Black Heart Gold Pants

PARTY TIME: Iowa Wrestling Clinches 23rd National Championship

2010-03-20T03:29:48Z

PARTY HARD

After an incredibly dominant performance in the semifinal round tonight (five wins in five matches), the Iowa wrestling team officially clinched the 2010 National Championship. It's Iowa's third-straight national championship and twenty-third overall. We're still twelve behind Oklahoma State for the overall lead in national championships (although 19 of theirs came when they were something called "Oklahoma A&M," and claiming those titles is just the sort of underhanded shenanigans we expect out of people best known for illegally grabbing land), but the Brands machine is a-rollin' now.

There were many highlights for the Hawks in the semifinal round, like the continued pwnage of everyone in his path by McDonough, Dennis earning a fourth-straight win over Franklin Gomez with yet another late takedown off a wild scramble, Marion getting a late reversal to secure his win, and Metcalf bein' Metcalf (as much as he could against an opponent intent to hug the out-of-bounds line as much as humanly possible), but unquestionably the most exhilarating, stunning, and flat-out HOLY FUCK DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN moment of the semis (and the win that may have officially clinched the team title for Iowa; I'm not sure) was Borschel's amazing come-from-behind 10-9 win over Virginis'a Christopher Henrich (3-seed).

He was down 5-0 within the opening minute and down 9-3 at one point in the second period. Henrich's strategy seemed to be to shock and awe Borschel at the start of the match and try like hell to hang on. It wasn't a terrible strategy, considering that Borschel has rarely been behind in his matches this year and it wasn't clear how he'd react. Fortunately, he reacted by getting back to the fundamentals of Iowa wresting under Gable/Brands: never stop attacking. Borschel kept coming at Henrich and he was rewarded handsomely, with two takedowns and two points off stall calls on Henrich (and who probably could have been nailed with another one in the closing minute of the third period when he was utterly lifeless on the mat as JayBo rode him out for victory). He scored his final takedown with just enough time remaining to secure a riding time point if he could ride him out... which is exactly what he did. An unbelievable win that highlighted a dream-like run through the semifinals. The team hardware is locked up; tomorrow night's all about individual glory now. A year ago, the Hawks won the national title with zero national champions and went home glum. This year they'll have five shots to rectify that. After tonight's efforts, we're sure as hell not betting against 'em.

SEMIFINAL ROUND -- CHAMPIONSHIP BRACKET
125 - #3 Matt McDonough MAJ DEC (14-3) UN Cashe Quiroga (PUR)
133 - #2 Dan Dennis DEC (5-3, OT) #3 Franklin Gomez (MSU)
141 - #6 Montell Marion DEC (7-6) #10 Tyler Nauman (Pitt)
149 - #2 Brent Metcalf DEC (6-2) #3 Kyle Terry (Okla)
174 - #2 Jay Borschel DEC (10-9) #3 Christopher Henrich (Virginia)

FINALS -- CHAMPIONSHIP BRACKET
125 - #3 Matt McDonough vs. #5 Andrew Long (ISU)
133 - #2 Dan Dennis vs. #1 Jayson Ness (Minny)
141 - #6 Montell Marion vs. #1 Kyle Dake (Cornell)
149 - #2 Brent Metcalf vs. #1 Lance Palmer (fOSU)
174 - #2 Jay Borschel vs. #1 Mack Lewnes (Cornell)

FOURTH ROUND MATCHES -- CONSOLATION BRACKET
165 - #7 Ryan Morningstar DEC (3-2) UN Justin Kerber (Cornell)
184 - #9 Phil Keddy MAJ DEC (14-5) UN Andrew Saunders (UNC Greensboro)
197 - #5 Trevor Brandvold (Wisco) DEC (7-4) #9 Chad Beatty (no All-America for Beatty)
Hwt - #5 Dan Erekson DEC (4-1) #6 Nathan Everhart (Indiana)

FIFTH ROUND MATCHES -- CONSOLATION BRACKET
165 - UN Nick Amuchastegui (Stanford) DEC (2-0) #7 Ryan Morningstar
184 - #5 Clayton Foster (Okie State) DEC (5-3) #9 Phil Keddy
Hwt - #9 Mark Ellis (Mizzou) DEC (3-1) #5 Dan Erekson
All three guys (Morningstar, Keddy, and Erekson) will wrestle in the 7th place match tomorrow morning.

WE'RE TALKIN' WRESTLEBALL: NCAA Tourneys, Friday Evening Edition

2010-03-19T22:30:17Z

Session IV (including both the fourth and fifth round consolation matches and the semifinal matches in the championship bracket) begins at 6:00pm CST. TV coverage on ESPNU and a live stream at ESPN360.com. There's also radio coverage (KXIC if you're in or around Iowa City; Hawkeye All-Access ($) via the intewebs otherwise) or liveblogs/Twitter updates. Liveblogs: Andy Hamilton at Hawk Central; KJ Pilcher at the Gazoo. Twitter: (P-C) Andy_Hamilton, (Gazoo) kjpilcher, (DI) jtbugos and rcyou.

Feel free to chat about whichever NCAA Tournament you happen to be watching.

UPDATED BRACKET

SEMIFINAL ROUND -- CHAMPIONSHIP BRACKET
125 - #3 Matt McDonough v. UN Cashe Quiroga (PUR)
133 - #2 Dan Dennis v. #3 Franklin Gomez (MSU)
141 - #6 Montell Marion v. #10 Tyler Nauman (Pitt)
149 - #2 Brent Metcalf v. #3 Kyle Terry (Okla)
174 - #2 Jay Borschel v. #3 Christopher Henrich (Virginia)

FOURTH ROUND MATCHES -- CONSOLATION BRACKET
165 - #7 Ryan Morningstar v. UN Justin Kerber (Cornell)
184 - #9 Phil Keddy v. UN Andrew Saunders (UNC Greensboro)
197 - #9 Chad Beatty v. #5 Trevor Brandvold (Wisco)
Hwt - #5 Dan Erekson v. #6 Nathan Everhart (Indiana)

TEAM SCORES AFTER SESSION III
1) Iowa - 73 pts (5 wrestlers alive in championship bracket, 4 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
2) Cornell - 54 pts (3 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 4 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
3) Iowa State - 46 pts (3 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 3 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
3) Ohio State - 46 pts (2 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 3 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
5) Oklahoma - 44 pts (3 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 3 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)

HISTORY AGAINST OPP.
125: McD FALL (2:13) Cashe Quiroga (09-10)
133: Dennis DEC (5-4) Franklin Gomez (09-10, Dennis DEC (3-2) Franklin Gomez (09-10), Dennis DEC (3-2) Franklin Gomez (08-09)
141: No prior meetings
149: Metcalf MAJ DEC (14-6) Kyle Terry (08-09)
157: Kerr DEC (4-3) the bench
165: No prior meetings
174: No prior meetings
184: No prior meetings
197: Beatty DEC (6-3) Trevor Brandvold (09-10)
Hwt: Erekson DEC (9-6) Nathan Everhart (09-10)

NCAA TOURNAMENT SCORING
1st: 16pts
2nd: 12pts
3rd: 10pts
4th: 9pts
5th: 7pts
6th: 6pts
7th: 4pts
8th: 3pts

Bonus points:
Fall, Forfeit, DQ, Default: 2pts
Tech Fall (w/ nearfall points): 1.5pts
Tech Fall (w/o nearfall points) and Major Decision: 1pt

Advancement points:
Championship side: 1pt
Bye followed by win on Championship side: 1pt
Consolation side: .5pt
Bye followed by win on Consolation side: .5pt

WE'RE TALKIN' WRESTLEBALL: NCAA Tourneys, Friday Daytime Edition

2010-03-19T14:00:52Z

Well, I couldn't leave you hanging on that cliffhanger, right?

Session III (including both the second and third round consolation matches and the quarterfinal matches in the championship bracket) begins at 9:30am CST. TV coverage on ESPNU and a live stream at ESPN360.com. There's also radio coverage (KXIC if you're in or around Iowa City; Hawkeye All-Access ($) via the intewebs otherwise) or liveblogs/Twitter updates. Liveblogs: Andy Hamilton at Hawk Central; KJ Pilcher at the Gazoo. Twitter: (P-C) Andy_Hamilton, (Gazoo) kjpilcher, (DI) jtbugos and rcyou.

Feel free to chat about whichever NCAA Tournament you happen to be watching.

UPDATED BRACKET

QUARTERFINAL ROUND -- CHAMPIONSHIP BRACKET
125 - #3 Matt McDonough MAJ DEC (9-0) Jarrod Garnett (Va Tech)
133 - #2 Dan Dennis DEC (4-3) #10 Nick Fanthorpe (ISU)
141 - #6 Montell Marion DEC (7-5, OT) Germane Lindsey (Ohio)
149 - #2 Brent Metcalf MAJ DEC (16-4) #7 Mitch Mueller (ISU)
165 - #2 Jarrod King (Edinboro) DEC (2-1) #7 Ryan Morningstar
174 - #2 Jay Borschel DEC (3-0) #10 Jordan Blanton (Illinois)
184 - #1 Kirk Smith (Boise State) DEC (6-4) #9 Phil Keddy
Hwt - #4 Konrad Dudziak (Duke) DEC (6-2) #5 Dan Erekson

SECOND ROUND MATCHES -- CONSOLATION BRACKET
157 - UN Jake Kerr DEC (6-5) #11 Robert Erisman (Okie State)
197 - #9 Chad Beatty DEC (2-1) Joseph Kennedy (Lehigh)
157 - #9 Matt Moley (Bloom?) DEC (5-1) Jake Kerr; Kerr is out of the tourney now
197 - #9 Chad Beatty v. ???

