The Daily Sports Tome

The Irony Is Thicker Than Britney Spear's Waist...

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 02:07:00 +0000

"Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, eat twinkies every day."

Did you ever hear the story about the guy who spent months writing through the unquestionable worst time in the sporting year, but then when something interested actually happened went silent? It's a funny one...

The triple whammy of engineering school work, actually having sports to watch, and applying for an exciting (though non-paying) writing gig have conspired to keep me pretty silent for awhile. I've got a free half second though, so I'm going to try to hit everything I want to get done right here in this post. It's go time.

A Wiki-What

1. Hired after Florida gave up 62 points to Nebraska in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl, Bob Stoops was given carte blanche over the Gators defense and that season, he was part of the Gators' 1996 national championship over Florida State.

"But we payed good money to get that call!"

2. From his days as a football player at Iowa, Bret Bielema has a two-inch tattoo of a Tiger Hawk (Iowa's logo) on his calf, which he has stated he will not remove, despite being the coach of the Big Ten-rival Wisconsin Badgers.

"Your not doing that to my wife just for a few holding calls."

3. While at Salem and Samford, Terry Bowden coached quarterback Jimbo Fisher to a NCAA Division III National Player of the Year award.^[6] Fisher later became quarterbacks coach for Bowden at Auburn, and after much success as the offensive coordinator for LSU, is now the offensive coordinator at FSU for Bobby Bowden.

"Dag Gummit, how much did Pops used to pay them?"

Top 5

"I always love a good manly pre-game hug."

"Your going to try to throw how many picks today?!"

"I see your right hand is a extra happy to see me."

"Nah, that Peyton kid will never make our career totals looks embarrassing."

"We'll just blame it all on a sub-par supporting cast, OK?"

Deep Thoughts with Tired, Out of Idea Guy (a new feature invented out of laziness)

1. Why couldn't OJ have decided it was a good idea to jack all of his memorabilia back during the summer when I was desperate for material. I'm beginning to think that guy doesn't care about anyone but himself.

"If the glove don't fit, then OJ is still a murdering scumbag."

2. I believe the term Art Shell Face should now be an accepted phrase for all sports fan's to know. For those not in the know it was coined by Bill Simmons to describe how Art Shell looked on the sideline during a game. Basically, it means you stare randomly off into space and look incredibly depressed/disconnected from reality. Watch Randy Shannon, Miami's new football coach, I believe he owes Art Shell some royalties because he uses is 24/7. He emotes about as much as Britney Spear's avoids Krispy Kreme.

Randy Shannon immediately after sleeping with Giselle and Tom Brady

3. Anyone else notice that the current top 5 rated passers in the NFL are respectively: Tom Brady, Tony Romo, Jeff Garcia, Jack Delhomme, and Matt Schaub. There draft positions were 6th round, undrafted, undrafted, undrafted, and 3rd Round. This obviously proves that you should never invest a first round pick in a quarterback. Teams should probably look elsewhere early in the draft. Like Fullback or Punter. Now those are game changers.

"I hope T.O. doesn't out me to."

That's it! Were done! This post is 100% over! I win! Good night Canada! Enjoy this.

Time Keeps on Slippin' (Slippin' Slippin' Slippin')....

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 01:38:00 +0000

"Whenever Engineering HW is involved...."

Not much time to work this week. But I would like to ask the following.

Anyone ever meet a football coach who plays the game two plays at a time?

Me neither.

Mega Mock Mania

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 19:18:00 +0000

3 Mock Drafts. Simultaneously Done. ESPN.com. Gotta Move It Quickly. Thank God For Dual Monitors.

Round 1

Looks like I'm picking 5, 5, and 8. That gives me some time to watch some more of the great thespian performed experience known as Malibu Most Wanted.

Joseph Addai (The safest of the tier 2 backs in my opinion), Joseph Addai (Peyton Manning assures good production from every player on the team), and Rudi Johnson (will only score 10 TD's when he could easily be given 15-18) (Addai went 3rd in my 8th pick league).

Round 2

Cedric Benson (After the top 15 picks I really don't like any of the next coming veteran backs), Cedric Benson (I still don't like him), Ronnie Brown (will have a very solid year due to better line-play, QB play, and Cam Cameron)

Already there are missing people in all the drafts.

Round 3

Thomas Jones (Until I know more about his injury I'm keeping him in this area, WR's are tempting though), Torry Holt (it was either him or Edgerrin James, I can wait on a 3rd back), Cedric Benson (Here, I'm more or a fan of his).

Round 4

Larry Fitzgerald (An insane talent that hopefully wont be held back by Ken Whisenhunt) ,Larry Fitzgerald (Leinart is going to throw 20-25 TD's and there aren't many people to catch them) ,Larry Fitzgerald (10 TD's is completely reasonable).

I love me some Pittsburgh WR.

Round 5

Adrian Peterson (I don't want him to be my 3rd back, or to take him the 5th round, but I have no choice), Adrian Peterson (here he is my 4th back and there are plenty of good #2 recievers left so I'm much happier), TJ Houshmandzadeh (you know he's going to get about 80 yards a game as the possession reciever)

Round 6

Andre Johnson (always gets lots of receptions and have a good pre-season QB), Andre Johnson (Shaub did manage to get 300 yards against New England once during one of their bad D spells) ,I lost this draft and can't get it back. Marshawn Lynch was the pick.

Round 7

Tony Romo (someone has to throw TO his TD's), Phillip Rivers (I went for him over Romo, they should be about the same even though the Chargers will score more points.

