steady as she goes

Tuesday Tunes

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 16:19:00 +0000

The Damn Quails - Me and the Whiskey

Going to try to shift into the positive and get back to me.. so i'm going to start sharing music on Tuesdays... here is a great Oklahoma band that just released their new album. Love this track. It's not the best audio quality, but you can still enjoy it!

A Little Bit Stronger

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 20:53:00 +0000

This has become a daily theme song. I'm not usually a country fan but I'm finding myself drawn to more country, country-folk stuff lately. I had heard the song not but days before at my parents house, they were watching some concert thing on CMT and she was singing this. A few lyrics in and I was in tears, had to leave the room until it was over. Then Leslie sent me this a few days later.. I gave it a go and while it still made me cry, it was a different kind of tears that flowed out. It was tears of strength knowing that I can, I will come out of this on the other side and be stronger, be better. I will. I have to. I have a lot of people that care about me, love me, and many I love and I will not let this situation take me down. I refuse.

While I don't have a lot of trust and faith in much lately, I know there is a better future out there for me.

change

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 22:31:00 +0000

so much has changed since that last blog post.. i don't even want to write about it here, but my life is not what it was, not what i want it to be, but it is what it is. every single day my goal is to get out of bed and make it through the day. so far, i've been doing that. soon another goal will be added, then another, and slowly but surely i will find my footing, i will find my stride, and i will come out of this a bit braver, a bit stronger, a bit saner, and i will have peace.

alive

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 02:54:00 +0000

still alive. lots going on these days and i'm just too exhausted to talk about it all. could use some good thoughts sent my way and my families way, please.

food for thought

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 20:04:00 +0000

this weekend i was down in texas to visit some family. you see, my uncle had been hospitalized with what turns out to be congestive heart failure and arterial fibrillation. two big scary sounding things. my grandmother has type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and takes more pills than i can keep up with. my uncle now has 7 new prescriptions to help "manage" the CHF. he is in denial about the state of his health and so is my grandma about hers.

and guess what, i'm pretty stupid too. i know all the things i should do, all the things i shouldn't. i know the good, the bad, the ugly, the smart. i KNOW all the things i need to know. i just don't know how to make the changes so that i don't end up like my grandmother and uncle.

my mom and brother have gone through these amazing transformations, losing so much weight and becoming very healthy. i'm so proud of them for what they achieved (and continue to do). hell, my brother is about to do a triathlon! never in my life did i think that would happen. he eats more vegetables than i do and cooks now too. i am in awe of what they have done and have said it over and over countless times since they started their new lives.

i just don't know why i can't do it. why can i give friends advice on what to eat, how to exercise when i'm not putting it into practice?

when i eat things i know i shouldn't, i do feel physically ill. like last week when i went out to dinner with some friends, we ate and drank without regard and afterwards all i wanted to do was throw up. gee, not a good thing huh?

i KNOW all the things i need to do, i want to do. i WANT TO!! i just can't seem to get this train in motion to do it.

i know its an excuse i use about having a husband and a daughter to also feed and look after and i'm sure my meat eating husband wouldn't want to give it up, but have i even really bothered talking to him much more than barely mentioning the subject? not really. i think if whatever we do, it will be gradual especially with trying to get our daughter on board.

i want to get rid of the processed foods, the crap, i want more whole foods in our diet. i want to lose weight but really i just want the ticking time bomb to go away. i don't wan tto end up like my grandmother (diabetic, obese), my uncle (2 heart attacks), my father-in-law (also a diabetic on insulin who has had multiple heart attacks and bypass). i don't want my life to revolve around my health and weight in a negative way. i want to get back on my bike and ride, i want to go swimming again, i want to be able to play soccer and softball without fear of passing the hell out.

sitting here thinking about all my fave foods and how could i "live" without it.. i need to start saying "how can i live continuing like this".... so let's begin... it didn't get here overnight so its not going to go away that quickly either, so small steps.. achievable goals. those work for me.

