Oni After Dark

How to make a Cherry Branch

2009-07-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

While I type this article I'm sipping at a sweet bourbon cocktail called a Cherry Branch. It consists of:

2 Parts Maker's Mark bourbon
1 Part Torani cherry syrup
1 Part Sour Apple Pucker
Ice

Stir all ingredients together with the ice, strain and serve in a martini glass. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.

God, guns, guts and American Trucks

2009-07-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

Click For Video

Most of the time when you buy a new car all you get is a dinky little air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. But buy a truck from this guy and he'll throw in a voucher you can redeem at the local gun shop for an AK-47. If I lived anywhere near him I'd buy him a beer. Well done Mike, well done.

Long time no update.

2009-07-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

So I finally got my EMT cert, WOOT!

That is all for now.

Stolen

2009-05-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

Oh crap my laptop's been stolen!

*Test*

Basil Tomato Stew

2009-02-06T01:35:00.001-08:00

Great soup, terrible white balance.

Since I'm not working 40+ hours a week I finally have time to start cooking again, which is a good thing because I can't really afford to eat out anymore. There might be a cause and effect relationship between the two...

Anyways, Basil Tomato Stew. It's yummy and perfect for a rainy day or just whenever you're feeling down. One bowl of this and all will be right with the world. It's easy too.

Total Cost: $18 or less
Total Time : 1 Hour
Servings: 6-8

All you need is:

2 Red Bell Peppers
2 Carrots
2 Heads of Garlic
1 Yellow Onion
3 Russet Potatoes
2 Cans of Diced Tomatoes with No Salt
3 Cubes of Knox Beef Bullion
1/2 Cup Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons Basil (dried)
1 Teaspoon Oregano (dried)
1 Teaspoon Parsley (dried)
Fresh Ground Black Pepper
White Corn Tortillas (Optional)

Preparation:

Dice the onions and garlic and keep them separate.
Cut the carrots into three sections then cut each section in half. Cut into slices 1/5 of an inch thick.
Remove any seeds from the bell peppers and slice into 1/4 inch x 3 inch strips.
Dice one potato into very small pieces no larger than 1/4 of an inch thick.
Dice the other two potatoes according to preference. I chose half inch cubes.

Ok, now take the largest stockpot you have and place it on the burner at medium heat. My stockpot was about two gallons and I still filled it almost to the top by the time I was finished. Pour in the olive oil and once it's had a few seconds to heat up toss in the onion. Stir it to make sure it doesn't burn. If something starts to burn you either weren't stirring enough or the heat was too high.

Once the onion has almost started to become transparent toss in the garlic. Once the garlic is cooked toss in the carrots and keep stirring for about a minute. Now pour in three cups of water, cover the pot and wait for it to come to a boil.

Once the pot comes to a boil stir in the potatoes and add four more cups of water. The smaller pieces will dissolve into the stew and make it thicker while the bigger chunks will absorb all the other flavors and become delightful mouthfuls.

Place the lid back on and once the pot comes to a boil stir in the bouillon cubes, the bell peppers, and the two cans of tomatoes. Now would be the time to adjust the amount of water. If your stew is too thick feel free to add a few cups of water.

Pop a lid on it and wait for it to come to a boil. Once it does stir in the basil, the oregano, and the parsley. If you want to use fresh herbs, no problem. Just double the measurements.

Put the lid back on and let it simmer for twenty minutes. Five minutes before you take it off the burner add a sprinkle of black pepper. I wouldn't add more than half a teaspoon. It seems like very little when compared to the quantity of stew, but trust me, it's sufficient.

Now would also be the time to add any salt, if it needs it. Remember, the bouillon contains salt so chances are your soup probably won't need any.

Once the twenty minutes are done pour the soup into bowls and toss in some strips of warm corn tortilla, how much is up to you.

Enjoy.

I Hate it Here, and by "Here" I Mean the "Internet"

2009-02-05T02:12:00.000-08:00

It's 2am, I've been watching Sessler's Soapbox for the last half hour or so and he raised a very good point, specifically that game rating systems suck. How can you assign a number to something that is a matter of personal preference? How can you quantify the pros and cons of a game?

And once you go to all that work you get still get some little bitches whining and moaning about how your review was "too harsh," even if it's a 5/5.

Reality check. Games are not perfect. Not even works of art are perfect. Nothing is perfect. If a reviewer found something to criticize in a review it doesn't mean they're biased, it means that they're doing their fucking job.

