St. Alban's Episcopal Church Blog

Never Too Late to Say Thanks

2011-11-25T08:21:00.001-05:00

So there was more napping yesterday than I expected so I was unable to get back to write my second Thanksgiving post. As a result, here I am on the day after Thanksgiving writing my Thanksgiving post. But as they say, it is never too late to say thanks. (I do not know if anyone actually says that, but they should).

What am I thankful for this year? Well, I want to share that with you, so here goes:

- My wife and best friend, without whom I would be less than half the man that I am.
- The health of my parents who have had a rough year but are adjusting to their new situation.
- The health of my mother-in-law Sue (who is as close to being another mother as you can get). She is now cancer free and making cancer look stupid for even messing with her.
- The rest of my loving family and the support they have given me as I have juggled too many hats this year.
- My job, I have an awesome job and look forward to going to work every day. It is a part of who I am and I am thankful to have such a wonderful job in these difficult times.
- Juggling for providing me an outlet for my frustrations.
- Jill, Donna and the entire Vestry. This has been a difficult year at St. Alban's. Without our leaders we would be in a much worse place. Jill and Donna have been especially helpful and deserve extra thanks.
- Mother Becky for her many years of service to St. Alban's, whether she knows it or not, she prepared us to be ready to run the church in her absence.
- Father Twelves for all of his guidance these past few months.
- The rest of our church family. You all give me strength knowing how much you all care about the welfare of our little church. To name everyone would take too long, but please realize that I am thankful for every one of you.

Well, that is a pretty long list, but I bet I could go on and on. What are you most thankful for this year?

Seven: Gobble Gobble

2011-11-24T07:19:00.001-05:00

Last year at this time, I believe I wrote about everything for which I am thankful. That is coming but first I need to get back to my series about the Seven Deadly Sins. As I listened to the Thanksgiving service sermon last night I thought about the blog and the Sins and realized that today is a perfect day to talk about gluttony. Why is today perfect? Well if you have to ask, you do not know my stance on turkey. I love it. If I had to guess I would say I eat turkey more than 57% of the days of the year. I love turkey. I love it. I especially love fresh cooked turkey and Thanksgiving food. I always have. Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday partially because of the turkey. Don't get me wrong, the message of Thanksgiving is very important to me as well, but my mind always drifts to the turkey, and stuffing, and gravy, and the corn, and the potatoes... When my mind drifts there, what am I thinking of? Eating of course. Stuffing my face with all of the yummy goodness that is Thanksgiving. Eat eat eat. That is part of Thanksgiving.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking: is dave really going to try and pass off his thoughts of gluttony on food? That is a little weak. I agree but I think my obsession with turkey and my clear overeating on this glorious holiday demonstrates my ability to be gluttonous. I think it applies to many aspects of my life where I can be a bit obsessive. Maybe obsessive is not the correct word. I guess the better phrase would be to say I lose focus of the main point of the holiday.

I think gluttony is really about losing focus in your life. Being gluttonous isn't just about eating too much, it is about eating to the point that you forget why you are eating the food. I think this has become a problem for me over the past year. When I am at church on Sundays, I sometimes forget why I am there. I get distracted by the phone calls, the mail, and the email. I get distracted by the problems brought to my attention. I get distracted trying to find ways to make everyone feel comfortable with the path we have chosen. As a result, I lose focus on the point of why I am there, to be closer to God. I may blame it on something (or someone else), but it is my fault that I am losing that focus. I spend so much time trying to make sure the church is running smoothly, I lose my focus from God. I have a hard time focusing my prayers because so much is going on and I put the wrong thing first.

So, as you celebrate this wonderful day, don't forget that is not just about the meal, but being thankful for the meal. It is not just about Thanksgiving, but that God has given us gifts for which to be thankful

Gobble, Gobble. (Happy Thanksgiving).

Bazaar Coming This Weekend!

2011-11-08T20:41:00.000-05:00

I want to to remind you all that this weekend (Saturday, November 12th) is St. Alban's ECW's Holiday Bazaar. I am told this this is that this is going to be the best and greatest bazaar in the entire history of the Bazaar!

The Bazaar runs from 9 am until 4 pm in the Parish Hall. Let me remind you not to park in the Church parking lot (especially if you are working at the Bazaar), let's save the spots for our guests. Also, please do not park in the Vet Hospital's lot, Saturday is their busiest day and they will tow you. There are lots of places to park around the Church though.

Other Bazaar Highlights:

- The Bake Sale featuring the Famous Maids of Honor. Make sure you get yours before they are gone. If you are baking for the Bake Sale, please drop of your baked good on Friday. There should be ECW members there Friday until the evening to accept your donation.
- The Silent Auction, Special Raffle and Penny Socials are better than they have ever been!
- The Raffle. If you have raffle tickets, make sure you get them into the Church by Saturday.
- Meatball sandwich's for lunch featuring Rick's famous meatballs.
- The Straw Table and Face Painting for the kids.
- The amazing gift baskets and homemade crafts for sale.

Please come out and support the ECW and make this Annual Event a huge success. I cannot wait to see you all there.

Seven: Teenage Me

2011-10-22T03:00:00.000-04:00

So my first few posts in this series were reflections on where the sins fit into my life right now and how I can make changes in my life to decrease the amount of sin in my life. Last time, I discussed a sin that I feel that I do not exemplify enough. In fact, a comment suggested I was committing a new sin. Now, I want to look at a sin that I was guilty of in the past but have since overcome. The sin I am talking about is of course lust.

I must admit this is the sin I have been most fearful to write about, for obvious reasons I think. Nobody likes talking about lust, especially to people they do not know. My lust-fullness goes back to when I was a teenager. I should point out, I did not doing anything that bad, I was a typical teenage boy. If you have never known a teenage boy, one thing I think is true for all teenage guys is that they do not understand love. You can probably generalize this to all teenagers, but I do not want to speak for women. Not to be too blunt but when a teenage girl says to a teenage boy that she loves him and the boy knows that the girl likes to kiss him, he will probably say it back. I am guilty of this. I am not proud of it, but I'll be honest. I am not talking about sex here (I was way too much of a dork throughout high school and college to ever consider this a real option). I am just talking about being a teenager in a relationship and confusing your physical feelings with true love. That's what lust is after all right? Thinking more about physical love, rather than emotional love or love of God.

