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Georges Laraque Suspended For Five Games

2009-11-24T01:18:53Z

Georges Laraque has officially been suspended for five games for his knee-on-knee hit on Niklas Kronwall Saturday night. Laraque met with Colin Campbell and the NHL today to discuss the play and for Laraque to explain his side of the story. Former Red Wing Brad May had this to say about the play and punishment:

"If they summon you to Toronto, it's at least four games," said May, who has been through the process.

May joked, "He probably didn't mean to hurt him, Georges is just too heavy on his skates. The punishment should be five games and skating lessons."

So the league decided against the skating lessons.

Busy Monday Sees 10 Games On The Schedule Tonight

2009-11-23T23:57:12Z

by Gerry Broome - AP

9 days ago: New York Islanders' Matt Moulson (26) and John Tavares (91) celebrate following Tavares' goal on Carolina Hurricanes goalie Manny Legace (34) during the first period of an NHL hockey game in Raleigh, N.C., Friday, Nov. 13, 2009. (AP Photo/Gerry Broome)

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John Tavares makes his first trip to Toronto when the Islanders face off against the Maple Leafs. This and nine other games are on the slate tonight for hockey's version of Feast Week.

It's a busy Monday night in the NHL, as 20 teams are in action. The spotlight game of the night is the New York Islanders vs. the Toronto Maple Leafs; it's the first game for Islander John Tavares in Toronto. Tavares originally hails from Toronto and the media there is jumping on his every word. He had this to say about playing in Toronto for the first time:

"I grew up there with the Leafs and was always a Leafs fan and it's where I learned to play the game and love the game and develop my skills. So it should be a lot of fun.

"A lot of people are coming to watch, so I'm going to enjoy it. But I'll keep the importance of the game on my mind and treat it like any other game."

While most of the eyes in the hockey world are going to be on Toronto tonight, here are the rest of the games and where you can join the conversation:

New York Islanders (8-8-7) vs. Toronto Maple Leafs (4-11-6) - 7:00 pm EST

Game Thread at Lighthouse Hockey

Game Thread at Pension Plan Puppets

Live Score

Detroit Red Wings (11-6-4) vs. Nashville Predators (12-8-1) - 7:00 Pm EST

Game Thread at Winging It In Motown

Game Thread at On The Forecheck

Live Score

Columbus Blue Jackets (12-6-3) vs. New York Rangers (11-10-1) - 7:00 pm EST

Game Thread at The Cannon

Game Thread at Blueshirt Banter

Live Score

Pittsburgh Penguins (15-8-0) vs. Florida Panthers (10-9-2) - 7:00 pm EST

Game Thread at Pensburgh

Game Thread at Litter Box Cats

Live Score

Washington Capitals (13-5-5) vs. Ottawa Senators (11-6-3) - 7:30 pm EST

Game Thread at Japers' Rink

Game Thread at Silver Seven

Live Score

Boston Bruins (10-8-4) vs. St. Louis Blues (8-8-4) - 8:00 pm EST

Game Thread at Stanley Cup of Chowder

Game Thread at St. Louis Game Time

Live Score

Carolina Hurricanes (5-12-5) vs. Dallas Stars (10-6-6) - 8:30 pm EST

Game Thread at Canes Country

Game Thread at Defending Big D

Live Score

Philadelphia Flyers (12-7-1) vs. Colorado Avalanche (13-7-3)- 9:00 pm EST

Game Thread at Broad Street Hockey

Game Thread at Mile High Hockey

Live Score

Phoenix Coyotes (13-9-1) vs. Edmonton Oilers (9-11-3) - 9:00 pm EST

Game Thread at Five For Howling

Game Thread at The Copper and Blue

Live Score

Calgary Flames (13-6-2) vs. Anaheim Ducks (7-11-3) - 10:00 pm EST

Game Thread at Matchsticks and Gasoline

Game Thread at Anaheim Calling

Live Score

Lions Could Have T-Day Problems

2009-11-23T23:54:58Z

It’s always good news, bad news, isn’t it? The Detroit Lions come off a thrilling, comeback win over the Browns, only to find out their two stars could be missing on Thanksgiving Day. Pride Of Detroit relays the message from coach Jim Schwartz that while Matt Stafford’s shoulder injury porbably isn’t a long-term thing, it is sore enough that he could miss this Thursday’s game. Also, his tag-team partner, Calvin Johnson, could also miss action with his knee problems.

MNF: Cascade Of Vince Young Fanboys Awaits As Texans Host Resurgent Titans

2009-11-23T23:52:17Z

by Wade Payne - AP

5 days ago: In this photo taken on Sunday, Nov. 15, 2009, Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young claps during the first quarter of an NFL football game against the Buffalo Bills in Nashville, Tenn. Young shrugged off his first interception since returning as Tennessee's starting quarterback. He has had a passer rating of 90 or better in three straight games for the first time in his career, and he is running effectively. So far, it sure looks like all that time on the bench has paid off. (AP Photo/Wade Payne)

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Vince Young is playing well again, which means Texans fans who wanted Houston to draft the hometown boy in 2006 get a chance to strut their stuff again. Oh, and an actual football game will happen, too. Follow along with SB Nation's fan communities.

