wisconsin fan's immediate reaction? Anger? Relief? Tepid resignation?

Well, Bielema does have the lame-ass Iowa logo tattoed on his body. It would be hard to begrudge him for taking the job.

That said, Iowa would be dumb to hire him, considering he hasn't proven he can recruit winning players. Remember, these first two years were largely built on the backbone of Alvarez recruits.

You want him, and you want to help him buy out of his UW deal (assuming he has a buyout), go right ahead. After overpaying Ferentz for all these years, I'd think your school would want to wisely spend its dollars. But it's not really my problem.

These two offenses are disturbingly similar: Run-first philosophy, gargantuan offensive lines, bruising tailbacks, mediocre-at-best quarterback play. How good is Wisconsin's defense at stopping its own offense?

Wisconsin's defense probably wouldn't be able to stop Auburn's offense. So I wouldn't be terribly worried about Iowa.

As bad as the Hawkeyes are on offense, they will stay in the game if they get into a war of field position, especially if Evridge starts. If that happens, he's bound to do something stupid deep in UW territory to cost his team the game.

Barry Alvarez: Great coach or greatest coach? How is the Badger populous responding to his work as athletic director?

Barry is a fairly untouchable figure in Madison, IMHO. I'm not sure he's had to do much so far. Bielema won big his first two years, the basketball team has been highly successful with Bo Ryan, and the men's and women's hockey teams are national powers with highly-regarded coaches. Alvarez is in the position Trent Dilfer was in when the Ravens won the Super Bowl. Just don't screw it up. So far, so good.

What is the one thing about this Wisconsin team that we're overlooking and that could determine the final outcome of this game?

They do have some talent on defense, especially on the front seven. I keep waiting for them to play the kind of game they're capable of, but it seems like they have a meltdown every week at some point, and it just sours me on them.

Guys like Casillas and Levy (LBs) are better than they've played, and I'm just hoping it comes together before they're 0-5 in the Big Ten and needing to win a couple games just to get to the Motor City Bowl.

A final prediction...

I'm not going against the Badgers. It won't be pretty, but Wisconsin wins 19-16.

...one more juvenile statement...

What's the best-looking thing to come out of Iowa?

I-35.

...and you're off the Budweiser Hot Seat. Thanks, Bruce!

Wha Happened? Week Seven

Hawkeye State — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:00:05 -0000

Let's start right out: Hey, wha happened?

Penn State 48 - Wisconsin 7

Wow. Just...wow.

It's entirely possible that Oregon State got insanely lucky against USC. It's entirely possible that Wisconsin is going through a bailout-worthy recession (we'll get to that next). It's more than possible that Illinois is regressing to the mean. Even if those things are true - and there's plenty of evidence that they're not - has there been a more dominant team than this one? Not only are they in the conversation for a national championship game berth, but they have to be favored. Just look at the other contenders. Texas has to run a gauntlet in the Big XII South (which is now, without question, the best division in football). Alabama still has to navigate games at Tennessee and LSU, not to mention the SEC Championship. Of the other undefeateds, Okie State and Texas Tech have to play Texas, and the non-BCS teams can't hope to leapfrog the Nittany Lions. Penn State has games at Ohio State and Iowa, and close in Happy Valley against Sparty. Everything is winnable. Let the debate begin.

As for Wisconsin, we'd like to welcome you to the back of the pack. We Iowa fans have been expecting you. See, Wisky, we all revert back eventually. We had this exact same season in 2005, when the polls had us in the top 20 based on little more than returning players and inertia. We watched it all come crashing down. We know how you feel, to see your once-inpenetrable fortress of a stadium go silent as a team loaded with talent crushes you on national television, right before your beer-soaked eyes. The next step is an inexplicable road loss. Ours was Indiana. Yours? Well, it could be this week. Anyway, welcome. We've been expecting you.

Michigan State 37 - Northwestern 20

Any Iowa fan who watched this game came away with two questions: How did we stay so close to Michigan State, and how did we lose to North-Motherfucking-Western?

Michigan State is starting to look dangerous in that 2002 Iowa sense of the word. Flukey, turnover-filled loss early in the season, followed by a couple of unnecessarily-close wins in games against mediocre opponents that maybe should have been losses, followed by a breakout win. Now comes the run to the bank.

Northwestern was the worst 5-0 team ever. Now they're the worst 5-1 team ever.

Toledo 13 - Michigan 10

ROROFLOLMAO

Minnesota 27 - Illinois 20

You want to beat Illinois? Make Juice Williams throw the ball. In Illini's three wins this year, Juice is averaging 194 yards passing. In their three losses, that number jumps to 365. The Illini defense is horrible beyond words, and they need to run the ball and keep the other offense on the sidelines for long stretches of the game to have a chance. In fact, 2008 Illinois might be one of the rare times where time of possession actually means something. There is also the sneaking suspiscion, given the Michigan laugh-fest, that they haven't beaten a team in the top 80 nationally yet.

Minnesota, on the other hand, is starting to look dangerously capable. The Daily Gopher is right to call it the most important win of the Brewster era. They are even more correct in noting that there are defensive deficiencies, most notably the porous pass defense (though, again, much of that is attributable to Illinois in their perpetual catchup offense). Despite their six wins and a noble performance against Ohio State, I'm hesitant to put the Gophers in the top third of the conference.

That being said, I think we have a far better chance of beating Illinois at Memorial Stadium than Minnesota at The Dump.

Ohio State 16 - Purdue 3

I'll just say this: How the hell can Ohio State fans watch this crap? I'm an Iowa fan. I know ugly, boring, grind-it-out, no-yards-and-the-proverbial-cloud-of-dust football, but this is excruciating. Watching Ohio State play football is like watching a heavyweight boxing match between a recent has-been and an Evander Holyfield-level has-been. OSU leans on its opponent for nine rounds, battering him with shots to the kidneys, until the opponent finally crumples in a heap and the Buckeyes are declared the victors. It's not bad football. It's not even hideously ugly football. It's just mind-numbing football, and I can't watch it anymore.

As for Purdue? Let's just say Joe Tiller is spending far more time reading about time shares in Boca Raton than watching the other team's film. This is why the lame duck head coach is a terrible concept, even when executed flawlessly (as it has not been here). Purdue-Indiana will set BXI football back to the Cro-Magnon era.

