Steady Mom

Learning Flexibility Together

2010-03-09T20:46:04-05:00

The following post is written by Steady Mom's monthly contributor, Hillary.

Think about it. Your very stubborn (and cute) two-year-old (five-year-old, eight-year-old) has put their foot down.

They absolutely, without a doubt will not wear that shirt (go to the post office, brush their teeth, kiss Grandma hello).

You stand head to head. Both of you with your strong wills, desires and good reasons of wanting what you want.

You know that shirt has smuck on it (this bill needs to be mailed today, we don't want cavities, and we need to respect and love Grandma).

They feel like a super-hero in their favorite shirt and the smuck doesn't bother them (they're sick of doing errands and don't want to interrupt their play, who the heck even knows what a cavity is, and they resent being forced to show affection when they don't feel like it).

Now imagine that your child stops, reassess the situation and adjusts their stance.

"Sure mom-- I'll change my shirt for dinner with the neighbors."

("I'll come to the post office and bring my great attitude. I'll brush my teeth and take your word that it's important and sure I'll kiss Grandma--I know it means a lot to her.")

Ahhhhhh....wouldn't life be wonderful?

Wouldn't our heart just swell with relief as we melted into the joy that comes from a cooperative relationship?

Let's turn it around. What if we as parents stopped every now and again, reassessed and adjusted our stance?

Where in our world can we bend to make our child's life flow a little easier? Where are the places we can gift them with cooperation even if we've already taken a stand?

Humility and flexibility are much greater lessons to pass along than a rigid, "I can't go back on my word.....I already said no."

How can we as parents model flexibility and cooperation as valuable and important life skills?

Hillary is a thoughtful mother, loving wife, and a conscientious cook and consumer. She credits her two boys (& a baby on the way!) to her ever expansive knowledge base and blogs about mindful family living at infinitelearners.com.

The Good Day Cheer (Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge)

2010-03-08T20:51:02-05:00

Photo by Ed.

As soon as my eyes open in the morning, I try to begin nurturing the positive spirit I need to have a good day.

In looking for a way to pass these good vibes to the kids, I stumbled upon the good day cheer.

It goes like this:

Before breakfast we stand together and hold hands in a circle. Then walking around we chant:

We're gonna have a good day
We're gonna have a good day
We're gonna have a good day
Hooray!

(Envision silly jumps and clapping at the end.)

It is IMPOSSIBLE to do the good day cheer without smiling.

Try it, I dare you.

I thought the excitement of the cheer would wear off after a while--but my kids love it, will not let me forget it, and beg to do it every morning.

So if you're looking for a way to blanket your household in a good day mindset, feel free to steal this idea.

It's made our days even happier ones.

Jamie is founder of this little spot called Steady Mom, editor of the blog Simple Homeschool, mama to three cute kids born on three different continents, and author of Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional, Professional Motherhood.

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Thanks for participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge, held here each Tuesday. Please join us! You can read more about it here.

In the spirit of the challenge, take a little time to visit the links of fellow bloggers - but not too much time! Say it with me - "Only 30 Minutes!"

Do you have a 30-minute post you'd like to share? Link up below! Make sure your post links back to this post on Steady Mom, and that your link on MckLinky goes directly to your 30-minute post - no general home pages, please! Otherwise your link will be deleted, and I'll be sad.

Please note that the links will close at 11pm EST on Tuesday, in order to avoid any spammers.

Why You Shouldn't Adopt

2010-03-07T19:57:05-05:00

Photo by Desirea Rodgers

(Next week I'll begin the adoption series many of you have requested. So it seemed like a good time to replay this post as well. It was first published on March 17, 2009.)

I love adoption. It radically changed my world. I've had the unique experience of "birthing" in two vastly different ways - for that I'm so grateful.

Adoption is far from "Plan B." I hope many will consider it.

How amazing would it be to see a cultural shift where people wanting a family would ask, "Should we have biological children or should we adopt? Should we do both?"

But adoption isn't for everyone. All of us have different gifts that can be used to help others.