Round 8

Jon Kitna (year 2 with Air Martz is going to be better, not great, better), Tony Romo (got him anyway)

Round 9

Matt Leinart (I don't like having the WR and QB, but hes good and 3rd string), Eli Manning (I hate him so much, but he's the best pick here with Leinart gone)

Round 10

Jay Cutler (why not?), Vincent Jackson (the #1 receiver in a good offense, and he's improving)

Round 11

Santonio Holmes (that's a heck of a 4th WR with who my first 3 are), Santonio Holmes (a very solid #4 wide receiver)

Round 12

Jason Witten (a good solid TE who has better upside than my stand-by Dallas Clark who has to split a bigger pie so many ways), Jason Witten (the guy should have never dropped to the 3rd round coming out of Tennessee)

Round 13

Brandon Marshall (a good potential steal who Jay Culter loves throwing too, the #2 reciever in Denver now), Brandon Marshall (his physical skills are off the charts)

Round 14

Chargers Defense (that's great in Round 14 with the players and scheme they have), Broncos Defense (Champ Bailey and Dre Bly, that's deadly)

Round 15

Broncos Defense (This defense is going to be good, I always hope there still here), Cowboys Defense (with Wade Phillips around their sack numbers should go up along with their picks)

Round 16

John Kasey (he's good at 50+ and who really cares anyway), John Kasey (give me any kicker really, i spend about 30 seconds a week worrying about them)

So after one draft crashes this is how the two remaining teams looks.

Team 1

QB: Tony Romo, Jon Kitna, Matt Leinart, Jay Cutler
RB: Joseph Addai, Cedric Benson, Adrian Peterson
WR: Torry Holt, Larry Fitzgerald, Santonio Holmes, Brandon Marshall
TE: Jason Witten
DEF: Chargers, Broncos
K: Jason Kasey

Not enough backs, but there was no one left worth taking. Hello waiver wire.

Team 2

QB: Phillip Rivers, Tony Romo, Eli Manning
RB: Joseph Addai, Cedric Benson, Thomas Jones, Adrian Peterson
WR: Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Johnson, Vincent Jackson, Santonio Holmes, Brandon Marshall
TE: Jason Witten
DEF: Broncos, Cowboys
K: John Kasey

I'm still not happy with my backs on this team.

So what do i get for this? I completed 2/3 so that's a solid D. That's we in the biz call a passing grade. So until next time, enjoy not wasting your time reading this.

Just remember, don't take fantasy football too seriously because...

Shut the Fact Up!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 02:39:00 +0000

You know what happens when our consecutive days your guitar hero guitar you just received goes kaput and then your bike breaks while your riding it? You get in a really crap mood that is only heightened by spending upwards of $400 on books for class. The only thing I feel like doing right now is screaming, but you all don't care you want jokes and entertainment. I'm not mocking (drafts) today though, I'm hitting you up with a dose facts you never knew before courtesy of the greatest tome of knowledge known to man: Wikipedia.

All the entries are pulled directly from the site and are only edited for clarity in names and events. Let's get moving.

#1 Brett Favre was the second of four children and attended Hancock North Central High School where he played baseball and football. Favre started for the Hancock North Central baseball team as an eighth-grader and earned five varsity letters. He played quarterback, lineman, strong safety, placekicker and punter in a primarily option, run-oriented offense coached by his father, Irvin Favre.

Even his father knew not to let him throw the football.

#2 Favre began his freshman year at Southern Mississipii as the seventh string quarterback and took over the starting position in the second half of the third game of the year against Tulane on September 19, 1987. Favre, despite suffering a hangover from the night before and vomiting during warm-ups, led the Golden Eagles to a come-from-behind victory with two touchdown passes.

"Come on. Some defender get open."

#3 According to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel and other sources, during the physical after the trade to the Packers, Brett Favre was diagnosed with avascular necrosis, the same degenerative hip condition that ended Bo Jackson's career, and doctors recommended he be failed. Wolf overruled them.

"Oh Crap, better hurry up and throw this pick before I get hit!"

#4 According to Michael Holley's book Patriot Reign, the Patriots were considering Tom Brady and Tim Rattay in the 2000 NFL draft, both of whom had received positive reviews from then quarterbacks coach Dick Rehbein.

Tim Rattay's lack of goat love turned the Patriots off.

#5 Tony Romo was born in San Diego, when his father was serving in the United States Navy, but his family returned to their home in Burlington, Wisconsin when he was 2 years old. Playing quarterback for the Burlington Demons his junior and senior year of High School, he was unable to lead the team to a winning record, though he did make the All-Racine County football team and was honorable mention all-state in basketball.

"Hey, why aren't you staring at me? Carrie Underwood ain't got it like it got it."

That's it. This is the end of the article you were looking for. Is KFC still open?

To Kill A Mocking Draft

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 02:22:00 +0000

The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box. As you grow older, you'll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don't you forget it - whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how fine a family he comes from, that white man is trash. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 23, spoken by the character Atticus

Early in the history of fantasy football racism was wide spread. Weird rules such as, "the white man always get Jim Brown," were constantly ruining the game. Today, racial harmony abounds after the efforts of Atticus Finch in the famous "Scopes LT2 Trial". To celebrate the harmony, it's time for another Mock Mock Draft. Let's get moving.

The waiver wire was not always so clean and simple...

Round 1:

This could actually end up being Mock Draft 1 Directors Cut. I've got the top pick again. And it's LT2 of course. Choosing LT2 is like Halle Barry. Just do it.

#2 Steven Jackson
#3 Larry Johnson
#4 Frank Gore
#5 Joseph Addai
#6 Shaun Alexander
#7 Brain Westbrook
#8 Willie Parker
#9 Peyton Manning (always somebody...)
#10 Willis McGahee (huh?)

Not a single auto-pick in round 1. A true Christmas miracle.

Round 2:

I can only hope a good back falls to me at #20 overall. Commence praying. The Greek God of Fantasy Football Drafts is Pluto. Not alot to do but play FF in Hades.