first step: not buying anymore crap -- i've done this before and then let myself fall back into it. no more, i haven't gone to the store yet so it'll be easy to say "nope, this isn't coming home anymore". this includes when i go out to lunch. i need to make better choices, find places where i can eat more whole, good foods. this may be challenging but i'm up for it.
second step: reevaluating what's in the fridge and pantry and get rid of the things that don't need to be there!

that's what i'm going to work on this week along with meal planning. i've got meals to cook for my family and i know i'm going to have to do more for myself as we start this but i'm out of time. i really am. i feel like if i don't get off this crazy round about, i done and i don't want to be done, i don't want to not enjoy my life. i want to be able to do whatever i want! i want to live. i want this to be the last time i write a blog like this saying i need to change. hell i could fill a book up with those posts already.

the time is now.

E is for Exhaustion

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sun, 22 May 2011 19:17:00 +0000

so i've been a little missing in action from blogging, from keeping track of the days, from just about everything except work lately. good thing my upgrade is done and i can have a life again.

i've been working on this system upgrade for 9 months or so. everything was fine but in the last month i've just been panicked that something was going to go wrong. i became obsessed with every little detail and that just made the stress levels soar. that's not a good thing when your body doesn't handle stress well and it flips out a little bit. yeah, i'm one of those where stress breaks me down and it takes awhile to get back to normalcy. i'm still exhausted when i think about it all though!

the upgrade was thursday, i was in bed by 8:30 that night, and i've been slowing coming out of the fog ever since. i'm still exhausted and saturday's marathon 'mom-daughter' day isn't going to help but that's okay, i had a great day with my kid.

she and i have had plenty of growing pains this 4th grade year and lately we've been trying pretty hard to keep things going well between us. she is fighting for independence (she's 10) and i'm fighting for her youth and some respect.

this week after a dentist appointment (no cavities again! she's not had any cavities since she had to have a whole mouthful of work done back when she was 5) we headed to sonic for the traditional 'after dentist milkshake' where we saw a sign for a paint your own pottery shop. i love doing things like that and she seemed interested so we decided to make a date of it on saturday.

we had lunch at 'chicky bird" (chick-fil-a, but this is what we call it in our family), painted pottery, got pedicures, went to the mall for flip flops and earrings, another store for her to buy new headphones (she broke her last pair), and then back home where we headed out for chinese food. it was a LONG day, i'm exhausted, and my feet are killing me but it was a much needed bonding day. a day where we only needed one reminder to not be rude, a day for us to just be together. it doesn't cost us any money to spend quality time together, but it was nice to be able to spend some of that hard earned cash on some fun stuff.

Getting her first real pedicure

Painting her "Justin Bieber" mug w/cookie holder

Mom and her chicken

need a boat

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 11 May 2011 21:49:00 +0000

finally getting some decent rain here in nompton.. needed a boat practically to make it to my car from the office. even sharing an umby with a friend still didn't keep me dry! home now, making some tea, and going to settle in and listen to the rain!

norman, a great place to live

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 02 May 2011 21:13:00 +0000

These beautiful girls are my two nieces and daughter at the Norman Music Festival this past weekend. this is a yearly FREE festival that is put on that brings together musicians from all over (but especially from OK) together in a multi-day festival.

I love NMF because not only can you see all sorts of different, amazing musicians play but they thought to have an area and music just for kids. the girls had a wonderful time getting their hair coloured, faces painted, trying out instruments (awesome addition to the Little Rockers area if I do say so myself!), checked out the Science Museum booth, picked up free trees, and listen to some great music. I'm so glad we took them, even if the little one did get a bit overwhelmed!

thanks to photographer Jeremy Charles for snapping this great pic (I've linked the photo from his flickr set - go check out other great photos he took!).

AAAACHHHHOOOo...