So, looking back, I know I told some girls I loved them when I really did not know what love was. I'm sorry. I blame my hormones and being a stupid guy. In my defense though, I do not think I really knew what real love for another person was at that point. That is one problem with our society in my opinion, we are constantly trying to push children to grow up. Teenagers exert this by associating one type of feeling with another. It is easy as we grow up to confuse emotions. Biologically we have all of these extra hormones to deal with, of course we are confusing things. I guess my point is that it is understandable that teenagers do this. It doesn't make it right, just understandable.

As I said earlier, I feel I have overcome this sin. I cannot say I have called anyone to tell them I wronged them. That would be wrong (and weird). But when I say I love you to my wife, I mean it with every fiber of my being. I say it to her many times throughout the day to show her how much she means to me.

Of course, just overcoming a sin is not enough is it? I don't think so. Part of our lives on this planet is not just to live the Word, but to spread the Word. I am not one to stand on a street corner handing out fliers and yelling the Word out. Instead, I try to spread the word through example. Actions speak louder than words anyway right? When I am around young boys and men, I try to display an calm attitude. I do not tolerate discussions that are demeaning to women. I watch my language and expect the same from those surrounding me. I try to be someone young men can look up to. So, while I cannot go back in time and change my teenage self (like my teenage self would listen anyway, right?), I can try to lead a life that is a positive influence on the teenagers I know.

All of this because I was a punk teenager when I was a young. How do you make up for a sin from your past? What do you do?

More Love Songs

2011-10-18T22:22:00.000-04:00

"My beating heart belongs to you
I walked for miles til I found you
I'm here to honor you
If I lose everything in the fire
I'm sending all my love to you"
-from "Last Night on Earth" by Green Day

With everything that is going on in our Church right now this song speaks to me right now. These are difficult times and I think we should all take time to remember that we are a family. Not only do we love God, we love each other. The Vestry is working very hard to support that family and find the best way we can remain a family. We love St. Alban's and we want the best for it. God Bless St. Alban's and our Parish Family.

Seven: Ain't Too Proud

2011-10-15T18:43:00.000-04:00

As I continue with my quest to investigate how the Seven Deadly Sins play a role in my life and my relationship to God, I have come to a long break in my writing if you haven't noticed. There are two reasons for this break: (1) I have been wicked busy and (2) I have been struggling with the last four sins. But I am back and I want to talk about Pride.

Pride has been giving me some trouble. I actually spent about an hour writing a post about pride once already but ended up deleting it because I did not feel it was good enough. I have spent a lot of time thinking about pride, but I have been unable to come up with anything.

I think the problem is that pride is an emotion or feeling that I am not entirely comfortable with. Do not get me wrong, I am proud of myself for certain things, but when I feel pride, I feel uncomfortable. I tend to think that everything I have accomplished in my life is something that anyone could accomplish if they put the same effort into it. So, while I am proud, I also feel that I should not be proud because those accomplishments are not a big deal. This is a very difficult situation for my wife. She often gets frustrated with me because she knows I should proud of myself, but I cannot always see it.

The result of all this is that I feel that my attitude is that I do not sin enough in this sense. This in itself is a sin though isn't it? By not accepting and giving thanks for the gifts given to me, I am not giving the correct amount of praise to God. We all must have some amount of pride in the gifts God has given us, we just need to find ways to balance that pride with humility and thanks to God.

Are you too proud? How do you balance pride and humility?

The Bodyguard

2011-10-02T20:22:00.001-04:00

This is the short "speech" I gave at Mother Becky's retirement Party today. I wanted to share it with those that could not make it.

dcs

“A pop singer has been receiving threatening notes, and her manager hires a bodyguard known for his good work. The bodyguard ruffles the singer's feathers and most of her entourage by tightening security more than they feel is necessary. The bodyguard is haunted by the fact that he was on Reagan's secret service staff but wasn't there to prevent the attack by Hinckley. Eventually the bodyguard and the singer start an affair, and she begins to believe his precautions are necessary when the stalker strikes close to home.”

This is the plot summary for the 1992 romance “The Bodyguard” starring Kevin Costner and everyone’s favorite crack addict Whitney Houston. You know the one that sparked the re-emergence of Dolly Parton’s “I will always love you” (which I am pretty sure my girlfriend at the time misinterpreted). Now, perhaps this seems like a strange time to talk about a movie, but hear me out. You see, I feel that this movie embodies our parish. Well, maybe without the actual bodyguard, a random samurai sword, or a diva movie star.

To me “The Bodyguard” tells a tale about our parish over the last 14 years. Mother Becky is the Bodyguard and we the parish are the diva movie star (minus the crack of course). You see, our parish was dealing with tough financial times and the Vestry came in and hired Mother Becky to protect the parish from those threats.

As time progressed, just like in the movie, we became close. Kevin and Whitney fell in love. We fell in love with Mother Becky. We love her sermons. We love her spirit. We love her love of us and for St. Alban’s. Has the relationship been perfect? No, but neither was Kevin and Whitney’s. A few feathers always end up ruffled in a fourteen year relationship. But we never stopped loving each other.

Now, we are saying goodbye. Kevin left Whitney because it was the right time for him. He was no longer able to protect Whitney the way she needed to be. Mother Becky is at a time where she needs to spend time on herself. She has been protecting us for 14 years. She has been watching out for us for 14 years. She has been steering us to safety for 14 years. Now it is time for her to take care of herself. We all know this is the right decision for her and we applaud her. It still hurts though. We will miss the guidance she provided. We will miss the love she gave us. We will miss her protection of her beloved parish. Mother Becky, we thank you for all you have done for our little community and rest assured we will always love you here at St. Alban’s.

Seven: The Head in the Box

2011-10-01T18:14:00.000-04:00

The title above refers back the the film Se7en. In the film, Brad Pitt's character's wrath is instigated by the delivery of his wife's head in a box. Sick, I know. But what do you expect from a movie about a serial killer that uses the Seven Deadly Sins as his "muse?" Anyway, when I think of rage and wrath, I always think of that scene. Brad Pitt goes from a lack of understanding to complete understanding very quickly. He just completely loses all control. Wrath on film could not be done better. The question here is of course where is wrath in my life? Certainly there are no heads in a box in my life, but there must be some wrath or anger somewhere.