1 pick from getting Ronnie Brown. Gotta take Cedric Benson again.

Round 3:

Thomas Jones. So far I'm 3/3 copying last time. I keep getting the feeling that I should be picking a top WR there though. I just see too many other true #3 or possibly #2 backs sitting down below Thomas Jones.

Round 4:

I'm hoping for Houshmandzadeh and Boldin in 4 and 5. And yes, I know how to spell Houshmandzadeh from my head.

I can't believe how highly Marques Colston is rated. I would never take him in front of the guys I'm hoping for. People taking him in Round 4 I believe are going to be disappointed. Not very, just some disappointment.

Roy Williams. I didn't think he would still be around when I was praying to Pluto.

Round 5:

Anquan Boldin, everyone's favorite 5.6 40 WR.

Round 6:

Come on Adrain Peterson. I need Adrian Peterson like a fat kid needs a well balanced diet and exercise program.

Already gone. Someone jumped 10 spots down in the rankings and took him.

Hines Ward. I took him over Santana Moss because he is more consistent which is what I want out of a bye week back-up with some elite receivers starting. Maybe Santana Moss would have been better though...

Round 7:

Jamal Lewis. I just couldn't take Ladell Betts. I just see him and Portis sucking it up splitting carries all year as neither gets hurt. I just know Jamal is going to suck it as the starter for the browns probably anyway though. It's all hope at this point. It's a fourth back though. How good does he have to be?

Still no computer pickers. This is amazing.

Round 8:

Ward has averaged 8.6 TD's the last 5 years and is only 31. Plus Roethlisberger will likely play better this year than last which will help Ward catch more than the 6 he caught last year (11 in 05). I feel good about that now.

I'm two picks from getting Laddell Betts. Praise be to Pluto.

Nevermind. He went. Back to plan B. Leinert and Culter. QB's have been going earlier than before so no Romo and Rivers.

Boom! Matt Leinert.

Round 9:

Boom! Jay Cutler. That's a good 1-2 Platoon.

2 Auto-pickers now. Still pretty good if 80% are still present.

Round 10:

Bernard Berrian. I'm just lukewarm on everyone else.

Round 11:

Michael Turner. Handcuff pick. I don't know why I did that though. I don't even really believe in handcuff picks.

I'm drafting like a dumbass right now.

Round 12:

I can't decide between Santonio Holmes and Calvin Johnson. It's my 5th WR so I think its time for a risk with the man who surely is using some of his signing bonus to kill Reggie Ball.

3 Auto-pickers. Still not bad.

They stole Calvin Johnson. I will never forgive that. I had to take Jason Campbell, who I believe will play well this year, here.

Round 13:

Jason Witten. Best TE I've gotten in these Mock Mock Drafts so far.

Round 14:

Denver Broncos D. Gonna be good.

Round 15:

Dallas Cowboys D. Gonna be good.

Round 16:

John Kasey. The good old long bomber.

That's it. I'm 100% done mocking this draft up. After seeing my skills in action your welcome to hire me for your draft for the low price of $250 an hour. Just call 1-800-DRAFT-ME. Guaranteed to be almost as good as throwing your money into a fiery pit.

Mocking My Mock Mock Draft

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 02:42:00 +0000

Mock Fantasy Football drafts are great for learning. You see where players will likely be picked, get a chance to study team's rosters, and begin to get a feeling for how you want to play your real draft by drafting from numerous different draft positions. Unfortunately, they also have a tendency to make you miserable. Consider this scenario from earlier this week. I do a mock draft and besides some pretty good backs (Joseph Addai, Ronnie Brown), my receiver corps were the greatest I would have had in my 7 year fantasy career. We're talking...

Terrell Owens

Roy Williams

T.J. Houshmandzadeh

with Kevin Curtis backing them up for bye weeks. I would kill to actually have this in addition to my crazy QB rotation (Phillip Rivers, Matt Leinert, and Tony Romo). Unfortunately it was all just make believe.

So to avoid that great heart break, I've decided today to attempt to distance myself from the preceding further than before. I'm doing a mock mock draft. It's a not a real mock draft. I'm just seeing how normal mock drafts are going. That way when I mock draft I'll be better prepared to deal with my mock draft which will help me prepare for my real draft. Let's get to it thanks to ESPN.com easy mock draft system (really its nice and easy, there not paying me).

Round 1:

I received the first pick in the draft and selected T.J. Duckett. I see a bright future for him in whatever place he's currently playing 3rd string. I can see him being a back-up by Week 10. Or maybe I did the obvious and took LT. You'll never know...

From that point on it goes Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson, Frank Gore, Shaun Alexander. After the top 2 picks its really all the same to me with Larry Johnson maybe slightly better. I just don't like people who holdout, play with bad QB's, carry the ball 400+ times, and act like their gangsters when there from Happy Valley, Pennsylvania.

I'm just hoping Travis Henry somehow drops to me at the the 20th overall pick which he might because somebody who really doesn't understand fantasy football always takes Manning in round 1 and some other fool always hops at the chance for Brady in Round 2. Its running back-running back 98% of the time. It has to be if you want the best chance to win your league. This is not an arguable point.

Round 2:

Did I say espn.com was great for this. Well it is when people actually show up. It's ridiculous with mock drafts every five minutes and easy to get into that people would ever miss round 1. If people miss more than 1 or 2 of these past round 7 or 8 they should be banned.

Travis Henry. 2nd ranked back left. 5 picks to go.

No Henry. I took Cedric Benson. At least he's unquestioned starter on a decent team.

