Bestowing monikers upon all NBA draftees [The Blowtorch]

Ron Artest, poet laureate [KneeJerkNBA]

Is David Lee the NBA’s worst agent? [Forum Blue & Gold]

When sports and baby names collide [Legend of Cecilio Guante]

15 biggest cheaters in sports history [Soccer Lens]

Amazing one-handed football catches [Uncoached]

Jeff Suppan for sale [Homer Derby]

Without further ado, some more horrendous photoshops of what this year’s free agent class may have in store:

Carlos Boozer, Cleveland Cavaliers

While Boozer has already said that he would be returning to the Utah Jazz next season, we must take it with a grain of salt given his prior offseason indiscretions. Carlos may well end up screwing over the Jazz as he originally screwed over the Cleveland Cavaliers, except this time he’ll be off to Cleveland to make things right. Utah can’t stay mad at him for making right on his original promise, can they?

Allen Iverson, Charlotte Bobcats

Iverson, being the deft observer that he is, picks up on the fact that head coach Larry Brown has clearly stopped extolling the virtues of practice. Charlotte suddenly seems like the perfect destination for The Answer.

Lamar Odom, Portland Trail Blazers

Pigmentation fail. Photoshop fail. Sticky icky icky WIN, oooooowweeeee! Lamar switches back from sweets to bud, heading up to PDX to find Damon Stoudamire’s lost brick of weed and get out of the spotlight and relax.

Hedo Turkoglu, New York Knicks

Sorry Mike D’Antoni, Hedo wants nothing to do with your actual team. However, he did like what he saw in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan and moves to New York to follow his life’s calling and become a hairdresser.

Shawn Marion, ???

Marion, after bouncing from the Phoenix Suns to the Miami Heat to the Toronto Raptors has had enough. He finally has had enough and embraces what he truly is. Next time you see him, he’ll be running the fast break with Keanu and dunking on Agents in The Matrix.

Turkoglu to the Blazers?

Fresh off of their NBA Finals exit, the Orlando Magic wasted no-time in grabbing some superstar mettle (albeit aged mettle) for their young tandem of Dwight Howard and Jameer Nelson. Vince Carter is a local product, and certainly will have ample opportunities to score next to DH12, Nelson, and Rashard Lewis. But the move was interesting on a number of different levels. For a team that just reached the final round of the playoffs, you would assume the logical step would be to resign their Free Agents, nurse Jameer Nelson back to full-strength, and push for it one more time. But the Magic and GM Otis Smith, opted for a non-traditional home-run swing to shake the foundation and then some. Anyone who expects Turkoglu to resign with the Magic is foolish. The move for Carter has ’sayonara’ written all over it. Hedo wants money, sure, but he also wants playing time, and the rock in his hands in the clutch. VC is a better playmaker and an even better crunch time scorer. Hard to imagine those two and Nelson fighting for possession in the 4th quarter of a tight game. (Sidenote: I fully expect VC to have a Level 5 Fuck You Season. He’s been mailing it in for the last two years in Jersey, hasn’t really bothered to break much of a sweat, is well rested, coming home, and has a chance to reclaim the spotlight in a city that is now on a lot of networks radars. Not to mention he gets to be roommates with Dwight Howard on the road. Does nobody else see the comedy potential here?? What about the pranks they plays on Dukie JJ Reddick? Anyone???)

So, the Magic shed Rafer Alston (another shocking move considering they grabbed him mid-season and he helped carry a wounded franchise to the promise land. THANKS RAFE!) and promising upstart Courtney Lee (who will have an excellent career playing alongside Devin Harris in NJ) and move their attention to retaining Polish Center Marcin Gortat. Meanwhile, Hedo’s agent has been working the phones to find a new home for his client, and the indications have been mixed. There are legitimately three teams that can offer Turk more than the mid level exception without incurring the luxury tax: Detroit, Memphis, and Oklahoma City. None of those teams really compare to the Eastern Conference Championship squad he was just on. The next best option, in this case, is to find a team that is willing to deal to bring him in, in this case, Portland. The Blazers have been shopping the market for a traditional point guard all summer, as they feel Bayless is more of a Ben Gordon combo-guard, and Blake is better as a backup. Since they struck out in the draft, they’ve worked to pry Houston’s Aaron Brooks, and Memphis’ Mike Conley. None of those overtures have worked, so they’ve turned to the next best thing: a hybrid Euro smallish power forward with ball handling skills and bad teeth.

For the deal to work, the Blazers will most likely have to get the Magic to agree to a sign and trade. I doubt though that this deal goes through, given that the Blazers have a GLUT of wing players on the payroll next season, and they’re not ready to break up a young nucleus of exciting talent. With Roy, Fernandez, Webster, and Outlaw ready to contribute next year, there’s apparently little room for someone like Turk to make his mark. Now, if the Magic come back to them requesting Webster and Channing Frye, the Blazers will do the deal in a heartbeat. But sources have indicated the Magic are holding out for Travis Outlaw. This could happen, but a lot of behind-the-scenes negotiations need to occur first.