Hmmm, this is a hard one. I cannot say I get angry too often. Don't get me wrong, I do get angry. Usually it is more of a frustration that I develop. Frustration with people that are not behaving how I expect or think they should behave. Frustration with the garbage on TV. Frustration with the way people drive. Frustration with the feeling of being disrespected.

When I was younger I had a bit more of a temper. As a kid, I remember friends instigating me to have a bit of a tantrum. Do not get me wrong, I have never been in a fight or anything, I would just yell a lot. As I got a little older, knowing outbursts of yelling at people was not appropriate in junior high and high school, I found it easy to internalize that anger. I found ways to direct the anger towards myself. No surprises here I am sure. Low self-esteem really does make it easy to find reasons to be angry with oneself.

So, what happened? What changed? Well, as has often been the case in my life, Kate set me straight. Whether she knows it or not, Kate helped me to see how dangerous it is to internalize your anger. She taught me how to find ways to communicate and talk about my anger and frustration, rather than lash out. Having a one hour commute is very helpful in this respect. Rather than lash out, I have the arguments that I want to have in the car. This allows me to sort through my feelings and get to the heart of my anger. This way, when I am confronted with the situation that has angered me, I am able to express my feelings clearly and rationally. I can communicate rather than yell. I have said this before, but I think the most important gift that God gives us is the ability to deal with any situation thrown at us. We simply need to pray for the tools and patience to deal with those situations when they arise. This is why I pray for patience every week. I know I have had a temper in the past. To be sure I contain that temper I pray for God's help.

How do you deal with your anger? What tools to you ask for from God to keep you from lashing out?

To The Pig (Roast)

2011-09-24T06:52:00.001-04:00

As you may know the Men's Group often toasts "To the Pig." This started at a Ham and Bean Supper a few years ago and the Men's Group has taken it to a whole new level....

The Men's Groups of St. Alban's and St. Thomas' are getting together to host a Pig Roast at ECC. The Pig Roast is Oct. 16th at 2 pm. Food will be served at 3:30 pm.

Tickets are $22 for adults, $7 for children under 12 and free for children 4 and under.

Make sure you get your tickets now and come out for fun, fellowship, and swine (so to speak).

ECW: The Bazaar Is Coming

2011-09-24T06:48:00.000-04:00

The Bazaar is rapidly approaching. If you are thinknig of donating something or preparing something, the ECW is asking that you fill out a form so they can plan ahead. The form can be found on the ECW webpage at:

http://www.stalbansri.org/pages/ECW.html

Don't forget to come to the Bazaar and Ham and Bean Supper on November 12th.

If you have questions, contact the ECW or leave a note in the comments.

Thanks!

Seven: Confused Thoughts and Memories

2011-09-14T20:49:00.000-04:00

Well, I have to say this task I have set myself out to do is by far the most challenging thing I have tried to contribute to the St. Alban's community. Well, maybe not the most difficult, but certainly the most challenging spiritually. I just deleted a post I worked on the other night about Pride. Spent about 45 minutes on it and it went nowhere. Certainly wasn't ready for you to read. On my car rides to and from work I have been trying to work through my thoughts on Wrath (and it makes me quite angry that I have been unable to so far...ha ha ha). No idea where I will go with lust or gluttony. That only leaves two for today: Envy or Greed....hmmmm...

Let me continue by sharing something that you all probably know, but it is something that is very relevant: I have some serious self-confidence issues. Don't get me wrong this isn't depression (as far as I am aware). I am not a danger to myself. I love life and everything about it. I just do not always have a favorable opinion of myself. You know, it is not even that I dislike myself or think I stink. It is deeper (and probably stranger) than that. As I think about my positive qualities and attributes, I always compare myself to others. Therein lies the problem.

You see I have been blessed, or cursed depending upon your take on this, with a great memory. So, I compare myself to everyone I can remember or have known. When I wonder if I am funny, I end up comparing myself to people I barely knew in college who were funnier than me. When I think I am smart, I remember all of the people that I went to graduate school with me that were much smarter. When I think I'm not bad looking, I turn on the TV. When I think I have worked hard for the day, I remember all of the construction workers that work outside in crazy heat and do manual labor and I realize I did not work hard at all. On top of this, my mind often reminds me of all of the errors I have made in my life. Even tiny little things I did when I was a kid, I still bring up in my mind and dwell on them. It constantly reminds me that I am not perfect.

All of this drives me crazy. I know this is an unhealthy behavior, but it is part of who I am, and I have tried and tried, but I have been unable to change. I look at people that are confident in who they are and I wish I could be them. I look at people that are not awkward in social situations and I dream of being someone that is not terrified of making a silly, embarrassing mistake that lives in my mind forever. I look at people I consider friends and wonder how to prove to them, I am worthy of their friendship. In short, I am filled with envy.

How is this a sin? Perhaps it seems far fetched, but as I think about it, it becomes clear. You see, my problem is really that I do not consider the gifts God has given me as being sufficient. For example, I see someone juggling seven balls and wonder why I am not talented enough to do the same. Rather than accept that I have a gift to juggle, I reject that gift, because I feel I should be the best. This is clearly unreasonable. I never consider the entire puzzle. Yes, the other person can juggle, but they are also able to practice more than I am. For another example, I do not have to look further than my role as Senior Warden. As I hear the compliments from people about how well the Church has been run the past year, all I hear are the complaints I have accumulated over the past year. Meetings are too long. You do not delegate enough. You delegate too much. We need more parishioners, children, families,... etc. We need to fix this. We need to fix that. I know these are things that need to be said, but I spend my time internalizing them. Rather than accept that God has put me into a particular position for the talents I have, I hear the negatives and associate them with the job I have done. I do not accept God's gifts to me, I assume I need to do more.