(All photos courtesy of AP)

The Takeaway: Indiana

Oops Pow Surprise — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:59:10 -0000

Sure, Iowa just rocked the Hoosiers' world, 45-9. But how much do we really know? What was really important about beating Indiana? What does it all mean, Basil? The Takeaway has the answer.

Mike Daniels got up. First and foremost, Mike Daniels is okay. The reserve defensive lineman collapsed on the field following the Wisconsin game. It's unclear whether he lost consciousness, but the fact that he walked off the field under his own power is a blessing; sometimes they don't get up. Chalk it up to dehydration, heat, whatever, but be very glad the Hawkeyes aren't walking out of the tunnel this weekend with the decals off their helmets and #93 stickers.

"I'm a better runner than you, and you, and you, and you..."

Don't start jocking the Jewel Thief just yet. I know, I know. Dig that Hampton (spelled with an Ampton). 114 yards as a true freshman is no joke, and DAMN did you see that dive on the sideline? I know. But you don't win starting jobs by running it up on disinterested backups, which is what Hampton did--again. I think it's safe to say that even when Paki comes back, your #2 is still Hampton. But he's only showing occasional flashes when it matters. Do you really think Hampton can produce against a front seven like the Badgers'? Only if they've given up.

The staff can breathe easily--for a week. Iowa sure looked like a well-coached football team, didn't they? The passing game was crisp, Greene rumbled for over a hundy again (in three quarters and on a bum wheel, no less), and the line of scrimmage beloned to Iowa all game long. It was an ass-kicking of historic proportions; Iowa hasn't posted a larger road victory in the Big Ten since 1985.1985, as you may recall, was a good year for Iowa.

That's not to say, of course, that this is Iowa's best team since then or anywhere close. But it speaks to the overall level of dominance Iowa displayed Saturday, and that bodes well for this year and beyond. Be honest--there's no damned way that two months ago, you could have predicted Iowa would be 4-3 right now andstill favored over Wisconsin.

This has no bearing on any of the three items, but just pointing out that no foul was called.

And at the same time, there's still no room for the letdown games that have plagued the Hawkeyes since, well, what? 2005? The only remaining game in which there's an obvious favorite would be the Penn State tilt, and Iowa's not winning that one. They could go 5-1, or they could go 0-6. Where this season goes from here will determine where the program goes from here.

Indiana found success by attacking one member of the Iowa defense, and only one. Regular readers of BHGP know exactly who the lone weak link of the defense is: FS Brett Greenwood. Being that this is--for all intents and purposes--the same ultra-conservative Iowa defense that Norm Parker was trotting out in 2002, offensive coordinators should know exactly what to expect Iowa defenders to do on 1st and 10 or 2nd and reasonable by now.

That in mind, it's clear what quarterbacks need to do to have success passing against Iowa--find Brett Greenwood, then throw at him. INSTANT SUCCESS. Don't be fooled by Greenwood's pick in the first half--he was merely the closest player to a tipped ball. I can't recall a single good play in coverage by Greenwood all week long. Iowa has multiple strong safeties who are capable of starting. You're telling menone of them can shift over to FS? Hard to believe.

Free interception NOT EQUALS proper Cover 2 responsibilities.

So since Greenwood's spot in the secondary appears to be in no danger whatsoever, Parker had better be drawing up coverages to give Greenwood more help; he can't adequately cover a deep half by himself. If this means Spievey or Fletcher needs to start playing five yards further back to take away that easy corner route, that's one solution. Or take Edds off man coverage on the slot and have him cheat middle/deep so Greenwood can get to the sideline in time to make a play on the pass rather than tackle a guy after he makes a 15-yard catch. Whatever, dosomething.

It's easy to beat a team when they give up. I don't know if Kellen Lewis tells his team something nice every time they're in the huddle or if Ben Chappell slept with the offensive line coach's mother or what, but when Lewis stayed on the sideline to start the second half, Indiana's hopes--hell, their motivation--vanished. Iowa proved just two weeks prior that a 17-9 halftime lead is hardly a guarantor of victory, but unlike the plucky, undertalented, chess-loving Northwestern team, the Hoosiers simply rolled over.

Guess who else didn't show up for the fourth quarter??

That led to all sorts of second-half fun--for Iowa, anyway. The Hawkeyes held the ball for well over 20 of the second half's 30 minutes, and Jewel Hampton rushed for 85 yards in the fourth quarter alone. We're not saying Hampton would have kept that up for four or even two quarters if it was just him carrying the rock. We are saying Indiana flat out quit, tired of trying to fight a brutal front five.

Indiana's vaunted defensive line

From here, Iowa faces another team that quit in the second half, the newly woeful Wisconsin Badgers. Yo Bucky--what in the fuck? Remember that Wisconsin was in the top 10 just a few weeks ago; now, they're 0-3 in the conference, reeling from a 48-7 ass-kicking by Penn State (at Camp Randall!), and trying to figure out how the hell to win without a quarterback or any other means to stop a defense from teeing off on their tailbacks.

Their work is cut out for them, as Iowa has been downright unpleasant to opposing tailbacks. Indiana's top rusher was Ben Chappell, and that is not a typo. No player has rushed for over 100 yards on the Hawkeyes all season, and of the three rushing TDs they've given up on the year, two were on QB draws. Overall, Iowa gives up under 100 yards rushing per game on a measly 3.1 yards per carry, and that's having faced backs like Tyrell Sutton, LeSean McCoy, Javon Ringer, and A'Mod Ned. NED, PEOPLE. To say the Wisconsin offense has its work cut out for them is a mild understatement.

You can guess how this worked out.

The line for Saturday's game is Iowa -3.5 right now, and we expect it to move in Iowa's favor by a point or two. Wisconsin is in total disarray, and the only sure thing about their quarterback situation is that it'll suck on Saturday. More on Wisconsin later this week as we bring in a guest expert to tell us more about the BAD-gers. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? DO YOU???

BlogpLOL Week 7: The Ascension of Mike Gundy

Hawkeye State — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 02:31:26 -0000

As always, criticism and critique of the ballot go in the comments section. Final draft goes in the hopper Tuesday at midnight.

Oklahoma State, coming off possibly the most impressive win of the season, rises to #4 in this week's BlogpLOL. They join fellow Big Twelve teams Texas, Oklahoma, and Texas Tech in the top six, an unprecedented feat by any one conference.