Rebuilding the Rockets

Take a guess who the highest paid player will be next season? LeBron? Kobe? KG? Nope. Tracy Fucking McGrady. He will earn $23,239,561, more than anyone else in the association. STAGGERING BULLSHIT. Clearly, T-Mac is/has been doing well for himself, so I suppose it’s not a surprise that he mailed it in last year and shut down midway through his rehab. If he has the ambition to get healthy and contribute, then he’ll be in for a rough haul with news breaking this week that Yao Ming will most likely miss the entire 09/10 season due to his achy foot. Poor Houston, they just can’t catch a break (scratch that, they can. Bad wordplay). Anyhow, if Yao is truly out, and Tracy is a shadow of his former self, then GM Daryl Morey needs to take a long look in the mirror, dust off his copy of MoneyBall, and start retooling a franchise that was on the brink of greatness last year.

The first piece to the puzzle is deciding what to do with Ron Artest. Do you bring him back at $8m/yr? Does he want to stay? Does someone offer him ridiculous cash? All good questions, and we’ve got you covered. Sources suggest that Ron IS willing to stay in H-Town, particularly given his close relationship with Rick Adelman. So expect the Rockets to fend-off offers for their mercurial star and keep him in uniform next year. With that set aside, now comes the issue of covering the crisis in the paint. As evidenced by last season’s playoffs, they might be able to mask around as a legit team, but nobody in the L is scared of Chuck Hayes at the 5. So, the Rockets clearly need to upsize and put somebody next to Luis Scola. Given that T-Mac was nowhere in sight while the Rockets beat the Blazers and took the Champs to 7 games, he’s clearly your best asset to part with. Rumors and sources abound with the notion that Mike D’Antoni and Donnie Brasco- er- Walsh are entertaining the idea of bringing him to NYC in exchange for Eddy Curry.

Yes, it’s ridiculous on paper. But, it might be what both teams need. Curry doesn’t fit into D’Antoni’s high-octaine offense, and would be better served finding a new employer. Tracy has run his welcome in Houston to a thin margin, and would be wise to find another club that lets him do what he does best: shoot. Rumors suggest them making a strong push to Nawlins for wantaway Tyson Chandler (which would be a TREMENDOUS STEAL) as well as contacting the Clippers to find out which of the Kaman/Camby/Randolph triumverate is for sale. But if their only option is Eddy Curry, then the Rockets need to consider doing this deal. If it works, great. If not, Curry is an unrestricted FA in the summer of 2010, and hopefully Yao will be back to form and ready to go at that point. A gamble for sure, but a smart one on both counts.

The Contenders

Here’s a lighting-round snapshot of what the Celts, Cavs, Spurs, Magic, and Nuggets are going to do this summer:

Boston Celtics – they’re going after Rasheed Wallace without exception, and they’re also expecting to pry Dahntay Jones away from the Nuggets to replace the James Posey void in the backcourt. Marbury wants to stay, and it’s likely he might, but let’s also not rule out the possibility that Rondo and Allen may be traded for a younger core of talent. Minnesota controls the eventual destiny of Ricky Rubio, whom the Celts made serious inquiries about leading up to the draft. GM Danny Ainge is already on record as saying that the team doesn’t want to overpay Rondo just to keep him, and they are fighting against an aging core of stars. Rondo is their most tantalizing asset, and they would be wise to explore what is out there.

Cleveland Cavaliers – if they can’t get Rasheed, which I DOUBT considering the monstrous ego’s of Shaq and LeBron wouldn’t allow for another one, they’ll turn to keeping Anderson Varejao & netting Charlie Villanueva. They’re also actively exploring the idea of bringing Chicago’s Ben Gordon into the fold, but they don’t have the cash or pieces to make a deal happen unless Gordon want’s the midlevel (or part of it). They’ll be standing pat and going for broke with Shaq in the fold. But, bringing back Varejao is a must for this club. They’ll also explore the idea of Trevor Ariza, but they won’t have the cash to make it happen.

San Antonio Spurs – they made their major acquisition of the summer with Richard Jefferson, who was a genuine steal for what they gave up (Bruce Bowen, Kurt Thomas‘ knees, and a bucket of KFC Chicken). Expect the Bucks to buy out Bowen, and he’ll return to SA to give them more depth. Still, the Spurs are short on size, with or without mid-season FA Drew Gooden. They need a Center to play next to Duncan, and the feeling is that they’ll finally land their man in Tyson Chandler, whom the Spurs were inquiring about as far back as three years ago. Outside of him, they’ll look at Marcus Camby, Marcin Gortat, & Paul Millsap.

(Speaking of Millsap, I feel for the guy. He’s been underrated his entire career, barely gets into the league, carves out an impressive niche with the Jazz, has a couple of stellar performances in the starting lineup with Booze out, fully expects to get paid and become a leading star for the club, only for Booze to have a conscience crisis at the last minute and elect to stay in Utah rather than opt out. Ultimate Bummer.)

Orlando Magic – They got Vince, and they’ll pay to keep Gortat. That’s it, they’re loaded for another run.

Denver Nuggets – They’ll fight off any takes for Jones, and they’ll look to upgrade behind Carmelo at the 3.

What About the Champs?

All indications point to the entire squad coming back next season. Laker brass exhaled in unison this afternoon when it was reported that Kobe Bryant will not exercise his early termination clause. Rather, he will stay, and his agent will begin communication with GM Mitch Kupchak about a long-term extention for his client. Otherwise, the club will be picking up the team options on DJ Mbenga & Josh Powell, as well as making an offer to UFA Shannon Brown. Their biggest concern stems from Trevor Ariza and Lamar Odom, who will both command decent money in the open market. Both players want to return, and ownership wants them back. Mitch has stated numerous times that there is a value for each player, and they will not overpay to keep either one. The Lakers could potentially lose them both, or keep the team intact. My guess is that they return for another run at the ring, but it will put the Lakers well into the luxury tax hemisphere.