TEAM SCORES AFTER SESSION III
1) Iowa - 72 pts (5 wrestlers alive in championship bracket, 4 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
2) Cornell - 50 pts (3 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 4 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
3) Iowa State - 45.5 pts (3 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 4 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
4) Ohio State - 44 pts (2 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 5 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)
5) Oklahoma - 43 pts (2 wrestlers alive in the championship bracket, 4 wrestlers still alive in consol. bracket)

HISTORY AGAINST OPP.
125: McD MAJ DEC (15-7) Garnett (09-10)
133: Dennis DEC (10-8, OT) Fanthorpe (09-10), Dennis DEC (4-3) Fanthorpe (08-09)
141: No prior meetings
149: Metcalf FALL (5:50) Mueller (09-10), Metcalf DEC (7-3) Mueller (09-10), Metcalf TECH FALL (26-10) Mueller (08-09), Metcalf MAJ DEC (14-4) Mueller (07-08), Metcalf DEC (10-4) Mueller (07-08)
157: No prior meetings
165: No prior meetings
174: Borschel DEC (6-0) Blanton (09-10)
184: Smith DEC (3-1, OT) Keddy (09-10), Keddy DEC (5-2) Smith (07-08), Keddy DEC (3-2) Smith (07-08), Keddy DEC (2-1, OT) Smith (07-08),
197: Beatty DEC (3-2) Kennedy (09-10)
Hwt: No prior meetings

NCAA TOURNAMENT SCORING
1st: 16pts
2nd: 12pts
3rd: 10pts
4th: 9pts
5th: 7pts
6th: 6pts
7th: 4pts
8th: 3pts

Bonus points:
Fall, Forfeit, DQ, Default: 2pts
Tech Fall (w/ nearfall points): 1.5pts
Tech Fall (w/o nearfall points) and Major Decision: 1pt

Advancement points:
Championship side: 1pt
Bye followed by win on Championship side: 1pt
Consolation side: .5pt
Bye followed by win on Consolation side: .5pt

WE'RE TALKIN' WRESTLEBALL: NCAA Tourneys, PM Sessions

2010-03-18T23:00:31Z

What do you mean, "wrong sport involving balls?" '80s cheese WILL NEVER DIE.

Session II (including both the first round consolation matches and the second round matches in the championship bracket) begins at 6:30pm CST. No TV coverage, but there's a live stream at NCAA.com. There's also radio coverage (KXIC if you're in or around Iowa City; Hawkeye All-Access ($) via the intewebs otherwise) or liveblogs/Twitter updates. Liveblogs: Andy Hamilton at Hawk Central; KJ Pilcher at the Gazoo. Twitter: (P-C) Andy_Hamilton, (Gazoo) kjpilcher, (DI) jtbugos and rcyou.

Feel free to chat about whichever NCAA Tournament you happen to be watching.

SECOND ROUND MATCHES -- CHAMPIONSHIP BRACKET
125 - #3 Matt McDonough DEC (10-6) Anthony Zanetta (Pitt)
133 - #2 Dan Dennis DEC (4-0) Kelly Kubec (Oregon St)
141 - #6 Montell Marion DEC (10-5) Conor Beebe (Cent Mich)
149 - #2 Brent Metcalf MAJ DEC (20-7) Kyle Borshoff (American)
157 - #1 JP O'Connor (Harvard) DEC (8-1) UN Jake Kerr
165 - #7 Ryan Morningstar DEC (3-1) #10 Alex Meade (Okie St)
174 - #2 Jay Borschel MAJ DEC (10-0) Daniel Rinaldi (Rutgers)
184 - #9 Phil Keddy DEC (6-2) #8 Louis Caputo (Harvard)
Hwt - #5 Dan Erekson PIN #12 Scott Steele (Navy)

SECOND ROUND MATCHES -- CONSOLATION BRACKET
197 - #9 Chad Beatty DEC (5-4) Dennis Drury (UNC)

TEAM SCORE AFTER ROUND ONE

1. Iowa 21.5
2. Oklahoma State 16
3. (tie) Central Michigan, Lehigh, Wisconsin 15
6. Cornell 14
7. (tie) Iowa State, Ohio State 13
9. Oregon State 11.5
10. (tie) Minnesota, Missouri, Oklahoma 11

HISTORY AGAINST OPP.
125: No prior meetings
133: No prior meetings
141: Marion DEC (11-5) Beebe (08-09)
149: No prior meetings
157: No prior meetings
165: Meade DEC (5-3) Morningstar (09-10)
174: Borschel MAJ DEC (16-3) Rinaldi (09-10)
184: Keddy DEC (3-2) Caputo (09-10), Keddy DEC (6-3) Caputo (08-09), Keddy DEC (2-0) Caputo (08-09), Caputo DEC (7-0) Keddy (06-07)
197: No prior meetings
Hwt: No prior meetings

NCAA TOURNAMENT SCORING

1st: 16pts
2nd: 12pts
3rd: 10pts
4th: 9pts
5th: 7pts
6th: 6pts
7th: 4pts
8th: 3pts

Bonus points:
Fall, Forfeit, DQ, Default: 2pts
Tech Fall (w/ nearfall points): 1.5pts
Tech Fall (w/o nearfall points) and Major Decision: 1pt

Advancement points:
Championship side: 1pt
Bye followed by win on Championship side: 1pt
Consolation side: .5pt
Bye followed by win on Consolation side: .5pt

WE'RE TALKIN' WRESTLING: NCAA Tourney, Session I

2010-03-18T16:15:10Z

Session I (including both the first-round "pigtail" matches and the first round matches) begins at 11am CST. No TV coverage, but there's a live stream at NCAA.com. There's also radio coverage (KXIC if you're in or around Iowa City; Hawkeye All-Access ($) via the intewebs otherwise) or liveblogs/Twitter updates. Liveblogs: Andy Hamilton at Hawk Central; KJ Pilcher at the Gazoo. Twitter: (P-C) Andy_Hamilton, (Gazoo) kjpilcher, (DI) jtbugos and rcyou.

Why is Brent Metcalf the fucking man? Oh yeah. From Andy Hamilton's excellent profile of Metcalf:

He's been the face of the franchise for the college wrestling's most visible team. He's been one of the sport's most polarizing figures. He's a fierce competitor who has been loved by Iowa fans and loathed by the haters of the Hawkeyes.

"Win or lose, he's the talk of wrestling because of the way he competes," said Mark Perry, Metcalf's former teammate at Iowa and current assistant at Cal Poly. "Brent is one of the nicest, most down-to-Earth people I've met ... but he has a bad rep because of the way he competes, and it was the same with the Brands brothers, it was the same with (Royce) Alger, it's the same as anybody who's a good competitor. If you're a good competitor, people want to knock you down. He doesn't deserve it, but that's what comes with being successful."

Metcalf has been one of the most instrumental pieces to Iowa's rise back to the top, a lynchpin to the Hawkeyes' bid for a third consecutive national title. He begins his personal quest for his second NCAA title today at the Qwest Center in Omaha, and if he gets it, Metcalf will finish his college career with the second-best winning percentage in Iowa history.

Make with the clicky and read the rest of the article, too, because (a) Hamilton's good people and he deserves the hits and (b) it's a great article filled with lots of interesting stories about Metcalf, one of the most interesting and dominant Iowa athletes of the past decade. Savor his matches these next few days; they're the last time you'll get to see Metcalf (as well as the other six seniors in the lineup) in action in Iowa singlets.

So how good was this group of seniors? Pretty damn good, as KJ Pilcher explains in the Gazoo:

This group has the chance to go unblemished — winning every dual, the Midlands Championships, NWCA National Duals, the Big Ten Championships and the NCAA Championships — a second straight year. They already hold Iowa records for most consecutive dual wins (61) and road dual victories (41). A third straight NCAA crown, which would be Iowa’s 23rd, can cement this class’ place in Iowa history. The Hawkeyes want to finish strong.

And, amazingly, to this point they've done it all with only one national champion (Metcalf), although the first national champion team (2007-2008) also featured Mark Perry as a national champion. Hopefully they add a few more national champions this weekend to really cement their legacy as one of the finest groups of wrestlers in Iowa history.

FIRST ROUND MATCHES
125 - #3 Matt McDonough TECH FALL (16-0) Jason Lara (Oregon State)
133 - #2 Dan Dennis DEC (6-2) Kevin Smith (Buffalo)
141 - #6 Montell Marion DEC (11-8) Cole Von Ohlen (Air Force)
149 - #2 Brent Metcalf MAJ DEC (15-6) Trenton Washington (UNI)
157 - UN Jake Kerr DEC (8-7) Tejovan Edwards (Arizona State)
165 - #7 Ryan Morningstar DEC (4-2, OT) Donald Jones (West Virginia)
174 - #2 Jay Borschel DEC (7-1) Scott Giffin (Penn)
184 - #9 Phil Keddy MAJ DEC (11-3) Michael Salopek (Virginia)
197 - Alan Gelogaev (Okie State) DEC (4-2, 2OT) #9 Chad Beatty
Hwt - #5 Dan Erekson DEC (11-6) Clayton Jack (Oregon State)

HISTORY AGAINST OPP.
125: McD's never faced either guy before.
133: Dennis has never faced Smith before.
141: Marion has never faced Van Ohlen before.
149: Metcalf has never faced Washington before (Washington was at 141 earlier; Marion pinned him at this year's Iowa-UNI dual.)
157: Kerr has never faced Edwards before.
165: Morningstar DEC Jones, 7-5 (OT) (2009 NCAA Tournament)
174: Borschel has never faced Giffin before.
184: Keddy has never faced Salopek before.
197: Beatty has never faced Gelogaev before; Gelogaev DEC Luke Lofthouse (3-2) at the Iowa-OSU dual this year.
Hwt: Erekson has never faced Jack before.