For more on the Texans and the Titans, check out Battle Red Blog and Music City Miracles, respectively.

(Sports Network) - Clearly, there is little time for the Houston Texans to dip their collective toe back in the water following the team's Week 10 bye. At 5-4, the Texans' margin for error is slim if they wish to keep their playoff hopes intact, and the resurgent Tennessee Titans don't figure to make things easy on Houston at Reliant Stadium Monday night.

The Texans already own a win over the Titans this season - a 34-31 thriller in Nashville back in Week 2 - but this Tennessee team has a new quarterback, and seemingly a new energy. Tennessee is 3-0 since quarterback Vince Young entered the starting lineup, making the Texans' prospects at their first home-and-home sweep of the Titans since 2004 seem daunting indeed.

Houston had an extra week to lick its wounds after a disappointing Week 9 that saw them drop a 20-17 decision to the first-place Indianapolis Colts.

The Texans, who were less than 15 minutes from making a statement win after Steve Slaton's 1-yard touchdown run put them ahead, 17-13, couldn't finish in their eventual loss, allowing Peyton Manning to engineer an 8-play, 61-yard touchdown drive culminating in a two-yard touchdown run by Houston native Joseph Addai with 7:11 left in the fourth quarter.

A Matt Schaub interception in Colts territory with 2:20 to play provided a glancing blow to the team's comeback prospects, but Houston fought its way off the ropes and got in position for a makeable 42-yard field goal for Kris Brown with one second to play that would have sent the game to overtime.

But Brown's kick went wide left, essentially taking Houston out of the equation for its first-ever AFC South title, and damaging their wild card prospects as well.

That said, the Titans would love to be where the Texans are at this moment, even though their recent work would suggest that the team is nearly back after its 0-6 start.

In last Sunday's 41-17 rout of the Bills, Tennessee running back Chris Johnson continued his recent exhilarating display, carrying 26 times for 132 yards and two touchdowns, and also catching nine balls for 100 yards out of the backfield to become the first player in franchise history to hit triple-digits via both the ground and air since Billy Cannon on Dec. 10, 1961.

Johnson has inserted himself into the NFL Offensive Player of the Year discussion during a three-game stretch that has seen the second-year-pro pile up 495 rushing yards and six touchdowns. The second-year back out of East Carolina leads the NFL in rushing yards (1091), and the Titans are No. 1 in the league in yards per carry (5.3) and rushes of 20 yards or longer (17).

Alongside the running back during his explosive run has been quarterback Vince Young, who maintained his efficiency by completing 17-of-25 passes for a season-high 210 yards, a touchdown, an interception, and 29 rushing yards in a winning effort last week.

The Titans' defense has also been a credit to the cause after some major problems during the first six weeks, and last week saw safety Vincent Fuller and cornerback Rod Hood help put the game away with pick-six touchdowns against the Bills.

Lions QB Matthew Stafford Likely Out Thursday With Sprained Shoulder

2009-11-23T23:17:37Z

Stafford

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Manhood has its price, as Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford is learning. After tossing a touchdown on the final play of the Lion's thrilling 38-37 win over the Browns despite suffering a shoulder injury the previous play, John Niyo of the Detroit News reports Matthew Stafford will miss the team's Thanksgiving game due to a sprained AC joint in his left shoulder. If Stafford can't go, backup Daunte Culpepper will start when the team faces off with the divisional rival Packers on Thursday.

Stafford had the game of his -- albeit, young -- career last Sunday, throwing for 422 yards and five touchdowns (along with two picks), as he guided the Lions to their second win of the season in dramatic fashion. Trailing the Browns by six, the Lions appeared to lose the game when Stafford threw an interception in the end zone as time expired -- only to be given a second chance after pass interference was called on Browns defensive back Hank Poteat for tackling Lions wideout Calvin Johnson in the end zone. With the ball on the one-yard line for an untimed down, the Lions looked as if they would have to go without Stafford, as he had gotten drilled on the previous down, and appeared to be in a great deal of pain (in addition to being required by rule to sit out at least a down since play had stopped for him). But a Browns timeout allowed Stafford to get back on the field after fending off the Lions training staff, just in time to throw the game-winning touchdown to tight end Brandon Pettigrew.

Video of the final play below:

Official UFC 106 Payouts

2009-11-23T22:55:11Z

Forrest Griffin, $250,000 ($150,000 win bonus) def. Tito Ortiz, $250,000
Josk Koscheck, $106,000 ($53,000 win) def. Anthony Johnson, $17,000
Paulo Thiago, $16,000 ($8,000 win) def. Jacob Volkmann, $6,000
Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, $100,000 ($30,000 win) def. Luiz Cane, $19,000
Amir Sadollah, $30,000 ($15,000 win) def. Phil Baroni, $25,000
Ben Saunders, $20,000 ($10,000 win) def. Marcus Davis, $27,000
Kendall Grove, $44,000 ($22,000 win) def. Jake Rosholt, $15,000
Brian Foster, $12,000 ($6,000 win) def. Brock Larson, $26,000
Caol Uno, $20,000 drew Fabricio Camoes, $10,000
George Sotiropoulos, $20,000 ($10,000 win) def. Jason Dent, $8,000

Stafford's A Man! (Man, A Man, A Man)

2009-11-23T22:54:59Z

This video has been making us laugh all day long, so please, as the workday comes to a close, enjoy it with us. The accompanying song accounts for probably 60% of the hilarity, 10% are the pictures, and then 30% is that Matt Stafford plays for the Detroit Lions.

