StarDroppings.com

Don't Look it Directly in the Eyes

2010-11-03T15:09:00.004-04:00

Before I go kicking a can down a dusty dirt road because Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus filed for divorce following her affair with Bret Michaels, some good news:

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are broke.

While some may be enraged that Pratt has told Life and Style Magazine that the two are considering bankrupcy and public assistance, they have not looked at the bright side: there is nobody to finance her music career.

And if you think the first story didn't get enough attention, it's because the picture that would have accompanied it would have been so distracting, you would have been busted staring at this site at your desk. I don't want anyone to get fired. What's that? You're not scared? Well, OK then, here goes.... but I have to warn you, if you lean back and forth in front of it, the heavily-lined eyes follow you...

A Testament to Charlie Sheen

2010-11-02T12:52:00.003-04:00

Charlie Sheen's number one fan, Josef Fritzl, better known as the Incest Monster, or the man who imprisoned and raped his own daughter for 24 years, fathering seven children with her, was recently interviewed by German celebrity news site Bild.com, saying: .

"I hate hairdressers more than dentists." And: "My favorite show is Two and a Half Men."

So, there you have it, Charlie Sheen. Sleep well tonight know that there's a core demographic for everyone.

Friday's Something Stupid is Post #300, You're Welcome

2010-10-29T11:02:00.004-04:00

We would have been much further along, but several posts had to be deleted for questionable material (blushes, then high-fives self).

Anyway, I don't know what it is about this video, but I have watched it about a hundred times, and am always caught by surprise. Don't let the title of the video fool you into thinking there must be more to it. There isn't.

Audrina Patridge Has a Mother?

2010-10-28T08:53:00.003-04:00

Audrina Patridge's mother was found alone on a cement step by Hollywood.tv following her daughter's Dancing with the Stars elimination on Tuesday night, which clears up a lot for me. It took me awhile to figure out why Jillian Michaels was so upset. She says in this video:

"When one door closes another one opens," Lynn slurred as a friend tried to bring her inside. "Audrina is going to f---ing rise. She's got class. You know why? She's a Polish, Catholic, f---ing full-on Italian. Not only that, she was raised right. And I don't give a s--t. It's all American."

I've been looking for the recipe for class for years. Thanks, Lynn!

Indulge:

Why Would You Share the Good News Before Your Album Drops?

2010-10-26T09:42:00.004-04:00

There's a leak in Hollywood that's not just coming from Paris Hilton. Sources are saying Mariah Carey is expecting a baby boy to come out of her womb in March that's not Nick Cannon.

The same sources are saying that they're not going public with the news until she begins promoting her Christmas album. Publicity Cannon has a lovely ring to it, just sayin'.

Friday's Something Stupid

2010-10-22T14:53:00.002-04:00

Because I'm seeing Chelsea Handler tonight.

More Spectacular Parenting Ideas

2010-10-21T15:20:00.004-04:00

If you like the latest Got Milk ad, please sign the attached petition for Build-A-Bear Workshop to start making a limited edition "Ted E. ShowMeWhereHeTouchedYou," because you will find it equally appealing. The whole curvy mother/teenaged son "got milk" was only slightly creepy to begin with, but throw mommy in a tight tee, press her back-to-back spread-eagle with the kid and you've got yourself some dairy porn.

Your move, parents who found the Glee article in GQ offensive.

Practical Clothing for the Toddler with Important Meetings to Attend

2010-10-21T13:41:00.006-04:00

Jennifer Lopez and her Twins, Max and Emme, are the come-hither faces of Gucci's overpriced and and surprisingly-similar-to-their-adult-clothing children's clothing line (seriously, how much creativity does it take to make the same outfits ten sizes smaller?). J Lo's three husbands can confirm she knows what turns men on: bedroom eyes and an overdressed twin on each hip.

By now you have seen the Glee ~~full-grown-adult's~~ kids' GQ spread that has the Parent's Television Council up in arms. Have they seen this yet? Compartively, Jennifer Lopez is dangling sexualized underaged tackle into a pedophile pond.

In case you're a teen girl who learned the downside of single parenthood from Bristol Palin, this is a terrific reminder that children are the best way to look sexy and land your man. Thanks, Gucci!

An Obligatory Dancing with the Stars Post

2010-10-20T08:40:00.003-04:00

We're at the halfway point in another endless season of Dancing with the Stars. The first few castoffs were obvious, but even though we've trimmed the fat, it seems we still have a situation (d'oh!).

Though she survived the week of sitcom-icon-parent deaths... so far... Florence Henderson was sent packing last night, making it clear that Bristol Palin is Season Eleven's Sanjaya.