If you don't like the score they give sit down and read the fucking review before you run to the forums to complain. Then once you've read that and digested it make up your own damn mind whether the points they raise have merit. Then you can either buy the game, or not, and get on with your life.

But unfortunately opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. Unless of course you have a rare birth defect called Atresia Ani....

Anyways, people also want to share their opinions and they do so, fervently. Many share their opinions on the bulging sack of bile known as a forum where they can yell back and forth in all caps about whether the word "Synergistic" is marketing jargon or not for six fucking pages.

A current shitstorm of polar opinions on the interwebs is Killzone 2. PS3 fanboys bitch and moan about every bad review and minor criticism, defending a game that they haven't fucking played to Xbox 360 fanboys who are shredding a game that they will never fucking play.

Let me give you my opinion about Killzone 2.

It looks great, it looks like a serious war sim where tactics play a large role, it looks like the kind of game that could be awesome. But it is not the do all end all of first person shooters.

I'm sure that if I had readers one of them would chime in with a snarky comment saying that I was wrong about the community or nitpicking my grammar when all else failed.

But I don't really care what those people think.

School

2009-02-04T05:28:00.000-08:00

School's in session and I have all of my paperwork in. All I have to do now is pass my classes. Harder said than done, the EMT class and the Academy are going to be ball breakers. Still the majority of my classmates are pretty cool and there's one or two I'm getting to be good friends with.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to hang out with a friend from a long time ago and a new friend from class.

I have high hopes for this year.

Oh what a wicked web I weave

2009-02-04T05:12:00.000-08:00

All right, the blog has been re-styled and the header has been re-done. I was going to throw in a background image but I realized that it didn't need it. I like the current look just fine the way it is, simple and consistent.

Oh, there's drama between me and Robin again.

I bought some insurance from him and had to cancel because I got a better offer from another broker. He hasn't called me since and I haven't bothered calling him either. Probably because he pisses me off.

He's very judgmental, but it's strange. He might go off about something or trash someone's clothing and think nothing of it. It's like he just wants to talk but doesn't really care what he's talking about as long as he's trashing someone.

I think it's that whole bitchy fashionista thing. He's major into designer clothing and that whole lifestyle. So he adopts a persona and every time I try and call him on it he gets all defensive.

I think I'm going to take a break from him for a little while.

Sick as the Proverbial Dog

2009-01-21T16:59:00.000-08:00

Grr... don't you hate it when nothing goes according to plan? See I thought I was out of the woods, but something came up.

Stress + exposure to mold + exposure to a virus = Massive respiratory infection.

Yeah, I almost missed one of the mandatory days because I was sick. That would have sucked, going through all the shit I've been through only to get sick and miss everything in spite of it.

I'm having a hard time maintaining my train of thought so i'm going to log off.

Return of the Deathcatz

2009-01-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

Back in 2007 I came up with the idea for a webcomic called DeathCats or Deathcatz as it seems to be evolving into.

The idea was there were these cats that did horrible things to people. I even had a website for a while, Then I got bored and said screw it. But the idea stayed in my head so I'm bringing it to you.

Enjoy

Vroom! Vroom!

2009-01-12T14:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, I took my drive test and passed with flying colors. I ended up having my friend Brian come with me so I could drive to the DMV. After we had breakfast together for the first time in a long time.

I used to live with Brian, Bowser, Jess, Shannon, and Bishop. The first two are the only two I still talk to. Things went sour about the time Bishop started running an escort service and Jess became a raging bitch. I could remember calling her to pick me up from the hospital and having her bitch at me.

I was sick, barely standing, and she was giving me crap. It was her fault too, I got the stupid strep infection off a girl she introduced me too. About that time she got the same infection because she was sleeping with her too. Oh drama drama drama.

In retrospect Bowser, Brian, and I make better friends than housemates. Brian's a good guy, just not the most refined.

Ok, he's a slob and he's comfortable with that. He's overweight, a horndog, and laughs at the most horrible crap. But then again so do I. We think it's funny when shit goes horribly wrong because it's wonderfully cathartic to laugh in the face of disaster.

It makes you feel so much better. It's cleansing really. Getting all of the bad vibes out of your system.

So the car... oh the car. I'm naming it Shelly. Not because it's a Shelby, just because it fits.

I got the oil changed and oh my god, what a difference! It was fucking incredible. I burned rubber accelerating down the street, by accident! Whoo boy, it was almost too much power. I think I'll try and take it slow, no sense crashing into something or getting a ticket.

I'm happy happy happy.

Car Shopping and Avoiding Catastrophy

2009-01-10T01:33:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've got two days to buy a car and learn to drive it before my drive test Monday morning. I know I'm cutting it close but I really don't have much choice if I want to get into the EMT academy.