We run BlogpLOL as blindly as possible. We don't reference the prior week's ballot. We place as little emphasis on tradition and "power polling" philosophy as possible. Still, though Oklahoma State was a clear fourth in our unscientific resume ranking system, it felt a little high for the Cowboys.

We asked Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy for his thoughts, and he said something we couldn't believe: The Big Twelve was actually underrated. Gundy wanted all five BXII big guns at the top of the poll, and room for teams like Kansas and Kansas State. Below is a transcript of our interview.

Rank	Team	Delta

1	Alabama	--
2	Texas	4
3	Penn State	1
4	Oklahoma State	12
5	Oklahoma	3
6	Texas Tech	7
7	Utah	5
8	Georgia	11
9	North Carolina	1
10	Ball State	8
11	Boise State	2
12	Florida	14
13	Wake Forest	13
14	Southern Cal	6
15	Missouri	12
16	Ohio State	9
17	Michigan State	7
18	Brigham Young	4
19	Virginia Tech	12
20	Tulsa	3
21	TCU	1
22	South Florida	4
23	Georgia Tech	2
24	Connecticut	2
25	Florida State	1

Farmed out to prep school: Vanderbilt (#5), LSU (#11), Northwestern (#15), Pittsburgh (#20), California (#23).

Tackle eligible:
Minnesota, Vanderbilt, Cincinnati, Northwestern, South Carolina, LSU, Pittsburgh

Watched:
Louisville-Memphis, Iowa-Indiana, Notre Dame-North Carolina, Penn State-Wisconsin, parts of Michigan-Toledo, Cincinnati-Rutgers, Michigan State-Northwestern

HS: Thanks for taking our call, Coach. What do you want to discuss?

MG: I want to talk about this poll right here.

If anyone hasn't read this poll, I don't read it. It was brought to me by a writer of a blog. I think this is worth reading.

Let me tell you why I want to talk about this poll. Three-fourths of the rankings in this poll are innacurate. Fiction. And this article embarrasses me to be involved in football. Tremendously.

HS: Well, we do our best, sir, and we're always open to criticism of our rankings. Anything in particular you disagree with?

MG: This poll has to have been written by a person who doesn't have a football team and has never had a football team have its HEART BROKEN AND COME HOME upset, and HAD TO DEAL WITH THE FOOTBALL TEAM when it is upset.

HS: You've got me there, Coach. I've never coached football. What, exactly, did I do that you don't like?

MG: KICK MISSOURI WHEN IT'S DOWN.

Here's all Missouri did: It goes to some classes. It's respectful to the media. It's RESPECTFUL TO THE PUBLIC. And it's a good team, and it's not a professional franchise, and it doesn't deserve to be kicked when it's down.

HS: Certainly you can't complain about Texas at #2. That was a big win, but Alabama beat Georgia in Athens and Clemson on a neutral site.

MG: If you have a football team some day, you'll understand how I feel. But you obviously don't have a football team. I do. If your football team beats Oklahoma and someone puts them behind Alabama because they DROPPED A PASS IN A FOOTBALL GAME AND SOMEONE SAYS THEY'RE FAT-

HS: I never said they were fat.

MG: - AND THEY COME HOME CRYING TO THEIR MOMS, you would understand. But you haven't had that, and you never will, because you never actually played competitive football.

HS: Hey, I played wide receiver in junior high, thank you very much.

MG: If you want to go after a team, IF YOU WANT TO GO AFTER A FOOTBALL TEAM, you go after one of the teams that doesn't do the right things. YOU DON'T DOWNGRADE A TEAM LIKE TEXAS TECH BECAUSE THEY DO EVERYTHING RIGHT DURING THE WEEK AND MIGHT NOT PLAY SO GREAT ON SATURDAYS.

HS: I didn't downgrade Texas Tech. They actually moved up 7 spots.

MG: THAT'S WHY I DON'T READ THE BLOGPOLL. BECAUSE IT'S GARBAGE! AND THE BLOGGER WHO MOVES A TEAM UP SEVEN SPOTS FOR BEATING NEBRASKA IN OVERTIME IS GARBAGE!

HS: Well, it wasn't all due to that. Their win over Kansas State looks better after this week, as well.

MG: Attacking an amateur football team for doing everything right. And then you want to write a blog about a team that doesn't do everything right and downgrade the teams that do make plays. Are you kidding me? Where are we at in society today?

HS: So I can't write anything about Texas. I can't write anything about Missouri. I can't write anything about Oklahoma or Texas Tech. Who can I write about, Mr. Gundy?

MG: COME AFTER US! WE'RE MEN! WE'RE #4! We're undefeated. Write something about us. Don't write about a team like Kansas that does everything right, that's heart is broken, and then say that their schedule hasn't been very good. THAT AIN'T TRUE! And then to say that they're unranked because they haven't played anyone. THAT'S NOT TRUE!

So get your facts straight.

I hope someday your team gets into the top 25, and someone downgrades them and belittles them and you have to look them in the eye and tell them that it's OK, that they're supposed to be mature adults but they really aren't. Who's the blogger here? Are you kidding me?

That's all I got to say. Your site makes me wanna puke.

45-9, Briefly

Oops Pow Surprise — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 02:25:50 -0000

Suck it.

This will not be a substitute for The Takeaway, which I will write when I damned well get around to it. Just a picture and a few very quick thoughts.

1. Ken O'Keefe certainly looked good today.

2. So did Reese Morgan.

3. Ken O'Keefe should thank Reese Morgan.

4. If Indiana was going to start a social networking site, it would be called Qwitter.

(Photo credit: Matthew Holst/Press-Citizen)

SUPERTERRIFICOPENGAMETHREAD: WHAT THE HELL IS A HOOSIER?

Hawkeye State — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 15:37:20 -0000

Like every other week, leave your Ken O'Keefe death threats below. I'll be here with you throughout, like when your mom held your hand at the dentist's office. Who's got the nitrous?

There's a Game on Saturday? The No-Hardy Pants Party

Hawkeye State — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:19:45 -0000

You want to know how bad last year's game went?
This play ended in an Indiana touchdown.
That is not a joke.

Oh yeah, we almost forgot. There's a game tomorrow. Iowa-Indiana, 11:00, BTN.