Round 3:

Deuce McAllister. I probably should have taken a WR, but if on the way back I can get Adrian Peterson I'm going to be stacked. I really don't know what I was thinking though. Chad Johnson was mine. With LT I can deal with a bad 3rd back. (The pick was suppose to Thomas Jones, but it glitched and crashed and autopicked for me)

It's moving fast because there are so many autopicks now.

Round 4/5:

I just outdid myself. I got T.O. and Larry Fitzgerald. I'm so happy. This Mock Mock Mock Mock draft is going to so well. I can't wait to Mock Mock Mock Draft for real.

Round 6/7:

Adrian Peterson and a now very undervalued Santana Moss. He could have a big bounce back year. A healthy Peterson is also a major stud (Yes, I would use him to bred me new running backs so the term is correct).

Round 8/9:

YEAH! One actually person left drafting. Me. I guess my skills just ran everyone else off. This should go real fast.

Romo and Kitna at QB. I just keep getting this nagging feeling that Mike Martz is unstoppable. He has his old stand by (Roy Williams) , his rookie (Calvin Johnson), and his random veteran QB (Jon Kitna). He's just missing a Marshall Faulk, but Kitna can still throw for alot of yards if not as many TD's with the parts he has.

Round 10/11:

Still got Leinert and added Tatum Bell. Moving so fast.

Round 12/13:

Dallas Clark (always a good top 10 TE) and Jay Cutler. I can't turn down a good QB. I now have 4. Screw D and Kickers.

Round 14/15:

Broncos D (they'll be really good, trust me) and the Cowboys D (they'll be really good, trust me)

Round 16:

And my kicker. Good old long bomber John Kasey.

And were done. My heart is not aching over losing this awesome team. I feel good. Time to move up a level. I gotta get Mock Mock Mock Mock Mock Mock Mock drafting in a hurry so I can work up to my real draft. So until next time, this was a waste of your time.

It's Time! It's Time! It's Blog Member Update Time!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 16:10:00 +0000

I know, how disappointing. I single tear for whatever good article you were expecting here instead. It's time for the bi/tri/quad-weekly blog member update. During the last two months since this site was created a posse of elite people have slowly become official blog members, and I feel that it is important that you, the esteemed reader, stay up-to-date on what is going on behind the scenes here at the Sports Tome. So there is no point in dilly-dallying anymore. Let's get going. It's Blog Member Update.

Official Sports Tome Chick

You shouldn't sit on a table like that.

Besides making numerous public appearances in order to help hype up her new favorite sport's website, Jenna Jameson has been busy trying to find someone to play her in a movie. My first goes towards Jessica Simpson. Not because she looks alot like Jenna, but because every guy on the planet would love to see her in the inevitable outfits (or lack there of) that this movie would entail. Barring that great occurrence, they might as well just cast Fergie if she can act. Give her some plastic boobs and she doesn't look that much different from Ms. Sports Tome 2007.

Her Daddy Told Her So Apparently.

Official Sports Tome Bodyguard

I bet he gives a mean back massage.

Since completely demolishing his first opponent in his MMA debut, Kimbo Slice has been busy getting ready to embarrass Tank Abbott, but he received a huge honor this week for his past work. CBSsportsline.com head complainer Greg Doyel put Kimbo on the list of the top 10 people in MMA he would not want to be stuck fighting. After speaking with Kimbo though, I can tell you he is none to happy about being put #4 on the list. This will only serve to motivate him more to destroy ever enemy of this blog to show the world that he is the most fearsome fighter ever to beat people up in backyard boxing matches.

Official Blog Defense Team

Apparently the turtles have been training with Barry Bonds.

As explained previously, Kimbo Slice is both a very busy man and not trained to battle scores of ninjas. This lead to the creation of the official blog defense team which is currently staffed by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Initially Jenna Jameson offered her posse of pornstars up to fill this role, but fearing a team of gay ninjas may some day attack rendering them useless, I had to turn down the offer. When not defending the Sports Tome, lately the Ninja Turtles have been focusing on releasing their exploits in 1080p. You can never really appreciate a genetically malformed martial arts practicing half-shelled reptile between the ages of 13 and 19 til you see it in true high definition. I've always said that to anyone who would listen. Also, whenever they enter a room to see me, it goes exactly like this...

I'm currently scouting the blog minor leagues for additional members to call up to help make this site as best as possible. Until then these are the people who help make this site what it is. So if sucks, blame them.

Michael Vick

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 03:05:00 +0000

Go to all your favorite sports sites and read about this guy.

Then think to yourself. What GM would big enough these to think of signing this guy out of jail?

All I can say is it's finally a decent day to be this guy...

Because until your posse flips on you over the Vegas shooting your now the second biggest NFL suspended criminal. Congrats.

He's not the only one who should be happy though. It's a beautiful day for the dog community. Canine Jesse Sharpton Coulter is I'm sure very pleased.

These Five Things I Know Are True...

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 19:57:00 +0000

First things first:

-Jason Whitlock is back writing again which means you should be back reading him again. One of the best writers on the Internet.

-This video is great. Simply because at the end all the guys completely ignore the girl who banged her head.

-Time magazine breaks down Barry Bonds from the start of his career to now in pictures.

Lets get busy with the business of the day now. It's time to gather five things you never knew from the greatest deposit of human knowledge man has ever created, Wikipedia. All of the facts are pulled directly from a page on the site and edited only to make people, places, and events more clear. Let's get moving.

#1 Dan Patrick was a basketball player in high school, becoming an Ohio all-state selection his senior year. He attended Eastern Kentucky University on a basketball scholarship for two years before transferring to the University of Dayton, where he joined the Phi Sigma Kappa fraternity.

