And yet sometimes – in both our personal and professional lives – we   get betrayed in our trust.  We can be left feeling shocked, angry and hurt as we try and make sense of what just happened and why this might have happened.

When trust gets broken, the range of reactions can vary from total shock – the common expression of “I didn’t see that one coming” to as another client put it, “I had a strange feeling that things were not quite stacking up but I just didn’t have the evidence so gave the person the benefit of the doubt but with disastrous consequences.  Now I would never do that and would instead slow the process down, buy more time and do  rigorous  due diligence.”

So what is this intangible concept called trust and why does it matter so much?

Trust is critical because it is the absolute backbone of any relationship that we can count upon.  It is through having trust that we know that the other person can be counted upon to deliver on their promise and to do this more or less consistently and with some degree of care. 

And yet trust can be destroyed just as easily.  Talking to people who have been betrayed whether in personal or  business relationships, a common hindsight was that  if they had looked closely enough the signs were there but they chose to ignore and overlook it.  They silenced that small voice which kept raising the red flag.

In “The speed of Trust”, author Stephen Covey says one of the greatest losses we feel is broken trust. But he says, all is not lost and that challenging and time consuming as it is, trust can be re-built and restored and that one can redeem themselves and create newness. You have to learn to acknowledge your role in it, apologize, and have humility. Then you need to find a way to involve the person in a process of coming up with a new relationship.

Stephen Covey uses the metaphor of an Emotional Bank Account. “Like a financial bank account, you can make deposits and take withdrawals from the account. When you make consistent deposits, out of your integrity and out of your empathy—that means your understanding of what deposits and withdrawals are to other people—those two things—empathy and integrity—little by little,  can restore trust.”

 Of course there are times and situations where some relationships are totally beyond repair such as where there has been fraud, manipulation and other pathological behavior. 

So what can you do?  Here are eight questions for your reflection and action:

• Is there a business deal or relationship that you have some concerns about but which you are overriding?

•  Is there an inner nag – whose voice you are silencing?

•  How high are your levels of self-trust?

• Are there things you are tolerating when really you need to be calling the other party to greater accountability?

•  Are you engaging in any behavior currently which could lead to broken trust? 

• How do you stack up on the following behaviors which build trust such as being respectful, taking responsibility for your actions, being accountable, keeping your word, being  transparent and attending to broken trust?

• As a leader, how do you go about engendering a high trust culture?  Is yours a high trust or low trust organization? Low trust organizations include the following – political games, high suspicion, hidden agendas, cliques,  interpersonal conflict, cynicism, negativity, silo rivalries, complaints, people bad-mouthing each other while sweet-talking to their faces and a lack of safety.  Bear  in mind,  John Whitney – Professor at Columbia Business School – study “mistrust doubles the cost of doing business.”

• Trust or lack of trust permeates every relationship.  As an employee how are you adding or detracting to the company culture and its reputation through your daily behaviour?

My Australian colleague, Vanessa Hall, author of “The truth about trust in business” expresses it aptly  – “trust is fragile – handle it with care.”

Jasbindar Singh is a leadership coach who helps managers and leaders build high trust relationships and get  the best from themselves and their teams.

Jim,  (not his real name)  who started his career in the IT  industry learnt this lesson early as he realized that his technical skills were no longer enough to be the successful executive that he wanted to be.  As he said, “I learnt pretty quickly that what made me successful so far wasn’t what was going to keep me there” and that “I needed to learn more about understanding myself and other people and what made them tick.   I didn’t even realize this area existed before!”

Here are seven powerful learning insights for you to consider.   Don’t short change your career path by overlooking these crucial skills, behaviour and attitude.  As you read through each, rate yourself on a scale from 1 – 10, where 10 is excellent as to where you might be currently.

1) Time for reflection. Without time or an established process for quality reflection hand in hand with good self awareness, it would be very easy to get sucked into the never ending, day to day,  operational demands of the business.  Working in the business is not the same as working on the business.   Jim realized that he was being paid “good money” and that his real job was much more than just getting the tasks and projects completed.  He also needed to provide the very valuable strategic thoughts and insights on the business which not only shaped future direction but helped the business become more efficient, avoid risks and grow.  He acknowledged that to do this he needed to make time for quality thinking; not leave it to chance.