…that should hold you over for now. Phones will be ringing in less than an hour. Let the games begin.

Having been dubbed an American ”soccer-head,” I feel like this Confederations Cup post, which comes to you on the eve of the tourney’s final, is well overdue…

For years, people have been asking me, “when is soccer going to arrive in America?”  And for as many years, I have entertained this question withpolite and humble answers.  Now, let me take my gloves off and give you the truth.  Stop awaiting “the arrival” of soccer! The U.S. Soccer Foundation has been around since 1913; AYSO was developed in 1964; NASL came around in 1968; MLS has been around for 16 fucking years; we hosted a World Cup in 1994 for Christ’s sake; project-40 has been helping develop pro-soccer players in the US since 1997; the U.S. Women’s National Team won the World Cup in 1999; we advanced to the round 0f 8 in Korea of 2002 and proved to the world that we are the best that CONCACAF has to offer; in April of 2006, FIFA ranked the U.S. Men’s National Team as the 4th best national team; and the other day, we snapped Spain’s 35-game unbeaten streak.  -Evidently soccer’s “arrival” is just a figurative way to reference the possibility of soccer becoming a major sport in the US, because so far as I can see, soccer literally arrived a long time ago.

And to kick it in Layman’s terms, American soccer is a grassroots movement, not a prayer for a savior.  We hyped up Pele and Beckham, respectively, as they played professionally in the States, and it didn’t work out.  Americans and soccer-heads alike confused celebrity withthe reality of athletics.  There was a misconception that if a US-based side signed a superstar that somehow the US would be a soccer powerhouse.  But in truth, we have the import-export equation set backward; the way we should gauge the progress of American soccer is by counting the number of American citizens, groomed by the MLS, who sign pro contracts with European clubs.  I don’t give a fuck if Messi or Ronaldo sign with Real Salt Lake.  It would be a tree falling in the woods. The MLS, subsequently, must be seen for what it is, a developmental league and not a showcase of world-class footballers.  Our mediocre professional league is a bridge that a select number of Americans take across the pond; when they get to the banks of Europe, their contracts eand the number of spectators watching them on the pitch are increased by like a, like a lot.

As for tomorrow, we have Howard, Feilhaber, Bradley (though out with suspension), Altidore, Onyewu, Adu, Bocanegra, Dempsey, etc., playing club abroad while rocking it for us in international play.  Hardened by the arduous battles entailed in playing “the world’s game” in the “lion’s den,” we have a set of professionals that have quietly put themselves at the doorsteps of legitimate football hardware. (Sorry, I’m rather drunk now).  Perhaps we spent too much time talking about Beckham and Posh Spice joining the L.A. Galaxy and not enough time discussing the progress of our youths signing fatter contracts elsewhere in the world, where they play true ballers in front of real fans.

Saddened when I should be the happiest – I can’t stand watching the American media pretend to care about our guys kicking ass in South Africa.  Let me try to make up for what you hear.  Seeing as the Confederations Cup has been called a “dress rehearsal” for next year’s World Cup, such lame phraseology, it might be nice to hear that the US has advanced to the round of 16, round of 8, and the semi-finals the last three times that they have participated in a World Cup that was not hosted in Europe.  I’ll try to rephrase that. When the World Cup is not hosted in Europe, USA kicks ass. This Confederations Cup is in South Africa; the US is in the final. Next year’s World Cup is in South Africa.  The US is going to kick ass, make it to the round of 16 (guaranteed).

Really drunk now. I’m going to say it.  Americans hate soccer just as they secretly hate everything that is not American.  Fucking idiots talk about the tie-breaker system like it is a foreign language when it’s just simple math.  Try telling a foreigner what a balk is in baseball. Try telling a foreigner what intentional grounding implies. Americans hate soccer, calling it too complicated (what, kicking a ball into a mother-fucking net?), because Americans are close-minded people.  You don’t have to like soccer.  But maybe, just maybe Americans can cope with the fact that fellow Americans are out there on the pitch, giving it their all till the final whistle.  People make me sick…

Whatever happened to “two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate” AYSO soccer?  Those half-time oranges and full-time Capri Suns we all grew up with?  When 25 Americans defy all odds, we “soccer-heads” have to listen to the ill informed apologists in the media pretend that they follow our squad.

No. No. No. Godspeed, Team USA!  Win or lose, you are our team!!!

In this past Thursday’s NBA Draft, the Memphis Grizzlies selected Hasheem Thabeet, DeMarre Carroll, and Sam Young. As you can clearly see, they are all beyond excited to call Memphis home. Where careers go to die.

And yes, there is indeed a chair in purgatory. I mean, its a waiting room after all.

Is there anyone who wouldn’t be surprised if the Clips opted for Ricky Rubio? Me neither. Regardless, Coach/GM Mike Dunleavy came out in early May and confirmed that the team were taking Blake, without exception. This poses a logjam problem for the club, who will have Camby, Kaman, Randolph, Jordan, & Griffin on the books heading into next season. Expect the Clips to try and dump Marcus and Zach if at all possible- with possible being the operative word when referring to Zach Randolph.