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 13:44:00 +0000

so this week has been fun. not really. i've been miserable while i suffer through allergies, snot, headaches, pressure, achy throat, and general pissiness. you see i've been off all allergy meds since last friday in preparation for my allergy test this afternoon. i have severe allergies. epic allergies. everyday i'm snotting my way through life just trying to hold it together.

a few years ago (i wrote about it recently) i had sinus surgery and its been much better than it was, but without the help of allergy meds and decongestants, well let's just say i want to crawl into a hole and die.

okay that's dramatic and of course i'm not as bad off as someone with some horrible disease, but i've been home for two days because i feel like shit and just can't bear to leave the house. the headaches kill me, they make it impossible to concentrate on work (right now i have one above my right eye and its hard to even write this blog). the pressure in my face causes my whole face to hurt and the only cure really is to sleep. i can only take so much ibuprofen. sleep has eluded me this week though and i've been in some pain - its lessened every day but its still there.

so yeah, i haven't felt my best and this isn't exactly the greatest time for this to be happening as i have a lot going on at work, but lucky for me i can do a lot of the work at home when i'm feeling okay and my head doesn't hurt so much. the beauty of what i do is that its all online.

the only issue i have with today is that i hate needles. i have looked up things online about allergy tests and there seem to be a lot of different ways to do them. they all involves pokes of some kind though and it makes me woozy just thinking about them. my mom is going to be with me today in case i have some meltdown or reaction (always likely with needles) and i'm just hoping it goes by quickly.

i have another issue - the cost. this is going to cost me anywhere from 600 - 1200 bucks and that's WITH insurance. doesn't seem to be that big of a help and then you add insult to injury with the option i'd like to have for the allergy shots is actually drops i'd do at home - more convenient for me than having to drive across town every week and pay $35 on top of the cost of the shot to have the office d it. but insurance won't pay for the drops and i'm not flush like some floppy haired, orange faced guy on tv to be able to pay out of pocket for them.

well i must get on with my day and count down the hours until my skins gets pricked and i break out in a rash to find out what my body is allergic to. until that magical time, i bid you adieu.

eh..

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 18:45:00 +0000

today i opened my blog up and wanted to write something but i'm really drawing a blank today. maybe its the lack of sleep last night, the coma from easter candy consumption, or just because its monday. i do think that if we renamed this day and then spent less time at our jobs and more time with our families and our lives, then maybe this particular day would not suck so much. then again we may start hating on tuesday and he's always been pretty good to me.

today did bring some goodness though. this was my fortune today after EPIC lunch at a local Pho restaurant with a couple of friends. i love lunches like these because we talk about all sorts of things and we are all over the place. from talking about half-life (the game), to Chernobyl, work insanity, epic eating, and randomness. i love lunch with these particular friends and seeing a friendship evolve.

guess i found something to write about, even if it was small.

she's crafty.. she's always down.. she's crafty

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 22:21:00 +0000

sorry had to break out some beastie boys because otherwise the word "craft" sometimes makes me gag and feel like an old lady.

so i've decided to start trying to actually have a hobby, you know do something that results in more than dishpan hands and strained back from chores type of hobby. i have all these supplies and never make time to well, make anything.

so i read a lot of blogs. a lot and when spring started rolling around i started seeing lots of new ideas. some are way more involved than i want to take a craft and others were pretty neat and figured i could make them work. so i started thinking that i wanted something fresh for the front door, a nice springy wreath that didn't totally scream martha and something that was cheap and easy to make.

so this is what i made:

a little monogram moss thing.

i used:

half a bag of dried floral moss
one faux wood craft letter - D for our last name (clever, no?)
about 5 sticks of glue (i like to be thorough)
a glue gun (i think mine is more of a mini one though)
ribbon

i tore bits of the moss out of the bag and hot glued it around the letter. then i used scissors to give it a bit of haircut because it was quite bushy. after i was done, i flipped it over and hot glued the ribbon to the back of the letter (in two places). tied the top of the ribbon, sprayed with whole thing with hairspray (just felt it might help things stay together) and hung it on the porch.

