Stacy Alcala

Where did the last four months go?

2012-09-20T16:40:00.000-05:00

OK, so I obviously haven’t blogged in a while, but I have a good reason. I have been completely concealed in a perfect cocoon with my family. I’ve taken the last four months to devote all my time and energy to Silas. This is probably the most uninterrupted time I will be able to spend with him for the rest of my life and I chose not to take a second of that for granted.

Let’s start at the beginning. Silas’ due date was May 12. He was born May 22, against his will. This was my first lesson in the lack of control I now have over my life. Also, it was the first sign that Eli and I will ultimately be paid back for all the stubbornness we harbor in our own lives.

I had to be induced to force him to come out. Everything went fairly smoothly with only a few normal complications. We had one scary moment when we lost his heartbeat and I had 432 nurses and doctors jostling me around to get him off of his umbilical cord. I had what I only assume is a D student perform my epidural. After 15 ½ hours of labor, 15 minutes of pushing and only the left side of my lower half completely numb, Silas arrived. He was perfect. I’m sure no other mother has ever said that about their baby, right? Having my baby placed on my chest after months of waiting to meet him was by far the best moment of my life. Having Eli there as we stared in amazement at our incredible accomplishment was easily second.

We were so blessed that Eli was able to stay home with us for the first month. It flew by so fast as we got to know our new son and adjust to being a family of three. I always knew Eli would be a great dad, but I had no idea how great he would be. The bond he has with Silas is beautiful and makes me so proud. He’s attentive, loving and patient. He never complains about early-morning feedings or diaper duty. It’s so moving to see a man completely let his guard down to talk baby talk and smother his kid with kisses. Some of my favorite moments are when Eli is changing Silas and I hear them talking in the other room. Eli comes home every day and immediately holds his arms out and says, “Gimme my boy.” Now that I’m about to return to work, I think we will probably be fighting over Silas in the evening.

Another great part about having Silas is seeing my parents bond with him. I always knew my parents would fit into the grandparent role great, but I had no idea how great. I’m pretty sure my mother has found a new purpose in life. She has found a way to let any stress and negativity in her life go, because nothing else matters in a world with her grandson. My dad is already planning Silas’ first trip to the woods and trying to get him to say, “I love you Paw Paw.” They can’t get enough of him, and it’s great to see. I love seeing them form a bond with Silas that I know will always be very special to him.

I can’t believe my four months of maternity leave are already done. I’m struggling with returning to work and putting Silas in daycare, but I know it’s ultimately the best decision for our family. He’s going to one of the best daycares in the state and I know they will take great care of him. However, it will never be as good of care as I provide. I can’t stand the thought that I will not be the one feeding him or rocking him to sleep during the day. The good news is that it’s very close and I can go visit or feed him during my lunch break. That is until he gets old enough to have separation anxiety. I hope one day I will be able to feel less guilty about abandoning him in daycare. I also hope Silas will one day appreciate the fact that he has a hard-working mom.

I’ll be back soon to talk about my post-baby weight. Spoiler alert: it’s still there, but I’ll explain more later.

Home Stretch

2012-04-03T17:10:00.002-05:00

Hello, all. Sorry for missing my March post. As you can imagine, preparing for the baby has consumed my life. The good news is that I’m in the home stretch, only about six weeks to go. That number scares me, but what scared me more is that number represent the maximum time I have left. He could arrive even sooner. For so long I have focused so much on May 12 and almost had it planned as if that is the only day he could possibly arrive. Like, ok it is Saturday, May 12, I think I will sleep in, have breakfast and then head to the hospital to have a baby. Right.

It would be nice if he could arrive on the weekend, though … I’m just saying.

I hope I don’t jinx myself, but I’ve been feeling pretty well lately. I don’t have some of the issues that plague pregnant women, like heartburn and swollen feet. I don’t sleep as well as I would like. Maybe it’s God preparing me for never sleeping well again. Just last week, I started feeling a little uncomfortable around my stomach. It feels as if I have maxed out the space available and it aches when I move too suddenly. I’ve managed to keep myself out of maternity shirts. I opted to just by longer normal shirts in a size bigger, if needed. Maternity shirts fit me weird. I have a total of two and they both look stupid on me.

My weight gain has been completely in check. I’ve gained about 18 lbs. It’s good to know I can still be strict about what I eat (most of the time), even when I’m pregnant. I still try to eat a lot of protein and vegetables and limit my sugar. I’m still crazy about getting enough water every day. I average about a gallon a day, and I think it really makes a difference in how I feel. Hunger and cravings during pregnancy are a beast compared to normal life. I’m not saying it’s been easy or that I haven’t been hard on myself from time to time, but I’ve managed. That’s a lot for a former fatty.

I’m ready to have my son here, but still a little scared of the whole getting him here part. I have opted to not have a birth plan of any sorts. I know that completely goes against my OCD planning and organizational insanity, but I think it is the right move. I have a tendency to make a plan and then get annoyed or upset when things don’t go according to plan. My work in a public relations agency has greatly improved this, but when it comes to my personal life, the problem still lingers a bit. Hi, I’m Stacy and I’m a control freak.

The last thing I want to do is try to guess what the labor process is like. Let’s face it; I’m not really in charge of what happens. That control lies completely with my son and God. For example, I would really like to not have an epidural. Most would say this is crazy. Maybe it is, but I have no idea what it is going to feel like, how long it will take or how I will respond. So the “plan” is to try it without an epidural, but not rule one out completely. The only other planning I’ve allowed myself is what I will take to the hospital and who is allowed in the room with me. In case you’re wondering if you are invited, the answer is absolutely not … unless your name is Elijah Alcala.

I catch myself trying to carefully plan what will take place the day I go into labor, but that never works. The problem is that I won’t know when or where the journey will begin. What do I do with my dog if it’s the middle of the night? What if my water breaks at work? At what point should I alert my family to help them avoid waiting at the hospital for hours? The other day I asked my parents if one of their neighbors would take care of their dog for them. My mother immediately accused me of being a control freak and told me to stop worrying about it. Sound like tough love? Nah, she just knows me too well. I am definitely my mother’s daughter.

Other than trying to plan for the unknown, Eli and I are enjoying our last few weeks of being a family of two. We’ve been getting things done around the house, putting together a lot of baby gear and discussing how our lives are going to change. We are spending the upcoming holiday weekend at Opryland Hotel to just do nothing. Time didn’t allow for us to take a trip somewhere, so we are getting away a little closer to home. The idea is to remove ourselves from the home for a few days. This way we can’t be working on our to-do list or sitting around feeling like we should be doing something productive. The plan is to eat, sleep and just relax. You’re welcome, local economy.

That’s all I have for now. The next time I blog it could very well be to introduce you to Silas. If I were you, I would check Facebook for any baby updates. At the rate I’ve been going, it will take me a while to get around to another blog.

Two trimesters down, one to go

2012-02-20T20:27:00.000-06:00

Ahhh, the second trimester. It was so good to me. I hope the third trimester greets me just as warmly! This has been some of the most exciting months of my life. I loved every minute of learning about the growth and feeling my SON kick me. We really got to move forward with plans for our baby. We gave him a name and completed his nursery. We decided to name him Silas Lee Alcala. We picked Silas because it is unusual, but not too far out there. Lee is a family name on my side. Both of my dad’s parents had the middle name Lee. My grandfather died before I was born and my grandmother died when I was about 2, so I didn’t know either of them. I’m very much like my dad, so I thought it would be nice to carry on the name of the people who created him.

This trimester also brought a lot of joy. We got to surprise everyone at Christmas with the news we were having a boy, I felt Silas kick for the first time (and a lot after that), and we got news that all his test and ultrasounds are perfectly normal. I even passed the gestational diabetes and anemia tests.

I have still struggled with my weight in my own mind. I’ve gained about 15 lbs all together, which is great according to my doctor, but it has been hard. I’m hungry all the time, so I constantly have to tell myself no. My doctor is really happy with my weight gain, especially since I don’t have my lap-band to rely on right now. It makes me feel good to know that I have changed my eating habits for the better. I do have moments where my cravings take over and I lose control (like eating two cupcakes at once), but those are not very often. We try to walk several miles most days of the week, so I’m still staying active.

Eli and I are closer than ever and really enjoying this time together. I don’t believe babies can make a relationship better, but if you already have a strong connection, then it definitely can bring you closer. Eli has truly been amazing throughout this process. He is supportive, caring and above all, interested in what is going on with me and the baby. He listens to me whine about aches and being hungry. He is patient when I have a mood swing and talks me down when I get a little overwhelmed. He’s reading a book called, Dad’s Pregnant, Too, and I suspect it has given him a few tips as to what to expect from me. I’m truly blessed to have his support as well and all my friends and family. Silas is going to be born into so much love.

Most of my anxiety is trying to figure out how to accomplish all the tasks I need to before his arrival. Lately, I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed by the lack of time I have left. Not only do I have to get stuff in my personal life in order, but I have to get projects at work in order to prepare for four months out of the office. I’ve started interviewing pediatricians and trying to work out the details for his health insurance. We have a lawyer drawing up our long-overdue will, which was surprisingly simple and overwhelming all at once. I have a nice honey-do list together for Eli full of stuff to finish around the house. We’re registered for all the classes we need to take and have our maternity photo shoot scheduled. I have two showers coming up, so that is super exciting. All in all, I think I’m making good progress, but I still feel like time is going by way too fast.

The one item I can’t check off the list, and want to the most, is where Silas is going to go when I go back to work. There are only three daycare centers downtown, and I’m on the waiting list for all of them. The problem is those waiting lists are long and you don’t find out you’re in until a few weeks before you can start. We can’t choose a place close to our home, because it is nearly impossible to make it to this side of town by 6 p.m., even if I leave right at 5. In my line of work, it is really hard to guarantee a departure time right at 5, and it would be super stressful to try and do it every day. I don’t know what I will do if we don’t get in somewhere by the time I need to go back to work in September. We don’t have family or friends that could watch him, and I am extremely uncomfortable with inviting someone I don’t know in my house to be alone with Silas for 10 hours a day. So, we wait.