Adoption was a natural expression of our family's desire to help. And it has led me on a journey I never envisioned.

One of extreme highs and lows - dark, lonely pain and overwhelming, shout-out-loud joy.

I wouldn't change a thing.

People sometimes mention how wonderful we are for choosing adoption when we can also have biological children. But we didn't adopt because we're amazing or wonderful people - we adopted because we wanted to.

And it's easy to do what you want to do, isn't it?

We believed there were two children in the world who needed us. And we needed them.

Adoption was the right thing at the right season, and it brought our children home.

So if you've never done so, please consider adoption. Staggering numbers of children in the US and world need families.

But don't adopt because there's a need or because it's a nice idea.

Adopt because you really, really want to. Adopt because you must.

And if you don't want to, then don't. Revel in the freedom of translating your talents into help for others your own way.

Giving back isn't optional when we're aiming to raise globally-minded children. But the expressions will be as beautiful and varied as our diverse personalities.

Each expression is valid.

Following our passions to make a difference fuels our lives and our mothering with enthusiasm.

By giving back we find ourselves - and wow, it's a worthwhile discovery.

Inspiration for Your Weekend

2010-03-05T00:00:00-05:00

A couple of weekends ago we whisked the kids away for a mini-vacation...

- Shame Off You @ chatting at the sky

- Creating a Healthy Blog/Life Balance @ Organizing Your Way

- A Few Words About Fear @ Finslippy (Oh, how I get this now!)

- Fighting the Tyranny of the Urgent at Home @ Simple Mom

- Homemade Scented Gel Paints @ New Nostalgia

- A Mom, A Laptop, A Journey: Blogging from Kenya @ We Are THAT Family

And a few more photos of our winter getaway:

Our first family overnight in a hotel...

Indoor pool to keep the troops busy (although 2 out of 3 preferred the hot tub!)...

Treats to keep big and little people happy...

Enjoy your weekend!

A Steady Days Excerpt - Enthusiasm

2010-03-03T20:45:00-05:00

(I thought it would be fun a couple of times a month to share a short excerpt from my book Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional, Professional Motherhood - Enjoy!)

An important aspect of being an intentional mother is loving what you do and translating that love to others. Whatever your career choice, enthusiasm can make you a professional.

I was reminded of this recently by one of the workers who picks up our garbage every Tuesday. Carl is my three-year-old son’s hero, and he always puts a smile on my face as well.

Every week as he passes by our house, he looks up at our window, where at least one, if not all three, of my children stand in awe, watching.

He raises his hand in a celebrity-style wave, a smile gleaming on his face. We feel encouraged as he continues on his way.

True professionals inspire others. Enthusiasm is contagious, so surround yourself with others who are passionate about their life’s work.

Enthusiastic friends motivate and encourage us to continue on our chosen path, even in the midst of daily challenges.

I’m convinced that children also want to be around this positive type of influence. If we don’t love what we do as mothers, our children notice quickly. Our attitudes, positive or negative, influence them in a matter of minutes.

How can we convey our love for them?

By choosing to enjoy the daily tasks we perform, embracing the moments that will never be back again. We can stop what we’re doing when they need attention, letting them know how important they are.

It’s easy, both in motherhood and in our other careers, to begin with high hopes, yet quickly become discouraged.

I’ve found, through my own experience and talking with other mothers, that the most continually effective moms have gone through what I call a “motherhood conversion” experience.

I can remember the first Thanksgiving after the birth of my son. We had been invited over to a friend’s house for a traditional dinner. When we arrived, my two-month-old was asleep in his car seat.

I had heard that you should let your baby learn to sleep through noises, so even though my host offered to let me put Jonathan in a separate room, I said I was sure he’d be okay out in the main area.

Guess who was awake less than ten minutes later?

From that moment on, I was completely distracted by my little bundle of neediness. Just when I sat down to eat, he cried. Throughout the night, I had to stop what I was doing and never got to finish a conversation, and by the end of the evening I felt a little resentful.