The description? “Matthew Stafford is a man, something Brady Quinn, Mark Sanchez, and Josh Freeman are not. GO DETROIT LIONS.”

Possibly NSFW, definitely hilarious:

Kurt Warner Says He Will Play Next Week

2009-11-23T22:18:11Z

by Gene J. Puskar - AP

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The Cardinals need Kurt Warner to keep the machine oiled.

When Kurt Warner went down Sunday a lot of fantasy players held their breath, but everyone seems pretty optimistic that he'll be able to go next Sunday.

Kurt Warner didn’t make any guarantees, but he’s confident he will play on Sunday when the Arizona Cardinals travel to Tennessee.

His return would be a great boon to anyone who owns a Cardinal player. With Matt Leinart in at quarterback the offense stalled. There are plenty of good to great fantasy options in that offense including Beanie Wells, Tim Hightower, Steve Breatson, Anquan Boldin, and Larry Fitzgerald.

Taking a look at the Cardinals playoff schedule, fantasy players have to be licking their chops. In weeks 15 and 16 the Cardinals get Detroit and St. Louis. Cross your fingers that Warner will be able to go!

The Rejuvenation Of White Chocolate!

2009-11-23T21:58:07Z

Remember Jason Williams? No, not that Jason Williams. And not the one with that horrifying limo driver tragedy… No, no, no.

Yes, THAT is the Jason Williams in question. The one that’s been so quiet over the past two or three years that he’s been upstaged by a guy on trial for murder and an ESPNU announcer.

But just when we thought “White Chocolate” had receded into some white hype netherworld with Keith Van Horn, here he is, starting at point guard for the Orlando Magic—and don’t look now, but he’s thriving, says our Magic Blog, Third Quarter Collapse.

He’s playingful meaning minutes on a bonafide contender, which would have been unthinkable a year ago. Maybe he’s not an All-Star, but damn, it’s good to have mini-Maravich back; is he available for the Skills Challenge?

Marc Bulger Out 3-6 Weeks With Leg Fracture; Kyle Boller Sighting To Come

2009-11-23T21:56:34Z

by Tom Gannam - AP

St. Louis Rams quarterback Marc Bulger, bottom right, is slow to get up after being tackled and fumbling the ball which was recovered by teammate Brandon Gibson (11) as Arizona Cardinals' Karlos Dansby (58) and Darnell Dockett (90) look on during the fourth quarter of an NFL football game against the Arizona Cardinals, Sunday, Nov. 22, 2009, in St. Louis. Arizona won 21-13. (AP Photo/Tom Gannam)

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Stop me if you've heard this one before: Marc Bulger is "really banged up", according the the St. Louis Rams official twitter account:

Monday Injuries: Bulger really banged up. strained groin/hammy, also had blow to head and will be tested Tuesday. MRI on knee today also.

Although the Rams have not necessarily ruled Bulger out for this coming Sunday, he is described as one of the players with "the most serious ailments" of the injured Rams players.

If Bulger is unable to play, backup Kyle Boller will once again take the reins for a suddenly decent Rams offense.

Eric Decker's Huge Hit Made Him Weigh A Ton

2009-11-23T21:30:55Z

I suck at physics, and so do you, and there’s a good reason for that: as a subject, physics is difficult even at its simplest levels, and involves complex math that left us behind somewhere around fourth grade.

If they could have taught it in football form, I might have understood that. Hey, look! Physics in football form!

Nope, still doesn’t work. It is fun to note that Eric Decker did—for an instant during the exchange of force from the Cal safety to him—feel like he weighed over a ton. This makes him the first 2000 pounder to score a TD in the Big Ten since Ron Dayne, and the survivor of an amount of force comparable to a car wreck. Physics: it’s not hard when you get to watch football players getting lit up to explain it.

SB Nation's 2010 Olympics Hockey Preview

2009-11-23T21:28:18Z

by Mark Avery - AP

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Over the next two weeks, SB Nation will go team by team in the NHL and give our predictions on who has the best shot at representing their country in the 2010 Winter Olympics. Each day we'll feature three teams whose respective websites will give their thoughts on who is on their way to Vancouver, and who will be staying behind.

Atlanta Thrashers - Bird Watcher's Anonymous

Pack Your Bags

Ilya Kovalchuk is a first line player for the Russian Team. The only thing keeping him from Vancouver would be an injury. He won gold at the most recent World Championships and would certainly love to repeat that performance with fellow countrymen Ovechkin and Malkin.

Christoph Schubert will attend given the paucity of German born NHL players. To be honest I don't know anything about German players playing in Europe, but looking at their list of Olympic candidates, I would expect him to be in their top four defenseman.

The Falconer goes on to say that while Maxim Afinogenov has had a great start to the season, he still has a long way to go before getting a chance with Team Russia.