That pretty much sums up my life for the past few months. Pregnancy has been pretty easy so far. I don’t suspect I will be repeating that in the next few months. I’ve been trying to enjoy this trimester as much as possible, just in case the last three treats me poorly. Pray for me, please.

New Year

2012-01-02T22:00:00.000-06:00

20 Week Belly Shot

I am 21 weeks along today. I’m feeling great and am enjoying the second trimester. The nausea is long gone and I don’t get tired quite as easily. I’m trying to enjoy it as much as I can, because I know the third trimester will bring on a whole new set of complaints. I only have two problems; I can’t seem to get enough cereal and I long to have a cute baby bump instead of a fat belly. I don't think it's in my cards, people.

We found out on December 20 that we are having a boy! I knew it all along, even if some people don’t believe me. I don’t know how I knew, but I never once wavered. We decided to hold on to our good news until Christmas to surprise our families. This involved a little lying, but it was so worth it. We told our families that the baby was positioned weird and we couldn’t find out. I bought blue picture frames and put the ultrasound picture in it. We wrapped them up like all the other presents and added them to the pile on Christmas.

The Carr Family - Christmas 2011

First up was my family on Christmas Eve. I saved the frame until last and chose my dad to open it (mostly for logistical reasons, but also because I didn’t want my mom to open it and start crying). He opened it, looked at it, kept looking at it and had no reaction at all. I finally announced, “It’s a boy!” Then it sank in. Apparently, I set the lie up a little too well. I completely caught him off guard, and he had no idea. To be fair, we had decided to give $5 fun gifts to each other this year, and I chose to do all of my shopping at Goodwill. They thought I had just found the frame and bought it, because I was so sure it was a boy. Not exactly the reaction I was going for, but pulling one over on them (especially my jokester dad) was so much better. The frame in these photos is blue and holds the ultrasound photo.

The Alcala Family - Christmas 2011

Next was Eli’s family on Christmas Day. Same plan, different victims. We chose to let his mom open the frame. She looked at it, said it was cute, smiled, showed off the cute frame and then it clicked. She asked, “Does this mean it really is a boy?” Again, we are good liars. They had no idea.

We spent the rest of our vacation finishing his nursery and picking out a name. We were quick to jump on the turtle theme for a couple of reasons. First, I love turtles. I call my dog turtle (among a million other nicknames). Plus, when the ultrasound tech told us it was a boy, she explained it like this: “Do you see that thing that looks like a turtle sticking his head out of his shell? That’s his penis.” While I’m sure I will mortify my son with this story over and over again, for now it serves as my sign from God that I should decorate his nursery with turtles.

I can’t believe he will be here in four months. I have no idea how my life is about to change. According to the masses, it will be drastic, and I can in no way prepare for it. That doesn’t stop Eli and I from discussing how we think it will be. There is some comfort in playing the “what if” game. For now we love the feeling of always having something to look forward to. It is like waiting for Christmas every day. It’s hard not to stay happy. No matter what, I smile when I feel him kicking me. This New Year has nothing but promise for us.

First Trimester

2011-11-29T18:10:00.000-06:00

I am now 16 weeks pregnant. Eli and I went to the doctor this morning and heard the heartbeat for the first time. It is the best sound, and way different from just seeing it flutter on the ultrasound. The doctor said everything was going along perfectly, so we’re happy with a good report.

Since I’m officially past the first trimester, I thought I would do a recap of what’s been going on since I found out I was pregnant.

I know some of you are probably wondering about my lap-band. When I got pregnant my surgeon took most of the fluid out of the band. This allows me to eat foods I wasn’t able to eat before, like bread. I can also eat more to allow for the baby to get nutrition. This came in handy when it came to morning sickness, which was 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The nausea never went away. I have horrible food aversions, so for a while I was literally eating whatever came into my mind that I didn’t think would make me gag. Needless to say, it’s nice to not have restrictions to what I can eat. Luckily, things seem to be getting better. I still have nauseous days a couple of times a week, but that is completely doable compared to everyday.

Since I started out a little overweight, I’m only supposed to gain about 30 lbs throughout the whole pregnancy. I am perfectly prepared for the fact that I need to gain weight and that it is healthy and normal. However, I try very hard to stick to the limits my doctor has set for me. I am convinced that I can ONLY gain 30 lbs, and have figured out how much I can gain per week. Trust me, I won’t switch to protein shakes or do drastic workouts if I go over, but I will feel down about it. Now that I’m able to eat without gagging, I’m able to eat healthier. Plus, Eli and I walk several miles almost every day. Besides, six weeks after the baby arrives, my lap-band gets tightened up again and we start all over. At least I will have a tool to help me lose the baby weight.

Here’s a reminder as to why I had my lap-band surgery in the first place. It was to help me lose weight after a long battle with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. My main goal was to avoid the health problems that have plagued my family, but also to be healthy enough to have a baby. PCOS can cause fertility problems, especially if you are overweight. About six months ago my doctor suspected my PCOS had pretty much been reversed due to my weight loss, but there wasn’t a real way to tell until I tried to have a baby.

I didn’t even know if I could get pregnant. Eli and I both went into this thinking it would be a long battle and tried to prepare for the possibility that we may not be able to have children. A month and a half later I was pregnant. I feel as if I have been fighting one battle after another the past few years, and I didn’t expect this to be any different. It is such a relief to know I am able to have children. I have gone through the past 10 years, truly not knowing if it would be possible.

This doesn’t mean I am not a nervous wreck. It took until we saw the baby moving its legs on the three-month ultrasound to really get excited. Of course, the idea of a baby was thrilling, but I was too scared to get too excited. I was terrified that something would go wrong. I still am, but less so now than before. I truly am not a negative person; I just like to be prepared for all situations.

In a way the first trimester is a very lonely time. I am not an extremely private person and love to talk to people about what is going on in my life. Outside of my family, no one knew. There is something special about the fact that that my husband and I had this secret for several weeks (until the families knew), but outside of that it sucks to keep a secret that big.

Most people now days keep it a secret for fear of something going wrong, so you don’t really know a lot about what to expect during this time. I read books and information online, but nothing could take the fear away. I almost felt guilty for not being excited enough. I was very cautious to start planning or getting too excited, because I was so scared something would go wrong. All you ever hear about is how the miscarriage rate is so high. I just needed a couple of ultrasounds to see the baby developing for my mind to ease a little. I hope the people that have been pregnant before know what I am talking about, because the last thing I want is for people to think we were not over the moon about having a baby.

There you have it; the first three months. Throw in about four business trips and a cruise, and you have everything you missed. FYI, don’t go on a cruise while eight weeks pregnant. While I had medicine made for people going through chemotherapy, it was not a miracle drug. This brings me to my next point; assume you will get pregnant immediately upon making the decision to have a baby.

A few additional comments from Stacy’s hormones:

1) Just because I used to be fat doesn’t mean I have a maternity wardrobe. I only need extra room in the stomach area for now. If I put on a size too big, it would be big all over. Stop asking.

2) Don’t downplay my morning sickness. I felt like death all day everyday for three months. Most people didn’t notice, because they don’t spend every day with me and I was traveling a lot during this time. Just because I didn’t blow off work, doesn’t mean I felt ok. For example, don’t tell me I’m probably having a boy, because I haven’t been that sick. Shut it.

3) I love my baby and will not do anything to harm it. I’m very well versed on things I can’t eat or medicines I can’t take. Also, I am cleared to lift up to 20 lbs, so don’t give me hard time about lifting 5 lbs. I know you mean well, but I am a very independent person and do not like feeling useless.

Exciting News!

2011-11-01T09:40:00.003-05:00

We are so excited to finally share the news that I’m pregnant! I just started my twelfth week, and Baby Alcala will be here around May 12.We just got back from the doctor. We didn't get to hear the heart beating because he/she was hiding. We did get to do an ultrasound and see the heart beating and the legs kicking. The doctor said everything looked great!

We are going to find out the sex the week before Christmas. My super organizational, slightly OCD being needs to know. I. Must. Plan.

If I had to put money on it, I would say I’m having a boy. So much so that I will be in complete shock if I found out it is a girl. Eli thinks he wants a girl, even though I explained to him how much trouble we are. I would think being married to me would be lesson number one. I am kind of leaning towards wanting a boy, because I fear I will have a girl who loves pretty pink princesses and ballerinas. Nothing wrong with any of that, but I would be so far out of my element. Let’s face it, once a tomboy, always a tomboy. Obviously, we will be thrilled with whatever God has in store for us.

One problem I foresee is this child is going to be so spoiled. I can’t even explain the level of spoiled this child is going to be. You see, this is the first grandchild on both sides. All four parents are in their 50s and have long been hinting at how nice a grandbaby would be. Somewhere along the way, the granddog stopped being good enough. Plus, Eli and I both have siblings that are excited to be aunts and a brother-in-law who will be a great uncle. Eli’s sister has already told me not to buy any books for the baby, because she will cover the essentials for the library. I got a text from her husband (the great uncle-to-be) that wanted to know what children’s movies I already own. My sister, the great bargain hunter, can hardly wait to start shopping. Throw in a lot of friends who have already offered to babysit (we’ll see if that promise holds up) and spoil him or her, and this child is already rotten.

Speaking of spoiled … I might be a little. Eli has by far surpassed my dreams of what a husband should be. He has always possessed qualities I wish I had in myself. The past few months have not been easy (even though he won’t admit it). I have been sick most of the time. The worst of my morning sickness is at night. That means the few hours he gets to see me, I feel like dog doo. He has been taking care of everything you can imagine. He now does the grocery shopping, because I have awful food aversions. The one time I went I wasn’t able to eat any of the food we bought. He has let me pick every meal for this same reason. He has taken care of me completely. As I type, delete and retype this paragraph, I know I’m not doing him justice. He eases my fears about having a baby. Above all, I have no concerns about what kind of father he will be.