#2 In 1996, while still quarterback at the University of Tennessee, Peyton Manning dropped his pants while being treated by assistant athletic trainer Jamie Ann Naughright. After an investigation, the university concluded the incident was a "mooning" gone awry and not sexual in nature, and Manning was disciplined and required to apologize in writing to Naughright.^[8] The university chose to settle Naughright's sexual harassment claims (which included the Manning incident) for $300,000.^[9] In 2003, Manning settled a 2002 lawsuit filed by Naughright for $300,000. In the suit Naughright alleged that "Manning: A Father, His Sons and a Football Legacy", a book written by Manning, his father and author John Underwood, defamed her.

#3 Edgerrin James and teammate Matt Leinart are co-owners of one of the largest indoor go-cart tracks in Arizona. James and Leinart are both huge race fans, and were spotted together in Daytona for the 2007 Daytona 500. There is talk of the two Cardinals' players buying their own team for the 2009/10 race season.

#4 Matt Leinart underwent surgery when he was three years old and was fitted with special glasses to correct the problem, but the eyewear combined with Leinart's already-overweight frame to make him an easy target for ridicule at the hands of other children.^[1] “I used to get made fun of for being cross-eyed. It's just a terrible thing because kids are so cruel to the fat kid, to the kid with the glasses. So I turned to sports.,” he would later say.

#5 Daunte Culpepper struggled to get into college, because of low SAT scores. Marquee football schools, such as the University of Florida, backed off from recruiting him when it was assumed he would not qualify. The University of Central Florida, however, offered to tutor him and help him achieve the necessary scores, and he was able to qualify. Although the big college programs returned to recruit him, as a show of loyalty, Culpepper enrolled at UCF.

That's it. Were done. Go home. Get outta here. Stay off the lawn. Blah Blah Blah. I'm out.

Coming Tomorrow

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 00:05:00 +0000

g tI'm still trying to round my work back into shape after the layoff. Tomorrow should be more productive than today as I will be less busy.

The blog is moving across town on Sunday as I'm moving, but that should not really effect anything here.

Look for the usual updates throughout the day as things happen or are discovered. I want to get back into doing a full length column, but I have to find something worth writing about first. I'll be searching throughout tonight and early tomorrow.

So in the spirit of a game I loved playing on today and on vacation and a song that always makes me think of Anchorman, I'm out on this....

Michael Row Your Boat Ashore

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 23:45:00 +0000

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see, the biggest gift would be for me
and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend

If it's a car you lack
I'd surely buy you a Cadillac
Whatever you need, anytime of the day or night

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

And when we both get older
With walking canes and hair of gray
Have no fear, even though it's hardly here
I will stand real close and say,
Thank you for being a friend

(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Let me tell you bout a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend

And when we die, and float away
I'll see you there, and once again
Thank you for being a

Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
(I want to thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
Whoa, tell you about a friend
(Thank you right now, for being a friend)
Thank you for being a friend
(I wanna tell you right now, and tell you again)
Thank you for being a friend
(I wanna thank you, thank you, for being a friend)
Thank you for being a friend

Oh Michael Vick, what a lesson you have learned over the course of this week. Thanks to all your "friends" your legal options have now dwindled down to 6 months or rape of 2 years of rape.

And despite all the funny jokes that can be made, a serious lesson can be gathered from everything that has gone on his life. When it all comes down to it, who can you really trust to have your back no matter what?

Honestly, think about the people in your own life. Who would you spend 10 extra years in prison for in order to not sell them out like Vick's "friends" did?

Who would you be willing to endure 3,650 days, 10950 meals, 87,600 hours, and probably a thousand rapes for when it all came down it it? Especially if your friend was indeed a criminal as Michael Vick is. This is not a case of protecting the innocent. It's a friendship and creed issue. I honestly don't think there are that many people I know who if they committed criminal acts I would spend 10 years in jail for to help them out.

When does a person's own future trump that of their friends in these criminal situations? I suppose it's a matter of how truly much you care about the person and how much they really care about you. Vick's friends obviously did not have such a deep bond with the running QB they could not sell him out to the prosecutors which is not surprising. I do not think that I would spend an extra minute in jail for someone that A) was going down anyway B) tried to sell you out by saying he was never involved C) was evidently never close enough to them to make a deep friendship impact. There is suppose to be honor amongst thieves, but why uphold that honor for someone who doesn't believe in it.

Good luck ever getting back into the NFL if you ever step foot in a penitentiary Michael. Good luck with any team being willing to touch you with a ten foot poll. Just imagine that press conference with him being announced as being signed to anyone. Pandemonium. This story is dead, Vick is screwed. Let's get ready for some football.

Here's Johnny!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 15:11:00 +0000

Around 5 O'clock today I'll finally be back home and ready to settle into working on the site again. Hopefully it will be with renewed vigor after the long break.

Updating during vacation was basically impossible as I was usually up at 6 A.M. out the door at 6:30 and back home around 11 P.M. for 5 or 6 days straight.

I may have a small update later today/tonight, but nothing else. Tomorrow begins another fun run here at The Daily Sports Tome though.

See you then.

(That pic should be done here but IE7 is crap)

Little Time For Updates

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 15:25:00 +0000

Only time right now for the funniest of updates about my trip to Chicago. I lost my wallet on my first day. Luckily, I found it about 30 minutes later after having about 3 heart attacks.

I want to do a full write up on the trip and put up a sports post, but I'll have to wait til I get the chance.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, The Sun Will...

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 01:15:00 +0000

Annie references aside. I've got close down early on the site today because I have to be up at 3A.M. tomorrow to catch my flight to Chicago. Right now I'm hanging out in Louisville with my grandparents who are taking me to the airport tomorrow. I'm on her new Vista (which I hate) laptop. I could be using my grandpa's desktop though. I never thought I would see the day where there would be two computers at their house better than mine.

What happens here tomorrow is anybodies guess. I could have alot. I could have nothing. I touch down at 6:25A.M central in Chicago, but getting where I'm going and the things happening when I get there will dictate the events of the day.