Anaheim Ducks - Anaheim Calling

Pack Your Bags

Ryan Getzlaf: The Regina-bred centerman missed Orientation Camp after offseason hernia surgery, but he has looked tip-top opening the year in Anaheim. Canada will need his directly proportional size and skill up the middle.

Scott Niedermayer: Already packed.

Boston Bruins - Stanley Cup of Chowder

Pack Your Bags

Zdeno Chara, Slovakia
Chara is a lock to be on Slovakia's Olympic roster. This will be the second time that the towering defenseman has been on the Slovakian Olympic team, having made the roster in 2006.

Tim Thomas, United States

Thomas was one of 3 goaltenders to be invited to Team USA's Olympic orientation camp this summer. He will be competing with Buffalo's Ryan Miller and LA's Jonathan Quick. Right now, Ryan Miller looks to be the front-runner for the starting job, but Thomas certainly has a shot to be the #1 netminder for Team U.S. in Vancouver. More than likely both Thomas and Miller will see some ice time during the tournament. This would be Thomas' first Olympic appearance and according to the goalie a life-long dream come true.

Bills OL Seth McKinney Out For Season With Knee Injury

2009-11-23T21:10:15Z

Seth McKinney

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More bad news for the Buffalo Bills and their beleaguered offensive line: guard Seth McKinney is out for the season with a knee injury, according to the team's official twitter account. McKinney is listed as both the backup center and the backup right guard.

With Eric Wood's devastating broken leg, McKinney would have become the starting right guard. The Bills currently do not have anybody listed behind Wood and McKinney on the depth chart.

The Bills have been beset by injuries along their offensive line this year, losing tackles Demetrius Bell and Brad Butler, in addition to guard Eric Wood. The team traded All-Pro left tackle Jason Peters last offseason, and released tackle Langston Walker at the beginning of the season.

College Basketball Top 25: Syracuse Moves Up 20 Spots; UNC Falls Out Of Top 10

2009-11-23T20:48:14Z

by Julie Jacobson - AP

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The latest AP college basketball rankings are out and Syracuse is this week's big winner. The Orange go from 30th to No. 10 after starting off 4-0, including wins over Cal (which fell out of the rankings this week) and UNC. LeMoyne has quickly become a distant memory.

Speaking of UNC, the Heels dropped from No. 6 to 11 this week after losing to 'Cuse. Although UNC is the highest ranked team with a loss.

Here's how the rest of the top 25 shakes out:

1. Kansas (56) 3-0 1,613

2. Michigan State (7) 2-0 1,538

3. Texas (1) 2-0 1,439

4. Villanova 3-0 1,397

5. Kentucky 3-0 1,333

6. Purdue 1-0 1,314

7. Duke 3-0 1,163

8. West Virginia 1-0 1,133

9. Tennessee 2-0 1,040

10. Syracuse (1) 3-0 1,013

11. North Carolina 4-0 914

12. Butler 2-0 872

13. Connecticut 3-0 850

14. Washington 3-0 844

15. Michigan 1-0 672

16. Louisville 1-0 486

17. Ohio State 2-1 466

18. Georgetown 2-0 418

19. Clemson 2-0 408

20. Illinois 2-0 366

21. Maryland 2-0 296

22. Minnesota 3-0 292

23. Notre Dame 3-0 117

24. Vanderbilt 1-0 108

25. Oklahoma 2-0 107

Dolphins' NT Jason Ferguson on IR, Done For the Season

2009-11-23T20:26:49Z

by Lynne Sladky - AP

3 months ago: Miami Dolphins' Joe Kowalewski, left, celebrates with Jason Ferguson, right, after scoring a touchdown in the fourth quarter against the Carolina Panthers during a preseason NFL football game at Land Shark Stadium in Miami, Saturday, Aug. 22, 2009. The Dolphins won 27-17. (AP Photo/Lynne Sladky)

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Miami Dolphins' nose tackle and defensive captain Jason Ferguson is going to be placed on injured reserve today, ending his season. This from Jeff Darlington's twitter:

NT Jason Ferguson will miss the rest of the season because of a quad injury, Sparano says. Another big blow. Second captain to land on IR.

It is unclear who will fill Ferguson's role in the middle of Miami's stout run defense, but the loss will undoubtedly hurt the Dolphins' already waning playoff chances.

Comparing The Treatment Of Concussions Between The NFL And NHL

2009-11-23T20:21:13Z

Cassie McClellan has a great article today on Raw Charge, comparing the issues of hits to the head and concussions between the NFL and the NHL. The NFL has just recently started to acknowledge the severity of these injuries, after years of league-wide neglect and basic ignorance concerning concussions.

It's been well documented that the National Football League has had serious problems with concussions. The latest findings, however, suggest that the NFL has an even bigger problem than they had previously thought. Many football players aren't reporting their concussions for fear of ridicule and losing their spots on the roster. Part of this is due to the military-esque culture within football, but it's also due to the fact that the NFL does not guarantee player contracts.

Cassie goes on to compare this to the NHL, where head injuries are at an all time high as the game becomes faster and more violent.

The NHL knows that part of its appeal lies in the level of violence in games. This contradicts its desire to be a family-friendly show, however, which is why it tries to walk that fine line between boxing and figure skating. Fighting is technically illegal in the NHL, but no one gets suspended for it.