The Indiana game has been a yackety sax-inducing comedy of errors for Iowa for the past two years. In 2006, Iowa entered the IU game off a 47-17 win over Purdue; the stunning loss that day was the final stake to the heart of the myth of Iowa as an up-and-coming elite program. Iowa fell out of the top 25 after that loss, and hasn't seen the poll since. Last year, every bouce went Indiana's way (how often does your quarterback complete a pass to the fullback in the flat, recover the fullback's fumble, and take it 71 yards for a touchdown?) and, despite one of Christensen's best days as a starting quarterback, Iowa never recovered. Of course, those two games included prominent displays of ineptitude by Adam Shada while "covering" James Motherfuckin' Hardy.

Keep your friends close and the guy who treats you like a bitch closer

When Indiana Has the Ball

This year, there's no more Shada. There's no more Hardy. However, there still is Kirk Ferentz, who is 3-4 against Indiana in his nine seasons at Iowa (Indiana rotated off Iowa's schedule in 2003-04). There is an interesting correlation between Ferentz's success against Indiana and the mobility of the Hoosier quarterback:

YEAR	IU QB	RESULT
1999	Randle-El	IU, 38-31
2000	Randle-El	IU, 45-33
2001	Randle-El	UI, 42-28
2002	Hamdan	UI, 24-8
2005	Powers	UI, 38-21
2006	Lewis	IU, 31-28
2007	Lewis	IU, 38-21

Ferentz is 1-4 against Indiana when the Hoosier signal-caller can run the ball, and 2-0 when he prefers to stand in the pocket and wait. For anyone who has watched Iowa football over the last decade, it shouldn't be that surprising.

The bad news? Kellen Lewis is back. The good news? He's not necessarily the quarterback. Lewis has started every game behind center, but went only 11/25 in an embarassing loss to in-state stepchild Ball State (for the record, he ran for 150 yards in that game). The next week, he split snaps with sophomore Ben Chappell - and was used at wide receiver - in a home loss to Michigan State. Last week, he took the vast majority of the reps against Minnesota, but ran the ball only nine times for 18 yards.

Last year, it wasn't just Lewis and Hardy who tore apart Iowa's defense. Fullback Josiah Sears caught pass after pass in the flats with space to move. By the end of the day, he racked up seven catches for 58 yards (and the aforementioned fumble). The numbers weren't important; the catches came in critical down-and-distance situations and extended drives that should have been dead. Sears graduated, but Indiana has used receiver/back Ray Fisher as this year's outlet receiver, and starting halfback Marcus Thigpen is an accomplished pass-catcher from the backfield. Anyone who watched this year's Iowa-Northwestern game knows the Hawks are still susceptible to the swing pass. Expect Indiana to attack the flats all afternoon.

Fortunately, there has been no replacement for James Hardy. IU's top receiver, Andrew Means, has caught just three passes for 30 yards in two Big Ten games. Freshman Demarlo Belcher (which is Spanish for "of marlo belcher") has been their best receiver lately, but that's not saying much. The passing game - especially the deep passing game that has massacred Iowa the past two years - isn't much of a concern. Recent history indicates that if Lewis plays quarterback and runs effectively, either in designed run plays or while scrambling, Indiana has a good chance of racking up a bunch of points on Iowa. If he doesn't play, or is content to sit in the pocket, Indiana has virtually no chance of winning this game.

When Iowa Has the Ball

As for the Iowa offense, Indiana has been horrendous against good running backs. Ball State halfback MiQuale Lewis ran for 166 yards. Ringer followed that up with 198. Expect a healthy dose of the run from Iowa, especially from Shonn Greene (who even Michigan State fans are conceding might be the best back in the Big Ten). Indiana's pass defense has forced a bunch of incompletions, but has also given up huge chunks of yardage on deep plays. Given Iowa's speed on the outside, I think we have to throw d ... throw dee ... thrHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! Of course we won't throw deep! That's the LOLZ!

I haven't watched enough of Indiana to know just how susceptible the Hoosiers might be to the three-yard out route. Clearly, their ability to defend the super-double-secret Iowa passing game will decide who wins.

Prognosis

The more I look at this, the better I feel. This is not a good Indiana team. They were never close in a home loss to Ball State. They were never close in a home loss to Michigan State. They were shut down by Minnesota. It's clear Bill Lynch is trying to move this offense closer to the pass-happy Purdue spread than the hybrid qb run/deep pass spread of the past two years. Throw in the Hawkeye defense's success when facing a similar offense against Iowa State (and the Clones offense might actually be better than this one), and this might be the one time we can keep Indiana under 30 points.

This is as close to a must-win as we get, though. A loss here effectively ends any hope of a bowl appearance and - let's face it - any hope of a quick turnaround. A win, and the "six plays from 6-0" meme lives to see another day.

In 2001, a young but relatively experienced Iowa team with a new starting quarterback started with three wins, dropped a couple of tough losses to start the Big Ten season, and got their first conference win against Indiana. Anyone else think it feels like 2001 in here?

Iowa 27 - Indiana 17

Celebrity Big Ten Jeopardy

Oops Pow Surprise — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 14:30:04 -0000

[Pre-emptive Terrorist Fist Jab to TOGTM]

Welcome to Blogger Jeopardy. I'm your host, Will Ferrell's impression of Alex Trebek, and we have quite a contest in front of us. In third place, with negative $4,400, is Governor of Alaska and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin!

Thank you Will Ferrell Alex, and I'm just so happy to be here with Americans as we celebrate a great institution called learning and such as to exchange ideas and facts without the media filter and job creation is just not a scary thing under that umbrella as he rears his own head and how is that even possible heads don't even have rears or not places to rear themselves anyway and did you know Barack Obama is a terrorist?

Wonderful. In second place with negative $3,100, an old friend of ours who still has not taken off that oversized hat, Burt Reynolds!

That's not my name.

Fine, Turd Ferguson.

Heh. Funny name.

No it is not. And finally, an even older friend of the program, with no dollars and a missing buzzer, all the way from Happy Valley, Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno!

MISTER PATERNO WILL BE FINE, THANK YOU

Mr. Paterno

THANK YOU

has requested that we call him Mr. Paterno.

THANK YOU

Hey talking guy. Check it out.

And it appears Turd Ferguson has changed his name once again to Dick Biggington.

Ha! It's a funny name. Dick Biggington.

No it isn't.

It means I have a large penis.

No it does not.

Funny name.