NCAA TOURNAMENT SCORING

1st: 16pts
2nd: 12pts
3rd: 10pts
4th: 9pts
5th: 7pts
6th: 6pts
7th: 4pts
8th: 3pts

Bonus points:
Fall, Forfeit, DQ, Default: 2pts
Tech Fall (w/ nearfall points): 1.5pts
Tech Fall (w/o nearfall points) and Major Decision: 1pt

Advancement points:
Championship side: 1pt
Bye followed by win on Championship side: 1pt
Consolation side: .5pt
Bye followed by win on Consolation side: .5pt

BLACK HEART GOLD PODCAST 26: BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH

2010-03-18T13:45:09Z

(T/F/J @matt_T)

With Todd Lickliter fired Monday morning, the coaching search rumor mill threatening to spin off its axle, and OPS's computer infected with the binary code equivalent of hepatitis C, HS is joined by Storminspank to discuss the names being floated and the fact that we really don't know anything about coaching searches and are essentially grasping at straws until Gary Barta reveals he has paid Mike Dunleavy $4 million per year for 13 years to be our coach. With that established, we move on to the Barbasol couple's unfortunate early exit from MARCHIFORNICATION.

Listen below or subscribe on iTunes and get them a day early.

BHGPodcast 26a

We Must Break You: Breaking Down the Brackets, NCAA Tourney-style

2010-03-18T02:00:19Z

Matt McD is ready to Hulk Up and legdrop his way to victory in Omaha.

For this installment of Wrestling Bracketology, we're going to do things a little differently. Instead of breaking things down match-by-match (an approach made exceptionally difficult by the complexity of the brackets and the frequency of upsets at the NCAA Tournament), we're going to look at WHAT WE THINK WILL HAPPEN. There's no point looking at the BEST CASE SCENARIO (national champion! woo!) or WORST CASE SCENARIO (0-2! boo!), since they're the same for everyone.

It's not shameless homerism, empty boasting, or ridiculous hyperbole to state that Iowa will almost certainly need to stumble for any other team to win the NCAA Tournament; if the Iowa wrestlers perform to the level of their seeds, Iowa will win the team title comfortably (though Iowa would, for the second year in a row, have no individual champions) unless another team has a bunch of guys wrestle way over their seeds. The reality, of course, is that every team will have guys who fail to live up to the expectation of their seeds and guys who exceed the expectations of their seeds. By virtue of the depth and balance of their talent, Iowa simply has a bit more breathing room than most other programs. Mind you, that breathing room can evaporate in a heartbeat after a few ill-timed upsets, as Iowa found out last year, when they had to scrap their way through the consolation brackets to accumulate enough points to win -- and count on a jNWU wrestler (Jake Herbert) to win his match and secure Iowa's victory. All of which is to say: March Madness won't be confined to the hardcourt this weekend -- there will be plenty of craziness on display in Omaha.

NCAA TOURNAMENT SCHEDULE

Session - Day - Time (CT) - Mats - Competition

Session I - Thursday - 11 a.m. - 8 - Pigtails & 1st Round (streamed on NCAA.com)
Session II - Thursday - 6:30 p.m. - 8 - Consolation Prelims, 1st Round (streamed on NCAA.com)
Session III - Friday - 9:30 a.m. - 8 - Championship Quarterfinals, Consolation 2nd & 3rd Rounds (ESPNU)
Session IV - Friday - 6 p.m. - 6 - Championship Semifinals, Consolation 4th & 5th Rounds (ESPNU)
Session V - Saturday - 10 a.m. - 6 - Consolation Semifinals, 3rd-5th-7th Place Matches (ESPNU)
Session VI - Saturday - 6:30 p.m. - 1 - Championship Finals (ESPN)

125 -- Matt McDonough (RS FR, 32-1), 3-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, 3rd place.
McDonough has been as good as almost anyone in the Iowa line-up this year and it's certainly not out of the question for him to win the national title with his relentless style and seemingly excellent conditioning. Sadly, he has the misfortune of competing in arguably the most loaded division in the NCAA Tournament; he's seeded third and both of the guys seeded ahead of him are former national champions (Cornell's Troy Nickerson, the 2-seed, won last year's title and Indiana's Angelo Escobedo, the 1-seed, won the title two years ago).

There are some tough match-ups in the guys seeded below him, too. Arizona State's Anthony Robles, the 4-seed (and better-known as the one-legged guy at last year's tourney), is a difficult match-up for anyone -- especially someone who's never faced him before. McD went 3-0 against Iowa State's Andrew Long, the 5-seed and a fellow freshman, but all three matches were dogfights -- can McD do it a fourth time if necessary? The good news is that Escobedo, Robles, and Long are all on the opposite side of the bracket, so McD will only have to face one of them in the entire tourney if he can make it all the way to the finals. As good as he's been, he's still just a redshirt freshman and experience can play a key role at the NCAA Tournament. Escobedo and Nickerson have that in spades, unfortunately.

Per Andy Hamilton, McD talks about learning from past mistakes:

McDonough, the Big Ten's freshman of the year, has scored bonus points in 25 of his 33 matches this season. His only loss was a 6-4 defeat against Escobedo in the Big Ten finals. The Indiana senior scored a pair of takedowns in the third period to claim his third conference title, but McDonough said he thinks it was helpful to get a feel for competing against a wrestler of Escobedo's caliber.

"I think it's really beneficial," McDonough said. "Either way, you've got to go out there in the national tournament with the intent of beating those returning national champions and the top-ranked guys in the country. But on the other hand, there's nothing that can beat getting a chance to feel what someone is like before the end of the season, the NCAA, the end-all, be-all tournament."

133 -- Dan Dennis (SR, 18-3), 2-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, 3rd place.
What to make of Dennis? In some respects, he's turned into a 30-lbs. lighter version of Morningstar this year, blowing out obviously lesser opponents, winning razor-thin decisions against guys on par with himself, and continually coming up short against the top dog in the division (Howe in Morningstar's case, Ness in Dennis' case). Still, wins are wins and since returning from his ankle injury, Dennis has only lost three matches -- two to Minnesota's Jayson Ness, the 1-seed, and one to Oklahoma State's Jordan Oliver, the 4-seed, in what was also Dennis' first match in weeks. And, as luck would have it, both guys are on the opposite side of the bracket, so if Dennis takes care of his business, he'll only have to face one of them the entire tournament (likely Ness).

On the other hand, Dennis' own side of the bracket contains plenty of potential potholes. The biggest threat is Michigan State's Franklin Gomez, the 3-seed and defending national champion. Dennis has won three in a row over Gomez (and five in a row, I believe, if you count their off-season freestyle results), but each win has been by the slenderest of margins; his most recent win, at the Big Ten Tournament, came off a wild scramble. Does Dennis have Gomez's number or has he just had luck on his side? A little of both most likely and any match between them is going to be a complete coin-flip, regardless of Dennis' past success against him. Aside from Gomez, the other seeded wrestlers on Dennis' side of the bracket are Kent State's Dan Mitcheff (6-seed), Cornell's Mike Grey (7-seed), Iowa State's Nic Fanthorpe (10-seed), and Central Michigan's Scotti Sentes (11-seed). The only one of those guys Dennis wrestled earlier this season was Fanthorpe, who he defeated 10-8 in OT. He split two decisions with Grey a year ago and also picked up another win over Fanthorpe (also close - shock). He's never wrestled Mitcheff or Sentes, although Sentes lost a 2-1 decision to Dennis' fill-in, Nate Moore, at Midlands. My guess is Dennis makes it a semifinal match with Gomez, but his magic against Gomez runs out before he gets a third match with Ness in the finals.

Per Hamilton, Dennis reflects on his most recent loss to Ness:

"It's time to analyze it and time to develop from it but not really time to panic," Dennis said. "It's frustrating. I was out there and I was ready to go, and for one reason or another I just didn't get the job done. I've got to iron it out and it's time to learn."

What Dennis learned is there were a few fine points that made a big difference in the match. Ness broke open a 2-0 bout in the third period when he scored an escape, a takedown and a two-point near-fall before Dennis got an escape and a late takedown of his own.

141 -- Montell Marion (SO, 23-5), 6-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, 5th place.
What to expect from one of the least consistent wrestlers on the team? Probably more inconsistency, unfortunately. In terms of raw talent, Marion may be as good as anyone at this weight class. In terms of successfully and consistently harnessing that raw talent, Marion is decidedly less than excellent. The good news is that he's already beaten the two highest seeds on his side of the bracket, Minnesota's Michael Thorn (3-seed) and Oklahoma State's Jamal Parks (2-seed). In fact, his two wins over them are two of his most impressive and dominant wins of the season -- he picked up a 15-7 major decision win over Thorn and a really strong 4-0 decision win over Parks.

Unfortunately, he's also lost twice to Thorn (once on a fluke pin and once by major decision) and both Thorn and Parks are wrestling very well right now; Thorn in particular comes in with a ton of momentum after knocking off Ohio State's Reece Humphrey (4-seed) in the finals of the Big Ten Tournament. Marion's also been prone to giving up big moves and digging himself into holes at times this season; sometimes he can get out of them, and sometimes not. It would be nice to say that he gets everything together for a deep run at this tournament, but the consistency just isn't there to make that a viable pick. That said, a lot hinges on his potential quarterfinal showdown with Thorn -- if he can get by Thorn there, the sky may be the limit for Marion. If not, he's going to need to do his damage in the consolation bracket and avoid any untimely slip-ups to lesser opponents.

Per Hamilton, Marion reflects on what went wrong at the BTT:

Marion said he got away from his pre-match routine at the Big Ten meet and let weight management factor too much into his performance.

"I'm not holding my head down," he said. "I had a bad showing, but I've still got my head high and I've still got confidence."

Marion enters the NCAA Championships seeded sixth with a 23-5 record. In order to leave Omaha with a title, he'll need to string together five matches without a lapse.

"It's real simple: Follow my routine, keep a positive mindset and fight hard until the very end," Marion said.

149 -- Brent Metcalf (SR, 31-1), 2-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, National Champion, 1st place.
Call us homers if you must, but it's still Metcalf. Calling him a big match choker based off his last two losses does a disservice to the man; he still has three Midlands Championships, two Big Ten Championships, and one NCAA Championship. The reality is he ran into two opponents who presented difficult match-ups for him and who painstakingly prepared (and executed) nearly flawless gameplans. The question becomes: what can Metcalf do to counter Palmer's gameplan if they meet again? If anything, Metcalf's losses to Caldwell and Palmer should reinforce the notion that Metcalf needs to alter his approach slightly when he faces top-level opponents. His usual buzzsaw approach works perfectly well against 98% of opponents, but for those rare few that it doesn't work perfectly against, he needs to make a few adjustments. That doesn't mean abandoning his offense or anything -- but it does mean using it more smartly and it might mean choosing neutral rather than down (particularly against Palmer, who used his size and strength to ride Metcalf for a huge portion of the 2nd period in their Big Ten Tournament match, which wound up being the turning point in the match).