A five minute penalty is nothing but a mere slap on the wrist as compared with other sports penalties on fighting, and a two-minute penalty for roughing is even less than that. Suspensions are often handed out in Major League Baseball and the NBA if the situation degenerates into a brawl of some kind. In the NHL, the instigator penalty and associated fines and suspensions are to make sure that the game still keeps some semblance of respectability among the easily offended.

Cassie makes the argument that the NHL and NFL are more concerned with appearing as if they care about head injuries, while they have yet to make the big steps to truly prevent them. She goes on to suggest a number of interesting theories on how to help curb the rise of injuries in the NHL, including removal of the instigator penalty to allow the players to police themselves if the NHL won't do it consistently themselves.

You can read the entirety of the article here.

The Alphabetical, Week 12: In Which There's No Such Thing As A Boring Saturday

2009-11-23T20:18:19Z

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Saturday was supposed to be a boring slate of college football action. The Pac-10, Les Miles and Harvard-Yale made sure that wasn't to be, as we learn from SB Nation's Spencer Hall, who recaps Week 12, A-Z.

A is for Abkhazia. A territory between Georgia and Russia, a disputed space on the map caught somewhere between statehood and being ruled by outside powers, and in the opinion of some, a nonexistent space altogether. Much like college football as a national sport of any sort, it can't really be said to exist, but like many breakway republics and their news, you can't say it isn't an interesting concept, even if there's no proper way to determine a champion, no single league, no management, and very few common rules on how things are done across the board. And yet it moves...

B is for Bollocks. This weekend was far better than anticipated, thus bollocksing the weeklong "WAAAAAHH BORING" columns peppering the media leading up to it. Colorado and OK State ruined your early bedtime on Thursday by taking the game deep into the fourth quarter in Stillwater, Boise State was at least spectacular in their 28-point second quarter against Utah State, and Saturday's lackluster slate of games roared past all expectations from the 12 o'clock hour through the crescendo of the evening's ludicrously entertaining slate. [Ed. note: Some of us missed the evening games because of the deep sleep the noon games put us in.] The lesson is the same here as it is with the rest of life: keep expectations low and you never come away disappointed, kids.

C is for Continental Divide. Harris Poll voters likely didn't see any of it since it was past their bedtime, or because "confound it Alice, what did you do to the picture box?" but the Pac-10 put on a late-night Fiesta west of the Continental Divide on Saturday with the twin billing of the Big Game and Oregon/Arizona.The best football in the nation top to bottom has been played in the Pac-10 this year, but the on-the-field japery has been SEC-quality: first Harbaugh and Carroll getting into it at midfield last week, then this week's booing of Tiger Woods and whatever the hell the Arizona fans were doing at the end of the game in Tucson indicate a conference-wide shift to Telemundo-level drama. This column approves of this whole-heartedly, and hopes the bowl season will validate the belief in the Pac-10's on-field 2009 superiority and its newfound commitment to being interesting off the field, as well. Yes, that does mean I want LeGarrette Blount to attempt to dot the I in Ohio and dare anyone to tell him he can't.

D is for Disaster. Oh, you thought this would be Les Miles. Apologies. Someone pulled the ring to inflate their raft of FAIL with greater force and verve this college football weekend, and it was not the Mad Hatter.

1:40 second mark, please.

Up 10-7 with 2:25 to go, Yale coach Tom Williams decided on just the thing to put out all those fireworks of victory: a heaping helping of gasoline. Facing 4th and 22 on their own 26, Williams called for a reverse fake, a play gaining 16 yards, a sum significantly less than 22, meaning Harvard got the ball on the Yale 42 with the game on the line. Harvard only needed a field goal to tie, but they courteously spared Yale the trouble of OT by scoring the go-ahead TD to win the game 14-10.

You might say this is no different than Urban Meyer calling a fake punt from his own 15 on 4th and 10 in the 2006 SEC Championship game, but there are two key differences: a.) Jemalle Cornelius was running Meyer's fake, and b.) that one only needed ten yards, not a whopping 22 yards, a conversion distance somewhere between "Terra incognita" and "f--k no" in terms of probability. This was not, as the Harvard Crimson reporter calls it, "a Belichick." This was nothing short of a "Full Williams," because I've never, ever seen a fake call this gaudily insane, and I grew up watching Hal Mumme and Steve Spurrier coach in the SEC. The new terminology has been proposed, and awaits ratification by the readership.

E is for Eh, Excellent, YAWN. It would have really helped Mark Mangino's case for keeping his job if he'd beaten Texas, but Colt McCoy had earned enough XBox Live points playing to downgrade all defenses he faces this year to "Junior Varsity Difficulty." 32/41, 396 yards, 4 TDs, and zero picks against Kansas mean postseason awards with copyrighted names and awkward poses for him, though why a similar effortless run through the Big 12 didn't earn Vince Young the same remains a question for the ages. (Voters that year were really, really impressed with Fresno State's defense <---only possible explanation.)