2. Memphis Grizzlies – Ricky Rubio (FC Barcelona/Spain)

This might be the most hated team among NBA agents. For the past two weeks, we’ve watched as scores of advisors have requested their clients to back out of workouts with the club, presumably given that the Grizzlies have already made up their minds with who they’ll be taking. This is an awkward place for them to be picking- the team clearly needs to add depth, and a legit low-post scorer. While Rubio is the best available player, I’m not so sure the Griz need him, with Conley heading into his 3rd season and showing signs of life. Traditional wisdom suggests draft the best piece on the table and work a deal out to see if there’s something further to gain. If GM Chris Wallace is smart, he’ll hold onto Ricky and see if he can grab a decent low-post scorer in exchange. Don’t rule out the Mavericks or Knicks though. Jason Kidd is a free agent, and a sign-and-trade can be worked out here to benefit both teams.

3. Oklahoma City – James Harden (Arizona St.)

I had a chance to watch a few of his games this past NCAA season, and came away impressed with his skill set. He’s a poor man’s Brandon Roy, with that same silky style and deceptive speed. He’s a true Shooting Guard, and he’ll further bolster a young lineup of talent including Russel Westbrook, Kevin Durant, and Jeff Green. GM Sam Presti may opt to go big here with Jordan Hill still available, but early reports suggest the Thunder have already promised Harden he’s a lock to be drafted at #3. A smart move, and another piece to the puzzle for a team on the rise.

4. Sacramento Kings – Stephen Curry (Davidson)

Early reports this offseason suggested Kings GM Geoff Petrie and owners Gavin & Joe Maloff were head-over-heels in love with Ricky Rubio. But it seems those stories have soured in the last ten days, with disputing reports regarding Rubio’s latest trip to the capitol city. The Kings are clearly in a rebuilding phase, and incoming coach Paul Westphal will want to start off his tenure with a smart selection. Curry comes from a basketball pedigree, and proved over the course of two sensational seasons that he can flat out score. Do they take him at 4 expecting he can transition into a pure point guard? Or do they opt for a more traditional 1 in the form of UCLA’s Jrue Holiday or Brandon Jennings. My expectation is that the Kings will take Curry and see if they can mold him into more of a play maker to complement Kevin Martin and last season’s pick Jason Thompson.

5. Minnesota Timberwolves – Brandon Jennings (Italy/USA)

This pick used to belong to the Wizards, but they clearly wanted no business with a lottery pick this season, given the cash they have promised to Arenas, Butler & Jamison. Smart move by Saunders to grab Mike Miller and Randy Foye, two proven players that will add greater depth to the rotation. For the Wolves and incoming GM David Kahn, a brazen move but a smart one. The Wolves are not going to become a sensation overnight, and they need to begin by cleaning house and adding promising talent. Jennings is a traditional PG who spent the last season toiling in Italy’s professional league. After a slow start, he hit his stride, and showed a versatile game that is reminiscent of Chris Paul circa Wake Forest. Jennings would instantly become the team’s starting one, and would stabilize the back court for whomever is manning the ship next season. Bear in mind, the Wolves did this trade so they could put this pick and the #6 and #18 (which they own) together to jump into the top 3 to grab Ricky Rubio. Memphis might listen to such phone calls…

6. Minnesota Timberwolves – Tyreke Evans (Memphis)

Admittedly, there are a number of better players on the board still (Hill, Thabeet) but neither of those players address the key needs for the Wolves, namely wing scoring. After shipping out McCants, Foye, Miller, and sending OJ Mayo to the Griz, the Wolves will take a long look at Memphis’ Evans, who at 6′6 is a traditional 2 guard. They may even be tempted by the potential of USC one-and-done DeMar DeRozen, but I would expect that if the Wolves keep this, they’re locking in on Evans.

7. Golden State Warriors – Jordan Hill (Arizona)

It’s tough to gauge where the GSW stand, with mixed reports emanating daily from their camp. While Coach Don Nelson loves quick scoring guards, he’s also been one of the early supporters of skilled big-men (Nowitzki). Provided they can talk Monta Ellis off a cliff (who seriously has no business behaving like a bitch, MOPED ANYONE?) they’ll add another low-post threat in the versatile Hill, who is the best back-to-the-basket player on the board. At 6′10 he could pair upfront with Biedrins to form a solid tandem, with Turiaf, Randolph, and Wright waiting in the wings for support.

8. New York Knicks – Earl Clark (Louisville)

The biggest enigma of the draft belongs to the biggest enigma of the NBA. With Mike D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh now calling the shots, we can expect the Knicks to focus on picking up a piece that will fit into the high-octane system Mikey and the boys like to run. Clark has size (6′10) and athleticism to be a force for years to come. While he’s only shown flashes so far, and prefers the perimeter over the paint, The Knicks could certainly profit from a 3-shooting Power Forward in the Eastern Conference for years to come. Though they would like to move up to nab Rubio or Curry, they’ll take heart in grabbing Clark at 8, which I would suspect as a steal. They might also take a long look at UCLA’s Jrue Holiday, but ultimately opt for the enigmatic Clark.

9. Toronto Raptors – Hasheem Thabeet (UConn)

I would expect the Raps to try and move up to nab one of the guards on the board, but if not, they’ll take Thabeet and his 7′3 frame over the border and see what they can do with him. It’s no secret Chris Bosh wants to play on a contender, and the Raps are a team in transition. Thabeet will help on the boards and defensively, but he’s very raw on the offensive end, and has yet to develop much of a low-post game. At UConn, his scores were largely on put-backs, rebounds, and lobs. Though Bosh will handle the heavy lifting, he will need to improve his stamina and offensive skill set to make this team significantly better.