i wanted it for the door, but realized with all the going in and out, the moss letter was bound to create a mess so its on the side of entry way on the front porch. i really like how it turned out and it was easy, if not cathartic to tear and glue without worrying that i could screw it up. i can't take credit for this little project though, i saw it somewhere else except this person was spelling out a word but that's just too much for me.. a simple letter works! OH and i just now saw that its a pottery barn thing as well.

next up, going to town with spray paint on some stuff to jazz up the kitchen and dining room! stay tuned!!

and now for your listening pleasure...

to do lists

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 18:18:00 +0000

there are times when i have so much i want to get done, i can't get anythign done because its overwhelming. i just finished making my weekend to-do list and i wonder if its possible to get it all done.

this weekend:

finish taxes!!
clean up garage
get mower working
mow yard
plant flowers in mailbox
trim pear trees (in desperate need of this!!)
meal plan
grocery shop

also throw in there a soccer game, sleeping, and hoping that my husband is up for the task. the list of things to do around here grows and grows and if we don't start tackling stuff, it'll just get worse. i hate that feeling.

so what's on your to-do list this weekend?

please pass the tissues

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 12:52:00 +0000

so anyone that knows me, know that i have severe sinus allergies. i had two sinus surgeries in 2009 that really helped a lot - i was completely miserable, sick all the time before them. what led to the surgeries was back to back to back to back "sinus infections". really my "doctor", as i'll term him loosely, just kept giving me Z-pak's and steroids and called it a day. after a few too many of those, i said that i wanted to see a specialist. so in comes my new bestie, Dr. B.

Dr. B. is young, good looking, and guess what? he actually listens to me, spends more than 2 minutes with me, and was deeply concerned by all the sinus infections i had claimed to have. he is my favorite doctor - ever. we did a sinus ct and he said i needed surgery that all my sinus cavities were compacted, nothing was getting outta there, and that's why not only was i sick all the time, but why i was having all the headaches, why my face hurt, why i was all swollen (my nose was huge and i could hide quarters in the bags under my eyes). he told us the risks of the surgery, but really i had no choice.

so spring break of 09 i went in and had this epic sinus surgery. if i remember correctly he told my family that it took over an hour just to find something that looked normal. so he cleaned things up, made openings bigger, put a balloon in my forehead sinus (i don't remember all the fancy names) to make more room for things should we have issues again, and took care of all the polyps that had grown. yup, polyps. lucky for me, none were cancerous but they will come back, there is no getting rid of them. i have some growing but at my last checkup they were not bad.

after the surgery, the recovery was strange. i had to start using my neilmed sinus rinse kit and for the first time in ages, i could smell again. it was glorious to be able to smell! i had lost that sense months and months before the surgery.

things got better for me after the surgery (which lasted over 4 hours by the way, longest ever). i was able to manage most of my sinus issues with the rinses, allergies meds, and occasional decongestant. then towards the fall i started having issues again and had another sinus ct. found i had a bone spur in one of the sinus passages that was causing a blockage and that would need another surgery.

i had to miss out on thanksgiving with my family in austin, but it had to be done before the end of the year and my health insurance rolled back over. see my first surgery i'm still paying that off, but the second one was free thanks to meeting an insane $5K deductible. so i had the surgery and it went well and i felt great after everything healed up. last year was pretty good, still rinising, still on singulair, and taking the occasional decongestant when things got bad. i did have some sick days when things would just accumulate and take me down, but nothing like what happened in 2008 and early 2009.

i tell you this long tale because i'm concerned that things might have come full circle again. either that or i'm just an alarmist. i've had nothing but gnarly sinus problems for the past month or so. i can't seem to control them unless i take a heavy decongestant which isn't what we want to be doing. i have an appointment with my wonderful ENT Dr. B. on Monday and he'll poke around with his little spy cam and i'm hoping he'll just say that its a bad year for allergies (which it seems to be with all the folks around me suffering too).

let's cross our fingers for that. i'm having a really bad sore throat due to drainage day so i'm sipping some peppermint tea and taking it easy.

so end's my sinus tale for now, but let me say if you have any sinus problems and have questions, i'm your girl!