That’s all I have for now. By now my Facebook post announcing this has probably started drifting around the office, so I expect squeals shortly. I have a lot more I want to tell you about, but I think this is enough for now. I will be blogging about the journey along the way. I know a lot of you enjoy my blog due to my honesty. I will do my best to stick to that. As usual, no promises that I won’t have a few TMI moments. Hey, it’s part of why you love me.

Balancing Act

2011-09-01T22:37:00.001-05:00

I’ve been traveling for work the past three weeks. First up was Philadelphia, then Chicago and finally Dallas. I’m really fortunate to get the opportunity to travel all over the country and see cities I may not take the time to see on my own. Philly and Chicago were a treat to me, because I had never been to those places. I got to see the Liberty Bell and take a night bike tour of Chicago, all within two weeks.

Unfortunately, I was traveling without much help from my lap-band. Since I was so sick (see post below) from taking medicine for my broken foot, they had to take a lot of fluid out of my band. This makes it looser. This means I can eat more and faster. Not good for the fat kid that will forever live

inside me. The good news is that my stomach has completely healed and I’m not feeling malnourished anymore. The bad news is that my travels were unexpected and I didn’t have time to get my band tightened before I left. When it gets tightened I have to go on a liquid diet for 48 hours and then a mushy-food diet for 48 hours. Four days of not a lot of calories is not a good idea when I’m traveling and logging long hours. Plus, I’m often in situations where I don’t have control of where I eat.

When I’m not traveling, I usually have one cheat meal a week. I tend to lean towards a steak and frozen yogurt. I try not to eat a lot of red meat or sweets, so allowing myself to have those items once a week makes me feel less deprived. Now, with that being said, I have to always practice self-control. It’s so easy to use special occasions and traveling as an excuse to bend the diet rules. I definitely did that the past few weeks.

I can’t help but feel very lonely sometimes. I know a lot of people struggle with food, but no one really talks about it. I get tired of trying to justify or defend what I’m eating at all times. Surely, I’m not the only person in the world that has this constant internal dialogue I have going on when it comes to eating. It would really help if I knew how other people felt, because maybe I wouldn’t feel so damn bad about myself sometimes. Here’s the full confession of things I shouldn’t have eaten while traveling:

Two blueberry muffins (two different days)

Half a country fried chicken (Never again. You can bet money on it. I was pretty sure my arteries hardened)
Baked potato
Mashed potatoes (twice)
Five alcoholic drinks (not all at once)
Strawberry smoothie
Three chili’s Southwestern Egg Rolls
Chips and queso
One fried pickle
Five sweet treats (cookies, a cupcake, 1/3 of a piece of carrot cake, 1/2 a crème brule, chocolate mousse)

I didn’t want to admit all of this, because it makes me feel like a failure. I truly strive to be as honest as possible on this blog, so there you have it. I feel gross and ashamed. Before you judge me, I invite you to make a list of all the items you probably shouldn’t have eaten in the past month.

Now for the reality check: it’s may not be all that bad. I was extremely busy and running around during the days I was working. I was sightseeing and sometimes working out at night. Plus, I only traveled three days each week, and I mostly followed my diet when I was at home. I miraculously didn’t gain any weight, but I fully recognize that I probably would if I kept this cycle going.

Another important point to make is that I’m taking it upon myself to get my band tightened. A lot of people with this surgery don’t like the pain of getting it adjusted and enjoy being able to eat normally. I hate it. I like the restrictions my band place on me. I have to chew my food well, eat slowly and can only have small portions. Do I sometime have to excuse myself because I get food stuck and have to throw up? Sure, but almost everyone in my life knows my situation, so it gets a little less mortifying each time it happens.

I know every time I mess up, I can’t pat myself on the back and tell myself it is ok just because I don’t gain any weight. Lower weight does not equal good health. I also know that I want to enjoy my life and not feel like I just ran over a puppy every time I want to stray from my diet. I truly enjoy eating healthy. I love the feeling I have at the end of the day when I know I didn’t put anything toxic in my body.

I’m off next week to get my band tightened. I’m done traveling for a couple of weeks, so I will be able to get back to my routine. The bad news is that my foot is definitely still broken. It hasn’t improved. In fact, I think it’s worse. I need to get an MRI to get the probable diagnosis of surgery. If that’s the case it will be at least December before I could consider taking time off for surgery. I can deal with the pain, but not being able to not get good cardio makes me depressed. Bike riding is going well, but not when I have to do it in the gym. It just doesn’t give me a good workout.

My goal for this month is to continue working on finding a balance in my life. I’m also going to stick with doing whatever workouts I can to keep me moving. Something is better than nothing, even if it’s not exactly what I want to be doing. The last thing I need is to get out of shape. I’ve learned a few things over the past year. I’m nowhere near the mess I was before I started this journey.

Welcome Back

2011-08-07T14:27:00.000-05:00

Well, I’ve had a rough time lately on many levels. I’ve had a few setbacks, but the good news is that my weight is holding steady. Trust me, after everything that’s happened, I’m perfectly happy with that.

We went to Florida at the beginning of July. We had a lot of fun, but I was having a lot of trouble eating. I got sick almost every day and was having a hard time even drinking protein shakes. When I get sick I’m supposed to go to liquids for 48 hours, but I was on vacation. I didn’t want to be weak and grumpy because I was so hungry. I got desperate for calories and turned to frozen yogurt. It was the only thing that didn’t hurt. The cold would ease the swelling on my stomach and take the pain away. I even had a plan. I would attempt to eat all day, and succeed about 25 percent of the time. Then at night a couple of hours before bed, I would eat some frozen yogurt to make my stomach stop hurting and give me enough calories to make me not feel hunger. This allowed me to be comfortable and get some sleep. I know it sounds horrible, but honestly it’s kind of just part of my life.

I had always been told by my surgeon that sinus drainage will make my stomach swell. I had been having some allergies, so I thought maybe this is why my stomach was so swollen. We were about to head home, so I planned to just figure something out when we got home. Then we got a call that Eli’s favorite uncle had died. We headed home for a few days, and then headed out to Albuquerque for the funeral. I was taking Mucinex like it was candy and eating nothing but soup and ice cream. I felt like crap. At this point, the hypochondriac in me was convinced I was developing an eating disorder.

I had a previously scheduled appointment with my surgeon coming up, so I stuck it out for a few more days. At this point I was drinking shakes during the day. My dinner consisted of eating a few bites of soup until it hurt and then eating a few bites of ice cream to ease the pain. I would do this back and forth until I couldn’t take it anymore. The day of my doctor appointment I was struggling to even drink water. I almost had to pull over on my way to work to throw up water. That is bad.

From my June 15 post, you learned that I had broken my foot and was benched from working out. Because of swelling in my foot, my doctor gave me a prescription of hospital-strength ibuprofen. After my lap-band surgery I was told to never take any painkillers except Tylenol. This is because ibuprofen can cause stomach irritation. Well, me being the doctor I am decided that taking ibuprofen for a very short amount of time wouldn’t hurt anything. I had never had issues with stomach irritation and ibuprofen, so I figured I would be okay. Wrong.

The surgeon adjusted my band and made it looser, which has changed my life. After 48 hours I was able to eat again. My energy was coming back up and I was feeling better … for about two days. It was then I discovered I had developed a dependency on ice cream. I craved it. After a year of modifying my sugar intake and getting a handle on my sweet tooth, I blew it all in one little month. I seriously felt like someone who had earned a year of sobriety and then fell off the wagon. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I had once been the person praised for such amazing willpower. What happens when you feel guilty about something? Well, in my world it makes me want to eat sweets. Oh yeah, I’m still not working out due to my broken foot. Fail. Fail. Fail all over the place.

Fast forward a week. I had a moment of clarity. Was it really that bad? Sure I hit a few bumps in the road, but it’s not like I gained any weight. Pretty good considering I wasn’t working out and considered ice cream a vegetable for a month. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on all my healthy food and set out on a familiar journey of low-carb eatin’. Did I have ice cream this week? Yes, twice actually. But that’s an improvement, so I’m happy with that. Am I a human being capable of errors? Yes, and some of them are actually worse than screwing up my diet. It doesn’t take genius to see that I learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes life is out of my control. I do the best I can with what’s in front of me. If I mess up I don’t let it define all my other decisions. I move forward and fix what I can. Oh yeah, and my foot is feeling a lot better, so I am going to start some light exercising this week.

As I head into another week of improvements, I hope my short comings will make someone feel better. For all those people that didn’t understand my willpower and felt defeated because you couldn’t live up to my achievements, I give you the gift of my screw-ups. Now you all know that I’m not perfect when it comes to eating right. More importantly, I now know I’m not perfect when it comes to eating right. I know I’m strange (for many reasons), but it makes me feel better to know I’m capable of making mistakes and not spiraling out of control.

One Year Ago Today

2011-06-30T10:49:00.000-05:00

One year ago I was at Baptist Hospital having lap-band surgery. I weighed in at 287 lbs and wore a size 26. I was officially morbidly obese. I couldn’t go up a single flight of stairs without losing my breath. I never worked out. I didn’t know how to read food labels. I ate pasta, pizza or fast food several times a week. Not a day went by that I didn’t indulge in a sweet treat. I couldn’t fly on an airplane without getting a seatbelt extender. I couldn’t enjoy activities like ziplining or horseback riding because I exceeded the weight limit. I had a hard time fitting in booths at restaurants. The only had two stores I could shop at regularly. I had high blood pressure.

Today, I weigh in at 167 lbs. I’ve lost a total of 120 lbs in the last year. I’m a size 10. I work out at least five days a week (not counting the last couple of weeks due to my broken foot). I can tell you anything you want to know about a food label and how to read it. I never buy an item in the store without reading the label to make sure it passes my dietary inspection. I have not had pizza, pasta, rice, soda, a candy bar or bread in the last year. I’ve only had fast food literally a few times, and it’s usually a salad. I have one dessert a week. I have plenty of room on airplanes and in booths, and no longer look at weight restrictions on anything. I shop wherever I want, and get overwhelmed by all the choices. My recent blood work showed perfect health.