10. Milwaukee Bucks – DeMar DeRozen (USC)

Having just shipped off Richard Jefferson to the San Antonio Spurs, the Bucks will look to add wing-scoring to their ranks, and DeRozen is the most intriguing prospect on the board. An athletic freak, DeRozen will bring energy and aggression off the bench next season. With a healthy Andrew Bogut, Charlie Villanueva, a healthy Michael Redd, the improving development of Ramon Sessions, the continued growth of last year’s pick Jason Alexander, and DeRozen, this team could potentially contend for a playoff birth next year.

11. New Jersey Nets – Gerald Henderson (Duke)

This is where the draft starts to get ugly, and the quality really starts slipping off the table. Henderson is a good player, with a solid Duke background, but he’s not an outstanding scorer by any stretch. While he is a good shooter from distance, he will not beat anyone off the dribble in the L just yet. He will be a strong defender (a la Battier) but he will have to work to improve on both ends of the court. The Nets would be wise to grab him and see if they can send him to a title contender for spare parts.

12. Charlotte Bobcats – Tyler Hansbrough (UNC)

It makes so much symmetrical sense, this has to happen, RIGHT? Local product plays ball at Chapel Hill, joins NBA pro team in his backyard, has some Hoosier-esque moments with Larry Brown, smokes cigars with Michael Jordan, serves as health instructor for Sean May’s comeback. RIGHT? Anyhow, yes, this will happen, primarily because Larry Brown inherited some poor big men, and struck out royally with the drafting of Alexis Ajinca last year. Tyler is an average-at-best NBA player who will work his tail off but never truly impress.

13. Indiana Pacers – Jrue Holiday (UCLA)

This is a hard pick to forecast. The Pacers brass, for their part, have kept fairly quiet on the subject of where they may lean. Last year, the team scooped up Roy Hibbert and Brandon Rush, both excellent players for the long-term. With the 13th pick, it’s hard to ensure you’re grabbing a player who can immediately help the team. My expectation is that they’ll try to shop the pick and Mike Dunleavy Jr. for a low-post scorer to pair with Danny Granger, and if they fail, they’ll grab Holiday, the best available talent on the board, and see if they can jettison him to a team with bigs for sale (Zach Randolph?)

14. Phoenix Suns – Johnny Flynn (Syracuse)

They get somewhat screwed by the Pacers here, unless they swap picks with them. Sources are suggesting the Suns are actively trying to secure Holiday, who they anticipate as a natural successor to the Steve Nash throne. With rumors bandied about that Shaq and Amar’e Stoudamire are for sale, it may not be out of the question to assume the Suns would also consider putting former MVP Nash on the block in a sweeping transition summer. Provided they do that, the Suns could instantly move up the ranks and grab a Top 5 pick. But if they hold firm, they’ll have a young cadet for Nash to groom into his predecessor.

15. Detroit Pistons – Terrence Williams (Louisville)

If they’re actually keeping Hamilton, Prince, & Stuckey (which I think they will) then this pick might not be the best move for them. But, if they do elect to move that triumvirate in exchange for Rondo & Allen, this makes a ton of sense. Williams may well be a better overall player than Henderson, with a more complete offensive game and a strong athletic arsenal of moves. Scouts have already compared him to Andre Igoudala, and if that holds up, then the Pistons may luck out and have themselves a true steal at 15. Provided they keep Prince, Hamilton, & Stuckey, I’d expect them to make a play for BJ Mullins, but then again, Joe Dumars is known for the unconventional (see Darko Milicic).

16. Chicago Bulls – James Johnson (Wake Forest)

The Bulls have needed a legit 2-guard for YEARS now. I’ve watched them toil away with Ben Gordon, Kirk Hinrich, Thabo Sefolosha and Larry Hughes over the past three seasons, with mixed results. Since they cannot ensure Gordon returning next term, they’ll look to address that need with a scoring combo guard that can play some minutes at the 3/4 in smaller lineups. Johnson has excellent size, and is built in the same vein as Ron Artest. He doesn’t need touches to be effective, and is more than happy playing the Robin to Derrick Rose’s Batman role. While he lacks range from outside, he can take the ball to the cup with his size and absorb contact. Anyone willing to mix it up in the paint will be a welcome addition to an otherwise soft Bulls frontline featuring French sensation Joakim Noah and Tyrus ‘I’m just here for the checks’ Thomas.

17. Philadelphia 76ers – Ty Lawson (UNC)

There’s two ways this can play out: either the Sixers let Dalembert walk as a FA and grab Ohio’s BJ Mullins, or, they try and trade Andre Miller (while he still has some value) and grab Ty Lawson. I’d expect GM Ed Stefanski to keep Dalembert and package Miller for another piece that rounds out the rotation. Lawson has some incredible speed in the open court, and will form a deadly backcourt with running mate Andre Igoudala. Bigger issues for the Sixers will lie in the paint, but with a healthy Elton Brand (I tend to forget he’s a part of that team) and the recently acquired Jason Kapono, coupled with emerging stars Thaddeus Young, Mareese Speights, & Jason Smith, they will be laying the groundwork for a long and successful run in the East.

18. Minnesota Timberwolves – BJ Mullens (Ohio)

This is all incumbent upon the Wolves keeping this pick, along with their other three 1st round selections. Provided they do, they’ll add some much-needed big-man insurance in the form of Ohio sophomore Mullins, who rarely featured for the Buckeyes, but apparently oozes potential that’s hard to pass up. Should Mullins not be on the board, they’ll look at Gonzaga’s Austin Daye, though he might give Wolves fan’s flashbacks of one N’dudi Ebi (sorry).