We have quite the Double Jeopardy in front of us, so let's look at the topics. They are:

New Offensive Schemes In 2008, not many of those, Potpourri, Modern American Literature, which we will skip, Coaches, Food Is Yummy, and finally, Big Ten Teams in Minnesota. Governor Palin, you haven't come close to answering a question correctly or even coherently, but since rules dictate that the contestant in last place chooses the first category, I regret to inform the audience that the board is yours.

I'm goin' to choose Joe Six-Pack!

That is not a category.

Poot'n?

No.

Joooe Sixp--

MISTER SIXPACK WILL BE FINE THANK YOU

That! That one!

THANK YOU

No! For crying out loud, let's start with New Offensive Schemes for $200. "This oft-maligned quarterbacks coach and his offensive approach that has rolled over opponents." Mr. Paterno, you may know this.

WHAT IS THE SINGLE WING

Incorrect.

THE T-FORMATION

It's not your turn, and no.

THE REVERSE COWGIRL

That's how I made Trig and he came out extra retarded!

What?! Stop it. Dick?

NO THANK YOU

Yeah uh, it's football.

No.

Yeah it is. They play football.

Yes, but that's

Colors for a thousand.

For the last time, football is incorrect! The correct response was, "what is Jay Paterno and the Spread HD?"

DO NOT DARE USE MY DAMNED PROSTITUTE SON'S NAME IN FRONT OF ME

(runs out of Radio City Music Hall crying)

As much of a raging success that last question was, let's switch gears to Coaches for $200. And the answer is, "This icon was named the 'Big Ten's Sexiest Coach Feature' in 2007, beating out Ron Zook's muscles and Bill Lynch's 11-inch mansausage." Yes, Ms. Palin, you rang in first?

Well, I certainly can answer that question, Alex. You see, Alaska shares a narrow maritime border with Russia, and we can see them from our state if the skies are clear and we're on an uninhabited island and we're looking at their uninhabi

Time.

In what respect, Charlie?

Time's up.

When did you change into a pink shirt? Yes, Mr. Paterno.

THANK YOU, THE ANSWER IS KIRK FERENTZ'S GAMS

What? Good lord, no. Mr. Biggington will not be ringing in, as he has wandered away from the stage once again. The correct response is, what is Joe Tiller's Mustache? Good heavens, even Terri Schiavo would dominate you people.

I WOULD LIKE TO CHOOSE A CATEGORY

Sure. Fine. Whatever. I'm drinking either way.

I REQUEST THE AMERICAN LITERATURE FOR $600 PLEASE, THANK YOU

I cannot recommend that, but you've done enough damage in the easy categories anyway, so here we go. This Alice Walker book was adapted into a movie that earned Whoopi Goldberg her first and only Oscar. I will be stunned if anybody gets this. Yes, Burt?

Dick.

Whatever.

Yeah, what's a ham sandwich?

No.

Ham sandwich.

NO. Come on, people. This is what LTP's dick looks like with his team at 5-0. Mr. Paterno?

I ONCE MADE WHOOPIE WITH A YOUNG LASS, PROBABLY NO OLDER THAN 16 WERE EITHER OF US. WHAT FUN WE HAD FROLICKING ALONG THE BANKS OF THE ALLEGHENY AND EXPLORING OUR YOUNG, NUBILE FRAMES WITH INVITING FINGERTIPS, MOUTHS, AND ANI. THE TWIST IS THAT AFTERWARDS SHE TOLD ME HER LAST NAME WAS GOLDBERG. THAT IS MY WHOOPIE GOLDBERG STORY

This nothing to do with

DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, YOU HEATHEN RAPSCALLION. LONG STORY SHORT, I HAD TO GO HOME AND TELL MY FATHER I HAD CONTRACTED THE DREADED JEWISH CHLAMYDIA. I COVETED MONEY FOR A DECADE AND SAW MY FORESKIN DECREASE EXPONENTIALLY

I'll just end this one now before we lose even more viewers and just say incorrect. The Color Purple, people? Anyone?

Light urple?

No! You want to take this one, Mrs. Palin?

Food.

Food for what?

For our world view?

No, for what amount? $200?

Our world view?

Are you always this dense?

You know what? Forget it. Let's move on to Final Jeopardy now for the good of all humanity. You're all catastrophically in debt to Merv Griffin Enterprises after this episode, so we'll just forgive the debt of whoever comes halfway close to answering this question correctly: Who is the movie "Rudy" about?

It could be the namesake of the movie... his nickname... perhaps his alma mater... even their nickname is good... Jon Favreau was in the movie, why not name him? That would be a win... anything at all, related to the movie, and you win. Anything that you can associate to the movie or even the word "Rudy" and you win. Anything.

Time is up, and here are our answers.

Governor Palin, you wrote... "No Socialism Fear The Black Guy." Wow.

I'm just a hockey mom!

The absolute worst in our nation's history. And you wagered... White Power with a dollar sign. Wow. Mr., um, Biggington, your response?

I didn't write anything.

Best answer yet. Mr. Paterno

THANK YOU

Say something, anything, about Rudy and you win. And your response? "I STRUGGLED TO KEEP MY TEAM INTERESTED IN 1973 WHEN WE BEAT A MIDDLING NCSU TEAM BY SIX TO KEEP OUR UNDEFEATED SEASON ALIVE. WE DESERVED TO LOSE THE GAME, WE DID. SO I FOUND A GOAT AND THAT IS WHERE THE FUN BEGAN." Okay, I'm not giving up on this. Did you kill it?

GOD YES

Was it named "Rudy"?

Do you understand that if you say the word "Rudy" you automatically win on account of your opponents are drooling retards?

Oh goddammit.

SO RUDY THE GOAT STARTS

Aha! I knew it! JoePa wins! Get me the hell out of here! Good night, people!

WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO

THE GYMNASIUM HAS GONE DARK

AND SO HAS MY PROSTATE

GOOD NIGHT PEOPLE

COME TO PENN SHTAAATE

Editor's note: Due to TLDNR constraints, we could not address the following answers from Mr. Bixel. Ironic, really, since the only reason we said we'd participate was the Hawkeye State question. Our contestants insisted we address these questions after the fact, so fine, whatever.

Who is Hawkeye State?

He is those who would question our freedom.

A JEW

What is Brains?

BRAAAAAIIIINS

Oh no!

OM NOM NOM

DERRR HARRRR WILLIAM AYERS

Okay, so JoePa just, uh, what's a nice way to put this? Uh, he just gave Governor Palin tickets to Syndrome of A Down. Let's say that.