2) Listen to feedback – be open to, source and listen to feedback.  Have you had a 360 degree lately?  No doubt your strengths got identified but how did you react to any stated “negative” feedback? Watch the tendency to minimize, brush off or blame the other person for not really knowing or understanding you.  More often than not, there is usually something useful that can be learnt from the feedback. At the very least, it can allude to the fact that your communication pattern needs to be different, that the message you intend for others to receive isn’t what they are getting and or that some refinement in your approach is needed for you to have greater impact and or effectiveness. 

3) Courageous conversations – the easy tendency is to avoid this with the hope that the issue will go away. Jim learnt through experience that “what isn’t dealt with merely festers and gets bigger!”  As a manager and leader when your people see that you are able to have the difficult conversations, their respect for you goes up. You are also role modeling  and living  fundamental values such as fairness, respect  and integrity.  Conversely team morale drops when they see their leader avoiding the hard conversations which  need tackling.  Clean up whatever is present as these issues are likely to be consciously or unconsciously consuming time, energy and brain space – all of which can be utilized for greater creativity instead.

4) Coach, develop and mentor your people – most people want to do a good job and are motivated by challenge, learning opportunities and wanting to fulfill their potential. Be conscious of your direct reports strengths utilizing these appropriately but also help them become aware and provide some coaching in managing their areas for development.  Some of the best coaching conversations can happen close to an incident or event and sometimes can be less than 5 minutes!  As a manager, look out for those “coaching moments” rather than wait for the more formal review months later.

5) Network – build effective relationships.  The time to build your network isn’t when you need one. Think about not just how this person might be able to help you and what you can  get from them but also  how you may be able to help them.  The law of karma – kindness and generosity has a good way of coming back to you, not necessarily from the same source but often from somewhere else.  A lot of innovative ideas come from talking with people who may be doing business differently from you and may even be from a totally different industry. 

6) Build a strong team with high morale. Develop a strong sense of shared purpose, vision and values that people are aligned with.  It answers the question – what are we doing and why are we doing it?   Have conversations that encourage your people to be clear about their vision and values and how this can be a two way relationship.  As Jim said, “I would frequently have discussions on how we can help you and in turn what we would like from you.” The team members need to be clear about their role and how it fits into the bigger picture.  

7) Keep a sense of balance, poise  and perspective – as Jim said, “It would have been really easy for me to feel ‘top dog’ and let the position get to my head!  But at the end of the day – it’s just a role and a job I enjoy but there is also more to life than this.  Keeping healthy, having loving relationships with family and friends and being a good human being all add to the mix of a life well led!

For Jim, this also allowed him to be mentally flexible when things didn’t go according to plan, learn from it and move on.  As Jim put it “I do my best to put in and create the right input and then let the results be what they will be!”   Rather than be reactive, having a calmer state of mind  is vital for executive success and indeed life.   The Centre for Creative Leadership research  found that managers who remained successful ( and didn’t  career derail)   reflected the following characteristics –   they maintained good composure under stress, handled mistakes with poise, were focused problem-solvers, had greater diversity in their career paths and were able to get along  with all kinds of people.

Jasbindar is a leadership coach and speaker who helps executives harness the best of themselves and their teams.

1. How did you get drawn into the work you are doing currently?

Five years go I used teaching award funds to buy brain-mapping equipment. In retrospect, I took a lot on faith that the device would take me somewhere useful. After my first session with some students, I couldn’t sleep for weeks. It was so exciting! The students found it very meaningful too. To peer inside themselves in a way they’d never done before. Every time I sit down with someone, it’s an opportunity for new observations and connections. And people want to know about the neuroscience of personality, because it’s so personal and also scientific, a wonderful marriage! Now I’m doing workshops, a training program, creating materials, etc. But I keep in mind the topic is still young. There is a lot left to learn.