So in the spirit of the place where I enjoyed a delcious dinner from tonight, I'm out on this...

I remember this from The Official Sports Tome Defense Team VHS Tape

It's a Gotsta Know Situation...

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 17:36:00 +0000

It's an abridged need to know situation today as I'm preparing to apart for parts unknown (Chicago) where I should be able to continue working like normal for the most part. Let's get a move on.

1. In the Washington Post today Donovan McNabb seemed to want to defend Michael Vick without really defending him. Any smart athlete would just start having no comment on this issue. Anyone standing up for him is going to be made to look foolish.

McNabb with his left tackle.

2. It always seems that some people's jobs in sports are just too easy. There is a good list of the top 10 easiest jobs in sports that avoid the obvious ones (punter/kicker) and will make you cry yourself to sleep after your shift at Jiffy Lube.

Jim Sorgi pretending to be an NFL football player.

3. With their runaway payroll and endless money supply it's weird to think of the Yankees being any sort of financial bind, but their YES network and the team itself possibly are on sale. Sports just won't be as fun without George around when he sells/dies/retires/returns to reign over hell again.

George just ran over a small child before this picture was taken.

4. In the spirit of the the obscure hot ladies of sports, this website bring to you today the official hot female bowler list. Coming next here at the Sports Tome. Hottest Curlers. The Ice Queens.

I'd show her how it feels to throw it down the lane...

5. BallHype has done an official blog study to determine the make-up of the sports blogging community (side note: I always prefers to refer to the Sports Tome as a site, not a blog. Just sounds better). Turns out not surprisingly that its a bunch of college educated white guys. Big props to whomever was that one guy they surveyed who lives in Kentucky like me (Why wasn't I surveyed? Probably b/c 80% of my traffic is Jenna Jameson related). The man doesn't want a Kentucky Kid to blog. Keep up the struggle for equality.

I'm in talks with Jenna Jameson to wear a Sports Tome jersey and take a picture like this.

That's it. Were done. This article is 100% over. I Win! Was it good for you?

It Came From Tomorrow!

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 04:09:00 +0000

Tomorrow will likely be an abbreviated day here at the Daily Sports Tome as around 4 P.M. I depart for Louisville so I fly out to Chicago on Friday. Before that though I'll be working away as always.

Expect the usual updates as things happen or are discovered.

So in the spirit of the one of the funniest shows on TV which I watched tonight, I'm out on this...

New Official Blog Member

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 20:57:00 +0000

Earlier in the day I updated the site with the latest information on this site's official members, but that was only to prepare you for today's event. For the longest time here at the Sports Tome there has been something terribly wrong. At different times I have felt that both ghosts and ninjas are attempting to prevent me from doing the best sport's reporting possible. Kimbo is not trained to take on such foes and is quite busy in his day-to-day training to take on the site's normal human enemies. With the nature of these foes being what they are, Jenna Jameson is also useless because she cannot sleep with them to death. So I believe it is time to name an official defense team for this site dedicated to stopping all supernatural/karate based enemies. But who should take on such a monumental task? There are only two options. I'm going to either need some genetically altered ninjas of the reptilian species who are not yet very old or some people who are capable of creaming poltergeists. The battle is on. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. The Ghostbusters.

Were going to grade them in the following categories from 1 to 10 with the highest total becoming the official defense team of this blog. The categories are:

-Theme Song
-Leader
-Smartest Member
-Dumbest Member
-Biggest Enemy
-Best Friend
-Weapons
-Popularity
-Movies
-Worst Moment

Let's get moving on it. This site can't wait one more moment for a defense team.

Theme Song

Entertaining, but it steals too much from the movie. 5/10

Greatest Theme Song Ever. Walk into a room and start singing and soon everyone will join in. 10/10

Leader

The Ghostbusters always seemed to compliment each other so well that they never really had a true leader or needed one. Much Props. 8/10

Leonardo was at the disadvantage of having to lead his own siblings which made things tough, but he worked hard and usually did a good job. 7/10

Smartest Member

Egon Spengler can catch ghosts and contain them inside special machines. 'Nuff Said. 10/10

Donatello makes alot of stuff that usually breaks and his best weapon is a stick. 4/10

Dumbest Member

Peter Venkman isn't the sharpest tool in the shade, but he got Sigourney Weaver in the sack and is hilarious. 8/10
Michalangelo is a party dude and as such is not required to be a genius. He serves his role well. 7/10

Biggest Enemy

A massive Marshmallow Man is more delicious than scary, but he does stay puffed. 4/10

Shredder is the coolest looking inept man I have ever seen. But cool looking none the less especially when he's looking super and played by Kevin Nash. 7/10

Best Friend

A giant floating green glob that licks everything named Slimer doesn't make for great cocktail parties, but he did have a delicious ice cream bar. 5/10

A giant rat trained as a ninja named Splinter doesn't make for great cocktail parties, but he can kick you ass. 7/10

Weapons

They have streams which can never be crossed. That's gotta be powerful. 8/10

Swords, Nunchucks, and hand tridents (thats what they are) are cool, but having a guy who swing sticks is infinitely lame. 4/10

Popularity

They peaked as an incredibly popular movie which spawned a decently long running TV show and sequel. 7/10

They went from a comic parody to a cultural icon with a movie trilogy and multiple TV series. 10/10

Movies

There are only two movies and I really only enjoy watching the first, but there both pretty good. 8/10

With a whole trilogy you would think they would be good each time, but each film got progressively worse from the still great if slightly too kiddy first flick. 7/10

Worst Moment

Your eyes bleeding from watching the horrible claymation effects of the 1980's. 8/10

Your brain exploding as the Ninja Turtles team up with Usagi Yojimbo (actually pretty cool, I really just wanted to mention they did that) in the same year they traveled back to ancient Japan. 8/10

And with 10 categories in the books we have a tie at 71. How do we break this?