I've got to get to the bank before it closes tomorrow and then run down to the fairgrounds to meet the seller. If I decide to buy the car, which I probably will, I need to then get it home and get it insured.

Sunday I have to get used to the car and make sure I'm absolutely ready for my driving test. That means practice and finding someone who I can practice with. I might be able to get my driving instructor to teach me in the car. But that would take some convincing, if he even has time.

Normally I would just ask my best friend to ride with me so I can practice, but he's not very happy with me right now. Tuesday night he was feeling low but I was out with another friend and told him I'd call later. I then proceeded to get hammered and I thought I called him, but today I found out that I hadn't.

Oops.

He was pissed. Apparently he had decided not to talk to me for a week, but after drinking god knows how much liquor he decided to call me because he was walking home and got scared. I talked to him, told him everything was going to be ok. Then once he got home he bitched me out, said some rather nasty things.

I'm not sure we're friends anymore. I'll talk to him when he sobers up and see.

Gainfully Employed?

2009-01-08T19:02:00.000-08:00

A job, me?

You bet your ass.

I lost my job Friday morning, I started job hunting on Monday, and I'm getting my new schedule on Friday.

Oni One, Local economy zero.

Tell Me

2009-01-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

What do you want?

What do I want?

I think I'm confused.

Porn?

2009-01-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Porn is awesome. The sheer fucking quantity of it is mind boggling. Every fetish or kink you can think of has a website devoted to it. You into black chicks? Easy. Oral? It's there. Fruit stomping cowboys? Yup, it's there too.

The problem with porn is that it isn't reality and not everybody understands that. It's just a stylized representation of sex meant to sell videos.

George Carlin used to say that to make a joke you take something every day and blow it way out of proportion. That's what porn is, that's why people like it.

It's the idea of sex. It's a fantasy packaged for mass consumption. It's a fucking movie.

But sometimes if you watch closely you get something real mixed in with the fake. A look, a gesture, something that's not acting.

It's always jarring. You catch a momentary glimpse and before you can process it it's darted back behind the brightly painted facade. But it was there, you know it was there.

I think we're all porn stars.

We hide who we are and how we feel to sell the idea that everything's fine. We pretend we're unbreakable super bitches or manly men that never cry. Some people pretend for so long that they forget who they are. They start believing their own press and forget that they're actually people, vulnerable people.

We're all vulnerable people, but we fake it.

The Job Hunt, Day One

2009-01-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, I got to sleep about 4:30 in the morning and woke up at 11:30. I then promptly rolled over and went back to sleep. Screw early afternoons.

If you've been reading my twitter you probably know my printer was cranky about being pulled out of storage and asked to, GASP! actually work. It bitched and moaned, but after about an hour of tinkering it got off it's HP logo'd ass and printed up my resume... at 15 degree angle.

Fuck, turned out a panel was out of alignment in the back. Snap everything back into place, shake the oat flakes out of the feed mechanism(don't ask), and it was ready to go. I printed up ten copies of my resume and was out the door.

By then it was about 4pm. I hit up the local shops, filled out some applications, handed out my resume. All and all it was pretty productive.

So far most places I've come by aren't hiring, but I expected as much. One receptionist started freaking out. Apparently she was worried about losing her job and as I left I could here her telling the dental assistant that she hadn't gotten her walking papers yet. I think there was some emphasis on the word "yet".

Luckily most other people were a lot more supportive. I think it's got a lot to do with the economy. Everyone's afraid of what will happen, especially since a lot of local businesses have been closing down. Everywhere you go you'll find empty store fronts and going out of business sales. I can remember taking a bus to downtown to go shoot some pool only to find out that the place I used to play had closed down. I wasn't happy about that.

But in times of crisis people tend to pull together. Most of the people I've run into seem to genuinely want to help. They sympathize, almost as if they can see themselves in my shoes. And I'm thankful for their help.

Wednesday I have my first interview, wish me luck.

3:26 and I know I'm ready

2009-01-05T03:26:00.000-08:00

It's late, 3:26 in the morning and I've got to get some sleep because tomorrow I have to get up early. Tomorrow I have to make some phone calls, make sure I know what hours I'm going to school, then comes the fun part. After all that I'm going to get out of bed and start turning in applications. I'm going to walk down that hill with a smile and a pen and go to every place that I could tolerate working to fill out an application.