2. How can we engage our brains better to generate higher levels of motivation and better decision-making?

There’s something I call the engagement curve. Our brains get more active as motivation and/or competent in a task increase. If the task is too easy, too hard, or generally irrelevant to the person, then brain activity goes down.
To go from awareness to action, we need to understand what boosts motivation and competence. Susan Nash has a great coaching methodology for when and how to engage people to increase competence.
Regarding motivation, the possibility of positive feedback tends to motivate people. A manager who gives negative feedback on positive results is begging for low morale. And yes, we rig our systems to do that. For example, UCLA has teaching evaluations but funding for teaching is decided by other factors. So why bother to teach well? And when teaching is poor, why would students be motivated to learn? The underlying issue in this case is a lack of shared purpose. The general lessons: Goals and values should clearly align in all directions, and there should be honest rewards for individuals’ actual performance.
People also get excited when they engage in a design cycle on a product that is meaningful to them. I’ve seen this first-hand. When someone exclaims, “I’m making this, it’s for good, and I’m making it better!” then the person is displaying pride of ownership.

3. Tell us about Jung’s eight cognitive functions and the relationship with brain functioning?

People who know Myers-Briggs think of dichotomous preferences: Sensing or Intuiting, Thinking or Feeling. However, Jung’s focused on eight psychological types. He proposed that for each of us, one of eight is dominant while a second one plays a support role. The result is sixteen possible types. Now, I recruited people of all types into my lab and gave them ten weeks to get to best-fit type. I really wanted—as many people might—for specific brain regions to clearly correlate to each type or function or whatever. But human beings are more interesting than that. Jung’s eight cognitive functions showed up as patterns of activity across the neocortex, rather than in specific regions.

4. How do the different personality types use their brains differently?

More or less, we share the same brain resources. But we each use our brains differently due to training, background, context, and personality type.
One way we differ: the amount of stimulus needed to get a brain region active. For example, there is a region called T5 that helps us notice and respond to social feedback. Do people approve of us or not? That region generates emotions like embarrassment to push us to alter our behavior, to get approval. For some types such as ENFJ, the smallest hint of feedback gets this region active. They truly feel social pressure. For other types such as ISTP, it takes a ton of obvious feedback to evoke activity, and it comes like a tidal wave when it does.
Another way we differ is holistic brain patterns. For example, everyone shows a particular “tennis hop” pattern when they play certain video games. But types such as ESFP and ESTP show this activity a lot of the time. In evolutionary terms, it has likely been a very useful way to survive. Like a tennis player who gently hops back-and-forth to maintain momentum, these types save their mental energy and stay alert to spring into action in times of crisis. In the game of life, we rarely know which way the ball will come back to us!

5. How can we (or different personality types) harness and sustain a greater sense of creative flow?

A really exciting discovery: people can and do enjoy a state of creative flow. This flow shows up on the EEG monitor as a solid bright blue across the whole neocortex. The person is energized, relaxed, and engaged.
Flow occurs when people do their expertise, such as a musician playing and singing his own music.
Flow also occurs based on personality type. I’ve watched an INFP remain in flow for a solid 10 minutes as he engaged in active listening with a fellow student on the contentious topic of gun control. Even when speaking, he was listening. For other types it differs. ISTJ and ISFJ get in flow when reviewing the past, while INTJ and INFJ get in flow when envisioning the future! Sounds like type to me!
There are other kinds of flow. What’s important is to help people become aware of what brings them into flow, or to help them get there, and then to honor that time in our everyday lives in career choices.

6. What some keys to self-leadership from your understanding are of brain functioning? How can we better self-lead?

There are many lessons. Some are general, like appreciating how we all truly differ in terms of what we perceive and how we decide.
Others lessons more specific. For example, brain regions generate emotions to encourage us to change our behavior, to survive and hopefully thrive. Moreover, those regions can act in a circuit pattern. Maybe Jane Smith ignores negative input most times and then sometimes explodes seemingly out of nowhere. She has a whole circuit going on there. Emotions play a huge part in our lives, and leaders who fail to account for emotional dynamics miss out on a lot. I’m sorry to say I didn’t start working out emotions until after I published my book. But that’s why training programs and new editions are for!

7. What is a brain savvy insight you could give to the readers of this blog? How can we use this information to enhance organizational effectiveness e.g. leadership, management, employee engagement.