19. Atlanta Hawks – Eric Maynor (VCU)

Ok, the Hawks have failed miserably at drafting point guards for the last five seasons. They skipped Chris Paul in favor of Marvin Williams, picked up Acie Law IV and Salim Stoudamire, who’ve collectively regressed to the point where they need Lorenzo Romar’s basketball camp in the worst way, and grabbed Mike Bibby from a cash-conscious Kings club a season ago. They need someone that can provide scoring and versatility off the bench, and insurance in case Bibby moves on to another club. Maynor is a better fit here than Jeff Teague, and he’ll be more than happy fighting for scraps in the second unit.

20. Utah Jazz – Austin Daye (Gonzaga)

This pick is based entirely on the health of Mehmet Okur and fickle nature of Carlos Boozer. Provided both are on the fence regarding their presence next season, the Jazz need to add bulk on the frontline, and Daye is the best available big on the board. He’s not ready to start, nor will he give the Jazz any sort of lift in the near future, but he can certainly give them insurance in case Boozer opts for greener pastures and Okur shows up in poor health. If they elect to go small, they could grab Jeff Teague, as insurance for the imminent departure of Deron Williams.

21. New Orleans Hornets – DeJuan Blair (Pittsburgh)

Let’s see, a 6′7 PF/C that’s offensively challenged and not ready to contribute on either end. Sounds like a CLASSIC Hornet pick. All kidding aside, they should really try and package this pick for immediate help, or they should stash this overseas, considering they tried to move Tyson Chandler for a bag of Lays Potato Chips at the deadline. At best, Blair could be Paul Millsap, at worst, Reggie Evans. Yikes.

22. Dallas Mavericks – Jeff Teague (Wake Forest)

An absolute steal, considering his skill-set and performance throughout his NCAA career. He’ll instantly slot into the back-up PG position, ahead of Barea, and give the Mavs the necessary depth they’ve lacked for a few seasons now. He makes trading Jason Kidd reasonable, and potentially Jason Terry expendable. He shows flashes of Monta Ellis and Louis Williams, mixed with Aaron Brooks. That’s a nasty combination, and I kid you not, this guy’s going to have a nice career in the L. Cuban makes the pick and enjoys the rewards for seasons to come.

23. Sacramento Kings – Sam Young (Pittsburgh)

He’ll give them another wing player, with the size and ability to defend the Brandon Roy/Kobe Bryant/Manu Ginobili/Carmelo Anthony’s of the Western Conference. Beyond that, he doesn’t have a defined offensive game, might be a tad undersized to be a traditional 3, and gives off the distinct impression of James Posey. All good, or bad, things I guess. My guess is the Kings grab him and develop him into the Doug Christie of this new generation of players. That, or, they go ahead and grab more PG insurance in the form of UCLA’s Darren Collison.

24. Portland Trailblazers – Darren Collison (UCLA)

Rumors have been swirling for weeks now that the Blazers have been active on the phones trying to make a play for a complete PG. They love Steve Blake, but prefer him in a backup role. They’re not entirely sold on Rodriguez, and would prefer to use Bayless as a combo guard in the vein of Monta Ellis. That being said, if they cannot move up, they’ll take Collison here with a wide grin. He’s got experience, having been to 3 consecutive Final Four’s under Ben Howland, and understands the pressure of running a franchise under the bright lights. Jrue Holiday will go higher, but Collison might have the better career in the long run.

25. Oklahoma City Thunder – Taj Gibson (USC)

If they’re smart, they’ll go in this direction. Gibson is a vastly underrated scorer and has good size to be a solid role player in the NBA. He gives the team another low-post scoring option, and will develop into a nice piece in the future. I had a chance to watch a lot of his games, and I can assure you that he is also a very good rebounder and shot-blocker. He’ll struggle on the block initially, but given a few years, he could develop his frame into that of Lamar Odom (minus the ball-handling skills) and make an impact for a rising club.

26. Chicago Bulls – Chase Budinger (Arizona)

They could elect to stash a player overseas, but I fully expect the Bulls to get Budinger and bring him into the fold right away. A sweet-shooting small forward with size and athleticism that can offer depth in case Deng goes down again, giving Salmons a breather, and another solid piece to an otherwise shaky foundation. The Bulls sorely lacked depth against the Celtics in the first-round of the playoffs. To be a continued presence, they’ll need to get deeper, and Budinger is a great pick for them this late in the first round.

27. Memphis Grizzlies – Marcus Thornton (LSU)

They don’t need him, so they might as well put this pick into an overseas project, but should they opt to have a player for next season, Thornton is the best available player on the board, though they might even be able to grab him in the second round. He has the potential to be the next Jason Kidd, or the next Rashad McCants. Either way, this is not a player that will directly affect the club’s bottom line in the near future.

28. Minnesota Timberwolves – Omri Casspi (Israel)

Again, entirely incumbent on their ability to keep this pick, my guess is the Wolves stash this one in Europe. Casspi is young (21), has excellent size (6′8) and strength (230) to be a legit player down the line in the vein of Matt Harpring. Instead of bringing him into a logjam of guards (remember, the team has to reintegrate Corey Brewer into the mix), they’re better off letting him develop into someone that can potentially make an impact in the future.