Well obviously we go to the video games. The Ninja Turtles have more good 8 and 16 bit games than you can shake a stick at (as if that would do anything to electronics)

and the Ghostbusters have this.

I think it's obvious who are winner is then.

Congratulations Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! You are now the Official Sports Tome Defense Team. Please report to Kimbo to receive more information about this amazing job you have been given. And please, no Ninja Rapping while your on duty.

Blog Member Update

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:28:00 +0000

While I still remain the sole writer/editor/researcher/do stuffer for the website as a whole, returning readers should remember I am not the only member on the staff here at the Daily Sports Tome. Currently two other people are employed in various ways through this site in official positions vitally important to our success. I speak of course of the official blog woman and bodyguard. Let's check in with them and see how it's going.

Official Blog Bodyguard - Kimbo Slice
The most recent Kimbo news continues to be that he will battle Tank Abbot in his second MMA fight this year. The fight is scheduled to occur on October 12th at CFFC 6 "Heavy Hands". Tank Abbot has been talking smack about the Sports Tome and Kimbo is not taking kindly to it. The fight will not be pretty. He has dedicated his life to destroying this site's enemies and will stop at nothing until he does. Just remember what happened to the last man he fought.

Official Blog Lady - Jenna Jameson
Since our last update the official blog member with boobs has been quite busy. First of all, she has apparently dropped about 40 pounds from a increasingly bitter divorce and a botched vaginoplasty (seriously). She definitely looks worse from wear from the pictures in the link. Her divorce hasn't stopped her from being involved with other men though (she's a porn star for heaven's sake), as she is also apparently busily distracting her MMA boyfriend Tito Ortiz. During all of this she has also found time to star in her own nudity free comic strip. What an amazing woman. All of that above and she still has all the time in the world to drive traffic to my site thanks to google image search. Oh, and she defended this site in front of Bill O'Reilly.

Thanks for all your support of this site official Sports Tome members. Keep up the good work.

Journey Into The Future

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 03:43:00 +0000

A.K.A approximately 14 minutes from when this is posted.

Tomorrow should be another productive day here at the Daily Sports Tome. Same old stuff. The Good, The Bad, and the stuff I write. Expect the usual updates throughout the day as things happen or are discovered.

So in the spirit of the man who I spent my night watching a biography on, I'm out on this...

The Problem With Sports

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 00:00:00 +0000

Want to know why I can't wait for football season to begin. The Sports Headlines. What are the top stories on ESPN.com?

Of those 10 stories, how many of truly relate to what happens between the lines of a field of play? 4 have absolutely nothing to do with any game that will be played anytime soon (4, 5, 6, 9). 1 has to do with a player trying to leverage a team for more money and less training camp (1). 2 have something to do with an event that will occur tonight, but one of those two involves a circus having little to do with the swinging of a bat at this point (2, 3). 1 involves more doping violations in a sport no one actually watches (8). And the last two relate to player status which are actually pretty relevant and meaningful to the actual sport somewhat (7, 10). So by my count, at most half of the stories that ESPN feels important this late July game have nothing to actually do with the second letter of their name besides the fact that the people who are involved with them participate/did participate at one time in sports. Either ESPN could just care less about games (a valid point) or there is just nothing truly interesting happening. I can't wait to hear hike. I'm so tired of this trash.

I Hate That Trickerization

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 13:51:00 +0000

With the sports world in a deep coma the last couple of months, potential ideas and stories continue to dry out faster than Lindsey Lohan's career outside of the porn industry. So today, I bring you a list of the my favorite 10 trick plays in football history (hopefully without missing any of the truly historical ones). It's always fun to see a game of physical aggression and dominance be won by simply outsmarting your opponent. It's part of what makes football great. The ability to beat someone physically superior by better planning and execution. It is one of the reasons football is the greatest sport in the world. Enjoy.

#10 "Coach Wrong Ball"

#9 "Guy Malzahn Special"

#8 "The Statue of Liberty"

#7 "The Play I Personally Used To Draw Up And Try To Get My O-Coordinator To Run"

#6 "Son of Guy Malzahn"

#5 "The Too Much Work"

#4 "The Bounce Pass"

#3 "Da Jump Pass"

#2 "The How Did You Let This Happen This Easily!?"

#1 "The Boise Light"

I wanted to include the fake spike and the fumblerooskie, but alas, there are not any videos to be found online of them. Of course, the Top 10 listing is not reflective necessarily of which of those ten were the best. The top trick play is whichever will work for you in the situation your in at the current time in the game. So until Malzahn and Urban Meyer come up with something new, I'm out.

Son of By (Insert Date)

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 03:21:00 +0000

I think trying to spell out all of my site goals for the next days in extreme detail my by entering the recycling bin, but I still want to sign off each night and give a little bit of details concerning this site's future each day.

Tomorrow, I will continue working on getting the some info (even if its only a few tidbits) about the secret project online. The research phase is rounding back into form, but I like I said yesterday, it can no longer be none for my good old desktop.

Other than that, expect the usual updates throughout the day as things happen or are discovered.

So in the spirit of the show I spent an hour (and few hundred hours in the past)watching tonight, I'm out on this...

The Tome of Knowledge

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 02:46:00 +0000

It's time for a nightly dose of Wikipedia factification. It's the top five random facts I found while searching through Wikipedia related to sports. The text is pulled directly from the site unless slightly edited to clarify names and places. In honor of Bill Walsh, one of the greatest offensive minds of the last 50 years in football, today's facts will all relate to him and his tree. Let's get moving.

#1 The Bill Walsh Coaching Tree.