So, what is the solution? Well, if I knew that I probably wouldn't be writing this, eh? To me the clear solution is to pump up my ego. Now, please do not read that as me saying I need y'all to compliment me all the time or I will slip into some horrible place. That is not it at all. In fact, my track record suggests that that will have the opposite effect of what I am looking to do. I need to force myself to thank God for my gifts. When my mind slips to these ridiculous expectations, I need to bring myself back to reality and find something realistic to compare myself to. I need to compare myself to a juggler that spends as much time as I do on it. I need to compare myself to other Church leaders that hear the same complaints I do. I need to compare myself to my friends' expectations of me, not my own expectations.

To combat this sin in my life, I plan to challenge myself to pray every time my mind starts running in this direction. I will pray for strength from God to help me accept the gifts that I have. I will pray for patience for myself and from God as I continue to deal with these self-confidence issues and the envy it creates.

Do you have envy in your life? How do you deal with it?

Thoughts on September 11th

2011-09-11T07:02:00.000-04:00

So, I really wanted to write another post this weekend in my deadly sins series, but I think today is such a special day, that maybe I need to comment on it instead. I use the word special very carefully. Special usually has a positive connotation, so maybe it is the wrong word to use, but I cannot think of a better word. Unique? Yes, but that's not quite right. Sad? Well it is sad, but I don't think that is the only emotion we feel ten years later. Anger? Sure, but again not the only emotion that exists. I think the uniqueness of what happened to our Country ten years ago today and all of the different emotions we feel about it are what makes it special.

I was in Nebraska ten years ago, working in the lab that particular morning. I found out what was going on when an undergrad that worked in the lab called to say he was going to be late. You see he was calling his Congressmen to tell them he was really angry about what was going on. That is how I heard. I honestly still do not understand what he thought calling his Congressmen as this attack was happening was going to do, but people deal with situations very differently. Me, I kinda wondered around. I tried to call my sister that lived two hours north of New York. Lines were busy. Went to class and did my work in the lab, but I really was just going through the motions. I really did not know what to think.

As I reflect on the changes in my life over the past ten years, I am still not sure what to say about this horrible tragedy that happened to our Country. One thing I can say is that my faith in God has never wavered. Not once do I recall saying to myself: Why would God let this happen? Obviously this is beyond the capabilities of God. And while I will never understand the tactics used by terrorists, it is my faith in God that allows me to look forward. It is my faith in God that allows me to live my life without fear. It is my faith in God that makes me know that our Nation can pull together no matter the situation.

Let me end this post with a few prayers that I would like to offer today:

I pray for all those that lost loved ones in this tragedy. My heart aches for them. While as Americans we all feel we lost loved ones, I will never understand the true loss of a loved one from this tragedy. I knew of people that died, but I did not know them. A friend of my dad's. The father of a college acquaintance. I knew of them but I will never be able to comprehend the horror their families have gone through.

I pray for our Military. May God bless them as they continue to serve our Country and protect us from all of the dangers in the world.

I pray for our firefighters and policemen. For years, these men and woman have put their lives in danger to save others, even before September 11th. They deserve more credit than any of us can give.

I pray for those that are still intolerant. This tragedy brought about a lot of anger in this Country. Sadly, some of that anger is displaced on peaceful people that had nothing to do with the events of September 11th. I pray the intolerant will see the light and realize the error in their ways. I also pray for those persecuted and discriminated against by the intolerant to have the strength to keep their faith and beliefs.

Finally, I pray for our Country and everyone in it. May God bless us all.

Seven: Not the Three-Toed Version

2011-09-02T14:18:00.000-04:00

If you read my previous post (scroll down to read that first if you haven't already read it), you know I am setting out on an adventure of sorts. I am planning on taking on the Seven Deadly Sins by writing about my experiences with them. While shorter than Julia Child's cookbook, I may have a harder time than the charter that blogged about cooking through Child's cookbook. Today I will start with an easy on: sloth. Incidentally, I find it ironic that my first sin to tackle is laziness, I guess that is already one way I have taken on this sin.

You may think, how can a PhD. physicist with a work-aholic mentality in a tenure-track position be considered to be lazy. I admit it may be a hard sell, but sure enough this is probably the sin of which I am the most guilty. It all dates back to high school and college. In high school and college, I always did the bare minimum to get by when it came to...well anything. In school, this wasn't too big of a deal. I was always smart enough to figure things out. I never studied but the material was never challenging enough to force me to over come this laziness (is that too much pride, do I need to write about that next?). It wasn't just school though, it was everything. Any dream I might have had in the past, I found excuses not to follow, but the truth was that I was too lazy to try and too scared to fail. When I looked for jobs, I never really tried to find a job. I would go somewhere that my dad knew the people and where I was likely to be overqualified. Again too lazy to challenge myself and too scared of rejection. As I think about it, even as a child I was lazy. Rather than do my own laundry, I would tell my sister, I did not know how. How hard is it really to do laundry when you are in middle school? Not very, unless you are lazy like I was. It was true in "love" too. While in college, when I was interested in a girl, I always took my time and tried to become their friend first. Now, this is generally advisable when trying to build a lasting and meaningful relationship. I would always be too lazy to try and move it to another level. I always ended up in the "friend-zone." I was too lazy to push things further and too scared that it would end in rejection. Or sure you use the excuse that you do not want to ruin the friendship, but then that was the reason for starting the friendship. To be honest one time a friendship moved further, but she spoke more of how great my friend was at the time. (We are friends again though).

Now in my mid-thirties, I find I am still making excuses to cover up my laziness. I have got a great repertoire of excuses to cover up my laziness. I'm too tired. I had a long day. My feet hurt. I would but I am on the internet looking at the same page I have seen four hundred times. Many of these excuses are really just me avoiding saying: I couldn't be bothered (I cannot say all because I am honestly tired, sore or busy sometimes). As I think about this pattern of lazy behavior throughout my life I notice two interesting phenomena associated with it: (1) my laziness has decreased since high school and college and (2) much of the laziness has been associated with fear. Let me tackle these ideas separately.