F is for Finest Essential Oils, ESPN. If you lived on the East Coast and have a cable company too busy selling infants for meat to offer ESPN 360 to its customers like a non-evil company would, I extend my deepest sympathies. It's fun to nutpunch ESPN because on so many occasions they deserve it, but remember that stupid people need television, too (see: Around the Horn, or its slower drooling older brother The Sports Reporters), and that they offer ESPN 360. Having the computer open to bounce around between four games with the TV on full blip is as amped as a Ritalin Commando can be on Saturday. Also, it got us the capper of all cappers, the gonzo Oregon/Arizona game on Saturday night. If your cable company does not offer it, commit acts of violent resistance immediately.

G is for Great Moments in Accidentally Brilliant Coaching. After Brandon Graham destroyed his playcalls on 1st and 2nd down singlehandedly, Jim Tressel called a screen on third down and goal . Watching Tressel attempt to call an offensive game can be like watching a mad dog attempting to eat a brick--i.e., it takes forever, involves a lot of chipping away at the objective, and can be hard to watch--but the call became a moment of accidental beauty. Tressel attempted a timeout, the official missed the coach rushing in for a TO, and the snap went to Pryor, who waited out the rush and hit Boom Herron on the play, which in the muddle turned into a kind of busted-but-completely-open-screen.

Herron strolled to the endzone for a 21-10 lead, answering Michigan's score and effectively ending the game. Brandon Saine's TD run earlier came on a flub, too: the manager and Tressel each sent in different plays, and blockers scattered in all directions on the play. Why yes, that is pure rubbing alcohol Michigan fans. Hope we're not pouring it too quickly into that open wound.

H is for Hellbent. If Les Miles and Tom Williams are the poster children for ill-advised testicularity this week, please see Chip Kelly and his protege Jeremiah Masoli as the shining beacons of vindicated ballsiness this week. Oregon rode the lightning and won Saturday night, tying the game at 24 off a field goal that hit the cross bar and doinked over for the late-game tie. This kind of grandeur requires--nay, demands!--Microsoft Paint.

(Art credit: Duck Voodoo.)

The FG was the least of the heroisms littering the game for the Ducks: picking off a potential game-icing TD for a pick in the endzone, converting 4th and 5 on the final drive of regulation on the way to the TD, the simply mental catches made by Jeff Maehl and Ed Dickson for the winning and tying TDs, or the Nate Costa dig of a horrid snap into the dirt on the game-tying extra point. Games this fun are category one narcotics, and should be banned from public consumption due to the desire to ditch work immediately and watch it again.

I is for I'm so, so sorry. The University of Arizona's President had to apologize for Wildcat fans' behavior at the end of the game, including the throwing of water bottles. One found the noggin of an Oregon cheerleader who was taken to the hospital after being knocked out. As stated earlier: as disgraceful as injuring a cheerleader is, I don't know where you've taken the old courtly Pac-10, new, entertaining and angry Pac-10. If you've stuffed him in a trunk somewhere, we suggest losing the keys, because this is a vast improvement over the old model.

J is for Jab. New Mexico knuckled down and rolled with the punches in their first victory of the season over Colorado State, 29-27. Congrats to Mike Locksley, who removes the Lobos from the Ofer 2009 Dinner Club, whose remaining members are Eastern Michigan (0-11) and Western Kentucky (0-10). Keep swinging, boys: it worked for Coach Locksley, and it will surely work for you (at the very least you'll serve a one game suspension for decking an assistant.)

K is for Kilt. Alabama and Florida beat Chattanooga and Florida International, respectively, by a combined score of 107-3. If you're basing your SEC Championship Game pick on who actually allowed points to the legless men brought in to face these brave gladiators for a mid-November cash grab of no confidence, it was Florida. Make your wagers accordingly.

L is for Lissome. A variation of lithesome, meaning nimble, a word Shane Vereen wore out on 42 carries for 193 yards and 3 TDs against Stanford. Cal has regrouped magnificently towards the end of the season, and offensive cooridnator Andy Ludwig did a fine job working in the Wildcat to maximize Vereen's touches to keep Toby Gerhart and Andrew Luck off the field. The best evidence of this besides the score; Cal had 31 first downs to Stanford's 16, with the Cardinal gulping down big plays while Cal ground away with Vereen. The turtle strategy worked, though Toby Gerhart's 29 yard reception in the waning minutes had Stanford in position for the killshot. (Andrew Luck's game-ending INT was firing said killshot, but then suffering a cruel and fatal ricochet.)

M is for Masterful: As in this sign at OSU/Michigan;

N is for Not So Fast: ...but the sign of the day goes to Arizona fans, who happen to be very bit as entranced by 8-bit video game jokes as I am:

(HT: College Game Balls.) Free sign idea, Oregon fans: Photoshop the duck holding two beavers in the same 8-bit graphics with the caption "THIS JUST BLEW YOUR MIND."

O is for Oblate. As in the bouncing of of the oblate spheroid called a football, one that bounced in several random ways of great importance, something we will review in the next entry. As if 11 men facing off against 11 men didn't have enough randomness, the very shape of the ball itself lends itself to unpredictable, often cruel bounces. You are a bitch-goddess of a mistress, football. If you weren't so sexy you wouldn't be worth the pain and the trouble, and if you don't believe us, ask Notre Dame fans, whose team has been riding paper-thin margins and bounces of varying outcomes throughout the year.