Am I exactly where I want to be? Nope. Will I ever be? I’m not sure. Right now I’m still considered overweight for my height. I should weigh 150 lbs to be a “healthy” weight. I don’t know if anyone is ever truly happy with what they look like. I’m also not sure if I’m any different. Instead of complaining about my weight, I complain about my surgery scars and the extra skin I have. I don’t consider myself a failure for being 17 lbs overweight. I consider myself a success for only being 17 lbs overweight. I’m staying focused on the fact that I lost 120 lbs in a year!

Thank you all for taking this journey with me. I know it’s been a crazy year. Thank you for standing by me as I complained, stared longingly at your food or had to excuse myself to throw up. I truly believe your support gave me the motivation I needed to get through this. I am forever grateful.

I hope you will continue to enjoy my blog. I’ve still got some weight to lose and a lot of life to enjoy!

The tale of how my feet suck

2011-06-15T12:50:00.000-05:00

I’m spending my lunch writing this post alone in my office. Mostly because I don’t want to have to repeat this story a million times, but also because I’m feeling a little sorry for myself.

Two years ago I had surgery on my right foot to remove one of my sesamoid bones.

It started out as a stress fracture, but went untreated for a while. I was so overweight at the time I figured my feet just hurt from holding me up all the time. Eventually the bone shattered into a bunch of pieces. It was in so many tiny pieces that it showed up as normal on an X-ray. It took months of tests to rule out everything from gout to lupus. Finally, an MRI revealed that my sesamoid bone was destroyed. I went off to surgery to have the bone fragments removed and a tendon rerouted to take its place.

About a month ago I started feeling a familiar pain, this time in my left foot. I kept telling myself it would get better. Nope. I went to my doctor today and he confirmed I don’t have a stress fracture, but I have broken a sesamoid bone in my left foot. I went early enough that this one hasn’t shattered, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. He put me in an air cast and told me to not do anything for the next three weeks. After that he will determine if I need surgery or not.

There was nothing I could do to prevent this from happening. My sesamoid bones are basically defective, meaning I was just made this way. The right one probably broke under the pressure of all the extra weight I was carrying. My left one probably broke under the pressure from exercising all the time. Bottom line is that it would have happened eventually. Nonetheless, it’s heartbreaking to hit this roadblock after working so hard and coming so close to my weight-loss goal. I only have 20 lbs to go. Am I going to take a time out from exercising and gain a bunch of weight?

I don’t know how to take a break from exercising anymore. The longest I’ve gone in the past year without working out at all is five days. Three weeks is an eternity. After that I will either be having surgery or doomed to a bike or the pool. Just like that, I’m no longer training for a half-marathon.

Let the waiting game begin.

Adventures

2011-05-31T20:49:00.001-05:00

As most of you know, Eli and I love to travel. We try to take at least two or three trips a year. We figure this is a luxury we won’t be able to enjoy as much once we have children. We budget for our vacations every year, and only have one rule: no financing. All trips must be paid for in full at the time of booking. One trip always includes the beach in another country and the other is usually a little closer to home. This year we got lucky and Dell (Eli’s work) paid for a trip to San Diego in April. The Gatlinburg trip (detailed below) was our second trip of the year. Next stops are Destin in July and a cruise in September. We <3 traveling.

Our third anniversary present to each other was a new Cannon Rebel T3i DSLR camera and a Panasonic Lumix DMC-TS10 digital camera. The DSLR speaks for itself; better-quality pictures and we can finally take some awesome sunset photos at the beach. The Lumix is cool because it’s a 14.1-megapixel camera, waterproof to a depth of 10 feet, shockproof from falls up to 5 feet, freezeproof to 14 degrees and dustproof. I can take it snorkeling, rafting, drop it and bury it in the snow. Plus, it takes great pictures. This camera came in handy in Gatlinburg.

Gatlinburg was our adventure trip. This marks the first trip we’ve ever taken together that we didn’t plan on sleeping in and relaxing. We had action and adventure planned for most of our time there. It was awesome.

We stayed at the Fun & Games 53 cabin in the woods, courtesy of Alpine Chalet Rentals. It was clean, dog-friendly (Khalie was so happy to join us) and on the side of a mountain. It was a bit of a scary drive to get to it, but well worth the million times I had to remind my husband he was driving a little too close to the death drop.

After our drive in, it was a little too late to start a new adventure, so we headed to the Tanger Outlet Center in Sevierville. We managed to do a little damage at the Lenox (new silverware) and Under Armour (new workout wardrobes for both) stores. We headed to dinner at a familiar favorite, The Chop House, but it did NOT taste like the one in Murfreesboro. Huge disappointment.

We went Ziplining at Wahoo Ziplines, which was way better than Adventure Works in Kingston Springs. We definitely went completely hands-free and upside down on a couple of the highest lines.

Next up was the biggest fail of the trip … tubing down the Pigeon River. While the staff at River Rat was super nice, the tubing itself was very boring. The water was not deep enough and we kept getting stuck on rocks. The lazy river float is not our cup of tea at all.

We decided white water rafting was more our speed and headed to USA Raft. We had originally planned on rafting the Ocoee (thanks to a Groupon deal), but a technical error or their website made us think we were closer that we really were. We decided not to make the three-hour drive and stick close to Gatlinburg. We plan on using our Ocoee coupon soon, though. I know going down the Ocoee would be a lot more fun, but we had a blast on this 1 ½ hour rafting trip. It was a great beginner’s ride, and now I know what to expect next time.

A trip to the mountains didn’t seem complete without a little horseback riding at Smoky Mountain Riding Stables. We opted for the hour ride, and boy am I glad we didn’t sign up for two hours. If you’re not used to riding a horse, it can be, um, a little uncomfortable. It was a lot of fun, except I had a horse that moved kind of slow. Apparently, you’re supposed to kick them in the side to get them to speed up. I refused to do this, because I convinced myself Skippy was moving slow so I wouldn’t get mud splashed all over me.

We didn’t have a lot of time to fit in formal workouts, so one day we decided to hike up to Clingmans Dome. It’s a half-mile pretty much straight up. We saw bears and trees as we passed them, but not a lot more. It was very cloudy, so we didn’t get the million-dollar view promised online, but we got a small workout in just the same.

On our last night, we did a go-cart tour of Pigeon Forge. Basically, we paid $25 per person to ride at five of the best tracks on the strip. Eli and I both frequented the go-cart tracks when we went to Pigeon Forge as kids, so we were excited to battle each other. I would say we are about equal on the track. At least we didn’t get in a huge fight like two extreme rednecks we saw.

It was nice to get away for a few days and a great way to use up a few vacation days that expire in June!

No Turning Back Now

2011-05-13T16:55:00.001-05:00

Updates: I’ve now lost 112lbs and am in a size 12. Not a lot of difference in pounds over the last two months, but I lost weight somewhere because I dropped a whole pant size! I try to keep in mind that I’m toning and won’t necessarily see results on the scale. The slow-down is normal at this point after surgery, but it’s still frustrating.

I still stick to my low-carb, high protein diet. I don’t really have (or need) cheat meals or days, but I do allow myself something sweet once a week. It’s usually frozen yogurt with fresh fruit on top. But, once a month, I eat something like cheesecake or carrot cake (my weakness). I still don’t ever eat bread, pasta, rice or potatoes. I keep myself fueled with lots of chicken, grilled fish and vegetables.

In other news, I’ve officially lost my mind. I was convinced to run a half marathon in October. Afterwards, I convinced Eli to join me. My motivation comes from a number of places:

1. I still need to lose 28lbs to be considered a healthy weight.

2. Thinking I can’t do it is not a good enough reason to not do it.

3. I’ve lost 112lbs in 10 months. If I can have enough willpower and discipline to do that, I can do anything.

4. Eli is going to train with me, not to mention about 10 coworkers. Only one of us has run a half-marathon. Only a few of us work out regularly.

So, how am I planning to do it? Lots of training.

I’ve been doing boot camp for about three months with Niki G's Fitness . I go four days a week (when I’m not traveling) at 5:15 a.m. I don’t know about you, but I give myself extra fit points just for getting out of bed at 4:45 a.m. I wish I could explain to you how physically insane these classes are. Have you ever crab-walked up several flights of stairs? How about run backwards up a big hill with weights above your head? That’s just two examples of the beating I get from my amazing trainer, Whitney. I don’t remember the last time something wasn’t sore! If you’ve never taken a boot camp class, do it.

Eli and I are also running in the evenings after work. So far, we’ve been sticking to a couple of miles at a time, but we’re going to bump it up slowly.

Just to recap, my schedule is:

Monday: Morning boot camp, after work run

Tuesday: Morning boot camp

Wednesday: After work run

Thursday: Morning boot camp

Friday: Morning boot camp, after work run

Saturday: Longer run/walks (yet to be determined, but I’ll figure it out tomorrow)

Sunday: Off

So, this starts a new journey for me. Surgery seems like a million years ago, but I’ve come a long way as far as my health and the way I think about food.

I’ve disciplined myself to work out at least five or six days a week. I’ve proven I have willpower over food. All I have to do now is work a little harder each day toward my goal. Will I be able to run 13.1 miles in six months? Maybe not, but I’m not saying it’s impossible. What if I have to walk part of it? Well, then I think I’m still doing better than most people who never get any exercise. No matter what the outcome is, it’s going to be hard to be disappointed in myself for setting a goal and trying my best.

Besides, I used to look like this:

And now I look Like this:

You’re support has meant the world to me over the last 10 months. I hope you will keep following my journey as I continue to strive towards being a healthy person.