THEY DON'T LOVE AMERICA! ^_-

Anyway. We also didn't get to these:

Who is Terrelle Pryor?

A JEW

Who is Mark May?

Fifth month of the year. Gimme Colors for a million.

Who is Rich Rodriguez?

A JEW

Fuck it. You're right, JoePa. A guy named Rodriguez is a Jew. You're right.

THANK YOU

Best wishes to Bixel and TOGTM, and thanks for hosting this total trainwreck. There's A Game On Saturday? will run Friday afternoon. Run for your lives.

How We're Spending Our CBS Money

Hawkeye State — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:33:05 -0000

It's official: Blogpoll is now the exclusive property of CBS Sports. The people who bring you Billy Packer, sappy Masters coverage, and nineteen different shows with the letters C, S, and I in the title now control college football's most influential poll. We already know that Brian used his CBS money on a gold-and-diamond-studded dollar sign belt, a bodyguard/valet, and an accountant*. But Brian's hardly the only one in line for precious Viacom lucre. Every member of the Blogpoll stands to get paid. We've contacted our favorite bloggers (read: the only ones who will still talk to us) to see what they're doing with their CB$.

HS: Cashed check in $1 bills. Went to OPS's apartment while he was away. Threw bills in bathtub. Bathed. Lit a match. Set fire to bills. Pissed on ashes. Accidentally set off fire alarm. OPS's landlord was nonplussed.

OPS: Purchased every pair of Zubaz pants left in existence. Used the remaining money to get a haircut, a new mesh jersey, and a case of Beast Light. Looked fucking awesome.

OPS, spending wisely

SpartyMSU: Through Awsome Tail Gate Party....with cheeze and Crackers...Home Maid Cookies...And ALL the Diet Rite u could Drink!!!....Invested the Rest in A PYRAMID SKEEM I herd About from John L Smith.........

Eleven Warriors: Paid Terrelle Pryor's 2008 sala...er...tuition. Yeah, tuition.

Black Shoe Diaries: Started their own chapter of City Boyz, Inc. in Happy Valley.

BSD, rollin' on dubs

PJS and Gopher Nation, The Daily Gopher: Repurchased souls sold to Satan in March 2006 in exchange for Tubby Smith's signature - in blood - on his Minnesota contract. Bought bronze pig statue with remaining proceeds (Minnesotan souls aren't that expensive, even with the weak dollar), gave statute to Tim Brewster, and told him it was Floyd of Rosedale. Tim responded, "TREMENDOUS! WE WON A PIG! DID WE BEAT NORTHWESTERN? WHERE AM I? WIN!"

Lake the Posts: Painted the LTP House pink to match his favorite locker room.

"Hope we didn't hurt your property value too bad"

Beuford Bixel and Champ Summers, The Only Game That Matters: Celebrated their good fortune, before realizing they don't actually vote in the Blogpoll. Consumed with anger, started printing Schrutebucks. Arrested and convicted of counterfeiting when they attempted to use Schrutebucks to buy polos and cologne at American Eagle Outfitters.

Paint the Town Orange: Hit the Salvation Army. Tried to out-America J Leman. Flew too close to the sun.

You can't out-America J Leman...but this is close

T. Kyle King, Dawg Sports: New thesaurus.

Troy Nunes Is an Absolute Magician: Made giant donation to Syracuse athletic department. Fired DOCTOR Daryl Gross. Installed Kenny as new AD. Stopped snitchin'.

Orson Swindle, EDSBS: Found Danny Wuerffel living in an alley in Tampa. Hired him as his personal butler. Came home to find all the fine china missing from the curio cabinet, with the 1996 Heisman Trophy left in its place holding an IOU in its hand.

Wuerffel Strikes Again

With all due sincerity, congrats to Brian on engineering this big step forward in blog legitimacy. Let's just hope nobody comes here for information.

(EDIT: Shit, I forgot one. PTTO added late.)

* -- Yes, we know it's the second Irwin R. Schyster reference this week. We're hoping for a three-peat tomorrow.

A chance for redemption?

HoyaGoon — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:51:21 -0000

[bumped, although HoyaGoon has been sent to the gulags for making us remember that fucking game.--OPS]

It was almost exactly 2 years ago to the day that Iowa lost to Indiana 28-31. Entering the game at 5-1, Iowa still seemed poised to finish a strong 2nd or 3rd in the Big Ten, rebounding from the OSU loss by crushing Purdue the prior week. There was just enough reason to believe the hype about Iowa that the OSU loss diminshed. But the inexplicable loss to a truly below-average Indiana is the point that it all went to shit. To my mind, this was the point where Iowa football lost its way, if we're ever going to rise again, it starts this weekend with Indiana.

I remember watching the first half of the game and seeing Iowa absolutely dominate. But the signs of the impending collapse were already there. Missed opportunities to score, Austin Signor shanking field goals, Adam Shada's inability to cover a corpse let alone James Hardy, and a score at half (21-17) that was far closer than it ought to have been. I was convinced, however, that Iowa was still a dominant team and would roll in the 2nd half. I was wrong. The second half was a seemingly never-ending series of miscues, turnovers and bad execution that unfortunately has come to define our program over the past two years.

Obviously, this trend has continued to today (see e.g., Pitt, NU, MSU). But I believe this weekend's game offers us the chance to right the ship, to atone for our prior sins and point the program back in the right direction. All the pieces are there. We are a much better team this year than last, but execution remains our Achilles heel. The death spiral began with Indiana, our opportunity to rise like a Phoenix begins in Bloomington.

And if we lose, I may kill myself with cheap hooch.

[Sir, if you're drinking to die, don't cheat yourself. Expensive hooch.--OPS]

Flyin' Hawaiian Grounded?

HoyaGoon — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:11:29 -0000

Flyin' Hawaiian Grounded?

Looks like Moeaki is out. Again.

BlogpLOL Week 6: BlogpLOL Sells Out

Hawkeye State — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 05:08:51 -0000

As always, criticism and critique of the ballot go in the comments section. Final draft goes in the hopper Tuesday at midnight.

It was bound to happen. I just didn't think it would happen so soon. I left for a long weekend without Internet access, and I come back to find my precious series of tubes replaced with an Abercrombie & Fitch factory outlet store.