P is for Paroxysm. Les Miles has already endured the scrutiny from his own fanbase for the insane mismanagement of the game down the stretch in the 25-23 loss to Ole Miss. No words can equal whatever voodoo-inspired arrangements were left on his door Sunday morning, or whatever oaths and curses are being sworn against him after a loss to their most hated rival.

So, conditionals: there is no guarantee LSU wins that game if they get another play, or even on a hurried field goal. All taken as granted. What is inexcusable is not taking the final timeout with twenty-six seconds on the clock after the failed screen on third-down and maximizing the time you did have on the clock.

Miles clearly is in the grip of some kind of stroke here, an occlusion of the blood flow to the brain possible only due to a blockage of some sort. There is no reason why a highly paid professional with a $3 million dollar plus salary does not take their final timeout there aside from some kind of grievous medical condition, stroke, seizure, or as they enjoyed calling it in the 19th century, a good old-fashioned "paroxysm." Ditto for the spike/not spike call: Miles is either seizing at that point, or has been hit by a blowgunned dart full of a powerful hallucinogen from the stands.

Q is for Questionable: Or worse still, dismiss this question: what if the brilliant gambler of 2007 was just making shit up all along, and getting fabulously lucky on the margins like no gambler in his position before? Ohio State scored three TDs against Michigan in random fashion that had little to do with strategy or play-calling. Oregon came within a single bad snap of blowing a shot at the Rose Bowl. Georgia botched one toss sweep to Kentucky and lost. The random plays far larger an element in football than anyone cares to admit, but in Les Miles' case the random is combined with a gambling instinct pressed past the edge of reasonable risk management.

Any question about whether Miles is some genius of risk/reward management or not is over after this weekend. He is a bomb waiting to go off with a headset. When you put him in the right place, he does what you want him to, and when you leave it in the car with the fuse burning you are going to need a new car in a rapid and dramatic fashion.

R is for Rich. "I'm sure we were at fault." --Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin, NOT criticizing several calls made against Tennessee during his coaches show on Sunday.

S is for Salute. Saturday was Military Appreciation Day in Clemson, something Tigers TE Dwayne Allen celebrated by giving a salute to the crowd after scoring a TD. You assume the referees knew this or cared, Dwayne Allen, and that they were human beings. This was your first mistake.

Your second mistake was assuming a crew headed up by Ron Cherry would not call this for a 15 yard penalty and set up UVA's 45 yard TD drive off a short kick, which they did. Why do you hate America, Ron Cherry? And insist on giving clean, good ole-fashioned Patriotism the business? Traitorous officiating aside, Clemson is going to the ACC Championship in Tampa, a feat increasing Dabo Swinney's pay to the ACC median next year by contract and a great excuse for Clemson fans to explore the Tampa Bay area and its cornucopia of amateur dance studios. (A lot of them have bars in them. Go figure.)

T is for Titles: Pac-10 awaits the result of the Civil War, with the winner of Oregon State/Oregon headed to the Rose Bowl. Ohio State wins the Big Televen after a disastrous start and despite losing to Purdue, but all Jim Tressel knows how to do is make babies, win Big Ten titles, and rock a razor-sharp crease in grey slacks. (Don't hate.) Texas is going to win the Big 12 when they meet Nebraska and you avert your eyes for four quarters, barring the biggest conference championship upset of the young millennium. The SEC is down Florida versus Georgia in Alabama, the ACC will be Georgia Tech versus Clemson in a rematch of an early season Tech victory in Atlanta, and the Big East will come down to Pitt/Cincy in two weeks. Boise rules as the sovereign in the WAC, while the Mountain West is TCU's on lockdown, Troy is in the lead in the Sun Belt, and the MAC will come down to Central Michigan versus--prepare thyself--Temple in the championship game.

Conference-USA will determine who hosts the championship game this coming Saturday if ECU beats Southern Miss, If they do, ECU will host Houston for the title. If not, Houston hosts it, and everyone's gonna need to watch their helmets after the game.

U is for Ungainly. Bonus Clemson Youtube, but only because it's necessary. If you ever watched Clemson come down the hill and wondered, "Is that perfectly safe?" Demonstrably, the answer is no (:30 mark):

Quick work by pointing and laughing guy there. Pointing and laughing guy! Where there is embarrassing public spectacle, he and his pointing figure are there.

V is for Vaya Con Dios: Mickey Andrews, longtime Florida State defensive coordinator, left his last home game victorious after Maryland allowed a late score by the Seminoles to win 29-26. No one exits alone in this game of zero-sums: Ralph Friedgen is all but done at Maryland, meaning two veteran coaches of great esteem met very different ends on Saturday.

W is for Weeping. Sean McDonough, you made it dusty in here when discussing the death of your former broadcast partner Chris Spielman's wife. Charlie Weis tearing up made us pity an otherwise hard-to-pity man when his team unexpectedly linked arms with him when they took the field. Randy Edsall, though, put the waterworks on full blast when, after upsetting Notre Dame on their homefield following what has been a legitimately tragic season for them, he wept openly on camera during the postgame interview.