Of course, there's a possibility that Metcalf won't even have to worry about a rubber match with Palmer in the finals; as the new 1-seed, Palmer's the guy everyone's going to be gunning for this season, especially Wisconsin's Kyle Ruschell, the 4-seed, who's openly stated that he wants to beat Palmer. The toughest opponent on Metcalf's side of the bracket is Oklahoma's Kyle Terry, the 3-seed. Metcalf beat him via major decision (14-6) in last year's NCAA Tournament, but Terry is another year older, wiser, and better this year. Still, you have to like Metcalf's odds -- he's still Brent fucking Metcalf, after all.

Per Hamilton, Metcalf is back on the hunt (psst, Brent, just an FYI: hunting rifles are illegal at NCAAs):

"I think the target's still probably on my back just because of the way I've wrestled," the 2008 NCAA champion said. "But I think I've probably made myself the hunter because I'm pissed. I'm pissed at the way that (Big Ten final) turned out, I'm not happy about it and I need to fix it."

"I feel bad about it, I hate losing," Metcalf said. "But it's just a situation where it was a goofy ending. It was a situation where he didn't do anything to take the match away from me. He didn't go out, take me down and put me down like Caldwell, where he takes me down and takes me down. That's where you're like, 'Holy cow, I've got to evaluate what's going on here.' It wasn't like that. It was a situation where I really put myself in a bad position."

157 -- Jake Kerr (JR, 11-9), unseeded
WHAT WE EXPECT: no All-America.
All we want is a few wins. Can we reasonably expect that? Honestly... who knows. This weight has been a complete crapshoot the entire season; expecting anything different now seems like the height of folly. Kerr won the nod at the Big Ten Tournament (and, by consequence, this tournament) by a gut feeling from Brands... but maybe that was just some bad tacos. Kerr's been like Marion, only without as many highs and far more depressing lows. If he gets by Arizona State's Tejovan Edwards, his likely second-round opponent is Harvard's J.P. O'Connor, the 30-0 1-seed in the tourney. If Kerr manages to pull off that upset, we'd happily recant all the negative things we've said about him this year.

In the far more likely event that he loses that and drops into the consolation bracket, he'd need to win three matches in a row just to finish 8th and scrape into the All-America rankings. That seems like asking a lot from a guy whose longest winning streak this season was four matches and was comprised of wins over guys from Cornell College, Iowa Lakes, North Carolina Pembroke, and Southern Illinois Edwardsville. SPOILER ALERT: Everyone at this tourney is a little bit better than those guys. If Kerr can win a couple matches and get the team some points that way, we'll call his tourney a success. Anything beyond that will be remarkable.

Per Hamilton, Kerr says he just has to stop thinking:

Kerr said he's capable of wrestling better than he did at the Big Ten meet. He said he didn't have as much energy as usual in his matches, but it wasn't a weight or nutrition issue. He said he's working on his mental skills going into the national tournament. More specifically, he said he's trying to clear his head and keep his brain from getting in the way of what his body is trying to accomplish.

"If I don't think and I just react and I just empty my mind and just do it, I know I've got the skills, I've proven I have the skills," Kerr said. "I just have to get over that hump of focusing and emptying my mind instead of thinking about things and draining myself."

165 -- Ryan Morningstar (SR, 26-6), 7-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: no All-America.
It was nigh-impossible to know what to expect from Morningstar anyway, given his propensity to wrestle everything down to razor-thin decisions -- it was just as likely for him to make a deep run in the tourney as it was for him to lose a pair of close decisions and be done. Add a mysterious and potentially serious knee injury on top of that and you have a mystery doused in enigma sauce. Hopefully he's healthy enough to be able to string together a few wins -- not just for the sake of the team title, but because it would really suck if his last hurrah was a quick and forgettable exit from the NCAA Tournament.

As maddening as he's been to watch, he's provided some big wins over the years (his grind through the consolation bracket last year was instrumental in Iowa's national championship victory) and he's certainly worked his ass off for the program. That said, to become an All-American, he's going to have to win three matches at bare minimum. Can he do that on possibly one leg? Seems like it's asking a lot out of him.

Per Hamilton, Morningstar says maybe his knee isn't so bad (we're still skeptical):

"It's come a long way in a short amount of time," said Morningstar, who placed third at last year's national tournament. "I'm in pretty good shape and that has a lot to do with it, and I heal pretty quick."

"I'm a pretty optimistic person in general," Morningstar said. "I have that much confidence in myself and my abilities and I know I'm doing the right things to get back on the mat. What it boils down to is it's just a leg, it's just a knee. It's not like I just cut it off or I got in a traumatic car accident. It's just a knee and I've got to fight through it and embrace the process. It's probably going to hurt, but that's part of it, and it's do-or-die."

174 -- Jay Borschel (SR, 32-0), 2-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, National Champion, 1st place.
Borschel's been Mr. Reliable for Iowa this season, grinding out win after win. He hasn't been quite as dominant as Metcalf, who has notched 16 pins, five technical falls, and three major decisions to date, but he hasn't been too shabby, either -- he has ten pins and ten major decisions to his credit so far and he went through the entire Big Ten Tournament without giving up a takedown. He's been remarkably successful against the other guys on his side of the bracket this season, too -- he beat Oklahoma State's Mike Benefiel (#6), 9-1, Central Michigan's Ben Bennett (#7), 6-1, Illinois' Jordan Blanton (#10), 6-0. He also notched wins over a bunch of the unseeded guys on that side of the bracket, including Ohio State's David Rella (9-0), Michigan State's Ian Hinton (8-0), Lehigh's Robert Hamlin (4-3), and a three-peat over Iowa State's Duke Burk (10-4, 9-3, 10-2).

The only seeded wrestlers on his side of the bracket that he hasn't wrestled this season are Virginia's Christopher Henrich (#3) and Binghamton's Joshua Patterson (#11). Not to mention that Borschel is wrestling better than arguably anyone else on the Iowa team right now and, well, there's good reason to be confident about his chances. Should he and Cornell's Mack Lewnes, the 1-seed, both make it to the finals that would be one hell of a match, but we're not betting against JayBo right now.

Per Hamilton, JayBo is focused:

The next tournament for the Iowa senior is the one he has invested years of sweat trying to win.

"That's kind of what your career and everything is defined by -- winning a (national) championship," Borschel said. "That's your ultimate goal, and that's what you think about all the time."

184 -- Phil Keddy (SR, 23-7), 9-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, 4th place.
We would love to predict a stirring return to form for Keddy here; he's been one of the most likable guys on the team these past few years, as well as being the most exciting wrestler to watch on the team aside from Metcalf (until this year, when injuries hampered Keddy and McDonough arrived on the scene). His lightning-quick escapes and his double underhook takedowns were a joy to watch. The escapes are still there (usually), but his takedowns seem to have been negated by injuries and his own increasing over-reliance on them; after 3-4 years of using them, his opponents have kind of figured out his tricks. It's good that Keddy gets avoid Illinois' John Dergo (#2), who beat Keddy in the Big Ten Tournament final and who just seems like a bad match-up for him at this point, but his side of the bracket is fraught with challenges.

Keddy went 1-2 against the top seeds on his side of the bracket this season, losing 3-1 (OT) to Boise State's Kirk Smith (#1) and 7-1 to American's Michael Cannon (#4) and narrowly beating Oklahoma State's Clayton Forster (#5), 3-2. But who knows what to expect out of 184 this season; it's such a crazy weight that two runners-up from last year's NCAA Tournament, Central Michigan's Mike Miller (runner-up at 174) and Ohio State's Mike Pucillo (#10; runner up at 184), are squaring off in the pigtail match in this year's tournament, meaning one of them is going to find this quest for a title (or even a repeat runner-up spot) done first thing Thursday morning. Let's just hope we see more good Keddy than bad Keddy this weekend.

Per Hamilton, Keddy is healthy and ready to tear things up:

But Keddy has won 10 of his last 12 matches and takes a 23-7 record into the NCAA Championships. Keddy is the No. 9 seed at 184, but he's won three of four career meetings against potential second-round opponent Louis Caputo of Harvard, the No. 8 seed, and he's beaten Boise State's No. 1 seed Kirk Smith, a possible quarterfinal opponent, three out of four times.

"I feel like I'm at that (2009) level, and with my mind, I feel I'm even better just because of the things I've gone through," Keddy said. "I know that even though I was expecting to go out there and win those matches (early in the season), it wasn't really me. I feel like I've got as good of a chance now as I ever could."

197 -- Chad Beatty (SR, 14-3), 9-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, 7th place.
That projection is as much of a shot in the dark as any of them. Not only is Beatty dealing with the most serious injury issues this side of Morningstar (he's supposedly fully recovered from the foot fracture he sustained in early January, but who knows; at the very least, his conditioning is definitely suspect), but he also got a shitty draw. His first opponent is Oklahoma State's damn dirty commie import, Alan Gelogaev (who has a slightly unorthodox style); if he gets by him he get's Minnesota's Sonny Yohn (#8), who narrowly edged Beatty at the Big Ten Tournament. And should he defeat him, his reward? A date with Iowa State's Jake Varner, the 1-seed.

It's not much of a stretch to suggest that Beatty's going to need to do most of his damage in the consolation bracket and having to wrestle a lot of matches down there makes us worry about his conditioning and mat shape. Best of luck to Chad, who's never had an easy go at things during his Iowa career -- it would be quite sweet if he's able to stand on the podium this weekend, no matter what position it might be.