Here is a practice tip. When someone has a realization, the insight does not just get instantly wired into the brain. It was just a blip. So please leaders, to keep and benefit from your employees golden nuggets, when someone gains an insight, let them test it out in a small way to practice it. Practice results in new neural pathways. We internalize the insight rather than forget about it or ignore it. Also, it gives the person a stake in the insight and if the idea failed on their watch, at least they know why and how.

8. Where do you see your research going next?

For research, I really want to move to a next level, to get hundreds of people hooked up wirelessly over the course of their daily routine, to truly verify (or not) the current observations and no doubt discover a lot more. The challenge is getting to “true type” with all these folks and also to debrief them, to better understand what was going on when in their minds.
I’d also like to keep refining and validating my NeuroPQ inventory, which helps people profile their likely brain activity without all the goopy equipment. No doubt this will take a couple years.
Finally, people have lots of questions: What about older folks? What about marketing, love, sports, and so forth.  All that will take time.
Alas, my brain is prone to wandering into new topics rather than specializing in them!
____________________________________________________________

3 Questions for you to ponder:

1) How do you get the best of your brain?
2) How might you help employees get the best from their brain?
3) What helps you get into your flow state?

I look forward to hearing from you on any of these questions!   Feel free to drop me a line via email or as part of the blog – love to hear your thoughts and insights!

 Jasbindar Singh is a coaching psychologist  who works with managers and leaders understand thier own and and others personalities better for best outcomes on all fronts.

Feedback on our strengths is an even greater enabler.  It helps us leverage and maximize our strengths for even greater results.

“One key to successful leadership is continuous personal change. Personal change is a reflection of our inner growth and empowerment.”
- Robert E. Quinn

Joseph Folkman addresses 35 principles for turning feedback into personal and professional change in his very easy to read and highly recommended book “The power of feedback.” 

Here is a random list of 12 from his 35 principles:

1) If you receive feedback but do not change for the better, you will be perceived more negatively than if you had not received the feedback.
2) Balancing your normal but counterproductive reactions to feedback is essential in effectively dealing with feedback.
3) The process of change begins with accepting the feedback given.
4) To change the impression another person has of you, you must change your behavior.
5) The most critical skill in making change based on feedback is deciding what specific issue to work on first.
6) We tend to perceive the reasons for our failure as having to do with the situation, but we see failure in others as having to do with their effort, ability, knowledge or character.
7) One way of improving a skill is to improve your performance in companion skills.
8) Doing something well has a dramatic impact on perceived effectiveness.
9) A critical step in personal change is to change the strategies, structures and systems that support or reinforce the behavior you desire to change.
10) Close observation of others who have demonstrated skills will help you develop the same skills.
11) Rewarding successive approximations of a desired new behavior increases the likelihood of acquiring the new behavior.
12) You can only make significant life changes if you have the necessary desire, strength, and motivation to cause those changes to happen.

3 questions for your reflection:

As you look ahead at your leadership development this year:

1) What skill (or two), if you performed with a high level of expertise, would have the biggest impact in your leadership journey?

2) What skill (or two), if you performed with a high level of expertise, would have the biggest impact in your current role?

3) What skill or quality  if you demonstrated with a high level of expertise and care, would have the biggest impact on your family life?

Companion skills

Keep in mind the following eight companion skills that the author and his colleague Jack Zenger found in their research on people who were most effective at making change:

 Passion and willingness to make a difference
 Accepts feedback
Trust
Shows concern and consideration for others
Innovation
Develops others
Optimism
Establishes clear goals and priorities

Which of these companion skills could you embrace further?

“Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.”
- James Belasco and Ralph Stayer 

Jasbindar Singh is a coaching psychologist working with business leaders to be even more effective. Clients value her sensitive and confidential approach to eliciting qualitative 180 and 360 degree feedback which has helped them change for the better!

reflection

Taking time to reflect helps give perspective and make greater sense of events and experiences.  The reflective process inquires, poses questions, gets insights, sees things anew and it builds.  It helps us get to know ourselves and others in a deeper way and is  a healthy and necessary activity for executives and non-executives alike.  As a business leader, if  you are too entrenched in the detail, it is likely that you are not making time for reflection and therefore missing out on the bigger picture of your business and life. 