Today

2011-05-03T22:08:00.000-05:00

Today is the day I decided (with a lot of encouragement) to train for a half marathon in October. There's no turning back now. Maybe it will help me lose this last 30 lbs!

April 30, 2011 -- Exactly 10 months after surgery

105 lbs gone!

2011-03-20T18:22:00.000-05:00

It’s been an interesting month. The big news is that I’ve lost 105 lbs! This means I’m no longer obese, just overweight. I need to get to 147 lbs or below to be considered at a healthy weight.

I actually hit the 100 lb mark several weeks ago, but delayed making it official until I was done traveling. I wanted to be sure I had lost it for good! This was the goal my surgeon set for me to reach by the one-year anniversary of my surgery. It’s been eight months, and I’m still going!

The first trip was rough, because I had a hard time completely sticking to my diet, especially the drinking water part. The low point was grabbing some cheese sticks while running to catch my plane on a layover home. We had a 10 hour travel day, and zero time between flights. I can’t take protein shakes (my constant back-up plan) on airplanes because of the whole 3 ounce liquid rule. We didn’t have time to search for a better place, so I made the best decision I could. Cheese is something I can have, but it’s not supposed to be fried. I only ate three, but it still felt so gross.

When I got home, I felt very dehydrated and drank a ton of water, which I’m fairly confident is related to the 2 lb weight gain I had. Not working out for a week and eating dinner out every night did not help anything either. Even if I eat items I’m allowed, I can’t weigh the proper portions or control everything that goes into preparing my food. Restaurants tend to use a ton of salt, and that’s not good when I’m not drinking enough water.

I spent the next week getting back into my workout and eating routine, only to leave again the following week. I was able to shed the 2 lbs I had gained and was back at 100 lbs lost before my second trip. This trip went much better. I stuck to my diet, except for a half a piece of carrot cake, which was my March treat. If you don’t remember, I allow myself one dessert a month. I was able to work out on this trip and drink lots of water. Fortunately, I was able to maintain my weight.

So, here we are a week later, and I’ve lost another 5 lbs. It’s been a rough week, though. I had an adjustment to make my band smaller on Monday. The reason they made it smaller, was because while traveling, I noticed I was able to eat more than I should be able to. I only eat out about once a week normally, so it’s not that big of a deal that I can’t weigh out the right portion. The point of the band is to stop you from eating too much.

When you have adjustments you have to go on liquids for two days, then mushy food for two days. After that you start adding in meat. I was fine on Monday, but started noticing a problem before my workout on Tuesday morning. I usually chug a protein shake before my boot camp class, but it wasn’t going down too easily. I thought I was going to throw up my shake. I’ve never had a problem with liquids before, but know how much your stomach can swell after an adjustment. After all, they are tightening a band around my stomach.

By Thursday, I was still having problems with liquids for a couple of hours after I got up. Usually by the time I get to work, I’ve had 50 ounces of water and a protein shake, so this was really strange. I called my doctor and they told me to come in immediately.

Apparently, I’m normal. My band is now exactly where it was supposed to be all along. When I asked how this went unnoticed and I was still able to be successful, I was told, “It’s because you’re just so disciplined.” Because I don’t eat out, I stick to my diet and weigh out the right portions, I was doing just fine. Usually, people rely completely on the band to stop them from eating too much, which isn’t the right way. You are supposed to weigh your food and not let yourself get too full. The point of eating is to feel satisfied, not stuffed. The reason I’m having so much trouble in the morning is because when I sleep my stomach swells a lot, and it takes a couple of hours for the swelling to go down. I also have a sinus infection right now, and drainage makes my stomach swell, too.

Don’t get me wrong, my band has been working this whole time, just not to its fullest potential.

So now, I have to go back to the basics … making sure I chew everything really well and eating tiny bites. I’m not supposed to be able to gulp my water, only take tiny sips. The doctor offered to take some fluid out of my band to make it looser, but I am dead set on adjusting to my band. I paid $12,000 for it, so I’m going to get everything I can out of it. Plus, my weight loss has slowed so much; I need all the help I can get.

The doctor assured me my two-month plateau is not really even a plateau. Technically, a true plateau is when you do exactly everything right and don’t lose an ounce. I’ve been losing weight here and there … about 17 lbs in the last two months. I know that sounds like a lot to you, but it’s been a struggle for me.

Eli won a free trip to San Diego in two weeks. We plan on going snorkeling, so I have to get a bathing suit. That should be great for my self-esteem. Is any woman ever comfortable shopping for a bathing suit? I remember being self conscious about bathing suits when I was like 12. Oh well. If I can buy a size 24 surely I can handle buying a large or 14 or whatever I require.

Until next time …

Traveling

2011-02-21T17:46:00.000-06:00

I tend to use my posts as a way to update everyone. I try to be as honest as I can, but I usually only feel like posting when something good happens. This means my posts are generally positive, which is not quite an accurate account of me. I tend to be a pessimist. You know; the glass half empty type.

I’m officially experiencing a slow-down with my weight loss. I’m only losing about a 1lb a week right now. This is probably just what it’s going to be like now that I have the major part of my weight off. There are many other reasons this could be happening, and I’m told it’s completely normal by my trainer and my nutritionist. That doesn’t make it any easier. It sucks. I hate it.

It’s annoying that I’m so close to the 100lb mark, only 1lb away to be exact. At the 100lb mark, I will weigh 187 and no longer be considered obese. The 100lb goal was set by my surgeon, and he wanted me to reach it within a year. It’s been almost eight months, so I feel good about that. I will soon join the overweight club and hang out there until I lose 40lbs and join the healthy weight club. 40lbs seems a million miles away.

I started attending a fitness boot camp two weeks ago. Against everything that’s normal to me, I get up four days a week at 4:45 a.m. to make it to a 5:15 a.m. class. During this class, I push myself harder than I ever have. The last time (before surgery) I worked out on a regular basis was when I was in ROTC and on the track team in high school. I’m sore all over, which is a surprisingly good feeling. It reminds me that I’m doing some good. I love the way it makes me feel the rest of the day. Plus, it’s extra nice to not have to worry about going to work out after work.

I’m extremely busy at work right now, which is great, but it’s been a challenge trying to balance everything. I’m getting up so early and working so late, I only get about an hour of time to myself between getting off work and getting in the bed. This is challenging when I have to cook dinner and plan lunch for the next day. I’m often too tired to cook, so I’ve been trying to find faster meals. This is not always easy when you’re eating healthy. It sure would be easy to pick up food from somewhere on my way home, but I’ve been fighting the urge so far. I like being busy for a number of reasons. I feel useful, less stressed and it gives me less time to think about surgery-related things.

Perhaps the biggest challenge right now is my travel schedule. I love that I get the opportunity to go to places I’ve never been. Traveling for work always consists of busy long days, but it’s usually very rewarding. Even with the challenges traveling presents, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s important that I learn to navigate certain obstacles, especially traveling. I usually travel a lot, so I’m glad I get to try it out without the comfort of having Eli or my normal foods around me.

Last week I spent a couple of days in Kentucky for a photo shoot. Everything was going fine until I was having lunch with a colleague and our client contact. I was enjoying my salad when all of the sudden my stomach was clogged. This happens when I eat too fast and don’t chew my food up well enough. With the band, my stomach opening is so small, so I have to be very careful. Sometimes I can pause, take a few sips of water and the food will pass. This was not working. I excused myself to the restroom, and started my process of clearing my stomach. It’s not fun and it’s gross. It involves trying to make myself burp, which helps the stomach try to get the food through. If burping doesn’t work, then my body automatically throws the food up. During all of this it feels like I’m having a heart attack. My chest gets real tight, and it’s hard to breath. The good news is throwing up provides instant relief. The bad news is, it sometimes take 5 or 10 minutes for this whole process. I was terrified that someone would come into the bathroom. Luckily, no one did and I was finally able to clear my stomach and return to the table after about five minutes. It was mortifying to me, but I don’t think anyone even knew there was something wrong. I’ve only had to throw up three times since surgery, but it’s awful every time.

This week I’m heading to Montana for six days. This will be the first time I’m completely traveling by air for a long period of time since surgery. We went to Florida in September, but we drove and I took my food with me. I know this will be a learning experience, and I’ll be better off for figuring out how to stick to my diet while traveling, but it still causes me some anxiety. This trip is going to be challenging for a couple of reasons.

First, it’s weird traveling with someone who doesn’t live with my habits day in and day out. I think the only reason this is scary is because I feel strange about some of the everyday challenges I face. For example, I have to eat slow and drink a lot of water throughout the day, which causes me to take a lot of bathroom breaks. Not to mention I eat weird. It’s hard for some people to understand my diet. I can’t just eat any fruit or vegetable, because of the carb contents. Not to mention, I simply can’t have some foods at all, because my stomach opening is too small.

Second, I will be trying to eat three meals a day on the road. I like to research menus and places before going anywhere. I’m going to be in some very rural areas without much Internet access. I’ll have to wing it quite a bit, which is not good for this OCD planner

Third, I will have a hard time working out. I made sure my hotels have a fitness center. My trainer sent me a workout schedule, and I have a Jillian Michaels DVD to work out to. This is the plan, but we’ll see how well I stick to it. Days on the road tend to be really long. The good news is that I’ll be doing a lot of walking during the day, so that will help.

I’ve been having a lot of moments where I realize this is my life now. All the difficulties I have are not going to suddenly go away any time soon. I will have this band forever. I know I will figure things out and it will be more normal, but eight months is not enough time for me to feel comfortable and normal all the time. I constantly have to think and plan my days, and then I have to be prepared with back-up plans. This last 40lbs is going to be much harder than all the weight I’ve lost so far. I have good days and bad days, but mostly good. I feel better and more energized, and love how I feel with so much weight off of me. In fact, I’m writing this while on an airplane. I didn’t have to loosen my seat belt all the way or ask for an extender. I also have room to have my tray down and my laptop out. This is a huge victory to me!

I’m transitioning from the thrill of dramatic weight loss into the rest of my life. It’s all part of the journey, so I’m trying to embrace each victory and challenge.