early rising old person

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 01:55:00 +0000

i was never a morning person. i like to sleep. in fact i could probably sleep all day if it were not for the guilt i feel in "wasting" a day. for the past month i have been getting up way earlier than i normally do (6am - alarm goes off at 550am) and actually getting to work an hour earlier than i normally go in.

this is actually nice, it allows me a quiet time to get going in the morning and plenty of time to get around while still keeping track of the clock and my slower than molasses 10 year old darling girl. it also allows me to get into work and get some things done before the chaos sets in.

the downfall? you knew that was coming right? well the downfall is that by 10, i'm a zombie. i make it through, pushing hard to stay conscious until lunch, and then i have the downward slide after it and i'm hanging by a thread come 4. this is when i start wrapping up my day and heading out around 430 to pick up my daughter from school.

by the time we get home and settled, i'm beat. i just want to crawl on the couch and go to sleep, but we all know that is a bad idea so i push through. i clean house, cook dinner, keep moving in anyway that i can because the minute i sit down, i'm done for.

i go to bed at 10pm, whether that means sleep or reading in bed just depends on how i feel. right now i think if i go sit on the couch i'm going to be out for the count, much less waiting until 10pm.

my best friend was calling my hours "old people hours" and i was feeling really old when i realized that i am becoming an "old" person.. i'll be 35 this year. geesh, typing those numbers out is kinda scary. age never bothered me before, but once i turned 34 it really started to settle in that i was creeping up there.

the people at work are in their early 20's - oh, how i remember those times. they kill me with their spending $600 on a phone, going to concerts in the middle of the week, going out after 11pm, then again most are not married, they don't have kids, and well they're young and good for them! i was the same way, i just hate how i feel like time was hijacked and all of a sudden i'm in that age where i see way too many women wearing jean capris and tennis shoes (the only woman i know that can pull that off is my mom and she's hot and could wear a paper bag and be fabulous).

oh well, i will keep rocking my funky self, my records on the wall, my stickers on my moleskine, my penchant for silliness, and even though i've recently dyed my hair and its a normal colour, i am still a rebel and in my heart i am forever young.

i mean if steven tyler can still run around like he does, i sure as hell can despite my old person hours i've been keeping!

a lesson learned

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 01:38:00 +0000

i was quiet last week. there is a reason. it was brutal. epic. brutal. wednesday it took a nose dive that i finally recovered from yesterday. i have found that no matter how prepared you are for something, there are always variables you don't expect to come out of the wood work.

i learned a lot this week.

i learned that there are things i will try my damnedest to make sure never happen again.

i learned that i am emotional when i react to unfavorable things. yes, like those who know me well didn't already know that. it was just really smacked in this week that i need to scream, to cry, to be mad, angry, seething and after that is over i'm level headed and moving on. sometimes those ugly moments are just blips, sometimes they are hours, days... but i need to do it. its not the most productive use of my time but its what i do.

i learned that too often in life people are in too much of a hurry to cover their own arse than to take a hit to cover for someone that shouldn't be in the light in the first place.

i learned that i have walls built up in certain areas but it takes just a small gesture to begin breaking them down.

i learned that we are all flawed and it never shows more than when red flags fly.

i learned i'm stronger than i ever give myself credit for. i am a super girl without the cape. the cape just gets in the way.

i learned that even on the worst days, it takes the act of a loved one to help remind me what's really important... and trivial bullshit isn't worth it no matter how much people like think they are.

the week was brutal, but i learned a lot.

single sunday

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 01:32:00 +0000

normally i'd have the vinyl rocking out today, but its just not in the cards so instead i'm listening to ADELE on youtube and really enjoying her powerful, soulful, sexy voice. so instead of a list of what i've been listening today off and on, i'l just share my fave song so far..

a mish mash

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 01:43:00 +0000

the weekend was a busy blur of activity all around and the week is basically the same.. though tonight i'm taking it easy thanks to my awesome badass husband who cooked his yum thai garlic pork for dinner. its nice to get a night off from the dinner rush.