29. Los Angeles Lakers – Nick Calathes (Florida/Europe)

The defending champs will get nothing out of this pick for at least three years. They would have preferred to use it on Casspi, but if not, they’ll go with Calathes, who recently signed a pro contract to play in Greece alongside Josh Childress. I doubt he ever plays a game for the Lakers, but provided he has the fortitude to survive the wait, he may well be another guard off the bench that can help the post-Kobe Lakers grow into the Bynum-Gasol-Ariza squad of the future.

30. Cleveland Cavaliers – Wayne Ellington (UNC)

This pick has no merit for a team that had the best record in the regular season. Ellington will never see the light of day, and could well be this year’s version of Shannon Brown. A streaky shooter that’s better off in the development league. If the Cavs don’t go international, they’ll head this way. Otherwise, they might sell it for cash considerations.

5. The Resurgence of Manchester City

Man City, along with their new found desire to buy everyone with a pulse, it seems, have been on a tear of late. After picking up Robinho, Nigel de Jong, Craig Bellamy, and Jo last season, the Abu-Dhabi backed club have secured the services of former Aston Villa skipper Gareth Barry (£12 million) and Blackburn Rovers striker Roque Santa Cruz (£18 million). After missing out on Brazilian ace Kaka last January, who opted to stay at the San Siro in the face of an astounding £100 million transfer fee, Manager Mark Hughes has pressed forward with his desire to capture the signature of wantaway Manchester United striker Carlos Tevez. For his part, Tevez has made clear that he is departing from Old Trafford where he was ‘not respected’ and is seeking weekly compensation in the range of +£100,000. Having already ruled out the possibility of moving to Liverpool, Tevez has narrowed the field to Citeh and London-based Chelsea. But with Chelsea unable to ensure Tevez ample playing time and a starting berth, it is looking increasingly likely that the Argentine will sign on with the Sky Blues for an estimated fee upwards of £25 million.

4. Tension at The Kop?

For Liverpool fans, this may be a summer to lament. Having suffered through another season sans-silverware, fans on the Merseyside might be forced to watch as their American-based ownership offloads players in an attempt to hemorrhage the internal financial bleeding. Having declared single-season losses in excess of £45 million, owners George Gillet and Tom Hicks may well be forced to shed excessive contracts and live within a limited budget, something that will not sit well with temperamental manager Rafa Benitez. For his part, Benitez has already secured the services of England International Right-Back Glen Johnson for £17.5 million, though it remains to be seen what else the Liverpudlians commit, even if rumors continue to abound that Valencia winger David Silva is on his way. With Real Madrid continuing to tempt players such as Alvaro Arbeloa and Xabi Alonso to the Spanish capitol, it may well be a matter of time before Benitez loses two of his more influential players. Furthermore, rumblings in London suggest Chelsea and new manager Carlo Ancelotti may well be preparing a massive £50 million offer for Spanish striker Fernando Torres, who recently pledged his long-term future to Liverpool. While Benitez may not want to part with his young superstar, he may very well be left powerless in the face of such an impressive offer, and his owners might take the bait. Meanwhile, Argentina International Javier Mascherano has been rumored to fancy a switch to Spain’s north coast, where he would ply his trade under the bright lights at Barcelona’s Camp Nou. A general chorus of players have suggested in local press that they find little pleasure working under the tempestuous Benitez, and particularly find his much-maligned rotation policy frustrating. With the failure of last summer’s big signing (Robbie Keane) fresh in their memories, Liverpool fans may be in for a difficult, and treacherous summer.

3. A Rebirth at Old Trafford?

It’s not entirely out of the question, given the new direction Manchester United find themselves facing. After offloading Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid for a whopping £80 million, the defending Champions should have plenty of cash available to secure the services of some notable talent. Manager Alex Ferguson is a noted admirer of French-based Lyon striker Karim Benzema, though it remains to be seen if the player himself is willing to leave his home country a year before the World Cup resumes. As well, United are rumored to be interested in the services of French-based Bayern Munich winger Franck Ribery, a built-in replacement for the flashy firepower Ronaldo displayed. For all the rumors that abound, however, United have continued to keep their feet on the ground, sticking firmly to their rigid transfer policy which, in short, indicates a refusal to spend upwards of £25 million on any players above the age of 25 (with Dimitar Berbatov the lone exception). The sole persistent rumor that continues to boil and may well become a reality any day now, suggests Wigan’s Antonio Valencia would move to the club for a tidy £10 million. But am I the only one who feels that the Champs have little left they need to do in terms of restocking the shelves? They’ll welcome back a fully-fit Owen Hargreaves, offer a birth on the flank to Portugese International Nani, track the continued development of Anderson, Carrick, Fletcher, and Rafael da Silva, and still rely on the production of lifers Paul Scholes, Rio Ferdinand, and Ryan Giggs. As an added bonus, the departures of Ronaldo/Tevez ensure starting births through the center for Berbatov/Rooney, who will certainly relish the added freedom to create in front of the net. Expect United to make a push for a young goalkeeper, as the creaking knees of Edwin van der Saar suggest he may be put to pasture after the coming campaign.