We have been unofficially notified that the Blogpoll is now the CBSSports.com Blog Poll. Brian? Rollin' on dubs, to be sure. But this is how it starts, people. Before you know it, we'll all be acting like Jay Mariotti, starting shit with other bloggers (oh, wait) and taking three minutes to put together our ballot without even bothering to consider the week's results (what, that too? Damn).

**Week Six CBS Reebok Bud Light Levitra Blogpoll built by Home Depot and brought to you by Taco Bell**
1.	Alabama
2.	Oklahoma
3.	Missouri
4.	Penn State
5.	Vanderbilt
6.	Texas
7.	Virginia Tech
8.	Southern Cal
9.	Boise State
10.	LSU
11.	North Carolina
12.	Utah
13.	Texas Tech
14.	BYU
15.	Northwestern
16.	Oklahoma State
17.	Tulsa
18.	Ball State
19.	Georgia
20.	Pittsburgh
21.	Georgia Tech
22.	TCU
23.	California
24.	Michigan State
25.	Ohio State

Farmed out to prep school:
South Florida, Kentucky, Connecticut, Mississippi, Oregon

Tackle eligible:
Kentucky, South Florida, Arizona, Florida, Florida State, Wake Forest, Notre Dame

Watched:
Pitt-USF, Iowa-Michigan State, Notre Dame-Stanford, Illinois-Michigan, Nebraska-Mizzou, Texas Tech-Kansas State

As for this week's poll, the resume ranking has broken into five distinct tiers:

-- Alabama, alone at the top

-- Oklahoma, Mizzou, and Penn State, clumped in 2-4.

-- Vanderbilt - yes, Vanderbilt - alone at 5.

-- Thirteen teams, all within 1/2 a resume point per game. The difference between Texas at #6 and Ball State - yes, Ball State - at #18 is miniscule.

-- The same can be said for the final six teams, whose ranking is practically identical.

Clearly, there are a couple of flaws in here. Michigan State is only one spot behind Cal, to whom they lost by seven in week one. Georgia Tech and North Carolina's rankings are inflated by Virginia Tech's, which in turn is inflated by GT and UNC. Northwestern, the worst 5-0 team in the history of organized football, is in the top 15. And Ball State...oh, Ball State. This still doesn't make much sense, but give it time.

As for the actual football, it was a relatively tame week. Ten of the BHGP top eleven survived. South Florida managed to make Iowa's loss to Pitt look much, much better. North Carolina managed to make the Big East look much, much worse. The Mexican Standoff That Is the SEC is back, as Southerners continue their two hundred year tradition of eating their young. Sigh.

So, with nothing else to talk about, let's discuss the Big XII. Specifically, let's talk about Nebraska. In particular, let's discuss gambling on Nebraska. That is to say, let me show you how to make your mortgage payment on the back of Bo Pelini.

I watched the Nebraska-Mizzou game in a sports bar in Omaha. Two hours prior to the game, I'd been told the Vegas line was Missouri -10. I asked one of the degenerates sitting beside me who he had. He said he wanted nothing to do with that line.

"Really? You don't think the Huskers can beat a ten-point spread at home?" I asked.

"Ten? Son, nobody's giving less than 11 1/2."

It took five seconds for my neurons to fire and my brain to compute the amazing, earth-shattering, sportsbook-massacring information I had just been gifted. Here I was in Omaha, the cradle of obnoxious, myopic, entitled Big Red fandom, and the line was two points higher than the outside world was offering. Even with all the crackpot supporters throwing this year's harvest on Nebraska; even with the homerific betting inherent in any locale obsessed with one team (only exaggerated by the fact that it's Omaha, where Tommie Frazier never pays for a meal and there's no other game in town); even with CIA-level intelligence and counterintelligence circulating through the local gambling public (another barfly told me, "This is going to be a lot closer than anyone thinks. I have a source in the program. They've been working on a bunch of trick plays this week. Missouri won't know what hit them." That doesn't even mention Nebraska's "mystery defense" strategy); even with all of this working to drive down the line, you still couldn't get better than NU +11 1/2. Nebraska fans knew far more about this game than anyone else (except for possibly Missouri fans), and they wanted nothing to do with the Huskers at +10.

The rest was an episode of College Football Gambling Memories. A recap, HuskerH8r?

But in the big grand scheme of things, besides all that, the world is really no different than it was last season, or really much after the season before that. However, your indifference and growing apathy does hide the fact well that you truly are further up the proverbial creek than you realize for one reason and one reason only:

There is nobody left to fire and nothing more you can do.

The team in red and white and the fans who cheered for them that surrounded me last night did not look like the machine that once dominated the college football landscape. What I saw was a pathetic facsimile of a storied program in love with itself and completely unable to turn the page into the 21st century. If you people spent half as much time worrying about your complete and total lack of talent and coaching as you did worrying about when Chuck Liddell was going to make an appearance, you’d probably be in far less of a hole today than you are.

I didn't just end Saturday with my credit card balance in hand. I came away from this weekend with that feeling in the cockles of my heart that I hadn't felt since I left Omaha, that intoxicating mix of Schadenfreude and pure joy that comes with a Husker blowout. I'm not proud of it, but it's true: I still hate Nebraska.

Hawkeyes get commit from son of Bear

Oops Pow Surprise — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:48:53 -0000

Hawkeyes get commit from son of Bear

This is not a repeat of the McMillan story, although the ", reporter slain with bare hands" missing from the end of the headline probably told you that anyway.

The Takeaway: Michigan State

Oops Pow Surprise — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 06:32:31 -0000

Sure, Iowa just snatched another defeat from the jaws of victory, 16-13. But how much do we really know? What was really important about losing to Michigan State? What does it all mean, Basil? The Takeaway has the answer.

The fundamentals of this football team are strong. We're feeling especially ignoble today, so we'll be writing The Takeaway with quotes plucked from infamy and impending failure. But while John McCain is imploding worse than Iowa State against a ranked team, we're happy to bastardize his economy quote. Look, Iowa's not a bad team that's headed for the shitter, no matter what your hyper-reactionist friends were shrieking about the last three weeks. Shonn Greene is now 3rd in the nation in rushing yards, and he vastly outperformed Javon Ringer, who's one spot above Greene. Greene is a legitimate workhorse and will merit strong* consideration for First Team All-Big Ten at tailback, a possibility that seemed absolutely unfathomable for the Hawkeyes in the spring.

Then again, running through a hole like this is really easy.