X is for Xe. The new name of Blackwater, who will likely be the new security detail for BCS officials now that they're raiding the Bush administration's personnel files for employees .

Y is for Yosemite. El Capitan is 3,500 feet or so tall, and if Nevada's rushing totals could be applied as climbing credit, their 574 yards against New Mexicao State on Saturday would get them a bit over halfway up it. The main problem will be finding a sleeping ledge big enough for Colin Caepernick, but if all else fails he can just sleep in his harness.

Z is for Zeppo. The lost Marx brother, or sort of the role Mark Stoops plays in the Stoops Brothers ensemble. He's the one who fell to his knees in exasperation in the first overtime of the Oregon game, the image still lingering with me as the enduring one of week 12.

Forrest Griffin Appologizes to Anderson Silva

2009-11-23T19:51:39Z

“I’m sorry I ran out on you, it was no disrespect,” The Las Vegas Sun heard Griffin saying to Silva towards the back of the media center. “I just wanted it to be a great fight and I was really disappointed when it wasn’t.”

- From the Las Vegas Sun

With Forrest now admitting that Anderson Silva “broke him” and pulling off the win over Ortiz he has repositioned himself as a star for the company. It is a drastic turnaround since the awful beating Anderson gave him and it is very important for a company dealing with injuries to many top names.

Packers LB Aaron Kampman Out For Season With Torn ACL

2009-11-23T19:39:34Z

by Ross D. Franklin - AP

2 months ago: FILE - In this Aug. 28, 2009, file photo, Green Bay Packers linebacker Aaron Kampman (74) celebrates after returning a fumble for a touchdown during the second quarter of an NFL preseason football game against the Arizona Cardinals in Glendale, Ariz. Kampman's ability to make the switch from pro bowl defensive end to outside linebacker in the Packers' new 3-4 defense was one of the team's biggest questions heading into camp, and it remains so going into Thursday's final dress rehearsal in Tennessee. (AP Photo/Ross D. Franklin, File)

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The injuries are piling up for the Packers on the defensive side of the ball. Aside from losing starting cornerback Al Harris for the remainder of the season to a torn ACL, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports that the team will also be without starting outside linebacker Aaron Kampman, also due to a torn ACL. From the Journal-Sentinel:

Kampman was returning from a one-game absence due to a concussion and was playing well, getting his first sack since the Cleveland game Oct. 25 and posting a team-high four tackles. Then, with the 49ers facing second and 20 at their own 38, Kampman charged from his outside linebacker position at right tackle Adam Snyder. Just as he got his hands on Snyder, Kampman's left leg gave way.

It was clear right away that the injury was serious by the way Kampman clutched it, and team physician Pat McKenzie spent time testing it for laxity. Kampman was taken to the sideline and then driven off the field on a cart with 7 minutes, 42 seconds left.

Kampman had struggled this season, transitioning from playing defensive end in a 4-3 scheme, to playing with his hand off the ground as an outside rush linebacker in the 3-4; after averaging double digit sacks the previous three seasons, he only had 3.5 so far this year.

SBN's Acme Packing Company, meanwhile, breaks down how the Packers will try to replace Kampman:

LB Brad Jones has impressed the last two week and he'll start in Kampman's spot. LB Brady Poppinga is his backup, with LB Jeremy Thompson behind them. Jones showed some promising pass rush moves this preseason, but his strength right now is against the run and in pass coverage.

Joe Mauer Beats Yankees At Something, Wins 2009 A.L. MVP

2009-11-23T19:29:44Z

by Hannah Foslien - AP

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Yankees fans everywhere weep: Joe Mauer, catcher for the Minnesota Twins, has won this season's American League Most Valuable Player Award, beating out Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira (he also received more votes than Miguel Cabrera and Kendry Morales, but neither of them play in New York, so we'll move along).

Mauer received 27 of the 28 first-place votes, with the other vote going to Cabrera, meaning a witch hunt has already begun to discover who was crazy enough not to give Mauer a first-place vote.

Mauer became the fifth player in Twins history to win the MVP Award. He joined teammate Justin Morneau, who took home the honor in 2006, as well as Zoilo Versalles (1965) Harmon Killebrew (1969) and Rod Carew (1977).

He also became just the second catcher in the past 33 years to be named MVP. Texas' Ivan Rodriguez (1999) is the only backstop besides Mauer to take home the honor since Yankees catcher Thurman Munson won it in 1976. The last catcher to win National League MVP honors was Cincinnati's Johnny Bench in 1972.

The 26-year old catcher began his season on the DL, and didn't appear in his first game until May 1, but quickly made up for lost time, hitting a home run in his first at-bat. He ended 2009 leading the AL in AVG (.356), OBP (.444), SLG (.587), OPS (1.031) OPS+ (a comically-good 170).

"The year Joe had was just incredible," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said last week. "It's almost hard to wrap your mind around where he now stands in the history of the game. I know what he means to our ballclub and our organization. But I think everybody nationally is starting to get a little bit of a feel now how really, really good this guy is. I think you just top it off by giving him an MVP award, which he rightfully deserves."

Check in with both Twinkie Town and Pinstripe Alley for more analysis and reaction.