You want the good news or the bad news first?

2011-01-17T21:56:00.001-06:00

First the good: I went to my doctor last week due to some issues I’ve been having. It turns out my PCOS has almost gone away! My symptoms have greatly improved. It turns out the problems that brought me to the doctor are actually all good signs that my PCOS is hitting the road. I always had some doubts that it would improve. I’ve always been given discouraging news regarding the disease, and even doubted I would be able to lose weight with the surgery. But, here I am, almost PCOS free.

More good: This picture was taken this past Saturday at The Limited (obviously). This photo represents my first purchase in eight years at a store that doesn’t specialize in plus sizes. To my surprise (and delight) I was able to wear a size large. I went in thinking I would be an XL, but low and behold, I was a large. I had two fabulous friends (Nicole and Jessi) who provided me with honesty and good judgment. Even the saleswomen were jumping in and bringing me outfits to try on. After about two hours of four people using me like a Barbie, I started to feel a little overwhelmed. It was very weird to be in a regular store buying regular sizes. Sometimes I think I lost weight so fast my mind hasn’t caught up to my actual size. Sometimes I think I will always be fat in my mind.

Well, with the good comes the bad. My two weeks off of work were good to me and my weight loss, but I think I actually ended up setting myself back a bit. I worked so hard during my time off to reach my first goal of being less than 200lbs, I hit a plateau. I’ve only lost about 3lbs in two weeks. This is super disappointing to me, since I’ve been doing so well. I usually lose about 3lbs a week. It especially frustrating because I’ve still been doing everything right as far as my diet goes. I’ve also still been going to the gym five or six days a week. This morning there were donuts at work, and I had to watch everyone eat them during an hour meeting. My treat to myself? I had 15 almonds with my protein shake instead of my usual 10. Tell me you wouldn’t be disappointed when you constantly make decisions like that and don’t see too many results.

Unfortunately, I know what the problem is. I need to work out more. I’ve reached a point where it’s not just the diet. I could get away with 45 minute to an hour workouts before, but I need to do more. My body is getting used to my diet, calorie intake and workouts, so I’ve got to change things up. There’s not a lot I can do about the food thing, but I can change my workouts. It’s not that I necessarily need to workout longer; it’s that I need to do more effective workouts.

I’m meeting with a personal trainer on Wednesday and also attending a bootcamp class on Saturday morning (at 7a.m.!). I know it sounds intense, but now is the time to push myself. I need to tone areas and must work harder to burn fat. My doctor assured me slowing down is normal, but man I don’t want it to. It’s so nice to consistently lose weight, but I’m glad to be doing it right. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I knew all along this point would come, but I’ve been dreading it. I still have 55lbs left until I reach my goal, and it’s going to be much harder than the weight loss before.

New Year

2011-01-03T11:50:00.000-06:00

This morning I stepped on the scale and it read 199.6lbs! I have not weighed less than 200lbs in seven years. That means I’ve lost 88lbs since my surgery six months ago.

Unfortunately, I missed my goal to be less than 200lbs by New Years Day by a couple of days, but I came pretty close. I was very disappointed in myself for missing my goal, even if it was just a couple of days. No one seemed to understand my disappointment. I know I’ve been doing well and meeting goals faster than most surgery patients. The point is, I’m extremely goal orientated. I make a goal and I expect to reach it no matter what. If I don’t then I feel like I’ve failed.

I had my six-month check-up with my surgeon a couple of weeks ago. They make you fill out a questionnaire about what and how much you’ve been eating, how much you exercise, etc. While filling it out, I knew I was answering each question with the right answer, and it crossed my mind that they might think I’m lying. My surgeon walks into the room with my questionnaire in his hands and says, “I don’t have anything to say to you.” He went on to explain that a lot of people fill out the questionnaire the same way I did, but they haven’t lost very much weight. Based on my weight loss he knew I wasn’t lying. He told me not to change anything and that I’m doing everything perfectly. His goal for me is still to lose 100lbs in a year. I don’t want to count my chickens before they’re hatched, but I think I can successfully lose 12lbs in 6 months! Hopefully, I can keep doing well and losing and be close to my goal weight of 140lbs on my year anniversary date of June 30. Only 59lbs to go!

Although Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year, I’m not sad to put the holidays behind me this year. I was truly tested on my willpower this year. I indulged in two treats over the holidays; five sausage balls on Christmas Eve and a piece of carrot cake on Christmas Day. It was hard to not eat chocolate, chips and dip and cookies. I even took my own side dish to go with the roast my mother-in-law cooked, because she had potatoes. I didn’t indulge on junk food or alcohol on New Years, which sounds boring (it kind of was), but I made it.

I loved having time off of work, spending time with my husband and family and completing projects around the house. The temptations that surrounded me were not welcomed. It’s a huge decision for me to decide to have even one bad thing for me. It’s all a mind game I have to play. Do I really want it? Do I need it? Will I feel worse if I have a bite? How am I going to feel if I don’t lose weight tomorrow? This is mostly why I only allow myself only one treat a month. It’s much easier. . Fortunately, I never feel the need to overeat, mostly because I physically can’t anymore, but the junk-food gene never goes away. I’ve spent so many years having certain foods during the holidays, so it’s weird to suddenly have to say no I am so lucky to constantly be surrounded by a husband, family and friends that understand my struggles. Even though I’m sure they get sick of hearing about it, their support never wavers.

So this year my resolutions are to continue to be good to my body. I’m also going to do things my weight has previously stopped me from doing. I love finding outlets for all my new energy! I hope you all feel as blessed as I do starting 2011.

Halfway through the holidays

2010-12-06T13:58:00.000-06:00

Since you are always asking for pictures, below is a photo in April of this year. The second photo was taken last week, which marks my five month anniversary since surgery.


November 2010 - 5 months after surgery

April 2010 - 3 months before surgery

I’ve lost a total of 78lbs and currently weigh in at 209lbs. I’m making great progress towards my goal of being less than 200lbs by News Year’s Day. It’s going to be really close, but I will take whatever I can get. I finally have a handle on the clothing thing. Since my pants can go from fitting snuggly to falling down within a week, I now have size 16 (which I’m going to have to start wearing now) and 14 in black pants and jeans on reserve in my closet. I’ve decided two pairs of black pants (so they match all my shirts and each worn twice a week) and one pair of jeans is enough to get by. The Christmas sales have helped tremendously. After I get through the 14s, I’m going to have to figure out where to shop. I will be out of the plus size store, and have no idea where I’m supposed to shop. The last time I was that small, my wardrobe came from American Eagle and Abercrombie & Fitch. Pretty sure I’m too old for those stores now.

I made it through Thanksgiving without any problems. Eli and I did the Boulevard Bolt, which is a five mile walk/run. We walked it and finished in about an hour and a half. I was quite proud of this considering the horrible shape we were both in just five months ago. I could easily get winded just walking up a flight of stairs. I stuck to my diet through both family meal gatherings, with the exception of a little stuffing. The next day I had even lost a little weight.

I just made it through a two-day company retreat. This was the first time I was faced with having no control over my food. They always bring food and have the rest catered, so I had to improvise the best I could. I found out ahead of time what was planned and took my own breakfast, lunch and snack items. Luckily, I was able to eat some of the dinner they provided. It wasn’t fun having candy and tasty treats in the conference rooms the entire time. It also felt weird to be the only one eating a salad out of a Tupperware container while everyone else is standing in line to get pizza, but I made it.

The next challenge will be Christmas and News Years. I’m more nervous about the next couple of weeks rather than the actual holiday. There is always a ton of junk food at the office. Between clients sending gifts, people bringing in items from home and the monthly breakfast and birthday treats, it’s going to be rough. I’m getting better with turning down food, but it gets hard when it’s constantly put in my face. What makes me even more uncomfortable is when people make special accommodations for me. It’s truly easier if people live their lives as normal. I don’t want people to deprive themselves or to try and hide the fact they are eating something I can’t have. I have a group of friends and family that I can complain to when it gets hard or I’m frustrated there are cupcakes in the kitchen at work … again.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming and I get extremely frustrated, because I have to constantly think about it. It’s not always as simple as saying, “No.” I always have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. I ultimately decide it’s not worth it to give in, but I have to convince myself. It can be emotionally draining at times, but deep down I’m proud of myself when I make good decisions.

I have a sinus infection right now, which is the first time I’ve been sick since surgery. It was a little difficult to find liquid antibiotics and over the counter medicines I could take, but I got it all figured out with the help of my doctor. Antibiotic pills and Mucinex are all extremely large pills and I can no longer swallow them. Some medicines don’t work if you cut them into smaller pieces. Just another example of how I constantly have to be thinking and planning ahead. The hardest part is not working out for a couple of days. I’m not used to just sitting around anymore. It’s actually really challenging to do nothing.

I continue to be focused on my goal of being less than 200lbs by New Years. Hopefully, that will give me the willpower to make it though the rest of the holidays. I also have almost three weeks off from work coming up in a couple of weeks, so I will have plenty of time to focus on working out and eating right in order to meet my goal. It will be nice to have some time off and relax. I’ll keep you posted.

I will buy you a new life

2010-11-09T21:03:00.000-06:00

The title is a line from one of my favorite songs by Everclear. That’s what I did. I bought myself a new life four months ago.

I have lost 67 lbs and am still going strong. It seems like years since I had my surgery, but it’s only been four short months. I am on track to be below 200 lbs by New Year’s Day. I’m at 220 right now. I am a size 18 in pants; down from my starting size of 26 (yes they make them that big). That’s the first time I’ve made that specific information public. I know it seems that I am know no limits when it comes to sharing, but admitting my pant size was a lot more frightening than my weight for some reason. It will be so nice to shop at a store other than Lane Bryant! It’s awful only having a few stores where you can shop.