Thus far, her status has not been confirmed by VoteForTheWorst.com, which has only made mention of Michael Bolton and Margaret Cho, but I did run into this gem of an American Idol Myspace audition. Feast your ears:

American Idol Audition - 410954084

American Idol Auditions | Myspace Video

Excellent Decision, Mark Salling

2010-10-20T08:26:00.003-04:00

Kudos to Mark Salling's business advisor. If you don't know who Mark Salling is, he plays Puck on television's number one show, Glee. And you know what you should do at the height of your career? Take a break to launch your crappy solo career.

Marinate in the suckfest that is Illusions from the upcoming album Pipe Dreams:

Seau Sad

2010-10-18T13:24:00.007-04:00

Junior Seau, a 20-year NFL linebacker with San Diego Chargers, the New England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins was arrested on suspicion of domestic violence early this morning. After his release, he drove his SUV over a cliff in Carlsbad, California and survived.

Because they're hella-creepy, TMZ already has pictures:

Kim Kardashian Breaks No News, Makes Headlines

2010-10-18T08:05:00.004-04:00

In a recent interview with Us Magazine, Kim Kardashian uses the word "evolve" a lot:

As far as the clothes she wears on that famous bod, Kim added that her "style has evolved to be a little more sophisticated" as she's gotten older. "It'll probably just keep on evolving in that direction."

Oddly enough, the same picture that accompanies the article is posted above. It screams a little less "sophisticated" and a little more "slutty first communion", don't you think? Ooh! Someone get me Walgreen's on the phone immediately! This would go GREAT with their Halloween costume line that includes Whore Nurse, Whore Nun, Whore Slut and Whore Girl Scout!

She also tells Us that, at thirty (as of October 21st), she is too old to be posing nude. Could someone please pass that memo to Lisa Rinna?

Friday's Something Stupid

2010-10-15T15:34:00.006-04:00

On Fridays, it seems all the smart has been drained right out of me. Sure, I think I'm smart. You may probably didn't notice (jerk), but I have taken several Fridays off to keep from posting garbage (well, garbagier than usual). So I started a new tradition: Friday's Something Stupid. Every Friday, I will share a ridiculous video I found on my magic computer machine. How does it do that?

This week, I present sweet Shia LaBeouf sitting at a coffee shop in Washington DC when he suddenly decides to jump up from his seat, grab his coffee, dump it on a retreating photographer and run like a rabbit. Enjoy.

Taylor Swift Sings an Apology to Probably Taylor Lautner

2010-10-14T16:03:00.004-04:00

In true Taylor Swift fashion, she puts her feelings about an ex-boyfriend in the form of a number one hit. Many are speculating that it's Taylor Lautner because they broke up around December last year. Not that I would ever admit to knowing that (have you been reading my diary?). Here are some lyrics:

So this is me swallowing my pride,Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,And I go back to December all the time.Turns out freedom aint nothing but missing you,Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I go back to December all the time.

I'm not saying she's insincere, but a lot of tweens and creeps like myself will download this song because it's about our favorite singer's private sexy relationship with our favorite movie star from our favorite movie about our favorite book. I'm also not saying that if she's really trying to impress a teenage boy, it's not her pride he's too interested in having her swallow. I'm talking about Red Bull, you pervert. They're teenagers. Teenagers love Red Bull.

In Lieu of Deodorant

2010-10-13T12:57:00.005-04:00

Courteney Cox and David Arquette, Christina Aguilera and Bilbo Baggins, what a sad weekend. Let's talk about love. I was just reading some delightful wedding details from the Crystal Bowersox-Brian Walker nuptials in People Magazine:

Bowersox, 25, wore an Earth-friendly hemp and cotton gown from Vermont designer Tara Lynn that features macramé, seashell and bead detailing and was created in the designer’s solar-powered studio.

I didn't read anything about the patchouli incense centerpieces or the b.o.-themed dance floor, but let's hope anyone from Child Protective Services was given open-bar privileges.

When you see this story on Entertainment Tonight, you can finally be thankful you didn't shell out the extra fifty bucks for smell-o-vision. ZING!

So Brittarded

2010-10-07T11:29:00.004-04:00

If studies show the best way to celebrate the end of your conservatorship is to act like a mental patient incapable of dressing yourself, then Britney Spears deserves a "you go girl." While out shopping in LA yesterday, she ditched her boring "normal people jeans" and "bra" and put on a cardigan, rain boots and the only satin-and-lace nightie I have ever seen that can make a camel toe. I hope the California court system is high fiving itself today, because this woman should not be out on the streets until the very last time, "I hope those children are with Kevin Federline" is uttered.

Rumer Doesn't Have It. Well, She Might.