His effect on the game will last forever.

#2 Mike Holmgren started out as a tight end before becoming a standout quarterback at San Francisco's Lincoln High School, where he was named "Prep Athlete of the Year" in 1965 and graduated in 1966. He continued his playing career as a quarterback at University of Southern California from 1966-69.

Holmgren SMASH!

#3 The quality of Andy Reid's work with the Packers attracted considerable notice from throughout the league, leading to his being hired as the head coach of the Eagles on January 11, 1999. At the time, many in the local media in Philadelphia criticized the hiring, citing the availability of other candidates who had past records of success as head coaches.

Someone told him they were out of donuts.

#4 Before the 2003 season, Jim Fassel was reunited with a son, John Mathieson, who he and his wife Kitty gave up for adoption in 1969. The couple was unmarried when he was born.

For when you say, "You know, I hate the establishment, but I love advertising for people."

#5 Marty Morhinweg was a backup quarterback for the Denver Dynamite in the Arena Football League in 1987 after spending four years calling signals at the University of Montana. He completed 3 of 4 passes for 30 yards and was sacked twice in a backup role. His team, however, went onto with the inaugural ArenaBowl I with a 45-16 victory over the Pittsburgh Gladiators - a team that featured current U. of Arizona Head Coach Mike Stoops.

Remember the time he declined the ball before OT. That's funnier than any joke I've got.

Once again, R.I.P. Bill Walsh, a person truly worth talking about when he died (unlike alot of them). You da man. I'm out.

He's drawing slants in heaven now.

Goes Together Like Apple Pie and Syphilis

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 14:33:00 +0000

It seemed to be that two months ago there was a great story about how this:

And this:

Would never go together. This led of course to this guy:

Giving approximately 1.2 Billion interviews about the racial perception of Boston. Now apparently though, it's all water under the bridge as the trade is back on. I'm glad to see we wasted 2 months waiting on something that should have either happened or been dropped back in June. But more importantly, what does this mean for the two teams involved. First, the Minnesota Timberwolves:

Under the proposed deal, it appears the Fightin' McHales would send up Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, Ricky Davis, Al Jeffereson, and Theo Ratliff out to do battle each night with the likes of Mark Madsen, Gerald Green, and Marko Jaric coming off the bench to spell those superstars. This team, while full of potential, would undoubtablely be on of the worst in the NBA. That may not be a terrible thing though. Consider this scenario:

1) The Timberwolves spend the 07'-08' season being terrible while giving all their younger players heavy minutes to develop.
2) At the end of the season they let Theo Ratliff go giving them about 14 Million Dollars in cap space before they have to re-sign anyone.
3) They receive an extremely high draft pick which could easily turn into Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley.
4) They let Ricky Davis go since his contract expired, sign a decent player in the 8-10 Million Dollar Range for a four years (maybe Antawn Jamison could be signed without giving out a 5-6 year deal, he may want to find a contender to sign with though but hopefully money talks) with their cap space, hand Al Jefferson an extension, and do something with Gerald Green depending on how he performs.
5) They can then trot out of line-up either Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, Antawn Jamison, Michael Beasley, Al Jefferson or maybe Derrick Rose, Corey Brewer, Gerald Green, Antawn Jamison, and Al Jefferson with Randy Foye in the Ben Gordan role.
6) The 08-09 Celtics would then be competitive enough to gun for the 8th seed in the west while being absolutely loaded for the future

All of those possibilities and extreme optimism aside (pulling that off and having it work is much more of a pipe dream than reality), the Timberwolves are in trouble no matter what they do so they might as well trade KG and see what happens. There not going to get a better offer than what they have now at this point anyway especially at the trade deadline (everyone is scared of it now).

On the Celtics side, how does this trade look:

How does a starting line-up of Rajon Rando, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Ryan Gomes, and Kevin Garnett sound? It sounds good enough to win the horrible East to me. Despite the fact that will have hardly anyone worthwhile coming off the bench (pray Glen Davis can play in the NBA) this team could easily move into contender status especially considering under this "go for broke" move Danny Ainge should be trading anything hes (picks included) to insure this team has the best chance it can to win this season.

With Garnett banging inside against the weak Eastern bigs, Ray Allen sliding comfortable into the role of shooter extraordinaire with the pressure and burden of team carrying, Paul slashing and shooting, Rajon Rondo focusing on his defense, and whoever is playing beside Garnett focusing on rebounding, this team surely could be Lebron James (if they can find someone to guard him). The future is bleak with this team as in 3 years they will likely be starting Rajon Rondo, Deshawn Stephenson, Paul Pierce's shadow, Brian Scalabrine, and 49 year old Greg Oden, but for now they look good enough. Not good, simply good enough. Giving up what basically amounts to a player who may never develop (Gerald Green) and a productive young big for a shot at a title does not seem to big of a sacrifice as long as going for it all now is what you truly desire. If you have any hopes for the future, this trade is dumber than taking the under on Lohan arrests.

So with all that said, can we please quit waiting and make this happen. At the minimum it will at least get the Sports Guy to write a column...

The Week Ahead

noreply@blogger.com (Tim Riley) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 05:05:00 +0000

I am going to try to get up a complete right up about the now long running secret topic this week. It likely wont be tomorrow though, as I need to hide to the local main library branch to finish up a bit of research that is literally impossible to complete online (much to my annoyance).

Other than that, it should be a pretty normal week around here except for the fact that on Thursday I depart for approximately two weeks in Chicago to visit a pal of mine who lives there. It should not stop any sort of the regular updates to the site though since it is not a tightly budgeted time trip. Site operators who have only been on the job a few months don't deserve the luxury of time off anyway.

So in the spirit of the show I spent much of my day watching while I cleaning up the house, I'm out on this...