Per Hamilton, Chad Beatty is determined to go out a winner:

Chad Beatty was out of his cast in less than a month, back on the mat in controlled situations shortly after that and wrestling in the Big Ten Championships nine weeks after undergoing surgery on his fractured right foot.

"We heard about a similar scenario where a guy is still on crutches 13 weeks post-op," Iowa coach Tom Brands said. "Same situation, same procedure to fix it, and the guy won't get off the crutches. We were off the crutches the day the doctor said we could get off the crutches. We were in the room the day before the doctor said we could get in the room. That's accelerating the process, and he's very determined."

Hwt -- Dan Erekson (SR, 12-0), 5-seed
WHAT WE EXPECT: All-America, 3rd place.
Erekson's particularly tricky to project, too, since he's also dealing with some injury issues, or more precisely, conditioning issues resulting from an injury. Unlike Beatty, he's at least had a few months' of mat time to get most of the kinks worked out, but his conditioning over the course of a tournament is still a little questionable -- one need look only at how badly he seemed to wear down in the closing minutes of the Big Ten Tournament final. Does he have enough gas in his tank to make it to the finals -- and win? I don't know. I'm leaning on the pessimistic side of things at the moment, but I'll be happy to be proven wrong. If Erekson can make the finals, I do think he can win them; there's almost a full day off between the semis and the finals and he'll have plenty of adrenaline and motivation to work with. It's a shame his conditioning isn't in peak form here, because his relentless drive has been one of his strongest attributes; in a division full of fat, slow, plodding dudes, his energetic style and non-stop motor have been exciting -- and effective.

In terms of opposition, the bracketeers didn't do Danimal any favors -- last year's national champion, runner-up, and fifth-place finisherare all on his side of the bracket. On the other hand, last year's national champion, Missouri's Mark Ellis (#9) has been having a middling season, last year's national runner-up, Duke's Konrad Dudziak (#4) missed a big chunk of the season for disciplinary reasons (friends don't let friends drive drunk while carrying a machete), and last year's fourth-place finisher, Iowa State's David Zabriskie (#1), was pinned by Erekson in last year's tournament (it's kind of why Zabriskie was in 5th place). They all seem eminently beatable and Erekson won't have to beat all of them, just two of them at most (Zabriskie and Ellis are in the same bracket pod) before getting to the finals and a possible match with Oklahoma State's hulk of a heavyweight, Jared Rosholt (#2). Erekson doesn't lack for ability and, performance-wise, he's been pretty consistent this year, aside from some third-period sloppiness in some matches that made them closer than they needed to be... but does he have the gas tank? Hard to say.

Per Hamilton, Dan Erekson likes action:

Dan Erekson remembers the days when he watched heavyweights and wished they'd take more shots and score more points.

"I always wanted to see more action," said the undefeated Iowa senior who has brought a fresh change to his weight class with a style that employs more lightweight skills than heavyweight pummeling. "It's fun to actually wrestle. I'm not going to talk negative about (the prototypical heavyweights), but it's a different style of wrestling and I don't like to wrestle that style. I like to shoot. It's more fun to score points and put people on their back."

FYI: If you prefer different (and possibly easier to read) links to Hamilton's stories, here's a link to 125-157 and a link to 165-Hwt.

HOW DOES THIS COMPARE TO LAST YEAR?

Last year Iowa won the title with 96.5 team points, 4.5 more than second-place Ohio State. The overwhelming majority of Iowa's team points came from their five All-Americans: Brent Metcalf (2nd), Ryan Morningstar (3rd), Phil Keddy (4th), Dan Erekson (4th), and Dan Dennis (7th).

125: In '09, Charlie Falck did not place in the top eight; it would be stunning if McDonough didn't improve on that (considerably) this year.
133: Last year, Dennis finishes 7th; it's reasonable to believe that he'll improve on that this year.
141: A year ago, Tsirtsis won only two matches and failed to place in the top eight; Marion is inconsistent, but should be able to do better than that.
149: Last year, Metcalf was upset in the finals and placed 2nd; he should do no worse than that this year, and improvement is certainly possible.
157: A year ago, Iowa didn't qualify anyone at this weight, so they obviously got zip out of it; needless to say, anything we get out of Kerr this year will be an improvement on last year's big fat zero.
165: In '09, Morningstar ~~rampaged~~ hugged his way through the consolation bracket to earn 3rd place; if he equals or betters that this year, given his injury condition, he'll be a fucking legend... let's assume we're going to backslide some here.
174: Last year, Borschel had a miserable tournament and failed to even place in the top eight; this year he's a heavy favorite to finish in the top two, which would certainly stand as a marked improvement.
184: A year ago, Keddy finished 4th; it will be difficult for Keddy to equal or better that mark this year, but it's not impossible.
197: A year ago, Beatty failed to place in the top eight and had contributed just one consolation bracket win to the Iowa cause; depending on his conditioning, he could better that substantially this year.
Hwt: In '09, Erekson finished 4th; he's in a good position to equal or better that this year.

The magic number of points for a title is generally around 100 team points. It's not a stretch to think that Metcalf and Erekson can duplicate their efforts from last season. Keddy also could, although that seems less likely given his consistency issues. It's very plausible that Dennis will get more points than he did last year. It's unlikely that Morningstar will be able to duplicate his points from last season... fortunately, those points should be made up for (and then some) by McDonough and Borschel. And given the paucity of points Iowa got at 141, 157, and 197 last year, it wouldn't take much from Marion, Kerr, and Beatty to improve even slightly on those results. If all that happens, it'll likely take another team going bananas to out-do Iowa.

YOU BUM, RANK THE IOWA TEAM IN ORDER OF LIKELIHOOD TO BE CHAMP

OK, since you asked so nicely.

1) Brent Metcalf, 149 lbs. -- Still Metcalf, still the most dominant guy on the team.
2) Jay Borschel, 174 lbs. -- He and Lewnes have been consensus 1-2 all season for a reason.
3) Dan Erekson, Hwt -- Gas tank is a question, but he can beat anyone in the field and has experience.
4) Matt McDonough, 125 lbs. -- Has oodles of talent, but lacks experience and is in a loaded division.
5) Dan Dennis, 133 lbs. -- He's beaten Ness before (albeit a year ago)...
6) Phil Keddy, 184 lbs. -- He has the ability to beat everyone and a lot of experience... does he have the conditioning and consistency?
7) Montell Marion, 141 lbs. -- Like Keddy he has the ability... but he doesn't have experience or consistency.
8) Chad Beatty, 197 lbs. -- Well, he kept his last loss to Varner to a decision, so maybe he can beat him? OK, no.
9) Ryan Morningstar, 165 lbs. -- Unless this whole injury this is a ruse and he has a plan to murder Wisconsin's Andrew Howe (#1), Morningstar's nemesis these past two years, before Saturday night, it ain't happening.
10) Jake Kerr, 157 lbs. -- Kerr winning five in a row against the best in the nation at 157 might require an outbreak of ebola.

WHO SHOULD WE WORRY ABOUT?

IOWA STATE: Yes, Inconsolable State University is a threat. Like Iowa, they qualified ten wrestlers for the NCAA Tournament. However, four of their weights they qualified (141, 157, 174, and 184) feature unseeded competitors. Their guys at 133 and 149 are seeded 10th and 7th, respectively. Their top guys are at 125 (#5), 165 (#4), 197 (#1), and Hwt (#1). They would need quite a few guys to wrestle way above expectations... and that hasn't been a trademark of Iowa State teams for a while now.
OKLAHOMA STATE: The Okie Staters qualified nine wrestlers for the tourney (everyone by 149). They have one unseeded guy (197), and three guys seeded 10th or lower (125, 157, 165). Their strongest weights (133, 141, 174, 184, Hwt) are also weights that Iowa is strong at, so head-to-head match-ups at those weights could prove important.
CORNELL: Yes, the Nard Dawg's alma mater is not just a trendy sleeper in the other big NCAA Tournament this weekend, they're a significant threat in this tournament as well. Cornell's problem is that they're extremely top-heavy; they have guys seeded 4th or better at four weights (125, 141, 174, 197), but they didn't qualify anyone at 149 or 157 and they have unseeded guys at three weights (165, 184, and Hwt). They would likely need their big guns to all wrestle to seed or better, get some help from other teams coming up short, and get a few of their "lesser" guys to wrestle above their seeds. But don't do a double-take when/if you see Cornell high on the team standings -- they have a very good squad.
OHIO STATE: Despite their struggles at the Big Ten Tournament two weeks ago, they can't be ruled out; they nearly turned a similar result at the BTT into a national championship a year ago. Like Cornell, they're extremely top-heavy; they have guys seeded 5th or better at three weights (141, 149, 165), but they failed to qualify at two weights (157 and Hwt) and they have unseeded guys at four weights (125, 133, 174, 197). They have essentially the same team as last year, only with no J Jaggers (the national champion at 141) and Pucillo wrestling far worse than he was a year ago. They would need Humphrey, Palmer, and Sponseller to wrestle to seed or better, get disappointing performances out of the teams ahead of them, and wrestle above their seeds (or lack thereof) at multiple weights. Seems like a tall order.
MINNESOTA: Finally, our favorite yellow rodents from up north can't be dismissed, either. They qualified wrestlers at nine weights (all but 184). Unfortunately (for them), they only have two real top-seeded guys, Ness at 133 (#1) and Thorn at 141 (#3). They have three other guys seeded 5th or 6th (125, 157, 174) and four guys seeded 8th or worse (149, 165, 197, and Hwt). Again, they're going to need a little help from other teams and some better-than-expected results from some of their own guys to make a run. The fact that Dustin Schlatter (157), one of their best guys, is apparently hobbled by a knee injury, isn't going to help matters. But they did put on a pretty good charge at the Big Ten Tournament two weeks ago, so they shouldn't be totally overlooked.

Our Demand To Kansas And BHGP Readers: Bring Us Prizes And Spoils Of War!