After I do the area around my house I'm going to catch a bus and do another area. Over the next week I'm going to go to every hotel and coffee shop in town. If they've run out of applications I'm going to hand them my resume. I'm going to do it with a smile. I'm going to prove everyone who is telling me I won't be able to find work is wrong.

I will get through this and if I have to work at the local gas station to put myself through school I will. But what I will not do is let other people tell me that I'm not in control of my own life.

I'm going to sleep now.

Watch out world, Oni is coming... to fill out an application.

Blindsided

2009-01-05T02:32:00.000-08:00

On New Years Eve I got laid. On New Years Day I got laid off. I mean, what the fuck? Why? What did I do to deserve this? Oh, and I'm not supposed to take it personal. Well it's fucking personal.

I used to work for the Comfort Inn in Santa Rosa, my home town. I worked there for a year and a half. I spent eighteen months behind the front desk doing my job, and guess what? No fucking loyalty.

The official reason they laid me off was that they were looking to get rid of the old employees and put in some fresh ones to revitalize the hotel. It's a load of bullshit. I get the idea, but it's like going in for liposuction and finding out that the surgeon vacuumed out your spleen along with the fat.

What pisses me off the most of all is that they wouldn't give me two weeks notice. They wouldn't give me time to search for another job, they just called me and told me to pick up my final check.

Well fuck it. Fuck them too. Fuck them and their insincere apologies. Fuck them one and all. I'm off to look for work.

Happy New Years

2008-12-31T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well it's time to say goodbye to 2008.

Goodbye 2008.

In with the new, out with the old(junk bogging down your computer)

2008-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

It seems every time I do any work on a friend's computer I end up spending a good portion of that time cleaning the Spyware and Malware off their hard drives. Mostly they get infected because they don't run any anti-virus software, they think it slows down their systems. Or they can't be bothered to keep their computers updated, leaving them vulnerable to attack.

This morning I started working on my Landlord's computer and so far I've come across 17 different infections and the scan isn't even done yet. The most nasty of the them was masquerading as an antivirus software and actively attacking any legitimate software I tried to load. I had to put the computer in safe mode and manually delete a few files before I could even get started scanning.

To ease the lives of geeks everywhere I've included this basic tutorial to rid your computer of spyware and other unwanted infections.

First things first you're going to need a good antivirus program. I currently use AVG because it's free and does all you really need with a minimum of resources. You can download it here.

Download.com is a pretty good source for free programs or at least free trials. It's all legitimate and all guaranteed virus free.

Ok, install the program and decline to install a toolbar because you never really need to install toolbars.

Once you've installed the program, run it and go through the update procedure to make sure it can defend you against the latest bugs.

Finally, run a full scan and delete any nasty infections it finds. Then you're done.

Simple.

Now to make sure your computer remains free of infections I've included five rules to keep your computer safe.

1. Run windows update and install all security updates when they become available.
2. Don't use internet explorer as a browser. Use Firefox, it's free and much more resistant to malware.
3. Scan any new storage devices before installing the included software.*
4. Scan any files downloaded off of the internet before you install them.
5. Don't ever buy or install anything from pop-ups, EVER!

* Why would you scan a new device before installing the included software? It's new so there can't be anything bad on it, right? Wrong.

Read the article about name brand photo frames that included a little extra "functionality".

A Somber Note

2008-12-22T04:42:00.000-08:00

I never wanted to use this blog as my personal diary or soap box. I wanted it to be a place where I could showcase my projects and just show one side of me. I wanted to just leave all that back in the livejournal that I never use. But it seems like the right time and the right place to say this.

The future scares me.

I lay on my bed today and I could feel the world changing around me. Local businesses are going bankrupt, people are being forced out of their homes, and it's only getting worse. It was a horrible feeling.

I lay there with everything spinning out of control and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm just one scared person with no political pull. I have no say in if the Detroit automakers get a hand out or the rich get another tax cut. I'm just an electronic voice in a sea of static that only giants can wade in without sinking. I don't matter.

I'm still going to say my piece though. If you agree with it, great. If you don't, at least you've read it. But this is my voice and I'm choosing to speak.

Bush recently approved 17.4 billion dollars in loans to bail out the Detroit automakers. This was a bad idea, a last ditch effort to give a little help to his friends in Big Business before more level heads could intervene.

He justified the move by relying on our fears. He told us that if the automakers go under the lost jobs will push us even deeper into a recession. He didn't tell us what would happen if in a few months time they chewed through the loans we gave them and came back begging for more.

Fun Facts: Chuck Norris Edition

2008-12-07T02:38:00.000-08:00

Did you know that:

In the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg? The answer is Chuck Norris.