Driving home that night, I thought, “Wow. I’m not going to be able to do what I want anymore.” Multiply that by the three amazing children I now have, and you can imagine this type of situation occurs frequently in my life.

The other shocking fact, which I knew before having children (but you never really understand until you live it), is the idea that there are no holidays from mothering.

Growing up with the traditional school year filled with holidays and long summer breaks or working in jobs with vacation time and sick days doesn’t prepare parents for this completely consuming role.

Even if you work outside the home, at the end of your “work day,” you are transitioning to another job. It’s a beautiful job—don’t get me wrong—but downtime is generally a thing of the past. These are some of the things that surprised me about motherhood.

Gradually, however, I began to welcome the dynamics of my new life.

I decided to try and embrace them as wholeheartedly as possible, instead of fighting inner battles over the interruptions to “my” time. This was my conversion experience.

Once I was able to accept the fullness of my new life, it then became possible to enjoy it much more.

**Want to keep reading? Head here to order your own copy of Steady Days--hope you enjoy it!**

What to Do When Daddy's Away (AKA-Helping Mommy Survive Without Losing Her Mind)

2010-03-02T20:45:00-05:00

Photo by Mark Michaelis

The following is a guest post by Steve Martin (not the comedian--Jamie's husband).

This morning I left the Philippines to begin over 20 hours of flying home to Jamie and the kids.

I'm somewhere between Korea and New York right now and I've never been more grateful for an open seat to stretch out during this long flight.

My job with Love146 requires regular travel, and while it adds extra family challenges we view it a privilege to meet with some of the most remarkable people and children in the world.

A traveling parent is something that many families experience.

I've come to see that whether I'm headed to Asia, Europe or simply a night away in a nearby state--for Trishna, Jonathan or Elijah the effect is the same. I'm gone.

For them, life just feels "different" and they may not be able to express the interruption to their routine as well as we can.

Photo by Hajime Nakano

When your family's daily routine changes, it affects your children. The change doesn't even have to be travel--it could be relatives visiting, an illness, or a busy season of extra work.

Here are a few tactics Jamie and I have discovered to help our kids during these times.

1. Don't surprise them.

We talk to our children about upcoming changes a few days in advance. It gives them time to process, allows them to ask questions and to get involved in the preparations.

2. Don't change more than is absolutely necessary.

During times of change try to keep the daily rhythm constant, following similar patterns where possible. Let reading time, rest time, meal times, and so on happen when they usually would.

3. Keep changes as short as possible.

This is something we're fierce about. I was only in Manila for two days. Yes, I spent more time traveling than on the ground!

Make a conscious decision to be home as much as possible when you can--give the gift of stability to your children.

4. Flexibility is the key.

Although Jamie keeps most of our typical routine the same while I'm away, she also factors in plenty of special treats--meals out, a new museum, fun things to take little minds off of missing each other.

5. Focus on the positive.

It's all too easy to think about the negative when you're apart from your loved ones, but in our family we make a special effort to keep things positive.

So last week we talked about how cool it is that Daddy can go help the children in the Love146 Round Home. I emailed photos of the plane before take off for Elijah and I promised Trishna that I would come home as quickly as possible.

Love146 Round Home in the Philippines

6. Pace your routine changes.

We make sure that our calendars are synced so we don't schedule major routine disruptions back to back.

We allow enough space for things to return to "normal" and stay there for a while before adding another change to the schedule.

I'll get home tonight around midnight.

I'll keep my word to the kids and kiss them as they sleep - who can resist! Then tomorrow, as every Sunday morning, it's pancake time.

I'll dive straight back into our daily traditions and our intentional routine.

**What helps your family cope with changes in your life routine?**

Steve met Jamie at the age of 15 and has been chasing her around the world ever since. They got married 12 years ago--long before steady parenting was a part of their daily thoughts.

Steve works as the Director of Operations for Love146, whose mission is "the abolition of child sex trafficking and exploitation. Nothing Less." Find him on Twitter - @stevelove146.