2010-03-17T21:28:58Z

Quick heads up to you all: there's this contest being put on by CBS and Lenovo called Last Fan Standing, where 64 bloggeurs are entered into a tournament and vying for a title. It corresponds with the NCAA tournament, you know, survive and advance, and people who get to the Final Four get some awesome prizes. Of course, we're only mentioning this because I entered, and got chosen for the round of 64. Hooray hooray.

So, what does that entail? Well, all that an entrant has to do is write a new blog entry for each round that they're alive. Sounds easy enough, right? Now, here's the catch: everybody is assigned to their own team in the actual tourney, which means going to the next round has nothing at all to do with your writing and everything to do with what team you're assigned to.

My team? Kansas, motherfuckers. For. real.

So what does this mean to all of you? Well, if you sign up (It's free and I'm sure there's a way to make sure they don't send you any "commercial offers" or whatever), you can vote for me as the top blogger. Winner gets a new laptop. I could sure use a new fucking laptop. Also, I signed up as Oops Pow Surprise, just so OPS could ride one last time.

As for the style of writing I'll be providing, let me remind you: how I do has nothing to do with what I write. As such, in my first entry, I discuss Winston Churchill's game of kings (college basketball), the rebounding habits of poisonous spiders (poor at best), and the inherent difficulties of bear hockey (they don't understand the goalie position).

Now, as far as Kansas goes, if they make the Final Four, I get a trip to Vegas. This means one thing: KANSAS CANNOT POSSIBLY GO TO THE FINAL FOUR THIS YEAR. Adjust your brackets accordingly, people. The prizes past the Final Four are immaterial, because as sure as Evan Turner is the Villain, Kansas will lose to Ohio State. That's the way it works.

So all that aside, please, do an old man a favor and go check out Last Fan Standing and send many votes my way. I'm serious about that laptop. I want it.

MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: PAKISTANZI RISING, PART 2

2010-03-17T19:15:10Z

Later, at Ricky Stanzi's house...

  /knocks on front door
  Yes, officer?
   /flies down, lands on Stanzi's shoulder
  You Richard Stanzi?
  Yes, sir.
  I'm here to inform you that Girls Generation is missing. All attempts to contact them in South Korea have been unsuccessful. We're working under the assumption that they've been kidnapped. Possibly taken to North Korea.
  But I was supposed to have a MARCHIFORNICATION contest against them today...
  Yes, I know. It's why they dispatched me here. No word yet from Commissioner doodoopoop on what impact this will have on the tournament, though I'm sure it means you win by forfeit. In any case, there's no game today. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go arrest another Oregon Duck.
  Sure, sure. Thank you, officer.
  /closes door
  I can't win by forfeit against a half-dozen teenage girls. It's...it's...unamerican. I have to go to Korea and find that k-pop supergroup.
  This is going to be one heck of a mission, though. I'll probably have to enter Communist territory, and not even Teddy Roosevelt himself could dodge all the obstacles that could be in my path. I can't do this alone. I need someone with experience beating Communists in Southeast Asia, and MacArthur has been dead for 40 years. Who can I...wait. I know just the person.
  /pulls up Freedom Fone address book and enters name

Meanwhile, in an office at CIA Headquarters, Langley, VA...

Sir, phone call from a Ricky Stanzi, line 2
Freedom Squad. Leman here.

J, it's Ricky.
Yes, Ricky. Hot blonde secretary informed me you were on the line.

  J, I need your help. Korean pop group Girls Generation missed our MARCHIFORNICATION game today. The cops think they've been kidnapped, and maybe taken to North Korea.
  Holy freedom, Ricky.
  Yeah, I know. I've got to go rescue them, and I know you've dealt with Asian communists in the past, and I need your expertise.
  This sounds like a just and noble cause, Ricky.
  That's why it pains me to have to tell you...no, Ricky. I can't go to Korea to save a half-dozen 18-year-old hotties.
  But J...this is what you live for!
   Used to live for, Ricky. After my last mission to China, where I stopped Mao Tse Tung from stockpiling enough Mello Yello to build a nuclear bomb capable of destroying the continental United States, my wife made me promise I would never again return to Asia, that I would never again shoot 500 Chinese guards for the cause of liberty and have Youtube videos of my awesomeness posted online. Now I'm stuck here behind a desk at Langley.
   J, this is different, though. We're talking about cute Korean gi...
  I MADE PROMISES, RICKY! I made promises...and those promises I have to keep. I'm sorry, old friend, but I have to sit this one out.
  /hangs up phone
  /slumps shoulders
  Well, I'll just have to do this one alone...
  /walks up from behind
  Like hell you're going to Korea alone. We've got your back. Ain't that right, Ace?
  ARF ARF
  /cocks assault rifle
  You're an excellent teammate, AC.
  Now let's go save some hotties.

To be continued Monday...

MARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 2: HOCKEYBEAR VS. T. M. F. SASH

2010-03-17T17:05:14Z

HOCKEYBEAR

Round 1: Defeated the Gadsden Purchase, 512-91

HIGHLIGHT REEL:

Alaska Nanooks 2010 Hockey Intro from Szymon Weglarski on Vimeo.

'BEEN THERE FOR YEARS' OLD SCHOOL HIGHLIGHT REEL:

STATEMENT:

"RAAARAAWWWRRRRARRRWWWGHGHGHGHGRRRWWARRGH" (moon blows up)

TYLER MOTHERFUCKING SASH

Round 1: Defeated the Barbasol Couple, 534-110

HIGHLIGHT REEL:

'BEEN THERE FOR YEARS' OLD SCHOOL HIGHLIGHT REEL:

STATEMENT

From facebook: "Stanzi watches my dog while I'm on Spring break.. less than a day after getting her he sends me a picture of her... Yep he put an American Flag bandana on her.. Love It or Leave It.."

Poll

Who wins?

Hockeybear

141 votes

Tyler Motherfucking Sash

370 votes

511 votes | Poll has closed

So Ames it hurts. (via Criggo)

2010-03-17T16:20:06Z

So Ames it hurts. (via Criggo)

It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It Is Already Scratching Names Off The List

2010-03-17T12:30:20Z

More photos » Al Behrman - AP

"Iowa wants to hire me? NOOOOOOOOOOO! They'll never take me alive! Go, go, gadget suicide tie!" (AP Photo/Al Behrman)

Browse more photos »

It begins. The first names have begun trickling in as potential replacements for Todd Lickliter here at Iowa. During the Play-In Game--the results of which we do not care one bit about--Doug Gottlieb began speculating about potential names for Iowa: Dayton's Brian Gregory, Siena's Fran McCaffery, and UTEP's Tony Barbee.

Naturally, none are perfect candidates, which means nobody on the message boards is pleased about this. Gregory seems to be a particular sticking point for many, most of whom (in the above-linked thread, anyway) cite his inconsistent record at Dayton. Meanwhile, Gregory's widely thought to be Tom Izzo's coach-in-waiting for Michigan State. So just to recap: Brian Gregory is good enough for Michigan State, but not good enough for Iowa. Got it, Internet Hawk Fans. You guys just keep fighting the good fight against reality.

It's also worth reiterating: Gregory is Tom Izzo's old assistant and top recruiter. OH HEY, THAT REMINDS US. What was that Izzo had to say about Barta and the Iowa situation again?

"It's an amazing world I live in. I mean, I don't know Todd that well, to be very honest with you. But I know this: He's a quality guy. He doesn't cheat. He does it the right way. I feel sorry for some of these guys as I did Tommy Amaker, as I did Dan Monson, as I do Tom Crean a little bit. Guys that take over programs that have been decimated with crap.

"That right now would be where I would change my opinion of telling a friend to take a certain job."

Think he was talking to Gregory? We're guessing "yes definitely." Oh, also, Gregory's extended through '17-'18; best believe Barta has no interest in paying two mammoth buyouts at once. Brian Gregory? Probably not happening.

Meanwhile, Fran McCaffery is only as hot as how well his team does against Purdue in a few days; we expect his name to disappear when Siena's offense does the same.

As for Tony Barbee, he seems like the most intriguing option of the three. Good recruiter, up-tempo, exciting. Sort of a George Raveling 2.0! Perfect! This, of course, is dependent on Iowa finding a Lute Olsen 2.0 shortly thereafter; luckily, Quin Snyder is more than happy to fill this role. All he asks is a $750,000 yearly retainer until then. He's sure you won't mind such a modest investment in his loyalty.

But all that talk assumes one thing: that any of the three men are candidates for the Iowa job. Recall our rule from yesterday: if any coach's name comes up as a potential replacement, cross him off the list. Thus, we will confidently and unequivocally state this: Brian Gregory, Fran McCaffery, and Tony Barbee are all now officially not coming to Iowa. Now wait patiently for the next names to be floated for the Iowa job, so you can cross them off your list next.

The Sioux City Journal is officially beyond parody: You knew the Sewer Rag had to say something about Lickliter's firing, right? You know, since they spent the entire season thinking Lickliter was going to revoke Cougill's scholarship or something. So what do you suppose they had to say about a coach that gave a true freshman 12.5 minutes per game in Big Ten play, despite a glaring need for improvement? Hooo boy (emphasis, as always, ours):

Fair enough. Three years probably was cutting it a little short in terms of giving Todd Lickliter time to make a difference.

Fair enough. I'm probably not on Lickliter's bandwagon because I believe the way he handled a young man from Sioux City has been questionable if not downright shameful.

Oh no, that's not all. Not by a longshot:

I certainly haven't agreed with how he has handled 6-9, 260-pound Brennan Cougill, the former Bishop Heelan star, making it seem as if the all-time leading scorer and rebounder in Sioux City prep basketball history didn't deserve to be Mr. Basketball in Iowa last season.

The way Lickliter has handled Cougill has, instead, exposed a very nice and talented young man to the vicious horse manure that numbskulls like to spread on all those message boards.

In a state I've always been proud to call home, I'm embarrassed to think there are even a handful of Iowans who would be as thoughtless as the individuals who've dismissed Brennan as a serious Big Ten post player simply because his coach either can't or won't make him part of the equation.