Taking a reflective stance in your leadership can include questions like: 

• What is really going on here or what just happened?
• What are we trying to create or build here?
• What are the outcomes we are after?
• What is going well?
•  What can we do differently?
• What is the best way of proceeding given our vision?
• How am I really feeling about what just happened?
• What is the unspoken here?
• How can I deal with this differently next time?

Reflection is also a key part in the learning process.  We learn more when we reflect on what we have just experienced.  It deepens our understanding and wisdom and it helps inform the future. 

In relationships be it our loved ones or work peers and or direct reports, it’s easy to miss out vital cues of what the other person maybe communicating when we become too immersed in the transactional “doing” mode only. 

 The process of reflection helps calibrate our experiences as it separates the chaff from the wheat.  

It helps give space, perspective and directional clarity. 

The upcoming holiday period is a perfect time for reflection as our normal routines are broken.   You may naturally find yourself reflecting while gardening or enjoying the beach.  However you do it, don’t leave the precious nuggets of your life ignored and untapped.  Reflective activity is your potent gift. Utilize it to be an even wiser person, leader and family member. 

 Happy holidays!

Jasbindar Singh is a leadership coach and business psychologist helping leaders sharpen their edge – www.sqconsulting.co.nz.

Here are three questions you may wish to ponder for both your personal and professional life.

1)       What have been some key achievements this year?

2)      What has been a surprise or opportunity that came unexpectedly and how did you embrace it or what deal with it?

3)      What are you intending to grow, build and develop next year?

Whatever your focus, as Gandhi so aptly put it, be the change you wish to see!  We experience a greater sense of fulfillment and joy when we have energy and engagement for whatever we take on. 

I wish you and your loved ones a safe and happy festive season and a brilliant New Year!

(P.S.  Here are some further exploratory questions).

So how do we get the best out of people during the RWC – when they are likely to be distracted, fatigued, and some would rather be watching the games than be at work?

Whether you are a business owner, employee or manager and leader be mindful of the following over the next five weeks.  These issues were discussed at a recent HRINZ (Human Resources Institute New Zealand) leadership SIG meeting in Auckland, attended by over 40 managers and Human Resources professionals from a diverse range of industries and where Coca Cola Amatil – a major RWC sponsor – shared strategies for encouraging employee engagement at work.

Business as Unusal – the workplace is likely to be and feel different and adjustments will have to be made so manage your expectations accordingly.  Managing people’s leaves, sick days and or extra staff may be needed.

Logistics – Notice what’s working and what’s not and make adjustments accordingly. Is your workforce and business planning requirements accurate as the weeks pan out?  Do you need specialist resources?  Has the work dipped and can you afford to allow more people to take annual leave?

Flexibility – Plan for all the things you can anticipate and be proactive with. However, what often gets us is the unexpected.  By having mental and emotional agility you will be able to deal with whatever comes your way.

Fairness – Whatever actions you take – ensure that it is not only fair but it’s perceived as being fair.  There is life beyond the RWC and what you do now helps building the emotional bank account.

Communication – Consistent and regular communication is necessary to keep people engaged and focused on the right things.
Whatever else you do, have a game plan and play off the mantra of communication, flexibility, and fairness and you will score well with your customers and people alike.

Social Media – How can you use social media to good end – for example, the latest information on crowd build and traffic congestion.  What is your policy on social media? Does this change during the RWC and do people know about this?