The decrease in laziness after college had a lot to do with maturity. After college, I started to see where my lazy attitude was getting me, working for minimum wage in a dead-end job. So, I went to graduate school and promised myself that I would not allow myself to fall into my lazy school behaviors. I knew my intellect wouldn't be able to bail me out anymore so I had to work hard and I did. Obviously there are lazy moments still, but I find I am continuing to improve my ability to combat that laziness as I get older. Another factor that has contributed to the decline of my laziness was meeting Kate. Something about her made me take a bold move and talk to her with every intention of dating her, not just becoming friends. Now that we are married and have known each other for more than ten years, she pushes me when she knows I am being lazy. I think she thinks I get mad at her when this happens, but its myself that I am mad at that I was being lazy and had to be pushed to do something. I will tell you something, God really got it right when He destined Kate for me. She is the perfect balance to my laziness, pushing me when I need that push.

As for the second phenomena, we all know fear is a big motivator. Fear motivates people to run from danger and to help those in danger. For me, fear, motivates me to do nothing sometimes. I am not talking about phobias. I have one of those too, I am talking about fear. Many times in my life, there have been things I have wanted but made no effort to achieve out of fear. This is just plain lazy. Fear of rejection? Fear of ridicule? Fear of having to do your own laundry? Fear of being pushed outside your comfort zone? While it was natural for me to be afraid of these things, it was lazy of me not to try. One thing I was always too afraid to try was comedy. I am a witty guy if you know me personally and I always wanted to take it further. I spent time writing jokes and "material" in notebooks in high school and college. Not a lot, but some. However, when some were trying their material out in front of others, I kept it to myself. I avoided the possibility of failure by giving up before I tried.

So there you go. Are you convinced of my sloth yet? Obviously growing up and maturing has decreased this laziness to a certain extent. Kate helps me out a lot too. As I have said, she pushes me to be less lazy whether she knows it or not. I am trying to overcome my fear of failure in other avenues of my life as well. Writing this blog helps me out a lot with that. This blog is an outlet for all of the creative energy that I have been too lazy to express in the past. What is interesting to me but not surprising at all is that God has provided me with the tools to attack my laziness. God pushed me to Nebraska for graduate school and brought me to Kate. This was the first obstacle. God also brought me to this avenue of communicating my thoughts for others to read. Imagine that, all I had to do to combat laziness was trust in God. We should all do that more.

Stay tuned for more thoughts on sins in the future.

Lucky Number Seven

2011-09-02T12:34:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite movies from my college age years is the Brad Pitt film "Se7en." If you haven't seen it yet, check it out unless of course you do not like dark, gruesome movies. I point this out because every time I see this movie on my shelf, I think about a possible series of posts for this blog. You see the movie is about a serial killer that kills people that are guilty of one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Some of the murders are absolutely gruesome to say the least. The killer is of course trying to teach a lesson to his victims and the world. Without giving away too much I will say that it does not have a happy ending and I still feel uneasy when opening packages from UPS after this movie. In any case, this has inspired me to write something here about the sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.

Now, I should be clear, I do not intend to try and teach y'all a lesson, that is not my place. I also do not intend to lecture you about the sins and talk about their history. I cannot talk intelligently about the sins and their history and I lecture enough during the semester. My thought is to write about each of the sins in a separate post and share with you my experience with this particular sin and how I have tried to redeem myself for this sin. Why am I doing this? Well, one might say that this is a cheap and lazy way of coming up with new posts (a sloth-ful way?). That may be true, but I also think it is important for us to know that we are all sinners. We were created that way. I feel true Christians are aware of their sins and work to repent for their sins. What better way to repent than to talk about it.

I expect that this will be a very challenging task for me because ti will require me to share a lot of my soul with you so bare with me, it may take a while. In fact, there may be other posts between the posts in the series, but keeping checking back (I will keep the word: Seven, in the title of each post so they are easy to find) and make sure you share your thoughts and comments.

Upcoming Events: September 2011

2011-09-01T15:49:00.000-04:00

Happy September 1st. Here is a preview of some upcoming events in the Church and Diocese.

Sept. 8th: ECW Meeting in the Parish Hall at 6:30 pm.

Sept. 10th: The Men's Group will be meeting with the Men's Group of st. Thomas' again at 2 pm. Location to be announced. Contact Dave Schmitter for more information.

Sept. 11th: Vestry meeting after the 10 am service. All are welcome to attend.

Sept. 11th: Grace Church will present an Evensong to commemorate the 10th Anniversary of the September 11, 2001 tragedy. The Rt. Rev. Geralyn Wolf will officiate. The Rev. Cn. Jonathan Huyck will preach. Parking is available behind the church. All are welcome and encouraged to attend. It is at 5 pm at Grace Church, 175 Mathewson St, Providence.

Sept. 13th: Parish Life and Growth meeting at 7 pm held at the Schmitters' (Call a Schmitter for directions).

Sept. 17th: PL&G Wii Bowling Tournament. FREE! Come see if you can beat the Senior Warden at Wii Bowling or trash talking. 6:30 pm in the Parish Hall. Contact Dave for more information.

Sept. 18th: Parish Council Meeting after the 10 am Service.

Sept. 27th: ECW Meeting at 6:30 pm in the Parish Hall.

Coming Soon...Oct. 16th at 2 pm at ECC: the Men of St. Alban's and St. Thomas are hosting a Pig Roast. Get your tickets soon.

Remember Sunday October 2nd will be Mother Becky's last day...Don't miss these next few weeks with her.

I hope I did not forget anything.

dcs

Saying Those Three Little Words

2011-08-22T15:48:00.000-04:00

So, I have to admit my last post was a bit heavy. I know it plagued at least one person for awhile. To me, that is a very good sign. If y'all are thinking that's good thing, right? Anyway, I thought this post should be a little lighter than the last one. As the title suggests the topic is love and saying I love you. No, not to your sweetie, but to God. This idea came to mind as I was driving home from New York the other day (surprise, surprise right?). A song came on the radio and as I listened to the lyrics, I realized that the song could be sung not just to a loved one, but to God. Or, if you really wanna get deep, they could be the words from God to us. It seems that because we know God is all about love (or at least that is my thought), then these "love"songs can really be applied to our Christian lives. Perhaps we can learn a little about how to love God and how God loves us from these sappy songs.