2010-10-06T09:51:00.005-04:00

So, Rumer Willis and her boyfriend, Micah Alberti, broke up. Believe it or not, he was dating up, even though you may recognize him as an extra on two of your favorite cancelled soap operas, American Pie (not one, two, or wedding): Band Camp, or the made-for-TV blockbuster Xtra Credit. While we can only speculate what led to the demise of their relationship, let's face it: nobody to have their clothes stolen. Or their penis ointment.

Kourtney and Khloe Take New York: Now with Finger Quotes!

2010-10-05T13:35:00.008-04:00

Disclaimer: While it should not be an accepted societal practice, making little quotes with your fingers in the air to emphasize a point isn't nearly as obnoxious as the Kardashians spelling everything with a K, so please indulge me and wiggle your fingers as you read along.

Kourtney and Khloe are doing it again in Kourtney and Khloe Take New York. If "four people listening to your 3am radio show" and "accidentally getting pregnant" constitute "taking" a city, then congrats ladies, Miami was a rousing success, but the only thing Kourtney should be "taking" right now is "care of her baby". And the only way Khloe should be "taking" a city is "Stay-Puft-style."

Move over Mason, Auntie Khloe and the Marshmellow Man need a little privacy to make a real reality baby.

The Original Wonder Bra Returns to TV

2010-10-04T09:04:00.012-04:00

Back in 2005, before most of my readers were born, Hollywood was trying to get a green light for a remake of Wonder Woman. The project never flew, leaving fans devestated, unable to eat for weeks, losing sleep on their tear-soaked pillows and hanging up on their mothers. Sorry, mom.

Now David E. Kelley is trying to bring the series back to the small screen without a time machine or a crappy network. Wait, what station was Ally McBeal on? OK, maybe a crappy network. The speculating has already begun and Ashley Greene's name has appeared on several blogs. You may recognize her from those vampire movies. Or not. Nobody saw them. Seriously, if she's looking for a career boost, a seventies superhero series sounds a lot more stable.

I heard Courtney Love was fighting for the role until she learned "heroine" just meant "girl hero".

Selena Gomez Insults My Boyfriend

2010-10-04T08:54:00.004-04:00

That's it, Selena Gomez, I'm ripping down all my Wizards of Waverly Place posters. Unless "the Bieber" is code for "his pants." In that case, respect restored.

Well Played, The One That's Not Whitney

2010-09-30T18:16:00.002-04:00

The half sister of Whitney Houston and rumored mistress of Matt Lauer, Alexis Houston, appeared on Britain's This Morning last week and I guess the footage just arrived via messenger pigeon because I would have gotten it to you much sooner if I could have.

In an apparent effort to throw the tabloids off the scent of her alleged homewreckingness, she surrounded herself with the only four queens in the UK with no rhythm. It's also a terrific way to save money on backup dancers.

Save youself the suspense and skip to the 3 minute mark.

Teen Mom Might Get Twice as Famous

2010-09-29T15:16:00.005-04:00

Because nothing says "I learned my lesson" like getting pregnant again, OK! Magazine is reporting that Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham has been sporting unusually loose-fitting clothing at Hollywood events and around her hometown. Funny, some loose-fitting clothing may have kept her out of this situation to begin with. But with rumors swirling about her and the cast of Jersey Shore, perhaps someone needs to help the Situation out of her.

How Dare You Judge Me??

2010-09-29T13:51:00.005-04:00

Michael Bolton is demanding an apology from Dancing with the Stars judge Bruno Tonioli after getting.... judged. He claims that his 90 year old mother flew in to enjoy the show, but instead had to watch her son be disrepected on national television, and is distressed. You know what is even more distressing? His dancing. It can't be fun to watch your son's easy listening career go down to tubes only to watch him try to recussitate it twenty years later with ballroom dancing.

Dear Michael Bolton,

You will get an apology from Bruno, the judge, when you call me personally to apologize for How Can We Be Lovers. And your hairdo. They oth gave me nightmares from 1987-1994. Good day. - Star Droppings Dot Com

Sexy in the City

2010-09-29T08:08:00.004-04:00

Why is Vivid Entertainment beating down Heidi and Spencer's door when there's hot-and-heavy real-life couple Christine Marinoni and Sex and the City's Cynthia Nixon?? Isn't the whole, "two-women together" thing every man's fantasy? Come on, Vivid, let's get with the program and give the people what they want.

Prison Cells are Quieter and Less Crowded Anyway

2010-09-28T18:39:00.005-04:00

Here's the mug shot taken of Bryan Masche from WE tv's Raising Sextuplets while he was booked for resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and threatening domestic violence. He and his wife, Jenny Masche, have formally announced their separation.

People Magazine has the exclusive story, entitled, "Inside Story: Why the Raising Sextuplets Couple Split Up." I can give you six reasons (hint: they're all Jon Gosselin).

You're welcome, collectors of douchey mug shots, you're welcome.