nothing exciting really going on other than the everyday hustle and bustle. the wind surely is sweeping down the plains this week and is making my allergies angry. my throat feels like i've been gargling razor blades, fun times i tell you.

still getting used to the hair - really the only thing that changed was the bangs, but that seems to have thrown off everything i do to get ready in the morning. i'm liking it though, the darker colour suites me, and i can't wait to go back for the next session in several weeks to add some more fun into it.

my friend keeps saying that she feels that she's on the cusp of something, i am starting to feel the same and i'm really hoping that its a good something. a really good something. i'm just feeling really good these days. things with my husband are great, family is good, and life is moving smoothly. i'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but this time i think something good is just around the corner.

...hope.

got my hair did

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 21:12:00 +0000

so i got my hair cut and coloured today and it felt great to get a little pampered. i haven't take a great pic of it yet, but basically i still have long hair, but lots of layers and BANGS. the colour is all over reddish brown.. its subtle but my stylist said he didn't want to go nuts since it had been so long since i had coloured it (talking 8 years!) i like it, it feels good.. we'll see what happens when i finally wash it and have to make the magic happen by myself :)

i'm off like a dirty shirt to enjoy the rest of my day! medieval fair is in town, soccer games, and the regular family fun in store. should be a hoot! yes, i really did write that.

to understand my little self

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 16:16:00 +0000

do you ever have days where you just want to cry? maybe a situation, a song, just a feeling surrounds you and you'd really like to just tuck yourself in a hole somewhere and let the tears flow?

this is how i feel today.

i wonder if others have these kinds of days or maybe its just me and i'm a bit defective. i've had run-in's with these type of days for as long as i can remember. i think it'd take these teary feeling days over being sick with stress any day which is how, for a long time my body would react to stress (still does, but just not as often).

i felt it a little yesterday, then a lot last night, so i decided i'm taking a mental health day tomorrow. i'm pretty stressed out and really need a "me" day so tomorrow i'll have lunch with my girlfriend, her friend that is visiting, and then get my hair done.

i'm hoping for some sunshine today and tomorrow because i feel like i need it.

wordless wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 14:17:00 +0000

room for one in the looney bin

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 22:35:00 +0000

there are days when its nice to just come home to quiet. when the dogs listen to you and don't run out into the muddy backyard and make you crazy. where you don't have to repeat yourself a million times (or at least that's how it feels) and where you can put on a record and just chill for a minute. rarely does that happen unless i take off early and come home first before picking up my kid from school.

i had to get a cuppa tea and just find a quiet spot. i do know why my husband has a hard time getting in the groove once he's home. he's bombarded by all of us and doesn't get much of a chance to catch his breath before his world smacks him around a bit. i have the same thing happen and rarely get to step away to catch said breath, but today i had to. i needed quiet for just a minute.

what is it that happens on the short drive from work, to get the kid, then home? somethings misfires in your brain and it all melts around you when you step into the crazy world you call home.

to add insult to insanity.. i forgot to take out the chicken to thaw it to make margarita chicken and i am not in the mood for hoisin kebabs... so if the husband is feeling generous we'll have thai pork, if not its tacos. how about that for a round the world of dinner options!

okay so i'm going to finish this cuppa, close my eyes for a minute until husband-guy comes home, and then maybe my brain will right itself just a little.

the need for a nap

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:25:00 +0000

This is what i've been doing all morning. for the last several weeks i have been setting my alarm for 5:50am and trying to get up and going. i am not a morning person, ever. but i realized after one night of insomnia that i was able to get going and enjoy a little bit of quiet in the AM. the days when i just kept hitting snooze i was walking around in a daze, not moving quickly, and a lot of times would end up running late to the office.

after two full weeks of doing this, its getting easier to get up and get moving, and i enjoy not having to rush around to get out the door. i do love my sleep though and i miss cuddling extra with my cold pillow, but that's what the weekend is for and i've been sleeping in a lot these last few weekends. i don't really like that to be honest, i feel like if i sleep past 8, i've wasted the day.