Let me give you a few examples. I hope you will share some examples of your own in the comments. Please be advised that this is in no way a top five list of my favorite lone songs. They are simply love songs that clearly can teach us about God. Also, note these are "popular" songs not hymns. I use popular loosely because as you know from earlier posts my favorite music is not always the most popular. Finally, note that while many songs can teach us about God if we think about them, this does not apply to all love songs (in fact there are many love songs that if you listen to the lyrics, you realize that they are actually lust songs, not love songs). Ok here goes....

- "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi. This song came out when I was in sixth grade, the beginning of my long adolescence of rejection by woman. If you cannot hear God speaking to you in this, you won't hear any others. The lyric: "When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you." says it all. Don't we all want God to live in us and be our very breath?

- "More Than Words" by Extreme. This is the song that sparked this subject. I think I was in high school or middle school when this came out. What a perfect lesson, not just for relationships with people, but also with God. Yes, we need to say words I love you to God, but it says more when we show God we love him. How do we do that? Well, that's a personal statement for all us. To me, its by doing good work and leading by example. At the same time, sometimes while we know God loves us, we need to experience it beyond hearing it in Church to keep our faith alive.

- "You Are the Everything" by REM. My favorite band in high school and one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. "The stars are the greatest thing you've ever seen and they're there for you. For you alone, you are the everything." To me, this song speaks volumes for the love God has for us. God loves each and every one of us by giving us this beautiful Universe in which we live. "Everything is beautiful, you are so beautiful." Man, this could be a powerful statement of God's love for us and it cheers me up just thinking about it.

I am going to stop here for a couple of reasons. 1. Looking through my iPod, I am seeing more and more obscure songs and I want to try and stay on the beaten path here. 2. I wan to know what love songs have taught you about God.

A Little Logic Goes A Long Way

2011-08-11T19:00:00.000-04:00

"Cemetery Guns go bang bang bang
Shooting all the sky full of holes
Twenty-one times in row
For the blue war widow in the gray raincoat
On the green grass down below"
- Cemetery Guns by Fountains of Wayne

The above is the chorus of one of the songs on an album that I have been listening to non-stop for over a week. An interesting song about a military funeral. As soon as I heard it, it reminded me of a big news story a few years ago. You will probably remember it. You see, a church (which primarily consisted of a single family as I remember, I refuse to mention the name) took to protesting at the funerals of recently fallen military personnel. When you first hear this you might think they were protesting the latest war the United States was involved in. If you thought that then you would be wrong. Terribly wrong. No, they were protesting the growth of homosexual behavior in the United States. Seriously. (Shaking head)

How are the two related? Well, it seems, as best I can recall, this "church" saw these deaths as punishments to the US for our acceptance of homosexuals. Now, I should be fair here, a quick check of Wikipedia (not the best source, I realize) shows that they do not limit their protests to funerals. They will protest anything that will get them attention really, or so it seems. It seems they are angry about homosexuality, very angry.

Now, it would be easy to dismiss them as being homophobic, or delusional, or just crazy, and I do; but I think there is a spiritual question in this: Is God logical?

As a scientist, I have to believe God is logical, otherwise my entire education would be thrown out the window. The Lord works in mysterious ways, which is true. However, when you go back and look at the chain of events, there is always a logical progression to the end result. We may not understand why God chose a particular path for us, but we cannot argue that the steps that make up that path are not clearly connected. They always are. As I have learned about everything from the Universe to particles ten-thousand times smaller than the diameter of your hair, I have learned this Universe we live in is orderly and can be explained. It takes time to find it sometimes, but there is an explanation. Now scientists do not have all of the answers; (and there are some answers they will never be able to answer) but if you look at the answers they have found you will see they are primarily logical. When God created the Universe with the Big Bang, a logical Universe with causes and effects was created.

As I think about this "church's" argument, I cannot see any logical connection between the acceptance of homosexuality and deaths in a war. To me you would need to make some giant leaps in logic to make the connection between these two events. I just cannot believe that God works that way. In fact, if you think about the teachings of Jesus, which to me focus on loving one another, this "church" has it all wrong. God loves us. All of us. Doesn't it make sense then that God would not connect deaths in a war to a person's sexual orientation?

What do you think? Is God logical? Maybe I am choosing a poor example? Or am I just focusing on people that are clearly not logical? Is there an event that demonstrates that God is illogical to you? What do you think?

Lucky Town?

2011-07-31T21:23:00.000-04:00

As I was mowing the lawn yesterday, one of my favorite songs came on my iPod. This song is the type of song that when I hear the opening chords, I start jumping up and down feeling so psyched to hear it. The song: Lucky Town by the Boss (if you do not know the Boss, the Boss is Bruce Springsteen). Now, in case you are a hard-core fan of the Boss, I realize that maybe this isn't his "best work," but I just love this song. I know it is no "Born to Run," but something about this song speaks to me.

So, I am mowing away, jumping around (let me say, my neighbors must think I am a bit strange, but that's fine) and I got to thinking about luck. You see, I am not sure I really believe in luck. Oh sure, I wish people luck when something big is coming up. I always wish my students luck on their exams. I wished my mother-in-law luck as she got ready for a major surgery. I wish people luck, but I cannot say how much I believe in it. Do not get me wrong, I do not wish bad luck on anyone, I just do not know whether wishing anyone lucking really does anything.

This brings me back to the Boss. In "Lucky Town" the Boss sings:

"When it comes to luck you make your own
Tonight I got to dirt on my hands but I'm building me a new home"

I think this really sums up my feelings of luck. It doesn't exist. As the Boss puts it, luck is really what you make of your life. You don't get lucky, you work hard and earn what you worked for. When I talk about my education, I will sometimes joke about being lucky, but I know it's not true. I have worked hard (at times) in my life. I do not consider myself lucky to have a tenure-track job. I worked hard for that position and I work hard at my job. When I get tenure, I know it will be because I earned it, not just because of luck. Luck depends on how hard you work for what you want. At the same time, I know I did not do as well as an undergraduate as I could have because I did not work as hard as I could have. I did not make my own luck, I skated by and crossed my fingers. My students do not do well because I wished them luck, they do well because they worked hard on their studies. My mother-in-law did not have such a successful surgery because people wished her luck, it is because she worked hard to be healthy and her doctors worked hard to be the best surgeons they could be.