Well, Lickliter won't have to work on that any longer. And, whether or not Cougill stays to play for another coach is something we'll just have to wait and see.

If the SCJ were at all interested in convincing people that these editorials aren't being written by Cougill's mother, this is a poor way of going about it. What kind of fragile porcelain doll is this person hell-bent on portraying Cougill as? And why? Pretending Cougill's, uh, sizable deficiencies and uh, sizable excesses don't exist doesn't help anybody. Cougill didn't see the floor more because he wasn't nearly as able to play the post as were Aaron Fuller or Jarryd Cole. Now, as for Andrew Brommer playing over Cougill... well, Lickliter got fired, didn't he?

Still, SCJ, we promise you this: Mr. Basketball is a big boy. A very big boy, as luck would have it. He doesn't need his hometown paper to be his second mother. Also, nobody says "numbskulls" anymore.

10-YARD DASHEZ:

Steve Batterson has some more names to float, which is to say more coaches who will now never coach at Iowa. Shame, really; I was convinced that Ben Howland would come. Right.

The Iowa head coaching job is online.Here's the link, via the NCAA. Not sure why this is a big deal; is there any other high-level job at the university where that department could get away with just plain not listing the opening? But MPS got their OMG on when DePaul did it, so... here you go.

Marc Morehouse breaks down next season's situation at defensive line. SPOILER ALERT: Everybody gets benched. Yes, everybody. Even all the backups.

And finally... Rick Fox demands that you piss your pants (lots of yelling and NSFW sweary words; headphones and earmuffs):

MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: RICKY STANZI VS. GIRLS GENERATION

2010-03-16T19:30:22Z

In a locker room in South Korea...

   We need to continue practicing before we meet Ricky Stanzi in the Marchifornication tournament. We should want to impress him.
   Let's take it from the top again. Five, six, seven, eight!
   SHOW ME YOUR NEW MAKEUP IN A BRAND NEW SOUND
   SAY THE WORDS ALOUD THAT MAKE YOU RUN AROUND
   DANCE DANCE DANCE TIL WE RUN THIS TOWN
   OOMPAH OOMPAH OWIE OWIE DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN
  Wait, stop. Stop.
  Who is the creepy guy staring in the window?
  Why does this rocker loom have a window anyway? Shouldn't there be no outside windows?

And what happen to our pompoms in that scene at the end where there is a football game?
All good questions. Our video is rife with continuity errors that only someone who has watched it at least 100 times would notice. But let's figure this thing out first.

Excuse me, who are you?

Hello, Korean pop supergroup Girls Generation! I'm Paki O'Meara!

  /confused
  /befuddled
  I'm sure you know me. I am a senior running back on your favorite tackle football team. Last year, I started the season opener, when we nearly lost to the University of Northern Iowa! Thank goodness for those blocked field goals, or our faces sure would have been red!
  /doesn't know Paki O'Meara
  /trying to figure out why his hair looks like a mushroom cloud
   /holds up Iowa helmet

  OMG OMG OMG OMG
  /faints
  /vomits
  /makes heart shape with hands and shoots sparks
  /spills drink on vintage iMac
  /hair turns even blonder
  OMG OMG OMG OMG are you the Ricky Stanzi?
  NO I AM BETTER THAN RICKY STAN...I mean, no, I'm not Ricky Stanzi. I'm Paki O'Meara!
  We want to meet the Ricky Stanzi!
       RICKY! RICKY! RICKY!
  Ladies, ladies, ladies, please. If you follow me, I will take you to Ricky Stanzi. He's waiting to meet you in that room over there...
       RICKY! RICKY! RICKY!
       /enter basement
  /locks Girls Generation in basement
  DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD TAKE YOU TO RICKY STANZI?!? AS IF RICKY STANZI DESERVES YOU!
  IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY PLAY AGAINST NORTHERN IOWA, WE WOULD HAVE LOST! THE SEASON WOULD HAVE BEEN A DISASTER IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME!
  BUT EVERY WEEK IT'S RICKY STANZI THIS AND RICKY STANZI THAT AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT PICK SIX RICKY, IT'S ONLY ANOTHER STANZIBALL! WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT PAKI? WHY DON'T I GET TO PLAY? WHY DON'T I GET TO BE IN MARCHIFORNICATION?
  FORGET RUNNING BACK! I SHOULD BE QUARTERBACKING THIS TEAM! ALL THE ACCOLADES SHOULD BE MINE! I SHOULD BE GETTING USA BACK TATTOOS AND MAKING PATRIOTIC STATEMENTS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AT FOX NEWS!
  WELL, I KNOW RICKY STANZI. RICKY STANZI WON'T AVOID THIS CONFRONTATION. RICKY STANZI WILL TRY TO RESCUE YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT RICKY STANZI DOES. AND WHEN HE DOES, HE WILL FALL RIGHT INTO MY TRAP!
  I WILL CAPTURE HIM, AND THEN I WILL TAKE ON HIS PERSONA AND TAKE HIS JOB!
  JUST ONE MORE THING TO DO BEFORE HE GETS HERE. I NEED TO PUT ON MY DISGUISE.
  /puts on mask
  MY TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE! I AM NO LONGER PAKI O'MEARA, WALK-ON HALFBACK AND SPECIAL TEAMS SUPERSTAR! FROM NOW ON, I AM...

...PAKISTANZI!

To be continued...

MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: TIM BREWSTER VS. BRENT METCALF

2010-03-16T17:00:59Z

BOB ZOOK REGIONAL, SEED NO. 2: TIM BREWSTER

His Twitter feed has died down; the exclamation points have been considerably reduced. He basically took four months off. Still, Marchifornication is an annual event, and Brewster's Twittering through the fall was brilliant. The bizarre capitalization, the ridiculous misspelling, the punctuation...oh, the punctuation. It was as if Tim Brewster both coached Minnesota football and wrote SpartyMSU. To those of us who live on the series of tubes, the man is a national treasure.

BOB ZOOK REGIONAL, SEED NO. 3: BRENT METCALF

Sure, it's not really him (though if it is, the man becomes a folk hero), but The Brent Metcalf is the funniest Iowa character on Twitter. And this is coming from a group of people who write a couple. It's cruel and sarcastic and funny. It's all the things we love. This battle isn't solely over who is the best Twitterer; both combatants have done plenty more this year to benefit Iowa athletics and BHGP. But both are so prolific and insane on Twitter that it's a significant factor.

Enough talking. Who ya got?

Poll

Who wins?

Tim Brewster

124 votes

Brent Metcalf

403 votes

527 votes | Poll has closed

Winning the Battle, But Losing the War

2010-03-16T00:42:15Z

[We really had no choice but to bump this, as you'll quickly see why. Welcome back to the Internets, CrossCyed.--AJ]

Hello, Hawkeye fans. You know me as CrossCyed, the affable and loveable Cyclone fan that, for a time, ran CloneChronicles and has recently returned as a sort of author emeritus. I have watched, from afar, as the Hawkeye nation has debated the merits of retaining former men's head basketball coach Todd Lickliter. He was a quality man, and, despite differing opinions, a quality coach that simply could not get it done in the Big 10. Many, many Iowa fans advocated the firing of Coach Lickliter, and, today, many of you got that wish. But, in winning that small battle, you may have lost the war.

How could you have forsaken thee?

You members of the Hawkeye fanbase should have known that John Lickliter, who will henceforth be known as Lil' John for the rest of this post, will likely be out the door as well. Due to the shortsighted nature of the move today by Athletics Director Gary Barta, the Hawkeyes will be losing not only their X-Factor for next season, but also their Y-Factor (because Lil John has more than enough Y chromosome for the rest of the team.)

You Hawkeye fans need to realize that players like Lil John simply do not grow on trees. They are gently nurtured from the end of the bench to the League. Today, Mr. Gary Barta has stalled that process and likely put the future of not only the Iowa men's basketball program, but also the Iowa athletics department in jeopardy.

FACT:

Lil John played in every conference win for the Hawkeyes this year.

- His father recognized his ability, and unleashed it in conference play for Iowa. He carried the team through the memorable conference slate. Many pundits point to his 9 minute performance in the win against Penn State where he displayed his sheer physicality, RIPPING down two rebounds and picking up three personal fouls in a short stint on the floor. You can't hope to win the Big Ten without being physical, and the loss of Lil John just damaged those hopes.

FACT:

Lil John was on the bench for every non-conference loss this year.

- Was his dad/coach afraid of blowing Iowa City's best kept secret? Did Chad Walthall intentionally keep his best weapon on the bench to try and increase the chance of his boss getting fired so that he could possibly slide into the head job? These are all legitimate questions that have yet to be asked by the so-called mainstream media.

FACT:

Lil John led the team in free throw percentage.

- With the aforementioned physical style of play, it's a given that Lil John would have made a number of the trips to the line next year. With a sparkling 83% mark from the stripe, one wonders if he couldn't have carried the team to victory from the charity stripe a few times this year if his dad would have only had the guts to play him more late in the game. Gotta have balls to win.

FACT:

Lil John was second on the team in assist to turnover ratio.

- Lil John's assist to turnover ratio was 1.36, just percentage points off of likely National Player of the Year Evan Turner's 1.42. They are in the same conversation. LIL JOHN AND EVAN TURNER ARE IN THE SAME DAMN CONVERSATION, AND DON'T YOU FUCKERS FORGET IT.

--------

I don't want to bore your fine fanbase with more of what you already know. Unfortunately, a great number of you are misguided in where today's coaching move will move your program. I just hope that you pray to Jesus, Allah, Buddha, or whatever deity you find holy that Lil John does not turn up in Ames. Cause he's one motherfuckin holy power you can't pray to no more.

The Press Conference Happened. So... Now What?

2010-03-16T12:30:15Z

More photos » Michael Conroy - AP

Iowa head coach Todd Lickliter complains about the lack of a call as his team plays Purdue. His tie game is, as always, sharp. LIKE A BAWSE. (AP Photo/Michael Conroy)

Browse more photos »

Gary Barta's press conference came and went, and the Todd Lickliter Era is no more. We already knew it was no more, but there's some merit to the formalities all the same.