Here’s a partial list of things I have not had since before starting the pre-op diet:
• Carbonated beverages
• Candy bars
• Pizza
• Pasta
• Bread
• Chips or crackers

When I see them written out, I can’t believe I’ve had the willpower to fend off all my former favorites. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy. Halloween was a regular torture fest. I was super busy and had a stressful week at work, so I already wanted to stuff a whole cake in my face. The company party was stocked full of yummy treats, but I stayed true to my diet and didn’t have even one thing. I’m not looking forward to staying strong and on track during the holidays, but I’m confident I can do it.

I know it’s important to not deprive myself, because one day I might snap and eat my weight in chocolate. To avoid deprivation, I have one treat a month. August I had a few bites of wedding cake (it was so sweet it started making me nauseous). In September I had a half a piece of carrot cake. In October I had 3 oz of frozen yogurt. The point is that I have very little of each treat and it satisfies me.

Working out is truly the key to weight loss. I keep a very strict routine of being active every single day. This usually means going to the gym Monday through Friday and doing something a little less boring on the weekends. This past weekend Eli and I went to Radnor Lake and hiked both days. Sometimes we walk around our neighborhood or I dance like a crazy person to the game Just Dance on Wii. We also play racquetball, and I like taking cardio classes at the YMCA. I’m finally to the point where I like working out. I feel better and more energized if I do. It’s also been quite the stress reliever during a busy couple of months at work.

Your support and encouragement is always very much appreciated. You guys have been my very solid rock so far. I look forward to continuing my journey. Until next time …

I'm still here

2010-09-25T23:24:00.001-05:00

Before surgery

Three months after surgery

First things first, I’ve officially lost 53 pounds! My next goal is to be less than 200 pounds by Christmas.

I had my final band adjustment (hopefully for a while) a couple of weeks ago. The band around my stomach is now pretty tight. I am able to eat about one cup of food at a time. That is not much at all, but I still feel great. This adjustment was quite a bit tighter and has been kind of hard to get used to. I have to do the things I’ve been doing all along, but much better and a little more extreme. I absolutely have to chew all my food up to mush and eat super slow. I have to literally think about every bite I put into my mouth and evaluate when I can swallow. I also have to pay close attention to when I’m full so I don’t eat too much and get sick.

A week after my adjustment, Eli and I took a trip to Destin. I won a week at a fabulous condo from one of the partners at the PR firm I work for. Super generous. Super lucky me. The vacation couldn’t have come at a better time. We were thinking about taking a trip somewhere, but couldn’t decide what to do. Eli and I have both have been working long hours. That paired with all the changes from my surgery has made for little time to spend together. I don’t think either of us realized how much we needed a break until we got there.

What a journey getting there was…

The air conditioning went out about an hour into the trip. We felt it getting warmer, so Eli switched it off to give it a rest. When he did this, we heard a part fall off the car and tumble down the interstate. If you know me, this is not good. I don’t do hot. I then proceed to slightly lose my mind. I did a pretty good job of stomping and throwing a two-year-old-level tantrum (but with a lot more cursing). Poor Eli. At least it wasn’t directed at him, and I eventually figured out I would just have to deal with the heat.

This part gets a little graphic…

It was so hot we decided to hit a drive thru for lunch, instead of getting out of the car. I’m driving and munching on a hamburger patty. All of the sudden I have that awful feeling like I couldn’t breathe. My stomach was clogged. This has only happened a couple of times, but I can usually drink some water and make myself burp to get the food to pass. In a matter of two seconds, I realized this was going to end badly and threw up all my food. It went all over me while I was driving down the interstate. As it was happening, all I could think about was how I had to pull the car over safely. I had to change all my clothes on the side of the interstate. I had a good sobbing pity party for myself, and we got back on the road. So, I survived my first official throwing up incident. It’s a miracle I made it this long.

As soon as we got to Destin, Eli rented tools and bought the parts to fix my AC. He then spent the next four hours working on my car. I can’t tell you how blessed I am to have such a smart and understanding husband.

We then had a fabulous vacation. I made sure to eat breakfast and lunch according to my diet and then loosened the rules a tiny bit for dinner. We made sure to work out every day and I was even able to lose weight. I never thought I would be one of those people who worked out on vacation.

Working out has become a must for me. I don’t feel right if I miss even one day. We try and do something active every day, if possible. We try to add new activities and keep it from getting boring. For example, I bought Just Dance for the Wii. I learned I have no rhythm, but can work up a sweat trying to dance.

I’m also cooking a lot more. I started to get bored with all the food I was eating, so I had to venture out a little. I bought all of George Stella’s cookbooks and use them almost every day. Eating lower carbs has become a way of life and it gets easier all the time. Just tonight I made a homemade pumpkin pie with whipped topping. It’s all homemade; nothing from a box. It’s also low carb with no sugar added.

I’m almost three months out from surgery and am amazed at how my life has changed since then. I look better. I feel better. I’m going to make it!

Updates - All Good

2010-08-30T20:19:00.000-05:00

I know it’s been a while since I posted, so I wanted to give you a quick update on everything.
Things have definitely improved since my last post. A couple of health victories:
• My blood pressure is now completely normal.
• I bought pants that are four sizes smaller.
• I was able to discontinue use of my acid reflux medication.
• I have lost a total of 42 pounds!

More good news…
I won a week at a condo in Destin, Fla. from one of the partners at my firm (thanks!), so Eli
and I will be going in a couple of weeks. I’m very excited, because I’m starting to feel like
I need a break from everything. Don’t get me wrong, my life is good and I’m very blessed, but
a break would be very nice. Eli has been working a lot lately, plus we’ve had a lot of things
change in our day to day lives. It will be good to get away together. The condo has a full kitchen,
so I can take a lot of the food I need to eat with me. I will have to relax the rules a little to
accommodate eating out. I also don’t want to have to think about it for every second we’re there.

We joined the YMCA a few weeks ago and have successfully made it a mandatory part of our
routine. We go to the gym Monday through Friday, take Saturday off and play racquetball on
Sundays. I spend a lot of time on the treadmill. I love doing hills and usually ramp the incline
up somewhere between 4 and 10 for most of the time. I usually stay on for 35 minutes, but I’m
working my way towards 45 minutes. I have also been doing some abdominal work and weight
training some days.

I go back to the doctor on September 7. I’m not sure if I will get an adjustment or not. I am
eating the right portion sizes and not getting hungry for a few hours afterward. Also, I’m losing
the right amount of weight. I’m supposed to lose between one and three pounds a week and I’ve
been losing an average of two to three. I can eat about ¾ to 1 cup of food at a time, which may
be the only reason they adjust me. It’s supposed to be closer to ½ a cup at a time, but since I’m
losing weight that may not matter.

Boring to most people news…
The carbohydrate battle is getting better. My surgeon would like for me to keep my carbs below
25g a day. My dietician would like for me to keep them between 25 and 50g a day. I have been
trying to stay as close to 25g as possible, but usually ending up around 30g. For the past week,
I’ve really been concentrating on staying at or below 25g.

Carbohydrates are organic compounds found in foods, which can or cannot be absorbed into
the human body. Examples are: sugars, starches, fats and fibers. If you have no idea what I’m
talking about, I encourage you to look at the amount of carbohydrates on any food or beverage
item you have. I think you will be very surprised at how many are in certain items. I have to try
(and sometimes fail) to not point out to my friends and family how many carbs are in the items
they’re eating. I always hated when people pointed out I was eating crap, and I strive to not be
that person.

Sorry for the delay in posts, but I don’t want to bore you with information you already know.
Photo update will be coming soon … hopefully, from a beach in Florida!

With the good comes the bad

2010-08-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

It was bound to happen. I had a bad week.

Apparently, I have a new addiction. Instead of food, I am addicted to the scale. I weight myself
first thing every morning, which is a big no-no in the weight-loss surgery world. For almost two
weeks, I found myself stuck between the same two pounds. I hit a plateau and just couldn’t seem
to move past it. This is frustrating beyond belief!

I started feeling very overwhelmed. I wasn’t losing much weight and felt like a failure. I know
it seems a little soon to have such thoughts, but until now, I’ve been losing weight consistently.

I also had to face my first extended time away from home. A few girlfriends and I were planning
to go on a short overnight trip to Birmingham to attend the wedding of another friend. The idea
of this made me very anxious. I feared having to make quick decisions for more than one meal
in a row. I know I blog about my experience and it seems very public, but my thoughts and
processes for dealing with each situation is very much private. Eli is the only person that truly
understands what is going on and how different situations affect me. I am so grateful to him.

Most of the time, it’s not a big deal. I know what I can and can’t eat. I can usually plan to bring
my own food when there won’t be anything I can eat. I always have a plan. Up until now, I’ve
only had to deal with, at most, one meal away. The problem with this road trip was that I knew
I would have to make quick decisions in front of several people. While this group knows me
very well and understands my surgery, I don’t like being on the spot. I didn’t want to have
to choose all the places we ate, and I like to research establishments before I go to them (if
I haven’t already). This can be a very time consuming process. On top of that, I drink a lot
of water, which means I have to go to the bathroom a lot. We were also planning on sharing
a hotel room, and it was just going to be too much time of me feeling completely exposed.

Well, it all eventually got to me and I canceled. I decided I would drive there and back the same
day and avoid the whole situation. It turned out to be a good decision and only required me to
eat a little out of my comfort zone. I had Eli and another friend of ours to keep me company. I
hate that I had to inconvenience my friends, but I probably wouldn’t have been very much fun
anyways.

The truth is, I’m only six weeks past surgery. I’m still learning and figuring things out. I will
need a little more time to be comfortable in different situations. It’s kind of hard to explain to
someone how much work it takes. It’s a very calculated, well-thought out, obsessive compulsive
process. I did learn that I have to be selfish sometimes. I have to take baby steps, and need to
take it slowly. If something makes me uncomfortable, I need to step back and figure out how to
deal with it instead of trying to force myself to be ok. This change is going to be for the rest of
my life, and that’s not something I feel I should rush.