I think this is true in our Christian lives as well. While we know we are forgiven for our sins, that does not mean we are lucky. We need to work hard to become better Christians, to lead Christian lives. We will not achieve the ultimate goal with luck, we need to work on it. Just as the Boss has "dirt on his hands," we need to get our hands dirty and work hard if we want to build our own "new homes." We cannot be passive and just assume all will work out and we will be lucky. We need to work hard towards our goals, whatever they are.

What do you think? Is there such a thing as luck?

Meeting Up On The Other Side

2011-07-08T06:13:00.001-04:00

So, Kate and I had the inside of our house painted this past week. This of course meant moving tons of things around so tat the painter did not miss any spots. One day my task was to move books from a bookshelf to the basement and in the process I came across a cool book that is pretty spiritual. No, not the Bible (although that was on a different shelf), the book I came across was Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet in Heaven." Have you read this? Outstanding little story (quick read too). Now, it has been a long time since I read it but it got me thinking a bit. The general premise of the story is that as a person dies, they meet five people who have passed away that had a great influence on their lives. The people that are met are not necessarily "obvious choices" like parents or a spouse, but instead more obscure people. People that you may not automatically think of as an influence, but they tell the character about the story linking them. Albom apparently dedicated it to his Uncle to show how important he was to him. In any case, it is a very unique view of heaven and is very thought provoking.

Now, perhaps you are expecting me to launch into a long list of people that I think I might meet when I eventually reach this point in my life. I will not bore you with a long list, but I do want to mention one person that I know is waiting to tell me a tale, my close friend Ana. Death has been on my mind a lot lately. Not in the "Should we worry about Dave?" sense, in the same manner they worry when you talk about death in middle school. I think it is because we have lost several members of our parish this year, including two pillars of our Church. In any case, let me tell you the tale of Ana...

After my sophomore year in college, I stayed on campus for the summer rather than go home. Flexing my independence or something like that. I was working for the Residential Life office and we had to work with the campus conference office. This is how I met Ana. She worked for the conference office. We hit it off right away and became fast friends. We actually dated briefly, but that was never meant to be.

How do I describe Ana? Hmmm. Well, do you know the phrase "To know so-and-so is to love them?" Well, that is Ana. I never met a single person that had a negative thing to say about Ana. Ana was the nicest, friendlyiest person on Earth, ever. I often wondered what would happen if Ana, the happiest person on Earth, were to go to Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. Would the world explode? She wasn't happy in that annoying way when someone is not realistic and naive. She was realistic and smart. She just lived a positive life. I am not sure if Ana and I ever really talked about our faiths (I was not quite engaged in the Church when I knew her), but she led her life as a Christian more than anyone else I have ever known. What I mean is that, all she knew was love. We often joked about how I corrupted her because I would bring out a negative side of her. In reality, I knew she never meant any of it and I was the one that was really being lifted up. I never knew it then, but Ana was the one that taught me how to be a Christian.

I know that when my time comes, if I meet five, ten or four hundred people, Ana will be one of them. Smiling and joking with me. I hope she will look at me and see the positive impact she has had. In lieu of lists of people, let me ask you, who has taught you how to be a Christian? Where did you learn the right way?

Broken Glass

2011-06-11T08:12:00.000-04:00

"Your faith walks on broken glass."

That's a line from the Green Day song "21 Guns." My six-year-old nephew sings this song brilliantly, even though I assume he does not know what it means. Come to think of it, I am not sure what the song itself is about myself(interpretation is difficult for me, as you know). It is on my current playlist though because it is a cool song. As I was driving home the other day, the line above stuck out in my head and I cannot seem to shake it.

Now, let's think about this. Broken glass is sharp. So, walking on broken glass is difficult and must be done delicately and deliberately. Seems to make sense. You cannot just run across it, otherwise you will likely get a sharp piece of green glass in your foot. Not sure why it would need to be green, I guess it could be another color, the point is, you are likely to hurt yourself if you run at high speed just trying to get through it. Instead, you need to take your time. Watch your step. Plan your moves carefully to avoid hurting yourself. At the same time, as people walk across the glass, the pieces of glass break, change shape and move around, so our next trip has to be just as carefully planned as the first trip. Most importantly, there must be a reason for walking across the glass. Why would you walk on glass without a reason?

Isn't faith the same way? If we rush through our spiritual lives, we are going to get a big piece of spiritual glass in the foot. We need to watch our step and think about what we are doing and where it will take us in our spiritual growth. We also cannot just go through the motions without thinking about the path we are taking, there needs to be a plan of action and direction. Just as with the glass, most importantly, we need to have a reason for our faith. Going to Church just to go to Church, makes no sense. We need a reason to make it worthwhile to our spiritual growth. Otherwise we are just walking on broken glass.

Mean

2011-05-28T06:12:00.000-04:00

I have to admit that I am a sucker for "pop" music. Now, when I say "pop" I do not mean popular music, the stuff on the radio, most of that annoys me this day and age. "Pop" music to me typically has a catchy tune and chorus and makes you want to sing along every time you hear it. Think Hanson's "MMMMbop" or Britney's "Baby, One More Time" (you know before she went all mental). The other thing I am a sucker for is the banjo. I know, I know, this does not help my cool quotient (like being a juggler and a physicist made me cool anyway). Not sure what it is about the banjo, I just really dig the sound. Probably started when I heard Kermit the Frog play "The Rainbow Connection" one of my all-time favorite songs. So, anyway, I dig catchy pop music and the banjo, I cannot help it. So you will not be too surprised to hear that a song I heard recently that included both catchy tunes and a banjo hooked me. The song? "Mean" by Taylor Swift.

Now, I should point out country is not typically in my wheelhouse so to speak. Too twangy for me or something. Taylor Swift's tunes I dig though. Call it a guilty pleasure or whatever, I just think her songs are catchy (which I dig). What is it about this song that makes me want to write about it here? Well, to me, the song is about bullying. The lyric of the chorus says is all: "Why do you have to be so mean?" An obvious interpretation of this to consider bullying amongst teenagers. This is quite a hot button issue these days as parents try to find a solution to cyber bullying. It also seems very relevant to think about at Church. After all, Jesus taught us to be nice and good to one another.