Further, the injuries and suspensions aren't piling up. At this point last season, Iowa was a broken shell of a team, missing seniors all over the place and relying on true freshmen way more than a BCS team ever should. This year, Iowa's deep on both sides of the ball, if not very experienced yet. That will come game by game, and it'll pay huge dividends over the next couple years as that massive freshmen class from 2007 matures.

We're getting better and better! The Zooker knows what I'm talking about. This Iowa team would probably throttle its 2006 and 2007 iterations. There's no rock bottom being hit here, unlike that horrifying 21-7 sleepwalk against Northwestern in '06 or the disturbing 31-22 loss to WMU. Iowa has been one score away from victory against three straight ranked opponents (if you want to be technical, only MSU is ranked in both polls; Northwestern is #22 in the ESPN poll, and Pitt is #24 in the AP).

Further, absolutely nobody has outphysicaled (new word) Iowa; these games have been lost by Iowa's playcalling and miscues. Ferentz and O'Keefe didn't knock the ball out of Stanzi's hands twice in the first half, and Christ help us all if they told him forcing that pass on 3rd and goal was a good idea. Stanzi's airmail tendencies from the ISU game have all but vanished, and he's completing over two-thirds of his passes. Sure, most of those are of the devastating TE-Three-Yard-Out variety and throwing only five TDs in 100 passes isn't great, but he's still already 4th in the Big Ten in passing efficiency. For a first-year starter who clearly has some mental progress to be made, that's a healthy start.

Lineman on the ground and Clayborn in full Beast Mode is probably not how MSU drew this play up.

All great movements are popular movements. They are the volcanic eruptions of human passions and emotions, stirred into activity by the ruthless Goddess of Distress or by the torch of the spoken word cast into the midst of the people. Hey, why not end this one with Hitler? There are a few Fire Ferentz websites cropping up, none of which really merit a link (but I'll guess Google can point you in the right direction if you're so inclined), mainly because they're utterly unreadable. Not to put too specific a point on this comparison, but let's be honest: they're all fucking Nazis.

Now, you might be thinking, "Uh, didn't BHGP call for Ferentz's head?" We wanted him to resign. There's absolutely no ground for termination. It's seppuku vs. the death penalty (man, this last one's getting morbid). But knee-jerk mid-season "we just lost a game by 4 and SOMEONE'S GOING DOWN DAMN IT" reactions are worthless, especially because they result in precisely dick being done.

At least Lee Greenwood loves America.

Look, Ferentz is the coach, O'Keefe is his coordinator, and Brett Greenwood is his disastrous safety. These are facts that we cannot change from the stands. Oh, sure, fans booed Christensen and then Stanzi was starting, but it's ridiculous to think Ferentz would still be starting JC if the fans were more supportive or something. Both the booing and the benching were effects of the same cause: poor play. That's all.

So now it's off to Bloomington to face a middling-to-poor Indiana team. If you thought the MSU matchup was a must-win game, just think about the hell that rains down if Iowa loses their fourth game of the year before they face PSU, Wisconsin, or Illinois. As it stands now, hopes of anything more than 6-6 are dim. Let's hope they're not snuffed out completely before the leaves even turn.

Photo credits: All courtesy of Dan Williamson/Iowa City Press-Citizen

*I used the "strong" tag for the word "strong." You catch that? You like that? Damn right you do.

LIVECOOLTHREADOPENGAMEBLOG: MICHIGAN STATE SUCKS

Oops Pow Surprise — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 15:00:05 -0000

The puppy went on to beat Michigan State by 23.

As always, leave your comments here so you can feel important and immortal when you criticize the offensive coordinator. Top comment wins something! Iowa wins by 30! Go team! Sports!

Quick Betting Note: Who Wants More Money???

Oops Pow Surprise — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 11:00:05 -0000

PSA: Make your own gambling decisions and don't bet with money you don't have. Betting doesn't make poor people cool, it makes them Uncle Buck without the kids. You can lose money betting. That's the whole point.

Okay. So our first little adventure didn't quite go exactly as planned. That's okay; everyone knows first sons are just trial runs! Who cares if the casino owns them now, anyway? If anything I did you a favor.

Anyway, you're talking to the BHGP league leader in the pick'em, so listen up: there are two lines that jump out at me this weekend (It bears mentioning, of course, that gambling is a degenerate activity and these exercises are strictly for entertainment purposes only):

1) Hawaii at Fresno State (-22.0). This is not Colt Brennan's Hawaii. Like, at all. Their only win was a slugfest with mighty Weber State. They got blown out at Florida (understandable) and at Oregon State (a little more understandable after last week but still WTF mate) and couldn't even win at home against San Jose State, who is stealing I-A membership on a yearly basis.

Hawaii is starting something called "Inoke Funaki" at QB, whose best accomplishment in both his previous starts has been being benched for Tyler Graunke. Graunke's injured, however, so Hawaii's going with the tried-and-true strategy of "backup QB starting because we have no choice." That spells disaster, especially against a Fresno squad who's been tuning up against real competition all year. This game is a welcome deep breath for the Bulldogs; they've either been on the road or facing a Top 10 team all season. Meanwhile, Hawaii's barely even Top 10 in the WAC.

Sure, -22.0 is big, especially because Fresno coasting to, say, a 38-17 win is A) their biggest win of the year and B) less money for you. But Hawaii is on the road with a first-year coach, a lousy quarterback, and a resume that wouldn't get you hired at Burger King. Take Pat Hill gleefully. BONUS!!!: The game's not until late Saturday; you can spend all day marveling at the mastery of my picks before you commit money to the Tao Te Oops.

2) Auburn (-4.0) at Vanderbilt. Come on. I know it's technically #13 at #19 and that's supposed to be a big deal. I know. The truth of the matter is that Auburn is so much more talented than Vandy it's silly.

Yes, Auburn has been brutal on offense. Miserable. They're also facing a positively average Vandy defense; Vandy has given up 17 a game against nobody. Combine that with Auburn's scary-scary defense against a tepid run-run-run offense, and we're looking at Vandy down 14-3 in the middle of the third, throwing, and fucking up all over the place. By the time they score a TD, it'll be way too late--a deceptively close 17-10 score is my pick.

I'm taking Auburn in Yahoo, and if I were Chuck Barkley throwing money around I'd be dropping mad change on my alma mater tonight.

It's too late to change any picks in the group, but does anyone else have any locks for our readers?