That's because Barta's presser was, for the most part, informative and helpful. This isn't going to be one giant slob job on the man, but it's nice to see that Iowa at least has a sane, forthright person at the helm of the athletic department.

Now, there are a couple exceptions to that, so let's get them out of the way. First of all, Barta said that the reason he waited until today to fire Lickliter is that he hadn't completely made up his mind about the firing until this morning. That's somewhat dubious, but Barta wiggled his way into saying that he didn't finalize the decision until today. Whatever. If that's the biggest quibble one can have about how forthright an AD is at a press conference, life is pretty easy.

And that really is the biggest quibble; the only other issue one might have is that Barta didn't countenance the rumors that player retention was at stake in the firing. He acknowledged the presence of said rumors, told reporters he looked into them, and basically left it there. That, while not being as transparent as the rest of Barta's speech, was probably wise all the same; the last thing you want to do is draw the media into a guessing game about where different players' loyalties lie. That cannot end well, and Barta knows that.

And that's basically it for complaints: just two, and both were minor and well-intentioned. One could make that case that both were protective in nature, which is probably wise given what a fractious situation this has become.

And even then, Barta did make one point that was double-speaky enough that he can avoid putting any pressure on the players, but still sort of answered the second question. He said that he considered the current and future players' commitment to the team, and said that it was an important factor in whether to keep Lickliter aboard (for what it's worth, Tom Izzo thinks this idea is ridiculous and actually brings up terrorism to prove his point). Barta didn't take that last step and say the commitment wasn't there, but... Lickliter got fired, right?

Aside from that, there's probably no reason not to take Barta at his word on everything else. He said that he had tremendous respect for Lickliter as a coach, and we believe that. Hell, how many MVC programs had already contacted Lickliter's agent before the firing even took place? We're guessing more than one.

And if that's Lickliter's comfort level, so be it. Word was that he never got involved in the AAU circuits. Not that he never recruited players on AAU teams, mind you, just that he didn't use those avenues for recruiting. A coach may get away with that at a mid-major. Not at a Big Ten school.

Back to the presser, Barta also plainly explained that attendance was, well, terrible, and that it was negatively affecting the financial situation--even as Iowa spends the 4th most in the Big Ten on its basketball program. He didn't pin it all on Lickliter, he didn't shirk any blame himself, he didn't blow smoke up anybody's asses about quick fixes; he laid the facts out and put together a pretty convincing case of why Lickliter had to go. There were no exaggerations, histrionics, third-person blubbering, anything like that. The closest he ever came to going off script was disagreeing with (what he called) "loaded" questions from reporters, and even then, he handled it ably and professionally.

Barta was asked about a short list, and said he'd contacted nobody (duh) and hadn't officially ruled any candidates out (double duh), but that as part of his job he had been monitoring coaches across the nation for a while now (triple smoking Jesus duh). And since nobody asked him about Quin Snyder, we can't rule Mr. Tousled Tassels out just yet!

With all that, Barta recused himself from further comment until a new coach is hired; that's pretty standard and nobody should have expected anything different. It would be patently unfair to a sitting coach if Barta were to bring him up in the press before a deal is signed, after all. So in the meantime, while the search is on, prepare to hear nothing from Iowa officials, and buckets of rumors which probably won't serve any purpose other than smokescreens. Someone's name comes up? Cross him off the list, because he's not getting offered.

The people we will be hearing from on the record, though, are the players and recruits--and those closest to him. That'll be interesting. They're probably being coached as we speak to say nothing controversial to the press (hell, that's what I'd tell them), but 19-year-olds usually aren't consummate professionals yet. And God help us if multiple players end up transferring or demanding releases from their LOIs ("LsOI," really) out of anger over the whole situation. That won't play well.

But all that will play itself out over the coming days and weeks; as such, it isn't worth speculating over. So we'll just let this situation sink in some more, sit on our hands instead of passing along bogus rumors, and wait for the answer to the big question: Now what?

YOU MAKE THE CALL: Todd Lickliter Memorial Edition

2010-03-16T05:41:32Z

Register caption: Iowa head coach Todd Lickliter, left, and former Drake head coach Keno Davis, right, at the Hoops for Hope , Coaches vs. Cancer Gala at Prairie Meadows on Saturday May 10, 2008.

Does this picture, from the Register's mammoth photo retrospective of the Todd Lickliter era, depict...

A) Keno Davis, in an attempt to liven up the fundraiser, doing his patented Robert DeNiro impression, as evidenced by the facial expression... only his verbal affectations are so terrible--"Hey, you talkin' to me, mehh muhh maaahhh, don't marry my girl you Focker, shrimp on the barbie!"--that Todd Lickliter is unable to conceal his disdain and wants to go home

B) Two guys simultaneously caught by a camera when unprepared and whose facial expressions mean nothing

C) No guys, it's totally A, Keno's DeNiro sucks

Hey, You Guys! What About Us? Iowa Women's Hoopsters Get 8-Seed, Game Against C. Vivian Stringer

2010-03-16T00:09:53Z

At least the scant few fans at Iowa women's games got to see wins, unlike the masochists at the men's games.

We take a brief break from our OMG BLOODPUNCH ASSASSINATED* LICKLITER coverage to tip our hats to the Iowa women's basketball team -- you know, the one that actually wins games more than once a lunar cycle -- who, as expected, got into the NCAA Tournament as an at-large team this evening. They're an 8-seed in in the Sacramento region. Good news: They're in the tourney! UConn's NOT the 1-seed in their region! Not-as-good news: Their opponent is Rutgers, coached by former Iowa legend C. Vivian Stringer. Should they get by the Fightin' Stringers, they'd likely face 1-seed Stanford... on Stanford's home court. Such is life in the women's tourney, though.

And to add insult to the injury of their NCAA tourney selection getting completely overshadowed by the Lickliter drama, their game against Rutgers is on Saturday at 8:16 PM EST. Which is only the same time that the wrestling team will be going for their 23rd national championship. And, oh yeah, all those men's NCAA tourney games, too. But congratulations to the ladies all the same -- they overcame significant injury issues (Iowa women's basketball player may be the only position on campus more prone to injuries to the Always Crumbling Ligament than Iowa running back) to finish tied for third in the league in the regular season and nearly overcame horrendous officiating in the conference tournament title game to win that**. Nice work, ladies, and good luck on Saturday.

* -- Have you seen Lickliter since this all went down? Hmm?
** -- Yes, fine, there was some self-inflicted chokejobbery in that loss, too.

Iowa Press Conference Open Thread: Good Night, Funnyman

2010-03-15T19:13:39Z

Word on the street is that Todd Lickliter will not be in attendance for today's press conference; that would seem to indicate that this is not a strictly voluntary departure by Lickliter. So it goes.

What that means, though, is that there's one man on the mic for the entire time, the crotch-rockinest MC in the game...

BARTA, BARTA, WHAT MY LAWYA

Anyway, the presser starts at 2:30 CDT. Here's a link to a live feed for it right now. In the meantime, let's share comments, laughs, and tears. It's been an awesome three years. No wait, no it hasn't. Let's do this anyway.

Our Best Guess For How This Iowa Press Conference Is Going To Go

2010-03-15T16:41:29Z

[Update, 3:38 CDT: Having seen the actual press conference, gotta say... naaailed it.--AJ]

We're in a packed media room, with dozens of reporters cuing up their recorders. Some flip to open spots in their notebooks. Idle chatter fills the room as a table up front sits empty, except for a stable of microphones pointing in front of an open seat.

Eventually, an expressionless Gary Barta walks out and to the table to a cacophony of questions and flashbulbs. Todd Lickliter is nowhere to be found--and nobody is looking.

Barta begins talking about the difficulties that have befallen the Iowa team over the past three years. While hesitant to name players who have departed or struggled on the court, his message is clear: the last three years have not been up to Iowa's standards by any measure.

Barta then praises Lickliter's character "as a coach, a father, a husband, and a man." He says that in a perfect world, Lickliter would be a member of the Hawkeye staff forever.

Barta pauses, giving the photographers ample opportunity to fill the void with their shutters going off rapidly.

At that point, Barta's expression changes, and his eyes are steeled. "As an athletic director, though," he begins, "you have to make decisions--tough decisions--to ensure your program is best equipped and best prepared for sustained success."

Everyone knows the payoff is now. "And that is why," Barta announces before trailing off a bit, exalting briefly in the shutters of the cameras once more, "...I am announcing my decision to offer Todd Lickliter a lifetime contract."

The room explodes into a firestorm of amazement, disbelief, and anger. The Iowa players, heretofore watching silently from the side of the room, storm out as they announce their transfers to anybody who can hear them. Sally Mason screams into a cell phone, undoubtedly to one of the Regents. Little does she know they've secretly taken Barta's side after a late night at the U-Bar, because nobody would be looking for them there.

At this point, Todd Lickliter emerges, his familiar necktie tied in an Oxford knot around his forehead. He stole that from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The room's hostility reignites to an entirely new level, and the And-1 guy starts dancing around and shouting "OH BABY!" over and over into an Iowa cheerleader's bullhorn. Bob Brooks throws his tape recorder at Lickliter's head.

Lickliter gets on the mic, but it's impossible to hear him outside of some choice phrases like "for LIFE, son," "holla at yo boy," "haters to the left," and one surreal scene in which Barta and Lickliter both bark into the microphone in unison, something that they've obviously rehearsed.

Chairs are being thrown now, and fully half the calls coming from the room are directed at 911. The only thing that calms the melee down is when Barta orders the reporters to settle down, or else the lunch buffet goes away. The attendants dutifully calm down and settle back into silence.

"There's one more thing I wanted to tell everybody before this press conference is over," Barta tells the crowd. "Todd's actually totally gone. He hates it here and I can't say I blame him. We just wanted to have a little fun on a dreary Monday afternoon. Our new coach is Quin Snyder, and he'll be here by Wednesday. One."