I think about bullying and being mean and my mind drifts towards adults. Yes, bullying amongst teenagers is bad and causes a lot of pain, but isn't it just as bad in adults? Not only that, when we are mean in front of children and teenagers we are just showing them how it is ok to be mean. I have to admit it, I tend to be a bully at times. The example I always think of is "Chad". Chad was one of the other students I shared an office with while in graduate student. To put it bluntly, I found Chad to be an easy target. He had some quirks that we found strange and gave him a hard time about frequently. Looking back, I realize I was bullying him. Not in the give me your lunch money sense, but in the sense that I was mean for no other reason than to be mean.

Guys do this a lot. Say mean things to other guys just to be mean. We think of it as some kind of bonding I guess. Really its just macho garbage. I always end up getting caught up in it. As you know, I am always looking for the cheap one-liner that will make others laugh and if I can hone in on something about someone that will make others laugh, I grab it and run with it. This is bad and I know it. I always regret it afterwards, but that does not help. I am not saying joking around with your friends and family isn't ok. I would bet Jesus razzed his buds. The point is trying to find the line between laughing with someone and laughing at someone.

I should point out that besides the regret and guilt God has provided me with, I have also been punished. Have you ever noticed that I say things like yo, y'all, trivial, and eh very frequently? I honestly believe this is punishment for my bullying and being mean long ago. Making fun of people that said these things has resulted in them being added into my lingo. Now, to make fun of those people, I am making fun of myself.

This punishment does not really fit the crime. It doesn't really solve the problem as much as make me re-think things afterwards. Instead, I need to be more proactive. So, I am challenging myself to be nicer. When there is an easy joke to make at another's expense, I am going to try to think twice. Bullying stops with each of us, and the only way to combat it is to think more about what we say. Sometimes our words hurt others and we should think about that before we go for the cheap laugh. Now, I warn you this is process I am not fully prepared to take on. I will probably be mean still, but I hope to be less so. I hope to find the fine line between razzing a friend or family member while laughing with them and making fun of someone while laughing at them.

Unrealistic Expectations

2011-05-08T07:42:00.000-04:00

I feel bad and feel the need to apologize to y'all. Over the last few months I have received many compliments from people about how things are running in the Church these days and I have not responded appropriately. There are two reasons for this: (1) I am not doing this alone, there are many people working to keep our Church strong, and (2) I never really take compliments well. The first reason is the most important. I am really doing very little. The Vestry is working together to get everything done and make sure everything continues to run smoothly. I would be in a very bad spot without each Vestry member. They are all doing fabulous work. If I do not say it enough to people I apologize. The second reason is one that has been a problem for me for a long time and I am looking to God for help on.

I have never taken compliments well. I am at my most awkward when someone pays me a compliment (well, maybe not most awkward, but definitely in the top 5). I have always been this way. I know I am supposed to say thank you and return with a similar compliment. Whenever I do this, I feel it comes across as fake because I did not initiate it. I feel like I am just returning a compliment to be polite and that feels fake. At the same time, I feel if I do not return a compliment, then I am a punk-jerk (whatever that may be).

I think this all points to a bigger problem: I put unrealistic expectations upon myself. I mentioned this to Kate the other day and her response was "Duh, do you think?". I do not think it is perfectionism. I am fine when things are not perfect, after all I am human. I just set very lofty goals for myself. For example, at the end of the day at work, I bring home stacks of papers to grade, books to prepare lectures, other books to read; knowing full well that by the time I get home and eat dinner, I will only have a couple hours to get anything done. Another example is this blog. I know that it will only be successful if something is written regularly; however, I do not have enough time or interesting thoughts to write something everyday. Instead, I try to write something once a week; but this has even been troublesome for me lately. Rather than realize that it is ok to let some things slip, I feel disappointed in myself for not finding the time for it.

There are millions of examples where I disappoint myself because I have expectations in myself that no rational person should expect to meet. This is a fault of mine that I have known about for awhile (and I am disappointed in myself that I have not fixed it yet, ironic eh?). The problem is this: how do I fix it? I honestly do not know. I am praying about it, but I do not know the solution.

To me this is an interesting question: what are God's expectations for us? Does God have the same expectations for me as I do? Are God's expectations loftier than mine? Or does God just want me to love others and treat them as I would want to be treated? Will we ever know the answers? Does the fact that I come up with these unrealistic expectations mean that God has larger plans for me? Or is God trying to teach me a lesson about time management?

What do you think God's expectations are for you? Are they consistent with your own expectations? In the meantime, please forgive me for my awkwardness and let me thank you all for the support you have given me. Thanks.

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T07:33:00.000-04:00

May the Lord Bless All Mother's and their Children on this very special day.

Happy Mother's Day!

Love,

Your St. Alban's Family.

I Feel Fine Because I Have My Time Alone

2011-05-03T22:05:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite songs of all time is R.E.M's "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)." I heard it in the car for the first time in ages this morning and it pumped me up. (I also alleviated the problem of it not being on my iPod this morning, what a tragedy that was). What stands out in my mind about this song is part of the chorus. The chorus has a line sung high in the background: "It's time I had some time alone."

That lyric always stands out in my mind. Here is this manic song with words all over the place talking about the end of the world and in the background is the rational voice saying it is time to find some time alone. It is funny to me that this song was written in the 1980's but is even more relevant now. We are constantly bombarded with information these days. Constantly. Twitter. Facebook. The internet. When we turn on the news, we don't just get the news. We get the news with the latest updates and headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen with the upcoming stories listed on the side to let us know what we might miss. There's no way to escape it, or is there?

Of course we can escape it, we can find our "time alone." Where is that rational place where we can find time alone? How about talking to God? That's how I find my time alone, escaping from the hectic world that is out there. Prayer. You are never really alone of course, not with God right by your side, but taking the time to talk to God, away from the rest of the world will help you to escape from the world and refocus yourself.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T06:15:00.000-04:00

The Lord is Risen indeed! Alleluia! Not much more to say on this very special day is there? Happy Easter everyone.