Bruce Lee can kill you in the blink of an eye, Chuck Norris can kill you with the blink off an eye.

90% of all deaths happen in the home, 89% of those are in Chuck Norris' home.

The Pope answers to a higher power, god. God answers to a higher power, Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can eat an entire cat without laughing.

Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel once met in Tunguska, the explosion caused by their sheer awesomeness was called the Tunguska Event.

He who hesitates is sometimes saved, unless he encounters Chuck Norris.

How to do zombie makeup

2008-12-06T01:27:00.000-08:00

So, maybe there's a zombie walk in town, or you're an amateur film maker, or you're like me and you like to kick back a few and see what you can do with a few dollars and a little patience.

Whatever the reason you want to learn to do zombie makeup here's the tutorial.

What you'll need:

Ben Nye Creme Colors "Midnight Violet"
Ben Nye Thick Blood(Comes in a jar, not a bottle)
Ben Nye Stage Blood
Application Sponges

You're going to want to start by applying the creme color to the area around your eyes. Apply with gentle strokes, adding more as needed. Try and make sure to get your eyelids filled in completely. But it doesn't need to be perfect.

Next do any areas where you're going to put wounds later. It simply wouldn't do to have nice health skin peaking out between nasty scratches.

Once the foundation is finished you can start on the wounds themselves. Uncap the jar of Thick Blood and dig a finger in. Feel the consistency, it's almost like jam. Now you're going to get some on the tip of your finger and drag it across your face where you want the wound to be. It can be a little tricky but focus on the texture of the wound. If you want it to seem deep, apply it on thicker, which will make it darker when it drys.

Ok, you've got your wounds just the way you want them, now take that sponge and dab them gently in a downward motion. This gives the illusion of having bled, and also gives a nice texture. Feel free to blend the wounds into your hairline or eyebrows. If there's an open spot, feel free to give it a few dabs with the bloody sponge.

Use the Stage Blood at your discretion to dirty up your clothes, leave bloody hand prints on your arms, etc.

When you're satisfied, let it dry, and have fun.

Words of wisdom:

You can put as much or as little makeup as you want on, but you're going to have to wear it and function in it. Also it gets on your clothing and the things you touch if you're not careful.

Want to do a big-ass bite on the side of your neck? Go ahead, but remember that every time you turn your head to the side you run the risk of smearing it or having it stick to your clothing.

The same goes with anything you put on your arms and hands. If you're going to be in a crowded location, it might not be the best idea to put too much on your arms. A few fake bruises and some Stage Blood dabbed on with a sponge looks great and dries quickly.

Avoid getting fake blood on your eyelids, it's uncomfortable.

If your worried it might get stained, don't wear it.

Don't get anything in your eyes.

Depending on the lighting your makeup will look differently. Some of the example photos were taken under different lighting and you can see the difference.

Last but not least, I'm not responsible for anything you do or don't do. So use your best judgment.

Enjoy.

Halloween 2008

2008-12-01T01:32:00.000-08:00

Halloween is definitely one of my favorite holidays. This year me and my buddy went to Aleworks in downtown because another friend works there and rumor had it she would be wearing a beer maid outfit to work that night. How could we pass up beer with actual beer maids?

Things were going pretty good until the live band cut it's first riff and damn near made me choke on my pizza.

They were inconsistent, harsh, and LOUD. The first few songs were hard rock and they played like they were so happy to get out of the garage that they were going to try and impress everyone within a five block radius, whether they wanted to hear them or not.

They also wanted to show off their incredible versatility, they could suck in other genres too! And they could do it loudly!

We got out of there as soon as we could, my pizza in a take out box under the seat. Earlier that night we had been invited to a friend's party, we didn't have any plans so we called them up and headed over. But when we got to there we were surprised to find that all our fun loving friends had been replaced by manatees on codeine.

Saying the hell with it we went back to my place to chill out in the lounge and flip through some of our old sketchbooks. As I sat there, relating various life experiences and doodling cats, I realized that despite of everything I still had fun.

It had been pretty much a bust from start to finish but I went through it in good company.

The whiskey probably helped too...

Horizontal Tea

2008-12-01T01:16:00.000-08:00

A few months after the Wright's Beach photo set I went out to Bodega Head with my good friends Ashe and Aide. We got out there just before dawn and it was so clear it felt like you could see into infinity. The wind was howling so it made our impromptu tea party a little difficult, the tea literally being blown out of the cups. So we huddled together to make a wind break, enjoyed our beverages, then watched the sun rise.

Afterward I snapped some pictures.