2. Chelsea’s Italian Job

For incoming Manager Carlo Ancelotti, the lure of Champions League success will certainly drive his reshaping of the squad this summer. Having to follow in the footsteps of cult-icon and recently departed Guus Hiddink will be a chore, but the Italian has been equipped with an expansive transfer kitty, and the onus to secure some of the world’s top talent. While reports suggest moves for Tevez and Torres, Chelsea have continued to remain mum on the subjects. Rather, there have been reports that some of Ancelotti’s old counterparts in Milan would like to continue working with their former Manager. Notably, Italy International Andrea Pirlo and Brazilian ace Alexander Pato have expressed their keen desire to continue their working relationships, with confirmations from the Chelsea camp that talks are ongoing. Perhaps the best name available in the entire collection of talent remains Valencia’s David Villa, who has continued to dance around the precise location he would prefer to play at next term. Reports continue to suggest that he could well be on his way to Real Madrid, while an official bid has been entered by Chelsea for an approximate £40 million sum. Spanish tabloid Marca (a Real Madrid newspaper) has recently scuppered the notion that Villa’s signature has already dried on the page, while unconfirmed reports emanating from Valencia indicate that the club’s hierarchy would prefer the player depart the Spanish league, fearing a massive revolt amongst their fans that their best player could well play for their biggest rival. With Valencia seriously teetering on the brink of financial collapse, there is increased pressure for a deal to be finalized in the coming days. While it’s hard to determine which way this will tilt, the expectation that Chelsea could win the race is clearly not out of the question. Outside of this move, Ancelotti will continue to trim the fat by discarding want away players (Deco, Shevchenko, Carvalho), and look to refocus the squad around a new formation. Chelsea will, once again, place their emphasis towards that illustrious Champions League crown, though purchasing players past their prime has clearly been a failed policy of the past three seasons. Ancelotti would be wise to pick his purchases carefully. With rumors circulating around Inter Milan’s Maicon & Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Dymano Kiev’s Yuri Zhirkov, Bayern’s Franck Ribery, and Milan stalwarts Pirlo and Pato, the summer could well be a major time in the club’s history.

1. Real Madrid

There’s not much that needs to be said outside of fact that they’ve exploded into the summer scene with two massive purchases (Kaka, Cristiano Ronaldo). Seemingly every available player has been linked with the club, including supreme players such as Villa, Silva, Ribery, Maicon, Benzema, Ibrahimovic, Alonso, Torres…Pele, Maldini, Zidane. You get the idea. The club has been on the warpath to bring big-name players into the fold, and have made their ambition to return to the top of the mountain a key priority. I do feel that their two purchases so far have been good bits of business, even if they paid inflated prices for both players, they’ll more than double that in increased revenues from gate sales and merchandise. But the curious part going forward will be to see how a new coach will adapt with a squad of mega-stars, and how current President Florentio Perez will trim the fat, so to speak. There’s been reports that the Madrid Supremo has already faxed a list of available players to every major club in England, with said list including players such as Robben, Van Nistelrooy, Huntelaar, Sneidjer, Van der Vaart, Diarra, Drenthe, and Gabby Heinze. I forgot just how many Dutch players Madrid had! It’s clear though, that Los Blancos will have to unload some contracts before they can continue their summer splurge, even while they continue to suggest that David Villa and Franck Ribery are all but finalized purchases. My guess: Madrid will secure Ribery, Arbeloa, & Xabi Alonso before calling it quits for the summer, and will in-turn offload Robben, Huntelaar, Van der Vaart, Diarra & Drenthe.

Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant flashes signs for the Jack in the Box Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich dance during the team’s victory parade down Figueroa this morning.

No word available on whether or not the mini sandwiches will replace the free taco promotion at Staples Center next year, but with photographic evidence like this, you gotta assume so…

To the Real Madrid Club de Futbol, grand purchasers of Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo, I have two things to say:

1. Please pay me. I’m unemployed, sure as hell aren’t making any money off of this blog, and need the money. What’s another couple million gonna hurt? I’ll even play for free if you agree to an exorbitant transfer fee to my club, Dynamo Sports Tsar. I They accept cash or PayPal – just no money orders, as I they are too lazy to go to the bank. This would be a grand gesture, considering your denizens mugged and chloroformed me on a weekend trip to Madrid to see your team play. We’ll call it even.

2. Thank you, thank you, thank you for handing next year’s Premiership crown to Chelsea FC. With Manchester United likely crippled after a loss as big as Ronaldo, they may even drop out of the Big Four. Sure they’d love to spend to bring someone else in, but who is even out there on the market?

Furthermore, Galacticos, you give the world one more HUGE reason to hate you. As if being the royal oppressors of Spain during fascist times wasn’t enough, you have brought in this much despised winker to solidify your douche.

After a hard-fought Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals, the Pittsburgh Penguins squeaked out a win against the Detroit Red Wings to force Game 7 on Friday.

But what happens if its Pittsburgh who prevails this time around and not Detroit? What comes of Marian Hossa?

If you don’t recall, Hossa jumped ship to the Wings after they knocked off the Pens in last season’s Finals. He signed a one-year deal cuz he wanted to win a Cup. Kind of a dick move, but whatever. if you can’t beat them, join them. But what happens now if his move to Detroit was for naught? Does he beg for forgiveness from the fans in Pittsburgh and perennially chase last year’s winner? Dude is setting himself up to be the bad luck guy here.

This is almost as bad as when Franck Ribery, then a member of Olympique de Marseille, said he wanted to be sold to a team that was playing in the Champions League the following season. Well, Marseille managed to secure a berth, while Ribery bitched in the offseason til he was sold to Bayern Munich. The kicker? Bayern didn’t even qualify for Champions League that year.

Good riddance to players like these. Just further alienate yourselves why don’t you.