Teamwork – The RWC offers a very practical and motivational opportunity for building a sense of team camaraderie and fostering greater team work, attitude and behaviors.  You could initiate a regular discussion on how your team compares and or contrasts with the key team behaviors that the All Blacks and other winning teams will be demonstrating. For example, some key questions to discuss with your team could focus on the following:

Game plan – what is our game plan and how are we tracking?
Strategy – Is our strategy still working or do we need to change something?
Strengths based – are we drawing on everyone’s strengths and is everyone playing to it? Are we conscious of other peoples’ strengths and weaknesses as well as our own? 
Collaboration – How well are we collaborating with other team members for the overall success and win?
Team roles – have we go the right people in the team doing the things they do best and are they able to rely on others to do the same?
Team Captain – Are we respectful of our team leader and show them support?
Listening and acknowledging - Are we good at listening to each other, receiving as well as giving feedback and acknowledging others?  Are we able to have those courageous conversations? 
Values – How do I live the stated values of this team?  If someone was observing me, would they be able to tell fairly quickly whether I was living the values and or “walking the talk?”
Fun and passion – How are we creating a sense of passion, fun and commitment on an ongoing basis?
Responsibility and accountability – Do I play above the line and take responsibility for my actions including mistakes? Do I take ownership and deliver on what I am accountable for?  Am I able to hold others to account?
Post match analysis – As a team, how well are we able to monitor and review our performance? Do we engage in regular dialogue and conversations that help the team become more match-fit and grow on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?
Underutilized strengths – in your day to day role, you may have some strength that you have a talent for or are motivated by. For example, you may be good at organizing events and creating a spirit of celebration. This could be an ideal time to demonstrate those skills and open up opportunities in the future.

Diversity – be mindful that everyone is not into Rugby and while they may join in the spirit of things or be so over it – let that be an okay part of your culture as well. Model tolerance with the message that differences are okay as after all, diversity creates enrichment and “one size fits all” is not what leads to creativity and innovation.

When healthy rivalry crosses the line – healthy rivalry can be fun and energizing but sometimes things can turn serious.  If this happens do acknowledge it and remind people what is acceptable and what the rules and consequences are.

There may well be a temporary dip in energy and engagement after the games.  Get input and feedback from team members and continue to build on some of the more successful initiatives beyond the games.    In the meantime, let’s cheer for the All Blacks and let’s hope that on October 23, New Zealand is awash with a buzz and there is a proud Kiwi in every corner of the globe. 

An edited version of this article is also in the NZ Herald. 
Photo source – The RWC site

Jasbindar works with organisations and coaches senior leadership teams to increase leadership effectiveness  and team engagement.

But what happens when the brand does something the consumers don’t like – as has been the case of the All Black Jersey and their Corporate Supporter – Adidas. 

All Blacks are part of the Kiwi cultural DNA and therefore our core identity. And fans have been hugely upset by the fact that the All Blacks rugby jersey cost almost twice as much in NZ when much cheaper jerseys can be purchased off shore.  And then to add salt to the wound, NZ got removed from some of the sites so Kiwi fans couldn’t even do this! 

When fans start to feel taken for granted, “ripped off”, forgotten or disadvantaged in some way, then brand integrity is at stake big time and brand reputation comes under challenge.

With the Rugby World Cup just a few weeks away  – it‘s a real shame that a time when Adidas could have harnessed all the energy, positivity and good will of the people of New Zealand, they have gotten  themselves so much on the wrong side of the pitch.

But it still isn’t too late – ultimately brands are driven by people and as human beings we do “stuff up” from time to time.  The point is how quickly we are able to put things right.

The situation can still be recovered and turned around from being a permanent blight for Adidas or a bad aftertaste for the fans.  It can also be saved then from the  embarrassing history annuls of how not to do PR including   alienating  your fans and consumer base  at such a crtical time.

 The Adidas executives need to address the critical missing piece they seem to have consciously or unconsciously been blindsided by.These are the skills and competencies of emotional intelligence (EQ or EI).

You see no matter how logical, rational and cost effective – plausible or implausible – their arguments are, they are still operating at the level of the head.  For fans on the other hand, this has become an emotional issue.   Adidas executives need to draw on Einstein’s wisdom here – “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”

So dear Adidas executives, listen up.   Firstly, it’s never too late to say sorry, change your strategy and say okay – we stuffed up this time BUT here is what we are going to do to put it right with the fans.    Simply fronting up on TV to argue your entrenched case is not going to do it.  

On the other hand, putting it right for the Kiwi fans and showing some nobility of heart and spirit will see you right.  Yes – you may lose some money as will some of the retailers but what you will gain will far outweigh this in the annuls of time.  And Kiwis – you will find are forgiving and generous of heart and spirit when they have been heard and the right action has been honoured.