but i'm still yawning, though not sure if that is really about sleep or boredom - the latter i would doubt because i'm busy at work and focused on many tasks. though my eyes feel heavy as does my head and if i were to lay it down or even close my eyes for more than a blink, i may pass out.

also having trouble adjusting to how i feel "food" wise with getting up earlier. i eat breakfast around 630am and sometimes a snack around 9, but i think i need to really make a better effort to eat a better breakfast because the cereal isn't sustaining me long and i end up getting that "omg i need to eat NOW" feeling that my body starts screaming. by 11am, i'm ravenous and want to eat my lunch but i power through, drink my water, and keep staring at the clock. like today.. i've been startving since 9:30am and 12 can't get here soon enough.

but these are all changes in progress, i keep experimenting with routines, with food, and eventually i'll find a new balance of things..at least that's my hope.

steady as we go

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 03:05:00 +0000

i wish you could hear the big sigh i just let out. it was pretty big. epic even. today was another one of those challenging parenting days and it just paused for the night.

we have a kid that is changing, growing, rapidly becoming this person no longer satisfied with being a little kid and being under our rule of thumb. things ebb and flow around here and we are all doing what we can to remain on the same page and keep pushing ahead with the same goals.

that doesn't mean there aren't problems, fights, attitudes, and eye rolls. from the kid as well as mom and dad. however, i think we may have just found a better way to navigate those rocky storms and remain steadfast in our purpose.

we talked. we were honest. as honest as we've been. we reminded each other we're in this together and that we love one another. she told us how she felt, we told her right back all the while reminding her that its okay to have this feeling or that feeling, but we have to talk. we can't bury things until they come out bursting with ugly.

sometimes that might not be enough, but i think for now it is and we'll get around those rocky coves as they come but i think our little realizes that its not her against the two of us. we're just doing the best we can and hoping that for all of the ups and downs she turns out to be the best person she can be and that we turn out to be the parents that she's proud of and that gave her all she needed to grow up and become this BIG person.

whether that's as a doctor, teacher, vet, astronaut, chef, hair stylist, photographer, writer, detective, or i think for now singer.. we are in this together, trying to do the best we can, we-three in our little family boat, holding on, and trying to keep steady.

<3

cooking with love

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 23:29:00 +0000

i've been trying my hardest to cook more recently since my brother introduced us all to a new cookbook - cook this not that! easy & awesome 350 calorie meals! - and so far its going very well! we are trying to make positive changes in our life right now and what we eat is one of those things. having a new cookbook that i want to cook almost everything in also helps because we have been in a rut lately. week before last was the first time i had cooked with beef that wasn't on the grill!

tonight is chicken cordon bleu and i'm VERY excited as its one of my faves that i haven't eaten in years. it was actually rather easy to put together, i don't know why i never tried it before. i'm pairing it with some steam-bag green beans that we like a lot around here and that's it!

the rest of the weeks menu is:

monday - burgers (we have soccer practice and this is something easy to get going)
tuesday - margarita chicken (recipe from the book above)
wednesday - hoisin kebabs (another recipe from the book)
thursday - leftovers (soccer practice night so easy meals are the key to survival!)
friday - thai garlic pork (my husbands specialty)

what i have already made from the book: chicken tacos (super easy with rotisserie chicken!), sweet spicy beef stirfry, and beef stroganoff. all of those turned out great! next week will probably focus on more vegetable centric meals as we've had a lot of meat lately, but i justify that by saying that we're trying to change things up around here and i have a meat loving husband whom i need to pacify :)

a little nothing

noreply@blogger.com (michelle) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 21:30:00 +0000

I completely wore myself out yesterday and so today I've spent most of it lounging on the couch and watching telly. I usually feel guilty about this but not today this is what I want to do. Maybe not what I should be but whatever!

Must make dinner in a little while, another new recipe and I hope it runs out well. I always worry when cooking something new but there's always pancakes if I fail :-)