I had another visit with my surgeon and did a food journal review with my dietician yesterday.
When I shared my frustration, they pretty much laughed at me and explained I couldn’t be doing
anything differently. I’m eating right and working out often. They assured me that my body is
still adjusting and will not lose weight every day. Luckily for me, I had my band tightened which
is followed by 48 hours of liquids. This helped get the weight-loss train moving again. I’m now down 35 pounds! Just two months ago, I was terrified that I was going to reach the 300 lb mark
and now I’m almost less than 250 lbs! This is a BIG deal for me. So, things are looking up, and
my positive attitude is returning.

Once a food issue, always a food issue

2010-08-01T00:36:00.000-05:00

Before surgery

July 31, 2010 - One month after surgery

I’m still feeling great, but am discovering new issues every day. I have been exercising religiously seven days a week, and sticking to my diet. I no longer have a problem hitting my carbs and protein. I keep it under 25g of carbs and get about 95g of protein every day.

Before surgery I had to have a psychiatric evaluation to make sure I was mentally stable for surgery. When I met with the psychiatrist he informed me that I passed on all the levels and was considered normal. I know someone out there is laughing and saying, “Yeah, right.”

Well, there was one little thing; I’m a touch obsessive compulsive. According to him, I am very organized and like to have things run according to schedule. I know, complete shocker. He said this made me an even better candidate for surgery. It actually has come in handy because I have to always be thinking and preparing for what I’m going to eat.

I’m doing everything right. I feel good. I notice a difference in my clothes. What’s the problem?

I am having a hard time with the weight loss thing. I lost 20lbs in two weeks on the pre-op diet, which means I’ve only lost a little more than 10lbs since surgery exactly a month ago. This is clearly in the recommended healthy range of 1 to 3lbs a week. I think I got used to losing some weight every single day and I get frustrated if I go a few days without any weight loss. Granted, I’m not supposed to weight myself daily, but I just can’t help it. I want to lose weight NOW!

I am also having issues giving myself a break sometimes. I know I’m not supposed to deprive myself, but I do. There were cupcakes at work on Thursday and it seriously took me 30 minutes to decide if I wanted to have even a ¼ of one. I ended up not giving in, which is huge because cupcakes are my dessert of choice. I am now so aware of the sugar, carbs and fat in everything that I am unable to give in. I convince myself that it will fill me with regret afterwards. I only like eating at places that I can research their nutrition information online. I like proving to myself that I don’t need a cupcake or other treats.

I try to only eat out once a week, and that is usually on Saturday nights. The plan all along was to approach this one meal as a reward for my week of hard work. Go out without researching nutrition information, and not worry about carbs or protein for just this one meal. I try to think of what I would want to eat if I could have anything in the world, but all I can think about are places and food that are lap-band friendly.

The decision tonight was Blue Coast Burrito. I knew I could get chicken and cheese on a wheat tortilla and be fine. I also decided we would walk there and back. It worked out well until a storm came through preventing us from getting home for an hour. We went next door to a yogurt store where they let you get your own amounts and toppings. I got a small amount of no sugar added, low fat, low carb yogurt. I felt good that I allowed myself a treat and it wasn’t that bad for me. Don’t think I didn’t look up the nutrition information as soon as we made the trek back home, though.

So, am I really normal? I think I am still new to this and doing the best I can. I’m a very results-driven person. I like to be told good job and prove that I can handle challenges. I think this is where my recent decisions come into play. I’ve also learned that most everybody has food issues. Whether it’s an obsession with eating right or ignoring the consequences of eating wrong, we’ve almost all found ourselves in a battle with food. This is all so new to me that I feel it’s best to do whatever makes me comfortable and still allows me to meet my goals. So, go easy on me if I hesitate before agreeing to eat out or seem to obsess over a cupcake. Don’t worry about me. I’m very aware that I could take weight-loss too far, and am always working with my dietician to make good healthy decisions. I will eventually learn and things will get easier.

I feel like bragging

2010-07-25T22:13:00.000-05:00

Please pardon my gloating as I pat myself on the back for a great week. I’ll start with today and work my way back.

Today my husband was giving me a big hug, squeezed me a little and said, “You seriously feel skinnier.”

On Thursday my company had its annual mid-year retreat. Usually this time is spent brainstorming ideas to improve our company and the jobs we do. This time we were surprised by the partners with an envelope of money and four hours to spend it. After the initial shock, everyone made their way around Nashville to do good for either themselves, loved ones or the community. I still have my money (we were allowed to put it in the bank), but plan to give some away to some friends in need and put the rest towards new clothes. I actually bought a belt this weekend as a desperate attempt to keep my pants a little while longer. They are already a few sizes too big, but I can’t afford to buy new clothes at every size.

I had my first adjustment on Wednesday. It didn’t hurt at all, which is great because I’m a huge baby when it comes to matters of needles and doctors. I’m not a fan of being told to sit up while having a huge needle sticking out of my abdomen, but I couldn’t feel it at all. The worst part about having my band tightened is that I had to be on a liquid diet for 48 hours. It was pretty miserable, but I survived.

I met with with my dietician and surgeon and they were both so proud of the work I’ve been doing. I’m eating the right food, getting exercise and keeping a very detailed food journal. My surgeons exact words were, “You’re doing everything perfectly.” I’m happy to report I’ve lost 30 pounds!

The band didn’t have any saline in it before (due to the stomach swelling during surgery), so I didn’t have a lot of restriction when it came to the amount I could fit in my stomach. The doctor warned me this would be the case and encouraged me to still try and stick to the correct portions. So, I was eating the recommended portion size this whole time, but I was getting hungry between meals. The goal is to be adjusted just right, so you are eating the correct portion size and not getting hungry between meals.

The best part is that I feel good about the decisions I’m making. It’s not always easy to eat right. In fact, I had a run-in with a cake on Monday that was pretty difficult to walk away from. Once it was gone and not in my face, I didn’t miss it. I try to remember that it’s probably going to make me feel worse after than it would to give in and have a little. So far, I’ve been right. It is truly one day, one decision and one meal at a time. I think and plan and even strategize to make sure I meet my goals.

Going into this next week, I’m back to my normal routine and feeling great. Picture update coming soon!

I can see clearly now

2010-07-18T01:08:00.000-05:00

I have nothing but good news to report this week. I went back to the eye doctor discouraged and tired of looking like a pirate. My eye crossing had not improved. He told me to discontinue using the patch, and he changed the strength of my contacts. As weird as it sounds, the magic cure was to make the power of my left contact weaker. I can still see as well as I used to, and my eye is crossing less and less every day. There is a bunch of medical stuff I could tell you to explain the why and how, but I don’t want to and it’s boring. All that matters is it couldn’t have been avoided, and it’s getting better.

I started a regular exercise routine this week. Well, it’s exercise to me. Eli and I started going for walks in the neighborhood every day. It’s got quite a few inclines. It’s not marathon training, but it gets my heart rate up, and that’s what matters right now. I also got an elliptical machine and use it several times a week. I can only do about 10 steady minutes right now, but I will work my way up. My goal is to get where I can do 45 minutes to an hour of cardio without feeling like I’m dying. Once my incisions heal, we are going to start going to the gym and incorporating weights into our workouts. I will also be investing in a personal trainer to help me stay on track and do the right exercises. . I am trying to surround myself with the best support group possible. I have a nutritionist, doctors and amazing family and friends. I think adding a trainer will help me complete the transformation.

It’s very important to me that I tone while I lose weight. It sounds gross, but obese people have a lot of extra skin. I want to incorporate enough weights to help me tone my body and help me avoid having sagging skin. Luckily, I’m young and my skin still has a lot of elasticity. Also, I’m not quite overweight enough that it should be a big problem

The diet is going extremely well. The only problem I have is staying within my allotted carbohydrates. I’m supposed to stay at 25g a day, but so far I tend to be hovering around 30g. It doesn’t sound like much, but I want to follow all the rules as closely as possible. The good news is that I’m going over in carbs because of fruits and vegetables. My band adjustment next week should take care of this issue. Once I have the band tightened a little bit, I will be eating a little less than I am now. Plus, I have kept a very detailed food journal, so my nutritionist will be able to tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.

I don’t feel deprived and enjoy everything I’m allowed to eat. We decided, as part of new health and financial plans, we would only eat out once a week. We went to a hibachi grill tonight and shared a dinner. I skipped the soup and rice and had a salad, vegetables and chicken. We both had plenty of food (both had to-go boxes) and we only spent half of what we usually do. I even allowed myself to have the small scoop of ice cream that comes with the meal. It was the first dessert I’ve had in weeks. I came home and promptly researched the nutrition information on everything I ate, so I wouldn’t miss a beat in my food journal. Even with eating out, I stayed within my dietary requirements. It was so rewarding to have a good meal out and still stick to my diet.

I was even faced with dining out temptations twice this week, and made the right decisions. A few friends went to lunch, and I went, but took a snack to have while they were dining. Once we got back to the office, I had the salad I brought for the day. A group went out on Friday, and I stayed behind. Partly because I was really busy at work, but mostly because I wanted to stick to my diet plan. I can eat out rather easily, but it’s harder to track the carbs and protein I’m getting. Plus it takes me a long time to eat, because I have to chew my food so thoroughly. Right now, it’s too hard to hold a conversation and eat within a decent amount of time.

The hardest part is convincing people I’m ok. If I really want to eat something, I can. If I really want to go out for a meal, I will. I can find something I can eat no matter where I go. I don’t stay behind or not eat because I can’t. I do it because I don’t feel deprived. If it’s not going to make a difference to me one way or the other, I would much rather stick to the foods I already know the nutritional information for and have weighed ahead of time. I actually feel better about myself when I make a good decision.

So that’s what I learned this week; making good decisions makes me feel better than eating junk food. I really hope that continues happening. I’m sure there will be many temptations and rough spots, but I’m trying to remain positive. For the first time in my life I’m reading labels and really paying attention to what I put in my body.