Jasbindar Singh is a leadership coach and an EQ /SQ specialist – www.sqconsulting.co.nz. You can also find her article on this topic in  Management magazine  ( March, 2011) which also has other fantastic coverage on leadership.

Photo source: Natasha Martin, Timaru Herald (thumbnail only)

So what made this such a great experience?   Here are 7 things that we valued:

1. Meet,  greet and welcome

Soon after we walked in, we were met by a friendly young man who acknowledged us and inquired what we were looking for.   We were then guided to the specialist in the area.  Basic as this “meet and greet” is, I hate to recall the number of times I have walked into a retail shop and despite being the only customer have not been acknowledged.

2. Asked open questions, listened and then guided

The specialist salesperson then inquired further as to my exact needs and what I was looking for in a car.  He then not only showed me what I had wanted but proceeded to make a further recommendation about what could possibly serve me even better.  As it turned out, his recommendation was on the mark.

3. Enabling not obstructing

The entire interaction felt straight and informative – our questions were heard and answered.  We did not feel like we were being talked into a sales pitch, or that there was hedging or any sense of “gilding the lily.”  Quite apart from the fact that the product probably sells itself to some degree.   Regardless,   every step of the way, the exchange inspired confidence and felt comfortable.

4.  The surprise and delight factors

It was lunch time and all the car shopping had left us hungry.  Before we went off to grab a bite, we had taken a red car for a test drive.  I had remarked – in passing – that I liked the colour black.  Well – upon our return there was this stunning black machine with silver streaks, mag wheels and all which had been organized while we were at lunch.     And there were others to follow.

5. Relationship not a transaction

The entire exchange had a feeling of a developing relationship rather than one sales transaction.  There was a pathway forward.  As a new customer, I felt my car needs such as regular servicing and maintenance were taken care of and given the great service, why would I choose not to do business with them again?

6. Consistency of service

The service provided was consistent each time, every time.  Too often with other big purchases, things have started off well but after the initial sale; there is a distinct change in attitude and service.  Every encounter and exchange here was of the same high standard.

7. Professionalism

Finally, the word underlying the entire process was professionalism and yet fun.  Thank you, Paul and Cam – you more than exceeded my customer expectations and I am thoroughly enjoying the new baby.

Jasbindar Singh is a business psychologist, leadership coach, author and speaker who loves helping her clients acheive their leadership goals.  www.sqconsulting.co.nz

 The thing to not do is  “blow up” or wish that the issue will just go away because problems rarely  “just disappear.”  They typically fester and get bigger with time.

Here are a few tips that could help:

• Get to know yourself better. How do you typically react to relationship challenges? We all have our default way of being and reacting.  People can also be either too passive or aggressive neither of which helps.  Learn to be assertive and appropriate. 

• Who do you need to have a courageous conversation with?  Think through and plan your approach. Choosing your words and timing is important.  For example, if you boss is already under pressure with an upcoming Board meeting, you may want to leave you chat with him till after.  As a very good manager used to say, “Come to me with solutions, not problems.”

• You may ask for some coaching support – internally if you company has a coaching culture or get an external coach. If the company isn’t able to offer this, you may look into your own network and find out who could me an informal mentor to you.

• Having an objective “other” to sound out can ease the stress of the burden of “carrying it all on your shoulders” as well as provide perspective, some new  insight and clarity.

• Do you know the reputation you have in your company?  Every day you are reinforcing your brand and reputation through how you conduct yourself.   Build a positive reputation based on your strengths and resourcefulness.

• Emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) skills also help navigate the soft side of business relationships. Skills such as self awareness and self-management, awareness of others and managing these relationships well. Research shows that this is even more important that IQ in one’s effectiveness in life. What is an EQ competency that could benefit you?

• Be gentle with yourself and cut yourself some slack – things may already be challenging enough without you beating yourself up further.  Save that energy and channel towards looking for solutions and or best outcomes.

Jasbindar Singh is a business psychologist, leadership coach, author and speaker who loves creating shifts in awareness for her clients.  www.sqconsulting.co.nz